1
00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:05,998
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:06,067 --> 00:00:09,298
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:09,367 --> 00:00:13,065
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:13,134 --> 00:00:15,166
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,332
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:19,401 --> 00:00:22,598
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
7
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:24,265
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:24,334 --> 00:00:25,965
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
9
00:00:26,034 --> 00:00:30,766
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,233
I SAY, MOTHER,
THIS HOT DOG
11
00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:36,632
HAS BEEN ON MY
PLATE FOR A FULL MINUTE
12
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AND IT HASN'T
YET CUT ITSELF.
13
00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,065
HONEY, I'LL
BE RIGHT THERE.
14
00:00:40,134 --> 00:00:42,231
BY ALL MEANS,
TAKE YOUR TIME.
15
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,032
OH, AND WHEN YOU DO
FINALLY GET AROUND TO IT,
16
00:00:44,101 --> 00:00:45,798
I'LL BE THE ONE
COVERED IN FLIES
17
00:00:45,867 --> 00:00:48,599
WITH A BELLY THAT PROTRUDES
HALFWAY TO BLOODY BOSTON!
18
00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:49,932
MOM, THERE
IS NO WAY
19
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,798
I'M SLEEPING IN
CHRIS' ROOM
THIS WEEKEND!
20
00:00:51,867 --> 00:00:53,365
IT SMELLS LIKE
OLD MILK IN THERE!
21
00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:55,598
HEY, IF I COULD FIND
IT, I'D CLEAN IT UP!
22
00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:57,199
KIDS, KEEP
IT DOWN.
23
00:00:57,267 --> 00:00:59,366
I HAVEN'T EVEN
TOLD YOUR FATHER
24
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:01,498
THAT AUNT MARGUERITE
IS COMING TO VISIT.
25
00:01:01,567 --> 00:01:02,665
WHO SAID
MARGUERITE?
26
00:01:02,734 --> 00:01:04,265
PETER, IT'S
JUST FOR A WEEK.
27
00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:06,632
A WEEK! AW, JEEZ!
NO, NO, NO,
28
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,631
NO, NO! PLEASE,
GOD, KILL ME NOW.
29
00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:10,498
NO, NO, DAMN, CRAP, DAMN IT
TO HELL, SON OF A--
30
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:11,665
PETER!
31
00:01:11,733 --> 00:01:13,932
LOIS, SOMETIMES IT'S
APPROPRIATE TO SWEAR.
32
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DO YOU SWEAR TO
TELL THE TRUTH,
THE WHOLE TRUTH
33
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AND NOTHING BUT
THE TRUTH, SO
HELP YOU GOD?
34
00:01:17,767 --> 00:01:19,032
I DO.
35
00:01:19,101 --> 00:01:20,898
YOU BASTARD.
36
00:01:20,967 --> 00:01:22,732
I LOVE AUNT
MARGUERITE.
37
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BECAUSE IF IT
WASN'T FOR HER,
38
00:01:24,534 --> 00:01:26,365
I NEVER WOULD'VE
MET YOU, PETER.
39
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,899
AUNT MARGUERITE,
HAVE YOU
SEEN MY TOWEL?
40
00:01:28,967 --> 00:01:31,164
HAVE THE TOWEL BOY
BRING YOU ANOTHER.
41
00:01:31,233 --> 00:01:32,898
OH, I DON'T WANT
TO BOTHER HIM.
42
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:36,732
NONSENSE, DEAR.
YOU'RE A PEWTERSCHMIDT.
TOWEL BOY!
43
00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:44,999
UH, HI, MY NAME--
MY NAME IS TOWEL.
44
00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:46,332
I HAVE A PETER FOR YOU.
45
00:01:46,401 --> 00:01:47,665
[Giggles]
46
00:01:47,734 --> 00:01:49,999
MY NAME IS PETER.
I'LL BE YOUR
NIPPLES... TOWEL BOY!
47
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,231
AW, JEEZ.
48
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:52,299
[Doorbell rings]
49
00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:54,099
OK, EVERYONE.
50
00:01:54,168 --> 00:01:55,199
GIVE AUNT
MARGUERITE
51
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,365
A BIG GRIFFIN
FAMILY WELCOME.
52
00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:00,198
AUNT MARGUERITE!
53
00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:00,965
LOIS!
54
00:02:01,034 --> 00:02:01,699
[Gasps]
55
00:02:02,867 --> 00:02:04,066
OH, MY GOD!
56
00:02:04,134 --> 00:02:06,065
SH-SHE'S DEAD!
57
00:02:06,134 --> 00:02:07,364
WHOA! HEH.
58
00:02:07,433 --> 00:02:09,366
CAREFUL WHAT
YOU WISH FOR,
HUH, LOIS?
59
00:02:10,634 --> 00:02:11,965
WHAT IF THEY
BURY HER
60
00:02:12,034 --> 00:02:14,732
AND SHE WAKES
UP BECAUSE SHE
WASN'T REALLY DEAD
61
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:15,999
SHE WAS
ONLY SLEEPING?
62
00:02:16,068 --> 00:02:18,731
YEAH. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
TO OUR BIG BROTHER JIMMY.
63
00:02:18,801 --> 00:02:20,765
THAT'S WHY MOM AND
DAD ADOPTED YOU.
64
00:02:20,833 --> 00:02:22,198
WHAT?
65
00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:25,065
PETER, YOU REMEMBER
COCO, MY FRIEND
FROM NEWPORT?
66
00:02:25,134 --> 00:02:28,299
PETER, I ALMOST DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE YOU WITHOUT
A TOWEL ON YOUR ARM.
67
00:02:28,368 --> 00:02:29,699
[Laughs]
68
00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,333
LOIS, WHERE ARE
YOUR PARENTS?
69
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:33,198
DON'T TELL ME
THEY'RE STILL ON SAFARI.
70
00:02:33,267 --> 00:02:34,765
YOU KNOW DADDY.
71
00:02:34,834 --> 00:02:37,032
HE WON'T REST UNTIL
HE KILLS SOMETHING
ON EVERY CONTINENT.
72
00:02:37,101 --> 00:02:38,364
HA-HA.
73
00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:40,565
BUT I'M HOPING
THEY'LL BE BACK IN
TIME FOR CHRISTMAS.
74
00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:42,932
IT JUST WOULDN'T BE
CHRISTMAS WITHOUT
YOUR PARENTS.
