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00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:05,866
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:05,934 --> 00:00:09,198
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN
MOVIES AND SEX ON TV ♪
3
00:00:09,267 --> 00:00:12,965
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:13,034 --> 00:00:15,898
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
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♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
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00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:22,531
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
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♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
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00:00:24,301 --> 00:00:25,766
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
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♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
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I'M MORLEY SAFER.
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I'M MIKE WALLACE.
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I'M ED BRADLEY.
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I'M LESLEY STAHL.
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AND ONE OF
YOU IS HUNG
LIKE AN ELF.
15
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[Laughing]
16
00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:47,798
I FEEL
SO NAUGHTY.
17
00:00:47,867 --> 00:00:49,432
LOIS, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
18
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:50,899
NEITHER
OF US IS
DRUNK.
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00:00:52,334 --> 00:00:54,132
[Giggling]
20
00:00:54,201 --> 00:00:55,398
HEY, KNOCK
IT OFF!
21
00:00:56,267 --> 00:00:56,999
[Gasps]
22
00:00:57,068 --> 00:00:59,233
OH, MY GOD! I
FOUND A LUMP!
23
00:00:59,301 --> 00:01:00,531
A BREAST LUMP!
24
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:02,999
[Screams]
25
00:01:03,068 --> 00:01:04,866
THE IMPORTANT THING
IS TO STAY CALM.
26
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,499
IT'S PROBABLY
NOTHING, HONEY.
27
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,099
YEAH, THAT'S EASY
FOR YOU TO SAY.
28
00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,532
YOU GET TO KEEP
BOTH YOUR CANS.
29
00:01:09,601 --> 00:01:11,032
PETER, DON'T
TALK LIKE THAT!
30
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YOU'LL SEE A
DOCTOR TOMORROW AND--
31
00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:15,266
OH, NO--NO--NO--
NO. I'M NOT GONNA
SEE A DOCTOR, LOIS.
32
00:01:15,334 --> 00:01:17,132
THE HEALTHIEST
THING WE CAN
DO IS JUST
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00:01:17,201 --> 00:01:19,232
IGNORE THIS
AND PRETEND
IT DOESN'T EXIST.
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JUST LIKE WE DO
WITH THE SQUID.
35
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UH, EAR--EARTHQUAKE.
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AH, TRUCK GOING BY.
37
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I'M GONNA BE FINE.
I'M GONNA BE FINE.
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
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MEOW!
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[Gasps]
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[Crowing]
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[Gasps]
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MORNING.
AH!
43
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GIVE IT TO ME
STRAIGHT, DOC.
44
00:01:38,267 --> 00:01:39,531
HOW LONG DO I HAVE?
45
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,598
MR. GRIFFIN, I'D SAY YOU HAVE
ABOUT A MONTH TO LIVE.
46
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AHHH!
47
00:01:42,667 --> 00:01:44,099
BUT, HEY, WHAT THE
HELL DO I KNOW?
48
00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:46,899
HA. I'VE BEEN-- I'VE
BEEN SUED BY EVERY
PATIENT I EVER HAD.
49
00:01:46,968 --> 00:01:48,364
LOOK AT THE
SIZE OF THIS FILE.
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00:01:48,433 --> 00:01:49,632
THIS IS--THIS...
HEH.
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[Whistles]
WOW.
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[Laughing]
53
00:01:51,934 --> 00:01:53,032
AH...
54
00:01:53,101 --> 00:01:54,866
NOW, LET'S JUST WAIT
FOR THE TEST RESULTS.
55
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,531
FINISH UP, HONEY.
56
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,298
THEN I'LL PUT YOU
DOWN FOR A NICE NAP.
57
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NO! NO, I SHALL PUT YOU
DOWN FOR A NAP, MOTHER!
58
00:02:03,634 --> 00:02:04,632
BLAST!
59
00:02:05,634 --> 00:02:07,399
I'M SO WORRIED
ABOUT YOUR FATHER.
60
00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,732
YOU MEAN 'CAUSE
HE'S A BORDERLINE
ALCOHOLIC?
61
00:02:09,801 --> 00:02:11,832
NO. MOMMY'S MADE
PEACE WITH THAT.
62
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:14,398
OH, 'CAUSE HE'S GOT A
LUMP ON HIS BOOBY.
63
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,398
CHRIS, THAT'S A
TERRIBLE WORD
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00:02:16,466 --> 00:02:17,565
"BOOBY."
65
00:02:17,634 --> 00:02:19,332
MOM, DEBBIE
MILLER'S DAD
HAD A LUMP
66
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,331
ON HIS BREAST,
AND HE TURNED
OUT OK.
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00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,765
REALLY? WHO'S
DEBBIE MILLER?
68
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:25,066
A GIRL I JUST MADE UP.
69
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,932
OH, LOOK.
HERE THEY ARE.
70
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,231
MY FAMILY.
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00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,431
YOU KNOW, GUYS,
I DON'T SAY THIS
OFTEN ENOUGH,
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00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,965
BUT, UH, I'M
GONNA DIE.
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OH, MY GOD.
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00:02:34,034 --> 00:02:35,799
HIGH 5!
ANYONE?
75
00:02:35,867 --> 00:02:36,832
ANYONE?
76
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,199
YOU CAN'T DIE!
77
00:02:38,267 --> 00:02:40,698
WHO'S GONNA
TAKE ME TO THE
FATHER-SON DANCE?
78
00:02:40,767 --> 00:02:42,364
LISTEN, I'VE
HAD A GOOD LIFE.
79
00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:44,198
AND YOU CAN
ALWAYS BE PROUDA
YOUR FATHER
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AND ALL OF HIS
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
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00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:46,932
WHAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS?
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GO TO YOUR ROOM.
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00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,698
PETER, THERE'S
NO WAY YOU
COULD DIE.
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00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:52,265
YOU'RE THE MOST
IMPORTANT CHARACTER
IN THIS FAMILY.
85
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:53,665
♪[Organ music playing]
86
00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:56,699
I'LL TAKE THIS ONE.
BUT I WON'T PAY
A CENT OVER $60.
87
00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:59,032
SIR, THAT
CASKET COSTS
$1,000.
88
00:02:59,100 --> 00:02:59,999
OKAY, $70.
89
00:03:00,068 --> 00:03:00,999
WHAT?
90
00:03:01,067 --> 00:03:01,999
$2,000.
91
00:03:02,068 --> 00:03:03,265
THAT'S TWICE
WHAT IT COSTS!
92
00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:04,265
$40.
93
00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:05,264
WHAT?
