1
00:00:05,767 --> 00:00:08,099
ALL RIGHT, NOW, WE'RE GONNA
USE A FAN BRUSH HERE.
2
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:10,632
AND, UH, I WANT YOU TO
TAKE SOME HUNTER GREEN.
3
00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:12,332
AND WE'RE GONNA PUT
A HAPPY LITTLE BUSH
4
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,198
RIGHT DOWN OVER HERE
IN THE CORNER THERE.
5
00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:17,131
AND THAT'LL JUST BE
OUR LITTLE SECRET.
6
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,932
AND IF YOU TELL ANYONE
THAT, THAT BUSH IS THERE,
7
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,698
I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE
AND I WILL CUT YOU!
8
00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:26,166
AW, JEEZ. MINE DOESN'T
LOOK ANYTHING LIKE HIS.
9
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:27,431
AH, THE HELL WITH IT!
10
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:30,131
♪[Family Ties theme playing]
11
00:00:34,333 --> 00:00:37,765
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
12
00:00:37,834 --> 00:00:40,966
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
13
00:00:41,034 --> 00:00:44,632
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
14
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:47,698
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
15
00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:50,866
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
16
00:00:50,934 --> 00:00:54,032
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
17
00:00:54,101 --> 00:00:56,032
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
18
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:57,699
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
19
00:00:57,767 --> 00:01:01,665
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
20
00:01:11,934 --> 00:01:14,899
HA! BOY, YOU THROW
LIKE A FISHWIFE!
21
00:01:14,967 --> 00:01:17,765
COME ON, YOU HAIRY
LUBBIN' FRIGGIN' ROD!
22
00:01:17,834 --> 00:01:20,598
CHRIS, ARE YOU
GONNA TAKE THAT
FROM A FISHERMAN?
23
00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:21,865
NO WAY!
24
00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:24,565
AHH!
25
00:01:24,968 --> 00:01:25,999
AHH!
26
00:01:26,068 --> 00:01:28,266
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!
27
00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:29,798
[Laughing]
28
00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:32,231
I'M GOOD!
29
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,965
AH, HOW FUN.
30
00:01:34,034 --> 00:01:35,565
AND IT'S FOR
A GOOD CAUSE.
31
00:01:35,634 --> 00:01:37,032
ALL THE
MONEY GOES
32
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,965
TO THE FAMILIES OF
FISHERMEN WHO'VE
BEEN EATEN BY SHARKS.
33
00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:41,198
LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,
34
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,732
THE MAYOR OF QUAHOG,
ADAM WEST!
35
00:01:44,534 --> 00:01:46,099
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
36
00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:47,466
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
37
00:01:47,534 --> 00:01:48,999
THANK YOU.
38
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,598
HA, THANK YOU.
39
00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:51,531
THANK YOU.
40
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,398
AHEM, THANK YOU.
41
00:01:53,467 --> 00:01:54,766
YA, THANK YOU.
42
00:01:54,834 --> 00:01:58,531
IT WAS 360 YEARS AGO
THAT QUAHOG FOUNDER
43
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,398
MILES "CHATTERBOX"
MUSKET SET SAIL
44
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:03,932
FOR THE NEW COLONY
OF RHODE ISLAND.
45
00:02:04,001 --> 00:02:06,032
YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M GONNA DO WHEN
WE GET TO SHORE?
46
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:07,632
FIRST THING, FIRST
THING I'M GONNA DO,
47
00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,865
I'M GONNA HAVE
ME A SNACK.
N-N-N-NO! SHOWER!
48
00:02:09,934 --> 00:02:12,098
SHOWER FIRST, SNACK
2ND. BUT I HOPE
I SEE INDIANS.
49
00:02:12,167 --> 00:02:14,199
HEY, YOU THINK
THEY'LL HAVE AMERICAN
CHEESE THERE?
50
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:15,665
[Adam West]
EVER THE FREE THINKER,
51
00:02:15,733 --> 00:02:18,665
MILES WAS THROWN OVERBOARD
FOR SPEAKING HIS MIND.
52
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,432
HE WAS AS GOOD AS DEAD.
53
00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:22,965
BUT AS LEGEND HAS IT,
54
00:02:23,034 --> 00:02:25,232
HE WAS SAVED BY
A MAGIC CLAM
55
00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:26,665
WHO BROUGHT
HIM TO SHORE
56
00:02:26,734 --> 00:02:29,432
AND SHARED THE
VISION OF A NEW COLONY,
57
00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:32,865
WHICH WOULD BE CALLED QUAHOG.
58
00:02:32,934 --> 00:02:35,632
THERE ARE FIELDS
FOR TILLING,
WOODS FOR TIMBER,
59
00:02:35,701 --> 00:02:37,432
AND ALWAYS THE
BOUNTY OF THE SEA.
60
00:02:37,501 --> 00:02:38,965
LOOK AT ALL THIS SAND!
61
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,866
DID YOU KNOW THERE
ARE BEACHES WITH
BLACK SAND?
62
00:02:40,934 --> 00:02:42,399
OH, DID I NOT
PACK MY TOWEL?
63
00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:44,465
ARE YOU--ARE YOU
LISTENING? I'M TRYING
TO HELP YOU HERE.
64
00:02:44,534 --> 00:02:45,865
[Adam West]
AND HELP HE DID.
65
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:47,698
THANKS TO THE CLAM'S
LEADERSHIP,
66
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:51,232
QUAHOG BECAME A GREAT
AND PROSPEROUS SETTLEMENT.
67
00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:53,065
BUT RELATIONS
BETWEEN MILES
68
00:02:53,134 --> 00:02:54,865
AND THE CLAM
SOON SOURED.
69
00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:56,231
I MEAN, I KNOW
HE'S AN INDIAN.
70
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:57,765
BUT WHAT KIND OF
A NAME IS SQUANTO?
71
00:02:57,833 --> 00:03:00,266
I MEAN, "LESLIE" OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT
WOULD BE NICE.
72
00:03:00,335 --> 00:03:02,265
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
JUST SHUT UP!
73
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:04,865
GOD, KEEP IT
TO YOURSELF
ONCE IN A WHILE!
74
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,665
OH! HERE--HERE.
LOOK WHAT I'M DOING.
75
00:03:06,733 --> 00:03:09,232
ALL RIGHT? LOOK,
WATCH THIS,
WATCH THIS.