75
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,665
OH, I DROPPED
MY WATCH.
76
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,565
PETER, WOULD
YOU BE A SPORT AND
FETCH IT FOR ME?
77
00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:52,232
SURE THING,
MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT.
78
00:02:54,267 --> 00:02:55,665
[Screaming]
79
00:02:56,701 --> 00:02:58,565
PETER, WE'VE GOT
TO PUT THAT OUT!
80
00:02:58,633 --> 00:03:00,032
OW, OW, OW, OW...
81
00:03:00,101 --> 00:03:01,298
[Laughing]
82
00:03:01,367 --> 00:03:03,098
I'M TELLING
YOU, BRIAN,
NOTHING CHANGES.
83
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,232
THESE BLUEBEARDS
STILL TREAT
ME LIKE SCUM
84
00:03:05,301 --> 00:03:06,799
JUST 'CAUSE
I'M NOT LOADED.
85
00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:09,631
I GOT NEWS FOR THEM.
I'M AS ELEGANT AS
ANYONE IN THIS ROOM.
86
00:03:09,701 --> 00:03:12,632
PETER, WE HAVE TO MEET
WITH AUNT MARGUERITE'S
LAWYER TOMORROW.
87
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:14,698
SHE LEFT
US SOMETHING
IN HER WILL.
88
00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:17,965
HOLY CRAP! YOU SWEET
OLD BROAD, I LOVE YOU!
89
00:03:18,034 --> 00:03:19,032
[All gasp]
90
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,498
♪[Singing]
91
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:24,431
OH, MY GOD.
SHE'S DEAD.
92
00:03:26,368 --> 00:03:28,999
MADAM PEWTERSCHMIDT'S
PASSING HAS SADDENED US ALL.
93
00:03:29,068 --> 00:03:30,565
YEAH, IT'S A
REAL TRAGEDY.
94
00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:33,532
WHAT DID WE GET?
COME ON, BIG MONEY!
NO WHAMMY! STOP!
95
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,665
PETER, PLEASE! I'M SORRY.
HE'S STRICKEN WITH GRIEF.
96
00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:41,132
BEFORE SHE PASSED,
YOUR AUNT RECORDED
A MESSAGE FOR YOU.
97
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:42,732
[Robin Leach]
NEWPORT, RHODE ISLAND
98
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HOME OF NEW ENGLAND'S
MOST ELEGANT AND
HISTORIC ESTATES
99
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,032
THE BREAKERS,
ROSECLIFF,
100
00:03:48,101 --> 00:03:50,166
AND EXQUISITE
CHERRYWOOD MANOR
101
00:03:50,234 --> 00:03:52,799
THE PALATIAL MANSION
OF MARGUERITE PEWTERSCHMIDT.
102
00:03:52,867 --> 00:03:54,532
MARGUERITE IS A
SHINING EXAMPLE OF HOW
103
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,232
PEOPLE WITH A
LOT OF MONEY
104
00:03:56,301 --> 00:03:58,665
ARE JUST PLAIN
BETTER THAN
EVERYONE ELSE.
105
00:03:58,734 --> 00:04:01,232
LOIS, YOU WERE
ALWAYS MY FAVORITE NIECE.
106
00:04:01,301 --> 00:04:03,698
I JUST KNEW YOU'D
FIND A WONDERFUL MAN
107
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:06,066
WHO WOULD MAKE ALL
YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.
108
00:04:06,134 --> 00:04:07,432
BUT I WAS WRONG.
109
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:09,799
AND NOW YOU'RE DEAD.
SCORE ONE FOR PETER.
110
00:04:09,867 --> 00:04:11,166
SHH.
111
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:14,099
IT'S TIME YOU STARTED LIVING
LIKE A PEWTERSCHMIDT.
112
00:04:14,167 --> 00:04:15,866
THAT'S WHY I'M
GIVING YOU
113
00:04:15,934 --> 00:04:17,799
MY SUMMER HOME
IN NEWPORT.
114
00:04:17,867 --> 00:04:21,565
CHERRYWOOD?
THAT'S SO GENEROUS
OF AUNT MARGUERITE.
115
00:04:21,634 --> 00:04:23,331
WOW, OUR OWN
SUMMERHOUSE!
116
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,132
NOW I FEEL KIND OF BAD
FOR DOING THAT THING
WITH HER TOOTHBRUSH.
117
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:36,165
♪ WE ONLY LIVE
TO KISS YOUR ASS ♪
118
00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:39,298
KISS IT? HELL, WE'LL
EVEN WIPE IT FOR YOU.
119
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:42,531
♪ FROM HERE ON IN,
IT'S EASY STREET ♪
120
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:43,765
ANY BARS ON
THAT STREET?
121
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:45,665
24 HAPPY HOURS A DAY.
OH, BOY!
122
00:04:45,734 --> 00:04:49,032
♪ WE'LL STOP
JEHOVAHS AT THE GATE ♪
123
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:51,032
CAN I SEE THAT
PAMPHLET, SIR?
124
00:04:51,101 --> 00:04:52,132
OH.
125
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,565
♪ MY GOD, THIS
HOUSE IS FREAKIN' SWEET ♪
126
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:04,164
♪ I MAKE BRUNCH,
CLIVE COOKS LUNCH ♪
127
00:05:04,233 --> 00:05:07,465
♪ EACH AND EVERY DAY ♪
128
00:05:07,534 --> 00:05:10,598
♪ CHOCOLATE CAKE
A LA BLAKE ♪
129
00:05:10,667 --> 00:05:14,199
♪ HUNDRED BUCKS,
BLAKE IS GAY ♪
130
00:05:17,368 --> 00:05:20,465
♪ WE'LL DO THE
BEST WE CAN WITH MEG ♪
131
00:05:20,534 --> 00:05:21,665
ARE YOU
SAYING I'M UGLY?
132
00:05:21,734 --> 00:05:23,665
IT DOESN'T MATTER,
DEAR. YOU'RE
RICH NOW.
133
00:05:23,734 --> 00:05:27,099
♪ WE'LL DO YOUR
NAILS AND RUB YOUR FEET ♪
134
00:05:27,168 --> 00:05:28,632
OH, THAT'S NOT NECESS--
135
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:29,899
OH, MY.
136
00:05:29,968 --> 00:05:32,965
♪ WE'LL DO YOUR
HOMEWORK EVERY NIGHT ♪
137
00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:34,266
IT'S REALLY
HARD.