94
00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:07,265
HE--HE DOESN'T
KNOW HOW
TO HAGGLE.
95
00:03:09,134 --> 00:03:10,665
PETER, WHAT'S
GOING ON?
96
00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:12,431
I'M SELLING ALL
MY WORLDLY GOODS,
97
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,264
SO YOU'LL HAVE
SOME CASH WHEN
I'M DEAD.
98
00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:16,565
[Sighs]
YEAH, A LOT OF
MEMORIES HERE.
99
00:03:16,633 --> 00:03:18,032
LOOK, MY
FIRST BIKE.
100
00:03:18,101 --> 00:03:20,065
BOY, I HAD SO
MUCH FUN PLAYING
WITH THAT.
101
00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:23,465
MORE TEA, MR. BIKE?
102
00:03:23,534 --> 00:03:26,999
PETER, THIS IS
RIDICULOUS. YOU'RE
GOING TO BE FINE.
103
00:03:27,067 --> 00:03:28,332
DAD, THE DOCTOR
CALLED.
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YOUR TEST
RESULTS ARE IN.
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THIS DOESN'T
LOOK VERY GOOD.
106
00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:36,732
NO, THIS DOESN'T LOOK
VERY GOOD AT ALL.
107
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:38,198
[Gasps]
108
00:03:38,267 --> 00:03:40,832
MY--MY NEPHEW DREW MY
PORTRAIT. IT DOESN'T
LOOK A THING LIKE ME.
109
00:03:40,901 --> 00:03:42,398
I MEAN, LOOK AT
THE NOSE. IT'S ALL--
110
00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:44,565
WILL YOU JUST
TELL US ABOUT
PETER'S TESTS?
111
00:03:44,634 --> 00:03:47,665
OK, OK. MR. GRIFFIN,
ALL YOUR TESTS
CAME BACK NEGATIVE.
112
00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:50,766
AS IT TURNS OUT,
THE LUMP ON YOUR CHEST
WAS JUST A FATTY CORPUSCLE.
113
00:03:50,834 --> 00:03:52,231
FATTY CORPUSCLE?
114
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,298
WAIT A MINUTE.
HOW THE HELL
CAN A DEAD COMEDIAN
115
00:03:54,366 --> 00:03:57,265
FROM THE SILENT MOVIE ERA
BE LODGED IN MY LEFT BOSOM?
116
00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:58,799
MR. GRIFFIN, I'M
SAYING YOU'RE FINE.
117
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:01,365
I'M FINE? WHAT?
ARE YOU COMING
ON TO ME NOW?
118
00:04:01,433 --> 00:04:03,598
PETER, HE'S
NOT COMING
ON TO YOU.
119
00:04:03,667 --> 00:04:05,698
HE'S TRYING
TO TELL YOU THAT
YOU'RE HEALTHY.
120
00:04:06,567 --> 00:04:07,732
CAN'T IT BE BOTH?
121
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,665
[Kissing
sounds]
122
00:04:12,634 --> 00:04:14,464
OH, MY
SWEETIE IS OK.
123
00:04:14,533 --> 00:04:16,099
AW, BETTER
THAN OK, LOIS.
124
00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:17,832
FROM NOW ON,
I'M GONNA APPRECIATE
125
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:19,299
ALL THE LITTLE
THINGS IN LIFE,
126
00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:21,199
LIKE YOU
AND THE KIDS.
127
00:04:21,267 --> 00:04:24,099
WHOAH, WHOAH, WHOAH,
IS THIS THE PRICE OF MY
BILL OR MY PHONE NUMBER?
128
00:04:24,168 --> 00:04:25,798
UH, YOUR
PHONE NUMBER.
129
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:27,632
OH.
130
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:29,431
[Laughing]
131
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,598
WE--WELL, IT'S STILL
PRETTY PRICEY!
132
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,731
PETER, WHO
CARES HOW MUCH
THE BILL IS?
133
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,898
YOU'VE JUST GOT
THE MOST IMPORTANT
BILL OF ALL,
134
00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:38,032
A CLEAN BILL
A HEALTH.
135
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:41,199
AH, JEEZ, LOIS. HOW
LONG YOU BEEN WAITING
TO CRACK OUT THAT GEM?
136
00:04:41,268 --> 00:04:43,899
AW, THIS SUCKS, BRIAN.
WH--WHY SHOULD I
HAVE TO PAY THIS?
137
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:45,665
I MEAN,
THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH ME.
138
00:04:45,733 --> 00:04:47,398
YEAH, IT'S
A SHAME YOU'RE
NOT DYING.
139
00:04:47,466 --> 00:04:49,032
WAIT A SECOND.
THAT'S IT!
140
00:04:49,101 --> 00:04:50,731
THEY CAN'T MAKE
A DEAD GUY
PAY HIS BILL.
141
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,532
ALL I GOTTA DO IS
WRITE "DECEASED"
142
00:04:52,601 --> 00:04:54,398
RIGHT HERE WHERE
IT SAYS "NAME."
143
00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:55,865
AND WHERE
IT SAYS "SEX,"
144
00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:58,198
I'LL WRITE,
"NO, THANKS. I'M DEAD."
145
00:04:58,267 --> 00:04:59,498
IT'S BULLETPROOF.
146
00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:05,598
BUT YOU PROMISED THE
FAT ONE WOULD PERISH.
147
00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:08,099
I KNOW. ISN'T IT
WONDERFUL, HONEY?
148
00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:09,932
YOUR FATHER IS
ALIVE AND WELL,
149
00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:12,632
AND WE CAN
BE A FAMILY FOR
A GOOD LONG--
150
00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:13,698
[Knocking at door]
151
00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:17,731
WHO--WH--WH--
WHO ARE YOU?
152
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,432
I'M CALISTA FLOCKHART.
153
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,865
WHO THE HELL
DO YOU THINK
I AM? I'M DEATH.
154
00:05:21,934 --> 00:05:23,532
WHICH ONE OF YOU
IS PETER GRIFFIN?
155
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,598
UH...
156
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,165
HE IS.
157
00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:31,732
COME ON, MAN.
WHICH ONE OF YOU
IS PETER GRIFFIN?
158
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,098
UH...
159
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:34,999
THIS IS
PETER GRIFFIN.
160
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,099
[Laughing]
161
00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:37,465
HEY, THAT'S
A GOOD ONE.
162
00:05:37,534 --> 00:05:39,866
[Laughing]
163
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,565
WHY ARE
YOU--
164
00:05:44,634 --> 00:05:47,165
NO, WAIT. I'M
NOT FINISHED
HOLDING MY SIDES.
