1
00:00:02,834 --> 00:00:04,598
OK. I GOT
THE WHOLE DAY
PLANNED.
2
00:00:04,667 --> 00:00:06,932
FIRST, WE SEE
THE PRIMATES. THEN
THE BUTTERFLY HOUSE.
3
00:00:07,001 --> 00:00:08,398
THEN A BATHROOM
BREAK. THEN WE'LL--
4
00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:09,899
AW, COME ON, LOIS.
5
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:11,966
CAN'T WE ALL
JUST RUN AROUND IN
A DISORGANIZED FASHION?
6
00:00:12,034 --> 00:00:13,432
YEAH!
LET IT GO, LOIS!
7
00:00:13,501 --> 00:00:14,632
MONKEYS THROW
THEIR POOP!
8
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,565
NO. IF WE DON'T ADHERE
TO A STRICT SCHEDULE,
9
00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:17,732
WE WON'T SEE EVERYTHING.
10
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,399
KIDS, GAS MASKS.
11
00:00:20,534 --> 00:00:21,599
RUN!
12
00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:22,699
[Coughing]
13
00:00:27,267 --> 00:00:28,298
THERE YOU ARE.
14
00:00:28,366 --> 00:00:30,865
OH, DON'T BE SUCH
A PIG, MR. PIG. OH.
15
00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:34,365
NOW, WHERE'S
MR. SHEEP? IS HE
BEING BAA-SHFUL?
16
00:00:34,433 --> 00:00:35,766
[Laughing]
17
00:00:35,834 --> 00:00:36,999
OH, OH.
18
00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:38,932
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE ALL RIPE
FOR PARODY.
19
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:39,932
CAN WE GO NOW?
20
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,432
SHUT UP! I'M
HAVING FUN.
21
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,332
OH, MY! SOMEONE'S
AWFULLY RUDE.
22
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,899
DOH! MY FANNY IS
NOT ON THE MENU!
23
00:00:47,968 --> 00:00:49,498
WHAT?
WH-WHAT THE?
24
00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:50,698
AH! AH!
25
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:51,998
OH, GOD!
OH, GOD!
26
00:00:52,067 --> 00:00:53,365
[Screaming]
27
00:00:57,534 --> 00:00:59,565
HERE, LITTLE FELLA.
COME GET THE FOOD.
28
00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:03,399
I HAVE ALWAYS
WANTED TO DO THIS.
29
00:01:03,467 --> 00:01:05,431
OH, HERE ARE
THE MARSUPIALS.
30
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,498
[Gasps]
31
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,165
PETER, WHAT THE
HELL ARE YOU DOING?
32
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,665
LOOK AT ME, LOIS.
I'M ROO!
33
00:01:09,734 --> 00:01:10,632
[Laughing]
34
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:11,765
COME ON, MA.
35
00:01:11,834 --> 00:01:13,032
LET'S GO WATCH
POOH TRICK
36
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,632
THE BEES OUT OF
THEIR HONEY BY
37
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,531
PRETENDING HE'S
A RAIN CLOUD.
38
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:17,965
[Feet pattering]
39
00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:20,398
I AM GOING
TO KICK...
40
00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:21,432
YOUR...
41
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,131
ASS.
42
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,265
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
43
00:01:26,334 --> 00:01:29,865
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
44
00:01:29,934 --> 00:01:33,233
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
45
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:35,832
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
46
00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:39,798
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
47
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:43,099
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
48
00:01:43,167 --> 00:01:44,731
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
49
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,531
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
50
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:50,565
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
51
00:01:57,101 --> 00:01:58,398
[All barking]
52
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:08,032
HOW'S IT GOING?
53
00:02:08,101 --> 00:02:09,099
GREAT.
BEAUTIFUL DAY.
54
00:02:09,168 --> 00:02:10,731
OH, GORGEOUS.
55
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,132
HA! YOU KNOW,
WE--WE SIT HERE AND
FORCE SMALL TALK
56
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,132
WHILE THEY HAVE THE
TIME OF THEIR LIVES.
57
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:16,798
HA! YEAH. YEAH.
58
00:02:17,435 --> 00:02:18,432
[Panting]
59
00:02:22,067 --> 00:02:23,099
[Whistling]
60
00:02:23,168 --> 00:02:24,565
HERE, GIRL.
61
00:02:24,634 --> 00:02:25,632
[Whimpers]
62
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:27,932
[Sniffing]
63
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,498
AH!
64
00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:34,298
SORRY, UH, I--I
THOUGHT I SMELLED
65
00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:36,865
COOKIES.
66
00:02:36,934 --> 00:02:38,699
WOW! DOES IT
REALLY SMELL
LIKE COOK--
67
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:41,465
OH, GOD! SHE FARTED,
AND IT WENT DOWN
MY THROAT!
68
00:02:43,968 --> 00:02:44,932
[Peter]
FULL HOUSE.
69
00:02:45,001 --> 00:02:46,032
DAGNAB!
70
00:02:46,101 --> 00:02:48,365
THAT'S SOME POKER
FACE YOU'VE
GOT, PETER.
71
00:02:48,433 --> 00:02:49,965
YEARS OF PRACTICE, BOYS.
72
00:02:50,034 --> 00:02:51,498
PETER, YOU'RE
ON A ROLL.
73
00:02:51,567 --> 00:02:53,866
WE OUGHT TO GET YOU
DOWN TO ATLANTIC
CITY THIS WEEKEND.
74
00:02:53,934 --> 00:02:55,166
UH, SORRY, GUYS.
75
00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:57,498
LOIS IS MAKING ME VISIT
THE IN-LAWS THIS WEEKEND.
76
00:02:57,567 --> 00:02:58,832
I DON'T KNOW
WHY SHE EVEN
BOTHERS.
77
00:02:58,901 --> 00:03:01,198
ME AND LOIS'S OLD MAN
HAVE NEVER GOTTEN ALONG.
78
00:03:01,266 --> 00:03:03,665
HEY, I GOT AN E-MAIL
FROM MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT!
79
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:06,199
YOU SHOULD FIND
SOME COMMON GROUND
80
00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:07,898
WITH YOUR FATHER-IN-LAW,
PETER.
81
00:03:07,967 --> 00:03:10,632
FIGURE OUT WHAT
HE LIKES, AND
STUDY UP ON IT.
