1
00:00:01,767 --> 00:00:04,999
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:05,068 --> 00:00:08,331
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,732
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:11,801 --> 00:00:14,166
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:15,101 --> 00:00:18,199
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,431
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN
WHO'LL POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
7
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,132
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:23,201 --> 00:00:24,932
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
9
00:00:25,001 --> 00:00:29,865
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:32,067 --> 00:00:33,665
OK--OK, HERE'S
ANOTHER RIDDLE.
11
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,332
A WOMAN HAS
2 CHILDREN.
12
00:00:35,401 --> 00:00:36,732
NOW, A HOMICIDAL MANIAC
13
00:00:36,801 --> 00:00:38,565
TELLS HER SHE CAN
ONLY KEEP ONE.
14
00:00:38,634 --> 00:00:40,732
WHICH ONE DOES
SHE LET HIM KILL?
15
00:00:40,801 --> 00:00:42,899
THAT'S--THAT'S NOT A
RIDDLE. THAT'S...
16
00:00:42,968 --> 00:00:44,232
THAT'S JUST
TERRIBLE!
17
00:00:44,301 --> 00:00:45,699
WRONG! THE
UGLY ONE!
18
00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:48,999
[Cleveland]
HEY, PETER, CHECK OUT
MY NEW TRAMPOLINE!
19
00:00:49,067 --> 00:00:52,865
WHEE! YEAH! WHOA MAMA!
WHOO! WHOO! YEAH!
20
00:00:52,934 --> 00:00:55,398
JEEZ, CLEVELAND.
THAT MUST'VE
SET YOU BACK, HUH?
21
00:00:55,467 --> 00:00:57,598
WHA--WHAT'D YOU
DO? SELL YOUR
BODY TO SCIENCE?
22
00:00:57,667 --> 00:00:59,665
'CAUSE, YOU
KNOW, I THOUGHT
OF DOING THAT.
23
00:00:59,734 --> 00:01:01,631
ALL RIGHT. UH, JENNY,
WOULD YOU COME UP HERE
24
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,498
AND SHOW US
WHERE THE FEMUR IS?
25
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,498
[Peter
screaming]
26
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:09,732
AHHH!
27
00:01:09,801 --> 00:01:11,599
[Laughing]
GET OUT OF HERE,
YOU LITTLE BASTARD.
28
00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:13,832
I KNEW THIS WAS THE
RIGHT THING TO DO.
29
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,631
HUP!
30
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:18,332
NO. I JUST GOT A
BIG TAX REFUND.
31
00:01:18,401 --> 00:01:21,266
UNCLE SAM
SENT ME $500.
32
00:01:21,333 --> 00:01:22,632
I GOT $600!
33
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:23,832
I GOT $850!
34
00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:25,565
I GOT A ROCK.
35
00:01:25,634 --> 00:01:26,965
I SPENT MY
REFUND ON
36
00:01:27,034 --> 00:01:28,531
A DIGITAL T.V.
WITH SURROUND
SOUND.
37
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,932
IT'S GOT HEADPHONES,
SO I CAN WATCH MY
STEVEN SEAGAL MOVIES
38
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,665
WITHOUT WAKING BONNIE.
39
00:01:34,801 --> 00:01:37,431
YES! LOCK AND
LOAD! LOCK
AND LOAD!
40
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:39,498
BRING ON
THE PAIN!
41
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,499
I SPENT MY REFUND ON
A PLUG- IN PLAYMATE.
42
00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:43,832
SO, SCHOOLTEACHER.
[Buzzing]
43
00:01:43,901 --> 00:01:46,565
THAT--THAT MUST
BE INTERESTING.
44
00:01:46,634 --> 00:01:49,132
WELL, I-I'M GETTING
SOMETHING REALLY
SPECIAL, TOO.
45
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,065
AND--AND BY
SPECIAL, I DON'T
MEAN SPECIAL
46
00:01:51,134 --> 00:01:52,832
LIKE THAT KLINEMANN
BOY DOWN THE STREET.
47
00:01:52,901 --> 00:01:56,832
MORE SPECIAL LIKE--LIKE
SPECIAL K, THE CEREAL.
48
00:01:56,901 --> 00:01:58,832
HEY, WHAT DID THEY DO
WITH THE REGULAR K?
49
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,499
AND FOR THAT MATTER,
WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO KAYE BALLARD?
50
00:02:01,567 --> 00:02:03,599
Y-YOU KNOW, IF YOU
SAID "MALLARD"
AND YOU HAD A COLD,
51
00:02:03,667 --> 00:02:04,899
IT WOULD SOUND
LIKE "BALLARD".
52
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,599
DO YOU LISTEN
TO YOURSELF
WHEN YOU TALK?
53
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:07,698
I DRIFT IN AND OUT.
54
00:02:11,068 --> 00:02:12,665
YOU KNOW, RUPERT,
THE WORD "GULLIBLE"
55
00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:14,264
IS NOT IN THE
DICTIONARY.
56
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:16,431
OH--OH, YOU DON'T BELIEVE
ME? HERE. LOOK IT UP!
57
00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:18,098
[Snickering]
58
00:02:18,167 --> 00:02:19,765
WHAT? WHAT'S THAT?
IT REALLY ISN'T?
59
00:02:19,834 --> 00:02:22,333
OH, RUPERT, TOUCHE!
60
00:02:22,401 --> 00:02:24,066
HOISTED BY MY OWN PETARD.
61
00:02:24,134 --> 00:02:25,565
[Laughing]
62
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:28,565
[Sighs]
63
00:02:28,633 --> 00:02:30,165
I AM SO ALONE.
64
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:33,265
EVERYBODY, MY
TAX REFUND IS HERE.
65
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:35,398
I'M GONNA BUY US
SOMETHING WE'VE
ALWAYS WANTED.
66
00:02:35,467 --> 00:02:36,432
A CAT?
67
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,398
A STEREO?
68
00:02:37,467 --> 00:02:38,365
A POOL?
69
00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:39,331
OH!
70
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,799
OH--OH, I'M SORRY.
IT IS A POOL.
71
00:02:40,868 --> 00:02:41,965
[Stewie]
OH, JOY
UNBOUNDED!
72
00:02:42,034 --> 00:02:44,132
GO, DADDY!
I'LL FEED IT AND
TAKE CARE OF IT.
73
00:02:44,201 --> 00:02:46,099
OH, MY GOD! IT'S
BETTER THAN
I THOUGHT!
74
00:02:46,168 --> 00:02:48,398
AN AUDI! I'M GETTING A CAR!
75
00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:50,999
UH, PETER, THERE'S
A "T" IN THERE.
THAT SAYS "AUDIT".
76
00:02:51,067 --> 00:02:52,932
NO, BRIAN. IT'S
A FOREIGN CAR.
77
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:54,531
THE "T" IS
SILENT. SWEET!
78
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:55,799
I'M GETTING AN AUDI!
79
00:02:55,867 --> 00:02:57,331
I HAVE AN INNIE.
80
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,598
[Crow cawing]
81
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,098
UH, MISS
STRATFORD?
82
00:03:01,166 --> 00:03:03,332
COME IN,
MR. GRIFFIN.
DON'T BE NERVOUS.