165
00:05:47,234 --> 00:05:48,531
[Laughing]
166
00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:52,132
WHY ARE--
167
00:05:52,201 --> 00:05:53,965
[Laughing]
168
00:05:58,001 --> 00:05:58,999
WHY--
169
00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,999
[Laughing hysterically]
170
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,266
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
THE DOCTOR SAID
PETER WAS OK.
171
00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:12,464
OH, THE DOCTOR!
WELL, I GUESS HE
MUST KNOW, RIGHT?
172
00:06:12,533 --> 00:06:15,832
I MEAN, HE'S A DOCTOR
AND EVERYTHING, AND,
UH, I'M JUST, UH, DEATH!
173
00:06:15,901 --> 00:06:18,899
EXCUSE ME. HELLO!
I'M STEWIE. BIG FAN.
174
00:06:18,968 --> 00:06:20,366
LOOK, DEATH,
YOU MADE
A MISTAKE.
175
00:06:20,434 --> 00:06:21,932
I'M NOT
REALLY SUPPOSED
TO BE DEAD.
176
00:06:22,001 --> 00:06:24,765
OH, I MADE A MISTAKE,
HUH? THEN WHAT
DO YOU CALL THIS?
177
00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,932
PETER, IS
THAT YOUR
HANDWRITING?
178
00:06:27,001 --> 00:06:28,166
[Giggling]
179
00:06:28,235 --> 00:06:29,866
[Stuttering]
HOW DID YOU
GET THAT?
180
00:06:29,934 --> 00:06:31,698
IT WAS E-MAILED
TO ME BY YOUR H.M.O.
181
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,498
LOOK, I KNOW MY DOCTOR
WAS HITTING ON ME,
182
00:06:33,566 --> 00:06:35,232
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE
TO CALL HIM NAMES.
183
00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:36,399
I DON'T CARE
WHAT THAT SAYS!
184
00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:37,932
YOU CAN'T TAKE
MY HUSBAND!
185
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:40,665
MOTHER! WHERE
ARE YOUR MANNERS?
DON'T ARGUE WITH OUR GUEST!
186
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,299
WON'T YOU
JOIN US FOR
DINNER, DEATH?
187
00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:43,932
OH, NO. I DON'T
WANT TO BE A BOTHER.
188
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:44,999
[Sniffs]
189
00:06:45,068 --> 00:06:46,098
HEY, IS
THAT TURKEY?
190
00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:47,365
YES, DEATH.
191
00:06:47,434 --> 00:06:49,531
WE WERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF
A TURKEY DINNER,
192
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,866
TO CELEBRATE
PETER'S
GOOD HEALTH.
193
00:06:51,934 --> 00:06:52,932
OH, DO
YOU MIND?
194
00:06:53,001 --> 00:06:55,032
MIND? OF
COURSE SHE
WOULDN'T MIND.
195
00:06:55,101 --> 00:06:56,465
IT WOULD BE
AN HONOR.
196
00:06:56,534 --> 00:06:58,432
NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT WOULD BE A
PRIVILEGE. I-- OH, DEAR.
197
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,364
LISTEN TO ME
PRATTLING ON LIKE
A SCHOOLGIRL.
198
00:07:00,433 --> 00:07:01,364
[Laughing]
199
00:07:01,433 --> 00:07:02,698
[Stewie]
COME, COME.
200
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:05,431
YOU, HEAT UP
SOME GRAVY
FOR OUR GUEST!
201
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:08,464
MY LAST HELPING OF WHITE MEAT
WAS DRIER THAN OSCAR WILDE.
202
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,399
EW, HOW DID
YOU DO THAT?
203
00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:18,565
OH, WELL, UH, LET'S
JUST SAY, WHEN I
WAS YOUNGER,
204
00:07:18,633 --> 00:07:21,032
I, UH, DID SOME
FILMS I'M NOT...
205
00:07:21,101 --> 00:07:22,066
[Sighs]
206
00:07:22,134 --> 00:07:23,365
PARTICULARLY
PROUD OF.
207
00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:25,231
WELL, THAT DOES
IT FOR ME.
LET'S GO, PETER.
208
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:26,999
WAIT! YOU
CAN'T GO.
209
00:07:27,068 --> 00:07:29,298
UH, AFTER DINNER,
WE USUALLY
210
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,598
GO INTO THE
LIVING ROOM
211
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,866
AND, UH, LIVE
FOR ANOTHER
40 OR 50 YEARS.
212
00:07:33,934 --> 00:07:35,198
[Laughing]
40 OR--
213
00:07:35,267 --> 00:07:36,265
LET'S GO.
214
00:07:37,934 --> 00:07:38,965
[Peter sighs]
215
00:07:39,034 --> 00:07:40,398
I GUESS THIS
IS GOOD-BYE.
216
00:07:40,467 --> 00:07:42,999
MEG, YOU'RE THE
MAN OF THE
FAMILY NOW.
217
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:44,032
BE STRONG.
218
00:07:44,101 --> 00:07:46,398
[Crying]
OH, DADDY.
219
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,431
STEWIE, I GUESS I'M
NOT GONNA BE HERE
220
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,732
TO SEE YOU
BECOME A MAN.
221
00:07:49,801 --> 00:07:52,698
YES. I THINK WE ALL KNOW
WHAT THAT'S GOING TO BE LIKE.
222
00:07:55,334 --> 00:07:57,465
A 20-MINUTE CALL
TO LARCHMONT?
223
00:07:57,534 --> 00:07:59,165
WHO DO WE KNOW
IN LARCHMONT?
224
00:07:59,234 --> 00:08:00,398
[Wife]
MY SISTER-IN-LAW.
225
00:08:00,467 --> 00:08:02,832
OH, YES, RIGHT. RIGHT.
CAROL. YES. THAT'S RIGHT.
226
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:04,665
HOW IS CAROL?
227
00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:05,732
BRIAN.
228
00:08:05,801 --> 00:08:06,699
OH, GOD.
229
00:08:07,934 --> 00:08:09,699
[Crying]
DADDY, CAN I
COME WITH YOU?
230
00:08:09,768 --> 00:08:10,699
ASK YOUR MOTHER.
231
00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:12,464
NO, YOU CAN'T
GO WITH HIM!
232
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:13,565
OH, PETER.
233
00:08:13,634 --> 00:08:14,632
LOIS.
234
00:08:16,434 --> 00:08:17,665
[Sniffling]
235
00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:18,765
[Peter groans]
236
00:08:18,833 --> 00:08:21,832
OK, OK, THAT'S
GOOD. COME ON NOW.