82
00:03:10,701 --> 00:03:12,465
HEY, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
83
00:03:12,534 --> 00:03:15,698
I'LL LEARN HOW TO ACT
LIKE A RICH GUY. IN FACT,
I'M GONNA START RIGHT NOW.
84
00:03:15,767 --> 00:03:17,565
CRATCHIT, YOU'RE WORKING
THROUGH CHRISTMAS!
85
00:03:17,633 --> 00:03:19,266
BUT, SIR, WHAT
OF TINY TIM?
86
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:22,065
BAH! HE AND HIS
UKULELE SHALL GO WANTING.
87
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:28,898
HA! THE NEW YORKER. I BET
LOIS'S DAD READS THIS.
88
00:03:28,967 --> 00:03:32,565
"I'D BE MORE APATHETIC
IF I WEREN'T SO LETHARGIC."
89
00:03:34,901 --> 00:03:36,631
[Crickets chirping]
90
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,731
[Birds chirping]
91
00:03:39,801 --> 00:03:41,565
[Crickets chirping]
92
00:03:42,867 --> 00:03:43,999
[Birds chirping]
93
00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:47,431
OH, I GET IT. THAT--
THAT'S KIND OF FUNNY.
94
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,199
YEAH. CAN I HAVE
A COPY OF JUGS?
95
00:03:51,433 --> 00:03:54,998
IN FRENCH, WHEN YOU
WANT TO SAY "YES,"
YOU SAY OUI, OUI.
96
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:56,799
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!
97
00:03:56,867 --> 00:03:59,765
OH, MY GOD!
THAT IS HYSTERICAL!
98
00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:01,131
[Laughing]
99
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,966
OH, MAN! AND WHAT
DO YOU SAY FOR NO?
"DOO-DOO"?
100
00:04:04,034 --> 00:04:05,398
[Laughing]
101
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:07,831
HEY, I'LL BE RIGHT
BACK. I GOTTA GO
TAKE A WICKED "YES."
102
00:04:17,234 --> 00:04:18,233
[All]
OH!
103
00:04:19,268 --> 00:04:20,265
IT'S
A PERSON.
104
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,531
PETER, WOULD YOU
PLEASE FIX THE
BATHROOM FAUCET?
105
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:25,565
I FIXED IT ALREADY.
106
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,198
NO YOU DIDN'T.
IT'S STILL
DRIPPING.
107
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,398
NO WAY! I WILL GIVE
YOU ALL MY STAR WARS
CARDS IF IT IS.
108
00:04:30,467 --> 00:04:31,965
W-W-WAIT. EXCEPT BOBA FETT.
109
00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:34,599
NO MATTER HOW SURE I AM,
I NEVER RISK THE FETT MAN.
110
00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:38,532
OH, MY GOD!
111
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:39,865
[Gasping]
112
00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:42,932
WAS--WAS HE
JUST MASTUR--
113
00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:43,932
YES.
114
00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:45,499
OH, MY!
115
00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:48,099
DO WE... DO WE RUB
HIS NOSE IN IT?
116
00:04:52,067 --> 00:04:52,898
OH...
117
00:04:52,967 --> 00:04:54,332
UH, HI, BRIAN.
118
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,498
UH, LISTEN,
LOIS, UH, ABOUT
YESTERDAY--
119
00:04:56,567 --> 00:04:57,865
OH, BRIAN.
120
00:04:57,934 --> 00:05:00,665
IT'S NOTHING TO BE
EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL.
121
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,898
NO, I--I--I KNOW.
IT'S JUST, YOU
KNOW, I SHOULD
122
00:05:02,967 --> 00:05:05,432
BE ABLE TO
CONTROL MY BASER
INSTINCTS. BUT...
123
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:06,899
LATELY I'VE
JUST BEEN
HAVING THESE
124
00:05:06,968 --> 00:05:08,333
URGES.
125
00:05:08,401 --> 00:05:10,432
BRIAN, WHY DON'T
YOU COME UP TO MY
PARENTS' HOUSE WITH US?
126
00:05:10,501 --> 00:05:12,132
THE FRESH
AIR'LL HELP
YOU RELAX.
127
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,965
MMM, I KNOW WHERE I GO
WHEN I WANT TO RELAX.
128
00:05:15,034 --> 00:05:16,132
♪[Techno-pop music playing]
129
00:05:16,201 --> 00:05:18,966
I KNOW THE GUY
THAT OWNS THIS PLACE!
130
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:20,565
WHAT?
131
00:05:20,633 --> 00:05:22,266
I SAID, I KNOW
THE GUY THAT--
132
00:05:22,335 --> 00:05:24,531
OH, I'LL TELL
YOU LATER. I
LOVE THIS SONG.
133
00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:31,632
THANKS. BUT I THINK
A QUIET WEEKEND HERE
134
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:33,498
BY MYSELF IS JUST
THE THING I NEED.
135
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,465
WELL, HAVE A
GOOD TIME.
136
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:40,198
ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST GONNA
RELAX, MELLOW OUT, AND
WATCH SOME TELEVISION.
137
00:05:40,267 --> 00:05:43,799
[Man]
WE NOW RETURN TO
WORLD'S SLUTTIEST DOGS ON FOX.
138
00:05:43,867 --> 00:05:45,565
♪[Raunchy rock music playing]
139
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,132
HEY, WAIT UP!
140
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:49,232
[Tires screeching]
141
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:50,398
[Peter laughing]
142
00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:51,865
RIGHT INTO THE BUMPER.
143
00:05:58,533 --> 00:05:59,465
HI, MOM.
144
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,399
OH, LOOK
AT YOU ALL.
145
00:06:01,468 --> 00:06:03,498
I KNOW
SOMEONE WHO'S
GETTING A GIFT
146
00:06:03,566 --> 00:06:05,799
CERTIFICATE
FOR LIPOSUCTION
IN HER STOCKING.
147
00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:06,932
THANK YOU, NANA.
148
00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:07,965
HELLO,
EVERYONE.
149
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,432
HI, DADDY.
150
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:11,198
BONJOUR, MONSIEUR
PEWTERSCHMIDT.
151
00:06:11,267 --> 00:06:12,465
DID PETER
HAVE A STROKE?
152
00:06:12,534 --> 00:06:14,565
NO, DADDY. PETER'S
CULTURED HIMSELF,
153
00:06:14,633 --> 00:06:16,598
LIKE JULIA ROBERTS
IN PRETTY WOMAN.
