1
00:00:05,134 --> 00:00:07,532
WHERE'S BRIAN?
BREAKFAST IS
GETTING COLD.
2
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:08,932
[Announcer]
IN TONIGHT'S EPISODE,
3
00:00:09,001 --> 00:00:10,432
THE PART OF
BRIAN THE DOG
4
00:00:10,501 --> 00:00:12,065
WILL BE PLAYED BY
CARTER BANKS.
5
00:00:12,134 --> 00:00:13,465
HERE I AM.
SORRY I--
6
00:00:13,534 --> 00:00:14,965
[Whispers]
CAMERA 2.
7
00:00:15,034 --> 00:00:16,531
SORRY,
I OVERSLEPT.
8
00:00:16,601 --> 00:00:18,432
YES. WELL, DO YOU
WANT BREAKFAST?
9
00:00:18,501 --> 00:00:21,165
OR WOULD YOU
RATHER CHEW ON YOUR
OWN ASS AS USUAL?
10
00:00:22,967 --> 00:00:23,999
AHEM.
11
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,466
WELL, I'M--
I'M SU--
12
00:00:25,534 --> 00:00:27,865
I'M SURE YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO SAY
TO THAT. MMM?
13
00:00:32,368 --> 00:00:34,432
OH. OH,
GOD. SORRY.
14
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:35,865
CAN YOU GIVE ME
THE LINE AGAIN?
15
00:00:35,934 --> 00:00:37,732
NOT THE WHOLE
LINE. JUST THE
END OF IT.
16
00:00:37,801 --> 00:00:39,198
AW, L-L-LET'S CUT!
17
00:00:39,267 --> 00:00:41,098
ALL RIGHT, Y-Y-YOU'RE
SLEEPING WITH
WHICH PRODUCER?
18
00:00:41,167 --> 00:00:42,765
GOD! AS SOON AS MY
MOVIE DEAL KICKS IN,
19
00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:44,665
I AM SUCH A GHOST!
20
00:00:44,734 --> 00:00:48,298
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
21
00:00:48,366 --> 00:00:51,332
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
22
00:00:51,401 --> 00:00:54,899
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
23
00:00:54,968 --> 00:00:57,898
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
24
00:00:57,967 --> 00:01:01,465
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
25
00:01:01,534 --> 00:01:04,865
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
26
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,465
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
27
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,898
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
28
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:12,932
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
29
00:01:14,267 --> 00:01:16,465
[Lois]
PETER, YOU CAN TAKE OFF
YOUR BLINDFOLD NOW.
30
00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:17,899
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
31
00:01:17,967 --> 00:01:20,032
[Peter]
NOT YET. I DON'T WANT TO
RUIN MY BIRTHDAY SURPRISE.
32
00:01:20,101 --> 00:01:21,798
THEN AT LEAST
LET ME DRIVE!
33
00:01:21,867 --> 00:01:24,665
LOIS, YOU KNOW
IT'S ILLEGAL FOR
WOMEN TO DRIVE.
34
00:01:24,734 --> 00:01:25,932
[Cat screeching]
35
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,298
HEH, A WOMAN DRIVING.
36
00:01:27,367 --> 00:01:28,231
[Chuckling]
37
00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:29,532
THAT'S ADORABLE.
38
00:01:29,601 --> 00:01:30,799
PETER, I
DON'T THINK...
39
00:01:30,867 --> 00:01:32,932
PETER, PLEASE!
I'M BEGGING YOU!
STOP THE CAR!
40
00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:34,065
[Tires screech]
41
00:01:34,134 --> 00:01:36,165
[Lois sighs]
WE'RE HERE! THANK GOD.
42
00:01:37,234 --> 00:01:38,932
[People screaming]
43
00:01:39,001 --> 00:01:41,432
[Gasping]
BOB'S FUNLAND AND
PUTT PUTT GOLF?
44
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:44,098
THE GROWNUP IN ME
LIKES THE PROSPECT OF FUN.
45
00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:45,831
BUT THE KID IN
ME IS SUICIDAL
46
00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:47,898
OVER WHAT A FAT
BASTARD I'LL BECOME!
47
00:01:50,734 --> 00:01:52,665
[All]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
48
00:01:52,734 --> 00:01:54,865
AW, I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT! QUAGMIRE,
CLEVELAND,
49
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:56,199
JOE! WHO ARE YOU?
50
00:01:56,267 --> 00:01:58,665
I'M THE GUY WHOSE
CAR YOU JUST
SLAMMED INTO!
51
00:01:58,734 --> 00:02:00,598
LOIS, YOU
INVITED EVERYONE!
52
00:02:03,834 --> 00:02:05,365
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
53
00:02:05,434 --> 00:02:06,998
UH, MY FRIEND IS
DIFFERENTLY ABLED.
54
00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:08,132
MAY HE GO
AHEAD OF YOU?
55
00:02:08,201 --> 00:02:10,066
OF COURSE.
56
00:02:10,134 --> 00:02:13,098
FRONTSIES, BACKSIES,
BACKSIES, BACKSIES.
57
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,099
WELL, HELLO.
58
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,298
[Chuckling]
59
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:17,799
YOU MUST BE THIS BEAUTIFUL
TO RIDE THE QUAGMIRE.
60
00:02:17,867 --> 00:02:19,431
[Snickering]
61
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:20,866
CAREFUL, JOE!
62
00:02:20,934 --> 00:02:22,298
KISS OFF!
YEAH!
63
00:02:22,967 --> 00:02:23,899
HMM.
64
00:02:23,968 --> 00:02:25,665
YOUR FATHER.
65
00:02:25,734 --> 00:02:27,565
SOMETIMES I
DON'T THINK
HE'LL BE HAPPY
66
00:02:27,634 --> 00:02:29,498
UNTIL HE'S
COMPLETELY
PARALYZED.
67
00:02:32,701 --> 00:02:35,865
OOH! HOW DELICIOUSLY
EVIL LOOKING!
68
00:02:35,934 --> 00:02:37,698
IT'S LIKE SOMETHING
OUT OF STEPHEN KING!
69
00:02:38,834 --> 00:02:41,832
OK. FOR MY
307TH BOOK,
70
00:02:41,901 --> 00:02:42,932
UH...
71
00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:45,066
THIS COUPLE IS
ATTACKED BY A...
72
00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:46,131
A...
73
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,365
A LAMP MONSTER!
74
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,432
OOH.
75
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,632
OOH-HOO.
