1
00:00:02,634 --> 00:00:05,832
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:05,901 --> 00:00:09,198
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:09,266 --> 00:00:12,665
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:12,733 --> 00:00:14,999
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:15,801 --> 00:00:19,198
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:19,267 --> 00:00:22,465
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
7
00:00:22,534 --> 00:00:24,132
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:24,201 --> 00:00:25,765
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
9
00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:30,765
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,632
SO, UH, UH, TELL ME
ABOUT YOURSELF, TINA.
11
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:38,498
WELL, I REALLY
LOVE MUSIC.
12
00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:39,999
OH, GOD! ME TOO!
13
00:00:40,068 --> 00:00:41,965
YOU KNOW, I--I JUST
SAW DON GIOVANNI.
14
00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:44,298
IN MY OPINION, THE BEST
OPERA OF THE 18TH CENTURY.
15
00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:45,399
DEFINITELY.
16
00:00:45,468 --> 00:00:47,866
AND THE--THE USE OF
RECITATIVE THROUGHOUT.
17
00:00:47,934 --> 00:00:49,465
I--I, MOZART
WAS A GENIUS.
18
00:00:49,534 --> 00:00:51,732
OH, YEAH.
RECI-TA-TIVE
19
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:54,298
IS REALLY, YOU KNOW,
WHERE IT'S AT.
20
00:00:54,366 --> 00:00:55,532
SIR, ARE WE
READY TO ORDER?
21
00:00:55,601 --> 00:00:57,098
WHOA, WHOA,
HOLD ON A SECOND.
22
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:59,198
YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT, DO YOU?
23
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:01,732
WELL SURE I DO!
OPERA'S BITCHIN'!
24
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,198
UM, OK. I GUESS
I'LL HAVE
25
00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:07,798
THE ES-CAR-GOT AND
A GLASS OF CHAB-LISS.
26
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:10,465
[Sighs]
SAME HERE. ES-CAR-GOT
AND THE CHAB-LISS.
27
00:01:10,533 --> 00:01:12,932
♪[Playing piano]
28
00:01:13,001 --> 00:01:15,565
DON'T DAWDLE, JONAS.
PLAY YOUR EXERCISES.
29
00:01:15,634 --> 00:01:18,165
BRIAN, YOU'RE HOME
EARLY. WHAT HAPPENED
WITH YOUR DATE?
30
00:01:18,234 --> 00:01:20,565
SAME THING THAT ALWAYS
HAPPENS. SHE WAS AN IDIOT.
31
00:01:20,634 --> 00:01:21,631
OH, BRAIN.
32
00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:24,265
DON'T SLOW DOWN,
JONAS. KEEP THE RHYTHM.
33
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♪[Singing scale]
34
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:29,165
♪ BRIAN, YOUR STANDARDS
ARE RIDICULOUSLY HIGH ♪
35
00:01:29,233 --> 00:01:32,098
♪ YOU'LL NEVER FIND A GIRL
UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING
TO MAKE EXCEPTIONS ♪
36
00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:34,799
♪ AND COMPROMISE SO YOU
CAN FIND YOUR LOVE ♪
37
00:01:34,868 --> 00:01:37,232
♪ LOIS, I DON'T THINK I HAVE
TO COMPROMISE A THING ♪
38
00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,732
♪ I'D RATHER BE ALONE
THAN WITH SOMEONE
WHO DOESN'T GET ME ♪
39
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,765
♪ OH, AND HOW LONG HAS
THE COFFEE BEEN ON THE
BURNER IN THE KITCHEN? ♪
40
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:45,132
♪ I COULD REALLY USE
A CUP ABOUT NOW ♪
41
00:01:45,201 --> 00:01:47,899
♪ OH, IT'S NOT VERY
FRESH, YOU SEE, I
MEANT TO MAKE MORE ♪
42
00:01:47,967 --> 00:01:49,965
♪ BUT I MADE THE MISTAKE
OF GETTING CAUGHT UP ♪
43
00:01:50,034 --> 00:01:51,965
♪ WATCHING OPRAH,
SHE HAD ON JAMES GARNER ♪
44
00:01:52,034 --> 00:01:53,531
♪ JAMES GARNER?
WHAT'S HE PLUGGING? ♪
45
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,965
♪ I DON'T KNOW, SOME
CRAPPY MOVIE ON T.N.T. ♪
46
00:01:56,034 --> 00:01:57,131
VERY GOOD, JONAS.
47
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,265
I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
SO WHAT IS IT, BRIAN?
48
00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:01,366
YOU DON'T THINK THESE
WOMEN UNDERSTAND YOU OR--
49
00:02:01,434 --> 00:02:03,432
YOU KNOW, LOIS,
I'M--I'M REALLY NOT
COMFORTABLE
50
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,432
TALKING ABOUT
THIS A-MELODICALLY.
51
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,998
PETER, I WAS
WONDERING IF
YOU COULD--
52
00:02:07,067 --> 00:02:08,665
SHH. H-H-HANG ON--
HANG ON A SECOND, LOIS
53
00:02:08,733 --> 00:02:10,298
[Announcer]
AND NOW BACK TO
THE LIFE AND TIMES
54
00:02:10,367 --> 00:02:11,299
OF GRIZZLY ADAMS.
55
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:15,032
UM, GRIZZLY?
56
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,265
WHO'S STEVE?
57
00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:17,331
WHAT?
58
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:18,932
THERE'S A MESSAGE
ON THE MACHINE
59
00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:20,498
FROM SOMEBODY
NAMED STEVE.
60
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:22,765
OH, YEAH, STEVE. UM,
61
00:02:22,834 --> 00:02:24,731
HE'S, UH, NEW TO
THE MOUNTAIN.
62
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,498
I MET HIM DOWN AT
THE GENERAL STORE.
HE MAKES CANOES.
63
00:02:27,567 --> 00:02:28,565
OH.
64
00:02:29,901 --> 00:02:31,832
HOW COME I'VE
NEVER MET HIM?
65
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:33,966
HE HASN'T REALLY
BEEN HERE THAT LONG.
66
00:02:34,034 --> 00:02:35,732
LONG ENOUGH TO
GET YOUR NUMBER!
67
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,298
BEN! BEN!
