1
00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:05,998
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:06,067 --> 00:00:09,331
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,999
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE GOOD,
OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:13,068 --> 00:00:15,899
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:15,968 --> 00:00:19,265
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:22,699
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO'LL
POSITIVELY TELL YOU ♪
7
00:00:22,767 --> 00:00:24,398
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:25,932
♪ LAUGH 'N' CRY ♪
9
00:00:26,001 --> 00:00:30,699
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:36,532
DAD, CAN YOU HELP
ME WITH MY MATH?
11
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,765
MR. SHACKLEFORD SAYS
IF I DON'T LEARN IT,
12
00:00:38,833 --> 00:00:41,498
I WON'T BE ABLE TO FUNCTION
IN THE REAL WORLD.
13
00:00:41,567 --> 00:00:44,765
OK, NOW WHAT YOU GOTTA
DO IS GO DOWN THE ROAD
PAST THE OLD JOHNSON PLACE.
14
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:48,165
AND YOU'RE GONNA FIND
2 ROADS, ONE PARALLEL
AND ONE PERPENDICULAR.
15
00:00:48,233 --> 00:00:50,299
NOW KEEP GOING UNTIL
YOU COME TO A HIGHWAY
16
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,565
THAT BISECTS IT AT
A 45 DEGREE ANGLE.
17
00:00:52,634 --> 00:00:54,032
SOLVE FOR "X."
18
00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:58,932
MATH. HA!
19
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,198
MATH, MY DEAR BOY,
20
00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:02,998
IS NOTHING MORE THAN THE
LESBIAN SISTER OF BIOLOGY.
21
00:01:03,067 --> 00:01:04,465
[Knocking]
22
00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,565
HELLO, SIR.
23
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:09,298
ENOUGH WITH THE
FOREPLAY, SAILOR,
WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?
24
00:01:09,367 --> 00:01:11,432
[Chuckling]
WELL, I WAS GONNA
TRY TO SELL YOU
25
00:01:11,501 --> 00:01:12,832
SOME "HANDSOME CREAM,"
26
00:01:12,901 --> 00:01:15,699
BUT I CAN SEE YOU ALREADY
BOUGHT OUT THE STORE!
27
00:01:15,768 --> 00:01:16,832
GO ON.
28
00:01:16,901 --> 00:01:18,699
SO PERHAPS YOU'D BE
INTERESTED IN SOMETHING
29
00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:20,565
EVERY HOMEOWNER
CANNOT BE WITHOUT,
30
00:01:20,634 --> 00:01:22,332
VOLCANO INSURANCE!
31
00:01:23,234 --> 00:01:24,199
GO ON.
32
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:25,465
ACCORDING TO MY UNCLE,
33
00:01:25,534 --> 00:01:27,499
WHO'S A REAL WHIZ
WITH VOLCANOES,
34
00:01:27,567 --> 00:01:30,198
A VOLCANO IS
COMING THIS WAY!
35
00:01:30,267 --> 00:01:31,698
[Peter]
HMM.
36
00:01:31,767 --> 00:01:33,965
I, TOO, HAVE AN UNCLE.
37
00:01:34,034 --> 00:01:35,465
COME IN.
38
00:01:35,534 --> 00:01:37,099
HOW MUCH IS THIS
VOLCANO INSURANCE?
39
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:38,366
UH, I-I DON'T KNOW.
40
00:01:38,434 --> 00:01:39,932
UH, LET'S SAY, $200.
41
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,832
$200? THAT'S MORE
THAN I SPENT ON ALL
THAT HANDSOME CREAM.
42
00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,199
I DON'T HAVE THAT
KIND OF MONEY!
43
00:01:44,267 --> 00:01:46,232
WHAT ABOUT THAT
JAR OF MONEY?
44
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,265
NO WAY! THAT'S
LOIS' RAINY DAY FUND.
45
00:01:48,334 --> 00:01:50,932
AH, COME ON, IT NEVER
RAINS IN RHODE ISLAND.
46
00:01:51,001 --> 00:01:52,599
WELL, YEAH, BUT
I'M PRETTY SURE
47
00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:54,065
WE'VE NEVER HAD
A VOLCANO EITHER.
48
00:01:54,134 --> 00:01:57,032
WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
WE'RE OVERDUE FOR ONE?
49
00:01:57,934 --> 00:01:59,565
TOUCHE, SALESMAN.
50
00:02:00,601 --> 00:02:02,264
[Snoring]
51
00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:09,531
AHH!
52
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:10,765
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
53
00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:12,565
WATCHING YOU
SLEEP, CUTIE PIE.
54
00:02:12,634 --> 00:02:15,232
WHY YOU SICK, SICK
LITTLE MOO COW.
55
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,832
WELL, YOU SHALL
WATCH NO MORE!
56
00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:17,898
[Glass breaking]
57
00:02:17,967 --> 00:02:18,865
STEWIE!
58
00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:19,999
MY GLASSES!
59
00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:21,699
I CAN'T SEE A THING
WITHOUT MY GLASSES!
60
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,532
WHY WON'T YOU LET
ME GET LASER SURGERY?
61
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,332
BECAUSE I JUST DON'T
THINK IT'S SAFE.
62
00:02:25,401 --> 00:02:27,531
OK, I JUST NEED TO MAKE
A QUICK INCISION HERE
63
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,532
AND WE SHOULD BE
ALL DONE, MRS. WILSON.
64
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,032
LUKE, USE
THE FORCE.
65
00:02:31,101 --> 00:02:32,631
REALLY? CAUSE I WAS
JUST GONNA MAKE--
66
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:33,765
LUKE, USE THE FORCE.
