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♪[Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood
theme playing]
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HELLO, NEIGHBOR.
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I'M GLAD WE'RE
TOGETHER AGAIN.
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[Bell rings]
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OH! I THINK I HEAR
OUR FRIEND TROLLEY.
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ACTUALLY, IT'S YOUR
MORTAL ENEMY, STEWIE.
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WHAT THE--
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I WOULDN'T BOTHER VISITING
THE NEIGHBORHOOD
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OF MAKE-BELIEVE
TODAY, MR. ROGERS.
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I DARE SAY, YOU'LL
FIND IT QUITE IN RUIN.
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WHAT?
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MEOW, MEOW, MEOW,
MEOW, SKIN GRAFT!
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MEOW, MEOW,
MEOW, MEOW!
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OH, MY GOD!
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THAT'S RIGHT, ALL DEAD.
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AND NOW,
MR. ROGERS, FRED.
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MAY AS WELL DROP
THE FORMALITIES,
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I'M GOING TO
KILL YOU, ANYWAY.
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NO, PLEASE.
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DON'T!
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HOW IRONIC. "ROGERS."
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IT ALMOST RHYMES WITH
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"ELIMINATE."
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NO!
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WHAT? WHAT?
WHAT THE DEVIL?
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IT'S OK, STEWIE.
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YOU WERE JUST
TALKING IN YOUR SLEEP.
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[With Mr. Rogers' voice]
BUT NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO MEET MR. DEATH.
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AHH!
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♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
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♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
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♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
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♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
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♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
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♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
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♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
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♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
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♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
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♪[The Jetsons theme
song playing]
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[Screeching]
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HELP!
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JANE!
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STOP THIS
CRAZY THING!
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STOP!
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HELP!
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OH, MY GOD! GEORGE!
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DID YOU
NOT HEAR ME
OUT THERE?
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DAD, ARE YOU--
GO TO YOUR ROOM, ELROY!
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00:02:03,733 --> 00:02:05,598
BUT WHAT HAPPENED?
GO TO YOUR ROOM!
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FOR 45 MINUTES
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I WAS OUT THERE SCREAMING.
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I KNOW THAT BECAUSE
MY DAMN WATCH IS BROKEN.
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I'M SORRY.
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OH, "I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!"
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JANE IS SORRY! I
COULD'VE BEEN KILLED!
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SO, UH, WHAT
ARE YOU WEARING?
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[Laughing]
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WOW!
I BET YOU COULD SEE
RIGHT THROUGH THAT.
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CHRIS, WHO ARE
YOU TALKING TO?
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GRANDMA.
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OH, NO!
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WHAT IS IT?
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IT LOOKS LIKE
STEWIE HAD
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AN ACCIDENT ON
THE CARPET.
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OH, LOIS, AGAIN?
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THAT BABY JUST
DOES NOT WANT TO KEEP
HIS DIAPER ON.
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HERE YOU ARE!
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WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
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SWEETIE, THAT'S
TUNA SALAD.
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OH, IS THAT WHAT
IT IS? REALLY?
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BECAUSE I COULD
HAVE SWORN IT WAS
MAYONNAISE AND CAT FOOD!
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HERE'S 50 CENTS.
DO ME A FAVOR, SWEETHEART.
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THE NEXT TIME
YOU'RE OUT SHOPPING,
WHY DON'T YOU SPLURGE
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ON A TIN OF SOLID
WHITE ALBACORE?
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STEWIE, ARE YOU UPSET
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BECAUSE YOU WENT
WEE-WEE ON THE CARPET?
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WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
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HEY, LOIS...
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HEY, DID YOU PEE IN HERE?
IN A MOMENT!
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WHAT DID
YOU JUST SAY?
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PETER, WE HAVE A
SERIOUS PROBLEM
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WE NEED TO DISCUSS.
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AW, JEEZ, THIS ISN'T
ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE
INTERVENTIONS, IS IT?
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PETER, YOU'VE
BEEN WEARING
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THAT GIANT FOAM
COWBOY HAT FOR
8 MONTHS NOW.
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PLEASE, FOR YOUR
FAMILY, TAKE IT OFF.
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HEY--HEY, I CAN TAKE
THIS HAT OFF
ANYTIME I WANT.
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I JUST DON'T WANT TO.
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GET AWAY!
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NO, IT'S STEWIE.
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HE PEED ON
THE CARPET.
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DO I...
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DO I HIT HIM?
NO!
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BEND DOWN, MOTHER.
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YES, HONEY?
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HOW DARE YOU
SULLY MY GOOD NAME
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BY SPREADING YOUR
SLANDEROUS FILTH!
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STEWIE,
NO HITTING!
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USE YOUR
WORDS.
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HE'S
PROBABLY JUST
ASHAMED, LOIS.
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YOU'RE JUST A
HELPLESS LITTLE CARPET
TINKLER, AREN'T YOU?
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WELL!
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THE OUTRAGES I
HAVE SUFFERED TODAY
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WILL NOT BE SOON FORGOTTEN!
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I WILL NOT BE FORGETTING
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THOSE OUTRAGES! NO, NO!
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NO, THEY WON'T BE FORGOTTEN!
