1
00:00:06,834 --> 00:00:08,565
MOM, DAD, I
FOUND CIGARETTES
2
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:09,898
IN GREG'S JACKET.
3
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,366
GREG, WERE YOU
SMOKING CIGARETTES?
4
00:00:11,435 --> 00:00:12,565
NO, DAD.
5
00:00:12,634 --> 00:00:14,331
HE'S LYING. THERE'S
NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT.
6
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,798
GREG, I'M AFRAID
YOUR PUNISHMENT
7
00:00:15,867 --> 00:00:17,699
WILL BE 4 HOURS
IN THE SNAKEPIT.
8
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:20,132
THAT'LL GIVE YOU
TIME TO THINK ABOUT
WHAT YOU DID.
9
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,931
OH, MAN!
10
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,098
THAT'LL TEACH HIM.
11
00:00:23,167 --> 00:00:24,532
JAN, I'M AFRAID
YOU'VE EARNED
12
00:00:24,601 --> 00:00:25,932
A DAY IN THE
CHAMBER OF FIRE
13
00:00:26,001 --> 00:00:27,699
FOR TATTLING
ON YOUR BROTHER.
14
00:00:29,101 --> 00:00:30,166
SMOKING.
15
00:00:30,234 --> 00:00:32,199
HOW DOES A BOY
LIKE THAT GO
SO WRONG?
16
00:00:32,268 --> 00:00:33,999
THEY LIVE IN A
CRUMMY NEIGHBORHOOD.
17
00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:34,999
THE BRADYS?
18
00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:36,565
HELL, YEAH. THEY GOT
ROBBERS, THUGS,
19
00:00:36,634 --> 00:00:37,998
DRUG DEALERS.
YOU NAME IT.
20
00:00:38,067 --> 00:00:39,564
YOU FOLKS WANT
SOME PANCAKES?
21
00:00:39,633 --> 00:00:40,798
NO, THANK YOU.
22
00:00:40,867 --> 00:00:43,732
SEE, THAT'S THE WORST WE
GOT IS JEMIMA'S WITNESSES.
23
00:00:43,801 --> 00:00:47,065
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
24
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:50,398
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
25
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,898
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
26
00:00:53,967 --> 00:00:57,231
♪ ON WHICH WE
USED TO RELY? ♪
27
00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,298
♪ LUCKY THERE'S
A FAMILY GUY ♪
28
00:01:00,366 --> 00:01:03,598
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN
WHO'LL POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
29
00:01:03,667 --> 00:01:05,431
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
30
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,032
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
31
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,765
♪ HE'S A ♪
32
00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:11,799
♪ FAMILY GUY ♪
33
00:01:17,433 --> 00:01:19,065
MOM, MY LIPS
ARE TOO THIN.
34
00:01:19,134 --> 00:01:20,832
CAN I PLEASE GET
COLLAGEN INJECTIONS?
35
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:21,998
MEG, YOU DON'T NEED
36
00:01:22,067 --> 00:01:23,265
TO CHANGE THE
WAY YOU LOOK.
37
00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:24,932
YOU KNOW, MOST OF
THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS
38
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,765
STEM FROM POOR
SELF-IMAGE.
39
00:01:31,168 --> 00:01:32,765
[People laughing]
40
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,165
[Growling]
41
00:01:36,234 --> 00:01:38,099
EXCELLENT! THE MIND-
CONTROL DEVICE
42
00:01:38,168 --> 00:01:39,265
IS NEARING COMPLETION!
43
00:01:39,334 --> 00:01:41,665
STEWIE, I SAID NO
TOYS AT THE TABLE.
44
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:42,965
DAMN YOU, VILE WOMAN!
45
00:01:43,034 --> 00:01:44,598
YOU'VE IMPEDED MY
WORK SINCE THE DAY
46
00:01:44,667 --> 00:01:46,432
I ESCAPED FROM
YOUR WRETCHED WOMB.
47
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:48,165
OH, DON'T POUT, HONEY.
48
00:01:48,234 --> 00:01:49,766
YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU WERE BORN
49
00:01:49,834 --> 00:01:53,265
THE DOCTOR SAID YOU WERE
THE HAPPIEST LOOKING
BABY HE'D EVER SEEN.
50
00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:55,598
BUT, OF COURSE.
THAT WAS MY VICTORY DAY.
51
00:01:55,667 --> 00:01:57,598
THE FRUITION OF MY
DEEPLY-LAID PLANS
52
00:01:57,667 --> 00:02:00,365
TO ESCAPE FROM THAT
CURSED OVARIAN BASTILLE!
53
00:02:00,433 --> 00:02:01,765
RETURN THE
DEVICE, WOMAN!
54
00:02:01,834 --> 00:02:03,466
NO TOYS, STEWIE.
55
00:02:03,534 --> 00:02:04,532
VERY WELL, THEN.
56
00:02:04,601 --> 00:02:06,765
MARK MY WORDS, WHEN
YOU LEAST EXPECT IT,
57
00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:08,565
YOUR UPPANCE WILL COME!
58
00:02:10,467 --> 00:02:11,999
MOM, CAN I TURN
THE HEAT UP?
59
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:13,732
DON'T TOUCH THE
THERMOSTAT, MEG.
60
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,166
YOUR FATHER GETS UPSET.
61
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:17,265
COME ON. THIS
THING GOES UP TO 90.
62
00:02:17,334 --> 00:02:18,331
WHO TOUCHED
THE THERMOSTAT?
63
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:19,966
GOD, HOW DOES
HE ALWAYS KNOW?
64
00:02:20,034 --> 00:02:22,232
BRAIN IMPLANT, MEG.
EVERY FATHER'S GOT ONE.
65
00:02:22,301 --> 00:02:24,132
TELLS YOU WHEN THE
KIDS MESS WITH THE DIAL.
66
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,333
HEY, PETER. MY
THING WENT OFF!
YOUR THERMOSTAT OK?
67
00:02:26,401 --> 00:02:28,331
YEAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IS MY KID OVER HERE?
68
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,498
FORGET IT!
FALSE ALARM!
69
00:02:30,134 --> 00:02:31,832
WHOA, ASS AHOY.
70
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:34,398
PETER, IT'S 7:00 AND
YOU'VE STILL GOT
YOUR PANTS ON.
71
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:35,432
WHAT'S
THE OCCASION?
72
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,099
HE'S GOING TO
A STAG PARTY.
73
00:02:37,167 --> 00:02:39,865
LOIS, I WORK HARD ALL WEEK
TO PROVIDE FOR THIS FAMILY.
74
00:02:39,934 --> 00:02:41,198
I AM THE MAN OF THE HOUSE.