67
00:02:33,834 --> 00:02:34,866
OK!
68
00:02:37,034 --> 00:02:38,431
[Screaming]
69
00:02:40,434 --> 00:02:41,465
ARE YOU HAPPY?
70
00:02:41,534 --> 00:02:42,999
I'VE NEVER
BEEN HAPPY.
71
00:02:43,068 --> 00:02:44,299
OH, DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
72
00:02:44,367 --> 00:02:46,266
WE'LL GET YOU A NEW
PAIR TOMORROW.
73
00:02:46,335 --> 00:02:47,498
YES, AND IN
THE MEANTIME,
74
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:48,932
HERE'S A LITTLE
VISION TEST.
75
00:02:49,001 --> 00:02:51,565
WHAT IS THIS? A
POOPIE OR A TOBLERONE?
76
00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:57,332
[Announcer]
WE NOW RETURN TO
GIRLFRIENDS ON LIFETIME.
77
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,932
BARRY WAS OVER
LAST NIGHT, AND HE--
78
00:02:59,001 --> 00:02:59,999
DON'T TELL ME.
79
00:03:00,068 --> 00:03:01,765
[Both]
HE LEFT THE TOILET SEAT UP!
80
00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:03,699
[Audience laughing]
81
00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,398
OH, I RAN
INTO FRANK.
82
00:03:05,467 --> 00:03:07,265
IT'S FUNNY. HE
FOUGHT IN VIETNAM,
83
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:08,632
HE'S AN EXORCIST,
84
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,798
BUT THERE IS ONE THING
THAT TERRIFIES HIM--
85
00:03:10,867 --> 00:03:11,799
[Both]
COMMITMENT!
86
00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:13,832
[Audience laughing]
87
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,799
OH, MIDGE, YOU'RE
MY 3RD BEST FRIEND
88
00:03:15,867 --> 00:03:17,065
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
89
00:03:17,134 --> 00:03:18,832
3RD? WHO ARE
THE FIRST 2?
90
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,265
BEN AND JERRY.
91
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:21,632
[Audience laughing]
92
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:24,865
[Announcer]
LIFETIME,
TELEVISION FOR IDIOTS.
93
00:03:24,934 --> 00:03:26,498
PETER, DID YOU
TAKE THE MONEY
94
00:03:26,566 --> 00:03:27,899
FROM THE
FAMILY JAR?
95
00:03:27,967 --> 00:03:29,331
WHO, ME? YES, ME.
96
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,298
COULDN'T BE. THEN WHO?
97
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:32,265
YEAH, I DID IT.
98
00:03:32,334 --> 00:03:33,798
I BOUGHT US
VOLCANO INSURANCE.
99
00:03:33,868 --> 00:03:36,431
VOLCANO INSURANCE?
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
100
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,165
OH, THAT'S THE SAME
THING YOU SAID WHEN
101
00:03:38,234 --> 00:03:40,465
YOU TALKED ME OUT
OF GETTING THAT
CLOUD INSURANCE.
102
00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:41,865
LOOK AT THEM UP THERE
103
00:03:41,934 --> 00:03:44,531
JUST PLOTTING,
PICKING THEIR MOMENT.
104
00:03:45,067 --> 00:03:46,365
SO, BILL.
105
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,865
WE ATTACK TOMORROW.
106
00:03:47,934 --> 00:03:49,699
YES, TOMORROW.
107
00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:52,298
I MEAN IT THIS TIME.
108
00:03:52,367 --> 00:03:53,465
I DO, TOO!
109
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,698
PETER, THAT WAS OUR
EMERGENCY MONEY,
110
00:03:55,767 --> 00:03:57,198
AND YOUR DAUGHTER
JUST SO HAPPENS
111
00:03:57,266 --> 00:03:58,832
TO NEED A NEW
PAIR OF GLASSES.
112
00:03:58,901 --> 00:04:01,099
LOIS, NO ONE REALLY
NEEDS GLASSES.
113
00:04:01,168 --> 00:04:02,332
YOU WEAR GLASSES.
114
00:04:02,467 --> 00:04:04,032
THAT'S ONLY TO
FOOL THE MAN
115
00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:05,699
FROM THE DRAFT BOARD.
116
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:08,365
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU SQUANDERED
THAT MONEY!
117
00:04:08,434 --> 00:04:12,165
I SWEAR, SOMETIMES
I FEEL LIKE I'M
MARRIED TO A CHILD.
118
00:04:12,234 --> 00:04:15,099
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT
MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE EXCEPT
119
00:04:15,168 --> 00:04:16,431
MILK, MILK,
LEMONADE.
120
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:18,264
AROUND THE CORNER,
FUDGE IS MADE!
121
00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:19,665
[Laughing]
122
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:24,399
YOU BETTER WATCH
WHO YOU'RE CALLING
A CHILD, LOIS,
123
00:04:24,468 --> 00:04:27,532
BECAUSE IF I'M A CHILD,
THEN YOU KNOW WHAT THAT
MAKES YOU? A PEDOPHILE!
124
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,199
I'LL BE DAMNED IF
I'M GONNA STAND HERE
125
00:04:29,267 --> 00:04:30,865
AND BE LECTURED
BY A PERVERT!
126
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:34,765
CAN YOU BELIEVE
IT, CLEVELAND?
127
00:04:34,834 --> 00:04:36,332
LOIS THINKS I'M
BAD WITH MONEY.
128
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,165
SHE'S GOT A
POINT, PETER.