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NOT THE OUT--
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"OUTRAGES," YEAH,
I THINK WE GOT IT.
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AHH!
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MAYBE IT'S TIME
FOR STEWIE TO START
POTTY TRAINING.
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ISN'T HE A LITTLE
YOUNG FOR THAT?
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YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
THE LINDBERGH BABY.
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CHARLES,
HE'S ONLY
6 MONTHS OLD.
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HONEY, WOULD
YOU RELAX?
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MY GOD, I FLEW
ACROSS THE ATLANTIC
BY MYSELF.
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I'M A NATIONAL
TREASURE, FOR
GOD'S SAKE.
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I THINK
I KNOW
HOW TO...
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AHH!
OH, GOD!
OH, GOD!
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ALL RIGHT.
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HE WAS KIDNAPPED.
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YOU CALL THE
POLICE. I'LL WRITE
THE RANSOM NOTE.
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WH-WHAT ABOUT
AMELIA? SHE
SAW EVERYTHING?
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YOU LEAVE HER TO ME.
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COME ON,
HONEY. HE'S BEEN
HAVING ACCIDENTS.
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MAYBE HE'S TRYING
TO TELL US
HE'S READY.
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THIS COULD BE A
NICE WAY FOR YOU
AND STEWIE TO BOND.
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BOND?
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JAMES BOND.
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ALL RIGHT,
LOIS. I'LL DO IT!
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[Snoring]
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OH, GOD. NOT AGAIN, BRIAN.
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WHY CAN'T YOU STOP
PEEING ON THE CARPET?
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DAMN IT!
IT'S NOT COMING OUT.
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[Lois]
BRIAN, IS THAT YOU?
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UH, YEAH. IT'S ME.
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IS EVERYTHING OK?
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YEAH. I COULDN'T SLEEP.
I'LL BE UP IN A MINUTE.
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OK.
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[Sighs]
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[Man]
JOIN US TOMORROW
FOR MORE PRICE IS RIGHT.
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THIS IS BOB BARKER
REMINDING YOU
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TO HELP CONTROL THE
PET POPULATION.
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HAVE YOUR PETS
SPAYED OR NEUTERED.
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OH, JUST DIE, ALREADY.
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EWW!
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MOM, STEWIE PEED
ON THE RUG AGAIN!
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NO!
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OH, THIS HAS
GOTTA STOP.
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OH, GOD! IT
SMELLS GROSS.
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WELL, PRINCESS, I DON'T SEE
ANYONE DABBING YOURS
BEHIND THEIR EARS.
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THAT'S ODD. IT LOOKS
LIKE SOMEONE ALREADY
TRIED TO CLEAN IT UP.
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NO, IT DOESN'T.
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MINE SMELLS LIKE SODA.
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YEAH, UH, I'M
LOOKING FOR
TOILET-TRAINING BOOKS.
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OH, YES. WE CAN
HELP YOU THERE.
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UH, EVERYBODY POOPS IS
STILL THE STANDARD,
OF COURSE.
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WE'VE ALSO GOT
THE LESS POPULAR
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NOBODY POOPS BUT YOU.
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HA, WELL, SEE, WE'RE
CATHOLIC, SO, UH--
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OH, THEN YOU WANT
YOU'RE A NAUGHTY CHILD
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AND THAT'S CONCENTRATED
EVIL COMING OUT
THE BACK OF YOU.
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PERFECT!
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[Lois]
BRIAN, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
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OH, HI, LOIS.
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I WAS JUST
WASHING SOME THINGS.
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THOSE LOOK LIKE
OUR SHEETS AND
OUR QUILT.
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THEY ARE.
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I'M WASHING THEM
IN SOME FABRIC SOFTENER,
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BECAUSE LAST NIGHT
THEY WERE SO ITCHY
I COULDN'T SLEEP,
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THAT'S WHY I
WAS DOWNSTAIRS
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WHEN YOU ASKED IF
EVERYTHING WAS OK, AND
I SAID I COULDN'T SLEEP.
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YOU KNOW, BECAUSE
IT WAS SO ITCHY.
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HEH.
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COME ON,
STEWIE.
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DON'T YOU WANT
TO PEE IN A TOILET
BOWL LIKE A BIG BOY?
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I REMEMBER WHEN I
LEARNED TO USE A POTTY
ALL BY MYSELF.
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I WAS SO PROUD.
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HEY, LOIS!
I DID IT!
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WELL, PERHAPS I COULD GIVE IT
THE OLD COLLEGE TRY.
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00:06:44,733 --> 00:06:47,432
WHY DON'T YOU
PUT YOUR HANDS
RIGHT THERE?
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00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:48,698
IT'LL HELP
ME RELAX.
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OK, BUDDY.
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AHH!
185
00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:52,731
HEH, HEH.
186
00:06:52,801 --> 00:06:54,099
MAYBE YOU
DON'T HAVE TO PEE.
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00:06:54,168 --> 00:06:56,499
HEY, I OUGHTA GIVE YOU BEER.
IT GOES RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
188
00:06:56,567 --> 00:06:57,932
WONDERFUL, AND
WHILE WE'RE AT IT,
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00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,999
WE COULD LIGHT UP A
DOOBIE AND WATCH PORN.
