1
00:00:02,034 --> 00:00:05,565
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:05,634 --> 00:00:08,865
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:08,934 --> 00:00:12,832
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:16,032
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:16,101 --> 00:00:19,065
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:19,134 --> 00:00:22,632
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
7
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,132
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:24,201 --> 00:00:25,665
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
9
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:30,865
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:36,934 --> 00:00:38,498
OH, THANKS FOR
COMING, LOIS.
11
00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:41,331
MARK'S BEEN TRYING
TO GET ME TO SEE HIS
ONE-MAN SHOW FOR WEEKS.
12
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,099
OH, I THINK IT'S
WONDERFUL YOU'RE
SUPPORTING YOUR OLD PAL.
13
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:49,698
"GO LONG, EDDIE! GO
LONG! FURTHER! FURTHER!
14
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,732
"AH!
15
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,065
"LIFE SURE WAS CRAZY
GROWING UP IN BROOKLYN.
16
00:00:54,134 --> 00:00:56,465
"WE HAD SOME REAL
CHARACTERS IN MY
NEIGHBORHOOD,
17
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:57,999
"LIKE FRANK THE MAILMAN.
18
00:00:58,067 --> 00:01:01,532
"'HEY, MARK, THE
ANTS FOR YOUR ANT
FARM CAME TODAY!' HUH.
19
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,899
"AND MY FRIEND LONNY,
THAT KNUCKLEHEAD.
20
00:01:03,968 --> 00:01:06,431
"'YO, MARKY, LET'S
PLAY SOME B-BALL.'
21
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,932
"'B-BALL.' HA! HA! THAT'S
WHAT WE CALLED IT. B-BALL.
22
00:01:10,001 --> 00:01:12,865
"AND MY GRANDMA. BOY!
WAS SHE SOMETHING ELSE!
23
00:01:12,934 --> 00:01:16,099
"'HEY, MARKY, DON'T FORGET
TO TAKE YOUR COD LIVER OIL.'"
24
00:01:16,168 --> 00:01:17,098
[Person coughing]
25
00:01:17,166 --> 00:01:18,365
[Woman]
AHEM.
26
00:01:18,434 --> 00:01:19,498
GREAT JOB.
27
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:21,632
GOD, WHAT A PIECE OF
SELF-INDULGENT CRAP!
28
00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:22,665
ALL THE
CHARACTERS
29
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:23,832
SOUNDED EXACTLY
THE SAME.
30
00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:25,065
GREAT SHOW,
MARK.
31
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YEAH, YOU REALLY
CAPTURED ME
PERFECTLY.
32
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ME, TOO, MARKY.
YOU ARE SO TALENTED.
33
00:01:28,833 --> 00:01:29,732
THAT WAS AWFUL.
34
00:01:29,801 --> 00:01:30,799
YOU KNOW,
W-WITH A LITTLE
35
00:01:30,868 --> 00:01:32,032
PRACTICE,
I COULD ACT
CIRCLES
36
00:01:32,101 --> 00:01:33,299
AROUND THAT GUY.
37
00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:35,199
OH, YEAH? WELL,
THEN PUT UP
OR SHUT UP.
38
00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:36,998
"THIS THURSDAY,
AUDITIONS FOR
39
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:40,066
"THE QUAHOG SCHOOL
OF PERFORMING ARTS
UPCOMING SEMESTER."
40
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:41,366
YOU SHOULD
TRY OUT.
41
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,532
OH, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S NOT A
BAD IDEA, LOIS.
42
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,966
OK, READY FOR THE
BEST ACTING YOU'VE
SEEN ALL NIGHT?
43
00:01:46,034 --> 00:01:48,099
MARK, WOW!
WHAT A JOURNEY!
44
00:01:48,168 --> 00:01:49,399
THANK YOU
SO MUCH.
45
00:01:49,467 --> 00:01:50,731
I-- THOSE
3-AND-A-HALF HOURS
46
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:51,798
JUST FLEW BY.
47
00:01:54,134 --> 00:01:57,599
HEY, SANTOS, PASQUEL.
LISTEN, YOU GUYS HAVE DONE
SUCH GOOD WORK TODAY,
48
00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:58,965
I GOT
A SURPRISE
FOR YOU.
49
00:01:59,034 --> 00:02:00,698
DORITOS!
50
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:01,631
HUH?
51
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:03,465
NOT NOW.
LATER.
52
00:02:03,533 --> 00:02:05,365
[Both speaking Portuguese]
53
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,431
[Man]
HELP! HELP!
54
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:17,431
OH, MY GOD!
55
00:02:17,901 --> 00:02:18,899
AH!
56
00:02:19,833 --> 00:02:20,832
OH!
57
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,365
TH-THANK YOU. I--I WAS
BOOGIE-BOARDING,
58
00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:26,131
A-AND I GOT SUCKED
OUT BY THE RIP TIDE.
59
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,731
I THOUGHT I
WAS A DEAD MAN.
60
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,032
OH, YOU GOT
TO BE STARVING.
HERE, EAT THESE.
61
00:02:30,101 --> 00:02:31,932
[Both speaking Portuguese]
62
00:02:36,901 --> 00:02:39,365
OH, MY GOSH! HE
WAS JUST FLOATING
OUT THERE BY HIMSELF?
63
00:02:39,433 --> 00:02:41,365
YEP. HE WAS
SO GRATEFUL
I SAVED HIS LIFE,
64
00:02:41,433 --> 00:02:43,198
HE INVITED US ALL
OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT.
65
00:02:43,267 --> 00:02:44,832
OH, GOOD. I DON'T
HAVE TO COOK.
66
00:02:44,901 --> 00:02:47,532
OH, NO, NO. GO AHEAD AND
COOK ANYWAY, LOIS, AND
WE'LL THROW IT OUT.
67
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:48,966
I DON'T WANT
YOU TO GET RUSTY.
68
00:02:49,034 --> 00:02:50,731
SAY, PETER, UH,
MY AUDITION'S
COMING UP.
69
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,966
WOULD-- WOULD
YOU MIND LISTENING
TO MY MONOLOGUE?
70
00:02:53,034 --> 00:02:55,198
SURE, BUDDY.
LET'S HEAR IT.
71
00:02:55,266 --> 00:02:57,331
[Breathing
deeply]
72
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,732
"JULIE, THERE'S
SOMETHING I GOTTA
TELL YOU--"
73
00:02:59,801 --> 00:03:01,531
HA! THAT'S
AWESOME! GO ON.
74
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,498
UH, UM, "TELL YOU.
I--I SAW DOCTOR--"
75
00:03:04,567 --> 00:03:07,066
WOW! WOW! YES!