129
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,299
YOU'RE THE WHITE VERSION
OF A BLACK GUY
130
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,264
WHO'S NOT GOOD
WITH HIS MONEY.
131
00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:43,999
HEY, HEY,
GUYS AND DOLLS!
132
00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:45,999
DRINKS ARE ON
DO-RE-ME! HA! HA!
133
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:47,366
OH, WHERE'D
YOU GET THAT?
134
00:04:47,434 --> 00:04:49,166
OH, THIS LOOT'S THANKS
TO MY STOCKBROKER,
135
00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:50,765
IAN GREENSTEIN, HEH!
136
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,498
HE MADE SOME SMART
INVESTMENTS THAT
REALLY PAID OFF.
137
00:04:53,567 --> 00:04:55,966
THAT GUY IS TO MONEY
WHAT MISS ANN
MARGARET IS TO...
138
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,799
[Squeaking]
139
00:04:57,868 --> 00:04:58,799
AHH!
140
00:04:58,867 --> 00:05:01,032
LET ME BUY THE
DRINKS, QUAGMIRE.
141
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,232
MY ACCOUNTANT,
LARRY ROSENBLAT,
142
00:05:03,301 --> 00:05:05,766
JUST GOT ME
A HUGE TAX REFUND
143
00:05:05,834 --> 00:05:08,999
AND TICKETS TO
BRING IN 'DA NOISE,
BRING IN 'DA FUNK.
144
00:05:09,068 --> 00:05:10,398
THE NOISE
WAS GOOD,
145
00:05:10,466 --> 00:05:13,099
BUT I THOUGHT
THEY PHONED IN
A LOT OF THE FUNK.
146
00:05:13,168 --> 00:05:14,198
WAIT A SECOND.
147
00:05:14,266 --> 00:05:16,166
ROSENBLAT?
GREENSTEIN?
148
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,431
SO YOU'RE SAYING
I NEED A JEWISH GUY
TO HANDLE MY MONEY?
149
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:21,298
PETER, NOT EVERY
JEWISH PERSON IS
GOOD WITH MONEY.
150
00:05:21,366 --> 00:05:23,198
WELL, YEAH, I GUESS
NOT THE RETARDED ONES.
151
00:05:23,266 --> 00:05:25,032
BUT--BUT WHY WOULD
YOU EVEN SAY THAT?
152
00:05:25,101 --> 00:05:26,464
FOR SHOCK VALUE?
153
00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:28,799
JEEZ, CLEVELAND.
THERE'S "EDGY" AND
THERE'S "OFFENSIVE."
154
00:05:28,867 --> 00:05:30,199
GOOD DAY, SIR!
155
00:05:32,034 --> 00:05:33,832
[Lois]
MOTHER, YOU KNOW
HOW I HATE
156
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,698
ASKING FOR
MONEY, BUT...
157
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:38,765
MOTHER, PETER'S AN
EXCELLENT PROVIDER.
158
00:05:38,834 --> 00:05:40,965
NO, MOTHER, I DO
NOT THINK I'D
BE BETTER OFF
159
00:05:41,034 --> 00:05:42,599
MARRIED TO A CHIMP.
160
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:43,999
I DON'T CARE HOW WELL
161
00:05:44,067 --> 00:05:46,232
THAT CHIMP ACROSS
THE STREET IS DOING.
162
00:05:46,734 --> 00:05:47,965
REALLY?
163
00:05:48,034 --> 00:05:49,798
WELL, YEAH, OK.
164
00:05:49,867 --> 00:05:52,532
I GUESS YOU CAN
TELL HIM I SAID HI.
165
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,333
B-BUT DON'T MAKE ME
SOUND DESPERATE!
166
00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:58,032
I GOTTA GET A GREENSTEIN
OR A ROSENBLAT
167
00:05:58,101 --> 00:06:00,399
OF MY VERY OWN.
168
00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:05,433
♪ NOTHING ELSE
HAS WORKED SO FAR ♪
169
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:10,832
♪ SO I'LL WISH
UPON A STAR ♪
170
00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:15,932
♪ WONDROUS DANCING
SPECK OF LIGHT ♪
171
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:20,366
♪ I NEED A JEW ♪
172
00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:26,898
♪ LOIS MAKES ME
TAKE THE RAP ♪
173
00:06:26,968 --> 00:06:31,765
♪ 'CAUSE OUR CHECKBOOK
LOOKS LIKE CRAP ♪
174
00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:36,531
♪ SINCE I CAN'T
GIVE HER A SLAP ♪
175
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:41,265
♪ I NEED A JEW ♪
176
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:47,365
♪ WHERE TO FIND ♪
177
00:06:47,434 --> 00:06:51,598
♪ A BAUM, OR STEIN,
OR STEIN ♪
178
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:56,032
♪ TO TEACH ME HOW
TO WHINE AND DO MY ♪
179
00:06:56,101 --> 00:07:00,965
♪ TAXES ♪
180
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:36,865
♪ THOUGH BY MANY
THEY'RE ABHORRED ♪
181
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:41,532
♪ HEBREW PEOPLE I'VE ADORED ♪
182
00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:46,832
♪ EVEN THOUGH THEY
KILLED MY LORD ♪
183
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:49,965
♪ I NEED ♪
184
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:55,298
♪ A JEW ♪
185
00:08:05,934 --> 00:08:07,364
[Knocking]
186
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:11,365
HI. MY NAME'S
MAX WEINSTEIN.
187
00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:12,465
MY CAR JUST
BROKE DOWN.
188
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,098
MAY I USE
YOUR PHONE?