190
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,565
Y-YEAH?
191
00:07:02,633 --> 00:07:06,065
LISTEN, YOU, I'LL
USE THESE FACILITIES
WHEN I'M DAMN WELL READY.
192
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,966
UNTIL THEN, YOU
SHALL CONTINUE
TO SANITIZE MY CREVASSE
193
00:07:09,034 --> 00:07:11,032
AND BE DAMN GRATEFUL
FOR THE OPPORTUNITY!
194
00:07:11,101 --> 00:07:12,499
STARTING RIGHT...
195
00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:14,366
[Grunting]
196
00:07:17,468 --> 00:07:18,565
WELL.
197
00:07:18,634 --> 00:07:19,765
NOT NOW.
198
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:21,098
BUT SOON!
199
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,065
OH, OH, AND I
WANT THESE, AND
THESE, AND THESE.
200
00:07:27,134 --> 00:07:28,432
ONLY ONE.
201
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,899
BUT--BUT THAT MAN
OVER THERE GOT 2!
202
00:07:30,968 --> 00:07:32,899
PETER, I DON'T CARE
WHAT THE OTHER MEN
203
00:07:32,967 --> 00:07:35,199
ARE GETTING.
YOU'RE ONLY GETTING ONE.
204
00:07:35,267 --> 00:07:36,265
I HATE YOU!
205
00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:39,332
HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
206
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,632
YOU'RE URINATING!
207
00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:44,032
SO IT'S BEEN YOU ALL ALONG!
208
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,665
OH, THIS
IS TOO
PERFECT!
209
00:07:45,734 --> 00:07:47,732
I'VE BEEN
TAKING THE BLAME
FOR REX.
210
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,298
EWW! IT'S EVERYWHERE!
211
00:07:49,366 --> 00:07:51,665
IT'S OK.
MEG, HAND ME
MY SWEATER.
212
00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:53,932
JEEZ, BRIAN, WHERE DO
YOU THINK YOU ARE?
PAYLESS?
213
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,798
I SAY, I SAY,
PACO, GRAB A MOP.
214
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:59,032
GOD'S SAKE COULD
SOMEBODY GET PATCHES
OUT OF HERE
215
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:02,132
BEFORE HE DECIDES TO
BEND A FRESH BISCUIT
ON THE CONVEYOR BELT?
216
00:08:02,201 --> 00:08:05,232
SHH, IT'S OK.
WE'LL MEET YOU IN
THE PARKING LOT.
217
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,398
OH, GOD,
LOIS. I
NEED HELP.
218
00:08:16,734 --> 00:08:19,765
LOOK, I--I--I REALLY
DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY I'M HERE.
219
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:21,565
THE UROLOGIST
SAID I WAS FINE.
220
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:24,099
WELL, SOMETIMES
THESE THINGS CAN
BE PSYCHOLOGICAL.
221
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:26,698
DOUBT THAT!
I MEAN, I'VE GOT A
VERY COMFORTABLE LIFE.
222
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:29,232
I LIVE WITH A
GREAT FAMILY. ALL
MY NEEDS ARE MET.
223
00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:31,699
OK, LOOK.
224
00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:34,532
SO, MAYBE THIS ISN'T
WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS
GONNA BE AT 7 YEARS OLD.
225
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,899
IT'S JUST
THAT I...
226
00:08:36,967 --> 00:08:39,065
GOD, IS IT OK IF I
SMOKE IN HERE?
227
00:08:39,134 --> 00:08:40,332
THANKS.
228
00:08:41,967 --> 00:08:46,265
IT'S JUST THAT
THINGS DON'T ALWAYS
WORK OUT THE WAY WE PLAN.
229
00:08:46,334 --> 00:08:48,465
DO YOU KNOW I'VE
NEVER BEEN TO EUROPE?
230
00:08:48,534 --> 00:08:49,732
NOW LOOK AT ME.
231
00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:52,632
MIDDLE-AGED, ALONE,
AND PEEING IN SUPERMARKETS.
232
00:08:52,701 --> 00:08:55,165
MAN, DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.
233
00:08:58,634 --> 00:09:00,465
I HAD THIS DREAM LAST NIGHT.
234
00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:01,832
DID YOU EVER SEE LOGAN'S RUN?
235
00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:07,333
[Intercom]
LAST DAY. CAPRICORN 2537.
236
00:09:07,401 --> 00:09:10,631
OUR NEXT DEDICATION GOES OUT
TO TOMMY FROM KIM.
237
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,898
♪[I'm All Out of Love
by Air Supply playing]
238
00:09:12,968 --> 00:09:15,099
♪ I'M SO LOST WITHOUT YOU ♪
239
00:09:15,168 --> 00:09:16,898
♪ I KNOW YOU WERE RIGHT... ♪
240
00:09:22,168 --> 00:09:24,032
WE'VE GOT
A RUNNER IN
SECTOR G.
241
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,464
OH!
242
00:09:53,533 --> 00:09:55,698
WHAT ABOUT HIM? HE'S
GOTTA BE IN HIS 50s.
243
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,032
SO WHAT DO
YOU THINK?