YES! I LOVE IT!
76
00:03:07,135 --> 00:03:10,698
"...UH, DOCTOR PHILIPS
TODAY. I MIGHT NOT
MAKE IT TO CHRISTMAS."
77
00:03:10,768 --> 00:03:14,331
OH, YEAH, DROP THE BOMB.
DROP IT. THERE'S NOT A DRY
EYE IN THE HOUSE. KEEP GOING.
78
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,398
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M
GONNA STOP. UH, M-MAYBE
WE'LL WORK ON IT LATER.
79
00:03:17,467 --> 00:03:19,265
OK, W-WELL, JUST SO
YOU KNOW, IT WAS GOOD.
80
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,298
BUT, UH, I WAS ALSO
BEING PRETTY GENEROUS.
81
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:23,999
[Doorbell rings]
82
00:03:24,068 --> 00:03:26,231
WELL, LOOK AT YOU,
YOU LITTLE JAYBIRD.
83
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,798
YOU WANT TO TELL
YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY
THE GRIFFINS ARE HERE?
84
00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:30,233
[Man]
COME ON IN!
85
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:32,965
WELCOME,
GRIFFINS!
86
00:03:33,034 --> 00:03:34,265
OH, UH,
87
00:03:34,334 --> 00:03:35,365
UH,
88
00:03:35,434 --> 00:03:36,598
WE MUST
BE EARLY.
89
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,998
[Woman]
OH, NONSENSE. YOU'RE
RIGHT ON TIME.
90
00:03:39,067 --> 00:03:41,065
OH, MY GOD! SHE'S
GOT HAIR GROWING
91
00:03:41,134 --> 00:03:43,132
OUT OF HER BOOBS
AND UP TO HER HEAD!
92
00:03:43,201 --> 00:03:45,332
YOU'RE, UH,
YOU'RE COMPLETELY...
93
00:03:45,401 --> 00:03:47,465
NUDE? YES.
WE'RE NUDISTS.
94
00:03:47,534 --> 00:03:49,165
PERMISSION
TO FREAK OUT?
95
00:03:49,234 --> 00:03:50,532
PETER, DID YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
96
00:03:50,601 --> 00:03:52,766
I--I THOUGHT HE
LOST HIS BATHING
SUIT IN THE OCEAN.
97
00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:55,398
SO, YOU'RE THE
MAN WHO SAVED
MY HUSBAND'S LIFE.
98
00:03:55,466 --> 00:03:58,299
DOTTIE CAMPBELL. OH!
WHAT AM I DOING?
COME HERE!
99
00:03:58,367 --> 00:04:01,866
WATCH MY HANDS, LOIS!
LOOK, LOOK! SEE WHERE
THEY ARE? SEE? NO TOUCHIE!
100
00:04:01,934 --> 00:04:04,331
AND THIS IS
THE BACK YARD.
101
00:04:04,401 --> 00:04:08,398
FEEL THAT? THAT'S PREMIUM
BLUE-TIP BERMUDA.
REAL HARDY, BUT SOFT.
102
00:04:08,467 --> 00:04:09,565
OH! GOOD LORD!
103
00:04:09,633 --> 00:04:11,065
DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY
INTO IT, LOIS.
104
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:14,332
THE HOT DOGS AND BURGERS
ARE READY. CAN I GET YOU
A BEER, PETER?
105
00:04:14,401 --> 00:04:15,399
UH, WHAT DO
YOU GOT?
106
00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:17,366
I'VE GOT BUSCH.
107
00:04:17,435 --> 00:04:18,865
OH, AND
BUSCH LIGHT.
108
00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:21,698
AH! SOUNDS LIKE
JEFF'S HOME.
109
00:04:21,767 --> 00:04:23,498
HEY, SPORT!
HOW'D YOU DO?
110
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:24,965
I GOT FIRST
PLACE, DAD.
111
00:04:25,034 --> 00:04:26,399
WAY TO GO,
CHAMP!
112
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:29,598
JEFF PLAYS VARSITY
TENNIS FOR SAINT
GENEVIEVE HIGH.
113
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:30,932
OH, COOL.
114
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:32,798
IS THIS THE
BIGGEST THING
YOU'VE EVER SEEN?
115
00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:36,499
HEY, DON'T GET TOO COCKY.
I HAD A BIG ONE LIKE THAT
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.
116
00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:38,532
OH, YOU WERE
A SHOWOFF
YOURSELF, DAVE.
117
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,532
HE BROUGHT IT OUT
ON OUR FIRST DATE.
118
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:41,565
LOIS,
I'M SCARED.
119
00:04:41,633 --> 00:04:42,765
OH, I'LL
GET THAT.
120
00:04:42,834 --> 00:04:43,765
HEY!
121
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:45,132
[Thudding]
122
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:47,165
[Stuttering]
OH, GOD! OH, DAVE,
SORRY! OH! OH, GOD!
123
00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:50,065
BOOBIES!
124
00:04:50,134 --> 00:04:52,432
CHRIS, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I'M SURE GLAD TO
BE OUT OF THERE!
125
00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:55,265
YOU SAID IT, LOIS.
WHAT THOSE PEOPLE ARE
DOING JUST AIN'T NATURAL!
126
00:04:55,334 --> 00:04:56,265
BOOBIES!
127
00:04:56,334 --> 00:04:57,399
DID YOU HEAR ME,
YOUNG MAN?
128
00:04:57,468 --> 00:04:58,898
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE BIG DEAL WAS.
129
00:04:58,967 --> 00:04:59,999
I THOUGHT THEY
WERE NICE.
130
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:00,998
BOOBIES!
131
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,066
PETER?
DO IT.
132
00:05:04,801 --> 00:05:06,998
DID YOU HAVE
FUN AT THE CIRCUS
TODAY, CHRIS?
133
00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:09,232
ELEPHANTS
ARE BIGGER
IN PERSON.
134
00:05:15,134 --> 00:05:16,765
WELL, BREAK A LEG
UP THERE, BRIAN.
135
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:18,598
WELL, YOU SEEM
AWFULLY ENTHUSIASTIC.
136
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:20,299
WELL, AT FIRST I
WANTED YOU TO FAIL.
137
00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:23,364
BUT THEN I REALIZED
YOU'D BE OUT OF THE
HOUSE 5 DAYS A WEEK,
138
00:05:23,433 --> 00:05:26,266
WHICH MEANS I'D BE FREE
TO THROW SOME OF
MY SEXY PARTIES.