83
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,531
THE I.R.S. IS MUCH
KINDER AND GENTLER
84
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,099
THAN WE USED TO BE.
YOU SMELL NICE.
85
00:03:08,168 --> 00:03:10,331
WHAT? OH, THAT
MUST BE YOU.
86
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,899
NO. IT COULDN'T BE ME.
87
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:13,099
I JUST FARTED.
88
00:03:13,168 --> 00:03:14,498
OH.
89
00:03:14,567 --> 00:03:16,965
WELL, I JUST HAVE
A FEW QUESTIONS
ABOUT YOUR RETURN.
90
00:03:17,034 --> 00:03:19,665
DID YOU INCUR ANY
MEDICAL EXPENSES
THIS YEAR?
91
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:21,765
YOU CAN WRITE
OFF MEDICAL
STUFF? AW, JEEZ.
92
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:24,498
IF I'D A KNOWN THAT,
I WOULDN'T HAVE USED
THAT DISCOUNT SURGEON.
93
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:25,599
UH,
94
00:03:25,667 --> 00:03:27,466
I'M NOT SURE
WHICH ONE
TO CUT HERE,
95
00:03:27,534 --> 00:03:29,832
THE RED ONE
OR THE B-BLUE ONE.
96
00:03:29,901 --> 00:03:32,265
OK, OK. JUST RELAX.
JUST RELAX.
LET'S SEE. UH, UH,
97
00:03:32,334 --> 00:03:33,399
FIRST, WHY DON'T
YOU ATTACH
98
00:03:33,468 --> 00:03:35,832
THAT GREEN ONE
TO THAT PURPLE ONE?
99
00:03:35,901 --> 00:03:37,466
[Sighing]
OK, HERE GOES.
100
00:03:37,534 --> 00:03:38,532
[Beeping]
101
00:03:38,601 --> 00:03:39,699
OH, GOD!
102
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:41,132
THAT KILL ME?
I WAS AFRAID
OF THAT.
103
00:03:41,201 --> 00:03:43,398
ALL RIGHT, TRY
THE GREEN ONE
AND THE BLUE ONE.
104
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:46,165
WELL, MR. GRIFFIN,
YOU DON'T OWE ANY
ADDITIONAL MONEY.
105
00:03:46,233 --> 00:03:49,165
BUT UNFORTUNATELY,
YOU'RE NOT ENTITLED
TO A REFUND.
106
00:03:49,233 --> 00:03:50,365
AHHH!
107
00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:52,065
MR. GRIFFIN,
ARE YOU OK?
108
00:03:52,134 --> 00:03:54,798
I-I'M SORRY, I STILL
HAVEN'T GOTTEN OVER
THE LOSS OF PARTY OF 5.
109
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:56,565
IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME
TIME TO GET OVER IT.
110
00:03:56,634 --> 00:03:57,765
NOW WHAT
WERE YOU SAYING?
111
00:03:57,834 --> 00:03:59,198
YOU'RE NOT
ENTITLED TO
A REFUND.
112
00:03:59,267 --> 00:04:00,498
AHHH!
113
00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:02,065
I'M SORRY.
COME AGAIN?
114
00:04:02,133 --> 00:04:03,632
YOU'RE NOT
ENTITLED TO
A REFUND.
115
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:05,731
AHHH!
116
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,998
[Sighs]
WAS THAT FOR
PARTY OF 5, TOO?
117
00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:09,465
NO. THAT WAS
FOR MY REFUND.
118
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:11,131
WHAT THE
HELL'S PARTY OF 5?
119
00:04:13,034 --> 00:04:14,632
BY GOD, I
MAY NOT BE
ABLE TO GIVE
120
00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:16,231
MY FAMILY
A VIBRATING
SEX DOLL.
121
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,165
BUT AT LEAST
I CAN GIVE
'EM A POOL.
122
00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:21,099
UM, I-I SAY, IF--IF YOU
FIND A HUMAN SKELETON
123
00:04:21,168 --> 00:04:23,765
WITH A LINCOLN
LOG JAMMED IN THE
TEMPLE, I DIDN'T DO IT.
124
00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:26,999
BUT I NEED THAT LOG BACK TO
FINISH MY RECREATION
OF JAMES MADISON'S CABIN.
125
00:04:27,068 --> 00:04:29,065
ALL RIGHT, NOW KIDS,
I DON'T WANT
ANYONE SWIMMING
126
00:04:29,134 --> 00:04:31,199
IN THIS POOL UNLESS THERE'S
A LIFEGUARD ON DUTY.
127
00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:32,965
[Laughing]
128
00:04:33,034 --> 00:04:33,898
DOODIE.
129
00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:35,565
[Laughing]
130
00:04:35,634 --> 00:04:37,332
DIARRHEA.
131
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,332
HEY, LOIS.
132
00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:39,331
WHAT?
133
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,965
DIARRHEA.
134
00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:42,265
[Laughing]
135
00:04:42,334 --> 00:04:44,531
PETER, I'M
HOLDIN' ICED TEA!
136
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:45,998
[Chuckles]
137
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:47,699
OH, Y'KNOW HONEY,
138
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:49,632
YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THIS.
139
00:04:49,701 --> 00:04:51,532
MAYBE A POOL
IS ANOTHER ONE
OF THOSE THINGS
140
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,398
OUR FAMILY
DOESN'T
REALLY NEED.
141
00:04:54,767 --> 00:04:57,365
LOOK EVERYBODY!
I GOT US
ANOTHER DOG!
142
00:04:57,433 --> 00:04:58,465
WHAT THE...
143
00:04:58,534 --> 00:05:00,431
HI. YOU GUYS
HAVE ANY
CHEEZ DOODLES?
144
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,132
[Honking]
145
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:04,065
THAT'S WHAT I DO.
I ASK FOR A SNACK AND
THEN I BLOW THE HORN.
146
00:05:07,168 --> 00:05:09,332
HEH. LOOK AT THIS. IT'S SOME
KIND OF PLASTIC ROOT.
147
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,465
THERE'S NO
SUCH THING
148
00:05:10,534 --> 00:05:11,932
AS A
PLASTIC
ROOT.
149
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,965
[Man]
YOU BASTARDS COME
INTO OUR VILLAGE,
150
00:05:14,034 --> 00:05:15,966
AND KILL OUR FISH,
POLLUTE OUR WATER.
151
00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:18,032
I'M GONNA SEND
YOU BACK TO HELL
WHERE YOU BELONG!
152
00:05:19,034 --> 00:05:20,564
[Barking]
153
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:25,999
[Growling]
154
00:05:32,335 --> 00:05:33,832
[Screaming]
NO!
155
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:36,698
[Buzzing]
156
00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:37,765
[Man's voice]
GOOD-BYE.
157
00:05:37,833 --> 00:05:38,732
AW, DAMN IT!
158
00:05:40,634 --> 00:05:41,665
OH.
159
00:05:43,901 --> 00:05:45,199
WELL, I FIXED
THE POWER LINE.
160
00:05:45,268 --> 00:05:46,665
BUT THE TOWN'S
ZONING LAWS
161
00:05:46,734 --> 00:05:48,132
PROHIBIT BUILDING
A POOL BACK THERE.
