1
00:00:03,134 --> 00:00:06,099
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:06,168 --> 00:00:09,166
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN
MOVIES AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:09,234 --> 00:00:12,799
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE
GOOD OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:12,867 --> 00:00:16,132
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,832
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:22,565
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO
POSITIVELY CAN DO ♪
7
00:00:22,634 --> 00:00:24,431
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:25,832
♪ LAUGH AND CRY ♪
9
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:30,599
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:38,799
[gasping]
THERE'S CRAIG HOFFMAN.
AH, HE'S SUCH A REBEL.
11
00:00:39,767 --> 00:00:41,999
OH, MY GOD,
HE'S SO GORGEOUS.
12
00:00:42,067 --> 00:00:44,232
AND HE PLAYS BY
NO ONE'S RULES
BUT HIS OWN.
13
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:45,698
MEG, YOU SHOULD
ASK HIM OUT.
14
00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:47,099
I MEAN,
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE OF US
15
00:00:47,168 --> 00:00:48,832
WHO'S EVER HAD
A REAL BOYFRIEND.
16
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,732
I'M BACK.
I BROUGHT ANOTHER PICNIC.
17
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:52,798
[flies buzzing]
18
00:00:52,867 --> 00:00:54,098
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD LISTENER.
19
00:00:54,167 --> 00:00:56,232
YOU'RE NOT LIKE
THE OTHER BOYS.
20
00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:58,065
[growling]
21
00:00:58,134 --> 00:01:00,432
YOU'RE SO GOOD WITH ANIMALS.
22
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:02,333
I GUESS I COULD
GIVE IT A TRY.
23
00:01:02,467 --> 00:01:04,166
ALL RIGHT,
HERE GOES.
24
00:01:04,235 --> 00:01:05,698
[laughs]
HI, CRAIG.
25
00:01:05,768 --> 00:01:08,966
UM, I--I WAS WONDERING IF
MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO...
26
00:01:09,034 --> 00:01:10,865
I DON'T KNOW,
GO OUT SOMETIME.
27
00:01:10,934 --> 00:01:12,966
[scoffs]
THAT'S ABOUT AS LIKELY
AS ME PLAYING
28
00:01:13,034 --> 00:01:15,032
BY SOMEONE ELSE'S RULES
BESIDES MY OWN,
29
00:01:15,101 --> 00:01:16,598
WHICH I WOULD NEVER DO.
30
00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:19,199
I PLAY BY MY OWN RULES,
NOBODY ELSE'S.
31
00:01:19,268 --> 00:01:20,465
NOT EVEN MY OWN.
32
00:01:20,533 --> 00:01:23,032
HOW ABOUT A MOVIE?
I DON'T GO OUT WITH DUDES.
33
00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:28,532
MOM, DAD, AM I UGLY?
34
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,332
OH, OF COURSE NOT,
SWEETIE.
35
00:01:30,401 --> 00:01:32,498
YEAH, WHERE'D YOU GET
A STUPID IDEA LIKE THAT?
36
00:01:32,567 --> 00:01:33,565
CRAIG HOFFMAN.
37
00:01:33,634 --> 00:01:35,299
CRAIG... CRAIG HOFFMAN
SAID THAT?
38
00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:37,399
WELL, HE'S A SHARP KID.
YOU MIGHT BE UGLY.
39
00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:38,965
[sobbing]
40
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,698
OH, THERE, THERE,
LET ME DRY THOSE TEARS.
41
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:48,098
OH, YES, YES.
YOUR ANGUISH SUSTAINS ME.
42
00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:50,498
MEG, HONEY, DON'T LET
THOSE AWFUL KIDS AT SCHOOL
43
00:01:50,567 --> 00:01:52,198
MAKE YOU FEEL
BAD ABOUT YOURSELF.
44
00:01:52,266 --> 00:01:54,732
I TELL YOU WHAT.
TOMORROW YOU AND I
ARE GONNA GO OUT
45
00:01:54,801 --> 00:01:56,598
AND GET YOU SOME
BRAND NEW OUTFITS.
46
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,565
MAYBE A PAIR OF
THOSE LOW-RIDER JEANS
47
00:01:58,634 --> 00:02:00,499
THAT'LL SHOW OFF
YOUR CUTE BUTT, HUH?
48
00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:02,766
REALLY? WOW, THANKS, MOM.
49
00:02:02,834 --> 00:02:04,498
MMM, MEG IN LOW-RIDERS.
50
00:02:05,267 --> 00:02:06,798
UGH, ENOUGH OF THAT.
51
00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:09,899
GO AWAY, DAMN YOU.
52
00:02:12,168 --> 00:02:14,431
OH, YOU'RE GOING
TO GET IT NOW.
53
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,266
[grunting]
54
00:02:20,466 --> 00:02:21,765
[panting]
55
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:26,798
OH, MY GOD!
56
00:02:28,334 --> 00:02:30,365
HORACE,
WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?
57
00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:31,866
WHAT THE HELL'S IT LOOK LIKE?
58
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,331
I'M PUTTING
THE BAR UP FOR SALE.
59
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,665
OH, PLEASE TELL ME
THIS IS SOME KIND
OF PRACTICAL JOKE.
60
00:02:35,734 --> 00:02:38,632
LIKE--LIKE THE KIND
I USED TO PLAY WHEN I WAS
AN INTERN AT THE HOSPITAL.
61
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,498
I'M AFRAID I HAVE
SOME VERY BAD NEWS.
62
00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:41,999
YOUR WIFE'S GONNA BE
A VEGETABLE.
63
00:02:42,067 --> 00:02:43,932
YOU'LL HAVE TO
BATHE HER, FEED HER,
64
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:45,832
AND CARE FOR HER
THE REST OF HER LIFE.
65
00:02:45,901 --> 00:02:47,298
OH, MY GOD.
66
00:02:47,366 --> 00:02:49,366
[laughing]
NO, NO, NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.
SHE'S DEAD.