189
00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:18,265
♪ NOW MY TROUBLES
ARE ALL THROUGH ♪
190
00:08:18,334 --> 00:08:23,965
♪ I HAVE A JEW ♪
191
00:08:24,034 --> 00:08:24,965
HEY!
192
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:31,099
I PRAYED FOR YOU,
MAX WEINSTEIN,
193
00:08:31,168 --> 00:08:32,398
AND HERE YOU ARE.
194
00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:33,698
OK.
195
00:08:33,768 --> 00:08:36,099
LISTEN, UH, THANKS FOR
LETTING ME USE THE PHONE.
196
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,032
THANKS FOR SPACEBALLS.
197
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,232
YEAH, WELL, IF THERE'S
ANYTHING I CAN
EVER DO FOR YOU--
198
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:41,198
YOU CAN'T LEAVE!
199
00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:42,265
AHH!
200
00:08:57,868 --> 00:08:59,166
[Screaming]
201
00:09:00,068 --> 00:09:00,999
UGH!
202
00:09:01,068 --> 00:09:02,266
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
203
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,465
FINANCIAL ADVICE.
204
00:09:03,533 --> 00:09:04,698
FINANCIAL ADVICE?
205
00:09:04,767 --> 00:09:06,299
HOW THE HELL
DID YOU KNOW I'M
AN ACCOUNTANT?
206
00:09:06,368 --> 00:09:08,731
HELLO! MAX WEINSTEIN?
207
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,132
[Max]
LOOK, I'LL DO
WHAT I CAN,
208
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,398
BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHY YOU THINK I CAN
GET YOUR MONEY BACK.
209
00:09:14,467 --> 00:09:15,365
M-M-MAX, MAX, MAX,
210
00:09:15,433 --> 00:09:17,199
LET'S NOT DENY
OUR HERITAGES.
211
00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:19,165
YOU'RE JEWISH, YOU'RE
GOOD WITH MONEY.
212
00:09:19,234 --> 00:09:20,531
I'M IRISH, I DRINK,
213
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:21,766
AND I BAN HOMOSEXUALS
214
00:09:21,834 --> 00:09:23,166
FROM MARCHING
IN MY PARADE.
215
00:09:23,235 --> 00:09:24,665
NOW HELP ME GET
MY MONEY BACK.
216
00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,233
OH, IT'S YOU.
217
00:09:29,768 --> 00:09:30,799
UM,
218
00:09:30,868 --> 00:09:32,932
I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW.
219
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:35,198
PLEASE LEAVE
A MESSAGE. BEEP!
220
00:09:35,267 --> 00:09:37,298
[Sighing]
MAN, I HATE
THESE THINGS.
221
00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:39,166
UH, YEAH, HI, THIS
IS PETER GRIFFIN.
222
00:09:39,235 --> 00:09:40,932
UH, I'M SORRY
I MISSED YOU, UH--
223
00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:42,132
PETER, PLAY
WITH THIS.
224
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,132
LOOK SIR, I
HAVE REVIEWED
THIS CONTRACT,
225
00:09:44,201 --> 00:09:45,732
AND IT OFFERS NO
COVERAGE AT ALL.
226
00:09:45,801 --> 00:09:47,465
IT JUST SAYS
"VOLCANO INSURANCE"
227
00:09:47,534 --> 00:09:49,032
OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
228
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,965
AND DOWN HERE IN
SMALL PRINT IT SAYS,
229
00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:52,665
"HE'S SIGNING IT.
HE'S SIGNING IT.
230
00:09:52,733 --> 00:09:53,865
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT."
231
00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:55,331
SO?
232
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,299
SO JUST REFUND THIS
MAN'S MONEY AND
WE'LL BE ON OUR WAY.
233
00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:58,932
I DON'T HAVE
YOUR MONEY!
234
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,632
HOW ABOUT THAT MONEY?
235
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,499
NO WAY! THAT'S LOIS'
RAINY DAY FUND!
236
00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:04,632
OH, DAMN IT!
237
00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:06,132
[Audience laughing]
238
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,199
SO YOU COULDN'T
DATE HER BECAUSE
SHE WAS A TICKLER.
239
00:10:08,268 --> 00:10:09,331
A TICKLER.
240
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,899
AND YOU'RE NOT
A STICKLER FOR
A TICKLER.
241
00:10:10,967 --> 00:10:12,099
NOT A STICKLER
FOR A TICKLER.
242
00:10:12,168 --> 00:10:13,132
NOT A TICKLER
STICKLER.
243
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,531
NOT A TICKLER
STICKLER.
244
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:15,966
[Both]
TICKLER, STICKLER,
TICKLER, STICKLER...
245
00:10:16,034 --> 00:10:17,432
[Audience laughing]
246
00:10:17,501 --> 00:10:19,099
WHERE THE HELL
IS THE REMOTE?
247
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:20,732
HEY, HONEY,
GUESS WHAT?
248
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,731
I GOT BACK THE MONEY
FOR MEG'S GLASSES.
249
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,631
REALLY? OH, HONEY.
250
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:26,765
AH, HELLO.
251
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,265
THIS IS MY SPECIAL FRIEND,
MAX WEINSTEIN.
252
00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:30,365
HE'S JEWISH.
253
00:10:30,433 --> 00:10:32,865
OOH, MY, HOW EXOTIC.
254
00:10:32,934 --> 00:10:33,866
THANK YOU?
255
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,799
SEE, HERE'S YOUR
RAINY DAY MONEY
256
00:10:35,867 --> 00:10:38,199
AND I BALANCED
OUR CHECKBOOK, TOO.