75
00:02:41,267 --> 00:02:42,665
AS THE MAN, I ORDER YOU
76
00:02:42,733 --> 00:02:44,565
TO GIVE ME PERMISSION
TO GO TO THIS PARTY.
77
00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:46,699
LOOK, AT LEAST
PROMISE ME YOU WON'T DRINK.
78
00:02:46,768 --> 00:02:48,532
ALCOHOL ALWAYS
LEADS TO TROUBLE.
79
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,433
COME ON. YOU'RE
WORRYING ABOUT NOTHING.
80
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:54,532
REMEMBER WHEN YOU
GOT DRUNK OFF THE
COMMUNION WINE AT CHURCH?
81
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,632
AND SO THE LORD
GOD SMOTE POOR JOB
82
00:02:57,700 --> 00:03:00,065
WITH FESTERING
BOILS ALL OVER HIS BODY.
83
00:03:00,134 --> 00:03:02,432
OH, MAN, I HATE IT WHEN
HE TELLS THIS STORY.
84
00:03:02,501 --> 00:03:04,998
YET, MIRACULOUSLY,
JOB WAS STILL ABLE
85
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,698
TO RETAIN HIS DIGNITY.
86
00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:07,731
[Coughs]
87
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,265
IS THAT REALLY
THE BLOOD OF CHRIST?
88
00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:10,632
YES.
89
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:13,932
MAN, THAT GUY
MUST'VE BEEN WASTED
24 HOURS A DAY.
90
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:17,065
AND THEN THERE WAS
THAT TIME AT THE
ICE CREAM STORE.
91
00:03:17,134 --> 00:03:18,932
BUTTER RUM'S
MY FAVORITE.
92
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,165
REMEMBER YOU HAD
AN IRISH COFFEE
93
00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:24,832
THE DAY WE WENT TO
SEE PHILADELPHIA?
94
00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:26,232
[Sniffling]
95
00:03:30,567 --> 00:03:32,432
I GOT IT. THAT'S
THE GUY FROM BIG.
96
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,298
TOM HANKS, THAT'S IT.
97
00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:35,598
FUNNY GUY, TOM HANKS.
98
00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:37,331
EVERYTHING HE
SAYS IS A STITCH.
99
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,699
I HAVE AIDS.
100
00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:39,799
[Laughing]
101
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:41,665
PROMISE ME, PETER.
102
00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:43,131
LOIS, HONEY, I PROMISE.
103
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,765
NOT A DROP OF
ALCOHOL IS GONNA TOUCH
THESE LIPS TONIGHT.
104
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:47,765
WHO WANTS TO PLAY
DRINK THE BEER?
105
00:03:47,834 --> 00:03:49,066
RIGHT HERE.
106
00:03:49,134 --> 00:03:50,131
YOU WIN.
107
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,232
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT DO I WIN?
108
00:03:51,301 --> 00:03:52,231
ANOTHER BEER!
109
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,798
I'M GOING FOR
THE HIGH SCORE!
110
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,132
ACTUALLY, CHARLIE'S
GOT THE HIGH SCORE.
111
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,098
HEY, MAN. YOUR CLOCK
WON'T FLUSH.
112
00:03:59,168 --> 00:04:00,598
I FEEL KIND OF BAD, GUYS.
113
00:04:00,667 --> 00:04:02,265
I PROMISED MY WIFE
I WOULDN'T DRINK.
114
00:04:02,333 --> 00:04:03,565
DON'T FEEL
BAD, PETER.
115
00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:05,398
OH, GEE. I NEVER
THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT.
116
00:04:05,466 --> 00:04:06,898
DID YOU BRING
THE PORNO?
117
00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:08,765
DID I BRING THE PORNO?
118
00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:10,999
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
IT'S A CLASSIC.
119
00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:12,999
LISTEN, ILSA. IF I
TAKE THIS THING OUT
120
00:04:13,068 --> 00:04:14,665
AND YOU'RE NOT ON IT,
YOU'LL REGRET IT.
121
00:04:14,733 --> 00:04:16,099
MAYBE NOT TODAY
OR TOMORROW.
122
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,999
BUT SOON, AND FOR
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
123
00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:19,765
COME ON, ILSA!
GET ON IT!
124
00:04:22,067 --> 00:04:23,532
[Static]
125
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,398
[Man]
THE STATUE WAS ORIGINALLY
A GIFT FROM FRANCE.
126
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,665
WHAT IS THIS?
127
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,498
OH, MAN. MY KID
MUST'VE TAPED OVER THIS
128
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:29,699
FOR HISTORY CLASS.
129
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:31,132
[All moaning]
130
00:04:31,201 --> 00:04:33,366
THE STATUE OF LIBERTY?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
131
00:04:33,435 --> 00:04:36,032
BOYS, WE'RE GONNA
DRINK TILL SHE'S HOT.
132
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,865
HEY, THAT'S JUST
CRAZY ENOUGH TO WORK.
133
00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:45,132
MEG, FINISH
YOUR PANCAKES.
134
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,732
CHRIS, ELBOWS
OFF YOUR FATHER.
135
00:04:46,801 --> 00:04:47,965
THANKS, SON.
136
00:04:48,034 --> 00:04:49,332
37 BEERS.
137
00:04:49,401 --> 00:04:50,698
YOU'RE SETTING
A GREAT EXAMPLE
138
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:51,832
FOR THE KIDS, PETER.
139
00:04:51,901 --> 00:04:53,431
YEAH. A NEW
FAMILY RECORD.
140
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:55,065
WAY TO RAISE
THE BAR, DAD.
141
00:04:55,134 --> 00:04:57,165
CHRIS, YOU'RE 13.
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.
142
00:04:57,234 --> 00:04:59,832
KIDS, DADDY ONLY DRANK
SO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY
143
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,332
WOULD TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF.
144
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,399
PETER, WHAT DID YOU
PROMISE ME LAST NIGHT?
145
00:05:03,467 --> 00:05:04,999
I WOULDN'T DRINK
AT THE STAG PARTY.
146
00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:06,132
AND WHAT DID YOU DO?
147
00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:08,199
DRANK AT THE STAG...
OH, HO, HO, HO!
148
00:05:08,268 --> 00:05:11,132
I ALMOST WALKED
RIGHT INTO THAT ONE. GOD!
149
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,465
FEELS LIKE ACCOUNTANTS
ARE CRANKING ADDING
MACHINES IN MY HEAD.
150
00:05:14,534 --> 00:05:16,032
[Machines whirring]
151
00:05:18,734 --> 00:05:21,499
DICK, YOU EVER
WONDER WHAT'S
OUTSIDE THOSE WALLS?