67
00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:51,832
EVER SINCE THAT
MEGA-MALL OPENED
ACROSS THE STREET,
68
00:02:51,901 --> 00:02:53,765
IT'S BEEN TAKING AWAY
ALL MY BUSINESS.
69
00:02:55,468 --> 00:02:58,132
THEY GOT 300 STORES,
200 RESTAURANTS,
70
00:02:58,201 --> 00:03:01,366
53 BARS,
AND AN INDOOR CATTLE RANCH.
71
00:03:01,434 --> 00:03:03,298
I GO TO BASKIN-ROBBINS
EVERY NIGHT
72
00:03:03,367 --> 00:03:05,366
AND BUY MYSELF
A LITTLE TREAT.
73
00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:07,698
NOW, HOW IN THE HELL
AM I SUPPOSED TO
COMPETE WITH THAT?
74
00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:09,265
YOU NEED TO FIX
THE PLACE UP.
75
00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:12,632
REINVENT THE CLAM'S IMAGE
AND WE'LL HELP YOU.
76
00:03:12,701 --> 00:03:14,399
THAT'LL TAKE FOREVER.
77
00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:17,632
NOT IF WE DO A 1980s
FIXING-STUFF-UP MONTAGE.
78
00:03:17,701 --> 00:03:20,099
♪ YOU'VE GOT TO PUT ONE FOOT ♪
79
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,932
♪ IN FRONT OF THE OTHER ♪
80
00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:25,431
♪ PUT YOUR OTHER FOOT DOWN,
DOWN, DOWN ♪
81
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,532
♪ YOU'VE GOT TO PUT ONE FOOT ♪
82
00:03:27,601 --> 00:03:29,565
♪ IN FRONT OF THE OTHER ♪
83
00:03:29,633 --> 00:03:33,432
♪ PUT YOUR OTHER FOOT DOWN,
DOWN, DOWN ♪
84
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,732
♪ GIVE IT A CHANCE ♪
85
00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:39,932
♪ I'LL TEACH YOU TO DANCE ♪
86
00:03:41,734 --> 00:03:43,265
♪ ONLY TO LOVE ♪
87
00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:46,865
♪ A LITTLE BIT MORE ♪
88
00:03:46,934 --> 00:03:48,531
(Glenn)
WELL, I THINK
WE MADE IT WORSE.
89
00:03:48,601 --> 00:03:51,532
(Peter)
BOY, I DO NOT ENVY WHOEVER
HAS TO CLEAN THAT MESS UP.
90
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,199
BRIAN, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE STEWIE
91
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,232
WHILE MEG AND I GO
CLOTHES SHOPPING?
92
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:59,265
YOU KNOW, IT'S AWFULLY
DANGEROUS FOR ME TO
93
00:03:59,334 --> 00:04:01,132
BE WALKING AROUND
THE MALL AT MY HEIGHT.
94
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,498
I SAY, LET ME
GET ON YOUR BACK.
95
00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:03,732
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
96
00:04:03,801 --> 00:04:05,932
STRONG WITH THE FORCE,
YOUNG SKYWALKER IS.
97
00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:07,098
GOD, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
98
00:04:07,166 --> 00:04:08,232
THAT IS WHY YOU FAIL.
99
00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:09,532
OH, WHAT ABOUT THIS, MEG?
100
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,231
A PINK BABY TEE THAT
SAYS "LITTLE SLUT?"
101
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:13,598
THAT SEEMS PRETTY HIP.
102
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:15,865
(Meg)
I DON'T KNOW
IF THAT'S REALLY ME, MOM.
103
00:04:15,933 --> 00:04:17,931
WELL, THEY'VE GOT ONE
THAT SAYS "PORN STAR",
104
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,998
AND ANOTHER THAT
SAYS "SPERM DUMPSTER",
105
00:04:20,067 --> 00:04:21,565
AND THEY'RE ALL
WRITTEN IN GLITTER.
106
00:04:21,634 --> 00:04:23,765
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
GIVE ME "SPERM DUMPSTER."
107
00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:25,198
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
108
00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:26,698
YOU FINDING
EVERYTHING OK?
109
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,298
YES, THANK YOU.
110
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,865
WELL, YOU JUST LET ME
KNOW IF YOU NEED ANY--
HOW DO THESE JEANS LOOK?
111
00:04:30,934 --> 00:04:32,432
[shrieking]
112
00:04:36,201 --> 00:04:37,465
$10.
$5.
113
00:04:37,534 --> 00:04:38,932
$8 AND I'LL DO IT.
FINE.
114
00:04:39,001 --> 00:04:40,199
[people chattering]
115
00:04:40,268 --> 00:04:42,631
HELP, I'VE ESCAPED
FROM KEVIN SPACEY'S BASEMENT!
116
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,799
HELP ME!
117
00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:46,731
HA! I AM SO OUTRAGEOUS.
GIVE ME THE CASH.
118
00:04:48,167 --> 00:04:50,898
COLD IN HERE?
NOPE, JUST REALLY SMALL.
119
00:04:50,968 --> 00:04:54,098
FACE IT, MOM. NO MATTER
WHAT I WEAR, I LOOK UGLY.
120
00:04:54,167 --> 00:04:56,898
OH, MEG, YOU'RE BEING...
THAT'S...
121
00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:58,132
UH...
122
00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,765
LET'S TRY DOWN HERE.
123
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:04,066
COMING UP NEXT,
JOAN RIVERS SPEAKS
TO US FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.
124
00:05:04,134 --> 00:05:06,264
BUT FIRST, LET'S GO
TO THE QUAHOG MEGA-MALL
125
00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,331
WHERE ASIAN CORRESPONDENT
TRICIA TAKANAWA
126
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,965
IS HANDING OUT MAKEOVERS.
127
00:05:10,034 --> 00:05:11,333
THAT'S RIGHT, TOM.
