1
00:00:05,534 --> 00:00:07,333
OH, LOOK AT STEWIE.
2
00:00:07,401 --> 00:00:10,165
ISN'T HE ADORABLE
PLAYING WITH HIS
SESAME STREET PHONE?
3
00:00:10,234 --> 00:00:12,166
PUT ME THROUGH
TO THE PENTAGON.
4
00:00:12,234 --> 00:00:14,066
[Ernie]
DO YOU KNOW WHAT
SOUND A COW MAKES?
5
00:00:14,134 --> 00:00:15,231
DON'T TOY WITH
ME, ERNIE!
6
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:17,032
I'VE ALREADY DISPATCHED
WITH MR. HOOPER.
7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,432
I'VE 6 ARMED MEN
OUTSIDE BIG BIRD'S NEST.
8
00:00:19,501 --> 00:00:21,265
AND AS FOR LINDA?
9
00:00:21,333 --> 00:00:22,731
IT'S DIFFICULT
FOR A DEAF WOMAN
10
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,698
TO HEAR AN ASSASSIN
APPROACH, ISN'T IT?
11
00:00:24,767 --> 00:00:26,099
CAN YOU COUNT TO 3?
12
00:00:26,168 --> 00:00:27,598
OH, INDEED I CAN.
13
00:00:27,667 --> 00:00:30,665
1! 2! 3!
14
00:00:30,733 --> 00:00:33,032
CAN I COUNT TO 3?
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
15
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,532
I'M ALREADY SHOOTING
AT A 5TH-GRADE LEVEL.
16
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:39,032
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
17
00:00:39,101 --> 00:00:42,232
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
18
00:00:42,301 --> 00:00:45,866
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
19
00:00:45,934 --> 00:00:49,032
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
20
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:52,265
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
21
00:00:52,334 --> 00:00:55,532
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
22
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,266
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
23
00:00:57,335 --> 00:00:58,866
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
24
00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:03,865
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
25
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:07,932
COME ON, STEWIE.
26
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,231
YOU CAN'T LEAVE
THE TABLE
27
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:10,899
UNTIL YOU FINISH
YOUR VEGETABLES.
28
00:01:10,967 --> 00:01:13,332
THEN I SHALL SIT HERE
UNTIL ONE OF US EXPIRES.
29
00:01:13,401 --> 00:01:15,698
YOU'VE GOT A GOOD
40 YEARS ON ME, WOMAN!
30
00:01:15,767 --> 00:01:18,431
SWEETIE, IT'S BROCCOLI.
IT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
31
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,799
NOW OPEN UP FOR
THE AIRPLANE.
32
00:01:20,867 --> 00:01:22,164
[Making airplane sounds]
33
00:01:22,233 --> 00:01:24,265
NEVER! DAMN THE
BROCCOLI! DAMN YOU!
34
00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:25,465
AND DAMN THE
WRIGHT BROTHERS!
35
00:01:25,533 --> 00:01:28,065
MY, AREN'T WE
FUSSY TONIGHT.
36
00:01:28,134 --> 00:01:30,099
OK. NO BROCCOLI.
37
00:01:30,168 --> 00:01:31,965
VERY WELL THEN. I--
38
00:01:33,034 --> 00:01:34,999
WHO THE HELL DO
YOU THINK YOU ARE?
39
00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:36,698
HONEY, IT'S NOT
GONNA GO AWAY
40
00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:38,298
JUST BECAUSE YOU
DON'T LIKE IT.
41
00:01:38,367 --> 00:01:40,665
WELL, THEN. MY GOAL
BECOMES CLEAR.
42
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,665
THE BROCCOLI MUST DIE.
43
00:01:46,867 --> 00:01:48,932
MOM, WILL YOU TAKE ME OUT
TO PRACTICE DRIVING?
44
00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:51,765
I'M TEACHING A PIANO
LESSON IN HALF AN HOUR.
45
00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:53,431
MAYBE YOUR FATHER
CAN TAKE YOU.
46
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,365
SORRY, MEG.
DADDY LOVES YOU.
47
00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:56,899
BUT DADDY ALSO
LOVES STAR TREK.
48
00:01:56,968 --> 00:01:59,965
AND, IN ALL FAIRNESS,
STAR TREK WAS HERE FIRST.
49
00:02:00,034 --> 00:02:02,832
CAPTAIN'S LOG,
STARDATE 8169.7.
50
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:06,399
THE ENTERPRISE HAS
JUST DISCOVERED A
STRANGE NEW PLANET
51
00:02:06,467 --> 00:02:08,065
IN THE GAMMA
FALOPPIA STAR SYSTEM.
52
00:02:08,134 --> 00:02:09,665
MR. SULU, AHEAD WARP 9.
53
00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:10,765
[Ripping]
54
00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:12,132
FOR GOD'S
SAKE, PETER.
55
00:02:12,201 --> 00:02:13,565
YOU'VE BEEN IN
FRONT OF THE T.V.
56
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,132
SINCE YOU GOT
HOME FROM WORK.
57
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,498
WHY DON'T YOU
SPEND SOME TIME
58
00:02:16,567 --> 00:02:17,598
WITH YOUR FAMILY?
59
00:02:17,667 --> 00:02:19,899
I WILL, DURING
THE COMMERCIALS.
60
00:02:19,967 --> 00:02:21,133
AND IF THAT'S
WRONG,
61
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,766
MAYBE I'M MISSING THE POINT
OF HAVING COMMERCIALS.
62
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:24,699
[Sighs]
63
00:02:24,767 --> 00:02:26,265
PLEASE. MY ROAD
TEST IS TOMORROW
64
00:02:26,334 --> 00:02:28,032
AND YOU HAVEN'T
TAUGHT ME ANYTHING.
65
00:02:28,101 --> 00:02:30,332
YOU MAY WANT
TO FIND A BETTER
TEACHER THAN PETER.
66
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,698
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'M A GREAT DRIVER.
67
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:34,265
REMEMBER YOUR TRIP
TO THE SOUTHWEST?
68
00:02:35,266 --> 00:02:36,565
BEEP BEEP!
69
00:02:38,834 --> 00:02:40,665
JEEZ. DID I JUST HIT
THAT OSTRICH?
70
00:02:40,734 --> 00:02:41,732
NO.
