1
00:00:02,767 --> 00:00:05,065
[Announcer]
WE NOW RETURN TO
LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE.
2
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,865
THAT'S
WONDERFUL, MARY.
3
00:00:07,934 --> 00:00:09,565
YOU'RE DOING GREAT
WITH YOUR BRAILLE.
4
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,732
I COULDN'T
HAVE DONE IT
WITHOUT YOU, PA.
5
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:14,398
WHY DON'T YOU GO
UP TO BED AND GET
SOME SLEEP, HONEY?
6
00:00:16,134 --> 00:00:17,398
SHH.
7
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:22,464
HONEY, HONEY,
8
00:00:22,533 --> 00:00:24,365
YOU REMEMBER
WHERE THE STOOL WAS.
9
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:26,532
[Giggling]
10
00:00:27,834 --> 00:00:29,165
OH, MARY, MARY,
11
00:00:29,234 --> 00:00:30,665
YOU'RE IN THE
KITCHEN, SWEETHEART,
12
00:00:30,734 --> 00:00:32,032
YOU'RE ALL
DISORIENTED.
13
00:00:32,101 --> 00:00:34,065
LET ME HELP YOU.
THE LADDER'S
RIGHT HERE.
14
00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:35,299
THANKS, PA.
15
00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:39,899
[Crashing]
16
00:00:39,967 --> 00:00:41,999
[All laughing]
17
00:00:42,067 --> 00:00:44,865
JEEZ, LIFE WAS
A LOT TOUGHER
BACK THEN.
18
00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:48,299
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
19
00:00:48,368 --> 00:00:51,565
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
20
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:55,565
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
21
00:00:55,634 --> 00:00:58,599
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
22
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:01,731
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
23
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,132
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
24
00:01:05,201 --> 00:01:06,966
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
25
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,564
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
26
00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:13,198
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
27
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:16,732
LISTEN UP,
EVERYBODY.
28
00:01:16,801 --> 00:01:18,498
IT'S TIME FOR
SPRING CLEANING.
29
00:01:18,567 --> 00:01:19,498
[All]
SPRING CLEANING?
30
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:21,331
[All]
OH, NOT AGAIN.
31
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,732
[All]
THAT WAS WEIRD.
32
00:01:22,801 --> 00:01:24,231
[All]
BOY, THAT
WAS WEIRD, TOO.
33
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,899
IF WE ALL PITCH IN,
WE'LL BE DONE IN NO TIME.
34
00:01:26,968 --> 00:01:29,233
LOIS, YOU KNOW I SWORE
I'D NEVER CLEAN AGAIN.
35
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:31,798
NOT AFTER BOUNTY DROPPED
ME AS THEIR SPOKESMAN.
36
00:01:31,867 --> 00:01:33,332
WAIT A SECOND,
ROSIE,
37
00:01:33,401 --> 00:01:34,932
I'VE JUST
POURED THIS GLASS
38
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,698
OF WARM YELLOW
LIQUID ON THE COUNTER
39
00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:38,233
AND YOU'RE TELLING
ME THAT BOUNTY
40
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:39,932
CAN PICK IT UP
IN 5 SECONDS?
41
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,465
WHAT IS THIS?
4 SECONDS.
42
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:42,665
IS THAT--
3 SECONDS.
43
00:01:42,734 --> 00:01:44,464
IT SMELLS LIKE--
CLEAN MY PEE!
44
00:01:44,533 --> 00:01:47,431
MOM, I CAN'T CLEAN.
I GOT STUFF TO DO.
45
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:50,398
SWEETHEART, WE ALL
KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY STUFF TO DO.
46
00:01:50,467 --> 00:01:53,265
NOW, I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ANY MORE
EXCUSES FROM ANYONE.
47
00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:55,832
[All]
OH, CRAP! WE DID IT AGAIN!
48
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,231
[All]
RUTH BADER GINSBURG!
49
00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:01,765
[All]
OOH.
50
00:02:05,867 --> 00:02:07,199
OH, LOOK, MEG,
51
00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:09,765
IT'S YOUR LITTLE
BABY BOOTIES.
52
00:02:09,833 --> 00:02:11,832
OH, AND YOUR
LITTLE BRONZE HAT.
53
00:02:11,901 --> 00:02:13,066
AND YOUR TAIL.
54
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,731
MY WHAT?
NOTHING.
55
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,865
OK, LOIS' LIST
SAYS CLEAN
THE WINDOWS,
56
00:02:16,933 --> 00:02:19,265
CLEAR THE
GUTTERS, AND
WASH THE SIDING.
57
00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:21,498
TO MOST FOLKS,
THAT'S 3 CHORES.
58
00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:24,698
TO PETER GRIFFIN AND
HIS BIG HOSE, IT'S ONE.
59
00:02:24,767 --> 00:02:26,998
HMM, YOU'RE NOT
WORKING HARD, PETER,
60
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,199
YOU'RE
WORKING SMART.
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00:02:28,268 --> 00:02:29,898
HEY, CHRIS,
GIVE ME THE JUICE!
62
00:02:32,667 --> 00:02:34,231
[Glass breaking]
63
00:02:40,267 --> 00:02:42,731
PETER, TH-THERE'S
WATER AND GLASS!
64
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,665
IT'S A DISASTER
IN HERE!
65
00:02:44,733 --> 00:02:47,098
WELL, LOIS, WHY DON'T YOU
PUT DOWN YOUR GINGER ALE
66
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:48,999
AND REDBOOK
AND GET TO WORK?
67
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:50,466
LAZY.
68
00:02:50,534 --> 00:02:51,598
YOU'RE NOT HELPING!
69
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:53,199
LOOK, DON'T COME
NEAR THE HOUSE!
70
00:02:53,268 --> 00:02:54,932
GO DO
SOMETHING ELSE.
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00:02:55,001 --> 00:02:57,132
SON, THIS DUFFEL BAG
IS ONLY HALF-ZIPPED.
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00:02:57,201 --> 00:02:58,499
HEY, JOE,
WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?