139
00:05:26,335 --> 00:05:28,165
♪[Bond Street playing]
140
00:05:28,234 --> 00:05:29,599
[All giggling]
141
00:05:31,333 --> 00:05:32,332
[Stewie laughing]
142
00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:38,798
[Man]
BRIAN GRIFFIN?
143
00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,032
GOOD LUCK,
BRIAN.
144
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,032
UH, HI, I'M--I'M
BRIAN GRIFFIN
145
00:05:42,101 --> 00:05:44,699
AND THIS IS FROM
JOHN WALTZ'S LEAVING WICHITA.
146
00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:47,599
[Breathing deeply]
147
00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:52,266
"JULIE, THERE'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA TELL YOU. I SAW
DOCTOR PHILIPS TODAY.
148
00:05:52,334 --> 00:05:54,231
"I MIGHT NOT MAKE
IT TO CHRISTMAS."
149
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:56,032
[Yawns]
THANK YOU. NEXT.
150
00:05:56,101 --> 00:05:57,399
NEXT?
151
00:05:57,467 --> 00:05:59,399
NO, HOLD ON,
BRIAN! STAY UP THERE!
STAY THERE!
152
00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:00,966
NOW SEE HERE!
153
00:06:01,034 --> 00:06:03,899
BRIAN GRIFFIN IS
A BRILLIANT ACTOR
WITH TALENT AND PASSION!
154
00:06:03,968 --> 00:06:08,099
BUT YOU ALLEGED EXPERTS
OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T NOTICE.
WELL, I DID NOTICE!
155
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:12,032
I SAW A MAN BARE HIS SOUL
UP HERE! AND HIS PAIN RAN
THROUGH MY HEART
156
00:06:12,101 --> 00:06:14,732
LIKE AN ERRANT LOCOMOTIVE,
BUT IT WAS WASTED.
157
00:06:14,801 --> 00:06:16,498
WASTED ON ALL OF YOU!
158
00:06:17,166 --> 00:06:18,899
[All whispering]
159
00:06:18,968 --> 00:06:21,665
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE
GONNA TO HAVE TO RECONSIDER.
BRIAN, WE WANT YOU...
160
00:06:21,734 --> 00:06:22,732
YES!
161
00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:24,465
OFF THE STAGE.
BUT YOUR YOUNG FRIEND
162
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:26,365
THERE WOULD MAKE
A PERFECT ADDITION
163
00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:27,965
TO THE SCHOOL'S
RISING STAR PROGRAM.
164
00:06:28,034 --> 00:06:31,032
WELL, SPLENDID!
THIS CALLS FOR
A SEXY PARTY!
165
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:32,998
♪[Bond Street playing]
166
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:34,399
[Giggling]
167
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,798
OK, FUNCAKES,
LET'S DO A SCENE.
168
00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:44,565
OK, UH, STEWIE, HOW
ABOUT YOU AND, UH,
169
00:06:44,634 --> 00:06:46,932
LET'S SEE, ONE
OF OUR VETERANS.
UM, OLIVIA.
170
00:06:47,001 --> 00:06:49,866
I'M NOT DOING
A SCENE WITH HIM!
HE'S INEXPERIENCED!
171
00:06:49,934 --> 00:06:51,965
HE'LL DRAG MY WHOLE
PERFORMANCE DOWN!
172
00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:54,365
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
IS SHE SERIOUS?
173
00:06:54,434 --> 00:06:57,698
[Sighs]
OK, STEWIE. I'LL GIVE
YOU A SOLO EXERCISE.
174
00:06:57,768 --> 00:06:59,932
[Man]
NOW, YOU'RE GONNA DO A
LITTLE EXERCISE WE CALL
175
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,998
"THE LIFE CYCLE." NOW,
WITHOUT USING WORDS,
176
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:03,698
YOU'RE GONNA ACT
OUT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE
177
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:06,231
FROM BIRTH TO DEATH,
EXACTLY AS I DESCRIBE IT.
178
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,632
OK, READY?
LIE DOWN.
179
00:07:08,701 --> 00:07:12,599
NOW YOU'RE BEING BORN.
READY, AND BURST
THROUGH THE PLACENTA!
180
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:13,866
HOO!
181
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,199
OK, NOW FAST-FORWARD.
IT'S YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
182
00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:17,398
YOU'RE ALONE
AND SCARED.
183
00:07:17,467 --> 00:07:18,866
OH!
184
00:07:18,934 --> 00:07:20,565
BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S SLOPPY-JOE DAY.
185
00:07:20,633 --> 00:07:22,531
OH!
186
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,331
OK, PULL IT BACK. PULL IT
BACK. THE LADY TOUCHED THE BUN
AND SHE'S NOT WEARING GLOVES.
187
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:26,398
OH!
188
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:28,032
OK, FAST-FORWARD.
YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN,
189
00:07:28,101 --> 00:07:29,699
AND YOU MANAGE
A LOT OF PEOPLE.
190
00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:33,565
AND HERE COMES HENDERSON
AND HE LOST THE BIG
ACCOUNT. YOU'RE MAD.
191
00:07:33,634 --> 00:07:35,298
MADDER. MADDER!
192
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:38,132
COME ON. HOT, HOT, HOT,
HOT, HOT! OOH, OOH,
THERE IT IS. YOU GOT IT.
193
00:07:38,201 --> 00:07:41,631
AND FAST-FORWARD.
YOU'RE AN OLD MAN NOW.
YOU'RE ON YOUR DEATHBED.
194
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:43,531
YOUR SON IS THERE,
HOLDING YOUR HAND.
195
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,565
YOU TELL HIM YOU
ACCEPT HIS LIFESTYLE
AND REGRET HUMILIATING HIM
196
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,233
AT HIS ONLY
SISTER'S WEDDING,
197
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,398
BY INTRODUCING HIM AS
YOUR "OTHER DAUGHTER."
198
00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:52,032
AND SCENE.
199
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:53,431
OK, ANY COMMENTS?
200
00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:57,898
YOU ARE THE WEAKEST
LINK! GOOD-BYE!
201
00:07:57,967 --> 00:07:59,365
[All laughing]
202
00:07:59,433 --> 00:08:00,465
[Laughing]
203
00:08:00,534 --> 00:08:02,632
OH, GOSH!
THAT'S FUNNY.
204
00:08:02,701 --> 00:08:05,431
THAT'S REALLY FUN--
D-DO YOU WRITE YOUR
OWN MATERIAL?
205
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,832
DO YOU? BECAUSE
THAT IS SO FRESH.
206
00:08:07,901 --> 00:08:09,465
"YOU ARE THE WEAKEST
LINK. GOOD-BYE!"
