1
00:00:03,467 --> 00:00:04,265
(announcer)
IN THE TELEVISION
COMEDY WORLD,
2
00:00:04,334 --> 00:00:05,899
THE PEOPLE ARE ENTERTAINED
3
00:00:05,967 --> 00:00:07,698
BY 2 SEPARATE YET
EQUALLY IMPORTANT
TYPES OF SHOWS.
4
00:00:07,767 --> 00:00:10,565
TRADITIONAL SITCOMS
THAT GET LAUGHS
OUT OF EVERYDAY SITUATIONS
5
00:00:10,634 --> 00:00:12,465
LIKE TRYING TO
FIX YOUR OWN PLUMBING,
6
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,432
OR INVITING 2 DATES
TO THE SAME DANCE.
7
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:16,965
AND ANIMATED SHOWS
THAT MAKE JOKES ABOUT FARTING.
8
00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:18,498
THIS IS THE LATTER.
9
00:00:20,801 --> 00:00:22,598
OH, SORRY.
I JUST FARTED.
10
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:36,865
[inaudible]
11
00:00:36,934 --> 00:00:38,699
[Glenn mumbling]
12
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,966
I'M GLAD YOU GUYS
COULD COME TONIGHT.
13
00:00:57,034 --> 00:01:00,165
OH, CHRIS, HONEY,
WE WOULDN'T MISS
YOUR OPEN HOUSE.
14
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:03,199
YOU KIDS ARE
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IN OUR LIVES.
15
00:01:03,267 --> 00:01:04,732
OH, MY GOD!
WE FORGOT MEG.
16
00:01:04,801 --> 00:01:05,898
DON'T WORRY ABOUT MEG.
17
00:01:05,967 --> 00:01:08,465
SHE'S GOT EVERYTHING
SHE NEEDS IN HER ROOM.
18
00:01:16,301 --> 00:01:18,165
[clattering]
19
00:01:20,301 --> 00:01:23,198
(coach)
MOST OF THE TIME, THE KIDS'LL
EXERCISE OUT IN THE FIELD.
20
00:01:23,267 --> 00:01:25,432
BUT IF IT'S RAINING
OR I'M HUNG-OVER,
21
00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:27,165
THEY STAY INSIDE
AND PLAY DODGE BALL.
22
00:01:27,233 --> 00:01:29,665
OH, I LOVE DODGE BALL!
HEADS UP!
23
00:01:31,567 --> 00:01:34,032
AND THIS WEEK IN HOME EC,
WE'RE TEACHING YOUR KIDS
24
00:01:34,101 --> 00:01:35,298
HOW TO MAKE BUNDT CAKE.
25
00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:37,598
I LOVE BUNDT CAKE!
HEADS UP!
26
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,365
(music teacher)
THE SCHOOL BAND OFFERS
A WIDE VARIETY OF INSTRUMENTS
27
00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:44,032
FROM THE KETTLEDRUM
TO THE TROMBONE.
28
00:01:44,101 --> 00:01:46,065
I LOVE THE TROMBONE!
29
00:01:46,134 --> 00:01:47,164
[gasps]
30
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:00,331
(all)
WOW!
31
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,198
I KNOW,
ISN'T HE WONDERFUL?
32
00:02:02,267 --> 00:02:03,765
HE TOOK LESSONS
IN JUNIOR COLLEGE.
33
00:02:03,834 --> 00:02:04,932
HEADS UP!
34
00:02:07,968 --> 00:02:09,498
I LIKE MEETING
CHRIS'S TEACHERS.
35
00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:10,932
THIS OUGHT TO BE
MORE INTERESTING
36
00:02:11,001 --> 00:02:12,865
THAN THAT TIME I MET
TED DANSON.
37
00:02:12,934 --> 00:02:15,732
WOW! TED DANSON
AND MARY STEENBURGEN!
38
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:17,765
HEY, ALWAYS NICE
TO MEET A FAN.
39
00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:18,965
[thunder rumbling]
40
00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:20,965
OH, SHOOT!
I FORGOT MY UMBRELLA.
41
00:02:21,034 --> 00:02:22,731
THAT'S OK, HONEY.
COME ON OVER HERE.
42
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:23,831
THANKS, DEAR.
43
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:25,532
SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD
TO BE A FREAK.
44
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,431
HEY, DO YOU WANT TO
SLEEP TOGETHER LATER?
45
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,498
OH, NO.
46
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:32,499
NO, NO.
THANKS, THOUGH.
47
00:02:32,567 --> 00:02:34,398
GOOD EVENING, PARENTS.
I'M MS. CLIFTON.
48
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:35,999
I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO FILL OUT
49
00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:37,465
THESE
CONTACT INFORMATION SHEETS.
50
00:02:37,534 --> 00:02:39,331
NOW--NOW, WHO WOULD
LIKE TO PASS THEM OUT?
51
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,499
OH, OH, OH,
52
00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:42,099
MS. CLIFTON,
MS. CLIFTON OVER HERE!
53
00:02:42,167 --> 00:02:44,332
OH, OH, OH,
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON
54
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:47,432
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON,
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON
55
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,265
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON,
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON,
56
00:02:50,334 --> 00:02:51,631
MS. CLIFTON, MS. CLIFTON,
57
00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,531
MMM, MRS. GRIFFIN.
58
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,899
[groans]
59
00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:59,132
I-I-I'M SORRY.
WILL YOU ALL PLEASE EXCUSE ME
FOR A MOMENT?
60
00:02:59,201 --> 00:03:01,298
(announcer)
TONIGHT'S WINNING
LOTTERY NUMBERS ARE
61
00:03:01,366 --> 00:03:05,032
6, 21, 18, 7, 42.
62
00:03:05,633 --> 00:03:08,365
OH, MY GOD! I WON!
63
00:03:08,434 --> 00:03:11,999
I'M FREE FROM ALL THOSE
SNOT-NOSED, LITTLE BASTARDS!
