1
00:00:02,601 --> 00:00:05,998
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:06,067 --> 00:00:09,298
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:09,367 --> 00:00:12,966
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:13,034 --> 00:00:15,965
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
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♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:19,234 --> 00:00:22,565
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
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♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
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00:00:24,235 --> 00:00:25,898
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
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00:00:25,967 --> 00:00:30,932
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:32,834 --> 00:00:34,865
♪[Soft rock music playing]
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00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:37,232
BOY, THAT
LOTION SURE
FEELS GOOD.
12
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SURE IS HOT!
13
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AND IT JUST
GOT HOTTER!
14
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,665
HERE, NOW
LET ME DO YOU.
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[Giggles]
16
00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:45,333
[Announcer]
PAWTUCKET PATRIOT BEER.
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IF YOU BUY IT,
HOT WOMEN WILL HAVE
SEX IN YOUR BACKYARD.
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00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:50,632
AH, TYPICAL
MALE FANTASY.
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00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,365
WOMEN
DRINKING BEER.
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I GUARANTEE YOU
A MAN MADE
THAT COMMERCIAL.
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00:00:55,034 --> 00:00:56,465
OF COURSE A
MAN MADE IT.
22
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:57,665
IT'S A COMMERCIAL,
LOIS,
23
00:00:57,733 --> 00:00:59,398
NOT A DELICIOUS
THANKSGIVING DINNER.
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00:00:59,467 --> 00:01:01,299
DAD, WE WON
A BOAT! WE
WON A BOAT!
25
00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:03,265
[Laughing]
26
00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:06,099
HOLY CRAP!
WE DID! WE WON A
FREE FREAKIN' BOAT!
27
00:01:06,168 --> 00:01:07,965
DAD, NOBODY
GIVES THINGS
AWAY FOR FREE.
28
00:01:08,034 --> 00:01:09,333
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
29
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,232
I KNOW PLENTY
OF PEOPLE WHO
GIVE THINGS AWAY.
30
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:14,032
[All chanting]
FREE TIBET! FREE
TIBET! FREE--
31
00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:15,564
I'LL TAKE IT!
32
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[Dialing tones]
33
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HELLO, CHINA?
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I HAVE
SOMETHING YOU
MAY WANT.
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BUT IT'S
GONNA COST YOU.
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THAT'S RIGHT.
ALL THE TEA.
37
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I KNEW
THERE WAS
A CATCH.
38
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YOU HAVE
TO SIT THROUGH
ONE OF THOSE
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00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:32,365
AWFUL
TIME-SHARE
PRESENTATIONS.
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AW, THAT'S A
SMALL PRICE TO PAY.
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I AM GONNA BE
THE FIRST ONE
ON SPOONER STREET
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TO HAVE HIS
OWN BOAT!
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WHOA! ALL
HANDS ON DECK!
I'M GETTING A BOAT!
44
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HEY, QUAGMIRE. I'M
ALSO GETTING A BOAT, TOO.
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RIGHT ON! WOO!
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I CAN'T WAIT TO GET
MY SEA LEGS! YEAH!
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WELL, AT LEAST I'LL
BE THE FATTEST GUY
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ON SPOONER
STREET TO GET A BOAT.
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HEY, HEY, HEY!
I'M GETTING A BOAT!
50
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AW, MAN!
EVEN DELLA REESE
IS GETTING A BOAT.
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[Clicking]
52
00:02:00,366 --> 00:02:01,432
THESE
WONDERFUL HOMES
53
00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:03,465
ON THIS BEAUTIFULLY
SECLUDED ISLAND
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CAN BE YOURS
WITH ALMOST NO
STRINGS ATTACHED.
55
00:02:06,801 --> 00:02:08,165
BEAUTIFUL ISLAND.
56
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:09,798
NOTHING
OUT OF THE
ORDINARY HERE.
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00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:13,132
JUST BEAUTIFUL
HOMES AND
NOTHING ELSE.
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00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:14,965
EACH RESIDENCE
HAS 200 FEET
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00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:16,365
OF PRISTINE
OCEANFRONT.
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NO CITY NOISE, NO
FLESH-EATING OGRES,
NO POLLUTION.
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00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,966
OH, I HATE THESE
HIGH-PRESSURE
SALES SITUATIONS.
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AW, THAT'S
SO CUTE.
63
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YOU'RE JUST AFRAID
THAT BECAUSE
YOU'RE A WOMAN
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YOU'RE GONNA DO
SOMETHING STUPID
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LIKE BUY THAT
TIME-SHARE,
66
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,365
OR NOT REALIZE
YOUR HUSBAND
TAPED OVER
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OUR WEDDING VIDEO
WITH SOFTCORE
CABLE PORN.
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00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:36,264
YOU TAPED OVER OUR
WEDDING VIDEO?
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RELAX, LOIS.
I JUST TAPED OVER
THE BORING STUFF.
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THE COUPLE HAS
WRITTEN THEIR
OWN VOWS,
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00:02:40,734 --> 00:02:42,465
WHICH THEY
WILL NOW RECITE
TO EACH OTHER.
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00:02:42,534 --> 00:02:44,066
PETER, I--
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00:02:44,135 --> 00:02:46,498
LOOK, THE ONLY
REASON I GOT MYSELF
ARRESTED WAS
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00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,899
TO FIND OUT
WHAT HAPPENED
TO MY SISTER.
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EXCUSE ME,
LADIES. IT'S
LAUNDRY TIME.
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[Porn music playing]
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IT'S SO COLD IN HERE.
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I MEAN, LOOK AT MY...
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[Cheering and clapping]
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00:03:01,967 --> 00:03:03,298
OH, MY GOD,
PETER!
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00:03:03,367 --> 00:03:05,665
I SENT A COPY OF
THAT TAPE TO MY
GREAT AUNT LIL!
82
00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:09,599
THIS
WEDDING
IS HOT!
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WAKE UP,
DAMN IT!
WAKE UP!
84
00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:14,098
HELLO, MR. AND
MRS. GRIFFIN.
85
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:15,665
NOW, I KNOW YOU'VE
BEEN HERE ALL DAY.