73
00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:00,132
I'M GOING CAMPING
FOR THE WEEKEND
74
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,332
WITH JOHNNY-
CUT-CORNERS.
75
00:03:02,401 --> 00:03:03,665
YOU GUYS WANT
TO COME ALONG?
76
00:03:03,733 --> 00:03:06,765
HMM. IT WOULD
BE NICE TO GET
OUT OF THE HOUSE.
77
00:03:06,833 --> 00:03:08,431
THIS IS THE TIME
OF THE MONTH WHEN
78
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:11,231
LORETTA IS VISITED
BY HER AUNT FLO.
79
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:13,032
LORETTA LIKES
TO PERSONIFY
80
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:15,431
HER MENSES IN
HUMOROUS WAYS.
81
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,799
HEY, QUAGMIRE!
YOU UP FOR
SOME CAMPING?
82
00:03:17,867 --> 00:03:20,265
SORRY, BUD, THE ONLY
TENT I'M PITCHING
83
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,265
THIS WEEKEND IS...
84
00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:24,732
WELL, Y-YOU SEE
WHERE I'M GOING
WITH THIS.
85
00:03:24,801 --> 00:03:25,398
OH!
86
00:03:25,467 --> 00:03:26,632
I WANT TO
GO, DAD.
87
00:03:26,701 --> 00:03:28,265
IT'LL GET ME AWAY
FROM THE EVIL MONKEY
88
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,264
THAT LIVES IN MY CLOSET.
89
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:31,665
MONKEY IN
THE CLOSET.
90
00:03:31,734 --> 00:03:33,065
[Both laughing]
91
00:03:38,701 --> 00:03:40,065
THIS IS GONNA
BE GREAT.
92
00:03:40,134 --> 00:03:41,932
THE LAST TIME I DID
ANY MALE BONDING
93
00:03:42,001 --> 00:03:43,832
WAS WHEN ME AND
CLEVELAND WENT
TO CHINATOWN.
94
00:03:45,867 --> 00:03:47,765
LOOK, FORGET HOW
IT HAPPENED.
95
00:03:47,834 --> 00:03:49,565
CAN YOU JUST GET
US OUT OF THIS?
96
00:03:57,333 --> 00:04:00,132
I SAY, RUPERT, THIS
PASTE IS QUITE DELICIOUS.
97
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,331
IT'S ALMOST WORTH
THE BOWEL OBSTRUCTION.
98
00:04:05,234 --> 00:04:06,465
ARE THOSE
MY BOOKS?
99
00:04:06,534 --> 00:04:07,731
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
100
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,166
MMM, PAPIER-MACHE.
101
00:04:09,234 --> 00:04:11,932
I USED THEM TO MAKE
THE HOUSEBOAT
FROM SURFSIDE 6.
102
00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:13,032
YOU REMEMBER.
103
00:04:13,101 --> 00:04:14,665
♪ SURFSIDE 6 ♪
104
00:04:14,734 --> 00:04:16,265
♪ WHO LIVES THERE? ♪
105
00:04:16,334 --> 00:04:17,765
♪ SURFSIDE 6 ♪
106
00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:19,332
♪ YOUNG BACHELORS ♪
107
00:04:19,401 --> 00:04:21,165
♪ IN MIAMI BEACH ♪
108
00:04:21,234 --> 00:04:23,798
THOSE ARE MY
FIRST EDITIONS,
YOU LITTLE PUNK!
109
00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:25,798
MAMA, DOGGY
SCARY!
110
00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:27,465
BRIAN, HAVE YOU
LOST YOUR MIND?
111
00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:28,966
HE'S JUST A BABY.
112
00:04:29,034 --> 00:04:30,898
HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT HE'S DOING.
113
00:04:30,967 --> 00:04:32,099
THIS ISN'T OVER!
114
00:04:32,168 --> 00:04:34,199
OH, IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR YOUR DOSTOYEVSKY,
115
00:04:34,268 --> 00:04:36,298
I USED IT TO
MAKE THE FORT
FROM F TROOP.
116
00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:37,999
LOOK WHAT
I FOUND, STEWIE.
117
00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:39,365
AN APPOINTMENT CARD.
118
00:04:39,434 --> 00:04:40,865
YOU'VE GOT
A CHECKUP.
119
00:04:40,934 --> 00:04:41,932
OH, MARVELOUS.
120
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,798
A QUICK WEIGH-IN,
A "STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE"
121
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,766
AND A NICE LOLLIPOP
TO CAP IT ALL OFF.
122
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:47,265
OH, AND REMIND ME
TO ASK THE DOCTOR
123
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:49,132
WHEN MY OTHER
TESTICLE IS GOING
TO DESCEND.
124
00:04:54,868 --> 00:04:56,432
BANG! I'M
DANIEL BOONE!
125
00:04:56,501 --> 00:04:58,199
I'M A MAN!
I'M A BIG MAN!
126
00:04:58,268 --> 00:04:59,232
BANG!
BANG!
127
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,498
NOW I'M
PAT BOONE.
128
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:03,565
GONNA HAVE A
CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
WITH ANDY WILLIAMS.
129
00:05:03,633 --> 00:05:04,865
[Laughing]
130
00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:08,266
AH, SO BEAUTIFUL.
131
00:05:08,335 --> 00:05:11,765
IT'S ALMOST AS IF
THIS WORLD WAS CREATED
ESPECIALLY FOR ME.
132
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:15,333
DO YOU THINK
HE'S ONTO US,
CHRISTOF?
133
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,798
NO, HE'S AN IDIOT.
134
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,732
DAD, I DUG
THE LATRINE
50 FEET OUT.
135
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,532
OH, THAT'S
GREAT, KEVIN. YOU
WANT A COOKIE
136
00:05:22,601 --> 00:05:23,932
EVERY TIME
YOU DO
SOMETHING RIGHT?
137
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:24,965
GO GET SOME
FIREWOOD!
138
00:05:25,034 --> 00:05:26,532
YES, SIR!
139
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,865
HE'S GONNA
GROW UP TO BE
QUITE A MAN!
140
00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:31,798
MMM. THAT WAS
INCREDIBLE, KEVIN.