162
00:05:48,201 --> 00:05:49,899
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? IT'S MY YARD!
163
00:05:49,967 --> 00:05:52,132
I'M SORRY, BUT
YOUR HOUSE IS TOO
CLOSE TO THE CURB.
164
00:05:52,201 --> 00:05:54,999
OH, YEAH? WELL,
YOUR EYES ARE TOO
CLOSE TO YOUR NOSE!
165
00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:56,832
WELL, THAT MAY BE.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
166
00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,232
I ONLY HAVE TO
WEAR ONE GOGGLE
167
00:05:58,301 --> 00:06:00,198
WHEN I GO
SWIMMING
IN MY POOL!
168
00:06:00,266 --> 00:06:01,531
HEY, W-W-WAIT!
COME BACK HERE!
169
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:02,531
WHAT?
170
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,066
I HAVE TO DRAW YOU!
171
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:10,432
YOU'RE WHY
CAVEMEN PAINTED
ON WALLS!
172
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:13,799
DAMN GOVERNMENT!
173
00:06:13,867 --> 00:06:16,498
TELL ME I CAN'T
BUILD A POOL ON
MY OWN LAND.
174
00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:18,098
AND AFTER MY
GRANDFATHER
HELPED
175
00:06:18,167 --> 00:06:21,432
CREATE ONE OF THIS
COUNTRY'S MOST BELOVED
CARTOON CHARACTERS.
176
00:06:21,501 --> 00:06:24,365
OK. WE'VE
NARROWED IT DOWN
TO 2 POSSIBLE NAMES.
177
00:06:24,433 --> 00:06:26,632
UH, ALL
IN FAVOR OF
"BUGS BUNNY"?
178
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:28,066
MMM-HMM.
179
00:06:28,134 --> 00:06:31,266
AND ALL IN FAVOR
OF "EPHRAIM THE
RETARDED RABBIT"?
180
00:06:33,134 --> 00:06:34,132
[Man coughing]
181
00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:36,865
OH, YOU
CAN ALL
GO TO HELL!
182
00:06:38,001 --> 00:06:39,233
HEY, WHERE'S
THE MAYOR'S OFFICE?
183
00:06:39,301 --> 00:06:40,499
UH, LAST DOOR
ON THE LEFT.
184
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:44,066
COME ON.
COME ON.
185
00:06:44,134 --> 00:06:45,298
HELLO, IS
THIS THE--
186
00:06:45,367 --> 00:06:46,598
UGH. AHHH!
AHHH!
187
00:06:47,768 --> 00:06:49,565
[Gasping]
OH, SORRY.
188
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:51,565
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
189
00:06:51,633 --> 00:06:52,965
NO. I-I-I'M PETER GRIFFIN.
190
00:06:53,034 --> 00:06:54,765
UH, YOU'RE
HERE ABOUT
YOUR POOL.
191
00:06:54,834 --> 00:06:56,398
STEP INTO
MY OFFICE.
192
00:06:58,234 --> 00:07:00,598
I'M HERE TO SERVE
THE FINE CITIZENS OF QUAHOG.
193
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:02,498
IT'D BE MY PLEASURE
TO GIVE YOU A PERMIT.
194
00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:04,066
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME!
195
00:07:04,134 --> 00:07:05,832
WELL, THIS
IS ODD.
196
00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:07,231
WHAT?
197
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,331
I'VE NEVER
ENCOUNTERED ANYTHING
LIKE THIS BEFORE,
198
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,199
BUT YOUR PROPERTY
DOESN'T SEEM TO
BE ON THE MAP.
199
00:07:12,268 --> 00:07:13,565
IT'S NOT PART
OF QUAHOG.
200
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,032
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
201
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,532
I'VE BEEN LIVING
AT 31 SPOONER STREET
FOR 12 YEARS.
202
00:07:17,601 --> 00:07:19,532
SORRY. BUT
ACCORDING
TO THIS MAP,
203
00:07:19,601 --> 00:07:22,099
YOU'RE NOT
EVEN PART OF THESE
UNITED STATES.
204
00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:23,798
WHICH WOULD
MAKE YOU...
205
00:07:23,867 --> 00:07:25,098
A COMMUNIST!
206
00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:26,165
AHH!
AHH!
207
00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:27,498
[Buzzing]
OW!
208
00:07:27,567 --> 00:07:30,199
DAMN! USUALLY
MY MALCONTENTS
ARE SKINNIER.
209
00:07:30,267 --> 00:07:31,665
WOULD YOU
COME BACK
IN A WEEK,
210
00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:34,832
WHEN MY FAT MALCONTENT
TRAP DOOR WILL BE COMPLETED?
211
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:38,099
I AM NOT COMING
BACK IN A WEEK OR EVER!
I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!
212
00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:39,732
I'VE HAD IT WITH
THIS WHOLE DAMN
GOVERNMENT!
213
00:07:39,801 --> 00:07:40,932
FINE!
214
00:07:42,867 --> 00:07:46,399
I LOVE THIS JOB
MORE THAN I LOVE TAFFY.
215
00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:49,065
AND I'M A MAN WHO
ENJOYS HIS TAFFY.
216
00:07:49,734 --> 00:07:50,732
MMM.
217
00:07:52,034 --> 00:07:53,232
OHH.
218
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:54,298
MMM.
219
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,598
OHH.
220
00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:57,665
MMM.
221
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,265
MMM.
222
00:07:59,334 --> 00:08:00,465
MMM...
223
00:08:00,934 --> 00:08:02,164
MMM-MMM.
224
00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:03,164
MMM.
225
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,231
[Moaning]
MMM.
226
00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:05,966
OHH.
227
00:08:06,034 --> 00:08:07,032
MMM.
228
00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:09,465
WHAT'S
GOING ON?
229
00:08:09,534 --> 00:08:10,898
DID THE CITY
GIVE YOU
THE PERMIT?
230
00:08:10,967 --> 00:08:12,565
NO, NO. WE'RE NOT
PART OF THE CITY.
231
00:08:12,634 --> 00:08:14,165
WE'RE NOT
EVEN PART OF
THIS COUNTRY.
232
00:08:14,234 --> 00:08:15,965
AND THAT
MAKES US OUR
OWN COUNTRY!
233
00:08:16,034 --> 00:08:17,698
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
234
00:08:17,767 --> 00:08:19,199
THANKS TO
A TECHNICALITY,
235
00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:21,832
WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO
SECEDE FROM THE U.S.
236
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,932
FROM THIS DAY FORTH,
THIS TERRITORY
237
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,632
WILL BE KNOWN
AS PETORIA!
238
00:08:26,701 --> 00:08:28,265
I WAS GONNA
CALL IT PETERLAND,
239
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,331
BUT THAT GAY BAR
DOWN BY THE AIRPORT
ALREADY TOOK IT.
240
00:08:33,366 --> 00:08:35,464
OUR LEAD STORY
TONIGHT, PETORIA.
241
00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:37,531
A NEW FOREIGN
COUNTRY, WHICH WAS
FOUNDED THIS WEEK,
242
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,233
RIGHT HERE IN
OUR OWN BACKYARD!