257
00:10:38,267 --> 00:10:40,165
YOU BALANCED
OUR CHECKBOOK?
258
00:10:40,233 --> 00:10:41,698
YUP. ISN'T THAT
RIGHT, MAX?
259
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:45,032
HMM? OH, YEAH,
SURE. HE DID IT.
260
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,898
WELL, I'M GONNA GO
CALL MY MOTHER RIGHT
NOW AND TELL HER
261
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,932
TO TELL THAT CHIMP
ACROSS THE STREET...
262
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,665
[Imitating chimp]
263
00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:55,132
OH, LOOK HOW
LOW I'VE SUNK.
264
00:10:55,201 --> 00:10:57,765
TAKING CREDIT FOR
SOMETHING A SMART
JEWISH PERSON DID.
265
00:10:57,834 --> 00:10:58,799
OH, THAT'S
OK, PETER.
266
00:10:58,867 --> 00:10:59,965
NO, NO, NO.
267
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,865
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING
THAT FOR TOO DAMN LONG.
268
00:11:01,934 --> 00:11:04,665
IT IS THE WHITE DEVIL
THAT HAS PROPAGATED
269
00:11:04,734 --> 00:11:07,298
EXACERBATED,
INSTIGATED,
270
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,999
INSTIGATED...
271
00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:11,265
LINE!
272
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:13,498
I-INSTIGATED OUR
HATRED LIKE A BUICK.
273
00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:15,998
HOW COULD--WHAT
WAS I THINKING WHEN
I AGREED TO THIS?
274
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:17,565
T-THIS IS SO DEGRADING.
275
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:20,398
IT'S--THIS IS WORSE
THAN THE TIME I WAS
AT THE FRIARS CLUB
276
00:11:20,466 --> 00:11:22,832
AND SOON-YI'S RETAINER
FELL OUT OF MY PANTS.
277
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:28,132
LOIS, I APPRECIATE
THE MARSHMALLOW
AND FISH CASSEROLE,
278
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,831
[Laughs]
BUT I'M SORRY,
279
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:31,332
I--I--I CAN'T
EAT THIS.
280
00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:33,699
OH, BECAUSE IT'S
NOT KOSHER.
281
00:11:34,534 --> 00:11:35,999
YEAH, LET'S GO
WITH THAT.
282
00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:37,865
CAN STEWIE AND
ME BE EXCUSED?
283
00:11:37,934 --> 00:11:39,965
HE'S GONNA HELP ME
WITH MY MATH HOMEWORK.
284
00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:41,865
CHRIS, HE'S
JUST A BABY.
285
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:44,265
OH, AND YOU'RE A REGULAR
RHODES SCHOLAR.
286
00:11:44,334 --> 00:11:46,965
WHERE WAS IT YOU
GRADUATED FROM
AGAIN? HMM?
287
00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:49,032
THE UNIVERSITY OF DUH?
288
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:50,732
I CAN HELP YOU WITH
YOUR HOMEWORK, SON.
289
00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:51,798
OH, MY GOD!
290
00:11:51,867 --> 00:11:54,165
IS THERE NOTHING YOU
PEOPLE CAN'T DO?
291
00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:56,499
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
OTHER THAN MANUAL LABOR.
292
00:11:56,568 --> 00:11:59,032
PETER, WHAT A RIDICULOUS
THING TO SAY!
293
00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:01,132
THEY BUILT THE
PYRAMIDS. HEH.
294
00:12:01,201 --> 00:12:02,665
YOU'LL HAVE
TO EXCUSE PETER.
295
00:12:02,734 --> 00:12:04,498
HE CAN BE A LITTLE
TACTLESS SOMETIMES.
296
00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:07,132
YES, LIKE THE TIME
HE SOILED HIMSELF AT
THAT DINNER PARTY.
297
00:12:07,201 --> 00:12:08,699
I WAS SO SORRY
TO HEAR
298
00:12:08,767 --> 00:12:10,298
THAT YOUR FATHER
PASSED AWAY.
299
00:12:10,366 --> 00:12:13,132
YES. IT SPREAD
THROUGH HIS
BODY SO FAST.
300
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,598
BUT HE'S AT PEACE
NOW AND THE WHOLE--
301
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,099
UH-OH!
302
00:12:17,733 --> 00:12:19,166
[Sighs]
303
00:12:19,235 --> 00:12:22,065
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING THAT'LL TOP
A GREAT DINNER LIKE THAT--
304
00:12:22,134 --> 00:12:23,499
OPERATION!
305
00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:25,299
MAY I PLAY?
306
00:12:25,368 --> 00:12:27,165
[Together]
MOM!
307
00:12:27,234 --> 00:12:28,532
THANK YOU, BUT
I CAN'T STAY.
308
00:12:28,601 --> 00:12:30,432
IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT,
I'VE GOT TO GO
TO TEMPLE.
309
00:12:30,501 --> 00:12:32,798
TEMPLE? OH, LIKE
INDIANA JONES?
310
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,431
WILL YOU JUST
PICK IT UP ALREADY!
311
00:12:51,867 --> 00:12:53,999
LOOK, THEY BETTER
NOT BE EXPECTING
US TO GIVE MONEY
312
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:55,632
BECAUSE I GAVE AT
CHURCH LAST SUNDAY,
313
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:57,731
AND I'M PRETTY SURE IT
ALL GOES TO THE SAME GOD.
314
00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,731
PETER! MAX, IT
WAS NICE OF YOU
315
00:12:59,801 --> 00:13:00,799
TO INVITE US ALONG.