76
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,499
YOU'RE NOT EVEN
TRYING ANYMORE, ARE YOU?
77
00:02:51,567 --> 00:02:54,199
[Barking]
78
00:02:54,267 --> 00:02:55,432
WHEN CAN I HAVE IT?
79
00:03:01,633 --> 00:03:02,798
A LOT.
80
00:03:09,068 --> 00:03:10,498
A 10-GAUGE.
81
00:03:10,567 --> 00:03:12,665
I'VE NEVER HANDLED
ONE OF THESE BEFORE.
82
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:14,298
AHH!
83
00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:16,998
AHH! YES!
84
00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:18,766
♪ THIS IS MY RIFLE,
THIS IS MY GUN ♪
85
00:03:18,834 --> 00:03:20,732
♪ THIS IS FOR FIGHTING,
THIS IS FOR FUN ♪
86
00:03:25,001 --> 00:03:26,032
OH, DANG.
87
00:03:26,101 --> 00:03:28,799
NOW I HATE
WINDMILLS EVEN MORE.
88
00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:30,565
LET ME GIVE YOU A
LITTLE TIP, PALLIE.
89
00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:32,399
THE SHORTEST DISTANCE
BETWEEN 2 POINTS
90
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:35,231
IS THE FULL-BODY ENGLISH,
HIGH-ARCING RAINBOW SHOT.
91
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,565
[Grunting]
92
00:03:42,301 --> 00:03:43,299
[Gasps]
93
00:03:44,601 --> 00:03:45,898
I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING.
94
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:51,865
SIR, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO ASK YOU AND YOUR
PARTY TO LEAVE.
95
00:03:51,934 --> 00:03:54,032
YOU'VE CAUSED
NOTHING BUT TROUBLE
SINCE YOU GOT HERE!
96
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,132
PERHAPS WE
SHOULD JUST
97
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:56,299
CONTINUE
THE PARTY
98
00:03:56,367 --> 00:03:58,632
AT SOME
OTHER TYPE
OF LOCATION.
99
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,932
N-N-NO. W-W-WAIT.
I KNOW THIS GUY.
100
00:04:01,001 --> 00:04:02,598
WE WENT TO HIGH
SCHOOL TOGETHER.
101
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:03,899
WE DID?
102
00:04:03,967 --> 00:04:06,364
AW, YEAH! HE WAS A
LOSER THEN, AND HE'S
A LOSER NOW.
103
00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:08,365
WE USED TO KID
THIS GUY ALL THE TIME.
104
00:04:08,434 --> 00:04:09,465
[Crying noises]
105
00:04:09,534 --> 00:04:11,165
BOB MISSES HIS MOMMY!
106
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:12,899
BOB MISSES HIS MOMMY!
107
00:04:12,968 --> 00:04:14,531
[Peter laughing]
108
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:19,299
SO WE'RE NOT GOING
JUST BECAUSE SOME LITTLE
PISSANT TELLS US TO.
109
00:04:19,368 --> 00:04:20,866
I DEMAND TO
SEE THE OWNER!
110
00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:23,099
THAT'S ME. I'M
BOB FUNLAND.
111
00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,699
WHAT? Y-YOU OWN
THIS WHOLE PLACE?
112
00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:28,265
THAT'S RIGHT! THIS
PLACE IS MY LEGACY!
113
00:04:28,333 --> 00:04:30,765
SO WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE WITH YOUR LIFE,
YOU JERK?
114
00:04:30,833 --> 00:04:32,532
UH, UH...
115
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,233
I'M NEPTUNE,
GOD OF THE SEA!
116
00:04:35,301 --> 00:04:37,966
I SINK SHIPS AND
CONJURE UP STORMS!
117
00:04:38,034 --> 00:04:39,532
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
I AM.
118
00:04:39,601 --> 00:04:41,532
AND YOU KNOW
NOTHING OF MY WORK.
119
00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:46,265
LOOK AT THIS,
LOIS. SEE? RIGHT HERE.
120
00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:48,098
I WAS VOTED MOST
LIKELY TO SUCCEED.
121
00:04:48,167 --> 00:04:49,465
PETER, THAT'S
NOT YOU.
122
00:04:49,534 --> 00:04:50,831
THAT'S NOT EVEN
A YEARBOOK.
123
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,465
THAT'S A
PEOPLE MAGAZINE.
124
00:04:52,534 --> 00:04:55,365
OH, I WONDERED WHY
THEY HAD THE WRONG
PICTURE AND NAME.
125
00:04:55,434 --> 00:04:57,965
CAN'T WE JUST
ENJOY THE REST
OF YOUR BIRTHDAY?
126
00:04:58,034 --> 00:05:01,998
LOOK. IT SAYS,
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY,
DADDY. LOVE, STEWIE."
127
00:05:02,067 --> 00:05:03,799
LET ME SEE THAT!
128
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,766
DID YOU
FORGE MY NAME?
129
00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:08,133
OH, IS THAT BACKWARD "S"
SUPPOSED TO BE CUTE?
130
00:05:08,201 --> 00:05:10,699
OH, I'M GOING TO CRAP
DOUBLE FOR YOU TONIGHT!
131
00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:12,399
FACE IT, LOIS.
I'M A NOBODY.
132
00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:14,032
WHY CAN'T I BE
FAMOUS LIKE BOB?
133
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,298
OR MY COUSIN,
KATHY GRIFFIN?
134
00:05:16,366 --> 00:05:18,032
OK. AND THEN
I GOT ON
SUDDENLY SUSAN,
135
00:05:18,101 --> 00:05:19,299
AND THAT
WAS, LIKE,
REALLY COOL.
136
00:05:19,368 --> 00:05:20,765
AND I STILL
DO STANDUP.
137
00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:22,832
AND PEOPLE LAUGH
AND GIVE ME MONEY,
AND THAT'S ALSO COOL.
138
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:24,565
ISN'T THIS GREAT
CATCHING UP? OH.
139
00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:25,765
ANYWAY, I WAS
IN COLLEGE--
140
00:05:25,834 --> 00:05:27,065
SHE'S STILL
TALKING.
141
00:05:27,134 --> 00:05:28,665
I DON'T GET IT.
I POURED IT
IN HER DRINK.
142
00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:30,799
[Kathy]
HIS NAME WAS STEVE ROCK.
IT WAS REALLY COOL.
143
00:05:30,868 --> 00:05:32,165
HE WAS THE
FIRST BLACK GUY
I EVER DID IT WITH.
