1 00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:05,032 ♪ IT SEEMS TODAY THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪ 2 00:00:05,101 --> 00:00:08,331 ♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES AND SEX ON T.V. ♪ 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:12,065 ♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪ 4 00:00:12,134 --> 00:00:15,098 ♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪ 5 00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:18,299 ♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪ 6 00:00:18,368 --> 00:00:21,498 ♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪ 7 00:00:21,567 --> 00:00:23,265 ♪ ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE US ♪ 8 00:00:23,334 --> 00:00:24,865 ♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪ 9 00:00:24,933 --> 00:00:29,932 ♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪ 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,565 I SAY, RUPERT, THESE CRUMPETS YOU'VE PREPARED 11 00:00:35,634 --> 00:00:37,099 LOOK POSITIVELY DIVINE! 12 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:40,165 MMM, EXCELLENT TEXTURE, PROVOCATIVE SUPPORT. 13 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,498 TRY ANOTHER, YOU SAY? 14 00:00:42,567 --> 00:00:44,932 WELL, AREN'T I THE WICKED ONE? 15 00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:46,398 STEWIE, I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE, 16 00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:48,465 DON'T EAT DIRT. IT'S DISGUSTING. 17 00:00:48,534 --> 00:00:50,099 OH, AND I SUPPOSE THE BILIOUS CURDS 18 00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:51,699 YOU FORCE-FED ME FROM YOUR TEAT 19 00:00:51,768 --> 00:00:52,965 WERE PERFECTLY FINE THEN? 20 00:00:53,034 --> 00:00:54,598 GLEN, WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING STEWIE? 21 00:00:54,667 --> 00:00:56,199 HEH, HEH. SAID AND DONE. 22 00:00:56,267 --> 00:00:57,965 WELL, HEY THERE, SPUD WITH THE MUD. 23 00:00:58,034 --> 00:01:00,865 OH, GOOD LORD! DO YOU BATHE IN AQUA VELVA? 24 00:01:00,934 --> 00:01:03,333 HI, LOIS. YOU'VE GOT OUR VOTES. 25 00:01:03,401 --> 00:01:04,699 THANK YOU, CLEVELAND. 26 00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:07,432 SOMEONE HAS TO RUN AGAINST THAT AWFUL BETSY LEBEAU. 27 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,632 SHE ACTUALLY OPPOSES BACKGROUND CHECKS FOR NEW TEACHERS! 28 00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:12,598 GOD KNOWS WHO SHE MIGHT HIRE. 29 00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,798 SO THE SQUARE OF THE HYPOTENUSE, 30 00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:16,299 WHICH WE WILL LABEL C, 31 00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:17,832 MAKING THE SIDES OPPOSITE 32 00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:20,798 BOTH OF THE ACUTE ANGLES A AND B 33 00:01:20,867 --> 00:01:22,631 WILL ALWAYS EQUAL THE SUM 34 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,731 OF THE SQUARES OF THE OTHER SIDES. 35 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:25,965 ANY QUESTIONS? 36 00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:30,199 IT'S JUST SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO. 37 00:01:30,268 --> 00:01:31,631 EVEN IF WINNING MEANS 38 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,199 SPENDING TIME OUT OF THE HOUSE AND AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. 39 00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:36,266 OUT OF THE HOUSE? WHY, I'D BE FREE 40 00:01:36,335 --> 00:01:37,932 FROM YOUR OPPRESSIVE GYNOCRACY! 41 00:01:38,001 --> 00:01:39,231 WHAT ARE YOU STANDING HERE FOR? 42 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,464 YOU SHOULD BE OUT GIVING SPEECHES, 43 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:42,798 SHAKING HANDS, KISSING BABIES! 44 00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:45,598 NOT THIS BABY! 45 00:01:45,667 --> 00:01:47,165 HEY LOIS, YOU SEEN MY PANTS? 46 00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:49,431 [Laughing] 47 00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:51,732 BOY, WILL I BE GLAD WHEN THAT STUDIO AUDIENCE 48 00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:53,032 MOVES OUT OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 49 00:01:53,101 --> 00:01:54,732 HEY, LOIS, WHAT'S WITH THE SIGN? 50 00:01:54,801 --> 00:01:56,266 PETER, WE DISCUSSED THIS. 51 00:01:56,335 --> 00:01:57,765 I'M RUNNING FOR SCHOOL BOARD. 52 00:01:57,834 --> 00:01:59,265 YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME. 53 00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:02,865 YEAH, I REMEMBER. HEY, CLEVELAND. HEY, QUAGMIRE. 54 00:02:02,934 --> 00:02:04,532 HEY, LOIS, WHAT'S WITH THE SIGN? 55 00:02:04,601 --> 00:02:06,498 UH, YOU GUYS? CHRIS' PRINCIPAL JUST CALLED. 56 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:07,932 CHRIS IS IN TROUBLE. 57 00:02:08,001 --> 00:02:08,999 OOH! 58 00:02:09,067 --> 00:02:10,832 THAT'S IT! I'M CALLING THE COPS! 59 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,331 MR. GRIFFIN, I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS. 60 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:17,032 I CAUGHT YOUR SON PEEKING INTO THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM. 61 00:02:17,101 --> 00:02:18,298 OH, CHRIS! 62 00:02:18,367 --> 00:02:19,498 SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 63 00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:21,464 IT'S NORMAL FOR A BOY HIS AGE TO BE CURIOUS. 64 00:02:21,533 --> 00:02:24,099 I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST NOTICED GIRLS STARTING TO DEVELOP. 65 00:02:24,168 --> 00:02:26,932 WELCOME TO EIGHTH GRADE ORIENTATION, EVERYONE. 