86
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SO, IF YOU'LL
JUST SIGN THIS
CONTRACT WITHOUT
87
00:03:17,634 --> 00:03:19,132
READING IT,
I'LL TAKE YOUR
BLANK CHECK
88
00:03:19,201 --> 00:03:21,232
AND YOU WON'T NOT
BE NOT LOVING
YOUR TIME-SHARE
89
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:22,765
BEFORE YOU
KNOW IT.
90
00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:25,098
LOOK, SLICK, WE'RE NOT
GONNA BUY YOUR LOUSY
TIME-SHARE, ALL RIGHT?
91
00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,166
NOW, WHERE'S
MY BOAT?
92
00:03:26,234 --> 00:03:28,166
HOLD ON. YOU
HAVE A CHOICE.
93
00:03:28,234 --> 00:03:29,632
YOU CAN HAVE THE BOAT
94
00:03:29,701 --> 00:03:31,599
OR THE MYSTERY BOX.
95
00:03:31,667 --> 00:03:33,532
WHAT, ARE YOU
CRAZY? WE'LL
TAKE THE BOAT.
96
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:34,966
NO--NO, NOT SO
FAST, LOIS.
97
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A BOAT'S A BOAT.
BUT THE MYSTERY BOX
COULD BE ANYTHING.
98
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,931
IT COULD EVEN
BE A BOAT.
99
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YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH WE'VE WANTED
ONE OF THOSE.
100
00:03:40,867 --> 00:03:42,565
THEN LET'S JUST--
WE'LL TAKE THE BOX.
101
00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:45,199
"WE'LL TAKE
THE BOX."
102
00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:48,565
YOU GAVE UP A BOAT
FOR FREE TICKETS TO
A CRAPPY COMEDY CLUB.
103
00:03:48,634 --> 00:03:52,265
C'MON, LOIS, YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE DONE SOMETHING STUPID.
104
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,765
YOU REMEMBER THE TIME
I WAS SUPPOSED
TO GET THAT BOAT?
105
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:57,899
A BOAT'S A BOAT.
BUT THE MYSTERY BOX
COULD BE ANYTHING.
106
00:03:57,968 --> 00:03:59,232
IT COULD EVEN
BE A BOAT.
107
00:03:59,301 --> 00:04:00,932
YOU KNOW HOW
MUCH WE'VE WANTED
ONE OF THOSE.
108
00:04:01,001 --> 00:04:02,865
THEN LET'S JUST--
WE'LL TAKE THE BOX.
109
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:05,032
PETER, THAT JUST
HAPPENED 10 MINUTES AGO.
110
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:07,298
WHO CARES?
I'LL BET NOBODY
TOOK THE BOAT.
111
00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:10,532
WHO COULD RESIST
THE CALL OF
THE MYSTERY BOX?
112
00:04:10,601 --> 00:04:12,766
[Cleveland]
YAHOO!
113
00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:15,132
[Quagmire]
HEY, LOOK AT ME. I'M
THE MAN IN THE BOAT.
114
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,598
[Laughing]
ALL RIGHT.
115
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:17,899
[Glass breaking]
116
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,132
[Bonnie]
JOE, LOOK TO
THE RIGHT.
117
00:04:19,201 --> 00:04:20,598
IT'S THE
GRIFFINS.
118
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WE'RE NAUTICAL
NOW, BABY. THAT'S
CALLED "STARBOARD."
119
00:04:23,034 --> 00:04:25,231
BUT I'LL FORGIVE
YOU, 'CAUSE YOU
SEX ME UP.
120
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:26,532
NOW, GIVE ME
SOME SUGAR.
121
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,932
[Kissing sound]
122
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,131
HEY, NEIGHBORS!
WHERE'S YOUR BOAT?
123
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:34,032
WE DIDN'T TAKE
THE BOAT. WE TOOK
THE MYSTERY BOX.
124
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:35,099
HOP IN.
125
00:04:38,567 --> 00:04:39,766
HEY,
QUAGMIRE.
126
00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:40,932
MAYBE THE
COMEDIAN
127
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,998
WILL TELL
SOME JOKES
ABOUT BOATS
128
00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:45,532
OR--OR BOATING,
OR OWNING
A BOAT.
129
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,065
YEAH! HA, OR--OR
MAYBE HE'LL TELL
SOME JOKES
130
00:04:48,134 --> 00:04:49,498
[Laughing]
ABOUT BEING
A SUCKER!
131
00:04:49,567 --> 00:04:51,032
OH,
QUAGMIRE.
132
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,199
YOU'RE
WHAT THE
SPANIARDS CALL
133
00:04:53,267 --> 00:04:55,498
EL
TERRIBLE.
134
00:04:55,567 --> 00:04:56,765
WHAT ARE YOU SO
UPSET ABOUT?
135
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:58,165
I NEVER EVEN
KNEW YOU
LIKED BOATS.
136
00:04:58,234 --> 00:04:59,731
HEY--HEY, BOATING'S
IN MY BLOOD.
137
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,331
EVER SINCE MY
GREAT-GRANDFATHER,
138
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,233
HUCK GRIFFIN,
RAFTED DOWN THE
MIGHTY MISSISSIPPI.
139
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,599
WHAT DID
YOU JUST
CALL ME?
140
00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:07,598
I--I--I THOUGHT THAT
WAS YOUR NAME.
141
00:05:07,667 --> 00:05:08,698
THAT IS
OUR WORD!
142
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,132
YOU'VE GOT NO
RIGHT USING IT!
143
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,765
HEY--HEY--HEY,
I'M COOL. I'M COOL.
NO PROBLEM.
144
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:17,298
COULD--COULD YOU
PASS ME THE OAR,
N-WORD JIM?
145
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:18,365
THANK YOU.
146
00:05:20,333 --> 00:05:22,599
AH, THIS--THIS
COMIC SUCKS!
147
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:23,998
HE--HE COULDN'T
MAKE ME LAUGH,
148
00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:25,898
EVEN IF I WAS
LAUGHING MY ASS OFF
149
00:05:25,967 --> 00:05:28,298
AND HE
WAS MAKING
ME DO IT. HUH?
150
00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:30,198
COME ON, SKINNY!
MAKE ME LAUGH!