243
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,098
AND IN A QUAHOG
NEWS 5 EXCLUSIVE,
244
00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:42,932
WE SENT OUR OWN
LITTLE FOREIGNER,
245
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,365
ASIAN
CORRESPONDENT,
TRISHA TAKANAWA,
246
00:08:45,434 --> 00:08:47,765
TO PETORIA, WHERE FIRST
LADY, LOIS GRIFFIN,
247
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:49,298
HAS GRACIOUSLY
AGREED TO
248
00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:51,599
GIVE US A TOUR OF HER
COUNTRY. TRISHA.
249
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,065
THANK YOU, DIANE.
250
00:08:53,134 --> 00:08:55,199
SO MRS. GRIFFIN,
WHAT'S IT LIKE
251
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,299
BEING THE WOMAN
BEHIND THE MAN?
252
00:08:57,367 --> 00:08:59,332
WELL, Y'KNOW,
WHEN PETER FIRST
SAID WE WERE
253
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,399
OUR OWN
COUNTRY, I WAS
A BIT SKEPTICAL.
254
00:09:01,467 --> 00:09:03,332
BUT THEN I
THOUGHT, HEY!
255
00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:05,332
I COULD BE LIKE
HILLARY CLINTON.
256
00:09:05,401 --> 00:09:07,532
ONLY, Y'KNOW
WITHOUT THE PENIS.
257
00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:10,099
TELL US A LITTLE BIT
ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY.
258
00:09:10,167 --> 00:09:12,832
WELL, WE'RE A CLEAN,
INDUSTRIOUS PEOPLE,
259
00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:14,532
MOSTLY WHITE.
260
00:09:14,601 --> 00:09:17,432
MY SON, CHRIS,
IS IN CHARGE OF
OUR SPACE PROGRAM.
261
00:09:17,501 --> 00:09:19,398
WE HOPE TO GET
TO THE MOON
VERY SHORTLY.
262
00:09:20,301 --> 00:09:21,866
ALMOST...
263
00:09:21,934 --> 00:09:22,932
[Branch breaking]
264
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,365
OW!
265
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:27,832
THEY SHOULD REALLY
USE MONKEYS FOR THIS.
266
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:30,032
AND LITTLE
STEWIE HERE
267
00:09:30,101 --> 00:09:32,099
IS OUR PRESIDENT
OF POOPIE.
268
00:09:32,168 --> 00:09:33,832
[Laughing
sarcastically]
269
00:09:33,901 --> 00:09:36,032
SO WHERE IS THE
PRESIDENT NOW?
270
00:09:36,101 --> 00:09:38,698
OH, HE'S OUT
ON A GOODWILL
MISSION TO AMERICA.
271
00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:42,365
HEY.
272
00:09:42,434 --> 00:09:43,966
[Cleveland]
HERE YOU GO,
MR. PRESIDENT.
273
00:09:44,034 --> 00:09:46,299
[Chuckling]
MR. PRESIDENT.
274
00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:48,799
OH, PETER, THAT
TICKLES ME IN A WAY,
275
00:09:48,867 --> 00:09:52,632
THAT IF LORETTA TICKLED ME
IN THAT WAY, I'D SAY,
276
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:55,165
"OH, YEAH. THAT'S NICE.
277
00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:56,798
"THAT'S THE SPOT."
278
00:09:56,867 --> 00:09:58,798
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
I'M A BORN LEADER.
279
00:09:58,867 --> 00:10:01,798
LIKE MY GREAT-GREAT
UNCLE ULYSSES S. GRIFFIN.
280
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:05,066
[All]
CHUG-A-LUG! CHUG-A-LUG!
CHUG-A-LUG! CHUG-A-LUG!
281
00:10:05,133 --> 00:10:06,364
[All]
YEAH! WOO!
282
00:10:06,433 --> 00:10:08,231
HOW'S THAT,
ROBERT E. LEE?
283
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:09,732
ALL RIGHT,
NO MORE SLAVES.
284
00:10:09,801 --> 00:10:11,432
BUT WE STILL DON'T
HAVE TO READ BOOKS!
285
00:10:11,501 --> 00:10:12,365
DEAL.
286
00:10:12,434 --> 00:10:13,799
[All]
YEAH! WOO!
287
00:10:13,867 --> 00:10:14,665
BARKEEP,
288
00:10:14,733 --> 00:10:16,831
PETRO-NEMO-SLAPPY-WAG.
289
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,132
THAT'S
PETORIAN FOR,
290
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,098
"MORE BEER,
YOU SLAPPY-WAG."
291
00:10:20,167 --> 00:10:21,898
YOU STILL OWE
ME FOR THE
OTHER ROUNDS,
292
00:10:21,967 --> 00:10:23,231
WHICH COMES
TO $50.
293
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,698
I'M A FOREIGN
DIPLOMAT.
294
00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:26,098
I DON'T PAY
FOR DRINKS.
295
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,765
D-D-DO YOU THINK
G. GORDON LIDDY PAID
FOR HIS DRINKS,
296
00:10:28,834 --> 00:10:30,732
WHILE HE WAS STRANGLING
PEOPLE WITH PIANO WIRE
297
00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:32,366
FOR THE GOOD
OF OUR NATION?
298
00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:36,932
HEY, PETER, YOU
CAN'T DRINK
THAT OUTSIDE.
299
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,631
Y-YOU COULD
END UP IN JAIL.
300
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,831
AND NOT THE GOOD JAIL
LIKE ON CINEMAX.
THE "MAN" JAIL.
301
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,731
GO BACK AND PAY
THE BILL, PETER.
302
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,565
YOU, UH, DON'T WANT
TO BREAK THE LAW.
303
00:10:44,634 --> 00:10:47,366
I CAN DO WHATEVER
I WANT. WATCH THIS.
304
00:10:48,467 --> 00:10:51,331
OH, NOW YOU'RE
JUST BEING CRAZY.
305
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,531
HEY, THAT'S
AGAINST THE LAW!
306
00:10:52,601 --> 00:10:53,665
YOU'RE
COMING WITH ME!
307
00:10:53,733 --> 00:10:55,765
UH-UH-UH.
CAN'T TOUCH ME.
308
00:10:58,133 --> 00:11:00,265
♪ CAN'T TOUCH ME ♪
309
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:04,599
♪ JU-JU-JU-JU-JUST LIKE
THE BAD GUY FROM
LETHAL WEAPON 2 ♪
310
00:11:04,667 --> 00:11:06,332
♪ I'VE GOT
DIPLOMATIC
IMMUNITY ♪
311
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:07,998
♪ SO HAMMER,
YOU CAN'T SUE ♪
312
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:09,532
♪ I CAN WRITE GRAFFITI ♪
313
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,165
♪ EVEN JAYWALK IN THE STREET ♪
314
00:11:11,233 --> 00:11:12,966
♪ I CAN RIOT, LOOT,
NOT GIVE A HOOT ♪
315
00:11:13,034 --> 00:11:14,298
♪ AND TOUCH
YOUR SISTER'S TEAT ♪
316
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:15,999
♪ CAN'T TOUCH ME ♪
317
00:11:16,934 --> 00:11:18,032
♪ CAN'T TOUCH ME ♪
318
00:11:18,101 --> 00:11:19,899
WHAT IN GOD'S
NAME IS HE DOING?
