1
00:00:01,567 --> 00:00:05,065
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:05,134 --> 00:00:08,332
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:12,098
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:12,166 --> 00:00:14,932
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:15,001 --> 00:00:18,331
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,699
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
7
00:00:21,767 --> 00:00:23,298
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:24,965
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
9
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♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
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WOO-HOO!
11
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BABY! 12 IN A ROW!
12
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:42,032
WOW, YOU MUST'VE
HAD A GREAT BODY
13
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,132
BEFORE IT WENT ALL
FUNHOUSE MIRROR ON YOU.
14
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I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW TERRIFIC
YOU LOOK.
15
00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:46,798
THANKS.
16
00:00:46,867 --> 00:00:48,632
I'VE BEEN TAKING
TAE-JITSU CLASSES.
17
00:00:48,701 --> 00:00:50,432
YOU SHOULD COME
WITH ME SOMETIME.
18
00:00:50,501 --> 00:00:51,765
I'D LOVE TO.
19
00:00:51,833 --> 00:00:54,065
OH! THE BABY'S
KICKING.
WANT TO FEEL?
20
00:00:54,133 --> 00:00:55,398
SURE.
21
00:00:55,467 --> 00:00:56,499
OW! OW!
22
00:00:56,567 --> 00:00:58,166
OH! OH! YOU ARE
FREAKIN' DEAD, KID!
23
00:00:58,235 --> 00:00:59,599
PETER!
24
00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:01,332
OH, I LOVE
THIS TIME
OF YEAR.
25
00:01:01,401 --> 00:01:02,432
ME, TOO.
26
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:04,032
THE SUMMER
TOURISTS
ARE GONE.
27
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:05,698
AND WE FINALLY HAVE
THE TOWN TO OURSELVES,
28
00:01:05,767 --> 00:01:07,299
BEFORE THOSE
IDIOTS FROM
NEW YORK
29
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SHOW UP TO WATCH THE
LEAVES CHANGE AND TAKE
OVER THE WHOLE PLACE.
30
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[Gasping]
31
00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:16,598
[Horns honking]
32
00:01:17,301 --> 00:01:18,932
LEAFERS!
33
00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:20,565
HOLY CRAP!
WE GOTTA
GET OUTTA HERE!
34
00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:25,999
WHAT ABOUT
THE BOAT?
35
00:01:26,068 --> 00:01:27,133
LEAVE IT!
36
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HURRY, PETER!
THEY'RE ALMOST HERE!
37
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WE'RE
TOO LATE!
38
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YO, MATTY. CHECK
OUT THOSE COLORS.
39
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YELLOW LIKE A TAXI,
40
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ORANGE LIKE THE BALL
AT THE KNICKS GAME,
41
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AND RED LIKE THE SAUCE
ON MY MAMMA MIA'S GOOGATZ.
42
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YEAH, AND BROWN LIKE
THE GUYS I DON'T
PICK UP IN MY CAB.
43
00:01:44,001 --> 00:01:45,098
BEAUTIFUL!
44
00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:46,732
[Screaming]
45
00:01:46,801 --> 00:01:48,732
GOOD EVENING.
TONIGHT'S
TOP STORY,
46
00:01:48,801 --> 00:01:50,298
QUAHOG
IS INFESTED
47
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WITH LOUD,
HAIRY
CREATURES,
48
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ALSO KNOWN AS
"NEW YORKERS."
49
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THEY MIGRATE
NORTH EVERY AUTUMN
TO SEE THE FOLIAGE.
50
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I THINK I SPEAK
FOR ALL OF US
51
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WHEN I SAY THAT
NEW YORK AND
EVERYONE FROM THERE
52
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CAN FORNICATE
THEMSELVES WITH
AN IRON STICK.
53
00:02:01,634 --> 00:02:03,165
[Horns honking]
54
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:06,798
[Sighs]
WE'RE GONNA BE
LATE FOR CHURCH.
55
00:02:06,867 --> 00:02:08,532
MOVE IT!
DAMN LEAFERS.
56
00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:10,832
CHRIS,
QUIT IT!
57
00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:13,399
MOM, CHRIS
PUT HIS FOOT ON
MY SIDE AGAIN!
58
00:02:13,468 --> 00:02:16,265
I CAN'T HELP IT.
I HAVE THESE LONG
DANCER'S LEGS.
59
00:02:16,334 --> 00:02:17,532
MOVE IT!
60
00:02:17,601 --> 00:02:19,365
MEG, STOP YOUR
WHINING! CHRIS, STAY
ON YOUR OWN SIDE!
61
00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:21,798
LOIS, FOR GOD'S SAKE,
GET OFF YOUR ASS
AND DO SOME PARENTING!
62
00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:25,065
IF YOU KIDS DON'T KNOCK
IT OFF, WE'RE NOT GOING
TO MCDONALD'S AFTER CHURCH.
63
00:02:25,133 --> 00:02:26,065
[Both]
MOM!
64
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DON'T WORRY,
WE'RE GOING.
65
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B-BUT YOU
DON'T GET
THE SUPERSIZE.
66
00:02:31,268 --> 00:02:32,398
OH!
67
00:02:32,466 --> 00:02:34,598
OK, YOU CAN
SUPERSIZE, BUT
NO APPLE PIE.
68
00:02:34,667 --> 00:02:35,899
OH, COME ON!
69
00:02:35,967 --> 00:02:38,331
OK, YOU GET AN
APPLE PIE, BUT YOU
CAN'T BLOW ON IT.
70
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,999
PETER, DON'T CONTRADICT ME
IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!
71
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LOIS, BROTHERS AND SISTERS
FIGHTING IS AS NATURAL
72
00:02:43,533 --> 00:02:45,865
AS A WHITE MAN'S DIALOGUE
IN A SPIKE LEE MOVIE.
73
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:48,065
WASSUP? CAN I GET 2
SLICES OF PEPPERONI?
74
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:49,498
[Growling]
75
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,232
WHO ARE ALL
THESE PEOPLE?
76
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:58,365
DAMN NEW YORKERS!
77
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THEY TOOK ALL
THE GOOD SEATS.
78
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AREN'T YOU
PRECIOUS?
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00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,231
AHH!
80
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:05,431
OH!
81
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,332
[Laughing]
82
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,098
SOME OF MY NOVELTY
ITEMS WERE PROVIDED
83
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:11,365
BY JACK'S JOKE SHOP
OF SOUTH ATTLEBORO,
MASSACHUSETTS.