76
00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:11,732
HEY? UH? LOOK,
SEE THAT? SEE
THAT? YEAH!
77
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,731
NOW TRY IT WITH
ME. HUH? OK?
78
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:14,832
OK?
79
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,765
[Sniffling]
80
00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:18,599
[Sighs]
81
00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:20,332
THINGS ONLY GOT WORSE.
82
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,965
BEFORE LONG, MILES BEGAN
TO CONTEMPLATE
83
00:03:23,034 --> 00:03:24,832
KILLING THE CLAM.
84
00:03:29,734 --> 00:03:31,532
I WAS AWAKE
LAST NIGHT, MILES.
85
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,698
I SAW YOU.
86
00:03:33,767 --> 00:03:35,865
I THINK IT'S
TIME FOR ME TO GO.
87
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:41,365
I'LL SEND FOR MY THINGS.
88
00:03:44,634 --> 00:03:45,932
WAIT! DON'T GO!
89
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,432
I'M SORRY!
90
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,731
[Sobbing]
91
00:03:50,634 --> 00:03:52,464
MILES NEVER
SPOKE AGAIN.
92
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,066
BUT EVERY YEAR
UNTIL HIS DEATH,
93
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:56,265
FROM A COMBINATION
OF TUBERCULOSIS
94
00:03:56,334 --> 00:03:58,065
AND A TOMAHAWK
TO THE HEAD,
95
00:03:58,134 --> 00:04:00,333
HE WENT TO THE
SHORE ON THIS DAY,
96
00:04:00,401 --> 00:04:03,832
IN HOPES THAT THE MAGIC
CLAM WOULD RETURN.
97
00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:07,132
TODAY, WE CITIZENS OF QUAHOG
CONTINUE THIS TRADITION.
98
00:04:07,901 --> 00:04:09,065
WHAT'S THAT?
99
00:04:09,134 --> 00:04:11,231
SOMETHING OUT AT SEA?
100
00:04:11,734 --> 00:04:15,531
CLAM-HO!
101
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,366
THEY'RE GIVING
YOUR CUE, PETER.
102
00:04:17,434 --> 00:04:19,498
[Exhaling]
WHO THE HELL'S IDEA WAS IT
103
00:04:19,567 --> 00:04:21,432
TO MAKE THIS SUIT
OUT OF FOAM RUBBER?
104
00:04:21,501 --> 00:04:23,999
IT'S SUCH AN HONOR
TO PLAY THE
MAGIC CLAM.
105
00:04:24,068 --> 00:04:25,598
AREN'T YOU PROUD
OF YOUR DAD, KIDS?
106
00:04:25,667 --> 00:04:26,698
ARE YOU
KIDDING?
107
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,032
GOD, THIS IS
WORSE THAN HAVING
108
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,665
RONALD MCDONALD
FOR A FATHER.
109
00:04:31,335 --> 00:04:32,965
BYE, DAD!
DON'T WAIT UP!
110
00:04:33,034 --> 00:04:35,132
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WAIT A MINUTE, LISA!
COME BACK HERE.
111
00:04:35,201 --> 00:04:36,832
YOU'RE NOT GOING
OUT WITH ALL
THAT MAKE-UP ON.
112
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:37,799
BUT DAD!
113
00:04:37,867 --> 00:04:38,799
UPSTAIRS!
114
00:04:38,868 --> 00:04:41,333
YOU'RE A MCDONALD,
NOT A WHORE!
115
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,232
[Gasping]
116
00:04:43,301 --> 00:04:45,432
I THINK I GOT
A WAVE HERE!
117
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:52,498
[Crowd gasping]
118
00:04:52,567 --> 00:04:55,332
HUH. SO THAT'S
WHAT PETER'S PENIS
LOOKS LIKE.
119
00:04:55,401 --> 00:04:57,199
HOW COULD
YOU EMBARRASS
ME LIKE THAT?
120
00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:59,999
NOBODY BETTER PULL THIS
KIND OF CRAP AT MY
SLUMBER PARTY TONIGHT!
121
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,399
DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
122
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:03,632
YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS
ARE GONNA HAVE
A GREAT TIME.
123
00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:05,732
YES, YES. HOW
DELIGHTFUL IT WILL BE.
124
00:05:05,801 --> 00:05:07,799
A PUBESCENT HERD
OF GABBY WRETCHES
125
00:05:07,867 --> 00:05:09,698
PRATTLING ON
ABOUT BOYS
126
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,165
AND MUSIC AND
127
00:05:11,234 --> 00:05:13,766
JELLYBEANS
AND STICKERS.
128
00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:16,231
OH--OH, WE
BETTER STOP
BY THE HOSPITAL
129
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,498
SO I CAN GET MY
COOTIES SHOT.
130
00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:20,099
[Laughing]
131
00:05:20,168 --> 00:05:21,364
[Laughing]
132
00:05:21,433 --> 00:05:22,732
SHUT UP!
133
00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:24,999
JUST LEAVE ME AND
MY FRIENDS ALONE
TONIGHT, OK?
134
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,532
MEG, WILL
YOU RELAX?
135
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,365
NONE OF US ARE
GONNA DO ANYTHING TO
EMBARRASS YOU, ALL RIGHT?
136
00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:30,598
JEEZ, I GOTTA
GET GAS.
137
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,698
HEY, ANY
OF YOU GUYS
WANT A SODA?
138
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,765
I'M GONNA GO INSIDE
AND GET A SODA.
139
00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:38,133
MOM!
140
00:05:38,201 --> 00:05:40,531
MEG, YOU KNOW
YOUR FATHER LOVES
YOU VERY MUCH.
141
00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:42,565
MR. GRIFFIN?
142
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,098
OH, MY GOD!
143
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,365
HEY, LOOK, MEG. IT'S
KEVIN FROM NEXT DOOR.
144
00:05:46,434 --> 00:05:47,698
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WORKED HERE.
145
00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:49,098
HEY, KEVIN.
COME HERE!
146
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:50,198
COME HERE!
147
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,165
SAY HI TO MEG.
148
00:05:51,233 --> 00:05:52,299
SHE'S RIGHT
IN THERE.
149
00:05:52,368 --> 00:05:53,299
RIGHT
THERE.
150
00:05:53,368 --> 00:05:54,299
[Groaning]
151
00:05:56,034 --> 00:05:57,999
OK. I'D PUT
BRAD PITT'S FACE
152
00:05:58,068 --> 00:06:00,298
ON BRENDAN
FRASER'S BODY
153
00:06:00,366 --> 00:06:02,966
WITH BEN AFFLECK'S
BUTT!