319
00:11:19,967 --> 00:11:21,132
♪ CAN'T TOUCH ME ♪
320
00:11:21,201 --> 00:11:22,931
I BELIEVE
THAT'S THE WORM.
321
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,065
♪ STOP! PETER-TIME ♪
322
00:11:24,134 --> 00:11:25,565
♪ I'M A BIG SHOT,
THERE'S NO DOUBT ♪
323
00:11:25,634 --> 00:11:27,232
♪ LIGHT A FIRE
AND PEE IT OUT ♪
324
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:28,832
♪ DON'T LIKE IT,
KISS MY RUMP ♪
325
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,731
♪ JUST FOR A
MINUTE, LET'S ALL
DO THE BUMP ♪
326
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,032
♪ CAN'T TOUCH ME ♪
327
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:39,465
♪ YEAH, DO THE
PETER GRIFFIN BUMP ♪
328
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,531
♪ CAN'T TOUCH ME ♪
329
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,232
♪ I'M PRESIDENTIAL PETER ♪
330
00:11:44,301 --> 00:11:45,599
♪ INTERNS
THINK I'M HOT ♪
331
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,265
♪ DON'T CARE IF
YOU'RE HANDICAPPED ♪
332
00:11:47,334 --> 00:11:48,732
♪ I'LL STILL PARK
IN YOUR SPOT ♪
333
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,398
♪ I'VE BEEN AROUND
THE WORLD ♪
334
00:11:50,467 --> 00:11:52,199
♪ FROM HARTFORD
TO BACK BAY ♪
335
00:11:52,268 --> 00:11:55,564
♪ IT'S PETER, GO, PETER,
M.C. PETER, YO, PETER,
LET'S SEE REGIS RAP THIS WAY ♪
336
00:11:55,634 --> 00:11:56,699
♪ CAN'T TOUCH ME ♪
337
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:00,431
[Crowd mutters]
338
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:01,565
EXCEPT FOR YOU.
339
00:12:01,634 --> 00:12:03,032
YOU CAN TOUCH ME.
340
00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:07,698
[With an African accent]
ATTENTION, DELEGATES.
341
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,832
THIS SESSION OF
THE UNITED NATIONS
342
00:12:09,901 --> 00:12:11,465
IS HEREBY CONVENED.
343
00:12:11,533 --> 00:12:13,765
MAN, THIS SUCKS.
HEY, PODIUM GUY!
344
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,299
HEY, I GOTTA
PROBLEM HERE!
345
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:17,365
EXCUSE ME.
SOME OF US ARE
HERE TO LEARN.
346
00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:19,398
NO ONE'S TALKING
TO YOU, ALBANIA.
347
00:12:19,467 --> 00:12:20,966
IS THERE A PROBLEM
BACK THERE?
348
00:12:21,034 --> 00:12:22,899
YOU BET YOUR FUNNY ACCENT
THERE'S A PROBLEM.
349
00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:24,798
I'M STUCK UP HERE
IN THE NOSEBLEEDS.
350
00:12:24,867 --> 00:12:26,298
I AM PRESIDENT
OF PETORIA.
351
00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:27,465
I WANT A BETTER SEAT!
352
00:12:27,533 --> 00:12:29,899
OH, OF COURSE. HOW
COULD WE NOT HAVE
353
00:12:29,968 --> 00:12:32,365
RECOGNIZED THE
GREAT NATION OF PETORIA?
354
00:12:32,433 --> 00:12:34,132
HAVE A SEAT UP FRONT.
355
00:12:34,201 --> 00:12:36,065
WELL, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!
356
00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:38,631
AND HEY, WOULD YOU ALSO
LIKE A SPECIAL SATELLITE
THAT CAN SCRATCH YOUR ASS
357
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:40,499
WITH A LASER BEAM
FROM SPACE?
358
00:12:40,567 --> 00:12:41,965
THEY HAVE THOSE?
359
00:12:42,034 --> 00:12:43,698
[All laughing]
360
00:12:50,734 --> 00:12:51,899
HI, HOW
YOU DOING?
361
00:12:51,968 --> 00:12:53,631
HA! YOU MIND
IF I, UH...
362
00:12:55,068 --> 00:12:56,132
THEY DON'T
RESPECT YOU.
363
00:12:56,201 --> 00:12:57,598
WHAT DO
YOU MEAN?
364
00:12:57,667 --> 00:12:59,731
LISTEN TO ME. I USED
TO BE THE LAUGHING
STOCK AROUND HERE
365
00:12:59,801 --> 00:13:01,999
UNTIL MY COUNTRY
INVADED KUWAIT.
366
00:13:02,067 --> 00:13:04,132
NOW I HAVE A SEAT
IN THE 3RD ROW.
367
00:13:04,201 --> 00:13:06,298
LOOK, THE ONLY
WAY TO GET ANY
RESPECT AROUND HERE
368
00:13:06,366 --> 00:13:08,965
IS TO FIND SOMETHING
YOU WANT AND
JUST TAKE IT!
369
00:13:09,034 --> 00:13:10,999
WAIT A SECOND, IF
EVERYBODY RESPECTS YOU,
370
00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:13,032
HOW COME YOU'RE
STILL EATING HERE
BY YOURSELF?
371
00:13:13,101 --> 00:13:14,065
I DON'T SHOWER.
372
00:13:14,134 --> 00:13:16,032
OH, THAT'S
WHAT THAT IS.
373
00:13:16,101 --> 00:13:18,498
TAKE WHAT
I WANT, HUH?
374
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:21,965
GOOD MORNING, JOE.
375
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,765
UH, PETER, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING
IN MY POOL?
376
00:13:23,834 --> 00:13:26,098
OH. THIS IS THE NEWEST
PROVINCE OF PETORIA.
377
00:13:26,166 --> 00:13:27,932
I CALL IT "JOHIO."
378
00:13:28,001 --> 00:13:30,665
WHAT? YOU CAN'T
JUST COME OVER HERE
AND ANNEX MY POOL!
379
00:13:30,734 --> 00:13:31,665
OH, YEAH?
380
00:13:31,734 --> 00:13:33,432
WELL, ACCORDING
TO PARAGRAPH 7,
381
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,799
SENTENCE 3, WORD 8,
382
00:13:34,867 --> 00:13:37,598
OF THE GENEVA
CONVENTION, "THE."
383
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:39,499
SO TOUGH
LUCK, SWANSON.
384
00:13:41,634 --> 00:13:42,831
SO, AS YOU
CAN SEE,
385
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:44,732
PETORIA HAS
INVADED U.S. SOIL.
386
00:13:45,466 --> 00:13:46,865
WHAT ARE
OUR OPTIONS?
387
00:13:46,934 --> 00:13:48,832
WELL, A MILITARY
STRIKE AGAINST
SUCH A SMALL
388
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,932
NATION COULD CAUSE AN
INTERNATIONAL BACKLASH.
389
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,232
TRUE. BUT THIS
KIND OF BEHAVIOR
CAN'T BE TOLERATED.
390
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,698
AGREED. I SUGGEST
WE START WITH
POLITICAL SANCTIONS.
391
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:57,065
VERY GOOD,
GENTLEMEN.
392
00:14:01,767 --> 00:14:03,231
WELL, I GUESS THE
WORLD'LL SHOW ME
393
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,932
A LITTLE MORE
RESPECT NOW.