144
00:05:32,234 --> 00:05:33,366
OH, BOY.
145
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,032
[Kathy]
BUT, PFF, I WENT
EVERYWHERE!
146
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,631
DON'T BE
DEPRESSED, DAD.
147
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,865
HERE. I MADE
YOU A PRESENT.
148
00:05:38,934 --> 00:05:40,598
MY GOD!
IT'S...
149
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,398
GOOD.
REALLY GOOD.
150
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:45,565
IT'S PARTLY AN
EXPRESSION OF
MY TEENAGE ANGST.
151
00:05:45,634 --> 00:05:47,265
BUT MOSTLY IT'S
A MOO COW!
152
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:49,431
IT'S LOVELY,
CHRIS.
153
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,432
GO AHEAD, PETER.
MAKE A WISH.
154
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,731
I'D SELL MY
SOUL TO BE FAMOUS!
155
00:05:54,201 --> 00:05:55,231
[Growling]
156
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,166
OH! I GOT A LIVE
ONE! PETER GRIFFIN.
157
00:05:57,234 --> 00:05:58,598
OOH. SORRY, CHIEF.
158
00:05:58,667 --> 00:06:00,298
SEEMS HE ALREADY
SOLD HIS SOUL IN 1976
159
00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:01,698
FOR BEE GEES
TICKETS.
160
00:06:01,767 --> 00:06:04,565
OH, AND AGAIN IN 1981
FOR HALF A MALLOMAR.
161
00:06:04,633 --> 00:06:07,032
AW, HECK!
WHERE'S A LAWYER
WHEN I NEED ONE?
162
00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:11,531
DON'T FORGET
THIS!
163
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,398
MAYBE YOU
COULD HANG IT
IN YOUR OFFICE.
164
00:06:13,466 --> 00:06:16,631
SON, I'LL PUT IT
SOMEPLACE WHERE
EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.
165
00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:23,065
[Tires screeching]
166
00:06:23,134 --> 00:06:25,166
EXCUSE ME. I'LL
GIVE YOU $1,000
167
00:06:25,234 --> 00:06:26,765
FOR WHAT YOU HAVE
IN THE BACK THERE.
168
00:06:26,834 --> 00:06:28,564
$1,000 FOR A
BUMPER STICKER?
169
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:32,599
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I MEAN THAT PAINTING.
170
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,765
I MUST HAVE IT FOR
MY GALLERY IN SOHO.
171
00:06:34,834 --> 00:06:36,898
I'LL GIVE YOU $5,000.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
172
00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:37,966
I SAY,
173
00:06:38,034 --> 00:06:38,932
I LOVE YOU,
174
00:06:39,001 --> 00:06:40,331
YOU FREAKIN'
SON OF MINE!
175
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,731
I GOT $5,000 FOR
THAT PAINTING
YOU MADE ME!
176
00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:45,264
BUT I--I PAINTED
THAT JUST FOR YOU.
177
00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:47,432
AW, DON'T FEEL BAD,
CHRIS. I DIDN'T
EVEN WANT IT.
178
00:06:47,501 --> 00:06:49,333
AND NOW WE ALL
GET A FREE TRIP
TO NEW YORK
179
00:06:49,401 --> 00:06:51,865
'CAUSE MR. MONATTI
THINKS YOU COULD
BE A FAMOUS ARTIST.
180
00:06:51,934 --> 00:06:53,632
MONATTI?
ANTONIO MONATTI?
181
00:06:53,701 --> 00:06:54,865
YOU'VE HEARD
OF THIS MAN?
182
00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:56,331
HO, HO, HO!
183
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,498
HE'S ONLY THE
BIGGEST ART DEALER
IN NEW YORK.
184
00:06:58,567 --> 00:07:01,532
I MET HIM WHEN I
WAS HANGING OUT WITH
ANDY WARHOL IN THE '70s.
185
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,665
♪[Funk music playing]
186
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:13,565
PETER, WE ARE
NOT GOING TO
NEW YORK!
187
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:16,433
LOIS, OUR SON
HAS BEEN BLESSED
WITH A GREAT GIFT.
188
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,366
AND I'M GONNA DO
EVERYTHING I CAN
189
00:07:18,435 --> 00:07:20,498
TO NURTURE THAT
TALENT AND HELP
HIM SUCCEED.
190
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:21,999
THEN I'M GONNA
USE HIM TO LIVE OUT
191
00:07:22,068 --> 00:07:23,698
ALL MY FRUSTRATED
HOPES AND DREAMS.
192
00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:25,332
BECAUSE THAT'S
GOOD PARENTING.
193
00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:26,699
RIGHT,
BING CROSBY?
194
00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:28,999
THAT'S RIGHT, PETER.
AND IF YOUR KIDS
GIVE YOU ANY LIP,
195
00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:31,499
YOU CAN BEAT THEM
WITH A SACK OF SWEET
VALENCIA ORANGES.
196
00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:34,265
IT WON'T LEAVE A BRUISE
AND THEY'LL LET THEM
KNOW WHO'S BOSS.
197
00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:36,198
THERE'S NO DOUBT
ABOUT IT.
198
00:07:37,201 --> 00:07:38,765
BUT THA-THAT DOESN'T
SOUND RIGHT.
199
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,232
ARE YOU GIVING
ME LIP, BOY?
200
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:42,898
BECAUSE I'LL TAKE THIS
BELT OFF AND PUT THE
SMACK-DOWN ON YOU!
201
00:07:42,967 --> 00:07:45,232
IS THAT WHAT YOU
WANT? HEY? TAKE
ONE OF THOSE!
202
00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:48,098
HEY--HEY! OW!
KNOCK IT OFF! H-HEY!
203
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:50,032
GET AWAY FROM ME,
YOU DEAD CROONER!
204
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,298
HI. THIS IS DAVID LEISURE.
205
00:08:04,367 --> 00:08:05,565
YOU PROBABLY
REMEMBER ME
206
00:08:05,634 --> 00:08:08,265
AS THE NEIGHBOR FROM
T.V.'S EMPTY NEST.
207
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,865
NO? W-WELL, HOW ABOUT
THOSE CAR COMMERCIALS
208
00:08:10,933 --> 00:08:12,398
WHEN I PLAYED
JOE ISUZU?
209
00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:14,198
THE--THE GUY WHO LIED?