152
00:05:21,567 --> 00:05:23,299
THAT'S DANGEROUS
THINKING, PAUL.
153
00:05:23,368 --> 00:05:24,699
YOU BEST STICK
TO YOUR WORK.
154
00:05:24,768 --> 00:05:25,766
OK.
155
00:05:26,334 --> 00:05:27,265
YOU SEE, PETER?
156
00:05:27,334 --> 00:05:28,665
A HANGOVER IS
NATURE'S WAY
157
00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:30,565
OF TELLING YOU I
WAS RIGHT. I MEAN...
158
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,531
MOM, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
159
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,165
MY GOODNESS. THIS
CHAIR LEG WAS LOOSE.
160
00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:36,332
ISN'T THAT SILLY?
161
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,499
I COULD'VE BROKEN MY NECK.
162
00:05:38,567 --> 00:05:39,665
DAMN!
163
00:05:41,234 --> 00:05:43,699
HONEY. I TOOK A CAB HOME,
I SLEPT ON THE TABLE
164
00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:46,099
SO I WOULDN'T WAKE YOU UP.
NOTHING BAD HAPPENED.
165
00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:48,032
I GUESS
YOU'RE RIGHT.
166
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:50,798
APOLOGY ACCEPTED. ALL
RIGHT, I'M GOING TO WORK.
167
00:05:50,867 --> 00:05:52,665
SOMEBODY'S GOTTA PUT
FOOD ON THIS TABLE.
168
00:05:52,733 --> 00:05:54,132
[Dishes smashing]
169
00:05:56,168 --> 00:05:57,965
[With Spanish accent]
HOW ARE YOU
COMING, JOHNSON?
170
00:05:58,034 --> 00:06:00,099
MR. WEED, I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON THE NEW G.I. JEW LINE.
171
00:06:00,168 --> 00:06:02,098
AND AS YOU CAN
SEE, THEY LOOK GREAT.
172
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:03,565
YOU CALL THESE BAGELS?
173
00:06:03,633 --> 00:06:05,966
WHOA! I'M GLAD
HE'S ON OUR SIDE!
174
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:09,365
PETER!
WHAT?
175
00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:10,765
ARE YOU SLEEPING
ON THE JOB?
176
00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:12,398
NO. THERE'S A
BUG IN MY EYE
177
00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:14,032
AND I'M TRYING
TO SUFFOCATE HIM.
178
00:06:14,101 --> 00:06:16,265
PETER, I LIKE YOU.
BUT I NEED YOU TO BE
179
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:17,966
MORE THAN JUST EYE
CANDY AROUND HERE.
180
00:06:18,034 --> 00:06:19,598
IT'S YOUR JOB TO
WATCH FOR ANY TOYS
181
00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,199
THAT COULD BE
HAZARDOUS TO KIDS.
182
00:06:21,268 --> 00:06:22,398
NOW, LOOK SHARP!
183
00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:23,531
YES, SIR!
184
00:06:25,267 --> 00:06:26,632
[Snoring]
185
00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,198
AND NOW BACK
TO ACTION NEWS 5.
186
00:06:37,267 --> 00:06:38,532
OUR TOP STORY
TONIGHT,
187
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,032
"WHEN TOYS ATTACK."
188
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,765
QUITE A SITUATION
WE'VE GOT HERE, TOM.
189
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:44,231
QUITE A SITUATION
WE'VE GOT HERE, TOM,
INDEED, DIANE.
190
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:45,865
IT SEEMS THE
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
TOY COMPANY
191
00:06:45,934 --> 00:06:47,231
OF QUAHOG,
RHODE ISLAND,
192
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,365
HAS RELEASED SEVERAL
HIGHLY UNSAFE TOY PRODUCTS
193
00:06:49,434 --> 00:06:50,565
INTO THE RETAIL MARKET.
194
00:06:50,634 --> 00:06:52,765
COME ON, TIMMY!
THROW THE SILLY BALL!
195
00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:56,765
OH, BOY!
A POUND POOCHIE!
196
00:06:57,934 --> 00:07:00,465
COME ON, BABY
HEIMLICH, SPIT IT OUT.
197
00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:04,532
PETER, I'M APPALLED.
198
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,233
YOUR NEGLIGENCE
HAS DAMAGED THIS
COMPANY'S REPUTATION.
199
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:08,332
YOU'RE FIRED!
200
00:07:08,401 --> 00:07:09,632
OH, GEEZ. FOR HOW LONG?
201
00:07:12,168 --> 00:07:13,699
OH, MY GOD!
YOU GOT FIRED?
202
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,966
WAY TO GO, DAD!
FIGHT THE MACHINE!
203
00:07:16,034 --> 00:07:17,566
HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THE MACHINE?
204
00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:20,265
DON'T WORRY. YOUR
FATHER WILL STILL PUT
FOOD ON THIS TABLE.
205
00:07:20,334 --> 00:07:22,932
JUST NOT AS MUCH.
SO IT MIGHT GET A
LITTLE COMPETITIVE.
206
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,265
WHO CARES ABOUT FOOD?
207
00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,732
NOW WE'LL NEVER
BE ABLE TO AFFORD
208
00:07:25,801 --> 00:07:27,598
MY LIP INJECTIONS!
209
00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:30,066
PETER, CAN WE PUT
HER OUT IN THE YARD
FOR A WHILE?
210
00:07:30,134 --> 00:07:32,532
[Lois]
OK, WHO'S HUNGRY?
211
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,966
JEEZ. HOW THE HELL
AM I GONNA
BREAK THIS TO LOIS?
212
00:07:35,034 --> 00:07:36,898
IF SHE FINDS OUT I GOT
FIRED FOR DRINKING,
213
00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:38,598
SHE'S GONNA BLAME ME!
214
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,565
LIE TO HER. IT'S OK
TO LIE TO WOMEN.
215
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:42,166
THEY'RE NOT
PEOPLE LIKE US.
216
00:07:42,234 --> 00:07:44,765
I DON'T KNOW. HEY,
WHERE'S THE OTHER GUY?
217
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,632
COME ON, YOU BASTARD!
I'M LATE FOR WORK.
218
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,331
OH, THIS IS PERFECT!
219
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,665
LOOK, I DON'T WANT
YOUR MOM TO WORRY,
ALL RIGHT?
220
00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:55,165
WHEN SHE WORRIES, SHE
SAYS, "I TOLD YOU SO"
221
00:07:55,234 --> 00:07:57,065
AND "STOP DOING THAT.
I'M ASLEEP."
222
00:07:57,134 --> 00:07:59,166
SO I'M JUST GONNA
TELL A LITTLE LIE, OK?