64
00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:13,599
[exclaiming]
65
00:03:13,667 --> 00:03:15,199
I'M FREE!
66
00:03:15,268 --> 00:03:17,266
[Ms. Clifton laughing]
67
00:03:18,934 --> 00:03:20,265
IS SHE COMING BACK?
68
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,565
I DON'T KNOW.
69
00:03:27,901 --> 00:03:30,132
I CAN'T BELIEVE
MS. CLIFTON'S GONE.
70
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,066
WHO'S GONNA
TEACH MY CLASS NOW?
71
00:03:32,134 --> 00:03:34,665
BRIAN, WHY DON'T YOU
TEACH CHRIS'S CLASS?
72
00:03:34,734 --> 00:03:37,465
YOU'RE VERY KNOWLEDGEABLE,
THE KIDS MIGHT KNOCK YOU DOWN
A FEW PEGS
73
00:03:37,534 --> 00:03:38,699
WHICH WOULD BE GOOD FOR YOU.
74
00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:40,465
YOU KNOW, THAT IS
A TERRIFIC IDEA, LOIS.
75
00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:42,431
I PROBABLY HAVE A LOT
TO OFFER YOUNG PEOPLE.
76
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:44,032
HAH, WHAT'S HE GOING
TO TEACH THEM?
77
00:03:44,101 --> 00:03:47,032
HOW TO LICK THE DORITO CRUMBS
FROM BETWEEN
THE SOFA CUSHIONS?
78
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:48,965
OR HOW TO LEAVE
A DEAD BIRD ON THE CARPET?
79
00:03:49,034 --> 00:03:50,565
THAT WAS A GIFT,
YOU BASTARD.
80
00:03:50,634 --> 00:03:52,565
THAT WAS A GIFT
FOR THE FAMILY.
81
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:58,798
GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
I'M YOUR SUBSTITUTE TEACHER,
BRIAN GRIFFIN.
82
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:01,465
(all)
GOOD MORNING, MR. GRIFFIN.
83
00:04:01,534 --> 00:04:03,665
[laughing]
PLEASE, PLEASE, CALL ME BRIAN.
84
00:04:03,734 --> 00:04:05,465
MR. GRIFFIN IS MY FATHER.
85
00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:07,698
I THOUGHT YOUR FATHER'S NAME
WAS COCOA,
86
00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:09,799
AND HE WAS HIT
BY A MILK TRUCK!
87
00:04:09,867 --> 00:04:10,999
ALL RIGHT.
OUR GOAL HERE
88
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:12,932
IS TO GAIN A COMMAND
OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
89
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,565
SO YOU CAN BE
SUCCESSFUL WRITERS
90
00:04:14,634 --> 00:04:16,465
LIKE BEN AFFLECK
AND MATT DAMON.
91
00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:18,099
AH, THERE. FINISHED.
92
00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:20,799
GOOD WILL HUNTING
BY MATT DAMON.
93
00:04:20,868 --> 00:04:23,331
HEY, UH, YOU THINK
WE COULD PUT BOTH OUR NAMES
ON THAT?
94
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,199
WHAT? YOU'VE DONE NOTHING
BUT EAT BREYER'S
AND SMOKE POT
95
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:27,531
FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS.
96
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,265
OH, THAT'S--
COME ON! I--I HELPED.
97
00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:33,199
OH, YEAH?
OK, UH, W-WRITE A LINE.
JUST--JUST RIGHT NOW.
98
00:04:33,267 --> 00:04:34,698
JUST PITCH ME
A LINE RIGHT NOW.
99
00:04:34,768 --> 00:04:35,832
OK.
100
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,265
[farts]
HOW ABOUT THAT?
101
00:04:37,333 --> 00:04:39,632
THAT WASN'T A LINE.
YOU JUST FARTED.
102
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:40,732
IS THERE ANYMORE POT?
103
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:48,564
SO, HOW WAS YOUR
FIRST DAY, MR. KOTTER?
104
00:04:48,633 --> 00:04:51,098
YEAH, CHRIS.
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO
HAVE BRIAN AS A TEACHER?
105
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,299
IT SUCKS!
106
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:55,165
MR. GRIFFIN GAVE ME AN "F"
ON MY FIRST ASSIGNMENT!
107
00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:56,998
WHAT? AN "F", BRIAN?
108
00:04:57,067 --> 00:04:58,798
AFTER ALL CHRIS
HAS DONE FOR YOU?
109
00:04:58,867 --> 00:05:02,698
OH, YEAH. JUST KIND OF
PULL IT OUT. YEAH.
110
00:05:02,767 --> 00:05:04,465
YOU KNOW, IF DOGS AREN'T
SUPPOSED TO EAT
111
00:05:04,534 --> 00:05:05,865
DENTAL FLOSS
OUT OF THE GARBAGE,
112
00:05:05,934 --> 00:05:07,366
WHY DO THEY MAKE IT
MINT-FLAVORED?
113
00:05:07,434 --> 00:05:09,032
HEY, HEY, CHRIS,
WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL,
114
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,632
YOU KNOW WHAT WE USED TO DO
WHEN A TEACHER GAVE US
A BAD GRADE?
115
00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:13,332
WHAT?
WE'D EGG HIS HOUSE.
116
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,831
COME ON.
WHERE'S THIS BASTARD LIVE?
117
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,165
I'LL SHOW YOU.
118
00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:18,799
THAT'S HIS HOUSE!
119
00:05:18,867 --> 00:05:20,565
[both laughing]
120
00:05:20,634 --> 00:05:21,965
TAKE THAT!
I GOT IT!
121
00:05:22,034 --> 00:05:23,332
(Peter)
TAKE THAT, YOU BUM!
122
00:05:23,401 --> 00:05:24,532
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
123
00:05:24,601 --> 00:05:25,866
IS THAT HIM?
