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(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
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BATMAN: Black.
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All important movies start
with a black screen.
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And music.
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Edgy, scary music
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that would make
a parent or studio executive nervous.
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And logos.
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Really long and dramatic logos.
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Warner Bros.
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Why not "Warner Brothers"?
I don't know.
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(THUNDER RUMBLING)
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DC.
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The house that Batman built.
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Yeah, what, Superman?
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Come at me, bro.
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I'm your Kryptonite.
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Hmm.
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Not sure what RatPac does,
but that logo is macho.
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I dig it.
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Okay-
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Get yourself ready for some
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reading.
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"If you want to make the world
a better place
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"take a look at yourself
and make a change.
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"H000."!
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No. I said that.
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Batman is very wise.
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I also have huge pecs
and a nine-pack.
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Yeah, I've got an extra ab.
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Now, let's start the movie.
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BILL: Gotham Tower,
this is McGuffin Airlines, Flight 1138.
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We are transporting
11 million sticks of dynamite,
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17,000 pounds of C-4,
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about 150 cute little
classic bomb-type bombs,
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and two best friends!
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And request permission to fly over
the most crime-ridden city in the world.
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Over.
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I'm just looking at all the guys' faces
here in the control tower.
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- I'm good.
- Sounds good to me.
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- Do it!
- Yeah, as long as they're best friends.
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- Thumbs up!
- Yep, I think we're cool with that.
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(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
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LEAD CRIMINAL: Gentlemen,
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seal breach in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
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What was that?
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- One of us should check it out.
- Okay.
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BOTH: Scissors, paper, rock.
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- Papen
- Scissors.
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Ha! You always do paper.
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I'm a loser at home
and a loser at work.
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Holy cow!
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(SCREAMS)
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(MUZAK PLAYING)
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Captain Dale, is everything okay?
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LEAD CRIMINAL: lam afraid
Captain Dale had to bail.
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I'm your new co-pilot.
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And I always come to work
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with a smile!
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- You should be terrified.
- Why?
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Because I will be taking over the city.
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Mmm...
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- What?
- Batman will stop you.
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-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
- He always stops you.
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No, he doesn't.
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What about that time with the two boats?
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This is better than the two boats.
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- Mmm...
- Well, tonight is gonna be different!
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Tonight is my greatest plan yet.
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And trust me,
Batman's never gonna see it coming.
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BILL: Like that time with the parade
and the Prince music?
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JOKER: Hey, quiet!
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- Good night, Steve.
- Take it easy, Jeff.
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Man, I really like that guy.
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I sure hope nothing bad happens to him.
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(JEFF WHISTLING)
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(SINGING)
Nothing bad ever happens to me
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What the...
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JOKER". Your city is under attack
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by Gotham's greatest criminal minds.
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Including
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- The Riddler.
-(LAUGHING)
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Scarecrow.
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Pizza delivery.
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(GROANS)
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- Bane.
- Hello.
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Two-Face!
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We need that door open, baby!
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Catwoman.
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Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow.
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SECURITY GUARD:
I'm jumping out of the way!
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(HONKING)
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JOKER". And let's not forget, Clayface.
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(ROARING)
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(IMITATING GUNS FIRING)
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- Poison Ivy.
-(IMITATES GUNS FIRING)
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- Freeze!
- MR. FREEZE: No!
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You freeze!
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JOKER". Mr. Freeze!
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Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser.
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Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula.
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King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth,
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March Harriet, Zodiac Master,
Gentleman Ghost.
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Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite-Man,
Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King.
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Okay, are you making some of those up?
105
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Nope, they're all real.
106
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Probably worth a Google.
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- Hey, watch it!
- Commissioner Gordon!
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What is it, O'Hara?
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We just got a report!
110
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All the Z-grade villains have
broken into the energy plant!
111
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:01,885
What are we gonna do, sir?
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The only thing we ever do.
Flip the switch to the Bat-Signal!
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Flip!
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OFFICER: (ON RADIO)
Commissioner, are you there?
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The Bat-Signal, she's been egged!
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-(GIGGLING)
- O'HARA: It's Egghead, sir.
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I'm well aware of his work.
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Dear gosh.
You've destroyed the Bat-Signal.
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You have thought of everything.
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Yeah, I know!
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And when I take over Gotham City...
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ENERGY PLANT COMPUTER:
Opening reactor core doors.
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JOKER". ...Batman will grovel at the feet
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of his greatest enemy!
125
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Me! The Joker!
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(LAUGHS)
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Joker, do you read me?
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10-4, girl buddy.
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We're ready for you, sugar plum.
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Well, then, let's raise the roof!
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BANE: Fire in the hole!
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(SIRENS WAILING)
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O'Hara, have you tried the Bat-Phone?
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Yes, but all I'm getting
is this hold music.
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(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
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I love it.
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(TIRES SCREECHING)
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- I want snipers trained on that building!
- You bet!
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- I want water and air support, yesterday!
- Ahoy, sir!
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And I need SWAT here now!
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OFFICER: Phone call
for Commissioner Gordon.
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Hello? Batman?
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Hi, Jimmy! It's the Jokes. Oop!
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Nobody calls you that.
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(SCOFFS) Yes, people do call me that.
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Okay, listen up.
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ALL: Go, go, go!
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JOKER: At this very moment,
an unnecessarily complicated bomb
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is being attached
to the inside of the main energy core.
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If the mayor isn't here in five minutes
to negotiate the city's surrender,
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then I shall destroy Gotham City.
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I did something!
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PIPPA: Doctor, that sounds frightening
and overly complicated.
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Talk us through it.
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Well, I don't wanna scare
any small children who may be listening,
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but it's a little-known fact
that Gotham City
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is built on a bunch of flimsy plates
stuck together.
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There's literally nothing beneath us,
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except an infinite abyss
that smells like dirty underwear.
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If Joker's bomb were to go off,
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these plates would break apart,
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plunging every Gotham citizen
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into the eternal abyss forever.
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JOKER: And you wouldn't want that,
now would you?
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Now get me the mayor! Joker out!
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Madam Mayor,
I cannot ask you to do this!
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- Jim, did you find Batman?
- No, ma'am.
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Then we have no choice.
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The Joker has the upper hand.
We have to surrender Gotham City.
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GORDON: Oh, no.
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I'm sorry!
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PILOT: Flying the mayor
package in right now.
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SWAT LEADER: SWAT team,
get your stun guns ready!
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- Non-lethal.
- BOTH: Yeah!
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PILOT: Lowering
mayor package through hole.
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JOKER: Madam Mayor!
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Thanks for dropping by.
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(SCOFFS) I've only got one thing
to say to you, Joker.
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Well, you better make it fast.
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Do you like to gamble?
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Oh, I certainly do.
182
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,547
Do you ever play roulette?
183
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:44,760
On occasion.
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00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,641
Well, let me give you a word of advice.
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I'm all ears.
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When playing roulette...
187
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Yes?
188
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,189
...always bet on black.
189
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Batman?
190
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What are you doing?
You're completely outnumbered here!
191
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Are you nuts?
192
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You wanna get nuts? Come on!
193
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Let's get nuts!
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'Cause I just wrote a song
about how I'm gonna kick all your butts!
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Stop him before he starts singing!
196
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:08,993
(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
197
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(SINGING) Yeah!
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In the darkest night
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I make the bad guys fall
200
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,420
There's a million heroes
201
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,630
Computer, overcompensate.
202
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:22,885
But I'm the best of them all
203
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,045
PUTER". I'm on my way, sir.
204
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,090
- Who has the coolest gadgets?
- Batman!
205
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,394
- Who has the tricked-out ride?
- Batman!
206
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,351
- Who does the sickest backflips?
- Batman!
207
00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:36,191
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Batman!
208
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,023
Yeah, hey, hey!
Batman jam!
209
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,229
Da-na, da-na, da-na, da-na
210
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,485
Batman!
211
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,773
You think my muscles are big?
212
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:44,941
Thank you.
213
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,868
You haven't seen my brain
214
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,205
Ladies, it's okay if you stare
215
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,364
Why?
216
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,250
'Cause I'm a billionaire
217
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:55,535
Get it together, guys!
218
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:57,462
You're making me look bad
in front of Batman!
219
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:58,959
'Puter, where's the bomb?
220
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:02,001
PUTER: The bomb is located
at the base of the energy core.
221
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:03,964
What the...
222
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:06,095
I get the last laugh
I get the final grin
223
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:09,516
Throw you into the asylum
With Harley Quinn
224
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:12,473
Turn Two-Face
To black-and-blue face
225
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:15,518
I 100% am not Bruce Wayne!
226
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,732
Kiss me, Batman.
227
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,227
- Who's the manliest man?
- Ugh!
228
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,485
Batman!
229
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,271
- With the buns of steel?
- Batman!
230
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,439
'Puter.
231
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,241
- Who could choke-hold a bear?
- Batman!
232
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,119
- Who never skips leg day?
- Batman!
233
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:31,992
Who always pays their taxes?
234
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,327
Not Batman
235
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:37,119
How is he beating all of you again?
236
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,170
-(G ROANS)
- Because...
237
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:40,421
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
238
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,923
I'm Batman!
239
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,379
It's gonna blow!
240
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,134
I'm Batman!
241
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,340
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
242
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,426
I'm Batman!
243
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,302
Hi, Batman!
So weird to keep running into you.
244
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,815
Batman!
245
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:01,188
Looks like your plan failed.
246
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:05,322
Well, it's only a matter of time
before I take over Gotham City.
247
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:13,121
When has that ever happened?
Computer!
248
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,032
P UTE R: Calculating. Never.
249
00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:17,413
- You know why?
-(YELPS)
250
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,703
Because I'm always
one step ahead of you.
251
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,462
And I always get away!
252
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,087
Not this time.
253
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:28,928
'Cause this time
254
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,592
I 90t you.
255
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:31,802
0h, yeah?
256
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,059
Well, there's only one problem.
257
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,560
Who's gonna defuse the bomb?
258
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,346
It's gotta be one or the other, Batman.
259
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:42,814
Save the city,
or catch your greatest enemy.
260
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:43,977
You can't do both.
261
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,145
I'm sorry, what did you just say?
262
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,312
You can't do both, I said.
263
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,571
No, I mean the other thing.
264
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,607
Save the city,
or catch your greatest enemy.
265
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,117
You think you're my greatest enemy?
266
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,404
Yes! You're obsessed with me!
267
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,696
(BLOWS RASPBERRY) No, I'm not.
268
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:55,955
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.
269
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,368
Yes, you are! Who else drives you
to one-up them the way that I do?
270
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:00,877
- Bane.
- No, he doesn't!
271
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:03,129
- Superman.
- Superman's not a bad guy!
272
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:06,167
Then I'd say that I don't
currently have a bad guy.
273
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,585
I am fighting a few different people.
274
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:09,752
What?
275
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:10,920
I like to fight around.
276
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,636
Okay, look, I'm fine with you
fighting other people
277
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:17,644
if you wanna do that,
but what we have is special.
278
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,095
So, when people ask you
279
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:21,105
"Who's your number one bad guy?"
you say...
280
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:22,356
Superman.
281
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,483
Are you seriously saying
that there is nothing,
282
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,065
nothing special about our relationship?
283
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:28,605
Whoa.
284
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,407
Let me tell you something, J-bird.
285
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:35,287
- Batman doesn't do 'ships.
- What?
286
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,789
As in "relationships."
287
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:41,289
There is no "us."
288
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,705
Batman and Joker are not a thing.
289
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,415
I don't need you.
290
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:50,297
I don't need anyone.
291
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,973
You mean nothing to me.
292
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,975
No one does.
293
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,769
(BOMB TIMER BEEPING)
294
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,442
(GRUNTING)
295
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:25,252
(SNIPS)
296
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,337
- Hurray! Batman!
-(ALL CHEERING)
297
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,717
You did it!
298
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,093
You're welcome.
299
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,005
- Thank you, Batman.
- Oh, my pleasure.
300
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,182
WOMAN: Batman, we love you!
301
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:40,969
Thank you!
I'm blushing super hard under the mask.
302
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,729
- Grazie, Batman! (BLOWS KISS)
- Prego.
303
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,356
- MAN: You're the best, Batman!
- Oh, I'm humble.
304
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,064
- Thanks, Batman!
- I'm super modest about it. Thank you.
305
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:50,354
- Batman, you're the greatest!
- Oh, pray hands, pray hands.
306
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,232
- WOMAN: Thanks for saving the city!
- You're welcome.
307
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,196
MAN 1: Batman,
I love you more than my kids!
308
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,359
BATMAN: So do I, guy!
309
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,909
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
310
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,372
MAN 2: You're our hero, Batman!
311
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,878
(LAUGHS) I love my life.
312
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,037
Computer.
313
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:09,205
PUTER". Go ahead.
314
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:11,090
- BATMAN: Are we near the orphanage?
- Yes.
315
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:14,469
Great.
Let's turn those frowns upside down.
316
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,091
(HONKING BATMAN THEME)
317
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,758
That sounds like the Batmobile.
318
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:23,557
No way!
319
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,389
Hey, orphans! Look who's here!
320
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,064
-(ORPHANS CLAMORING)
- It's Batman!
321
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,234
Hey, kids.
Who wants a shot from the merch gun?
322
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:32,191
- ALL: I do, I do, I do!
- Great!
323
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,196
- Kaboom!
- I got a lunchbox!
324
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,483
- Kaboom!
- I got a sippy cup!
325
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,902
- Kaboom!
- I got a Batarang!
326
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,741
And the rest of you get Bat Bucks.
327
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,246
- Kaboom!
-(ALL CHEERING)
328
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,407
Remember, kids,
if you want to be like Batman,
329
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,076
take care of your abs. Batman out!
330
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:49,128
ORPHANS: (CHANTING)
Batman! Batman! Batman!
331
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,499
(HONKING BATMAN THEME)
332
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,925
Thanks, Batman. You're my hero!
333
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,598
(UPBEAT MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
334
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:03,760
Whoo!
335
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,097
(LAUGHING)
336
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,152
PUTER". What is the password?
337
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,787
Iron Man sucks.
338
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,037
Thank you.
339
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:27,955
It must be great to be Batman.
340
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:30,290
I can only imagine
he is going home right now
341
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,080
to party the night away,
342
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:35,796
surrounded by scores of friends
and lady tennis players.
343
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,049
(BATS SQUEAKING)
344
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,595
Hey, Computer.
345
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,137
I'm home.
346
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,893
(ECHOING)
347
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,689
PUTER: Welcome home, sir.
348
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:56,695
Initializing Batcave operating system.
349
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,108
Hey, 'Puter.
350
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,486
What's up, Batman?
351
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,239
Put this bomb in the museum.
352
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,407
Certainly, sir.
353
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,126
- Thank you.
- No worries.
354
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,836
Anything exciting happen
when I was gone?
355
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,372
You have four pieces of mail.
356
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,882
Great, what'd I get?
357
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,883
You have this week's Pennysaver,
358
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:21,012
two bills,
and a coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond.
359
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,047
It expires in two weeks.
360
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:26,343
But I've heard that some stores
will honor them past the expiry date.
361
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:27,510
Copy that.
362
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:31,727
Also, Alfred is on the 17th floor,
grouting tiles in the second bathroom
363
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,266
of the fifth master bedroom.
364
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,065
Do you want me to tell Alfred
you're home?
365
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,980
No, that's cool, Computer.
Thanks for the update.
366
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,865
I should probably
have some dinner.
367
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:43,367
Alfred left your lobster thermidor
in the fridge.
368
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:44,527
Oh, that's my favorite.
369
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,863
I can't wait.
370
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:08,059
Oh, not 20 minutes. Stupid.
371
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:25,951
(SIGHS)
372
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,996
(SMACKS LIPS RHYTHMICALLY)
373
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,983
(STRUMMING)
374
00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,273
(CLEARS THROAT)
375
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,903
(PLAYING GUITAR SOLO)
376
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,124
Oh, wait.
377
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,665
There, which one is, uh...
378
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,625
Okay.
379
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,299
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
380
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,852
JERRY MAGUIRE:
You complete me.
381
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,012
(LAUGHS)
382
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,479
DOROTHY BOYD: (SNIFFLES)
Shut up. You had me at hello.
383
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:40,063
(LAUGHING)
384
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,440
Loveifl
385
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,401
(SIGHS)
386
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,313
Hey, Mom.
387
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,819
Hey, Dad.
388
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,321
I, uh...
389
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,699
I saved the city again today.
390
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,280
I wish you could have seen me.
391
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,330
I think you would have been
really proud.
392
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,163
- There you are!
-(GRUNTS)
393
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:46,380
Oh! Alfred! I am so sorry.
394
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:47,964
I have incredible reflexes.
395
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,549
No, it's all my fault, sir.
396
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,806
I should have known better
than to sneak up on you like that.
397
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,558
Sorry, I was just lost in thought,
and as you know,
398
00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:56,310
when I'm in there, I'm in deep.
399
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,767
Were you looking
at the old family pictures again?
400
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,558
At the what? The old family...
401
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,726
Oh, yes! I see what you mean.
402
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,271
Look at that! The old gang.
403
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:08,405
Yeah. No, I wasn't.
404
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,908
I see.
405
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,446
Sir, if you don't mind my saying,
I'm a little concerned.
406
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:20,244
I've seen you go through similar phases
in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005
407
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:23,413
and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989
408
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:27,049
and that weird one in 1966.
409
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:30,007
Do you want to talk about
how you're feeling right now?
410
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,263
I don't talk about feelings, Alfred.
411
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,014
I don't have any, I've never seen one.
412
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,972
I'm a night-stalking,
crime-fighting vigilante,
413
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,807
and a heavy metal rapping machine.
414
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:42,018
I don't feel anything emotionally,
except for rage.
415
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,936
24/7, 365, at a million percent.
416
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,651
And if you think that there's something
behind that, then you're crazy.
417
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:49,814
Good night, Alfred.
418
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,197
Sir, it's morning.
419
00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:53,781
(HISSING AND GROANING)
420
00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:57,948
Master Bruce, you live on an island,
figuratively and literally.
421
00:19:58,114 --> 00:19:59,366
BATMAN: Yeah. I love it.
422
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,250
You can't spend
the rest of your life alone,
423
00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:02,535
dressed in black,
424
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,955
listening to angry music,
and staying up all night.
425
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,624
Yes, I can, 'cause I'm Batman.
426
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,839
But don't you think it's time
427
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:14,050
you finally faced your greatest fear?
428
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,214
- Snakes?
- No.
429
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:16,382
- Clowns?
- No.
430
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,641
Snake clowns?
431
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:18,972
Bruce, listen.
432
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,180
Your greatest fear is
433
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,728
being a part of a family again.
434
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:38,162
Nope. Now it's snake clowns,
because you put that idea in my head.
435
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,742
- Sir?
- Time for push-ups!
436
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,828
One, two... We're going to 1,000.
437
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,459
I'm afraid that's not possible, sir.
438
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,415
It is possible. I'm already at 20.
439
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,331
You're scheduled to go to
Jim Gordon's retirement party.
440
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:51,626
What? No. I don't wanna do that.
441
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,635
- You're going to have a great time!
- No, no, no.
442
00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,046
You might meet some new people!
443
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,384
No,no,no!
444
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:57,639
You could even make some new friends.
445
00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:01,473
No,no,no,no.No,no,no,no.
No,no,no,no,no,no,no,no.
446
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:03,850
(BEATBOXING) No!
447
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,766
And before you go,
we can do your favorite thing.
448
00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,018
(GASPS) Tuxedo dress-up party.
449
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,978
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
450
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,110
(LAUGHS)
451
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,029
Sir, aren't you forgetting something?
452
00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:22,285
- Nope.
- Your cowl.
453
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:23,700
My what, now?
454
00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:27,291
(SIGHS) Your armored face disguise?
455
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,539
Fine.
456
00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:34,293
- Happy now?
-Indubitably.
457
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,508
Good. Must be nice to be happy.
458
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:38,923
PIPPA:
Tonight, on Metropolis in Focus,
459
00:21:39,173 --> 00:21:41,596
we have our favorite star, Superman!
460
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:43,511
What up, Gotham!
461
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:44,720
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
462
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:47,018
Superman, tell me.
How do you feel
463
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:50,185
about your recent banishment
of Zod to the Phantom Zone?
464
00:21:50,351 --> 00:21:53,651
Yeah, look, Pippa, it's...
It's complicated. Okay?
465
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:57,784
Zod and I, we've had some
pretty epic battles over the years.
466
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,322
(SIGHS)
467
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:02,580
I don't believe I would be Superman
without fighting Zod.
468
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:07,118
See? Superman gets it.
Why can't Batman?
469
00:22:07,284 --> 00:22:10,879
Check it out, guys.
I built a CD rack. Ta-da!
470
00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:15,001
And how am I supposed to get
Batman's respect
471
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:18,137
when I'm working
with these human farts?
472
00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:19,922
Boo-boo, look at me.
473
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:23,510
You're too good for Batman.
He needs to open his eyes
474
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:26,099
and see what it feels like
when you're not around. Okay?
475
00:22:26,262 --> 00:22:29,266
Yeah, Pippa. I couldn't put Zod
in a regular prison, right?
476
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:30,853
He's Zod. Come on!
477
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:32,601
No, he needed to go someplace
478
00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:35,612
where he could never harm
Metropolis ever again.
479
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:38,233
The Phantom Zone.