84
00:03:11,434 --> 00:03:15,065
REMEMBER,
"IF IT AIN'T FUNNY,
IT AIN'T WORTH JACK."
85
00:03:15,134 --> 00:03:18,065
I'D LIKE TO WELCOME
ALL OUR OUT-OF-TOWN
PARISHIONERS.
86
00:03:18,134 --> 00:03:19,832
MY COUSIN,
FATHER SAPIENZA,
87
00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:21,899
IS IN FROM NEW YORK
TO SEE THE LEAVES.
88
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AND I'D LIKE TO
INVITE HIM TO DO
THE OPENING PRAYER.
89
00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:26,932
YO! GOD IS GOOD, EH?
90
00:03:27,001 --> 00:03:28,632
AND HE EXPECTS
US TO BE GOOD.
91
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,599
AND IF YOU'RE NOT,
HE'S GONNA COME DOWN
92
00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:32,766
AND BUST YOUR
FREAKING SKULL.
AMEN.
93
00:03:32,834 --> 00:03:34,498
WHO DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE
TALKING TO?
94
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:36,165
YOUR GOD
AIN'T TOUGHER
THAN ME!
95
00:03:36,234 --> 00:03:39,464
YOU CAN'T TALK TO
THE FATHER LIKE THAT,
YOU STUPID CAFONE!
96
00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:41,899
I OUGHTA COME
OVER THERE AND BREAK
YOUR FREAKIN' ARM!
97
00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:43,266
YOU WANNA GO,
TOUGH GUY?
98
00:03:43,335 --> 00:03:45,331
I'LL SNAP YOU IN HALF
LIKE AN ALMOND BISCOTTI
99
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FROM VALERO'S
ON 51ST STREET.
100
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BEST IN THE CITY!
101
00:03:48,467 --> 00:03:50,032
FELLAS, THIS
IS GOD'S HOUSE,
102
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:51,965
AND THE PATRIOTS KICK
OFF IN 45 MINUTES.
103
00:03:52,034 --> 00:03:53,432
SO CAN WE
MOVE THIS ALONG?
104
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PATRIOTS SUCK!
105
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:55,799
[Gasps]
BLASPHEMY!
106
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,165
AHH! AHH!
107
00:03:57,234 --> 00:03:58,765
IT BURNS! AHH!
108
00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:00,333
HOLY WATER?
109
00:04:00,401 --> 00:04:02,431
WHERE'S THAT
ACID I ORDERED?
110
00:04:02,501 --> 00:04:03,999
HEY, GUIDO,
WATCH THIS.
111
00:04:04,067 --> 00:04:05,465
[Whistling sound]
112
00:04:05,534 --> 00:04:07,333
WOW, I'VE GOT TO
LAY OFF THE COFFEE!
113
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,832
HA-TE-CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA!
114
00:04:08,901 --> 00:04:11,199
THAT'S JACK'S,
EXIT 14 OFF 295.
115
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:17,265
TAE-JITSU IS ABOUT
POWER FOR YOUR BODY
AND YOUR MIND.
116
00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:20,032
DON'T BE AFRAID
TO FREE THE
BEAST INSIDE YOU.
117
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:21,598
LEFT KICK,
RIGHT KICK,
118
00:04:21,667 --> 00:04:23,531
PUNCH COMBO,
STOMP!
119
00:04:23,601 --> 00:04:25,665
BEAUTIFUL.
AGAIN.
LEFT KICK.
120
00:04:25,734 --> 00:04:28,066
WOW, YOU'RE DOING
GREAT FOR YOUR
FIRST LESSON.
121
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:29,632
I'M REALLY
CUTTING LOOSE.
122
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:31,498
JUST LIKE
JULIE ANDREWS
IN THAT MOVIE
123
00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:33,332
WHERE SHE SHOWED
HER BREASTS.
124
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,565
OH, MARY. YOU'LL
NEVER LEAVE US,
WILL YOU?
125
00:04:37,501 --> 00:04:40,432
YES, THOSE ARE LOVELY.
BUT IT DOESN'T QUITE
ANSWER OUR QUESTION.
126
00:04:44,233 --> 00:04:45,598
[Cheering]
127
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:47,932
JETS RULE!
128
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,265
YEAH! YEAH!
YEAH! YEAH!
129
00:04:50,334 --> 00:04:51,965
HEY, WATCH WHERE
YOU'RE GOING,
WILL YOU?
130
00:04:52,034 --> 00:04:53,999
HEY, HORACE, PUT THE PATS
GAME ON THE T.V.,
131
00:04:54,067 --> 00:04:55,565
AND GET ME A FEW
BEERS, HUH?
132
00:04:55,634 --> 00:04:58,499
SORRY, PETER.
SOMEONE STOLE
THE REMOTES
133
00:04:58,567 --> 00:04:59,932
AND THE KEGS.
134
00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:02,665
AND I'M NOT SURE,
BUT I THINK
I'VE BEEN SHOT.
135
00:05:03,233 --> 00:05:04,232
YUP.
136
00:05:05,134 --> 00:05:07,132
HEY, PAL,
WATCH MY SEAT.
137
00:05:07,201 --> 00:05:09,132
I GOTTA BLEED
THE LIZARD.
138
00:05:11,667 --> 00:05:13,966
PUBLIC URINATION
IS JUST WRONG.
139
00:05:14,034 --> 00:05:16,265
EXCEPT DURING THE
MILLION MAN MARCH
140
00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:18,866
WHEN PROTESTERS
BURNED OUR
PORTA-POTTIES.
141
00:05:18,934 --> 00:05:22,299
THEN I USED MY
STREAM OF JUSTICE
TO PUT OUT THE HATE.
142
00:05:22,367 --> 00:05:25,931
I DON'T KNOW, FELLAS,
I THINK THERE'S POTENTIAL
IN THIS CROWD. HA, HA.
143
00:05:26,001 --> 00:05:27,498
HEY, HONEY,
WHY DON'T YOU
TURN AROUND
144
00:05:27,567 --> 00:05:29,266
AND SHOW ME
THE LOWER EAST SIDE?
145
00:05:29,335 --> 00:05:30,365
SURE.
146
00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:31,698
WHOA!
TRANSVESTITE!
BACK OFF!
147
00:05:31,767 --> 00:05:33,165
WAIT A SECOND.
PRE-OP OR POST-OP?