154
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:19,132
OH, SO I SHOULD
TREAT HIM LIKE A
HIGH-CLASS WHORE.
155
00:06:21,367 --> 00:06:24,332
THAT'S FINE.
JUST NO KISSING
ON THE LIPS.
156
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,966
WOULD YOU LIKE A
PIECE OF CANDY?
157
00:06:27,034 --> 00:06:28,832
I SMELL
DEATH ON YOU!
158
00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:32,765
AHOY, MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT.
159
00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:34,532
[Laughing]
PERMISSION TO
COME ABOARD?
160
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,398
NO!
THANKS.
161
00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:40,265
HEY, QUITE A SCHOONER YOU
GOT HERE. WHAT IS SHE?
LIKE, A 45-FOOTER?
162
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,266
WELL, PETER, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE A SAILOR.
163
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,099
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU LOOKED SO
GOOD IN SHORTS.
164
00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:45,165
[Whistling, purring]
165
00:06:45,234 --> 00:06:46,532
WHAT?
166
00:06:46,601 --> 00:06:48,365
OH, YOU DON'T HAVE
AN EYE SPLICED IN
THIS MOORING LINE.
167
00:06:48,433 --> 00:06:50,798
HERE, I'LL JUST TIE A
BOWLINE IN THERE AND
MAKE ONE FOR YOU.
168
00:06:50,867 --> 00:06:52,298
THAT SHOULD
HOLD HER.
169
00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:58,299
AND THIS IS A
'74 PINOT NOIR.
170
00:06:58,367 --> 00:06:59,798
MMM, LOVELY.
171
00:06:59,867 --> 00:07:01,732
CARTER, DID
YOU TELL YOUR
SON-IN-LAW
172
00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:03,465
HE'S NOT SUPPOSED
TO SWALLOW THE WINE?
173
00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:07,199
HEY--HEY! HEY,
WHE-WHERE THE HELL
IS THAT PETER GRIFFIN?
174
00:07:07,268 --> 00:07:11,998
HE SAID HE'D GIVE ME
$100 IF I TOOK OFF
ALL MY CLOTHES OFF.
175
00:07:12,067 --> 00:07:12,999
[Groaning]
176
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,498
AH, THANKS FOR BRINGING
ME HERE, LOIS. THIS IS
JUST WHAT I NEEDED.
177
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:20,966
AH, I'M GLAD. IT SEEMS
LIKE EVERYBODY'S
HAVING A LOT OF FUN.
178
00:07:21,034 --> 00:07:22,932
SO, HOW LONG ARE
YOU AND YOUR
FAMILY IN TOWN?
179
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,398
AH, AH, AH, AH.
NO CONVERSATION.
180
00:07:25,467 --> 00:07:28,765
[Mr. Pewterschmidt]
YOU IDIOT! I'M NEVER TAKING
YOU TO MY COUNTRY CLUB AGAIN!
181
00:07:28,834 --> 00:07:30,331
LOOK, I'M SORRY,
MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT.
182
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,799
YOUR HUSBAND
IS A MORON!
183
00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:33,699
HE WALKS UP TO
THE PREMIER
OF CHINA,
184
00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:37,465
AND SAYS, "DONG,
WHERE IS MY
AUTOMOBILE?"
185
00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:41,164
LOIS, I TRIED TO FIT
IN WITH YOUR DAD'S CROWD,
BUT IT'S WORSE THAN BEFORE.
186
00:07:41,233 --> 00:07:44,098
I TELL YOU, THIS SUCKS
WORSE THAN THAT TIME
I WAS ON SURVIVOR.
187
00:07:44,167 --> 00:07:47,899
HOW DARE YOU WASH
YOUR CLOTHES IN OUR
DRINKING WATER, BEBE?
188
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:52,599
NOW HOW ARE WE GONNA
SURVIVE IN THIS HARSH,
UNFORGIVING TERRAIN?
189
00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:55,232
ALL RIGHT DONNY, MAKE
SURE THE WHEEL GOES
ALL THE WAY AROUND.
190
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,198
OH--OH, NO.
191
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,432
HEAD... HUNTERS.
192
00:07:57,501 --> 00:07:58,632
AHH!
193
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:00,333
AM I FIRED?
194
00:08:00,401 --> 00:08:03,632
DADDY, PETER'S BEEN
TRYING REALLY HARD
TO GET YOU TO LIKE HIM.
195
00:08:03,701 --> 00:08:05,232
COULDN'T YOU
GIVE HIM ANOTHER
CHANCE?
196
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,298
LET HIM JOIN
YOUR POKER GAME
TOMORROW NIGHT?
197
00:08:07,367 --> 00:08:08,731
SORRY, HONEY.
I'D RATHER BE STUCK
198
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,631
IN AN ELEVATOR
WITH NATHAN LANE,
199
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,032
GILBERT GOTTFRIED,
CARROT TOP,
200
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:14,531
UH,
201
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,665
SEAN HAYES...
OH, YOU GET
THE PICTURE.
202
00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:18,065
PLEASE?
NO!
203
00:08:18,466 --> 00:08:19,965
OK.
204
00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:22,565
YOU KNOW, MAYBE LATER
I'LL TAKE MOM BY THE
SHOESHINE PLACE
205
00:08:22,633 --> 00:08:26,166
AND INTRODUCE HER TO THAT
NICE MULATTO BOY WHO
LOOKS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE--
206
00:08:26,234 --> 00:08:28,464
SAY, WOULD, UH,
PETER LIKE TO PLAY
POKER WITH US?
207
00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:29,731
HE'D LOVE
TO, DADDY.
208
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:30,831
THAT SOUNDS
DYNAMITE.
209
00:08:35,868 --> 00:08:39,298
BRIAN, COME OVER HERE
AND MEET SEA BREEZE, MY
PRIZE-WINNING DOG.
210
00:08:39,366 --> 00:08:41,298
ISN'T SHE A
PERFECT SPECIMEN?
211
00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:44,165
I MEAN, LOOK AT
THESE LEGS, AND THAT
BEAUTIFUL COAT
212
00:08:44,234 --> 00:08:46,499
AND FEEL THE HEAT
COMING OFF OF
HER GENITALIA.
213
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:49,665
YOU COULD ROAST A
MARSHMALLOW. THAT'S HOW YOU
CAN TELL SHE'S A CHAMPION.
214
00:08:49,734 --> 00:08:52,231
GO ON. PUT YOUR
HAND THERE.
215
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,899
OH. OH, BOY.