YEAH!
124
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,232
OH, CRAP!
125
00:05:30,567 --> 00:05:31,732
HELLO, CLASS.
126
00:05:31,801 --> 00:05:34,265
MARK TWAIN HERE,
FILLING IN FOR BRIAN GRIFFIN.
127
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,366
I UNDERSTAND YOU
CHILDREN READ MY BOOK,
128
00:05:36,434 --> 00:05:38,398
THE ADVENTURES OF
HUCKLEBERRY FINN.
129
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,032
(all)
YEAH, WE READ IT.
130
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,431
NOW, WHO CAN TELL ME--
BOBBY, STOP SCREWING AROUND
BACK THERE!
131
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,966
WHO CAN TELL ME
THE SIGNIFICANCE
132
00:05:44,034 --> 00:05:45,965
OF THE CARPETBAGGERS
IN MY NOVEL?
133
00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:48,032
YEAH. UH, THEY STOOD FOR
CORRUPTION AND GREED.
134
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,598
THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
135
00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:52,198
JUST LIKE
THE PRESIDENCY
OF JAMES GARFIELD.
136
00:05:52,267 --> 00:05:53,765
[all laughing]
137
00:05:53,834 --> 00:05:55,032
HE DIED IN OFFICE.
138
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,732
YOU KIDS ARE MIGHTY SMART.
139
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,965
YOU MUST HAVE
A POWERFUL GOOD TEACHER.
140
00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:03,065
WELL, I GOTTA CATCH
MY TIME STEAMBOAT
BACK TO THE 1800S.
141
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:05,998
[feet pattering]
142
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,132
HEY, SORRY I'M LATE.
DID I MISS ANYTHING?
143
00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:11,132
YEAH!
CAP'N CRUNCH WAS HERE.
144
00:06:11,201 --> 00:06:13,331
DIDN'T YOU PASS HIM
ON THE STAIRS?
145
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,132
WELL,
I HOPE THE REST OF YOU KIDS
LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY.
146
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,599
(all)
YEAH.
147
00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:19,665
(Sloan)
GOOD MORNING,
THIS IS PRINCIPAL SLOAN.
148
00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:21,265
MR. GRIFFIN,
YOU'VE BEEN REASSIGNED.
149
00:06:21,333 --> 00:06:22,899
PLEASE REPORT TO
REMEDIAL ENGLISH.
150
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:24,799
REASSIGNED? CAN--CAN I
AT LEAST COME DOWN
151
00:06:24,867 --> 00:06:26,699
TO YOUR OFFICE
AND TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS?
152
00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:29,965
NO, NO, I'M AFRAID
I'M FAR TOO BUSY TODAY.
153
00:06:30,034 --> 00:06:33,299
ESTEBAN,
UH, MUCHO TENSION LOWER.
154
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,965
LITTLE LOWER. LOWER.
155
00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:40,066
LOWER. LOWER.
156
00:06:40,135 --> 00:06:43,199
♪ ON TOP OF
OLD SMOKEY ♪
157
00:06:43,268 --> 00:06:45,565
GOSH, I WAS REALLY STARTING
TO LIKE THIS JOB.
158
00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:47,832
IT WAS NICE INTERACTING
WITH INTELLIGENT PEOPLE.
159
00:06:47,901 --> 00:06:49,398
I USUALLY HANG OUT
WITH AN IDIOT.
160
00:06:49,467 --> 00:06:50,932
BRIAN, BRIAN,
CHECK IT OUT.
161
00:06:51,001 --> 00:06:52,931
I MADE A WATER SLIDE
IN THE HOUSE.
162
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,732
[screaming]
163
00:06:55,533 --> 00:06:57,032
[groaning]
164
00:06:57,767 --> 00:07:01,832
[continues groaning]
165
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:03,465
I'M NOT GONNA
CALL THE HOSPITAL
166
00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:06,632
BECAUSE YOU WON'T
LEARN ANYTHING IF I DO.
167
00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:09,032
WELL, KIDS,
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
168
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,165
PARDON ME.
IS THIS FIRST-PERIOD ENGLISH?
169
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,165
I'M YOUR NEW TEACHER,
MRS. LOCKHART.
170
00:07:22,034 --> 00:07:24,865
OH, MY GOD. I'M IN LOVE.
171
00:07:24,934 --> 00:07:26,865
WATCH OUT FOR THE STAIRS!
172
00:07:26,933 --> 00:07:28,198
[screams]
173
00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:29,932
[crashing]
174
00:07:36,268 --> 00:07:37,632
GOOD MORNING, CLASS.
175
00:07:37,701 --> 00:07:40,365
(all)
GOOD MORNING, MRS. LOCKHART.
176
00:07:40,434 --> 00:07:42,465
I GRADED YOUR QUIZZES
FROM YESTERDAY.
177
00:07:42,533 --> 00:07:44,032
MOST OF YOU DID WELL.
178
00:07:44,101 --> 00:07:46,465
SOME OF YOU,
I THINK, CAN DO BETTER.
179
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,532
WHAT DO YOU SEE HERE, CHRIS?
180
00:07:50,533 --> 00:07:51,798
2 D'S AND AN F.
181
00:07:58,567 --> 00:08:00,165
[chattering]
182
00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:04,532
UH, HI. I'M, UH, MR. GRIFFIN.
183
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,231
BUT YOU CAN CALL ME BRIAN.
184
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:07,799
MR. GRIFFIN IS MY FATHER.
185
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:08,998
[gun fires]
186
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:11,165
OH, WELL, HAS, UH,
ANYBODY READ HUCKLEBERRY FINN?
187
00:08:11,234 --> 00:08:12,565
[gun fires]
188
00:08:12,634 --> 00:08:14,399
OH, ALL RIGHT, UH,
HOW ABOUT WE GO AROUND
THE ROOM
189
00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:16,732
AND EVERYONE CAN SAY
A LITTLE SOMETHING
ABOUT THEMSELVES?