ARE YOU SURE?
71
00:02:41,801 --> 00:02:43,464
HE'S FINE. KEEP GOING.
72
00:02:43,533 --> 00:02:45,865
DON'T BELIEVE WHAT THEY'RE
SAYING. I ALWAYS KEEP
MY EYES ON THE ROAD.
73
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:47,132
I DON'T MISS
A THING.
74
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,631
[Man]
WE NOW RETURN TO STAR TREK.
75
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:50,398
HOLY CRAP.
UHURA'S BLACK?
76
00:02:52,634 --> 00:02:54,699
ALL RIGHT, MEG. NOW
HERE'S YOUR FIRST LESSON.
77
00:02:54,767 --> 00:02:57,232
YOU ALWAYS WANT TO
BE AWARE OF OTHER
CARS ON THE ROAD.
78
00:02:57,301 --> 00:02:59,498
IF YOU CATCH EYES
WITH THE GUY NEXT TO YOU
79
00:02:59,567 --> 00:03:01,699
AT A RED LIGHT,
YOU GOTTA RACE HIM.
80
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,531
THIS GUY'S
ASKING FOR IT.
81
00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:07,532
BUT DAD...
82
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,065
I DON'T MAKE
THE RULES, HONEY.
83
00:03:09,134 --> 00:03:10,465
NOW REV YOUR
ENGINE TWICE.
84
00:03:10,534 --> 00:03:11,665
OK.
85
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:13,132
[Revving]
86
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,699
[Snorting]
87
00:03:15,567 --> 00:03:16,599
GO!
88
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:22,465
OH! OH!
89
00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:23,698
AAH!
90
00:03:29,367 --> 00:03:30,832
WELL, YOU FORGOT
TO FLIP HIM OFF.
91
00:03:30,901 --> 00:03:32,998
BUT OTHER THAN
THAT, NICE JOB.
92
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,166
YOU'RE BACK
ALREADY?
93
00:03:35,233 --> 00:03:36,699
THAT WASN'T MUCH
OF A LESSON.
94
00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:37,932
I DIDN'T WANT TO
OVERLOAD HER
95
00:03:38,001 --> 00:03:39,331
ON HER FIRST TIME OUT.
96
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,098
BESIDES CHIPS
IS ABOUT TO START.
97
00:03:41,167 --> 00:03:43,365
SO LET'S SIT BACK AND
GET LOST IN A WORLD
98
00:03:43,434 --> 00:03:46,765
OF CALIFORNIA
HIGHWAY PATROL FANTASY!
99
00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:49,565
♪[Chips theme playing]
100
00:03:49,634 --> 00:03:51,498
WHAT'S THE CHARGE,
OFFICER?
101
00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:53,499
DRIVING WITHOUT
MY PHONE NUMBER.
102
00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:56,732
[Tires screeching]
103
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,599
[Guns firing]
104
00:03:58,667 --> 00:04:01,665
OR MAYBE I SHOULD ARREST YOU
FOR BEING TOO BEAUTIFUL.
105
00:04:01,734 --> 00:04:02,799
[Dings]
106
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:06,965
SO, BROCCOLI, MOTHER SAYS
YOU'RE VERY GOOD FOR ME.
107
00:04:07,034 --> 00:04:09,099
I'M AFRAID I'M
NO GOOD FOR YOU!
108
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:11,165
THE FIRST RULE OF WAR
IS KNOW THINE ENEMY.
109
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:12,265
AND I KNOW THIS!
110
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:15,465
COLD KILLS BROCCOLI!
IT'S SO SIMPLE.
111
00:04:15,534 --> 00:04:17,233
ALL I NEED TO DO
IS BUILD A MACHINE
112
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:18,966
TO CONTROL THE
GLOBAL ENVIRONMENT.
113
00:04:19,034 --> 00:04:21,199
FORECAST FOR TOMORROW,
A FEW SPRINKLES
114
00:04:21,267 --> 00:04:23,365
OF GENIUS WITH
A CHANCE OF DOOM!
115
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,798
THIS IS TAKING
FOREVER!
116
00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:30,431
COME ON. LET'S GO.
FOX IS RUNNING
117
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,399
ONE OF THOSE NEW
REALITY SHOWS AT 8:00.
118
00:04:32,467 --> 00:04:34,432
FAST ANIMALS,
SLOW CHILDREN.
119
00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:38,532
COME ON, GUYS.
WAIT UP.
120
00:04:40,967 --> 00:04:43,365
OH, DANG. I GOT HONEY
ALL OVER MY LEGS.
121
00:04:44,901 --> 00:04:46,299
DAD, WE CAN'T LEAVE NOW.
122
00:04:46,367 --> 00:04:48,632
MY ENTIRE LIFE DEPENDS
ON GETTING MY LICENSE.
123
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:49,932
IF I CAN'T DRIVE,
124
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,966
I'LL NEVER HAVE
A BOYFRIEND, NEVER
GET MARRIED
125
00:04:52,034 --> 00:04:53,465
AND THEN I'LL HAVE
TO ADOPT A KID
126
00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:55,665
LIKE ROSIE O'DONNELL.
127
00:04:55,734 --> 00:04:58,132
ARE YOU IMPLYING
THAT ROSIE O'DONNELL
CAN'T DRIVE?
128
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,298
I'M SO NERVOUS.
129
00:05:02,366 --> 00:05:03,364
YOU'RE GONNA
DO GREAT.
130
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:04,999
REMEMBER EVERYTHING
I TAUGHT YOU.
131
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:08,932
LET'S START BY GOING
DOWN MAIN STREET.
132
00:05:09,001 --> 00:05:09,999
OK.
133
00:05:15,934 --> 00:05:17,865
[Revving]
134
00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:19,632
[Tires screeching]
135
00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:20,932
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
136
00:05:21,001 --> 00:05:23,065
I'M DRIVING. DUH.
137
00:05:23,134 --> 00:05:24,799
[Siren wailing]
138
00:05:25,767 --> 00:05:27,965
AAH!
139
00:05:28,034 --> 00:05:30,865
ARE YOU GONNA MARK
ME DOWN FOR NOT
FLIPPING HIM OFF?
140
00:05:30,934 --> 00:05:33,799
[Sobbing]
OH, GOD, MY
LIFE IS OVER.