148
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,265
PRE-OP.
149
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:35,366
WHOA!
TRANSVESTITE!
BACK OFF!
150
00:05:35,434 --> 00:05:36,766
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS PLACE BLOWS.
151
00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:39,166
WE GOTTA SEND THESE
STRAP HANGERS BACK
WHERE THEY CAME FROM.
152
00:05:39,235 --> 00:05:40,965
DON'T WORRY.
I GOT AN IDEA.
153
00:05:41,034 --> 00:05:44,298
AN IDEA SO SMART MY
HEAD WOULD EXPLODE
154
00:05:44,366 --> 00:05:48,565
IF I EVEN BEGAN TO KNOW
WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
155
00:05:52,333 --> 00:05:53,531
[Peter]
AHH!
156
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,464
I AM A MAN-EATING TREE.
157
00:05:55,533 --> 00:05:58,331
GO BACK TO NEW YORK,
OR I WILL EAT YOU.
158
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:02,066
JUST LIKE I ATE
INSANE NEW YORK
ANCHORMAN DAN RATHER.
159
00:06:02,135 --> 00:06:03,066
PTEW!
160
00:06:03,135 --> 00:06:04,998
AND LOOK WHO I
HAD FOR DESSERT.
161
00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:07,632
ASEXUAL FORMER
MAYOR ED KOCH.
162
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,998
PTEW!
163
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:12,365
LEAVE MY LAND, OR I
WILL SMITE YOU WITH
MY POWERFUL LIMB.
164
00:06:12,434 --> 00:06:15,399
WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?
GIMME THAT BRANCH.
OW! GET OFF OF ME!
165
00:06:15,467 --> 00:06:16,432
UGH!
166
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,199
WHY YOU...
167
00:06:18,267 --> 00:06:20,199
OH, MY GOD!
STOP FIGHTING!
168
00:06:20,267 --> 00:06:21,266
UGH! UGH! UGH!
169
00:06:21,333 --> 00:06:22,333
OH!
170
00:06:24,101 --> 00:06:24,999
HOLY CRAP!
171
00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:26,499
OH, MY GOD!
172
00:06:29,101 --> 00:06:30,998
MOM, YOU COULD BE
A WORLD CHAMPION,
173
00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:32,898
AND NO ONE
COULD HIT YOU
BELOW THE BELT
174
00:06:32,967 --> 00:06:35,465
BECAUSE GIRLS DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING DOWN THERE.
175
00:06:35,534 --> 00:06:36,999
CAN YOU TEACH
ME TO KICK ASS?
176
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,465
OH, NO. I DO NOT
CONDONE VIOLENCE.
177
00:06:39,534 --> 00:06:40,999
AND I AM NOT GONNA
BE RESPONSIBLE
178
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,065
FOR BRINGING FIST
FIGHTING INTO OUR SCHOOLS.
179
00:06:43,134 --> 00:06:46,199
GEE, LOIS. CAN YOU--CAN
YOU HEAR ME ALL THE WAY
BACK THERE IN THE '50s?
180
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:47,632
OH, THAT WAS LAME.
181
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:48,531
[Sighs]
182
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:49,732
POOR PETER.
183
00:06:49,801 --> 00:06:52,331
I EMASCULATED HIM
IN FRONT OF ALL
THOSE PEOPLE.
184
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,166
I THINK HE'S
REALLY UPSET.
185
00:06:54,235 --> 00:06:55,598
[Peter]
GATHER AROUND, EVERYBODY.
186
00:06:55,667 --> 00:06:57,932
$10 IS ALL IT TAKES!
187
00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,398
STEP RIGHT UP
AND FIGHT MY WIFE!
188
00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:01,531
[Gasps]
189
00:07:03,934 --> 00:07:05,298
COME ONE,
COME ALL.
190
00:07:05,367 --> 00:07:06,865
SHE FLOATS
LIKE A BUTTERFLY
191
00:07:06,934 --> 00:07:08,398
AND STINGS
LIKE WHEN I PEE.
192
00:07:08,467 --> 00:07:10,899
PETER, I AM NOT
A SIDESHOW
ATTRACTION,
193
00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:12,598
AT LEAST
NOT ANYMORE.
194
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:17,365
ME LIKEY BOUNCY.
ME LIKEY BOUNCY.
195
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:19,765
I WANT YOU TO
GET RID OF ALL
THIS RIGHT NOW,
196
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:22,565
BECAUSE I AM
NEVER FIGHTING
AGAIN. EVER!
197
00:07:22,633 --> 00:07:24,832
COME ON, CHRIS.
WE'LL HAVE TO
GO TO PLAN "B."
198
00:07:28,101 --> 00:07:29,598
[Growling]
199
00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:32,165
OH, NO! AHH! OH,
GOD! OH, MY GOD!
200
00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:35,132
OH, HELP ME, HELP ME,
FOR GOD'S SAKE!
201
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,798
HE'S GONNA
KILL ME! HELP!
202
00:07:37,867 --> 00:07:41,265
DON'T WORRY.
IT'S A TRAINED BEAR.
HE'S IN NO REAL DANGER.
203
00:07:41,334 --> 00:07:42,932
[Grunting]
204
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:46,098
OH, HE'S TEACHING
A CLASS.
205
00:07:46,167 --> 00:07:47,832
I--I CAN'T BOTHER
HIM NOW.
206
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:50,565
SURE YOU CAN. HEY!
HEY, RALPH MACCHIO!
207
00:07:50,633 --> 00:07:52,099
MY WIFE HERE NEEDS
TO TALK TO YOU.
208
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,698
THERE YOU GO,
HONEY.
209
00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:55,298
WHAT IS IT,
LOIS?
210
00:07:55,366 --> 00:07:57,999
I--I DON'T THINK
I SHOULD DO
TAE-JITSU ANYMORE.
211
00:07:58,068 --> 00:08:00,099
I'M AFRAID
I'M GONNA
HURT SOMEONE.
212
00:08:00,168 --> 00:08:02,032
BUT, LOIS,
YOU'RE MY
STAR PUPIL.
213
00:08:02,101 --> 00:08:03,799
I WANT YOU IN MY
ADVANCED CLASS.
214
00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:05,965
ADVANCED CLASS?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
215
00:08:06,034 --> 00:08:07,532
I'M TRYING
TO QUIT.
216
00:08:07,601 --> 00:08:08,798
WELL, FINE, QUIT.
