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00:00:02,601 --> 00:00:05,932
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:06,001 --> 00:00:09,331
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:13,032
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
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♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
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♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
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♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
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♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
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♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
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♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:36,699
MRS. LIPSTEIN,
I HAVE BAD NEWS.
11
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THE TUMOR IS MALIGNANT.
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I'M AFRAID YOU ONLY
HAVE 6 MONTHS TO LIVE.
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OH, MY GOD!
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[Announcer]
GOT MILK?
15
00:00:43,701 --> 00:00:45,198
HEY, LISTEN UP,
EVERYBODY.
16
00:00:45,267 --> 00:00:47,465
YOUR GRANDPA GRIFFIN
IS FINALLY RETIRING.
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00:00:47,534 --> 00:00:48,765
GRANDPA GRIFFIN?
18
00:00:48,833 --> 00:00:50,799
IS HE THAT GUY
THAT SMELLS
LIKE FIREWOOD
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00:00:50,867 --> 00:00:53,265
AND HAS BIG,
GRAY PUSSYWILLOWS
IN HIS EARS?
20
00:00:53,334 --> 00:00:54,932
CHRIS, THAT'S
A TERRIBLE WORD.
21
00:00:55,001 --> 00:00:56,632
"PUSSYWILLOWS."
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00:00:56,701 --> 00:00:59,065
MY DAD WORKED
AT THAT MILL
FOR 60 YEARS.
23
00:00:59,134 --> 00:01:01,032
THAT'S ALMOST
80 YEARS.
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00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,932
TOMORROW NIGHT
THEY'RE THROWING
A BIG DINNER
25
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,698
AND WE'RE ALL
GONNA BE THERE
TO HONOR HIM.
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00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:06,399
WHY? WE BARELY
KNOW HIM.
27
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,298
YEAH. HOW COME HE
NEVER VISITS US?
28
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:11,165
WELL, KIDS, YOUR
GRANDFATHER HAS NEVER
BEEN COMFORTABLE
29
00:01:11,233 --> 00:01:13,499
WITH THE FACT
THAT I'M NOT CATHOLIC.
30
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[Bells ringing]
31
00:01:15,834 --> 00:01:17,766
[Cheering]
32
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HEY, DAD LOVES
ALL OF US.
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HE'S JUST TOO BUSY
WORKING TO SHOW IT.
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HE'S BEEN THAT WAY
SINCE I WAS A KID.
35
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AND NOW THE WINNERS
OF THE FATHER-SON
3-LEGGED RACE.
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FIRST PLACE, BOBBY
HAMMILL AND HIS DAD.
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2ND PLACE, JIMMY
LAWSON AND HIS DAD.
38
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3RD PLACE,
PETER GRIFFIN AND
A STALK OF CORN.
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NOW THAT HE'S RETIRING,
40
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WE CAN FINALLY SPEND
SOME TIME TOGETHER.
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00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,132
I WANT US TO
HAVE ONE OF THOSE
FATHER-SON MOMENTS,
42
00:01:44,201 --> 00:01:45,366
LIKE ON T.V.
43
00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:46,899
YOU KNOW, WHERE
WE HUG AND THE
MUSIC GOES,
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00:01:46,968 --> 00:01:48,431
♪ LA, LA, LA ♪
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♪[Playing sentimental music]
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THANKS, BOYS.
JUST LIKE THAT.
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HEY, CAN YOU DO
THAT FLUTTERY
THING LIKE
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WHEN THE BRADY
KIDS RUN DOWN
THE STAIRS?
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00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,065
♪[Playing upbeat
instrumental music]
50
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I DON'T WANT TO TATTLE.
51
00:02:01,268 --> 00:02:03,465
BUT IS BOBBY
REALLY A DOCTOR?
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00:02:03,534 --> 00:02:06,099
♪[Trombone playing]
53
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MOM, I CAN'T EAT.
54
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I'M TOO GROSSED OUT
BY GRANDPA'S EARS.
55
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I KNOW. THEY'RE
LIKE A BIG, GRAY
ENCHANTED FOREST.
56
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KIDS, YOUR
GRANDFATHER'S EARS
ARE NOT GROSS.
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AND THEY ARE CERTAINLY
NOT AN ENCHANTED FOREST.
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[Honking]
59
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BUT SERIOUSLY,
TONIGHT WE HERE AT
PAWTUCKET MILL CELEBRATE
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THE CAREER OF OUR
OLDEST AND MOST
DEDICATED EMPLOYEE,
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00:02:45,168 --> 00:02:46,698
FRANCIS GRIFFIN.
FRANCIS.
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[Crowd applauding]
63
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[Whistles]
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00:02:53,134 --> 00:02:54,799
AT MASS THIS MORNING
65
00:02:54,867 --> 00:02:57,865
IT OCCURRED TO ME
THAT I MAY NEVER SEE
ANY OF YOUR FACES AGAIN.
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I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT JESUS LOVES YOU.
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00:03:00,466 --> 00:03:01,565
BUT IN MY EYES,
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YOU'RE A BUNCH OF
SINNERS AND SLACKERS
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WHO FORCED A HARD-WORKING
OLD MAN TO RETIRE.
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00:03:06,068 --> 00:03:08,765
SO YOU CAN TAKE
THIS SHINY WATCH
AND SHOVE IT.
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00:03:08,834 --> 00:03:09,798
[All gasping]
72
00:03:09,867 --> 00:03:11,531
I ADORE THIS MAN!
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00:03:14,366 --> 00:03:15,965
THAT WAS SOME
SPEECH, DAD.
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YEAH. IT'S A SHAME
GRANDMA WASN'T
THERE TO HEAR IT.
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BLESS HER HEART.
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SHE'S ON ANOTHER
ONE OF HER
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PRAYER MISSIONS
IN LAS VEGAS.
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HIT ME,
YOU 5-CARD STUD.
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[Coughing]
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COCKTAIL!
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00:03:29,067 --> 00:03:30,865
AYE, SHE'S
A ROSE.
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IT'S A PITY YOU
COULDN'T FIND
YOURSELF
83
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A NICE IRISH
CATHOLIC
GIRL, PETER.
84
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:35,665
[Laughing]
85
00:03:35,734 --> 00:03:38,565
FRANCIS, THIS MUST
BE EMBARRASSING
FOR YOU.
