1
00:00:02,768 --> 00:00:05,866
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:05,934 --> 00:00:09,432
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:13,132
♪ BUT WHERE ARE
THOSE GOOD, OLD-
FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:13,201 --> 00:00:16,099
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:16,167 --> 00:00:19,365
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:19,434 --> 00:00:22,599
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN
WHO'LL POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
7
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:24,365
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:24,434 --> 00:00:26,032
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
9
00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:30,498
♪ HE'S... A... FAM-I-LY GUY ♪
10
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,232
IT WAS A MOVING
SCENE TODAY
AT HATCH POND,
11
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,065
AS 6 MEMBERS OF
THE PAWTUCKET
12
00:00:38,134 --> 00:00:39,632
FIRE DEPARTMENT
STRUGGLED VALIANTLY
13
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,598
TO SAVE THE LIFE
OF A FISH TRAPPED
UNDER THE FROZEN ICE.
14
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,065
RESCUE WORKERS
MANAGED TO GET THE FISH
OUT OF THE WATER,
15
00:00:45,134 --> 00:00:47,298
BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT
DIED SHORTLY AFTER.
16
00:00:47,366 --> 00:00:48,299
[Beeping]
17
00:00:48,368 --> 00:00:49,298
DIANE?
18
00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:50,365
WELL, TOM,
ANOTHER LIFE
19
00:00:50,433 --> 00:00:51,799
WAS TRAGICALLY
CUT SHORT TODAY.
20
00:00:51,867 --> 00:00:54,032
ROBERT KIMBLE,
FOUNDER OF A LOCAL
THEATER GROUP
21
00:00:54,101 --> 00:00:55,665
KNOWN AS THE
QUAHOG PLAYERS,
22
00:00:55,734 --> 00:00:56,966
PASSED AWAY
THIS AFTERNOON.
23
00:00:57,034 --> 00:00:58,099
OH, MY GOD!
24
00:00:58,167 --> 00:00:59,131
[Phone ringing]
25
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:00,632
KIMBLE WAS A
HANDS-ON DIRECTOR
26
00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,798
WHO FREQUENTLY
APPEARED IN
HIS OWN SHOWS,
27
00:01:02,867 --> 00:01:04,632
MOST RECENTLY,
MISS SAIGON.
28
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:07,231
♪ A LA LA LA LA,
MISS SAIGON ♪
29
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:10,365
♪ LA LA LA LA LA,
MISS SAIGON ♪
30
00:01:10,433 --> 00:01:13,732
YES, I
JUST HEARD.
IT'S SO SAD.
31
00:01:13,801 --> 00:01:15,333
[Gasps]
REALLY?
32
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,199
THEY WANT ME
TO BE THE NEW
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR
33
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:18,299
OF THE
QUAHOG
PLAYERS!
34
00:01:18,367 --> 00:01:19,365
ALL RIGHT,
MOM!
35
00:01:19,434 --> 00:01:20,365
ARE YOU
GONNA DO IT?
36
00:01:20,434 --> 00:01:21,765
I DON'T KNOW.
37
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:23,532
IT'S SUCH A BIG
RESPONSIBILITY.
38
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:25,164
I--I NEED A MOMENT TO THINK.
39
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,065
OK, I'LL DO IT.
40
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,465
THIS JUST IN.
LOIS GRIFFIN HAS BEEN
NAMED THE NEW
41
00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:35,799
ARTISTIC
DIRECTOR OF THE
QUAHOG PLAYERS.
42
00:01:35,867 --> 00:01:38,732
ALL THOSE YEARS
OF PAYING MY DUES
AS MUSICAL DIRECTOR
43
00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:41,432
UNDER THAT OLD HACK
HAVE FINALLY PAID OFF.
44
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:42,899
OH, LOIS,
CONGRATULATIONS.
45
00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:44,698
OUR LITTLE THEATER
GROUP FINALLY HAS
46
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:46,465
A COMMITTED
VISIONARY AT ITS HELM.
47
00:01:46,534 --> 00:01:48,032
AND SUCH AN
ATTRACTIVE ONE.
48
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:49,565
BRIAN, YOU'LL
HAVE TO AUDITION
49
00:01:49,634 --> 00:01:50,832
JUST LIKE
EVERYONE ELSE.
50
00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:52,232
OH, GOD, OF
COURSE. I--I--
51
00:01:52,301 --> 00:01:54,132
OH, YOU DIDN'T THINK--
YOU THOUGHT I WAS--
52
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,932
HA! LOIS!
53
00:01:56,001 --> 00:01:57,398
I CAN PAINT
SCENERY.
54
00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:58,732
CAN I BE IN
THE SHOW, MOM?
55
00:01:58,801 --> 00:02:00,698
YES, YOU CAN BE
THE DUMPY TEENAGER
56
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:02,298
WHO STAYS
BACKSTAGE
AND CRIES
57
00:02:02,366 --> 00:02:04,498
BECAUSE NOBODY
FINDS HER ATTRACTIVE.
58
00:02:04,567 --> 00:02:05,998
[Laughing]
59
00:02:06,067 --> 00:02:07,099
[Peter]
HEY, YOU GUYS.
60
00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:08,632
PETER, GUESS
WHAT? I
AM GONNA--
61
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:10,332
ME FIRST!
MR. WEED SAID
62
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,932
WHOEVER COMES UP
WITH THE BEST IDEA
63
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,766
FOR THE BIG
CHRISTMAS TOY THIS YEAR
GETS A HUGE BONUS.
64
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:17,199
HEY, DAD, WHY DON'T
YOU INVENT THE FRISBEE?
65
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:18,631
THAT'S A AWESOME TOY.
66
00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:20,299
IT'S ALREADY
BEEN INVENTED.
67
00:02:20,368 --> 00:02:21,999
THEN HOW COME I
NEVER HEARD OF IT?
68
00:02:22,067 --> 00:02:23,232
THIS IS MY
CHANCE TO PROVE
69
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,498
HOW VALUABLE
I AM TO
THE COMPANY!
70
00:02:25,567 --> 00:02:27,265
OH, SORRY,
LOIS. WHAT'S
YOUR NEWS?
71
00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:28,232
WELL, I...
72
00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:35,498
MR. WEED,
DISTINGUISHED
MEMBERS OF THE BOARD,
73
00:02:35,567 --> 00:02:38,065
MAY I PRESENT THIS
YEAR'S HOTTEST TOY,
74
00:02:38,133 --> 00:02:40,065
MR. ZUCCHINI HEAD.