223
00:07:59,235 --> 00:08:01,598
NOT A WORD TO YOUR MOM
ABOUT ME GETTING CANNED.
224
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:03,166
WHAT'S THAT, PETER?
225
00:08:03,235 --> 00:08:05,364
NOTHING. OH, THE
LOST-MY-JOB SMELLS GREAT.
226
00:08:05,433 --> 00:08:06,499
WHAT?
227
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:07,798
UH, MEG, HONEY,
CAN YOU PASS
228
00:08:07,867 --> 00:08:09,365
THE FIRED-MY-ASS-
FOR-NEGLIGENCE?
229
00:08:09,433 --> 00:08:11,132
PETER, ARE YOU
FEELING OK?
230
00:08:11,201 --> 00:08:13,899
I FEEL GREAT! I HAVEN'T
GOT A JOB IN THE WORLD.
231
00:08:13,967 --> 00:08:15,631
ALL RIGHT,
THEN LET'S EAT.
232
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,765
I KNOW YOU ALL
HATE EGGPLANT, BUT...
233
00:08:17,834 --> 00:08:19,465
[Zapping]
234
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,298
WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT?
235
00:08:23,867 --> 00:08:26,331
WHAT THE DEUCE
ARE YOU STARING AT?
IT'S TUNA FISH
236
00:08:26,967 --> 00:08:28,498
AND NOTHING ELSE.
237
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:33,965
HOW'S YOUR
JOB SEARCH GOING?
238
00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:35,865
IT SUCKS, BRIAN. I'VE
ALREADY BEEN THROUGH
239
00:08:35,934 --> 00:08:37,332
2 JOBS THIS WEEK.
240
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,965
I GOT FIRED OFF
OF THAT COMMERCIAL.
241
00:08:39,034 --> 00:08:40,098
[Man]
TRY IT AGAIN.
242
00:08:40,167 --> 00:08:41,732
"I'M CACA FOR COCOA PUFFS."
243
00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:43,931
NO, DAMN IT!
TAKE 26!
244
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,832
THEN I HAD THAT JOB
AS THE SNEEZE GUARD
245
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,399
FOR THAT RESTAURANT'S
SALAD BAR.
246
00:08:47,967 --> 00:08:49,432
[Sneezing]
247
00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:51,498
TAKE IT OUTSIDE, LADY.
248
00:08:51,567 --> 00:08:53,965
I THOUGHT I COULD WIN
MONEY IN THAT TALENT SHOW.
249
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,698
AND THE PRIZE GOES
TO THE VON TRAPP
FAMILY SINGERS!
250
00:08:57,767 --> 00:08:59,498
OH, THAT IS BULL...
251
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:01,264
[Crowd applauding]
252
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,298
PETER, I KNOW IT'S A
DANGEROUS PRECEDENT
253
00:09:03,366 --> 00:09:05,499
BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO
TELL LOIS THE TRUTH.
254
00:09:05,567 --> 00:09:07,398
WHAT? THAT I CAN'T
PROVIDE FOR MY FAMILY?
255
00:09:07,467 --> 00:09:08,865
THAT SHE'S
ALWAYS RIGHT?
256
00:09:08,933 --> 00:09:11,398
THAT I DIDN'T
STAND UP TO A TANK
IN TIANANMEN SQUARE?
257
00:09:15,934 --> 00:09:18,866
SCREW THIS!
I JUST CAME OVER TO
BUY SOME FIREWORKS!
258
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:21,398
YOU CAN'T KEEP
LYING TO HER ABOUT
LOSING YOUR JOB.
259
00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:24,431
EVENTUALLY, SHE'LL
FIND OUT WHERE YOU'RE
GOING EVERY DAY.
260
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:25,531
YEAH.
261
00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:27,632
[Game show playing on T.V.]
262
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:29,698
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
263
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:31,265
OK, I'LL TELL
HER TONIGHT.
264
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,998
VICTORY IS MINE!
265
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,765
I'LL NEED THE
CHECKBOOK IN THE MORNING.
266
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:53,999
I'M GOING TO STOP & SHOP
FOR SOME SWEET CORN.
267
00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:55,865
WHAT, YOU'RE SPENDING
MONEY ON FOOD AGAIN?
268
00:09:55,934 --> 00:09:57,498
LOIS, WE JUST
HAD DINNER.
269
00:09:57,567 --> 00:09:59,499
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I ENJOYED IT SO MUCH,
270
00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:01,732
I THOUGHT WE'D EAT
AGAIN TOMORROW.
271
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:04,432
SINCE WHEN ARE
YOU SO CONCERNED
ABOUT OUR FOOD BUDGET?
272
00:10:04,501 --> 00:10:05,731
WELL, I JUST...
273
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,999
LOIS, THIS IS REALLY
HARD FOR ME TO SAY, BUT...
274
00:10:09,068 --> 00:10:10,899
WHAT IS IT, PETER?
275
00:10:11,834 --> 00:10:13,165
YOU'RE GETTING KIND OF FAT.
276
00:10:13,234 --> 00:10:14,165
WHAT?
277
00:10:14,234 --> 00:10:15,498
IT'S JUST...
IT'S NOT HEALTHY.
278
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:16,632
[Laughs weakly]
279
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,765
PETER, I DO MY
JANE FONDA
WORKOUT TAPE
280
00:10:18,834 --> 00:10:19,932
3 TIMES A WEEK.
281
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,898
WHEN WAS THE LAST
TIME YOU SAW YOUR TOES?
282
00:10:21,967 --> 00:10:24,498
I THOUGHT YOU PEOPLE WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE JOLLY.
283
00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:26,898
PETER, WHAT THE HELL
IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
284
00:10:26,968 --> 00:10:30,131
HONEY, IF THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG,
YOU CAN TELL ME.
285
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,132
SORRY, MAN. AM I LATE?
WHAT DID I MISS?
286
00:10:32,201 --> 00:10:34,099
THANK GOD YOU'RE
HERE. WHAT DO I DO?
287
00:10:34,168 --> 00:10:36,432
TELL HIM TO KEEP QUIET.
HE'S IN TOO DEEP.
288
00:10:36,501 --> 00:10:38,365
I DON'T KNOW.
289
00:10:38,433 --> 00:10:39,598
WHERE'S THE OTHER GUY?
290
00:10:40,701 --> 00:10:42,265
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!
291
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,265
LOIS, I PROMISE YOU,
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
292
00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:46,732
YOU GOT NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
293
00:10:46,801 --> 00:10:48,766
[Stewie]
WELL, WELL, MOTHER!
294
00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:50,132
WE MEET AGAIN!