138
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,965
THAT'S WHY
WE GOT THAT
STEVEN HAWKING GUY.
139
00:05:36,034 --> 00:05:39,965
♪ MY GOD, THIS
HOUSE IS
FREAKIN' SWEET ♪
140
00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:48,465
♪ I USED TO
PASS LOTS OF GAS ♪
141
00:05:48,534 --> 00:05:51,498
♪ LOIS RAN AWAY ♪
142
00:05:51,567 --> 00:05:54,799
♪ NOW WE'VE GOT 30 ROOMS ♪
143
00:05:54,867 --> 00:05:58,032
♪ HELLO, BEANS,
GOODBYE, SPRAY ♪
144
00:06:00,801 --> 00:06:01,798
[Grunts]
145
00:06:01,867 --> 00:06:04,932
♪ WE'D TAKE A
BULLET JUST FOR YOU ♪
146
00:06:05,001 --> 00:06:06,765
OH, WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
I'VE GOT ONE.
147
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:07,932
STEWIE!
148
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:12,465
♪ PREPARE TO SUCK
THAT GOLDEN TEAT ♪
149
00:06:12,534 --> 00:06:15,799
♪ NOW THAT
YOU'RE STINKING RICH ♪
150
00:06:15,868 --> 00:06:18,999
♪ WE'LL GLADLY BE YOUR BITCH ♪
151
00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:21,731
♪ MY GOD, THIS HOUSE IS ♪
152
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,998
♪ FREAKIN' SWEET ♪
153
00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:26,732
♪ WELCOME ♪
154
00:06:26,801 --> 00:06:27,899
THAT'S A WRAP,
PEOPLE.
155
00:06:27,967 --> 00:06:29,266
NOW LET'S GET THE
HELL OUT OF HERE.
156
00:06:29,334 --> 00:06:30,498
WAIT A SECOND. WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?
157
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:32,865
THE OLD BAG ONLY
PAID US UP
THROUGH THE SONG.
158
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:35,298
WE CAN JUST PICK
UP AFTER OURSELVES.
159
00:06:35,366 --> 00:06:37,865
AFTER ALL, WE'LL ONLY
BE HERE ON WEEKENDS.
160
00:06:37,934 --> 00:06:38,932
NO, NO, LOIS.
161
00:06:39,001 --> 00:06:40,332
IT'S TIME YOU
STARTED LIVING
162
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,132
LIKE THE PIECE OF
SCHMIDT YOU ARE.
163
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:43,765
THAT'S PEWTERSCHMIDT!
164
00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:45,333
W-W-WAIT,
YOU GUYS.
165
00:06:45,401 --> 00:06:47,898
YOU'RE ALL HIRED
TO BE FULL-TIME
GRIFFIN SERVANTS.
166
00:06:47,967 --> 00:06:49,665
PETER, WHERE
ARE WE GONNA
GET THE MONEY
167
00:06:49,733 --> 00:06:51,299
TO PAY ALL
THESE PEOPLE?
168
00:06:51,368 --> 00:06:53,631
SIMPLE. I SOLD
OUR HOUSE IN QUAHOG.
169
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:55,231
YOU SOLD OUR HOME?
170
00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:56,331
SURPRISE!
171
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,665
PETER, HOW
COULD YOU?
172
00:06:57,734 --> 00:06:58,765
WHOOPS.
173
00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:01,899
♪ I RECOGNIZE
THAT TONE ♪
174
00:07:01,967 --> 00:07:05,365
♪ TONIGHT I
SLEEP ALONE ♪
175
00:07:05,434 --> 00:07:10,432
♪ BUT STILL, THIS
HOUSE IS FREAKIN' SWEET ♪
176
00:07:17,101 --> 00:07:19,132
PETER, HOW COULD
YOU SELL OUR
HOUSE IN QUAHOG
177
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,731
WITHOUT EVEN
ASKING ME?
178
00:07:20,801 --> 00:07:22,899
AW, HONEY,
THIS IS WHERE
YOU BELONG.
179
00:07:22,967 --> 00:07:24,999
YOU DESERVE A
BIG HOUSE AND
NICE STUFF.
180
00:07:25,068 --> 00:07:26,065
YOU KNOW,
LIKE DIAMONDS.
181
00:07:36,101 --> 00:07:38,099
BUT I LOVE
OUR OLD HOUSE.
182
00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:39,865
YOU HAVE TO
BUY IT BACK.
183
00:07:39,934 --> 00:07:41,831
IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.
OUR STUFF IS PACKED.
184
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,099
IT'S ON ITS
WAY HERE.
185
00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:45,298
COME ON, LOIS, YOU'LL
LOVE LIVING IN NEWPORT.
186
00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:46,565
SURE, THIS
HOUSE IS BIG,
187
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,365
BUT IT'S ALSO
VERY INTIMATE.
188
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:50,698
[Echo]
INTIMATE.
INTIMATE.
189
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:52,665
SO WE'RE
REALLY GONNA
LIVE HERE NOW?
190
00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:53,765
INTIMATE.
191
00:07:53,834 --> 00:07:55,098
THAT'S RIGHT,
HONEY.
192
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:56,498
I DON'T KNOW,
PETER.
193
00:07:56,567 --> 00:07:59,065
PLEASE, MOM.
LOOK, THERE'S A POOL.
194
00:07:59,134 --> 00:08:01,499
YEAH. AND
THERE'S A CHAIR.
195
00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:04,264
[Man]
THE SOLARIUM IS AT THE FAR
END OF THE WEST WING.
196
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:09,565
[Both]
COME PLAY WITH US, STEWIE,
FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.
197
00:08:09,634 --> 00:08:13,565
YES. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY
MAKES STEWIE A DULL BOY.
198
00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:18,198
AND ACROSS THE HALL
FROM THE LIBRARY
199
00:08:18,267 --> 00:08:19,965
WE HAVE THE
BILLIARD ROOM.
200
00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:21,832
AND HERE WE
HAVE THE LOUNGE.
201
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:24,965
[Gasps]
SWEET MARY, MOTHER
OF GOD! JACKPOT!
202
00:08:26,234 --> 00:08:27,732
WHAT CAN I
GET YOU, SIR?
