1
00:00:03,001 --> 00:00:05,665
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:05,734 --> 00:00:08,865
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON T.V. ♪
3
00:00:08,934 --> 00:00:12,698
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE
GOOD OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:12,767 --> 00:00:15,932
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY? ♪
5
00:00:16,001 --> 00:00:19,265
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:19,334 --> 00:00:22,398
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN
WHO POSITIVELY CAN DO ♪
7
00:00:22,467 --> 00:00:24,199
♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
8
00:00:24,267 --> 00:00:25,965
♪ LAUGH AND CRY ♪
9
00:00:26,034 --> 00:00:30,699
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,765
OH, PETER, THIS GAME NIGHT
WAS A GREAT IDEA.
11
00:00:37,834 --> 00:00:39,966
YEAH, THIS WILL BE
A LOT MORE FUN
THAN LAST SATURDAY
12
00:00:40,034 --> 00:00:41,865
WHEN WE WENT TO SEE
THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES.
13
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:44,065
SO, UH,
IN INTERNATIONAL NEWS,
14
00:00:44,134 --> 00:00:46,365
UH, NO LUCK YET
FINDING OSAMA BIN LADEN.
15
00:00:46,434 --> 00:00:48,399
UH, SO THE GOVERNMENT
IS TRYING A NEW TACTIC.
16
00:00:48,467 --> 00:00:51,032
THEY'VE HIRED
JEFF GILLOOLY.
17
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:52,899
GILLOOLY.
18
00:00:52,967 --> 00:00:54,232
[man clearing throat]
19
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:57,198
UH, SORRY, I GUESS THAT
JOKE WAS, UH, NOT SO FRESH,
20
00:00:57,267 --> 00:00:58,866
BUT YOU KNOW...
21
00:01:01,234 --> 00:01:03,532
OK, JOE.
RIGHT FOOT, GREEN.
22
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,665
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S DO IT!
23
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:08,133
YES! I AM THE KING!
24
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,965
THANKS FOR INCLUDING
MY CIVIL RIGHTS BOARD GAME
25
00:01:11,034 --> 00:01:13,298
IN THE GAME NIGHT
ROTATION, GUYS.
26
00:01:13,366 --> 00:01:16,465
OH, WE'RE
ALWAYS HAPPY TO PLAY
2 DECADES OF DIGNITY.
27
00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:19,098
IT MAKES US ALL FEEL
A LITTLE LESS GUILTY.
28
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,999
"FOR WHISTLING
AT A WHITE WOMAN,
29
00:01:23,068 --> 00:01:24,331
GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL."
30
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,465
AH, MAN, DOES ANYONE
EVER WIN AT THIS GAME?
31
00:01:26,534 --> 00:01:27,698
YOU DON'T WIN.
32
00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:30,266
YOU JUST DO
A LITTLE BETTER EACH TIME.
33
00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:31,331
[crickets chirping]
34
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:33,565
OK, EVERYBODY,
TIME FOR PAINTBALL.
35
00:01:33,634 --> 00:01:35,465
OH, I FORGOT TO PICK UP
THE PAINTBALL GUNS.
36
00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:37,165
WELL, WE COULD USE THESE.
37
00:01:37,234 --> 00:01:39,665
I BROUGHT THEM
FROM THE OFFICE.
38
00:01:39,734 --> 00:01:42,898
PETER, IS IT SAFE
TO BE FIRING REAL GUNS
AT EACH OTHER IN THE HOUSE?
39
00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:44,998
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
NOBODY FIRE AT LOIS.
40
00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:46,331
SHE'S SCARED.
41
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,532
ALL RIGHT,
1, 2, 3, GO!
42
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:49,932
[guns firing]
43
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,232
[glass breaking]
44
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:53,333
[all laughing]
45
00:01:59,834 --> 00:02:02,098
(Joe)
MISSED, YOU ASS.
46
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:03,832
OW! DAMN IT,
PETER, THAT HURT.
47
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:04,999
RELAX, QUAGMIRE.
48
00:02:05,068 --> 00:02:06,598
YOU'RE DOING
BETTER THAN PETER WELLER
49
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:08,433
FROM THE OPENING SCENE
OF ROBOCOP.