480
00:22:38,399 --> 00:22:40,447
PIPPA: Ah, yes, the notorious space jail
481
00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,987
that houses the greatest
super-villains of all time.
482
00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:45,952
They've got, like,
the sickest baddies up there.
483
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:47,207
They got, like, this guy.
484
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,164
- And her.
- WICKED WITCH: I'll get you, my pretty!
485
00:22:49,326 --> 00:22:51,795
SUPERMAN: To say nothing about him.
VOLDEMORT: Wingardium Leviosa!
486
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:52,955
SUPERMAN: And these guys.
487
00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:54,123
DALEKS". Exterminate!
488
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:57,635
I'm starting to get an idea,
monkey face.
489
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,884
-(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
-(CROWD CHEERING)
490
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:04,133
REPORTER: Bruce, over here!
491
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:05,643
Okay, shutterbugs.
Look alive, here we go.
492
00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:06,973
I'm gonna give you three poses. You ready?
493
00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:08,137
Kissy face.
494
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:09,556
Oops, I did it again.
495
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:11,816
And the Bad Boys. What you gonna do?
496
00:23:11,974 --> 00:23:14,147
I'm out of here, guys. Thank you.
497
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:16,733
- Congresswoman.
- Mr. Wayne, good to see you.
498
00:23:17,146 --> 00:23:18,489
- Senator, looking great.
- Bruce.
499
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:21,985
(SINGING) I'm starting with
the man in the mirror
500
00:23:22,151 --> 00:23:23,528
Bruce, any advice
for the new commissioner?
501
00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:26,243
Long as he knows how to push the button
for the Bat-Signal, he'll be fine.
502
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:27,907
Bruce, I don't know how you did it.
503
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,495
You can't prove it, you didn't do it.
504
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:31,160
Mr. Wayne, so great to see you!
Come and join us!
505
00:23:31,327 --> 00:23:32,670
Mr. Prime Minister.
506
00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:34,171
Did you have some work done?
507
00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:37,124
No way!
508
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:39,843
Bruce Wayne!
509
00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,800
He's the greatest orphan of all time.
510
00:23:41,962 --> 00:23:44,841
ALL: (SINGING) Shamon
Shamon
511
00:23:45,007 --> 00:23:47,055
- Nice to see you, Mr. Ambassador.
- Mr. Wayne!
512
00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:49,060
- You want a picture?
- That would be swell!
513
00:23:49,219 --> 00:23:50,812
- Here we go. Party face!
-(CAMERA CLICKS)
514
00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:52,268
Boom. Keep it.
515
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:53,432
Whoa! Thanks, Mr. Wayne.
516
00:23:53,599 --> 00:23:54,646
Call me Bruce, champ.
517
00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:56,276
I'm just so jazzed to meet you, sir.
518
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,857
I'm sorry, did you say "jazzed"?
519
00:23:58,020 --> 00:23:59,647
Yes! My name's Richard Grayson,
520
00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:01,360
but all the kids at the orphanage
call me Dick.
521
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:03,150
- Well, children can be cruel.
- Yeah.
522
00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:04,534
- Great to see you, Bruce.
- Nice to see you, sir.
523
00:24:04,693 --> 00:24:06,991
- So, I had a question for you, sir.
- Okay, hit me with it.
524
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:08,827
Do you have any advice
on how to get adopted?
525
00:24:08,989 --> 00:24:10,206
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, you do?
526
00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:11,618
- Mr. Wayne, can I get an autograph?
- Sure.
527
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,040
Um, all right, for example,
is teeth whitener a good idea?
528
00:24:14,203 --> 00:24:15,455
- Yes. There you go, pal.
- Thanks!
529
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,622
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
530
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:18,336
- Looking good, Bruce.
- Thank you so much.
531
00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:20,342
How about eyeliner
or a foreign language?
532
00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:21,878
- Try both.
- Bueno.
533
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:23,341
Look, it's the new commissioner!
534
00:24:23,504 --> 00:24:25,381
- Where? Oh, she's with the mayor!
- Okay. Let's see.
535
00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:26,799
Here she is, everyone!
536
00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:28,388
- Oh, my darling!
- Hi, Dad.
537
00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:29,722
(GAsPs)
538
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:32,021
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
539
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,015
DICK: Mr. Wayne?
540
00:24:35,766 --> 00:24:38,144
Should I get experimental surgery
to make my eyes larger
541
00:24:38,310 --> 00:24:39,687
and more vulnerable-looking?
542
00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:42,401
Uh, do that.
543
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,695
(LAUGHING)
544
00:24:51,156 --> 00:24:52,749
Uh, Mr. Wayne?
545
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:55,161
Are you currently in the market
to adopt a child?
546
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:57,083
- Yeah.
- Really?
547
00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:58,919
- Oh, yeah.
-(LAUGHS) Wow.
548
00:24:59,081 --> 00:25:00,754
Are you looking for more
of a base model orphan
549
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:03,169
-or one that has more upgraded features?
- Yep.
550
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:04,678
Like cooking or driftwood art?
551
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:05,963
- Gymnastic abilities?
- Yep. Yep.
552
00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:07,803
Close-up street magic é la David Blaine?
553
00:25:07,965 --> 00:25:09,763
- All of it sounds great.
- Really?
554
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:13,350
Because all of it sounds like me.
555
00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:16,356
Mr. Wayne, do you think you'd be
interested in adopting me
556
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:18,188
as your future orphan son?
557
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:19,351
Definitely.
558
00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:20,815
Oh, this is great!
559
00:25:20,978 --> 00:25:24,232
Because all I want is to get adopted,
so I can finally stop being
560
00:25:26,817 --> 00:25:28,114
alone.
561
00:25:29,319 --> 00:25:30,445
McCAS KILL: We've gathered here tonight
562
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:32,785
to mark the retirement of Jim Gordon.
563
00:25:32,948 --> 00:25:33,949
Good bye.
564
00:25:34,116 --> 00:25:38,838
And we wish him well
on his South African jungle safari!
565
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:40,043
-(ALL CHEERING)
- Thank you.
566
00:25:40,289 --> 00:25:41,962
Now, to introduce you
567
00:25:42,124 --> 00:25:44,126
to his exciting new replacement.
568
00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:46,887
Everyone, meet your new commissioner!
569
00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:48,088
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
570
00:25:49,173 --> 00:25:51,426
ANNOUNCER: Meet Barbara Gordon!
571
00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:55,813
- The new commissioner of Gotham City!
- Whoa!
572
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:59,475
She was top of her class
at Harvard for Police.
573
00:25:59,641 --> 00:26:03,441
She cleaned up the streets
of Gotham's nearby sister city Bludhaven
574
00:26:03,604 --> 00:26:05,481
using statistics
575
00:26:06,148 --> 00:26:07,946
and compassion.
576
00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:10,782
And now she's bringing her new ideas
577
00:26:10,944 --> 00:26:14,574
and her nunchucks to Gotham City.
578
00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:16,663
Congratulations, darling.
579
00:26:16,825 --> 00:26:18,748
- Thanks, Dad.
- Here she is, everyone!
580
00:26:18,911 --> 00:26:20,254
Thank you! Thanks!
581
00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,629
Hurray!
582
00:26:21,789 --> 00:26:22,881
REPORTER 1: Ms. Gordon, over here!
583
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,417
- REPORTER 2: Big smile!
- Wow.
584
00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:27,257
Thank you for the oversized key
to Arkham Asylum.
585
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:29,217
And, uh, what's this?
586
00:26:29,379 --> 00:26:32,679
Thank you for the switch
to the Bat-Signal.
587
00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:34,058
Nice.
588
00:26:34,259 --> 00:26:35,306
(CLEARS THROAT)
589
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:40,438
Dad, you've always done a great job
protecting Gotham City.
590
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,727
Flip! (CHUCKLES) That's me.
591
00:26:42,893 --> 00:26:45,567
Thank you.
Along with Batman, of course.
592
00:26:45,729 --> 00:26:47,197
Whoo! Let's hear it for Batman!
593
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,983
Who I wish was here right now.
594
00:26:49,149 --> 00:26:50,696
BRUCE: Oh, I'm sure he's listening.
595
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,532
I'd like to ask all of you a question.
596
00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:54,696
Are you fed up with crime?
597
00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:57,116
- Uh-huh. We're all tired of crime.
- Yeah, we're sick of it.
598
00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:59,535
Great. Then let's talk about
real improvements
599
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:01,544
that will end the cycle of crime.
600
00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:05,295
I've got a four-point pilot program
that I'd love to share with you.
601
00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:07,050
I wanna hear all four points.
602
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:08,381
- It's called...
- I am ready.
603
00:27:08,544 --> 00:27:09,545
It takes a village...
604
00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:10,928
Best opening to a title ever.
605
00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:12,590
Not a Batman.
606
00:27:13,382 --> 00:27:14,383
- Waiter.
- Sir?
607
00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:15,551
- Can I?
- Of course.
608
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:16,889
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
609
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,053
Thanks so much.
610
00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:19,263
(GULPING)
611
00:27:20,389 --> 00:27:21,982
- What?
- Look.
612
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:26,066
Batman's been on the job
for a very, very, very,
613
00:27:26,228 --> 00:27:29,573
very, very, very, very, very long time.
614
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:31,404
He has aged phenomenally.
615
00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:35,572
However, despite all the great work
Batman has done for us,
616
00:27:35,737 --> 00:27:40,413
Gotham City is still the most
crime-ridden city in the world.
617
00:27:40,576 --> 00:27:41,668
- She's got a great point.
-Interesting.
618
00:27:41,827 --> 00:27:43,704
Historically speaking, that is accurate.
619
00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:45,505
- He hasn't captured Riddler.
- MAN: You know, she's right.
620
00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:46,881
He hasn't captured Bane.
621
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,963
- Huh!
- Or Catwoman.
622
00:27:49,126 --> 00:27:53,097
Or Two-Face,
or any of Gotham's other villains!
623
00:27:53,255 --> 00:27:54,256
He's not good at his job.
624
00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:55,891
Including the Joker!
625
00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:57,926
- She's making a lot of sense.
-(CLEARS THROAT)
626
00:27:58,177 --> 00:27:59,770
Excuse me. I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
627
00:27:59,928 --> 00:28:01,396
-(CLEARING THROAT)
- MAN: We love you, Barbara!
628
00:28:01,597 --> 00:28:03,349
- Yes.
- Hi. Bruce Wayne.
629
00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:05,938
Billionaire, bon vivant,
gallivanter, playboy,
630
00:28:06,101 --> 00:28:08,775
Gotham's most eligible bachelor,
like, 90 years in a row.
631
00:28:08,937 --> 00:28:10,780
- That's me right there.
- I know who you are, Mr. Wayne.
632
00:28:10,981 --> 00:28:15,111
You bet you do. Quick quest,
what is your problem with Batman,
633
00:28:15,277 --> 00:28:17,621
and also, what the heck, dude?
634
00:28:17,779 --> 00:28:19,247
I'm glad you asked, Mr. Wayne.
635
00:28:19,406 --> 00:28:21,454
I'm not a Batman hater.
636
00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:24,040
But we don't need
an unsupervised adult man
637
00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:26,831
karate-chopping poor people
in a Halloween costume.
638
00:28:27,206 --> 00:28:29,800
We need to take
what's good about Batman...
639
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:34,551
...and marry it to actual laws
and proper ethics
640
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:35,885
and accountability.
641
00:28:36,298 --> 00:28:37,470
I hate everything you just said.
642
00:28:37,633 --> 00:28:42,560
Because my dream is for the police force
to team up with Batman.
643
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:43,722
Waiter.
644
00:28:43,889 --> 00:28:45,641
- Wouldn't that be better?
-(BRUCE SPITTING)
645
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:49,027
And I know that, together,
the world's greatest detective...
646
00:28:49,686 --> 00:28:51,609
-(JOKER GIGGLING)
-...and Gotham's finest
647
00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:53,815
could clean up
these crime-ridden streets.
648
00:28:54,149 --> 00:28:55,571
-(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GIGGLING CONTINUES)
649
00:28:56,151 --> 00:28:57,277
Forever.
650
00:28:57,444 --> 00:28:58,912
BOTH: Everybody, get down!
651
00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:01,161
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
652
00:29:01,323 --> 00:29:03,325
Grand entrance!
(IMITATES GUNS FIRING)
653
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:06,294
Everyone! Make your way
to the exits immediately!
654
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:07,712
WOMAN: Run!
655
00:29:07,871 --> 00:29:09,839
Team Bane, block the exits.
656
00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:11,250
Going somewhere?
657
00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:14,219
Clayface, Freeze, bring me
the new Commissioner Gordon.
658
00:29:14,378 --> 00:29:16,005
- We're on it.
- Cool.
659
00:29:16,171 --> 00:29:17,889
And, Harley, you know what to do.
660
00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:19,049
I sure do.
661
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:22,808
It's time for Operation
"Take Out the Laundry."
662
00:29:23,053 --> 00:29:25,977
(GRUNTS) Butler One, this is Bat One.
Do you copy?
663
00:29:26,181 --> 00:29:28,980
- Go ahead, Bat One.
- I need my armored face disguise, now!
664
00:29:29,142 --> 00:29:30,359
Only if you say the magic word.
665
00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:31,611
- Now!
- No.
666
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:34,523
- You're fired.
- No. Sir, we'll talk about this
667
00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:35,737
back at the Batcave.
668
00:29:38,026 --> 00:29:39,073
- Hey, 'Puter.
- PUTER: Yes?
669
00:29:39,236 --> 00:29:40,954
Initialize masterbuild music.
670
00:29:41,113 --> 00:29:42,285
Right away.
671
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:46,043
Collateral damage assessment
suggests the Scuttler, sir.
672
00:29:46,201 --> 00:29:47,327
Good plan.
673
00:29:52,207 --> 00:29:54,209
(GRUNTS) Madam Mayor, stay close to me.
674
00:29:54,376 --> 00:29:55,377
Head for the south exit.
675
00:29:55,919 --> 00:29:57,011
Now, ma'am.
676
00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:58,964
(GROANS)
677
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:00,132
Go!Go!Go!
678
00:30:00,299 --> 00:30:01,721
Honey, let Batman take care of it.
679
00:30:01,883 --> 00:30:03,226
Dad, I got this.
680
00:30:03,385 --> 00:30:04,557
(GRUNTING)
681
00:30:15,564 --> 00:30:17,066
P UTE R: Scuttler online.
682
00:30:17,232 --> 00:30:19,360
Chief O'Hara, we're coming in hot!
683
00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:21,028
I'm almost there.
684
00:30:21,862 --> 00:30:23,614
(SCREAMS)
685
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,121
BARBARA: Chief, get the mayor to safety.
686
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:30,541
BATMAN: Computer,
I've got the Joker in my sights.
687
00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:32,752
Team, I got the Joker in my sights.
688
00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,253
Jokefl
689
00:30:38,420 --> 00:30:39,421
Joken
690
00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:41,181
Uh, excuse me? I was about to--
691
00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:44,093
Push the Bat-Signal? Good call.
I like your instincts.
692
00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:46,227
JOKER: I've got a surprise for you guys.
693
00:30:46,386 --> 00:30:48,434
And it's gonna make you smile.
694
00:30:48,597 --> 00:30:50,599
Uh-oh! His smile is our grimace.
695
00:30:50,766 --> 00:30:51,767
Everybody, get down.
696
00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:53,685
-I...
- Joker, no!
697
00:30:54,603 --> 00:30:55,775
...surrender.
698
00:30:56,146 --> 00:30:57,614
What?
699
00:30:58,565 --> 00:31:00,408
Uh, what did you just say?
700
00:31:00,567 --> 00:31:03,821
I said, "I surrender."
701
00:31:03,987 --> 00:31:05,113
KING TUT: Joker, what are you doing?
702
00:31:05,447 --> 00:31:07,199
I'm sorry, my Bat-ears
must be malfunctioning
703
00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:08,367
because it sounds--
704
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:09,534
I surrender!
705
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,124
Okay, you know what? Cool it.
You're a criminal.
706
00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:14,335
-(TUTTING)
- You run, and I catch you.
707
00:31:14,498 --> 00:31:15,795
Not anymore, Batman.
708
00:31:15,957 --> 00:31:18,005
You were right. There is no "us."
709
00:31:18,168 --> 00:31:21,468
So, there's no point
in me trying to fight you anymore.
710
00:31:21,630 --> 00:31:23,974
Therefore, I will be surrendering myself
711
00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:26,851
to our strong-willed and
forward-thinking new commissioner.
712
00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:28,557
Blink, blink, blink.
Blinkety blink, blink, blink!
713
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:29,721
That's really suspicious.
714
00:31:29,888 --> 00:31:32,107
Yeah, it is. What are you up to, Joker?
715
00:31:32,265 --> 00:31:34,734
I just wanna go to Arkham
and pay for all of my crimes.
716
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:36,486
Blink, blink, blink.
Blinkety blink, blink, blink!
717
00:31:36,645 --> 00:31:38,693
Are you actually saying "blink"?
718
00:31:38,855 --> 00:31:40,152
No! Blink, blink, blink.
719
00:31:40,315 --> 00:31:41,316
Joker! That's enough.
720
00:31:41,483 --> 00:31:43,030
Okay, Babs. I got this.
721
00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:46,663
Not so fast, Batman.
You can't fight me anymore.
722
00:31:46,822 --> 00:31:47,823
I'm off the market.
723
00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:49,707
What are you talking about?
724
00:31:49,866 --> 00:31:51,709
I'm off the menu.
725
00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:54,667
You won't get to fight
any of this anymore.
726
00:31:54,996 --> 00:31:56,669
Man, am I sorry I asked.
727
00:31:56,832 --> 00:31:59,676
Anyway, have fun in jail and--
728
00:31:59,835 --> 00:32:01,052
Batman, what are you doing?
729
00:32:01,294 --> 00:32:03,046
-(GRUNTS)
- Punching Bane.
730
00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:04,840
That was unnecessary.
731
00:32:05,006 --> 00:32:07,304
Oh, no, you can't fight Bane
anymore either.
732
00:32:07,467 --> 00:32:08,559
- Really?
-(BANE GROANS)
733
00:32:08,718 --> 00:32:10,686
- Yeah. Or Riddler.
-(SUPER-VILLAINS GROANING)
734
00:32:10,846 --> 00:32:12,348
Or Catwoman. Or Condiment King.
735
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:14,099
Why not?
736
00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:18,021
Because we're all surrendering.
Right, guys?
737
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:19,187
ALL: We are?
738
00:32:19,354 --> 00:32:20,480
Yes!
739
00:32:22,524 --> 00:32:23,616
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
740
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:25,694
(SUPER-VILLAINS YELP)
741
00:32:26,361 --> 00:32:27,408
(ALL GASP)
742
00:32:27,988 --> 00:32:30,537
RIDDLER: Riddle me this.
What just happened?
743
00:32:30,907 --> 00:32:32,375
It's the end of crime!
744
00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:33,831
All right!
745
00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:35,036
- That was amazing!
- Over here, over here!
746
00:32:35,245 --> 00:32:37,339
- You did it!
- Yeah, of course I did. I'm--
747
00:32:37,539 --> 00:32:40,088
Sorry, not you.
We're talking to Commissioner Gordon.
748
00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:42,218
- Well, it was a team effort.
- I got this, Babs.
749
00:32:42,377 --> 00:32:43,754
Commissioner, how do you feel?
750
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,014
Amazing! This is a great first day.
751
00:32:46,173 --> 00:32:47,345
(SCOFFS) Okay.
752
00:32:47,507 --> 00:32:48,724
- Question for Batman.
- Shoot.
753
00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:50,261
What are you gonna do
with the rest of your life?
754
00:32:50,427 --> 00:32:51,974
What do you mean,
the rest of my life?
755
00:32:52,137 --> 00:32:55,016
We don't need a vigilante crime fighter
now that there's no more crime.
756
00:32:55,182 --> 00:32:56,229
Uh, yes, you do.
757
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:58,814
You can spend some quality time
with your family.
758
00:32:59,769 --> 00:33:00,770
My...
759
00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:07,953
Okay, Batman. We'll take it from here.
760
00:33:08,111 --> 00:33:09,237
All right, listen up.
761
00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:11,702
All of you have
the right to remain silent.
762
00:33:11,865 --> 00:33:12,912
Let's roll out!
763
00:33:13,074 --> 00:33:14,075
PENGUIN: Toodle-oo, Batman!
764
00:33:14,242 --> 00:33:15,585
BANE: Bye, Batman.
POISON IVY: Au revoir, Batman.
765
00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:16,745
CLAYFACE: Bye, Batman.
766
00:33:16,912 --> 00:33:18,255
JOKER". Bye, Batman!
767
00:33:18,413 --> 00:33:21,041
(SAD MUSIC PLAYING)
768
00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:26,922
Today is a victory
769
00:33:27,088 --> 00:33:30,262
for the citizens of Gotham City!
770
00:33:31,092 --> 00:33:34,096
ALL: (CHANTING) No more crime!
No more crime! No more crime!
771
00:33:34,262 --> 00:33:37,266
No more crime! No more crime!
No more crime!
772
00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:40,732
No more crime! No more crime!
No more crime!
773
00:33:44,606 --> 00:33:45,778
Is everything okay, sir?
774
00:33:45,941 --> 00:33:47,614
You've barely touched
your lobster thermidor.
775
00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:50,780
I don't have time to eat
lobster thermidor right now! (YELLS)
776
00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:55,792
JOKER: Warrior two.