141
00:05:33,868 --> 00:05:36,065
I AM THE BIGGEST
LOSER I KNOW!
142
00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:37,899
I KNOW HOW YOU
FEEL, PUMPKIN.
143
00:05:37,967 --> 00:05:39,965
I'VE HAD MY SHARE OF
DISAPPOINTMENTS, TOO.
144
00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:41,932
IT'S A GIRL!
145
00:05:42,001 --> 00:05:44,265
CAN YOU CHECK AGAIN?
146
00:05:44,334 --> 00:05:46,032
YOU JUST HAVE TO
REMEMBER THAT LIFE
147
00:05:46,101 --> 00:05:47,765
HAS ITS LITTLE
UPS AND... JEEZ!
148
00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:50,298
WE'RE GONNA MISS THE
BEGINNING OF MY SHOW.
149
00:05:50,367 --> 00:05:51,665
THERE IT IS.
150
00:05:52,834 --> 00:05:54,365
DAD, WATCH OUT!
151
00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:55,432
AAH!
152
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:09,865
MEG, HONEY, ARE YOU OK?
153
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,665
YEAH, I THINK SO.
154
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:16,432
THE QUAHOG CABLE
TELEVISION TRANSMITTER.
155
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,165
OH-OH.
156
00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:19,798
[People grumbling]
157
00:06:19,868 --> 00:06:22,565
YOU JUST KNOCKED
OUT CABLE T.V. FOR
THE WHOLE TOWN!
158
00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:25,565
BOY! LOOK.
THERE'S BIGFOOT!
159
00:06:25,634 --> 00:06:28,166
WHOA. THIS ISN'T ABOUT
ME. THIS IS ABOUT YOU.
160
00:06:28,235 --> 00:06:29,932
AT LEAST I BOUGHT
US SOME TIME.
161
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:31,798
UH, UH, UH,
SHE DID IT.
162
00:06:31,867 --> 00:06:33,965
WHAT? DAD, YOU WERE
THE ONE DRIVING!
163
00:06:34,034 --> 00:06:35,665
I WAS TEACHING
HER TO DRIVE
164
00:06:35,733 --> 00:06:37,831
AND SHE LOST CONTROL
OF THE CAR.
165
00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:39,598
COME ON, WE ALL
DID STUPID STUFF
166
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,065
WHEN WE WERE
KIDS, RIGHT?
167
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,665
I REMEMBER WHEN I
TRIED TO SNEAK INTO
AN R-RATED MOVIE.
168
00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:49,165
COME ON. GIVE THE
KID A BREAK, HUH?
169
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:50,498
WHY SHOULD WE?
170
00:06:51,701 --> 00:06:53,565
SHE GOT HER ARM SHOT
OFF IN VIETNAM.
171
00:06:53,633 --> 00:06:54,665
[All]
OH.
172
00:06:54,734 --> 00:06:55,632
[Man #1]
POOR KID.
173
00:06:55,701 --> 00:06:57,099
[Man #2]
WHAT A SENSELESS WAR.
174
00:06:57,168 --> 00:06:59,732
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST SOLD OUT
YOUR OWN DAUGHTER.
175
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,798
MEG, I KNOW WHAT
I DID WAS WRONG.
176
00:07:01,868 --> 00:07:04,599
AND I KNOW IT'S NOT
THE FIRST TIME I'VE
EMBARRASSED YOU.
177
00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:06,565
AND IF YOU ADD THE
MEASURE OF THE ANGLES
178
00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:08,166
OF A RIGHT TRIANGLE,
THE SUM--
179
00:07:08,234 --> 00:07:09,966
MEG, DO YOU MIND
CLEANING OUT THE SHOWER
180
00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:11,433
THE NEXT TIME YOU
SHAVE YOUR LEGS?
181
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,299
IT'S LIKE A
CARPET IN THERE.
182
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,332
I HATE TO SEE
YOU SO UPSET.
183
00:07:16,401 --> 00:07:19,099
HEY, I KNOW. LET'S
PLAY A LITTLE GAME
184
00:07:19,168 --> 00:07:21,264
CALLED TAKING THE
FALL FOR DADDY.
185
00:07:21,333 --> 00:07:23,098
IF YOU WIN, I'LL BUY
YOU A CONVERTIBLE
186
00:07:23,166 --> 00:07:24,298
WHEN YOU GET YOUR LICENSE.
187
00:07:24,367 --> 00:07:28,099
REALLY? OH, DADDY!
NOW I LOVE YOU AGAIN!
188
00:07:28,168 --> 00:07:30,866
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE
SOME JEWISH GUY
A GREAT WIFE.
189
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:32,364
[Clanging]
190
00:07:34,433 --> 00:07:36,898
BECAUSE OF AN ACCIDENT AT
THE QUAHOG CABLE COMPANY
191
00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:38,731
TELEVISION TRANSMISSION
WILL BE OUT
192
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,498
FOR AN UNDETERMINED
AMOUNT OF TIME.
193
00:07:40,567 --> 00:07:42,698
OF COURSE, NO ONE CAN
SEE THIS NEWS PROGRAM
194
00:07:42,767 --> 00:07:44,532
SO IT DOESN'T REALLY
MATTER WHAT WE SAY.
195
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,165
I'M THE LORD
JESUS CHRIST.
196
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,898
THINK I'LL GO GET DRUNK
AND BEAT UP MIDGETS.
HOW ABOUT YOU, DIANE?
197
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:51,265
TOM, I JUST PLAIN
DON'T LIKE
BLACK PEOPLE.
198
00:07:51,333 --> 00:07:52,365
[Laughing]
199
00:07:52,433 --> 00:07:54,932
YOU GUYS, WE'RE STILL
ON IN BOSTON.
200
00:07:59,134 --> 00:08:02,132
EXCELLENT.
THE WEATHER MACHINE
IS NEARLY COMPLETED.
201
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,699
WHAT DO YOU SAY
TO THAT, BROCCOLI?
202
00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:07,465
STOP MOCKING ME!
203
00:08:07,534 --> 00:08:08,598
WHAT'S THIS?
204
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,299
IT APPEARS THE
WITLESS PROVIDER
205
00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:12,331
HAS FINALLY BROUGHT
ME SOMETHING OF VALUE.