295
00:10:50,201 --> 00:10:52,632
STEWIE, I THOUGHT
I TUCKED YOU IN
AN HOUR AGO.
296
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,199
NOT TIGHTLY ENOUGH
IT WOULD SEEM.
297
00:10:54,268 --> 00:10:55,865
AND NOW YOU
CONTEMPTIBLE HARPY
298
00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:58,431
I SHALL END YOUR OPPRESSIVE
REIGN OF MATRIARCHAL TYRANNY.
299
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,465
YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR
TOYS TOMORROW, HONEY.
300
00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:02,066
RIGHT NOW IT'S BEDTIME.
301
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,199
OH, BLAST YOU AND YOUR
ESTROGENICAL TREACHERY!
302
00:11:05,268 --> 00:11:06,598
SWEET DREAMS, KIDDO.
303
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,066
YOU HAVE THE
POWER TO END THIS!
304
00:11:11,134 --> 00:11:12,532
HOW'D SHE TAKE IT?
305
00:11:12,601 --> 00:11:14,498
I TOLD HER SHE WAS FAT.
306
00:11:14,567 --> 00:11:16,465
NO. NO.
307
00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,364
I HATE LYING TO
LOIS. IT'S JUST...
308
00:11:18,433 --> 00:11:20,565
IT'S THE BEST WAY TO
KEEP HER FROM THE TRUTH.
309
00:11:20,634 --> 00:11:23,131
YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.
YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT
WILL DRY UP SOON.
310
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,099
SHE'LL PROBABLY
SENSE SOMETHING'S AMISS
311
00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:26,665
WHEN THEY REPOSSESS
YOUR HOUSE.
312
00:11:26,734 --> 00:11:28,999
YOU REALLY OUGHTA THINK
OF YOUR FAMILY'S WELFARE.
313
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:30,565
JEEZ, BRIAN!
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!
314
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,832
OK, DO YOU HAVE
ANY DISABILITIES,
315
00:11:34,901 --> 00:11:37,632
PAST INJURIES,
PHYSICAL ANOMALIES?
316
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:40,365
I DIDN'T HAVE GAS
FOR THE FIRST
TIME UNTIL I WAS 30.
317
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,966
[Farting]
318
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,731
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
319
00:11:48,268 --> 00:11:50,098
GUYS, OUR MONEY
PROBLEMS ARE OVER!
320
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,632
WE'RE OFFICIALLY
ON WELFARE.
321
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:54,165
COME ON, HELP ME
SCATTER CAR PARTS
ON THE FRONT LAWN.
322
00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:55,431
UH, HOW MUCH
ARE WE GETTING?
323
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:58,199
LET'S SEE.
$150 A WEEK.
324
00:11:58,268 --> 00:12:00,165
WAIT. THAT'S A COMMA,
NOT A DECIMAL.
325
00:12:02,134 --> 00:12:03,498
WHOOPS.
326
00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:05,866
NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN
PETER ALL AFTERNOON.
327
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,298
I WAS GIVING
A PIANO LESSON.
328
00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:10,631
STEWIE, WHY DON'T YOU PLAY
IN THE OTHER ROOM?
329
00:12:10,701 --> 00:12:12,065
WHY DON'T YOU
BURN IN HELL?
330
00:12:12,134 --> 00:12:14,999
WELL, NO DESSERT FOR
YOU, YOUNG MAN.
331
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,565
WHO WOULD'VE
THOUGHT GETTING DRUNK
AT A STAG PARTY
332
00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:20,565
WOULD GET ME $150,000
A WEEK FROM THE
GOVERNMENT?
333
00:12:20,634 --> 00:12:21,932
THIS IS WHY
I DON'T VOTE.
334
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:24,632
MAYBE SOMEBODY DOWN THERE
WAS DRINKING, TOO.
335
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,832
MR. PRESIDENT, WHY
DO YOU THINK THE
PUBLIC SUPPORTS YOU
336
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:29,632
DURING THESE
IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS?
337
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,199
PROBABLY BECAUSE
YOU'RE SO FAT.
338
00:12:31,268 --> 00:12:32,832
[Laughing]
339
00:12:32,901 --> 00:12:35,099
PETER, YOU MIGHT
WANT TO CALL THE
WELFARE COMMISSION.
340
00:12:35,167 --> 00:12:36,932
THAT CHECK IS
OBVIOUSLY AN OVERSIGHT.
341
00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:38,299
NOT NECESSARILY.
342
00:12:38,368 --> 00:12:40,565
MAYBE I'M LIKE THEIR
ONE MILLIONTH CUSTOMER.
343
00:12:40,634 --> 00:12:42,732
WHAT? YOU'RE GONNA
SPEND $150,000 A WEEK?
344
00:12:42,801 --> 00:12:43,999
UM, YEAH.
345
00:12:44,068 --> 00:12:45,364
ON WHAT?
346
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:46,665
OH, MY GOD!
347
00:12:46,734 --> 00:12:49,765
PETER, YOU BOUGHT
THE STATUE OF DAVID?
348
00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:50,965
NO. I JUST RENTED IT.
349
00:12:51,034 --> 00:12:52,498
BUT THEY'RE GONNA
BE TICKED.
350
00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:55,431
THE PENIS BROKE OFF
WHILE I WAS
LOADING IT INTO THE CAR.
351
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,832
[Smashing]
352
00:12:58,134 --> 00:13:00,165
I SHALL CALL YOU "EDUARDO."
353
00:13:00,234 --> 00:13:01,965
PETER, HOW CAN
WE AFFORD THIS?
354
00:13:02,034 --> 00:13:04,098
YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT,
MOM! DAD'S GETTING--
355
00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:05,298
A BIG RAISE!
356
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,065
PETER, THAT'S
WONDERFUL!
357
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:08,166
BUT, DAD,
I THOUGHT--
358
00:13:08,235 --> 00:13:09,865
THE KIND OF RAISE
THAT'LL ALLOW ME
359
00:13:09,933 --> 00:13:11,498
TO GIVE MY KIDS
A BIG ALLOWANCE
360
00:13:11,566 --> 00:13:14,132
JUST FOR KEEPING
THEIR BIG MOUTHS SHUT.
COME ON, GUYS.
361
00:13:14,201 --> 00:13:17,665
I'LL BUY US
THE MOST EXPENSIVE
MEAL WE'VE EVER HAD.
362
00:13:17,734 --> 00:13:20,798
YEAH. I'D LIKE 6,000
CHICKEN FA-JI-TAS, PLEASE.
363
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:21,765
[Man]
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
364
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:23,965
6,000 CHICKEN
FA-JI-TAS.
365
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:25,866
AND A "SO-SAGE"
MCBISCUIT, PLEASE.