68
00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:38,364
[Door slams]
69
00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:39,498
DAMN IT.
70
00:02:39,567 --> 00:02:41,165
LOOK AT THAT
GRIZZLY ADAMS, HUH?
71
00:02:41,233 --> 00:02:43,665
LOOK HOW CONFIDENT
HE IS, HOW MAJESTIC.
72
00:02:43,733 --> 00:02:45,165
LOIS, I'M GONNA
GROW A BEARD.
73
00:02:45,234 --> 00:02:47,032
OH, PETER, YOU
KNOW I HATE BEARDS.
74
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:49,466
NO, NO, LOIS. IT'S TIME
I JOINED THE RANKS
75
00:02:49,534 --> 00:02:51,099
OF GREAT MEN
WITH BEARDS.
76
00:02:51,167 --> 00:02:53,932
WHY DO YOU THINK
JESUS CHRIST WAS
SO POPULAR, HUH?
77
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:56,165
'CAUSE--'CAUSE OF ALL
THEM MAGIC TRICKS?
78
00:02:56,234 --> 00:02:57,932
LISTEN, BRIAN'S
VERY DEPRESSED.
79
00:02:58,001 --> 00:03:00,966
CAN YOU AND THE GUYS TAKE
HIM WITH YOU TO THE LASER
ROCK SHOW TONIGHT?
80
00:03:01,034 --> 00:03:04,333
YEAH, SURE. IF THERE'S ONE
THING I'M GOOD AT DOING,
IT'S CHEERING PEOPLE UP.
81
00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:06,999
MR. AND MRS. RAMSEY,
82
00:03:07,068 --> 00:03:09,765
JON BENET'S UNTIMELY
DEATH IS A TRAGEDY.
83
00:03:09,834 --> 00:03:11,032
I WILL NOT REST
84
00:03:11,101 --> 00:03:13,399
UNTIL I FIND HER
KILLER, OR KILLERS.
85
00:03:13,467 --> 00:03:15,232
OH, REALLY. DON'T--
DON'T BOTHER.
86
00:03:15,301 --> 00:03:17,066
NOTHING'S GOING TO
BRING OUR BABY BACK.
87
00:03:17,134 --> 00:03:18,665
NO, NO, NO,
I INSIST.
88
00:03:18,733 --> 00:03:20,765
I WILL MAKE IT MY LIFE'S
WORK TO FIND OUT--
89
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:21,965
WE'RE FINE!
JUST DROP IT!
90
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:27,932
[Announcer]
THE NEXT LASER ROCK SHOW
WILL BEGIN IN 20 MINUTES.
91
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:28,966
YOU HEAR THAT, BRIAN?
92
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,065
A LASER ROCK SHOW!
93
00:03:30,134 --> 00:03:31,465
COME ON, CHEER UP,
WOULD YOU?
94
00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:32,965
I DON'T MUCH
FEEL LIKE IT.
95
00:03:34,533 --> 00:03:36,532
BINARY CODE IS THE
LANGUAGE OF COMPUTERS
96
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,999
IN WHICH WORDS
ARE TRANSLATED
97
00:03:38,068 --> 00:03:40,665
INTO SEQUENCES OF
ZEROES AND ONES.
98
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:42,932
ANYTHING AT ALL CAN
BE EXPRESSED IN BINARY
99
00:03:43,001 --> 00:03:44,599
AS WE DEMONSTRATE
IN THIS FAMOUS SCENE
100
00:03:44,667 --> 00:03:46,132
FROM THE
MIRACLE WORKER.
101
00:03:46,201 --> 00:03:49,598
ZERO, ONE, ONE, ZERO.
ONE, ZERO, ZERO, ONE.
102
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,132
[Incomprehensible]
103
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,099
ZERO, ONE, ONE, ZERO.
ONE, ZERO, ZERO, ONE!
104
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,998
[Slurring]
ZERO, ONE, ONE, ZERO.
ONE, ZERO, ZERO, ONE.
105
00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:59,631
HA! ZERO, ONE!
ZERO, ONE!
106
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,331
WHAT, YOU DON'T THINK
THIS IS AMAZING?
107
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,765
WHEN I SAW THIS AT
THE 1904 WORLD'S FAIR,
108
00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:12,032
I NEARLY CRAPPED
MY PANTS!
109
00:04:12,101 --> 00:04:14,198
ALL RIGHT!
VIRTUAL REALITY!
110
00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:16,266
WHOA-HO-HO!
YOU GUYS GOTTA TRY THIS!
111
00:04:17,267 --> 00:04:18,232
HEY, LOOK AT ME!
112
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,032
I'M A POLE IN
A STRIP CLUB! OH!
113
00:04:20,101 --> 00:04:21,132
[Alarm ringing]
114
00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:22,498
IT'S SHOW TIME!
115
00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:24,432
UGH! OH, NO!
OH, NO! OW! OW!
116
00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:27,098
HEY, STOP! FALSE
ALARM! AHH! AHH!
117
00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,966
OH, MY GOD!
I'M FLYING! I'M FLYING!
118
00:04:31,767 --> 00:04:33,233
YES, I'LL HAVE
A DIET SPRITE.
119
00:04:33,301 --> 00:04:35,632
♪[One Is The Loneliest Number
by Three Dog Night playing]
120
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:38,598
♪ ONE IS THE LONELIEST
NUMBER ♪
121
00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,832
♪ THAT YOU'LL EVER DO ♪
122
00:04:43,001 --> 00:04:46,464
♪ TWO CAN BE AS BAD AS ONE ♪
123
00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:50,464
♪ IT'S THE LONELIEST NUMBER
SINCE THE NUMBER ONE ♪
124
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:54,199
YOU ARE
A FILTHY WHORE.
125
00:04:54,268 --> 00:04:55,532
[Sighs]
126
00:04:58,867 --> 00:05:01,499
OK, JOHNNY DEPP
OR RICHARD GRIECO?
127
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:02,832
OH, THAT'S
GROSS!
128
00:05:02,901 --> 00:05:03,999
YEAH, LET'S
NOT DO THIS!
129
00:05:04,068 --> 00:05:04,999
COME ON.