86
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I'M IN THE CAR.
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DAD, NOW THAT YOU'RE RETIRED,
YOU'RE COMIN' TO STAY WITH US.
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NO MORE EXCUSES.
I'M PUTTING MY
FOOT DOWN.
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[Tires screeching]
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00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:47,465
JEEZ, BRIAN,
BUCKLE UP.
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00:03:47,534 --> 00:03:48,598
HEY, WHAT DO
YOU SAY, DAD?
92
00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:50,265
I DON'T WANT TO
BE A BOTHER.
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00:03:50,334 --> 00:03:51,999
IT'S NO BOTHER,
IS IT, LOIS?
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00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,799
OF COURSE NOT, HEH.
IT'LL BE FUN.
95
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:56,364
YOU'RE A GOOD
WOMAN, LOIS.
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00:03:56,433 --> 00:03:58,598
PERHAPS YOU
WON'T BURN IN
HELL AFTER ALL.
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MAYBE YOU'LL JUST
GO TO PURGATORY
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WITH ALL THE
UNBAPTIZED BABIES.
99
00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:03,999
HEY, THERE YOU
GO, LOIS.
YOU LOVE KIDS.
100
00:04:06,167 --> 00:04:07,498
HEH, LOOK
AT THAT, LOIS.
101
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:09,565
DAD'S READING
STEWIE TO SLEEP,
102
00:04:09,634 --> 00:04:11,899
JUST LIKE HE
NEVER DID FOR ME.
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"SO GOD CAST
THE PAGANS AND SINNERS
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"INTO THE FIERY
BOWELS OF HELL,
105
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"WHERE THEIR FLESH
BURNED IN AGONY
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"FOREVER AND EVER."
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THE END.
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00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,765
[Sighs]
109
00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:26,565
AH, CHILDREN LOVE
A GOOD BEDTIME STORY
FROM THE BIBLE.
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00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:27,665
YES, CHARMING.
111
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,932
LIKE WHEN GOD TOLD
ABRAHAM TO KILL ISAAC.
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[Laughing]
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HEY!
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[Gasps]
115
00:04:39,134 --> 00:04:39,999
[Yawns]
116
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THAT WAS A LOVELY
SERVICE, FRANCIS.
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00:04:42,434 --> 00:04:45,265
SUPER. AND ONLY
3 MORE HOURS
TILL SCHOOL.
118
00:04:45,334 --> 00:04:47,965
I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW THERE WAS A
5:00 A.M. MASS.
119
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I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW THERE
WAS A 5:00 A.M.
120
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WHAT ELSE HAVEN'T
YOU TOLD ME?
121
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,332
I RATHER LIKE
THIS GOD FELLOW.
122
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HE'S VERY THEATRICAL,
YOU KNOW.
123
00:04:56,134 --> 00:04:58,099
A PESTILENCE HERE
AND A PLAGUE THERE.
124
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OMNIPOTENCE!
125
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GOT TO GET ME
SOME OF THAT, HMM.
126
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,999
YES. WE ALL
ENJOY THE BIBLE
IN THIS HOUSE.
127
00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:06,898
REALLY?
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
BOOK OF THE BIBLE?
128
00:05:06,967 --> 00:05:08,233
UM, UH...
129
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,498
THAT ONE
WHERE JESUS SWALLOWS
THE PUZZLE PIECE
130
00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:11,999
AND THE MAN IN
THE BIG YELLOW HAT
131
00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,498
HAS TO TAKE HIM
TO THE HOSPITAL.
132
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,365
[Knocking]
133
00:05:16,434 --> 00:05:18,732
OPEN THIS DOOR!
OPEN IT, I SAY!
134
00:05:18,801 --> 00:05:19,832
[Toilet flushes]
135
00:05:19,901 --> 00:05:21,165
SORRY, GRANDPA.
136
00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:23,865
UH, YOU MIGHT
WANT TO GIVE
THAT A MINUTE OR 2.
137
00:05:23,934 --> 00:05:25,599
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING IN THERE,
138
00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:26,731
AND IT'S A SIN!
139
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,432
IF YOU EVER DO IT AGAIN,
YOU'LL BURN IN HELL!
140
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:32,298
BUT I DO IT EVERY DAY.
SOMETIMES TWICE.
141
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:33,765
MARK MY WORDS, LAD.
142
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,998
YOU MAY THINK
YOU'RE ALONE IN THERE,
BUT GOD'S WATCHING.
143
00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:37,932
DON'T DO IT AGAIN!
144
00:05:38,001 --> 00:05:40,232
GOD'S WATCHING
ME DO NUMBER 2?
145
00:05:40,301 --> 00:05:43,065
OH, MAN. I'M A SINNER,
AND GOD'S A PERVERT.
146
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,499
MEGAN!
AAH!
147
00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:48,531
HOW WAS SCHOOL?
148
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,932
UH, GOOD.
149
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,632
KEVIN WALKED
ME HOME.
150
00:05:51,701 --> 00:05:52,598
KEVIN?
151
00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:53,798
HE LIVES NEXT DOOR.
152
00:05:53,867 --> 00:05:55,365
HE LIVES NEXT DOOR...
153
00:05:55,434 --> 00:05:56,498
TO A HARLOT!
154
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,665
GRANDPA, WE WERE
JUST HOLDING HANDS.
155
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,565
IT'LL BE EASY FOR
HIM TO TAKE YOUR HAND
156
00:06:00,634 --> 00:06:02,798
WHEN GOD STRIKES
YOUR SINFUL HEART
WITH LEPROSY.
157
00:06:02,867 --> 00:06:04,632
HE CAN TAKE IT RIGHT
HOME WITH HIM!
158
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,532
LORD, IT'S GREAT
TO SEE YOU KIDS.
159
00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:11,464
♪[Upbeat Jazz music playing]
160
00:06:17,501 --> 00:06:18,498
[Inaudible]
161
00:06:32,534 --> 00:06:34,265
FRANCIS, WE
WERE WATCHING THAT.
162
00:06:34,334 --> 00:06:35,598
WELL, I'LL TELL
YOU HOW IT ENDS.
163
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:37,132
LAURA BURNS THE ROAST
164
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,065
AND GOD KILLS HER
FOR PARADING HER BUM
AROUND IN THOSE PANTS!