151
00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:32,432
PETER, THAT'S
A MICROPHONE
STAND.
152
00:05:32,501 --> 00:05:34,965
OH. OH, WELL, PARDON
ME FOR THINKING A
MICROPHONE STAND
153
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:37,432
IN A COMEDY
CLUB SHOULD
TELL A JOKE OR 2.
154
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,698
I--I GUESS I'M
JUST OLD-FASHIONED
THAT WAY.
155
00:05:40,767 --> 00:05:41,865
HI.
WELCOME TO--
156
00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:43,432
HA, HA, HA, HA.
VERY FUNNY.
157
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:44,932
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I HAVEN'T EVEN--
158
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,365
OH! OH, THAT ONE
WAS HILARIOUS!
159
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,398
THAT WAS EVEN
FUNNIER THAN YOUR
FIRST JOKE!
160
00:05:48,467 --> 00:05:49,565
HEY, PUT
SKINNY BACK
UP THERE.
161
00:05:49,634 --> 00:05:51,231
PETER!
162
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:53,165
YOU THINK THIS IS EASY?
YOU WANT TO COME
UP HERE AND TRY THIS?
163
00:05:53,234 --> 00:05:55,233
I THOUGHT
YOU'D NEVER ASK.
164
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,898
UH, PETER, MAYBE YOU
SHOULDN'T DO THIS.
165
00:05:56,967 --> 00:05:59,598
YOU'VE NEVER
HAD A LOT OF
LUCK TELLING JOKES.
166
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:02,332
OK, OK, HOW MANY
DIRTY, STINKIN' APES
167
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,932
DOES IT TAKE TO
SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?
168
00:06:05,467 --> 00:06:06,732
3.
169
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:09,732
ONE DIRTY, STINKIN' APE
TO SCREW IN THE LIGHT BULB,
170
00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:14,166
AND 2 DIRTY, STINKIN' APES
TO THROW FECES AT EACH OTHER.
171
00:06:14,234 --> 00:06:15,531
[Peter laughing]
172
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,766
[Rifles cocking]
173
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:19,333
DON'T WORRY.
I G-- I GOT IT
UNDER CONTROL.
174
00:06:21,334 --> 00:06:24,399
HEY! HEY, HEY. HOW
ABOUT THAT VIAGRA, HUH?
175
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,699
YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT STUFF
DOES, HUH?
176
00:06:27,467 --> 00:06:28,465
HUH?
177
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:30,932
COME ON!
178
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:33,298
WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT
ARE YOU PEOPLE, STUPID?
179
00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:34,364
[Beer pouring]
180
00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:35,465
[Crowd laughing]
181
00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:36,598
AH!
182
00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:38,665
YOU LIKE-- YOU LIKE A
LITTLE ABUSE, HUH?
183
00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:43,365
YEAH. WELL, YOU
GUY--YOU GUYS ARE
STUPID AND UGLY.
184
00:06:43,434 --> 00:06:48,032
IF THERE WAS A
STUPID-AND-UGLY CONTEST,
YOU'D ALL WIN!
185
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:50,565
OR LOSE.
186
00:06:50,634 --> 00:06:51,999
WHICHEVER
IS FUNNIER.
187
00:06:52,068 --> 00:06:52,932
[Crashing]
188
00:06:54,367 --> 00:06:55,898
HEY. HEY,
LOIS.
189
00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:58,364
WHAT DO YOU CALL A
WOMAN WHO TAKES FOREVER
TO COOK BREAKFAST?
190
00:06:58,433 --> 00:06:59,932
I SWEAR TO
GOD, PETER!
191
00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:01,598
YOU CALL
HER "LOIS."
192
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:02,665
[Laughing]
193
00:07:02,734 --> 00:07:03,632
[Laughing]
194
00:07:03,701 --> 00:07:05,698
WELL, THE FAT MAN
MADE A FUNNY.
195
00:07:05,768 --> 00:07:07,166
I RATHER ENJOYED THAT.
196
00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:10,164
YES, YES, YES.
YOU COOK
VERY SLOWLY.
197
00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:14,565
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
IF YOU WERE ANY
SLOWER AT COOKING, YOU'D--
198
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,832
WELL, YOU WOULDN'T BE
COOKING VERY FAST AT ALL,
NOW, WOULD YOU?
199
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:19,298
THAT ONE WASN'T VERY GOOD.
200
00:07:19,367 --> 00:07:20,698
PETER, THEY
WERE LAUGHING
AT YOU
201
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,431
BECAUSE IT
LOOKED LIKE YOU
PEED YOURSELF,
202
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,299
NOT BECAUSE
THEY LIKED
YOUR JOKES.
203
00:07:24,367 --> 00:07:26,298
WELL, MAYBE
THAT WAS PART
OF MY ACT.
204
00:07:26,367 --> 00:07:28,099
URINE HAPPENS
TO BE VERY EDGY.
205
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:31,166
BUT I GUESS AN
UNFUNNY PERSON LIKE YOU
WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT.
206
00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:33,264
OK, OK. I'VE GOT
IT. I'VE GOT IT.
207
00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:35,398
IF YOU COOKED
ANY MORE SLOWLY,
208
00:07:35,467 --> 00:07:37,364
YOU WOULDN'T
NEED AN EGG TIMER,
209
00:07:37,433 --> 00:07:39,632
YOU'D NEED AN
EGG CALENDAR!
210
00:07:39,701 --> 00:07:41,465
[Laughing]
211
00:07:41,533 --> 00:07:43,498
THAT'S RIGHT.
I WENT THERE.
212
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,732
OK, OK, OK, OK.
HE-- WAIT, HERE'S
ANOTHER ONE.
213
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,765
WHY DO WOMEN
HAVE BOOBS?
214
00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:53,399
SO YOU GOT
SOMETHING
TO LOOK AT
215
00:07:53,468 --> 00:07:54,765
WHILE
YOU'RE TALKING
TO 'EM!
216
00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:56,298
[All laughing]
217
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:57,499
GOOD ONE,
PETER.
218
00:07:57,567 --> 00:07:58,766
THAT'S WHAT
THEY'RE FOR,
ALL RIGHT.
219
00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:00,332
ARE YOU
TELLING JOKES?