130
00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:06,965
IF YOU'RE SECURE
IN YOUR MASCULINITY,
131
00:05:07,034 --> 00:05:09,065
YOU CAN ANSWER A
SIMPLE HYPOTHETICAL.
132
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:12,198
A-ALL RIGHT. JOHNNY DEPP
BECAUSE HE KIND OF LOOKS
LIKE A CHICK, I GUESS.
133
00:05:12,266 --> 00:05:13,765
WHAT ABOUT
YOU, PETER?
134
00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:16,332
OH, MAN! AH, WELL,
I--I DON'T KNOW,
135
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,065
RICHARD GRIECO WOULD
PROBABLY APPRECIATE
136
00:05:18,134 --> 00:05:20,298
YOU MORE, YOU KNOW,
NOT TAKE YOU
FOR GRANTED.
137
00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:23,565
I MEAN, WITH JOHNNY DEPP,
IT'S LIKE--IT'S LIKE HE
WOULDN'T REALLY NEED YOU.
138
00:05:23,634 --> 00:05:26,632
YOU KNOW. HE'D
PROBABLY SNEAK OUT
AFTER YOU FELL ASLEEP.
139
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:29,132
OF COURSE, WITH
JOHNNY, YOU'D GET THE
FINANCIAL SECURITY.
140
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,698
I--I'D GO
WITH JOHNNY.
141
00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:31,898
[Siren wailing]
142
00:05:31,967 --> 00:05:33,298
OH, GREAT.
143
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:35,865
BRIAN.
144
00:05:35,934 --> 00:05:38,066
UH, H-HEY, JOE, HA!
HOW'S IT GOING?
145
00:05:38,134 --> 00:05:40,731
PRETTY GOOD. YOU WERE,
UH, DOING A LITTLE
SWERVING BACK THERE.
146
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,499
UH, YEAH, YEAH WELL,
YOU KNOW, M-ME AND
THE BOYS WERE JUST--
147
00:05:43,567 --> 00:05:45,598
WHOA! YOU'RE OFF
THE METER, BRIAN.
148
00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:46,698
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
149
00:05:46,767 --> 00:05:47,698
OH, COME ON!
150
00:05:47,767 --> 00:05:48,832
MOVE IT.
151
00:05:49,968 --> 00:05:51,999
HEY, ONE OF YOU GUYS
ALL RIGHT TO DRIVE?
152
00:05:52,068 --> 00:05:53,832
UM, YEAH.
I CAN DO IT.
153
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:55,465
[Cans rattling]
154
00:05:55,534 --> 00:05:58,399
GREAT. I'LL MEET YOU
AT THE DRUNKEN CLAM.
WE'LL TIE ONE ON.
155
00:05:58,467 --> 00:06:00,099
I'M VERY
DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
156
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:11,098
GOD, A D.U.I.! I CAN'T
BELIEVE THIS. I COULD
ACTUALLY GO TO JAIL!
157
00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:13,265
IT'S OK, BRIAN. YOU'LL
GET THROUGH THIS D.U.I.,
158
00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:15,032
AND YOU'LL BE A
BETTER PERSON FOR IT.
159
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,099
WELL NOW HOLD
ON A MINUTE.
160
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,832
DON'T DISGUISE HIS
ALCOHOL DEPENDENCE
161
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:19,565
AS A TICKET TO
SELF-REALIZATION!
162
00:06:19,633 --> 00:06:21,333
LOOK, YOU'RE NOT ONE
TO TALK, ALL RIGHT?
163
00:06:21,401 --> 00:06:22,832
YOU REMEMBER
THAT TIME I GAVE YOU
164
00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:24,399
APPLE JUICE AND
TOLD YOU IT WAS WINE?
165
00:06:25,701 --> 00:06:29,366
[Slurring]
I THINK YOU ARE
A SPECIAL PERSON.
166
00:06:29,434 --> 00:06:30,699
THANKS.
167
00:06:30,768 --> 00:06:33,431
NO, N-NOW, COME
ON! I--I'M BEING--
I'M BEING SERIOUS.
168
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,665
I GONNA TO BE SERIOUS
HERE FOR--FOR A SECOND!
169
00:06:35,734 --> 00:06:37,866
A-ARE YOU GONNA--
ARE YOU GONNA
LISTEN TO ME?
170
00:06:37,934 --> 00:06:39,199
ARE YOU GONNA
LISTEN TO ME?
171
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:43,332
SO I CAN TELL YOU
THAT I RESPECT YOU?
172
00:06:43,401 --> 00:06:44,532
[Glass breaking]
173
00:06:44,601 --> 00:06:45,932
[Snickering]
174
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,332
NOW, BRIAN, I KNOW THIS
IS A BAD TIME FOR YOU.
175
00:06:51,401 --> 00:06:54,098
AND IF I HAVE ANY ADVICE
TO GIVE YOU, IT IS THIS.
176
00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:55,532
GROW A BEARD.
177
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,265
PETER, I WISH YOU'D
SHAVE THAT THING.
BEARDS ARE SO UGLY.
178
00:06:58,333 --> 00:06:59,265
HEY!
179
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,731
OH, RELAX,
WOOLLY WILLY.
180
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,198
THERE'S LOTS OF
FUN THINGS YOU
CAN DO WITH THAT.
181
00:07:03,267 --> 00:07:04,198
THERE WE GO.
182
00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:05,199
THANKS!
183
00:07:06,434 --> 00:07:08,365
ON THE CHARGE OF DRIVING
UNDER THE INFLUENCE,
184
00:07:08,433 --> 00:07:10,032
THIS COURT FINDS
YOU GUILTY.
185
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:11,331
[Gasps]
186
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,699
YES! GOOD CALL.
CHURN THE BUTTER.
OO-WOO! OO-WOO!
187
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,765
[Sighs]
188
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,065
IN LIEU OF JAIL TIME,
I SENTENCE YOU
189
00:07:17,134 --> 00:07:19,166
TO 100 HOURS OF
COMMUNITY SERVICE.
190
00:07:20,034 --> 00:07:21,565
NEXT ITEM.
191
00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:23,565
"DEARLY BELOVED,
WE ARE GATHERED HERE
192
00:07:23,634 --> 00:07:25,499
"TO JOIN THESE TWO
IN HOLY MATRIMONY.