50
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,899
[screaming]
51
00:02:10,968 --> 00:02:12,598
WELL, NOW THAT
THE MESS IS
ALL CLEANED UP
52
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:14,299
AND WE'RE BACK FROM
THE EMERGENCY ROOM,
53
00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:16,099
IT'S TIME FOR
THE LAST GAME
OF THE NIGHT,
54
00:02:16,168 --> 00:02:17,232
TRIVIAL PURSUIT.
55
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,099
OH, MAN,
I HATE TRIVIAL PURSUIT.
56
00:02:19,168 --> 00:02:20,732
ALWAYS MAKES ME
FEEL SO STUPID.
57
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:21,832
MORE STUPID
THAN THAT TIME
58
00:02:21,901 --> 00:02:23,464
YOU LOCKED YOUR KEYS
OUT OF THE CAR?
59
00:02:24,001 --> 00:02:24,999
DAMN IT!
60
00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:28,464
H-HEY! HEY!
SOMEBODY! HEY!
61
00:02:28,533 --> 00:02:31,665
HEY, S-SIR! SIR,
SIR, YOU SEE
THOSE KEYS THERE? SIR!
62
00:02:31,733 --> 00:02:33,398
SIR--
OH, SCREW YOU!
63
00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,631
[sobbing]
64
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:44,465
ALL RIGHT, BRIAN,
THIS ONE'S FOR YOU.
65
00:02:44,533 --> 00:02:46,665
"WHAT NATURALLY OCCURRING
ELEMENT HAS
66
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:49,164
THE HIGHEST
MELTING POINT
OF ALL METALS?"
67
00:02:49,233 --> 00:02:50,364
UH, CADMIUM?
68
00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:52,199
SORRY, TUNGSTEN.
HEH, HEH. DUMB ASS.
69
00:02:52,267 --> 00:02:53,365
MY TURN.
WHAT DO YOU GOT?
70
00:02:53,433 --> 00:02:54,598
OK, HERE WE GO.
71
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:56,865
"WHAT COLOR
IS A FIRE TRUCK?"
72
00:02:56,934 --> 00:02:58,732
UH! OH, GOD,
I ALWAYS GET THESE.
73
00:02:58,801 --> 00:03:01,199
UM, OK, UH, ALL RIGHT,
FIRE TRUCK.
74
00:03:01,267 --> 00:03:03,432
FIRE TRUCK, FIRE TRUCK,
FIRE TRUCK, FIRE TRUCK,
75
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,365
WHAT COLOR ARE
THOSE RED FIRE TRUCKS?
76
00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:06,898
UH, OH, GOD,
77
00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:09,032
I CAN PICTURE THEM NOW,
ALL RED AND EVERYTHING.
78
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,265
THAT'S RIGHT, PETER,
THEY ARE RED.
79
00:03:11,334 --> 00:03:12,965
UH, LOIS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
80
00:03:13,034 --> 00:03:15,431
[whispering]
I SWITCHED PETER'S QUESTIONS
TO THE PRE-SCHOOL EDITION.
81
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,799
JUST TO LET HIM
HAVE HIS MOMENT.
82
00:03:16,868 --> 00:03:18,366
GOOD THING
I JUST WATCHED THAT
83
00:03:18,434 --> 00:03:20,599
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SPECIAL
ON FIRE TRUCKS.
84
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,198
(narrator)
A SOLITARY KILLER,
85
00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:24,199
THE FIRE TRUCK
STALKS ITS PREY.
86
00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:25,265
[birds chirping]
87
00:03:29,968 --> 00:03:31,298
[truck engine revving]
88
00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:44,398
THE FIRE TRUCK CAN CONSUME
8 TIMES ITS BODY WEIGHT.
89
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:47,932
[honking]
90
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,665
THE AMBULANCES
WILL HAVE TO WAIT THEIR TURN.
91
00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:51,665
OK, BRIAN,
92
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:54,698
"NAME THE 16TH CENTURY
ECUMENICAL BODY
93
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,565
"THAT MARKED
A MAJOR TURNING POINT
94
00:03:56,634 --> 00:03:57,965
FOR CHRISTIANITY IN EUROPE."
95
00:03:58,034 --> 00:04:00,298
UH, I THINK THAT WAS
THE COUNCIL OF TRENT.
96
00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:03,465
[laughing]
YOU--YOU COULD NOT BE
MORE WRONG.
97
00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:05,332
THE ANSWER IS
PHYLLIS DILLER.