237
00:08:26,401 --> 00:08:28,332
HEY, UH, DEATH, Y-YOU
GOT A FILE ON ME?
238
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,299
YEAH, SOMEWHERE.
IT'S IN THE
CAR, I THINK.
239
00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:33,332
DOES IT MENTION
THAT I RAN 2 WEEKS
OF JUNIOR VARSITY TRACK?
240
00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:35,532
OH... LET'S NOT DO THIS.
241
00:08:35,601 --> 00:08:37,198
HEY! LOOK. I
CAUGHT FLO JO.
242
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:38,866
YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN CATCH YOU?
243
00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:40,365
[Death screaming]
244
00:08:40,434 --> 00:08:41,432
MY ANKLE!
245
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,932
YEAH, LISTEN, DON'T
HELP OR ANYTHING.
246
00:08:45,001 --> 00:08:46,398
I'M TOTALLY FINE.
247
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,499
DAMN IRISH.
248
00:08:51,501 --> 00:08:54,766
YEAH. THAT FELT GOOD,
DROPPING ME HARD ON
THE COUCH LIKE THAT.
249
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,498
HERE'S A
COUPLE OF
TYLENOL.
250
00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:58,431
OH, GREAT.
TYLENOL. YEAH, I
ASKED FOR ADVIL.
251
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,366
BUT, YOU KNOW,
TYLENOL, WHATEVER.
THAT'S GOOD.
252
00:09:00,434 --> 00:09:01,565
I GOT A B-PLUS
IN HEALTH.
253
00:09:01,634 --> 00:09:03,065
IS THERE
ANYTHING
I CAN DO?
254
00:09:03,134 --> 00:09:04,999
YEAH. WHY DON'T
YOU BOIL SOME WATER
255
00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:06,898
AND RIP UP SOME
SHEETS THERE, EINSTEIN.
256
00:09:06,967 --> 00:09:08,298
IT'S A
SPRAINED ANKLE.
257
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:09,865
I JUST HAVE
TO STAY OFF IT
FOR A FEW DAYS.
258
00:09:09,934 --> 00:09:11,432
W-W-WAIT,
YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.
259
00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:12,398
WHY NOT?
260
00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:13,798
YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!
261
00:09:13,867 --> 00:09:16,231
BESIDES, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO EXPLAIN YOU TO MR. ROPER?
262
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:17,665
OH, IT'S OK,
DEATH.
263
00:09:17,733 --> 00:09:19,565
YOU JUST
WORRY ABOUT
FEELIN' BETTER.
264
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:21,065
LOIS, WHAT
THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
265
00:09:21,134 --> 00:09:22,565
PETER, DON'T
YOU SEE?
266
00:09:22,634 --> 00:09:25,498
AS LONG AS
HE'S HERE,
YOU CAN'T DIE.
267
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,132
GO ON.
268
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,432
THAT'S IT.
269
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,532
WAIT A MINUTE.
SO NO MATTER WHAT
I DO, I WON'T DIE?
270
00:09:33,201 --> 00:09:35,232
HEY, UH, MAKE
YOURSELF AT
HOME, DEATH.
271
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:36,999
I'M, UH, I'M
GOING OUT FOR
A LITTLE WHILE.
272
00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:38,232
HEY, WAIT,
WAIT.
273
00:09:38,301 --> 00:09:39,599
YOU CAN'T TELL
ANYONE I'M HERE.
274
00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,232
FOR IF
HUMANITY
DISCOVERS
275
00:09:41,301 --> 00:09:43,199
I'M NO LONGER
LURKING IN
THE SHADOWS,
276
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:45,432
CONSEQUENCES
WILL BE DIRE.
277
00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:47,832
GO ON.
278
00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:49,366
THAT'S IT.
279
00:09:49,434 --> 00:09:50,765
WHAT THE HELL DO
YOU SEE IN HIM?
280
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,132
PETER, WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?
281
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:55,965
LOIS, 10 MINUTES
AGO, I WAS STARING
DEATH IN THE FACE.
282
00:09:56,034 --> 00:09:57,932
BUT NOW THAT I'VE BEEN
GIVEN ANOTHER CHANCE,
283
00:09:58,001 --> 00:10:01,432
I'M GONNA DO THE ONE THING
I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF DOING.
284
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:03,331
I'M GONNA JUMP
OFF THIS BUILDING.
285
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,565
COULD YOU
REPEAT THAT,
PLEASE, PETER?
286
00:10:05,634 --> 00:10:07,765
I BELIEVE
I HAD SOMETHING
CRAZY IN MY EAR.
287
00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:08,898
WAI--WAIT,
HOLD THE PHONE.
288
00:10:08,967 --> 00:10:10,998
YOU TOOK ME
AWAY FROM A
SWEDISH GIRLIE-GIRL
289
00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:13,432
AND HER PARALYZED,
BUT TRUSTING,
COUSIN FOR THIS?
290
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:14,799
$1,000 SAYS I LIVE.
291
00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:16,099
A THOUSAND
CLAMS, HUH?
292
00:10:16,168 --> 00:10:17,398
WHAT THE HELL?
OK.
293
00:10:22,467 --> 00:10:25,032
[Screaming]
294
00:10:29,001 --> 00:10:31,098
HEY, LOOK AT THAT.
I BEAT MY LOOGIE.
295
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,765
[Both grumbling]
296
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:37,298
IT'S YOUR TURN,
DEATH.
297
00:10:37,367 --> 00:10:39,131
YEAH, I KNOW I
SHOULD FIND
THIS IRONIC,
298
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,899
BUT REALLY,
I'M JUST
BORED AS HELL.
299
00:10:40,968 --> 00:10:42,299
HEY, HOW OLD
IS THIS T.V.?
300
00:10:42,368 --> 00:10:44,731
YOU CAN PROBABLY
GET THE DUMONT
NETWORK ON THIS THING.
301
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,399
YOU KNOW, PETER
IS A GOOD MAN
302
00:10:46,467 --> 00:10:47,899
AND A
WONDERFUL FATHER.
303
00:10:47,968 --> 00:10:49,431
HERE IT COMES.
304
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:52,532
COULD-- COULD YOU PLEASE
FIND IT IN YOUR HEART
TO SPARE HIM?
305
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,066
AFTER ALL,
I-IT ISN'T
REALLY HIS TIME.
306
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:56,799
WHAT DID YOU
MAKE THIS COCOA
OUT OF, CRAP?
307
00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:59,331
[Sighs]
IF YOU WANT ME TO
MAKE IT AGAIN, I--
308
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,966
SORRY, LOIS.
I-IT'S MY FAULT.