777
00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:58,830
Pigeon pose. Tree pose.
778
00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:04,125
Tree pose.
779
00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:05,339
Hey, Batman!
780
00:34:05,502 --> 00:34:06,674
Barbara!
781
00:34:06,836 --> 00:34:07,837
What are you doing?
782
00:34:08,004 --> 00:34:09,802
Nothing. I have a very full life.
783
00:34:09,965 --> 00:34:12,468
No, I mean, what are you doing here?
784
00:34:12,634 --> 00:34:15,808
Surveillance. On the Joker.
785
00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:18,895
Batman, we both know
the Joker's up to something.
786
00:34:19,057 --> 00:34:21,731
Well, then we can't just let him
run around loose in a prison.
787
00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:23,145
He's not loose.
788
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:25,484
He has to go someplace outside the law.
789
00:34:25,647 --> 00:34:27,320
- Outside the law?
- Yeah.
790
00:34:27,524 --> 00:34:29,492
Somewhere like, uh...
791
00:34:29,651 --> 00:34:32,746
Hi, there. I'm here
from Phantom's Own Laundry.
792
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,872
Here to take that bad stuff
off your hands.
793
00:34:35,031 --> 00:34:37,659
Wait, that's it! The Phantom Zone.
794
00:34:37,826 --> 00:34:39,669
The Phantom Zone? No way!
795
00:34:39,828 --> 00:34:43,423
That is super illegal
and way outside ourjurisdiction.
796
00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:47,044
So, why don't you and I work together
797
00:34:47,210 --> 00:34:49,713
inside the law,
to figure out what he's up to?
798
00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:52,678
Batman works alone.
That's my motto. Copyright Batman.
799
00:34:52,841 --> 00:34:53,842
(SIGHS)
800
00:34:54,009 --> 00:34:58,105
Batman, there are no more vigilantes
allowed in Gotham City.
801
00:34:58,263 --> 00:34:59,731
Okay. Totally got it.
802
00:34:59,889 --> 00:35:03,359
Then I have to go into
double-secret super vigilante mode.
803
00:35:03,893 --> 00:35:05,895
You said that out loud.
804
00:35:06,521 --> 00:35:09,400
I know that she said I said that out loud,
but there's no way I did.
805
00:35:09,566 --> 00:35:12,536
She has no idea what's going on
in my super-mind.
806
00:35:12,694 --> 00:35:14,367
- Super-mind?
-(GASPS)
807
00:35:14,613 --> 00:35:15,956
Smoke bomb!
808
00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:23,713
Computer, how do I put the Joker
in the Phantom Zone?
809
00:35:23,872 --> 00:35:25,966
Quickest route, no freeways.
810
00:35:29,169 --> 00:35:30,466
'Puter, do you hear me?
811
00:35:30,670 --> 00:35:32,764
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
812
00:35:32,964 --> 00:35:34,637
Hello, Master Bruce.
813
00:35:34,799 --> 00:35:37,348
Alfred, there's something wrong
with the Batcomputer. Watch this.
814
00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:39,228
'Puter. Nothing.
815
00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:41,139
'Puter. Do you see what I'm saying?
816
00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:42,523
There's nothing wrong with it, sir.
817
00:35:42,682 --> 00:35:45,276
I have just taken away
your computer privileges.
818
00:35:48,188 --> 00:35:49,986
The parental lock? You can't do that.
819
00:35:50,148 --> 00:35:52,367
Oh, I can. I've been reading
820
00:35:52,525 --> 00:35:54,903
Setting Limits
for Your Out-of-Control Child.
821
00:35:55,070 --> 00:35:56,162
You know what? Doesn't matter,
822
00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:57,994
'cause I have
a double-secret super password
823
00:35:58,156 --> 00:35:59,658
that unlocks the parental lock.
824
00:35:59,824 --> 00:36:03,124
You mean, "Alfred da Butt-ler,"
with two T's?
825
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:04,329
(LAUGHS)
826
00:36:04,579 --> 00:36:06,957
Sir, it's time for you
to stop this unhealthy behavior.
827
00:36:07,123 --> 00:36:08,591
No, it's not.
828
00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:10,297
You need to take responsibility
for your life.
829
00:36:10,460 --> 00:36:11,928
Not right now, I don't.
830
00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:14,715
And it starts by raising your son.
831
00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:18,968
I'm sorry.
832
00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:21,934
I literally have no idea
what you're talking about.
833
00:36:22,097 --> 00:36:25,067
The young orphan you adopted
at the gala. Remember?
834
00:36:25,767 --> 00:36:26,939
(RICHARD WHOOPING)
835
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:30,356
Wow! Stairs. Whee!
836
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,991
He's been living here for the past week.
837
00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:35,777
Hello, table! Boom!
838
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:39,577
ALFRED: And I must say,
I've grown rather fond of the young lad.
839
00:36:39,739 --> 00:36:41,662
(WHISPERS) Hello, secret camera.
840
00:36:41,825 --> 00:36:42,872
ALFRED". You should get to know him.
841
00:36:43,034 --> 00:36:44,581
(SINGING) We are family
842
00:36:44,744 --> 00:36:47,293
- You and he have a lot in common.
- En garde.
843
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:50,959
Hello, family photos.
844
00:36:51,126 --> 00:36:53,549
ALFRED: He lost his parents
at a very young age.
845
00:36:55,171 --> 00:36:56,923
I've always wanted one of those.
846
00:36:59,092 --> 00:37:03,063
Doesn't he deserve a chance for someone
to take him under their wing,
847
00:37:04,097 --> 00:37:07,317
as I took you under mine?
848
00:37:10,437 --> 00:37:13,156
Alfred, you've been watching
way too many Lifetime movies
849
00:37:13,314 --> 00:37:14,315
and drinking chardonnay.
850
00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:16,075
- It's Pinot grigio, sir.
- Whatever it is.
851
00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:18,282
Listen, you don't have a family.
852
00:37:18,486 --> 00:37:19,863
You're satisfied serving me.
853
00:37:20,530 --> 00:37:22,874
So what do you know about
having a surrogate son?
854
00:37:23,450 --> 00:37:25,077
Now, I'm gonna go fight crime
855
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:28,167
while you put that kid on the next jet
to the orphanage Got it?
856
00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:29,748
(SIGHS)
857
00:37:29,998 --> 00:37:31,124
As you wish, sir.
858
00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:32,630
(WHISTLING)
859
00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:34,256
Whoops-a-daisy.
860
00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:35,587
(RICHARD GASPS)
861
00:37:35,795 --> 00:37:36,887
BATMAN". Wait, what are you doing?
862
00:37:37,046 --> 00:37:38,047
Dusting.
863
00:37:38,214 --> 00:37:39,261
You can't let him into the Batcave!
864
00:37:39,424 --> 00:37:42,553
I'm not. I'm letting him into your life
865
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:44,263
via the Batcave.
866
00:37:44,471 --> 00:37:46,394
(WHOOPS)
867
00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:48,899
(GAsPs)
868
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,273
What?
869
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:56,649
(GASPING)
870
00:37:56,900 --> 00:37:58,948
- It's the Batcave!
-(BATS SQUEAKING)
871
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,863
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
872
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:04,032
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
873
00:38:04,199 --> 00:38:06,748
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
874
00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,874
(WHOOPING)
875
00:38:09,370 --> 00:38:11,543
(GASPS) Batman! Whoa!
876
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:12,878
You're darn right, "Whoa."
877
00:38:13,041 --> 00:38:15,385
Wait, does Batman live
in Bruce Wayne's basement?
878
00:38:15,543 --> 00:38:17,716
No. Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.
879
00:38:17,879 --> 00:38:19,973
- We can have sleepovers every night!
- No, we can't.
880
00:38:20,131 --> 00:38:22,225
- Wow! Look, it's the Bat-Sub!
- Wait, don't touch that!
881
00:38:22,383 --> 00:38:23,600
Over there, it's the Bat-Space shuttle.
882
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:24,761
Please, keep your hands off that.
883
00:38:24,928 --> 00:38:26,396
- Look, it's the Bat-Zeppelin!
- Don't touch that either!
884
00:38:26,554 --> 00:38:27,555
- It's the Bat-Train!
- No!
885
00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:28,894
- It's the Bat-Kayak.
- No!
886
00:38:29,057 --> 00:38:30,058
4P3 the Ba t~Dune b _IVO!
887
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:32,068
It's the Bat shark repellent?
888
00:38:33,895 --> 00:38:36,899
Uh, actually, you can touch that.
It's completely useless.
889
00:38:37,065 --> 00:38:38,408
Whoa! Thanks, Batman!
890
00:38:38,608 --> 00:38:40,781
Please, stand over there.
891
00:38:40,944 --> 00:38:43,493
And don't touch, look at, or do anything
892
00:38:43,655 --> 00:38:45,407
for the remaining moments
you have in my presence.
893
00:38:45,573 --> 00:38:46,574
Okay, cool.
894
00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,209
- Computer.
- Go ahead.
895
00:38:48,368 --> 00:38:50,496
How do I put the Joker
in the Phantom Zone?
896
00:38:50,662 --> 00:38:52,756
PUTER:
Joker can only be put in the Phantom Zone
897
00:38:52,914 --> 00:38:54,461
using the Phantom Zone Projector.
898
00:38:54,624 --> 00:38:55,876
Current location,
899
00:38:56,042 --> 00:38:58,090
Superman's Fortress of Solitude
900
00:38:58,253 --> 00:39:00,255
inside the Atomic Cauldron.
901
00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:04,847
However, only a person that isn't
shredded, ripped, or extremely swoll
902
00:39:05,009 --> 00:39:06,226
can enter the cauldron.
903
00:39:06,427 --> 00:39:08,100
Ugh, I'm way too buff.
904
00:39:08,263 --> 00:39:10,015
PUTER: You also have beautiful abs, sir.
905
00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:11,558
That's my cross to bear.
906
00:39:11,724 --> 00:39:13,852
Additionally, once inside the cauldron,
907
00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:16,612
multiple Kryptonian
defense systems engage,
908
00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:19,069
including the Acid Moat,
Ring of Napalm,
909
00:39:19,232 --> 00:39:20,529
and the Jaws of Death.
910
00:39:20,692 --> 00:39:24,162
Chance of total mission failure is 110%.
911
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,618
Those are not great odds.
912
00:39:26,781 --> 00:39:27,782
Wait a minute.
913
00:39:27,949 --> 00:39:29,121
- Hey, kid.
- Yes, sir?
914
00:39:29,284 --> 00:39:30,957
- You're super nimble, right?
- I sure am!
915
00:39:31,119 --> 00:39:32,211
- And small?
- Very.
916
00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:34,043
- And quiet?
-(WHISPERING) When I desire to be.
917
00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:36,128
And 110% expendable?
918
00:39:36,291 --> 00:39:38,043
I don't know what that means,
butokay.
919
00:39:38,209 --> 00:39:39,802
Great. Follow me.
920
00:39:39,961 --> 00:39:42,805
We are gonna steal
the Phantom Zone Projector from Superman.
921
00:39:42,964 --> 00:39:43,965
- Steal?
- Yeah.
922
00:39:44,132 --> 00:39:45,725
We have to right a wrong.
923
00:39:45,884 --> 00:39:48,808
And, sometimes, in order to right a wrong,
you have to do a wrong-right.
924
00:39:48,970 --> 00:39:49,971
Gandhi said that.
925
00:39:50,138 --> 00:39:51,390
Are we sure Gandhi said that?
926
00:39:51,556 --> 00:39:53,229
- I'm paraphrasing.
- Cool!
927
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:55,393
PUTER: Preparing Fortress of Solitude
infiltration gear.
928
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:56,903
Wow! Look at all these!
929
00:39:57,061 --> 00:39:58,483
Do I get a costume for the mission, too?
930
00:39:58,646 --> 00:40:01,115
I got a feeling that you'll just look
like a kid on Halloween.
931
00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:02,317
Don't you think?
932
00:40:02,525 --> 00:40:03,572
Don't touch that.
933
00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:05,824
-(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
- Whoo-hoo!
934
00:40:05,987 --> 00:40:06,988
PUTER: El Mariachi.
RICHARD: I like that one!
935
00:40:07,155 --> 00:40:08,532
- That one is culturally insensitive.
- Night Terror.
936
00:40:08,698 --> 00:40:09,699
- That one!
- BATMAN: No way.
937
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:10,913
- This one?
- PUTER: Death Merchant.
938
00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:12,076
- BATMAN: No.
- I'm okay.
939
00:40:12,243 --> 00:40:13,335
- This one.
- PUTER: Fire Starter.
940
00:40:13,494 --> 00:40:14,916
- This one.
- Clawed Reigns.
941
00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:16,422
- Excali-Bat.
- This one?
942
00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:17,924
- Silent but Deadly.
- BATMAN: Nope.
943
00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:19,675
- Bat-ryshniko v.
-(WHOOPING)
944
00:40:19,834 --> 00:40:20,926
How do we feel about this one?
945
00:40:21,085 --> 00:40:23,008
Dress-up parties are for grown-ups only.
946
00:40:23,171 --> 00:40:24,343
Wait. What's that one there?
947
00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:25,722
BATMAN". That one was for
the assignment called
948
00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:27,141
The Jamaican Caper.
949
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:29,302
The locals called me Reggae Man.
950
00:40:29,469 --> 00:40:30,595
I love it!
951
00:40:30,762 --> 00:40:32,605
Ah! Feels like I was poured into this.
952
00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:33,856
My only trouble is,
953
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:36,025
these pants are just a little tight.
954
00:40:36,184 --> 00:40:38,312
I don't know if I could throw a kick
orjump in them.
955
00:40:38,478 --> 00:40:41,152
I got an idea. Rip! That's better!
956
00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:42,691
Now I'm free, now I'm moving.
957
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:44,859
Come on, Batman. Let's get grooving!
958
00:40:45,109 --> 00:40:47,077
I can only look you
in the eyes right now.
959
00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:49,705
- Sir, what are you doing?
- What do you mean?
960
00:40:49,948 --> 00:40:52,076
Why is Master Dick dressed like that?
961
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:55,878
How dare you tell me
how to parent my kid I just met?
962
00:40:56,037 --> 00:40:57,038
To the Batmobile!
963
00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:58,377
Hot-diggity-dog!
964
00:41:01,209 --> 00:41:03,052
PUTER: Vehicle rotisserie engaged.
965
00:41:03,586 --> 00:41:05,759
Retrieving the Speedwagon.
966
00:41:06,756 --> 00:41:08,383
Atomic batteries to power.
967
00:41:08,549 --> 00:41:09,596
Turbines to speed.
968
00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:11,602
Hey, kid. Let's go.
969
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,893
- Oh, shoot!
- What?
970
00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:16,565
I probably shouldn't leave
971
00:41:16,724 --> 00:41:20,399
until I get the thumbs up
from my new old man, Bruce Wayne.
972
00:41:21,980 --> 00:41:24,199
Uh, yeah. Here's the thing.
973
00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:28,445
Bruno and I decided
974
00:41:28,611 --> 00:41:30,534
to share custody of you.
975
00:41:30,697 --> 00:41:32,665
So I get a say
976
00:41:32,824 --> 00:41:34,952
and you're mission approved.
977
00:41:35,118 --> 00:41:37,212
No way! Is this really happening?
978
00:41:37,370 --> 00:41:38,462
Yeah.
979
00:41:38,705 --> 00:41:39,752
Whoo-hoo!
980
00:41:39,956 --> 00:41:41,378
A month ago, I had no dads.
981
00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:43,543
Then I had one dad. Now I have two dads!
982
00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:45,838
- And one of them is Batman!
- Yeah.
983
00:41:46,004 --> 00:41:47,347
(SINGING) It's raining dads!
984
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:48,506
So,
985
00:41:48,673 --> 00:41:50,721
are you ready to follow Batman
986
00:41:50,883 --> 00:41:53,807
and maybe learn a few
life lessons along the way?
987
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:55,392
I sure am, Dad Two!
988
00:41:55,555 --> 00:41:57,307
But first, where's the seatbelt?
989
00:41:57,473 --> 00:41:59,020
The first lesson is,
990
00:41:59,183 --> 00:42:01,106
life doesn't give you seatbelts!
991
00:42:01,269 --> 00:42:03,271
- Let's go!
- Whoo-hoo!
992
00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:04,773
Yes!
993
00:42:04,939 --> 00:42:06,065
(WHOOPING)
994
00:42:06,441 --> 00:42:08,034
Faster, Dad! Faster!
995
00:42:08,985 --> 00:42:09,986
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
996
00:42:10,153 --> 00:42:11,154
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
997
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:12,367
RICHARD: Yes, yes, yes!
998
00:42:12,572 --> 00:42:13,915
-(BRAKES SCREECH)
-(GROANS)
999
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:16,618
Oh! Oh, my goodness.
I am so sorry.
1000
00:42:16,784 --> 00:42:18,582
Get back up in that seat. There you go.
1001
00:42:18,745 --> 00:42:20,747
Hey, listen.
As soon as I get back to the Batcave,
1002
00:42:20,913 --> 00:42:23,416
I'll make sure that
Alfred puts seatbelts on there, okay?
1003
00:42:23,583 --> 00:42:26,587
But for the time being,
I'm just gonna put my arm right here.
1004
00:42:26,794 --> 00:42:29,889
And we're just gonna
gently ease out of here.
1005
00:42:30,048 --> 00:42:32,016
And here we go.
1006
00:42:44,937 --> 00:42:47,190
Okay. Like all superheroes,
1007
00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:49,905
Superman has zero friends,
and he spends most of his time
1008
00:42:50,068 --> 00:42:53,948
basking in sweet, sweet isolation,
here at his alone palace.
1009
00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,615
So, I'll keep him busy
1010
00:42:55,782 --> 00:42:58,581
while you sneak into that vent
and get the Projector. Got it?
1011
00:42:58,743 --> 00:43:00,586
Copy that! Oh, here's an idea.
I could also--
1012
00:43:00,745 --> 00:43:01,746
Whoa, whoa.
Don't even finish that thought.
1013
00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:04,837
See this counter?
These are all the good ideas Batman has.
1014
00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:07,877
And no one else has ever had
any good ideas. So don't even try.
1015
00:43:08,044 --> 00:43:09,637
- Your super power...
-(GASPS)
1016
00:43:09,837 --> 00:43:12,511
...is excellent listening
and execution of my ideas.
1017
00:43:12,673 --> 00:43:14,425
- Let's try it out.
- Cool!
1018
00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:16,435
Drop to the ground. Do a backflip.
1019
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:18,141
Do a front flip. Triple axel.
1020
00:43:18,304 --> 00:43:20,648
Plié. Relevé. Jeté.
Pythagorean theorem.
1021
00:43:20,807 --> 00:43:22,024
A squared plus B squared equals C squared.
1022
00:43:22,183 --> 00:43:23,184
Physicalize it!
1023
00:43:23,351 --> 00:43:25,445
A squared plus B squared
1024
00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:27,355
equals C squared.
1025
00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:28,606
- How'd I do, Dad?
- Mediocre.
1026
00:43:28,773 --> 00:43:29,774
Yes!
1027
00:43:29,941 --> 00:43:31,693
And don't call me "Dad."
Now, begin mission.
1028
00:43:31,859 --> 00:43:32,860
Yes, Papa.
1029
00:43:33,027 --> 00:43:35,280
"Papa" falls into the "Dad" category.
1030
00:43:38,491 --> 00:43:39,993
(RICHARD GRUNTING)
1031
00:43:47,708 --> 00:43:49,710
(SUPERMAN THEME PLAYING)
1032
00:43:53,172 --> 00:43:54,344
-'Sup, Supes?
-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1033
00:43:54,507 --> 00:43:56,976
(LAUGHS) Wow. It's Batman.
1034
00:43:57,135 --> 00:43:59,012
And he's at my house.
1035
00:43:59,178 --> 00:44:00,225
Right now.
1036
00:44:00,429 --> 00:44:01,772
What are you doing here?
1037
00:44:01,931 --> 00:44:04,901
Don't worry about it, dawg.
I'm not here to throw down or anything.
1038
00:44:05,059 --> 00:44:06,606
Uh, no, I would crush you.
1039
00:44:06,853 --> 00:44:09,356
(SCOFFS) Okay. Sure, sure, sure.
1040
00:44:09,522 --> 00:44:11,320
Hey, listen. Thank me later,
1041
00:44:11,482 --> 00:44:13,075
but I just happened to be in the hood.
1042
00:44:13,234 --> 00:44:16,078
And I figured that you could
probably use the...
1043
00:44:18,531 --> 00:44:20,579
-(MUSIC STOPS)
-...company.
1044
00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:22,247
(FLASH COUGHS)
1045
00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:24,245
Wait a minute.
1046
00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:26,335
Are you... Are you having
1047
00:44:26,581 --> 00:44:30,427
the "57th Annual Justice
League Anniversary Party"
1048
00:44:30,668 --> 00:44:32,841
-without me?
-(MOUTHING) No.
1049
00:44:33,004 --> 00:44:34,631
ALL: No! No! No!
1050
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:37,550
No! There must have been
some mistake with the email.
1051
00:44:37,717 --> 00:44:38,764
That's crazy, man.
1052
00:44:38,926 --> 00:44:41,896
Totally! Yes, email mistakes
happen all the time.
1053
00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:44,352
Sometimes I don't get
Superman's emails for
1054
00:44:45,099 --> 00:44:46,100
years.