206
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,832
I CAN USE THAT CRUDE DEVICE
TO AMPLIFY MY DEADLY SIGNAL.
207
00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:17,965
VICTORY SHALL
YET BE MINE.
208
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,199
GUESS WHAT, MOM?
209
00:08:20,268 --> 00:08:21,932
DAD CRASHED THE CAR
INTO THE CITY
CABLE TRANSMITTER.
210
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:22,932
WHAT?
211
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:24,831
IT'S OK. IF I
TAKE THE BLAME,
212
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,165
HE'LL BUY ME
A CONVERTIBLE WHEN
I GET MY LICENSE.
213
00:08:27,233 --> 00:08:29,465
MEG, IT'S NOT EXACTLY
TAKING THE BLAME
214
00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:31,865
IF YOU GO AROUND
TELLING EVERYONE.
215
00:08:31,934 --> 00:08:34,665
PETER, YOU'RE BRIBING
YOUR DAUGHTER
WITH A CAR?
216
00:08:34,734 --> 00:08:36,032
COME ON, LOIS.
217
00:08:36,101 --> 00:08:38,665
ISN'T "BRIBE" JUST
ANOTHER WORD
FOR "LOVE"?
218
00:08:38,734 --> 00:08:40,198
YOU WANTED ME
AND MEG TO BOND.
219
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:41,532
THAT'S WHAT
WE'RE DOING.
220
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,198
DAD, I WAS IN A CHAT
ROOM ON AMERICA ONLINE
221
00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:47,965
AND DOOMIE 22 TOLD ME
SOME IDIOT KNOCKED
OUT THE CABLE.
222
00:08:48,034 --> 00:08:50,165
WE COULD BE WITHOUT
T.V. FOR WEEKS!
223
00:08:50,233 --> 00:08:51,898
NOW CHRIS, NOW
LET'S NOT PANIC.
224
00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:53,831
WE CAN MANAGE JUST
FINE WITHOUT T.V.
225
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:54,798
HA.
226
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,365
WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
227
00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:58,364
FACE IT, YOU'RE
ADDICTED TO TELEVISION.
228
00:08:58,433 --> 00:09:00,032
YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY
MR. COLD TURKEY.
229
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,999
REMEMBER WHEN
YOU GAVE UP CANDY?
230
00:09:02,068 --> 00:09:03,365
I'LL ASK YOU
ONE MORE TIME.
231
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,865
YOU DIDN'T EAT ANYTHING
IN MY FACTORY?
232
00:09:05,933 --> 00:09:06,932
NO.
233
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:08,032
I'M JUST ASKING--
234
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,265
ARE YOU CALLING
ME A LIAR?
235
00:09:09,334 --> 00:09:11,165
I'M JUST SAYING--
SHUT UP, WONKA.
236
00:09:11,233 --> 00:09:13,166
YEAH. THAT WAS
DIFFERENT. I'LL BE FINE.
237
00:09:13,234 --> 00:09:14,565
ARE YOU
SURE, HONEY?
238
00:09:14,633 --> 00:09:15,932
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
YOU GUYS.
239
00:09:16,001 --> 00:09:17,066
YOU THINK
I'M SOME SIMP
240
00:09:17,134 --> 00:09:18,433
WHO CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT T.V.?
241
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:19,765
GIVE ME A BREAK.
242
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:21,165
MIKE, WHAT'S
HAPPENING NOW?
243
00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:23,431
SIPOWICZ IS FINDING
WHO STABBED THE SUPER.
244
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,831
ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME,
245
00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:26,532
OR AM I GONNA HAVE
TO SHOW YOU MY ASS?
246
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,765
I AIN'T SAYING
NOTHING!
247
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,465
ALL RIGHT, IT WAS
JIMMY THE HAT!
248
00:09:29,534 --> 00:09:30,798
FORGET IT, MIKE.
249
00:09:30,867 --> 00:09:32,432
WITHOUT ACTUALLY
SEEING HIS ASS,
250
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:33,665
THIS IS JUST RADIO.
251
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,532
WELL, CLASS, WE WERE
SCHEDULED TO WATCH
252
00:09:37,601 --> 00:09:39,699
A PBS PROGRAM ON
THE MATING RITUALS
253
00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:41,699
OF THE NUDE LARGE-BREASTED
WEEWOK TRIBE
254
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:42,832
OF NEW GUINEA.
255
00:09:42,901 --> 00:09:46,398
UNFORTUNATELY, MEGAN
GRIFFIN RUINED T.V.
256
00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:49,132
SO INSTEAD, WE'RE HAVING
A SURPRISE TEST.
257
00:09:49,201 --> 00:09:52,632
[Wonder Years voice]
WHOA. SUDDENLY I WAS
PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER ONE.
258
00:09:52,701 --> 00:09:54,698
IT WAS TIME TO
TELL THE TRUTH.
259
00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:57,732
WAIT! I DIDN'T DRIVE
INTO THE SATELLITE DISH!
260
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,398
OH? AND WHO DID?
261
00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:02,332
I WAS JUST A
15-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
262
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,965
BUT AT THAT MOMENT,
I REALIZED
263
00:10:04,034 --> 00:10:06,465
I HAD A WHOLE LIFETIME
TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
264
00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:09,232
BUT ONLY ONE CHANCE
TO GET A NEW CAR.
265
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:10,731
AND I HAD TO TAKE IT.
266
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,265
OK, I DID IT.
267
00:10:12,333 --> 00:10:14,598
[All yelling]
268
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:17,099
I DON'T KNOW HOW
MUCH LONGER I CAN LAST.
269
00:10:17,167 --> 00:10:20,665
IT'S BEEN A WHOLE WEEK
SINCE I SEEN A T.V. SHOW.
270
00:10:20,734 --> 00:10:23,032
I WONDER WHAT SCOOBY AND
THE GANG ARE UP TO RIGHT NOW.
271
00:10:23,101 --> 00:10:25,765
[Announcer]
WE NOW RETURN TO
THE SCOOBY DOO MURDER FILES.
272
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:26,899
GEE WHIZ,
GANG.
273
00:10:26,967 --> 00:10:28,498
THE KILLER GUTTED
THE VICTIM,
274
00:10:28,566 --> 00:10:30,231
STRANGLED HIM WITH
HIS OWN INTESTINES,
275
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,999
AND THEN DUMPED THE
BODY IN THE RIVER!