210
00:08:14,267 --> 00:08:15,965
OH, COME ON! THOSE
WERE REALLY POPULAR!
211
00:08:16,034 --> 00:08:17,732
THEY RAN ALL THE TIME!
212
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,132
JEEZ, ALL RIGHT,
LOOK, JUST BUCKLE UP.
213
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,432
CAN I GET MY CHECK NOW?
214
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,499
OH, KIDS. LOOK AT
THAT MAN OVER THERE!
215
00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:24,865
GRABBING HIS
OWN CROTCH!
216
00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:26,631
OH! SO ALIVE,
THIS CITY!
217
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,932
LOOK, THERE'S
CENTRAL PARK!
218
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:33,298
THERE'S THE
EMPIRE STATE
BUILDING!
219
00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:34,932
THERE'S A
HOT-DOG CART!
220
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:36,999
CHRIS, DON'T
SPOIL YOUR APPETITE.
221
00:08:37,068 --> 00:08:39,598
NEW YORK HAS SOME OF
THE BEST RESTAURANTS
IN THE WORLD.
222
00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:41,498
THEY EVEN HAVE
INDIAN FOOD HERE.
223
00:08:41,566 --> 00:08:43,499
NOT THE "HO-HO" KIND,
BUT THE "MM-MM" KIND.
224
00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:45,166
WELCOME TO THE
BIG APPLE, FELLA.
225
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:47,565
YES, JUST MAKE SURE
THERE'S A COPY OF THE
WALL STREET JOURNAL
226
00:08:47,633 --> 00:08:48,898
NEXT TO THE
CHANGING TABLE.
227
00:08:48,968 --> 00:08:51,066
AND SEND A
MASSEUSE UP.
LEGITIMATE!
228
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:55,232
HEY, WAITER. THE
NAME'S PETER GRIFFIN.
229
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,898
MY SON HERE'S GONNA
BE THE BEST THING TO
HAPPEN TO NEW YORK
230
00:08:57,967 --> 00:09:00,832
SINCE MAYOR GIULIANI
HAD ALL THE HOMELESS
PEOPLE SECRETLY KILLED.
231
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,598
AND ALL
I GOTTA DO
IS PAINT!
232
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,399
HEY, YOU GUYS
HAVE ANY BELLHOPS
233
00:09:05,467 --> 00:09:07,465
THAT ARE RATS
LIKE THE MUPPETS?
234
00:09:07,534 --> 00:09:09,932
MOM, CAN WE GO
SEE A BROADWAY
PLAY TONIGHT?
235
00:09:10,001 --> 00:09:12,898
COUNT ME OUT. I'M NEVER
GOING TO THE THEATER
WITH PETER AGAIN.
236
00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:16,832
"REMEMBER WHEN
YOU WERE YOUNGER,
237
00:09:16,901 --> 00:09:18,832
"UNCLE VANYA USED
TO SPEND WHOLE NIGHTS
238
00:09:18,901 --> 00:09:20,466
"TRANSLATING
BOOKS FOR YOU?
239
00:09:20,534 --> 00:09:22,799
"UNCLE VANYA AND I
WORKED WITHOUT REST,
240
00:09:22,868 --> 00:09:25,132
"AFRAID TO SPEND A
KOPECK ON OURSELVES."
241
00:09:27,201 --> 00:09:28,565
WHAT THE
HELL IS THIS?
242
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:29,732
FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD!
243
00:09:29,801 --> 00:09:31,665
SOMEBODY
THROW A PIE!
244
00:09:31,733 --> 00:09:32,899
SCREW THE
THEATER.
245
00:09:32,968 --> 00:09:34,699
MR. MONATTI
INVITED US TO
A COCKTAIL PARTY
246
00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:36,465
SO CHRIS CAN
MEET A BUNCH
OF ARTISTS.
247
00:09:36,533 --> 00:09:38,631
IT'S AT THE MUSEUM
OF MODERN ART.
248
00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,732
OH, GOD, I HOPE THAT'S
NOT SOME KIND OF MUSEUM!
249
00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:45,032
[Chattering]
250
00:09:46,968 --> 00:09:49,231
MAPPLETHORPE?
I THOUGHT HE JUST
DID PHOTOGRAPHY.
251
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:51,398
OH, NO. EARLY ON,
HE DID CARICATURES.
252
00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:54,231
UH, OK, TIM. UH,
WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE
SPORTS STAR?
253
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,065
UH, REGGIE JACKSON.
254
00:09:56,134 --> 00:09:57,998
OK, I'M GONNA DRAW
HIM POOPING ON
YOUR CHEST.
255
00:09:58,067 --> 00:09:59,032
WHAT NUMBER IS HE?
256
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,999
WELCOME.
CHRIS, THERE
ARE A NUMBER
257
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,832
OF ARTISTS
HERE I'D LIKE
YOU TO MEET.
258
00:10:02,901 --> 00:10:04,965
HEY, HEY, HEY!
LET'S TALK
TURKEY, MONATTI.
259
00:10:05,034 --> 00:10:06,498
LOOK, WE'VE BEEN
HERE ALL DAY.
260
00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:08,132
CHRIS ISN'T A
FAMOUS ARTIST YET!
261
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,598
PETER, CREATING ART
TAKES A LOT OF
TRAINING AND TECHNIQUE.
262
00:10:10,667 --> 00:10:12,432
ALL THE GREAT ARTISTS
I KNEW TOOK CLASSES.
263
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:13,632
EVEN WALT DISNEY?
264
00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:20,098
[Sniffling]
DO I, D-D-DO I HAVE TO?
265
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:21,598
YOU WANT TO BE
A STAR, DON'T YOU?
266
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:23,198
THEN TAKE IT OFF!
267
00:10:23,267 --> 00:10:25,965
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
THAT'S NICE.
268
00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:27,432
ART SCHOOL?
269
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,498
WE DON'T HAVE THAT
KIND OF TIME. CHRIS,
GIVE ME YOUR EAR!
270
00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:30,832
PETER!
271
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,232
M-M-MR. GRIFFIN,
PLEASE. PLEASE.
272
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,032
I--I INVITED YOU HERE
SO THAT CHRIS
273
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,065
COULD MAKE AN IMPRESSION
ON THE ART COMMUNITY.
274
00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:38,331
WHY DON'T YOU FOLKS
DO SOME SIGHTSEEING?
I PROMISE YOU,
275
00:10:38,401 --> 00:10:39,831
IF YOU LEAVE
CHRIS IN MY HANDS,
276
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:42,699
THE NAME GRIFFIN
WILL BE AS WELL
KNOWN AS KANDINSKY.