193
00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:27,565
"IF ANYONE OBJECTS
TO THIS UNION,
194
00:07:27,634 --> 00:07:30,865
"SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER
HOLD YOUR PEACE."
195
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:32,632
QUIET DOWN! YOU
HAD YOUR CHANCE!
196
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:37,065
SO, WHAT DO YOU
HAVE TO DO FOR YOUR
COMMUNITY SERVICE?
197
00:07:37,134 --> 00:07:38,231
[Sighs]
I GOT ASSIGNED
198
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:40,198
TO THE OUTREACH TO
THE ELDERLY PROGRAM.
199
00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:43,599
I GOTTA TAKE CARE OF SOME OLD
WOMAN WHO HASN'T BEEN OUT
OF HER HOUSE IN 30 YEARS.
200
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:46,465
WHEN I GOT CAUGHT
AT SCHOOL WITH MY
HAND DOWN MY PANTS,
201
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:49,099
I HAD TO KEEP IT
THERE FOR A WHOLE WEEK.
202
00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:51,032
HA!
WHAT A WEEK!
203
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:54,265
I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS TAKING
CARE OF THIS OLD WOMAN'LL
BE JUST LIKE BABY-SITTING
204
00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:55,532
ONLY WITH
BIGGER DIAPERS.
205
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,765
AH, HA! SO THEY DO
MAKE BIGGER DIAPERS!
206
00:07:57,834 --> 00:08:01,066
THAT DECEITFUL WOMAN
TOLD ME I'D HAVE TO
LEARN TO USE THE TOILET.
207
00:08:01,134 --> 00:08:04,266
WELL, FIE ON THE TOILET!
IT'S MADE SLAVES OF YOU ALL.
208
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:08,266
I'VE SEEN IT SITTING IN
THERE, LAZY, SLOTHFUL
PORCELAIN LAYABOUT
209
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,298
FEEDING ON OTHER
PEOPLE'S DOO-DOOS
210
00:08:10,366 --> 00:08:12,665
WHILE CONTRIBUTING
NOTHING OF ITS
OWN TO SOCIETY!
211
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:13,998
YOU GET A JOB!
212
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:18,866
UH, PEARL BURTON?
213
00:08:18,934 --> 00:08:20,498
UH, M-M-MY NAME'S BRIAN.
214
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,032
I'M HERE FROM THE OUTREACH
TO THE ELDERLY PROGRAM?
215
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,999
YOU'RE LATE!
216
00:08:25,068 --> 00:08:27,032
[Opening multiple locks]
217
00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:30,565
AH! WHAT THE
HELL IS THIS?
218
00:08:30,633 --> 00:08:31,598
DELOUSING POWDER!
219
00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:33,431
EVERYONE ON THE
OUTSIDE IS FILTHY!
220
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,365
WELL, YOU COULD HAVE
GIVEN ME SOME WARNING!
221
00:08:35,434 --> 00:08:38,032
HERE'S YOUR WARNING.
IT'S GONNA BURN LIKE
HELL IN 30 SECONDS.
222
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,265
NOW, I LIKE MY TEA AT 4:00,
MY DINNER AT 6:00.
223
00:08:40,334 --> 00:08:41,698
I TAKE MY BATH
AT 7:00 SHARP,
224
00:08:41,767 --> 00:08:43,099
SO I CAN LISTEN
TO PAUL HARVEY.
225
00:08:43,168 --> 00:08:45,198
YOU WILL WARM UP
MY BATH WATER
WITH QUICK BURSTS
226
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:46,999
FROM THE FAUCET
DURING COMMERCIALS ONLY.
227
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:48,798
IT'S GONNA TAKE YOU A
WHILE TO GET THE RHYTHM.
228
00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:50,732
PAUL HARVEY MOVES
SEAMLESSLY INTO
COMMERCIALS.
229
00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:52,464
BY THE WAY, IT'S
BEEN 30 SECONDS.
230
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:53,899
[Screaming]
231
00:08:59,967 --> 00:09:01,732
PETER, STOP SCRATCHING
THAT THING.
232
00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:03,598
I CAN'T. IT'S
ITCHING LIKE CRAZY.
233
00:09:03,667 --> 00:09:05,232
DAD, CAN I
SCRATCH YOUR BEARD?
234
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:06,698
HAVE YOU FINISHED
YOUR HOMEWORK?
235
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:07,732
YES.
236
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,132
OK THEN.
237
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,865
[Laughing]
238
00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:12,631
BRIAN, YOU'VE
BEEN AWFULLY QUIET.
239
00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:14,632
IS THE COMMUNITY SERVICE
NOT GOING THAT WELL?
240
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,732
OH, LOIS, IT'S HORRIBLE.
I WAS CLEANING HER
HOUSE ALL DAY.
241
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:22,066
IT'S THE WORST JOB
I'VE EVER HAD. WELL,
EXCEPT FOR ONE.
242
00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:25,565
UH, EXCUSE ME. WOULD
YOU LIKE TO TASTE
MY SMOKED-MEAT LOG?
243
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,232
HERE YOU GO.
ENJOY YOUR FOOD.
244
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:33,365
ENJOY YOUR
STUDIO APARTMENT.
245
00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:35,232
PETER, YOU GOT A LITTLE
SOMETHING RIGHT HERE.
246
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:36,299
WHERE? HERE?
247
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,266
NO. OTHER SIDE.
248
00:09:37,335 --> 00:09:38,365
O-OVER HERE?
THE LEFT SIDE.
249
00:09:38,433 --> 00:09:39,365
R-RIGHT HERE?
250
00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:40,431
YOUR OTHER
LEFT SIDE.
251
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:41,431
OH.
UP A LITTLE.
252
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,498
DO I HAVE IT?
UP A LITTLE.
253
00:09:42,567 --> 00:09:43,565
IS IT GONE?
NOW GO DOWN.
254
00:09:43,633 --> 00:09:44,598
[Bird squawking]
255
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,665
AHH!
256
00:09:47,101 --> 00:09:48,431
IS IT GONE?
257
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,599
[Screaming]
GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
GET IT OFF!
258
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:51,932
PETER, HOLD STILL!
HOLD STILL!
259
00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:53,265
WAIT, DON'T
TOUCH THAT BIRD!