75
00:02:40,133 --> 00:02:42,565
HE'S GOT STUPID
COOL HIP-HOP STYLE,
76
00:02:42,633 --> 00:02:45,698
WITH HIS LITTLE HAT
AND HIS DOC MARTENS.
77
00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:47,665
UH, THANK
YOU, PETER,
THAT'S ENOUGH.
78
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,265
OH, W-W-WAIT. THIS
IS THE BEST PART!
79
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,231
HE DANCES!
80
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:52,999
I'VE SEEN ENOUGH.
HOW INAPPROPRIATE.
81
00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:54,866
[Bearded man]
I HAVEN'T HAD
SEX IN 4 YEARS.
82
00:02:54,934 --> 00:02:56,999
GENTLEMEN,
I APOLOGIZE FOR
WASTING YOUR TIME.
83
00:02:57,068 --> 00:02:59,399
PETER IS AN
ADEQUATE ASSEMBLY-
LINE WORKER,
84
00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:00,766
BUT YOU'LL BE
HAPPY TO KNOW,
85
00:03:00,834 --> 00:03:03,333
OUR COMPANY
DOES NOT PAY
HIM TO THINK.
86
00:03:03,401 --> 00:03:04,464
[Laughing]
87
00:03:04,533 --> 00:03:05,532
[Laughing]
88
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:07,565
I'LL TAKE THIS.
89
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:08,898
NO CALLS.
90
00:03:11,267 --> 00:03:12,465
COME ON, KIDS!
91
00:03:12,533 --> 00:03:14,498
THE DIRECTOR
CAN'T BE LATE
FOR THE AUDITIONS.
92
00:03:14,567 --> 00:03:16,665
YOU SHOULDA HEARD 'EM
LAUGHING AT ME, LOIS.
93
00:03:16,733 --> 00:03:18,065
I GOT GREAT IDEAS,
94
00:03:18,134 --> 00:03:19,965
BUT THEY LOOK AT
ME, AND ALL THEY
SEE IS A LOSER.
95
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:21,798
EXCEPT FOR THE GUY
WITH THE LAZY EYE.
96
00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:23,565
HE SEES A LOSER AND
THE SNACK MACHINE.
97
00:03:23,634 --> 00:03:25,266
PETER, A LOT OF
CREATIVE PEOPLE
98
00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:26,832
HAD MINDLESS JOBS.
99
00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:29,465
MICHELANGELO WORKED
IN A MARBLE QUARRY.
100
00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:32,366
UH--UH, HERMAN MELVILLE
WAS A CUSTOMS AGENT.
101
00:03:32,434 --> 00:03:35,265
ALBERT EINSTEIN
WORKED FOR THE
PATENT OFFICE.
102
00:03:35,334 --> 00:03:38,065
AND WHAT IS IT YOU WANT
TO PATENT, HERR SMITH?
103
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,531
I CALL IT
"SMITH'S THEORY
OF RELATIVITY."
104
00:03:41,368 --> 00:03:42,299
HEY, LOOK
AT THIS.
105
00:03:42,368 --> 00:03:43,265
WHAT?
106
00:03:47,133 --> 00:03:48,899
I THINK WHAT
LOIS IS TRYING
TO SAY IS
107
00:03:48,968 --> 00:03:51,832
YOU HAVE TO
FIND A WAY TO EXPRESS
YOURSELF CREATIVELY.
108
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,365
FOR EXAMPLE,
CHRIS HAS
HIS DRAWING,
109
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,665
MEG DOES HER
BIRDCALLS,
I SING...
110
00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:56,732
BEAUTIFULLY.
111
00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:58,432
SO I'VE HEARD.
112
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,265
AND LOIS
HAS HER
THEATER GROUP.
113
00:04:00,334 --> 00:04:02,164
YES. AND FOR
MY FIRST
PRODUCTION,
114
00:04:02,233 --> 00:04:03,932
I'VE CHOSEN
THE KING AND I.
115
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,998
IT'S A WONDERFUL STORY
ABOUT A LOVING, PATIENT WOMAN,
116
00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:09,198
WHO INTRODUCES
CULTURE AND CIVILITY
117
00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:11,464
TO A BARBARIC,
PATRIARCHAL...
118
00:04:11,533 --> 00:04:14,766
PETER, PLEASE
DON'T WIPE YOUR NOSE
ON THE COUCH.
119
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,332
LOOK, I
HAVE TO GO.
120
00:04:16,401 --> 00:04:17,631
PART OF
BEING CREATIVE
121
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:19,765
IS FIGURING OUT
WHAT YOU'RE
GOOD AT.
122
00:04:19,834 --> 00:04:22,532
I KNOW YOU
CAN DO IT IF YOU
PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.
123
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,665
YOU'RE RIGHT, LOIS. MAN
WAS MEANT TO CREATE.
124
00:04:24,734 --> 00:04:26,732
THAT'S WHY
GOD INVENTED
SHRINKY DINKS.
125
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,431
IT WORKS!
126
00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,298
LOOK HOW
TINY THEY ARE!
127
00:04:30,366 --> 00:04:31,298
OOH!
128
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:40,431
♪ OH, NO NOT
IN SPRINGTIME ♪
129
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:45,531
♪ SUMMER,
WINTER, OR FALL ♪
130
00:04:49,166 --> 00:04:53,166
♪ NO, NEVER WOULD
I LEAVE YOU ♪
131
00:04:55,234 --> 00:04:58,298
♪ AT ALL ♪
132
00:04:58,367 --> 00:04:59,398
BRAVO!
133
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:03,032
BRIAN, THAT
WAS BEAUTIFUL!
THANK YOU!
134
00:05:03,101 --> 00:05:04,698
NO, NO, NO,
THANK YOU.
135
00:05:04,767 --> 00:05:06,865
AND--AND THAT NOTE YOU
GAVE ME, "LOUDER," HUH,
136
00:05:06,934 --> 00:05:08,999
I WAS--I WAS THINKING THAT,
AND THEN YOU SAID IT.
137
00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:10,398
YOU ARE SO
INTUITIVE--
138
00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:11,665
OK. OK. ALL
RIGHT. NEXT!
139
00:05:11,733 --> 00:05:13,831
[Brian stammering]
140
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:17,365
STEWIE, DO
YOU WANNA TRY OUT
FOR MOMMY'S PLAY?
141
00:05:19,268 --> 00:05:20,431
AHEM.
142
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,999
"NOW IS THE WINTER
OF OUR DISCONTENT
143
00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:25,832
"MADE GLORIOUS SUMMER
BY THIS SUN OF YORK.
144
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:26,799
"AND ALL--"
145
00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:29,499
WHY DON'T YOU SING
ITSY BITSY SPIDER?