190
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,698
UH, LET'S START WITH
YOU THERE IN THE FRONT.
191
00:08:18,767 --> 00:08:21,099
MY NAME'S TIM.
I'M 28 YEARS YOUNG.
192
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,432
AND I LOVE WEED.
193
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:23,832
MY NAME IS CARLOS.
194
00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:27,698
AND BENEATH MY TOUGH EXTERIOR
IS A BOY ACHING TO LEARN.
195
00:08:27,767 --> 00:08:29,565
AND BENEATH THAT
IS A RAPIST.
196
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,233
MY NAME IS AMANDA.
AND MY WATER JUST BROKE.
197
00:08:32,301 --> 00:08:33,365
OH, MY GOD!
198
00:08:33,434 --> 00:08:34,665
YO, IT'S MY TURN TO DELIVER.
199
00:08:34,734 --> 00:08:36,066
CAN I HAVE THIS ONE?
200
00:08:36,133 --> 00:08:38,032
MY MOM KEEPS
GIVING MINE AWAY.
201
00:08:40,634 --> 00:08:42,065
DAD, I NEED SOME ADVICE.
202
00:08:42,134 --> 00:08:44,398
I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO
GET A GIRL TO LIKE ME.
203
00:08:44,467 --> 00:08:46,832
OH, CHRIS, BUDDY,
THERE'S A MILLION WAYS
TO DO THAT.
204
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:49,398
YOU JUST GOT TO DO
SOMETHING SIMPLE,
LIKE VINCENT VAN GOGH.
205
00:08:49,466 --> 00:08:52,032
OH, IT'S...
WHAT IS THIS?
206
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:54,465
IT'S MY EAR.
DO YOU LIKE IT?
207
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,831
Y-YOU DON'T--
YOU DON'T LIKE IT.
208
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,965
NO, I LIKE IT.
BUT IT'S JUST...
WHY YOUR EAR?
209
00:08:59,034 --> 00:09:00,465
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.
210
00:09:00,534 --> 00:09:03,532
WELL, AT LEAST
THIS WILL BE A FUNNY STORY
TO TELL OUR KIDS SOMEDAY.
211
00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:06,698
OH, YOU WANT KIDS?
OH, YIKES.
212
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:11,065
UH, I WISH YOU'D TOLD ME THAT
BEFORE I GOT YOU THIS.
213
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:12,799
OH, DID I HEAR
MY BIG BOY SAY
214
00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:15,299
HE'S GOT A CRUSH ON
SOME LUCKY GIRL?
215
00:09:15,367 --> 00:09:17,431
OH, YOU KNOW, CHRIS,
I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.
216
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:18,899
SO, I BROUGHT YOU
A CONDOM.
217
00:09:18,967 --> 00:09:21,398
USE IT WISELY, THOUGH.
IT WASN'T EASY TO OBTAIN.
218
00:09:21,467 --> 00:09:24,265
[couple moaning]
219
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:26,231
(man)
HEY, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
220
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:27,665
(woman)
HEY, GIVE THAT BACK!
221
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,032
(man)
OH, MAN!
222
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,132
(woman)
NOW, WHERE WERE WE?
223
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,265
[both moaning]
224
00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:32,865
(man)
OH, THIS IS MUCH BETTER.
225
00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:34,632
CHRIS, HONEY,
THE WAY TO WIN A GIRL
226
00:09:34,701 --> 00:09:36,899
IS TO DO SOMETHING
ROMANTIC AND UNEXPECTED.
227
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:39,631
HEY, HEY, REMEMBER
THE NAKED SPACEMAN, LOIS?
228
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:42,598
OH, YEAH. YOU REMEMBER
THE NAKED SPACEMAN.
229
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:46,298
ON MY 25TH BIRTHDAY,
YOUR FATHER SURPRISED ME
230
00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:49,099
BY SHOWING UP IN NOTHING
BUT A SPACE HELMET
AND MOON BOOTS.
231
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:50,298
[Lois chuckling]
232
00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:52,332
IT JUST CAME TO ME.
233
00:09:52,401 --> 00:09:55,065
YOU WANT SOME TANG,
MR. SPACEMAN?
234
00:09:55,134 --> 00:09:56,765
OH, DO I?
235
00:09:58,366 --> 00:09:59,899
JUST REMEMBER, FAT MAN,
236
00:09:59,968 --> 00:10:02,265
THOSE JUGS ARE MINE
UNTIL THE MILK DRIES UP.
237
00:10:02,334 --> 00:10:04,366
THEN YOU CAN HAVE THE REMAINS.
238
00:10:06,934 --> 00:10:09,365
SO, BASICALLY,
WHAT ORWELL WAS SAYING
239
00:10:09,433 --> 00:10:11,998
WAS, "IT'S NOT PERFECT
BUT I'LL TAKE IT."
240
00:10:12,067 --> 00:10:13,365
ALL RIGHT, MOVING ON--
241
00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:15,465
(Chris)
SORRY, I'M LATE,
MRS. LOCKHART.
242
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:18,331
OH, MY GOD, CHRIS!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
243
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,732
BEING ROMANTIC
AND UNEXPECTED.
244
00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:22,832
CHRIS, YOU CAN'T BE
SO IMPULSIVE.
245
00:10:22,901 --> 00:10:25,732
PEOPLE HAVE GOTTEN INTO
A LOT OF TROUBLE THAT WAY.
246
00:10:26,235 --> 00:10:28,299
UH, MARIE?
247
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:30,432
YEAH, DONNY?
248
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:31,965
UM,
249
00:10:32,034 --> 00:10:33,799
WE CANNOT TELL MOM.
250
00:10:36,833 --> 00:10:39,832
SO, CHRIS, WHAT'S THE LATEST
WITH YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND?