141
00:05:31,867 --> 00:05:33,232
I'M NOT HERE
TO IMPRESS YOU.
142
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,198
AM I, DAD?
143
00:05:34,266 --> 00:05:36,431
DID I SAY YOU
COULD REST YET?
144
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:37,499
I'M ABE LINCOLN!
145
00:05:37,567 --> 00:05:39,365
I JUST CHOPPED
SOME WOOD!
HA, HA, HA!
146
00:05:39,434 --> 00:05:40,765
GOOD FOR
YOU, SON.
147
00:05:40,834 --> 00:05:42,165
HEY, WHERE'S CHRIS?
148
00:05:42,234 --> 00:05:44,565
I ASKED HIM TO FILL
UP THE CANTEENS
AN HOUR AGO.
149
00:05:44,634 --> 00:05:45,899
[Chris]
HEY, DAD, LOOK.
150
00:05:45,967 --> 00:05:47,599
I COVERED MY BACK
WITH HONEY,
151
00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:50,298
AND NOW THE ANTS
ARE TAKING ME HOME.
152
00:05:50,367 --> 00:05:53,365
HE DOES THE SAME THING
AT HOME WITH VELVEETA
AND COCKROACHES.
153
00:05:53,433 --> 00:05:56,365
IF YOU TURN THE LIGHT ON
REALLY FAST, THEY SLAM
HIM INTO THE FRIDGE.
154
00:06:01,901 --> 00:06:03,498
OH, GREAT,
MIRABELLA.
155
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,932
DECEMBER'S
MIRABELLA.
156
00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:09,665
WHAT'S YOUR STORY?
GET LOST ON THE
WAY TO THE MORGUE?
157
00:06:09,733 --> 00:06:13,032
NO, SERIOUSLY, IS
THAT YOURS? BECAUSE
IF IT IS, BRAVO.
158
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:16,265
YOU REMEMBER
THAT SHORT-LIVED
SITCOM, FISH?
159
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:18,798
THEY SHOULD'VE
PUT THAT ON
BEFORE CHIPS.
160
00:06:18,867 --> 00:06:21,332
THE MARKETING
PRACTICALLY
WRITES ITSELF.
161
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,432
LET'S GO, CHRIS,
YOUR DINNER ISN'T
GONNA CATCH ITSELF.
162
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,665
I DON'T WANT TO GO.
163
00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:28,066
I HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE
WITH A FISH ONCE.
164
00:06:31,001 --> 00:06:32,198
[Gasping]
165
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,732
OH, MY GOD!
MY FISH IS GONE!
166
00:06:36,501 --> 00:06:38,298
AND HE
ROBBED ME!
167
00:06:38,367 --> 00:06:39,698
OK, SEE YOU,
CHRIS.
168
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,265
PETER, THIS IS
NONE OF MY BUSINESS,
169
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,866
BUT YOU'RE
TURNING YOUR BOY
INTO A SLACKER.
170
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:46,866
HOW DARE YOU
CALL MY PARENTING
INTO QUESTION.
171
00:06:46,934 --> 00:06:48,999
IF YOU WERE
A WOMAN,
I'D SLUG YOU.
172
00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:51,732
I'M JUST SAYING
YOU SHOULD TEACH HIM
SOME RESPONSIBILITY.
173
00:06:51,801 --> 00:06:53,932
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SHOW YOU
RESPONSIBILITY.
174
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,732
HEY, CHRIS, YOU
ARE RESPONSIBLE
175
00:06:55,801 --> 00:06:57,731
FOR GUARDING THE CAMP
WHILE WE'RE FISHING.
176
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,999
YOU GOT IT, DAD.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME...
177
00:07:00,068 --> 00:07:01,599
[Snoring]
178
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:03,732
CHRIS, PAY ATTENTION.
I WANT YOU TO--
179
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:04,999
[Snoring]
180
00:07:05,067 --> 00:07:07,032
ALL RIGHT,
TAKE A DEEP
BREATH, STEWIE.
181
00:07:07,101 --> 00:07:08,333
[Laughing]
182
00:07:08,401 --> 00:07:12,032
COLD! COLD! OK.
OK. I'M FINE.
I'M FINE.
183
00:07:12,101 --> 00:07:14,132
[Breathing deeply]
AHH.
184
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,498
TELL ME,
DR. HARTMAN,
185
00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:17,532
DO ALL THE CHILDREN
FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU?
186
00:07:17,601 --> 00:07:20,166
[Laughing]
OH! THAT'S COLD.
THAT'S COLD.
187
00:07:21,801 --> 00:07:24,364
HMM. 29 POUNDS.
THAT'S BIG
FOR YOUR AGE.
188
00:07:24,433 --> 00:07:27,232
FORGIVE ME FOR NOT
BEING ONE OF THOSE
ANOREXIC BABIES
189
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,698
FROM THE
DIAPER COMMERCIALS.
190
00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:32,065
ALL RIGHT, LITTLE
GUY, TIME FOR YOUR
IMMUNIZATIONS.
191
00:07:32,134 --> 00:07:33,399
YOU, UH,
MIGHT WANT TO
HOLD HIM.
192
00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:34,665
HOLD ME FOR WHAT?
193
00:07:36,901 --> 00:07:38,032
WHAT THE DEUCE?
194
00:07:38,101 --> 00:07:39,899
OH, I'M SORRY,
SWEETIE.
195
00:07:39,968 --> 00:07:41,298
YAHH!
196
00:07:41,366 --> 00:07:43,565
BACK OFF! DON'T
COME ANY CLOSER
OR I'LL CUT HER!
197
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:45,732
UH, I'LL--
198
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,865
I'LL GIVE HER--
I'LL GIVE HER A
SERIES OF SPLINTERS
199
00:07:48,934 --> 00:07:50,265
THAT COULD, UM,
200
00:07:50,334 --> 00:07:52,399
YOU KNOW,
BECOME INFECTED.
201
00:07:52,468 --> 00:07:54,865
LOOK, STEWIE, LOOK
AT THE DANCING KITTY.