207
00:08:09,533 --> 00:08:12,299
YOU KNOW, I'VE--I'VE NEVER
HEARD ANYONE MAKE THAT
JOKE BEFORE.
208
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:13,999
MMM, YOU'RE
THE FIRST.
209
00:08:14,068 --> 00:08:17,631
I'VE NEVER HEARD ANYONE
REFERENCE--REFERENCE THAT
OUTSIDE THE PROGRAM BEFORE.
210
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,166
BECAUSE TH-THAT'S WHAT
SHE SAYS ON THE SHOW,
RIGHT? ISN'T IT?
211
00:08:20,235 --> 00:08:21,999
"YOU ARE THE WEAKEST
LINK. GOOD-BYE!"
212
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:26,166
AND--AND YET, YOU'VE
TAKEN THAT AND--AND
USED IT OUT OF CONTEXT
213
00:08:26,235 --> 00:08:29,066
TO INSULT ME IN THIS
EVERYDAY SITUATION.
214
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:32,832
GOD! WHAT A
CLEVER, SMART GIRL
YOU MUST BE...
215
00:08:32,901 --> 00:08:35,565
TO COME UP WITH--
WITH A JOKE LIKE THAT
ALL BY YOURSELF.
216
00:08:35,633 --> 00:08:37,798
MMM, THAT'S
SO FRESH, TOO.
217
00:08:37,868 --> 00:08:40,465
ANY--ANY TITANIC
JOKES YOU WANT
TO THROW AT ME,
218
00:08:40,533 --> 00:08:42,333
AS LONG AS
WE'RE HITTING
THESE PHENOMENA
219
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,698
AT THE HEIGHT OF
THEIR POPULARITY?
HMM?
220
00:08:44,768 --> 00:08:46,698
BECAUSE
I'M--I'M RI--
I'M HERE.
221
00:08:46,768 --> 00:08:48,631
GOD, YOU'RE
SO FUNNY.
222
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,331
MEG?
223
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,199
JEFF? WOW! HEY,
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
224
00:08:56,267 --> 00:08:59,598
THEY HAD A SALE
ON SUPER SOAKERS!
CHECK IT OUT.
225
00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:00,898
[Laughing]
226
00:09:00,967 --> 00:09:02,232
AH! WHAT THE HECK?
227
00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:03,265
NUDIST!
228
00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:05,465
MY DAD'S
A TAILOR,
YOU JERK!
229
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,865
GOSH, THAT'S AWFUL!
230
00:09:07,934 --> 00:09:11,599
AH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M USED TO IT.
WELL, I BETTER GO.
231
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:14,431
SO, UM, WOULD
YOU WANT TO DO
SOMETHING SOMETIME?
232
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:15,999
SURE. THAT'D
BE GREAT.
233
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,732
COOL. I'LL CALL
YOU LATER.
234
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:31,132
HOLY MOLY! IT MUST
BE MY BIRTHDAY!
235
00:09:34,267 --> 00:09:35,365
[Squeaking]
236
00:09:35,434 --> 00:09:36,332
[Gasping]
237
00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:40,132
[Farting]
238
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,199
[All]
OOH!
239
00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:44,599
TH-THANK YOU.
240
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:48,232
THANK YOU,
THAT--THAT WAS, UM,
ME FARTING
241
00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:50,999
BY--BY CHOPIN.
242
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:52,099
HEH-HEH.
243
00:09:52,168 --> 00:09:54,966
TH-THANK YOU,
THANK YOU VERY--
244
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,665
THANK YOU VERY M...
245
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,532
SO, OLIVIA.
BEAUTIFUL DAY.
246
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,465
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FART AGAIN,
ARE YOU?
247
00:10:05,968 --> 00:10:09,532
WELL, I'D LOVE TO STAY
AND CHAT. BUT YOU'RE
A TOTAL BITCH.
248
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:17,932
[Woman]
THE QUARTERLY
REVIEW'S TOMORROW.
249
00:10:18,001 --> 00:10:19,465
THINK ALL YOUR
KIDS WILL PASS?
250
00:10:19,534 --> 00:10:21,265
WELL, I'LL TELL
YOU WHO'S NOT
GONNA PASS.
251
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:22,999
IT STARTS WITH
AN "O" AND RHYMES
252
00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:24,698
WITH "BOLIVIA."
GIVE UP? OLIVIA.
253
00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:26,232
[Woman]
REALLY?
254
00:10:26,301 --> 00:10:28,966
OH, YES! SHE'S SUCH A
LITTLE FROSTY BOX! SHE
WON'T WORK WITH ANYBODY.
255
00:10:29,034 --> 00:10:30,932
AND STEWIE
GRIFFIN IS ALSO
ON THE FENCE.
256
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:33,265
IF HE AND OLIVIA
DON'T DELIVER AT
THEIR QUARTERLY REVIEWS,
257
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,032
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO
KICK THEIR CUTE LITTLE
BOTTOMS OUT OF HERE.
258
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:36,998
[Gasps]
259
00:10:38,101 --> 00:10:39,699
[Chattering]
260
00:10:41,401 --> 00:10:44,299
UH, THIS TABLE
IS RESERVED FOR
PEOPLE WITH TALENT.
261
00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:45,532
YEAH, STOW THE
'TUDE, QUEENIE.
262
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,231
YOU AND I HAVE
A PROBLEM.
READ IT AND WEEP.
263
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:50,299
"DOESN'T WORK
WELL WITH OTHERS"?
264
00:10:50,368 --> 00:10:52,898
YES. MINE'S NO
BETTER. I'LL SPARE
YOU THE DETAILS.
265
00:10:52,968 --> 00:10:56,898
SUFFICE IT TO SAY, THE
PHRASE "GARDEN VARIETY"
APPEARS A NUMBER OF TIMES.
266
00:10:56,968 --> 00:10:58,398
WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?
267
00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:01,465
WHAT ARE WE GOING
TO DO? LOOK, OUR
EVALUATION'S TOMORROW.
268
00:11:01,534 --> 00:11:03,366
YOU NEED SOMEONE
TO WORK WITH AND...
269
00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:05,832
WELL, I NEED SOMEONE
TO MAKE ME LOOK GOOD.
270
00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:06,966
I DON'T KNOW.
271
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,865
FINE! REFUSE
MY OFFER.
GET BOOTED OUT
272
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,198
OF THIS PLACE AND
WIND UP LIKE
LINDA EVANS.
273
00:11:11,267 --> 00:11:13,498
[Man]
LINDA EVANS, WE HAVE
A SPILL IN AISLE 9.
274
00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:15,731
LINDA EVANS,
SPILL IN AISLE 9.