128
00:05:11,401 --> 00:05:14,099
SOME LUCKY HIDEOUS WOMAN
WILL BE TRANSFORMED
129
00:05:14,168 --> 00:05:18,132
BY OUR MAKEOVER MAGICIANS
INTO SOMEONE OF VALUE
TO SOCIETY.
130
00:05:18,201 --> 00:05:20,632
MEG, THAT'S IT.
YOU COULD GET A MAKEOVER.
131
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:23,199
OH, THAT'D BE JUST
THE THING TO BOOST
YOUR CONFIDENCE.
132
00:05:23,268 --> 00:05:26,266
[yelling]
MISS TAKANAWA!
MISS TAKANAWA!
133
00:05:26,334 --> 00:05:27,999
OVER HERE!
134
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:30,965
AH, MY DAUGHTER
NEEDS A MAKEOVER LIKE
THERE'S NO FREAKING TOMORROW.
135
00:05:31,034 --> 00:05:32,698
[screaming]
136
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:38,065
IT LOOKS LIKE
WE'VE GOT A WINNER, TOM.
137
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:42,532
FACE IT,
THE CLAM IS DOOMED.
138
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,765
OH, COME ON, GUYS,
WE CAN'T GIVE UP NOW.
139
00:05:44,834 --> 00:05:49,232
OH, PETER, WE'VE TRIED
EVERY THEME WE COULD THINK OF
AND EVERYTHING'S FAILED.
140
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:52,565
ESPECIALLY THAT, UH,
COYOTE UGLY THEME.
141
00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:54,498
♪[music playing]
142
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,632
AH, IT'S NO USE,
THIS PLACE IS FINISHED.
143
00:06:01,701 --> 00:06:04,498
QUAGMIRE, GO GET THE
"FOR SALE" SIGN.
144
00:06:04,567 --> 00:06:06,598
HEY, HORACE,
WHAT THE HELL'S THIS?
145
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:10,099
IT'S A KARAOKE MACHINE.
I NEVER GOT AROUND
TO INSTALLING IT.
146
00:06:10,167 --> 00:06:12,965
A KARAOKE MACHINE?
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S IT.
147
00:06:13,034 --> 00:06:14,999
WE'LL TURN THIS PLACE
INTO A KARAOKE BAR.
148
00:06:15,068 --> 00:06:18,265
OH, MAN, THAT'S THE BEST IDEA
SINCE THEY FAKED
THE MOON LANDING.
149
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:19,665
(director)
OK, CUT.
150
00:06:23,934 --> 00:06:25,765
WOW! NEIL ARMSTRONG.
151
00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:27,965
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE ON THE MOON.
152
00:06:28,034 --> 00:06:29,599
I JUST SAW IT ON T.V.
153
00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:32,065
OH, THERE'S
A--A--A TAPE DELAY.
154
00:06:32,134 --> 00:06:34,465
AND, UH, IT WAS ALL, UH,
SOLAR WINDS...
155
00:06:38,901 --> 00:06:39,932
[tires screeching]
156
00:06:40,001 --> 00:06:41,765
[birds chirping]
157
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:44,732
PETER, TAKE A LOOK
AT YOUR DAUGHTER.
158
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,098
OH, MY GOD, LOIS,
I'M SORRY.
159
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:52,166
I-I-IT WAS 20 YEARS AGO.
I'D NEVER EVEN HEARD
THE WORD "RUBBER"...
160
00:06:52,234 --> 00:06:53,665
PETER, THIS IS MEG.
161
00:06:54,135 --> 00:06:55,099
OH!
162
00:06:55,168 --> 00:06:57,665
I GOT A MAKEOVER, DAD.
DON'T I LOOK GREAT?
163
00:06:57,734 --> 00:07:01,099
OH, MEG, HONEY, I ALWAYS
THOUGHT YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL
JUST THE WAY YOU...
164
00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:02,798
[laughing]
165
00:07:02,867 --> 00:07:06,132
OH, GOD, COULDN'T DO THAT
WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.
166
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:07,865
[laughing]
167
00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:10,432
OH, WELCOME TO
THE FAMILY, SWEETHEART.
168
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:13,099
CHRIS, GO BURN ALL
MEG'S OLD PICTURES.
169
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:17,032
(Mort)
♪ THERE'S GOT TO BE
A MORNING AFTER ♪
170
00:07:19,101 --> 00:07:23,032
♪ WE'RE MOVING
CLOSER TO THE SHORE ♪
171
00:07:25,234 --> 00:07:28,332
♪ I KNOW WE'LL BE
THERE BY TOMORROW ♪
172
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:33,965
♪ AND WE'LL ESCAPE
THE DARKNESS ♪
173
00:07:34,034 --> 00:07:37,865
♪ WE WON'T BE
SEARCHING ANYMORE ♪
174
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,165
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
175
00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:41,531
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
176
00:07:41,601 --> 00:07:43,032
THIS PLACE
SHOULD BE JUMPING.
177
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:45,132
WELL, WE JUST NEED
TO KICK IT UP A NOTCH.
178
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,732
HORACE, HIT IT.
179
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,032
♪ JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL ♪
180
00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:54,298
♪ LIVING IN A LONELY WORLD ♪
181
00:07:55,333 --> 00:07:57,431
♪ SHE TOOK THE
MIDNIGHT TRAIN ♪
182
00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:01,498
♪ GOING ANYWHERE ♪
183
00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:03,598
OH, PETER,
DON'T MAKE ME DO...
184
00:08:03,667 --> 00:08:07,098
♪ JUST A CITY BOY ♪
185
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:10,298
♪ BORN AND RAISED
IN SOUTH DETROIT ♪
186
00:08:11,467 --> 00:08:13,532
♪ HE TOOK
THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN ♪
187
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,498
♪ GOING ANYWHERE ♪
188
00:08:17,567 --> 00:08:20,465
OH, GOD,
I LOVE THIS SONG.
189
00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:23,632
AND I LOVE IT WHEN
AMATEURS SING THE LYRICS.
190
00:08:23,701 --> 00:08:26,332
BUT I HATE BASEBALL CARDS.