309
00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:03,965
I JUST ASSUMED YOU
WERE GONNA MAKE IT
WITH MILK, NOT CRAP!
310
00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:05,832
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
311
00:11:05,901 --> 00:11:07,132
I BROUGHT
YOU SOMETHING
TO READ.
312
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,498
OH,
GLAMOUR,
GREAT.
313
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,166
I CAN LEARN
HOW TO PLEASE
MY MAN.
314
00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:11,765
GO GET ME AN
ENTERTAINMENT
WEEKLY.
315
00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:14,932
I HEAR IT'S GOT A
GREAT PICTURE OF ME
SNEAKING UP ON TOM SNYDER.
316
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:25,932
[Screaming]
317
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:37,433
VICTORY IS MINE!
318
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,832
WOW. I SHOULD
REALLY WATCH
WHERE I'M GOING.
319
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:45,631
WHAT THE DEUCE?
320
00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:48,598
OF COURSE!
321
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,732
IT SEEMS WITH
DEATH INCAPACITATED,
322
00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:53,165
MY MATRICIDAL
EFFORTS ARE FUTILE.
323
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:55,732
I MUST DO ALL I
CAN TO ACCELERATE
HIS CONVALESCENCE.
324
00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:00,498
♪ KNICK-KNACK PADDYWHACK,
GIVE A DOG A BONE ♪
325
00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:08,099
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DRANK
326
00:12:08,168 --> 00:12:10,799
300 BOTTLES
OF BEER WITHOUT
SUCCUMBING
327
00:12:10,868 --> 00:12:12,765
TO ALCOHOL
POISONING.
328
00:12:12,834 --> 00:12:15,165
PETER, ARE
YOU A WITCH?
329
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,766
YEAH. BUT DON'T
TELL ANYONE.
330
00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:19,465
THE CONSEQUENCES
COULD BE DIRE!
331
00:12:19,533 --> 00:12:21,564
[Laughing]
332
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:23,832
HEY, YOU GUYS,
I BET I CAN GO
UP TO EACH ONE
333
00:12:23,901 --> 00:12:26,065
OF THOSE
SCARY-LOOKING
BIKERS AND SAY,
334
00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:28,598
"HEY, AREN'T YOU
RICHARD SIMMONS?"
335
00:12:28,667 --> 00:12:29,832
PETER, NO!
336
00:12:29,901 --> 00:12:31,932
PETER, NOW
YOU'RE JUST
BEING BRAINLESS.
337
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,333
HEY, AREN'T
YOU RICHARD
SIMMONS?
338
00:12:34,401 --> 00:12:35,932
HEY!
339
00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:38,865
HEY, AREN'T YOU
RICHARD SIMMONS'
BEST FRIEND,
340
00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:40,899
RICHARD
SIMMONS?
341
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:42,032
SHUT UP!
342
00:12:42,101 --> 00:12:43,099
[Laughing]
343
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,264
[Laughing]
344
00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:53,266
HEY!
345
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,365
[Crowd murmuring and laughing]
346
00:12:58,434 --> 00:12:59,732
[All shooting]
347
00:13:07,267 --> 00:13:09,532
[All laughing]
348
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,198
AH, THAT
FEELS GOOD.
349
00:13:14,266 --> 00:13:16,431
YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY,
KID, I JUST KIND OF
FELL INTO THIS GIG.
350
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,464
YOU KNOW, I REALLY
WANTED TO BE A
WOOD NYMPH.
351
00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:20,166
BUT, MAN, THE
SECOND DAD
FOUND OUT,
352
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,564
HE STARTED IN
WITH THE WHOLE,
353
00:13:21,633 --> 00:13:23,866
"I HAVE NO SON.
I HAVE NO SON,"
354
00:13:23,934 --> 00:13:26,765
AND MOM...
MOM JUST STOOD THERE.
355
00:13:26,834 --> 00:13:29,732
YES. MOTHERS CAN BE
QUITE THE BOTHERATION,
CAN'T THEY?
356
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,364
THAT'S WHY WE'VE
GOT TO GET YOU WELL.
357
00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:32,365
WHAT WAS THAT?
358
00:13:32,433 --> 00:13:33,365
NOTHING.
359
00:13:33,433 --> 00:13:35,098
STEWIE, LEAVE
DEATH ALONE.
360
00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:36,398
HE'S OK.
361
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:38,265
YOU KNOW, HE
REMINDS ME A LOT
OF ME AT THAT AGE.
362
00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:40,665
I JUST HOPE HIS TEEN YEARS
GO BETTER THAN MINE.
363
00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:42,066
BOY, TALK
ABOUT AWKWARD.
364
00:13:42,133 --> 00:13:43,598
[Woman]
OH, BABY!
365
00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:45,199
[Death]
OH, SANDY!
366
00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:46,165
OH, YEAH!
367
00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:47,432
OH, SANDY!
368
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:49,532
OHHH...
369
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:53,632
SANDY? OH,
NOT AGAIN.
370
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:55,699
I'M GONNA BE A
VIRGIN FOREVER.
371
00:13:56,867 --> 00:13:58,332
OR AM I?
372
00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:03,765
CAN WE
PLEASE TALK
ABOUT PETER?
373
00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:05,899
HE HAS SO MUCH
TO LIVE FOR, DEATH.
374
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:07,998
HE LOVES HIS
CHILDREN AND ME--
375
00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:11,166
OK, OK. I'LL
SPARE HIS LIFE.
376
00:14:11,233 --> 00:14:13,598
BUT, UH, YOU OWE
ME, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.
377
00:14:16,901 --> 00:14:20,198
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS TALKING ABOUT
ANOTHER FRUIT CUP.
378
00:14:20,267 --> 00:14:21,565
NOT BAD, THOUGH.
379
00:14:21,633 --> 00:14:23,199
PETER, DEATH
JUST AGREED
380
00:14:23,267 --> 00:14:24,365
TO LET
YOU LIVE.
381
00:14:24,434 --> 00:14:26,233
OH, MAN. THIS
REALLY IS
MY NIGHT.
382
00:14:26,301 --> 00:14:27,999
I GET TO LIVE,
AND I'M ON T.V.
383
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:29,132
OUR TOP
STORY TONIGHT,
384
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,999
THE RULES OF
DEATH NO
LONGER APPLY.
385
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:32,364
THAT'S RIGHT,
TOM.
386
00:14:32,433 --> 00:14:34,832
OUR OWN ASIAN
REPORTER,
TRISHA TAKANAWA,
387
00:14:34,901 --> 00:14:37,465
FILED THIS
REPORT, ALL
BY HERSELF!