202
00:07:54,934 --> 00:07:57,932
OH, NO! I'LL
NOT BE TAKEN IN
BY ONE OF YOUR--
203
00:07:58,001 --> 00:07:59,999
OH, MY.
THAT'S DELIGHTFUL,
ISN'T IT?
204
00:08:00,067 --> 00:08:01,364
WHAT'S YOUR NAME,
YOU LITTLE--
205
00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:02,932
AHH! OH, GOD!
206
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,366
THEY CALL THIS
THE MAGIC HOUR.
207
00:08:08,434 --> 00:08:09,866
THE DAY'S NOT QUITE GONE,
208
00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:11,565
BUT THE NIGHT'S
NOT QUITE HERE,
209
00:08:11,634 --> 00:08:13,199
AND SOMEWHERE,
SCOTT BAIO
210
00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:15,299
IS PLOWING A WOMAN
HE DOESN'T LOVE.
211
00:08:15,368 --> 00:08:17,532
I GOT ONE,
DAD!
212
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:19,898
HEH. LOOKS LIKE THAT'S
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY.
213
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,932
THE HELL IT IS!
YOU GET IN THERE,
214
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,932
AND YOU KICK
THAT FISH'S ASS!
215
00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:26,365
GOD, I LOVE HIM!
216
00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:29,598
[Cleveland]
I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW
TERRIBLE THE FISHING WAS.
217
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:31,698
YEAH, ALL WE
CAUGHT WAS
A TIRE, A BOOT,
218
00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:33,731
A TIN CAN
AND THIS BOOK
OF CLICHES.
219
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,598
WELL, THANK
GOD WE CAME
PREPARED.
220
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:37,399
WE BROUGHT ENOUGH
FOOD TO LAST US...
221
00:08:37,468 --> 00:08:39,598
[All gasping]
222
00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:41,665
HOLY CRAP, CHRIS!
WHAT THE HELL?
223
00:08:41,734 --> 00:08:43,565
I PUT YOU IN
CHARGE OF THE FOOD.
224
00:08:43,633 --> 00:08:46,098
THE RACCOONS
WERE HERE. SEE?
225
00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:48,331
OOH, WE'RE A BUNCH OF
SNEAKY LITTLE ANIMALS.
226
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,266
WE'RE GONNA WRECK
THIS FOOD AND EAT IT
227
00:08:50,334 --> 00:08:52,665
'CAUSE WE'RE NAUGHTY.
AND THERE'S A GUY.
228
00:08:52,734 --> 00:08:55,966
LET'S GET HIM IN
TROUBLE WITH HIS
DAD. HA! HA! HA!
229
00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:58,231
SOMEHOW I'M LESS
THAN SURPRISED.
230
00:08:58,300 --> 00:08:59,432
I'M SORRY, DAD.
231
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:01,799
I MESSED UP
THE ENTIRE TRIP.
232
00:09:01,867 --> 00:09:03,665
IT'S NOT YOUR
FAULT, CHRIS.
233
00:09:03,733 --> 00:09:05,765
I FAILED YOU
AS A FATHER.
234
00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:07,765
FROM NOW ON, JOE WILL
BE YOUR FATHER.
235
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,165
CLEVELAND?
236
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:11,865
I'LL TEACH THE BOY.
237
00:09:11,934 --> 00:09:12,932
COME, MY SON.
238
00:09:13,001 --> 00:09:14,698
I'LL SHOW YOU THE
WAYS OF THE HERD.
239
00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:16,165
[Gun firing]
240
00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:20,232
AW, CRAP!
241
00:09:23,134 --> 00:09:26,032
PETER, WHY ARE YOU
SITTING WITH THE SHEETS
OVER YOUR HEAD?
242
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,665
[Screaming]
243
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,099
PETER,
WHAT'S WRONG?
244
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:30,298
THAT OBVIOUS?
245
00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:31,932
WELL, YOU ALWAYS
DO THE SKULL GAG
246
00:09:32,001 --> 00:09:33,032
WHEN YOU'RE
DEPRESSED.
247
00:09:33,101 --> 00:09:34,232
TALK TO ME.
248
00:09:34,301 --> 00:09:36,598
WELL, IT'S JUST,
I--I'VE BEEN TRYING
249
00:09:36,667 --> 00:09:38,865
TO TEACH CHRIS
HOW TO BE A
MAN, YOU KNOW?
250
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:41,465
FIRST, I TRIED
TEACHING HIM HOW
TO EAT AN OREO.
251
00:09:41,534 --> 00:09:43,298
CHRIS, THE WAY
TO EAT AN OREO
252
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:45,965
IS TO TWIST IT,
PULL IT APART,
AND LICK IT.
253
00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:47,832
NOW, YOU.
254
00:09:49,534 --> 00:09:51,898
THEN I TRIED TEACHING
HIM HOW TO GET OUT
OF PAYING A CHECK.
255
00:09:58,266 --> 00:10:01,032
UH, WAITER,
THERE'S A DEAD
GUY IN MY SOUP.
256
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,765
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY,
SIR. OF COURSE YOUR
SOUP IS GRATIS.
257
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:05,232
THANK YOU.
258
00:10:05,301 --> 00:10:06,832
NOW,
YOUR TURN.
259
00:10:10,034 --> 00:10:11,998
WAITER, THERE'S
A DEAD GUY IN MY--
260
00:10:12,067 --> 00:10:13,465
[Screaming]
261
00:10:13,534 --> 00:10:14,965
[Screaming]
262
00:10:18,533 --> 00:10:20,499
PETER, YOU CAN'T
FORCE-FEED MATURITY.
263
00:10:20,567 --> 00:10:22,399
HE NEEDS TO LEARN
IT ON HIS OWN.
264
00:10:22,467 --> 00:10:24,165
WHY DON'T YOU
GET HIM A JOB
OR SOMETHING?
265
00:10:24,234 --> 00:10:26,099
WHOA.
FREEZE-FRAME!
266
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:28,432
THAT'S IT! I CAN TEACH
CHRIS RESPONSIBILITY
267
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,032
BY GETTING HIM A JOB.
268
00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,632
ISN'T SHE GREAT?