217
00:08:08,867 --> 00:08:10,899
BUT GET USED TO
PEOPLE WALKING
ALL OVER YOU.
218
00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:13,532
W-W-WAIT, HOLD ON THERE.
NOBODY WALKS ALL OVER
219
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,131
MY WIFE, BECAUSE
I WON'T LET THEM.
220
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,099
PETER--
221
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:17,565
QUIET, LOIS.
MEN ARE TALKING.
222
00:08:17,634 --> 00:08:19,632
SHE LEARNS THINGS
EVENTUALLY. IT JUST
TAKES HER LONGER.
223
00:08:19,701 --> 00:08:21,132
COME ON, HONEY,
WE'RE OUTTA HERE.
224
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,332
IF YOU HURRY,
I'LL LET YOU
TRY ON HATS.
225
00:08:23,401 --> 00:08:25,699
I WON'T LET YOU
BUY, BUT YOU CAN
TRY 'EM ON.
226
00:08:25,768 --> 00:08:26,998
I'LL DO IT.
227
00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:30,799
[Grunting]
228
00:08:30,867 --> 00:08:31,765
YA!
229
00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:32,866
YA!
230
00:08:32,934 --> 00:08:33,832
HA!
231
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:34,899
AH!
232
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:37,465
AHH!
233
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:39,631
OW!
234
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:40,965
[Crying]
235
00:08:45,968 --> 00:08:47,832
STEWIE, YOU WANT
TO SWING?
236
00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:49,698
YES. WHY NOT?
I'LL HAVE A GO AT IT.
237
00:08:49,768 --> 00:08:51,599
PERHAPS A QUICK
STRETCH FIRST.
238
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,266
OOH, DAMN!
239
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:58,431
MUST'VE PULLED SOMETHING
PLAYING HOOPS LAST WEEK.
240
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,498
I KNOW YOU'RE NOT
PUTTING THAT ROCK
UP FROM HERE.
241
00:09:00,567 --> 00:09:01,999
YOU AIN'T
GOT NO "J."
242
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,199
YO, MAN!
THAT'S TRIPPIN'!
243
00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:09,132
BROTHER, PLEASE!
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S TRIPPIN'!
244
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,265
GO ON, CRY HOME
TO YOUR MAMA!
SHE WAITIN' FOR YA.
245
00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:14,565
NOW, DON'T MAKE ME
PUT MY SIZE 13s
UP YOUR NARROW ASS!
246
00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:16,464
I DON'T SWEAT YOU.
BRING IT ON, BITCH!
247
00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:17,965
NOW, HOW YOU
GONNA ACT?
248
00:09:18,034 --> 00:09:19,065
JEEZ!
249
00:09:19,134 --> 00:09:20,631
BRING THAT
TRASH IN HERE!
250
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:21,932
THIS IS MY HOUSE!
251
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:26,132
EXCUSE ME.
WE WERE ABOUT
TO USE THAT.
252
00:09:26,201 --> 00:09:27,832
YOU SNOOZE,
YOU LOSE, LADY.
253
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,199
YOU HAVE
2 CHOICES.
254
00:09:29,268 --> 00:09:31,498
EITHER MY BABY
SWINGS FROM THIS
JUNGLE GYM,
255
00:09:31,567 --> 00:09:32,765
OR YOU DO.
256
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,598
WOO-HOO, LOIS!
257
00:09:35,667 --> 00:09:37,965
SOMEONE'S WEARING
THEIR OVARIES ON
THE OUTSIDE!
258
00:09:38,034 --> 00:09:39,565
SHE SAW ME WALKING
TO THE SWING!
259
00:09:39,634 --> 00:09:41,099
YES, YES, SHE SAW
YOU. EASY NOW.
260
00:09:41,168 --> 00:09:43,465
NOBODY WALKS
ALL OVER ME! THOSE
DAYS ARE OVER!
261
00:09:43,534 --> 00:09:45,032
LOIS GRIFFIN
DEMANDS RESPECT!
262
00:09:45,101 --> 00:09:46,065
AHH!
263
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:47,498
OOF!
264
00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:48,631
[Sniffing]
265
00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:51,166
I SMELL
A MESSY DIAPER.
266
00:09:51,234 --> 00:09:53,032
GOD! WHY DOES
THAT TURN ME ON?
267
00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:58,332
HOLD IT, MEG.
THOSE 2 ARE MINE.
268
00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,398
WHAT?
269
00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:01,932
THAT'S RANDY
AND THAT'S FRED.
270
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,432
RANDY IS
THE MESSY ONE.
271
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:04,765
FRED'S VERY NEAT.
272
00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:07,032
WHEN YOU GET THEM
TOGETHER, HOO-HOO!
273
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,399
HOLD ONTO YOUR SIDES.
274
00:10:09,467 --> 00:10:11,132
NICE TO MEET YOU BOTH.
275
00:10:11,801 --> 00:10:12,631
[Gasps]
276
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:13,932
MURDERER!
277
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:16,698
STOP IT,
BOTH OF YOU!
278
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:19,266
STARTING NOW,
YOU TWO ARE GONNA
LOVE EACH OTHER!
279
00:10:19,335 --> 00:10:20,999
NOW STAY
THAT WAY.
280
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:25,598
IT'S GONNA BE
WEIRD TO POTTY.
281
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,166
SHEESH, LOIS. LOOK
AT THE GARBAGE THOSE
DAMN LEAFERS
282
00:10:28,233 --> 00:10:29,432
DUMPED ON OUR LAWN.
283
00:10:29,501 --> 00:10:31,465
NEW YORK POST,
NEW YORK MAGAZINE,
284
00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:33,133
THE NEW YORK METS.
285
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,398
PETER, I'M SICK AND
TIRED OF HEARING YOU
WHINE ABOUT THE LEAFERS!
286
00:10:36,466 --> 00:10:37,799
TAKE
SOME ACTION!
287
00:10:37,867 --> 00:10:39,498
FREE THE BEAST!
288
00:10:40,467 --> 00:10:41,365
HA!
289
00:10:41,434 --> 00:10:42,532
AH!
290
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,832
YA!
291
00:10:43,901 --> 00:10:45,532
THAT WAS STRANGELY AROUSING.
292
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:46,598
OW!
293
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:47,965
UGH! UGH!
294
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,999
HELLO, 911?
IT'S QUAGMIRE.