260
00:09:53,334 --> 00:09:54,632
WHAT'S IT TO YOU, PAL?
261
00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:56,165
I'M DR. GOODMAN
OF THE QUAHOG
262
00:09:56,234 --> 00:09:57,598
ORNITHOLOGICAL SOCIETY
263
00:09:57,667 --> 00:09:59,899
IRONICALLY DINING
IN A RESTAURANT
THAT EXCLUSIVELY
264
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:00,999
SERVES POULTRY.
265
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,398
DOCTOR, WHAT
IS THIS?
266
00:10:02,467 --> 00:10:04,398
OH, IT'S A VERY
RARE SPECIES.
267
00:10:04,467 --> 00:10:06,565
THE ENDANGERED
WHITE-RUMPED SWALLOW.
268
00:10:06,634 --> 00:10:08,165
[Laughing]
"RUMP."
269
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,899
THIS ISN'T
FUNNY, CHRIS!
270
00:10:09,968 --> 00:10:12,133
[Laughing]
"SWALLOW."
271
00:10:12,201 --> 00:10:14,032
LOOK, JUST GET RID OF
THIS BIRD, ALL RIGHT?
272
00:10:14,101 --> 00:10:15,632
UNFORTUNATELY,
I CAN'T DO THAT.
273
00:10:15,701 --> 00:10:17,999
ONCE THE SWALLOW
HAS CHOSEN ITS
NESTING PLACE,
274
00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:19,498
IT'S ILLEGAL
TO DISTURB IT.
275
00:10:19,567 --> 00:10:20,698
BUT HE CAN'T
WALK AROUND
276
00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:22,366
WITH A BIRD
IN HIS BEARD.
277
00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:24,899
I'M SORRY, YOU HAVE
TO WAIT UNTIL THE BIRD
DEPARTS OF ITS OWN ACCORD
278
00:10:24,967 --> 00:10:27,232
OR YOU'LL BE PROSECUTED
TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW.
279
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,599
WOW! YOU SURE
KNOW A LOT OF STUFF.
280
00:10:29,667 --> 00:10:30,965
IT'S GREAT TO LEARN.
281
00:10:31,034 --> 00:10:32,266
[All]
BECAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
282
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,398
[Slurping]
283
00:10:36,466 --> 00:10:37,765
WHAT IS THIS?
SPIT SOUP?
284
00:10:37,834 --> 00:10:39,065
TOMATO BISQUE.
285
00:10:40,233 --> 00:10:41,799
WHAT IS THIS?
SNOT SOUP?
286
00:10:41,868 --> 00:10:43,999
TOMATO BISQUE!
287
00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:45,599
WHAT IS THIS?
DIARRHEA SOUP?
288
00:10:45,667 --> 00:10:48,164
LOOK, I'M NOT MAKING
YOU ANYTHING ELSE.
SO JUST EAT IT, ALL RIGHT.
289
00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:51,632
FINE! THEN I'LL HAVE TO
CALL THE JUDGE, AND THAT
MEANS YOU'LL GO TO JAIL!
290
00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:53,798
YOU'RE ONE PHONE CALL
AWAY FROM GETTING
291
00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:56,432
A HUMAN BOOSTER SHOT
FROM A GUY NAMED MOLLY.
292
00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:57,799
AH.
293
00:11:10,367 --> 00:11:11,264
DAMN IT ALL!
294
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:12,231
SHH!
295
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,231
SORRY!
SORRY!
296
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:14,331
[Bird squawking]
297
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,298
[Man]
HEY, SHUT UP!
298
00:11:15,366 --> 00:11:16,465
KEEP IT DOWN!
299
00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:18,065
LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING
I CAN DO, ALL RIGHT?
300
00:11:18,134 --> 00:11:19,098
TAKE IT
OUTSIDE, PAL!
301
00:11:19,167 --> 00:11:20,565
EVER HEARD
OF A SITTER?
302
00:11:20,633 --> 00:11:22,531
LOOK, IT'S AN ENDANGERED
SPECIES. WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO--
303
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,166
I'LL MAKE YOU AN
ENDANGERED SPECIES!
304
00:11:24,233 --> 00:11:25,565
OH, OH, GOOD
COMEBACK, POTSIE!
305
00:11:25,634 --> 00:11:27,398
I'LL KICK YOUR ASS,
THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO!
306
00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:30,665
LOOK, EVERYBODY JUST
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! HE
HAS STOPPED SQUAWKING.
307
00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:32,298
HE HAS RECEDED
INTO MY BEARD.
308
00:11:32,367 --> 00:11:34,866
WE CAN ALL WATCH
THE MOVIE. SHUT UP.
309
00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:37,365
[Man]
ERIC, IF YOU'RE
IN HERE,
310
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:39,233
WE'RE ALL GOING
TO MARTY'S AFTER
THE MOVIE.
311
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,099
AH, I LOVE
YOU SO MUCH.
312
00:11:43,168 --> 00:11:45,333
I LOVE YOU,
TOO, HONEY.
313
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,798
[Squawking]
AHH!
314
00:11:46,868 --> 00:11:48,132
WHAT'S WRONG?
AHH!
315
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,665
[All screaming]
316
00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:51,665
NOW, THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE HISTORY, PAL.
317
00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:54,065
NO BIRD FRENCHES MY WIFE
AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!
318
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,166
[Pearl]
HELP! HELP! I'VE
BROKEN MY HIP!
319
00:11:59,234 --> 00:12:00,365
OW! OW! OW!
320
00:12:00,434 --> 00:12:01,832
BRIAN!
321
00:12:01,901 --> 00:12:03,765
5.3 SECONDS.
322
00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:05,332
I COULD HAVE
BEEN DEAD BY NOW!
323
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,365
WHAT, YOU MEAN--YOU MEAN,
YOU'RE NOT REALLY--
324
00:12:07,434 --> 00:12:10,465
I HEARD YOU DROP
THAT LIGHT BULB, TOO.
THAT'LL BE 67 CENTS!
325
00:12:10,534 --> 00:12:12,631
NOW, GO WARM ME UP SOME
OF THAT DIARRHEA SOUP!