98
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,965
PETER, YOU'RE READING
THE, UH, PINK--
99
00:04:07,034 --> 00:04:08,032
MY TURN.
100
00:04:08,101 --> 00:04:09,865
OK, PETER,
THIS IS FOR THE WIN.
101
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:12,298
"SAY THE WORD 'WHAT.'"
102
00:04:12,367 --> 00:04:13,865
[groans]
103
00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:15,865
WOW. OK.
104
00:04:15,934 --> 00:04:17,232
UM...
105
00:04:17,301 --> 00:04:20,265
THIS, UH, REALLY SEPARATES
THE MEN FROM THE BOYS.
106
00:04:20,334 --> 00:04:22,498
UH...
107
00:04:22,567 --> 00:04:24,099
[exhaling deeply]
108
00:04:24,168 --> 00:04:25,331
PETER, JUST SAY
"WHAT."
109
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,499
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH, NOW, LOIS, LOIS.
110
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,899
THIS IS NOT A RACE.
UM...
111
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:32,198
OK, I WANNA SAY "WHO."
112
00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,832
AH, BOY.
113
00:04:34,901 --> 00:04:37,331
UH, FANTASTIC 4.
114
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,699
FANTASTIC 4, UH,
STEAK, STEAK, STEAK, STEAK,
115
00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:42,498
A SMALL AMOUNT OF PEAS.
116
00:04:42,567 --> 00:04:44,565
UM, IS IT "WHAT"?
117
00:04:44,633 --> 00:04:47,699
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU WIN, PETER.
YOU DID IT.
118
00:04:47,768 --> 00:04:49,965
OH, MY GOD!
I WON. I WON!
119
00:04:50,034 --> 00:04:51,999
MY DAD'S
SMARTER THAN YOUR DAD.
120
00:04:52,068 --> 00:04:53,631
WE HAVE
THE SAME DAD, IDIOT.
121
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,632
YEAH, BUT
MINE'S SMARTER.
122
00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:57,099
OH! WHAT A FEELIN'.
123
00:04:57,167 --> 00:04:58,732
OH, THIS IS EVEN
BETTER THAN THAT TIME
124
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,132
I MET TIMER,
THE CHEESE GUY.
125
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,099
♪ I HANKER FOR A HUNK OF
A SLAB OR SLICE OR CHUNK OF ♪
126
00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:05,398
♪ I HANKER
FOR A HUNK OF CHEESE ♪
127
00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:07,999
♪ WHEN YOUR GET-UP-AND-GO
HAS GOT UP AND WENT ♪
128
00:05:08,067 --> 00:05:09,065
[pounding on door]
129
00:05:09,667 --> 00:05:10,931
HOWDY, PARTNER.
130
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,965
UH, YEAH,
PARDON ME, SIR.
I LIVE NEXT DOOR.
131
00:05:13,034 --> 00:05:14,831
UH, IT IS 3:30
IN THE MORNING.
132
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,198
I--I AM VERY TIRED.
133
00:05:16,267 --> 00:05:17,798
LOOK, A WAGON WHEEL.
134
00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:19,231
WHAT THE HELL
IS YOUR PROBLEM?
135
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:21,298
I JUST SMOKED
A WHOLE BUNCH OF CRACK.
136
00:05:21,367 --> 00:05:23,366
GOOD NIGHT,
LOSERS.
137
00:05:23,434 --> 00:05:25,232
WELL, GAME NIGHT
WAS A SUCCESS.
138
00:05:25,301 --> 00:05:27,032
PETER, YOU DO KNOW
THAT ALL YOUR QUESTIONS
139
00:05:27,101 --> 00:05:28,132
WERE INCREDIBLY EASY.
140
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,331
YEAH, EASY FOR ME.
GOOD NIGHT, MORONS.
141
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,498
YOU EVER
STOP AND THINK:
142
00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:34,032
"WOW, I'M MARRIED
TO THAT GUY"?
143
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,565
NAH, I JUST
REPRESS IT.
144
00:05:35,633 --> 00:05:36,665
IS THAT HEALTHY?
145
00:05:36,733 --> 00:05:38,665
AH, WHAT'S THE WORST
THAT COULD HAPPEN?