220
00:08:00,401 --> 00:08:01,798
I LOVE
JOKES.
221
00:08:01,867 --> 00:08:04,531
OH, ALL RIGHT.
THEN YOU'LL
LOVE THIS ONE. OK.
222
00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:08,032
WHY DO WOMEN
HAVE BOOBS?
223
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,531
SO YOU GOT
SOMETHING
TO LOOK AT
224
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,099
WHILE YOU'RE
TALKING TO 'EM.
225
00:08:11,168 --> 00:08:12,166
[Laughing]
226
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,032
SO YOU
GOT SOMETHING
TO LOOK AT
227
00:08:16,101 --> 00:08:17,199
WHILE YOU'RE
TALKING TO 'EM.
228
00:08:17,267 --> 00:08:18,531
[Laughing]
229
00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:21,166
SO YOU GOT--
230
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,498
YOU--YOU, UH, YOU
WANTED TO SEE
ME, MR. WEED?
231
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:25,398
[Spanish accent]
PETER, WE
HAVE A PROBLEM.
232
00:08:25,467 --> 00:08:27,599
MR. GRIFFIN,
I'M GLORIA IRONBOX.
233
00:08:27,667 --> 00:08:30,298
I REPRESENT
ONE OF YOUR
CO-WORKERS, SARAH BENNETT.
234
00:08:30,367 --> 00:08:32,999
SHE'S SUING YOU
AND THE COMPANY
FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
235
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:35,431
SARAH, SARAH...
I DON'T--
236
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,965
OH, IS SHE THE
ONE WE VIDEOTAPED
TAKING A DUMP?
237
00:08:39,434 --> 00:08:41,166
WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?
238
00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:47,066
SEXUAL
HARASSMENT
239
00:08:47,134 --> 00:08:49,164
IS A VERY
SERIOUS CHARGE,
MR. GRIFFIN.
240
00:08:49,233 --> 00:08:51,799
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. FIRST OF
ALL, IF I CAN SPEAK IN
MY OWN DEFENSE,
241
00:08:51,868 --> 00:08:53,598
ALL--ALL I DID WAS
TELL A LITTLE JOKE.
242
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,331
2ND OF ALL, WOMEN
ARE NOT PEOPLE.
243
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,066
THEY ARE DEVICES
BUILT BY THE LORD
244
00:08:57,133 --> 00:08:58,999
JESUS CHRIST FOR
OUR ENTERTAINMENT.
245
00:08:59,067 --> 00:09:00,266
PETER, PLEASE!
246
00:09:00,335 --> 00:09:02,665
MISS IRONBOX,
I ASSURE YOU,
THIS COMPANY
247
00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:05,065
IN NO WAY CONDONES
PETER'S CONDUCT.
248
00:09:05,134 --> 00:09:07,232
IN FACT, A FILM ON
EMPLOYEE RELATIONS
249
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:08,465
HAS BEEN A
MANDATORY PART
250
00:09:08,534 --> 00:09:10,698
OF OUR
PERSONNEL TRAINING
FOR 50 YEARS.
251
00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:16,465
IRRATIONAL AND
EMOTIONALLY
FRAGILE BY NATURE,
252
00:09:16,534 --> 00:09:19,066
FEMALE COWORKERS
ARE A PECULIAR ANIMAL.
253
00:09:19,134 --> 00:09:21,532
THEY ARE VERY INSECURE
ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE.
254
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,199
BE SURE TO TELL THEM HOW
GOOD THEY LOOK EVERY DAY,
255
00:09:24,268 --> 00:09:26,231
EVEN IF THEY'RE
HOMELY AND UNKEMPT.
256
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:27,831
YOU'RE DOING A
GREAT JOB, MURIEL,
257
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,866
AND YOU'RE
PRETTIER THAN
MAMIE VAN DOREN.
258
00:09:32,168 --> 00:09:34,565
AND REMEMBER,
NOTHING SAYS "GOOD JOB"
259
00:09:34,634 --> 00:09:36,966
LIKE A FIRM,
OPEN-PALM SLAP
ON THE BEHIND.
260
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,966
MR. WEED,
I TEACH A WORKPLACE-
SENSITIVITY TRAINING
261
00:09:43,034 --> 00:09:45,332
CLASS FOR
THE WOMEN'S
ACTION COALITION.
262
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,065
IF MR. GRIFFIN
COMPLETES MY COURSE,
263
00:09:47,134 --> 00:09:48,232
WE'LL DROP
THE LAWSUIT.
264
00:09:48,301 --> 00:09:50,665
I ASSURE YOU,
PETER WILL BE THERE.
265
00:09:50,734 --> 00:09:52,699
HIS JOB DEPENDS ON IT.
266
00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:54,965
GOOD. I'M LOOKING
FORWARD TO IT.
267
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:57,432
YOU KNOW, IF I
WASN'T SO SURE
YOU WERE A LESBIAN,
268
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,032
I'D SAY YOU WERE
COMING ON TO ME.
269
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,366
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
LET'S DO SOME
ROLE-PLAYING.
270
00:10:11,435 --> 00:10:13,066
I'LL BE THE
OFFICE ASSISTANT.
271
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:14,966
MR. HENSON,
WHY DON'T YOU
PLAY THE BOSS,
272
00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:16,798
AND WE'LL SEE
WHAT YOU'VE
LEARNED TONIGHT?
273
00:10:16,868 --> 00:10:17,898
OK.
274
00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:19,665
THE FILING
IS DONE,
MR. HENSON.
275
00:10:19,734 --> 00:10:20,932
THANK YOU,
MISS IRONBOX.
276
00:10:21,001 --> 00:10:23,065
YOU ARE A VALUED
MEMBER OF OUR
BUSINESS TEAM
277
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:25,665
AND EVERY BIT AS IMPORTANT
TO THIS COMPANY AS I AM.
278
00:10:25,733 --> 00:10:26,765
EXCELLENT.
279
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,332
MR. GRIFFIN,
WHY DON'T YOU
COME UP HERE
280
00:10:28,401 --> 00:10:29,498
AND GIVE
IT A TRY?
281
00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:30,598
ALL RIGHT.