394
00:14:05,001 --> 00:14:06,631
DAD, I TRIED TO
GO TO SCHOOL,
395
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,565
BUT THIS GUY
WON'T LET ME.
396
00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:10,065
OH, YEAH? HIM
AND WHAT ARMY?
397
00:14:10,134 --> 00:14:11,498
THE U.S. ARMY.
398
00:14:13,834 --> 00:14:15,066
OH, THAT'S A
GOOD ARMY.
399
00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:21,632
[Diane]
THE SCENE OUTSIDE
THE U. S. - PETORIAN BORDER
400
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:23,565
AS THE SUN RISES
ON DAY 1
401
00:14:23,634 --> 00:14:26,066
OF OPERATION
DESERT CLAM.
402
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,932
GOOD MORNING,
I'M DIANE SIMMONS.
403
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,198
WE NOW GO
TO TOM TUCKER,
404
00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:31,632
LIVE AT THE SITE OF
THE U.S. BLOCKADE. TOM.
405
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,465
DIANE, I'M HERE AT
THE PETORIAN FRONT,
406
00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:35,265
WHERE THE U.S. HAS
CUT OFF ELECTRICITY,
407
00:14:35,334 --> 00:14:38,265
WATER, AND GAS TO THE
TINY 4-BEDROOM REPUBLIC.
408
00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:39,899
THE SITUATION IS
VERY TENSE
409
00:14:39,968 --> 00:14:41,498
AND EXTREMELY
DANGEROUS.
410
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,133
IT'S ONLY A MATTER
OF TIME BEFORE, UH...
411
00:14:43,201 --> 00:14:44,133
[Gunshots firing]
412
00:14:44,201 --> 00:14:45,832
OH, MY GOD! THEY'VE
OPENED FIRE!
413
00:14:45,901 --> 00:14:48,465
ALL RIGHT. IT LOOKS
LIKE THINGS ARE GETTING
VERY HEATED HERE.
414
00:14:48,533 --> 00:14:50,865
THIS IS NOT A
SAFE PLACE TO BE.
415
00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:54,532
[Whistling]
416
00:14:55,733 --> 00:14:56,898
AND NOW, SPORTS.
417
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,398
[Peter]
LOIS?
418
00:15:01,466 --> 00:15:02,832
[Lois]
OVER HERE, HONEY.
419
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:04,799
I'M CHOPPING
CARROTS FOR
A SALAD.
420
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,365
HERE. USE
THIS HEADLAMP.
421
00:15:07,701 --> 00:15:08,798
HEY, WHERE'S
THE KIDS?
422
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:11,965
UPSTAIRS, DOING
THEIR HOMEWORK
BY CANDLELIGHT.
423
00:15:12,034 --> 00:15:13,498
DAMN PIG-DOG
AMERICANS!
424
00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:15,299
MESSING WITH MY
FAMILY LIKE THIS!
425
00:15:15,368 --> 00:15:16,698
HONEY, WE
CAN'T BATHE,
426
00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:18,799
WE CAN'T DO LAUNDRY.
THERE'S NO HEAT.
427
00:15:18,867 --> 00:15:20,932
WE CAN'T LIVE
LIKE THIS FOREVER.
428
00:15:21,001 --> 00:15:23,899
IT'S NOT FOREVER. YOU
KNOW, IT'S JUST, UH...
429
00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:25,166
IT'S JUST, UH...
430
00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:26,265
Y'KNOW...
431
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:27,431
PETER, I'M
UP HERE.
432
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,598
OH, SWEETIE.
433
00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:30,132
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
GO OVER TO JOE'S
434
00:15:30,201 --> 00:15:31,631
AND RETURN
HIS POOL, HUH?
435
00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:33,398
FORGET IT! WE'RE
A REAL COUNTRY.
436
00:15:33,467 --> 00:15:36,365
AND WE DESERVE ALL
THE RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES
THAT EVERYONE ELSE GETS.
437
00:15:36,433 --> 00:15:37,966
BUT WE HAVE TO THINK
ABOUT THE WELFARE
438
00:15:38,034 --> 00:15:39,066
OF OUR
CHILDREN! UH...
439
00:15:39,135 --> 00:15:40,066
[Someone jumping]
440
00:15:40,135 --> 00:15:41,133
STEWIE, IS
THAT YOU?
441
00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,665
LOOK, LOIS. MY
MIND IS MADE UP.
442
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:43,765
[Banging]
443
00:15:43,834 --> 00:15:45,598
I'M NOT GIVING UP AN
INCH OF PETORIAN SOIL.
444
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:47,831
IT'S NOT A SIGN
OF WEAKNESS
TO COMPROMISE.
445
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,264
I JUST THINK
YOU SHOULD...
446
00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:51,098
PETER, STOP
STARING AT
MY CHEST!
447
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:53,032
[Brian]
OH, YEAH.
SORRY, LOIS.
448
00:15:56,701 --> 00:15:58,466
AND WE'RE BACK
WITH OUR ROUND TABLE
449
00:15:58,534 --> 00:16:00,565
DISCUSSION ON THE
PETORIAN CRISIS.
450
00:16:00,634 --> 00:16:02,331
UH, YOU WERE MAKING
A POINT, JOHN?
451
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,431
YES. WHAT THE UNITED
STATES IS DOING
452
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,498
TO PETORIA RIGHT
NOW IS CRIMINAL!
453
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,398
[Scoffs]
NONSENSE! FORCE
IS THE ONLY THING
454
00:16:08,466 --> 00:16:10,232
A DESPOT LIKE PETER
GRIFFIN UNDERSTANDS.
455
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,298
OH, FINE.
WHY DON'T WE JUST
DROP A BOMB ON HIM?
456
00:16:12,366 --> 00:16:13,999
ALL RIGHT, UH,
WHAT ABOUT
THAT, ELEANOR?
457
00:16:14,067 --> 00:16:15,932
OH, IT'S--IT'S
RIDICULOUS,
CLEARLY.
458
00:16:16,001 --> 00:16:17,865
I MEAN, HE'S A
FACTORY WORKER,
NOT A DESPOT.
459
00:16:17,934 --> 00:16:19,832
YOU'RE MISSING
THE POINT.
OUR BLOCKADE IS
460
00:16:19,901 --> 00:16:22,098
TURNING PETORIA
INTO A 3RD
WORLD COUNTRY.
461
00:16:22,167 --> 00:16:24,099
♪[Brady Bunch
theme playing]
462
00:16:28,934 --> 00:16:30,865
OK, CAN ANYBODY
TELL ME
463
00:16:30,934 --> 00:16:33,798
WHAT THE SQUARE ROOT OF
THE HYPOTENUSE IS WHEN...
464
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:34,931
CHRIS, IS
THAT A NOTE?
465
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:35,898
NO.
466
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:37,331
YES, IT IS.
467
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,865
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO READ IT TO THE
REST OF THE CLASS?
468
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,798
NO.
469
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:42,999
JUST READ
IT, LARDO.
470
00:16:44,234 --> 00:16:46,398
"I THINK
MRS. GRIFFIN'S HOT."
471
00:16:46,466 --> 00:16:47,665
GO TO YOUR ROOM.