203
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,632
WE HAVE 10 VARIETIES
OF SINGLE MALT SCOTCH
204
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,899
AND A WINE
CELLAR WITH OVER
10,000 BOTTLES.
205
00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:33,199
DON'T MAKE
ME BEG.
206
00:08:33,268 --> 00:08:36,165
I DID LOVE
SPENDING TIME HERE
WHEN I WAS A KID.
207
00:08:36,233 --> 00:08:37,765
ALL RIGHT,
MOM!
208
00:08:40,467 --> 00:08:42,099
JONATHAN AND
I JUST RETURNED
209
00:08:42,168 --> 00:08:43,932
FROM SAILING
OUR YACHT AROUND
THE WORLD.
210
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,565
OH, OH, FUNNY
SAILING STORY.
211
00:08:45,634 --> 00:08:47,665
A GUY'S ON HIS
BOAT, IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN
212
00:08:47,734 --> 00:08:49,198
AND HE SEES A
LITTLE BLACK DOG.
213
00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:51,332
LET ME TELL YA,
THIS DOG'S BEEN
SWIMMING FOR DAYS,
214
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,932
AND HE STINKS
LIKE A DEAD OTTER.
215
00:08:53,001 --> 00:08:54,932
PETER, MAYBE THIS
ISN'T THE PLACE--
216
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,331
H-H-HANG ON, LOIS.
217
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,598
SO THE GUY TAKE
THE DOG INTO THE VET.
218
00:08:58,667 --> 00:09:00,065
THE FREAKIN'
VET TELLS HIM,
219
00:09:00,134 --> 00:09:02,665
GET THIS, "IT'S NOT
A DOG. IT'S A RAT."
220
00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:05,498
A BIG, STINKING
MEXICAN RAT. TRUE STORY.
221
00:09:05,567 --> 00:09:06,598
[Grunts]
222
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,265
DAD, THAT'S
JUST AN
URBAN LEGEND.
223
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:11,431
HAND TO GOD. I'M
TELLING YOU, IT WAS
A HUGE FREAKIN' RAT.
224
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,364
5 TIMES AS BIG
AS THAT
GUY'S STEAK.
225
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:15,398
PETER, THAT RAT
GETS BIGGER
226
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,065
EVERY TIME YOU
TELL THIS STORY.
227
00:09:17,134 --> 00:09:18,465
OH, I GOT A
MILLION OF THEM.
228
00:09:18,534 --> 00:09:20,698
LIKE THIS, LIKE UH, MY
BUDDY'S SISTER'S BOSS,
229
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:22,899
HE WAS, UH, DRINKING WITH
A HOOKER IN THIS VEGAS BAR.
230
00:09:22,968 --> 00:09:23,899
[Gasps]
231
00:09:23,968 --> 00:09:24,865
BAM! WOKE UP
WITHOUT HIS KIDNEY.
232
00:09:24,934 --> 00:09:25,499
[Vomits]
233
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,665
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY KICKED ME OUT
OF THE YACHT CLUB.
234
00:09:29,734 --> 00:09:32,231
I BARELY HAD TIME
TO STUFF LOIS'
SALMON IN MY JACKET.
235
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:35,199
FACE IT, PETER. YOU
HAVE A KNACK FOR
SAYING THE WRONG THING.
236
00:09:35,268 --> 00:09:36,865
THIS SUCKS.
237
00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:39,932
LOIS' FRIEND "YACHT BOY"
AND HIS LOVELY WIFE
CACA INVITED US TO SOME
238
00:09:40,001 --> 00:09:41,865
HOITY-TOITY AUCTION
TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
239
00:09:41,934 --> 00:09:43,765
I DON'T WANT TO
EMBARRASS HER AGAIN.
240
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,265
YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
TEACH ME HOW TO
BE A GENTLEMAN.
241
00:09:46,334 --> 00:09:48,366
PETER, IT'S NOT
REALLY THAT HARD.
242
00:09:48,435 --> 00:09:50,365
LET'S START WITH
POLITE CONVERSATION.
243
00:09:50,434 --> 00:09:52,765
FOR EXAMPLE, "IT'S A
PLEASURE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
244
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,198
"LOVELY WEATHER
WE'RE HAVING."
245
00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:55,265
NOW YOU TRY.
246
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,098
IT'S A PLEASURE
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
247
00:09:57,166 --> 00:10:00,231
AFTER HOGAN'S HEROES,
BOB CRANE GOT HIS
SKULL CRUSHED IN
248
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:03,164
BY A FRIEND WHO
VIDEOTAPED HIM
HAVING ROUGH SEX.
249
00:10:03,233 --> 00:10:04,232
HOW'S THAT?
250
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,598
WOW, PERFECT.
MY WORK IS DONE.
251
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:08,732
BUT JUST FOR THE HECK
OF IT, LET'S TRY AGAIN.
252
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,298
MORE COFFEE,
MADAM?
253
00:10:11,366 --> 00:10:13,398
I CAN GET
THAT, SEBASTIAN.
254
00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:14,865
TO TELL YOU THE
TRUTH, WE'RE ALL
255
00:10:14,934 --> 00:10:17,132
A LITTLE
UNCOMFORTABLE
BEING WAITED ON.
256
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,198
CUT MY EGG!
257
00:10:19,901 --> 00:10:20,999
YOUR EGGS
ARE CUT, SIR.
258
00:10:21,068 --> 00:10:22,066
CUT MY MILK!
259
00:10:22,134 --> 00:10:23,398
I CAN'T, SIR.
IT'S LIQUID.
260
00:10:23,466 --> 00:10:25,232
IMBECILE! FREEZE
IT, THEN CUT IT!
261
00:10:25,301 --> 00:10:27,865
IF YOU QUESTION ME AGAIN,
I'LL PUT YOU ON
DIAPER DETAIL.
262
00:10:27,934 --> 00:10:29,898
AND I PROMISE, I WON'T
MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU!
263
00:10:29,967 --> 00:10:34,298
MEG, YOU'RE GONNA
LOVE NEWPORT HIGH.
IT HAS A BEAUTIFUL CAMPUS.
264
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,332
YEAH, FILLED WITH
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
265
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,098
AND I'M GONNA BAG
ME A RICH ONE.
266
00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:40,731
MEG, THAT'S A TERRIBLE
THING TO SAY.
267
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,032
YOU SHOULD MARRY
SOMEONE YOU LOVE.
THAT'S WHAT I DID.