282
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,365
THE FILING
IS DONE,
MR. GRIFFIN.
283
00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:34,032
THANK YOU,
MISS IRONBOX.
284
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,665
YOU ARE A
VALUED MEMBER OF
OUR BUSINESS TEAM.
285
00:10:36,733 --> 00:10:38,398
AND I WILL
GIVE YOU A
RAISE TOMORROW,
286
00:10:38,467 --> 00:10:40,432
IF YOU COME
TO WORK WITHOUT
A SHIRT ON.
287
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:42,099
[Gasps]
MR. GRIFFIN!
288
00:10:42,168 --> 00:10:44,665
I--I'M SORRY. THAT
CAME OUT WRONG.
L-L-L-LET ME TRY AGAIN.
289
00:10:45,201 --> 00:10:46,198
NICE ASS.
290
00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:48,132
YOU HAVEN'T HEARD
A WORD I'VE SAID!
291
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,298
NOW THAT'S NOT
FAIR. I'VE HEARD
EVERYTHING YOU SAID.
292
00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:52,865
IT'S JUST-- YOU KNOW,
THERE'S SOME SUBTLETIES
TO THE RULES
293
00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:54,966
THAT AREN'T
SO EASY TO
UNDERSTAND.
294
00:10:55,034 --> 00:10:55,966
HONK,
HONK.
295
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:57,232
OK,
THAT'S IT!
296
00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,498
OBVIOUSLY, NORMAL
SENSITIVITY TRAINING
297
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:00,865
ISN'T ENOUGH
FOR YOU!
298
00:11:00,934 --> 00:11:02,999
NO, WE'RE--WE'RE
GONNA HAVE TO DO
SOMETHING DRASTIC.
299
00:11:04,934 --> 00:11:06,665
JEEZ. A WEEK AT A
WOMEN'S RETREAT.
300
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,632
WHAT THE HELL
AM I SUPPOSED TO
LEARN FROM THAT?
301
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,132
WELL, FACE IT,
PETER. YOUR ATTITUDE
302
00:11:10,201 --> 00:11:12,598
TOWARDS WOMEN ISN'T
EXACTLY ENLIGHTENED.
303
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:14,665
OH, THAT'S A
BAD MUD PUDDLE.
304
00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:16,432
I WOULDN'T
WANT YOU TO
STEP IN THAT
305
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:17,966
AND GET
YOUR NICE
SHOES ALL RUINED.
306
00:11:22,901 --> 00:11:25,732
THEN THAT TIME
YOU GOT CAUGHT PEEPING
IN THE LADIES' LOCKER ROOM.
307
00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,865
[Peter]
OK, MOVE THE TOWEL.
308
00:11:27,934 --> 00:11:29,565
MOVE THE TOWEL.
309
00:11:29,634 --> 00:11:32,765
OH--OH--OH!
THEY SPOTTED ME.
310
00:11:32,834 --> 00:11:35,432
PETER, I
THINK THIS'LL BE
GOOD FOR YOU.
311
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,232
YOU KNOW
I LOVE YOU,
312
00:11:37,301 --> 00:11:39,399
BUT I HAVE
TO ADMIT,
THERE ARE TIMES
313
00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:42,232
WHEN I WISH YOU WERE
A LITTLE MORE
SENSITIVE AND...
314
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:44,498
LOOK AT ME!
LOOK AT--
LOOK AT ME!
315
00:11:47,567 --> 00:11:50,599
HELLO, LADIES.
I'M MISS WATSON,
DIRECTOR OF THE RETREAT.
316
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,632
I'D LIKE TO
WELCOME
PETER GRIFFIN,
317
00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:55,398
WHO'S HERE TO
GET IN TOUCH WITH
HIS FEMININE SIDE.
318
00:11:55,467 --> 00:11:57,164
THIS WORLD WOULD BE
A FAR BETTER PLACE
319
00:11:57,233 --> 00:11:58,899
IF THERE WERE
MORE MEN LIKE HIM.
320
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,799
OK, OK, SO
HERE'S WHAT
I'M THINKIN'.
321
00:12:00,868 --> 00:12:03,998
I'LL BE CHARLIE,
AND YOU CAN ALL
BE MY ANGELS.
322
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:06,431
EXCEPT
YOU.
323
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,698
YOU'LL BE
BOSLEY.
324
00:12:09,134 --> 00:12:12,098
WE WOMEN
HAVE SO MUCH
STRENGTH INSIDE US.
325
00:12:12,167 --> 00:12:14,333
IF WE CAN
ENDURE THE PAIN
OF CHILDBIRTH,
326
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,565
JUST IMAGINE WHAT
ELSE WE'RE CAPABLE OF!
327
00:12:16,634 --> 00:12:18,198
RIGHT ON.
GO GIRL.
328
00:12:18,266 --> 00:12:19,998
WAH, WAH, WAH!
COME ON.
329
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:22,066
IT'S ONLY CHILDBIRTH.
HOW MUCH COULD IT HURT?
330
00:12:22,134 --> 00:12:23,965
PETER, IT'S LIKE
TAKING YOUR
BOTTOM LIP
331
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,732
AND STRETCHING IT
OVER YOUR HEAD
332
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,165
TO THE BACK
OF YOUR NECK!
333
00:12:27,234 --> 00:12:29,065
COME ON. HEY--HEY.
YOU WANT TO HEAR
SOME HORROR STORIES.
334
00:12:29,134 --> 00:12:30,365
YOU WOULDN'T
BELIEVE WHAT I HAD
335
00:12:30,434 --> 00:12:31,999
TO GO THROUGH WHEN
LOIS WAS PREGNANT.
336
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:34,099
[Vomiting and crying]
337
00:12:34,168 --> 00:12:36,932
♪[Theme from 3'S
Company playing]
338
00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:38,932
[Vomiting]
339
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,099
[Volume increases on T.V.]
340
00:12:45,101 --> 00:12:47,932
WOMEN ARE CONDITIONED
TO FEEL COMPETITIVE
WITH OTHER WOMEN
341
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,599
WHEN WE
SHOULD BE
SUPPORTIVE.