154
00:06:03,034 --> 00:06:04,231
[All screaming]
155
00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,765
MY TURN!
MY TURN!
156
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:08,066
I'D TAKE
JAMES BROLIN'S FACE,
157
00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:09,732
MARK SPITZ'S
BODY,
158
00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:13,199
AND MILTON BERLE'S
LEGENDARY GENITALS. HA!
159
00:06:13,268 --> 00:06:14,966
MOM, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
160
00:06:15,034 --> 00:06:17,032
I LOVE SLUMBER
PARTIES!
161
00:06:17,101 --> 00:06:18,698
OK, TRUTH
OR DARE?
162
00:06:18,767 --> 00:06:21,498
WHO HERE
HAS GONE ALL
THE WAY? HMM?
163
00:06:21,567 --> 00:06:23,032
YOU KNOW, AT MY
SLEEPOVERS,
164
00:06:23,101 --> 00:06:24,832
WE USED
TO PRACTICE
FRENCH KISSING.
165
00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,298
NOW EVERYBODY
PAIR UP!
166
00:06:26,367 --> 00:06:27,698
[Chris]
ALL RIGHT, MOM!
167
00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:29,832
CHRIS, GET OUT
OF HERE RIGHT NOW!
168
00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:30,932
UM...
169
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:31,932
I CAN'T.
170
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,932
OK. FINISH UP
AND THEN COME OUT.
171
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,899
HEY LOIS, HAVE YOU
SEEN MY FAKE BEARD?
172
00:06:35,968 --> 00:06:37,699
OH, CRAP! I'M STUCK
IN THE STAIRS.
173
00:06:38,901 --> 00:06:40,531
OH, GOD, KILL ME NOW.
174
00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:43,999
[Phone ringing]
175
00:06:44,733 --> 00:06:45,765
[Ringing]
176
00:06:45,834 --> 00:06:46,932
HELLO?
177
00:06:47,401 --> 00:06:49,465
KAREN!
178
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,832
ALL RIGHT MEG,
I'M GONNA NEED YOU
TO BOIL SOME WATER.
179
00:06:51,901 --> 00:06:53,298
AND GIRLS,
I'M GONNA
NEED TOWELS,
180
00:06:53,366 --> 00:06:55,331
LOTS OF THEM!
OK, LET'S GO!
181
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,431
AW JEEZ,
I'M--I'M SORRY,
MEG'S FRIENDS.
182
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,999
LOOK, I'LL MAKE
IT UP TO YOU.
183
00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:02,632
I'LL GET YOU DAVY JONES
FOR YOUR SCHOOL DANCE.
184
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:05,232
AHH! AHH! JEEZ, LOIS!
WHAT IS THAT? ACID?
185
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,965
YOU GUYS ARE
RUINING MY LIFE!
186
00:07:07,034 --> 00:07:08,299
I'M SORRY,
HONEY.
187
00:07:08,367 --> 00:07:09,932
I KNOW HOW
YOU MUST FEEL.
188
00:07:10,001 --> 00:07:11,366
IF YOU CARE
ABOUT ME,
189
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:12,899
YOU WON'T
SHOW YOUR FACES
DOWNSTAIRS
190
00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:14,565
FOR THE REST
OF THE NIGHT.
191
00:07:14,633 --> 00:07:17,265
WELL, THEN IT'S A GOOD
THING I HAVE THIS.
192
00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:19,032
"I AM NOT A CROOK!"
193
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:20,865
[Laughing]
194
00:07:20,934 --> 00:07:23,331
LOOK, I MEAN IT!
ALL OF YOU.
195
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,832
OH, GOD!
WHERE'S STEWIE?
196
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,532
WELL, BETH, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
197
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,498
DOES MARK FIND
YOU ATTRACTIVE?
198
00:07:28,567 --> 00:07:29,998
[Chuckling]
I DON'T KNOW.
199
00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:31,465
WELL, HAVE YOU
ASKED HIM?
200
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:32,999
NOT EXACTLY.
201
00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:35,132
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. LET'S
TRY SOME ROLE-PLAYING.
202
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,266
I'LL BE MARK,
203
00:07:36,334 --> 00:07:38,565
AND YOU ASK ME OUT
TO TH-THE BOX SOCIAL,
204
00:07:38,634 --> 00:07:40,732
OR WHATEVER THE DEVIL
IT IS YOU CHILDREN
DO THESE DAYS.
205
00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:44,333
[Lois]
PETER, DON'T!
206
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:46,565
GOD, YOUR HANDS
ARE LIKE ICE!
207
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,099
JUST HERE.
GIVE IT TO ME.
208
00:07:49,168 --> 00:07:51,233
OOH, THAT'LL WARM
IT UP A LITTLE.
209
00:07:51,301 --> 00:07:52,732
[Lois giggling]
OH,
210
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,665
THAT'S NICE.
211
00:07:54,734 --> 00:07:56,698
[Peter]
OH! OH! OH!
212
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:57,831
[Lois]
PETER, WAIT TILL--
213
00:07:57,900 --> 00:07:59,199
SHAZAM!
214
00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:01,032
[Sighs]
OH, PETER.
215
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,198
AHH!
216
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:06,198
AHH!
217
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:10,265
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR FRIENDS?
218
00:08:10,334 --> 00:08:12,298
MY FAMILY
SCARED THEM AWAY.
219
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:14,333
I JUST--I JUST WISH
THERE WAS SOME WAY
220
00:08:14,401 --> 00:08:16,498
I COULD MAKE THEM
UNDERSTAND HOW
EMBARRASSING THEY ARE.
221
00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:18,432
WELCOME
BACK TO DIANE!
222
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:19,765
ERICA, IT'S TIME
223
00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:21,798
FOR MARIO'S
LITTLE CONFESSION.
224
00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:23,631
ERICA, YOU
KNOW I LOVE YOU.
225
00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:25,965
BUT I GOTTA
COME CLEAN.
226
00:08:26,034 --> 00:08:28,965
I'M--I'M NOT
REALLY A MAN.
227
00:08:29,034 --> 00:08:30,531
I'M A WOMAN.
228
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,765
[Audience cheering]
229
00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:34,198
OH, MY GOD!
YOU'RE A WOMAN?