268
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,499
AND IT GOT US KICKED
OUT OF THE YACHT CLUB.
269
00:10:46,567 --> 00:10:50,032
OH, YOU CAN'T BE
MAD AT YOUR FATHER
FOR BEING HIMSELF.
270
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:53,732
THAT'S THE REASON I
FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
271
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,265
AH, HE WAS SO DIFFERENT
FROM EVERYONE ELSE.
272
00:10:58,435 --> 00:11:00,798
[Jonathan]
COCO, THE DAY I GRADUATE
FROM HARVARD
273
00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:04,632
I'M GONNA CARRY YOU
OFF INTO THE SUNSET
ON A WHITE HORSE.
274
00:11:04,701 --> 00:11:07,866
IT BETTER BE A STRETCH
HORSE WITH LEATHER
SEATS AND A CHAUFFEUR.
275
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,699
ISN'T SHE A
BIT OF TERRIFIC?
276
00:11:10,934 --> 00:11:12,231
[Both laughing]
277
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:21,032
♪[Do You Love Me
playing by the Contours]
278
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:26,431
♪ I CAN MASH POTATO ♪
279
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,098
♪ I CAN MASH POTATO ♪
280
00:11:28,167 --> 00:11:29,699
♪ I CAN DO THE TWIST ♪
281
00:11:29,768 --> 00:11:31,065
♪ I CAN DO THE TWIST ♪
282
00:11:31,134 --> 00:11:32,465
♪ NOW TELL ME BABY ♪
283
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:33,232
OOH.
284
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:34,431
♪ TELL ME BABY ♪
285
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:36,232
♪ DO YOU LIKE IT
LIKE THIS... ♪
286
00:11:36,301 --> 00:11:37,932
[Groaning]
287
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:38,999
♪ TELL ME ♪
288
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,132
♪ TELL ME ♪
289
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,032
♪ TELL ME ♪
290
00:11:43,868 --> 00:11:45,699
♪ DO YOU LOVE ME ♪
291
00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:47,265
♪ DO YOU LOVE ME... ♪
292
00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:51,198
KIDS, IF YOU
MARRY FOR LOVE,
293
00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:53,931
YOUR LIFE WILL
BE FILLED WITH
ITS OWN RICHES.
294
00:11:54,001 --> 00:11:55,598
MONEY DOESN'T
BUY HAPPINESS.
295
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:56,898
OH, I BEG TO DIFFER.
296
00:12:00,101 --> 00:12:02,032
YOU! BRING ME THE
WALL STREET JOURNAL!
297
00:12:02,867 --> 00:12:04,365
YOU 2, FIGHT
TO THE DEATH!
298
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:09,599
AY!
299
00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:12,464
[Grunting]
300
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,032
OK, PETER,
I WAS HOPING
I WOULDN'T
301
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,731
HAVE TO
RESORT TO
SHOCK THERAPY
302
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,332
BUT YOUR
PROGRESS
HAS BEEN...
303
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,798
[Scoffs]
304
00:12:20,867 --> 00:12:22,332
WELL, WHO WE KIDDING?
YOU HAVEN'T MADE
ANY PROGRESS.
305
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,399
NOW THE LEFT
T.V. IS TUNED
TO FRASIER.
306
00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:26,432
THE RIGHT
T.V. HAS
RICKI LAKE.
307
00:12:26,501 --> 00:12:29,799
IF YOU SO MUCH AS
GLANCE AT THE RIGHT TV,
I'M GIVING YOU 10,000 VOLTS.
308
00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:31,332
GOT IT.
309
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,398
WELL, FRASIER, YOU'RE
SO CORPULENT THAT WHEN
YOU SIT AROUND
310
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:35,499
THE MAGNIFICENTLY
APPOINTED
TUSCAN VILLA
311
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:38,232
YOU SIT AROUND
THE MAGNIFICENTLY
APPOINTED TUSCAN VILLA.
312
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,199
HUH.
313
00:12:39,268 --> 00:12:40,965
THIS IS THE
SMARTEST SHOW ON T.V.
314
00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:42,799
[Man]
YO, RICKI. THAT'S
MY GIRLFRIEND.
315
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:44,932
SHE AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE HAVING
NO PENIS!
316
00:12:45,001 --> 00:12:46,731
[Screams]
317
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,932
MASTER BRIAN,
DO YOU REALLY
BELIEVE YOU CAN
318
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:51,065
PASS HIM OFF
AS A GENTLEMAN
AT THE AUCTION?
319
00:12:51,134 --> 00:12:53,098
WE'VE GOT A LONG
ROAD AHEAD. BUT, UH...
320
00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:55,331
HEY, I'VE WORKED
MIRACLES BEFORE.
321
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,098
AND THE OSCAR
GOES TO MARISA TOMEI!
322
00:12:58,167 --> 00:12:59,498
[Cheering]
323
00:13:07,533 --> 00:13:09,631
PETER WAS SUPPOSED
TO MEET US HERE
AN HOUR AGO.
324
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:12,232
I HOPE HE DIDN'T
CHANGE HIS MIND.
325
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,932
MAYBE HE'S
ALREADY HERE.
326
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,765
MAYBE HE'S FITTING IN
SO WELL WE CAN'T TELL HIM
FROM THE OTHER BLUEBLOODS.
327
00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:17,799
[Giggles]
328
00:13:17,868 --> 00:13:20,465
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
329
00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:22,698
♪[Trumpets play fanfare]
330
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:25,132
LORD PETER
LOWENBRAU GRIFFIN THE FIRST.
331
00:13:29,334 --> 00:13:31,165
PLAY ME DOWN
THE STAIRS, BOYS.
332
00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:33,898
♪[Trumpets playing]
333
00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:36,166
GOOD DAY.
334
00:13:36,234 --> 00:13:37,231
ENCHANTE.
335
00:13:37,801 --> 00:13:39,132
PASTA FAZUL.
336
00:13:39,968 --> 00:13:40,965
[Gasps]
337
00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:43,599
MMM. LOOKING
GOOD, FELLAS.
338
00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:47,366
BRIAN, DO YOU
KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS?
339
00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:50,498
LOIS, PLEASE.
I'M JUST A DOG.
A STUPID DOG.
340
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:52,999
VODKA STINGER
WITH A WHISKEY BACK.
AND STEP ON IT!