NOW YOU SEE WHY
I MARRIED HER.
269
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,465
GO--GO AWAY NOW. I'M
GONNA DO STUFF TO HER.
270
00:10:38,967 --> 00:10:40,932
I'M SORRY STEWIE
RUINED YOUR BOOKS.
271
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,465
HERE, I BROUGHT
YOU SOME OF PETER'S.
272
00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:46,398
MR. T
BY MR. T.
273
00:10:46,467 --> 00:10:49,831
T AND ME
BY GEORGE PEPPARD.
274
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:53,465
FOR THE LAST TIME,
I'M NOT MR. T
BY VING RHAMES.
275
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,965
[Shuddering]
276
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:57,598
OH, STEWIE,
ARE YOU OK?
277
00:10:57,667 --> 00:11:00,498
MUST WE MAKE SMALL TALK
EVERY TIME WE PASS?
278
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:02,365
OOH, YOU'RE
BURNING UP!
279
00:11:02,434 --> 00:11:04,132
MUST BE A REACTION
TO THE SHOTS.
280
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,865
I'LL GO GET YOU
SOME BABY ASPIRIN.
281
00:11:05,934 --> 00:11:07,432
WHAT THE DEVIL ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?
282
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,665
YOU SAID THE SHOTS
WERE SUPPOSED TO
MAKE ME HEALTHY!
283
00:11:09,734 --> 00:11:11,265
[Laughing]
YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE
284
00:11:11,334 --> 00:11:12,332
LOIS HAD THEM
INJECT YOU
285
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,932
WITH SOMETHING TO
MAKE YOU HEALTHY?
286
00:11:14,001 --> 00:11:15,999
I MEAN, YOU WERE
ALREADY HEALTHY, RIGHT?
287
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,333
OH, GOD! YOU'RE RIGHT!
288
00:11:17,401 --> 00:11:19,632
I--I WAS--I WAS
PINK AS A PISTOL!
289
00:11:19,701 --> 00:11:21,698
"PINK AS A PISTOL!"
GOOD LORD!
290
00:11:21,767 --> 00:11:23,832
I CAN'T EVEN FORM A
COGENT SIMILE ANYMORE!
291
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,165
WHAT WAS IN
THOSE NEEDLES?
292
00:11:25,233 --> 00:11:26,932
I--I'VE ALREADY
SAID TOO MUCH.
293
00:11:27,801 --> 00:11:29,065
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!
294
00:11:29,134 --> 00:11:30,665
HER TREACHERY
KNOWS NO LIMITS!
295
00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:32,565
I...OH, MY.
296
00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:33,999
GETTING DIZZY!
297
00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:36,099
OH, FIGHT IT,
STEWIE!
298
00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:37,965
"DO NOT GO GENTLE
INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT,"
299
00:11:38,034 --> 00:11:39,398
TO QUOTE BOB DYLAN.
300
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:42,832
NO, NO,
DYLAN THOMAS.
301
00:11:44,967 --> 00:11:46,532
BOYS, I'M A
MIRACLE WORKER.
302
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,665
I HAVE USED ALL MY
PARENTING SKILLS
303
00:11:48,734 --> 00:11:50,832
TO CHANGE MY SON
FROM A LAZY SLACKER
304
00:11:50,901 --> 00:11:52,332
INTO A WORKING MAN.
305
00:11:55,101 --> 00:11:56,166
NICE GOING,
PETER.
306
00:11:56,234 --> 00:11:57,232
YEAH, UP
YOURS, JOE.
307
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,298
WHAT?
THANKS.
308
00:11:58,366 --> 00:11:59,465
HEY, CHRIS.
309
00:11:59,533 --> 00:12:01,832
HEY, DAD! I'M
WORKING! I'M--
310
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:03,199
OW!
311
00:12:03,267 --> 00:12:05,732
CAREFUL, CHRIS,
YOU DON'T GET
DENTAL FOR 60 DAYS.
312
00:12:05,801 --> 00:12:07,732
HEY, YOU THAT
GRIFFIN BOY'S
FATHER?
313
00:12:07,801 --> 00:12:09,832
PADDY TANNIGER,
THE CADDIE MANAGER.
314
00:12:09,901 --> 00:12:12,698
YEAH, IT RHYMES,
BIG WHOOP. WANNA
FIGHT ABOUT IT?
315
00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:15,865
LISTEN, YOUR SON
IS THE BEST BALL
SHAGGER WE EVER HAD.
316
00:12:15,934 --> 00:12:17,632
I SOLD TWICE AS
MANY BUCKETS TODAY
317
00:12:17,701 --> 00:12:19,832
BECAUSE EVERYBODY
WANTS TO HIT
THE FAT KID.
318
00:12:19,901 --> 00:12:21,498
LYNN, CANCEL MY
AFTERNOON MEETINGS.
319
00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:23,965
I--I--I GOTTA
HIT MORE BALLS
AT THIS FAT KID.
320
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,699
PETER, DO
YOU MIND IF
KEVIN AND I...
321
00:12:25,767 --> 00:12:27,298
NAIL CHRIS?
HE'D BE THRILLED.
322
00:12:29,168 --> 00:12:32,199
HEY, THIS KID HERE
JUST KNOCKED A
BALL 300 YARDS!
323
00:12:34,701 --> 00:12:36,965
I'M TIGER WOODS!
I'M TIGER WOODS!
324
00:12:37,034 --> 00:12:38,232
WHEE!
325
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,099
SHEESH, CLEVELAND,
YOUR KID'S A NATURAL.
326
00:12:40,167 --> 00:12:41,865
WITH A LITTLE HELP,
HE COULD BE A PRO.
327
00:12:41,934 --> 00:12:44,531
OH, PETER. I CAN'T
MAKE CLEVELAND JR.
328
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,765
SIT STILL FOR ANYTHING.
329
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:50,199
SOMETIMES, I WONDER IF
HE'S GOT THE EPILEPSY,
330
00:12:50,268 --> 00:12:53,264
BUT THEN I JUST GO
SEE WHAT'S ON THE T.V.