276
00:10:32,067 --> 00:10:33,565
JINKIES! WHAT A MYSTERY!
277
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:34,732
[Yelping]
278
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:35,898
YOU'RE RIGHT,
SCOOB.
279
00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:38,465
WE'RE DEALING WITH ONE
SICK SON OF A BITCH.
280
00:10:38,534 --> 00:10:39,965
YOU JUST NEED TO
FIND SOMETHING
281
00:10:40,034 --> 00:10:42,198
TO FILL THE VOID
THAT'S LEFT IN YOUR LIFE.
282
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,465
LOIS HAS KNITTING,
CHRIS HAS VIDEO GAMES,
283
00:10:44,534 --> 00:10:45,732
MEG'S LEARNING
HOW TO DRIVE.
284
00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:47,798
AND ME, I LIKE THE SAUCE.
285
00:10:49,801 --> 00:10:51,464
BARKEEP, WHOSE LEG
DO YOU HAVE TO HUMP
286
00:10:51,533 --> 00:10:52,966
TO GET A DRY MARTINI
AROUND HERE?
287
00:10:54,567 --> 00:10:56,099
[Groaning]
288
00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:58,665
CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT T.V.
289
00:10:58,733 --> 00:11:00,899
MUST SEE T.V.
290
00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:39,399
[Groans]
291
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:45,132
STEWIE, I EXPECT
YOU TO FINISH OFF
YOUR VEGETABLES.
292
00:11:45,201 --> 00:11:47,199
REST ASSURED, YOU
RELENTLESS HARRIDAN,
293
00:11:47,267 --> 00:11:49,199
I EXPECT I SHALL
FINISH THEM ALL OFF!
294
00:11:49,268 --> 00:11:50,699
AND YOU AS WELL!
295
00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:53,032
BRIAN, I'M A LITTLE
WORRIED ABOUT PETER.
296
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,399
LAST NIGHT I WOKE UP
297
00:11:54,467 --> 00:11:56,465
AND HE WAS CHANNEL
SURFING THROUGH STATIC.
298
00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:58,965
I'M SURE HE'LL FIND
A WAY TO COPE.
299
00:12:00,301 --> 00:12:01,599
MORNING, LOIS.
300
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:02,966
AND YOU WERE
WORRIED.
301
00:12:03,034 --> 00:12:04,499
PETER, WHAT THE
HELL IS THAT?
302
00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:07,198
IT'S MY FAVORITE T.V.
FAMILY, THE GRIFFINS.
303
00:12:07,266 --> 00:12:08,732
PETER, YOU'RE
SCARING ME.
304
00:12:08,801 --> 00:12:10,364
I'M BEGINNING TO
THINK YOU'RE LOSING
305
00:12:10,433 --> 00:12:11,565
YOUR GRIP
ON REALITY.
306
00:12:11,634 --> 00:12:13,665
BORING. I'M GONNA GO
SEE WHAT ELSE IS ON.
307
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,732
PETER! KEEP AN
EYE ON STEWIE.
308
00:12:17,101 --> 00:12:18,199
DON'T MOVE!
309
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:20,132
[Making silly noises]
310
00:12:22,734 --> 00:12:23,732
AAH!
311
00:12:25,168 --> 00:12:26,432
A LITTLE HELP?
312
00:12:29,268 --> 00:12:30,665
HEY, IT'S GLEN
QUAGMIRE,
313
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:32,166
THE WACKY NEXT-
DOOR NEIGHBOR.
314
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:33,766
WHAT'S HE UP
TO THIS TIME?
315
00:12:33,834 --> 00:12:35,165
I'M GOING TO WORK!
316
00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:37,731
[Laughing]
HIM AND HIS CRAZY
GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEMES.
317
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,032
WE HAVE TO FIND
YOUR FATHER, CHRIS.
318
00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:43,132
HE'S NOT WELL.
319
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,532
I NEVER KNEW ANYONE
WHO WENT CRAZY BEFORE,
320
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,098
EXCEPT MY
INVISIBLE FRIEND,
321
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,665
COL. SCHWARTZ!
322
00:12:51,034 --> 00:12:53,932
HEH, I GET ALL THE CHANNELS
ON THIS THING.
323
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,365
LIFETIME.
324
00:12:55,801 --> 00:12:57,331
C.B.S.
325
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,598
HEY, U.P.N.
326
00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:01,732
ALL RIGHT. 90210.
327
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:05,965
DAD?
328
00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:07,865
MEG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
AT WEST BEVERLY?
329
00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:10,565
THEY'RE REALLY REACHING
FOR GUEST STARS
IN THE 10TH SEASON.
330
00:13:10,634 --> 00:13:12,898
DAD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET OUT OF HERE!
331
00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:14,899
I'M ALREADY A TOTAL
OUTCAST BECAUSE OF YOU!
332
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:18,265
YOU'RE JUST UPSET
BECAUSE YOU WRECKED
THE CABLE TRANSMITTER.
333
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:20,431
I DID NOT! FORGET IT.
334
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,832
WHAT GOOD IS A CAR
IF I HAVE NO FRIENDS?
335
00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:25,165
I DIDN'T WRECK
T.V.! MY DAD DID!
336
00:13:25,234 --> 00:13:26,132
WHAT?
337
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,198
WHAT'D SHE SAY?
338
00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:28,265
PETER GRIFFIN
RUINED T.V.?
339
00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:29,398
AND BLAMED HIS DAUGHTER?
340
00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:32,199
THAT'S THE LOWEST THING
I'VE EVER HEARD.
341
00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:34,298
PETER, TAKE
THAT THING OFF
342
00:13:34,367 --> 00:13:35,865
AND COME HOME.
343
00:13:35,933 --> 00:13:38,331
HEY, LOIS. YOU'RE JUST
IN TIME FOR THE
EXCITING CONCLUSION.
344
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,332
LOOKS LIKE SOME BOOB'S
ABOUT TO GET LYNCHED.
LET'S WATCH.
345
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,065
[Crowd]
THERE THEY ARE.
346
00:13:47,533 --> 00:13:50,298
THAT'S THE GUY WHO
RUINED OUR CABLE.