342
00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:51,998
LIZZIE, I KNOW
YOU FEEL ALONE AND
343
00:12:52,067 --> 00:12:54,365
UNATTRACTIVE SINCE
YOUR HUSBAND LEFT YOU.
344
00:12:54,434 --> 00:12:56,498
BUT YOU ARE A
BEAUTIFUL PERSON,
345
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,899
AND I AM
HERE FOR YOU.
346
00:12:58,968 --> 00:13:00,932
NOTICE I'M
MAKING PHYSICAL
CONTACT WITH HER,
347
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,966
IN ORDER TO
ESTABLISH
A CONNECTION.
348
00:13:03,034 --> 00:13:05,899
I THINK YOU'D MAKE EVEN
MORE OF A CONNECTION
IF YOU HUGGED HER, TOO.
349
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:09,399
VERY GOOD,
PETER. THAT'S TRUE.
350
00:13:09,467 --> 00:13:11,665
THAT'S IT. NOW
RUB HER BACK.
351
00:13:12,533 --> 00:13:14,032
OK, THAT'S GOOD.
352
00:13:14,101 --> 00:13:17,398
YEAH, YEAH. COMFORT HER.
YEAH. OH--OH, YEAH, YOU
LIKE THAT, DON'T YOU?
353
00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:21,298
YEAH. OH, IT'S--IT'S OK.
IT'S OK TO LIKE IT.
IT'S VERY NATURAL.
354
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,398
OK, GOOD.
355
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:23,899
GOOD. NOW SMELL
HER A LITTLE.
356
00:13:27,534 --> 00:13:28,598
I CAN'T
DO IT!
357
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:31,099
YES, YOU
CAN! TRUST
YOUR SISTERS!
358
00:13:31,167 --> 00:13:32,999
JUMP INTO THE
TRUST QUILT!
359
00:13:33,068 --> 00:13:35,099
[ALL]
JUMP! JUMP! TRUST
US! WE LOVE YOU!
360
00:13:35,168 --> 00:13:36,299
WE'LL CATCH YOU!
361
00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:38,099
[Woman sighs]
WONDERFUL.
362
00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:39,665
OK! ME NEXT! ME NEXT!
UGH!
363
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:45,399
OK, LADIES. I'M GONNA START
WITH A GREG LOUGANIS
TRIPLE-SALCHOW,
364
00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:48,532
AND TUCK INTO
A FLYING MARY LOU
RETTON HALF-CALF. AHH!
365
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,265
[Screaming]
366
00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:53,532
[Screaming]
367
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,698
[Watson]
NOW THAT YOU'VE
FELT A WOMAN'S PAIN,
368
00:13:57,767 --> 00:13:59,332
THE LEARNING
CAN BEGIN.
369
00:14:01,601 --> 00:14:02,966
[All sigh]
370
00:14:03,034 --> 00:14:04,698
[Women]
BYE, PETER! BYE, PETER.
371
00:14:04,767 --> 00:14:06,366
[Women]
BYE!
372
00:14:06,435 --> 00:14:08,266
WELCOME BACK, PETER.
373
00:14:08,334 --> 00:14:09,332
LOIS!
374
00:14:09,401 --> 00:14:10,366
[Kissing noise]
375
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:11,998
I MISSED
YOU SO MUCH!
376
00:14:12,067 --> 00:14:14,032
AND MY BABIES!
377
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:16,598
CHRIS, BE A MUNCHKIN,
AND BRING MY
BAGS INSIDE, HUH?
378
00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:17,832
PETER, YOU'RE, UH--
379
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:19,932
BRIAN, PUT
THE TEA ON. I
HAVE STORIES.
380
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,032
BUT FIRST I'M GONNA GO
FRESHEN UP AND RINSE
OUT A FEW THINGS, AND--
381
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,832
OH, FUDGE. I BROKE
A NAIL. EXCUSE ME.
382
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,998
OH, MY
GOD. DAD'S
A CHICK.
383
00:14:34,267 --> 00:14:37,498
I CAN'T REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME WE
CUDDLED LIKE THIS.
384
00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:40,698
I CAN'T REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME I
LOVED YOU SO MUCH!
385
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:43,032
OH, HOW DID YOU
GET SO SWEET?
386
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,698
WHEN I WAS
BORN, MY MOMMY
387
00:14:44,767 --> 00:14:46,433
DUNKED ME IN A
BARREL OF SUGAR.
388
00:14:46,501 --> 00:14:47,799
OH, FOR
GOD'S SAKE!
389
00:14:55,634 --> 00:14:58,131
OH, YES. YE--YES, I'LL
HAVE THE COFFEE CAKE.
390
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,665
[Phone ringing]
391
00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:00,699
YELLO?
392
00:15:00,768 --> 00:15:01,665
HEY,
QUAGMIRE.
393
00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:03,099
HEY, PETER.
WHAT'S UP?
394
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:04,665
NOT MUCH.
395
00:15:04,733 --> 00:15:06,232
WELL--WELL, WHAT
DO YOU WANT?
396
00:15:06,301 --> 00:15:09,464
NOTHIN'. I'M JUST
CALLING TO TALK.
397
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,065
WHAT YOU
THINKING ABOUT?
398
00:15:11,134 --> 00:15:13,865
WHA--WHAT DO YOU
MEAN, WHAT AM I THINKING
ABOUT? YOU CALLED ME!
399
00:15:13,934 --> 00:15:15,798
I JUST WANTED
TO SAY HI.
400
00:15:15,867 --> 00:15:17,065
SO, WHAT
ARE YOU DO--
401
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,832
SOMETIMES I JUST
CAN'T BELIEVE
402
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:24,032
WE COULD
MAKE SOMETHING
SO BEAUTIFUL.
403
00:15:24,101 --> 00:15:25,898
HE LOOKS JUST
LIKE HIS FATHER.
404
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,499
BOY, I REALLY
APPRECIATE ALL THE
HARD WORK YOU DID
405
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:30,599
GIVING BIRTH AND
MOTHERING OUR KIDS.
406
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:32,565
[Sighs]
I'LL NEVER
KNOW THAT JOY.
407
00:15:32,634 --> 00:15:34,432
PETER, I'M
SURE YOU
WOULD'VE BEEN
408
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,265
A GREAT MOTHER IF
YOU HAD THE CHANCE.