66 00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,399 LOCKER ASSIGNMENTS WILL BE HANDED OUT 67 00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:32,066 IN THE LIBRARY AFTER LUNCH PERIOD. 68 00:02:32,134 --> 00:02:33,998 IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS 69 00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:35,932 ABOUT YOUR LOCKER ASSIGNMENTS 70 00:02:36,001 --> 00:02:39,631 OR YOUR CLASS SCHEDULE, PLEASE COME... 71 00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:42,231 WE'LL CONTINUE THIS DISCUSSION TONIGHT, YOUNG MAN. 72 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,598 A WOMAN IS NOT AN OBJECT. 73 00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:47,165 YOUR MOTHER IS RIGHT, SON. LISTEN TO WHAT IT SAYS. 74 00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,498 PETER! 75 00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:49,999 I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 76 00:02:50,068 --> 00:02:51,732 LEE MAJORS DID. 77 00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:54,066 WHAT? WOMEN ARE THINGS. 78 00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:55,865 [Gasps] 79 00:02:55,934 --> 00:02:56,932 OH, MY GOD! 80 00:02:57,001 --> 00:02:58,732 IT'S MR. FARGAS! 81 00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:00,899 HE WAS MY FAVORITE TEACHER! 82 00:03:00,968 --> 00:03:02,498 TAKE OUT YOUR SCALPELS, KIDS. 83 00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:05,132 WE'RE GOING TO DISSECT A CLOWN! 84 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,565 [Class gasping] 85 00:03:08,834 --> 00:03:10,932 WELL, NO WONDER THIS CLOWN DIED. 86 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,866 HIS LUNGS ARE FILLED WITH CANDY! 87 00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,732 [Cheering] 88 00:03:14,801 --> 00:03:16,565 WOW, WHY DON'T YOU GO SAY HELLO? 89 00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:19,498 I'M GONNA DROP OFF SOME CAMPAIGN FLYERS IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE. 90 00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:22,499 HEY, HEY, MR. FARGAS! IT'S ME, PETER GRIFFIN! 91 00:03:22,567 --> 00:03:25,865 GRIFFIN, GRIFFIN. SORRY, NOT ON THE LIST. 92 00:03:25,934 --> 00:03:28,665 AW, DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME? I WAS YOUR FAVORITE STUDENT. 93 00:03:28,733 --> 00:03:30,765 YOU TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING-- MATH, SCIENCE. 94 00:03:30,834 --> 00:03:33,899 Y-Y-YOU EVEN TAUGHT ME HOW TO DANCE JUST IN TIME FOR THE PROM. 95 00:03:33,968 --> 00:03:35,731 WELL, PETER, YOU START LIKE THIS. 96 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,932 LIKE THIS? 97 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,899 YEAH. NOW ADD A LITTLE TURN AND DO A BUCK AND WING. 98 00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:44,999 COME ON, MR. FARGAS, DO THE WHOLE DARN THING. 99 00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:48,899 JEEZ, MR. FARGAS, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? 100 00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:50,565 SOMEBODY GIVE YOU A FUN-ECTOMY? 101 00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:51,898 NO, THEY GAVE ME THESE 102 00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:53,966 BY ORDER OF THE SCHOOL BOARD. 103 00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,564 THEY SAID IT EVENS ME OUT. 104 00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:58,232 SORRY TO FLY OFF THE HANDLE LIKE THAT. 105 00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,798 HERE, LET ME SEE THAT. 106 00:03:59,867 --> 00:04:03,198 THAT'S WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOU TAKING CHILL PILLS FROM THE MAN. 107 00:04:03,267 --> 00:04:05,032 LOOK, THE OLD FARG MADE LEARNING FUN. 108 00:04:05,101 --> 00:04:06,598 HE'S WHAT THESE KIDS NEED. 109 00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:09,799 NOW GET BACK IN THAT CLASSROOM AND TEACH YOUR "FARGIN" ASS OFF. 110 00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:13,198 [Thumping from room] 111 00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:15,565 [Chris] DON'T COME IN! JUST A MINUTE! 112 00:04:15,633 --> 00:04:18,665 CHRIS, YOUR MOTHER WANTS ME AND YOU TO HAVE A TALK. 113 00:04:18,733 --> 00:04:19,665 [Chris] NO! 114 00:04:20,801 --> 00:04:22,998 AW, I WAS GOING FOR A NEW RECORD. 115 00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:25,199 NOW, SON, AS MEN, IT'S ONLY NATURAL 116 00:04:25,268 --> 00:04:26,731 FOR US TO LOOK AT NAKED GIRLS. 117 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,032 EVERY MAN DOES IT, EVEN MR. ROGERS. 118 00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:33,032 HELLO, NEIGHBOR. 119 00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:35,732 OHHH! 120 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,199 BUT PEEPING CAN BE DANGEROUS, 121 00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:39,098 SO I BROUGHT YOU THIS. 122 00:04:41,201 --> 00:04:43,165 WOW! MISS DECEMBER! 123 00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:44,898 YEP, THE OLD SKIN BIN. 124 00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:46,998 NOW YOU CAN LOOK AT NAKED GIRLS ALL YOU WANT 125 00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:48,531 AND IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL! 126 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,531 WOW, CHECK OUT THE RACK ON... 127 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:51,732 MOM? 128 00:04:51,801 --> 00:04:52,932 HEY, GIVE ME THAT! 129 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,799 JUST A LITTLE PRESENT YOUR MOM GAVE ME 130 00:04:54,868 --> 00:04:57,032 FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY. HEH, HEH, HEH. 131 00:04:57,101 --> 00:04:58,632 ALL RIGHT, DAD! 132 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,765 HEY, DAD. THANKS. 