316
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,531
YOUR HUSBAND'S GOT
A GOOD HEART, LOIS,
317
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,798
BUT HIS VIEWS ON JUDAISM
ARE A LITTLE MISGUIDED.
318
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,932
I CONSIDER IT A MITZVAH
TO EDUCATE HIM A LITTLE.
319
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:12,932
NO, NO, NO.
320
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,398
I DON'T THINK SO.
321
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,599
I-IT'S NOT THAT I HAVE
IDEOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES,
322
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:18,365
I--I'M JUST NOT
A HAT PERSON.
323
00:13:18,434 --> 00:13:19,765
HEY, LOOK!
I DIDN'T KNOW
324
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,232
THE PRINCIPAL OF MEG'S
SCHOOL WAS JEWISH.
325
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,265
HEY, THERE'S BILL
NYE, THE SCIENCE GUY
326
00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:26,532
AND HALF OF
LENNY KRAVITZ.
327
00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:28,732
OPTIMUS PRIME?
HE'S JEWISH?
328
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:35,198
AH, JEEZ, MAX, I--I
DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
329
00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:36,433
I WENT TO
CATHOLIC SCHOOL.
330
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,165
I'M NOT SURE
THIS IS ALLOWED.
331
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:39,531
AH, WHAT THE HELL?
332
00:13:40,134 --> 00:13:41,432
[Beeping]
333
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:42,532
OH, DEAR.
334
00:13:42,601 --> 00:13:43,798
SISTER MARY JOSEPH,
335
00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:46,165
IT APPEARS PETER GRIFFIN
HAS ENTERED A SYNAGOGUE!
336
00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:48,232
LOCK AND LOAD,
BRIDES OF CHRIST!
337
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,333
[Laughing]
338
00:13:56,401 --> 00:13:57,765
EXCELLENT,
EXCELLENT!
339
00:13:57,834 --> 00:13:59,132
[Laughing]
340
00:14:01,434 --> 00:14:02,431
HELLO.
341
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:04,331
OH, WE'RE NOT JEWISH.
342
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,398
BUT I HEAR YOU PEOPLE
HAVE SUCH LOVELY SERVICES.
343
00:14:07,467 --> 00:14:11,066
OH, MY GOD! I--I DIDN'T
MEAN "YOU PEOPLE."
344
00:14:12,168 --> 00:14:14,465
I DIDN'T MEAN
"OH, MY GOD," EITHER.
345
00:14:14,534 --> 00:14:17,166
I KNOW--I KNOW
HE'S YOUR GOD, TOO.
346
00:14:17,235 --> 00:14:18,132
I...
347
00:14:18,201 --> 00:14:19,398
SHH.
348
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:22,099
AND ON THIS DAY,
THE SABBATH,
349
00:14:22,168 --> 00:14:23,765
WE GATHER HERE TO--
350
00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:25,599
UH-OH!
351
00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:29,932
WELL, THAT WAS SO NICE.
352
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:32,865
A GOOD SERMON AND
SUCH BEAUTIFUL SONGS.
353
00:14:32,934 --> 00:14:35,498
YEAH, IT WAS JUST LIKE
THAT OTHER JEWISH
MUSICAL WE SAW.
354
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:41,564
A FIDDLER ON THE ROOF
SOUNDS CRAZY, NO?
355
00:14:41,633 --> 00:14:45,032
BUT HERE IN OUR LITTLE
VILLAGE OF ANATEVKA
356
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,132
YOU MIGHT SAY
EACH ONE OF US...
357
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,233
KAHN!
358
00:14:50,934 --> 00:14:52,799
KAHN!
359
00:14:54,234 --> 00:14:56,665
WELL, THERE'S MY CAB.
IT WAS NICE MEETING
ALL OF YOU.
360
00:14:56,734 --> 00:14:58,465
AW, THANKS FOR
EVERYTHING, BUDDY.
361
00:14:58,534 --> 00:14:59,866
WAIT, MR. WEINSTEIN,
362
00:14:59,934 --> 00:15:01,866
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA HELP ME WITH
MY HOMEWORK.
363
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:03,499
I'M SORRY, SON.
I HAVE TO GO.
364
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:05,266
BUT I'M SURE
YOU'LL DO JUST FINE.
365
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:06,999
I DON'T KNOW, MAX.
THE KID'S NOT EXACTLY
366
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:08,866
AN HONOR ROLL
STUDENT. WATCH.
367
00:15:08,934 --> 00:15:09,865
HEY!
368
00:15:09,934 --> 00:15:10,898
HE DID IT.
369
00:15:10,967 --> 00:15:11,899
SEE?
370
00:15:11,967 --> 00:15:13,198
PETER, YOU
TOOK ME IN,
371
00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:15,265
FED ME DINNER, CAME
TO TEMPLE WITH ME.
372
00:15:15,334 --> 00:15:16,565
YOU'RE A NICE
FAMILY.
373
00:15:16,634 --> 00:15:18,365
I HAVE FAITH THAT
CHRIS WILL GROW UP
374
00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:20,199
TO BE A REAL
MENSCH.
375
00:15:20,268 --> 00:15:22,066
OW! OW!
DAD! DAD!
376
00:15:23,633 --> 00:15:25,698
LOIS, I JUST
FIGURED OUT
377
00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:28,332
HOW TO MAKE SURE
CHRIS BECOMES
A BIG SUCCESS.
378
00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:31,332
PLEASE TELL ME THIS
DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO DO WITH TONY ROBBINS.
379
00:15:31,401 --> 00:15:32,932
OH, NO, I LEARNED
MY LESSON.