277
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,799
WHO?
REMBRANDT?
278
00:10:43,867 --> 00:10:44,865
WHO?
DA VINCI?
279
00:10:44,934 --> 00:10:45,932
WHO?
BAZOOKA JOE?
280
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:46,999
THERE YOU GO.
281
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,298
AH, THE
UNITED NATIONS.
282
00:10:51,367 --> 00:10:53,731
OH, I WISH CHRIS
COULD SEE THIS.
283
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,032
ISN'T IT
INSPIRING
284
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:56,498
HOW SO MANY
DIFFERENT CULTURES
285
00:10:56,567 --> 00:10:57,865
CAN COME
TOGETHER?
286
00:10:57,934 --> 00:11:00,199
YEAH, AND USE UP
ALL THE TOWELS IN
THE MEN'S ROOM!
287
00:11:02,134 --> 00:11:03,165
PETER!
288
00:11:03,233 --> 00:11:04,399
SORRY.
289
00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:07,732
[Air blowing]
290
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,132
MAN, THESE THINGS
NEVER GET 'EM
COMPLETELY DRY.
291
00:11:10,201 --> 00:11:11,599
WHERE'S STEWIE?
292
00:11:13,134 --> 00:11:14,165
HMM...
293
00:11:14,234 --> 00:11:17,465
HIDDEN MISSILE SILOS
BEHIND THE GREAT WALL!
294
00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:19,665
ANCIENT CHINESE
SECRET, HUH?
295
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,598
MR. MONATTI,
SHOULDN'T I BE
PAINTING NOW?
296
00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,898
OH, TRUST ME.
PAINTING IS THE LEAST
IMPORTANT THING
297
00:11:25,967 --> 00:11:27,564
ABOUT BEING
A SUCCESSFUL
ARTIST.
298
00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:28,798
YOU NEED AN IMAGE.
299
00:11:28,867 --> 00:11:30,766
LET'S TAKE
THIS RHODE ISLAND
LUMP OF CLAY,
300
00:11:30,834 --> 00:11:32,532
AND TURN IT
INTO THE TOAST
OF NEW YORK.
301
00:11:32,601 --> 00:11:34,765
HA, HA, HA!
I LOVE TOAST!
302
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:37,165
CUT IT SHORT AND
TINT IT GREEN, THE
COLOR OF MONEY.
303
00:11:37,234 --> 00:11:38,631
AND BOOGERS.
304
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:43,932
I FEEL LIKE
WE'VE BEEN WALKING
IN CIRCLES.
305
00:11:44,001 --> 00:11:46,364
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU
CAN FIND ANYTHING
IN THIS CITY.
306
00:11:46,433 --> 00:11:47,732
IT'S SO
CONFUSING.
307
00:11:47,801 --> 00:11:50,099
WELL, I BET IF
HILLARY CLINTON
BECOMES SENATOR,
308
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,432
SHE'LL STRAIGHTEN IT OUT.
309
00:11:51,501 --> 00:11:53,832
EVEN THOUGH SHE COULD
NEVER STRAIGHTEN OUT BILL.
310
00:11:53,901 --> 00:11:54,832
[Laughing]
311
00:11:54,901 --> 00:11:57,132
I LOVE WHEN YOU
USE TOPICAL HUMOR.
312
00:11:57,201 --> 00:11:59,632
IT'S JUST LIKE
WATCHING
MURPHY BROWN.
313
00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:02,264
HEY, MURPHY,
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH,
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH,
314
00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:03,264
JOHN SUNUNU.
315
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:04,565
[Audience laughing]
316
00:12:04,634 --> 00:12:06,565
MURPHY, BLAH-BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH-BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH-BLAH,
317
00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:07,532
TIPPER GORE.
318
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,165
[Audience laughing]
319
00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:11,399
HEY, MURPH, YOU CAN'T
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH
320
00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:12,732
THE AYATOLLAH.
321
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:14,032
[Audience laughing]
322
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,798
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH,
BISHOP DESMOND TUTU,
BLAH-BLAH.
323
00:12:16,868 --> 00:12:18,165
[Audience laughing]
324
00:12:20,234 --> 00:12:22,298
SHOULDN'T MY MOM
AND DAD BE
HERE BY NOW?
325
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,332
OH, THEY CALLED AND SAID
THEY'D RATHER WANDER
THROUGH SOHO FOR HOURS,
326
00:12:25,401 --> 00:12:27,265
LOOKING FOR AN
ADDRESS THAT DOESN'T EXIST.
327
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:29,264
HA, HA, HA!
THAT'S MY DAD.
328
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,798
WELL, MAYBE
TOMORROW
WE COULD ALL--
329
00:12:30,867 --> 00:12:32,098
HO! THERE'S
KATE MOSS.
330
00:12:32,167 --> 00:12:33,832
WHERE? I
DON'T SEE HER.
331
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,132
AHH!
332
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,498
ARE YOU THE MATRIX?
333
00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:38,865
[All laughing]
334
00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:41,499
KATE, THIS IS MY
NEWEST DISCOVERY,
CHRISTOBEL.
335
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:42,565
MY NAME'S CHRIS.
336
00:12:42,634 --> 00:12:44,132
NOT ANYMORE.
337
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,999
CHRISTOBEL WILL LOOK
SO MUCH BETTER IN
INTERVIEW MAGAZINE.
338
00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:48,366
NICE TO
MEET YOU.
I LOVE ARTISTS.
339
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,298
OOPS. A CRACK
IN THE FLOOR!
340
00:12:52,967 --> 00:12:54,232
HEY, LOIS,
GIVE ME A PENNY.
341
00:12:54,301 --> 00:12:56,099
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
THROW IT OVER
THE EDGE, ARE YOU?
342
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:57,099
NO.
343
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,264
YES.
344
00:12:58,333 --> 00:12:59,799
[Wind howling]
345
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,665
[Gasps]
346
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,732
CHRISTOBEL,
I'VE JUST SCHEDULED
YOUR FIRST EXHIBIT!
347
00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:14,332
WOW! I CAN'T
WAIT TO TELL MY DAD.
348
00:13:14,401 --> 00:13:15,999
YES. I KNOW
HOW IMPORTANT
349
00:13:16,067 --> 00:13:17,799
YOUR SUCCESS
IS TO YOUR FATHER.