146
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:30,899
HOW DARE
YOU REDUCE
147
00:05:30,967 --> 00:05:32,932
MY FINELY HEWN
THESPIAN STYLINGS
148
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,599
TO MERE MOTHER
GOOSERIES!
149
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,899
OH! SING BAA
BAA BLACK SHEEP!
150
00:05:36,968 --> 00:05:38,632
YOU KNOW, MOTHER,
AS FIRST LADY
151
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,698
OF THE AMERICAN
STAGE, HELEN HAYES,
ONCE SAID,
152
00:05:41,767 --> 00:05:43,665
"I'M GOING
TO KILL YOU!"
153
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,231
HEY, CAN SOMEBODY
GIVE ME A HAND
154
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:46,432
WITH ALL
THIS TALENT?
155
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,032
PETER, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
156
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,331
WELL, LOIS,
I TRIED FINDING
157
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,132
MY CREATIVITY,
LIKE YOU SAID.
158
00:05:51,201 --> 00:05:52,632
FIRST I TOOK
AN ART CLASS.
159
00:05:53,734 --> 00:05:54,799
AM I...
160
00:05:54,867 --> 00:05:56,832
AM I SUPPOSED TO
DRAW THE PENIS?
161
00:05:56,901 --> 00:05:59,432
THEN I TRIED
SCULPTING.
162
00:05:59,501 --> 00:06:02,432
AM I... AM I
SUPPOSED TO
SCULPT THE PENIS?
163
00:06:02,501 --> 00:06:03,799
THEN I
TRIED MUSIC.
164
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:08,065
AM I... AM I
SUPPOSED TO CONDUCT
WITH MY PENIS?
165
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:10,665
I WAS STARTING TO
THINK THERE WAS
NOTHING I'D BE GOOD AT.
166
00:06:10,734 --> 00:06:12,665
BUT THEN
I REALIZED
THAT THIS IS IT.
167
00:06:12,734 --> 00:06:15,832
LOIS, MY
PENIS BELONGS
ON STAGE.
168
00:06:15,901 --> 00:06:18,265
WAIT, PETER,
EVERYONE HAS
TO AUDITION.
169
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:19,665
YOU KNOW,
SING, DANCE.
170
00:06:19,734 --> 00:06:20,665
[Laughing]
OH...
171
00:06:20,734 --> 00:06:21,766
I GET IT.
172
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:25,131
UH, HELLO, EVERYBODY.
173
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,532
THIS IS, UH, JUST
A FORMALITY,
174
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,699
SINCE I HAPPEN
TO BE DOING
THE DIRECTOR.
175
00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:29,765
[Laughing]
176
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:32,598
A 5, 6, 7, 8.
177
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,732
[Tuneless singing]
♪ MARSHALL, WILL, AND HOLLY ♪
178
00:06:34,801 --> 00:06:37,598
♪ ON A ROUTINE EXPEDITION ♪
179
00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:41,998
♪ MET THE GREATEST
EARTHQUAKE EVER KNOWN ♪
180
00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:44,098
♪ HIGH ON THE RAPIDS ♪
181
00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:46,332
♪ IT STRUCK
THEIR TINY RAFT ♪
182
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:47,932
♪ AHH! ♪
183
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,898
♪ AND PLUNGED THEM DOWN
A THOUSAND FEET BELOW ♪
184
00:06:51,967 --> 00:06:56,265
♪ TO THE LAND
OF THE LOST ♪
185
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,731
[Screams]
186
00:07:02,301 --> 00:07:03,999
BEFORE I
POST THE
CAST LIST
187
00:07:04,068 --> 00:07:05,565
MY CHOREOGRAPHER
AND I
188
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:07,765
WANNA THANK
EVERYONE FOR
AUDITIONING.
189
00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:08,999
YOU WERE ALL GREAT.
190
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:10,365
WEREN'T THEY?
191
00:07:10,434 --> 00:07:12,965
I ONLY WISH THE
SHOW WAS CALLED
THE KING AND US,
192
00:07:13,034 --> 00:07:14,565
SO I COULD
CAST YOU ALL.
193
00:07:14,633 --> 00:07:16,198
[All laughing]
194
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,098
[Brian laughing]
195
00:07:22,134 --> 00:07:23,232
[All murmuring]
196
00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:26,732
ANNA! OH,
BABY, BABY!
I'M A STAR!
197
00:07:26,801 --> 00:07:30,065
WOW. I'VE
NEVER HUGGED A
CELEBRITY BEFORE.
198
00:07:30,134 --> 00:07:32,932
EXCEPT FOR
PEARL BAILEY AT A
BOOK SIGNING ONCE,
199
00:07:33,001 --> 00:07:36,232
BUT THEN WE
LATER FOUND OUT IT
WASN'T ACTUALLY HER.
200
00:07:36,301 --> 00:07:37,932
SIAMESE BABY?
201
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,266
STEWIE GRIFFIN
DOES NOT PLAY
BIT PARTS!
202
00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:43,865
AW, YOU WANTED
A BIGGER PART,
DIDN'T YOU, SWEETIE?
203
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:45,298
OH, TO HELL
WITH YOU!
204
00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:47,999
PERHAPS I'LL SKIP
THE STAGE AND GO
DIRECTLY TO FILMS!
205
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:51,932
HELLO.
206
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,265
WHAT IS THAT
ON YOUR EAR?
207
00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:55,665
IS THAT-- IS THAT
HAIR GEL?
208
00:07:55,734 --> 00:07:57,032
UH, YEAH.
209
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,532
OH, GREAT,
'CAUSE I COULD
USE SOME.
210
00:07:58,601 --> 00:07:59,565
NO, NO--NO,
DON'T!
211
00:07:59,634 --> 00:08:00,799
I--I JUST
RAN OUT.
212
00:08:04,933 --> 00:08:06,398
AW, MAN!
CHORUS!
213
00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:08,132
SHOOT,
WHAT A GYP!
214
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,098
THE KING OF
SIAM? WHY-- WHY,
THAT'S THE LEAD!
215
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:12,165
THIS IS SO
UNEXPECTED!
216
00:08:12,233 --> 00:08:13,165
HEY,
SHUT UP!
217
00:08:14,634 --> 00:08:17,398
THE KING OF
SIAM? WHY-- WHY,
THAT'S THE LEAD!
218
00:08:17,466 --> 00:08:19,166
UH, LOIS, I
THINK YOU MADE
A MISTAKE.
219
00:08:19,234 --> 00:08:20,798
I'M NOT
"THE KING."
220
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,233
I'M NOT "I,"
I'M NOT ANYBODY.