191
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,298
♪ SOME WILL WIN ♪
192
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,865
♪ SOME WILL LOSE ♪
193
00:08:30,934 --> 00:08:34,098
♪ SOME WERE BORN
TO SING THE BLUES ♪
194
00:08:34,167 --> 00:08:37,398
♪ OH, THE MOVIE NEVER ENDS ♪
195
00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:41,132
♪ IT GOES ON AND ON
AND ON AND ON AND ON ♪
196
00:08:41,201 --> 00:08:42,798
♪[scatting]
197
00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:44,865
♪[music continues playing]
198
00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:47,498
HEY, THAT'S JOURNEY.
KICKASS!
199
00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:49,099
HOWARD!
200
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:50,699
[sobbing]
201
00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:52,399
THAT IS JOURNEY.
202
00:08:52,467 --> 00:08:54,266
♪ STREETLIGHT ♪
203
00:08:54,335 --> 00:08:56,265
♪ PEOPLE ♪
204
00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:58,432
♪[yodeling]
205
00:08:59,633 --> 00:09:01,498
[all cheering]
206
00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:03,698
GET SOME! GET SOME!
207
00:09:07,167 --> 00:09:09,165
GUYS, WE WERE
FREAKING ELECTRIC.
208
00:09:09,234 --> 00:09:10,466
YEAH, THEY LOVED US.
209
00:09:10,534 --> 00:09:12,432
GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A SIGN.
210
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:15,398
WE ARE GONNA START
OUR OWN ROCK BAND, HUH?
211
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,865
WHO'S WITH ME?
(Cleveland)
I'M IN.
212
00:09:16,934 --> 00:09:18,331
(Joe)
I'M IN.
I'M IN.
213
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,232
LOOKS LIKE THE GUYS ARE
GONNA FORM A ROCK BAND.
214
00:09:21,301 --> 00:09:22,965
MAYBE THEY'LL LEARN
A LITTLE SOMETHING.
215
00:09:23,034 --> 00:09:25,565
STICK AROUND,
YOU JUST MIGHT LEARN
SOMETHING, TOO.
216
00:09:25,634 --> 00:09:27,532
[chuckling]
217
00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:34,565
UH, YOU KNOW, PETER,
JUST BECAUSE YOU GUYS
218
00:09:34,634 --> 00:09:37,065
ENTERTAINED A BUNCH OF
DRUNKEN IDIOTS
AT A KARAOKE BAR,
219
00:09:37,134 --> 00:09:39,132
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU HAVE WHAT
IT TAKES TO FORM A BAND.
220
00:09:39,201 --> 00:09:42,098
OH, BRIAN, YOU'RE JUST
ANTS AT A PICNIC.
WE'RE GONNA BE AWESOME.
221
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:43,665
WAIT.
UH, WHAT--WHAT--WHAT AM I?
222
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:45,132
I'M ANTS AT A PICNIC?
223
00:09:45,201 --> 00:09:46,932
IS--IS THAT WHAT
YOU JUST SAID?
224
00:09:47,001 --> 00:09:49,065
I JUST...
I'M ANTS AT A PICNIC?
225
00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:50,632
ALL RIGHT.
JUST MAKING SURE.
226
00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,165
YEAH, HEY, SORRY
I'M LATE, FELLAS.
227
00:09:52,234 --> 00:09:55,232
OH, COOL, GLENN.
YOU LOOK JUST LIKE TOMMY LEE.
228
00:09:55,301 --> 00:09:56,798
WELL, I FIGURED
IT'D BE APPROPRIATE
229
00:09:56,867 --> 00:09:58,531
SINCE I JUST FOUND OUT
I GOT HEPATITIS.
230
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,665
YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE
SHOULD HAVE DECIDED ON
OUTFITS THAT MATCHED.
231
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:03,565
NOW WE ALL LOOK
LIKE A BUNCH OF QUEERS.
232
00:10:03,634 --> 00:10:05,365
FELLAS, IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT YOU WEAR
233
00:10:05,434 --> 00:10:08,699
AS LONG AS YOU PLAY
KICKASS ROCK AND ROLL
AND DO THIS WITH YOUR TONGUE.
234
00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:09,832
AM I RIGHT, GENE?
235
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,331
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, PETE.
236
00:10:14,867 --> 00:10:16,432
[Lois giggling]
237
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:20,232
(Lois)
OH, MY. HI, GENE.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE.
238
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,799
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
KEEP IT IN YOUR MOUTH,
ROCK STAR.
239
00:10:24,733 --> 00:10:25,866
[boy whistling]
240
00:10:25,934 --> 00:10:26,999
[all exclaiming]
241
00:10:27,068 --> 00:10:28,831
WOW! GREAT JOB
GETTING HOT, MEG.
242
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,765
GEE, THANKS.
243
00:10:30,833 --> 00:10:32,565
HEY, MEG.
OH, HI, CRAIG.
244
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:35,098
NOW THAT YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE,
HOW ABOUT WE GO OUT SOMETIME?
245
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:36,465
GOSH, I'D LOVE TO.
246
00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:39,665
GREAT, I'LL PICK YOU UP
WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT.
247
00:10:39,733 --> 00:10:42,565
HEY, MEG.
WE NOTICED CRAIG HOFFMAN
JUST ASKED YOU OUT.
248
00:10:42,634 --> 00:10:43,831
THAT MAKES YOU COOL.
249
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:45,032
WANNA HANG OUT WITH US?
250
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,198
WOW, SURE.
251
00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:47,865
HEY, I'M HERE
TO PICK YOU UP.
252
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:53,298
HERE WE ARE, FELLAS.
OUR FIRST MAJOR GIG.
253
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:55,665
PETER, THIS IS
A HOUSE OF CORRECTIONS.
254
00:10:55,734 --> 00:10:58,299
HEY, YOU GOTTA START
SOMEWHERE, FELLAS.
THAT'S HOW YOU EVOLVE.