388
00:14:37,534 --> 00:14:39,166
I'M HERE WITH
PETER GRIFFIN,
389
00:14:39,235 --> 00:14:41,066
THE MAN WHO
CLAIMS HE WITHSTOOD
390
00:14:41,134 --> 00:14:44,299
A BARRAGE OF
BULLETS AND
DID NOT DIE.
391
00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:45,498
PETER, ARE
YOU SAYING
392
00:14:45,567 --> 00:14:47,299
THAT IF I SHOOT
YOU IN THE HEAD
393
00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:49,365
WITH THIS
CHANNEL 5 PISTOL,
394
00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:51,365
YOU'LL BE
COMPLETELY UNHARMED?
395
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,432
WHY DON'T YOU, UH,
GIVE IT A SHOT?
396
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:54,432
[Laughing]
397
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:55,498
[Laughing]
398
00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:57,431
OK,
HERE GOES.
399
00:14:58,034 --> 00:14:59,432
[Screaming]
400
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,665
OH, MY GOD!
AAH!
401
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:01,832
WHAT HAVE
I DONE?
402
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,331
[Laughing]
403
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,798
[Laughing]
404
00:15:04,867 --> 00:15:06,365
OH, YOU'RE AWFUL.
405
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,698
FASCINATING STORY, TOM.
406
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:10,232
IT SURE IS,
DIANE.
407
00:15:10,301 --> 00:15:11,632
AND SINCE THE
LAWS OF DEATH
408
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,332
NO LONGER APPLY,
I CAN DO THIS.
409
00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:17,331
THAT'S RIGHT,
TOM.
410
00:15:19,134 --> 00:15:20,165
[Laughing]
411
00:15:20,234 --> 00:15:21,832
AND NOW IT'S
TIME FOR SPORTS.
412
00:15:21,901 --> 00:15:23,032
[Loud buzzing sound]
413
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:24,732
GREAT, THE WHOLE
WORLD IS
LAUGHING AT ME.
414
00:15:24,801 --> 00:15:26,598
THIS IS HIGH
SCHOOL ALL
OVER AGAIN.
415
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,799
WELL, I'LL SHOW
THEM! I'LL SHOW
ALL OF THEM!
416
00:15:28,868 --> 00:15:30,365
OH, MY GOD,
THAT HURTS!
417
00:15:30,434 --> 00:15:31,998
OH, NO, YOU'RE
NOT KILLING
418
00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:34,232
ANYONE TONIGHT,
MISTER! NOT ON
THAT ANKLE.
419
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,565
THIS IS ALL
YOUR FAULT.
420
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:37,932
AND THERE'S
ONLY ONE SOLUTION.
421
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:40,265
YOU HAVE TO GO OUT
THERE AND DO MY JOB.
422
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:41,798
YOU HAVE TO BE
423
00:15:41,867 --> 00:15:43,065
DEATH!
424
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,131
BOY, THIS, UH, THIS
425
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,932
DOESN'T LEAVE
MUCH TO THE
IMAGINATION, DOES IT?
426
00:15:54,001 --> 00:15:56,398
DEATH, THERE
IS NO WAY PETER
CAN DO YOUR JOB.
427
00:15:56,467 --> 00:15:58,132
HE COULD NEVER KILL ANYONE.
428
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,131
YEAH! I MEAN,
YOU KNOW, I'VE
THOUGHT ABOUT IT,
429
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,532
YOU KNOW, LIKE
IN CHURCH
AND STUFF
430
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,732
BUT I DON'T
THINK I COULD EVER
DO WHAT YOU DO.
431
00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:05,299
WHY? YOU THINK YOU'RE
BETTER THAN ME?
432
00:16:05,368 --> 00:16:07,132
I'M TIRED OF ALWAYS
BEING THE BAD GUY.
433
00:16:07,201 --> 00:16:08,498
WHAT I DO HAS
TO BE DONE.
434
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,066
HE'S RIGHT, PETER.
YOU'VE DISTURBED
435
00:16:10,134 --> 00:16:11,398
THE NATURAL
ORDER OF THINGS.
436
00:16:11,466 --> 00:16:12,899
PEOPLE NEED TO
BE ABLE TO DIE.
437
00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:19,065
NO!
438
00:16:19,134 --> 00:16:20,231
[Grunts]
439
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:22,198
YOU KNOW, A-ACTUALLY, I--
I THINK I'M GONNA BE OK.
440
00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:23,565
OH, JACK.
441
00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:26,166
NOW WE CAN GET MARRIED
AND EVERYTHING
YOU PROMISED.
442
00:16:26,233 --> 00:16:27,565
YEAH, ABOUT THAT,
443
00:16:27,634 --> 00:16:30,465
UH, I WAS PRETTY
SURE I WAS GONNA DIE, UH,
444
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,665
'CAUSE, ACTUALLY, TH-THERE'S
THIS GIRL IN NEW YORK,
445
00:16:32,734 --> 00:16:34,599
AND IT'S--IT'S GETTING
KINDA SERIOUS.
446
00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:37,398
BUT... YOU KNOW,
THANKS FOR LETTING
ME DRAW YOU NAKED.
447
00:16:37,466 --> 00:16:40,065
[Laughing]
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU LET ME DO THAT!
448
00:16:40,134 --> 00:16:42,198
SO, WHAT, YOU'RE
SAYING THE ONLY
WAY TO MAKE
449
00:16:42,266 --> 00:16:44,298
THE WORLD RIGHT
IS FOR ME TO
KILL SOMEONE?
450
00:16:44,367 --> 00:16:46,032
I KNOW. WHY
DON'T YOU
KILL LOIS?
451
00:16:46,101 --> 00:16:47,598
NO. ONE
DEATH ISN'T
GONNA DO IT.
452
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:49,298
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO
SOMETHING THAT
453
00:16:49,367 --> 00:16:51,399
WILL GET EVERYONE'S
ATTENTION,
SOMETHING HUGE.
454
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,332
HOW ABOUT IF YOU
BLOW UP THE EARTH?
455
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,631
TOO HUGE. BUT
YOU'RE THINKING.
I LIKE THAT.
456
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,765
YOU COULD KILL
ALL THE GIRLS WHO
ARE PRETTIER THAN ME.
457
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,331
WELL, THAT WOULD
JUST LEAVE ENGLAND.
458
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,766
WAIT. WAIT.
I HAVE IT.
459
00:17:00,834 --> 00:17:02,132
[Laughing]
460
00:17:02,201 --> 00:17:03,432
I'M A GENIUS.
461
00:17:03,501 --> 00:17:06,231
YOU'LL KILL THE KIDS
FROM DAWSON'S CREEK!