366
00:13:27,733 --> 00:13:29,565
PETER, WHAT'S
THE BIG SURPRISE?
367
00:13:29,633 --> 00:13:32,632
YOU KNOW HOW I ALWAYS
SAID YOU SHOULD BE
TREATED LIKE A QUEEN?
368
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,632
I GOT YOU YOUR
OWN JESTER.
369
00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:37,532
HEY, GOOD TO BE
HERE IN NEW ENGLAND.
370
00:13:37,601 --> 00:13:39,699
AND WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH "NEW" ENGLAND ANYWAY?
371
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:41,832
IT'S OVER 200 YEARS OLD!
372
00:13:41,901 --> 00:13:44,099
LAST TIME I CHECKED,
THAT'S NOT THAT NEW.
373
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:49,732
THIS IS GREAT.
374
00:13:49,801 --> 00:13:51,732
I CAN FINALLY AFFORD
TO GIVE MY LITTLE GIRL
375
00:13:51,801 --> 00:13:53,431
THE LIPS SHE'S
ALWAYS DREAMED OF.
376
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,265
THANK YOU, DADDY!
377
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:56,632
[Smooching]
378
00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,699
I DON'T KNOW, PETER.
LIPS ARE ONE THING.
379
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:01,364
BUT DID YOU HAVE
TO BUY BREAST
IMPLANTS FOR CHRIS?
380
00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:02,665
IT MAKES HIM HAPPY.
381
00:14:02,733 --> 00:14:04,231
THESE ARE COOL.
382
00:14:08,068 --> 00:14:09,598
WHEN DID YOU GUYS
GET A POOL?
383
00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:11,099
OH, IT'S A MOAT.
384
00:14:11,168 --> 00:14:12,199
I KNOW IT'S SILLY
385
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,998
BUT MY HUSBAND
THINKS OUR FAMILY
386
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:15,732
NEEDS EXTRA
PROTECTION NOW THAT
387
00:14:15,801 --> 00:14:17,198
WE'RE, WELL,
WE'RE RICH.
388
00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:18,331
DOES IT WORK?
389
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,032
WELL, IT DOES KEEP THE
BLACK KNIGHT AT BAY.
390
00:14:22,167 --> 00:14:24,266
[Horse snuffling]
391
00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:27,599
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS
ON ALL YOUR SUCCESS.
392
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,432
HERE'S YOUR WELFARE CHECK.
393
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:30,431
WHAT THE...
394
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,865
[Horn blaring]
395
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,698
HI, HONEY.
396
00:14:38,634 --> 00:14:39,699
WHAT?
397
00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:41,665
LOIS, I KNOW WHAT
I DID WAS WRONG.
398
00:14:41,733 --> 00:14:43,599
BUT I ONLY DID IT
FOR YOU AND THE KIDS.
399
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:46,565
EXCEPT FOR THE
JUKEBOX IN THE BATHROOM.
THAT WAS FOR PETER.
400
00:14:46,633 --> 00:14:48,532
YEAH, FROM THE
AMERICAN TAXPAYERS.
401
00:14:48,601 --> 00:14:50,831
I AM SO MAD I
CAN'T SEE STRAIGHT.
402
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,932
NO PROBLEM.
WE GOT MONEY TO
GET THAT FIXED,
403
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,066
WITH ENOUGH LEFT
FOR US TO BUY OUR WAY
404
00:14:55,134 --> 00:14:57,432
OUT OF ANY TROUBLE
OUR KIDS MIGHT GET INTO.
405
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:58,698
JUST LIKE THE KENNEDYS.
406
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:01,365
I FEEL LIKE I DON'T EVEN
KNOW YOU ANYMORE, PETER.
407
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:04,365
THE MAN I MARRIED
WOULD NEVER THINK
HE COULD FIX A PROBLEM
408
00:15:04,434 --> 00:15:05,998
JUST BY
SPENDING MONEY!
409
00:15:07,233 --> 00:15:08,832
BOY, SHE'S PRETTY PISSED.
410
00:15:08,901 --> 00:15:11,265
WHO THOUGHT WELFARE FRAUD
WOULD BE ONE OF HER BUTTONS?
411
00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:14,698
WHY HAVE A JUKEBOX
IN THE JOHN IF YOUR
WIFE'S MAD AT YOU?
412
00:15:14,767 --> 00:15:17,565
PETER, YOU MAY HAVE
TO RETURN THAT MONEY
TO THE TAXPAYERS.
413
00:15:17,634 --> 00:15:19,865
BUT I GOTTA MAKE SURE
LOIS KNOWS I'M DOING IT.
414
00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:21,799
I NEED AN EVENT WITH
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.
415
00:15:21,867 --> 00:15:23,932
SOMETHING THAT
EVERYBODY CARES ABOUT.
416
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,765
WE MIGHT HAVE TO LEAVE
RHODE ISLAND FOR THIS.
417
00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:29,632
[Announcer]
THE AIR IS ELECTRIC HERE
418
00:15:29,701 --> 00:15:31,765
AT SUPER BOWL
XXXIII TONIGHT!
419
00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:34,799
PAT, IT'S SAFE TO
SAY THAT ALL THESE
FANS CAME OUT HERE
420
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,898
TO WATCH A GAME
OF FOOTBALL!
421
00:15:36,968 --> 00:15:38,998
JOHN, WE'RE IN COMMERCIAL.
422
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:41,999
YEAH, I KNOW. I'M JUST
MAKING CONVERSATION.
423
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,231
COME ON.
424
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:44,932
FOOTBALL!
425
00:15:47,334 --> 00:15:49,132
AMAZING. YOU CAN
BARELY DRIVE A CAR,
426
00:15:49,201 --> 00:15:50,965
AND YET YOU WERE
ALLOWED TO FLY A BLIMP?
427
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:53,731
YEAH, AMERICA'S
GREAT, ISN'T IT?
EXCEPT FOR THE SOUTH.
428
00:15:53,801 --> 00:15:55,598
BOY, I HOPE LOIS
IS WATCHING.
429
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:57,865
OK, TAXPAYERS,
HERE YOU GO!
430
00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:00,998
[Pat]
LOOKS LIKE
WE'RE GETTING
431
00:16:01,067 --> 00:16:02,431
SOME RAIN HERE
TONIGHT, JOHN.
432
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:06,198
YEAH. HEY, WAIT A SECOND!
THIS IS NO ORDINARY RAIN!
433
00:16:06,267 --> 00:16:08,398
IT'S SOME KIND OF
CRAZY MONEY RAIN!
434
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,199
I'M BEING TOLD IT'S
A MAN AND HIS DOG
435
00:16:10,268 --> 00:16:11,898
THROWING CASH
OUT OF A BLIMP.