255
00:10:58,368 --> 00:11:00,298
LIKE WHEN THE TIN MAN
FOUND OUT HE WAS GAY.
256
00:11:16,233 --> 00:11:18,199
OH, OH, LOOK WHAT
HAPPENED BY ACCIDENT.
257
00:11:18,267 --> 00:11:19,532
[inmates chattering]
258
00:11:19,601 --> 00:11:21,865
I HEAR THERE'S A LOT
OF BUZZ ABOUT THIS BAND.
259
00:11:21,934 --> 00:11:24,832
YEAH, THERE WAS
A PRETTY POSITIVE REVIEW
CARVED IN TONY'S ASS.
260
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:27,132
ALL RIGHT, KIDS.
NOW EVERYONE STAY TOGETHER.
261
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,832
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
TO YOUR FATHER THAT
262
00:11:28,901 --> 00:11:30,899
WE'RE HERE FOR
HIS BAND'S FIRST PERFORMANCE.
263
00:11:30,967 --> 00:11:32,999
THE PEOPLE WHO BEAT YOU
ARE PROUD TO PRESENT,
264
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,665
ALL THE WAY FROM QUAHOG,
265
00:11:34,734 --> 00:11:37,298
FAT, HORNY, BLACK AND JOE.
266
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:40,865
HELLO, CLEVELAND!
267
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,231
HELLO, PETER.
268
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,333
1, 2, 3, 4...
269
00:11:46,366 --> 00:11:48,232
OH, MY GOD,
WE DON'T KNOW ANY SONGS.
270
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:49,798
YOU SUCK!
GET OFF THE STAGE!
271
00:11:49,867 --> 00:11:50,865
[all booing]
272
00:11:51,734 --> 00:11:52,898
WHAT DO WE DO?
273
00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:54,865
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.
274
00:11:54,934 --> 00:11:57,298
[gibbering]
275
00:11:57,366 --> 00:12:01,298
UH, HEY, UH, HOW ABOUT
A FUNNY STORY ABOUT
LAKE WOBEGONE?
276
00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:05,165
IT WAS THE DAY
OF THE TUNA
HOT-DISH JAMBOREE...
277
00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:07,465
OH, NO. KIDS,
YOUR FATHER'S IN TROUBLE.
278
00:12:07,533 --> 00:12:08,698
I'M GOING UP THERE.
279
00:12:08,767 --> 00:12:11,333
I'M COMING, TOO, MOM.
OH, MY GOD.
280
00:12:11,401 --> 00:12:13,832
THE GUY BEHIND ME
BRAIDED MY HAIR.
281
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:15,665
[groaning]
282
00:12:15,734 --> 00:12:18,364
CHRIS, GRAB A GUITAR.
BRIAN, TAKE THE DRUMS.
283
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:19,899
HERE, STEWIE, PLAY WITH THIS.
284
00:12:19,968 --> 00:12:22,032
MOM, CAN WE PLEASE
JUST GET OUT OF HERE?
285
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,232
[all gasping]
286
00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:25,065
OH, MY GOD.
287
00:12:25,134 --> 00:12:26,266
WHO IS SHE?
288
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:29,232
GOD, I COULD
STRANGLE HER ALL NIGHT LONG.
289
00:12:29,301 --> 00:12:32,199
BOY, THAT'S NOT HEALTHY,
IS IT? THAT THAT'S
THE FIRST PLACE I GO TO?
290
00:12:33,134 --> 00:12:34,799
HIT IT!
291
00:12:34,868 --> 00:12:40,732
♪ CLOUDY SKIES AND RAIN CLOUDS
HAVE COME TO STAY ♪
292
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:45,364
♪ WINDY NIGHTS AND SAD SIGHTS
WON'T GO AWAY ♪
293
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:47,166
♪ SHA-LA-LA-LA-LA. ♪
294
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:52,365
♪ BUT I WANNA BE
WITHOUT A CARE ♪
295
00:12:52,434 --> 00:12:57,298
♪ UNICORNS AND BUTTERFLIES
EVERYWHERE ♪
296
00:13:02,767 --> 00:13:04,865
(all)
♪ GONNA, GONNA, GONNA,
GONNA, GONNA, GONNA ♪
297
00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:07,066
♪ BUY ME A RAINBOW ♪
298
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:10,965
♪ GONNA, GONNA, GONNA,
GONNA, GONNA, GONNA ♪
299
00:13:11,034 --> 00:13:14,332
♪ WRAP IT UP IN A
GREAT BIG BOW ♪
300
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,432
♪ THE TIME IS RIGHT
IT'S DAY, NOT NIGHT ♪
301
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:23,365
♪ JUST OPEN UP YOUR HEART
IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT ♪
302
00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:25,632
♪ GONNA, GONNA, GONNA,
GONNA, GONNA, GONNA ♪
303
00:13:25,701 --> 00:13:27,698
♪ BUY ME A RAINBOW ♪
304
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,198
♪ BUY ME A RAINBOW ♪
305
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,498
♪ RAINBOW ♪
306
00:13:33,201 --> 00:13:34,698
[all cheering]
307
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:38,032
YOU GUYS WERE GREAT.
308
00:13:38,101 --> 00:13:39,531
MY NAME'S JIMMY IOVINE.
309
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,765
AND I'D LIKE TO MAKE YOU
FILTHY RICH ROCK STARS.
310
00:13:41,834 --> 00:13:43,932
WOW! YOU'RE THE CHAIRMAN
OF INTERSCOPE RECORDS.
311
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:45,531
WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN PRISON?
UH...
312
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,166
I STOMPED A CAT TO DEATH.
313
00:13:47,235 --> 00:13:48,932
LISTEN, YOU GUYS
GOT TALENT.
314
00:13:49,001 --> 00:13:50,499
WELL, WHERE DO WE SIGN?
315
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:52,366
RIGHT HERE,
ON TONY'S BUTT CHEEK.
316
00:13:53,534 --> 00:13:54,532
[screaming]
317
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,531
AND INITIAL HERE
318
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:56,498
[screaming]
319
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:57,531
AND HERE.