462
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,066
I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT. AS
SOON AS THAT SHOW
CAME ON THE AIR, I SAID,
463
00:17:09,134 --> 00:17:11,132
"I'M GONNA BE THE ONE
WHO HAS TO KILL THESE KIDS."
464
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,032
IT'S TRUE.
HE DID SAY IT.
465
00:17:13,101 --> 00:17:14,598
A BUNCH OF HOT
YOUNG CELEBRITIES.
466
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,266
[Laughing]
IT'S PERFECT!
467
00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:17,866
THE KIDS ARE ON
THEIR WAY TO L.A.
468
00:17:17,934 --> 00:17:19,431
TO RENEGOTIATE
THEIR CONTRACT.
469
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:20,598
BUT. HA, HA, HA.
470
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:22,532
BUT THEIR PLANE IS
GONNA BE MAKING
471
00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:24,532
A LITTLE STOPOVER
IN RHODE ISLAND.
472
00:17:24,601 --> 00:17:26,199
IF YOU GO RIGHT NOW, YOU
CAN CATCH THE FLIGHT.
473
00:17:26,267 --> 00:17:27,432
FORGET IT, DEATH.
474
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:28,865
I'M NOT GONNA DO
YOUR DIRTY WORK.
475
00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:30,831
THERE'S NO WAY
I'M GETTING ON
THAT PLANE.
476
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:33,899
ABSOLUTELY NO WAY,
AND THAT'S FINAL.
477
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:36,298
SEE? I'M
STILL HERE.
478
00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:38,865
AND THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN SAY THAT'LL
CHANGE MY MIND.
479
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:40,798
EITHER YOU KILL
THEM, OR I KILL YOU.
480
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:42,698
AW, CRAP!
481
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:46,365
HEY, NICE PLANT.
482
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,465
NOTE TO SELF, DO NOT
GO TO THE BATHROOM.
483
00:17:50,533 --> 00:17:52,966
LOOK, JAMES, YOUR
LAST MOVIE WAS KILLER
AT THE BOX OFFICE.
484
00:17:53,034 --> 00:17:54,531
YOUR Q-RATING IS
THROUGH THE ROOF.
485
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,766
IT'S TIME WE
DITCHED THE W.B.
486
00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,298
AND CONCENTRATE
ON FEATURES.
487
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,665
SIR, I DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU ARE,
488
00:17:58,734 --> 00:18:00,665
BUT JUST BECAUSE
YOU'RE SITTING
ACROSS FROM ME
489
00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:02,598
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU CAN GIVE ME
CAREER ADVICE.
490
00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:03,665
OH.
491
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:04,865
WILL YOU
SIGN MY ASS?
492
00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:05,932
DO YOU
HAVE A PEN?
493
00:18:07,901 --> 00:18:11,098
HELLO-- HELLO, DEATH?
GUESS WHERE I'M
CALLING FROM?
494
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:12,565
A PLANE!
495
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,464
[Laughing]
THAT'S GREAT. LISTEN,
THOSE KIDS ON BOARD?
496
00:18:14,533 --> 00:18:15,499
YEAH. UH, UH...
497
00:18:15,567 --> 00:18:16,865
A-ABOUT
THAT, I--
498
00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:18,531
I DON'T THINK
I CAN GO
THROUGH WITH IT.
499
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,199
PETER, LISTEN,
WITHOUT DEATH,
500
00:18:20,268 --> 00:18:22,365
THE WORLD WOULD
BE A TERRIBLE PLACE.
501
00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:25,065
IMAGINE A WORLD
WHERE HITLER
WAS STILL ALIVE.
502
00:18:25,133 --> 00:18:27,698
[Announcer with German accent]
TODAY ON HITLER,
WE'LL BE TALKING
503
00:18:27,767 --> 00:18:29,898
WITH HOLLYWOOD HUNK
CHRISTIAN SLATER.
504
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:31,665
NOW, THEY TELL
ME IN YOUR
NEXT MOVIE,
505
00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:33,332
WE GET TO
SEE YOUR BUTT.
506
00:18:33,401 --> 00:18:34,999
[Audience cheering]
507
00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:36,565
YES, UH, YES,
YOU DO.
508
00:18:36,634 --> 00:18:38,198
CAN--CAN WE SEE
IT RIGHT NOW?
509
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:40,199
UM, WELL, UH...
510
00:18:40,267 --> 00:18:41,199
HA, ALL RIGHT,
HITLER.
511
00:18:41,267 --> 00:18:42,798
OH, OH! HE'S GOING
TO DO IT!
512
00:18:42,867 --> 00:18:44,799
[Announcer]
IF YOU'RE GOING TO
BE IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA
513
00:18:44,868 --> 00:18:46,565
AND WOULD LIKE
TICKETS TO HITLER,
514
00:18:46,634 --> 00:18:48,932
CALL 213-DU
WERDEST EINE
KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!
515
00:18:49,001 --> 00:18:51,032
LOOK, PETER.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS SIT THERE.
516
00:18:51,101 --> 00:18:53,265
THE PLANE IS
GONNA
CRASH IN L.A.
517
00:18:53,334 --> 00:18:56,698
PILOT ERROR.
BIG MESS.
EVERYBODY DIES.
518
00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:57,832
JEEZ, EVERYBODY?
519
00:18:57,901 --> 00:18:58,865
EXCEPT YOU.
520
00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:00,098
[Beeping]
521
00:19:00,167 --> 00:19:02,331
HOLD ON, I'M
GETTING ANOTHER
CALL. BRENDA?
522
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:03,398
STILL ME.
OH.
523
00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:04,599
BRENDA?
524
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:07,632
[Laughing]
YES? JUST KIDDIN',
IT'S STILL ME.
525
00:19:07,701 --> 00:19:08,998
[Laughing]
526
00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:10,732
[Pilot]
WE NOW BEGIN
OUR FINAL APPROACH
527
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,431
INTO LOS ANGELES
INTERNATIONAL.
528
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:14,231
IF YOU LOOK OUT
THE WINDOW TO YOUR RIGHT,
529
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,765
YOU'LL SEE THE SAN
FERNANDO VALLEY,
530
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:16,932
WHERE MY BROTHER
GARY MAKES
531
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,966
A VERY NICE LIVING
DIRECTING PORN.
532
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:20,998
WE'LL BE ON THE
GROUND IN 10 MINUTES.
533
00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:21,998
AW, JEEZ.