244
00:09:59,101 --> 00:10:00,731
I THINK YOU'RE
VERY SENSITIVE,
245
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,132
AND YOU PUT UP
A TOUGH FRONT.
246
00:10:03,201 --> 00:10:04,632
I THINK YOU'RE
IN PAIN.
247
00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:05,698
[Sobbing]
248
00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,765
DAMN IT, BRIAN, DO NOT CRY.
249
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,965
I'D LIKE TO
PET YOU, BRIAN.
250
00:10:11,034 --> 00:10:12,431
WOULD THAT
BE OK?
251
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:15,032
YOU'RE A
GOOD DOG, BRIAN.
252
00:10:15,101 --> 00:10:16,131
A VERY GOOD--
253
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,965
KEEP IT ABOVE
THE WAIST, DOC.
254
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,899
[Tom]
AND NOW PART 2 OF OUR VERY
OWN ASIAN CORRESPONDENT
255
00:10:20,967 --> 00:10:23,732
TRISHA TAKANAWA'S
SPECIAL REPORT
ON SEX.
256
00:10:23,801 --> 00:10:25,765
TOM, I'M STANDING
IN THE BEDROOM
257
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,732
OF JUDY AND
GLEN ISAACS.
258
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:30,632
TEN YEARS
MARRIED AND
STILL IN LOVE.
259
00:10:30,701 --> 00:10:32,299
WHAT'S
THEIR SECRET?
260
00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:35,565
JUDY HAS AN
INOPERABLE BRAIN TUMOR
THE SIZE OF MY FIST.
261
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:38,465
AND THAT JUST
HAPPENS TO BE
GLEN'S FETISH.
262
00:10:39,234 --> 00:10:40,665
BRIAN,
HOW'D IT GO?
263
00:10:40,734 --> 00:10:43,798
WELL, LOIS,
I THINK I HAVE LITTLE
BIT OF "ME WORK" TO DO.
264
00:10:43,867 --> 00:10:45,732
BUT I'M FEELING
THINGS, AND THAT'S A START.
265
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,631
OH, THAT'S
WONDERFUL.
266
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:50,199
YOU KNOW, LIKE
MOST OTHER PEOPLE,
267
00:10:50,268 --> 00:10:51,565
I USED TO THINK
THERAPY WAS
268
00:10:51,633 --> 00:10:53,899
ONLY FOR CRAZIES
AND NUT JOBS.
269
00:10:53,968 --> 00:10:55,999
[Laughing]
ISN'T THAT SILLY?
270
00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:58,565
HEY LOIS,
I...
271
00:10:58,634 --> 00:10:59,965
HEY, BRIAN.
272
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,398
HOW YOU DOING?
273
00:11:01,467 --> 00:11:02,798
THEY LET YOU OUT ALREADY?
274
00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:05,232
PETER, I WAS IN A THERAPY
SESSION, NOT A LUNATIC ASYLUM.
275
00:11:05,301 --> 00:11:06,932
HEY--HEY--HEY,
CALM DOWN.
276
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,598
LOTS OF
CRAZY PEOPLE
HAVE GONE ON
277
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:10,232
TO LEAD NORMAL,
SUCCESSFUL LIVES.
278
00:11:12,934 --> 00:11:14,632
WHAT DID YOUR
THERAPIST SAY?
279
00:11:14,701 --> 00:11:16,865
DR. KAPLAN THINKS THE, UH,
280
00:11:16,934 --> 00:11:18,899
AHEM, ACCIDENTS ARE LINKED
281
00:11:18,968 --> 00:11:21,066
TO SOME KIND
OF MID-LIFE CRISIS.
282
00:11:21,134 --> 00:11:23,998
HE SUGGESTS THAT I GO
OUT INTO THE WORLD
AND PURSUE MY DREAMS.
283
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:25,398
I'M LEAVING
TOMORROW.
284
00:11:29,267 --> 00:11:30,532
[Striking metal]
285
00:11:49,201 --> 00:11:50,965
WHOOPS. WHOA--
WHOA. HANG ON,
HANG ON.
286
00:11:51,034 --> 00:11:52,565
I GAVE YOU
ONE WITH
SILVERWARE IN IT.
287
00:11:52,633 --> 00:11:53,998
TAKE THIS
ONE INSTEAD.
288
00:11:55,867 --> 00:11:57,331
THAT ONE'S PROBABLY FINE.
289
00:12:00,901 --> 00:12:01,998
BEAUTIFUL.
290
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:08,432
OH, MY GOD! ARE
YOU STEPHEN KING?
291
00:12:08,501 --> 00:12:09,965
NO. I'M DEAN KOONTZ.
292
00:12:10,034 --> 00:12:11,032
OH.
293
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,364
[Engine starts]
294
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,432
UGH!
UGH!
295
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:24,299
BUT, UH, YOU KNOW,
THANKS TO THESE SESSIONS,
I--I--I THINK I'M OK.
296
00:12:24,367 --> 00:12:27,265
BEING OUT IN THE WORLD,
FEELING MY POWER,
AND NO ACCIDENTS!
297
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:28,732
I'VE BEEN DRY
FOR 2 WEEKS NOW.
298
00:12:28,801 --> 00:12:30,431
MAZEL TOV.