165
00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:41,598
♪[Organ plays]
166
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:42,531
[Hits baseball]
167
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:43,832
YEAH, NOT
A BAD WAY
168
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,731
TO KICK OFF YOUR
RETIREMENT, HUH, DAD?
169
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:46,865
[Laughing]
170
00:06:46,933 --> 00:06:48,665
YEAH, THE MAGIC
OF BASEBALL
171
00:06:48,734 --> 00:06:50,531
HAS BROUGHT FATHERS
AND SONS TOGETHER
172
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FOR MILLIONS
OF YEARS.
173
00:06:52,268 --> 00:06:53,665
[Groaning]
174
00:06:53,734 --> 00:06:55,099
STEWIE'S HAVING FUN.
175
00:06:55,167 --> 00:06:57,931
WHY DOES THAT MAN
DROP HIS CLUB BEFORE
HE RUNS AROUND?
176
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,631
I WOULD BRING
IT WITH ME.
177
00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:01,598
HEY, WHO WANTS
A FENWAY FRANK?
178
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:05,732
NOTHING SAYS,
"PLEASE TALK TO ME, DADDY,"
LIKE A FENWAY FRANK.
179
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:07,198
IS THERE A
BATHROOM HERE?
180
00:07:07,266 --> 00:07:09,565
I DON'T THINK I
CAN WAIT ANYMORE.
181
00:07:09,633 --> 00:07:11,832
IN A PUBLIC
RESTROOM, LAD?
182
00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:14,166
FOR THE GOOD OF
YOUR SOUL, SHOW
SOME RESTRAINT.
183
00:07:15,566 --> 00:07:16,932
HEY, HEY,
HOT-DOG GUY!
184
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,132
I'LL GET HIM.
185
00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:19,665
OH, NO, DAD,
THEY BRING
THEM TO YOU.
186
00:07:19,734 --> 00:07:21,331
WELL, LA-DE-DA.
187
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,298
I DON'T NEED MY
FOOD BROUGHT TO ME.
188
00:07:23,366 --> 00:07:24,765
I'M NOT A BROKEN-
DOWN OLD MULE!
189
00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:25,832
I CAN STILL WORK!
190
00:07:25,901 --> 00:07:27,665
I CAN STILL
TAKE ORDERS!
191
00:07:27,734 --> 00:07:29,631
OH, HEY! HEY, DAD
LOOK! HEY, DAD, LOOK!
192
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:30,865
HEY, DAD! DAD!
193
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:32,233
YOU GOTTA--
LOOK, UH, LOOK!
194
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,599
AW, CRAP. THAT WAS
MONEY WELL-SPENT.
195
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:36,431
HE JUST LEFT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING?
196
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,698
WHERE WOULD
HE GO?
197
00:07:37,767 --> 00:07:39,632
I DON'T KNOW. I ASKED
HIM TO BUY ME
198
00:07:39,701 --> 00:07:41,131
SOME PEANUTS
AND CRACKER JACKS.
199
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,598
I DON'T CARE
IF HE EVER
GETS BACK.
200
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:46,065
I WASN'T BEING
CUTE. I REALLY
HOPE HE'S DEAD.
201
00:07:46,134 --> 00:07:47,798
WELL, TOM, THE
CITY OF BOSTON
202
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,299
IS EXAMINING ITS
CONSCIENCE TONIGHT
203
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,598
IN PREPARATION FOR
A VISIT FROM THE POPE.
204
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:54,266
THAT'S RIGHT, DIANE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
ELSE WILL BE EXAMINED,
205
00:07:54,335 --> 00:07:55,465
THIS COCK.
206
00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:57,199
YES, THE RHODE ISLAND
COCK SOCIETY
207
00:07:57,267 --> 00:07:58,599
WILL BE SPONSORING
FREE CHECK-UPS
208
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:00,332
FOR THIS YEAR'S
COCK AWARENESS WEEK.
209
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,331
I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY
WENT THE SUGGESTIVE NAME.
210
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,866
THEY COULD'VE JUST
AS EASILY GONE WITH
"ROOSTER." DIANE?
211
00:08:04,934 --> 00:08:07,166
I'M TELLING YOU.
SOMETHING MUST'VE
HAPPENED TO HIM.
212
00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:09,398
HE'S PROBABLY
HURT, OR LOST,
OR--OR--OR
213
00:08:09,466 --> 00:08:11,099
SHANGHAIED BY PIRATES!
214
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:13,132
THAT RENEGADE
PIRATE SHIP CAPTAINED
215
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,632
BY THE RUTHLESS
PEG LEG SWANTOON!
216
00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:17,298
[Phone ringing]
217
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,598
PETER, CALM DOWN.
218
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,431
IT'S HIS FIRST NIGHT
OF RETIREMENT.
219
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,665
HE'S PROBABLY OUT
ENJOYING HIMSELF.
220
00:08:23,734 --> 00:08:24,899
HE'S IN JAIL.
221
00:08:28,534 --> 00:08:30,198
DAD, MY GOD,
ARE YOU OK?
222
00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,865
DON'T BE USING
THE LORD'S
NAME IN VAIN!
223
00:08:32,934 --> 00:08:34,765
HE'S OK!
THANK GOD!
224
00:08:34,834 --> 00:08:37,431
IT SEEMS HE BROKE
INTO THE OLD MILL
AFTER HOURS.
225
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,298
WE FOUND HIM
WORKING ON
A KICK PRESS.
226
00:08:39,366 --> 00:08:41,165
DAD, YOU LEFT THE
BALL GAME WITH ME
227
00:08:41,234 --> 00:08:42,465
TO GO WORK IN A MILL?
228
00:08:42,533 --> 00:08:43,732
YES! I WANT
TO WORK!
229
00:08:43,801 --> 00:08:45,233
I WANT MY
JOB BACK!
230
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:46,898
BUT, DAD,
YOU'RE RETIRED.
231
00:08:46,967 --> 00:08:48,565
I'D RATHER
BE DEAD.
232
00:08:48,634 --> 00:08:50,165
DEAD? I'LL
TELL YOU
WHAT'S DEAD.
233
00:08:50,233 --> 00:08:51,632
VAUDEVILLE.
YOU KNOW WHAT
KILLED IT?
234
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,066
THE TALKIE
PICTURES.