341
00:13:53,067 --> 00:13:54,999
♪[Piano playing]
342
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,364
PETER,
YOU'RE SIMPLY
ENCHANTING.
343
00:13:57,433 --> 00:13:59,966
YOU MUST JOIN US
TOMORROW FOR A
GAME OF BACCARAT.
344
00:14:00,034 --> 00:14:02,631
OH, RIGHT
BACCARAT AT YOU.
345
00:14:02,701 --> 00:14:04,032
[Laughing]
346
00:14:05,168 --> 00:14:06,965
BRIAN, WHAT
HAPPENED
TO PETER?
347
00:14:07,034 --> 00:14:09,232
HE'S NOT CRAMMING
HORS D'OEUVRES
IN HIS MOUTH
348
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,398
OR ASKING
ANYONE TO
PULL HIS FINGER.
349
00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:13,765
THAT'S NOT THE
MAN I MARRIED.
350
00:14:13,834 --> 00:14:16,732
SO, I GUESS,
TECHNICALLY, THAT
MAKES YOU AVAILABLE.
351
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:17,832
WHAT?
352
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:20,133
HA. LIGHTEN UP,
TOOTS. IT'S A PARTY.
353
00:14:20,201 --> 00:14:22,165
[Laughs hysterically]
354
00:14:22,233 --> 00:14:24,832
HEY, BARKEEP,
IT'S LIKE THE DAMN
SAHARA OVER HERE!
355
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,133
HOW YOU
DOING, HONEY?
356
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,231
WELCOME TO THE
HISTORICAL
SOCIETY AUCTION.
357
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:31,565
OUR FIRST ITEM IS
A 17TH-CENTURY GILDED VESSEL.
358
00:14:31,634 --> 00:14:34,765
WE'LL START THE
BIDDING AT $140,000.
359
00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:36,165
WHAT A MARVELOUS
VESSEL.
360
00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:37,165
IT WOULD LOOK
SMASHING
361
00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:39,966
IN LOIS'S CRAPPER.
I MEAN "CRAPIER".
362
00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:41,498
YOU ARE SO RIGHT.
363
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:45,098
ANY WOMAN WOULD
LOVE TO HAVE THAT VASE
ADORN HER CRAPIER.
364
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:45,932
JONATHAN!
365
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,565
OH. UH...
366
00:14:47,634 --> 00:14:50,332
$140,000.
367
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:51,832
$150,000.
368
00:14:51,901 --> 00:14:53,532
BRIAN, THAT
SOUNDED LIKE
PETER.
369
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,066
HEY, COME HERE, YOU!
370
00:14:55,134 --> 00:14:56,765
[Laughing]
371
00:14:56,833 --> 00:14:58,333
$160,000.
372
00:14:58,401 --> 00:14:59,399
$170,000.
373
00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:00,131
$180,000.
374
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:00,899
$190,000.
375
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,298
$200,000.
376
00:15:05,366 --> 00:15:07,365
OOH.
AHH.
377
00:15:07,433 --> 00:15:10,299
WE HAVE A NEW RECORD
FOR THE HISTORICAL SOCIETY!
378
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,498
THE VESSEL GOES TO--
379
00:15:11,567 --> 00:15:15,099
$100 MILLION!
380
00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:20,166
...TO MR. PETER GRIFFIN
FOR AN ASTONISHING
$100 MILLION!
381
00:15:21,434 --> 00:15:24,799
♪ MONEY, MONEY, MONEY ♪
382
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:28,865
[Grunts]
383
00:15:28,934 --> 00:15:30,432
PETER, WE
HAD NO IDEA
384
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:31,866
YOU WERE SUCH
A PHILANTHROPIST.
385
00:15:31,934 --> 00:15:33,732
IT'S A FABULOUS
VASE, PETER,
DARLING.
386
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:35,665
DO YOU COLLECT
OBJETS D'ART?
387
00:15:35,733 --> 00:15:38,264
IF THAT'S FRENCH
FOR STAR WARS
COLLECTORS GLASSES,
388
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:39,999
THEN SI.
389
00:15:40,067 --> 00:15:41,265
[All laughing]
390
00:15:41,334 --> 00:15:43,499
MR. GRIFFIN,
YOU'RE THE MOST
GENEROUS MAN
391
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,032
SINCE TED TURNER.
392
00:15:45,101 --> 00:15:47,199
UH, UH, I'D LIKE TO
ANNOUNCE I'M GIVING A GIFT
393
00:15:47,268 --> 00:15:49,333
THE WHOLE WORLD
CAN APPRECIATE.
394
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,398
I'VE COLORIZED THE MOON.
395
00:15:51,466 --> 00:15:54,231
PETER, YOU
DON'T HAVE
$100 MILLION!
396
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:55,932
OF COURSE I DO, MY DEAR.
397
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,866
NOW, WOULD THAT
BE CASH OR CHECK?
398
00:15:57,934 --> 00:15:59,665
DROP BY
CHERRYWOOD THIS
EVENING.
399
00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:01,898
I'LL HAVE THE MONEY
WIRED TO ME FROM MY...
400
00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:04,065
MMM. SWISS BANK ACCOUNT.
401
00:16:04,134 --> 00:16:05,232
AH, VERY GOOD, SIR.
402
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,498
YOU DON'T HAVE
A SWISS
BANK ACCOUNT!
403
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,065
RIGHT.
404
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:12,165
MY LAWYER'S ADVISED
ME TO KEEP SOME OF
MY ASSETS A SECRET
405
00:16:12,234 --> 00:16:13,699
IN CASE THINGS
DON'T WORK OUT.
406
00:16:13,767 --> 00:16:17,265
[Sighs]
I'M GOING HOME.
WHERE'S BRIAN?
407
00:16:17,334 --> 00:16:20,965
LISTEN, I TOLD THIS BLONDE
INSIDE I GOT A 500SL.
CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?
408
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,731
I'M SORRY. BUT
I'VE MADE MY DECISION.
409
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,498
WE'RE MOVING BACK
TO QUAHOG AS SOON
AS WE CAN GET PACKED.
410
00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:31,232
TO QUAHOG, THAT
ONE-HORSE TOWN?
411
00:16:31,301 --> 00:16:32,866
SHUT UP. NO, YOU SHUT UP.
412
00:16:32,934 --> 00:16:34,999
NO, YOU SHUT UP.
YOU'RE THE ONE TALKING.