350
00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:20,731
THAT'S WHY HE'LL
UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN
NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN.
351
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,232
YEAH. OF COURSE HE
WILL. DAD'S VERY--
352
00:13:23,301 --> 00:13:25,465
WHAT?
353
00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:26,932
CHRISTOBEL,
THE ART WORLD
354
00:13:27,001 --> 00:13:29,266
IS A PLACE
OF CULTURE
AND BREEDING.
355
00:13:29,333 --> 00:13:30,765
YOUR FATHER
IS, UH...
356
00:13:30,834 --> 00:13:33,398
OH, DEAR. HOW CAN
I SAY THIS WITHOUT
UPSETTING YOU?
357
00:13:33,466 --> 00:13:35,132
YOUR DAD
IS A PIG!
358
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:36,532
[Laughing]
359
00:13:37,867 --> 00:13:39,465
SO YOU SEE? IT'S
UP TO YOU, SON.
360
00:13:39,534 --> 00:13:41,532
IF YOU DON'T
WANT TO DISAPPOINT
YOUR FATHER,
361
00:13:41,601 --> 00:13:42,932
YOU MUST
KEEP HIM AWAY.
362
00:13:43,001 --> 00:13:44,765
THERE'S MY BOY.
HEY, COME ON, CHRIS,
363
00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,965
LET'S GO OVER TO BARNEYS
AND FART IN THE SUITS.
364
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,765
ALL RIGHT, DAD I...
365
00:13:49,534 --> 00:13:51,131
I MEAN, UH,
366
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,965
I CAN'T SEE
YOU ANYMORE.
367
00:13:53,034 --> 00:13:55,032
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE MY SON.
368
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,432
MR. GRIFFIN,
HE'S GOING TO BE
A GREAT ARTIST.
369
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,132
HE NOW BELONGS
TO THE PUBLIC.
370
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,799
AND APPARENTLY,
I'M DATING
KATE MOSS.
371
00:14:01,868 --> 00:14:04,264
OH, AND, UM,
DON'T SAY ANYTHING
BAD ABOUT HER,
372
00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:05,999
'CAUSE SHE MIGHT
BE HERE RIGHT NOW.
373
00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:08,332
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU CAN'T--YOU CAN'T
JUST PUSH ME ASIDE.
374
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,299
I MADE YOU!
375
00:14:09,368 --> 00:14:11,066
AND I CAN DESTROY YOU!
376
00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:12,298
[Beeps]
377
00:14:12,367 --> 00:14:14,499
GODDAMN.
THEY MUST'VE PUT IT
IN THE WRONG BABY.
378
00:14:14,568 --> 00:14:17,265
OH, BOBBY WILLIAMS,
I'D LOVE TO GO
OUT WITH YOU.
379
00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:18,598
[Gasps]
380
00:14:22,367 --> 00:14:23,498
[Car horns honking]
381
00:14:23,567 --> 00:14:25,199
I CAN'T
BELIEVE CHRIS.
382
00:14:25,267 --> 00:14:26,765
IF I HADN'T USED
HIS PAINTING
383
00:14:26,834 --> 00:14:29,331
TO PATCH THAT WINDOW,
HE'D STILL BE IN
THAT DUMP IN QUAHOG.
384
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,199
THAT "DUMP" IS OUR HOME.
385
00:14:31,267 --> 00:14:33,698
DUMP? OH--OH, SO NOW YOU'RE
TOO GOOD FOR US, TOO?
386
00:14:33,768 --> 00:14:36,598
THIS IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME
OPPORTUNITY FOR CHRIS,
387
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,665
NOT YOU!
388
00:14:37,733 --> 00:14:39,565
ARE YOU SO SELFISH
YOU CAN'T SEE THAT?
389
00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:41,066
YES, I AM.
390
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:42,999
PETER, YOUR SON
IS USING HIS TALENTS
391
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:44,165
TO PURSUE
HIS DREAM.
392
00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:45,631
I HAVE NO SON!
393
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:46,765
EXCEPT
FOR STEWIE.
394
00:14:47,534 --> 00:14:49,166
AND MEG!
395
00:14:49,234 --> 00:14:50,232
AHH!
396
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,265
♪ I HAD A DREAM ♪
397
00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:55,965
♪ IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
398
00:14:56,034 --> 00:14:57,999
♪ MEG GRIFFIN ♪
399
00:14:58,068 --> 00:15:00,866
♪ NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO ♪
400
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:03,132
♪ MEG GRIFFIN ♪
401
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,232
♪ YOU CAN'T DANCE ♪
402
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,999
♪ YOU CAN'T SING ♪
403
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:11,398
♪ NO, YOU PRETTY
MUCH CAN'T DO A THING ♪
404
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:15,099
♪ NEVER FEAR,
DADDY'S HERE ♪
405
00:15:15,168 --> 00:15:20,165
♪ HONEY, YOU'RE
GONNA MAKE OUR
NAME FAMOUS ♪
406
00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:27,333
♪ YOU'LL BE
LARGER THAN LIFE ♪
407
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,765
♪ I'LL BE PROUD YOU
FELL OUT OF MY WIFE ♪
408
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:34,266
♪ YOU'LL BE KNOWN,
FAR AND WIDE ♪
409
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:37,899
♪ LIKE THAT
PRINCESS WHO DIED ♪
410
00:15:37,967 --> 00:15:40,998
♪ I'M GONNA MAKE YOU FAMOUS ♪
411
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:43,365
♪ WAIT AND SEE ♪
412
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:48,431
♪ HONEY, I'M GONNA
DO THIS FOR YOU ♪
413
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:53,332
♪ BUT IT'S
REALLY FOR ME ♪
414
00:15:56,467 --> 00:16:01,565
♪ ...E ♪
415
00:16:01,634 --> 00:16:04,798
♪ E ♪
416
00:16:04,867 --> 00:16:07,298
FINE. IF CHRIS
DOESN'T NEED ME,
I DON'T NEED HIM.
417
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,098
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
BEING FAMOUS, MEG.
418
00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:10,831
AND THIS IS THE
TOWN TO DO IT IN.
419
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:11,798
I DON'T
KNOW, DAD.
420
00:16:11,867 --> 00:16:13,131
WHAT AM
I GONNA DO?
421
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,731
EVERYBODY'S
GOOD AT SOMETHING.
422
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,665
IT'S JUST A MATTER
OF FINDING THAT ONE
SPECIAL HIDDEN TALENT.