1055
00:44:46,267 --> 00:44:47,769
Great point, G.L. Great point.
1056
00:44:47,935 --> 00:44:49,437
All right.
Well, that clears up everything, right?
1057
00:44:49,604 --> 00:44:50,605
Enjoy the party, bro.
1058
00:44:50,771 --> 00:44:52,944
Hit it, DJ Wonder Dog.
1059
00:44:53,107 --> 00:44:54,404
-(BARKS)
-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1060
00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:56,452
MAN: (SINGING)
I'm Superman at the super party
1061
00:44:56,652 --> 00:44:58,154
I'm Superman at the super party
1062
00:44:58,321 --> 00:44:59,322
Hey-hey
1063
00:45:00,448 --> 00:45:02,371
Hey, Batman.
Do you wanna take a quick pic?
1064
00:45:02,533 --> 00:45:03,876
Sure. Where do you want me?
1065
00:45:04,035 --> 00:45:05,036
Right there is perfect.
1066
00:45:05,203 --> 00:45:06,295
- Here's the camera.
- Oh.
1067
00:45:06,704 --> 00:45:08,672
Okay, party people, get together.
1068
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,128
Yeah. Everybody say--
1069
00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:12,134
- ALL: Super Friends!
-(CAMERA CLICKS)
1070
00:45:12,293 --> 00:45:13,670
Let me see it! Let me see!
1071
00:45:13,836 --> 00:45:15,429
Classic! We got everyone.
1072
00:45:16,047 --> 00:45:17,515
Yeah, everyone.
1073
00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:18,799
FLASH: Thanks, Batman.
1074
00:45:18,966 --> 00:45:21,594
Yeah, no problem. I did, like, a burst.
1075
00:45:21,802 --> 00:45:23,770
FLASH". This party is the bomb!
1076
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:27,309
Look at me! More like
Martian Dance Hunter, am I right?
1077
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:28,559
(ALL LAUGHING)
1078
00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:30,273
'Puter, call kid.
1079
00:45:31,020 --> 00:45:32,021
Bat-Dad?
1080
00:45:32,438 --> 00:45:33,439
How's it going?
1081
00:45:33,606 --> 00:45:35,654
'Cause everything is
going great down here.
1082
00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:36,817
I can see the target.
1083
00:45:36,984 --> 00:45:38,236
But there's some kind of
laser energy thing
1084
00:45:38,402 --> 00:45:39,494
that I can't get through.
1085
00:45:39,654 --> 00:45:41,452
Okay. I'll see if I can shut it off.
1086
00:45:41,614 --> 00:45:43,537
But I'm gonna have to make up
an excuse to leave this party
1087
00:45:43,699 --> 00:45:45,201
without anyone noticing.
1088
00:45:46,661 --> 00:45:47,708
Bye.
1089
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,172
Kid, tell me when it's off, all right?
1090
00:45:50,331 --> 00:45:51,332
- Now?
- No.
1091
00:45:51,499 --> 00:45:52,546
- Now?
- No.
1092
00:45:52,708 --> 00:45:53,755
- Now'?
- Not quite.
1093
00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:54,919
- Now?
- No.
1094
00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:56,178
- My son...
- No.
1095
00:45:56,337 --> 00:45:58,180
These irreplaceable crystals
contain all my knowledge,
1096
00:45:58,339 --> 00:46:00,262
which I now pass on to...
1097
00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:02,472
Darn it. It's gotta be one of these.
Is this the one?
1098
00:46:03,386 --> 00:46:05,263
O.M. gosh! You did it, Padre!
It's off!
1099
00:46:05,429 --> 00:46:06,430
Okay-
1100
00:46:06,597 --> 00:46:08,224
Now you gotta make your way
to the Atomic Cauldron
1101
00:46:08,391 --> 00:46:10,064
and get that Phantom Zone Projector.
1102
00:46:10,226 --> 00:46:12,194
- Do exactly as I say.
-10-4!
1103
00:46:12,353 --> 00:46:13,525
Okay. Jump!
1104
00:46:15,273 --> 00:46:17,116
Do a front flip. Do a backflip.
1105
00:46:18,442 --> 00:46:20,570
Run, run, run. Drop.
1106
00:46:20,736 --> 00:46:22,113
That's excellent listening.
1107
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:23,281
Shimmy.
1108
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:25,449
Strafe-left. Strafe-right.
1109
00:46:25,616 --> 00:46:26,663
Avoid.
1110
00:46:26,826 --> 00:46:28,794
Hey, I was thinking.
If I'm gonna be a superhero,
1111
00:46:28,953 --> 00:46:32,503
and go on awesome superhero missions
like this one, can we use code names?
1112
00:46:33,791 --> 00:46:34,792
Mine can be Robin.
1113
00:46:34,959 --> 00:46:36,632
- I'm sorry, say that again?
- Robin!
1114
00:46:36,794 --> 00:46:39,388
As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?
1115
00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:42,141
Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase.
Tweet, tweet, on the street.
1116
00:46:42,300 --> 00:46:43,677
- Hard pass.
- And a song.
1117
00:46:43,843 --> 00:46:45,265
(SINGING) Fly, Robin, fly
1118
00:46:45,428 --> 00:46:48,022
- Harder pass. Now slide!
-(WHOOPING)
1119
00:46:48,180 --> 00:46:49,397
Okay, kid. I'm gonna teach you
1120
00:46:49,557 --> 00:46:51,730
how to masterbuild your way
inside that thing.
1121
00:46:51,892 --> 00:46:52,893
Yay!
1122
00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:55,188
Grab those 2x6's, pull out the axle studs,
1123
00:46:55,396 --> 00:46:56,568
disconnect the 6x10 plates.
1124
00:46:56,731 --> 00:46:57,732
Like this?
1125
00:46:57,940 --> 00:46:59,783
Whoa! Unbelievable obeying.
1126
00:46:59,942 --> 00:47:01,068
Now, let's ride.
1127
00:47:01,235 --> 00:47:02,407
Toes to the nose.
1128
00:47:02,570 --> 00:47:03,822
Now you're gleaming the cube.
1129
00:47:03,988 --> 00:47:05,740
- Yeah!
- Now, get creative.
1130
00:47:05,906 --> 00:47:08,159
Freestyle a little bit.
Oh, that's good, kid!
1131
00:47:08,326 --> 00:47:10,374
It's like looking in a Bat-mirror.
1132
00:47:10,536 --> 00:47:12,379
- Okay. Leap.
-(WHOOPING)
1133
00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:17,043
- I've got the Projector, Dad.
- Booyah!
1134
00:47:17,209 --> 00:47:20,088
Now do everything we just did backwards.
1135
00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:21,593
Oh.
1136
00:47:22,757 --> 00:47:24,680
Oh! Here you go, Dad. We did it!
1137
00:47:24,842 --> 00:47:28,062
Yeah! Mission accomplished.
That was fun!
1138
00:47:30,306 --> 00:47:33,185
You okay, Batman?
You seem the opposite of stern.
1139
00:47:34,018 --> 00:47:35,770
Yeah, I'm fine. It's just
1140
00:47:35,936 --> 00:47:38,485
watching you out there,
1141
00:47:38,647 --> 00:47:42,117
it was like the world wasn't
all darkness anymore.
1142
00:47:43,569 --> 00:47:45,617
For a brief moment
1143
00:47:45,780 --> 00:47:48,909
I could have sworn I felt something.
1144
00:47:49,075 --> 00:47:51,498
PUTER". That feeling is pride, sir.
1145
00:47:52,161 --> 00:47:53,504
You're right.
1146
00:47:53,662 --> 00:47:55,335
I am super proud.
1147
00:47:55,539 --> 00:47:56,540
(GAsPs)
1148
00:47:57,166 --> 00:47:59,009
Of myself.
1149
00:47:59,168 --> 00:48:02,468
For being such
a good teacher, obviously.
1150
00:48:02,797 --> 00:48:04,970
Yeah, you're a great teacher.
1151
00:48:05,132 --> 00:48:06,133
I am?
1152
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:09,395
Yeah! I wanna be just like you
when I grow up, Padre!
1153
00:48:09,553 --> 00:48:11,226
Wait, what did you call me?
1154
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:13,853
I called you Padre.
1155
00:48:14,683 --> 00:48:17,436
It's Spanish for "Dad." Sorry.
1156
00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:20,982
Well, isn't it also a cool Spanish way
to say "buddy"?
1157
00:48:21,148 --> 00:48:23,025
Yeah, I could've been
saying it that way.
1158
00:48:23,192 --> 00:48:24,284
Then I'll allow it.
1159
00:48:24,443 --> 00:48:25,786
Oh, you're such a great padre!
1160
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:27,321
What are you doing?
1161
00:48:27,488 --> 00:48:29,490
I'm trying to give you a big old hug.
1162
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:31,000
Thought you were attacking me.
1163
00:48:32,034 --> 00:48:34,662
Hey, you up for another
top secret superhero mission
1164
00:48:34,829 --> 00:48:36,081
to defeat the Joker?
1165
00:48:36,247 --> 00:48:38,375
ROBIN: Oh, lam down to stop that clown.
1166
00:48:38,541 --> 00:48:40,839
But I don't wanna make
my other dad, Bruce Wayne, angry.
1167
00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,344
Do you think we'll be done
before my bedtime?
1168
00:48:42,503 --> 00:48:43,504
Bedtime?
1169
00:48:43,671 --> 00:48:45,173
Batman's life lesson number two.
1170
00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:47,182
Vigilantes don't have bedtimes.
1171
00:48:47,341 --> 00:48:48,342
Yes!
1172
00:48:48,509 --> 00:48:51,558
So, what's the vigilante policy
on cookies?
1173
00:48:51,846 --> 00:48:53,689
Unlimited!
1174
00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:58,023
All right, kid.
We need to avoid Commissioner Gordon.
1175
00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:00,904
So, lesson number three.
1176
00:49:01,522 --> 00:49:02,865
When going stealth,
1177
00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:06,948
you gotta hide every part of you,
physically and emotionally.
1178
00:49:07,528 --> 00:49:08,575
- Got it?
- Yeah!
1179
00:49:08,737 --> 00:49:09,738
Already failed.
1180
00:49:09,905 --> 00:49:11,578
Now, what I need you to do
1181
00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:15,537
is use the naturally dark areas
of your costume,
1182
00:49:15,703 --> 00:49:19,298
and integrate into the dark parts
of this environment.
1183
00:49:19,457 --> 00:49:20,549
Okay.
1184
00:49:20,708 --> 00:49:22,585
- Can you see me?
- Yes.
1185
00:49:22,751 --> 00:49:24,594
- How about now?
- Yes.
1186
00:49:24,753 --> 00:49:26,630
- What about now? Now?
- Yes.
1187
00:49:26,797 --> 00:49:28,549
Yes. You're a goner, kid.
1188
00:49:28,716 --> 00:49:30,559
- Batman?
-(GASPS) Barbara!
1189
00:49:31,093 --> 00:49:32,811
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
1190
00:49:33,095 --> 00:49:34,972
Batman? Batman!
1191
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:36,891
Hey, there. Look at you.
1192
00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:38,525
- Who's this?
- Hi, police lady.
1193
00:49:38,726 --> 00:49:40,228
- Is that your son?
- Yes, I am.
1194
00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:42,317
Is that my son...
No, that's just weird.
1195
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:43,823
It's weirder if it's not your son.
1196
00:49:43,981 --> 00:49:46,234
Right. No, I don't...
(STAMMERING)
1197
00:49:46,484 --> 00:49:48,452
I'm not in a relationship or anything.
1198
00:49:48,611 --> 00:49:50,238
I could have a kid.
1199
00:49:50,738 --> 00:49:52,991
I mean, if I met the right lady,
1200
00:49:53,157 --> 00:49:56,161
and if she was just standing
right in front of me,
1201
00:49:56,327 --> 00:49:59,422
and we looked at each other and thought,
"Hey, let's do this.
1202
00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:01,332
"Let's be together."
1203
00:50:01,499 --> 00:50:02,967
- Batman?
- Yes?
1204
00:50:03,125 --> 00:50:06,095
I hope you're back because you've decided
to work together
1205
00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:07,425
on the Joker case.
1206
00:50:07,671 --> 00:50:08,718
Uh...
1207
00:50:08,923 --> 00:50:11,176
Yeah. Absolutely!
1208
00:50:11,383 --> 00:50:12,384
Great.
1209
00:50:12,927 --> 00:50:15,521
-(DOOR ALARM BUZZES)
- Ooh. Arkham Asylum.
1210
00:50:15,679 --> 00:50:16,805
- So, before we question the Joker...
- Uh-huh.
1211
00:50:16,972 --> 00:50:18,349
...I'm gonna need you to hand
over all your weapons.
1212
00:50:18,516 --> 00:50:20,268
I mean, I don't know if I have anything...
1213
00:50:20,434 --> 00:50:21,481
-(SCANNER BEEPS)
- Oh!
1214
00:50:21,769 --> 00:50:23,112
I just got a couple here. There.
1215
00:50:23,270 --> 00:50:24,362
- Is that it?
- Yeah.
1216
00:50:24,522 --> 00:50:25,523
-(SCANNER BEEPS)
- Oh. Of course.
1217
00:50:25,689 --> 00:50:27,441
What about the utility belt?
Anything in your cape?
1218
00:50:27,650 --> 00:50:28,947
-(SCANNER BEEPING)
- Under your cowl?
1219
00:50:29,109 --> 00:50:30,326
And your shoes.
1220
00:50:30,486 --> 00:50:31,487
There we go.
1221
00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:33,372
Uh... This is really uncomfortable.
1222
00:50:33,531 --> 00:50:35,454
Sorry. My shoes are part of my pants.
1223
00:50:35,658 --> 00:50:36,659
(ALARM BLARING)
1224
00:50:36,867 --> 00:50:37,868
Oops.
1225
00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:39,252
- Batman?
- Yes?
1226
00:50:39,411 --> 00:50:41,129
Why is your "not son"
1227
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:43,791
trying to smuggle
the Phantom Zone Projector into Arkham?
1228
00:50:43,958 --> 00:50:46,507
What? Hey, kid. What is this?
1229
00:50:46,669 --> 00:50:48,717
Batman, give me
the Phantom Zone Projector.
1230
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:49,880
- No.
- Batman!
1231
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:51,469
Give me the Phantom Zone Projector!
Give it to me!
1232
00:50:51,632 --> 00:50:52,929
No, no, no! Whoa! Nice.
1233
00:50:53,259 --> 00:50:55,478
I studied Brazilian jiu-jitsu
at Harvard for Police.
1234
00:50:55,636 --> 00:50:58,185
Oh, yeah? Well, guess who got
a PhD in smoke bombs!
1235
00:50:58,347 --> 00:50:59,394
-(COUGHING)
- Dr. Batman.
1236
00:50:59,557 --> 00:51:00,683
BARBARA: Guards! Get them!
1237
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:01,976
Freeze, Batman!
1238
00:51:02,142 --> 00:51:05,237
Hey, kid. This is a training exercise.
These guys are my bros.
1239
00:51:05,396 --> 00:51:06,989
- Go ahead and take a couple of them out.
- Cool!
1240
00:51:07,147 --> 00:51:08,148
BATMAN: Hey, Frank.
1241
00:51:08,315 --> 00:51:09,316
ROBIN: You want a piece of Robin?
1242
00:51:09,483 --> 00:51:11,030
BATMAN: Barney!
Nice compound fracture!
1243
00:51:11,193 --> 00:51:12,945
ROBIN: How'd you like a punch, Glen?
1244
00:51:13,904 --> 00:51:14,905
Code Red!
1245
00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:16,745
I need total security lockdown, now!
1246
00:51:16,991 --> 00:51:18,459
(ALARM BLARING)
1247
00:51:19,702 --> 00:51:20,919
Om!
1248
00:51:22,454 --> 00:51:23,706
'Sup, Joker?
1249
00:51:23,872 --> 00:51:25,249
Namaste, Batman.
1250
00:51:25,416 --> 00:51:26,884
- Namaste.
- Gross.
1251
00:51:27,042 --> 00:51:28,510
Ooh. Briefs man. Me, too.
1252
00:51:28,669 --> 00:51:30,797
Cut the baloney.
Kid, guard the door, will ya?
1253
00:51:30,963 --> 00:51:32,089
On it! Take that, Alan!
1254
00:51:32,381 --> 00:51:35,681
Huh. Looks like you're going to
a lot of trouble for little old me.
1255
00:51:35,843 --> 00:51:38,016
I must be your greatest enemy after all.
1256
00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:39,521
Right, Batman?
1257
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:41,895
- I see what you're trying to do.
- And what is that?
1258
00:51:42,057 --> 00:51:44,981
You're trying to entrap me
into a relationship.
1259
00:51:45,144 --> 00:51:47,317
- Really?
- Yeah, and it's not gonna work.
1260
00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:48,696
Oh, yes, it is.
1261
00:51:48,856 --> 00:51:50,858
- Because I'm inside your head.
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
1262
00:51:51,233 --> 00:51:52,359
- No, you're not!
- No, you're not!
1263
00:51:52,693 --> 00:51:53,694
-(GASPS)
- I knew you'd say that.
1264
00:51:53,861 --> 00:51:55,283
- No, you didn't!
- No, you didn't!
1265
00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:57,119
-(GASPS)
- And I knew you'd say that!
1266
00:51:57,281 --> 00:51:59,409
See? We aren't so different, I and you.
1267
00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,077
- It's, "you and I!"
- It's, "you and I!"
1268
00:52:01,493 --> 00:52:03,916
- Argh!
- Admit it. I'm your greatest enemy.
1269
00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:05,422
You're not my greatest enemy, Joker.
1270
00:52:05,581 --> 00:52:07,879
Okay, then send me to the Phantom Zone.
1271
00:52:08,042 --> 00:52:09,043
Fine, I will.
1272
00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:11,712
And prove I'm your greatest enemy.
1273
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:12,921
(GROW LS
1274
00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:14,552
Batman, don't do this.
1275
00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:18,185
As long as you're in the Phantom Zone,
I'll be saving Gotham City,
1276
00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:20,017
and that's all that matters to me.
1277
00:52:20,179 --> 00:52:21,522
Goodbye, Joker.
1278
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,603
Oh, Batman, thank you!
1279
00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:24,767
(JOKER LAUGHS)
1280
00:52:26,018 --> 00:52:29,397
Yes! That's what I call
saving the city again!
1281
00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:31,281
Batman, what are you doing?
1282
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:32,692
I'm Batman-HQ.
1283
00:52:32,900 --> 00:52:33,901
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
1284
00:52:34,068 --> 00:52:35,991
I'm Batman
I'm awesome
1285
00:52:36,153 --> 00:52:37,154
I got a nine-pack
1286
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:38,322
Stop m
1287
00:52:38,739 --> 00:52:40,241
Batman, I can't believe you did this.
1288
00:52:40,407 --> 00:52:41,408
Hi, police lady.
1289
00:52:41,575 --> 00:52:42,747
And even worse,
1290
00:52:42,910 --> 00:52:45,254
you've made this kid
into an accessory to your crime.
1291
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:47,460
Sorry, kid.
1292
00:52:47,623 --> 00:52:48,624
That's okay, ma'am.
1293
00:52:48,791 --> 00:52:50,714
As long as I'm doing a dime
in the big house with my old man,
1294
00:52:50,876 --> 00:52:52,173
everything's gonna be A-okay.
1295
00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:54,430
Officers, take this Projector
to the evidence room.
1296
00:52:54,588 --> 00:52:56,261
- You got it.
- And get this man some pants.
1297
00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:57,470
I'm good the way I am.
1298
00:52:57,633 --> 00:53:00,352
B Go, why has nobody fist bumped me yet?
1299
00:53:00,803 --> 00:53:04,774
(SIGHS) You know, when I was a kid,
1300
00:53:05,432 --> 00:53:07,901
I wanted to be you, Batman.
1301
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,437
I wanted to be as strong
1302
00:53:10,604 --> 00:53:13,278
and as fast and as smart as Batman.
1303
00:53:14,274 --> 00:53:16,276
But you're not who I thought you were.
1304
00:53:16,777 --> 00:53:18,074
Uh... What do you mean?
1305
00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:22,458
You can't be a hero
if you only care about yourself.
1306
00:53:23,283 --> 00:53:25,285
Barbara, I...
1307
00:53:27,496 --> 00:53:28,748
I think you're underestimating
1308
00:53:28,914 --> 00:53:31,463
the importance of the Joker
being in the Phantom Zone.
1309
00:53:32,126 --> 00:53:34,470
Really, it's kind of a stroke
of genius. All the...
1310
00:53:34,628 --> 00:53:35,629
Hey, where are you going?
1311
00:53:35,796 --> 00:53:39,300
I just put Joker in the one place
he can't do anyone any harm.
1312
00:53:40,634 --> 00:53:41,635
(SIGHS) Yeah.
1313
00:53:42,469 --> 00:53:46,690
But what if you just gave Joker
exactly what he wanted?
1314
00:53:52,813 --> 00:53:54,690
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
1315
00:54:11,790 --> 00:54:12,837
Oh!
1316
00:54:15,836 --> 00:54:16,837
Whoa!
1317
00:54:17,004 --> 00:54:19,427
Look at this place!
Am I being too loud?
1318
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:20,674
(CRACKS KNUCKLES)
1319
00:54:20,841 --> 00:54:22,434
Q ~Hu
h' my 99%“
1320
00:54:22,676 --> 00:54:24,349
-(GASPING)
- Sorry. I always do that.