331
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:55,999
WELL, MAYBE
YOU'RE NOT AS GOOD
A FATHER AS ME, HUH?
332
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,765
I MEAN, LOOK AT
WHAT I DID WITH CHRIS!
333
00:12:57,834 --> 00:12:59,999
I'M EVEN BETTER
THAN THAT DAD ON
LOST IN SPACE.
334
00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:02,631
WE NEED TO GATHER
MORE INFORMATION
ABOUT THIS NEW PLANET.
335
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:04,865
DON, YOU TAKE
MY 16-YEAR-OLD
BLONDE DAUGHTER
336
00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:06,732
OUT IN THE CHARIOT
FOR THE REST
OF THE DAY.
337
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,199
PENNY, YOU STAY
HERE WITH ME.
338
00:13:08,268 --> 00:13:10,999
AND WILL, YOU AND THE
ROBOT GO OUT INTO THE
UNCHARTED WILDERNESS
339
00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:13,732
AND TAKE THIS
MINCING BOY-HUNGRY
PEDOPHILE WITH YOU.
340
00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:15,898
CLEVELAND JR.'S
BEYOND YOUR SKILLS.
341
00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:17,465
HE WON'T
RESPOND TO YOU.
342
00:13:17,533 --> 00:13:18,665
OH, YEAH?
343
00:13:18,734 --> 00:13:20,532
HEY, HEY, COME HERE,
CLEVELAND JR.
344
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,498
COME ON.
COME TO PETER.
345
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:22,465
OVER HERE,
JUNIOR.
346
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:23,532
COME ON!
COME TO DADDY.
347
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,632
COME ON,
CLEVELAND JR.
348
00:13:24,701 --> 00:13:25,799
COME TO PETER.
349
00:13:25,867 --> 00:13:27,532
COME ON!
HUH? HUH?
350
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,532
YOU'LL SEE. I'M GONNA
TURN THIS KID INTO THE
GREATEST GOLFER EVER!
351
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,899
FINE!
352
00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:33,366
HOW DID YOU
GET HIM TO
COME TO YOU?
353
00:13:33,435 --> 00:13:34,731
WITH THIS.
OH.
354
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,032
LOVE.
JEALOUSY.
355
00:13:36,101 --> 00:13:37,333
TOUCH.
FOREVER.
356
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:38,832
INTENSE.
PASSION.
357
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,565
[Both]
OBSESSION, CALVIN KLEIN.
358
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:46,032
DRINK THIS, HONEY.
IT'LL BRING
YOUR FEVER DOWN.
359
00:13:46,101 --> 00:13:47,932
I'M GONNA GO
RUN YOU A
COOL BATH.
360
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:52,564
SHE'S ONE OF THEM!
I'M SURE OF IT!
361
00:13:52,633 --> 00:13:54,464
NOW TELL ME
WHAT THEY
INJECTED ME WITH!
362
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:57,798
HUH! YOU KNOW MR. T
ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
A BROADWAY DANCER?
363
00:13:57,868 --> 00:13:59,999
ANSWER ME, DAMN IT!
WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO ME?
364
00:14:00,068 --> 00:14:02,233
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
IT COULD BE ANY
NUMBER OF THINGS.
365
00:14:02,301 --> 00:14:03,999
GENE MANIPULATION,
STERILIZATION.
366
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:05,232
THEY WANT MY SEED!
367
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,132
BUT FROM THE LOOK
OF YOUR PUPILS,
368
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,731
I'D SAY IT'S
SOME KIND OF
MIND-CONTROL SERUM...
369
00:14:10,667 --> 00:14:11,898
OR NOT.
370
00:14:13,534 --> 00:14:16,265
MIND CONTROL?
BUT I FEEL SO LUCID.
371
00:14:16,334 --> 00:14:17,698
YES, YOU LOOK
SPOT ON TO ME.
372
00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:19,232
WHY, THANK YOU.
I TRY TO WORK OUT.
373
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,632
BUT WHO HAS THE TIME,
BESIDES TROPHY WIVES?
374
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:23,264
OH, YES,
THAT'S RICH.
375
00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:24,732
[Screaming]
376
00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:36,331
DIDN'T WANT TO BE
A MEAN GUY. WANTED
TO BE A DANCER!
377
00:14:41,834 --> 00:14:43,032
GO AWAY!
378
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,699
[Screaming]
379
00:14:44,768 --> 00:14:46,165
[Gasping]
380
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:47,632
[Screaming]
381
00:14:52,001 --> 00:14:52,998
YOU!
382
00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:55,098
I AM TAKING YOUR BRAIN.
383
00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:57,232
YOU ARE NOW MY SLAVE.
384
00:14:57,301 --> 00:14:59,099
NO!
385
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:00,966
[Screaming]
386
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,831
WHY IS HE
FREAKING OUT
LIKE THAT?
387
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,932
HE'S HAVING A
LITTLE HALLUCINATION
FROM THE FEVER,
388
00:15:06,001 --> 00:15:07,498
JUST LIKE
WHEN YOU WERE 3
389
00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:09,432
AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY ATE
THOSE ADULT BROWNIES
390
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,631
I WAS SAVING FOR THE
DOOBIE BROTHERS CONCERT.
391
00:15:14,234 --> 00:15:15,565
[Laughing]
392
00:15:19,434 --> 00:15:21,766
[Laughing]
393
00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:23,398
I'M GONNA
BE ON A
CEREAL BOX.
394
00:15:23,467 --> 00:15:25,865
♪ HONEYCOMB'S BIG,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! ♪
395
00:15:25,933 --> 00:15:28,098
♪ IT'S NOT SMALL,
NO, NO, NO! ♪
396
00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:29,665
NOW PAY
ATTENTION, JUNIOR.
397
00:15:29,733 --> 00:15:31,431
YOU WANT TO KEEP
YOUR SHOULDERS STRAIGHT
398
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:32,932
AND YOUR KNEES BENT,
399
00:15:33,001 --> 00:15:36,165
AND, UH, J-JUST
ONCE, F-FOR ME,
400
00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:38,365
WOULD YOU CALL
ME MR. DRUMMOND?