146
00:05:38,733 --> 00:05:40,166
♪ I'M A TUMOR, I'M A TUMOR ♪
147
00:05:40,235 --> 00:05:42,498
♪ I'M A TUMOR,
I'M A TUMOR, I'M A TUMOR ♪
148
00:05:42,567 --> 00:05:44,732
♪ I'M A TUMOR,
I'M A TUMOR, I'M A TUMOR ♪
149
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,365
♪ OH, OH, OH, I'M A TUMOR ♪
150
00:05:48,534 --> 00:05:50,965
THE ADMINISTRATION'S
PLAN FOR PEACE
IN THE MIDDLE EAST
151
00:05:51,034 --> 00:05:52,365
IS SHALLOW AND PEDANTIC.
152
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:55,166
I AGREE.
SHALLOW AND PEDANTIC.
153
00:05:55,234 --> 00:05:57,865
HMM, I AGREE AS WELL.
SHALLOW AND PEDANTIC.
154
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:00,965
HMM.
155
00:06:01,034 --> 00:06:02,399
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. PETER?
156
00:06:02,468 --> 00:06:03,965
WELL, LOIS,
SINCE YOU ASKED,
157
00:06:04,034 --> 00:06:06,132
I FIND THIS MEATLOAF
RATHER SHALLOW
AND PEDANTIC.
158
00:06:06,201 --> 00:06:08,232
WHAT IS THIS,
YOU'RE GONNA TALK DOWN
TO EVERYONE
159
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:10,298
JUST BECAUSE YOU WON
A GAME OF TRIVIAL PURSUIT?
160
00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,366
PERHAPS.
161
00:06:11,434 --> 00:06:12,498
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
FINE.
162
00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:13,766
YOU ARE
A GENIUS, PETER.
163
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:15,732
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
LET'S MAKE IT OFFICIAL.
164
00:06:15,801 --> 00:06:17,665
YOU EVER HEARD OF
THE MacARTHUR
GENIUS GRANT?
165
00:06:17,733 --> 00:06:18,731
PERHAPS.
166
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,132
WELL,
IF YOU QUALIFY AS A GENIUS,
167
00:06:20,201 --> 00:06:22,665
THE FOUNDATION WILL GIVE YOU
A $500,000 GRANT
168
00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:24,631
JUST TO SIT AROUND
AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
169
00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:27,165
WOW! IMAGINE WHAT
A GENIUS LIKE ME
170
00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:28,598
COULD DO
WITH ALL THAT MONEY.
171
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,798
ALL RIGHT,
CLORIS LEACHMAN,
I'VE BOUGHT YOU LEGALLY.
172
00:06:30,867 --> 00:06:32,266
NOW JUGGLE
THESE BEANBAGS.
173
00:06:32,335 --> 00:06:33,531
I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO JUGGLE--
174
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:34,598
GOD HELP YOU,
CLORIS!
175
00:06:34,667 --> 00:06:35,732
JUGGLE THE BEANBAGS!
176
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,732
YOU MAY BEGIN YOUR EXAM NOW.
177
00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:48,599
(man)
A DOG SAYS...
178
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:49,665
[dog barking]
179
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:53,132
A COW SAYS...
180
00:06:53,201 --> 00:06:54,798
[cow mooing]
181
00:06:54,867 --> 00:06:56,798
AH, OF COURSE,
OF COURSE.
182
00:06:58,234 --> 00:07:00,665
WELL, HERE THEY ARE, BRIAN.
MY TEST RESULTS.
183
00:07:00,734 --> 00:07:01,965
READ 'EM AND WEEP.
184
00:07:02,034 --> 00:07:04,165
UH, PETER, ACCORDING TO THIS,
YOU'RE NOT A GENIUS.
185
00:07:04,234 --> 00:07:06,398
IN FACT,
YOU'RE MENTALLY RETARDED.
186
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:09,065
OH, YEAH? WELL,
WOULD A MENTALLY RETARDED GUY
187
00:07:09,134 --> 00:07:10,932
HAVE HIRED A BULLDOZER
WITH A DRUNK DRIVER
188
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,198
TO LEVEL HALF OF HIS HOUSE
189
00:07:12,267 --> 00:07:14,565
IN CELEBRATION OF HIS
FANTASTIC TEST RESULTS?
190
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:15,966
UH, MAYBE.
191
00:07:16,034 --> 00:07:17,032
UH-OH.