1321
00:54:24,511 --> 00:54:25,512
How about a warning next time?
1322
00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:27,022
You're so right, and I am so wrong.
1323
00:54:27,181 --> 00:54:29,024
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.
1324
00:54:29,183 --> 00:54:30,184
Yeah, bad guy.
1325
00:54:30,350 --> 00:54:32,227
- My name is Phyllis.
- Oh, that was my grandma's name.
1326
00:54:32,394 --> 00:54:34,988
Now hold still while I scan you.
1327
00:54:35,189 --> 00:54:36,862
(IMITATES BEEPING)
Scanning for badness.
1328
00:54:37,024 --> 00:54:38,571
Trying to assess whether you are bad.
1329
00:54:38,734 --> 00:54:39,951
(JOKER IMITATING GUNS FIRING)
1330
00:54:40,110 --> 00:54:41,862
(JOKER LAUGHING)
1331
00:54:43,530 --> 00:54:45,248
Ugh! Your whole thing screams "bad guy."
1332
00:54:45,574 --> 00:54:47,702
Oh, yeah. I'm a really bad person.
1333
00:54:47,868 --> 00:54:49,620
But with vulnerabilities.
1334
00:54:49,787 --> 00:54:51,835
Who, me? (CHUCKLING) No way.
1335
00:54:51,997 --> 00:54:54,796
So, where do you keep
all the other bad people in this place?
1336
00:54:55,209 --> 00:54:56,756
They're standing right behind you.
1337
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,257
-(EVIL LAUGHTER)
- Whoa!
1338
00:54:59,254 --> 00:55:00,301
Hi there, guys.
1339
00:55:00,464 --> 00:55:01,807
Lovely to meet you all. I'm the...
1340
00:55:01,965 --> 00:55:03,808
Oh, fist bump?
There we... Handshake?
1341
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:06,057
(LAUGHS) It doesn't matter.
I'm the Joker.
1342
00:55:06,220 --> 00:55:07,597
Take a look at the new guy.
1343
00:55:07,763 --> 00:55:10,061
Guess they'll just let anybody in here.
1344
00:55:10,224 --> 00:55:11,601
Oh, no, no, no. I'm very bad, too.
1345
00:55:11,767 --> 00:55:13,986
They just showed a video montage--
1346
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:15,566
- Boring!
- What?
1347
00:55:15,729 --> 00:55:17,322
- You're boring.
- He looks delicious.
1348
00:55:17,523 --> 00:55:18,740
-(GASPS)
- Let's eat this guy.
1349
00:55:18,982 --> 00:55:20,029
-(GROWLING)
-(JOKER STAMMERS)
1350
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:22,615
Stop with the violence for just a second!
1351
00:55:22,778 --> 00:55:26,078
What if I told you
I could get you outta here?
1352
00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:28,575
I'm sorry, what'd you just say?
1353
00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:30,244
That's right. I'm so bad,
1354
00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:33,581
I got myself thrown into
this heck-hole on purpose!
1355
00:55:33,747 --> 00:55:34,794
I'm listening.
1356
00:55:34,957 --> 00:55:37,051
Count me interested.
1357
00:55:37,209 --> 00:55:38,927
Look, everyone here knows
1358
00:55:39,086 --> 00:55:41,430
what it's like to be hurt
by a hero, don't they?
1359
00:55:41,588 --> 00:55:43,556
We've all been taken for granted, right?
1360
00:55:43,715 --> 00:55:45,388
ALL: Yeah, bro.
MEDUSA: I'm relating.
1361
00:55:45,551 --> 00:55:49,272
Well, that's why I came
to this space prison.
1362
00:55:49,429 --> 00:55:50,897
To recruit the universe's greatest--
1363
00:55:51,056 --> 00:55:53,150
- We'll do it!
- I'm sorry?
1364
00:55:53,308 --> 00:55:54,605
You were going to
say something about
1365
00:55:54,768 --> 00:55:56,736
recruiting the universe's
greatest villains
1366
00:55:56,895 --> 00:55:59,273
to conquer a superhero.
1367
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:01,032
- Am I right?
- Uh, yeah.
1368
00:56:01,191 --> 00:56:03,034
- Well, we're in!
- ALL: Yay!
1369
00:56:03,277 --> 00:56:04,494
Really? Because I brought a PowerPoint--
1370
00:56:04,653 --> 00:56:05,745
Still boring!
1371
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:07,156
Yeah. Just get on with it.
1372
00:56:07,322 --> 00:56:08,790
You want us to humiliate him?
1373
00:56:08,949 --> 00:56:09,996
I certainly do. Yes.
1374
00:56:10,158 --> 00:56:12,707
You want us to make him
grovel at your feet?
1375
00:56:12,870 --> 00:56:14,747
I would like to see that very much!
1376
00:56:14,913 --> 00:56:17,086
(ECHOING) You want us to smite him?
1377
00:56:17,249 --> 00:56:18,466
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1378
00:56:18,625 --> 00:56:20,343
You want us to make
the rivers of Gotham City
1379
00:56:20,502 --> 00:56:22,129
run red with his blood?
1380
00:56:22,296 --> 00:56:23,422
Oh, that's--
1381
00:56:23,589 --> 00:56:25,967
Oh, no blood?
How do you feel about lava?
1382
00:56:26,133 --> 00:56:27,134
Yes! Lava.
1383
00:56:27,301 --> 00:56:28,302
- Done.
- ALL: Yay!
1384
00:56:28,510 --> 00:56:29,602
KING KONG: I can't wait
to crush buildings.
1385
00:56:29,803 --> 00:56:30,804
VELOCIRAPTOR:
Excuse me. Hello?
1386
00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:32,644
Over here.
I don't want to be a downer,
1387
00:56:32,806 --> 00:56:34,900
but how exactly are we going
to get outta this place?
1388
00:56:35,058 --> 00:56:37,982
Oh, leave that to me.
1389
00:56:38,562 --> 00:56:39,814
GUARD: Don't wanna jinx us,
1390
00:56:39,980 --> 00:56:42,324
but I'll be a lot happier when
this Phantom Zone Projector
1391
00:56:42,524 --> 00:56:43,992
is locked up tight.
1392
00:56:44,151 --> 00:56:45,198
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
1393
00:56:45,485 --> 00:56:46,702
Going up, ma'am?
1394
00:56:46,862 --> 00:56:49,991
No. You're going down!
1395
00:56:50,657 --> 00:56:52,409
-(GUARDS GROANING)
- Look out! Smash!
1396
00:56:53,493 --> 00:56:55,666
I guess you're right.
lam going up. Ding!
1397
00:56:58,165 --> 00:57:00,167
Here comes the...
1398
00:57:00,334 --> 00:57:02,837
Phantom Zone!
1399
00:57:05,839 --> 00:57:06,886
Huh?
1400
00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:08,342
(THUNDER CRASHING)
1401
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:10,018
I'm gonna go start looting.
1402
00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:13,477
JOKER: Hello, Gotham City!
1403
00:57:13,639 --> 00:57:16,142
The Clown Prince of Crime
1404
00:57:16,433 --> 00:57:17,935
is back!
1405
00:57:18,101 --> 00:57:20,524
Commissioner Gordon,
you gotta take a look at this.
1406
00:57:20,771 --> 00:57:21,772
-(MUSIC PLAYING)
- BARBARA: What's that?
1407
00:57:21,939 --> 00:57:23,816
GUARD: A monkey
and dog are friends.
1408
00:57:23,982 --> 00:57:25,325
-(LAUGHS)
- Not that. That!
1409
00:57:25,484 --> 00:57:28,533
And I've come
to finally take over the city.
1410
00:57:28,695 --> 00:57:30,663
But in order to do that,
1411
00:57:30,822 --> 00:57:34,702
I need to break my friends
out of a giant, scary prison.
1412
00:57:34,868 --> 00:57:37,166
- Hey, guys, he means us!
- PRISONERS: Yay!
1413
00:57:37,371 --> 00:57:38,543
And I ain't talking about
1414
00:57:38,705 --> 00:57:41,379
those rogue losers dressed in cosplay!
1415
00:57:41,667 --> 00:57:43,419
- PRISONERS: Oh!
- Me-ouch.
1416
00:57:43,585 --> 00:57:45,804
I'm talking about my new peeps!
1417
00:57:45,963 --> 00:57:47,431
And they're just like me.
1418
00:57:47,714 --> 00:57:50,263
The greatest villains you'll ever see.
1419
00:57:50,425 --> 00:57:51,972
You wanna meet them?
1420
00:57:52,219 --> 00:57:53,892
- No.
- Too bad.
1421
00:57:55,180 --> 00:57:56,602
He's evil, he's magic,
1422
00:57:56,765 --> 00:57:59,564
and it's about to get tragic.
1423
00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,399
It's Voldemort.
1424
00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:02,813
Magic!
1425
00:58:04,398 --> 00:58:05,775
You are a fish.
1426
00:58:05,941 --> 00:58:06,942
You are a frog.
1427
00:58:07,109 --> 00:58:08,110
You are a fish frog.
1428
00:58:08,276 --> 00:58:10,870
JOKER: He's a 9, 000-year-old
incarnation of evil,
1429
00:58:11,029 --> 00:58:12,656
with an eye for jewelry.
1430
00:58:12,823 --> 00:58:14,416
Give it up for Sauron!
1431
00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:16,576
SAURON: Good afternoon, Gotham City.
1432
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:18,162
(ROARS)
1433
00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:20,877
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
1434
00:58:21,206 --> 00:58:24,085
JOKER: He likes long, violent walks
on historic buildings.
1435
00:58:24,251 --> 00:58:25,673
It's King Kong!
1436
00:58:25,836 --> 00:58:27,053
Come at me, Gotham!
1437
00:58:27,546 --> 00:58:28,718
(SIREN WAILING)
1438
00:58:29,006 --> 00:58:32,226
Commissioner Gordon, these monsters,
they're too powerful.
1439
00:58:32,926 --> 00:58:34,303
Can you contain them to downtown?
1440
00:58:34,928 --> 00:58:36,225
That's gonna be impossible.
1441
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:38,106
Half the police force are fish!
1442
00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:40,768
Sergeant Jackson!
Stop floppin' around!
1443
00:58:40,934 --> 00:58:42,936
JOKER: And rounding out
the evil all-stars,
1444
00:58:43,103 --> 00:58:44,320
Wicked Witch!
1445
00:58:44,479 --> 00:58:45,776
Medusa.
1446
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:47,282
And British robots!
1447
00:58:47,441 --> 00:58:48,567
DALEKS: Exterminate!
1448
00:58:48,734 --> 00:58:50,077
JOKER". Ask your nerd friends.
1449
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:52,988
Hello? Bad guys?
1450
00:58:53,196 --> 00:58:54,197
(MAN SCREAMS)
1451
00:58:55,282 --> 00:58:56,454
(LAUGHS)
1452
00:58:56,950 --> 00:59:00,079
What a crew, huh?
And they all work for me!
1453
00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:03,966
Who's the greatest villain
of them all now, Batman?
1454
00:59:04,124 --> 00:59:05,296
Still not you.
1455
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:07,461
Actually, this does look
pretty terrifying, Bat-Dad.
1456
00:59:07,627 --> 00:59:08,628
-(LAUGHING)
- Whee!
1457
00:59:08,795 --> 00:59:10,297
Nice destruction all around.
1458
00:59:10,464 --> 00:59:11,465
Watch your step!
1459
00:59:11,631 --> 00:59:13,133
Good work, guys!
1460
00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:15,268
Now, all that's left for me
1461
00:59:15,427 --> 00:59:18,306
is to rub it in Batman's bat face.
1462
00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:20,941
Hey, Sauron, doesn't your flaming eye
1463
00:59:21,099 --> 00:59:23,773
have a unique ability
to peer through time and space?
1464
00:59:23,977 --> 00:59:26,150
- Uh-huh.
- Well, I need to find Batman.
1465
00:59:26,313 --> 00:59:27,860
Where's homeboy's man cave?
1466
00:59:28,065 --> 00:59:29,817
Hmm. Give me a second.
1467
00:59:29,983 --> 00:59:31,109
Scary noise.
1468
00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:32,903
It's beneath Wayne Manor!
1469
00:59:33,111 --> 00:59:34,112
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1470
00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:35,280
Hold on a sec.
1471
00:59:35,447 --> 00:59:37,120
Are you trying to tell me
1472
00:59:37,282 --> 00:59:39,956
that Bruce Wayne is Batman...
1473
00:59:40,786 --> 00:59:42,003
...'s roommate?
1474
00:59:42,496 --> 00:59:44,248
Uh... Yeah.
1475
00:59:44,956 --> 00:59:47,880
Evil army, this way to the Batcave!
1476
00:59:48,168 --> 00:59:50,387
(VILLAINS GROWLING)
1477
00:59:52,339 --> 00:59:53,340
Good grief!
1478
00:59:55,008 --> 00:59:56,055
(ROARING)
1479
01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:02,015
(ROARS)
1480
01:00:04,559 --> 01:00:05,902
(WHOOPING)
1481
01:00:06,061 --> 01:00:07,404
Hey, Batman!
1482
01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:09,405
Joker's home. (ECHOING)
1483
01:00:10,690 --> 01:00:13,569
(LAUGHS) I'm rubbing my butt
all over your stuff.
1484
01:00:13,735 --> 01:00:15,863
We're going to have to rename this
the Butt-mobile.
1485
01:00:16,071 --> 01:00:17,698
(ALL LAUGHING)
1486
01:00:17,948 --> 01:00:19,074
Hey, evil army.
1487
01:00:19,241 --> 01:00:20,663
I need Batman brought here.
1488
01:00:20,826 --> 01:00:22,169
Now go get him!
1489
01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:23,499
Joker out!
1490
01:00:23,703 --> 01:00:24,704
(GLASS SHATTERS)
1491
01:00:26,832 --> 01:00:27,833
Uh...
1492
01:00:27,999 --> 01:00:29,091
Padre?
1493
01:00:29,251 --> 01:00:30,252
BATMAN: Yeah?
1494
01:00:30,418 --> 01:00:31,840
Do you ever get scared?
1495
01:00:32,546 --> 01:00:33,593
No.
1496
01:00:34,506 --> 01:00:37,726
Yeah, that's what I figured,
'cause you're Batman.
1497
01:00:40,053 --> 01:00:42,727
(ROBIN SNIFFLING)
1498
01:00:44,141 --> 01:00:47,566
Hey, kid.
You know who does get scared?
1499
01:00:47,727 --> 01:00:48,728
ROBIN: Who?
1500
01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:50,280
Bruce Wayne.
1501
01:00:50,438 --> 01:00:52,236
- Really?
- Yeah.
1502
01:00:52,399 --> 01:00:54,072
Bruno told me once
1503
01:00:54,234 --> 01:00:57,454
that sometimes the only way
to get out of a down moment
1504
01:00:57,612 --> 01:00:59,239
is to start boxing.
1505
01:00:59,739 --> 01:01:01,707
And by "boxing," he meant
1506
01:01:01,867 --> 01:01:03,244
beatboxing.
1507
01:01:03,410 --> 01:01:04,627
- Oh!
-(CLEARS TH RQAT)
1508
01:01:04,786 --> 01:01:06,880
(SINGING)
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na...
1509
01:01:07,038 --> 01:01:09,040
(BEATBOXING)
1510
01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:10,925
Feel it, uh-huh
1511
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:12,961
Dick Grayson on the mic, go
1512
01:01:13,128 --> 01:01:14,129
Oh. Um...
1513
01:01:14,296 --> 01:01:15,923
(BEATBOXING)
1514
01:01:16,089 --> 01:01:17,932
(BOTH BEATBOXING)
1515
01:01:19,926 --> 01:01:22,054
Oh, my gosh.
This does make me feel better.
1516
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:23,267
Okay. Shh. Batman solo.
1517
01:01:23,430 --> 01:01:25,603
(SINGING) Bat, bat, bat
Can I get a bat?
1518
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:27,108
Can I get a bat?
Bat...
1519
01:01:27,267 --> 01:01:28,268
-(DEVICE RINGING)
-(GASPS) The Bat-Fax!
1520
01:01:30,353 --> 01:01:32,196
Ha! The city needs me.
Bang,bang,bang!
1521
01:01:32,355 --> 01:01:33,402
Excuse me.
1522
01:01:33,565 --> 01:01:35,909
Can you get the commissioner
and show her this?
1523
01:01:36,067 --> 01:01:38,286
- Batman.
- Would you stop doing that?
1524
01:01:38,778 --> 01:01:40,655
I sent the Bat-Fax.
1525
01:01:41,156 --> 01:01:43,329
(SIGHS) I hate to say this,
but you're right.
1526
01:01:43,491 --> 01:01:44,492
The city needs you.
1527
01:01:44,659 --> 01:01:45,785
Yes! Let me out.
1528
01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:48,796
I'm only going to let you out
on one condition.
1529
01:01:48,955 --> 01:01:51,674
- Name it.
- You can't do it by yourself.
1530
01:01:51,958 --> 01:01:53,175
(GROW LS
1531
01:01:54,419 --> 01:01:55,796
Fine. Who am I working with?
1532
01:01:55,962 --> 01:01:58,431
SEAL Team Six? Fox Force Five?
Suicide Squad?
1533
01:01:58,590 --> 01:02:00,684
No. Me.
1534
01:02:00,842 --> 01:02:01,843
Oh, I wanna help, too!
1535
01:02:02,010 --> 01:02:03,353
- And I shall join as well.
- Whoa!
1536
01:02:03,511 --> 01:02:05,309
Alfred Pennyworth
at your service, ma'am.
1537
01:02:05,472 --> 01:02:07,065
- How did you--
- Alfred, you gotta let me out of here.
1538
01:02:07,224 --> 01:02:10,319
Sir, those creatures out there
are unlike anything we've ever seen.
1539
01:02:10,477 --> 01:02:12,354
Speak for yourself.
You don't know everything I've seen.
1540
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:13,646
I haven't told you everything.
1541
01:02:13,813 --> 01:02:16,316
And you'll never be able
to defeat them alone.
1542
01:02:16,483 --> 01:02:18,656
And it'll be more fun
if we all do it together!
1543
01:02:18,818 --> 01:02:20,491
What's the worst thing
that could happen?
1544
01:02:20,904 --> 01:02:22,497
What are you so afraid of?
1545
01:02:22,656 --> 01:02:24,499
The thing I'm most afraid of?
1546
01:02:29,829 --> 01:02:31,797
I gotta be honest with you.
It's snake clowns.
1547
01:02:31,957 --> 01:02:33,174
Yeah, that's not a thing.
1548
01:02:33,333 --> 01:02:34,755
Well then, nothing.
1549
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,179
- I'm not afraid of anything.
- Okay.
1550
01:02:37,921 --> 01:02:39,173
-(DOOR LOCK BEEPS)
- Prove it.
1551
01:02:39,506 --> 01:02:41,008
- Oh, I will.
- Good.
1552
01:02:41,174 --> 01:02:43,472
Do you know what the B-A-T
in Batman stands for?
1553
01:02:43,635 --> 01:02:45,808
- Not really.
- Best At Teamwork.
1554
01:02:45,971 --> 01:02:48,349
Best At Teamwork Man
is my full name.
1555
01:02:48,515 --> 01:02:50,358
Yay! We're going on a family trip.
1556
01:02:50,517 --> 01:02:52,064
This is not a family trip.
1557
01:02:52,227 --> 01:02:53,399
I can wear my costume, too.
1558
01:02:53,561 --> 01:02:55,689
Well, luckily for us,
you left your costume back at the--
1559
01:02:55,855 --> 01:02:57,072
- Rip!
- Oh!
1560
01:02:57,232 --> 01:02:59,405
Nope. Under your clothes.
That's perfect.
1561
01:02:59,567 --> 01:03:01,990
- Rip!
- Alfred, what are you doing?
1562
01:03:02,153 --> 01:03:03,154
I miss the '60s.
1563
01:03:03,321 --> 01:03:04,538
Hey, can Scarecrow help?
1564
01:03:04,698 --> 01:03:06,200
- PRISONERS: Yeah!
- He's destroying our city, too!
1565
01:03:06,366 --> 01:03:08,585
Permit us to lend you assistance.
1566
01:03:08,743 --> 01:03:10,245
Yeah. Why don't we use these guys?
1567
01:03:10,412 --> 01:03:11,413
What am I gonna do?
1568
01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:13,377
Get a bunch of criminals together
to fight the criminals?
1569
01:03:13,540 --> 01:03:14,962
That's a stupid idea.
1570
01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:17,218
(SIRENS WAILING)
1571
01:03:18,753 --> 01:03:20,551
Okay, guys. Game plan.
1572
01:03:20,714 --> 01:03:21,715
Joker's taken the Projector
1573
01:03:21,881 --> 01:03:22,882
-to Wayne Manor.
- Wayne Manor.
1574
01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:24,392
Right. Thanks, Batman.
1575
01:03:24,551 --> 01:03:25,552
- We need that Projector.
- Projector.
1576
01:03:25,719 --> 01:03:26,720
Or there's no way
1577
01:03:26,886 --> 01:03:27,887
-to blast these monsters...
- Monsters.
1578
01:03:28,054 --> 01:03:29,397
-...back to the Phantom Zone.
- Phantom Zone? Yep.