326
00:12:12,701 --> 00:12:15,098
THAT'S IT! I HAVE HAD IT
WITH YOU, YOU OLD HAG!
327
00:12:15,166 --> 00:12:16,532
Y-Y-YOU'RE JUST
A--A MISERABLE,
328
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,165
DRIED-UP SHUT-IN
TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE ELSE
329
00:12:19,234 --> 00:12:20,499
FEEL AS BAD AS YOU DO!
330
00:12:20,567 --> 00:12:23,265
WHY DON'T YOU DO THE WORLD
A BIG FAVOR AND DROP DEAD?
331
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:29,066
UH, THIS LAST ONE
WON'T OPEN.
332
00:12:29,135 --> 00:12:30,698
OH, YOU GOTTA JIGGLE
IT A LITTLE BIT.
333
00:12:30,768 --> 00:12:31,765
LIKE, UH, LIKE THIS?
334
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:32,932
AH, HERE, LET
ME GET IT.
335
00:12:33,001 --> 00:12:35,932
OH, THANKS. AND, UH, AND,
YOU KNOW, DROP DEAD.
336
00:12:37,034 --> 00:12:38,932
♪[Loud rock music playing]
337
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:43,298
GET OUT OF MY BEARD,
YOU SQUAWKING BASTARD!
338
00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:44,198
[Music stops]
339
00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:44,899
[Sighs]
340
00:12:44,968 --> 00:12:46,032
NOTHING.
341
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,665
WELL, I WAS HOPING IT
WOULDN'T COME TO THIS.
342
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,498
OH, MY GOD,
PETER, NO!
343
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:50,898
[Both grunting]
344
00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:53,198
LOIS, THE BIRD
MUST DIE!
345
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:55,065
[Grunting]
346
00:12:58,401 --> 00:12:59,832
IT'S GONE!
IT'S GONE!
347
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:01,199
OH, THANK GOD!
348
00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:03,298
PETER, WHAT'S
THAT SOUND?
349
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:04,966
[Chirping]
350
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,598
OH, MY GOD!
THEY'RE BABIES.
351
00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:10,998
HEY, LOOK, LOIS. THERE ARE
3 OF THEM, JUST LIKE OURS.
352
00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:16,831
AND, UH,
353
00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:18,498
UM...
354
00:13:19,534 --> 00:13:20,698
SWEET.
355
00:13:23,567 --> 00:13:24,865
[Announcer]
WE NOW RETURN TO E!'S
356
00:13:24,933 --> 00:13:26,165
MYSTERIES AND SCANDALS.
357
00:13:26,234 --> 00:13:28,065
PEARL BURTON,
THE JINGLE QUEEN.
358
00:13:28,134 --> 00:13:29,165
PEARL?
359
00:13:29,234 --> 00:13:30,298
I'M A.J. BENZA.
360
00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:31,965
YOU WON'T FIND
PEARL BURTON'S NAME
361
00:13:32,034 --> 00:13:33,532
ON THE HOLLYWOOD
WALK OF FAME.
362
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,898
YET FROM 1945 TO 1960, YOU
COULDN'T TURN ON A RADIO
363
00:13:36,967 --> 00:13:40,832
OR A TELEVISION WITHOUT
HEARING ONE OF HER
TRADEMARK JINGLES.
364
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:43,765
♪ YOU'RE ONLY HEALTHY
WHEN YOU'RE TAN ♪
365
00:13:43,834 --> 00:13:46,898
♪ SO SOAK UP ALL
THE SUN YOU CAN ♪
366
00:13:46,967 --> 00:13:50,898
♪ WITH COPPER
COPPERTONE! ♪
367
00:13:50,967 --> 00:13:53,932
AT HER PEAK, PEARL BURTON
EARNED $26,000 A YEAR,
368
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,531
WHICH BY
TODAY'S STANDARDS
369
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,065
WOULD BE JUST
UNDER $49 BILLION.
370
00:13:58,134 --> 00:14:00,098
BRIAN, SHE'S
BEAUTIFUL.
371
00:14:00,167 --> 00:14:01,331
YEAH. AND--AND
THAT VOICE.
372
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,966
I--I HAD NO IDEA.
373
00:14:03,034 --> 00:14:05,565
[A.J. Benza]
IN 1961, PEARL USED
AN APPEARANCE
374
00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:07,166
AT CARNEGIE HALL
TO MAKE THE LEAP
375
00:14:07,235 --> 00:14:09,265
FROM JINGLE-SINGER
TO ARTIST.
376
00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:11,198
♪[Singing in Spanish]
377
00:14:12,567 --> 00:14:15,132
THAT'S HABANERA
FROM CARMEN.
378
00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:17,698
AH, I'VE NEVER HEARD
IT SUNG SO BEAUTIFULLY.
379
00:14:17,767 --> 00:14:19,231
[Man]
SING COPPERTONE!
380
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,298
YEAH, COPPERTONE!
381
00:14:20,367 --> 00:14:21,498
DO DOAN'S PILLS!
382
00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:23,798
SING GOLD BOND
MEDICATED POWDER!
383
00:14:23,867 --> 00:14:24,699
PEPSODENT!
384
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:25,965
CHICLETS!
385
00:14:26,034 --> 00:14:27,565
NO ONE HAS SEEN
PEARL BURTON
386
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,399
SINCE THAT FATEFUL NIGHT
OVER 30 YEARS AGO.
387
00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:31,865
SHE'S PRESUMED DEAD.
388
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:33,065
MY GOD!
389
00:14:33,134 --> 00:14:35,665
AND I SAID ALL THOSE
AWFUL THINGS TO HER!
390
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,699
[Gasps]
PEARL!
391
00:14:46,001 --> 00:14:48,098
[Sighs]
COME ON, PEARL!
DON'T DO THIS!
392
00:14:48,167 --> 00:14:49,532
YOU SHOULD
BE HAPPY!
393
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,865
I'M TAKING YOUR
ADVICE AND DOING THE
WORLD A BIG FAVOR!
394
00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:54,199
NOW, MOVE! YOUR FUR IS
MAKING MY FEET SWEAT!
395
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,265
AH, PEARL, LISTEN TO
ME. I HEARD YOU SING.
396
00:14:57,333 --> 00:14:59,732
IT WAS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL SOUND I'VE
EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.