401
00:15:38,434 --> 00:15:40,132
HEY, GRIFFIN,
DOWN HERE.
402
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,799
YEAH, IT'S A
SECRET TUNNEL
403
00:15:41,867 --> 00:15:43,598
LIKE HOGAN'S HEROES.
BIG WHOOP.
404
00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:44,965
WANT TO FIGHT
ABOUT IT?
405
00:15:45,034 --> 00:15:47,298
LOOK, HERE'S YOUR
FIRST WEEK'S PAY.
406
00:15:47,366 --> 00:15:49,332
ALL RIGHT, CHRIS!
407
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,932
DAD!
DAD, LOOK!
408
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,099
T-THAT'S GREAT, CHRIS,
BUT I'M TRYING TO BE
A GOOD FATHER HERE.
409
00:15:54,168 --> 00:15:56,798
I'M REAL PROUD OF
YOU, CHAMP. LET'S
GO GET A MILKSHAKE.
410
00:15:56,867 --> 00:15:58,298
YOU GOT IT,
MR. DRUMMOND.
411
00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:05,298
[Doorbell ringing]
412
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:07,132
PACKAGE FOR
GLEN QUAGMIRE.
413
00:16:07,201 --> 00:16:08,732
OH, UH,
EXCUSE ME.
414
00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:14,265
I'VE GOT A PACKAGE
FOR YOU, TOO!
ALL RIGHT!
415
00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:18,333
NICE TRY, BUT
I'VE BUILT UP
AN IMMUNITY.
416
00:16:19,801 --> 00:16:21,432
[Tires screeching]
417
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,065
HEY, WHAT'S
WRONG, KID?
418
00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:26,732
MY DAD DOESN'T
CARE ABOUT ME
ANYMORE.
419
00:16:26,801 --> 00:16:29,432
OH, WELL, WELL,
HEY, AT LEAST YOU
HAVE A DAD.
420
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,132
WHEN I WAS
GROWING UP, IT WAS
JUST ME AND MY MOM.
421
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,965
[Crying]
422
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,431
AW, LOOKS LIKE
SOMEBODY'S HUNGRY.
423
00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:39,799
ALL RIGHT!
424
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,799
I JUST WANTED HIM
TO BE PROUD OF ME.
425
00:16:43,868 --> 00:16:45,232
I EVEN GOT A JOB.
426
00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:47,032
WELL, THERE'S
YOUR PROBLEM.
427
00:16:47,101 --> 00:16:48,432
JOBS ARE FOR SUCKERS.
428
00:16:48,501 --> 00:16:51,098
YOU JUST NEED TO
LEARN HOW TO HAVE A
GOOD TIME. COME ON.
429
00:16:56,068 --> 00:16:57,698
GO AHEAD, KID.
TRY IT OUT.
430
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,798
UM, EXCUSE ME, YOU
DROPPED SOMETHING.
431
00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:02,898
MY JAW.
432
00:17:02,967 --> 00:17:04,632
[Laughing]
433
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,499
ALL RIGHT!
434
00:17:07,801 --> 00:17:09,732
HEH, NICE GOING.
435
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,198
[Both screaming]
436
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:13,731
ALL RIGHT!
437
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:14,732
ALL RIGHT!
438
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:21,598
OH!
439
00:17:28,967 --> 00:17:30,332
[Sniffing]
440
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:31,999
AHH!
441
00:17:33,334 --> 00:17:34,333
[Sniffing]
442
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,665
OH.
443
00:17:35,734 --> 00:17:37,932
I DON'T THINK
I LIKE FEET AS
MUCH AS YOU DO.
444
00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:39,233
HEY, EVERYBODY
LIKES FEET!
445
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:42,364
COME ON.
THE PARTY'S
JUST STARTING.
446
00:17:42,433 --> 00:17:45,298
♪ I'M GONNA GRAB MY GIRL
AND HEAD TO THE BEACH! ♪
447
00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:48,032
♪ HIC-A-DOO-LA! ♪
448
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:51,131
♪ WE'RE GONNA ALL HANG 10
AND MAYBE THEN ♪
449
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,565
♪ HIC-A-DOO-LA! ♪
450
00:17:53,633 --> 00:17:55,432
♪ BECAUSE I'M A
HIC-A-DOO-LA BOY ♪
451
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,265
♪ AND I'M A
HIC-A-DOO-LA GIRL ♪
452
00:17:57,333 --> 00:17:59,999
♪ AND TOGETHER, IT IS
A HIC-A-DOO-LA WORLD ♪
453
00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:01,832
♪ HIC-A-DOO-LA! ♪
454
00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:03,699
MR. QUAGMIRE,
455
00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:05,932
WHAT DOES "HIC-A-
DOO-LA" MEAN?
456
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,598
[All]
WHAT DOES
"HIC-A-DOO-LA" MEAN?
457
00:18:07,667 --> 00:18:09,465
WHY IT'S THAT
SPECIAL FEELING
YOU GET
458
00:18:09,533 --> 00:18:11,298
WHEN YOU HOLD HANDS
WITH YOUR BEST GAL.
459
00:18:11,367 --> 00:18:13,131
IT'S CHEERING
REAL LOUD FOR
THE HOME TEAM!
460
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:14,932
IT'S CATCHING
THE PERFECT WAVE!
461
00:18:15,001 --> 00:18:16,832
IT'S OBEYING
ALL THE RULES!
462
00:18:18,267 --> 00:18:19,499
[Together]
NO WAY!
463
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,232
[All laughing]
464
00:18:28,101 --> 00:18:29,698
HEY, ARE WE
IN TIANANMEN,
465
00:18:29,767 --> 00:18:31,298
BECAUSE I SEE
A SQUARE.
466
00:18:31,367 --> 00:18:33,265
♪ HIC-A-DOO-LA! ♪
467
00:18:37,101 --> 00:18:38,565
GREAT SHOT,
CLEVELAND JR.
468
00:18:38,634 --> 00:18:39,931
THANKS,
MR. DRUMMOND.