LET'S GET HIM!
347
00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:52,866
STOP! STOP!
348
00:13:52,934 --> 00:13:55,132
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU PEOPLE?
349
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,431
OK, YES. MY HUSBAND
IS RESPONSIBLE
350
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,198
FOR KNOCKING OUT T.V.
351
00:13:59,266 --> 00:14:00,998
BUT WE SHOULD BE
THANKING HIM.
352
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:04,365
HE'S BROKEN TELEVISION'S
HYPNOTIC SPELL OVER US.
353
00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:06,765
NOW WE CAN SEE THE WORLD
FOR WHAT IT IS,
354
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:09,098
A BEAUTIFUL PLACE
FULL OF WONDERFUL THINGS
355
00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:11,365
JUST WAITING TO
BE EXPERIENCED.
356
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,065
JEEZ, ANOTHER
CHICK FLICK.
357
00:14:13,134 --> 00:14:15,032
SHE'S RIGHT. ALL THE
HOURS WE'VE WASTED
358
00:14:15,101 --> 00:14:16,266
ON THAT DAMN
IDIOT BOX.
359
00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:17,698
I'M GONNA PAINT
MY HOUSE!
360
00:14:17,768 --> 00:14:19,065
I'LL BUILD A SHIP
IN A BOTTLE.
361
00:14:19,134 --> 00:14:20,565
I'M GONNA PUSH
A HOOP WITH A STICK
362
00:14:20,633 --> 00:14:21,631
DOWN A DIRT ROAD.
363
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:23,098
I'LL TAKE YOU
HOME, HONEY.
364
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:27,131
I CAN'T BELIEVE I
LET MEG TAKE THE BLAME.
365
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,432
YOU WERE RIGHT,
LOIS. T.V. IS EVIL.
366
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:31,298
I HEAR THAT MANSON
GUY WATCHES IT
367
00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:33,199
IN JAIL ALL DAY LONG?
368
00:14:33,267 --> 00:14:35,431
IF I HAVEN'T SEEN
IT, IT'S NEW TO ME.
369
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,465
YOU JUST WENT A
LITTLE OVERBOARD.
370
00:14:37,534 --> 00:14:39,565
YOU NEED A LITTLE
BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE.
371
00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:41,199
THERE ARE OTHER THINGS
TO APPRECIATE
372
00:14:41,268 --> 00:14:43,065
BESIDES TELEVISION.
373
00:14:43,134 --> 00:14:45,099
YOU MEAN LIKE THIS LAMP?
374
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:47,098
WELL, YEAH. OK.
375
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,898
THE LAMP GIVES US LIGHT.
376
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:50,898
[Laughs]
I GET IT.
377
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:53,098
AND YOUR FAMILY
GIVES YOU LOVE.
378
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:55,665
YOU SHOULD SPEND
SOME TIME WITH
OUR KIDS, PETER.
379
00:14:55,733 --> 00:14:56,799
AND WITH ME.
380
00:14:56,867 --> 00:14:59,066
WHA-WHAT COULD ME
AND YOU DO TOGETHER?
381
00:14:59,134 --> 00:15:00,465
[Giggling]
382
00:15:00,534 --> 00:15:02,732
LOIS! YOU'VE GOT A SICK MIND!
383
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:05,598
PETER, I'M TALKING
ABOUT MAKING LOVE.
384
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:07,465
OH, I THOUGHT
YOU WANTED US
385
00:15:07,534 --> 00:15:10,598
TO MURDER THE CHILDREN
AND HARVEST THEIR ORGANS
FOR BEER MONEY.
386
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:12,299
[Lois giggling]
387
00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:17,032
AH, WHAT A GORGEOUS DAY.
388
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:19,432
ISN'T IT A GORGEOUS
DAY, MR. SUN?
389
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,598
IT'S ALWAYS A NICE DAY
390
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,332
WITH 2 SCOOPS OF
RAISINS, PETER.
391
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,433
[Car alarm beeping]
392
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,365
TOP OF THE MORNING,
EVERYBODY.
393
00:15:28,434 --> 00:15:29,399
EXCELLENT!
394
00:15:29,467 --> 00:15:31,232
THUS COMPLETES THE
PENULTIMATE ADJUSTMENT
395
00:15:31,301 --> 00:15:32,932
TO MY WEATHER
CONTROL DEVICE!
396
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,065
VICTORY IS... AAH!
397
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,265
RELEASE ME
AT ONCE!
398
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,366
YOUR MOTHER
WAS RIGHT.
399
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,865
IT'D BE A CRIME
400
00:15:37,934 --> 00:15:39,632
TO SIT AROUND AND
WAIT FOR THE T.V.
TO START WORKING.
401
00:15:39,701 --> 00:15:41,398
GREAT. YOU CAN TEACH
ME HOW TO DRIVE.
402
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:44,299
MEG, THERE'LL BE TIME TO
DRIVE WHEN YOU'RE DEAD.
403
00:15:44,368 --> 00:15:46,032
THERE'S A BIG WORLD
OUT THERE JUST WAITING
404
00:15:46,101 --> 00:15:47,699
FOR US TO GRAB IT
BY THE SHORT HAIRS!
405
00:15:47,768 --> 00:15:48,998
DAMN!
LET'S GO.
406
00:16:27,134 --> 00:16:28,499
I'M SO TIRED.
407
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:30,866
THIS MORNING'S FLY-FISHING
REALLY WORE ME OUT.
408
00:16:30,934 --> 00:16:32,765
WAKE UP! YOU
PROMISED YOU'D GET
409
00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:34,432
THIS HOOK OUT OF MY MOUTH.
410
00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:35,531
OW! OW!
411
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:36,565
THANK YOU.
412
00:16:36,633 --> 00:16:38,465
NOW KIDS, YOUR
FATHER'S JUST TRYING
413
00:16:38,533 --> 00:16:40,598
TO SPEND TIME
WITH HIS FAMILY.
414
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,266
OR KILL US. I'M
NOT SURE WHICH.
415
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,565
THOSE CHINESE SURE DO
LIKE TO SPIT, DON'T THEY?
416
00:16:45,634 --> 00:16:47,366
DIANE, THAT LAST
REPORT WAS SO GOOD,
417
00:16:47,435 --> 00:16:48,932
I THINK YOU
DESERVE A SPANKING.