275
00:11:18,001 --> 00:11:19,898
DO YOU LIKE
YOURS WITH CRUST
OR WITHOUT?
276
00:11:19,968 --> 00:11:21,032
HOW DO YOU
LIKE YOURS?
277
00:11:21,101 --> 00:11:23,598
OK, LET'S BOTH
ANSWER AT
THE SAME TIME.
278
00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,398
1, 2, 3.
279
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:26,698
WITHOUT!
WITHOUT!
280
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,465
HOLY MOLY!
THAT'S 8 THINGS
WE HAVE IN COMMON!
281
00:11:29,534 --> 00:11:31,099
KIDS,
WE'RE HOME.
282
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:32,465
HELLO, MR.
AND MRS. GRIFFIN.
283
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:33,799
YOU GUYS
REMEMBER JEFF?
284
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:36,266
SURE. LOIS,
I'M GONNA
BORROW YOUR MACE.
285
00:11:36,334 --> 00:11:37,899
AH! THAT'S BETTER.
286
00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:41,166
SO, MEG, DID ANY OF
THE NEIGHBORS SEE
JEFF COME OVER?
287
00:11:41,235 --> 00:11:43,699
MOM! COME ON,
JEFF. LET'S GO IN
THE OTHER ROOM.
288
00:11:43,767 --> 00:11:46,699
NOW MEG, NO
NEED TO GET SO
TESTES-- UH, TESTY!
289
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,866
OH, NUTS!
I MEAN CRAP!
290
00:11:48,934 --> 00:11:49,932
YOU WANT TO
SIT DOWN?
291
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,565
WAIT A SECOND!
DON'T SIT DOWN YET!
292
00:11:52,634 --> 00:11:54,099
DAD, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
293
00:11:54,167 --> 00:11:56,431
I'M, UH--JU-- UH,
KEEPING THE COUCH
FRESH.
294
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:57,765
DAD!
295
00:11:57,834 --> 00:11:59,665
IT'S OK, MEG.
I UNDERSTAND WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE.
296
00:11:59,733 --> 00:12:01,366
I'M GONNA GO.
297
00:12:01,434 --> 00:12:04,465
OH! JUST, UH--UH, STEP ON
THESE COASTERS ON YOUR
WAY OUT. THERE WE GO.
298
00:12:04,533 --> 00:12:08,132
YEAH, YEAH, DON'T--DON'T
STEP ON THE HOT LAVA.
THE CARPET IS HOT LAVA.
299
00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:11,165
I CAN'T
BELIEVE
YOU GUYS!
300
00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:13,898
MEG, HOW COULD YOU
BRING THAT NAKED KID
INTO OUR HOUSE?
301
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,565
BECAUSE I LIKE HIM!
HE REMEMBERS MY NAME!
302
00:12:16,634 --> 00:12:19,532
WELL, I'M SORRY HONEY
BUT WE DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD SEE HIM ANYMORE.
303
00:12:19,601 --> 00:12:20,532
[Gasps]
304
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:22,266
[Crying]
305
00:12:22,335 --> 00:12:24,498
OH, I HATE
THE SOUND OF
HER CRYING.
306
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:26,265
YOU KNOW WHAT
SOUNDS EVEN WORSE?
307
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:27,499
[Screeching sound]
308
00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:28,598
AH!
309
00:12:28,667 --> 00:12:29,832
LISTEN TO THAT.
310
00:12:30,901 --> 00:12:32,632
DON'T YOU
HATE THAT?
311
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,732
THAT IS AWFUL.
312
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,832
I THINK IT'S EASIER
ON ME BECAUSE I'M THE
ONE MAKING THE SOUND.
313
00:12:43,301 --> 00:12:47,133
OK, NICE EFFORT, BRAD.
BUT, UH, LET'S REMEMBER
OUR PERFORMANCE HIERARCHY.
314
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:48,832
LEGITIMATE THEATER,
MUSICAL THEATER,
315
00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:51,199
STAND-UP,
VENTRILOQUISM,
MAGIC, MIME.
316
00:12:51,267 --> 00:12:52,866
ALL RIGHT,
NEXT UP
IS OLIVIA.
317
00:12:52,934 --> 00:12:55,198
LIV, WHAT MONOLOGUE
ARE YOU DOING
FOR US THIS TIME?
318
00:12:55,266 --> 00:12:58,032
I'M NOT DOING
A MONOLOGUE. I'M DOING
A PIECE WITH STEWIE.
319
00:12:58,101 --> 00:13:00,631
A DUET. REALLY?
WELL, LET'S SEE IT.
320
00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:02,799
A 5, 6, 7, 8!
321
00:13:02,867 --> 00:13:04,531
♪[Music playing]
322
00:13:06,234 --> 00:13:09,164
♪ WHO'S GOT THE
GREATEST GAL AROUND? ♪
323
00:13:09,233 --> 00:13:12,598
♪ YOU DO! WHO'S GOT
THE SWEETEST
MAN IN TOWN? ♪
324
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,898
♪ YOU DO! ♪
325
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:17,832
♪ WHO'S GOT A GUY
WHO MAKES HER
SMILE ALL DAY? ♪
326
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:20,265
BY THE WAY, I'M NOT SO
BAD TO LOOK AT EITHER.
327
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:23,432
♪ WHO'S GOT A GUY
WITH LOTS OF BRAINS? ♪
328
00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:26,832
♪ YOU DO! WHO'S
GOT A GIRL WHO
LOVES CHOW MEIN? ♪
329
00:13:26,901 --> 00:13:28,198
♪ YOU DO! ♪
330
00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:30,298
♪ WHO'S GOT THE
GREATEST LOVE
IN THE WORLD? ♪
331
00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:31,298
♪ YOU DO! ♪
332
00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:32,631
♪ AND YOU DO ♪
333
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,266
♪ THANK GOODNESS
I'VE GOT YOU ♪
334
00:13:34,335 --> 00:13:37,032
♪ WHO'S GOT A GUY
TO TELL HER JOKES? ♪
335
00:13:37,101 --> 00:13:40,099
♪ YOU DO! WHO'S
GOT A GIRL TO
SHOW THE FOLKS? ♪
336
00:13:40,168 --> 00:13:41,431
♪ YOU DO! ♪
337
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,999
♪ WHO'S GOT A GIRL
HE'D LIKE TO
ONE DAY UNDRESS? ♪
338
00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:48,965
♪ GIVE IT A REST
I TOLD YOU NOT
UNTIL WE'RE MARRIED ♪
339
00:13:49,034 --> 00:13:51,932
♪ WHO'S GOT
THE GAL WITH
ALL THE SNAZZ? ♪
340
00:13:52,001 --> 00:13:55,431
♪ YOU DO! WHO'S
GOT THE FELLA
WITH PIZZAZZ? ♪
341
00:13:55,500 --> 00:14:00,265
♪ YOU DO! WHO'S GOT
THE GREATEST LOVE
IN THE WORLD? ♪
342
00:14:00,334 --> 00:14:01,298
♪ YOU DO! ♪
343
00:14:01,366 --> 00:14:02,465
♪ AND YOU DO ♪
344
00:14:02,534 --> 00:14:07,299
♪ THANK GOODNESS
I'VE GOT YOU ♪
345
00:14:10,401 --> 00:14:12,698
[All cheering]
346
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:14,233
WATCH THIS.