423
00:16:17,733 --> 00:16:19,532
BUT PROMISE ME,
WHEN YOU MAKE IT BIG,
424
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,965
YOU'LL LET ME TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF ALL THE...
425
00:16:37,334 --> 00:16:38,565
[Meg]
I CAN'T THINK
OF ANYTHING.
426
00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:40,532
I GUESS I
DON'T HAVE
ANY TALENT.
427
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,732
COME ON.
THINK HARDER.
428
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,632
THERE'S GOTTA BE
SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.
429
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,532
[Meg whistling]
430
00:16:47,934 --> 00:16:48,998
[Bird cooing]
431
00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:50,165
THAT'S
AMAZING!
432
00:16:50,234 --> 00:16:51,365
OH,
THANKS.
433
00:16:51,434 --> 00:16:53,265
I ROOMED WITH SCOTT HAMILTON
AT PREP SCHOOL.
434
00:16:53,334 --> 00:16:54,799
HEH, NOTHING
HAPPENED.
435
00:16:54,868 --> 00:16:57,165
NO--NO. I MEAN THAT
BIRD JUST CAME TO MEG
WHEN SHE WHISTLED.
436
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:58,998
OH. NO, THOSE ARE
JUST MY BIRD CALLS.
437
00:16:59,067 --> 00:17:00,531
DO IT AGAIN!
DO IT AGAIN!
438
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:01,832
[Whistling]
439
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:06,932
YEAH?
440
00:17:07,001 --> 00:17:08,298
WELL, WHAT
DID YOU WANT?
441
00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:09,365
UH...
442
00:17:09,434 --> 00:17:10,499
YOU CALLED
ME, RIGHT?
443
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,698
OH, NO, NO.
I WASN'T
CALLING YOU.
444
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:13,932
[Laughing]
445
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:16,198
OH, OH, TH-THIS
IS FUNNY TO
YOU? Y-YEAH?
446
00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:18,098
Y-YOU KNOW
WHAT A PAIN IN
THE ASS IT IS
447
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,965
TO GET ACROSS
TOWN THIS TIME
OF DAY, HUH?
448
00:17:20,034 --> 00:17:22,799
LISTEN, UH, MISTER,
WE DON'T WANT
ANY TROUBLE HERE.
449
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:23,965
I DON'T FLY,
YOU KNOW.
450
00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:25,898
I TAKE THE
SUBWAY LIKE
EVERYBODY ELSE.
451
00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:27,498
OH, AND PEOPLE
DON'T STARE.
452
00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:29,999
YOU MAKE ME
PUKE, BITCH.
453
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,699
MR. MONATTI, I DON'T
FEEL LIKE PAINTING.
454
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:36,165
I WANT TO
SEE MY DAD.
455
00:17:36,234 --> 00:17:37,298
LISTEN,
CHRISTOBEL.
456
00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:39,166
I'VE SUNK $5,000
457
00:17:39,234 --> 00:17:40,798
TURNING YOU INTO
A NEW YORK BOHEMIAN.
458
00:17:40,868 --> 00:17:42,264
ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS PAINT.
459
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:43,332
NOW, GET BUSY.
460
00:17:43,401 --> 00:17:44,665
I HAVE TO
GO OIL UP
461
00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:46,798
AND START SQUEEZING
INTO MY LEATHER PANTS.
EXCUSE ME.
462
00:17:46,867 --> 00:17:49,565
OH, JEEZ, KATE,
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
463
00:17:49,634 --> 00:17:52,065
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE THE FLAVOR
OF THE MONTH.
464
00:17:52,134 --> 00:17:53,866
OOPS. WINDOW OPEN.
465
00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:59,298
[Squawking]
466
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:00,898
[Squawking]
467
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:05,465
I'M GOING
OVER THERE!
468
00:18:05,534 --> 00:18:06,598
NO.
469
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:07,965
I'M GONNA GO
OVER THERE AND
PUNCH HER!
470
00:18:08,034 --> 00:18:10,198
NO! NO, NO,
NO, NO.
471
00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:11,765
[Squawking]
472
00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:13,732
THIS IS
HUMILIATING.
473
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,465
HEY, IT'S SHOW
BUSINESS, BABY. YOU
GOTTA START SOMEWHERE.
474
00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:18,732
NO, I DON'T.
I QUIT!
475
00:18:18,801 --> 00:18:20,465
NOW, WAIT JUST A
MINUTE, YOUNG LADY.
476
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,365
DON'T YOU WALK
AWAY FROM ME!
477
00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:24,798
HEY! HEY! DON'T
YOU START RUNNING!
478
00:18:24,868 --> 00:18:27,665
W-WAIT, MEG! MEG!
GET OFF THAT BUS.
479
00:18:27,734 --> 00:18:29,765
DON'T YOU GO
TO LA GUARDIA.
480
00:18:29,834 --> 00:18:31,032
MEG, MEG!
LISTEN TO ME.
481
00:18:31,101 --> 00:18:33,431
DON'T YOU DARE
GET ON THAT PLANE.
482
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,498
DON'T YOU SHELL OUT
$5 FOR HEADPHONES
FOR MAGNOLIA.
483
00:18:36,567 --> 00:18:37,832
OK, NOW I'M PISSED.
484
00:18:37,901 --> 00:18:39,231
WELL, THANK
GOD THAT'S OVER.
485
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:40,765
YEAH.
486
00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:42,932
HEY, YOU WANT TO
GO CRAP ON THE
STATUE OF LIBERTY?
487
00:18:43,001 --> 00:18:44,498
YOU KNOW, I'VE LIVED
HERE MY WHOLE LIFE,
488
00:18:44,567 --> 00:18:45,799
AND I'VE NEVER
BEEN THERE!
489
00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:47,865
I'VE NEVER BEEN
TO THE EMPIRE
STATE BUILDING.
490
00:18:47,934 --> 00:18:50,531
[Laughing]
BOY, WE'RE--WE'RE A PAIR,
AREN'T WE? AREN'T WE?
491
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,331
UNBELIEVABLE.
LET'S GO.
492
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,499
♪[Techno music playing]
493
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:57,999
[Crowd chattering]
494
00:19:00,467 --> 00:19:01,766
CHRIS!
495
00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:03,398
HEY, YOU
GUYS MADE IT!
496
00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:04,532
OF COURSE.
497
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,366
WE WOULDN'T MISS
YOUR BIG DAY.