221
00:08:23,301 --> 00:08:24,999
SO, WHAT? I HAD
SEX WITH YOU
FOR NOTHING?
222
00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:26,499
NO, PETER, I...
223
00:08:26,567 --> 00:08:28,665
IT'S JUST THAT
DIRECTING
THIS SHOW
224
00:08:28,733 --> 00:08:29,799
IS A BIG
OPPORTUNITY
FOR ME
225
00:08:29,867 --> 00:08:32,032
AND I DON'T
WANT ANYTHING
TO RUIN IT.
226
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:33,598
RUIN IT?
YES.
227
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:36,565
BY NOT USING
YOU TO YOUR
FULL POTENTIAL.
228
00:08:36,634 --> 00:08:39,132
YOU HAVE TOO
MUCH TALENT
FOR THE STAGE.
229
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,999
YOU SHOULD,
UH...
230
00:08:41,067 --> 00:08:43,032
BE, UH,
YOU...
231
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,631
YOU SHOULD
BE A PRODUCER.
232
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:46,665
A PRODUCER? GEE,
I DON'T KNOW.
233
00:08:48,767 --> 00:08:51,532
GREAT NEWS,
EDGAR BRONFMAN, JR.
234
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,865
WE MADE THE DEAL.
235
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:55,631
WE'RE RICHER AND
MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER!
236
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,266
I'M THE KING OF THE WOR--
237
00:08:57,334 --> 00:08:59,231
[Screaming]
238
00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:01,365
DAMN IT!
239
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:14,132
I LOVE MEXICANS.
I'LL DO IT!
240
00:09:14,201 --> 00:09:15,699
♪[Piano music playing]
241
00:09:19,001 --> 00:09:20,465
HANG ON,
HANG ON,
HANG ON!
242
00:09:20,533 --> 00:09:21,732
YOU OVEREXTENDED
THE PLIE!
243
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,998
YOU SCREWED IT
ALL UP. LET ME
SHOW YOU AGAIN.
244
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,432
OK, BOYS!
LET'S DO IT!
245
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,565
AND ONE, 2, 3.
246
00:09:29,633 --> 00:09:31,465
AND JUST LIKE
THIS. AND WATCH
MY FEET.
247
00:09:31,534 --> 00:09:33,132
AND ONE, 2, 3.
248
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,898
PETER, CHRIS
SAYS YOU
TOLD HIM
249
00:09:34,967 --> 00:09:36,865
TO BUILD
A SET FOR THE
NORTH POLE.
250
00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:39,032
YEAH, THAT'S WHERE
ANNA GOES TO TALK
WITH HER BEST FRIEND,
251
00:09:39,101 --> 00:09:40,598
A PENGUIN.
252
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,265
THERE IS NO
TALKING PENGUIN
IN THE KING AND I.
253
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,032
THERE IS IN "PETER
GRIFFIN PRESENTS
THE KING AND I."
254
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,731
WHAT?
255
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,799
NOW WE JUST GOTTA THINK
OF SOME WICKED FUNNY
STUFF FOR HIM TO SAY.
256
00:09:49,868 --> 00:09:52,132
PETER, THE
DIRECTOR DECIDES
257
00:09:52,201 --> 00:09:53,732
WHETHER OR NOT
TO ADD A CHARACTER.
258
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,565
YOU'RE THE
PRODUCER,
REMEMBER?
259
00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,998
WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO
DO WITH ALL MY GREAT IDEAS?
260
00:09:58,067 --> 00:10:00,265
PUT 'EM IN A TUB AND
CLEAN MYSELF WITH 'EM?
261
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,265
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT
SOAP IS FOR, LOIS.
262
00:10:02,334 --> 00:10:04,331
GOOD PRODUCERS
PUT THEIR IDEAS
TO WORK
263
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,932
OUTSIDE
THE THEATER.
264
00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:07,132
IT'S YOUR JOB
TO MAKE SURE
265
00:10:07,201 --> 00:10:09,333
WE SELL
EVERY SEAT
IN THIS HOUSE.
266
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,565
AND--AND THAT'S
CREATIVE?
267
00:10:10,633 --> 00:10:11,966
IS IT?
268
00:10:12,034 --> 00:10:14,632
WELL, IT'S JUST
THE MOST CREATIVE
JOB THERE IS.
269
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:17,032
AW, DON'T YOU
WORRY, LOIS. I'LL GET
THE WORD OUT.
270
00:10:17,101 --> 00:10:19,532
I'LL TELL 2 FRIENDS,
AND THEN THEY'LL
TELL 2 FRIENDS,
271
00:10:19,601 --> 00:10:21,765
AND THAT'S-- THAT'S,
LIKE, 10 PEOPLE
RIGHT THERE.
272
00:10:25,433 --> 00:10:26,499
[Man chuckling]
273
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:28,799
HEY, I RECOGNIZE YOU
FROM THE TELEVISION.
274
00:10:28,867 --> 00:10:31,465
YOU'RE TOM TUCKER. I
BET YOU CAN DO THIS.
275
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:35,999
UH,
EXCUSE ME?
276
00:10:36,067 --> 00:10:37,432
[Stammering]
WILL YOU GET
OUT OF HERE!
277
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:40,298
[Stammering]
GET OUT OF HERE! GO ON,
GET OUT OF HERE!
278
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,366
OH, WOW!
DIANE SIMMONS!
279
00:10:45,434 --> 00:10:47,132
YOU DON'T
LOOK ANYTHING
LIKE THE AD.
280
00:10:48,633 --> 00:10:49,798
YOU BETTER
BE HUGE.
281
00:10:49,867 --> 00:10:51,932
NO, I'M
PETER GRIFFIN,
PRODUCER.
282
00:10:52,001 --> 00:10:54,932
I'M PRESENTING "PETER
GRIFFIN PRESENTS
THE KING AND I,"
283
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:56,331
A PETER GRIFFIN
PRODUCTION,
284
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,432
AND I'M GIVING YOU
THE EXCLUSIVE STORY.
285
00:10:58,501 --> 00:11:00,065
LOOK, PAL, SOME
2-BIT COMMUNITY
286
00:11:00,134 --> 00:11:01,564
THEATER PRODUCTION
ISN'T NEWS.
287
00:11:01,633 --> 00:11:02,732
WHO'S THE STAR?
288
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,565
FOR THAT MATTER,
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU,
289
00:11:04,633 --> 00:11:06,465
AND WHY SHOULD
I GIVE A DAMN?
290
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:10,466
WOW, I'M BEING INTERVIEWED
BY DIANE SIMMONS!