230
00:08:34,267 --> 00:08:35,899
WELL, ACTUALLY,
231
00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:37,632
I'M NOT REALLY
A WOMAN.
232
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:38,866
I'M A HORSE!
233
00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:40,132
[Audience cheering]
234
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,699
OH, MY GOD!
YOU'RE A HORSE?
235
00:08:42,767 --> 00:08:45,398
ACTUALLY, I'M
NOT REALLY A HORSE.
236
00:08:45,466 --> 00:08:46,932
I'M A BROOM.
237
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,665
[Cheering]
238
00:08:51,101 --> 00:08:52,665
OK. OK.
239
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,398
SO HOW DO YOU FEEL?
240
00:08:54,466 --> 00:08:56,432
TO BE HONEST
WITH YOU, DIANE,
241
00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:57,932
I'M SURPRISED.
242
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,665
MAN, THIS IS
A GREAT SHOW.
243
00:09:04,733 --> 00:09:06,564
THEY DRAG THESE
IDIOTS UP ON STAGE
244
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:07,832
AND THEN
BLINDSIDE THEM.
245
00:09:07,901 --> 00:09:09,398
LIKE--LIKE
THIS ONE GUY
246
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,199
DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS
ACTUALLY 2 MIDGETS.
247
00:09:11,268 --> 00:09:13,899
OH, THOSE POOR,
UNSUSPECTING PEOPLE.
248
00:09:13,968 --> 00:09:16,698
WELL, MAYBE SOME OF
THEM DESERVED IT.
249
00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:18,398
[Audience cheering]
250
00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:21,298
HELLO. AND
WELCOME TO DIANE!
251
00:09:21,366 --> 00:09:24,899
TODAY'S GUEST IS TIRED
OF BEING EMBARRASSED
BY HER FAMILY.
252
00:09:24,967 --> 00:09:27,866
MEG, HOW DID YOU GET
THESE TICKETS AGAIN?
253
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,832
LET'S BRING
THEM UP RIGHT NOW.
254
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,399
MEG, WHATEVER
PROBLEMS WE HAVE
255
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:32,866
CAN BE SETTLED
IN THE PRIVACY--
256
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:34,298
[Diane]
THE GRIFFIN FAMILY!
257
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:35,865
[Laughing]
SUCKERS.
258
00:09:37,401 --> 00:09:38,498
UH-OH.
259
00:09:41,734 --> 00:09:42,798
AND WE'RE BACK.
260
00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:44,531
GRIFFINS, DO YOU
HAVE ANYTHING
261
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:45,732
TO SAY TO YOUR
DAUGHTER?
262
00:09:45,801 --> 00:09:48,598
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D
DO THIS TO US, MEG.
263
00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:51,365
MAYBE NOW I WON'T
GIVE YOU THE ANTIDOTE.
264
00:09:51,434 --> 00:09:52,499
TO WHAT?
265
00:09:52,567 --> 00:09:54,832
TO THE POISON
YOU JUST DRANK.
266
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,598
[Laughing]
267
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:57,765
SEE WHAT I MEAN?
268
00:09:57,834 --> 00:09:59,565
THIS IS
NOT NORMAL!
269
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,166
YOU THERE,
BINGO.
270
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:02,331
IT SEEMS THE
NAUGHTY BABY
271
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,266
HAS MADE A
MESSY-POO IN HIS...
272
00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:05,999
I SAY,
WHAT'S THIS?
273
00:10:06,067 --> 00:10:07,165
VOLUME!
VOLUME!
274
00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:08,665
LOOK, WHAT'S
THE BIG DEAL?
275
00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:11,065
I MEAN, WE'RE JUST A
REGULAR AMERICAN FAMILY.
276
00:10:11,134 --> 00:10:12,331
WE HAVE FAMILY DINNERS,
277
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,932
AND WE GO TO CHURCH
TOGETHER--
278
00:10:14,001 --> 00:10:16,199
YEAH? AND YOU
EVEN MANAGE TO
HUMILIATE ME THERE.
279
00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:19,132
[Coughing]
280
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,798
WHOA, IS THAT REALLY
THE BLOOD OF CHRIST?
281
00:10:20,867 --> 00:10:22,165
YES.
282
00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:25,398
MAN, THAT GUY MUST'VE BEEN
WASTED 24 HOURS A DAY, HUH?
283
00:10:25,467 --> 00:10:26,799
WE HAVE A CALLER
ON THE LINE.
284
00:10:26,868 --> 00:10:27,832
GO AHEAD.
285
00:10:27,901 --> 00:10:29,499
[Stewie]
YES, YES. I SAY,
286
00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:32,164
DO YOU HAVE
PRINCE ALBERT IN A CAN?
287
00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:33,699
[Both laughing]
288
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,399
QUIET--QUIET--
QUIET. SHUT UP--
SHUT UP.
289
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,499
UM,
290
00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:38,232
WELL, YOU'D BETTER
LET HIM OUT!
291
00:10:38,301 --> 00:10:40,732
[Both laughing]
292
00:10:40,801 --> 00:10:42,632
THAT'S HILARIOUS.
293
00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:44,265
MEG, YOU
HAVE 2 PARENTS
294
00:10:44,334 --> 00:10:46,098
WHO LOVE YOU AND...
295
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:48,032
WHAT DOES THAT
SAY UNDER ME?
296
00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:51,032
OH, GO...YOURSELF,
DIANE!
297
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:54,032
SHE SAID
A SWEAR!
298
00:10:54,101 --> 00:10:55,999
PETER, DO
YOU THINK
THERE MIGHT BE
299
00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:58,266
ANY VALIDITY
TO WHAT MEG
IS FEELING?
300
00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:00,465
WHO ARE YOU
CALLING UNCLE TOM?
301
00:11:00,533 --> 00:11:01,598
WHAT?
302
00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:02,932
OK, TIME OUT.
303
00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:04,431
THIS KIND
OF ACRIMONY
304
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,732
ISN'T GONNA RESOLVE
OUR DIFFERENCES.
305
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,498
JUST SHUT
UP AND THROW
A CHAIR.
306
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:09,598
[Audience gasping]
307
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:10,799
OK!
308
00:11:10,867 --> 00:11:11,932
[Lois]
AHH!
309
00:11:12,001 --> 00:11:13,832
[Audience cheering]
310
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:14,899
HMM.
311
00:11:16,768 --> 00:11:17,799
UH-OH.