498
00:19:06,434 --> 00:19:07,732
WAIT A SECOND.
499
00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:10,532
I DON'T SEE ANY
STRIPPERS PASSING
OUT FREE TACOS!
500
00:19:10,601 --> 00:19:11,899
LOIS, YOU
LIED TO ME!
501
00:19:11,968 --> 00:19:13,433
IS DAD MAD AT ME?
502
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,598
OH, HE JUST
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
503
00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:18,366
I KNOW ARTISTS
HAVE TO MAKE
SACRIFICES AND--
504
00:19:18,435 --> 00:19:19,465
[Gasping]
OH, MY GOD!
505
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:20,898
ARE YOU KATE MOSS?
506
00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:22,765
WELL, FOR SOMEONE
WITH NO BREASTS,
507
00:19:22,834 --> 00:19:25,166
YOU'VE DONE VERY
WELL FOR YOURSELF.
508
00:19:25,234 --> 00:19:26,333
GOOD FOR YOU.
509
00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:28,765
♪[Techno music playing]
510
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,464
[Monatti]
1541,
511
00:19:30,533 --> 00:19:33,333
MICHELANGELO UNVEILS
THE SISTINE CHAPEL.
512
00:19:33,401 --> 00:19:34,932
1886,
513
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,065
SEURAT COMPLETES
LA GRANDE JATTE.
514
00:19:38,134 --> 00:19:39,265
1940,
515
00:19:39,334 --> 00:19:41,532
GEORGIA O'KEEFFE
PAINTS A LOT OF FLOWERS
516
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,832
THAT LOOK SUSPICIOUSLY
LIKE VAGINAS.
517
00:19:43,901 --> 00:19:45,265
BUT IN THE NEW MILLENNIUM,
518
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:48,565
THERE IS ONLY CHRISTOBEL.
519
00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:50,432
[Audience applauding]
520
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,532
HEY, THAT'S NOT
ART! AMATEUR!
521
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,464
HEY, THAT'S
MY DAD!
522
00:19:57,533 --> 00:19:58,732
EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE.
523
00:19:58,801 --> 00:20:00,931
THAT'S MY DAD
IF HE WERE A CAT.
524
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,965
HE'S THE WHOLE
REASON I'M HERE.
525
00:20:03,034 --> 00:20:04,264
[Monatti]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
526
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:06,731
I APOLOGIZE FOR
THESE EYESORES.
527
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,366
I GUESS I WAS
WRONG ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE NO ARTIST.
528
00:20:09,435 --> 00:20:11,098
YOU'RE JUST A
NO-TALENT PUNK!
529
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:12,265
NOW HOLD
ON A SECOND!
530
00:20:12,334 --> 00:20:14,132
YOU CAN TALK TO MY
DAUGHTER THAT WAY,
531
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,465
BUT NOT MY SON!
NOW APOLOGIZE!
532
00:20:16,534 --> 00:20:18,099
THE HELL I WILL!
533
00:20:18,168 --> 00:20:20,631
YOU OWE ME FOR ALL
THE MONEY I INVESTED
IN YOUR WORTHLESS SON!
534
00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:23,732
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE
SOMETHING IN RETURN.
535
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,032
WORK OF ART?
536
00:20:25,101 --> 00:20:27,965
OR CONTAINER OF CRAZY
PURPLE KNOCKOUT GAS?
537
00:20:44,135 --> 00:20:45,965
DAD, I'M SORRY
I'M NOT GONNA
538
00:20:46,034 --> 00:20:48,665
BE A FAMOUS ARTIST
YOU CAN MOOCH OFF OF.
539
00:20:48,733 --> 00:20:50,798
AND I'M SORRY I
HAVE NO TALENT.
540
00:20:50,867 --> 00:20:52,565
AW, THAT'S
OK, KIDS.
541
00:20:52,634 --> 00:20:55,265
SO I DON'T HAVE MY NAME
ON AN AMUSEMENT PARK.
542
00:20:55,333 --> 00:20:57,331
AND MAYBE I'LL
NEVER BE FAMOUS.
543
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,198
BUT I GOT 3
WONDERFUL CHILDREN
AND A WIFE THAT LOVES ME.
544
00:21:00,266 --> 00:21:01,431
THAT'S RIGHT.
545
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:03,198
I GUESS WHEN
IT COMES RIGHT
DOWN TO IT,
546
00:21:03,266 --> 00:21:04,265
YOU'RE A
PRETTY LUCKY--
547
00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:05,532
[Vomiting]
548
00:21:05,601 --> 00:21:07,432
OH, MY
SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!
549
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,265
COME ON, GRIFFINS.
LET'S GO HOME.
550
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:10,265
UGH!
551
00:21:10,333 --> 00:21:11,965
HEY, WATCH
WHERE YOU'RE GOING!
552
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,532
THIS CHILD
IS BEAUTIFUL!
553
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:16,865
I MUST HAVE HIM!
554
00:21:16,934 --> 00:21:18,899
YOU MEAN LIKE
GINA GERSHON BEAUTIFUL,
555
00:21:18,967 --> 00:21:20,398
OR BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL?
556
00:21:20,467 --> 00:21:23,299
PETER, THIS IS
HETEROSEXUAL FASHION
DESIGNER, CALVIN KLEIN.
557
00:21:23,368 --> 00:21:24,598
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
EVERYWHERE
558
00:21:24,667 --> 00:21:27,099
FOR A FACE TO LAUNCH
MY NEW LINE OF DIAPERS.
559
00:21:27,767 --> 00:21:30,298
AND I THINK I FOUND IT.
560
00:21:30,367 --> 00:21:33,032
WELL, BOB FUNLAND
MAY HAVE HIS
NAME ON A SIGN,
561
00:21:33,101 --> 00:21:35,165
BUT ONLY A
GRIFFIN HAS THIS.
562
00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:38,731
[Camera clicking]
563
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,598
OOH!
YEAH!
564
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,365
WORKIN' IT.
MAKE ME WANT IT.
565
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:44,432
YES! MMM, BABY!
566
00:21:44,501 --> 00:21:46,299
I'M GONNA SEX
YOU UP, BABY!
567
00:21:46,368 --> 00:21:49,632
I'M GOING TO SEX
YOU UP SO CRAZY!
568
00:21:49,701 --> 00:21:52,499
YEAH! OH, YOU'RE LOVING
THIS, AREN'T YOU?
569
00:21:54,501 --> 00:21:56,432
♪[Theme music playing]