295
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,565
YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, IT'S
IN A WINDOW THIS TIME.
296
00:10:54,634 --> 00:10:56,131
WOW, LOOK
AT THEM RUN.
297
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,532
WAIT A SECOND, BRIAN.
298
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,232
THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.
299
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,265
[Sighs]
THE DRUNKEN CLAM?
300
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:07,198
W-WHY COULDN'T WE
GO SOMEPLACE FANCY
301
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,565
LIKE THE OLIVE GARDEN?
302
00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:10,932
OH, THE BREADSTICKS.
303
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,231
ME LIKEY
BREADSTICKS!
ME LIKEY--
304
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:14,865
YOU'RE A BIG GIRL
NOW. STOP IT!
305
00:11:14,934 --> 00:11:16,465
H-H-HOLD ON,
LOIS.
306
00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:18,065
EXCUSE ME,
NEW YORKER.
307
00:11:18,134 --> 00:11:19,298
I THINK YOU'RE
IN MY SEAT,
308
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:21,432
AND I HAD SEX
WITH YOUR MOTHER
LAST NIGHT.
309
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:22,598
PETER, ARE
YOU CRAZY?
310
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:23,999
WHAT DID
YOU SAY?
311
00:11:24,068 --> 00:11:26,098
OH, ABOUT THE SEAT,
OR ABOUT MY PLOWING
YOUR FATHER'S WIFE?
312
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:27,165
HEY--UGH!
313
00:11:27,234 --> 00:11:28,398
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
314
00:11:28,467 --> 00:11:30,799
EXCUSE ME. IS YOUR
REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?
315
00:11:30,868 --> 00:11:33,199
BECAUSE IF IT IS,
IT PROBABLY
RUNS LIKE YOU.
316
00:11:33,267 --> 00:11:34,999
VERY
HOMOSEXUALLY.
317
00:11:35,068 --> 00:11:36,032
WHAT? UGH!
318
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,265
OH, YOU
WANNA DANCE?
319
00:11:37,334 --> 00:11:38,631
AHH!
320
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,665
JETS SUCK! YANKEES
SUCK! KNICKS SUCK!
321
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:41,665
UGH!
UGH!
322
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:42,799
UGH!
323
00:11:42,867 --> 00:11:43,765
HA!
324
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,333
YA!
325
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,599
KRYPTON
SUCKS!
326
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:47,665
HMM?
327
00:11:48,733 --> 00:11:50,066
AHH!
328
00:11:50,134 --> 00:11:51,332
WHOA!
329
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,899
[Screaming]
330
00:11:56,634 --> 00:11:57,898
UGH!
UGH!
331
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:58,899
UGH!
UGH!
332
00:11:58,967 --> 00:11:59,965
UGH!
333
00:12:01,201 --> 00:12:03,465
THAT'S RIGHT.
GO BACK WHERE
YOU CAME FROM,
334
00:12:03,534 --> 00:12:04,831
YOU BASTARDS.
335
00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:12,865
WE'LL CONCLUDE
TODAY'S GRADUATION
CEREMONY
336
00:12:12,934 --> 00:12:15,065
WITH A DEMONSTRATION
BY THE BLACK BELTS.
337
00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:17,098
OK, PEOPLE, LET'S
SHOW THEM WHAT
WE'VE LEARNED.
338
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:18,632
KATHY, GET IN
THERE WITH LOIS.
339
00:12:18,701 --> 00:12:20,898
UH, I CAN'T.
I HAVE CRAMPS.
340
00:12:20,967 --> 00:12:23,432
WHY ARE YOU
PUTTING ME UP AGAINST
THE SCRUBS, JARED?
341
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,165
WHY DON'T YOU BE A MAN
AND FIGHT ME YOURSELF?
342
00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:28,565
WELL, LOIS, THE SENSEI
IS A SACRED POSITION.
343
00:12:28,633 --> 00:12:30,565
I COULD NEVER VIOLATE
THE SPIRITUAL BOND
344
00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:32,198
OF THE STUDENT-
MASTER RELATIONSHIP.
345
00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:34,332
OH, THEN
ALLOW ME.
346
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,431
[Crowd]
OOH.
347
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,131
THE BOND
IS BROKEN!
348
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,399
THEN SPIN
THE WHEEL,
RAGGEDY MAN!
349
00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:40,465
GO, LOIS!
350
00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:42,433
PUMMEL HIM WITH
YOUR POWERFUL FISTS
351
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:43,698
OF FEMALE FURY!
352
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:45,698
AND THEN WHEN HE'S
WEARY, EMASCULATE HIM
353
00:12:45,767 --> 00:12:47,333
WITH YOUR
INCESSANT NAGGING!
354
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,765
WOMEN!
355
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:50,598
YAKETY-YAK,
YAKETY-YAK-YAK-YAK.
356
00:12:50,667 --> 00:12:53,399
YOU KNOW, HUH?
ENJOY THE FIGHT.
357
00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:55,565
HOI!
358
00:12:56,634 --> 00:12:57,598
HOI!
359
00:12:57,667 --> 00:12:58,632
AH!
360
00:12:58,701 --> 00:12:59,831
HA! HA! HA!
361
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,598
HMM.
362
00:13:03,101 --> 00:13:04,499
[Both grunting]
363
00:13:05,767 --> 00:13:06,765
UGH!
364
00:13:07,567 --> 00:13:09,365
YEE-AH!
365
00:13:09,434 --> 00:13:12,265
LOIS, THAT WAS
AMAZING!
CONGRATULATIONS--
366
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,333
THIS IS MINE!
367
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,865
THIS IS WHERE MY
BABIES COME FROM!
368
00:13:18,634 --> 00:13:20,865
[Announcer]
AND NOW BACK TO
THE MOVIE OF THE WEEK,
369
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,099
SPEED 3, GLACIER OF DOOM.
370
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:24,865
IF THIS GLACIER
GOES SLOWER
371
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,865
THAN ONE MILE
A YEAR, WE'RE
ALL DEAD!
372
00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:28,865
TELL ME SOMETHING
I DON'T KNOW!
373
00:13:28,934 --> 00:13:30,865
GET OUT
OF THE WAY!
374
00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:35,832
LOIS, I WAS
WATCHING THAT.
375
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:38,865
WHAT YOU--WHAT YOU
LOOKING AT?
376
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:40,932
THE UNDERPANTS,
LOSE THEM!