ARE YOU
WATCHING?
347
00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:18,999
THAT'S FOR ME EVER
HAVING DOUBTED YOU.
A-PLUS!
348
00:14:19,068 --> 00:14:22,099
AND THAT'S FOR YOU
WEARING PURPLE PANTS
WITH BLUE SOCKS!
349
00:14:22,168 --> 00:14:23,465
EW!
350
00:14:23,534 --> 00:14:25,032
I TOTALLY
CALLED HIM
ON IT.
351
00:14:29,334 --> 00:14:31,332
OK, NO SECRETS.
I WANT TO SHARE
352
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,032
STEWIE AND OLIVIA
WITH THE WORLD.
353
00:14:33,101 --> 00:14:36,233
WELL, THEY'RE AWFULLY
YOUNG. IS THIS REALLY
A GOOD IDEA?
354
00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:39,265
IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED
OF BECOMING AN ACTRESS.
355
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:41,431
BUT THAT'S NOT WHY
I'M PUSHING OLIVIA
TO DO IT.
356
00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:43,632
IS IT SUSPICIOUS THAT
I THAT BROUGHT THAT
UP UNPROVOKED?
357
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:45,732
WELL, I GUESS
IT MIGHT BE OKAY.
358
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:47,498
SURE, LOIS, I MEAN,
LOOK AT ELROY JETSON.
359
00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:49,732
HE WAS A CHILD ACTOR AND
HE TURNED OUT JUST FINE.
360
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:54,232
DO YOU KNOW WHO I
AM? I'M ELROY JETSON!
361
00:14:54,301 --> 00:14:58,032
YEAH, YEAH, COME BACK WHEN
YOU HAVE SOME MONEY.
TAKE HIM HOME, BAMM-BAMM.
362
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,365
BAMM-BAMM! BAMM!
363
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:02,632
I DON'T WANT TO GO
HOME! TAKE ME TO
ASTRO'S GRAVE!
364
00:15:04,467 --> 00:15:05,499
♪ YOU DO! ♪
365
00:15:05,567 --> 00:15:06,565
♪ AND YOU DO ♪
366
00:15:06,634 --> 00:15:10,431
♪ THANK GOODNESS
I'VE GOT YOU ♪
367
00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:15,532
[Applauding]
368
00:15:15,601 --> 00:15:16,631
[Cracking]
369
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:17,932
[Laughing]
370
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,332
[Cracking]
371
00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:22,465
DO YOU HEAR THAT!
THEY LOVE US!
372
00:15:22,534 --> 00:15:24,098
YES, WE'RE A HIT!
YOU WERE AMAZING!
373
00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:25,498
OH, SO WERE YOU!
374
00:15:25,567 --> 00:15:27,565
WELL, IT WAS
A GOOD CROWD. THEY--
THEY DIDN'T EVEN
375
00:15:27,634 --> 00:15:29,165
NOTICE THAT YOU
MISSED THAT F-SHARP!
376
00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:31,199
YES. WELL--
BEG PARDON?
377
00:15:31,268 --> 00:15:33,432
THE F-SHARP, DARLING.
YOU--YOU WERE JUST
SLIGHTLY OFF.
378
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,932
I'M PRETTY
SURE I WASN'T!
379
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,331
OH, WELL,
MAYBE IT WAS ME.
380
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,365
MUST'VE
BEEN YOU.
381
00:15:37,434 --> 00:15:38,765
I WAS BEING
SARCASTIC.
382
00:15:38,833 --> 00:15:40,131
WELL, IT
WASN'T ME!
383
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,332
WELL, IT
WASN'T ME!
384
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,331
♪ AH! ♪
385
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,331
♪ AH! ♪
386
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,131
♪[Singing F-sharp]
387
00:15:48,334 --> 00:15:49,798
♪ LIKE THIS,
LISTEN TO ME ♪
388
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:53,332
OH, HI, MEG.
389
00:15:53,401 --> 00:15:55,832
[Door slams]
390
00:15:55,901 --> 00:15:57,865
PETER, DO YOU
THINK MAYBE IT
WAS UNFAIR OF US
391
00:15:57,934 --> 00:15:59,598
TO TELL MEG
SHE COULDN'T
SEE THAT BOY?
392
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,765
OH, COMPLETELY.
WE TOTALLY
REAMED HER.
393
00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:04,299
D-DID YOU SEE THAT
LOOK IN HER EYES?
SHE HATES YOU.
394
00:16:05,801 --> 00:16:06,999
[Tires screeching]
395
00:16:07,068 --> 00:16:08,799
♪[Singing F-sharp]
396
00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:14,698
WELL, THERE IT IS, KIDS.
YOUR FIRST MARQUEE.
MEET YOU INSIDE.
397
00:16:17,701 --> 00:16:18,765
PRETTY EXCITING.
398
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:20,366
WHAT? THE MARQUEE
OR THE OTHER THING?
399
00:16:20,435 --> 00:16:21,465
OH, WHAT
OTHER THING?
400
00:16:21,533 --> 00:16:22,832
YOU KNOW.
THE SEX
401
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:25,366
WITH SIMON.
WHY ELSE WOULD
YOUR NAME BE FIRST?
402
00:16:25,435 --> 00:16:26,832
WELL,
IT'S OBVIOUS.
403
00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:28,432
YOU KNOW,
LEAD WITH STRENGTH,
404
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,799
PUT YOUR
BEST FOOT
FORWARD,
405
00:16:29,867 --> 00:16:31,066
ET CETERA,
ET CETERA.
406
00:16:31,134 --> 00:16:32,398
SO, THE SEX
WAS GOOD?
407
00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:33,398
OH, SHUT UP,
408
00:16:33,466 --> 00:16:34,464
YOU EGOTISTICAL JERK!
409
00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:36,332
YOU SHUT UP, YOU
SAP-BELLIED STRUMPET!