251
00:10:39,901 --> 00:10:43,365
OH, I DON'T THINK
MRS. LOCKHART LIKES ME AT ALL.
252
00:10:43,433 --> 00:10:45,865
MRS. LOCKHART? YOUR TEACHER?
253
00:10:45,934 --> 00:10:47,865
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
254
00:10:47,934 --> 00:10:52,331
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!
255
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,199
LOIS, THIS IS NOT
MY BATMAN GLASS.
256
00:10:54,267 --> 00:10:55,565
PETER,
ARE YOU LISTENING?
257
00:10:55,634 --> 00:10:57,132
CHRIS HAS A CRUSH
ON HIS TEACHER.
258
00:10:57,201 --> 00:10:58,399
EW, GROSS!
259
00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:00,099
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GROSS?
260
00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:01,199
[farts]
261
00:11:01,268 --> 00:11:03,133
AH, BROKE A DAMN BLOOD VESSEL!
262
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,365
HOW'S IT COMING, DOG?
263
00:11:08,433 --> 00:11:11,598
GOD! J-JUST L-LISTEN
TO THIS KID'S REPORT
ON GREAT EXPECTATIONS.
264
00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:14,498
"MISS HAVISHAM SHOULD HAVE
THROWED THAT CAKE OUT
265
00:11:14,567 --> 00:11:17,632
SO IT DON'T LIKE
MESS ALL UP
THE BITCH'S HOUSE."
266
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:19,565
I--I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO,
267
00:11:19,634 --> 00:11:21,498
YOU KNOW? SOCIETY'S
GIVEN UP ON THESE KIDS.
268
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:23,732
AND I FEEL LIKE
I MAY BE THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN HELP THEM.
269
00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:26,198
AND I THINK YOUR PROBLEM IS
YOU'RE NOT COMMUNICATING
IN A WAY
270
00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:27,598
THAT SPEAKS TO
THEIR EXPERIENCE.
271
00:11:27,667 --> 00:11:28,866
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
272
00:11:28,934 --> 00:11:30,865
GET IN THERE TOMORROW
AND DO THE ROBOT.
273
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:32,732
♪[music playing]
274
00:11:35,134 --> 00:11:38,431
WOW. YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST TRY
A WHOLE NEW APPROACH.
275
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,598
THANKS.
276
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:41,999
♪[music playing]
277
00:11:42,067 --> 00:11:43,565
OK, YOU CAN STOP THAT NOW.
278
00:11:43,634 --> 00:11:45,299
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
I'M A ROBOT.
279
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,466
COME ON, KNOCK IT OFF.
DOES NOT COMPUTE.
280
00:11:47,534 --> 00:11:48,999
[beeps]
281
00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,466
I'M GOING TO BED.
282
00:11:50,534 --> 00:11:51,999
I DO NOT REQUIRE SLEEP.
283
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:54,798
[whirrs]
284
00:11:54,868 --> 00:11:58,264
OH, LET'S SEE THE KID
WITH THE HEARING AID
FROM BARNEY DO THIS.
285
00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:03,465
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
SO'S I'M CHILLING IN VERONA
286
00:12:03,533 --> 00:12:05,165
WHEN MY HOMIE BUSTS OUT WITH:
287
00:12:05,234 --> 00:12:06,499
"YO, ROMEO.
288
00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:09,098
CHECK OUT
THAT BIOTCH JULIET
IN THE WINDOW."
289
00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:11,799
PROBLEM IS,
JULIET'S PEEPS ARE, LIKE,
EAST COAST RAPPERS
290
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:14,765
AND MY POSSE'S
REPRESENTING WEST SIDE.
291
00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:16,399
JUST LIKE MY BOYS
TUPAC AND BIGGIE.
292
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,132
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
293
00:12:18,201 --> 00:12:19,433
THAT'S RACIST, MAN.
294
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,232
YEAH, THAT'S JUST
STRAIGHT IGNORANT, DOG.
295
00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:25,298
IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU,
MR. AND MRS. GRIFFIN.
296
00:12:25,367 --> 00:12:27,331
WELL, WE WANTED TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT OUR SON.
297
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,432
YOU SEE,
CHRIS REALLY--
298
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:29,898
L-L-L-LOIS--LOIS, HONEY,
299
00:12:29,967 --> 00:12:32,199
LET'S, UH, MAKE SURE
WE DO THIS DELICATELY,
ALL RIGHT?
300
00:12:32,268 --> 00:12:35,731
MRS. LOCKHART, OUR SON
301
00:12:35,801 --> 00:12:38,665
WOULD LIKE TO PLOW YOU.
302
00:12:39,733 --> 00:12:42,464
I HAD A FEELING
THAT'S WHAT WAS GOING ON.
303
00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:44,632
SORRY. OUR--OUR SON CAN
SOMETIMES BE A BOOB.
304
00:12:44,701 --> 00:12:45,898
I-I MEAN A MELON.
305
00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:48,365
I-I MEAN,
A-A SOPPING-WET PAIR
OF BREASTS
306
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,432
BARELY COVERED BY
A RACING T-SHIRT.
PETER.
307
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,498
MRS. LOCKHART,
WE JUST WANTED
YOU TO KNOW
308
00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:55,232
SO YOU COULD
SPARE HIS FEELINGS
AND LET HIM DOWN GENTLY.
309
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:58,132
DON'T WORRY.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO SAY TO CHRIS.
310
00:12:58,201 --> 00:12:59,532
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
311
00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:01,665
YOU'VE BEEN
VERY UNDERSTANDING.
312
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,166
GOSH. YOU KNOW,
I-I DON'T MEAN TO IMPOSE,
313
00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:07,032
BUT DO YOU HAVE
A PICTURE OF YOURSELF
314
00:13:07,101 --> 00:13:09,732
THAT I COULD TAPE
TO THE BACK OF LOIS'S HEAD?