235
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,999
BUT YOU CAN STILL
MAKE IT. YOU JUST
GOTTA HAVE A GIMMICK.
236
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,032
I, FOR ONE,
AM A TUMBLER.
237
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:57,865
HERE, WATCH
MY ROUND OFF. OH!
238
00:08:57,934 --> 00:08:59,432
HEY, KIDDO, BE A
SPORT. TAKE
THE PILLS OUT
239
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:01,398
OF MY POCKET
AND PUT ONE
UNDER MY TONGUE.
240
00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:06,665
I DON'T GET IT, LOIS.
241
00:09:06,734 --> 00:09:08,965
BASEBALL'S ALWAYS
BEEN THE SECRET
TO MALE BONDING.
242
00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:10,665
IT EVEN WORKED
FOR ROSIE O'DONNELL
243
00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:12,364
AND HIS FATHER
IN A LEAGUE OF
THEIR OWN.
244
00:09:12,433 --> 00:09:13,766
PETER, I HATE
TO SAY THIS
245
00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:15,431
BUT IT DOESN'T SEEM
LIKE YOUR DAD
246
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:17,498
IS INTERESTED IN
BONDING WITH YOU.
247
00:09:17,567 --> 00:09:19,598
ALL HE CARES
ABOUT IS WORK.
248
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,132
WAIT A SECOND. WORK!
249
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,732
THAT'S WHAT'LL
BRING US TOGETHER.
250
00:09:22,801 --> 00:09:24,665
WE CAN START OUR OWN
FATHER-SON BUSINESS.
251
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,598
HEY! WHAT ARE
YOU DOING WITH
ALL THEM BATHTUBS,
252
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:29,732
YOU HEATHEN
DUMMY?
253
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,632
POP, WHY YOU
GOTTA BE LIKE THAT?
254
00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:33,698
WE CUT 'EM IN
HALF, STICK A
VIRGIN MARY IN THEM
255
00:09:33,768 --> 00:09:35,066
AND SELL
THEM AS SHRINES.
256
00:09:35,734 --> 00:09:36,998
THAT'S MY BOY.
257
00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:39,099
AT LEAST, THAT'S
WHAT YOUR MAMA
ALWAYS TOLD ME.
258
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:43,232
NOW GIVE ME A HUG
BEFORE I GIVE YOU
A KNUCKLE SANDWICH.
259
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:46,132
OR YOU COULD JUST
GET YOUR FATHER
A JOB WITH YOU
260
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,531
AT THE
TOY FACTORY.
261
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,132
THAT'S AN EVEN
BETTER IDEA!
262
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,498
LOIS, YOU'RE
A GENIUS.
263
00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:51,632
NOW GIVE ME A HUG
264
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,532
BEFORE I GIVE YOU
A KNUCKLE SANDWICH.
265
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:54,966
AH! AH!
266
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,498
PETER, I CAN'T
HUG YOU.
267
00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:57,765
CUT IT OUT.
NOW, PETER,
268
00:09:57,834 --> 00:09:59,299
I'M SERIOUS.
PETER!
269
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,398
AND THIS IS THE
NERVE CENTER OF
THE WHOLE FACTORY,
270
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,665
MY STATION.
271
00:10:04,733 --> 00:10:06,232
I ASSEMBLE OUR
NEW ACTION FIGURE,
272
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:07,565
ZEKE,
THE MOODY DRIFTER.
273
00:10:07,634 --> 00:10:09,765
YOU MEAN TO TELL
ME YOU STAND
HERE ALL DAY
274
00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:11,665
PLAYING WITH DOLLS?
275
00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:14,699
DAD, IT'S NOT EASY.
SEE, I GOTTA
TWIST ON HIS HEAD
276
00:10:14,767 --> 00:10:16,132
AND STICK A TINY
PACK OF SMOKES
277
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,499
IN HIS TORN
DENIM JACKET.
278
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:19,932
[Coughing]
279
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,065
ANY OF YOU KIDS WANT
TO SEE A DEAD BODY?
280
00:10:23,134 --> 00:10:25,065
OOH, AH!
WAIT HERE, DAD.
281
00:10:25,134 --> 00:10:26,432
HEY, MR. WEED?
282
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:27,432
PETER.
283
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,465
UM, LISTEN,
I WAS
WONDERING
284
00:10:29,534 --> 00:10:31,132
IF YOU MIGHT
HAVE A JOB
FOR MY DAD.
285
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,165
YOUR FATHER?
HE MUST BE A MAN
OF AT LEAST 70.
286
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,032
OH, YEAH.
BUT HE'S IN
GREAT SHAPE.
287
00:10:36,101 --> 00:10:37,632
EXCEPT HIS
PROSTATE.
288
00:10:37,701 --> 00:10:38,965
AT 2:00 A.M. LAST NIGHT,
289
00:10:39,034 --> 00:10:40,832
I THOUGHT A HORSE
WAS USING THE BATHROOM.
290
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:41,932
PETER!
291
00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:43,431
ALL FINISHED.
WHAT'S NEXT?
292
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:44,732
AW, DAD.
293
00:10:44,801 --> 00:10:46,665
YOU DID MY
WHOLE DAY'S WORK
IN 5 MINUTES.
294
00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:48,932
WE SHOULD SELL
YOU TO THE
CIRCUS, YOU FREAK!
295
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,832
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH
PRODUCTIVITY.
296
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,233
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?
297
00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:54,032
I'LL TELL YOU
HOW IT'S POSSIBLE.
298
00:10:54,101 --> 00:10:57,032
BECAUSE THIS MAN
ALWAYS PUT HIS JOB
BEFORE EVERYTHING ELSE.
299
00:10:57,101 --> 00:10:59,333
HIS WIFE,
HIS HEALTH,
EVEN HIS OWN SON.
300
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,199
ESPECIALLY
HIS OWN SON.
301
00:11:01,268 --> 00:11:02,665
I NEED HEAR
NO MORE.
302
00:11:02,734 --> 00:11:05,032
EVERYONE, THIS
IS YOUR NEW
SHOP FOREMAN.
303
00:11:05,101 --> 00:11:06,498
WELCOME ABOARD, SIR.
304
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:08,298
LEAD AS YOU
SEE FIT.
305
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,798
DAD, AFTER
ALL THESE YEARS,
YOU AND ME
306
00:11:10,867 --> 00:11:13,532
TOGETHER, SIDE BY SIDE,
FATHER AND SON.