1579
01:03:29,556 --> 01:03:31,058
Batman, I really don't
need you to finish my--
1580
01:03:31,224 --> 01:03:32,271
- Sand castles.
- No.
1581
01:03:32,434 --> 01:03:33,560
- Sister's homework.
- No.
1582
01:03:33,727 --> 01:03:35,400
- Succulent something.
- No.
1583
01:03:35,895 --> 01:03:36,942
Um... Everybody?
1584
01:03:37,105 --> 01:03:39,904
SAURON: Batman is in Arkham Asylum.
1585
01:03:40,066 --> 01:03:41,739
Get him!
1586
01:03:41,901 --> 01:03:43,073
Okay, everyone, grab on to me.
1587
01:03:43,903 --> 01:03:45,280
ALL: Whoa!
1588
01:03:47,073 --> 01:03:48,074
(ALL GRUNT)
1589
01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:50,744
We've gotta take cover!
1590
01:03:50,952 --> 01:03:51,953
Whoa!
1591
01:03:52,329 --> 01:03:54,752
- Joker has eyes on us.
- Where?
1592
01:03:54,914 --> 01:03:58,384
No! I mean,
he literally has a giant eye on us.
1593
01:03:58,543 --> 01:04:00,261
I think that thing
can see our every move!
1594
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:01,592
Shaka-laka-lako.
1595
01:04:01,796 --> 01:04:05,221
We've got to destroy it,
or we'll never make it to Wayne Manor.
1596
01:04:05,383 --> 01:04:06,430
Uh... Bat-Dad?
1597
01:04:06,634 --> 01:04:08,011
I really think you should see this.
1598
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:09,646
KING KONG: Building survey!
1599
01:04:10,430 --> 01:04:12,103
This building's not up to code!
1600
01:04:12,307 --> 01:04:13,308
(ALL SCREAMING)
1601
01:04:13,600 --> 01:04:14,772
(ROARING)
1602
01:04:18,938 --> 01:04:20,781
-(GRUNTS) Gotcha.
-(ROBIN YELPS)
1603
01:04:21,441 --> 01:04:22,658
(ROARING)
1604
01:04:24,069 --> 01:04:25,241
Is that real lava?
1605
01:04:26,946 --> 01:04:27,947
I'm okay.
1606
01:04:30,075 --> 01:04:31,452
All right, yeah. It's 100% lava.
1607
01:04:31,826 --> 01:04:33,169
(ALL YELP)
1608
01:04:33,453 --> 01:04:35,501
- Everyone, start throwing me bricks.
- Right away, sir.
1609
01:04:35,663 --> 01:04:37,165
- I need a 4x6. Come on, quick.
- Here you go.
1610
01:04:37,332 --> 01:04:38,379
- I need an elbow.
- Elbow.
1611
01:04:45,298 --> 01:04:46,299
Ow!
1612
01:04:51,429 --> 01:04:52,430
BATMAN: Wh00!
1613
01:04:52,597 --> 01:04:54,850
Yes! I did it. Pretty cool, huh?
1614
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:56,518
BARBARA: (MUFFLED) Batman?
BATMAN: Yeah?
1615
01:04:56,684 --> 01:04:59,107
Why did you build this thing
with only one seat?
1616
01:04:59,270 --> 01:05:02,274
'Cause last I checked,
I only had one butt. What the...
1617
01:05:03,108 --> 01:05:04,951
What have you done to Wayne Manor?
1618
01:05:05,777 --> 01:05:07,529
JOKER". Hey, Batman, guess what!
1619
01:05:07,779 --> 01:05:09,372
I found out one of your secrets.
1620
01:05:09,656 --> 01:05:12,159
- Uh-oh.
- What do we have here, Batman?
1621
01:05:12,325 --> 01:05:14,419
It looks like a bunch
of relationship comedies.
1622
01:05:14,577 --> 01:05:16,295
- What's that one?
- Must Love Dogs.
1623
01:05:16,454 --> 01:05:17,501
Must love crying.
1624
01:05:17,664 --> 01:05:19,632
- Marley & Me.
- I love the ending.
1625
01:05:19,791 --> 01:05:22,465
ON. Serendipity?
1626
01:05:22,627 --> 01:05:24,300
We have Serendipity?
I love that movie!
1627
01:05:24,462 --> 01:05:26,214
JOKER: For a loner, Batman,
1628
01:05:26,381 --> 01:05:29,681
you sure like movies
about relationships!
1629
01:05:29,843 --> 01:05:30,890
Oh! And look what else I found!
1630
01:05:31,511 --> 01:05:33,513
All your wonderful toys.
1631
01:05:35,974 --> 01:05:39,729
Accio lightning storm!
1632
01:05:40,687 --> 01:05:43,486
- Uh... Everyone, hold on.
-(ALL SCREAMING)
1633
01:05:44,107 --> 01:05:45,199
(VILLAINS IMITATING GUNS FIRING)
1634
01:05:48,611 --> 01:05:51,660
JOKER". Gremlins,
dismantle that plane now!
1635
01:05:52,866 --> 01:05:54,288
Ugly monsters on our three.
1636
01:05:54,492 --> 01:05:55,744
(ALL CHITTERING)
1637
01:05:55,994 --> 01:05:57,712
- Uh... Padre?
- Not now, kid.
1638
01:05:59,581 --> 01:06:01,128
Kind of got my hands full.
1639
01:06:02,959 --> 01:06:04,961
I've got good tone. Firing.
1640
01:06:08,923 --> 01:06:10,721
- Uh... Batman?
- What's up, buddy?
1641
01:06:11,176 --> 01:06:12,519
ROBIN: Are we nearly at Wayne Manor?
1642
01:06:12,677 --> 01:06:13,849
BATMAN: Why?
1643
01:06:14,262 --> 01:06:16,139
Uh... Your number two
needs to go number one.
1644
01:06:16,306 --> 01:06:18,479
I thought I told you
to go back at the prison.
1645
01:06:18,641 --> 01:06:20,393
- I tried, but Bane was in there.
- So?
1646
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,858
He had sort of a "get out
of this bathroom now" vibe.
1647
01:06:23,021 --> 01:06:25,524
BATMAN". I knew I shouldn't
have given you that water.
1648
01:06:27,275 --> 01:06:28,993
Can you hold it in like a big boy?
1649
01:06:29,444 --> 01:06:30,661
BARBARA: Engine one down.
1650
01:06:30,820 --> 01:06:32,242
Not a big deal.
Don't worry about it. It's fine.
1651
01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:34,328
- BARBARA: Engine two down.
- It does that sometimes.
1652
01:06:34,908 --> 01:06:36,034
BARBARA". We've lost engine three.
1653
01:06:36,201 --> 01:06:37,453
Oh. Could live without it.
1654
01:06:39,245 --> 01:06:40,713
BARBARA: Engine four!
1655
01:06:40,955 --> 01:06:42,252
(ALL SCREAMING)
1656
01:06:42,457 --> 01:06:43,754
That I do need to fix.
1657
01:06:43,917 --> 01:06:46,011
Good news.
Our bathroom problem is solved.
1658
01:06:48,588 --> 01:06:50,261
BATMAN". You three wait here
while I go fix the engine.
1659
01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:53,176
Don't worry, Batman.
You fix the Batwing, I'll fly.
1660
01:06:53,343 --> 01:06:54,845
All good, Babs.
I've got my autopilot on it.
1661
01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:56,012
(HUMS) Done.
1662
01:06:56,346 --> 01:06:58,144
BARBARA". Autopilot?
That's just a rope!
1663
01:06:58,306 --> 01:07:01,606
Exactly. All right, guys.
Until I get back, rope's in charge.
1664
01:07:02,352 --> 01:07:03,399
Thanks, rope.
1665
01:07:05,980 --> 01:07:08,779
All right, let's see.
Yes, the piston brake out here.
1666
01:07:08,942 --> 01:07:11,445
Jet engine brake in here and...
1667
01:07:12,612 --> 01:07:14,706
Get out of here. No.
Give me... No! Stop it!
1668
01:07:14,864 --> 01:07:16,411
Come on, Master Dick.
We need to help him.
1669
01:07:16,574 --> 01:07:17,621
I'm with you, Grandpa!
1670
01:07:17,784 --> 01:07:18,910
Get off my Padre!
1671
01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:20,954
ALFRED: Unhand him,
you animatronic fiends.
1672
01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:24,249
What are you two doing here?
I told you to stay in the cockpit.
1673
01:07:25,124 --> 01:07:27,047
You disobeyed me.
You're on a timeout.
1674
01:07:27,210 --> 01:07:28,837
Batman, you're on a timeout.
1675
01:07:29,003 --> 01:07:31,256
What? Alfred, you better
un-timeout me right now!
1676
01:07:31,422 --> 01:07:33,675
No. Not until you un-timeout Master Dick.
1677
01:07:33,925 --> 01:07:34,926
(GAsPs)
1678
01:07:35,093 --> 01:07:36,766
Guys, you're all un-timeouted!
1679
01:07:36,928 --> 01:07:37,929
We have incoming!
1680
01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:39,643
- Sir! Watch out for those...
- What are you doing?
1681
01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:40,807
(SCREAMING)
1682
01:07:44,978 --> 01:07:45,979
(ALFRED AND ROBIN SCREAMING)
1683
01:07:46,187 --> 01:07:47,734
Okay. Everybody, timeout off.
1684
01:07:47,939 --> 01:07:49,486
Whoo-hoo! I've been parented.
1685
01:07:49,649 --> 01:07:51,777
- Batman, I can help you.
- No. Protect the rope.
1686
01:07:51,943 --> 01:07:53,365
The rope is fine!
1687
01:07:53,528 --> 01:07:54,620
Save Master Dick!
1688
01:07:54,779 --> 01:07:57,407
I'm fine. I'll just do
one of my gymnastics moves to...
1689
01:07:57,574 --> 01:07:58,575
(YELPS)
1690
01:07:59,033 --> 01:08:00,125
No!
1691
01:08:04,163 --> 01:08:05,415
(THUNDER CRASHING)
1692
01:08:05,832 --> 01:08:06,879
Dick...
1693
01:08:07,083 --> 01:08:08,551
(SCREAMING)
1694
01:08:10,587 --> 01:08:11,759
Gotcha!
1695
01:08:15,425 --> 01:08:17,348
Hold on, Alfred. I'm almost there!
1696
01:08:18,928 --> 01:08:20,180
- No!
1697
01:08:22,765 --> 01:08:24,642
Alfred!
1698
01:08:31,024 --> 01:08:32,196
(GAsPs)
1699
01:08:33,526 --> 01:08:34,698
No.
1700
01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:40,867
No!
1701
01:08:42,076 --> 01:08:43,202
Move over, rope.
1702
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,167
(GRUNTS)
1703
01:08:45,371 --> 01:08:46,543
Hold on!
1704
01:08:49,125 --> 01:08:50,342
(SCREAMING)
1705
01:08:50,710 --> 01:08:51,962
(BARBARA YELLING)
1706
01:08:55,048 --> 01:08:56,049
(SCREAMS)
1707
01:08:56,215 --> 01:08:57,762
(GRUNTS)
1708
01:09:00,219 --> 01:09:01,721
-(ALFRED SCREAMS)
- Gotcha!
1709
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:03,806
Barbara, did you see that?
1710
01:09:03,973 --> 01:09:05,395
Batrope saved Alfred.
1711
01:09:05,558 --> 01:09:08,232
Sick moves, rope.
I never doubted you, bro.
1712
01:09:08,394 --> 01:09:10,396
PUTER". Actually, sir,
Ms. Gordon saved him.
1713
01:09:10,563 --> 01:09:11,815
Rope! You lied to me!
1714
01:09:12,815 --> 01:09:15,364
Wait a minute.
You mean, without you,
1715
01:09:15,526 --> 01:09:16,743
Alfred would have been
1716
01:09:17,570 --> 01:09:18,913
street meat?
1717
01:09:19,072 --> 01:09:21,575
Batman, trust us.
1718
01:09:21,741 --> 01:09:23,584
We can do this.
1719
01:09:23,743 --> 01:09:26,667
- Yeah. I know Gymkata.
- Sorry, what's that?
1720
01:09:26,829 --> 01:09:28,456
It's a gymnastics-based martial art.
1721
01:09:28,748 --> 01:09:30,921
I can punch those '80s monsters
off the plane.
1722
01:09:31,084 --> 01:09:32,336
Uh... Okay.
1723
01:09:32,835 --> 01:09:34,803
PUTER: Multiple bogeys on our six.
1724
01:09:34,962 --> 01:09:36,214
Sir, I'll get them off our back.
1725
01:09:36,381 --> 01:09:38,008
I was a tail gunner
for the Royal Air Force.
1726
01:09:38,174 --> 01:09:39,426
Locked and loaded, sir!
1727
01:09:39,592 --> 01:09:40,639
Good. Love that!
1728
01:09:40,802 --> 01:09:42,600
Igotanidea.
We're gonna change course.
1729
01:09:42,762 --> 01:09:44,935
I want you to fly straight
into that flaming eyeball.
1730
01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:47,851
- What?
- Barbara, trust me.
1731
01:09:48,601 --> 01:09:50,729
All right. Let's do this.
1732
01:09:51,604 --> 01:09:53,572
(VILLAINS IMITATING GUNS FIRING)
1733
01:09:55,525 --> 01:09:56,777
(ROARS)
1734
01:09:58,069 --> 01:09:59,696
BATMAN: We got a giant
sea monster, 12 o'clock!
1735
01:09:59,862 --> 01:10:00,863
BARBARA: Got it.
1736
01:10:02,407 --> 01:10:04,375
- We've got his attention.
- He's tracking us.
1737
01:10:04,659 --> 01:10:05,660
(ROARS)
1738
01:10:09,414 --> 01:10:11,007
(LAUGHING) I've got you now.
1739
01:10:15,628 --> 01:10:17,346
Eat dirt!
1740
01:10:17,505 --> 01:10:19,599
Bob's your uncle, you ruddy duff cobblers!
1741
01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:27,307
Okay, Babs, this is it.
1742
01:10:27,473 --> 01:10:29,692
Fly us straight into that eye,
and wait for my signal.
1743
01:10:29,851 --> 01:10:30,977
Can it come now?
1744
01:10:31,144 --> 01:10:32,646
Can we make the signal thing happen?
1745
01:10:32,812 --> 01:10:33,813
Almost there.
1746
01:10:33,980 --> 01:10:35,857
Almost there!
1747
01:10:36,023 --> 01:10:38,151
- Fire!
- BATMAN: Almost there!
1748
01:10:38,317 --> 01:10:39,443
ROBIN: That fire's coming in hot!
1749
01:10:39,610 --> 01:10:40,657
Hot, hot, hot!
1750
01:10:41,112 --> 01:10:42,329
Now! Barbara, dive bomb!
1751
01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:44,825
(SAURON SCREAMS)
1752
01:10:45,658 --> 01:10:47,456
SAU RON: My eye!
1753
01:10:48,035 --> 01:10:49,036
(ALL GASP)
1754
01:10:49,662 --> 01:10:51,505
JOKER: Sauron!
1755
01:10:51,998 --> 01:10:52,999
(GAsPs)
1756
01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:55,335
(WHISTLING)
1757
01:10:57,128 --> 01:10:58,596
Nothing to see.
1758
01:11:02,175 --> 01:11:04,428
(ALL GROANING)
1759
01:11:05,261 --> 01:11:06,308
Whoo-hoo!
1760
01:11:06,512 --> 01:11:08,731
- Yes! That was so rad!
- We did it, everyone!
1761
01:11:08,890 --> 01:11:10,016
That was so great! Go team!
1762
01:11:10,183 --> 01:11:11,309
Come on, let's hear it for us!
1763
01:11:11,476 --> 01:11:12,693
- That was incredible!
-(WHOOPING)
1764
01:11:12,852 --> 01:11:13,853
I felt so jazzed!
1765
01:11:14,020 --> 01:11:15,192
I Say "jazzed"!
1766
01:11:15,354 --> 01:11:17,448
I gotta give it to you, Batman.
That was awesome.
1767
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:18,654
- Ha! And you were awesome.
- Thanks.
1768
01:11:19,192 --> 01:11:20,364
- And you were awesome.
- I love compliments!
1769
01:11:20,526 --> 01:11:22,244
And you were awesome,
and I was amazing.
1770
01:11:22,403 --> 01:11:24,201
I'm not trying to make it
about myself, obviously.
1771
01:11:24,363 --> 01:11:26,866
But I just wanna make sure
that everyone gets a pat on the back.
1772
01:11:27,033 --> 01:11:28,455
- Because it feels good.
- It does feel good.
1773
01:11:28,618 --> 01:11:30,040
You had a good idea, you had a good idea,
1774
01:11:30,203 --> 01:11:32,205
and you had a good idea,
and I had a great idea.
1775
01:11:32,371 --> 01:11:34,590
You know what, I think that collectively,
I'm gonna add...
1776
01:11:36,209 --> 01:11:37,552
...one.
4BEEPS)
1777
01:11:37,752 --> 01:11:38,924
'Yes!
1778
01:11:39,086 --> 01:11:40,178
Man, that feels good.
1779
01:11:40,338 --> 01:11:41,840
- Best team ever!
-(LAUGHS)
1780
01:11:42,006 --> 01:11:43,883
Let's take a photo!
All right, everyone, squeeze together.
1781
01:11:44,383 --> 01:11:45,430
BATMAN: Hang on a second.
1782
01:11:45,593 --> 01:11:47,470
- Nice and close!
- I gotta get my pump on.
1783
01:11:47,637 --> 01:11:48,638
- It's worth it.
- Okay, everybody in?
1784
01:11:48,846 --> 01:11:49,893
BATMAN: These abs are no fluke.
1785
01:11:50,056 --> 01:11:51,649
Everyone say, "Bat Family!"
1786
01:11:51,808 --> 01:11:52,900
- ALL: Bat Family!
-(CAMERA CLICKS)
1787
01:11:53,726 --> 01:11:55,148
Ooh, let's take a look!
1788
01:11:56,187 --> 01:11:57,359
BARBARA: Look at that!
1789
01:11:57,522 --> 01:11:58,899
- Splendid.
- Wow.
1790
01:11:59,649 --> 01:12:01,242
Didn't it turn out great?
1791
01:12:02,068 --> 01:12:04,287
Hey, guys! It's my first family photo!
1792
01:12:05,196 --> 01:12:07,039
(ALL LAUGHING)
1793
01:12:11,619 --> 01:12:13,963
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
1794
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:35,610
- Hey, Bat-Dad.
- Oh!
1795
01:12:35,977 --> 01:12:37,604
Whoa. What are you doing?
1796
01:12:37,770 --> 01:12:40,023
I'm trying to give you a big, old H-U-G.
1797
01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,566
Okay, just...
1798
01:12:43,067 --> 01:12:44,990
Batman, are you okay?
1799
01:12:45,403 --> 01:12:47,371
(STAMMERS) Yeah, I'm fine.
1800
01:12:47,530 --> 01:12:49,658
We are just one big happy
1801
01:12:49,824 --> 01:12:53,374
fraternity of people
who did an awesome job together.
1802
01:12:54,787 --> 01:12:56,505
I can't think of any other way
to put that.
1803
01:12:56,664 --> 01:12:58,917
- Cool.
- So, guys, listen up!
1804
01:12:59,083 --> 01:13:00,710
Taking the Projector from the Joker
1805
01:13:00,877 --> 01:13:03,050
is gonna be our most
dangerous mission yet.
1806
01:13:03,212 --> 01:13:04,680
- A family battle mission!
- Right.
1807
01:13:04,839 --> 01:13:07,433
Salvage what you can out of the Scuttler,
and maybe root around,
1808
01:13:07,592 --> 01:13:09,139
see if you can find
a few Vitaminwaters or something,
1809
01:13:09,302 --> 01:13:10,303
and then we'll head out.
1810
01:13:10,469 --> 01:13:12,312
- Right away, sir.
- Anything for you, Padre.
1811
01:13:17,393 --> 01:13:19,191
I think I'll need snowshoes.
1812
01:13:19,353 --> 01:13:22,857
Yeah, I don't think you'll need snowshoes,
but could you grab that flashlight?
1813
01:13:23,024 --> 01:13:24,116
- Batman?
- Padre?
1814
01:13:24,275 --> 01:13:25,322
Sir?
1815
01:13:25,484 --> 01:13:27,953
What are you doing?
Hey, Batman.
1816
01:13:28,112 --> 01:13:29,409
Please, wait!
1817
01:13:29,572 --> 01:13:30,789
BATMAN: 'Puter.
1818
01:13:32,575 --> 01:13:33,747
PUTER: Yes, sir?
1819
01:13:33,910 --> 01:13:35,628
I'm locking in some coordinates now.
1820
01:13:35,828 --> 01:13:36,954
(IMITATES BEEPING)
1821
01:13:37,163 --> 01:13:38,881
Take the Scuttler to the taco stand
1822
01:13:39,040 --> 01:13:40,917
on the border of Gotham City
and Blildhaven.
1823
01:13:41,083 --> 01:13:42,335
ALL; No!
1824
01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:44,424
I want you to get these guys
a couple of chimichangas
1825
01:13:44,587 --> 01:13:46,760
-and three Jarritos.
- Sir!
1826
01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:50,143
And then keep them there until this
whole attack on Gotham City blows over.
1827
01:13:50,301 --> 01:13:53,020
Padre, please. Don't do this!
1828
01:13:53,179 --> 01:13:55,181
Batman, you need us!