299
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,532
WELL, GOOD-BYE,
DR. KAPLAN.
300
00:12:32,601 --> 00:12:34,799
AND THANK YOU.
301
00:12:34,867 --> 00:12:36,498
LOOK, I KNOW STACY
ISN'T YOUR MOTHER
302
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:39,531
BUT UPSIDE-DOWN
FACE OR NOT, YOU HAVE
TO RESPECT HER.
303
00:12:40,967 --> 00:12:43,131
HEY, YOU'RE
TOM TUCKER...
ARGH!
304
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,333
HEY!
305
00:12:44,401 --> 00:12:47,465
OH, GOD. THAT
WAS RUDE.
I APOLOGIZE.
306
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:49,198
WOW.
307
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:52,165
[Trickling]
308
00:12:52,234 --> 00:12:54,832
♪ I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
SHORT AND STOUT ♪
309
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,799
♪ HERE IS MY HANDLE,
HERE IS MY SPOUT ♪
310
00:12:57,868 --> 00:13:01,998
♪ WHEN I GET ALL STEAMED UP,
HEAR ME SHOUT ♪
311
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:05,565
LOIS, IT LOOKS AS IF
PUDDLES HAS DONE IT AGAIN!
312
00:13:05,634 --> 00:13:07,766
GOODNESS, HE'S
WET EVERYTHING.
313
00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:10,132
HA! HA! HA!
314
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,698
I--I SWEAR, I DON'T EVEN
REMEMBER DOING IT.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.
315
00:13:13,767 --> 00:13:16,598
NOW, BRIAN,
WE KNOW YOU'RE NOT
DOING THIS ON PURPOSE.
316
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:18,698
BUT MAYBE WE
SHOULD CONSIDER,
317
00:13:18,767 --> 00:13:19,698
CRATING.
318
00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:20,698
OH, GOD.
319
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,765
OR YOU COULD BE
AN OUTSIDE DOG. HUH?
320
00:13:23,834 --> 00:13:25,432
WOULD YOU LIKE
THAT? HUH?
321
00:13:26,101 --> 00:13:28,798
OUTSIDE?
322
00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:32,199
OH, OH! AND HOW EMBARRASSED
WAS I WHEN THE WORD
"CRATE" CAME UP?
323
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:34,032
I THOUGHT I
WAS PAST THIS.
324
00:13:34,101 --> 00:13:36,432
I TRAVELED THE WORLD,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.
325
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,932
DO YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH I SPENT?
326
00:13:38,001 --> 00:13:41,799
WELL, OBVIOUSLY WE
HAVEN'T HIT THE REAL
ISSUE YET. DROP IT.
327
00:13:41,868 --> 00:13:44,898
TELL ME, BRIAN,
THE LAST ACCIDENT
YOU REMEMBER,
328
00:13:44,967 --> 00:13:47,665
DID ANYTHING UNUSUAL HAPPEN
THAT MIGHT'VE TRIGGERED IT?
329
00:13:47,734 --> 00:13:49,765
NO, NO. IT WAS A NORMAL DAY.
330
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,266
OH, CATWOMAN.
331
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,798
PETER, NO "CATWOMAN"
TODAY. I'M TIRED.
332
00:13:58,868 --> 00:14:00,332
AW, WHAT'S
THE MATTER?
333
00:14:00,401 --> 00:14:02,232
IS THE MIGHTY
CATWOMAN AFRAID OF
334
00:14:02,301 --> 00:14:04,132
A LITTLE CATWOMAN
MELTING SPRAY?
335
00:14:04,201 --> 00:14:05,466
PETER, NO.
336
00:14:05,534 --> 00:14:06,432
COME ON, HUH?
337
00:14:06,501 --> 00:14:07,731
[Giggling]
338
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,132
ALL RIGHT. OK.
ENOUGH, BATMAN.
I DON'T WANT...
339
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,298
NOT SO MIGHTY
NOW, ARE YOU,
CATWOMAN?
340
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:15,599
PETER!
AHH!
341
00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:16,999
TAKE THAT!
TAKE THAT!
342
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,398
I SPIT WATER
ON YOU.
343
00:14:18,467 --> 00:14:19,198
OH.
344
00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:20,265
PETER! PE--
345
00:14:20,334 --> 00:14:21,265
[Spits]
346
00:14:21,334 --> 00:14:23,665
BATMAN, I CAN'T
BREATHE! PETER!
347
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,065
AHH!
348
00:14:25,134 --> 00:14:29,365
I'M USING MY SPECIAL
CAT POWER TO GET
BATMAN ALL WET.
349
00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:31,132
HEY, KNOCK IT OFF.
MEOW.
350
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,265
[Laughing]
351
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:33,398
MEOW!
352
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:34,465
OHH!
353
00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:36,932
MMM.
354
00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:45,432
YOU KNOW, JUST
THE USUAL STUFF.
355
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:48,364
WAIT A MINUTE. ALL
THAT RUNNING WATER.
THAT'S GOTTA BE IT!
356
00:14:48,433 --> 00:14:49,798
MMM-HMM.
357
00:14:49,867 --> 00:14:51,665
BRIAN, TELL ME ABOUT LOIS.