307
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,798
PETER, THIS IS
TRULY A MIRACLE.
308
00:11:15,867 --> 00:11:16,866
I'M SO GRATEFUL.
309
00:11:16,934 --> 00:11:19,132
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
HEY, BOYS, YOU'RE ON.
310
00:11:19,201 --> 00:11:20,532
♪[Playing sentimental music]
311
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:21,899
GO AHEAD, DAD.
312
00:11:21,968 --> 00:11:23,265
THANK YOU,
JESUS.
313
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:25,632
I HAVE A PURPOSE
IN LIFE AGAIN.
314
00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:28,766
HEY! BREAK UP THE
SEWING CIRCLE
315
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:30,298
AND GET
BACK TO WORK!
316
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,965
MY, MY. WHAT A
THUMPING GOOD READ!
317
00:11:36,034 --> 00:11:37,565
LIONS EATING
CHRISTIANS,
318
00:11:37,634 --> 00:11:39,831
PEOPLE NAILING
EACH OTHER
TO 2-BY-4s.
319
00:11:39,901 --> 00:11:41,832
I SAY, YOU WON'T
FIND THAT IN
WINNIE THE POOH.
320
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:44,498
[Groaning]
PLEASE DON'T
SAY "POOH."
321
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:50,465
PETER! ARE
YOU ALL RIGHT?
322
00:11:50,534 --> 00:11:51,798
WHERE'S YOUR
FATHER?
323
00:11:51,867 --> 00:11:52,999
STILL AT THE FACTORY.
324
00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:54,966
HE'S TURNING THE
BREAK ROOM
INTO A CHAPEL.
325
00:11:55,034 --> 00:11:57,532
A CHAPEL? WHERE
WILL YOU ALL EAT LUNCH?
326
00:11:57,601 --> 00:11:59,165
LOIS, LUNCH IS A SIN.
327
00:11:59,234 --> 00:12:00,931
TAKING A BREAK IS A SIN.
328
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,565
BESTIALITY
IS A SIN.
329
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,631
I'M NOT SURE HOW THAT
CAME UP EXACTLY,
330
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:06,765
BUT ME AND DAD HAVE
NEVER BEEN CLOSER.
331
00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,998
HAVING HIM AT
THE FACTORY
IS THE BEST...
332
00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:10,065
[Snoring]
333
00:12:12,268 --> 00:12:14,198
[Man]
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT...
334
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,698
HEY PETER,
YOUR DAD STINKS.
335
00:12:16,767 --> 00:12:17,965
I'M WORKING
TRIPLE SHIFTS
336
00:12:18,034 --> 00:12:19,932
AND I'M STILL
NOT EMPLOYEE
OF THE WEEK.
337
00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:22,465
HOW AM I
SUPPOSED TO
COMPETE WITH THAT?
338
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,198
[Peter]
HEY, WHERE IS HE ANYWAY?
339
00:12:24,266 --> 00:12:26,065
WELL, THIS'LL
BE FOR MY
4TH BIRDIE.
340
00:12:26,134 --> 00:12:27,898
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S
IN THE ZONE.
341
00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:29,898
AWW!
342
00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:31,431
TOUGH BREAK
THERE, JESUS.
343
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,398
YUP. OR WAS IT?
344
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:35,665
WHOOP! WHOOP!
WHOOP!
345
00:12:35,733 --> 00:12:37,065
BOO-YAH!
346
00:12:37,133 --> 00:12:38,399
BACK TO WORK,
ALL OF YOU!
347
00:12:38,468 --> 00:12:40,065
WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE?
348
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,899
UH, DAD, SOME
OF THE GUYS
THINK THAT
349
00:12:42,967 --> 00:12:45,132
SINCE YOU
TOOK OVER,
WORK IS NO FUN.
350
00:12:45,201 --> 00:12:46,932
WORK'S NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
351
00:12:47,001 --> 00:12:47,965
WHY NOT?
352
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,831
WHY NOT?
WHY NOT?
353
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,432
THAT'S SATAN
TALKING!
354
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:54,132
YOU'RE A FAILURE
AS A WORKER
AND AS A FATHER!
355
00:12:54,201 --> 00:12:56,498
NOW WAIT A
MINUTE. I MAY
NOT BE PERFECT,
356
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,099
BUT AT LEAST I LOVE
MY KIDS ENOUGH
357
00:12:58,168 --> 00:13:00,565
NOT TO SPEND
EVERY MINUTE OF
THE DAY WORKING!
358
00:13:00,634 --> 00:13:01,999
I'M A DAMN
GOOD FATHER,
359
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:04,098
AND THAT'S MORE
THAN ANYONE CAN SAY
ABOUT YOU!
360
00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:05,465
[All gasping]
361
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,632
PETER, YOU'VE
NEVER SPOKEN TO ME
LIKE THAT BEFORE.
362
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:10,198
YOU'RE FIRED!
363
00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:13,132
WELL, IN
THAT CASE,
364
00:13:13,201 --> 00:13:15,298
I'M SUING YOU
FOR SEXUAL
HARASSMENT.
365
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:19,432
I'LL SEE YOU
AT HOME.
366
00:13:29,034 --> 00:13:30,598
WHAT DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE
DOING, LAD?
367
00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:31,866
NOTHING!
368
00:13:34,667 --> 00:13:36,398
SOMETHING'S
WRONG WITH
YOUR SHOWER.
369
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,032
THE WATER'S NOT
COLD ENOUGH.
370
00:13:38,101 --> 00:13:40,966
I LIKE ME SHOWERS
COLDER THAN A WELL
DIGGER'S KERBLOCKEN.
371
00:13:41,034 --> 00:13:43,766
I THINK IT'S TIME
SOMEONE SITS HIS
KERFLUFFIN' DOWN
372
00:13:43,834 --> 00:13:44,799
AND HAS A TALK
373
00:13:44,868 --> 00:13:46,066
WITH HIS
UNEMPLOYED SON.
374
00:13:46,135 --> 00:13:47,431
IF PETER
NEEDS TO TALK
375
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,365
HE'D BEST GO TO
CONFESSION TO
BEG FORGIVENESS
376
00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:50,832
FOR ALL
HIS FAILINGS!
377
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,265
HAVE A
GLORIOUS DAY.