534
00:19:22,067 --> 00:19:23,065
[Baby cooing]
535
00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:28,232
♪ WE LIKE BEING ALIVE,
WE LIKE BEING ALIVE ♪
536
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:31,465
♪ WE LIKE BEING,
OH, WE LIKE BEING,
OH, WE LIKE BEING ALIVE ♪
537
00:19:31,534 --> 00:19:32,965
I GUESS IT'S THEIR TIME.
538
00:19:33,034 --> 00:19:34,365
♪[Dawson's Creek
theme playing]
539
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:39,565
♪ I DON'T WANNA WAIT
FOR OUR LIVES TO BE OVER ♪
540
00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:40,732
BOY, MISS JACOBS,
541
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,732
FOR A TEACHER,
YOU SURE MAKE
LOVE GOOD.
542
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,298
ACTUALLY, IT'S
"WELL," PACEY.
543
00:19:44,366 --> 00:19:46,665
YOU MEAN TO
SAY, I MAKE
LOVE "WELL."
544
00:19:46,734 --> 00:19:47,965
YOU'RE GOOD
TO GO AGAIN,
RIGHT?
545
00:19:48,034 --> 00:19:49,032
OH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH
YEAH...
546
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:50,799
[Death]
PETER? HELLO, PETER?
547
00:19:50,867 --> 00:19:52,865
PETER, ARE YOU THERE?
I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING?
548
00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:54,898
YEAH, I'M HERE. AND
YOU CAN FORGET IT.
549
00:19:54,967 --> 00:19:56,331
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
550
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,698
I DON'T CARE IF
YOU DO KILL ME,
551
00:19:57,767 --> 00:19:59,398
I'M NOT GONNA
KILL THOSE KIDS.
552
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,231
IF THEY DIE,
I'LL HAVE NOTHING TO
WATCH ON WEDNESDAYS...
553
00:20:04,433 --> 00:20:06,665
OTHER THAN THE
FINE PROGRAMS ON FOX.
554
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,098
HEY, OPEN
UP IN THERE!
555
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:14,366
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? YOU'RE
NOT A PILOT.
556
00:20:14,434 --> 00:20:16,032
I KNOW
EVERY PILOT
IN THE WORLD!
557
00:20:16,101 --> 00:20:17,799
I'M HERE TO
KEEP YOU FROM
MAKING AN ERROR.
558
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:19,865
A PILOT ERROR.
559
00:20:19,934 --> 00:20:22,131
JEEZ, I
PROBABLY SHOULDA
WORN MITTENS!
560
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:25,331
NICE GOING,
FAT--
561
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,365
HEY, HEY, I WAS JUST
TRYING TO SAVE
YOUR LIVES.
562
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:28,665
BUT NOW YOU'RE
ALL GONNA DIE.
563
00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:30,332
THERE'S NO ONE
WHO CAN LAND
THIS PLANE.
564
00:20:30,401 --> 00:20:31,665
I CAN.
565
00:20:31,734 --> 00:20:34,099
[Gasps]
THANK GOD!
IT'S KAREN BLACK!
566
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,032
SHE LANDED A
BUSTED PLANE
IN AIRPORT '75?
567
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,098
IT WAS A
MOVIE IN
THE '70S.
568
00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:45,565
AH, YOU DAMN KIDS
WITH YOUR MUSIC.
569
00:20:45,634 --> 00:20:47,398
BOTH OF THE
PILOTS WERE KILLED.
570
00:20:47,467 --> 00:20:49,131
BUT FORTUNATELY
FOR THE OTHER PASSENGERS,
571
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:50,332
ACTRESS KAREN BLACK
572
00:20:50,401 --> 00:20:52,265
STAR OF SUCH FILMS
AS NASHVILLE
573
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:54,132
AND 5 EASY
PIECES, WAS ON BOARD.
574
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,231
OUR HATS ARE
OFF TO MISS BLACK
FOR PROVING
575
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:58,264
ONCE AGAIN
THAT, GIVEN THE
OPPORTUNITY,
576
00:20:58,333 --> 00:21:01,899
ACTRESSES OVER
50 CAN LAND LARGE
AIRCRAFT.
577
00:21:01,967 --> 00:21:04,165
KAREN BLACK.
WHAT AN OBSCURE
REFERENCE!
578
00:21:04,234 --> 00:21:05,898
HEY, WHAT THE
HELL? I TOLD YOU
TO WASTE
579
00:21:05,968 --> 00:21:07,599
THOSE KIDS FROM
DAWSON'S CREEK.
580
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,865
YOU'RE MISSING
THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING HERE.
581
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,132
YOU SAID YOU
WANTED EVERYONE
582
00:21:11,201 --> 00:21:12,932
TO KNOW THE
RULES OF DEATH APPLY.
583
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,232
AND, NOW THE
WHOLE WORLD DOES.
584
00:21:14,301 --> 00:21:15,498
YEAH, I GUESS SO.
585
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:17,465
YOU KNOW, MY
ANKLE'S STARTING TO
FEEL BETTER.
586
00:21:17,534 --> 00:21:19,332
I SHOULD
PROBABLY GET
OUTTA YOUR HAIR.
587
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,032
OH, BUT YOU
JUST GOT HERE!
588
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:23,798
OH, WE CAN STAY IN
TOUCH, CAN'T WE? OH--OH--OH,
WHAT'S YOUR E-MAIL?
589
00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:25,798
MINE IS "LOISMUSTDIE,"
ALL ONE WORD,
590
00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:27,131
"@YAHOO.COM."
591
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,899
W-W-W-WAIT A
SECOND. DEATH?
592
00:21:28,967 --> 00:21:32,499
I, UH, I USED TO
FEAR YA, BUT NOW
I'M GLAD WE MET.
593
00:21:32,567 --> 00:21:34,299
BECAUSE
YOU'VE GIVEN ME
A GREAT GIFT.
594
00:21:34,368 --> 00:21:36,065
THE COMPLETE
BOZ SCAGGS.
595
00:21:36,134 --> 00:21:37,332
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
596
00:21:37,401 --> 00:21:38,832
I JUST HAD
A FEELING.
597
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:40,365
[Lois]
WE'RE GONNA
MISS YOU, DEATH.
598
00:21:40,434 --> 00:21:41,632
HEY, DON'T
WORRY.
599
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,865
I'LL BE
BACK. REALLY,
REALLY SOON.
600
00:21:43,934 --> 00:21:45,032
[Laughing]
601
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,232
IS HE
JOKING?
602
00:21:47,301 --> 00:21:48,798
[Laughing]
603
00:21:48,867 --> 00:21:50,332
OK, SEE
YOU LATER.
604
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:01,032
♪[Theme music playing]