358
00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:54,631
LOIS. WELL, SHE'S
A FANTASTIC WOMAN.
359
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:57,799
SHE'S COMPASSIONATE
AND CHARMING, ATTRACTIVE.
360
00:14:57,867 --> 00:14:59,465
WELL, STUNNING,
REALLY.
361
00:14:59,534 --> 00:15:01,498
I GUESS YOU
COULD SAY I REALLY--
362
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,165
LOVE HER?
363
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:04,865
NO, OF COURSE NOT!
364
00:15:04,934 --> 00:15:06,565
ME AND LOIS? THAT'S SICK!
365
00:15:06,634 --> 00:15:08,565
I MEAN, COME ON. SHE'S MY
BEST FRIEND'S WIFE.
366
00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:09,631
MMM-HMM.
367
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:10,899
LOOK, LOOK,
I LOVE LOIS,
368
00:15:10,968 --> 00:15:12,465
BUT I'M NOT IN
LOVE WITH HER.
369
00:15:12,534 --> 00:15:15,731
MMM-HMM. WHO ARE YOU
TRYING TO CONVINCE,
BRIAN? ME OR YOU?
370
00:15:17,068 --> 00:15:19,765
[Sighing]
OH. BRIAN, BRIAN,
WHAT A MESS.
371
00:15:21,434 --> 00:15:23,665
DON'T GET
ANTSY. I GOT 3
MINUTES LEFT.
372
00:15:27,767 --> 00:15:29,665
SO, WHAT THE
HELL, BRIAN? YOU
CURED YET?
373
00:15:29,734 --> 00:15:31,365
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE
TO LIVE IN A HOUSE
374
00:15:31,434 --> 00:15:33,865
WITH PLASTIC ON THE
FURNITURE, LIKE SOME
ITALIAN FAMILY.
375
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:36,099
MY THERAPIST THINKS
HE'S FIGURED OUT
WHAT PROBLEM IS.
376
00:15:36,167 --> 00:15:39,198
OH, YEAH?
WHAT DOES SIGMUND
"FRAUD" THINK IT IS?
377
00:15:39,266 --> 00:15:41,298
HE, UH, THINKS
I'M IN LOVE.
378
00:15:41,367 --> 00:15:43,132
OH, MY GOD!
379
00:15:43,201 --> 00:15:44,366
YOU CAN TALK!
380
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:50,032
NEVER MIND.
381
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,665
WELL, D-DOES THIS
GIRL LOVE YOU BACK?
382
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,232
OH, I CAN'T
IMAGINE.
383
00:15:53,301 --> 00:15:54,631
YOU GOTTA FIND
OUT FOR SURE.
384
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,098
YOU DON'T WANT
TO SPEND YOUR LIFE
385
00:15:56,167 --> 00:15:58,731
WONDERING WHAT
COULD HAVE BEEN.
386
00:15:58,801 --> 00:16:00,132
[Man]
SIR, I NEED A DECISION.
387
00:16:00,201 --> 00:16:01,331
UH, UH, UH,
388
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,298
UH, SALAD.
389
00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:05,465
NO--NO, WAIT!
SOUP! SOUP!
390
00:16:05,534 --> 00:16:07,966
[Peter]
BUT IT WAS TOO LATE.
391
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:10,465
AND TO THIS DAY, I
STILL LAY AWAKE AT NIGHT
392
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:13,398
WONDERING ABOUT THE
SOUP THAT GOT AWAY.
393
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,598
THANKS,
PETER.
394
00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:17,698
I'M GONNA GO
FIND OUT HOW
SHE FEELS.
395
00:16:19,634 --> 00:16:21,132
I'VE TAKEN YOU
FOR GRANTED.
396
00:16:21,201 --> 00:16:22,665
OH, GET A ROOM!
397
00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:27,899
HEY, YOU.
THE NEWS IS ON.
398
00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:29,665
OH. WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
399
00:16:29,734 --> 00:16:32,565
STEWIE'S TAKING A NAP,
AND PETER AND
THE KIDS ARE OUT.
400
00:16:32,634 --> 00:16:33,966
COME SIT WITH ME.
401
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,432
O-OK.
402
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,632
[Chuckling]
403
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:47,099
OHH!
404
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:49,731
[Diane]
AND NOW PART 3 OF
ASIAN CORRESPONDENT
405
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:52,665
TRISHA TAKANAWA'S
SPECIAL REPORT ON SEX.
406
00:16:52,733 --> 00:16:54,599
THANK YOU, DIANE.
407
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:57,732
SEX. SOME PEOPLE
HAVE IT ANONYMOUSLY.
408
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,832
WHAT KIND OF
PERSON WOULD DO
THAT, YOU MIGHT ASK?
409
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,565
WELL, I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
410
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:07,032
I JUST PICKED UP A
COMPLETE STRANGER
IN A HOTEL BAR,
411
00:17:07,101 --> 00:17:11,665
AND HE'S IN THE
BATHROOM RIGHT NOW,
POSSIBLY DOING DRUGS.
412
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:15,398
WATCH AS I HAVE SEX
WITH THIS POTENTIALLY
DANGEROUS MAN
413
00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:18,465
AS WE TAKE
YOU IN-DEPTH
AND UNDERCOVER.