THAT IS--
THAT--
216
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,231
IS THAT SOMETHING?
217
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,198
THAT--THAT IS
SOMETHING. THAT IS--
THAT--THAT IS HOT.
218
00:08:57,266 --> 00:08:59,632
ISN'T SHE THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL DOG
YOU'VE EVER SEEN?
219
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:02,132
YES, YES,
SH-SHE IS A
BEAUTIFUL DOG.
220
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,632
[Sighs]
221
00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:04,898
AND THAT'S OK.
222
00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:09,532
GENTLEMEN, THIS IS PETER.
HE'S THE IDIOT MY
DAUGHTER MARRIED.
223
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,665
MICHAEL EISNER.
224
00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:12,232
BILL GATES.
225
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:15,599
BILL, PETER'S AN
ANTITRUST LAWYER WITH
THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT.
226
00:09:15,667 --> 00:09:18,465
AH, JUST KIDDING.
HE'S A FISHERMAN,
OR SOME STUPID THING.
227
00:09:18,534 --> 00:09:19,698
HEY, FELLAS.
228
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,632
WOW! TED TURNER!
229
00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:23,231
I TOLD YOU
GUYS NOT TO
INVITE HIM.
230
00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:24,765
OH, HE MUST'VE
FOLLOWED US.
231
00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:27,565
[Ted]
COME ON, LADIES. ARE WE
GONNA PLAY CARDS OR WHAT?
232
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:28,765
PETER, WHY
DON'T YOU DEAL?
233
00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:30,899
OK, GUYS. WE'RE
PLAYING TEXAS HOLD 'EM.
234
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:32,465
ARE ACES
HIGH OR LOW?
235
00:09:32,534 --> 00:09:33,665
THEY GO BOTH WAYS.
236
00:09:33,734 --> 00:09:35,932
HA! HE SAID, "THEY
GO BOTH WAYS."
237
00:09:36,001 --> 00:09:37,699
[All laughing]
238
00:09:37,767 --> 00:09:39,598
LIKE A BISEXUAL.
239
00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,465
THANK YOU, TED.
THAT WAS THE JOKE.
240
00:09:43,868 --> 00:09:47,131
I SEE YOUR BET,
CARTER. AND I RAISE
YOU C.N.N.
241
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,199
OH, I DON'T
THINK I CAN--
242
00:09:48,267 --> 00:09:49,565
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
243
00:09:49,634 --> 00:09:51,365
YOU CAN BEAT HIM,
MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT.
HE'S BLUFFING.
244
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:53,831
PETER, HE JUST
BET C.N.N. THERE'S
NO WAY HE'S BLUFFING.
245
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,998
I'M SURE HE IS.
HE'S GOT A TELL.
246
00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:58,465
LISTEN, IF YOU LOSE
THIS HAND, I'LL DIVORCE
YOUR DAUGHTER.
247
00:09:58,534 --> 00:10:00,865
I'M IN. ALL RIGHT,
TEDDY. I'LL SEE
YOUR C.N.N.
248
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,532
WITH U.S. STEEL.
WHAT DO YOU GOT?
249
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,532
2 PAIR.
250
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,699
ACE-HIGH STRAIGHT.
251
00:10:04,767 --> 00:10:06,199
YOU SOLD ME OUT.
252
00:10:06,267 --> 00:10:08,565
I COULD USE A MAN
LIKE YOU. HOW'S A
MILLION A YEAR SOUND?
253
00:10:08,634 --> 00:10:10,698
YOU DISGUST ME!
GET OUT OF MY FACE!
254
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,498
PETER, THAT'S THE
FIRST TIME ANY OF US
HAVE EVER BEATEN TED.
255
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:17,331
YEAH. HOW'D
YOU KNOW HE
WAS BLUFFING?
256
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,432
WELL, WHEN HE LIES,
HE BLINKS TWICE.
257
00:10:19,501 --> 00:10:22,066
I FIRST NOTICED
IT WHEN HE DID THAT
BARBARA WALTERS INTERVIEW,
258
00:10:22,135 --> 00:10:23,965
AND HE SAID HE'D BE WITH
JANE FONDA FOREVER.
259
00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:25,065
WELL, I'M
GONNA TURN IN.
260
00:10:25,134 --> 00:10:26,264
YEAH. ME,
TOO.
261
00:10:26,333 --> 00:10:27,799
I GOTTA BE
AT DISNEYLAND
BEFORE IT OPENS.
262
00:10:27,867 --> 00:10:29,899
WE'RE ETHNICALLY
CLEANSING THE
"SMALL WORLD" RIDE.
263
00:10:29,967 --> 00:10:32,066
OH, COME ON.
YOU GUYS PRACTICALLY
RUN THIS COUNTRY.
264
00:10:32,134 --> 00:10:34,132
THERE'S GOTTA BE A TON OF
FUN STUFF WE COULD DO.
265
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:37,665
[Tires screeching]
266
00:10:38,434 --> 00:10:39,465
[All cheering]
267
00:10:39,534 --> 00:10:40,532
ALL
RIGHT!
268
00:10:40,601 --> 00:10:42,131
OH, MAN!
THERE'S A
TOLLBOOTH.
269
00:10:43,034 --> 00:10:44,165
HEY, ANYBODY
GOT A QUARTER?
270
00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:45,331
WHAT'S A
QUARTER?
271
00:10:46,334 --> 00:10:47,966
WELL, WE
GOTTA GIVE HIM
SOMETHING.
272
00:10:49,068 --> 00:10:50,431
[All laughing]
273
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,498
WOO-HOO!
274
00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:58,065
MAN, LOOKING UP AT
THE SKY JUST MAKES
YOU FEEL SO SMALL.
275
00:10:58,134 --> 00:11:00,999
YEAH. I MEAN,
IF GOD CREATED
ALL THIS,
276
00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:02,665
WHO CREATED GOD?
277
00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:04,298
MAYBE HE CREATED HIMSELF.
278
00:11:04,366 --> 00:11:06,032
OR HERSELF.
279
00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:07,132
[All]
OH!
280
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,464
THINK ABOUT
THAT.
281
00:11:08,533 --> 00:11:11,099
NEAT. THIS GUY'S
DEEP, CARTER.
WHERE'D YOU FIND HIM?
282
00:11:11,167 --> 00:11:12,698
HE'S MY
SON-IN-LAW.