133 00:05:04,368 --> 00:05:07,366 [Thumping from room] 134 00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:13,398 MOM, IF YOU GET ELECTED TO THE SCHOOL BOARD, 135 00:05:13,466 --> 00:05:15,665 CAN YOU FIX IT SO I WIN HOMECOMING QUEEN? 136 00:05:15,734 --> 00:05:19,233 OH, HONEY, OF COURSE I CAN. 137 00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:22,133 BUT WINNING WITHOUT HONOR ISN'T REALLY WINNING AT ALL. 138 00:05:22,201 --> 00:05:23,565 ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MILLI? 139 00:05:23,633 --> 00:05:24,932 NO, IT'S JUST AS GOOD. 140 00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:27,532 ♪ BA-BA-BA-BA- BA-BA-BA-BA- BABY! ♪ 141 00:05:27,601 --> 00:05:29,365 AH, WHAT'S THE USE? YOU'RE RIGHT. 142 00:05:29,434 --> 00:05:30,665 CEASE THIS PRATTLING! 143 00:05:30,734 --> 00:05:32,665 THIS CAMPAIGN LITERATURE MUST BE POSTED TODAY 144 00:05:32,734 --> 00:05:34,065 IF WE ARE TO GET YOU INTO OFFICE, 145 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,432 AND OUT OF MY LIFE, YOU FESTERING STRUMPET! 146 00:05:36,501 --> 00:05:37,965 HEY, YOU GUYS. 147 00:05:38,034 --> 00:05:39,699 LOIS, YOU RUNNING FOR SCHOOL BOARD? 148 00:05:40,734 --> 00:05:42,832 LOOK, CHRIS' SCHOOL IS ON T.V. 149 00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:44,898 THE EGG DROP-- AN ANNUAL TRADITION 150 00:05:44,967 --> 00:05:46,898 FOR JUNIOR-HIGH-SCHOOL SCIENCE STUDENTS. 151 00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:49,098 BUT TODAY AT BUDDY CIANCI JUNIOR HIGH, 152 00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,565 AN EGG DROP CONDUCTED BY TEACHER RANDALL FARGAS 153 00:05:51,634 --> 00:05:54,032 SEEMS TO HAVE GONE HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG. 154 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,399 WE NOW GO LIVE 155 00:05:55,467 --> 00:05:57,832 TO ACTION NEWS 5 ASIAN REPORTER, TRISHA TAKANAWA. 156 00:05:57,901 --> 00:06:01,732 WELL, TOM, THE EGGS BEING DROPPED BEHIND ME ARE NOT CHICKEN EGGS 157 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,765 BUT THOSE OF THE ENDANGERED CALIFORNIA CONDOR. 158 00:06:04,834 --> 00:06:06,432 WELCOME BACK, FARGAS. 159 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,965 OH, MY GOD. HE'S GONNA WIPE THAT SPECIES OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH! 160 00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:12,266 NO, NO, LOIS. THE JANITOR'LL DO THAT. 161 00:06:12,334 --> 00:06:14,765 TOM, I'M GETTING WORD THAT THE QUAHOG SCHOOL BOARD 162 00:06:14,834 --> 00:06:16,465 HAS JUST DISMISSED RANDALL FARGAS, 163 00:06:16,534 --> 00:06:19,499 EFFECTIVELY ENDING HIS 32-YEAR TEACHING CAREER. 164 00:06:19,567 --> 00:06:21,632 WHAT? THEY CAN'T DO THAT! 165 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,966 PETER, THE MAN IS OBVIOUSLY UNBALANCED. 166 00:06:24,034 --> 00:06:25,498 IN OTHER NEWS, BETSY LEBEAU, 167 00:06:25,566 --> 00:06:26,998 A CANDIDATE FOR SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT 168 00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:29,265 ANNOUNCED TODAY SHE'S PULLING OUT OF THE RACE. 169 00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:30,632 LEBEAU'S WITHDRAWAL NOW LEAVES 170 00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,899 HOUSEWIFE LOIS GRIFFIN RUNNING UNOPPOSED. 171 00:06:32,967 --> 00:06:35,999 OH, MY GOODNESS! I WIN BY DEFAULT! 172 00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:38,632 GREAT. YOU CAN GET MR. FARGAS HIS JOB BACK. 173 00:06:38,701 --> 00:06:41,065 I'M SORRY! BUT I DO HAVE A MIND OF MY OWN! 174 00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,731 AND I HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH THE SCHOOL BOARD'S DECISION. 175 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,698 YEAH, YEAH. I KNOW, YOU'RE A FEMINIST, AND I THINK THAT'S ADORABLE 176 00:06:46,767 --> 00:06:49,198 BUT THIS IS GROWN-UP TIME AND I'M THE MAN. 177 00:06:49,266 --> 00:06:53,432 I'M NOT GIVING THAT LUNATIC HIS JOB BACK AND THAT'S FINAL. 178 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,732 LOIS, I CAN'T LET YOU DEPRIVE OUR CHILDREN 179 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,965 OF A FINE TEACHER LIKE MR. FARGAS. 180 00:06:58,034 --> 00:07:00,298 I'M GONNA STOP YOU THE ONLY WAY I CAN, 181 00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:02,099 BY KILLING YOU 182 00:07:02,167 --> 00:07:04,865 IN THE RACE FOR SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT! 183 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,165 PETER, ARE YOU SURE RUNNING AGAINST LOIS IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA? 184 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,032 YOU KNOW HOW COMPETITIVE YOU GET. 185 00:07:16,101 --> 00:07:18,699 HEY, HEY! I CAN BE JUST AS NON-COMPETITIVE AS ANYBODY. 186 00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:21,165 MATTER OF FACT, I'M THE MOST NON-COMPETITIVE. 187 00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:22,531 SO I WIN. 188 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,632 COME ON, YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE LOSING AT CHECKERS. 189 00:07:26,001 --> 00:07:26,765 KING ME. 190 00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,499 UM, HEY, LOOK OVER THERE! 191 00:07:28,567 --> 00:07:29,599 WHAT? 192 00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:47,932 PETER, SINCE WHEN DO YOU CARE ABOUT THE SCHOOL BOARD? 