291
00:11:10,534 --> 00:11:12,899
WELL, LOIS,
YOU TOLD ME TO
PRODUCE, AND I DID.
292
00:11:12,967 --> 00:11:15,265
I GOT US A STORY
ON THE 11:00 NEWS.
293
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:16,232
REALLY?
294
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,199
OH, PETER.
295
00:11:17,267 --> 00:11:18,565
OUR TOP
STORY TONIGHT.
296
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,232
I WILL BE PLAYING
THE ROLE OF ANNA
297
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,599
IN THE QUAHOG
PLAYERS PRODUCTION
298
00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:22,966
OF THE KING
AND I.
299
00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:24,565
TOM?
300
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:26,298
THANKS, DIANE. IN
OTHER NEWS, I WON'T BE
GOING TO THE PLAY,
301
00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:27,965
BECAUSE I'M SURE
IT WILL BE LOUSY.
302
00:11:28,034 --> 00:11:29,365
TOM, I'M GETTING
LATE WORD
303
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,165
THAT YOU'RE A
PETTY, JEALOUS,
CLOSET CASE.
304
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,965
BIT OF BREAKING
NEWS. WE
NOW GO LIVE
305
00:11:33,034 --> 00:11:34,698
TO DIANE BEING A
BITCH. DIANE?
306
00:11:35,634 --> 00:11:37,099
BUT LORETTA'S
PLAYING ANNA,
307
00:11:37,167 --> 00:11:38,866
AND SHE'S
DOING A
GREAT JOB.
308
00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:41,732
LORETTA'S A
NOBODY. DIANE SIMMONS
IS A STAR.
309
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,899
LOOK, LOIS, YOU
WANTED ME TO SELL
TICKETS, RIGHT?
310
00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:45,966
WELL, PEOPLE
WHO NEVER EVEN
BEEN IN A THEATER'LL
311
00:11:46,034 --> 00:11:47,565
COME SEE A SHOW
WITH DIANE SIMMONS.
312
00:11:47,633 --> 00:11:50,231
I DON'T KNOW,
PETER, SHE'S A
NEWS REPORTER.
313
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:53,732
HEY, HEY. SOME OF OUR GREATEST
ACTORS STARTED IN NEWS,
LIKE SEAN PENN.
314
00:11:53,801 --> 00:11:56,098
TODAY'S WEATHER
CALLS FOR, UH,
BREEZY SKIES
315
00:11:56,167 --> 00:11:58,431
AND SUN, AND
THERE'S GONNA BE A...
316
00:11:58,500 --> 00:11:59,398
[Beeping sound]
GET THAT...
317
00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:01,398
CAMERA OUTTA
MY FACE!
318
00:12:04,501 --> 00:12:05,399
HEY,
EVERYBODY,
319
00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:06,766
HERE'S OUR
STAR!
320
00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,166
OH, THIS IS
SO AWKWARD.
321
00:12:08,233 --> 00:12:10,966
YOU ALL KNOW MY NAME,
AND I'VE NEVER
HEARD OF ANY OF YOU.
322
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,266
YOU EVER ACTED
BEFORE, HONEY?
323
00:12:12,335 --> 00:12:14,165
WELL, I DID AN
INDEPENDENT FILM
IN COLLEGE.
324
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:45,199
LET'S START
WITH THE
SCENE WHERE
325
00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:48,431
LADY THIANG
BEGS ANNA TO
COMFORT THE KING.
326
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,531
OH, ARE YOU
PLAYING LADY THIANG?
327
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,665
MM-HMM.
I WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE ANNA.
328
00:12:52,734 --> 00:12:54,932
OH. WELL, THEY DID
AN ALL-YOU-PEOPLE
VERSION
329
00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:56,832
OF HELLO, DOLLY THAT
WAS VERY SUCCESSFUL.
330
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,866
OK, LET'S GO
FROM THE TOP
OF SCENE 7.
331
00:12:59,934 --> 00:13:00,998
ACTION!
332
00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:03,965
"OH, MRS. ANNA,
THE KING NEEDS YOU.
333
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,532
"YOU MUST
GO TO HIM.
334
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,765
"LADY THIANG,
IF HE NEEDS ME,
335
00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:10,565
"TRULY NEEDS ME,
I WILL GO TO HIM."
336
00:13:10,633 --> 00:13:12,232
CUT! ALL
WRONG!
NO GOOD!
337
00:13:12,301 --> 00:13:14,531
PETER, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
SHE WAS WONDERFUL.
338
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:15,498
MY ASS.
339
00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:17,266
BESIDES, I'M THE DIRECTOR.
340
00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,265
I-IT JUST DOESN'T
FEEL REAL, YOU KNOW?
341
00:13:19,334 --> 00:13:21,832
I MEA-- I MEAN, ANNA AND
MISS THING BOTH LOVE
THE KING, RIGHT?
342
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,732
ON SPRINGER YESTERDAY,
THEY HAD "I WON'T
SHARE MY HUSBAND,"
343
00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:26,665
AND THESE
2 WOMEN BITCH-SLAPPED
EACH OTHER.
344
00:13:26,734 --> 00:13:28,099
CROWD
WENT NUTS.
345
00:13:28,167 --> 00:13:30,099
LORETTA, WH-- WHY
DON'T YOU TRY
SLAPPING DIANE?
346
00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:31,665
I THINK I
CAN DO THAT.
347
00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:34,065
WAIT A MINUTE.
NOBODY'S
SLAPPING ANYBODY.
348
00:13:34,134 --> 00:13:37,298
THIS IS ROGERS
AND HAMMERSTEIN,
NOT TRASH T.V.!
349
00:13:37,367 --> 00:13:39,532
I THINK PETER MAY
BE ONTO SOMETHING.
350
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,265
SPRINGER IS ONE
OF OUR STATION'S
HIGHEST-RATED SHOWS.
351
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:43,498
I DON'T KNOW.
352
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:45,298
I THOUGHT YOU
WANTED TO DO
A GOOD SHOW?
353
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:46,498
IF YOU WANT TO
DO A BAD SHOW,
354
00:13:46,567 --> 00:13:47,598
WHY DON'T WE
JUST DO RENT?
355
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:49,532
[Sighing]
I GUESS WE
CAN TRY THAT--
356
00:13:49,601 --> 00:13:50,665
ACTION!
357
00:13:52,034 --> 00:13:53,932
COME ON, LOIS.
THOSE-- THOSE
HOOP SKIRTS MAKE
358
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,698
DIANE LOOK
A LITTLE HIPPIE,
YOU KNOW?
359
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,198
I--I WAS THINKING
WE COULD DRESS HER
360
00:13:57,267 --> 00:13:59,132
IN A PAIR
OF SEQUINED
CAPRI PANTS.