320
00:13:57,601 --> 00:13:58,632
[screaming]
321
00:13:58,701 --> 00:13:59,698
AND DATE.
322
00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:01,066
[screaming]
323
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:02,965
OH, CRAP.
TODAY'S THE 17TH.
324
00:14:03,034 --> 00:14:04,332
[screaming]
325
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,565
(Meg)
♪ GONNA, GONNA, GONNA,
GONNA, GONNA, GONNA ♪
326
00:14:09,634 --> 00:14:11,631
♪ BUY ME A RAINBOW ♪
327
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,231
♪ BUY ME A RAINBOW ♪
328
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:14,599
♪ RAINBOW ♪
329
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:18,198
HOW WAS THAT, DR. DITTY?
330
00:14:18,267 --> 00:14:19,865
YO, THAT SOUNDS SMOOTH,
Y'ALL.
331
00:14:19,934 --> 00:14:21,065
I JUST HAVE A--
332
00:14:21,134 --> 00:14:23,066
[barking]
333
00:14:23,134 --> 00:14:25,732
OH, OH, GOD, UH, GOD.
I'M SO SORRY.
I KEEP DOING THAT.
334
00:14:25,801 --> 00:14:27,965
OH, GOD, PLEASE,
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
335
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,799
I--I GET THAT FROM MY FATHER.
HE'S FROM
A DIFFERENT GENERATION.
336
00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:32,832
IT'S, UH...
WHATEVER, MAN.
337
00:14:32,901 --> 00:14:34,432
WE--WE COOL? WE GOOD?
338
00:14:34,501 --> 00:14:36,299
YEAH, WE'RE COOL. FINE.
339
00:14:36,368 --> 00:14:37,766
[snarling]
340
00:14:37,834 --> 00:14:41,765
UM, MR. DOCTOR?
IF YOU GET SHOT IN A RAP FEUD,
341
00:14:41,834 --> 00:14:44,065
CAN YOU PERFORM
SURGERY ON YOURSELF?
342
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,199
WELL, NO, CHRIS.
MY DEGREE'S IN OPTOMETRY.
343
00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:50,532
ALL RIGHT, DR. DITTY.
I GOT 3 CHOICES FOR YOU
FOR THE NAME OF THE BAND:
344
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,199
PETER GRIFFIN STARSHIP,
345
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,465
PETER GRIFFIN
AND THE SUNDAY STEPPERS,
346
00:14:54,534 --> 00:14:56,599
OR TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS.
347
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:58,565
I THINK
THE NAME IS MEG.
348
00:14:58,634 --> 00:15:00,531
ME? WHY?
YEAH, WHY?
349
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,465
LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING
TO YOU, ALL RIGHT?
350
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:06,265
WE GOT TO GET HER HALF-NAKED
AND PUT HER OUT FRONT,
CENTER STAGE.
351
00:15:06,334 --> 00:15:08,532
AND THAT'S GONNA
MAKE Y'ALL BILLIONAIRES
352
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,432
BECAUSE AMERICA LOVES
HOT, WHITE JAILBAIT ASS.
353
00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:14,032
WAIT A MINUTE.
354
00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:16,698
THAT'S THE SMARTEST THING
I'VE EVER HEARD
355
00:15:16,768 --> 00:15:18,998
ANYONE SAY ABOUT ANYTHING.
356
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:22,065
I'M NOT SURE I'M COMFORTABLE
WITH MEG BEING
EXPLOITED THAT WAY.
357
00:15:22,134 --> 00:15:25,365
SHUT UP, MOM,
IT'S NOT YOUR DECISION.
I WANT TO BE EXPLOITED.
358
00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:27,632
MEG, DON'T YOU
TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.
359
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:29,298
LOOK, LOIS,
I LOVE MEAL TICKET
360
00:15:29,367 --> 00:15:30,998
JUST AS MUCH AS I LOVE
CHRIS AND STEVIE,
361
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:33,965
BUT BUSINESS IS BUSINESS.
SO, LET'S GET THIS SHOW
ON THE ROAD, EH?
362
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,999
GOOD. NOW, I JUST
NEED YOU TO SIGN THIS.
363
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,598
[barking]
364
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,665
OH, GOD. SORRY,
SORRY, SORRY.
365
00:15:39,733 --> 00:15:41,632
OH, MY GOD.
THAT--THAT--THAT IS NOT ME.
366
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,465
THAT'S NOT WHO I AM.
I VOTE DEMOCRAT.
367
00:15:43,534 --> 00:15:46,432
UH, IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.
WE--WE COOL? WE GOOD?
368
00:15:48,101 --> 00:15:49,099
[door opening]
369
00:15:49,168 --> 00:15:50,498
YOU, UH...
370
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:53,032
Y-Y-YOU GUYS KNOW
I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH
BLACK PEOPLE, RIGHT?
371
00:15:53,101 --> 00:15:54,132
OH, YEAH. SURE.
372
00:15:54,201 --> 00:15:55,698
[all agreeing]
373
00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:57,599
YOU DID SAY YOU
HATED CROOKLYN.
374
00:15:57,667 --> 00:15:59,865
(all)
♪ GONNA, GONNA, GONNA,
GONAN, GONNA, GONNA ♪
375
00:15:59,934 --> 00:16:01,765
♪ BUY ME A RAINBOW ♪
376
00:16:03,633 --> 00:16:05,798
♪ GONNA, GONNA, GONNA,
GONAN, GONNA, GONNA ♪
377
00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:09,432
♪ WRAP IT UP IN
A GREAT BIG BOW ♪
378
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:12,065
♪ THE TIME IS RIGHT,
IT'S DAY NOT NIGHT ♪
379
00:16:12,134 --> 00:16:14,099
♪ JUST OPEN UP YOUR HEART ♪
380
00:16:14,167 --> 00:16:15,965
♪ IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT ♪
381
00:16:17,235 --> 00:16:18,665
HEY, DOC, YOU, UH,
GOT A MINUTE?