397
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,332
OH, SURE. WARBLING FOR VICK'S
VAPORUB AND DIPPITY-DO!
398
00:15:03,401 --> 00:15:04,932
NO, NO, PEARL. I MEAN--
399
00:15:05,001 --> 00:15:07,932
OH, STOP TRYING TO
TALK ME OUT OF IT!
I'M A PATHETIC SELLOUT!
400
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,598
NO ONE WHO SINGS CARMEN
LIKE YOU IS PATHETIC!
401
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:11,631
WHAT?
402
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,631
I--I HEARD YOU SING HABANERA.
403
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:14,966
YOU WERE SUBLIME.
404
00:15:15,034 --> 00:15:17,298
YOU--YOU LIKED MY ARIA?
405
00:15:17,366 --> 00:15:18,799
I WAS OVERWHELMED.
406
00:15:18,868 --> 00:15:20,832
YOU'RE THE FIRST
PERSON WHO EVER
407
00:15:20,901 --> 00:15:24,331
COMPLIMENTED MY
HABANERA. THANK YOU.
408
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,198
WELL, I'D, UH, I'D
BETTER GET GOING.
409
00:15:27,266 --> 00:15:28,899
I'LL, UH, I'LL SEE
YOU TOMORROW.
410
00:15:28,967 --> 00:15:30,399
BUT YOU'RE NOT
SCHEDULED TOMORROW.
411
00:15:30,467 --> 00:15:31,665
I KNOW.
412
00:15:41,168 --> 00:15:42,498
[Chirping]
413
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:46,431
[Chirping]
414
00:15:49,333 --> 00:15:50,532
[Chirps]
415
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,832
[Chirps]
416
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:52,765
[Chirps]
417
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,232
AND THEN THE COW
CAME OUT OF THE BARN.
418
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:01,132
SEE? SEE, LOOK.
THERE'S THE COW.
419
00:16:01,201 --> 00:16:02,732
AND WHAT DOES
A COW SAY?
420
00:16:02,801 --> 00:16:03,665
[Chirping]
421
00:16:03,734 --> 00:16:05,198
YES, YES,
THAT'S RIGHT.
422
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:07,665
A COW SAYS
"PEEP-PEEP-PEEP-PEEP."
423
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:09,665
YOU KNOW, PETER, THEY'RE
GETTING AWFULLY BIG.
424
00:16:09,734 --> 00:16:10,732
SO?
425
00:16:10,801 --> 00:16:12,165
SO, EVERY GOOD
MOTHER KNOWS
426
00:16:12,234 --> 00:16:14,432
WHEN IT'S TIME FOR HER
BABIES TO LEAVE THE NEST.
427
00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:16,431
HEY, THEY'RE FREE TO
GO ANYTIME THEY WANT!
428
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,498
AHH!
429
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:20,531
FINE. I'LL
LET THEM GO.
430
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,398
♪[Singing opera]
431
00:16:31,034 --> 00:16:32,565
PEARL, DO YOU
RENT OR OWN?
432
00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:33,665
OWN WHAT?
433
00:16:33,734 --> 00:16:36,132
THOSE WINGS, YOU ANGEL.
434
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,232
THAT WAS FANTASTIC.
THAT WAS SO INCREDIBLE.
435
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,032
SO, WHAT DO YOU
WANT FOR DINNER?
436
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,832
I WAS THINKING ABOUT
MAKING US THAT LAMB
AND RICE YOU LOVE.
437
00:16:43,901 --> 00:16:47,699
WELL, YOU KNOW, PEARL,
WHAT I'D REALLY LIKE FOR
DINNER IS, UH, TO GO OUT.
438
00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:50,098
BRIAN, YOU KNOW
I CAN'T DO THAT.
439
00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:52,598
I HAVEN'T LEFT THIS
HOUSE IN SUCH A LONG TIME.
440
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:53,598
I'M AFRAID.
441
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,465
I KNOW. BUT I'LL
BE WITH YOU.
442
00:16:56,434 --> 00:16:57,598
I DON'T KNOW.
443
00:16:57,667 --> 00:16:59,198
COME ON, PEARL.
THERE'S SO MUCH
444
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:00,898
YOU'VE MISSED IN
THE LAST 30 YEARS.
445
00:17:00,968 --> 00:17:03,565
IN FACT, ALLOW
ME TO FILL YOU IN.
446
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:06,832
♪ THE '60s BROUGHT
THE HIPPIE BREED ♪
447
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:10,065
♪ AND DECADES LATER,
THINGS HAVE CHANGED INDEED ♪
448
00:17:10,134 --> 00:17:13,365
♪ WE LOST THE VALUES,
BUT WE KEPT THE WEED ♪
449
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:16,865
♪ YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO SEE ♪
450
00:17:16,933 --> 00:17:20,165
♪ THE REAGAN YEARS
HAVE LAID THE FRAME ♪
451
00:17:20,234 --> 00:17:23,465
♪ FOR MOVIE STARS TO PLAY
THE WHITE HOUSE GAME ♪
452
00:17:23,534 --> 00:17:26,632
♪ WE'RE NOT TOO FAR
FROM VOTING FELDMAN-HAIM ♪
453
00:17:26,701 --> 00:17:29,699
♪ YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO SEE ♪
454
00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:32,999
♪ THE TOWN OF VEGAS
HAS GOT A DIFFERENT FACE ♪
455
00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:36,232
♪ BECAUSE IT'S A FAMILY
PLACE WITH LOTS TO DO ♪
456
00:17:36,301 --> 00:17:38,798
♪ WHERE IN THE '50s,
A MAN COULD MINGLE ♪
457
00:17:38,868 --> 00:17:41,198
♪ WITH SCORES OF ALL
THE SEEDIEST WHORES ♪
458
00:17:41,266 --> 00:17:43,398
♪ WELL, NOW HIS
CHILDREN CAN, TOO ♪
459
00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:46,532
♪ YOU HEARD IT FROM
THE CANINE'S MOUTH ♪
460
00:17:46,601 --> 00:17:49,598
♪ THE COUNTRY'S CHANGED,
THAT IS, EXCEPT THE SOUTH ♪
461
00:17:49,667 --> 00:17:52,431
♪ AND YOU'LL AGREE ♪
462
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:56,332