436
00:16:11,967 --> 00:16:13,865
OH, MAN. I HOPE THIS
WORKS. OTHERWISE,
437
00:16:13,934 --> 00:16:15,765
I'M GONNA HAVE TO
START DROPPING THESE.
438
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:19,199
[Crowd cheering]
439
00:16:20,634 --> 00:16:22,233
[John]
THE CROWD IS STORMING
THE FIELD!
440
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:23,798
THIS IS PANDEMONIUM!
441
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:26,499
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS, PAT?
442
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:27,598
PAT?
443
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:30,132
JUST ONCE, JOHN.
THE 1975 COTTON BOWL.
444
00:16:30,201 --> 00:16:31,798
THIS IS THE OLD
"TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS
445
00:16:31,867 --> 00:16:33,698
"FOR SPENDING
$150,000 A WEEK
446
00:16:33,767 --> 00:16:35,598
"IN MISAPPROPRIATED
WELFARE FUNDS" PLAY.
447
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:37,032
I DON'T CARE
WHAT IT IS!
448
00:16:37,101 --> 00:16:40,465
THAT GUY'S RUINING
A PERFECTLY GOOD GAME
OF FOOTBALL!
449
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,832
MADDEN TO FOX SECURITY.
450
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:42,832
GO AHEAD.
451
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:43,832
[John]
TAKE THEM DOWN!
452
00:16:43,901 --> 00:16:44,999
YES, SIR.
453
00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:54,999
HOW WAS YOUR SHOWER?
454
00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:56,499
I TELL YOU,
ALL OF THE RUMORS
455
00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:57,999
ABOUT DROPPING
THE SOAP ARE TRUE.
456
00:16:58,067 --> 00:16:59,398
REALLY?
457
00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:01,399
YOU CAN'T HOLD
ONTO THAT THING
TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.
458
00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:03,832
IT WAS SLIPPING EVERYWHERE.
GUYS WERE LAUGHING.
459
00:17:03,901 --> 00:17:06,066
THERE'S THE GUY
THAT COULDN'T
HOLD ONTO THE SOAP.
460
00:17:06,134 --> 00:17:08,365
THAT WAS
CLASSIC.
461
00:17:08,433 --> 00:17:10,832
BOY. I REALLY LET
LOIS DOWN THIS TIME.
462
00:17:10,901 --> 00:17:12,233
DO YOU THINK
SHE'LL WAIT FOR ME?
463
00:17:12,301 --> 00:17:13,898
IF EVERY WOMAN
DUMPED HER HUSBAND
464
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,699
FOR CRASHING A BLIMP
INTO THE SUPERBOWL,
NO ONE WOULD BE MARRIED.
465
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:19,198
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
OK, I GOT THE TOP BUNK.
466
00:17:22,134 --> 00:17:24,698
OH, MY COLLAGEN
IS WEARING OFF.
467
00:17:24,767 --> 00:17:27,199
HONEY, SAGGING LIPS
ARE JUST NATURE'S WAY
468
00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:30,299
OF TELLING YOU YOU
SHOULDN'T HAVE COVERED
FOR YOUR FATHER'S LIE.
469
00:17:30,368 --> 00:17:33,599
WHAT DOES IT MEAN
WHEN YOUR ARMPITS
CRY STINKY TEARS?
470
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:35,765
IT MEANS YOU'RE
BECOMING A MAN.
471
00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:37,665
BUT HOPEFULLY
NOT THE KIND
472
00:17:37,734 --> 00:17:39,599
WHO STAYS OUT ALL DAY
AND DOESN'T CALL,
473
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:42,232
LIKE YOUR FATHER WHO
SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS.
474
00:17:42,301 --> 00:17:43,399
HELLO, MOTHER.
475
00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:45,166
HI THERE, SWEETIE.
476
00:17:45,235 --> 00:17:47,832
YOU KNOW, MOTHER,
LIFE IS LIKE A
BOX OF CHOCOLATES.
477
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,198
YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GOING TO GET.
478
00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:52,965
YOUR LIFE, HOWEVER,
IS MORE LIKE A BOX
OF ACTIVE GRENADES!
479
00:17:54,534 --> 00:17:57,531
NOW, I OFFER ONE LAST
CHANCE FOR DELIVERANCE.
480
00:17:57,601 --> 00:17:59,665
RETURN MY
MIND-CONTROL DEVICE
481
00:17:59,734 --> 00:18:01,398
OR BE DESTROYED.
482
00:18:01,467 --> 00:18:04,331
OH, YOU JUST WANT
YOUR TOY BACK.
483
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,899
OK, HERE YOU GO, HONEY.
484
00:18:06,968 --> 00:18:09,199
YES... WELL,
VICTORY IS MINE!
485
00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:13,232
[Exploding]
486
00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,532
[Stewie]
DAMN YOU ALL!
487
00:18:14,601 --> 00:18:16,133
[Telephone ringing]
488
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,365
HELLO?
489
00:18:18,134 --> 00:18:19,532
OH, MY GOD!
490
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:24,998
[People murmuring]
491
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:26,998
LOIS, AM I GLAD
TO SEE YOU.
492
00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:28,965
I HAVE NOTHING TO
SAY TO YOU, PETER.
493
00:18:29,034 --> 00:18:31,199
I GAVE THE MONEY BACK.
WHY ARE YOU STILL STEAMED?
494
00:18:31,268 --> 00:18:33,066
PETER, YOU LIED TO ME,
495
00:18:33,135 --> 00:18:34,698
YOU BETRAYED MY TRUST.
496
00:18:34,768 --> 00:18:37,099
COMPARED TO THAT,
WELFARE FRAUD
DOESN'T EVEN MATTER.
497
00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:39,665
REALLY? LET'S HOPE THE
JUDGE FEELS THAT WAY.
498
00:18:41,268 --> 00:18:43,698
THIS COURT WILL
COME TO ORDER.
499
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:46,265
I FIGURED THE SOONER
I CASHED THE CHECK
500
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:49,132
THE SOONER THEY'D, UH,
CATCH THEIR MISTAKE.
501
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,399
WHY ARE WE MAKING
A FEDERAL CASE OUT OF THIS?
502
00:18:51,467 --> 00:18:54,032
DON'T YOU THINK YOU
SHOULD HAVE ALERTED
THE GOVERNMENT
503
00:18:54,101 --> 00:18:55,432
OF SUCH A GROSS
OVERPAYMENT?
504
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,032
I WAS GONNA CALL THEM.
505
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:58,799
BUT, UH, MY
FAVORITE EPISODE
506
00:18:58,867 --> 00:19:00,398
OF DIFFERENT
STROKES WAS ON.