193 00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,299 LOIS, MR. FARGAS IS GETTING A BUM RAP 194 00:07:50,367 --> 00:07:51,598 AND IF RUNNING AGAINST YOU 195 00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:53,531 IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET HIM BACK INTO THE CLASSROOM, 196 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,798 THEN I AM GONNA RUN LIKE THE 6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN. 197 00:07:58,034 --> 00:07:59,231 WE CAN REBUILD HIM. 198 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:00,398 WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY, 199 00:08:00,467 --> 00:08:02,832 BUT I DON'T WANT TO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY. 200 00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:10,832 FINE, IF YOU FEEL THAT STRONGLY, THEN BY ALL MEANS RUN. 201 00:08:10,901 --> 00:08:11,999 BUT I'M WARNING YOU, 202 00:08:12,068 --> 00:08:14,198 I'M NOT GONNA PULL ANY PUNCHES ON THE ISSUES. 203 00:08:14,266 --> 00:08:15,732 OOH, I'M LOIS. 204 00:08:15,801 --> 00:08:18,965 LOOK AT ME WITH MY BIG IDEAS AND MY POINTY NOSE. 205 00:08:19,034 --> 00:08:20,565 [Jeering] 206 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:23,765 OH BOY! THIS'LL BE EVEN EASIER THAN RUNNING UNOPPOSED. 207 00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:25,165 OH, IS THAT SO? 208 00:08:25,234 --> 00:08:27,465 NOT ONLY AM I GONNA WIN THIS ELECTION, 209 00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,865 I AM GONNA EAT YOUR NOSE. 210 00:08:34,235 --> 00:08:35,432 HEH! 211 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,532 SEE YOU ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL. 212 00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:16,865 OH, MY. LOOK WHERE MY HAND IS. 213 00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:20,565 I SAY, LOOK WHERE MY HAND IS! 214 00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:23,298 IT'S IN A VERY NAUGHTY PLACE. 215 00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:24,899 DOES THAT NOT DISGUST YOU? 216 00:09:24,967 --> 00:09:27,765 KID, YOU'RE TALKING TO A GUY WHO USES HIS TONGUE FOR TOILET PAPER. 217 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,632 NOW LOOK HERE, YOU LOATHSOME CUR! 218 00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:31,799 THE MATRON OF PRATTLE HAS LEFT ME IN YOUR WARD. 219 00:09:31,867 --> 00:09:34,965 Y-YOU SHOULD--YOU SHOULD BE STRIVING TO THWART MY NOISOME MISDEEDS. 220 00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:41,198 LOOK AT ME. I'M WRITING PROFANITY ON THE WALL! 221 00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:43,698 WATER-SOLUBLE. 222 00:09:43,768 --> 00:09:46,299 NO, DON'T JUST SIT THERE! I HAVE MISBEHAVED! 223 00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:49,498 I'VE BEEN A BAWDY LITTLE MONKEY! 224 00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:52,665 OH! IF THAT VILE WOMAN WERE HERE, SHE'D PROVE A WORTHY ADVERSARY. 225 00:09:52,733 --> 00:09:54,331 WHAT'S THE MATTER? MISS YOUR MOMMY? 226 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:55,699 [Laughing] YES, THAT'S IT. 227 00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:58,198 THAT'S QUITE GOOD. YES, I MISS MY MOMMY. 228 00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:01,264 YES, YES. I ALSO MISS COLIC AND RECTAL THERMOMETRY. 229 00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:02,498 WHATEVER YOU SAY. 230 00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:03,598 MAMA'S BOY. 231 00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:04,532 BLAST! 232 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,498 HEY, CHRIS! HECTOR FOUND 2 ROCKS OUTSIDE 233 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,065 THAT LOOK LIKE BOOBS! YOU IN? 234 00:10:11,134 --> 00:10:14,265 AH, WHO NEEDS ROCKS WHEN YOU GOT THESE? 235 00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:16,165 CHECK IT OUT! 236 00:10:16,233 --> 00:10:18,032 [All] WOW! 237 00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:26,832 VOTE FOR PETER GRIFFIN! 238 00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:29,199 WHOAH, LOOK AT ALL OF LOIS' SIGNS! 239 00:10:29,267 --> 00:10:31,331 TALK ABOUT SEEING RED. OH! 240 00:10:31,401 --> 00:10:33,532 PETER, I'M CONCERNED THAT YOUR CANDIDACY 241 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,832 MAY HAVE BECOME A LOST CAUSE. 242 00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:39,665 THE DEBATE IS TONIGHT AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY SUPPORTERS. 243 00:10:39,734 --> 00:10:40,965 DON'T SWEAT IT, BOYS. 244 00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:42,832 THE GRIFFIN MEN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WINNERS, 245 00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:46,464 DATING BACK TO MY DIMINUTIVE GREAT-GRANDFATHER, JUAREZ GRIFFIN. 246 00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,432 [Rooster crowing] 247 00:10:58,233 --> 00:10:59,966 [Audience cheering] 248 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:05,066 FELLAS, THE DEBATE'S IN THE BAG, ALL RIGHT? 249 00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:07,665 IF THERE'S ONE THING I CAN DO, IT'S PLAY TO A CROWD. 250 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:09,265 [Announcer] LOIS GRIFFIN, 251 00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:11,032 DAUGHTER OF SHIPPING INDUSTRIALIST, CARTER PEWTERSCHMIDT, 252 00:11:11,101 --> 00:11:13,365 AND PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVIST, BARBARA PEWTERSCHMIDT. 253 00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:16,365 TONIGHT SHE TAKES ON HER GREATEST CHALLENGE, PETER GRIFFIN 254 00:11:16,434 --> 00:11:19,631 QUAHOG'S NATIVE SON, SELF-DESCRIBED HUGUENOT, 255 00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:21,198 DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, 256 00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:23,164 AND COMMUNITY ACTIVIST. 