380
00:15:33,001 --> 00:15:34,965
COULD YOU SIGN
THIS BOOK, PLEASE?
381
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,298
TONY ROBBINS HUNGRY!
382
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:38,698
[Growling]
383
00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:43,799
NO, LOIS, I'M GONNA
MAKE CHRIS JEWISH!
384
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:45,398
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
385
00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:47,932
HE THINKS IF CHRIS IS JEWISH,
HE'LL BECOME SMART.
386
00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:49,698
PETER, YOU CAN'T
CONVERT SOMEONE
387
00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:51,698
BECAUSE YOU THINK
IT'LL HELP THEIR GRADES.
388
00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:54,265
NOW I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS.
389
00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:05,598
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
390
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:08,398
SON, IT'S TOO LATE FOR
ME, AND MEG'S A GIRL,
391
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,465
BUT FOR YOU, THE
SKY'S THE LIMIT.
392
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,364
WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU
DOWN TO THAT SYNAGOGUE
393
00:16:12,433 --> 00:16:13,531
AND TURN YOU JEWISH!
394
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:14,698
OK!
395
00:16:16,867 --> 00:16:18,265
CHRIS, DUCK!
396
00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:20,899
[Nuns yelling]
397
00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:22,731
[Sighs]
398
00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:30,032
MR. GRIFFIN, I STILL
DON'T UNDERSTAND.
399
00:16:30,101 --> 00:16:33,598
WHY EXACTLY DOES YOUR
SON WANT TO JOIN
THE JEWISH FAITH?
400
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:35,799
HECK, I DON'T KNOW.
HE--HE'S BI-CURIOUS.
401
00:16:35,868 --> 00:16:37,233
I APPRECIATE
YOUR INTEREST,
402
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,665
BUT JUDAISM TAKES A
SERIOUS COMMITMENT.
403
00:16:39,734 --> 00:16:41,498
ELLIOTT HERE
HAS SPENT YEARS
404
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,598
PREPARING FOR HIS BAR
MITZVAH THIS SATURDAY.
405
00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:45,232
A BAR MITZVAH! PERFECT.
406
00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:46,399
HOW MUCH FOR
ONE OF THOSE?
407
00:16:46,468 --> 00:16:48,899
YOU CAN'T JUST BUY
A BAR MITZVAH.
408
00:16:48,968 --> 00:16:50,498
IT REQUIRES
A LOT OF STUDY.
409
00:16:50,567 --> 00:16:52,231
CAN'T WE SKIP
THAT PART?
410
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,198
I MEAN, COME ON, IF
CHRIS KNEW HOW TO STUDY,
411
00:16:54,266 --> 00:16:57,398
HE WOULDN'T NEED TO
BECOME JEWISH IN THE
FIRST PLACE, RIGHT?
412
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,099
RIGHT?
413
00:16:59,868 --> 00:17:01,032
RIGHT?
414
00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:06,165
DON'T WORRY, DAD.
415
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,765
I DON'T NEED
A BAR MITZVAH.
416
00:17:07,834 --> 00:17:09,732
I'M OK JUST
THE WAY I--
417
00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:10,999
OW! OW! OW!
418
00:17:11,067 --> 00:17:12,731
WE GOT NO TIME TO LOSE.
419
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,966
THERE'S GOTTA BE
SOMEPLACE IN AMERICA
420
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,366
WHERE YOU CAN TAKE A SOLEMN
SPIRITUAL CEREMONY
421
00:17:17,435 --> 00:17:19,132
THAT BEGINS A
LIFETIME COMMITMENT
422
00:17:19,201 --> 00:17:21,399
AND BLOW THROUGH IT
IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES.
423
00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:37,831
ALL RIGHT, DAD!
424
00:17:39,067 --> 00:17:41,365
SO, HOW DO I LOOK
IN MY NEW GLASSES?
425
00:17:41,434 --> 00:17:43,066
HMM, HOW SHALL
I PUT THIS?
426
00:17:43,135 --> 00:17:46,032
IN AN ATTIC SOMEWHERE
THERE'S A PORTRAIT OF
YOU GETTING PRETTIER.
427
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,132
WOW, SOMEONE
NEEDS A NAP.
428
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,299
AFTER LUNCH IT'S
STRAIGHT TO BED, STEWIE.
429
00:17:50,368 --> 00:17:51,665
[Groans]
430
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:54,065
THIS ISN'T THE FIRST
TIME MY WIT HAS GONE
UNAPPRECIATED.
431
00:17:54,134 --> 00:17:57,665
[Ed McMahon]
AND IN THE COMEDY COMPETITION,
STEWIE GRIFFIN RECEIVES
432
00:17:57,734 --> 00:17:59,699
3 AND A HALF STARS.
433
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,832
CHALLENGER SINBAD RECEIVES
434
00:18:01,901 --> 00:18:06,532
4 STARS! WE HAVE A NEW
CHAMPION, SINBAD!
435
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,598
STEWIE, UH, ANY
PARTING WORDS?
436
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:12,865
UM, YOU KNOW, I--I GOT
BEAT, PURE AND SIMPLE.
437
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:15,498
YOU, YOU ARE
A VERY FUNNY MAN!
438
00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:19,865
"MEN BE ACTING ALL LIKE
ZOMBIES AT THE MALL."
439
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:22,565
[Laughing]
GOD, AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH?
440
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:24,165
WHERE IS YOUR
FATHER AND CHRIS?
441
00:18:24,234 --> 00:18:26,232
IT'S NOT LIKE THEM
TO BE LATE FOR LUNCH.