192
00:07:18,533 --> 00:07:20,799
[slurring]
CONGRATULATIONS.
193
00:07:20,867 --> 00:07:21,865
[bottle shattering]
194
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:29,032
SO, AS YOU CAN SEE,
YOU ARE JUST OVER THE LINE
OF MENTAL RETARDATION.
195
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,665
DON'T YOU MEAN,
JUST UNDER THE LINE?
196
00:07:30,734 --> 00:07:32,731
THE DAY I'M CORRECTED
BY A RETARD...
197
00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:34,565
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
198
00:07:34,634 --> 00:07:36,432
JUST PLEASE
TRUST THE ANALYSIS.
199
00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:39,266
H-HELLO. SALLY?
200
00:07:39,335 --> 00:07:40,865
HEY, HEY,
IT'S PETER GRIFFIN.
201
00:07:40,934 --> 00:07:42,498
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT,
SENIOR PROM.
202
00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:44,465
YEAH. YEAH,
IT'S BEEN A WHILE, YEAH.
203
00:07:44,533 --> 00:07:45,899
SO, UH, LISTEN.
204
00:07:45,968 --> 00:07:48,465
UM, I JUST FOUND OUT
I'M RETARDED.
205
00:07:48,533 --> 00:07:52,732
AND, UM, I'M JUST CALLING
TO LET YOU KNOW, UH,
206
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,032
YOU MIGHT WANT TO
GET YOURSELF TESTED.
207
00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:58,032
HELLO?
208
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,732
PETER, MENTAL RETARDATION
USUALLY HAPPENS
BEFORE YOU'RE BORN.
209
00:08:00,801 --> 00:08:02,398
IT ISN'T SOMETHING
YOU CAN CATCH.
210
00:08:02,467 --> 00:08:04,132
DON'T YOU THINK
YOU'RE OVERREACTING?
211
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,398
WELL, EXCUSE ME
FOR BEING RETARDED.
212
00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:08,532
MY WHOLE WORLD
HAS BEEN TURNED
UPSIDE DOWN.
213
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,299
BLACK IS EAST,
UP IS WHITE.
214
00:08:10,368 --> 00:08:12,299
YOU KNOW, PETER,
I HATE TO SAY
"I TOLD YOU SO"
215
00:08:12,368 --> 00:08:14,366
ABOUT NOT BEING
A GENIUS, BUT, UH,
216
00:08:14,434 --> 00:08:15,732
YEAH!
217
00:08:15,801 --> 00:08:18,332
IN YOUR FUCKING FACE,
FUCKWAD!
218
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,099
I'M-- I'M SORRY
ABOUT THAT.
219
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:24,098
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.
220
00:08:24,167 --> 00:08:25,932
I CAN NEVER GO BACK
TO SCHOOL AGAIN.
221
00:08:26,001 --> 00:08:27,465
OH, YES, MEG,
YES, YES.
222
00:08:27,534 --> 00:08:29,731
YES, EVERYTHING WAS
GOING SWIMMINGLY
FOR YOU UNTIL THIS.
223
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,532
YES, YES,
THIS IS THE THING
224
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,965
THAT WILL RUIN
YOUR REPUTATION.
225
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:34,831
NOT YOUR YEARS OF
GROTESQUE APPEARANCE
226
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,331
OR AWKWARD SOCIAL GRACES
227
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,131
OR THAT FELIX UNGER-ISH WAY
YOU CLEAR YOUR SINUSES.
228
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,532
NO, NO, NO,
IT'S THIS.
229
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,932
DO YOU HEAR
YOURSELF TALK?
230
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,365
I MIGHT
KILL YOU TONIGHT.
231
00:08:43,434 --> 00:08:45,432
HEY, PETER,
YOU'RE STILL YOU.
232
00:08:45,501 --> 00:08:47,799
NO PIECE OF PAPER
FROM THE CITY
IS GONNA TELL ME
233
00:08:47,868 --> 00:08:49,866
YOU'RE ANY DIFFERENT
FROM THE MAN I MARRIED.
234
00:08:49,934 --> 00:08:52,066
AND YOUR LIFE'S
NOT GONNA CHANGE
BECAUSE OF IT.
235
00:08:52,134 --> 00:08:53,165
[hammering]
236
00:08:53,234 --> 00:08:54,232
WHAT IS THAT?