413
00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:37,965
THERE'S NO ONE ELSE HERE.
EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!
414
00:16:38,034 --> 00:16:40,432
WHAT'S THAT? THE WIND!
415
00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:41,865
A POX ON
QUAHOG!
416
00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:45,699
EASY!
417
00:16:45,768 --> 00:16:47,798
IF I EVER GO BACK
TO QUAHOG,
IT'LL BE JUST
418
00:16:47,867 --> 00:16:49,999
SO I CAN POKE POOR
PEOPLE WITH A STICK!
419
00:16:51,567 --> 00:16:53,965
BON JOVI, EVERYONE.
420
00:16:54,034 --> 00:16:56,131
NOW I REMEMBER
WHY I LEFT
NEWPORT!
421
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,331
IT CHANGES PEOPLE.
YOU KIDS HAVE
LOST YOUR VALUES.
422
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,565
YOU'VE LOST
YOUR MIND!
423
00:17:00,634 --> 00:17:03,465
AND I DON'T MUCH
CARE FOR STEWIE'S
NEW FRIENDS.
424
00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:07,598
THE PACIFIC RIM ECONOMY
IS STILL A TAD
SHAKY FOR MY TASTE.
425
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,099
OH, OH,
STOP IT!
STOP IT!
426
00:17:09,167 --> 00:17:11,665
LOOK HERE. YOU CAN'T
BECOME A BLOODY
FISCAL HERMIT CRAB
427
00:17:11,734 --> 00:17:14,099
EVERY TIME THE
NIKKEI UNDERGOES
A SELF-CORRECTION!
428
00:17:14,168 --> 00:17:16,398
ASIA'S MARKET HAS
NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP!
429
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:17,398
INTERESTING.
430
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:20,065
INDEED.
431
00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:22,798
I WISH WE'D NEVER COME
HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
432
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,198
OH, CHOFF!
433
00:17:24,267 --> 00:17:26,232
HERE, GO BUY YOURSELF
SOME MORE MONEY.
434
00:17:30,101 --> 00:17:32,165
HEY, OLD BEAN.
435
00:17:32,234 --> 00:17:34,665
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING WITH MY
STAR WARS GLASS?
436
00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:36,398
ILLUSTRATING A POINT.
437
00:17:36,467 --> 00:17:39,432
PETER, WHEN HAN SOLO
TOOK THE MILLENNIUM
FALCON TO CLOUD CITY,
438
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:40,966
HE FOUND THAT
LANDO CALRISSIAN
439
00:17:41,034 --> 00:17:43,632
HAD TURNED
CONTROL OF THE STATION
OVER TO DARTH VADER.
440
00:17:43,701 --> 00:17:45,398
LANDO HAD
FORGOTTEN WHO HE WAS.
441
00:17:45,467 --> 00:17:47,832
IT WAS ONLY AFTER HAN WAS
ENCASED IN CARBONITE
442
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,098
AND TAKEN BY BOBA FETT
TO JABBA'S PALACE
443
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:52,665
THAT HE WAS ABLE TO SEE
THE ERROR OF HIS WAYS.
444
00:17:52,734 --> 00:17:54,165
LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF.
445
00:17:54,234 --> 00:17:56,832
YOU'RE NOT A
NEWPORT MILLIONAIRE.
I CREATED YOU.
446
00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:59,398
IN A WAY, I AM YOUR FATHER.
447
00:17:59,467 --> 00:18:02,465
THAT'S NOT TRUE!
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
448
00:18:02,534 --> 00:18:04,132
DAMN IT, PETER!
SNAP OUT OF IT!
449
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,398
NO!
450
00:18:06,301 --> 00:18:07,266
AH.
451
00:18:07,335 --> 00:18:08,999
JEEZ, I JUST HAD THE
CRAZIEST DREAM
452
00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:11,231
WHERE I BOUGHT A
$100 MILLION VASE.
453
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:15,198
A MR. BRANDYWINE FROM
THE HISTORICAL SOCIETY
IS AT THE FRONT GATE.
454
00:18:15,267 --> 00:18:16,999
HE'LL BE HERE
IN HALF AN HOUR.
455
00:18:17,067 --> 00:18:19,598
THAT WASN'T A DREAM,
PETER. HE'S HERE
FOR THE MONEY.
456
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:21,199
AW, BRIAN, I'M SCREWED.
457
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,799
IF I WELSH ON THAT DEBT,
I'M GONNA PROVE TO EVERYONE
458
00:18:23,867 --> 00:18:26,032
THAT I'M NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR LOIS.
459
00:18:26,101 --> 00:18:28,199
IF I ONLY HAD SOMETHING
WORTH THAT MUCH MONEY.
460
00:18:28,268 --> 00:18:30,265
I NEVER SHOULD'VE DROPPED
MEAN JOE GREEN'S JERSEY.
461
00:18:32,234 --> 00:18:35,232
GOOD GAME, MEAN
JOE. YOU WANT
SOME OF MY COKE?
462
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:42,564
HEY, KID.
463
00:18:42,633 --> 00:18:43,799
CATCH.
464
00:18:44,934 --> 00:18:46,598
WOW. THANKS, MEAN JOE.
465
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,065
HEY, WHAT ABOUT
THIS HOUSE?
466
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,099
I COULD GIVE HIM
THE HOUSE AND
CALL IT EVEN.
467
00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:58,065
CHERRYWOOD ISN'T
WORTH $100 MILLION.
468
00:18:58,134 --> 00:19:00,266
BRIAN, IT'S THE
HISTORICAL SOCIETY.
469
00:19:00,334 --> 00:19:01,731
WE JUST GOTTA
CONVINCE HIM
470
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,365
THAT $100 MILLION
DOLLARS WORTH OF
HISTORY HAPPENED HERE.
471
00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:08,865
SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT
JESUS CARVED HIS
NAME INTO THIS MANTLE
472
00:19:08,934 --> 00:19:11,198
51 YEARS BEFORE
HE WAS BORN.
473
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:14,231
YEAH. HE'S JESUS.
HE CAN DO ANYTHING.
AND LOOK OVER HERE.
474
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,899
THAT'S WHERE THE
STOCK MARKET CRASHED.
475
00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:18,265
MR. GRIFFIN!