315
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,598
[crickets chirping]
316
00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:14,732
[rapping on window]
317
00:13:17,367 --> 00:13:18,698
MRS. LOCKHART?
318
00:13:18,767 --> 00:13:21,365
CHRIS, COME DOWN HERE.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
319
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:23,765
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
320
00:13:23,834 --> 00:13:26,431
'CAUSE I COULDN'T STAND
TO BE AWAY FROM YOU
FOR ANOTHER MOMENT.
321
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,098
I THINK I'M FALLING
IN LOVE WITH YOU.
322
00:13:29,167 --> 00:13:30,498
I LOVE YOU, TOO!
323
00:13:30,567 --> 00:13:32,832
THE ONLY PROBLEM
IS I'M MARRIED.
324
00:13:32,901 --> 00:13:35,565
THEREFORE,
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
325
00:13:35,634 --> 00:13:38,532
UM, MAKE A FLIP BOOK
OF A STICK FIGURE
326
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:40,632
WHOSE HEAD GETS
BIGGER AND BIGGER
327
00:13:40,701 --> 00:13:42,432
AND BIGGER AND THEN POPS?
328
00:13:44,034 --> 00:13:45,599
THIS ISN'T
A FLIP BOOK, CHRIS.
329
00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:47,198
THEY'RE INSTRUCTIONS.
330
00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:48,899
IF WE'RE GOING
TO BE TOGETHER,
331
00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:51,465
I NEED YOU TO
KILL MY HUSBAND.
332
00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:52,799
[screaming]
333
00:13:52,867 --> 00:13:56,065
HEY, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT TIME IT IS?
334
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:57,598
GET IN THE HOUSE, FATTY!
335
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,565
[doorbell rings]
336
00:14:05,634 --> 00:14:08,365
OH, CHRIS,
YOU BIG BEAUTIFUL MAN,
337
00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:11,232
OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.
338
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,164
UP THE STAIRS,
SECOND DOOR ON THE LEFT.
339
00:14:13,233 --> 00:14:14,698
HE SHOULD STILL BE ASLEEP.
340
00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:17,232
MRS. LOCKHART,
I DON'T THINK
I CAN DO THIS.
341
00:14:17,301 --> 00:14:18,331
WHAT?
342
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,065
M-MAYBE YOU COULD
JUST GET A DIVORCE,
343
00:14:20,134 --> 00:14:22,431
AND WE COULD LIVE TOGETHER
IN THE FORT UNDER MY BED.
344
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:25,565
FINE. I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
BUT WE'RE THROUGH.
345
00:14:25,633 --> 00:14:27,932
OK. BUT I GOT TO
GIVE YOU THE PASSWORD,
346
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,465
OR YOU CAN'T
GET INTO THE FORT.
347
00:14:29,534 --> 00:14:30,565
[door slams]
348
00:14:30,634 --> 00:14:32,531
IT'S TACO. TACO!
349
00:14:35,467 --> 00:14:37,698
OH, GOOD GOD! LOOK AT
THE FAT MAN'S UNDERWEAR.
350
00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:39,598
IT LOOKS LIKE
A JACKSON POLLOCK PAINTING.
351
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:41,066
DON'T PUT THAT IN
WITH MY THINGS!
352
00:14:41,134 --> 00:14:42,498
HUH, WHAT'S THIS?
353
00:14:42,567 --> 00:14:43,765
YOU KNOW, STEWIE,
354
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:46,333
MOMMY DOESN'T USUALLY READ
THINGS OUT OF CHRIS'S POCKETS.
355
00:14:46,401 --> 00:14:47,898
SHE'S MORE RESPECTFUL
THAN THAT.
356
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:50,065
YEAH, WHATEVER HELPS YOU
SLEEP AT NIGHT, BITCH.
357
00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:52,865
OH, OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
358
00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:55,432
CHRIS IS GONNA MURDER
MRS. LOCKHART'S HUSBAND!
359
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:57,265
W-WE GOT TO STOP HIM!
360
00:14:57,334 --> 00:14:59,032
HEY, CAN WE STOP AT
THE SUPERMARKET?
361
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,798
I WANT A GRANNY SMITH APPLE.
AH!
362
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,999
HOW'S YOUR OATMEAL, HONEY?
363
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,799
YOU KNOW,
IT TASTES KIND OF
DIFFERENT THAN USUAL.
364
00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:13,398
OH, MY GOD!
THERE'S A BEAR IN MY OATMEAL.
365
00:15:14,901 --> 00:15:16,765
[Mr. Lockhart screaming]
366
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,331
[bear roaring]
367
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,098
[all chattering]
368
00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:25,931
[sighing]
YEAH, I KNOW. I'M LATE.
369
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,798
OK, LET'S JUST GET STARTED.
370
00:15:32,934 --> 00:15:36,131
HEY, YO, MAN,
WHAT'S THAT THING
IN THE MIDDLE?
371
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,432
WHAT, THIS?
372
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,432
[scoffs]
YOU GOT TO BE
FREAKING KIDDING ME.
373
00:15:39,501 --> 00:15:40,766
THAT'S AN AMPERSAND.
374
00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:42,631
IT'S A SYMBOL FOR
THE WORD "AND."
375
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:44,966
MY GOD,
NOBODY CAN BE THIS STUPID.
376
00:15:45,034 --> 00:15:47,098
N-N-NOT EVEN PETER
WHEN HE TOOK THAT BLOW
TO THE HEAD
377
00:15:47,167 --> 00:15:49,198
AND THOUGHT HE WAS LARRY
FROM THREE'S COMPANY.
378
00:15:49,267 --> 00:15:51,965
JACK, THERE'S A HOT TUB PARTY
ACROSS THE STREET
AND WE'RE INVITED.
379
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:53,932
OH, AND DON'T WORRY.
IF MR. FURLEY COMES BY,
380
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,432
I'LL MAKE SURE
HE THINKS YOU'RE...