♪ NO ONE REALLY KNOWS,
MY DEAR LADY FRIEND ♪
463
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:59,665
♪ JUST QUITE HOW
IT ALL WILL END ♪
464
00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:04,332
♪ SO, HURRY 'CAUSE
YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO SEE ♪
465
00:18:09,968 --> 00:18:13,131
♪ THE BALDNESS GENE
WAS CAUSE FOR DREAD ♪
466
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,365
♪ BUT THAT'S A FEAR
THAT YOU CAN PUT TO BED ♪
467
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:19,598
♪ THEY'LL SHAVE YOUR ASS
AND GLUE IT ON YOUR HEAD ♪
468
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:23,032
♪ YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO SEE ♪
469
00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:26,365
♪ THE P.C. AGE
HAS MOVED THE BAR ♪
470
00:18:26,434 --> 00:18:29,665
♪ A WORD LIKE "REDNECK"
IS A STEP TOO FAR ♪
471
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:32,865
♪ THE PROPER TERM IS
"COUNTRY-MUSIC STAR" ♪
472
00:18:32,934 --> 00:18:35,965
♪ YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO SEE ♪
473
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:38,632
♪ OUR FLASHY CELL PHONES
MAKE PEOPLE MUMBLE ♪
474
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:42,465
♪ "GEE WHIZ, LOOK
HOW IMPORTANT HE IS,
HIS LIFE MUST RULE" ♪
475
00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:44,032
♪ YOU'LL GET A TUMOR ♪
476
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,431
♪ BUT ON YOUR SURGERY DAY,
THE DOC WILL SEE IT AND SAY ♪
477
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,766
♪ "WOW, YOU MUST
REALLY BE COOL" ♪
478
00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:52,665
[Incomprehensible]
479
00:18:52,733 --> 00:18:54,498
THERE'S LOTS OF THINGS
YOU MAY HAVE MISSED.
480
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,199
LIKE PEE WEE AND
HIS FAMOUS WRIST.
481
00:18:56,267 --> 00:18:59,298
OR SANDY DUNCAN'S
CREEPY PHONY EYE.
482
00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:01,066
THAT AWESOME
THUNDER CATS CARTOON.
483
00:19:01,135 --> 00:19:02,865
NEIL ARMSTRONG
LANDING ON THE MOON.
484
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:05,199
NEIL ARMSTRONG? WAIT,
WAS HE THE TRUMPET GUY?
485
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:12,631
♪ SO, LET'S GO SEE
THE U.S.A. ♪
486
00:19:12,701 --> 00:19:17,531
♪ THEY'LL TREAT YOU RIGHT
UNLESS YOU'RE BLACK
OR GAY OR CHEROKEE ♪
487
00:19:18,868 --> 00:19:22,266
♪ BUT YOU CAN FORGIVE
THE WORLD AND ITS FLAWS ♪
488
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:25,632
♪ AND FOLLOW ME
THERE BECAUSE ♪
489
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:28,698
♪ YOU'VE STILL
GOT A HELL OF A LOT ♪
490
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:31,498
♪ TO SEE ♪
491
00:19:32,334 --> 00:19:35,265
♪ YOU'VE GOT A LOT ♪
492
00:19:35,333 --> 00:19:38,364
♪ TO SEE ♪
493
00:19:42,634 --> 00:19:44,932
BRIAN, I'VE MISSED
SO MUCH!
494
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:47,832
I WOULDN'T BE STANDING
HERE RIGHT NOW IF
IT WASN'T FOR YOU!
495
00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:48,832
[Horn honks]
496
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:49,898
[Gasps]
497
00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:53,132
SHE'S RIGHT
IN HERE, SIR.
498
00:19:53,201 --> 00:19:55,365
JUST TELL THE DISORDERLY
WHEN YOU'RE READY TO LEAVE.
499
00:19:55,434 --> 00:19:56,932
UH, D-DON'T YOU
MEAN THE "ORDERLY"?
500
00:19:57,001 --> 00:19:58,366
NO, I MEAN THE
DISORDERLY.
501
00:19:58,434 --> 00:20:00,632
THAT'S A LITTLE DOCTOR JOKE
WE LIKE TO MAKE AROUND HERE.
502
00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:01,899
WE ALSO LIKE
KEVIN POLLACK.
503
00:20:03,134 --> 00:20:04,966
OH, MY GOD,
PEARL!
504
00:20:05,034 --> 00:20:07,531
BRIAN, I DON'T
HAVE MUCH TIME.
505
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,899
GOD, I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
MADE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE!
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!
506
00:20:10,967 --> 00:20:13,965
SHH. SHH. SHH. DON'T BE
SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
507
00:20:14,034 --> 00:20:15,799
ASIDE FROM THE TRUCK PART,
508
00:20:15,868 --> 00:20:18,331
THIS WAS THE BEST
DAY OF MY LIFE.
509
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,532
I ONLY WISH WE
COULD HAVE A LITTLE
MORE TIME TOGETHER.
510
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:22,798
WE CAN.
511
00:20:28,067 --> 00:20:29,698
[Sighs]
512
00:20:29,767 --> 00:20:31,265
[Chirping]
513
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,499
[Chirping]
514
00:21:15,134 --> 00:21:16,765
GOOD-BYE, KIDS.
515
00:21:27,767 --> 00:21:29,298
GOOD-BYE, PEARL.
516
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,398
HEY, WHO WANTS TO
SEE A DEAD BODY?
517
00:21:37,101 --> 00:21:38,265
ROUGH WEEK, HUH?
518
00:21:38,333 --> 00:21:39,832
AH, I'VE
SEEN BETTER.
519
00:21:39,901 --> 00:21:42,599
HEY, BRIAN, LOOKS
LIKE SOMEBODY'S
CHECKING YOU OUT.
520
00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:46,199
NAW, I'M--I'M
NOT READY YET.
521
00:21:46,268 --> 00:21:48,465
HEY, YOU'RE GETTING
SOME LOOKS YOURSELF.
522
00:21:52,533 --> 00:21:54,932
AH, I--I'M NOT
READY EITHER.
523
00:21:57,434 --> 00:21:59,498
♪[Theme music playing]