283
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:14,632
[Telephone rings]
284
00:11:14,701 --> 00:11:17,032
OK, HONEY. I
GOTTA GO. YOU
WANT A RIDE?
285
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,132
SURE.
286
00:11:19,633 --> 00:11:20,765
[Helicopter whirring]
287
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,065
WOW!
288
00:11:27,133 --> 00:11:29,598
YOU KNOW, PETER, I
ACTUALLY HAD A GOOD
TIME WITH YOU TONIGHT.
289
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:31,598
AND I JUST
WANT TO SAY...
290
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,999
WELL, I'M GLAD YOU
MARRIED MY DAUGHTER.
291
00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:35,532
OH, THANK YOU, JESUS.
292
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,165
OH, ACTUALLY, IT
WASN'T ME. IT WAS--
293
00:11:37,234 --> 00:11:38,432
NO, NO. IT'S OK.
294
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,598
[Sighs]
I'M USED TO IT.
295
00:11:42,467 --> 00:11:43,498
[People murmuring]
296
00:11:43,567 --> 00:11:44,531
HAVING FUN,
PETER?
297
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:45,898
AW, YOU BET.
298
00:11:45,968 --> 00:11:48,299
I PUT ALL MY
POKER WINNINGS ON
YOUR DOG, MR. P.
299
00:11:48,701 --> 00:11:50,998
DOG?
300
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:53,865
YOU GOT NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT. SEA
BREEZE IS A SURE THING.
301
00:11:53,934 --> 00:11:54,965
SEA BREEZE?
302
00:11:56,834 --> 00:11:58,398
DAD, WHERE ARE
THE JOCKEYS?
303
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:01,398
THEY'RE ALL IN THE
LAUNDRY, SON. I'M
GOING INDIAN TODAY.
304
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,898
[Bell ringing]
305
00:12:03,967 --> 00:12:05,333
[People cheering]
306
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,132
[Lois]
COME ON SEA BREEZE!
307
00:12:07,201 --> 00:12:08,265
[Peter]
YEAH!
308
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:09,632
[Lois]
COME ON! COME ON!
309
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,299
[Peter]
GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
310
00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:12,365
AH!
311
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,333
[Lois]
WHAT'S BRIAN DOING?
312
00:12:19,001 --> 00:12:20,366
OH, MY GOD!
313
00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:22,331
HE'S VIOLATING
SEA BREEZE!
314
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,565
NO, NO. HE'S
JUST AWKWARDLY
POSITIONING HIMSELF--
315
00:12:24,634 --> 00:12:26,466
NOW HE'S VIOLATING
SEA BREEZE.
316
00:12:26,534 --> 00:12:28,399
♪[Singing funk music]
317
00:12:36,934 --> 00:12:40,299
M-MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT, AGAIN,
I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU
HOW SORRY I AM ABOUT THIS.
318
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:41,765
I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT CAME OVER ME.
319
00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:44,232
YOU'D BETTER
NOT HAVE RUINED
MY RACE DOG!
320
00:12:44,301 --> 00:12:46,632
BRIAN, I AM VERY
DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!
321
00:12:46,701 --> 00:12:49,965
I'D TURN MY BACK ON YOU,
BUT I'VE SEEN WHAT YOU
DO IN THAT SITUATION.
322
00:12:50,034 --> 00:12:53,199
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
CARTER AND I HAVE A
POLIO MATCH TO ATTEND.
323
00:12:53,268 --> 00:12:54,731
UGH!
324
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,532
GET AWAY FROM ME!
YOU AND THAT FILTHY
MONGREL OF YOURS!
325
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,665
HOW IS SHE,
DOCTOR?
326
00:12:57,734 --> 00:12:58,698
SHE'S FINE.
327
00:12:58,767 --> 00:13:00,565
SEA BREEZE WILL
BE ABLE TO
RACE AGAIN.
328
00:13:00,634 --> 00:13:03,199
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,
NOT FOR ANOTHER 9 WEEKS.
329
00:13:03,268 --> 00:13:04,331
SHE'S PREGNANT.
330
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,598
[All gasping]
331
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:07,431
LOOK, MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT,
I--I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW,
332
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:08,999
I AM GOING TO DO
THE RIGHT THING HERE.
333
00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:10,398
YOU'RE NOT DOING
ANYTHING!
334
00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:12,165
IN FACT, YOU'RE
NEVER GOING TO SEE
SEA BREEZE AGAIN!
335
00:13:12,234 --> 00:13:13,932
ALL OF YOU,
PACK YOUR THINGS
AND GET OUT!
336
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,899
I AM NEVER SPEAKING
TO YOU AGAIN.
337
00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:18,531
DON'T WORRY,
MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT.
I HAVE A PLAN.
338
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,732
I AM GONNA GO BACK
IN TIME AND STOP BRIAN
339
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,231
FROM GETTING IT
ON WITH YOUR DOG.
340
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,231
EVERYBODY
STAND BACK.
341
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:26,732
[Making whirring sound]
342
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,465
[Sound winding down]
343
00:13:29,533 --> 00:13:31,098
UH-OH--
OH, BOY.
344
00:13:31,166 --> 00:13:32,431
OH--OH!
345
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:33,899
OH, GOD.
AHH! AH--
346
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:39,432
[Crying]
MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT, PLEASE?
CAN WE STILL BE PALS?
347
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:42,999
SEE--SEE, LOOK. I MADE A
PICTURE OF YOU AND ME
OUT OF GLUE AND MACARONI.
348
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:45,299
WOW, PETER! THAT
MEANS A LOT TO ME,
BECAUSE YOU MADE IT.
349
00:13:45,368 --> 00:13:46,865
REALLY?
NO! GET OUT OF HERE!
350
00:13:46,934 --> 00:13:48,565
MR. PEWTERSCHMIDT!
SEA BREEZE IS GONE!
351
00:13:48,634 --> 00:13:49,632
WHAT?
352
00:13:49,701 --> 00:13:50,999
I CAN'T
FIND BRIAN.
353
00:13:51,068 --> 00:13:53,498
PETER, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO
354
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:56,232
TO YOU IF BRIAN TOOK
OFF WITH MY SEA BREEZE?
355
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:58,199
I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA.
356
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:00,765
[Crying]
357
00:14:06,934 --> 00:14:10,632
THIS IS THE ROOM. THE
LIGHT SWITCH IS HERE.
IT'S MOSTLY FOR SHOW.