312
00:11:17,867 --> 00:11:19,298
FIRE! FIRE!
313
00:11:19,366 --> 00:11:20,865
CITY HALL IS BURNING.
314
00:11:20,934 --> 00:11:22,899
DON'T WORRY.
I'LL PUT IT OUT.
315
00:11:22,967 --> 00:11:24,631
AHH!
316
00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:25,832
[Laughing]
317
00:11:25,901 --> 00:11:27,232
HEY, GREAT SHOW
OUT THERE.
318
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:29,032
LOOK, IF YOU WANT
AN AUTOGRAPH RIGHT NOW,
319
00:11:29,101 --> 00:11:31,032
YOU GOTTA GIVE ME A PEN
OR GET ME SOME SNOW.
320
00:11:31,101 --> 00:11:32,066
[Laughing]
321
00:11:32,134 --> 00:11:33,866
I LOOK AT YOU
AND I SEE A SERIES.
322
00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:35,199
IN FACT, WE WANT
TO PUT CAMERAS
323
00:11:35,267 --> 00:11:36,932
IN YOUR HOUSE AND
FOLLOW THE HUMAN DRAMA
324
00:11:37,001 --> 00:11:38,099
THAT IS YOUR FAMILY.
325
00:11:38,167 --> 00:11:39,565
KIND OF LIKE
THE REAL WORLD.
326
00:11:39,634 --> 00:11:41,364
ALL RIGHT! THEN EVERYONE
WOULD GET TO SEE
327
00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:42,665
ME AND MY WACKY ANTICS.
328
00:11:44,168 --> 00:11:45,431
BLAH!
329
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,999
[Laughing]
330
00:12:05,867 --> 00:12:06,932
SO DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
331
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,398
LET'S SHAKE ON IT.
332
00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:10,999
[Zippers zipping]
333
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:17,165
M-MOM, ARE
WE ON T.V.
RIGHT NOW?
334
00:12:17,233 --> 00:12:18,231
YES, CHRIS.
335
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,932
YOUR FATHER
SIGNED A CONTRACT,
336
00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:21,598
AND NOW
WE'RE GONNA
BE ON T.V.
337
00:12:21,667 --> 00:12:23,199
FOR THE NEXT
6 MONTHS.
338
00:12:23,268 --> 00:12:24,598
HOW
COULD YOU
DO THIS?
339
00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:25,599
YOU'VE TURNED
MY LIFE
340
00:12:25,667 --> 00:12:27,299
INTO THE 24-HOUR
LOSER CHANNEL!
341
00:12:27,368 --> 00:12:28,665
YOU,
CAMERAMAN!
342
00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:30,999
MAKE SURE YOU USE THAT
CYBILL SHEPHERD FILTER!
343
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,498
IF THEY CAN MAKE HER
LOOK HALF-HUMAN,
344
00:12:32,566 --> 00:12:34,365
THEY SHOULD BE ABLE
TO TAKE 6 MONTHS
OFF MY FACE.
345
00:12:35,434 --> 00:12:36,765
UM...
346
00:12:36,834 --> 00:12:39,232
I--I FIND THE
TOOTHPASTE WITH THE PUMP
347
00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:42,498
IS A LITTLE EASIER
TO GET ON THE BRUSH.
348
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:44,431
UM, YOU MIGHT'VE
NOTICED MY UNDERWEAR
349
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,932
HAS A--HAS
A HOLE IN IT.
350
00:12:46,001 --> 00:12:47,565
IT'S UH,
YOU KNOW, I--I...
351
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,165
I--I DON'T SEE
ANY REASON TO--TO
THROW IT OUT. IT'S...
352
00:12:50,234 --> 00:12:51,999
THE WAIST IS
STILL FINE.
353
00:12:52,068 --> 00:12:53,766
YOU KNOW, YOU
CAN SEE--SEE
354
00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:55,065
IT'S STILL REAL
STRETCHY.
355
00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:57,099
MOM, YOU HAVE
TO DO SOMETHING!
356
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,899
DAD'S ON T.V.
PARADING AROUND
357
00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:01,631
IN HIS UNDERWEAR
LIKE SOME GROSS
EUROPEAN GUY!
358
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,065
UH, NOW,
SWEETIE,
359
00:13:03,134 --> 00:13:05,565
YOUR FATHER'S JUST
A FREE SPIRIT.
360
00:13:05,634 --> 00:13:06,665
HERE.
361
00:13:06,733 --> 00:13:08,132
A GOOD BREAKFAST
IS THE FOUNDATION
362
00:13:08,201 --> 00:13:09,698
OF A GOOD DAY.
363
00:13:09,767 --> 00:13:11,565
AND A--AND A BAD
BREAKFAST
364
00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,331
IS THE FOUNDATION
OF INDIGESTION.
365
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,332
HEY-O!
366
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,432
[Chuckles]
367
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,465
HEY, I'M, HI,
I'M BRIAN.
368
00:13:17,534 --> 00:13:19,132
[Stewie]
WHAT THE HELL
IS THIS?
369
00:13:19,201 --> 00:13:20,998
I SAID EGG
WHITES ONLY!
370
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:23,431
ARE YOU TRYING TO
GIVE ME A BLOODY
HEART ATTACK?
371
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,932
MAKE IT AGAIN!
372
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:28,631
AH, THE BREAKFAST
THING. HEH. YES.
373
00:13:28,701 --> 00:13:31,032
I-I-IT WASN'T
EVEN ABOUT THE
EGGS, REALLY.
374
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,699
FRANKLY, I LIKE
THE YOLKS.
375
00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:34,132
I--I--I DON'T...
376
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,032
I HAVE NO PROBLEM,
IT'S JUST...
377
00:13:36,101 --> 00:13:37,665
THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN
A LOT OF TENSION
378
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:38,965
BETWEEN LOIS
AND ME.
379
00:13:39,034 --> 00:13:40,531
AND IT'S NOT
SO MUCH
380
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,965
THAT I WANT
TO "KILL" HER.
381
00:13:43,034 --> 00:13:44,665
IT'S JUST
I WANT HER
382
00:13:44,734 --> 00:13:46,765
NOT TO BE
ALIVE ANYMORE.
383
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:49,331
I SOMETIMES
WONDER
384
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,332
IF ALL WOMEN ARE
THIS DIFFICULT.