414
00:17:18,533 --> 00:17:22,631
I'VE NEVER
HAD A SPANISH
CHICK BEFORE. OLE.
415
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,632
OH, IT IS
SO REFRESHING TO
SEE SOMETHING
416
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,999
OTHER THAN
VIOLENCE ON
THE NEWS.
417
00:17:27,068 --> 00:17:29,098
BRIAN, YOUR
TAIL KEEPS
HITTING ME.
418
00:17:29,166 --> 00:17:30,966
I-I-IF IT'S
BOTHERING YOU,
I CAN STOP.
419
00:17:31,034 --> 00:17:33,331
NO, IT'S OK. THE
BREEZE FEELS GOOD.
420
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,065
IT'S SO
WARM IN HERE.
421
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,066
[Sighs]
422
00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:40,231
THAT'S BETTER.
423
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,431
I'D--I'D TAKE MY
SWEATER OFF,
424
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,199
BUT I'M AFRAID IT'S
ATTACHED TO MY SKIN.
425
00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:45,265
[Laughing]
426
00:17:45,334 --> 00:17:46,332
MMM-HMM.
427
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,132
SMOOTH.
428
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:51,298
I'D BETTER GO START DINNER.
429
00:17:56,934 --> 00:17:58,231
[Sighs]
430
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,398
[Stewie]
WELL, WELL, WELL!
431
00:18:01,634 --> 00:18:03,099
H-HOW LONG
HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?
432
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:04,565
I CAME ALONG RIGHT
ABOUT THE TIME
433
00:18:04,634 --> 00:18:06,464
YOU STARTED PUMMELING
HER WITH YOUR TAIL.
434
00:18:06,533 --> 00:18:07,899
YOU SHUT UP!
435
00:18:07,968 --> 00:18:09,299
YOU LOVE HER!
436
00:18:09,367 --> 00:18:10,532
HA! OH!
437
00:18:10,601 --> 00:18:12,665
OH, THIS IS SO GOOD, IT
JUST HAS TO BE FATTENING.
438
00:18:12,733 --> 00:18:14,632
I SAID,
SHUT UP!
439
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,366
OH, BY THE
WAY, NICE RAP.
440
00:18:16,435 --> 00:18:19,665
"I'D TAKE MY SWEATER OFF,
BUT I'M AFRAID IT'S
ATTACHED TO MY SKIN."
441
00:18:19,734 --> 00:18:21,332
HA, HA, HA!
442
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:22,431
IMBECILE!
443
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,732
BEN, BRITTANY,
AND AMBER WERE LIKE,
"LET'S GO TO THE MALL."
444
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,498
AND I WAS LIKE,
"OK, I'LL GO
TO THE MALL."
445
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,898
BUT THEN AMBER
WASN'T GONNA GO, SO
I WENT TO THE MALL.
446
00:18:30,967 --> 00:18:32,565
AND YOU'RE
NOT GONNA
BELIEVE IT.
447
00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:34,099
THEY BOTH
SHOWED UP!
448
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:35,998
HOLD ON. MEG,
MEG, I-I'M SORRY.
449
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:38,532
THAT IS A REALLY
BORING STORY.
450
00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:41,531
I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS
BORED SINCE THAT
STUPID DRIVE-IN MOVIE.
451
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,098
AH!
452
00:18:45,767 --> 00:18:46,765
OW!
453
00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:48,598
OHH!
454
00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:50,631
THIS SUCKS.
455
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:53,098
LOIS, THIS PASTA,
BETTER THAN ITALY.
456
00:18:53,167 --> 00:18:55,365
IT'S JUST MY
NOODLE CABOODLE.
457
00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:58,632
I DID USE A DIFFERENT
BRAND OF POTATO CHIPS
FOR THE CRUST, THOUGH.
458
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:02,565
YOUR CULINARY PROWESS
IS SURPASSED ONLY BY
YOUR UNFAILING GRACE,
459
00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:04,765
AND THE UNCOMMON,
SOMETIMES HAUNTING
460
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:07,264
GLOW OF SENSUALITY
THAT SURROUNDS YOU.
461
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:09,632
I-IT'S JUST
NOODLE CABOODLE.
462
00:19:09,701 --> 00:19:11,465
HEY, WHAT ARE
THESE HARD THINGS?
463
00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:13,198
M&MS. I RAN
OUT OF PAPRIKA.
464
00:19:13,266 --> 00:19:14,265
[Kissing sound]
465
00:19:14,334 --> 00:19:15,398
MAGNIFICENT.
466
00:19:15,467 --> 00:19:17,665
UP! UP!
STEWIE WANTS
TO GO UPPIE!
467
00:19:17,734 --> 00:19:19,665
YOU WANT ME TO
PICK YOU UP, SWEETIE?
468
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:22,166
MMM, MOMMA'S
SKIN'S SO SOFT.
469
00:19:22,234 --> 00:19:24,798
MY GOODNESS, YOU'RE
AFFECTIONATE TONIGHT.
470
00:19:24,867 --> 00:19:27,432
WELL, LET ME
GIVE MY BIG
BOY A KISS.