381
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:56,531
♪[humming]
382
00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:58,665
YO, MR. GRIFFIN,
CHILLAX.
383
00:15:58,734 --> 00:16:00,264
WE'RE DOING
THE BEST WE CAN.
384
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:03,498
THERE IS NOTHING
I WOULD LIKE TO DO MORE
THAN CHILLAX, AMANDA.
385
00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:04,931
BUT W-WITHOUT
A DECENT EDUCATION,
386
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,598
YOU COULD SPEND
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
387
00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:08,932
AS A DITCH DIGGER
OR A MOTEL MAID OR A HOOKER.
388
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:10,299
I COULD BE A DITCH DIGGER?
389
00:16:10,368 --> 00:16:11,599
A MOTEL MAID?
390
00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:12,865
I COULD BE A HOOKER?
391
00:16:12,934 --> 00:16:15,032
W-W-WELL, NO. YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE A HOOKER.
392
00:16:15,101 --> 00:16:16,932
WOW, MR. GRIFFIN!
YOU'RE THE FIRST TEACHER
393
00:16:17,001 --> 00:16:18,699
THAT EVER TOLD US
WE COULD DO ANYTHING.
394
00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:21,732
WELL, I-I-I DIDN'T MEAN
SELL YOUR BODY FOR MONEY.
395
00:16:21,801 --> 00:16:23,132
"O, CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"
396
00:16:23,201 --> 00:16:24,765
NO, YOU'RE ACTUALLY
MISUNDERSTANDING.
397
00:16:24,834 --> 00:16:25,999
"O, CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"
398
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:27,598
WELL, IF IT WORKS FOR YOU,
I GUESS...
399
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:28,998
"O, CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"
400
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:31,098
WHAT THE HELL?
BE THE BEST DAMN HOOKER
YOU CAN BE.
401
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,631
"O, CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!"
402
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:35,098
IN YOUR CASE,
I'D GET THE MONEY UP FRONT.
403
00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:38,065
[mumbling]
404
00:16:40,134 --> 00:16:43,465
JACK, TWINS!
SWEDISH. MY PLACE. NOW.
405
00:16:46,567 --> 00:16:47,565
[screaming]
406
00:16:47,634 --> 00:16:48,965
OH, WE'RE TOO LATE!
407
00:16:49,034 --> 00:16:52,432
OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.
OK, I GOTTA CALL THE POLICE.
408
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,565
[grunts]
409
00:16:53,634 --> 00:16:55,398
[sniffing]
OH, WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
410
00:16:55,467 --> 00:16:57,398
OH, DEAD BODY, RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT THAT IS.
411
00:16:57,467 --> 00:16:59,398
MMM, I JUST HAD A DREAM
I WAS AN EGG,
412
00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:02,398
AND I WAS BEING HATCHED
BY ELISABETH HASSELBECK.
413
00:17:02,467 --> 00:17:05,966
AH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
I CAN'T CALL THE POLICE.
414
00:17:06,034 --> 00:17:08,732
I HAVE TO GET RID
OF THIS BODY,
OR CHRIS'LL GO TO PRISON!
415
00:17:08,801 --> 00:17:11,266
AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
IN THOSE PRISON SHOWERS.
416
00:17:11,334 --> 00:17:12,465
I'VE SEEN OZ.
417
00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:14,332
♪ SCRUB SCRUB HERE,
SCRUB SCRUB THERE ♪
418
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,132
♪ WHETHER YOU'RE WHITE
OR BRONZE ♪
419
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:20,166
♪ A MAN CAN WASH ANOTHER MAN
IN THE MERRY OLD LAND OF OZ ♪
420
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:25,799
[car door shuts]
421
00:17:25,867 --> 00:17:27,398
ALL RIGHT,
WAIT HERE, STEWIE,
422
00:17:27,466 --> 00:17:29,564
WHILE MOMMY GETS
THE CEMENT BLOCKS.
423
00:17:30,233 --> 00:17:31,265
[gasps]
424
00:17:34,434 --> 00:17:35,532
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT HERE?
425
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,932
YEAH, FINE, OFFICER.
JUST, UH, ENJOYING THE SUNSET.
426
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,999
NO LAW AGAINST THAT,
IS THERE?
427
00:17:40,068 --> 00:17:41,364
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SHIRT?
428
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:42,632
[laughing]
OH, YOU KNOW,
429
00:17:42,701 --> 00:17:44,132
JUST A PIZZA PARTY
AT THE OFFICE.
430
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,599
OH, YEAH? WHERE DO YOU WORK?
431
00:17:45,667 --> 00:17:48,131
FIRST FIDELITY INSURANCE
OVER ON WABOSSETTE STREET.
432
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,799
MY COUSIN, ARNIE,
WORKS OVER THERE.
433
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:51,432
OH, ARNIE'S YOUR COUSIN,
IS HE?
434
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,165
YOU KNOW HIM?
UH, SOMEWHAT.
435
00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:55,898
GOOD MIDDLE-MANAGEMENT TYPE.
JUST BLENDS IN WITH
THE FURNITURE THERE.
436
00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,799
NEVER REALLY WOWED
ANYONE AT THE OFFICE.
437
00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:59,932
YEAH, THAT'S ALWAYS
BEEN ARNIE'S PROBLEM.
438
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,032
WELL, TAKE IT EASY.
439
00:18:01,101 --> 00:18:02,299
YES, YES, YOU TOO, YOU TOO.
440
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:04,332
OH, AND, UH,
IF YOU SEE ARNIE TELL HIM,
441
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:05,532
[gibbering]
442
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,331
HE'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.
443
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:14,498
YOU KNOW WHAT
I HATE?
444
00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:15,832
A GUY IN
A BLUE SUIT.
445
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:16,965
OH!
446
00:18:17,034 --> 00:18:18,099
[inhaling]
447
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,999
THERE'S ONE RIGHT BEHIND ME,
ISN'T THERE?