378
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:57,265
PETER, HOW CAN YOU
JUST SIT THERE AND
LET HIM TALK LIKE THAT?
379
00:13:57,333 --> 00:14:00,233
AW, HE'S RIGHT, LOIS.
I AM NO GOOD.
380
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,799
EVEN MY OWN DAD
DOESN'T LOVE ME.
381
00:14:01,868 --> 00:14:03,365
FACE IT.
I'M GOING TO HELL.
382
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,299
[Peter]
WOW, ADOLF HITLER,
383
00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:11,431
AL CAPONE,
JOHN WILKES BOOTH.
384
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,298
HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
385
00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:15,431
I KILLED A
HOOKER. SHE MADE
A CRACK ABOUT
386
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,498
ME BEING
FASTER THAN A
SPEEDING BULLET
387
00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:19,765
SO I RIPPED HER
IN HALF LIKE
A PHONE BOOK.
388
00:14:19,834 --> 00:14:21,866
YES, THE
FAT MAN'S
GOING TO HELL.
389
00:14:21,934 --> 00:14:23,932
AND FROM THE
LOOKS OF
HIS MIDSECTION,
390
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,965
HE'LL BURN LIKE
A TIRE DUMP
FOR ALL ETERNITY.
391
00:14:26,034 --> 00:14:27,731
OH! I LOVE GOD!
392
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,898
HE'S SO DELICIOUSLY EVIL.
393
00:14:29,967 --> 00:14:31,331
STEWIE, EAT
YOUR OATMEAL.
394
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,133
HONEY, YOU'RE A
WONDERFUL HUSBAND,
395
00:14:33,201 --> 00:14:36,432
A LOVING FATHER,
AND, FOR SOME REASON
I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND,
396
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,398
A VERY
DEVOTED SON.
397
00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:40,332
THAT'S A NICE THOUGHT,
LOIS, BUT SADLY,
398
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,232
IT MEANS NOTHING
COMING FROM YOU.
399
00:14:42,301 --> 00:14:44,232
WELL, THE
MOMENT HAS
ARRIVED AT LAST.
400
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,765
WE NOW GO LIVE TO LOGAN
INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
401
00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:49,366
WHERE THE POPE'S PLANE
HAS JUST TOUCHED DOWN.
402
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,165
HELLO, BOSTON!
403
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:55,399
ARE YOU READY TO HUMBLE
404
00:14:55,468 --> 00:14:57,665
YOURSELF BEFORE GOD?
405
00:14:57,733 --> 00:14:59,165
[Cheering]
406
00:14:59,234 --> 00:15:02,132
WHAT? HAVE YOU ALL
TAKEN A VOW OF SILENCE?
407
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:03,565
COME ON!
408
00:15:03,634 --> 00:15:05,499
[Crowd cheering]
409
00:15:05,567 --> 00:15:07,366
THEN PUT YOUR
HANDS TOGETHER
410
00:15:07,434 --> 00:15:08,866
FOR THE ONE, THE ONLY,
411
00:15:08,934 --> 00:15:11,899
HIS HOLINESS, THE POPE!
412
00:15:11,967 --> 00:15:14,866
♪[Jazz music playing]
413
00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:19,465
HEY, I JUST GOT
A CRAZY IDEA!
414
00:15:20,667 --> 00:15:22,465
AAH! WHY?
WHY? WHY?
415
00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:25,798
HEY, I JUST GOT
ANOTHER CRAZY IDEA!
416
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:30,998
MM-HMM.
417
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:32,432
MM-HMM.
418
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:33,598
[Sighs]
419
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:34,932
HEY, DID
YOU EVER
NOTICE THIS?
420
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,331
ON PAGE 375,
IT SAYS "JEBUS."
421
00:15:38,733 --> 00:15:40,299
IT'S SUPPOSED
TO BE "JESUS,"
RIGHT?
422
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:42,032
ROOM SERVICE!
423
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,732
WE DIDN'T ORDER
NO ROOM SERVICE.
424
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,098
WELL, UH, UH,
425
00:15:45,167 --> 00:15:46,798
ACTUALLY I JUST
WANTED TO CHECK
THE HONOR BAR.
426
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:48,632
'CAUSE, UH,
THE LAST POPE
WE HAD HERE
427
00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,399
FILLED HIS
SHAVING KIT WITH
NECCO WAFERS.
428
00:15:50,467 --> 00:15:52,398
ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY,
WHO ARE YOU?
429
00:15:52,467 --> 00:15:54,632
LOOK, I'M JUST A
FAITHFUL CATHOLIC MAN
430
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:57,899
WITH A FAMILY CRISIS
THAT ONLY HIS
HOLINESS CAN RESOLVE.
431
00:15:57,968 --> 00:15:59,765
I'VE NEVER ASKED
THE CHURCH
FOR ANYTHING,
432
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,932
BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHERE ELSE TO TURN.
433
00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:03,731
DUST HIM!
434
00:16:06,101 --> 00:16:07,532
[Screaming]
435
00:16:13,068 --> 00:16:14,798
MY HEAVENS,
SON! ARE YOU OK?
436
00:16:14,867 --> 00:16:17,266
YEAH. I JUST GOT
BOUNCED BY THE
POPE'S ROAD CREW.
437
00:16:17,335 --> 00:16:19,732
GOOD THING YOU
MISSED ME. I'M SET TO
DRIVE THE POPEMOBILE.
438
00:16:19,801 --> 00:16:21,265
ANY SLIGHT BUMP
ON THE HEAD
439
00:16:21,334 --> 00:16:23,399
KNOCKS ME
UNCONSCIOUS FOR
A FEW HOURS.
440
00:16:23,467 --> 00:16:26,265
I ALWAYS WAKE UP FEELING
FINE, BUT IT'S JUST SO
DARN INCONVENIENT
441
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:27,765
TO BE KNOCKED
OUT THAT EASILY.
442
00:16:27,833 --> 00:16:29,898
EVEN BY THE
SLIGHTEST TAP.
LIKE THIS.
443
00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:37,765
[Crowd cheering]
444
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:48,564
TAKING IT OFF
HERE, BOSS.
445
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:49,698
TAKE IT OFF
THERE, LUKE.
446
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:50,765
WIPING IT
OFF, HERE,
BOSS.