257 00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:24,498 GO, DAD. 258 00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:26,498 HE CAN'T HEAR YOU. 259 00:11:26,567 --> 00:11:28,731 [Shouting] GO, DAD! 260 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,398 SO FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS. WE'RE JUST MINUTES AWAY 261 00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:33,665 FROM LOIS VERSUS PETER, GRIFFIN VERSUS GRIFFIN 262 00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:36,665 ON MONDAY NIGHT DEBATE, Y'ALL! 263 00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:39,099 "OF SUNS AND WORLDS I NOTHING HAD TO SAY 264 00:11:39,167 --> 00:11:41,465 "I SEE MANKIND'S SELF-TORTURING PAINS" 265 00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:43,131 NO, NO, NO! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! 266 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:44,498 WHEN YOU READ FAUST 267 00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,732 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO MEPHISTOPHELES IN A SCARY VOICE 268 00:11:46,801 --> 00:11:48,399 [Scary voice] LIKE THIS! 269 00:11:48,467 --> 00:11:50,432 IS THAT THE WAY YOUR MOMMY READS IT? 270 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,398 I DO NOT MISS THAT OGRESS. 271 00:11:52,467 --> 00:11:54,132 SHE CAN BURN IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE! 272 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,865 SURE SHE CAN. 273 00:11:55,934 --> 00:11:57,531 DAMN! DAMN! 274 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,631 DAMN! DAMN! 275 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:02,332 "I'VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO HER FACE 276 00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:08,364 "SHE ALMOST MAKES THE DAY BEGIN 277 00:12:08,433 --> 00:12:10,365 "I'VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO THE TUNE 278 00:12:10,434 --> 00:12:12,299 "THAT SHE WHISTLES NIGHT AND NOON 279 00:12:12,368 --> 00:12:16,432 ♪ HER SMILES, HER FROWNS HER UPS, HER DOWNS ♪ 280 00:12:16,501 --> 00:12:18,099 ♪ ARE SECOND NATURE TO ME NOW ♪ 281 00:12:19,501 --> 00:12:22,765 ♪ LIKE BREATHING OUT AND BREATHING IN ♪ 282 00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:24,765 ♪ I'M VERY GRATEFUL SHE'S A WOMAN ♪ 283 00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:30,032 ♪ AND SO EASY TO FORGET RATHER LIKE A HABIT ONE CAN ALWAYS BREAK ♪ 284 00:12:31,934 --> 00:12:36,631 ♪ AND YET, I'VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO HER LOOKS ♪ 285 00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,798 ♪ ACCUSTOMED TO HER VOICE ♪ 286 00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:41,699 ♪ ACCUSTOMED TO HER ♪ 287 00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:43,565 ♪ FACE ♪ 288 00:12:44,234 --> 00:12:45,699 [Sighs] 289 00:12:45,768 --> 00:12:47,332 [Audience] AWW. 290 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,665 DAMN YOU ALL! 291 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,365 MR. GRIFFIN, YOUR OPENING STATEMENT, PLEASE. 292 00:12:56,433 --> 00:12:57,464 UH, OK. 293 00:12:57,533 --> 00:12:59,966 UH, I'M PETER GRIFFIN. VOTE FOR ME. 294 00:13:02,267 --> 00:13:03,166 IS THAT IT? 295 00:13:03,234 --> 00:13:05,131 UH, NO, UH, THIS IS IT. 296 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,831 UH, THIS IS LIFE, THE ONE YOU GET, SO GO AND HAVE A BALL. 297 00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:10,398 BECAUSE THE WORLD DON'T MOVE 298 00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:11,898 TO THE BEAT OF JUST ONE DRUM. 299 00:13:11,967 --> 00:13:13,399 WHAT MIGHT BE RIGHT FOR YOU, 300 00:13:13,468 --> 00:13:14,865 MAY NOT BE RIGHT FOR SOME. 301 00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:16,698 YOU TAKE THE GOOD, YOU TAKE THE BAD, 302 00:13:16,767 --> 00:13:18,465 YOU TAKE THEM BOTH, AND THERE YOU HAVE 303 00:13:18,534 --> 00:13:20,298 MY OPENING STATEMENT. 304 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,765 SIT, UBU, SIT. GOOD DOG. 305 00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:24,799 OK. MRS. GRIFFIN? 306 00:13:24,867 --> 00:13:26,365 WELL, AS A PIANO TEACHER, 307 00:13:26,434 --> 00:13:29,331 I KNOW HOW DIFFICULT THE EDUCATION PROCESS CAN BE. 308 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,966 [Yawning] 309 00:13:31,034 --> 00:13:33,465 THAT'S WHY, IF I'M ELECTED, 310 00:13:33,534 --> 00:13:35,965 I PROMISE TO FIGHT FOR COMPETENT TEACHERS, 311 00:13:36,034 --> 00:13:39,465 A BETTER-FUNDED MUSIC DEPARTMENT AND UPDATED TEXTBOOKS 312 00:13:39,534 --> 00:13:41,798 THAT DON'T REFER TO THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT AS 313 00:13:41,867 --> 00:13:43,265 "TROUBLE AHEAD". 314 00:13:43,334 --> 00:13:44,498 [Audience cheering] 315 00:13:44,567 --> 00:13:46,398 MR. GRIFFIN, YOUR RESPONSE? 316 00:13:46,467 --> 00:13:48,298 MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT EDUCATION? 317 00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:51,198 WELL, I HAVE ALWAYS CARED DEEPLY ABOUT YOUNG PEOPLE. 318 00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:53,232 AS A RICH COLLEGE-BOUND STUDENT, 319 00:13:53,301 --> 00:13:55,365 I ONCE JOINED SOME UNDERPRIVILEGED YOUTHS 320 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,132 IN SAVING A COMMUNITY CENTER 321 00:13:57,201 --> 00:13:59,498 FROM BEING CONVERTED INTO A SHOPPING MALL. 322 00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:01,264 [Audience applauding] 323 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:02,699 PETER, THAT WASN'T YOU. 324 00:14:02,767 --> 00:14:04,132 THAT WAS ADOLPHO SHABBA-DOO 325 00:14:04,201 --> 00:14:06,232 IN BREAKIN' II-- ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. 326 00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:07,798 YOU WATCHED IT LAST NIGHT. 327 00:14:07,867 --> 00:14:09,532 [Audience booing] 328 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,465 SO YOU'RE CALLING ME A LIAR? 329 00:14:13,534 --> 00:14:14,931 WELL, I'M GONNA TAKE THE HIGH ROAD 330 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,331 AND STICK TO THE ISSUES. 