472
00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:49,732
DAMN YOU,
RUPERT!
473
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,565
KEEP THESE LOATHSOME
INSECTS AWAY FROM ME,
474
00:16:51,633 --> 00:16:53,832
OR YOU'LL END
UP LIKE MR. GIRAFFE.
475
00:16:53,901 --> 00:16:56,232
HI. I'M SUSAN SARANDON.
476
00:16:56,301 --> 00:16:58,632
A LOT OF YOU KNOW ME
AS TIM ROBBINS' MOTHER.
477
00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:00,732
BUT I'M ACTUALLY
HIS GIRLFRIEND.
478
00:17:00,801 --> 00:17:02,832
AND THIS IS STEWIE.
479
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:03,932
WHAT THE
DEUCE?
480
00:17:04,001 --> 00:17:05,731
FOR LESS THAN THE
TICKET PRICE OF ONE
481
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,498
OF MY MOVIES ABOUT
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
482
00:17:07,567 --> 00:17:09,865
OR NEO-FEMINISM,
YOU CAN MAKE SURE
483
00:17:09,934 --> 00:17:12,265
THAT STEWIE NEVER
GOES HUNGRY AGAIN.
484
00:17:12,334 --> 00:17:15,232
YES, AND FROM THE LOOK
OF THOSE SWEATER
COWS, SO CAN YOU.
485
00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:20,832
GOOD MORNING,
SUBJECTS.
486
00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:21,866
WHAT'S FOR
BREAKFAST?
487
00:17:21,934 --> 00:17:23,032
NOTHING, YOU
IDIOT.
488
00:17:23,101 --> 00:17:24,431
WE DON'T HAVE
ANY FOOD.
489
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,598
PETER, THIS HAS
GOTTEN WAY
OUT OF HAND.
490
00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:28,465
LOOK AT
WHAT WE'RE
REDUCED TO!
491
00:17:28,533 --> 00:17:29,598
OUR OWN
BABY HAS
TO USE
492
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:31,032
NEWSPAPERS
FOR DIAPERS!
493
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:33,166
NO, NO. NO, NO. THI--THIS IS
FINE. ONE SECOND.
494
00:17:33,234 --> 00:17:35,232
I'M JUST ABOUT FINISHED
WITH FAMILY CIRCUS.
495
00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:36,832
[Grunting]
496
00:17:38,034 --> 00:17:40,199
THERE WE ARE. WHO
DID THAT, JEFFIE?
497
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:41,966
NOT ME.
498
00:17:42,034 --> 00:17:43,899
MY GOD. I HAVEN'T
SEEN EVERYONE
THIS MISERABLE
499
00:17:43,968 --> 00:17:45,665
SINCE THAT TIME WE
WERE TORTURED.
500
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:50,498
[Gears grinding]
501
00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:52,465
I--I'M SORRY. WERE
YOU JUST WHIPPING ME?
502
00:17:52,533 --> 00:17:55,333
OR DID I JUST,
DID I JUST GET
BIT BY A MOSQUITO?
503
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,199
[Stuttering]
HEY, LOIS, IF YOU
HAPPEN TO SEE
504
00:17:57,268 --> 00:17:58,798
THE DUNGEON MASTER,
CAN YOU TELL HIM
505
00:17:58,868 --> 00:18:01,099
HIS GRANDMOTHER WAS
JUST TRYING TO WORK
ME OVER?
506
00:18:01,168 --> 00:18:03,232
IT'S TIME TO CALL
THIS WHOLE THING OFF!
507
00:18:03,301 --> 00:18:05,166
NOBODY'S ON
OUR SIDE!
508
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:07,232
ARE YOU NUTS? LOOK AT
ALL THESE TELEGRAMS.
509
00:18:07,301 --> 00:18:08,465
"NICE GOING, LIBYA."
510
00:18:08,533 --> 00:18:10,266
"YOU DA MAN,
NORTH KOREA."
511
00:18:10,335 --> 00:18:11,599
"GREAT JOB, IRAQ."
512
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,598
IRAQ, LOIS! YOU
KNOW WHAT?
513
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:16,399
I'M--I'M GONNA INVITE A
FEW OF THESE FELLAS
OVER FOR A PARTY.
514
00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:22,265
SEE, LOIS? I TOLD
YOU WE HAD ALLIES.
515
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:24,398
HEY HEY,
SLOBODAN,
YOU MADE IT!
516
00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:25,765
I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO BRING.
517
00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:26,765
SO I MADE
COLESLAW.
518
00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:28,531
IT'S MADE OUT
OF PEOPLE!
519
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,832
[Laughing]
JUST KIDDING. HEY,
IS MUAMMAR HERE YET?
520
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,465
YEAH. HE'S OVER
THERE WITH SADDAM.
521
00:18:32,534 --> 00:18:34,032
AND THEN
JERRY GUESSED
522
00:18:34,101 --> 00:18:35,732
THAT HER NAME
WAS "MULVA."
523
00:18:35,801 --> 00:18:37,132
[Both laughing]
524
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:38,832
[Arabic accent]
THAT SHOW
IS SO FUNNY.
525
00:18:38,901 --> 00:18:41,265
IT REALLY
REMINDS ME OF ME
AND MY FRIENDS.
526
00:18:41,334 --> 00:18:43,432
YOU KNOW, THE WAY
WE JUST HANG OUT,
BEFORE I KILL THEM
527
00:18:43,501 --> 00:18:44,899
FOR WORSHIPPING
THE WRONG GOD.
528
00:18:44,968 --> 00:18:47,466
YEAH. AND I LOVE THAT
KRAMER GUY. HE COMES
IN THE ROOM LIKE THIS.
529
00:18:47,534 --> 00:18:48,432
[Braying]
530
00:18:48,501 --> 00:18:50,465
WELL, I CAN'T DO IT,
BUT YOU KNOW.
531
00:18:50,534 --> 00:18:51,532
[Heavy accent]
MARCO.
532
00:18:51,601 --> 00:18:52,532
[All]
POLO.
533
00:18:52,601 --> 00:18:53,532
MARCO.
534
00:18:53,601 --> 00:18:54,631
[All]
POLO.
535
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:55,865
FISH OUT
OF WATER!
536
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:56,999
[Groaning]
537
00:18:57,067 --> 00:18:59,132
[All laughing]
538
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,198
YEAH, THOSE ARE
LOOKING GOOD.
539
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,465
YEAH. MANUEL?
MANUEL, DO
YOU WANT...
540
00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:06,132
UH, C-CAN YOU ASK
HIM IF HE WANTS
CHEESE? HEY! HEY!
541
00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:08,099
FIDEL, NO RUNNING
AROUND THE POOL!
542
00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:11,398
I SAY, I SAY,
AHMED.
543
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:13,331
WHAT IS THAT THING
YOU PEOPLE DO WHEN
544
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:14,998
YOU'RE ABOUT
TO ASSASSINATE
AN INFIDEL?
545
00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:16,565
AH, YOU MEAN THIS?
546
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:18,331
[Howling]
547
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,966
OH, GOD. YES,
I LOVE THAT.
548
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:21,133
[Both shrieking]
549
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,765
STEWIE!
550
00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:25,598
THIS IS
INSANITY!