507
00:19:00,467 --> 00:19:01,932
THE ONE WHERE
ARNOLD AND DUDLEY
508
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,799
GET SEXUALLY MOLESTED
BY THE BIKE SHOP OWNER?
509
00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:06,132
ALL RIGHT. NOW
I WANT YOU BOYS
510
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,999
TO SCREAM REAL
LOUD AT MY ASS.
511
00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:10,266
AND EVERYBODY LEARNS
A VALUABLE LESSON.
512
00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:12,333
MR. GRIFFIN, HAVE
YOU LEARNED A LESSON?
513
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,966
OH, YES. STAY THE HELL
AWAY FROM THAT BIKE SHOP.
514
00:19:15,968 --> 00:19:16,999
[Sighs]
515
00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:18,232
OK, EVERYBODY,
516
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:20,665
I FEEL REALLY BAD
ABOUT WHAT I DID. I JUST...
517
00:19:20,734 --> 00:19:22,298
I DON'T KNOW. I SAW
THE ONE CHANCE
518
00:19:22,367 --> 00:19:25,598
I'D EVER HAVE TO
GIVE MY FAMILY THE
THINGS THEY DESERVE.
519
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:28,132
I GUESS I SCREWED IT UP.
I CHEATED THE GOVERNMENT.
520
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,832
AND WORST OF ALL,
I LIED TO MY WIFE.
521
00:19:30,901 --> 00:19:32,565
AND SHE DESERVES BETTER.
522
00:19:32,634 --> 00:19:34,098
I'M SORRY, HONEY.
523
00:19:34,166 --> 00:19:37,132
MR. GRIFFIN, I
THINK YOUR WORDS
HAVE TOUCHED US ALL.
524
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,532
I'M SENTENCING YOU TO
24 MONTHS IN PRISON.
525
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:40,498
OH, NO!
526
00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:41,866
OH, NO!
527
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:42,865
OH, NO!
528
00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:43,999
OH, YEAH!
529
00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:51,865
EXCUSE ME,
YOUR HONOR?
530
00:19:51,934 --> 00:19:53,198
YES?
531
00:19:53,266 --> 00:19:56,232
LOOK, MY HUSBAND MAY BE
A BIT THOUGHTLESS AT TIMES.
532
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:59,831
HE MAY EVEN BE
DOWNRIGHT, WELL, STUPID.
533
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,266
BUT I KNOW HE ONLY
ACCEPTED THAT MONEY
534
00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:05,699
BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE
A GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER.
535
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:08,432
BUT WHAT HE NEEDS TO REMEMBER
IS THAT WE LOVE HIM.
536
00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:11,432
AND NO MATTER WHAT,
I'LL ALWAYS STAND BY HIM.
537
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:13,432
I LOVE YOU TOO, HONEY.
538
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,598
THAT WAS VERY
MOVING, MRS. GRIFFIN.
539
00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,432
OK, YOU CAN GO
TO JAIL WITH HIM!
540
00:20:17,501 --> 00:20:18,499
WHAT?
541
00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:21,465
24 MONTHS IN PRISON?
UNACCEPTABLE!
542
00:20:21,534 --> 00:20:23,098
INTOLERABLE AS IT MAY BE
543
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:26,032
I'M COMPLETELY DEPENDENT
UPON THOSE WRETCHED
DRONES FOR SUSTENANCE.
544
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:29,199
LET US SEE HOW THE
IRON CONSTITUTION OF
AMERICAN JUSTICE FARES
545
00:20:29,267 --> 00:20:31,465
AGAINST THE DEVICE!
546
00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:32,932
[Zapping]
547
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:42,132
IS THAT YOUR BOY?
548
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,066
WHAT? YEAH. THAT'S STEWIE.
549
00:20:44,135 --> 00:20:45,999
GOSH. I CAN'T
SEPARATE A KID THAT YOUNG
550
00:20:46,068 --> 00:20:48,631
FROM HIS FATHER.
IT'S UNJUDGMENLY.
551
00:20:48,701 --> 00:20:50,431
HELL, YOU'VE LEARNED
YOUR LESSON, RIGHT?
552
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:51,365
YEAH.
553
00:20:51,433 --> 00:20:52,832
ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE FREE.
554
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:54,398
WOW! CAN YOU GIVE
ME MY JOB BACK?
555
00:20:54,467 --> 00:20:55,965
NO.
556
00:20:56,034 --> 00:20:57,731
YES.
ALL RIGHT!
557
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,232
[Man laughing on T.V.]
558
00:21:02,301 --> 00:21:04,066
THAT WAS A CRAZY
ONE, DICK.
559
00:21:04,135 --> 00:21:07,231
IT SURE WAS, ED. IN
THIS NEXT BLOOPER FROM
JOANIE LOVES CHACHI
560
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,632
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN SCOTT BAIO
TRIES TO SAY,
561
00:21:09,701 --> 00:21:11,831
"SHE SELLS SEASHELLS
DOWN BY THE SEASHORE."
562
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,333
WHAT DOES YOUR MOM
DO FOR A LIVING?
563
00:21:13,401 --> 00:21:15,298
SHE SELLS SEASHELLS
DOWN BY THE...
564
00:21:15,367 --> 00:21:16,799
[Growling]
565
00:21:16,867 --> 00:21:18,432
THAT IS KIND OF
A TONGUE TWISTER.
566
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,598
IT'S GOOD TO HAVE
YOU HOME, PETER.
567
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:22,999
HONEY, I KNEW EVERYTHING
WOULD TURN OUT OK.
568
00:21:23,068 --> 00:21:24,532
I SURE AM GONNA
MISS BEING RICH.
569
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,598
DON'T WORRY. I GOT
A WAY TO GET MONEY.
570
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:28,231
NOT ANOTHER WELFARE SCAM?
571
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,398
NO. MINORITY
SCHOLARSHIP.
572
00:21:30,467 --> 00:21:31,598
[Laughing]
573
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:38,732
[All]
NO.
574
00:21:38,801 --> 00:21:39,865
ARE YOU
INSANE?
575
00:21:39,934 --> 00:21:42,732
OK, I MEAN, UH, SEXUAL
HARASSMENT SUIT.
576
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:43,965
[Laughing]
577
00:21:44,034 --> 00:21:45,098
[All]
NO. I DON'T THINK SO.
578
00:21:45,167 --> 00:21:46,465
ABSOLUTELY
OUTRAGEOUS.
579
00:21:46,534 --> 00:21:47,998
OK, DISABILITY CLAIM.
580
00:21:54,201 --> 00:21:56,099
♪[Theme music playing]