377
00:13:41,001 --> 00:13:42,364
A-ACTUALLY,
I KINDA--
378
00:13:42,433 --> 00:13:44,266
I SORT OF HAVE
A HEADACHE, KINDA.
379
00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:45,698
SEE, YOU KNOW,
MAYBE TOMORROW--
380
00:13:45,767 --> 00:13:46,732
TAKE 'EM OFF!
381
00:13:46,801 --> 00:13:48,298
YEAH. O-O-OK,
HONEY.
382
00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:52,999
WHOA!
383
00:13:53,068 --> 00:13:54,333
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
384
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,832
THOSE ARE MY
GRAHAM CRACKERS!
385
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,298
RUN ALONG, STEWIE.
386
00:13:57,366 --> 00:13:59,032
DADDY HAD A ROUGH NIGHT.
387
00:13:59,101 --> 00:14:01,899
WHY YOU TOTTERING
FEM-SUCKED DEWBERRY.
388
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:05,298
I'M GOING TO GO FIND
SOMETHING TO STRIKE
YOU WITH. EXCUSE ME.
389
00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:08,098
GOOD MORNING.
390
00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:10,332
PETER, YOU
LOOK TERRIBLE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
391
00:14:10,401 --> 00:14:11,598
LAST NIGHT,
392
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:14,232
LOIS WAS THE MAN!
393
00:14:14,301 --> 00:14:15,299
GOOD LORD!
394
00:14:15,367 --> 00:14:17,165
I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW, BRIAN,
395
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:18,531
I DIDN'T CRY.
396
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,665
[Crying]
397
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,498
IT'S OK.
IT'S OK.
SHH.
398
00:14:23,934 --> 00:14:24,698
[Gasps]
399
00:14:24,768 --> 00:14:26,199
OH, NO! PETER!
400
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:27,932
STEWIE, WHAT
DID YOU DO?
401
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,231
LOOKS LIKE HE
FREED THE BEAST
402
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:30,898
ALL OVER THE BACK
OF PETER'S HEAD.
403
00:14:30,967 --> 00:14:32,198
OH, MY GOD.
404
00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:34,465
THIS IS MY FAULT.
THIS IS MY FAULT.
405
00:14:34,534 --> 00:14:36,798
I BROUGHT VIOLENCE
INTO THIS HOUSE!
406
00:14:36,867 --> 00:14:38,932
I AM THE WORST
MOTHER IN THE WORLD!
407
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,999
AH-HA! I GOT IT
ALL ON TAPE!
408
00:14:42,068 --> 00:14:45,698
[Stewie]
OK. UM, THIS IS ME
INTERVIEWING ED SULLIVAN.
409
00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:47,631
W-WHAT'S NEW, ED?
410
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:51,598
WELL, STEWIE,
TONIGHT WE HAVE
A REALLY BIG SHOW.
411
00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:54,765
OK. OK. AND NOW
A WORD FROM
OUR SPONSORS.
412
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:56,598
IT TAKES A VERY
STEADY HAND.
413
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:57,732
DON'T TOUCH
THE SIDES.
414
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:58,798
[Buzzing]
415
00:14:58,868 --> 00:15:01,132
BUTTER FINGERS.
416
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,899
I--I WAS MAKING
RADIO SHOWS
FOR FUN.
417
00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:06,832
E-E-EVERYBODY DOES IT.
E-EVERYBODY I KNOW--
418
00:15:06,901 --> 00:15:08,132
SHUT UP!
419
00:15:12,968 --> 00:15:14,598
NOW, STEWART,
I WANT YOU
TO TAKE
420
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,565
THIS MOMMY DOLL
AND THIS
DADDY DOLL
421
00:15:16,634 --> 00:15:18,465
AND SHOW ME
HOW THEY ACT
TOGETHER.
422
00:15:18,533 --> 00:15:20,732
OH, YES. VERY
WELL. ALL RIGHT.
423
00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:22,232
UM...
424
00:15:22,301 --> 00:15:23,432
"YOU SEE, MARGARET.
425
00:15:23,501 --> 00:15:25,266
"AFTER 20 ODD YEARS
OF MARRIAGE,
426
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,432
"YOUR CURIOUS INDISCRETIONS
NO LONGER PHASE ME."
427
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:29,265
"REALLY? AND I
SUPPOSE YOU THINK
428
00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:31,199
"I ENJOY HANGING ONTO
THOSE HAMMOCKY
429
00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:33,765
"DEPOSITS OF GIN SUGARS
YOU CALL BUTTOCKS?"
430
00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:34,832
WHAT WAS THAT?
431
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,099
WHAT DID YOU
JUST WRITE THERE?
432
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:37,565
GIVE ME THAT!
433
00:15:37,633 --> 00:15:39,932
"INSECURITY?
GENDER CONFUSION?"
434
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,898
OH, I'LL GIVE YOU
SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT!
435
00:15:42,967 --> 00:15:45,032
LOOK AT ME!
I'M INSANE!
436
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,132
I'M MARTIN LAWRENCE
ON A BENDER!
437
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,198
YA!
438
00:15:48,634 --> 00:15:49,632
AHH!
439
00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:50,698
AHH!
440
00:15:52,901 --> 00:15:54,331
MR. AND MRS. GRIFFIN,
441
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,332
DOES STEWART HAVE
A HISTORY OF AGGRESSION?
442
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,832
NO, NO. HITTING PETER
IS THE FIRST VIOLENT
THING HE'S EVER DONE.
443
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,866
WELL, TECHNICALLY, THE
FIRST ACT OF VIOLENCE
444
00:16:01,934 --> 00:16:03,832
WAS THAT TIME BOMB
I LEFT TICKING
IN YOUR UTERUS
445
00:16:03,901 --> 00:16:05,099
BEFORE I CAME OUT.
446
00:16:05,167 --> 00:16:07,565
HAPPY 50TH
BIRTHDAY, LOIS.
447
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,766
IT'S OBVIOUS THAT
YOUR SON IS LEARNING
THIS BEHAVIOR FROM SOMEONE.
448
00:16:10,834 --> 00:16:12,032
I, UH,
449
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,065
I-I KNOW WHO'S
RESPONSIBLE FOR
STEWIE'S BEHAVIOR.
450
00:16:14,133 --> 00:16:16,765
BUT IF I TOLD YOU WHO IT
WAS, LOIS WOULD BEAT
THE CRAP OUT OF ME.