385
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,065
AND THEN I THINK
TO MYSELF, "MY GOD,
386
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,465
"WOULDN'T IT
BE MARVELOUS
387
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,732
"IF I TURNED OUT TO
BE A HOMOSEXUAL?"
388
00:14:03,268 --> 00:14:05,732
ONE TIME MY DAD
POOPED IN THE
NEIGHBOR'S YARD
389
00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:06,932
AND THEN LIED ABOUT IT.
390
00:14:07,001 --> 00:14:08,333
I KNEW IT!
391
00:14:08,401 --> 00:14:10,766
WELL, I'M GLAD I
USED HIS SHOVEL
TO CLEAN IT UP!
392
00:14:10,834 --> 00:14:12,899
WOW! JOE, THIS SORT
OF MAKES YOU LIKE
393
00:14:12,967 --> 00:14:14,865
LARRY FROM
THREE'S COMPANY.
394
00:14:14,934 --> 00:14:17,598
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS
THOUGHT HE WAS SEXY.
395
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:20,731
YES! I AM ALL ABOUT
LARRY OVER HERE!
396
00:14:20,801 --> 00:14:22,498
[Seagulls crying]
397
00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:26,932
UM, ON
SUNDAYS
398
00:14:27,001 --> 00:14:29,499
WE GENERALLY CATCH
THE EARLY-BIRD SPECIAL
399
00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:31,899
HERE AT THE
LOBSTER SHANTY.
400
00:14:31,968 --> 00:14:34,731
UH, FRESH SEAFOOD,
GOOD PRICES.
401
00:14:34,801 --> 00:14:35,899
PLUS,
402
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:37,932
IT'S A
SHANTY.
403
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:40,198
AND YOU GET
TO PICK YOUR
OWN LOBSTER.
404
00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:42,799
YES, YES. THAT ONE
LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOT
SOME FIGHT IN HIM.
405
00:14:42,867 --> 00:14:45,766
TAKE OFF THE
RUBBER BANDS!
I'M GOING IN!
406
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:47,366
OH MY GOD!
IT IS THEM!
407
00:14:47,434 --> 00:14:48,899
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE
GRIFFINS EAT HERE
408
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:50,299
LIKE EVERYDAY
PEOPLE!
409
00:14:50,368 --> 00:14:52,532
WE'RE, LIKE,
TRYING TO
EAT HERE.
410
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:53,965
MEG, PUT
YOUR BIB ON.
411
00:14:54,034 --> 00:14:55,431
I DON'T WANT
TO WEAR A BIB.
412
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,499
MEG, HONEY,
IT'S VERY
COLD IN HERE.
413
00:14:58,567 --> 00:15:01,099
MAYBE YOU'D BE
MORE COMFORTABLE
WITH YOUR BIB ON.
414
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,032
SHE MEANS YOUR
NIPPLES ARE
STICKING OUT.
415
00:15:03,101 --> 00:15:04,032
MOM!
416
00:15:04,101 --> 00:15:05,066
[Laughing]
417
00:15:05,134 --> 00:15:06,099
NIPPLES!
NIPPLES!
418
00:15:06,168 --> 00:15:07,066
THAT'S IT!
419
00:15:07,134 --> 00:15:08,932
I WANT THOSE
CAMERAS OFF!
420
00:15:09,001 --> 00:15:10,166
4TH WALL!
421
00:15:10,234 --> 00:15:12,165
YOU'RE BREAKING
THE 4TH WALL!
422
00:15:12,234 --> 00:15:13,432
MEG, YOU'RE
THE ONE
423
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,698
THAT GOT US ON T.V.
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
424
00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:18,032
WELL NOW
I'M GETTING
US OFF T.V.
425
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:19,898
I QUIT!
426
00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:22,431
HMM. LOOK, THIS
ISN'T NECESSARILY
A BAD THING.
427
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,398
WE CAN'T DO THE
SHOW WITHOUT MEG.
428
00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:26,099
WHY NOT?
429
00:15:26,168 --> 00:15:28,531
OUR RESEARCH SHOWS THAT
MEG IS THE LEAST POPULAR
CHARACTER ON THE SHOW.
430
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,199
BUT EVERYONE LOVES
THE REST OF YOU.
431
00:15:30,268 --> 00:15:32,598
LOIS, LOIS,
WOMEN 25 TO 49,
432
00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:33,832
THEY SEE YOU
AS A ROLE MODEL.
433
00:15:33,901 --> 00:15:34,799
REALLY?
434
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:35,765
ABSOLUTELY.
435
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:36,765
WHAT ABOUT ME?
436
00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:38,132
[Chuckling]
YOU!
437
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,899
LOOK, THE BOTTOM
LINE IS YOU FOLKS
438
00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:41,965
ARE ALL STILL
UNDER CONTRACT. OK?
439
00:15:42,034 --> 00:15:43,499
BUT I'VE COME UP
WITH A SOLUTION
440
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:45,399
I THINK WILL MAKE
EVERYONE HAPPY.
441
00:15:48,567 --> 00:15:49,699
JASON GALLAGHER.
442
00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:50,732
[Jason]
PRESENT.
443
00:15:50,801 --> 00:15:52,066
MEG GRIFFIN.
444
00:15:52,134 --> 00:15:53,266
OH, SORRY
I'M LATE, MR.--
445
00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:54,398
HERE.
446
00:16:03,801 --> 00:16:04,932
HELLO?
447
00:16:05,001 --> 00:16:06,632
[Peter]
OVER HERE.
448
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:08,165
THANK YOU
FOR MEETING
US HERE.
449
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:09,765
CAN I OFFER
YOU A CIGARETTE?
450
00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:10,932
PETER.
SORRY.
451
00:16:11,001 --> 00:16:12,164
WE HAVE TO
KEEP THIS BRIEF.
452
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:13,299
WHY ARE WE HERE?
453
00:16:13,368 --> 00:16:14,398
NO CAMERAS!
454
00:16:14,467 --> 00:16:16,065
THE T.V. EXECUTIVES
DON'T WANT VIEWERS
455
00:16:16,134 --> 00:16:18,099
TO GET CONFUSED
AND THINK YOU'RE
MEG GRIFFIN.
456
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:19,832
SO YOU'RE JUST
GONNA LET THEM
RECAST ME?
457
00:16:19,901 --> 00:16:20,865
IT COULD'VE
BEEN WORSE.
458
00:16:20,934 --> 00:16:22,266
THEY COULD'VE
GONE WITH PLAN "B."