331 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,099 THE CHILDREN OF QUAHOG ARE OUR GREATEST TREASURE. 332 00:14:19,168 --> 00:14:20,999 THEY DESERVE A SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT 333 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:23,099 WHO DOESN'T LEAVE THEIR FEMININE OINTMENTS 334 00:14:23,168 --> 00:14:25,066 IN THE FRIDGE NEXT TO THE MUSTARD! 335 00:14:25,134 --> 00:14:26,898 THAT WAS THE WORST HOT DOG I EVER ATE! 336 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:27,732 PETER! 337 00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:29,066 YEAH, SHE FLOSSES IN BED, 338 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,398 SHE SNORES LIKE A WILDEBEEST-- 339 00:14:30,466 --> 00:14:32,599 THANK YOU, MR. GRIFFIN. WE NOW MOVE ON-- 340 00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:34,865 W-W-WAIT A SECOND, BLOW DRYER, I'M NOT DONE YET. 341 00:14:34,934 --> 00:14:36,899 SHE FREED WILLIE HORTON, SHE NAILED DONNA RICE-- 342 00:14:36,968 --> 00:14:39,232 PETER, THAT'S ENOUGH! EATS BABIES. 343 00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:40,631 [Audience] PETER! PETER! 344 00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:43,398 JUST A MINUTE. LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE! 345 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:47,865 THIS ELECTION IS ABOUT OUR CHILDREN'S FUTURE. 346 00:14:47,934 --> 00:14:49,133 SO ASK YOURSELF, 347 00:14:49,201 --> 00:14:51,199 WHAT KIND OF FUTURE WILL IT BE 348 00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:53,932 IF YOU ELECT A MAN WHO HAS NEVER TAUGHT A STUDENT, 349 00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:56,665 UH, EVEN BEEN TO A P.T.A. MEETING. 350 00:14:56,733 --> 00:15:00,265 THIS IS A MAN WHO BELIEVES THE PLURAL OF "GOOSE" IS "SHEEP"! 351 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,732 [Audience muttering] 352 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,732 I'M THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB. 353 00:15:03,801 --> 00:15:05,299 VOTE FOR ME. 354 00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:06,999 [Audience] LOIS! LOIS! 355 00:15:08,335 --> 00:15:10,899 W-W-WAIT, I'M NOT DONE. 356 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,665 PETER! PETER! PE-- 357 00:15:13,733 --> 00:15:15,598 COME ON! STOP. HEY, SHUT UP! 358 00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,398 SHUT UP! HEY, YOU GUYS SHUT UP! 359 00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:22,098 WELL, I DIDN'T ENJOY HUMILIATING PETER, 360 00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:24,032 BUT WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE? 361 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,732 THAT'S OK, LOIS. I ENJOYED IT. 362 00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:30,832 UH, AS SOON AS THE POLLS CLOSE, WE CAN PUT ALL THIS UGLINESS BEHIND US. 363 00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,465 LOIS GRIFFIN IS A SLUT. 364 00:15:32,534 --> 00:15:33,465 WHAT? 365 00:15:33,534 --> 00:15:35,465 HI, I'M PETER GRIFFIN. 366 00:15:35,533 --> 00:15:37,465 YOU KNOW, I GREW UP IN THIS TOWN. 367 00:15:37,534 --> 00:15:40,731 QUAHOG NEEDS A MORAL, UPSTANDING SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT. 368 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,565 SOMEONE WE CAN TRUST. 369 00:15:42,634 --> 00:15:45,632 WELL, A LOT OF NASTY THINGS HAVE BEEN SAID DURING THIS CAMPAIGN. 370 00:15:45,701 --> 00:15:47,665 BUT PICTURES ARE BETTER THAN WORDS 371 00:15:47,734 --> 00:15:50,432 BECAUSE SOME WORDS ARE BIG AND HARD TO UNDERSTAND. 372 00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:53,432 BUT HERE'S SOMETHING EVERYONE CAN UNDERSTAND! 373 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:57,066 DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR CHILDREN'S FUTURE IN THE HANDS OF THIS? 374 00:15:58,934 --> 00:16:00,032 I KNOW I DON'T. 375 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,932 PAID FOR BY THE PETER GRIFFIN 376 00:16:02,001 --> 00:16:04,431 FOR SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT COMMITTEE. 377 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,698 [Cleveland] SORRY, LOIS. 378 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:11,098 "LEWD", "OBSCENE", AND "A LITTLE BLURRY", 379 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:14,865 JUST SOME OF THE WORDS USED TO DESCRIBE LOIS GRIFFIN'S PRURIENT PIC. 380 00:16:14,934 --> 00:16:16,233 GOOD MORNING. I'M TOM TUCKER. 381 00:16:16,300 --> 00:16:17,565 AND I'M DIANE SIMMONS. 382 00:16:17,633 --> 00:16:19,799 YESTERDAY, VOTERS OVERWHELMINGLY DECLARED 383 00:16:19,868 --> 00:16:21,665 THAT LOIS GRIFFIN IS NOT THE KIND OF PERSON 384 00:16:21,733 --> 00:16:23,464 THEY WANT RUNNING THEIR SCHOOLS. 385 00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:26,565 HER HUSBAND, PETER GRIFFIN, WAS ELECTED BY A LANDSLIDE. 386 00:16:26,634 --> 00:16:28,865 OH, WHAT A GREAT DAY! I JUST WANT TO S-- 387 00:16:28,934 --> 00:16:30,299 I WANNA SA-- 388 00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:31,832 [Laughing] 389 00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:34,098 I AM SO FREAKING WASTED! 390 00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:35,699 [All gasping] 391 00:16:35,768 --> 00:16:37,499 SPLENDID. HOW DELIGHTFUL IT WILL BE 392 00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:38,798 TO HAVE MOTHER BACK. 393 00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:40,932 I HEARD THAT. DAMN! 394 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,331 DON'T FEEL BAD, MOM. 395 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,865 ALL MY FRIENDS THINK YOU'RE HOT! 396 00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:46,865 THEY CAN'T BELIEVE I CAME OUT OF YOU! 397 00:16:46,934 --> 00:16:48,399 HEY, LOIS, I GOT A JOKE FOR YOU. 398 00:16:48,468 --> 00:16:51,498 HOW MANY LOSERS DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE ME BREAKFAST? 