476
00:19:18,334 --> 00:19:19,866
I'M TELLIN' YA,
YOU CAN'T TAKE A
STEP IN THIS HOUSE
477
00:19:19,934 --> 00:19:21,999
WITHOUT UNCOVERING
SOMETHING HISTORICAL.
478
00:19:22,068 --> 00:19:23,065
[Gasping]
479
00:19:23,134 --> 00:19:24,832
W-W-WAIT A SECOND.
480
00:19:24,901 --> 00:19:26,332
COULD THAT BE
HARRIET TUBMAN'S
481
00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:27,966
SECRET
UNDERGROUND RAILROAD?
482
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,299
IT IS! GO, FREEDOM TRAIN!
483
00:19:31,367 --> 00:19:32,464
I'VE SEEN
ENOUGH.
484
00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:33,932
I HAPPEN TO KNOW
485
00:19:34,001 --> 00:19:36,398
THAT NOTHING OF
HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE
EVER OCCURRED HERE.
486
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,898
PLEASE, HAVE
OUR MONEY READY
BY TOMORROW. GOOD DAY!
487
00:19:38,967 --> 00:19:40,431
WAIT--WAIT--WAIT!
488
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,899
LOOK, THIS IS
WHERE THE PILGRIMS
LANDED AT FRAGGLE ROCK!
489
00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:48,798
EXCUSE ME,
LORD GRIFFIN.
490
00:19:48,867 --> 00:19:51,266
YOUR FAMILY
IS GOING
BACK TO QUAHOG.
491
00:19:51,335 --> 00:19:54,498
IF YOU GET TIRED
OF BEING A SNOB,
LOOK US UP.
492
00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:58,165
LORD GRIFFIN IS DEAD.
IT'S JUST ME,
PETER THE TOWEL BOY.
493
00:19:58,234 --> 00:20:01,932
PETER, YOU'RE
BACK! LET'S GO HOME!
494
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,732
WE CAN'T.
I SOLD OUR HOME.
495
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:05,965
OUR BEAUTIFUL HOME
WITH THE STOLEN CABLE
496
00:20:06,034 --> 00:20:08,232
AND THE LITTLE MAN
WITH THE PENIS
FOR A LIGHT SWITCH.
497
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,865
WE'LL FIND
ANOTHER PLACE.
498
00:20:09,934 --> 00:20:12,233
YOUR AUNT MARGUERITE IS
PROBABLY LAUGHING AT ME
499
00:20:12,301 --> 00:20:13,465
WHILE SHE'S
BURNING IN HELL,
500
00:20:13,534 --> 00:20:15,198
MAY SHE REST IN PEACE.
501
00:20:15,267 --> 00:20:17,332
SHE WAS RIGHT.
EVERYONE WAS RIGHT.
502
00:20:17,401 --> 00:20:19,066
I'M NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOU.
503
00:20:19,133 --> 00:20:21,632
PETER, I DON'T CARE
WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS.
504
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,132
ALL THAT MATTERS
IS THAT I LOVE YOU.
505
00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:26,164
I LOVE YOU
TOO, LOIS.
506
00:20:32,734 --> 00:20:33,765
[Gasps]
507
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:35,865
LOIS, OUR
PROBLEMS ARE OVER!
508
00:20:37,734 --> 00:20:40,099
OUR MANSION
IS HISTORICAL,
ALL RIGHT.
509
00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:43,265
CHERRYWOOD WAS
AMERICA'S FIRST
PRESIDENTIAL WHOREHOUSE!
510
00:20:43,334 --> 00:20:44,731
SEE, THERE'S LINCOLN...
511
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:45,565
GRANT...
512
00:20:45,634 --> 00:20:46,632
ROBERT E. LEE.
513
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,132
THOSE ARE
FAKE!
514
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,564
THEY'RE REAL.
AND, FYI, LINCOLN
HAD THE JUNGLE FEVER.
515
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:59,198
SO YOU SEE, CHUBBY
FRANKLIN LIVED
ACROSS THE STREET.
516
00:20:59,267 --> 00:21:03,099
CHUBBY FRANKLIN
WOULD ALWAYS
MAKE A FACE LIKE THIS.
517
00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:07,365
DAD, YOU'RE NOT
LISTENING. I HAVE
A SERIOUS PROBLEM.
518
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:10,531
I GOT A GIRL
PREGNANT. WHAT DO I DO?
519
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,565
AND WHEN WE SAW
CHUBBY FRANKLIN
MAKE HIS FACE,
520
00:21:13,634 --> 00:21:15,965
WE WOULD
ALL MAKE THIS FACE.
521
00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:18,499
[Audience laughing]
522
00:21:23,001 --> 00:21:23,898
[Screams]
523
00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:25,799
OH, GOD! OH, MY GOD!
524
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:27,899
HEY, DAD,
YOU NEVER
DID TELL US
525
00:21:27,967 --> 00:21:29,266
HOW YOU
GOT OUR
HOUSE BACK.
526
00:21:29,335 --> 00:21:30,999
SIMPLE. I JUST
OFFERED THE PEOPLE
527
00:21:31,068 --> 00:21:32,698
I SOLD IT TO
DOUBLE WHAT THEY PAID.
528
00:21:32,767 --> 00:21:34,965
WHAT? BUT HOW
COULD YOU AFFORD THAT?
529
00:21:35,034 --> 00:21:36,766
I KEPT ONE OF
THOSE LINCOLN PICTURES
530
00:21:36,834 --> 00:21:38,866
AND HELD A LITTLE
AUCTION OF MY OWN.
531
00:21:38,934 --> 00:21:39,999
THANKS TO OLD
HONEST ABE
532
00:21:40,068 --> 00:21:41,299
WE HAVE
OUR HOUSE BACK
533
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,232
AND I LEARNED
A VALUABLE LESSON.
534
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:44,665
IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF YOUR FAMILY
535
00:21:44,733 --> 00:21:46,365
DOESN'T THINK I'M
GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
536
00:21:46,433 --> 00:21:50,332
THAT'S RIGHT, BECAUSE
ALL THAT'S IMPORTANT
IS THAT I LOVE YOU.
537
00:21:50,401 --> 00:21:52,065
NO, BECAUSE
YOUR ANCESTORS
WERE NOTHING
538
00:21:52,134 --> 00:21:53,665
BUT A BUNCH
OF PIMPS
AND WHORES.
539
00:21:53,734 --> 00:21:54,731
[Laughing]
540
00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:00,366
♪[Theme music playing]