469
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,665
LISTEN, FOR, UH,
FOR TODAY,
470
00:18:41,733 --> 00:18:43,998
CAN YOU--CAN YOU
SWITCH AND CALL ME
MR. PAPADAPOLIS?
471
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:45,431
YOU GOT IT!
472
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,598
AND WOULD YOU--
WOULD YOU HATE ME IF
I CALLED YOU WEBSTER?
473
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:49,298
THAT'S THE LINE!
OK, SORRY.
474
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:51,998
HI, TOM TUCKER,
LOCAL NEWS ANCHOR,
AND ON MY DAYS OFF,
475
00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:53,698
AN AVID
GOLF ENTHUSIAST.
476
00:18:53,768 --> 00:18:56,632
THE CLUB'S HAVING A
MAN-BOY GOLF TOURNAMENT.
YOU TWO SHOULD ENTER.
477
00:18:56,701 --> 00:18:58,265
A TOURNAMENT,
HUH?
478
00:18:58,334 --> 00:18:59,832
THAT GIVES
ME AN IDEA!
479
00:18:59,901 --> 00:19:02,732
COME ON. I'LL
EXPLAIN IN THE CAR!
480
00:19:02,801 --> 00:19:06,198
THIS IS THE PERFECT
WAY TO SHOW MY FRIENDS
WHAT A GREAT FATHER FIGURE
481
00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:08,465
I'VE BEEN TO
CLEVELAND JR.
I'LL DO IT!
482
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:16,599
WHERE SHOULD
WE SIT?
483
00:19:16,667 --> 00:19:18,032
THAT'S NOT UP
TO ME, KID.
484
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:20,466
I FOLLOW THE
OLD DIVINING ROD.
485
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:21,532
WHOA!
486
00:19:21,901 --> 00:19:23,065
WHOA!
487
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,565
HOW OLD
ARE YOU?
488
00:19:25,634 --> 00:19:27,865
OLD ENOUGH
TO KNOW
YOU'RE A WHORE.
489
00:19:29,901 --> 00:19:31,065
WHOA!
490
00:19:34,767 --> 00:19:35,932
WHOA!
491
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:39,866
WHOA!
492
00:19:42,034 --> 00:19:45,032
COME ON. TALK TO ME,
SWEETIE. YOU LOOK
A LITTLE DOWN.
493
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:48,232
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
I'D GO TO MY FIRST
NUDIE BAR WITH MY DAD,
494
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:50,165
BUT HE DOESN'T
HAVE TIME FOR ME.
495
00:19:50,234 --> 00:19:52,266
WELL, SWEETIE,
PART OF GROWING UP
496
00:19:52,334 --> 00:19:54,299
IS LEARNING THAT
ADULTS AREN'T PERFECT.
497
00:19:54,368 --> 00:19:56,565
COME ON, YOUR DAD
DESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE.
498
00:19:56,633 --> 00:19:58,798
WOW! YOU ARE SMART!
499
00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:01,699
ALL RIGHT! OH, NO!
500
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,699
NO, IT'S NOT ALL RIGHT!
I'M OUT OF CASH!
501
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:04,698
HEY, YOU TAKE BANKCARDS?
502
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:05,665
SURE.
503
00:20:08,868 --> 00:20:10,299
CAN I GET STAMPS, TOO?
504
00:20:12,867 --> 00:20:14,465
WE'RE HERE AT
THE 17TH HOLE,
505
00:20:14,534 --> 00:20:16,498
WHERE PETER GRIFFIN
AND CLEVELAND JR.
506
00:20:16,567 --> 00:20:17,765
ARE 5 STROKES AHEAD,
507
00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:19,799
MAKING VICTORY
ALL BUT A CERTAINTY.
508
00:20:21,101 --> 00:20:22,098
[Zipping sound]
509
00:20:24,467 --> 00:20:26,998
I TOLD YOU I
COULD MOLD YOUR SON
INTO A CHAMPION.
510
00:20:27,067 --> 00:20:29,398
THIS IS GONNA BE
MY GREATEST
VICTORY EVER,
511
00:20:29,467 --> 00:20:31,799
EXCEPT FOR THE
TIME I DEFEATED
MY EVIL TWIN.
512
00:20:34,134 --> 00:20:35,598
NOT ME, LOIS.
SHOOT HIM.
513
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,099
I'M THE REAL
PETER.
514
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:38,632
I DON'T KNOW.
515
00:20:38,701 --> 00:20:41,032
LOIS, LOOK AT ME.
YOU KNOW YOUR OWN
HUSBAND, DON'T YOU?
516
00:20:46,868 --> 00:20:49,498
THANK GOD. YOU
MADE THE RIGHT
CHOICE, HONEY.
517
00:20:51,034 --> 00:20:52,799
WHAT WAS THAT?
NOTHING.
518
00:20:52,867 --> 00:20:55,365
ONE MORE HOLE
AND THAT MAN-BOY
TROPHY IS OURS.
519
00:20:55,434 --> 00:20:57,632
HERE YOU GO,
LITTLE BUDDY.
520
00:20:57,701 --> 00:21:00,299
HEY, LOOK AT ME!
I'M PELE! I'M PELE!
521
00:21:00,368 --> 00:21:02,132
[Laughing]
GOAL!
522
00:21:03,201 --> 00:21:05,365
WHERE THE HELL
IS HE GOING?
523
00:21:05,434 --> 00:21:06,832
HE'S GONE.
524
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:09,698
MAYBE YOU BETTER
STICK TO LOOKING
AFTER YOUR OWN SON.
525
00:21:09,767 --> 00:21:10,932
[Laughing]
526
00:21:31,068 --> 00:21:32,333
[Glass breaking]
527
00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:34,066
[Car alarm wailing]
528
00:21:34,135 --> 00:21:35,599
[Woman screaming]
529
00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:36,665
[Man]
OH, MY GOD!
530
00:21:36,734 --> 00:21:37,698
[Man #2]
IS SHE DEAD?
531
00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:38,699
NO, I THINK
SHE'S STILL ALIVE--
532
00:21:38,767 --> 00:21:40,098
NO, THAT DID IT.
533
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,465
[Siren wailing]