451
00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:17,732
NOW, JUST
A MINUTE!
452
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,065
AHH!
453
00:16:19,134 --> 00:16:21,298
THE WHOLE REASON
I STARTED FIGHTING
IS BECAUSE OF YOU!
454
00:16:21,367 --> 00:16:23,765
I FELT WEAK! Y-YOU
NEVER LISTEN TO ME!
455
00:16:23,833 --> 00:16:26,132
Y-YOU UNDERMINE ME
IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!
456
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,765
AND BESIDES, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY FATHER
OF THE YEAR YOURSELF.
457
00:16:29,833 --> 00:16:32,698
WELL, THERE SEEMS TO
BE A LOT OF ANGER
IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD.
458
00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:35,432
YOU OWE IT TO YOUR
SON TO LEARN HOW TO
MANAGE THESE FEELINGS.
459
00:16:36,334 --> 00:16:37,398
MANAGE WHAT?
460
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,998
I KNOW I WENT A
LITTLE OVERBOARD
WITH MY TAE-JITSU.
461
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:43,698
BUT FROM NOW ON,
WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE
462
00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:45,932
ANY MORE ANGER
IN THIS HOUSE, OK?
463
00:16:46,001 --> 00:16:49,032
WELL THEN TELL CHRIS TO
QUIT DRAWING PICTURES
OF ME WITH A PIG'S BODY.
464
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:50,366
DON'T CENSOR ME!
465
00:16:50,434 --> 00:16:51,631
NO MORE ANGER!
466
00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:53,498
OK.
467
00:16:53,567 --> 00:16:55,498
THE PSYCHOLOGIST
WANTS US TO TRY
468
00:16:55,567 --> 00:16:58,232
AN EXERCISE CALLED
"ROLE REVERSAL"
469
00:16:58,301 --> 00:17:01,665
WHERE WE PRETEND
TO BE THE PERSON
WHO MAKES US ANGRY.
470
00:17:02,201 --> 00:17:03,765
I'LL GO FIRST.
471
00:17:03,834 --> 00:17:05,832
"DON'T LISTEN TO
YOUR MOTHER, KIDS.
472
00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:08,431
"SHE'S WORTHLESS
AND DUMB, AND
IGNORE HER,
473
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:10,032
"AND ONLY
LISTEN TO ME,
474
00:17:10,101 --> 00:17:11,165
"PETER."
475
00:17:11,234 --> 00:17:13,665
"I'M LOIS. I BRAKE
FOR YARD SALES.
476
00:17:13,734 --> 00:17:16,098
"BUT I DON'T LET
PETER BUY
ANYTHING HE LIKES.
477
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,065
"LIKE THAT
NARRAGANSETT
BEER STEIN
478
00:17:18,134 --> 00:17:19,999
"WHERE THE HOT CHICK
HAS 2 MUGS FOR JUGS."
479
00:17:20,067 --> 00:17:23,399
IT WAS 8 FREAKIN'
DOLLARS, AND WE HAVE
A DOZEN PLACES TO PUT IT!
480
00:17:23,467 --> 00:17:24,965
OH, OH, ME NEXT!
ME NEXT!
481
00:17:25,034 --> 00:17:26,832
"I'M THE DOG.
I'M WELL-READ
482
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,932
"AND HAVE A DIVERSE
STOCK PORTFOLIO.
483
00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:31,965
"BUT I'M NOT ABOVE
EATING GRASS CLIPPINGS
AND REGURGITATING THEM
484
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:34,232
"ON THE SMALL BRAIDED
RUG NEAR THE DOOR."
485
00:17:34,301 --> 00:17:37,731
"I'M A POMPOUS LITTLE
ANTI-CHRIST WHO WILL
PROBABLY ABANDON MY PLANS
486
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:42,165
"FOR WORLD DOMINATION WHEN I
GROW UP AND FALL IN LOVE WITH
A ROUGH TRICK NAMED JIM."
487
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:51,798
UGH!
488
00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:52,832
UGH!
489
00:17:52,901 --> 00:17:54,731
[Slurping]
490
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,366
WHOA, WHOA,
PETER, CALM DOWN.
491
00:17:56,434 --> 00:17:59,132
I'M SICK OF LOIS'
ANGER-MANAGEMENT
TECHNIQUES, BRIAN.
492
00:17:59,201 --> 00:18:00,665
THEY'RE
NOT WORKING.
493
00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:03,531
WHAT ABOUT THE WRITING-
ANGRY-LETTERS-AND-NOT-
SENDING-THEM EXERCISE?
494
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,399
AW, JEEZ, I WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO SEND THOSE?
495
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:07,399
[Meg]
HEY, LOOK. I GOT
A LETTER FROM DAD.
496
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:10,233
"DEAR MEG, FOR
THE FIRST 4 YEARS
OF YOUR LIFE,
497
00:18:10,301 --> 00:18:12,132
"I THOUGHT YOU
WERE A HOUSECAT."
498
00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:13,264
DAD!
499
00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:15,798
"DEAR STEWIE, GET OUT."
OH, THAT'S NICE.
500
00:18:15,867 --> 00:18:17,631
MINE JUST SAYS,
"DEAR LOIS"
501
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,398
AND AFTER THAT, IT
LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE
502
00:18:19,467 --> 00:18:20,866
JUST SPIT
ON THE PAPER!
503
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,465
YOU GOT SOMETHING
TO SAY TO ME?
504
00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,098
YEAH. P.S...
505
00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:25,531
[Snorting]
506
00:18:27,601 --> 00:18:29,165
OH, OH, HOLD
ON A SECOND.
507
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,365
[Gargling]
508
00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:32,432
H-HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
RELAX. EVERYBODY RELAX.
509
00:18:32,501 --> 00:18:34,765
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
I WAS HOPING IT
WOULDN'T COME TO THIS.
510
00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:36,765
BUT WE NEED TO GET
OUR ANGER UNDER CONTROL
511
00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:38,065
BEFORE WE KILL
EACH OTHER.
512
00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:39,799
NOW, MY PSYCHIATRIST
GAVE ME THESE PILLS.
513
00:18:39,867 --> 00:18:41,032
THEY'RE MOOD
ELEVATORS.
514
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:43,699
I-I THINK THEY COULD
HELP, UH, EVEN US OUT.
515
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:46,699
WE'RE NOT
TAKING PILLS.
IT'S NOT NATURAL.