447
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:52,132
WIPE IT
OFF, 9.
448
00:16:52,201 --> 00:16:53,464
WAVING AT
THE POPE
HERE, BOSS.
449
00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:55,131
WAVE AT
THE POPE
THERE, LUKE.
450
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:58,898
ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS BOSTON?
451
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:01,465
YEAH, IT'S
BOSTON. SEE, LOOK,
THERE'S HARVARD.
452
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:02,865
THAT'S JUST
A BARN.
453
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,365
OOH. SOMEONE
WENT TO YALE.
454
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:08,465
[Peter]
LOIS, PUT THE COFFEE ON.
455
00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:10,698
CAREFUL. I JUST
CLEANED THE FLOOR.
456
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:11,665
GOOD THING.
457
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:12,732
[Laughing]
458
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,498
MMM,
LEMONY.
459
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,265
YOUR HOLINESS,
THIS IS SUCH AN HONOR.
460
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:20,299
PLEASE, GO INTO
THE LIVING ROOM
461
00:17:20,368 --> 00:17:22,465
AND MAKE
YOURSELF AT HOME!
462
00:17:22,534 --> 00:17:24,565
PETER, WHAT IS THE
POPE DOING HERE?
463
00:17:24,633 --> 00:17:26,798
RELAX, HONEY.
I JUST HIJACKED
HIS BUBBLE CAR
464
00:17:26,868 --> 00:17:29,032
SO HE CAN
CONVINCE MY DAD
I'M A GOOD GUY.
465
00:17:29,101 --> 00:17:30,631
YOU KIDNAPPED THE POPE?
466
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,298
PETER, THIS IS THE
MOST RECKLESS THING
YOU'VE EVER DONE!
467
00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:35,999
COME ON, LOIS.
WHAT ABOUT THE TIME
I WAS ON THAT AIRPLANE?
468
00:17:43,601 --> 00:17:44,898
[Screaming]
469
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:48,265
[Laughing]
470
00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:53,198
[All laughing]
471
00:17:53,267 --> 00:17:56,032
PETER, YOU'VE
RAISED A
FINE FAMILY.
472
00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:58,099
YEAH, WELL,
MY DAD THINKS
I'M A SCREW-UP.
473
00:17:58,168 --> 00:18:00,099
IN FACT, I WAS
HOPING YOU COULD
CHANGE HIS MIND.
474
00:18:00,168 --> 00:18:01,365
HE'D HAVE TO
BELIEVE YOU.
475
00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:02,999
YOU'RE GOD'S
GO-TO GUY.
476
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:05,065
WELL, YOUR FATHER
IS ENTITLED TO
HIS OPINION.
477
00:18:05,134 --> 00:18:07,665
BUT MORE
IMPORTANT IS
WHAT YOU THINK.
478
00:18:07,734 --> 00:18:11,099
LOOK DEEP IN YOUR
HEART, MY SON.
479
00:18:11,168 --> 00:18:12,698
DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE A SCREW-UP?
480
00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:13,698
WELL...
481
00:18:17,466 --> 00:18:19,065
NO. I'M NOT.
482
00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:20,932
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M A DAMN
GOOD FATHER.
483
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:22,431
AND I HAVE
GREAT KIDS.
484
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:23,899
THAT'S
NOT WHAT
GRANDPA SAYS.
485
00:18:23,968 --> 00:18:25,565
WELL, GRANDPA
IS WRONG.
486
00:18:25,634 --> 00:18:28,532
MEG, IT'S NOT A SIN
FOR A GIRL YOUR
AGE TO LIKE BOYS.
487
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,798
THANKS, DADDY.
488
00:18:30,867 --> 00:18:32,932
AND CHRIS,
WHAT YOU DO IN
THE BATHROOM
489
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:34,498
IS BETWEEN
YOU AND GOD.
490
00:18:34,567 --> 00:18:36,398
AND IF YOU'RE
SORRY, HE'LL
FORGIVE YOU.
491
00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:38,232
THANKS, DAD!
492
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:39,832
GOOD FOR
YOU, PETER.
493
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:42,231
BUT ISN'T THERE
SOMEONE ELSE YOU
SHOULD SPEAK TO?
494
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,899
YES, THERE IS.
495
00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:46,665
SCARECROW,
YOU'VE HAD
BRAINS ALL ALONG.
496
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,665
SAME GOES
FOR YOUR HEART,
TIN MAN.
497
00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:51,099
AND KRISTY MCNICHOL,
COME BACK TO TELEVISION.
498
00:18:51,168 --> 00:18:52,565
WE MISS YOU.
499
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:54,965
PETER, I MEANT
YOU SHOULD TALK
TO YOUR FATHER.
500
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,232
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU WITH ME,
BIG GUY?
501
00:18:57,301 --> 00:18:59,232
PETER, I GO WHERE
I AM NEEDED.
502
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:00,432
TO THE
POPEMOBILE!
503
00:19:01,634 --> 00:19:04,265
♪[Batman theme playing]
504
00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:10,999
HEY GUYS, REMEMBER
WHEN WE BROUGHT
IN THAT STRIPPER
505
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,065
FOR LOMBARDI'S BIRTHDAY
506
00:19:12,134 --> 00:19:13,498
AND IT TURNED
OUT TO BE HIS SON?
507
00:19:13,566 --> 00:19:15,531
WELL, I THINK THIS
IS GONNA TOP IT.
508
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,132
[Man]
WOW, IT'S THE POPE!
509
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,599
SLOTHFUL SINNERS!
510
00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:20,665
YOU'RE HERE TO
WORK, NOT SIT AROUND
WITH YOUR...
511
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,765
HOLY MOTHER!
IT'S THE HOLY FATHER.
512
00:19:25,368 --> 00:19:26,665
I AM NOT WORTHY.
513
00:19:26,734 --> 00:19:27,832
RISE, MY SON.
514
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,265
YOU ARE
INDEED WORTHY,
515
00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:31,133
FOR YOU HAVE
RAISED A FINE SON.
516
00:19:31,201 --> 00:19:33,498
HIS ZEST FOR LIFE
IS AN AFFIRMATION
517
00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:36,498
OF GOD'S GREAT LOVE
WITHIN US ALL.
518
00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:39,298
WOW! AND THAT'S FROM
THE FREAKIN' POPE!