471
00:19:29,466 --> 00:19:31,398
ANOTHER!
ANOTHER! YES!
472
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:33,465
MOMMA HAS
CANDY KISSES!
473
00:19:33,534 --> 00:19:34,966
ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH!
474
00:19:35,901 --> 00:19:37,065
I--
475
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,932
I MEAN, WILL YOU
ALL EXCUSE ME, PLEASE?
476
00:19:41,967 --> 00:19:45,499
STEWIE, DID--DID
YOU UNHOOK
MOMMY'S BRA?
477
00:19:50,834 --> 00:19:51,965
UH, HI.
478
00:19:52,034 --> 00:19:53,099
WELL, HELLO, BRIAN.
479
00:19:53,934 --> 00:19:55,532
I THINK WE SHOULD TALK.
480
00:19:55,601 --> 00:19:56,699
SURE.
481
00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:04,066
LOIS,
482
00:20:04,134 --> 00:20:06,132
DID YOUR HEART
EVER WANT TO ASK
SOMETHING,
483
00:20:06,201 --> 00:20:09,165
BUT YOUR HEAD WAS
TOO AFRAID OF WHAT
THE ANSWER MIGHT BE?
484
00:20:09,934 --> 00:20:10,999
OH.
485
00:20:11,067 --> 00:20:12,232
OH, GOD.
486
00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:14,365
SOMETIMES,
487
00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:17,298
IT'S BEST NOT TO
ASK THOSE QUESTIONS.
488
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:18,665
SOMETIMES,
489
00:20:18,734 --> 00:20:21,166
WE SHOULD CHERISH
WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE.
490
00:20:21,235 --> 00:20:23,698
LIKE A VERY
SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP.
491
00:20:23,767 --> 00:20:25,732
LET'S SAY LIKE THE
ONE YOU AND I SHARE
492
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,532
THAT SOMEONE LIKE ME
WOULDN'T CHANGE FOR
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
493
00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:32,932
SOMEONE LIKE ME
WOULDN'T CHANGE IT
494
00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:34,599
FOR ANYTHING IN
THE WORLD EITHER.
495
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,965
I'M GLAD.
496
00:20:40,301 --> 00:20:43,598
OK, J-JUST TO BE CLEAR,
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ME
BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU,
497
00:20:43,667 --> 00:20:44,866
AND YOU REJECTING
ME, RIGHT?
498
00:20:44,934 --> 00:20:45,631
YES.
499
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:46,999
I WAS JUST
MAKING SURE.
500
00:20:48,767 --> 00:20:51,899
SAY WE WERE BOTH DRUNK,
AND--AND WE KNEW WE
WOULDN'T REMEMBER?
501
00:20:51,968 --> 00:20:54,899
I'D HAVE TO BE
REALLY, REALLY-- NO!
502
00:21:02,633 --> 00:21:05,099
I TELL YOU, PETER,
I WISH I'D TAKEN
THIS UP YEARS AGO.
503
00:21:05,167 --> 00:21:07,732
YEAH, YOU KNOW,
MY GREAT, GREAT, GREAT
UNCLE ANGUS GRIFFIN
504
00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:09,231
INVENTED THE GAME.
505
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,065
[With Scottish accent]
SO WE'RE ALL CLEAR
ON THE RULES THEN?
506
00:21:11,134 --> 00:21:12,866
NO JEWS AND
NO BLACKS.
507
00:21:12,934 --> 00:21:13,966
[All]
AYE!
508
00:21:15,468 --> 00:21:17,765
WHOAH. YOU'RE LIKE THE
ARNOLD PALMER OF GOLF.
509
00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:19,165
YEAH, LIFE IS GOOD.
510
00:21:19,234 --> 00:21:21,565
I'M 7 YEARS OLD, AND
IF I PLAY MY CARDS RIGHT,
511
00:21:21,633 --> 00:21:23,299
I'VE GOT ANOTHER 7
YEARS AHEAD OF ME.
512
00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:25,332
HEY, WHAT EVER HAPPENED
TO YOUR LADY FRIEND?
513
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,132
WE DECIDED TO
STAY GOOD FRIENDS.
514
00:21:27,201 --> 00:21:30,066
I FOUND OUT THAT
THERE ARE A LOT OF
DIFFERENT KINDS OF LOVE,
515
00:21:30,134 --> 00:21:31,698
AND OURS WAS PERFECT
THE WAY IT WAS.
516
00:21:31,767 --> 00:21:34,298
SO SHE DUMPED YOU, HUH?
AH, THE HELL WITH HER!
517
00:21:34,366 --> 00:21:37,364
SHE'LL PROBABLY END UP WITH
SOME IDIOT. SERVES HER RIGHT.
518
00:21:40,366 --> 00:21:41,464
DAMN.
519
00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:42,965
DAMN.
520
00:21:43,667 --> 00:21:44,999
DAMN.
521
00:21:45,068 --> 00:21:46,066
DAMN.
522
00:21:46,567 --> 00:21:47,865
MULLIGAN.
523
00:21:47,934 --> 00:21:49,032
DAMN.
524
00:21:51,734 --> 00:21:54,865
♪[Theme music playing]