516
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:49,665
NEITHER IS BLEACHING
THE HAIR ON YOUR UPPER
LIP, MARTIN MULL!
517
00:18:49,734 --> 00:18:50,598
GIVE US
THE PILLS!
518
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:51,598
[Gulping]
519
00:18:53,301 --> 00:18:54,632
[Chanting]
520
00:18:57,567 --> 00:19:01,698
♪ HEY-OH MOTHER AFRICA ♪
521
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,032
OH, THAT
WAS FUN.
522
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,532
WHAT COUNTRY
SHOULD WE DO NEXT?
523
00:19:07,601 --> 00:19:08,898
MONACO!
524
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:11,098
OH, WAIT. THAT'S
A PRINCIPALITY.
525
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:12,565
[All laughing]
526
00:19:12,634 --> 00:19:14,732
YOU GUYS WANT
TO HEAR SOMETHING
REALLY FUNNY?
527
00:19:14,801 --> 00:19:17,765
THOSE PILLS I GAVE
YOU WERE PLACEBOS.
SUGAR PILLS!
528
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:19,132
[Laughing]
529
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:22,665
WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU
TELLING ME I JUST SANG
530
00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:25,032
LADYSMITH BLACK
MAMBAZO FOR NOTHING?
531
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,698
DID IT KILL YOU TO
BE MULTI-CULTURAL
FOR A MINUTE?
532
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:30,598
I--I DIED A LITTLE
INSIDE, YES.
YOU HAPPY NOW?
533
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:33,098
DON'T YOU USE THAT
TONE OF VOICE, YOU...
534
00:19:33,167 --> 00:19:35,265
WHAT WERE YOU--
WHAT WERE YOU GOING
TO SAY? "FAT ASS"?
535
00:19:35,333 --> 00:19:36,331
"WIDE LOAD"?
536
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,298
"DOUGH BOY"?
537
00:19:37,366 --> 00:19:38,966
"COUNTRY VIRTUOSO
ROY CLARK"?
538
00:19:39,034 --> 00:19:40,665
HOW ABOUT
"ALL OF THE ABOVE"?
539
00:19:40,734 --> 00:19:43,399
HOW IS THIS FOR
A NAME? "MISS,
PONY EXPRESS IS IN."
540
00:19:43,467 --> 00:19:44,899
"WHAT DO YOU
GOT FOR ME, JOE?"
541
00:19:44,968 --> 00:19:46,965
"OH, LET ME SEE HERE.
IT'S HERE SOMEWHERE.
542
00:19:47,034 --> 00:19:50,366
"HERE WE ARE.
A BIG BAG OF LIVER
SPOTS FOR LOIS!"
543
00:19:50,435 --> 00:19:51,432
UGH!
544
00:19:52,068 --> 00:19:53,332
YOU...
545
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,531
YOU JUST HIT ME.
546
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:55,699
THAT'S RIGHT!
547
00:19:56,401 --> 00:19:57,332
OH!
548
00:19:57,401 --> 00:19:59,665
YOU CAN'T HIT ME!
I'M A GIRL!
549
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:01,465
SOMETIMES
I WONDER.
550
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:02,865
UGH!
551
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:04,598
[Gasping]
552
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:05,965
KICKING, LOIS?
553
00:20:06,034 --> 00:20:07,765
HA! HURTS,
DOESN'T IT?
554
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:08,999
YOU TELL ME.
555
00:20:09,068 --> 00:20:10,432
AH! OW! OW!
556
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,966
UGH! OW!
557
00:20:13,068 --> 00:20:14,631
[Both grunting]
558
00:20:15,934 --> 00:20:17,899
GO, DAD!
KICK HER ASS!
559
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,098
SHUT UP!
THIS IS ALL
DAD'S FAULT!
560
00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:22,232
I DON'T LIKE
TO BE TOUCHED!
561
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,131
[Both screaming]
562
00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:29,231
[Grunting]
563
00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:30,966
DUH!
564
00:20:31,034 --> 00:20:32,365
AHH!
565
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,165
[All grunting]
566
00:20:40,433 --> 00:20:41,431
UGH!
567
00:20:42,001 --> 00:20:43,398
[Screaming]
568
00:20:45,133 --> 00:20:46,065
OOF!
569
00:20:47,767 --> 00:20:48,765
AHH!
570
00:20:50,234 --> 00:20:51,499
[Grunting]
571
00:20:54,767 --> 00:20:55,765
AHH!
572
00:20:57,034 --> 00:20:58,032
HA!
573
00:21:01,334 --> 00:21:02,465
UGH!
574
00:21:03,734 --> 00:21:05,066
[Laughing]
575
00:21:06,967 --> 00:21:08,665
[Laughing]
576
00:21:18,367 --> 00:21:19,665
YA!
577
00:21:19,733 --> 00:21:21,166
[All grunting]
578
00:21:23,801 --> 00:21:26,298
MAN, I'M GLAD
WE GOT THAT OUT
OF OUR SYSTEMS.
579
00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:27,765
I WONDER WHAT
CAME OVER US?
580
00:21:27,834 --> 00:21:30,099
MAYBE PEOPLE ARE JUST
NATURALLY VIOLENT.
581
00:21:30,168 --> 00:21:31,398
I DON'T
BELIEVE THAT.
582
00:21:31,466 --> 00:21:33,532
I THINK IT'S ALL
THE T.V. WE WATCH.
583
00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,099
THERE'S SO
MUCH VIOLENCE.
584
00:21:35,168 --> 00:21:37,264
YEAH. T.V.
IS DANGEROUS.
585
00:21:37,333 --> 00:21:39,464
WHY THE HELL DOESN'T
THE GOVERNMENT STEP IN
586
00:21:39,533 --> 00:21:41,565
AND TELL US WHAT WE
CAN AND CAN'T WATCH?
587
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,465
AND SHAME ON THE NETWORK
THAT PUTS THIS
JUNK ON THE AIR!
588
00:21:44,534 --> 00:21:46,165
UH, PETER, PETER,
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T
589
00:21:46,234 --> 00:21:47,765
SAY ANYTHING BAD
ABOUT THE NETWORK.
590
00:21:47,834 --> 00:21:50,365
OH, WHY? WHAT ARE
THEY GONNA DO?
CUT OUR BUDGET? HA.
591
00:21:50,433 --> 00:21:52,032
I'M GONNA
GO GET A BEER.
592
00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:58,231
♪[Theme music playing]