399 00:16:51,567 --> 00:16:52,765 JUST ONE! YOU! 400 00:16:52,834 --> 00:16:53,832 [Laughing] 401 00:16:53,901 --> 00:16:56,465 I'M JUST KIDDING. BUT FRENCH TOAST, PLEASE. 402 00:16:56,534 --> 00:16:58,065 OH, DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME, PETER. 403 00:16:58,134 --> 00:17:00,564 YOU HUMILIATED YOUR OWN WIFE! 404 00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:03,233 AND FOR WHAT? TO GET THAT CRAZY MR. FARGAS 405 00:17:03,301 --> 00:17:04,465 BACK IN THE CLASSROOM? 406 00:17:04,534 --> 00:17:05,465 WHO? 407 00:17:05,533 --> 00:17:07,531 PETER, I CARED ABOUT OUR SCHOOLS. 408 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,998 ALL YOU CARED ABOUT WAS SOME STUPID COMPETITION. 409 00:17:10,067 --> 00:17:11,865 WELL, WINNING WAS ONLY HALF THE BATTLE. 410 00:17:11,934 --> 00:17:14,665 IF YOU BLOW THIS CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR OUR KIDS 411 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,198 YOU'LL BE THE BIGGEST LOSER I KNOW! 412 00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:17,232 OH, YEAH? 413 00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,965 WELL, PETER GRIFFIN IS NO LOSER! 414 00:17:19,034 --> 00:17:20,499 WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH OUR SCHOOLS, 415 00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:22,132 OUR STUDENTS'LL BE SO SMART 416 00:17:22,201 --> 00:17:23,898 THEY'LL BE ABLE TO PROGRAM THEIR VCRs 417 00:17:23,967 --> 00:17:26,699 WITHOUT SPILLING PIPING HOT GRAVY ALL OVER MYSELF. 418 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,099 THIS IS TRISHA TAKANAWA, 419 00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:36,198 HERE WITH SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT PETER GRIFFIN. 420 00:17:36,267 --> 00:17:38,366 MR. PRESIDENT, YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED 421 00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:40,799 SO MUCH IN JUST A FEW SHORT WEEKS. 422 00:17:40,867 --> 00:17:42,698 THANKS, CONNIE. I'M VERY EXCITED 423 00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:45,066 ABOUT OUR PROGRESS IN REVAMPING OUR SCHOOLS. 424 00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:50,199 FOR STARTERS, WE'RE MAKING SEX EDUCATION MORE FUN. 425 00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:53,531 ♪ VAGINA JUNCTION, WHAT'S YOUR FUNCTION? ♪ 426 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,999 ♪ TAKING IN SPERM AND SPITTING OUT BABIES ♪ 427 00:17:57,068 --> 00:17:59,132 AND OUR SCHOOLS ARE THE SAFEST AROUND, 428 00:17:59,201 --> 00:18:01,332 THANKS TO THE HALL MONITOR XL-K. 429 00:18:01,467 --> 00:18:03,565 HALT! PRESENT HALL PASS! 430 00:18:03,634 --> 00:18:04,865 RIGHT HERE. 431 00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:07,332 SECOND REQUEST. PRESENT HALL PASS. 432 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,232 BUT... RIGHT HERE! 433 00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,165 SECURITY BREACH! SECURITY BREACH! 434 00:18:11,233 --> 00:18:12,598 [Screaming] 435 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:13,999 [Chuckles] 436 00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:15,932 I GUESS LITTLE MISS FREE SPIRIT 437 00:18:16,001 --> 00:18:18,765 WILL THINK TWICE BEFORE ROAMING THE HALLS. 438 00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:21,164 AND I'VE RESTOCKED OUR SCHOOL LIBRARY 439 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:24,132 WITH BOOKS OF SOME OF OUR GREATEST MOVIES AND T.V. SHOWS. 440 00:18:24,201 --> 00:18:26,299 BECAUSE IF WE DON'T TEACH OUR KIDS TO READ, 441 00:18:26,368 --> 00:18:28,399 HOW WILL THEY EVER KNOW WHAT'S ON? 442 00:18:28,468 --> 00:18:30,299 MR. GRIFFIN, THIS IS IMPRESSIVE. 443 00:18:30,368 --> 00:18:32,398 I'VE NEVER SEEN KIDS SO ENTHUSIASTIC 444 00:18:32,466 --> 00:18:33,865 ABOUT READING. 445 00:18:33,934 --> 00:18:36,099 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. HEY, THAT'S WHAT YOU VOTED FOR. 446 00:18:36,168 --> 00:18:39,531 HEY, SON, SHOW THE FOLKS AT HOME WHAT YOU GOT THERE. 447 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,932 GOOD LORD! THAT'S A DIRTY MAGAZINE! 448 00:18:42,001 --> 00:18:43,898 HEY, THAT'S MINE, MY-- SHAFT. 449 00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:46,331 THERE MIGHT BE A MINESHAFT UNDER THIS LIBRARY. 450 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,699 MY GOD, ALL THESE KIDS ARE LOOKING AT PORNOGRAPHY! 451 00:18:48,767 --> 00:18:51,065 WHAT KIND OF PERVERT GAVE YOU KIDS THIS FILTH? 452 00:18:51,134 --> 00:18:53,565 CHRIS GRIFFIN. HE GOT IT FROM HIS DAD. 453 00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:54,698 [All gasping] 454 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:04,032 OH, THERE'S QUITE A CROWD OUTSIDE. 455 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,565 I HAVEN'T WITNESSED PANDEMONIUM LIKE THIS 456 00:19:06,634 --> 00:19:09,099 SINCE RIDICULOUS DAY DOWN AT THE DELI, 457 00:19:09,168 --> 00:19:12,966 WHEN PRICES WERE SO LOW THEY WERE RIDICULOUS. 458 00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:14,531 YOU SAID IT, PALIE. 459 00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:16,032 THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT IN THE BIG GUNS. 460 00:19:16,101 --> 00:19:17,932 SAY 'HOW DO' TO THE RAGIN' CAJUN, 461 00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:19,499 MR. JAMES CARVILLE. 462 00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:20,898 AH, OH, GOD. OH, JEEZ! 463 00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:22,765 DID SOMEBODY OPEN THE ARK OF THE COVENANT? 