361
00:13:59,201 --> 00:14:00,799
PETER, THEY
DIDN'T HAVE
CAPRI PANTS
362
00:14:00,868 --> 00:14:02,199
IN THE 1860s.
363
00:14:02,334 --> 00:14:03,365
THEY DID NOW!
364
00:14:03,434 --> 00:14:04,831
AHH!
365
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:07,565
YOU! YOU ARE THE
WORST THING TO HAPPEN
TO MUSICAL THEATER
366
00:14:07,634 --> 00:14:09,598
SINCE
ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER!
367
00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:11,331
AND YOU!
368
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,765
I JUST PLAIN
DON'T LIKE YOU!
369
00:14:14,667 --> 00:14:16,032
[All chattering and laughing]
370
00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:18,132
WHAT'S
GOING ON?
371
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,698
OH, WE'RE JUST
HAVING A
LITTLE POW-WOW
372
00:14:19,767 --> 00:14:21,433
TO DISCUSS MY
LATEST CHANGES.
373
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,099
WHAT CHANGES?
374
00:14:23,168 --> 00:14:24,998
THE SIAMESE
CHILDREN. HOW
ABOUT THIS?
375
00:14:25,067 --> 00:14:26,798
THEY'RE NOT CHILDREN.
376
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:28,499
THEY'RE ALIENS!
377
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:29,899
HEY, THAT WAS
GREAT, PETER.
378
00:14:29,967 --> 00:14:31,032
[Man]
RIGHT ON THE MONEY.
379
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,598
ISN'T HE
BRILLIANT?
380
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:34,565
NO! HE'S NOT
BRILLIANT!
381
00:14:34,634 --> 00:14:36,631
ROGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN
WERE BRILLIANT!
382
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:38,932
AND I WANT TO
DO THE SHOW
THEY WROTE!
383
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:41,198
WE'RE NOT
MAKING ANY
MORE CHANGES!
384
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:42,598
[Meg]
WE SOLD OUT!
385
00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:45,298
YEAH. THE WHOLE
TOWN'S TALKING ABOUT
YOUR SHOW, DAD!
386
00:14:45,367 --> 00:14:46,599
[Cheering]
387
00:14:46,667 --> 00:14:48,999
YOUR SHOW?
PETER, THIS
IS MY SHOW!
388
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:51,699
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
YOU WANTED TO SELL
OUT, AND WE DID.
389
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,232
I AM THROUGH
SELLING OUT.
390
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:54,431
I TOOK THIS
JOB BECAUSE
391
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,465
I WANTED TO CREATE
SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL,
392
00:14:56,533 --> 00:14:58,265
AND YOU'VE
COMPLETELY
DESTROYED THAT!
393
00:14:58,334 --> 00:15:01,132
YOU WANT TO BE
THE DIRECTOR?
FINE! I QUIT!
394
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,899
ME, DIRECT?
395
00:15:03,968 --> 00:15:05,398
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO SAY, EXCEPT,
396
00:15:05,467 --> 00:15:06,966
"I'M THE KING
OF THE WOR--"
397
00:15:07,034 --> 00:15:08,032
AHHH!
398
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,399
♪ MORNING ♪
399
00:15:11,468 --> 00:15:12,665
THEATER FANS!
400
00:15:12,733 --> 00:15:13,999
GOOD MORNING,
PETER.
401
00:15:14,068 --> 00:15:15,732
I MADE YOUR
FAVORITE BREAKFAST.
402
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:17,865
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
403
00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:19,266
FRENCH TOAST.
404
00:15:19,333 --> 00:15:21,899
I JUST MADE A FEW
CREATIVE CHANGES
TO THE RECIPE.
405
00:15:21,967 --> 00:15:23,899
I THINK IT'S A
LOT BETTER NOW.
406
00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:25,865
LOIS, IF THIS IS
YOUR IDEA OF A JOKE,
407
00:15:25,934 --> 00:15:27,366
YOU MUST
WRITE FOR LENO.
408
00:15:27,434 --> 00:15:30,698
OH, OH, YOU KNOW, IT IS SO
FASHIONABLE TO TAKE
A SHOT AT JAY LENO.
409
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,899
LOOK. LOOK, THE FACT IS
THE MAN IS OUT THERE
410
00:15:32,968 --> 00:15:35,032
EVERY BLOODY NIGHT
WITH FRESH MATERIAL,
411
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,399
AND HE'S CHARMING.
412
00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:38,333
FACE IT, LOIS, YOU'RE
JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE
413
00:15:38,401 --> 00:15:40,232
PEOPLE LIKE MY IDEAS
BETTER THAN YOURS.
414
00:15:40,301 --> 00:15:42,731
I DON'T CARE
IF THE WHOLE WORLD
LOVES YOUR IDEAS.
415
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:43,999
THAT DOESN'T
MAKE THEM GOOD.
416
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,264
I WAS TRYIN'
TO MAKE ART.
417
00:15:46,333 --> 00:15:47,765
OH, ART-SCHMART.
418
00:15:47,834 --> 00:15:50,066
PUT ENOUGH MONKEYS IN A ROOM
WITH A TYPEWRITER,
419
00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:51,498
THEY'LL PRODUCE SHAKESPEARE.
420
00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:55,165
UH, LET'S SEE.
"A SOMETHING BY ANY
OTHER NAME..." HMM.
421
00:15:55,234 --> 00:15:56,665
"CARNATION,"
"PEONY."
422
00:15:56,734 --> 00:15:58,431
NO, THEY DID THAT ON
LAST WEEK'S MARLOWE.
423
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,498
WHAT
ABOUT, UH,
"DAISY"?
424
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:00,665
"CHRYSANTHEMUM"!
425
00:16:00,733 --> 00:16:02,365
"IRIS," "ROSE"?
WHAT ABOUT "ROSE"?
426
00:16:02,434 --> 00:16:03,565
RO--RO-- DID YOU
SAY "ROSE"?
427
00:16:03,634 --> 00:16:04,832
YEAH, "ROSE."
"ROSE" IS GOOD!
428
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:06,965
"A ROSE BY ANY
OTHER NAME."
YEAH, TH--THAT WORKS.
429
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,065
OH, I LIKE
THAT A LOT.
430
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,232
ALL RIGHT,
MO--MOVING ON.
431
00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:10,465
HEY, WHAT
ABOUT
"TULIP"?
432
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:11,999
"ROSE" IS FINE.
MOVING ON.
433
00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:14,798
PETER, YOU'VE NEVER
DONE A CREATIVE
THING IN YOUR LIFE!