1829
01:13:55,514 --> 01:13:57,437
How many times I gotta tell you?
1830
01:13:58,059 --> 01:14:00,278
Batman works alone.
1831
01:14:00,895 --> 01:14:02,522
No, we have to stick together.
1832
01:14:03,898 --> 01:14:05,024
Please.
1833
01:14:05,191 --> 01:14:06,818
Now go on, Scuttler. Go!
1834
01:14:07,860 --> 01:14:09,658
- Go! Just get outta here.
- ALFRED: Batman.
1835
01:14:09,820 --> 01:14:10,912
- ROBIN: Padre!
- Get moving!
1836
01:14:11,072 --> 01:14:12,244
- ROBIN: Please!
-(SHOOING)
1837
01:14:12,448 --> 01:14:13,449
Just go.
1838
01:14:13,616 --> 01:14:14,833
BARBARA: Batman! Please, wait!
1839
01:14:14,992 --> 01:14:16,460
Scuttler, move out!
1840
01:14:16,619 --> 01:14:18,121
BARBARA:
You're doing the wrong thing!
1841
01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:20,585
- Listen to me! Don't do this!
- ALFRED: Sir, please. Sir!
1842
01:14:20,748 --> 01:14:22,091
ROBIN: No!
1843
01:14:43,938 --> 01:14:46,066
AGENT SMITH: Scanning for intruders.
Scanning for intruders.
1844
01:14:46,232 --> 01:14:47,779
Scanning for intruders.
1845
01:14:51,153 --> 01:14:52,154
JOKER: Hi, Bats.
1846
01:14:52,321 --> 01:14:53,823
What have you done to my...
1847
01:14:53,990 --> 01:14:55,583
Bruce Wayne's house?
1848
01:14:55,741 --> 01:14:58,494
You'd better hope he's a cool guy
and doesn't go crazy.
1849
01:14:58,661 --> 01:15:00,334
What happened to all your friends?
1850
01:15:00,496 --> 01:15:03,716
I don't need friends.
I don't need anyone to stop you.
1851
01:15:04,375 --> 01:15:05,422
(YELLS)
1852
01:15:05,751 --> 01:15:07,219
JOKER: Are you sure about that?
1853
01:15:07,378 --> 01:15:09,380
Look in the mirror, Batman.
(GRUNTS)
1854
01:15:10,881 --> 01:15:13,760
When I saw you working
with your friend-family,
1855
01:15:14,552 --> 01:15:16,225
I actually thought you'd changed.
1856
01:15:16,971 --> 01:15:18,018
But, no.
1857
01:15:18,180 --> 01:15:19,602
- You pushed them away.
-(GRUNTING)
1858
01:15:23,060 --> 01:15:25,779
You've run away from every other person
in your life.
1859
01:15:25,938 --> 01:15:28,441
But I'm the one you're always chasing.
1860
01:15:28,607 --> 01:15:30,826
Is this about that stupid
"greatest enemy" thing?
1861
01:15:30,985 --> 01:15:32,453
No, it's not.
1862
01:15:33,779 --> 01:15:34,951
Not anymore.
1863
01:15:35,114 --> 01:15:36,286
VELOCIRAPTORZ You tell him, Joker!
1864
01:15:36,449 --> 01:15:37,701
JAWS: It's time for a fresh start.
1865
01:15:37,867 --> 01:15:38,993
DALEKS". He's not worth it.
1866
01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:42,585
I think after 78 years,
I deserve respect!
1867
01:15:42,747 --> 01:15:44,545
That is right. Respect!
1868
01:15:45,124 --> 01:15:49,300
Do you realize that you have never once
1869
01:15:49,462 --> 01:15:51,135
said the words,
1870
01:15:51,297 --> 01:15:52,674
"I hate you, Joker"?
1871
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:53,932
Not once.
1872
01:15:54,091 --> 01:15:57,220
Well, I am starting to feel
pretty annoyed with you right now.
1873
01:15:57,386 --> 01:15:58,433
That's for darn sure.
1874
01:15:58,596 --> 01:16:00,940
Annoyed is not the same thing!
1875
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,563
Listen, Batman.
1876
01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:05,819
L_$fl
1877
01:16:05,978 --> 01:16:07,230
hate you.
1878
01:16:07,396 --> 01:16:09,114
- ALL: Avwv!
- That's nice.
1879
01:16:09,899 --> 01:16:10,991
Now you say it.
1880
01:16:13,152 --> 01:16:14,153
Me, too.
1881
01:16:14,361 --> 01:16:15,988
(ALL JEERING)
1882
01:16:18,032 --> 01:16:20,501
You won't. You won't change.
1883
01:16:20,659 --> 01:16:23,333
'Cause you can't.
You won't, and you can't.
1884
01:16:23,496 --> 01:16:25,089
JAWS: Batman will never change.
1885
01:16:25,247 --> 01:16:27,295
You know what, boo-boo?
Just shut it down.
1886
01:16:27,458 --> 01:16:29,506
These diseased lunatics are right.
1887
01:16:29,668 --> 01:16:30,669
Yes, we are!
1888
01:16:30,836 --> 01:16:33,089
I am not gonna be part
1889
01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:35,758
of a one-sided relationship any longer!
1890
01:16:35,925 --> 01:16:37,177
- HARLEY QUINN: Yes!
- What are you talking about?
1891
01:16:37,343 --> 01:16:39,186
- You and I are done!
- What is wrong with you?
1892
01:16:39,345 --> 01:16:40,346
I'm moving on!
1893
01:16:40,513 --> 01:16:41,685
That's ridiculous.
1894
01:16:41,847 --> 01:16:43,520
And on my way out,
1895
01:16:43,682 --> 01:16:46,777
I'm gonna blow up Gotham City!
1896
01:16:46,936 --> 01:16:48,734
No. You're not serious.
1897
01:16:48,896 --> 01:16:49,988
Wingardium Leviosa!
1898
01:16:50,648 --> 01:16:51,774
No!
1899
01:16:51,941 --> 01:16:53,989
You know what?
For once, Batman, you're right.
1900
01:16:54,151 --> 01:16:56,370
I'm not your greatest enemy.
1901
01:16:56,529 --> 01:16:58,327
Your greatest enemy
1902
01:16:58,489 --> 01:16:59,741
is you.
1903
01:16:59,907 --> 01:17:02,285
- Goodbye, Batman.
- Wait a minute. Hold on a second. (GROANS)
1904
01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:03,873
HARLEY QUINN: Good for you, boo-boo!
1905
01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:06,380
- ALL: Yay!
- Everybody, get a bomb. Let's go.
1906
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:08,792
- Bomb, bomb, bomb. Let's bomb it out.
- ALL: Yay!
1907
01:17:09,542 --> 01:17:10,885
(ALL WHOOPING)
1908
01:17:13,045 --> 01:17:15,173
KING KONG:
Say goodbye, Gotham City!
1909
01:17:26,350 --> 01:17:27,943
- Whoa.
- Hi!
1910
01:17:28,185 --> 01:17:29,186
-(GASPS)
- Whoa!
1911
01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:31,064
Oh, lam so sorry.
1912
01:17:31,230 --> 01:17:32,573
It was all my fault, I keep doing that.
1913
01:17:32,731 --> 01:17:34,950
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.
1914
01:17:35,109 --> 01:17:36,361
(GASPS)
What are you talking about?
1915
01:17:36,527 --> 01:17:37,528
I'm not a bad guy.
1916
01:17:37,695 --> 01:17:39,413
But you're all in black.
You have a cape.
1917
01:17:39,572 --> 01:17:40,824
And you wear a big, scary mask.
1918
01:17:40,990 --> 01:17:41,991
Well, I'm not.
1919
01:17:42,158 --> 01:17:43,455
And you kicked me in the face.
1920
01:17:43,617 --> 01:17:45,494
Listen, I'm Batman.
1921
01:17:45,870 --> 01:17:47,588
Oof! You even sound like a bad guy.
1922
01:17:47,746 --> 01:17:49,214
I swear, I am a good guy.
1923
01:17:49,373 --> 01:17:51,125
Okay, Mr. Batman.
1924
01:17:51,292 --> 01:17:52,965
Hold still while I scan you.
1925
01:17:53,252 --> 01:17:54,925
(MIMICS BEEPING)
Scanning for badness.
1926
01:17:55,087 --> 01:17:56,088
Yes, sir?
1927
01:17:56,255 --> 01:17:58,098
- You're super nimble, right?
- I sure am!
1928
01:17:58,257 --> 01:18:00,259
And 110% expendable?
1929
01:18:00,426 --> 01:18:02,224
I don't know what that means, but okay.
1930
01:18:02,386 --> 01:18:03,387
- How'd I do, Dad?
Mediocre.
1931
01:18:03,554 --> 01:18:05,306
- Yes!
- And don't call me Dad.
1932
01:18:05,764 --> 01:18:06,765
50177-
1933
01:18:08,726 --> 01:18:11,275
BATMAN: Alfred, put that kid
on the next jet to the orphanage.
1934
01:18:11,937 --> 01:18:16,192
But doesn't he deserve a chance
for someone to take him under their wing,
1935
01:18:16,567 --> 01:18:19,411
as I took you under mine?
1936
01:18:19,737 --> 01:18:21,614
Listen, you don't have a family.
1937
01:18:21,947 --> 01:18:24,450
So what do you know about
having a surrogate son?
1938
01:18:28,037 --> 01:18:29,038
BARBARA: Batman!
1939
01:18:29,872 --> 01:18:31,966
We have to stick together.
1940
01:18:32,666 --> 01:18:33,758
Please.
1941
01:18:36,045 --> 01:18:39,265
BATMAN". Joker, you mean nothing to me.
1942
01:18:41,842 --> 01:18:43,094
No one does.
1943
01:18:47,056 --> 01:18:49,935
Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy.
1944
01:18:50,768 --> 01:18:53,237
But you're not exactly a good guy, either.
1945
01:18:53,437 --> 01:18:54,563
BARBARA: Batman?
ROBIN: Padre?
1946
01:18:55,022 --> 01:18:56,649
PHYLLIS: You even abandoned your friends.
1947
01:18:56,815 --> 01:18:57,862
What?
1948
01:18:58,025 --> 01:18:59,447
Go on, Scuttler. Go.
1949
01:18:59,610 --> 01:19:01,112
- Batman, no. No!
- Don't do this!
1950
01:19:01,278 --> 01:19:02,655
Abandoned? No.
1951
01:19:02,821 --> 01:19:04,414
No, I was trying to protect them.
1952
01:19:04,573 --> 01:19:06,371
PHYLLIS: By pushing them away?
1953
01:19:06,533 --> 01:19:07,750
Well, yeah.
1954
01:19:08,911 --> 01:19:11,414
Are they really
the ones you're protecting?
1955
01:19:14,625 --> 01:19:16,502
BARBARA". Computer, Batman's in danger.
1956
01:19:16,669 --> 01:19:18,546
ROBIN: Please, Computer, take us back!
1957
01:19:18,712 --> 01:19:20,806
Do you really want the man
who made you to come to harm?
1958
01:19:21,006 --> 01:19:23,134
PUTER: Batman programmed me
to obey him.
1959
01:19:23,300 --> 01:19:25,177
But he didn't say to not not rescue him.
1960
01:19:25,344 --> 01:19:26,596
What are they doing?
1961
01:19:26,762 --> 01:19:28,059
Come on, guys. Let's hustle.
1962
01:19:28,222 --> 01:19:30,441
Gotham City's not gonna blow itself up.
1963
01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:33,026
Well, hello!
1964
01:19:38,565 --> 01:19:40,738
'Puter, go to super-secret stealth mode.
1965
01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:43,825
-(ROARS)
-(ALL SCREAMING)
1966
01:19:43,988 --> 01:19:45,740
- Hold on!
- No!
1967
01:19:45,906 --> 01:19:49,376
Evil buddies, those are my last three
painful reminders of Batman.
1968
01:19:49,535 --> 01:19:50,912
Run!
1969
01:19:51,078 --> 01:19:52,375
Come on, Alfred. This way.
1970
01:19:52,538 --> 01:19:53,790
Wait, where's Dick?
1971
01:19:53,956 --> 01:19:55,128
The little guy? He's over there.
1972
01:19:55,291 --> 01:19:56,588
PUTER: Initializing Batcave
operating system.
1973
01:19:56,750 --> 01:19:58,047
What's he doing?
1974
01:19:58,210 --> 01:19:59,712
I've gotta save my family!
1975
01:19:59,878 --> 01:20:00,879
Just think.
1976
01:20:01,046 --> 01:20:03,048
- What would Batman do?
- What?
1977
01:20:03,215 --> 01:20:06,139
I know. Not listen to anyone else.
Be mean to people.
1978
01:20:06,385 --> 01:20:08,058
Destroy as much property as possible.
1979
01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:10,222
Talk in a really low, gravelly voice.
1980
01:20:10,389 --> 01:20:11,891
And go it alone.
1981
01:20:12,057 --> 01:20:13,183
Kid, don't do that.
1982
01:20:13,392 --> 01:20:14,769
PUTER: Atomic batteries to power.
1983
01:20:14,935 --> 01:20:15,936
Turbines to speed.
1984
01:20:16,103 --> 01:20:17,104
Don't do what I would do!
1985
01:20:17,271 --> 01:20:18,739
I never even taught you how to drive!
1986
01:20:18,897 --> 01:20:20,649
Hold on a second, Brick Lady.
1987
01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:23,114
(STAMMERING) I'm so sorry.
I need to get down there and stop this.
1988
01:20:23,277 --> 01:20:25,826
I can't let you go.
My boss will be really mad at me.
1989
01:20:25,988 --> 01:20:27,490
Yeah. But I bet
your boss would be happy
1990
01:20:27,656 --> 01:20:29,579
if you were able to get
all those bad guys back in here.
1991
01:20:29,950 --> 01:20:31,247
Hmm. She sure would.
1992
01:20:31,410 --> 01:20:33,754
Then let me try.
Let me get down there and help them.
1993
01:20:33,912 --> 01:20:35,880
But haven't you tried that before?
1994
01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:38,921
BARBARA: This way, Alfred.
1995
01:20:40,419 --> 01:20:43,047
You do the same thing over and over.
1996
01:20:44,298 --> 01:20:46,926
(SCREAMING)
(ROARING)
1997
01:20:47,092 --> 01:20:48,560
What's gonna change?
1998
01:20:48,719 --> 01:20:49,766
No!
1999
01:20:51,638 --> 01:20:53,481
I know what I need to do.
2000
01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:55,938
Just give me 24 hours,
and I'll come back.
2001
01:20:56,810 --> 01:20:58,278
Whoa!
2002
01:20:58,437 --> 01:21:00,235
You've gotta let me go
down there and save them.
2003
01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:03,859
I'll do whatever you want.
2004
01:21:04,026 --> 01:21:05,027
(GRUNTING)
2005
01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:07,322
- Please.
- DALEKS: Exterminate!
2006
01:21:07,488 --> 01:21:08,489
Please.
2007
01:21:08,655 --> 01:21:10,578
Okay, but I need all the bad guys
locked up in here.
2008
01:21:10,741 --> 01:21:11,958
I promise.
2009
01:21:14,453 --> 01:21:16,626
And I mean all of them.
2010
01:21:18,123 --> 01:21:19,591
One of these buttons
has to save my friends.
2011
01:21:20,459 --> 01:21:21,506
PUTER: Self-destruct mode activated.
2012
01:21:21,668 --> 01:21:22,669
Self what?
2013
01:21:22,878 --> 01:21:23,879
(ROBIN SCREAMING)
2014
01:21:24,046 --> 01:21:25,764
- Master Dick!
- No!
2015
01:21:25,923 --> 01:21:27,300
-(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
-(ROARING)
2016
01:21:28,133 --> 01:21:29,760
- Dick!
-(SCREAMING)
2017
01:21:29,927 --> 01:21:31,725
Look who's bat!
2018
01:21:33,347 --> 01:21:34,815
ROBIN: What?
2019
01:21:37,226 --> 01:21:38,899
(ALL GRUNTING)
2020
01:21:43,148 --> 01:21:45,651
Everyone okay? Dick, Alfred, Barbara.
2021
01:21:45,818 --> 01:21:47,820
- Are you guys--
- We're fine, Batman.
2022
01:21:50,572 --> 01:21:53,826
Listen, I just wanted to say
2023
01:21:56,662 --> 01:21:58,335
that I'm really,
2024
01:21:59,415 --> 01:22:01,668
really, really,
2025
01:22:03,293 --> 01:22:04,840
really, really, really,
2026
01:22:05,003 --> 01:22:06,346
really, really...
2027
01:22:07,506 --> 01:22:09,053
S-S-S...
2028
01:22:10,092 --> 01:22:11,344
(CLEARS THROAT)
2029
01:22:12,344 --> 01:22:15,268
S0000...
2030
01:22:16,723 --> 01:22:17,724
Sorry?
2031
01:22:17,891 --> 01:22:19,939
Yeah. Wh00! I did it!
2032
01:22:21,395 --> 01:22:22,442
(SIGHS)
2033
01:22:23,063 --> 01:22:25,316
I don't even know why
you bothered coming back.
2034
01:22:28,193 --> 01:22:29,820
BATMAN: I was
2035
01:22:30,696 --> 01:22:31,697
afraid.
2036
01:22:32,656 --> 01:22:33,828
What?
2037
01:22:35,701 --> 01:22:37,544
The reason I came back
2038
01:22:38,203 --> 01:22:40,046
was the same reason I left you.
2039
01:22:43,041 --> 01:22:44,714
I was afraid
2040
01:22:46,170 --> 01:22:47,763
of feeling
2041
01:22:49,006 --> 01:22:51,384
the pain you feel
2042
01:22:52,885 --> 01:22:54,558
when you lose
2043
01:22:55,721 --> 01:22:58,144
someone close to you.
2044
01:23:06,023 --> 01:23:08,071
Gotham needs us.
2045
01:23:08,609 --> 01:23:11,738
So I came back to do this.
2046
01:23:12,321 --> 01:23:13,322
Flip.
2047
01:23:14,948 --> 01:23:16,791
Flip? What is that? I don't...
2048
01:23:17,159 --> 01:23:18,502
You gotta turn around.
2049
01:23:20,496 --> 01:23:23,045
I call it the Babs-Signal.
2050
01:23:23,207 --> 01:23:25,710
And I'm flipping the switch for you.
2051
01:23:25,876 --> 01:23:29,926
Because saving this city
is too big a job for one person.
2052
01:23:30,088 --> 01:23:31,590
Flip, flip.
2053
01:23:36,428 --> 01:23:38,772
So, what do you say, Commish?
2054
01:23:38,931 --> 01:23:41,559
Will you work with me?
2055
01:23:42,100 --> 01:23:43,852
I need your help.
2056
01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:47,113
I thought you'd never ask.
2057
01:23:48,607 --> 01:23:51,235
I'm very, very proud of you, sir.
2058
01:23:51,401 --> 01:23:55,577
But there's still only four of us
against Joker's entire army.
2059
01:23:55,739 --> 01:23:57,741
That's why I called in some backup.
2060
01:23:57,908 --> 01:23:59,910
Flip! Flip! Flip! Flip!
2061
01:24:01,245 --> 01:24:03,339
- Whoa!
- CLAYFACE: We saw your signal,
2062
01:24:03,539 --> 01:24:04,540
and we came to help.
2063
01:24:04,957 --> 01:24:07,585
Joker may be done with us,
but we're not done with him.
2064
01:24:07,751 --> 01:24:09,970
We will be the Joker's reckoning.
2065
01:24:10,128 --> 01:24:12,096
Joker said mean stuff to us.
2066
01:24:12,464 --> 01:24:14,091
You were right, Barbara.
2067
01:24:14,258 --> 01:24:16,977
It takes a village. Not a Batman.
2068
01:24:17,219 --> 01:24:18,516
(ALL CHEER)
2069
01:24:19,555 --> 01:24:21,478
Okay. Everybody, listen up.
2070
01:24:21,640 --> 01:24:25,315
These monsters want to destroy
Gotham City.
2071
01:24:25,477 --> 01:24:27,650
BATMAN". That's right.
We need sick new vehicles.
2072
01:24:27,813 --> 01:24:29,781
BARBARA". An arsenal of advanced weaponry.
2073
01:24:29,940 --> 01:24:32,489
Costumes that suit
our individual personalities.
2074
01:24:32,651 --> 01:24:33,652
Rip!
2075
01:24:33,819 --> 01:24:35,913
And code names
to use on our walkie-talkies.
2076
01:24:36,071 --> 01:24:37,072
Call it out!
2077
01:24:37,239 --> 01:24:38,536
Your name is Lady Bat.
2078
01:24:38,699 --> 01:24:39,791
- Lady Bat?
- BATMAN: Bat Lady.
2079
01:24:39,950 --> 01:24:42,829
- Veto! Nope. What?
- BATMAN: El Batarina. Soccer Mom... Bat?
2080
01:24:43,036 --> 01:24:44,663
How about a cool costume?
2081
01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:45,831
Nice!
2082
01:24:45,998 --> 01:24:47,375
That one's called Batgirl.
2083
01:24:47,541 --> 01:24:49,635
If you call me Batgirl,
can I call you Batboy?
2084
01:24:49,793 --> 01:24:52,296
And lastly, a coordinated attack strategy,
2085
01:24:52,462 --> 01:24:54,009
and a kick-butt theme song!