464 00:19:22,834 --> 00:19:26,232 NOW, NOW, SEE, PETER, WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IS YOU GOTTA DECLARE WAR! WAR, WAR! 465 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,565 YOUR ONLY CHANCE OF SURVIVING THIS--THIS SCANDAL 466 00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:31,332 IS TO CLAIM THAT LOIS GAVE YOUR BOY THE PORNOGRAPHY. 467 00:19:31,401 --> 00:19:34,532 AND HE'S RIGHT. PIN IT ON THE OLD BALL AND CHAIN. 468 00:19:34,601 --> 00:19:36,832 I CAN'T DO THAT. LOIS IS MAD ENOUGH AT ME WITHOUT-- 469 00:19:36,901 --> 00:19:40,132 OH! OH! OH! I'M SORRY. I CAN'T LOOK AT YOU! 470 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,799 I MEAN, I CAN HANDLE UGLY. BUT THIS IS LIKE CIRCUS UGLY. 471 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:45,632 LOIS, I NEED YOUR HELP. 472 00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:48,198 YOU GOTTA COME TO MY PRESS CONFERENCE THIS AFTERNOON. 473 00:19:48,267 --> 00:19:49,732 [Scoffs] 474 00:19:49,801 --> 00:19:51,632 LOIS, I COULD LOSE MY PRESIDENCY! 475 00:19:51,701 --> 00:19:54,132 TOO BAD! I'VE ALREADY LOST MORE THAN THAT! 476 00:19:54,201 --> 00:19:55,298 [Gasps] 477 00:19:55,367 --> 00:19:57,565 NOT MY RAINBOW SOCKS WITH THE INDIVIDUAL TOES? 478 00:19:57,634 --> 00:20:00,499 NO. I'VE LOST MY RESPECT FOR YOU. 479 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:01,565 OH. 480 00:20:03,134 --> 00:20:04,865 BECAUSE I NEED THOSE SOCKS. 481 00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:07,665 WE NOW TAKE YOU LIVE TO PETER GRIFFIN JUNIOR HIGH 482 00:20:07,734 --> 00:20:09,465 WHERE EMBATTLED SCHOOL BOARD PRESIDENT 483 00:20:09,534 --> 00:20:12,298 PETER GRIFFIN IS FIGHTING FOR HIS POLITICAL LIFE. 484 00:20:12,366 --> 00:20:14,232 BOO! THROW THE BUM OUT! 485 00:20:14,301 --> 00:20:15,932 MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 486 00:20:16,001 --> 00:20:17,398 I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAD AT DAD. 487 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:20,599 I AM. I JUST CAME TO SEE HIM TWIST IN THE WIND. 488 00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:23,099 ARE YOU AND DAD GONNA GET A DIVORCE? 489 00:20:23,168 --> 00:20:24,499 OH, HONEY. 490 00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:25,865 MAYBE. 491 00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,298 "A PARENT GIVING PORNO TO THEIR KID 492 00:20:28,366 --> 00:20:29,899 "IS A TERRIBLE THING. 493 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,331 "BUT I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I'M INNOCENT!" 494 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,598 OH, YEAH. RIGHT. 495 00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:34,799 [Sighs] 496 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,265 "I DIDN'T GIVE THOSE MAGAZINES TO MY SON. 497 00:20:37,334 --> 00:20:38,532 "MY WIFE... 498 00:20:38,601 --> 00:20:41,398 "MY--MY--MY WIFE... LOIS..." 499 00:20:46,633 --> 00:20:48,098 LOIS! 500 00:20:48,433 --> 00:20:50,265 AH! 501 00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:53,132 AW, CRAP. LOOK, MY WIFE, LOIS, 502 00:20:53,201 --> 00:20:56,165 IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD TO ME. 503 00:20:56,234 --> 00:20:58,598 I GAVE MY SON THOSE MAGAZINES. 504 00:20:58,667 --> 00:20:59,932 [Audience muttering] 505 00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:02,398 EVEN WORSE, I TURNED A BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM LOIS 506 00:21:02,467 --> 00:21:04,699 INTO SOMETHING CHEAP AND TAWDRY. 507 00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:07,032 I JUST WANTED TO WIN SO BAD. 508 00:21:07,101 --> 00:21:08,365 NOW I KNOW THAT SOME THINGS 509 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,999 ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN WINNING. 510 00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:11,832 LOIS, I ONLY HOPE YOU CAN FIND IT 511 00:21:11,901 --> 00:21:13,731 IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME. 512 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,132 OH, PETER! 513 00:21:19,134 --> 00:21:20,498 SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE NOT ONLY 514 00:21:20,567 --> 00:21:22,532 A BAD FATHER, BUT A BAD HUSBAND, TOO? 515 00:21:22,601 --> 00:21:24,165 DO YOU HAVE THE MORAL AUTHORITY TO LEAD? 516 00:21:24,233 --> 00:21:28,099 YES. NO. AND, SCREW IT. I RESIGN. 517 00:21:28,168 --> 00:21:31,899 [Diane] AND THERE'S THE PRESIDENT, FIRST LADY LOIS. 518 00:21:31,967 --> 00:21:34,165 [Tom] NOW BOARDING THE HELICOPTER. 519 00:21:38,434 --> 00:21:40,398 AND SO ENDS A DARK AND SHAMEFUL CHAPTER 520 00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,365 IN THE HISTORY OF QUAHOG, RHODE ISLAND. 521 00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:44,531 ONE WHICH LEAVES THIS REPORTER ASKING-- 522 00:21:44,601 --> 00:21:46,799 HOW MUCH MORAL BANKRUPTCY AND PERVERSION 523 00:21:46,867 --> 00:21:48,932 MUST WE THE PEOPLE ENDURE? 524 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,665 NEXT UP, STAY TUNED FOR OUR SPECIAL INVESTIGATIVE REPORT 525 00:21:51,734 --> 00:21:54,532 ON "THE CLITORIS-- NATURE'S RUBIK'S CUBE." 526 00:22:00,467 --> 00:22:01,532 WELCOME BACK, FARGAS. 527 00:22:01,601 --> 00:22:02,966 THANK YOU. 528 00:22:03,034 --> 00:22:04,132 WELCOME BACK, FARG. 529 00:22:04,201 --> 00:22:05,465 MUCH OBLIGED. 530 00:22:05,534 --> 00:22:06,266 HALT. 531 00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:07,632 PRESENT HALL PASS. 532 00:22:07,700 --> 00:22:08,898 EXCUSE ME? 533 00:22:08,967 --> 00:22:11,532 SECOND REQUEST. PRESENT HALL PASS. 534 00:22:11,601 --> 00:22:12,599 [Gasping] 535 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,732 [Gunshots firing] 536 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,599 ♪[Theme music playing]