409
00:15:36,334 --> 00:15:37,531
YOU THINK SO?
410
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,732
I KNOW SO.
411
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:55,198
[Suckling]
412
00:16:11,233 --> 00:16:12,431
[Gasping]
413
00:16:14,533 --> 00:16:16,165
[Wheezing]
414
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,231
[Gagging]
415
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:25,132
[Lois]
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THESE DAYS,
I'M GONNA NEED THE MIRROR.
416
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,531
OH, BEANS!
I CAN'T GET THIS
SPIT CURL TO--
417
00:16:28,601 --> 00:16:30,264
LOIS, WHAT--
WHAT DAY IS IT?
418
00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:31,431
THURSDAY.
419
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:34,431
OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
I'M LATE!
420
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,564
IF YOU SPENT
LESS TIME FIXING
YOUR HAIR--
421
00:16:36,633 --> 00:16:38,132
NO, LOIS. I'M
LATE LATE!
422
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,698
DO WE STILL
HAVE THAT
PREGNANCY TEST?
423
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,432
ARE YOU
INSANE?
424
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,032
YOU CAN'T
HAVE A BABY!
425
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:46,331
WELL, I DON'T HAVE
A LOT OF OPTIONS.
I'M CATHOLIC!
426
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,332
GOD, I THOUGHT
YOU'D BE HAPPY!
427
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:51,899
[Door opens]
428
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:52,932
[Door closes]
429
00:16:54,467 --> 00:16:56,865
OH! OH--OH-OH,
THIS IS
JUST GREAT!
430
00:16:56,934 --> 00:17:00,198
NOW MY OWN WIFE IS
FORCED TO COOK DINNER
FOR HER LOUSY HUSBAND?
431
00:17:00,266 --> 00:17:03,465
PETER, YOU'RE MY HUSBAND!
AT LEAST YOU USED TO BE.
432
00:17:03,534 --> 00:17:06,966
OH, MOTHER, I
COME BEARING A GIFT.
I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT.
433
00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:09,598
IT'S IN MY DIAPER,
AND IT'S NOT A TOASTER.
434
00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:10,965
MEG, CAN
YOU CHANGE
STEWIE?
435
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:11,932
FINE.
436
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,532
BUT THIS TIME,
IF A BOY CALLS,
437
00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:16,132
PLEASE DON'T TELL
HIM I'M WRIST
DEEP IN POOPIE.
438
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,631
HONEY, I'M GLAD
YOU DISCOVERED
YOUR FEMININE SIDE.
439
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:22,632
BUT I DIDN'T WANT
YOU TO FORGET
ABOUT MINE.
440
00:17:22,701 --> 00:17:23,931
REMEMBER THIS?
441
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,032
HMM?
442
00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:26,366
REMEMBER?
443
00:17:26,435 --> 00:17:27,731
OH, MY GOD!
THAT REMINDS ME!
444
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,765
I GOTTA GIVE
MYSELF A BREAST EXAM.
445
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,531
UH-OH!
446
00:17:31,601 --> 00:17:32,698
UH-OH!
447
00:17:32,767 --> 00:17:35,598
A LUMP!
A LUMP! OH,
GOD! OH, GOD!
448
00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:36,699
NOPE. CHEETO.
449
00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:37,732
[Crunching]
450
00:17:38,901 --> 00:17:39,899
[Doorbell rings]
451
00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:41,932
H-HEH,
LOIS!
452
00:17:42,001 --> 00:17:44,132
[Laughing]
HOW EXPECTED.
453
00:17:44,201 --> 00:17:46,298
HI, GLEN.
I'M SORRY
TO BOTHER YOU.
454
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:47,698
I-IS THIS A BAD TIME?
455
00:17:47,768 --> 00:17:49,665
NEVER A BAD
TIME WHEN YOU'RE
WITH THE Q-MAN.
456
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:51,365
[Laughing]
COME ON IN.
457
00:17:51,433 --> 00:17:52,932
WELL, AS YOU MAY
HAVE NOTICED,
458
00:17:53,001 --> 00:17:56,232
PETER'S BEEN
ACTING A LITTLE
DIFFERENT LATELY.
459
00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:58,632
IT WAS REFRESHING
AT FIRST. BUT NOW...
460
00:17:58,701 --> 00:18:01,299
WELL, HE DOESN'T
EVEN TREAT ME LIKE A
WOMAN ANYMORE.
461
00:18:01,368 --> 00:18:03,232
AH--AH! I KNOW WHERE
THIS IS GOING, LOIS!
462
00:18:03,301 --> 00:18:05,399
AND I'M ALREADY
SEMI-THERE. OH!
463
00:18:06,533 --> 00:18:09,431
♪[Jazz music playing]
464
00:18:45,933 --> 00:18:49,298
ANYWAYS, GLEN,
I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU AND CLEVELAND
465
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:51,999
COULD HELP CHANGE PETER
BACK TO THE WAY HE WAS.
466
00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:53,498
OF COURSE THAT'S
WHY YOU'RE HERE!
467
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,698
[Scratching sound]
468
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:57,765
DON'T WORRY,
LOIS. I'D DO
EVERYTHING TO YOU.
469
00:18:57,834 --> 00:18:59,499
WHAT?
I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.
470
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:02,698
COME ON,
CLEVELAND.
471
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,032
IF WE'RE GONNA
RE-MASCULATE
PETER,
472
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,399
WE NEED TO
SURROUND HIM
WITH CHICKS!
473
00:19:05,468 --> 00:19:06,732
LET'S BLOW THIS
SAUSAGE-FEST
474
00:19:06,801 --> 00:19:08,032
AND HIT THE
INTERNATIONAL
HOUSE OF TAIL.
475
00:19:08,101 --> 00:19:09,298
NO.
476
00:19:09,367 --> 00:19:12,532
HE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW
TO RESPECT HIS FELLOW MAN.
477
00:19:12,601 --> 00:19:14,865
THAT'S WHAT THIS
MARCH IS ALL ABOUT.
478
00:19:14,934 --> 00:19:17,599
RESPECT FOR
YOUR FELLOW MAN.
479
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:18,998
I CAN'T RESPECT MEN.