459
00:16:22,335 --> 00:16:24,265
[All whispering]
460
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:25,765
BRIAN, PUT
A MASK ON.
461
00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:28,098
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
462
00:16:28,167 --> 00:16:29,331
"MEG GRIFFIN'S PLANE
463
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,598
"WAS SHOT DOWN OVER
THE SEA OF JAPAN.
464
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:33,866
"IT SPUN IN.
465
00:16:33,934 --> 00:16:35,898
"THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS."
466
00:16:37,634 --> 00:16:39,798
WHO DO I SEE
ABOUT A SECTION 8?
467
00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:42,233
FINE! DO YOUR STUPID
SHOW WITHOUT ME!
468
00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:43,932
I'LL BE OVER AT
CLEVELAND'S HOUSE!
469
00:16:44,001 --> 00:16:46,265
I DON'T EVEN WANT
TO BE A PART OF THIS
FAMILY ANYMORE!
470
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:47,332
MEG!
471
00:16:47,401 --> 00:16:49,499
SHE'LL BE OK. COME ON.
WE GOTTA GET BACK.
472
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:52,265
THE CAMERAMEN THINK
WE'RE TAKING CHRIS
TO SOCCER PRACTICE.
473
00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:54,732
WE'RE GONNA
BE LATE!
474
00:16:54,801 --> 00:16:56,832
WHY WON'T
YOU TALK TO ME?
475
00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,699
OH, MEG,
HONEY.
476
00:16:59,767 --> 00:17:02,264
OUR HOME IS
YOUR HOME FOR AS
LONG AS YOU LIKE.
477
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:04,398
WE COULD OFFER
YOU THE GUEST ROOM,
478
00:17:04,467 --> 00:17:06,364
PROVIDED THAT IT
DOESN'T BOTHER YOU
479
00:17:06,433 --> 00:17:09,399
THAT MY GREAT UNCLE CHET
DIED IN THERE.
480
00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:12,365
OH. I GUESS
NOT. UH,
481
00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:13,498
WHEN DID HE DIE?
482
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:14,832
WE THINK
SOMETIME
483
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,632
BETWEEN
THE TONIGHT SHOW
484
00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:17,598
AND THE
TODAY SHOW.
485
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:18,932
[Gasping]
486
00:17:19,001 --> 00:17:20,765
[Laughing]
487
00:17:23,267 --> 00:17:24,698
YOU KNOW, SOME--
SOME PEOPLE THINK
488
00:17:24,767 --> 00:17:26,564
THAT DANDELIONS
ARE WEEDS.
489
00:17:26,633 --> 00:17:30,198
BUT, UH, YOU KNOW,
I--I ALWAYS THINK
490
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:32,865
WHO THE--WHO
THE HELL DECIDED
TULIPS WERE SO GREAT?
491
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,731
HEY, HEY, I'M
OVER HERE.
492
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:37,798
HEY!
493
00:17:37,867 --> 00:17:39,132
[Thud]
494
00:17:42,166 --> 00:17:43,398
HI, CHRIS.
495
00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:44,832
YOU KNOW MY NAME?
496
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:46,331
OF COURSE
I DO, SILLY.
497
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,231
I'M YOUR
SISTER, MEG.
498
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,432
OH.
499
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,798
UH, I DON'T KNOW IF
MOM AND DAD TOLD YOU,
500
00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:54,066
BUT WE USUALLY
HAVE BREAKFAST NAKED.
501
00:17:54,135 --> 00:17:55,732
AND I'M ALLOWED
TO VIDEOTAPE IT.
502
00:17:55,801 --> 00:17:58,365
OOH, MY
SKIN'S GETTING
SO SLIPPERY.
503
00:17:58,433 --> 00:18:00,531
HOPE I DON'T
POP OUT
OF MY TOP!
504
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:01,965
OHH!
505
00:18:02,034 --> 00:18:04,166
HEY, HEY, CAMERA GUY.
CHECK THIS OUT.
506
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:06,065
"PETER GRIFFIN
AND MADAM."
507
00:18:06,134 --> 00:18:09,598
OH, MADAM, YOU'RE
A LUSTY OLD GAL,
AREN'T YOU?
508
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:12,232
"YOU'RE THE ONE
WITH YOUR HAND UP
MY BACKSIDE, DARLING."
509
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,532
OH! SHE GOT ME.
510
00:18:15,433 --> 00:18:17,232
HEY! HEY,
COME BACK HERE.
511
00:18:17,301 --> 00:18:19,332
HEY, SHE'S GONNA SING
RAINBOW CONNECTION.
512
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:22,965
UH, MR. QUAGMIRE,
513
00:18:23,034 --> 00:18:24,132
CAN I USE YOUR
TOOTHPASTE?
514
00:18:24,201 --> 00:18:25,098
[Gasps]
515
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:26,232
OH MY GOD.
EXCUSE ME.
516
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:27,331
HEY, NO
PROBLEM, MEG.
517
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,231
YOU PROBABLY BOUGHT ME
ANOTHER 3 MINUTES!
518
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,431
GIGGEDY, GIGGEDY,
GIGGEDY!
519
00:18:32,268 --> 00:18:33,699
OH, OH, THE
FUNNIEST THING
520
00:18:33,767 --> 00:18:35,198
HAPPENED AT
WORK TODAY. SO
THERE WAS THIS--
521
00:18:35,267 --> 00:18:36,298
HI, EVERYBODY.
HEY!
522
00:18:36,367 --> 00:18:37,831
I HAD THE
WORST DAY.
523
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,132
FIRST I DIDN'T
MAKE CHEERLEADER
524
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,698
BECAUSE
I'M SO PLAIN.
525
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:42,665
AND I STILL DON'T
HAVE A DATE FOR
FRIDAY NIGHT,
526
00:18:42,734 --> 00:18:43,832
AS USUAL.
527
00:18:43,901 --> 00:18:45,898
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO
WRITE IN MY JOURNAL
528
00:18:45,967 --> 00:18:47,132
ABOUT HOW
I'LL NEVER GROW
529
00:18:47,201 --> 00:18:49,365
BIG, FULL BREASTS
LIKE THESE!
530
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,465
IT'S NOT FAIR, LOIS.
531
00:18:56,534 --> 00:18:57,665
IF I DON'T GET
ANY AIRTIME,
532
00:18:57,734 --> 00:18:59,399
HOW AM I EVER GONNA
GET MY OWN SPIN-OFF
533
00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:01,266
WHERE I'M A RETIRED
BASEBALL UMPIRE
534
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:03,431
WHO OPENS A BAR...