418
00:16:49,001 --> 00:16:51,099
I DON'T THINK YOUR WIFE
WOULD APPRECIATE THAT.
419
00:16:51,168 --> 00:16:53,199
THAT FRIGID OLD
COW LIVES IN QUAHOG.
420
00:16:53,268 --> 00:16:54,765
SHE CAN'T HEAR A
WORD I'M SAYING.
421
00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:57,698
ACTUALLY, WE'RE BACK
ON THE AIR IN QUAHOG.
422
00:17:00,435 --> 00:17:01,398
THANK GOD!
423
00:17:01,466 --> 00:17:02,999
THEIR PUERILE
MINDS ARE ONCE AGAIN
424
00:17:03,068 --> 00:17:05,399
DISTRACTED BY
THAT FLICKERING BOX.
425
00:17:05,467 --> 00:17:07,032
TIME TO BE BAD!
426
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:10,965
COME ON, EVERYONE.
427
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:12,766
WE'RE LATE FOR THE
BAVARIAN FOLK FESTIVAL.
428
00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:14,132
YOU KNOW THOSE GERMANS.
429
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,298
YOU DON'T JOIN THEIR PARTY,
THEY'LL COME GET YOU.
430
00:17:16,366 --> 00:17:18,065
BUT DAD, THE T.V.'S BACK ON.
431
00:17:19,201 --> 00:17:21,165
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
OK, LET'S GO.
432
00:17:21,233 --> 00:17:23,531
PETER, I'M THRILLED
THAT YOU WANT
TO SPEND
433
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:24,865
SO MUCH TIME
WITH THE FAMILY.
434
00:17:24,934 --> 00:17:27,032
BUT WE'RE
EXHAUSTED.
435
00:17:27,101 --> 00:17:29,932
MAYBE WE COULD
JUST SIT AND WATCH
SOME T.V. TOGETHER?
436
00:17:30,001 --> 00:17:31,898
WE'RE TOO BUSY LIVING
LIFE TO THE FULLEST.
437
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:32,899
COME ON, LET'S GO.
438
00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:34,431
I'M SICK OF LIFE.
439
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,932
YEAH. MY DOGS
ARE BARKING.
440
00:17:36,001 --> 00:17:37,399
BUT I THOUGHT WE
WERE HAVING FUN.
441
00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:39,632
WE WERE. BUT NOW
IT MIGHT BE NICE
TO WATCH
442
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:42,131
OTHER PEOPLE HAVE
FUN OR GET KILLED.
443
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,465
YOU KNOW, WHATEVER'S ON.
444
00:17:43,534 --> 00:17:45,498
LOOK, PETER. IT'S
YOUR FAVORITE SHOW.
445
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,232
THIS IS A DANGEROUS
MISSION.
446
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,065
AND IT'S LIKELY ONE
OF US WILL BE KILLED.
447
00:17:51,134 --> 00:17:52,865
THE LANDING PARTY
WILL CONSIST OF MYSELF,
448
00:17:52,934 --> 00:17:55,232
MR. SPOCK, DR. MCCOY,
AND ENSIGN RICKEY.
449
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,499
OH, CRAP.
450
00:17:56,567 --> 00:17:57,565
SORRY, LOIS.
451
00:17:57,633 --> 00:17:59,298
THERE'S ONLY ONE
SHOW I WANT TO SEE.
452
00:17:59,366 --> 00:18:02,032
IT'S A LITTLE SOMETHING I CALL
MAKE EVERY DAY COUNT,
453
00:18:02,101 --> 00:18:04,531
STARRING PETER GRIFFIN
AS HIMSELF.
454
00:18:04,601 --> 00:18:05,966
OH, COME ON, PETER.
455
00:18:06,034 --> 00:18:08,365
DON'T YOU MISS
T.V. JUST A LITTLE?
456
00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:11,698
THE FAMILIAR STORIES,
THE BROADLY DRAWN
CHARACTERS,
457
00:18:11,767 --> 00:18:13,199
THE CONVENIENT
PLOT TURNS
458
00:18:13,268 --> 00:18:17,199
THAT BRING A CHARACTER
AROUND AT EXACTLY
THE RIGHT MOMENT?
459
00:18:17,268 --> 00:18:19,465
HI. I'M WILLIAM SHATNER.
MY CAR BROKE DOWN
460
00:18:19,534 --> 00:18:22,731
ON MY WAY TO GIVE A SPEECH
ABOUT HOW T.V. KEEPS
FAMILIES TOGETHER.
461
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,832
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR IT?
462
00:18:23,901 --> 00:18:25,398
NO, I GOTTA RUN.
I DON'T WANT TO MISS
463
00:18:25,467 --> 00:18:26,932
THE ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT
SCHNITZEL BAR.
464
00:18:27,001 --> 00:18:29,132
WAIT A MINUTE!
I LOVE SCHNITZEL!
465
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,865
COME ALONG. I BET
YOU COULD SQUEEZE
466
00:18:30,934 --> 00:18:32,198
INTO LOIS' LEDERHOSEN.
467
00:18:32,267 --> 00:18:33,799
I'LL CHANGE
IN THE CAR.
468
00:18:35,934 --> 00:18:37,432
IF I HAD A NICKEL
FOR EVERY TIME
469
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,965
ONE OF MY PARENTS
WALKED OUT ON ME
470
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,531
INSTEAD OF TEACHING
ME HOW TO DRIVE,
471
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,332
I'D BE ONE
RICH LITTLE--
472
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,565
LET'S GO, MEG.
473
00:19:05,434 --> 00:19:07,132
FARE THEE WELL,
BROCCOLI!
474
00:19:07,201 --> 00:19:09,565
♪[Oompah-pah music playing]
475
00:19:21,367 --> 00:19:22,532
I DON'T KNOW.
476
00:19:22,601 --> 00:19:24,398
I CAN'T IMAGINE CHOOSING
LIFE OVER TELEVISION.
477
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,399
I'M TELLING YOU,
IT'S GREAT, BILL.
478
00:19:26,467 --> 00:19:28,832
THE ONLY THING THAT
WOULD MAKE THIS
PERFECT DAY BETTER
479
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,366
IS IF MY FAMILY WAS HERE.