519
00:19:39,366 --> 00:19:41,364
SO I GUESS YOU
WERE WRONG
ABOUT ME, DAD.
520
00:19:41,433 --> 00:19:42,932
I WAS WRONG ALL RIGHT.
521
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,299
STAND BY,
BOYS.
522
00:19:44,368 --> 00:19:46,599
I WAS WRONG
ABOUT YOU!
523
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,665
YOU'VE GONE
SOFT ON ME,
HOLY FATHER!
524
00:19:48,734 --> 00:19:50,365
EVEN A TAMBOURINE-SHAKING
BAPTIST
525
00:19:50,433 --> 00:19:51,899
COULD TELL THIS
BOY'S NO GOOD!
526
00:19:51,968 --> 00:19:54,032
ARE YOU CALLING
ME A LIAR?
527
00:19:54,101 --> 00:19:55,265
WHOA,
EASY, PONTIFF.
528
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:57,333
BECAUSE I'LL
EXCOMMUNICATE
YOUR SORRY--
529
00:19:57,401 --> 00:19:58,798
OK,
TIME OUT.
530
00:19:58,867 --> 00:20:01,164
OH! I HAVE NEVER MET
SUCH AN INFURIATING MAN!
531
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:03,198
YOU MUST HAVE
THE PATIENCE
OF A SAINT.
532
00:20:03,267 --> 00:20:05,832
WELL, HE'S MY DAD.
AND I JUST WANT
HIM TO LOVE ME.
533
00:20:05,901 --> 00:20:08,531
PETER, HOW COULD YOU
SAY SUCH A THING?
534
00:20:08,601 --> 00:20:10,431
I LOVE YOU WITH
ALL ME HEART.
535
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,799
♪[Playing sentimental music]
536
00:20:11,867 --> 00:20:12,699
YOU DO?
537
00:20:12,767 --> 00:20:13,799
OF COURSE.
538
00:20:13,867 --> 00:20:15,365
I JUST DON'T
LIKE YOU.
539
00:20:15,434 --> 00:20:17,264
I DON'T LIKE
ANYTHING ABOUT YOU!
540
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:18,799
[Music stops]
541
00:20:18,867 --> 00:20:21,632
OH, KEEP PLAYING.
I THINK THIS IS AS GOOD
AS IT'S GONNA GET.
542
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,298
DAD, TO BE
HONEST, I DON'T
LIKE YOU EITHER.
543
00:20:24,367 --> 00:20:26,099
AW, JEEZ, THAT'S
A TERRIBLE
THING TO SAY.
544
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:28,165
I GUESS I AM
GOING TO HELL.
545
00:20:28,234 --> 00:20:30,698
PETER, THE GOOD
LORD SAID TO
HONOR THY FATHER.
546
00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:33,132
HE NEVER SAID
ANYTHING ABOUT
LIKING HIM.
547
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,331
IN THAT CASE,
548
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,632
DAD, I'M GONNA
EAT MEAT ON FRIDAYS,
549
00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:37,732
GOLF ON SUNDAYS,
550
00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,099
LAUGH AT
JEWISH COMEDIANS,
551
00:20:39,168 --> 00:20:41,598
AND YES, SLEEP
WITH MY
PROTESTANT WIFE.
552
00:20:41,667 --> 00:20:44,198
BUT I WON'T
ENJOY IT. AND
SHE HATES IT.
553
00:20:44,267 --> 00:20:46,132
WELL, FINE.
I'LL BE ON ME WAY.
554
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:49,165
TAKE BACK YOUR
JOB, AND GIVE YOUR
OLD MAN A HUG.
555
00:20:49,234 --> 00:20:50,531
I LOVE
YOU, DAD.
556
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,131
I KNOW YOU
DO, SON.
557
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,532
WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO NOW?
558
00:20:53,601 --> 00:20:54,765
I DON'T KNOW.
559
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,665
I GUESS THE GOOD
LORD DOESN'T
HAVE MUCH USE
560
00:20:56,734 --> 00:20:58,398
FOR AN OLD
MAN LIKE ME.
561
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:01,565
WELL, I SUPPOSE
562
00:21:01,634 --> 00:21:04,032
I COULD USE
ANOTHER PAIR OF
HANDS ON MY TOUR.
563
00:21:04,101 --> 00:21:06,932
YOU'D GIVE DAD A JOB,
EVEN KNOWING
WHAT A JERK HE IS?
564
00:21:07,001 --> 00:21:09,198
I HAVE TO.
AS YOU SAID, PETER,
565
00:21:09,267 --> 00:21:10,898
"I AM THE
FREAKIN' POPE."
566
00:21:12,268 --> 00:21:14,099
[Crowd cheering]
567
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:19,498
ALL RIGHT,
GET BACK!
568
00:21:19,567 --> 00:21:20,765
NO FLASH
PHOTOGRAPHY,
569
00:21:20,834 --> 00:21:23,132
OR YOU'LL GO
STRAIGHT TO
HELL! YOU!
570
00:21:23,201 --> 00:21:25,032
YOU'RE IN GOD'S
HOUSE, YOU HEATHEN!
571
00:21:25,101 --> 00:21:28,665
TAKE THAT CAP OFF
BEFORE I TAKE IT OFF FOR YOU!
572
00:21:28,734 --> 00:21:30,766
WELL, I THINK
YOUR FATHER FOUND
THE PERFECT JOB.
573
00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:33,298
LET'S HOPE SO.
I LOVE BEING
A GOOD FATHER,
574
00:21:33,366 --> 00:21:35,331
BUT I DON'T
WANT TO HAVE TO
BE A GOOD SON AGAIN
575
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,699
FOR A LONG,
LONG TIME.
576
00:21:36,767 --> 00:21:38,331
[Knocking]
577
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,865
[Woman's voice]
PETER, OPEN THE DOOR,
AND BREAK OUT THE SCHNAPPS!
578
00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:44,698
GUESS WHO NEEDS A PLACE
TO SLEEP IT OFF
FOR THE WEEKEND?
579
00:21:44,767 --> 00:21:45,698
MOM?
580
00:21:45,767 --> 00:21:46,899
OH, MY GOD, NO!
581
00:21:46,968 --> 00:21:49,131
QUICK, EVERYONE!
INTO THE POD!
582
00:21:58,234 --> 00:22:01,466
♪[Theme music playing]