480
00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:21,598
MEN ARE THE REASON
OUR WORLD IS IN
SUCH LOUSY SHAPE.
481
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:23,265
IF MEN WERE AS
CARING AS WOMEN,
482
00:19:23,334 --> 00:19:24,865
WE WOULDN'T HAVE
CRIME OR VIOLENCE.
483
00:19:24,934 --> 00:19:27,565
MY BROTHERS,
WE NEED TO
STAND TOGETHER--
484
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:28,632
EXCUSE ME!
485
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,332
I'D LIKE TO SAY A
COUPLE OF TRUTHS
486
00:19:30,401 --> 00:19:31,999
TO THE MEN IN
THIS AUDIENCE.
487
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:34,766
IT'S YOUR FAULT WE
HAVE SO MUCH CRIME
IN THIS COUNTRY!
488
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,465
AND IT'S YOUR FAULT
WE HAVE SO MUCH
489
00:19:36,534 --> 00:19:38,131
VIOLENCE IN
THIS COUNTRY!
490
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,898
YOU ARE RUINING
OUR SOCIETY,
491
00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:41,632
AND YOU SHOULD
BE ASHAMED!
492
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,699
[Angry mob yelling]
493
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,331
LOOK, I DON'T CARE
HOW MANY LETTERS
WE GOTTA WRITE.
494
00:19:51,401 --> 00:19:54,032
THE VIEW
SHOULD BE ON FOR
3 HOURS. I MEAN--
495
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,498
LOOK, YOU JUST GET
GOIN', AND BOOM,
IT'S NEWS AT NOON.
496
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:58,165
CAN WE GO SOON?
NOT YET.
497
00:19:58,234 --> 00:19:59,931
GLORIA IRONBOX
AND CAMILLE PAGLIA
498
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,966
ARE GONNA WHIP IT OUT AND
SEE WHOSE IS BIGGER.
499
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,165
PETER, I'M SO GLAD
YOU COULD MAKE IT.
500
00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:06,665
GLORIA, THIS
IS MY LIFE
PARTNER, LOIS.
501
00:20:06,734 --> 00:20:07,998
I'M HIS WIFE.
502
00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:09,432
HIS "WIFE."
YES.
503
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,998
PETER TELLS ME
YOU DON'T HAVE A
CAREER OF YOUR OWN.
504
00:20:12,067 --> 00:20:13,399
OH, NO.
505
00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:17,299
LIFE OUTSIDE MY
KITCHEN IS SO
BRIGHT AND SCARY.
506
00:20:17,368 --> 00:20:20,466
I'M JUST HERE BECAUSE
YOU CAUGHT ME
BETWEEN PREGNANCIES.
507
00:20:20,535 --> 00:20:22,731
WELL, I'M SORRY
YOU'RE SO HOSTILE
508
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,299
TOWARD SOMEONE
WHO'S FIGHTING
509
00:20:24,368 --> 00:20:27,466
SO A WOMAN LIKE YOU
CAN BECOME MORE
THAN JUST A HOUSEWIFE.
510
00:20:27,534 --> 00:20:30,164
OH, JUST A
HOUSEWIFE?
511
00:20:30,233 --> 00:20:32,299
LOOK, I'M ALL
FOR EQUALITY,
512
00:20:32,367 --> 00:20:35,099
BUT IF YOU ASK
ME, FEMINISM
IS ABOUT CHOICE.
513
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:36,966
I CHOOSE TO BE A
WIFE AND MOTHER.
514
00:20:37,034 --> 00:20:39,698
AND NOW I'M
CHOOSING TO END
THIS CONVERSATION.
515
00:20:39,767 --> 00:20:42,732
NO WONDER YOUR
HUSBAND DIDN'T
RESPECT WOMEN.
516
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,099
EXCUSE ME?
517
00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:47,398
I CAN'T IMAGINE
HOW SCREWED UP YOUR
KIDS MUST BE.
518
00:20:47,467 --> 00:20:49,132
YOU BITCH!
519
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:50,832
[Crowd gasps]
520
00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:52,965
[Screaming]
521
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:54,898
[Crowd murmuring]
522
00:20:55,367 --> 00:20:56,365
UGH!
523
00:20:57,267 --> 00:20:58,265
OOH!
524
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:01,032
UGH!
525
00:21:01,101 --> 00:21:04,732
10 BANANA-
CREAM PIES!
526
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,032
OH!
527
00:21:06,101 --> 00:21:07,531
[Crowd gasps]
528
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,798
[Both grunting]
529
00:21:10,167 --> 00:21:12,065
HOLY CRAP!
THIS IS HOT!
530
00:21:12,667 --> 00:21:14,199
[Both grunting]
531
00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:18,032
[Man]
OH!
532
00:21:19,934 --> 00:21:20,932
OH!
533
00:21:21,467 --> 00:21:22,631
[Both screaming]
534
00:21:23,234 --> 00:21:24,232
AHH!
535
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:25,832
YOU--
536
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:26,866
LOIS, WE
GOTTA GO!
537
00:21:30,801 --> 00:21:31,798
[Peter sighs]
538
00:21:32,634 --> 00:21:34,332
THAT WAS
WONDERFUL.
539
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,398
WHO SAID
THAT?
540
00:21:35,467 --> 00:21:37,166
OH, HEY, LOIS.
I'M STARVING.
541
00:21:37,233 --> 00:21:38,532
HOW ABOUT
A SANDWICH?
542
00:21:39,733 --> 00:21:40,765
[Giggles]
543
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:42,598
GLAD TO HAVE
YOU BACK, PETER.
544
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:45,365
LOIS, LESS
TALKIE, MORE FETCHIE.
545
00:21:45,433 --> 00:21:48,865
I'M JUST GONNA ASSUME
THAT'S CHINESE
FOR "I LOVE YOU."
546
00:21:50,334 --> 00:21:51,765
♪[Theme from 3'S
Company playing]
547
00:21:51,834 --> 00:21:53,465
♪ COME AND DANCE
ON OUR FLOOR ♪
548
00:21:53,533 --> 00:21:54,698
♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
549
00:21:57,134 --> 00:21:58,966
♪[Theme music playing]