2086
01:24:54,172 --> 01:24:55,173
Robin?
2087
01:24:55,799 --> 01:24:57,472
(GASPS) My superhero code name.
2088
01:24:57,634 --> 01:24:58,886
Oh, yeah. Hit it!
2089
01:24:59,052 --> 01:25:00,053
Got it!
2090
01:25:00,220 --> 01:25:01,847
('80S POP SONG PLAYING)
2091
01:25:02,180 --> 01:25:04,433
- No!
-(OTHER '80S POP SONG PLAYING)
2092
01:25:05,517 --> 01:25:07,565
{GROANS)
-(ROBIN some PLAYING)
2093
01:25:07,769 --> 01:25:08,816
Absolutely not.
2094
01:25:09,021 --> 01:25:11,399
-(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROWLING)
2095
01:25:11,815 --> 01:25:14,944
This music is filling me with rage.
2096
01:25:15,110 --> 01:25:16,487
Let's use it!
2097
01:25:17,946 --> 01:25:20,074
All right, team. I'm going to need to
know your special powers.
2098
01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:21,241
I'm a giant clay person!
2099
01:25:21,408 --> 01:25:23,081
- I'm irritating.
- I have a sack for a face.
2100
01:25:23,243 --> 01:25:24,335
I make unpredictable decisions.
2101
01:25:24,494 --> 01:25:25,495
I raise the stakes!
2102
01:25:25,662 --> 01:25:26,959
I can squirt ketchup!
2103
01:25:27,122 --> 01:25:28,544
Nice! Orca.
2104
01:25:28,707 --> 01:25:30,300
I'm a whale!
2105
01:25:30,459 --> 01:25:31,927
Oh, we got this covered!
2106
01:25:32,085 --> 01:25:33,132
Go team!
2107
01:25:34,796 --> 01:25:35,797
(ALL WHOOPING)
2108
01:25:35,964 --> 01:25:36,965
Whale, yeah!
2109
01:25:38,675 --> 01:25:39,847
-(POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
-(ALL LAUGHING)
2110
01:25:40,177 --> 01:25:41,929
Shh. Quiet.
2111
01:25:42,095 --> 01:25:44,143
Who's laying down those funky beats?
2112
01:25:44,306 --> 01:25:46,400
ALL: We are!
CATWOMAN: Meow, meow!
2113
01:25:46,558 --> 01:25:47,901
Batman?
2114
01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:49,812
Evil army, get rid of them!
2115
01:25:50,687 --> 01:25:52,189
Team Gotham Family,
2116
01:25:52,356 --> 01:25:53,448
activate!
2117
01:25:53,607 --> 01:25:54,733
Voldy's got this.
2118
01:25:57,110 --> 01:25:58,783
VILLAINS: Here we go!
2119
01:25:59,363 --> 01:26:00,706
Yeah!
2120
01:26:02,074 --> 01:26:03,451
VOLDEMORT: Bombarda!
2121
01:26:04,159 --> 01:26:05,502
Smash! Smash! Smash!
2122
01:26:08,330 --> 01:26:11,129
- Whoa.
- Batman, take out Joker's bomb.
2123
01:26:11,291 --> 01:26:12,918
I'll get that Projector!
2124
01:26:13,085 --> 01:26:14,257
BATMAN: 10-4, CO-GO.
2125
01:26:15,462 --> 01:26:17,510
Freeze, Clayface, take this guy out!
2126
01:26:17,923 --> 01:26:19,800
Corning through!
2127
01:26:21,343 --> 01:26:22,811
(YELLS)
2128
01:26:24,262 --> 01:26:25,809
Okay, Alfred, bring the pain.
2129
01:26:25,972 --> 01:26:26,973
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2130
01:26:27,766 --> 01:26:30,770
Bringing it, sir. For Queen and country!
2131
01:26:31,353 --> 01:26:32,354
(LAUGHS)
2132
01:26:32,646 --> 01:26:34,114
You just got Union Jacked!
2133
01:26:36,775 --> 01:26:37,867
Robin, get ready.
2134
01:26:38,026 --> 01:26:39,949
I'm about to teach you
some father-and-son stuff.
2135
01:26:40,779 --> 01:26:42,122
First, driving.
2136
01:26:42,280 --> 01:26:44,123
- Put your hands at 10 and 2.
- Okay.
2137
01:26:44,282 --> 01:26:46,876
Now, fly! Turn left!
2138
01:26:47,703 --> 01:26:49,080
Run over these skeletons.
2139
01:26:49,246 --> 01:26:50,623
Now drive up the wall!
2140
01:26:52,082 --> 01:26:53,959
- Great driving.
- Thanks, Padre.
2141
01:26:55,460 --> 01:26:56,461
Yeah!
2142
01:26:57,629 --> 01:26:58,676
Okay, Robin.
2143
01:26:58,839 --> 01:27:00,967
Together, we're gonna
punch these guys so hard,
2144
01:27:01,133 --> 01:27:02,635
words describing the impact
2145
01:27:02,801 --> 01:27:05,645
are gonna spontaneously materialize
out of thin air.
2146
01:27:05,804 --> 01:27:06,896
Yeah!
2147
01:27:12,185 --> 01:27:13,528
Yes! Yes! Yes!
2148
01:27:17,274 --> 01:27:18,241
High five!
2149
01:27:18,567 --> 01:27:20,695
Stop moving around, you Muggles.
2150
01:27:20,902 --> 01:27:23,030
All right, team, let's shut him down.
2151
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:25,787
- Orca! You're up, baby!
-(ORCA YELLS)
2152
01:27:26,366 --> 01:27:28,209
You wanna see a magic trick?
2153
01:27:28,368 --> 01:27:30,166
I'm gonna make you disappear.
2154
01:27:30,328 --> 01:27:33,081
- Wingardium Levio...
- Me-yoink!
2155
01:27:33,248 --> 01:27:35,171
Wingardium Levio... Shut up!
2156
01:27:35,333 --> 01:27:36,334
No!
2157
01:27:36,501 --> 01:27:38,174
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy!
2158
01:27:38,336 --> 01:27:39,337
Fudgecake!
2159
01:27:40,172 --> 01:27:41,674
BARBARA". Whoo!
Here we go, Bat Team!
2160
01:27:41,840 --> 01:27:43,183
Batman, think fast!
2161
01:27:46,344 --> 01:27:48,062
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy!
2162
01:27:48,221 --> 01:27:49,222
Robin, go long.
2163
01:27:49,389 --> 01:27:51,266
- Nice grab.
- Yeah !
2164
01:27:53,310 --> 01:27:55,062
PHYLLIS: Oh, my gosh. Yes!
2165
01:27:55,228 --> 01:27:56,229
Here you go, Grandpa.
2166
01:27:58,273 --> 01:27:59,274
Hey, Batman!
2167
01:28:01,067 --> 01:28:02,660
-(GROWLING)
-(GRUNTING)
2168
01:28:02,861 --> 01:28:04,784
Get off my padre!
2169
01:28:06,072 --> 01:28:07,870
It wasn't useless after all.
2170
01:28:08,033 --> 01:28:09,706
End this, Batgirl!
2171
01:28:12,245 --> 01:28:14,168
Adiés, shark.
2172
01:28:15,749 --> 01:28:17,922
Okay, BRB, guys.
I'm gonna go defuse that--
2173
01:28:31,598 --> 01:28:33,271
This is the end of Gotham City!
2174
01:28:34,559 --> 01:28:36,982
As I predicted, we're doomed!
2175
01:28:38,355 --> 01:28:40,028
We're not doomed. I got this.
2176
01:28:41,566 --> 01:28:42,818
Everyone, grab on to me.
2177
01:28:42,984 --> 01:28:44,110
Gotcha.
2178
01:28:44,277 --> 01:28:46,871
Come on, guys.
We need to hold this city together.
2179
01:28:49,366 --> 01:28:50,618
Batrope, no!
2180
01:28:50,784 --> 01:28:52,411
Everybody, run!
2181
01:28:52,577 --> 01:28:54,579
No! We have to stick together.
2182
01:28:54,746 --> 01:28:55,747
Right, Batman?
2183
01:28:55,914 --> 01:28:57,257
We need to use our heads!
2184
01:28:57,415 --> 01:28:58,917
Maybe we should build something together.
2185
01:28:59,084 --> 01:29:00,256
ALFRED: Heads.
BARBARA: Stick together.
2186
01:29:00,418 --> 01:29:02,261
ROBIN: Build something.
BARBARA: Together.
2187
01:29:02,420 --> 01:29:04,422
-(ECHOING) Build.
- Together. Together.
2188
01:29:04,589 --> 01:29:06,057
ROBIN:
We should build something together:
2189
01:29:07,425 --> 01:29:08,472
I got it.
2190
01:29:08,635 --> 01:29:11,559
You're right, Babs.
We need to stick together.
2191
01:29:11,721 --> 01:29:13,064
Literally.
2192
01:29:13,223 --> 01:29:14,440
Robin, quick. Give me a boost.
2193
01:29:14,599 --> 01:29:15,600
On it, Padre.
2194
01:29:15,767 --> 01:29:17,815
We're gonna stick together,
using our heads,
2195
01:29:17,978 --> 01:29:20,356
and the most powerful weapon of all.
2196
01:29:20,522 --> 01:29:22,945
Shredded abs. Let's do this.
2197
01:29:23,108 --> 01:29:24,325
CATWOMAN: Meow, meow.
ALL: Yeah, let's do this.
2198
01:29:24,526 --> 01:29:25,743
- Ready?
- Here we go.
2199
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:26,949
You got this, Alfred?
2200
01:29:27,112 --> 01:29:28,864
Yes, sir. Abs of steel.
2201
01:29:29,030 --> 01:29:31,124
Great! Now you bend,
2202
01:29:31,283 --> 01:29:33,411
and I'll grab the other side!
2203
01:29:34,327 --> 01:29:35,374
No!
2204
01:29:35,537 --> 01:29:37,164
MAN: Batman, what's going on?
ROBIN: Are you okay?
2205
01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:39,257
CLAYFACE: I've got you.
2206
01:29:39,666 --> 01:29:41,009
(STRAINING)
2207
01:29:41,668 --> 01:29:42,669
Jokefl
2208
01:29:42,836 --> 01:29:44,838
Please, help us!
2209
01:29:45,005 --> 01:29:46,632
No! I'm not gonna help you.
2210
01:29:46,798 --> 01:29:50,553
At least if this city is destroyed,
I'll die knowing
2211
01:29:50,719 --> 01:29:52,471
I'm your greatest enemy!
2212
01:29:52,637 --> 01:29:54,685
I'm gonna have to die to know it.
2213
01:29:54,848 --> 01:29:57,897
Shut up, Joker! If there's no Gotham,
2214
01:29:58,059 --> 01:30:00,187
then I'll never get to fight you again.
2215
01:30:01,313 --> 01:30:02,610
What?
2216
01:30:03,481 --> 01:30:05,904
You're the reason why I get up
at 4:00 in the afternoon
2217
01:30:06,067 --> 01:30:08,616
and pump iron
until my chest is positively sick.
2218
01:30:09,195 --> 01:30:10,492
You're the reason I've given up
2219
01:30:10,655 --> 01:30:13,829
a life spent with Russian ballerinas
and lady activewear models.
2220
01:30:14,451 --> 01:30:15,828
And if it wasn't for you,
2221
01:30:15,994 --> 01:30:19,248
I never would have learned how connected
I am with all these people.
2222
01:30:20,248 --> 01:30:21,249
And you.
2223
01:30:23,043 --> 01:30:25,546
So if you help me save Gotham,
2224
01:30:27,797 --> 01:30:29,595
you'll help me save us.
2225
01:30:30,592 --> 01:30:32,890
You just said "us."
2226
01:30:33,053 --> 01:30:37,149
Yeah. Batman and the Joker.
2227
01:30:38,975 --> 01:30:40,648
What do you say?
2228
01:30:41,478 --> 01:30:43,480
You had me at shut up.
2229
01:30:45,357 --> 01:30:46,654
How are your abs, bro?
2230
01:30:46,816 --> 01:30:50,036
Too much flab, not enough ab.
(CHUCKLES) Why?
2231
01:30:50,195 --> 01:30:51,947
Because I need you to crunch them.
2232
01:30:52,322 --> 01:30:53,744
Citizens of Gotham,
2233
01:30:53,907 --> 01:30:58,708
we need all of you to join us
and help bring this city back together.
2234
01:30:58,912 --> 01:31:00,914
-(STRAINING)
-(ALL STRAINING)
2235
01:31:12,342 --> 01:31:13,889
(ALL CHEERING)
2236
01:31:21,851 --> 01:31:23,273
(WHOOPING)
2237
01:31:24,896 --> 01:31:27,069
I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
2238
01:31:27,232 --> 01:31:29,530
- I hate you, Joker.
-(GASPS)
2239
01:31:29,776 --> 01:31:31,653
- I hate you, too.
- I hate you more.
2240
01:31:31,820 --> 01:31:33,572
I hate you the most.
2241
01:31:33,738 --> 01:31:35,536
I hate you forever.
2242
01:31:36,074 --> 01:31:37,121
Splendid!
2243
01:31:38,785 --> 01:31:39,957
We did it, everyone!
2244
01:31:44,749 --> 01:31:47,002
BANE: Bane is feeling warm and fuzzy.
2245
01:31:50,547 --> 01:31:51,799
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
2246
01:31:52,048 --> 01:31:53,095
ROBIN: Padre,
2247
01:31:53,925 --> 01:31:55,017
where are you going?
2248
01:31:56,136 --> 01:31:57,763
I made a promise.
2249
01:31:57,929 --> 01:31:59,852
I gotta go back to the Phantom Zone.
2250
01:32:00,890 --> 01:32:01,982
Sorry, kid.
2251
01:32:02,142 --> 01:32:04,110
Padre, please.
2252
01:32:04,269 --> 01:32:06,271
Don't call me Padre.
2253
01:32:06,771 --> 01:32:08,193
Okay.
2254
01:32:08,773 --> 01:32:09,865
Call me...
2255
01:32:13,903 --> 01:32:15,075
Dads.
2256
01:32:15,321 --> 01:32:18,996
(GASPS) My two dads are the same dad.
2257
01:32:20,076 --> 01:32:22,795
But they're both leaving.
2258
01:32:23,955 --> 01:32:25,582
It's gonna be okay, kid.
2259
01:32:27,167 --> 01:32:29,670
Sometimes, losing people is part of life.
2260
01:32:30,503 --> 01:32:33,473
But that doesn't mean
you stop letting them in.
2261
01:32:34,174 --> 01:32:37,144
Some very wise people taught me that.
2262
01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:39,471
My father figure.
2263
01:32:41,014 --> 01:32:43,517
My platonic coworker buddy,
2264
01:32:43,683 --> 01:32:46,311
who's a girl, but just a friend.
2265
01:32:47,937 --> 01:32:49,154
And you.
2266
01:32:49,939 --> 01:32:51,282
w“ Mo.
2267
01:32:51,983 --> 01:32:53,326
It's Spanish
2268
01:32:54,110 --> 01:32:55,487
for "son."
2269
01:32:57,614 --> 01:32:59,366
This is my family,
2270
01:33:00,617 --> 01:33:02,494
but it's your family, too.
2271
01:33:12,003 --> 01:33:13,505
(SNIFFLES)
2272
01:33:41,366 --> 01:33:42,743
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
2273
01:34:01,219 --> 01:34:02,220
(THUD5)
2274
01:34:05,014 --> 01:34:06,015
(GRUNTS)
2275
01:34:06,891 --> 01:34:08,143
Do you have a knife?
2276
01:34:08,309 --> 01:34:09,310
Why?
2277
01:34:09,477 --> 01:34:13,027
'Cause someone needs to cut the tension
between the two of us immediately.
2278
01:34:13,189 --> 01:34:14,190
(GROANS)
2279
01:34:14,357 --> 01:34:15,859
Okay. I deserved that.
2280
01:34:16,025 --> 01:34:17,402
- PHYLLIS: Hi.
- Wait a minute.
2281
01:34:17,569 --> 01:34:18,616
What's going on?
2282
01:34:18,778 --> 01:34:21,122
I came back, just like I said I would.
2283
01:34:21,281 --> 01:34:22,908
You know, Mr. Batman, (SIGHS)
2284
01:34:23,074 --> 01:34:25,577
when you're a talking brick,
working at the Phantom Zone,
2285
01:34:25,743 --> 01:34:28,246
you see a lot of crazy things.
2286
01:34:28,413 --> 01:34:30,586
But I've finally seen a man,
2287
01:34:30,748 --> 01:34:32,591
in order to make the world
a better place,
2288
01:34:32,750 --> 01:34:35,253
take a look at himself
and make a change.
2289
01:34:36,254 --> 01:34:37,255
Who?
2290
01:34:37,630 --> 01:34:39,553
- Superman.
- What?
2291
01:34:39,716 --> 01:34:40,968
I'm kidding. It's you.
2292
01:34:41,134 --> 01:34:42,431
(ALL CHEERING)
2293
01:34:42,594 --> 01:34:43,891
(LAUGHS)
2294
01:34:44,429 --> 01:34:46,773
Well, I guess I'll be seeing you
on the streets, Batman.
2295
01:34:46,931 --> 01:34:48,933
I guess so. Catch you later, Joker.
2296
01:34:49,100 --> 01:34:50,226
Let's g0, gang-
2297
01:34:50,393 --> 01:34:51,440
(CHUCKLES) Wait a minute,
2298
01:34:51,811 --> 01:34:53,939
we're not just gonna
let these criminals go, right?
2299
01:34:54,105 --> 01:34:55,607
Ah, come on, Commish. Let's face it.
2300
01:34:55,773 --> 01:34:57,741
Those guys are no match
for the four of us.
2301
01:34:57,901 --> 01:34:59,574
We'll give them a 30-minute head start.
2302
01:34:59,736 --> 01:35:02,285
Besides, you can't fight crime
on an empty stomach.
2303
01:35:02,530 --> 01:35:04,248
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
2304
01:35:05,283 --> 01:35:06,455
He)'. computer?
2305
01:35:06,618 --> 01:35:07,835
ALL: We're home!
2306
01:35:07,994 --> 01:35:08,995
(ECHOING)
2307
01:35:11,456 --> 01:35:12,628
PUTER". What is the password?
2308
01:35:12,790 --> 01:35:14,463
ALL: Iron Man sucks!
2309
01:35:15,793 --> 01:35:16,965
(LAUGHING)
2310
01:35:26,596 --> 01:35:29,475
When Dad and me were fighting,
I was giving them my best one-liners.
2311
01:35:30,308 --> 01:35:31,309
You
2312
01:35:33,436 --> 01:35:34,779
complete me.
2313
01:35:35,146 --> 01:35:36,614
(ALL LAUGHING)
2314
01:35:48,326 --> 01:35:51,375
Holy family photo, Batman. I love it!
2315
01:35:58,336 --> 01:35:59,508
BATMAN: White.
2316
01:35:59,671 --> 01:36:03,847
All important movies end
with a white screen.
2317
01:36:04,342 --> 01:36:06,470
And tying up loose ends.
2318
01:36:06,636 --> 01:36:08,684
We're coming for you, Gotham City!
2319
01:36:08,846 --> 01:36:10,348
BATMAN". Like this snake clowns bit.
2320
01:36:10,515 --> 01:36:12,483
BARBARA: Snake clowns?
BATMAN: Told you they were real.
2321
01:36:12,642 --> 01:36:14,861
BARBARA". Did you stick wigs onto snakes?
2322
01:36:15,019 --> 01:36:16,692
BATMAN: Maybe.
BARBARA: That is so weird.
2323
01:36:16,980 --> 01:36:18,527
ROBIN: Can I play that song
I wrote for the end credits?
2324
01:36:18,773 --> 01:36:19,865
BATMAN: That is a hard pass.
ROBIN: Come on.
2325
01:36:20,108 --> 01:36:21,109
BATMAN: No!
2326
01:36:21,317 --> 01:36:22,534
BARBARA: Let the kid play
whatever music he wants.
2327
01:36:22,819 --> 01:36:23,820
BATMAN: No, no, no!
ROBIN: Please?
2328
01:36:24,028 --> 01:36:25,029
BATMAN: No.
ROBIN: Padre?
2329
01:36:25,363 --> 01:36:26,865
BATMAN: (SIGHS) Fine. 'Puter.
2330
01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:28,449
-(BEEPS)
- PUTER: Okay, sir.
2331
01:36:28,616 --> 01:36:29,959
- ROBIN: Yay!
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
2332
01:36:30,201 --> 01:36:32,499
PUTER". Now playing
Robin's happy, poppy music.
2333
01:36:32,662 --> 01:36:35,882
The kind that makes
parents and studio executives happy.
2334
01:36:39,377 --> 01:36:40,378
(GROANS)
2335
01:36:59,897 --> 01:37:00,898
Come on, everyone!
2336
01:37:20,293 --> 01:37:21,636
- Come on, Batman!
- No!
2337
01:38:15,390 --> 01:38:16,733
(PLAYING GUITAR SOLO)
2338
01:38:48,047 --> 01:38:51,392
BATMAN: (LAUGHING)
Wow, that was fun!
2339
01:38:51,551 --> 01:38:53,929
Really hope nobody was recording that.
2340
01:38:54,095 --> 01:38:56,689
Let me see. Oh, this thing is on.
This thing is recording.
2341
01:44:27,094 --> 01:44:28,095