434
00:16:14,867 --> 00:16:16,032
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
435
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:17,966
I WROTE
BONFIRE OF
THE VANITIES.
436
00:16:18,034 --> 00:16:19,433
NO, YOU DIDN'T.
437
00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:22,832
YOU WIN
THIS ROUND,
LOIS.
438
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,232
YOU'RE NOT
BEIN' CREATIVE.
439
00:16:24,301 --> 00:16:26,433
YOU'RE JUST
DESTROYIN' A
WONDERFUL SHOW.
440
00:16:26,501 --> 00:16:28,932
HEY, HEY, I HAVE MORE
CREATIVITY IN MY
WHOLE BODY
441
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,398
THAN MOST PEOPLE
DO BEFORE 9:00 A.M.
442
00:16:31,466 --> 00:16:33,698
THE ONLY THING YOU
CREATE BEFORE 9:00 A.M.
443
00:16:33,767 --> 00:16:36,132
IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU'VE
TURNED MY SHOW INTO.
444
00:16:36,201 --> 00:16:38,432
I THINK MY WORK
WILL SPEAK FOR ITSELF.
445
00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:46,166
OH, HA, HA!
I JUST GOT THAT.
446
00:16:46,233 --> 00:16:49,298
A POOP JOKE? THAT'S
REAL CREATIVE, LOIS.
447
00:16:49,367 --> 00:16:51,065
OK, LET'S
RUN THIS
SCENE AGAIN.
448
00:16:51,134 --> 00:16:53,099
NOW, REMEMBER,
DIANE, YOU'RE
PLAYING ANNA,
449
00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:55,066
A STEEL-TOWN
GIRL ON A
SATURDAY NIGHT
450
00:16:55,134 --> 00:16:57,099
LOOKING FOR THE
FIGHT OF HER LIFE.
451
00:16:57,167 --> 00:16:58,464
UH, WHERE DOES
IT SAY THAT?
452
00:16:58,533 --> 00:17:00,065
IN MY NOODLE.
453
00:17:00,134 --> 00:17:02,565
OK, PLACES.
AND... ACTION!
454
00:17:02,634 --> 00:17:03,865
♪[Synthesizer jazz playing]
455
00:17:08,467 --> 00:17:10,498
STOP! ALL WRONG!
ALL WRONG!
456
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,365
GOD, SEND
ME DANCERS.
457
00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:14,965
WE'VE BEEN
REHEARSING FOR HOURS.
I'M EXHAUSTED!
458
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,499
I'M SORRY,
BUT WE OPEN THIS
SHOW IN 3 HOURS,
459
00:17:17,567 --> 00:17:18,999
AND I DON'T
THINK WE'RE READY!
460
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:21,398
OF COURSE WE'RE
NOT! YOU KEEP
CHANGING EVERYTHING!
461
00:17:21,467 --> 00:17:23,732
YOU BET I DO!
BECAUSE THEATER
IS ALIVE.
462
00:17:23,801 --> 00:17:26,699
IT'S A LIVING,
BREATHING CREATURE
WITH WANTS AND NEEDS
463
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:29,832
AND YOU'RE NOT MAN
ENOUGH TO SATISFY HER!
464
00:17:29,901 --> 00:17:32,532
I CAN'T WORK
THIS WAY.
I QUIT!
465
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:33,765
FINE.
466
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,699
WE CAN'T DO THE KING
AND I WITHOUT ANNA.
467
00:17:35,767 --> 00:17:37,665
YEAH. THIS IS
A REAL SNAFU.
468
00:17:37,733 --> 00:17:39,366
WE DON'T NEED
DIANE SIMMONS.
469
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,398
WE'VE HAD SOMEONE
BETTER ALL ALONG.
470
00:17:41,467 --> 00:17:43,332
SOMEONE
RADIANT
AND SASSY,
471
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,632
WITH THE SOUL AND
THE PASSION THAT
CAN ONLY COME
472
00:17:45,701 --> 00:17:48,099
FROM HUNDREDS
OF YEARS OF
BLACK OPPRESSION.
473
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,532
OH, THANK
YOU, PETER.
I'LL DO IT.
474
00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:52,565
GET OVER YOURSELF. I
WAS TALKING ABOUT ME.
475
00:17:54,967 --> 00:17:57,498
SU-SU-SUDIO.
SU-SU-SUDIO.
SU-SU-SUDIO.
476
00:17:57,567 --> 00:17:59,365
2 MINUTES, UH,
EVERYBODY.
2 MINUTES.
477
00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:01,299
...FEH--FEH--FEH
FI--FI--FI--FI
FO--FO--FO--
478
00:18:01,368 --> 00:18:02,532
[Peter]
JEEZ, FULL HOUSE.
479
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,632
[Crowd chattering]
480
00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:06,565
WELL, WELL, LOOK
WHO CAME
CRAWLING BACK.
481
00:18:06,634 --> 00:18:08,599
PETER, HAVE YOU
SEEN MY WHEELCHAIR?
482
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:09,966
I DON'T GET
IT, MOM.
483
00:18:10,034 --> 00:18:11,899
IF YOU'RE SO MAD AT
DAD FOR WRECKING
YOUR SHOW,
484
00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:13,465
WHY DID YOU
COME TO
OPENING NIGHT?
485
00:18:13,533 --> 00:18:15,999
I CAME BECAUSE
I LOVE THE
THEATER.
486
00:18:16,068 --> 00:18:17,332
I MEAN,
IF I JUST
CAME HERE
487
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,265
TO ENJOY
WATCHING YOUR
FATHER BE HUMILIATED
488
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:21,165
WHEN THIS
ASININE SPECTACLE
O' HIS
489
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,998
IS RIDICULED
BY EVERYONE
IN TOWN,
490
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:25,098
WHAT KIND
OF PERSON
WOULD I BE?
491
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:26,865
A BITCH.
492
00:18:26,934 --> 00:18:27,966
[Applause]
493
00:18:28,034 --> 00:18:31,131
[Peter]
SIAM, 2015 AD.
494
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:35,266
THE CITY LIES IN RUINS
AFTER THE NINTH
NUCLEAR WORLD WAR.
495
00:18:35,335 --> 00:18:39,632
IT IS A GRIM FUTURE
WITH LOTS OF EXPLOSIONS
AND PARTIAL NUDITY.
496
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,965
A FUTURE WHERE AN
OPPRESSIVE NEW KING
HAS SEIZED POWER.
497
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:44,932
ONLY ONE MAN CAN STOP HIM.
498
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,832
NO, ONE MACHINE.