358
00:14:10,701 --> 00:14:12,465
THERE'S YOUR
MURPHY BED.
359
00:14:12,534 --> 00:14:14,832
DON'T MIND
THE EPSTEINS. THEY
KEEP TO THEMSELVES.
360
00:14:14,901 --> 00:14:18,965
WE'RE GOING TO SEE
BOBBY DARIN AT THE COPA
TOMORROW, RIGHT, CHARLIE?
361
00:14:19,034 --> 00:14:20,598
BOBBY DARIN
TOMORROW.
362
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:23,899
THIS IS THE BATHROOM.
BUT WATCH OUT. WE GOT
SOME BAD ROACHES HERE.
363
00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:26,099
[With Latino accent]
HEY, YOU'RE ON
OUR TURF, MAN!
364
00:14:26,168 --> 00:14:27,865
HEY, MAN,
I CUT YOU!
365
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:31,066
I CUT YOU UP SO BAD, YOU
GONNA--YOU GONNA WISH I
NO CUT YOU UP SO BAD.
366
00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:32,398
THOSE ARE
BAD ROACHES.
367
00:14:32,467 --> 00:14:33,665
I BLAME THE
SCHOOLS.
368
00:14:37,934 --> 00:14:38,865
WERE YOU
FOLLOWED?
369
00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:40,532
DON'T WORRY.
I'VE GOT A DECOY.
370
00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:42,598
HEY,
LOIS.
371
00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:44,965
HUBBA-HUBBA.
WHOA, LOIS! YOU PUT
ON A FEW, HUH?
372
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:46,731
[Chris]
WELL, I NEVER!
373
00:14:46,801 --> 00:14:48,132
THAT'S ALL
RIGHT, HONEY.
374
00:14:48,201 --> 00:14:50,232
I DON'T THINK
HE WAS THE
ONE ANYWAY.
375
00:14:50,301 --> 00:14:51,332
NOW, LET'S GO
GET SUNDAES.
376
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,032
YOU KNOW, WE ALL
REALLY MISS YOU.
377
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,032
AND PETER
TALKS ABOUT YOU
ALL THE TIME.
378
00:14:55,101 --> 00:14:57,032
OH, REALLY?
ANYTHING NICE?
379
00:14:57,101 --> 00:14:58,032
NO.
380
00:14:58,101 --> 00:14:59,632
OH, SO HE'S
STILL MAD, HUH?
381
00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:01,899
HMM, WELL, I SHOULD
GO. HERE. TAKE THIS.
382
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:04,365
IT'S PROBABLY NOT
A GOOD IDEA FOR US
TO MEET ANYMORE.
383
00:15:04,434 --> 00:15:07,032
DADDY SWORE
HE'D TRACK YOU DOWN
ANY WAY HE COULD.
384
00:15:12,301 --> 00:15:13,331
BINGO!
385
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,632
I TOLD YOU SHE'D
LEAD US TO HIM.
386
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:15,999
LET'S CALL
PEWTERSCHMIDT.
387
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:17,632
NO, WAIT. LET'S
TAKE THE JETPACKS!
388
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,699
COOL!
389
00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:21,032
[Whooshing sound]
390
00:15:21,101 --> 00:15:23,365
MAN! THE PEOPLE
LOOK LIKE ANTS
FROM UP HERE.
391
00:15:23,433 --> 00:15:25,066
THEY ARE ANTS,
MICHAEL.
392
00:15:25,134 --> 00:15:27,198
THEY ARE ANTS.
393
00:15:27,266 --> 00:15:29,431
[Sirens blaring]
394
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:33,098
THIS IS TRISHA TAKANAWA
REPORTING LIVE, WHERE
POLICE HAVE DISCOVERED
395
00:15:33,167 --> 00:15:34,899
THE WHEREABOUTS
OF SEA BREEZE,
396
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,165
THE HEIRESS TO THE
PEWTERSCHMIDT FORTUNE.
397
00:15:37,234 --> 00:15:40,832
THE DOGNAPPER HAS
BEEN TRACED TO THIS
SLEAZY MOTEL.
398
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:45,165
AH, I SEE MY COLLEAGUE
TOM TUCKER IS ALREADY
ON THE SCENE.
399
00:15:45,234 --> 00:15:46,532
WHO'S THAT,
BABY?
400
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:48,032
UGH!
401
00:15:48,101 --> 00:15:49,732
HELLO THIS IS
TOM TUCKER...
402
00:15:49,801 --> 00:15:52,331
...'S EVIL TWIN,
TODD TUCKER,
403
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,698
OUT TO DESTROY HIS
BROTHER'S REPUTATION.
404
00:15:54,768 --> 00:15:56,298
HA! HA! HA!
405
00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:59,233
NOW I'M GOING BACK
INSIDE TO HAVE FREAKY
SEX WITH MY PROSTITUTE,
406
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:01,032
WITH WHOM I STILL
HAVE 45 MINUTES.
407
00:16:01,101 --> 00:16:02,865
NOW, BACK TO
THIS BREAKING NEWS.
408
00:16:14,301 --> 00:16:16,098
BRIAN, PLEASE,
EAT SOMETHING.
409
00:16:16,167 --> 00:16:18,932
WHY BOTHER? MY FACE
IS PLASTERED ALL
OVER THE NEWS.
410
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,998
YOUR FATHER WON'T
LET ME SEE THE DOG
WHO'S CARRYING MY PUPPIES.
411
00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:23,198
AND MY BEST FRIEND
412
00:16:23,267 --> 00:16:24,966
IS GOING TO
INCREDIBLE LENGTHS
TO IGNORE ME.
413
00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:26,698
BRIAN, DON'T
LET HIM GET
TO YOU.
414
00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:28,598
PETER, COME OUT
OF THAT THING!
415
00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:30,333
HE CAN'T HEAR
YOU, LOIS.
416
00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:33,465
BESIDES, IT'S--IT'S NOT
HIM THAT'S GETTING TO
ME, IT'S YOUR FATHER.
417
00:16:33,533 --> 00:16:34,932
I'M SORRY.
I TALKED
TO HIM.
418
00:16:35,001 --> 00:16:37,598
BUT HE WOULDN'T
BUDGE. HE CAN BE
SO STUBBORN.
419
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,832
I DON'T KNOW HOW
MY MOTHER PUTS
UP WITH IT.
420
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:42,299
HE DID PROMISE TO
TAKE GOOD CARE OF
THE PUPPIES, THOUGH.