448
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:24,332
YOU KNOW, LOIS,
CHRIS IS COOL
AND EVERYTHING,
449
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,998
BUT, UH, SINCE HE
KILLED THAT GUY, UH,
450
00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,565
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T BE
LIVING WITH US HERE NOW.
451
00:18:28,634 --> 00:18:29,665
PETER, I'M SCARED.
452
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,265
DON'T WORRY,
SWEETHEART.
453
00:18:31,334 --> 00:18:33,398
YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME
TO ESCAPE WHILE
HE'S KILLING MEG.
454
00:18:33,467 --> 00:18:35,065
HE HATES HER
THE MOST.
455
00:18:35,134 --> 00:18:37,132
HEY, EVERYBODY.
WHAT'S FOR DINNER?
456
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:38,398
I'M STARVING.
457
00:18:38,467 --> 00:18:40,765
MY GOD, HIS BLOOD LUST
IS UNQUENCHABLE!
458
00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:42,699
HEY, CHRIS, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE YOUR SISTER
459
00:18:42,767 --> 00:18:44,099
INTO THE KITCHEN
FOR A SANDWICH?
460
00:18:44,168 --> 00:18:45,199
I DON'T WANT TO DIE!
461
00:18:45,268 --> 00:18:46,365
[crashing]
462
00:18:46,433 --> 00:18:48,431
WHY IS EVERYBODY ACTING WEIRD?
463
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,166
CHRIS, HONEY,
WE KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
464
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:52,899
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
HONESTLY, I DON'T APPROVE.
465
00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:54,266
WHAT I DID?
466
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:57,698
OH, THAT I LIED ABOUT MY AGE
TO GET INTO INDIAN BINGO?
467
00:18:57,767 --> 00:18:59,366
UH, NO.
468
00:18:59,434 --> 00:19:01,965
THAT I HAD HARD GAS
AND POOED MYSELF?
469
00:19:02,034 --> 00:19:03,231
CLOSE, BUT STILL NO.
470
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:04,332
HOW IS THAT CLOSE?
471
00:19:04,401 --> 00:19:05,498
FOR GOD'S SAKE, CHRIS!
472
00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:06,832
YOU MURDERED MR. LOCKHART!
473
00:19:06,901 --> 00:19:08,565
WHAT? NO, I DIDN'T!
474
00:19:08,634 --> 00:19:11,066
OH, COME ON, CHRIS.
EVERYBODY'S DONE SOMETHING
THEY'RE NOT PROUD OF.
475
00:19:11,134 --> 00:19:12,698
LIKE WHEN I USED
TO BE A WONDER TWIN.
476
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:15,798
PETER,
THE OLD SCHOOLHOUSE
IS ON FIRE! LET'S GO!
477
00:19:15,867 --> 00:19:17,765
(both)
WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!
478
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:19,398
FORM OF A HAWK!
479
00:19:20,566 --> 00:19:21,798
COME ON, PETER.
480
00:19:21,867 --> 00:19:24,132
YEAH,
I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
481
00:19:24,201 --> 00:19:27,066
SHAPE OF JAYNA'S TAMPON.
482
00:19:31,301 --> 00:19:34,532
(Peter)
AND NOW I PLAY
THE WAITING GAME.
483
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,099
CHRIS, I SAW THE BODY.
484
00:19:36,167 --> 00:19:37,932
PREMEDITATED MURDER
IS ONE THING,
485
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:40,032
BUT I WILL NOT HAVE
LYING IN THIS HOUSE.
486
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,232
WAIT, WAIT,
HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
487
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,098
CAN WE FINISH THIS
AFTER JOAN OF ARCADIA?
488
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:44,798
OH, IS JOAN OF ARCADIA ON?
489
00:19:44,867 --> 00:19:46,098
ALL RIGHT.
490
00:19:46,167 --> 00:19:48,398
MUST BE GOOD.
ENJOYABLE PROGRAM.
491
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:49,665
WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST
492
00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:51,465
TO BRING YOU
A BREAKING NEWS STORY.
493
00:19:51,533 --> 00:19:54,265
WE APOLOGIZE TO
JOAN OF ARCADIA'S
SANCTIMONIOUS,
494
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:56,465
FEAR-BASED AND
PROBABLY OVERWEIGHT VIEWERS.
495
00:19:56,534 --> 00:19:58,866
THAT'S RIGHT, DIANE.
IT APPEARS RONALD LOCKHART
496
00:19:58,934 --> 00:20:00,866
HAS BEEN BRUTALLY MURDERED
BY HIS WIFE,
497
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:02,332
LANA, AND A LOCAL BEAR.
498
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,365
WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED.
499
00:20:04,434 --> 00:20:06,365
CHRIS, I GUESS
WE OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
500
00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:07,665
THAT'S OK.
501
00:20:07,734 --> 00:20:10,665
I JUST WONDER WHAT HAPPENED
TO MS. LOCKHART AND THAT BEAR.
502
00:20:10,734 --> 00:20:13,431
THE WHEREABOUTS
OF THESE SUSPECTS
ARE CURRENTLY UNKNOWN.
503
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:14,799
[crickets chirping]
504
00:20:14,867 --> 00:20:16,065
YOU READY?
505
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:17,632
WHAT'S THAT?
506
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:19,765
I THOUGHT WE'D TRY
THAT LOBSTER PLACE
WE PASSED IN THE CAR.
507
00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:21,798
YEAH, CAN I JUST, UH,
FINISH WATCHING THIS?
508
00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:24,264
YOU CAN WATCH T.V. ANYTIME.
I'M STARVING.
509
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:26,264
LANA, THIS IS GONNA BE
A REAL LONG TRIP
510
00:20:26,333 --> 00:20:28,331
IF YOU DON'T
KNOCK OFF THE CRAP!
511
00:20:30,366 --> 00:20:31,799
LOVE YOU.