410
00:16:36,401 --> 00:16:37,598
BLIMP-HEADED
JACKASS!
411
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:38,932
MEALY-MOUTHED
CROTCH PHEASANT!
412
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,832
♪ THANK GOODNESS
I'VE GOT YOU ♪
413
00:16:47,301 --> 00:16:49,499
[Doorbell rings]
414
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:52,632
JEFF? WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE? LOOK, I'M
NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE YOU.
415
00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:53,766
YOUR PARENTS
INVITED ME.
416
00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:55,532
MY PARENTS? BUT
THEY WOULDN'T--
417
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,599
YES,
WE WOULD.
418
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,299
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
419
00:16:58,367 --> 00:17:01,665
WE WERE WRONG, MEG.
IF YOU LIKE JEFF, WE
SHOULD GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
420
00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:04,165
YEAH, AND WE WANTED
HIM TO FEEL WELCOME
IN OUR HOME.
421
00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:07,132
MOM, I NEED
NEW BATTERIES
FOR MY WALKMAN.
422
00:17:07,201 --> 00:17:09,765
HEY! WHY IS
EVERYBODY
ELSE NAKED?
423
00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:12,731
YAHTZEE!
I WIN!
424
00:17:12,801 --> 00:17:14,266
[Laughing]
YEAH!
425
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:16,665
IN YOUR FACE!
IN YOUR FACE!
IN YOUR FACE!
426
00:17:16,733 --> 00:17:18,132
[Screaming]
427
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,165
UH, I GOTTA GET
GOING. THANKS,
MR. AND MRS. GRIFFIN.
428
00:17:20,234 --> 00:17:21,398
OUR PLEASURE,
JEFF.
429
00:17:21,467 --> 00:17:22,865
NICE HANGING
WITH YOU, JEFF.
430
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,264
I'M SORRY ABOUT MY
PARENTS. I HOPE THEY
DIDN'T EMBARRASS YOU.
431
00:17:25,333 --> 00:17:27,331
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I THINK THEY'RE GREAT!
432
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,032
IT TOOK A LOT OF
GUTS FOR THEM TO DO
433
00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:30,965
WHAT THEY DID.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
434
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,265
THANKS, YOU GUYS.
THAT WAS REALLY COOL.
435
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:36,999
HEY, PETER.
CAN I BORROW
YOUR LAWNMOWER?
436
00:17:37,068 --> 00:17:37,999
AH!
437
00:17:38,068 --> 00:17:39,166
YOU FOLKS
GOT A TOWEL?
438
00:17:39,234 --> 00:17:41,032
SIMON, WOULD YOU
BE A DEAR
AND ASK STEWIE
439
00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:42,966
TO DANCE ON
HIS OWN FEET
TONIGHT?
440
00:17:43,034 --> 00:17:45,032
PARDON ME, SIMON,
COULD YOU PROVIDE OLIVIA
441
00:17:45,101 --> 00:17:46,732
WITH A BUCKET
SO SHE CAN
CARRY A TUNE?
442
00:17:46,801 --> 00:17:48,798
PEOPLE! PEOPLE!
STOP THIS CRAZINESS!
443
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:50,865
THE CRITIC FROM THE
PROVIDENCE JOURNAL
IS HERE.
444
00:17:50,934 --> 00:17:53,732
IF HE GIVES US A GOOD
REVIEW, THE DOORS ARE
GONNA FLY OPEN!
445
00:17:53,801 --> 00:17:55,665
NOW, GO GET 'EM,
MY LITTLE
SILLYBILLIES!
446
00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:57,364
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S JUST GET
THROUGH THIS.
447
00:17:57,433 --> 00:17:58,464
FINE WITH ME.
448
00:17:58,533 --> 00:18:00,999
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE WEARING
RUBY LIPSTICK.
449
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:03,799
YOU'RE PAINTED UP
LIKE SOME ATTENTION-
GRABBING JEZEBEL!
450
00:18:03,868 --> 00:18:07,332
WELL YOU'RE ONE TO TALK!
YOU'VE BEEN STUFFING
YOUR DIAPER SINCE DAY ONE!
451
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,331
IT'S WHERE I KEEP MY
PEPPERMINT MENTOS!
452
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,132
JUST BECAUSE
YOUR BREATH
REEKS OF ROTTEN
453
00:18:11,201 --> 00:18:12,832
LUNCHABLES
DOESN'T MEAN
MINE HAS TO.
454
00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:14,265
UGH!
UGH!
455
00:18:14,333 --> 00:18:15,931
UGH!
UGH!
456
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,366
AH!
UGH!
457
00:18:17,435 --> 00:18:19,099
OH!
OH!
458
00:18:19,168 --> 00:18:20,598
OW! OH! OH!
459
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:21,966
UGH!
UGH!
460
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:23,032
AH!
461
00:18:23,868 --> 00:18:25,765
AH.
HAI.
462
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,932
HAI.
HAI.
463
00:18:29,134 --> 00:18:31,065
BREAK IT UP!
BREAK IT UP!
464
00:18:31,134 --> 00:18:33,399
I DON'T NEED
THIS ACT, AND I
DON'T NEED YOU!
465
00:18:33,467 --> 00:18:35,366
YOU'VE DONE
NOTHING BUT
HOLD ME BACK!
466
00:18:35,435 --> 00:18:36,531
I QUIT!
467
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,132
THE ONLY THING I'VE HELD
YOU BACK FROM IS FAILURE!
468
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,432
COME ON, SIMON.
WE DON'T NEED
469
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,898
THAT LITTLE
BEBE NO-WORTH!
470
00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:43,632
I DON'T KNOW,
STEWIE.
WITHOUT OLIVIA,
471
00:18:43,701 --> 00:18:45,965
THIS ACT IS LIKE
FIRE ISLAND AFTER
LABOR DAY--
472
00:18:46,034 --> 00:18:46,966
OVER!
473
00:18:47,034 --> 00:18:48,132
FINE! I DON'T
NEED YOU!
474
00:18:48,201 --> 00:18:50,032
I CAN MANAGE
MY OWN CAREER!
475
00:18:50,101 --> 00:18:51,432
YES. YES, I'M--
476
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,498
I'M QUITE
CAPABLE OF THAT.
477
00:18:58,767 --> 00:19:01,899
♪ I'VE GOT MY TOP
HAT AND CANE ♪
478
00:19:01,968 --> 00:19:04,365
♪ AND A POCKETFUL
OF MIRACLES ♪
479
00:19:04,433 --> 00:19:06,866
♪ POCKETFUL
OF MIRACLES ♪
480
00:19:06,934 --> 00:19:07,999
♪ POCKETFUL
OF MIRACLES ♪
481
00:19:08,068 --> 00:19:09,032
[Booing]
482
00:19:09,101 --> 00:19:09,998
YOU SUCK!