421
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,465
WELL, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE NOT HIS TO
TAKE CARE OF.
422
00:16:44,533 --> 00:16:46,865
THEY'RE MY KIDS!
AND I'M GONNA
GET 'EM BACK.
423
00:16:46,934 --> 00:16:50,399
MY FATHER WASN'T THERE
FOR ME, BUT DAMN IT I'M
GONNA BE THERE FOR MY KIDS!
424
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,399
I'M GONNA SUE
YOUR DAD FOR
CUSTODY!
425
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:01,999
DADDY, PLEASE,
STOP THIS.
426
00:17:02,068 --> 00:17:04,631
BRIAN HAS EVERY RIGHT
TO SEE HIS PUPPIES
WHEN THEY'RE BORN.
427
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:05,731
SORRY, PUMPKIN.
428
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,598
I HAD NO IDEA YOU
COULD BE SO CRUEL.
429
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,298
I'LL NEVER FORGIVE
YOU FOR THIS!
430
00:17:09,367 --> 00:17:11,532
OH, YOU'LL BE FINE.
YOU'RE JUST HAVING
YOUR PERIOD.
431
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,665
THIS COURT WILL
NOW COME TO ORDER.
432
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,565
BRIAN, DO YOU
LIKE CHILDREN?
433
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,765
I--I LOVE CHILDREN.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
434
00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:20,331
I WANT THE OPPORTUNITY
TO RAISE MY PUPPIES.
435
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,132
DO YOU REMEMBER AN INCIDENT
AT A SOUTH ATTLEBORO DENNY'S,
436
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,165
IN DECEMBER OF 1996?
437
00:17:25,234 --> 00:17:26,865
UH, YEAH, I GUESS.
438
00:17:26,934 --> 00:17:28,166
[Crying]
439
00:17:34,701 --> 00:17:35,631
WAH!
440
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:36,732
WAH!
441
00:17:36,801 --> 00:17:38,565
YOU LIKE THAT? HUH?
YOU LIKE THAT?
442
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:39,999
WAH!
443
00:17:40,067 --> 00:17:41,598
YOU JUST TUNE THIS
OUT, DON'T YOU?
444
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:42,699
WAH!
445
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:44,132
WELL, TUNE
THIS OUT!
446
00:17:44,201 --> 00:17:45,398
WAH!
447
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:48,798
WAH!
WAH!
448
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:50,765
WAH!
WAH!
449
00:17:51,467 --> 00:17:52,965
WAH!
SHUT UP!
450
00:17:53,034 --> 00:17:56,032
LOOK, I--I WAS ANGRY
BECAUSE MY MOON OVER
MI-HAMMY WAS OVERCOOKED--
451
00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:59,565
I ALSO HAVE YOUR RENTAL
RECORDS FROM THE
QUAHOG VIDEO STORE.
452
00:17:59,634 --> 00:18:01,298
CAN YOU READ
THE LAST 2 TITLES,
PLEASE?
453
00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:03,665
UH, SON-IN-LAW
AND BIO-DOME.
454
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,165
AND WHO'S THE
STAR OF THOSE FILMS?
455
00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:06,631
UH, PAULY SHORE.
456
00:18:06,701 --> 00:18:08,531
PAULY SHORE!
457
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,631
[All gasping]
458
00:18:09,701 --> 00:18:10,732
[Man]
OH, HE'S TERRIBLE!
459
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,498
BUT I-- NO-- I RENTED
THOSE FOR PETER.
460
00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:15,232
HE GOT BANNED FROM
THE VIDEO STORE FOR
TAPING OVER THEIR MOVIES.
461
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:19,631
ROSEBUD.
462
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:25,365
IT'S HIS SLED. IT WAS HIS SLED
FROM WHEN HE WAS A KID.
463
00:18:25,434 --> 00:18:28,431
THERE. I JUST SAVED YOU
2 LONG, BOOBLESS HOURS.
464
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:31,165
HOW CONVENIENT!
BLAME IT ON
SOMEONE ELSE.
465
00:18:31,233 --> 00:18:33,932
IS THAT THE KIND
OF MAN WE WANT
RAISING THESE PUPPIES?
466
00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:35,698
PETER?
467
00:18:35,767 --> 00:18:37,531
OH, Y-YOU GOT
TO BELIEVE ME,
YOUR HONOR.
468
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,665
UH, PETER, I'M PUTTING
TOGETHER ANOTHER
CARD GAME. YOU IN?
469
00:18:40,734 --> 00:18:42,131
YOU--YOU WANT
ME TO PLAY?
470
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,665
ABSOLUTELY.
471
00:18:43,734 --> 00:18:47,364
BUT FIRST I WANT YOU
TO TESTIFY AGAINST THAT
HORNY MUTT OF YOURS.
472
00:18:47,433 --> 00:18:49,032
OH, I--I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN DO THAT.
473
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,498
OOH, THAT'S
TOO BAD.
474
00:18:50,567 --> 00:18:52,832
BECAUSE BILL AND MICHAEL
REALLY WANT TO
SEE YOU AGAIN.
475
00:18:52,901 --> 00:18:56,032
THEY'RE COMING OVER LATER
AND BILL'S GOING TO BRING
HIS STRETCH ARMSTRONG.
476
00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:58,898
OH, MAN! AND HIS ARMS
STRETCH OUT TO NEXT WEEK!
477
00:18:58,968 --> 00:19:01,766
YOUR HONOR, PETER GRIFFIN
WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THE STAND.
478
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:08,832
MR. GRIFFIN, WHICH OF
THE FOLLOWING 2 PHRASES
BEST DESCRIBES BRIAN GRIFFIN?
479
00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:11,565
"PROBLEM DRINKER"
OR "AFRICAN-AMERICAN
HABERDASHER"?
480
00:19:11,634 --> 00:19:14,398
UM, I--I GUESS
"PROBLEM DRINKER."
BUT THAT'S--
481
00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:16,832
THANK YOU. NOW,
"SEXUAL DEVIANT" OR
482
00:19:16,901 --> 00:19:19,798
"MAGIC PICTURE THAT IF YOU
STARE AT IT LONG ENOUGH
YOU SEE SOMETHING"?
483
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,065
WELL, "SEXUAL
DEVIANT," BUT THAT
OTHER ONE'S NOT EVEN--
484
00:19:22,134 --> 00:19:23,966
THANK YOU.