499
00:18:47,901 --> 00:18:51,364
I AM AN AUTOMATON NUCLEAR
NEO-HUMAN ANDROID.
500
00:18:51,433 --> 00:18:53,865
YOU MAY CALL ME A.N.N.A.
501
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:56,364
I AM A ROBOT
NINJA FROM THE
PLANET ENGLAND,
502
00:18:56,433 --> 00:18:57,832
WHO IS HERE
TO DESTROY YOU
503
00:18:57,901 --> 00:18:59,798
AND FREE
THIS LAND FROM
YOUR TYRANNY.
504
00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:01,232
I'VE BEEN
EXPECTING
YOU, A.N.N.A.
505
00:19:01,301 --> 00:19:03,665
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
MY SIAMESE CHILDREN.
506
00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:07,299
♪[Instrumental
jazz plays]
507
00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:09,598
I WILL NOT BE
SWAYED BY
YOUR ATTEMPTS
508
00:19:09,667 --> 00:19:10,998
TO CONFUSE
MY PROGRAMMING
509
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,065
WITH YOUR
ALL-FEMALE SEX ORGY.
510
00:19:14,134 --> 00:19:15,398
WE MUST
KUNG FU FIGHT!
511
00:19:15,467 --> 00:19:16,699
SO BE IT, A.N.N.A.
512
00:19:16,768 --> 00:19:18,732
[Both grunting]
513
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:22,865
[Women cooing]
514
00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:25,065
I HAVE SLAIN
THE EVIL EMPEROR.
515
00:19:25,134 --> 00:19:27,199
I HEREBY
PROCLAIM SIAM
516
00:19:27,268 --> 00:19:29,699
THE UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA.
517
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:31,665
♪ A.N.N.A. RULES ♪
518
00:19:31,734 --> 00:19:35,165
♪ 'CAUSE I KICKED
ALL THE BAD GUYS
IN THEIR JEWELS ♪
519
00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:37,665
♪ A.N.N.A. WON ♪
520
00:19:37,734 --> 00:19:40,665
♪ THANKS TO MY
GAMMA-RAY ATOMIC GUN ♪
521
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,565
♪ DANCE AND SHOUT ♪
522
00:19:43,633 --> 00:19:47,698
♪ 'HE'S THE
WORLD'S GREATEST NINJA,
THERE'S NO DOUBT ♪
523
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:49,632
♪ THOUGH THEY
TRIED TO DEFEAT ME ♪
524
00:19:49,701 --> 00:19:51,598
♪ THEY CAN ALL
JUST FREAKIN' EAT ME ♪
525
00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:55,532
♪ 'CAUSE HE
BLEW ALL OF
US AWAY ♪
526
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,399
♪ IN THE PLANET OF SIAM,
THERE'S NO ONE
AS TOUGH AS I AM ♪
527
00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:02,866
♪ JUST AS SURELY AS
PAUL LYNDE WAS GAY ♪
528
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:04,565
[Audience whistling]
529
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:06,499
[Audience applauding]
530
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:10,264
OH, MY GOD!
THEY LIKED IT?
531
00:20:13,868 --> 00:20:15,832
STOP IT!
STOP CLAPPING
RIGHT NOW!
532
00:20:15,901 --> 00:20:17,799
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOU?
533
00:20:17,867 --> 00:20:19,331
THESE PEOPLE
SHOULDN'T BE
ENCOURAGED!
534
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,866
THEY SHOULD
BE PUNISHED!
535
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:23,498
THAT MAN HAS
COMMITTED MURDER
HERE THIS EVENIN',
536
00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:25,565
AND THE VICTIM'S
NAME IS "THEATER."
537
00:20:25,634 --> 00:20:27,865
THIS IS THE KINDA
MIND-NUMBING
SCHLOCK
538
00:20:27,934 --> 00:20:30,698
THAT'S TURNING
OUR SOCIETY INTO
A CULTURAL WASTELAND!
539
00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:33,632
THIS ISN'T ART!
THIS ISN'T EVEN
ENTERTAINMENT!
540
00:20:33,701 --> 00:20:35,765
THIS...
BLOWS!
541
00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:38,866
UH...
542
00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:41,799
[Farting]
543
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,732
[Farting]
544
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,965
[Farting]
545
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,198
[Tiny fart]
546
00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:57,798
[Laughing]
547
00:21:03,434 --> 00:21:06,398
SEE? THIS IS
EXACTLY THE KINDA THING
I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
548
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,365
HOW WAS THE
CAST PARTY?
549
00:21:10,433 --> 00:21:12,165
WE'RE A HIT.
550
00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:15,365
MAN, WHAT A NIGHT.
I GOT TO SEE MY
IDEAS COME TO LIFE.
551
00:21:15,434 --> 00:21:17,498
IT'S THE GREATEST
FEELING IN THE WORLD.
552
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,099
YEAH, I BET IT IS.
553
00:21:19,168 --> 00:21:20,832
AND IT'S ALL
THANKS TO YOU.
554
00:21:20,901 --> 00:21:23,131
I NEVER WOULD'VE
DISCOVERED I
COULD BE CREATIVE
555
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,598
IF YOU HADN'T
BELIEVED IN ME.
556
00:21:24,667 --> 00:21:28,199
WELL, ACTUALLY
I DIDN'T REALLY,
NOT AT FIRST.
557
00:21:28,267 --> 00:21:33,265
BUT ANYONE WHO COULD
TAKE THE KING AND I AND
TURN IT INTO THAT IS...
558
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:35,466
WELL, HE'S GOTTA BE CREATIVE.
559
00:21:35,534 --> 00:21:36,866
HMM.
560
00:21:36,934 --> 00:21:39,865
YEAH, LOIS, UH, SORRY
I TOOK YOUR SHOW
AWAY FROM YOU,
561
00:21:39,934 --> 00:21:42,198
BUT I'M GONNA DO
WHATEVER IT
TAKES TO MAKE SURE
562
00:21:42,266 --> 00:21:43,765
YOU GET YOUR
CHANCE NEXT YEAR.
563
00:21:43,834 --> 00:21:45,198
IT'LL BE "PETER
GRIFFIN PRESENTS
564
00:21:45,267 --> 00:21:47,832
"A LOIS GRIFFIN
PRODUCTION."
565
00:21:47,901 --> 00:21:48,832
OK, HONEY?
566
00:21:48,901 --> 00:21:49,832
DEAL.
567
00:21:52,767 --> 00:21:53,732
[Peter chuckling]
568
00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:55,531
HEY, WERE YOU
THERE WHEN I FARTED?
569
00:21:57,534 --> 00:22:00,632
♪[Theme music playing]