382
00:16:18,734 --> 00:16:19,932
WHAT YOU WANT, DOG?
383
00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:22,299
UH, YEAH, SO, UH.
HEY, UH, CHECK IT OUT.
384
00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:25,631
UH, STEWIE AND I HAVE BEEN,
UH, WORKING ON SOME,
UH, STUFF OF OUR OWN.
385
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,631
AND, UH, WE THOUGHT
THERE MIGHT BE A PLACE
386
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:29,932
FOR US TO SING
ON THE NEXT ALBUM.
387
00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:32,398
HEY, UH, COOL.
YOU'RE BUSY. NO SWEAT.
388
00:16:35,201 --> 00:16:37,398
BOY, BENSON WAS
A FUNNY SHOW.
389
00:16:40,201 --> 00:16:41,932
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
390
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,298
WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?
391
00:16:43,366 --> 00:16:45,532
HE SAID HE'D THINK ABOUT IT.
OK, SO, UH, WHERE WERE WE?
392
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:46,598
OH, OK.
393
00:16:46,667 --> 00:16:49,966
♪ I WANT TO HAVE
INTERCOURSE WITH YOU ♪
394
00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:51,366
♪ UH, OOH, YEAH ♪
395
00:16:51,435 --> 00:16:53,798
♪ INTERCOURSE WITH YOU ♪
396
00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:55,098
♪ RELATIONS ♪
397
00:16:55,167 --> 00:16:58,066
♪ INTERCOURSE WITH
YOU-HOO-HOO-HOO ♪
398
00:16:58,134 --> 00:16:59,999
RIGHT?
YEAH. NO, GREAT,
THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
399
00:17:00,068 --> 00:17:01,631
ALL RIGHT, YEAH,
GROOVY, GROOVY.
400
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,798
NOW, UH, IS THERE
A SHORTER WORD
FOR INTERCOURSE?
401
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:06,166
LOIS, GO GRAB ME
ANOTHER BAG OF SKITTLES.
402
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,665
EXCUSE ME,
YOUNG LADY?
403
00:17:07,734 --> 00:17:09,065
DID I FREAKING STUTTER?
404
00:17:09,134 --> 00:17:11,465
I SAID MORE SKITTLES.
405
00:17:11,533 --> 00:17:13,099
ALL RIGHT.
THAT IS IT, MEG.
406
00:17:13,168 --> 00:17:14,865
YOU KNOW, EVER SINCE
YOU GOT THAT MAKEOVER
407
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,798
YOU'VE DEVELOPED
A TERRIBLE ATTITUDE.
408
00:17:16,867 --> 00:17:20,165
AND ALL THE SUCCESS
WITH THE FAMILY BAND
IS ONLY MAKING IT WORSE.
409
00:17:20,234 --> 00:17:21,431
THE FAMILY BAND?
410
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,032
[chuckles]
411
00:17:23,101 --> 00:17:26,032
YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU
HAVEN'T NOTICED, LOIS,
BUT I AM THE BAND.
412
00:17:26,101 --> 00:17:27,298
RIGHT, MISSUS WONG?
413
00:17:27,366 --> 00:17:31,298
OH, YEAH, SHE BAND.
OLD LADY JEALOUS.
414
00:17:31,366 --> 00:17:34,099
PETER, WE HAVE TO
DO SOMETHING.
WE'RE LOSING OUR DAUGHTER.
415
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:35,932
I'M WORRIED ABOUT
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HER.
416
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,699
LOIS, LOIS,
THIS IS THE KIND OF THING
417
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:40,832
THAT ALWAYS RESOLVES ITSELF
IF YOU JUST IGNORE IT,
ALL RIGHT?
418
00:17:40,901 --> 00:17:43,865
UH, WH-WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT
IS WE'RE LIVING
THE SWEET LIFE, HUH?
419
00:17:43,934 --> 00:17:46,632
THIS IS EVEN MORE FUN
THAN WHEN I PERFORMED
AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
420
00:17:46,701 --> 00:17:49,232
MR. PRESIDENT,
I PRESENT TO YOU
PETER GRIFFIN.
421
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,399
[babbling]
422
00:17:52,134 --> 00:17:53,765
[laughing]
423
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:55,166
[sputtering]
424
00:17:55,234 --> 00:17:56,366
[laughing]
425
00:17:56,435 --> 00:17:57,598
[glass shattering]
426
00:17:58,068 --> 00:17:59,999
[crying]
427
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,232
[sobbing]
428
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,866
OK, LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY.
I GOT GREAT NEWS.
429
00:18:07,934 --> 00:18:10,166
MEG, YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
ARE GONNA PERFORM
430
00:18:10,234 --> 00:18:12,498
ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
431
00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:15,531
YOU MEAN I'M GONNA
GET TO MEET JOHN BELUSHI
AND GILDA RADNER,
432
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,899
AND PHIL HARTMAN,
AND CHRIS FARLEY,
AND HORATIO SANZ? SWEET!
433
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:25,165
WOW. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
434
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,965
I CAN'T THINK OF
ANYTHING MORE EXCITING.
435
00:18:28,034 --> 00:18:31,165
OH, MY GOD,
A WATER FOUNTAIN!
436
00:18:31,233 --> 00:18:32,931
[laughing]
437
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:35,832
[chuckling]
HEY, MEG, UH,
438
00:18:35,901 --> 00:18:37,332
I'M, UH, JIMMY FALLON.
439
00:18:37,401 --> 00:18:40,498
IT'S, UH, IT'S GREAT TO
FINALLY MEET YOU.
I'M HOSTING.
440
00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:41,765
HEY, UH,
441
00:18:41,834 --> 00:18:43,899
WHY DON'T YOU COME HANG OUT
IN MY DRESSING ROOM?
442
00:18:43,967 --> 00:18:45,932
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
UH, NOTHING.
443
00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:47,832
UH, COME ON, LET'S GO.