NOW, ISN'T IT TRUE
THAT YOU TOLD
485
00:19:24,034 --> 00:19:25,866
MY CLIENT,
CARTER PEWTERSCHMIDT,
486
00:19:25,934 --> 00:19:27,966
THAT BRIAN IS A
MENACE TO SOCIETY
487
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:30,299
AND SHOULD NEVER BE
ALLOWED TO SEE HIS CHILDREN?
488
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:31,264
[All gasping]
489
00:19:31,333 --> 00:19:32,565
UH, UH...
490
00:19:39,801 --> 00:19:42,832
BRIAN SHOULD BE ALLOWED
TO SEE HIS PUPPIES!
491
00:19:42,901 --> 00:19:44,765
PETER, THINK ABOUT
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
492
00:19:44,834 --> 00:19:47,265
I AM. YOUR HONOR,
BRIAN'LL BE A GREAT DAD.
493
00:19:47,334 --> 00:19:49,165
HELL, IF--IF I WAS HALF
THE PARENT BRIAN IS,
494
00:19:49,234 --> 00:19:51,098
I'D KNOW THAT CHRIS'S
FAVORITE ICE CREAM IS--
495
00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:52,231
CHOCOLATE-CHIP.
496
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:53,732
AND STEWIE'S FAVORITE
BEDTIME STORY IS--
497
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:54,799
GOODNIGHT, MOON.
498
00:19:54,867 --> 00:19:56,164
AND MEG'S REAL
FATHER'S NAME IS--
499
00:19:56,233 --> 00:19:57,332
STAN THOMPSON.
500
00:19:57,401 --> 00:19:59,398
♪[Pop music
playing]
501
00:19:59,467 --> 00:20:03,465
I'VE HEARD ENOUGH. I
DO BELIEVE THAT BRIAN
WOULD BE A SUCCESSFUL PARENT.
502
00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:06,032
HOWEVER, IF HE WAS TO
REPEAT HIS ACTIONS
AT THE DOG TRACK,
503
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:08,598
HE WOULD BE SETTING
A BAD EXAMPLE
FOR HIS PUPPIES.
504
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,732
THEREFORE, I
GRANT BRIAN CUSTODY
505
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,798
WITH THE CONDITION
THAT HE BE NEUTERED FIRST.
506
00:20:12,867 --> 00:20:17,232
YEAH! YOU DID IT, BUDDY! OH,
CONGRATULATIONS! OH, MAN!
507
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,732
WHAT DOES
"NEUTERED" MEAN?
508
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:22,765
YOU'RE ALMOST
THERE, SEA BREEZE.
509
00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:25,432
OH, AND, UH, ALSO,
UH, I--I DIDN'T BRING
THIS UP BEFORE,
510
00:20:25,501 --> 00:20:27,966
BUT, UH, PROMISE
ME YOU WON'T EAT
ANY OF THEM.
511
00:20:28,034 --> 00:20:30,798
YOU KNOW, BRIAN, IT
OCCURS TO ME THAT THIS
IS LIKE A GREEK TRAGEDY,
512
00:20:30,867 --> 00:20:33,632
WHERE A MAN MUST CHOOSE
BETWEEN HIMSELF
AND HIS CHILDREN.
513
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:36,565
OF COURSE, YOU'LL
BE PLAYING THE ROLE
OF "SANS TESTACLESE."
514
00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,032
HA-HA.
515
00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:40,799
WE'RE READY FOR
YOU, DOWN THE HALL.
516
00:20:40,867 --> 00:20:42,899
ARE YOU SURE YOU
WANT TO GO THROUGH
WITH THIS, BRIAN?
517
00:20:42,968 --> 00:20:45,266
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU
COULD HAVE PUPPIES
WITH ANOTHER DOG.
518
00:20:45,335 --> 00:20:46,999
OH, AND MAYBE
WITH A CONDOR.
519
00:20:47,068 --> 00:20:49,032
YEAH, THEN YOU'D
HAVE FLYING PUPPIES.
520
00:20:49,101 --> 00:20:51,932
WOULD YOU LIKE
THAT, BRIAN? HUH?
FLYING PUPPIES?
521
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:52,998
NO, PETER.
522
00:20:53,067 --> 00:20:54,498
THOSE PUPPIES IN
THERE ARE MINE.
523
00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:56,632
AND I'LL GIVE ANYTHING
TO BE WITH THEM.
524
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,465
ANYTHING.
525
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:02,199
I AM NOT LOOKING FORWARD
TO WHAT YOU'RE GONNA BE
LIKE ONCE THEY DO THIS TO YOU.
526
00:21:02,267 --> 00:21:03,332
MMM.
527
00:21:03,401 --> 00:21:07,599
I LOVE CHOCOLATE!
528
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,366
BUT I CAN'T
EAT IT, BECAUSE
THEN I'LL GET FAT.
529
00:21:11,234 --> 00:21:14,565
BUT IT'S SO GOOD!
530
00:21:14,634 --> 00:21:15,865
ARE YOU
READY, BRIAN?
531
00:21:15,934 --> 00:21:17,565
[Sighs]
I GUESS SO.
532
00:21:17,633 --> 00:21:20,232
[Lois]
STOP! BRIAN,
COME QUICK!
533
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,198
OH, MY GOD! THOSE
AREN'T MY PUPPIES!
534
00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:26,699
WELL, THEN WHOSE
ARE THEY?
535
00:21:26,767 --> 00:21:28,265
[All barking]
536
00:21:30,334 --> 00:21:32,132
YOU! YOU'RE
A WHORE!
537
00:21:32,201 --> 00:21:34,498
A FILTHY,
FILTHY WHORE!
538
00:21:35,367 --> 00:21:37,132
YOU MUST BE
SO RELIEVED.
539
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:41,132
WELL, ACTUALLY, I--I WAS
KIND OF LOOKING FORWARD
TO BEING A DAD.
540
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,632
OH, WELL, DON'T
WORRY. THERE'LL
BE OTHER CHANCES.
541
00:21:43,700 --> 00:21:44,732
HEY, YOU KNOW
WHAT'S FUNNY?
542
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,399
I ALWAYS
THOUGHT
THAT DOGS,
543
00:21:46,467 --> 00:21:47,899
UM, LAID EGGS.
544
00:21:49,134 --> 00:21:50,932
AND I LEARNED
SOMETHING TODAY.
545
00:21:53,234 --> 00:21:54,765
♪[Theme music playing]