442
00:18:26,301 --> 00:18:28,298
MMM, I THINK
THEY LEFT A NOTE.
443
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:40,999
[Snickering]
444
00:18:41,067 --> 00:18:42,732
BRIAN, WHAT DO
YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?
445
00:18:42,801 --> 00:18:43,832
NOTHING.
446
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:46,065
I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE
LYING TO ME, BRIAN.
447
00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,599
NO, NO, I SWEAR.
448
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:49,699
MEG, TAKE
STEWIE UPSTAIRS.
449
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,199
WHAT--WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
450
00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:55,431
OH, YOU DON'T
KNOW THAT EITHER?
451
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,032
LAST CHANCE, BRIAN.
452
00:19:01,901 --> 00:19:04,099
[Whimpering]
453
00:19:04,168 --> 00:19:06,999
AHH! AHH! THEY'RE
IN VEGAS GETTING A
QUICKIE BAR MITZVAH!
454
00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:08,065
WHAT?
455
00:19:09,867 --> 00:19:11,531
WELL, HEL-LOIS!
456
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,498
[Laughing]
457
00:19:12,567 --> 00:19:13,598
FORGIVE ME
FOR POINTING.
458
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,231
QUICK, I NEED TO
BORROW YOUR CAR!
459
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:16,832
I'VE GOT A BAR
MITZVAH TO STOP!
460
00:19:16,901 --> 00:19:19,232
HEH. NO PROBLEM.
LET ME GRAB MY KEYS.
461
00:19:32,834 --> 00:19:34,432
HEH. HERE THEY ARE.
462
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,165
[Tires screeching]
463
00:19:48,701 --> 00:19:51,032
[Audience cheering]
464
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,565
OH, CHRIS, IN A FEW
MINUTES, YOU'LL BECOME
465
00:19:53,633 --> 00:19:55,665
A SMART, SUCCESSFUL
JEWISH MAN.
466
00:19:55,733 --> 00:19:58,731
I COULD MAKE A FORESKIN
JOKE RIGHT NOW, BUT THIS
IS A SOLEMN OCCASION.
467
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,966
AND BESIDES, THERE'LL
BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR
THAT ON THE RIDE BACK.
468
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,899
OH, I GOT SO MANY
OF THEM, TOO!
469
00:20:03,967 --> 00:20:06,499
I--I KNOW. I KNOW.
SHH. BUT LATER!
470
00:20:23,601 --> 00:20:26,232
[Speaking Hebrew]
471
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:27,731
CHRIS!
472
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:30,598
[Lois]
CHRIS!
473
00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,732
STOP THIS TRAVESTY
RIGHT NOW!
474
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:36,532
SO, BAR MITZVAHS ARE
TRAVESTIES, HUH?
475
00:20:36,601 --> 00:20:39,898
NO, MY SON GETTING
BAR MITZVAHED
IS A TRAVESTY.
476
00:20:39,967 --> 00:20:42,166
HE'S DOING IT
FOR ALL THE
WRONG REASONS.
477
00:20:42,233 --> 00:20:44,498
WELL, LOOK-A-HERE,
HERSHEL.
478
00:20:44,567 --> 00:20:47,498
WE GOT US ONE OF THEM
SELF-HATING JEWS.
479
00:20:47,567 --> 00:20:49,264
NOTHING I HATE
WORSE THAN A JEW
480
00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:51,765
WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE
HER OWN RICH HERITAGE.
481
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:53,631
COME ON, MORDECAI.
LET'S GET HER!
482
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:55,365
[Crowd yelling]
483
00:21:12,634 --> 00:21:14,265
I'M SORRY, LOIS.
484
00:21:14,334 --> 00:21:17,299
I JUST WANTED OUR
SON TO BE JEWISH
SO HE'D BE SMARTER.
485
00:21:17,368 --> 00:21:18,966
THEN MAYBE HIS WIFE
WOULDN'T BE SORRY
486
00:21:19,034 --> 00:21:20,632
SHE DIDN'T MARRY
THE CHIMP NEXT DOOR.
487
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:23,765
OH, PETER. JUST BECAUSE
STEVEN MAKES MORE MONEY
488
00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:26,332
THAN YOU DOESN'T
MEAN HE'S ANY SMARTER.
489
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,432
AND I THINK CHRIS
WILL DO JUST FINE.
490
00:21:28,501 --> 00:21:29,532
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
491
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,398
BECAUSE I HAVE
FAITH IN HIM,
492
00:21:31,467 --> 00:21:33,199
THE WAY I HAVE
FAITH IN YOU.
493
00:21:33,267 --> 00:21:34,965
BESIDES, A PERSON'S
RELIGION
494
00:21:35,034 --> 00:21:36,999
IS NO GUARANTEE
OF SUCCESS.
495
00:21:37,068 --> 00:21:38,364
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
496
00:21:38,433 --> 00:21:40,032
THE JEWISH ARE JUST LIKE US.
497
00:21:40,101 --> 00:21:41,498
NO BETTER, NO WORSE.
498
00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,465
YEAH, AND AS THEY SAY...
499
00:21:43,534 --> 00:21:45,032
[Speaking Hebrew]
500
00:21:45,101 --> 00:21:46,099
WHAT?
501
00:21:46,168 --> 00:21:47,866
I THINK WHAT HE'S
TRYING TO SAY IS
502
00:21:47,934 --> 00:21:50,565
EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE OK.
503
00:21:53,233 --> 00:21:54,198
[Peter screaming]
504
00:21:54,267 --> 00:21:55,599
[Smacking]
505
00:21:57,534 --> 00:21:59,565
♪[Theme music playing]