551
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:27,665
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHERE DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE GOING?
552
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:28,598
AMERICA!
553
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:29,698
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
554
00:19:29,767 --> 00:19:31,465
YOU CAN
KEEP THIS
FILTHY MESS
555
00:19:31,534 --> 00:19:32,798
YOU CALL
A COUNTRY!
556
00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:33,965
COME ON,
KIDS.
557
00:19:34,034 --> 00:19:35,198
[Stewie]
THIS IS TREASON!
558
00:19:35,267 --> 00:19:37,198
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, PETER,
MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF HER!
559
00:19:37,266 --> 00:19:39,932
NOTHING SAYS "OBEY ME"
LIKE A BLOODY
HEAD ON A FENCE POST.
560
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,865
LET'S GO. WE'RE
CROSSING THE
BORDER.
561
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:43,866
GOOD-BYE,
PRESIDENT
GRIFFIN.
562
00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:46,565
WELL, BRIAN, AT LEAST
YOU'RE LOYAL ENOUGH
TO STAY WITH ME.
563
00:19:46,634 --> 00:19:48,298
AH, I'VE STUCK BY
YOU THROUGH WORSE.
564
00:19:50,401 --> 00:19:54,032
[Peter screaming]
565
00:19:54,101 --> 00:19:56,898
I GUESS IT'S YOU
AND ME AGAINST THE
WORLD, BUDDY.
566
00:19:56,967 --> 00:19:58,832
[Man]
ATTENTION, PRESIDENT GRIFFIN.
567
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,332
AS YOU MAY PRESENTLY
YOURSELF FULLY
BE AWARE OF,
568
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,298
MY GRAMMAR
SUCKS.
569
00:20:03,366 --> 00:20:04,565
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,
570
00:20:04,634 --> 00:20:05,865
WE'RE ABOUT
TO COMMENCE
OPERATION
571
00:20:05,933 --> 00:20:07,931
BOMB THE
CRAP OUT OF
YOUR HOUSE.
572
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,931
THE GUY WHO
THINKS UP THE NAMES
IS ON VACATION. FIRE!
573
00:20:14,234 --> 00:20:16,231
TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
574
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,898
THE GUY WHO
AIMS IS IN
THE JOHN.
575
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,432
YUP, HERE
HE IS.
576
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:20,965
NEXT ONE'S
COMING RIGHT
AT YOU.
577
00:20:21,034 --> 00:20:22,266
FACE IT, PETER.
IT'S OVER.
578
00:20:22,335 --> 00:20:23,732
WHY DON'T YOU
SIT DOWN WITH
THE MAYOR
579
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,331
AND NEGOTIATE SOME
KINDA TREATY?
580
00:20:25,401 --> 00:20:27,699
NEGOTIATE? PETER
GRIFFIN DOESN'T KNOW
581
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:29,431
THE MEANING OF THE
WORD "NEGOTIATE."
582
00:20:31,701 --> 00:20:32,632
HEH.
583
00:20:32,701 --> 00:20:34,099
CAN I--CAN I TIE
YOU TO A STICK
584
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:35,465
AND USE YOU
AS A WHITE FLAG?
585
00:20:37,867 --> 00:20:39,432
THANK YOU
ALL FOR COMING.
586
00:20:39,501 --> 00:20:41,032
WE INVITED
JESSE JACKSON
587
00:20:41,101 --> 00:20:42,966
TO OPEN OUR
NEGOTIATIONS
WITH A PRAYER.
588
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,698
OOH!
AH!
589
00:20:44,767 --> 00:20:46,532
UNFORTUNATELY, HE
COULDN'T MAKE IT.
590
00:20:46,601 --> 00:20:47,565
SO IN HIS PLACE,
591
00:20:47,634 --> 00:20:49,865
WE HAVE LATOYA JACKSON.
592
00:20:49,934 --> 00:20:52,331
THANKS. UM,
RUB-A-DUB-DUB,
593
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,798
THANKS FOR
THE GRUB.
594
00:20:53,867 --> 00:20:55,565
YAY, GOD!
595
00:20:55,634 --> 00:20:57,632
HOW VERY
INAPPROPRIATE.
THANK YOU.
596
00:20:57,701 --> 00:20:59,631
NOW MR. GRIFFIN,
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BEGIN?
597
00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:02,532
OK. AFTER MUCH
THOUGHT AND
CONSIDERATION,
598
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,665
I HAVE DECIDED
TO MAKE A
CONCESSION OR 2.
599
00:21:04,734 --> 00:21:05,832
VERY GOOD, PETER.
600
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:08,299
FIRST, I WILL
RETURN JOE'S POOL.
601
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:09,432
OH, YOU GOT
THAT RIGHT!
602
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:10,932
BUT, IN EXCHANGE,
I DEMAND
603
00:21:11,001 --> 00:21:12,465
ACCESS TO IT ON
ALTERNATE WEEKENDS.
604
00:21:12,534 --> 00:21:13,432
NO!
605
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,365
ACCEPTED. I
ALSO DEMAND
606
00:21:15,434 --> 00:21:17,365
TO REMAIN MY OWN
INDEPENDENT NATION.
607
00:21:17,434 --> 00:21:18,565
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
608
00:21:18,634 --> 00:21:20,332
WELL, HOW ABOUT
YOU JUST GIVE
ME YOUR PEN?
609
00:21:20,401 --> 00:21:21,565
YOU MEAN, THIS
CHEAP LITTLE PEN
610
00:21:21,634 --> 00:21:23,231
WE HAVE MILLIONS OF
BACK AT THE OFFICE?
611
00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:24,365
YEAH.
NO.
612
00:21:24,434 --> 00:21:26,865
OH MAN, SO AFTER ALL THIS,
I END UP WITH NOTHING?
613
00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:28,065
HOW ABOUT THIS?
614
00:21:28,134 --> 00:21:29,732
EVERY NIGHT
WHEN YOU GET
HOME FROM WORK,
615
00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:31,264
I'LL SCRATCH
YOUR BACK
616
00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,531
WITH A
MATCHBOOK COVER,
LIKE YOU LIKE.
617
00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:34,699
AW, LOIS.
618
00:21:34,767 --> 00:21:36,032
OHH.
619
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:37,565
WOULD YOU CALL ME
"BIG RUDY" WHEN
YOU DO IT?
620
00:21:37,634 --> 00:21:38,698
NO.
621
00:21:38,767 --> 00:21:40,565
[Woman]
AND THAT'S THE
STORY OF PETORIA.
622
00:21:40,634 --> 00:21:42,532
A LITTLE NATION
THAT, 200 YEARS AGO,
623
00:21:42,601 --> 00:21:44,398
SECEDED AND
REPATRIATED
624
00:21:44,467 --> 00:21:45,731
IN LESS
THAN A WEEK.
625
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,264
ANY
QUESTIONS?
626
00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:48,832
YEAH. UH,
I--I DON'T GET IT.
627
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:51,432
SO, LIKE, CAN THE
FAMILY UNDERSTAND
THE BABY?
628
00:21:51,501 --> 00:21:53,465
OR--OR WHAT'S--
WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH THAT?
629
00:21:56,433 --> 00:21:58,965
♪[Theme music playing]