444
00:18:47,901 --> 00:18:49,665
PETER,
I'M WORRIED ABOUT MEG.
445
00:18:49,734 --> 00:18:51,431
SHE'S SPIRALING
OUT OF CONTROL.
446
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,665
I MEAN, WHAT IF SHE
DEVELOPS A COKE PROBLEM?
447
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:54,899
NO COKE. PEPSI.
448
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:55,899
[laughing]
449
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,032
OH!
450
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,133
OH, COME ON,
YOU SET ME UP FOR THAT ONE.
451
00:19:03,034 --> 00:19:04,565
WOW, JIMMY.
452
00:19:04,634 --> 00:19:06,998
THAT WAS EVERYTHING
LADIES HOME JOURNAL
SAID IT WOULD BE.
453
00:19:07,067 --> 00:19:09,532
AWESOME,
GREAT, THANKS.
454
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,365
UM, YOU KNOW,
THERE'S--THERE'S SOMETHING
I...
455
00:19:11,433 --> 00:19:12,465
[laughs]
456
00:19:12,534 --> 00:19:14,065
THERE'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA TELL YOU.
457
00:19:14,134 --> 00:19:17,365
BEING WITH YOU
JUST MADE ME FEEL SO...
LIVE FROM NEW YORK,
458
00:19:17,433 --> 00:19:18,565
[yelling]
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
459
00:19:18,634 --> 00:19:19,665
[people cheering]
460
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:20,932
[gasping]
461
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,198
(male announcer)
IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.
462
00:19:23,267 --> 00:19:24,765
OH, MY GOD.
463
00:19:24,834 --> 00:19:27,132
YEAH, THAT WASN'T A VERY GOOD
OPENING SKETCH, WAS IT?
464
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,232
A RARE MISS.
465
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,299
I DON'T THINK THAT
WAS A SKETCH, PETER.
466
00:19:30,368 --> 00:19:34,065
[sobbing]
MOM, DAD,
HE USED ME FOR COMEDY.
467
00:19:34,134 --> 00:19:35,465
WAIT A MINUTE.
468
00:19:35,534 --> 00:19:37,665
ARE YOU TELLING ME
THAT MY DAUGHTER
WAS DEFLOWERED
469
00:19:37,734 --> 00:19:40,332
IN FRONT OF
ONE-AND-A-HALF TIMES
THE MAD T.V. AUDIENCE?
470
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,698
OH, MY POOR BABY.
471
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:43,499
MY GOD, LOIS,
YOU WERE RIGHT.
472
00:19:43,567 --> 00:19:45,466
WHY THE HELL
DIDN'T I SEE IT COMING?
473
00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:47,132
ALL RIGHT, STAND ASIDE.
474
00:19:47,201 --> 00:19:50,065
IT'S ABOUT TIME
I DID MY FATHERLY DUTY.
475
00:19:50,134 --> 00:19:51,399
[chuckles]
I SAID "DUTY,"
476
00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:53,099
BUT NO TIME TO LAUGH
ABOUT IT NOW.
477
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:55,099
[audience cheering]
478
00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:57,465
HEY, EVERYBODY,
IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK.
479
00:19:57,534 --> 00:19:59,532
SO WE GOT A GREAT SHOW
TONIGHT AND--
480
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,232
HEY, FALLON,
SAY GOODNIGHT, YOU BUM.
481
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,765
AND THIS IS FOR LAUGHING
AND LOOKING AT THE CAMERA
482
00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:07,498
DURING EVERY SKETCH
YOU'VE EVER BEEN IN.
483
00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:09,565
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
CAROL BURNETT?
484
00:20:09,633 --> 00:20:12,264
YOU THINK BECAUSE SHE DID IT,
IT'S OK FOR YOU?
485
00:20:12,333 --> 00:20:15,298
YOU HAVEN'T EARNED
WHAT SHE'S EARNED, BUDDY.
486
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,632
ALL RIGHT,
NOW WHERE'S THE GUY
WHO SLEPT WITH MY DAUGHTER?
487
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:22,233
I'M SO GLAD TO BE
THE REAL ME AGAIN.
488
00:20:22,301 --> 00:20:23,898
IT'S TOO MUCH WORK
BEING BEAUTIFUL.
489
00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:25,265
[chuckles]
NOT FOR ME,
490
00:20:25,334 --> 00:20:27,364
BUT IT'S GOOD TO
HAVE YOU BACK, PUMPKIN.
491
00:20:27,433 --> 00:20:29,798
WELL, I GUESS THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING LEFT TO DO.
492
00:20:29,868 --> 00:20:31,532
[audience cheering]
493
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:37,265
UH, LISTEN, THANKS, EVERYBODY.
I HAD A GREAT TIME TONIGHT.
494
00:20:37,334 --> 00:20:39,032
UH, I WANT TO THANK
JIMMY FALLON
495
00:20:39,101 --> 00:20:40,732
FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD SPORT.
496
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,898
UH, LOIS, MEG, STEWIE,
BRIAN, CHRIS, UH,
THE GUYS FROM THE PRISON,
497
00:20:44,967 --> 00:20:46,498
UH, COUNTING CROWS.
498
00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:48,565
UH--UH, IF I'M FORGETTING
ANYBODY, I'M SORRY.
499
00:20:48,633 --> 00:20:49,798
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!
500
00:20:49,867 --> 00:20:51,565
OUR THOUGHTS ARE
WITH YOU, CHEVY!
501
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,865
(male announcer)
FROM THE WORLD FAMOUS
APOLLO THEATER IN HARLEM,
502
00:20:59,934 --> 00:21:02,432
IT'S SHOW TIME AT THE--
503
00:21:03,467 --> 00:21:05,632
WHAT? I'M TIRED.
504
00:21:05,701 --> 00:21:08,565
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE FACT THAT
IT'S A BLACK SHOW.
505
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:11,098
WHAT? I CAN'T BE TIRED
AT 1:00 IN THE MORNING?
506
00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:12,832
[barking]