483
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,098
SOMEBODY
GET A HOOK!
484
00:19:11,167 --> 00:19:12,465
THIS IS WORSE
THAN SEUSSICAL!
485
00:19:12,534 --> 00:19:15,165
NO! NO, WAIT! WAIT!
I WAS ABOUT
TO DO THIS THING.
486
00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:24,765
"OH, HELLO. DIDN'T
NOTICE YOU THERE.
487
00:19:24,834 --> 00:19:26,932
"YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT EASY
LIVING WITH MY FAMILY.
488
00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:30,066
"BUNCH OF CHARACTERS
THEY ARE. LIKE MY FATHER--
489
00:19:30,134 --> 00:19:34,165
"'HOLY CRAP, LOIS!
CHECK OUT THE FREAKIN'
LOG IN THE TOILET!'"
490
00:19:34,234 --> 00:19:36,132
GET OFF
THE STAGE!
491
00:19:38,967 --> 00:19:41,865
WH-WHAT--WHAT DO YOU
SAY, BERNIE? 2 NIGHTS
AT THE OLD RATE?
492
00:19:41,934 --> 00:19:45,232
LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE,
KID, I CAN'T BOOK YOU
WITHOUT OLIVIA.
493
00:19:45,301 --> 00:19:48,865
B-BUT THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS.
WE'RE BACK TOGETHER.
SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
494
00:19:48,934 --> 00:19:55,165
HI, BERNIE. GLAD TO BE
BACK. ASK STEWIE ABOUT
HIS SEXY PARTIES.
495
00:19:55,233 --> 00:19:58,298
"ASK STEWIE ABOUT
HIS SEXY PARTIES."
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
496
00:19:58,367 --> 00:20:00,333
I WAS JUST TRYING TO--
I'M NOT SPEAKING TO YOU.
497
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,498
BUT, STEWIE, I--
SHUT UP!
498
00:20:03,367 --> 00:20:07,832
I--I GUESS-- I GUESS THE
BEST ADVICE I GOT WAS
FROM MARTY SCORSESE.
499
00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:11,932
UM, YOU KNOW, I WAS HAVING
A PROBLEM UNDERSTANDING
WHY I'D BE TAKING ABUSE
500
00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:15,032
FROM THIS--THIS LOWER-
RANKING OFFICER PLAYED
BY CHRIS O'DONNELL.
501
00:20:15,100 --> 00:20:18,565
AND--AND--AND--AND HE
TOLD ME, "YOU DON'T
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND IT.
502
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,264
"YOUR CHARACTER DOES."
503
00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:22,098
OH, THAT ALWAYS
STUCK WITH ME.
504
00:20:22,166 --> 00:20:23,098
[Olivia]
STEWIE?
505
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:24,565
OLIVIA? WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?
506
00:20:24,633 --> 00:20:26,266
OH, BUT I MUST BE
AN ABSOLUTE MESS.
507
00:20:26,335 --> 00:20:28,333
THE STUDIO
MADE ME FIRE
MY MAKE-UP GIRL.
508
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,631
OH, I, UM, I JUST
WANTED TO STOP BY
AND SEE HOW YOU
509
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:34,398
WERE DOING. I HAD
HEARD SOME THINGS.
510
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,966
OH, THAT IT'S GOING
GREAT FOR ME? WELL,
YOU HEARD RIGHT!
511
00:20:37,034 --> 00:20:38,798
OH, GLAD TO
HEAR THAT.
512
00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:42,264
BUT HEY, UM,
YOU KNOW, IF--IF
YOU'RE NOT BUSY, UM,
513
00:20:42,333 --> 00:20:44,532
WHAT SAY YOU AND I
GET THE OLD TEAM
BACK TOGETHER?
514
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,398
WELL, ACTUALLY, I--I
CAN'T. I'M ON MY WAY
515
00:20:47,467 --> 00:20:50,365
TO HOLLYWOOD. I GOT
THIS PART IN A MOVIE--
516
00:20:50,434 --> 00:20:52,231
OH--OH--OH--OH--OH,
WHAT AM I THINKING?
517
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:55,865
I--I, YOU KNOW, I'D
LOVE TO. BUT I--I--I
JUST-- I'M BOOKED SOLID.
518
00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:59,231
UH, I'M DOING A 3-
EPISODE GUEST SHOT
ON THE GILMORE GIRLS.
519
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,765
I--I PLAY, UH--UH,
RORY'S MOTORCYCLE-
DRIVING BOYFRIEND.
520
00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:04,432
HE'S A BAD BOY AT
HEART, YOU KNOW,
521
00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:06,832
BUT--BUT THERE'S--
THERE'S SOME GOOD
IN THERE, OLIVIA.
522
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:08,965
AND--AND IT--IT
COMES THROUGH,
ABSOLUTELY.
523
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:11,099
THAT'S REALLY
GOOD TO HEAR,
STEWIE.
524
00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:13,398
PLEASE, TAKE CARE
OF YOURSELF.
525
00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:18,099
SEE YOU ON
THE COAST!
526
00:21:19,467 --> 00:21:20,532
SO, DID YOU LET
HIM HAVE IT?
527
00:21:20,601 --> 00:21:22,765
NO. HE LET
HIMSELF HAVE IT.
528
00:21:26,533 --> 00:21:27,531
THIS IS IT.
529
00:21:30,934 --> 00:21:32,765
HEY, UH, H-HOW'RE
YOU DOING, KID?
530
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:34,464
ARE YOU FROM
WARDROBE?
531
00:21:34,533 --> 00:21:35,899
NO, NO, IT'S
ME, BRIAN.
532
00:21:35,967 --> 00:21:37,232
I BROUGHT WHAT
YOU WANTED.
533
00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:39,198
BUT THEY--THEY
WOULDN'T LET ME
LEAVE IT. SO, UH--
534
00:21:39,267 --> 00:21:40,232
HIT IT ONCE,
535
00:21:40,301 --> 00:21:41,865
PLEASE. JUST ONCE.
536
00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:42,898
[Tuning fork ringing]
537
00:21:42,967 --> 00:21:44,565
♪ AH! ♪
538
00:21:44,634 --> 00:21:46,099
OH, MY GOD!
I WAS FLAT.
539
00:21:46,167 --> 00:21:48,632
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
HELP ME UP.
LET'S GO HOME.
540
00:21:52,067 --> 00:21:53,398
♪[Theme music playing]