535
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,765
AT THE CENTER
OF THE EARTH?
536
00:19:08,634 --> 00:19:10,299
YOU KNOW, WE DON'T
GET MANY OF YOU
537
00:19:10,368 --> 00:19:11,665
MOLTEN-ROCK
MEN IN HERE.
538
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,099
WELL, AT
THESE PRICES,
539
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:14,599
I'M NOT SURPRISED!
540
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,232
THAT'S IT, PAL!
541
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,164
YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!
542
00:19:19,233 --> 00:19:21,198
[Audience laughing]
543
00:19:21,266 --> 00:19:22,799
TO HELL WITH
THE CAMERAS!
544
00:19:22,867 --> 00:19:24,498
HOW COULD WE EVER
LET THEM REPLACE
545
00:19:24,567 --> 00:19:25,665
OUR LITTLE GIRL?
546
00:19:25,734 --> 00:19:27,298
[Sighs]
OH, I MISS
HER, PETER.
547
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:28,399
ME, TOO.
548
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:30,366
SHE'S LIKE THAT
DORKY BALDWIN BROTHER,
549
00:19:30,434 --> 00:19:32,232
WHO ISN'T AS GOOD-
LOOKING OR SUCCESSFUL
550
00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:33,432
AND NEVER ANSWERS
MY LETTERS,
551
00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:35,199
BUT HE'S STILL
A BALDWIN, DAMN IT!
552
00:19:35,268 --> 00:19:36,365
AND SO IS MEG!
553
00:19:36,433 --> 00:19:38,232
LET'S GO
GET HER BACK!
554
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:40,065
[Man]
SO GRIFFINS, WHAT
CAN I DO FOR YOU?
555
00:19:40,134 --> 00:19:41,598
I'LL TELL
YOU WHAT
YOU CAN DO.
556
00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:44,265
YOU FIRE THAT SEXY,
INTERESTING VERSION
OF OUR DAUGHTER
557
00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:45,765
AND MAKE US
A FAMILY AGAIN,
558
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,198
OR WE WALK!
559
00:19:47,267 --> 00:19:49,999
FIRE HER? SHE'S
THE HIGHEST TESTING
CHARACTER ON THE SHOW.
560
00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:52,365
BESIDES, YOU
CAN'T QUIT. YOU
HAVE A CONTRACT.
561
00:19:52,433 --> 00:19:53,598
OH, YEAH?
562
00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:55,965
WELL, HERE'S
WHAT I THINK OF
YOUR CONTRACT!
563
00:19:56,034 --> 00:19:57,299
I THINK IT'S AWFUL,
564
00:19:57,367 --> 00:19:59,999
AND I DON'T MUCH
CARE FOR IT AT
ALL, MY GOOD SIR.
565
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:01,598
LET'S GO, LOIS.
WE'RE OUTTA HERE.
566
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,899
WELL, YOU PUT ME IN
A VERY AWKWARD
POSITION, PETER.
567
00:20:03,967 --> 00:20:06,164
BUT I GUESS I
HAVE NO CHOICE.
568
00:20:11,068 --> 00:20:13,465
MOM? DAD?
569
00:20:13,533 --> 00:20:14,565
I'M HOME!
570
00:20:15,566 --> 00:20:16,565
WHO ARE
YOU?
571
00:20:16,634 --> 00:20:17,865
WE'RE THE GRIFFINS.
572
00:20:17,934 --> 00:20:19,865
NO, YOU'RE
NOT. YOU'RE
TOM ARNOLD.
573
00:20:19,934 --> 00:20:21,698
AND YOU'RE
FRAN DRESCHER.
574
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:25,166
AND YOU'RE, UM,
THAT FAT GUY FROM
BOOGIE NIGHTS.
575
00:20:25,234 --> 00:20:27,732
AND YOU'RE,
THE OLSEN TWINS?
576
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:28,732
BLAST!
577
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,932
DAMN YOU ALL!
578
00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:31,165
VICTORY IS MINE!
579
00:20:31,234 --> 00:20:32,398
WHOSE LEG DO YOU
HAVE TO HUMP
580
00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:34,232
TO GET A
DRY MARTINI
AROUND HERE?
581
00:20:37,968 --> 00:20:40,632
OH, PETER, YOU
PROMISED ME
582
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,865
YOU WOULDN'T
DRINK AT THE
STAG PARTY.
583
00:20:43,934 --> 00:20:45,899
[Laughing obnoxiously]
584
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:50,099
UH, I DO NOT
SOUND LIKE THAT!
585
00:20:50,168 --> 00:20:51,898
OH, THIS IS
TERRIBLE.
586
00:20:51,967 --> 00:20:53,498
WE'RE THE LAUGHING
STOCK OF THE TOWN!
587
00:20:53,567 --> 00:20:55,231
AND WE'VE LOST
OUR DAUGHTER!
588
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:56,466
[Knocking]
589
00:20:58,234 --> 00:20:59,165
MEG!
590
00:20:59,234 --> 00:21:00,398
OH, MOM.
591
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,632
LOOK, I DON'T CARE IF
YOU GUYS EMBARRASS ME.
592
00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:04,232
I WANT TO
COME HOME.
593
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:05,631
OH, SWEETIE.
594
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:07,398
IT'S GOOD TO
HAVE YOU BACK.
595
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,465
HEY, HONEY.
596
00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:10,798
I'M SORRY WE MISSED
YOUR BALL GAME.
597
00:21:10,867 --> 00:21:11,899
WHAT?
598
00:21:11,967 --> 00:21:13,531
HERE'S AN ICE CREAM.
599
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,066
WE LOVE YOU, MEG.
600
00:21:15,134 --> 00:21:17,165
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
601
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:20,032
♪[Tender instrumental music]
602
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,032
HEY, LOIS. THERE'S
A BIBLE IN HERE.
603
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:32,532
HEY, LOOK AT ME!
604
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:33,798
I'M A CHRISTIAN!
605
00:21:33,867 --> 00:21:35,465
I'M READING THE BIBLE!
606
00:21:35,533 --> 00:21:36,866
[Laughing]
607
00:21:36,934 --> 00:21:38,998
♪[Tender instrumental music]
608
00:21:56,967 --> 00:21:59,932
♪[Theme music playing]