480
00:19:30,434 --> 00:19:32,232
[Thunder crashing]
481
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:33,632
MY GOD!
482
00:19:33,701 --> 00:19:35,598
IT WAS SUNNY
A MOMENT AGO, BUT
NOW IT'S POURING!
483
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:37,831
LET'S TAKE OFF OUR
SHOES AND RUN
HOME BAREFOOT!
484
00:19:37,900 --> 00:19:40,332
GRIFFIN, YOU'RE A MADMAN!
BAREFOOT, YOU SAY?
485
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:41,565
THIS IS NOT SAFE.
486
00:19:41,633 --> 00:19:43,465
I'LL TEACH YOU HOW
TO DRIVE SOME
OTHER TIME.
487
00:19:43,534 --> 00:19:44,532
PULL OVER.
488
00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:47,098
MOM, I CAN'T EVEN TELL
WHERE "OVER" IS.
489
00:19:47,167 --> 00:19:48,798
[Both laughing]
490
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:54,765
YOU WERE RIGHT, PETER.
I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE.
491
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:56,498
VICTORY IS MINE!
492
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:57,765
AAH!
493
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,665
GOD DAMN IT. UGH.
494
00:20:04,268 --> 00:20:05,965
[Both laughing]
495
00:20:06,868 --> 00:20:08,499
[Thunder rumbling]
496
00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:10,832
MY GOD.
497
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:13,498
[Crashing]
498
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,098
OH, MY GOD. I HIT
WILLIAM SHATNER.
499
00:20:17,167 --> 00:20:18,766
LIGHT GROWING DIMMER.
500
00:20:18,834 --> 00:20:21,999
CAN'T BREATHE.
BEAM ME UP, GOD.
501
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,899
I DID NOT SEE
THAT COMING.
502
00:20:28,134 --> 00:20:30,298
DADDY, I'M SORRY
I RAN YOU OVER
503
00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:31,632
AND KILLED
MR. SHATNER.
504
00:20:31,701 --> 00:20:34,065
DON'T WORRY. ONCE
I'M OF THIS BODY CAST,
505
00:20:34,134 --> 00:20:36,799
I'LL DO ENOUGH
LIVING FOR ME AND BILL.
506
00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:39,966
HONEY, CAN'T WE GO
BACK TO THE WAY
THINGS USED TO BE?
507
00:20:40,034 --> 00:20:42,899
THERE'S A BIG DENT
IN THAT COUCH THAT
NOBODY ELSE CAN FILL.
508
00:20:42,968 --> 00:20:44,932
HAVEN'T YOU GUYS
LEARNED ANYTHING?
509
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,598
T.V. TOOK OVER
MY LIFE ONCE.
510
00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,598
I'M NEVER GONNA LET
THAT HAPPEN AGAIN.
511
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:49,832
OH, MY GOD.
512
00:20:50,533 --> 00:20:51,998
WE'VE LOST HIM.
513
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:55,498
IF YOU HELP ME
OUT OF HERE,
514
00:20:55,567 --> 00:20:58,731
I KNOW A MEADOW WHERE
THE BLUEBERRIES ARE
BEGGING TO BE PICKED.
515
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,498
LOOK, BUDDY. JUST
GO IN THE PAN.
516
00:21:00,567 --> 00:21:03,099
AND DON'T CALL ME
UNLESS YOU'RE
FLATLINING.
517
00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:04,765
[Peter]
HEY, HEY, TURN
THAT T.V. OFF.
518
00:21:04,834 --> 00:21:07,265
HEY, NURSE? NURSE?
519
00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:09,665
[Announcer]
WHAT WOULD YOU DO
FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?
520
00:21:09,733 --> 00:21:11,032
WOULD YOU
STAND ON ONE LEG?
521
00:21:11,101 --> 00:21:12,199
SURE.
522
00:21:14,301 --> 00:21:15,665
WOULD YOU ACT
LIKE A MONKEY?
523
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:16,732
UH-HUH.
524
00:21:20,034 --> 00:21:21,665
WOULD YOU
KILL A MAN?
525
00:21:21,733 --> 00:21:23,632
UM, UH, WELL...
526
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:25,899
[Gun firing]
527
00:21:29,433 --> 00:21:31,665
DADDY, NOW THAT
I'VE FINALLY PASSED
528
00:21:31,734 --> 00:21:32,766
MY DRIVER'S TEST
529
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:34,298
CAN I STILL GET
A CONVERTIBLE?
530
00:21:34,366 --> 00:21:36,032
[Laughing]
NO.
531
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:38,498
BUT I'M PROUD OF YOU
FOR GETTING YOUR
LICENSE, SWEETHEART.
532
00:21:38,567 --> 00:21:40,165
AND I'M PROUD
OF YOU, PETER.
533
00:21:40,234 --> 00:21:42,499
YOU TAUGHT US ALL
A VALUABLE LESSON.
534
00:21:42,567 --> 00:21:43,799
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO
535
00:21:43,868 --> 00:21:45,932
THAT DEFINES THE
QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE,
536
00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:48,765
IT'S WHO YOU DO IT
WITH, AND YOUR FAMILY--
537
00:21:48,834 --> 00:21:49,731
SHH, IT'S ON.
538
00:21:51,433 --> 00:21:52,699
♪[Theme music playing]
539
00:21:52,768 --> 00:21:54,531
I KNOW YOU DON'T
LIKE BROCCOLI, STEWIE,
540
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:55,832
BUT YOU'LL THANK ME
541
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:58,132
.WHEN YOU GROW UP
BIG AND STRONG
LIKE YOUR FATHER.
542
00:21:58,201 --> 00:22:01,132
A COMPELLING ARGUMENT.
YOU'VE SWAYED ME, WOMAN.
543
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,032
MMM, OOH,
THAT IS GOOD.
544
00:22:03,101 --> 00:22:05,299
MMM, OH, I FEEL
STRONGER ALREADY.
545
00:22:05,368 --> 00:22:06,665
MMM, OH, IT'S
GOOD TASTING
546
00:22:06,734 --> 00:22:08,698
AND GOOD FOR YOU. MMM.
547
00:22:10,233 --> 00:22:11,131
NICE TRY.
548
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,865
QUADRUPED.
MUTANT.