237
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,865
OH, MY GOD,
WHAT ARE THEY DOIN'?
238
00:08:57,934 --> 00:08:59,132
WH-WH-WHY ARE
THEY TRYING
239
00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:00,832
TO PUBLICLY
HUMILIATE ME
LIKE THIS?
240
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:02,398
I MEAN, WH-WHAT'S
THE PURPOSE--
241
00:09:02,466 --> 00:09:04,398
OOH, SHINY RED BALL.
242
00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,065
(Lois)
PETER, WATCH OUT!
243
00:09:09,234 --> 00:09:10,532
SO WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU, PETER?
244
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,032
WELL, JOE, I NEED
TO TALK TO YOU
245
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:13,498
ABOUT SOMETHING
KIND OF PERSONAL.
246
00:09:13,567 --> 00:09:14,498
SHOOT.
247
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:15,865
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I TOOK THIS TEST
248
00:09:15,933 --> 00:09:18,465
AND, UH, IT SORT OF
TURNS OUT THAT I'M
249
00:09:18,533 --> 00:09:20,198
TECHNICALLY
MENTALLY RETARDED.
250
00:09:20,267 --> 00:09:23,065
AND, UM, YOU KNOW,
I JUST WANTED TO ASK,
251
00:09:23,134 --> 00:09:25,165
YOU KNOW, HOW--HOW
DO YOU DEAL WITH IT?
252
00:09:25,234 --> 00:09:26,365
DEAL WITH WHAT?
253
00:09:26,434 --> 00:09:27,865
YOU KNOW,
WITH BEING RETARDED.
254
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:30,332
PETER, I'M NOT RETARDED.
I'M HANDICAPPED.
255
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,899
OH, WELL NOW
YOU'RE JUST
SPLITTIN' HAIRS.
256
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:35,732
♪ HI, CLEVELAND ♪
257
00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:37,665
♪ HI, JOSEPH ♪
258
00:09:37,734 --> 00:09:39,832
♪ WHAT'S THE STORY,
MORNING GLORY? ♪
259
00:09:39,901 --> 00:09:41,565
♪ WHAT'S THE WORD,
HUMMINGBIRD? ♪
260
00:09:41,634 --> 00:09:43,599
♪ HAVE YOU HEARD?
PETER GRIFFIN IS SLOW ♪
261
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:47,065
(all)
♪ CAN HE STILL DRIVE A CAR?
CAN HE DRINK AT A BAR? ♪
262
00:09:47,134 --> 00:09:50,364
♪ WILL THEY LET HIM HAVE KIDS?
IS HIS LIFE ON THE SKIDS? ♪
263
00:09:50,433 --> 00:09:54,032
♪ HELLO, MRS. GRIFFIN,
IT'S YOUR NEIGHBOR, QUAGMIRE ♪
264
00:09:54,101 --> 00:09:58,032
♪ NOW THAT PETER'S MENTAL
YOU PROBABLY HAVE SOME NEEDS ♪
265
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,132
(all)
♪ HE'S RETARDED,
HE'S RETARDED, HE'S RETARDED ♪
266
00:10:00,201 --> 00:10:01,798
♪ HE'S RETARDED,
HE'S RETARDED, PETER IS ♪
267
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:03,632
♪ HE'S RETARDED,
HE'S RETARDED, HE'S RETARDED,
HE'S RETARDED ♪
268
00:10:03,701 --> 00:10:05,299
♪ HE'S RETARDED, PETER IS ♪
269
00:10:05,368 --> 00:10:06,999
♪ HE'S RETARDED,
HE'S RETARDED, HE'S RETARDED,
HE'S RETARDED ♪
270
00:10:07,067 --> 00:10:09,932
♪ HE'S RETARDED
PETER IS SLOW ♪
271
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,999
UH, GRIFFIN.
PARTY OF 2.
272
00:10:14,068 --> 00:10:16,133
OH, MR. GRIFFIN,
WE'VE BEEN
EXPECTING YOU.
273
00:10:16,201 --> 00:10:19,032
PETER, RELAX.
IT'S FOR LIABILITY REASONS.
274
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,965
NOW, LET'S JUST TRY
TO ENJOY OUR MEAL.
275
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:22,265
I KIND OF
GET THE HELMET.
276
00:10:22,334 --> 00:10:23,665
BUT WHAT'S WITH
THE WATER WINGS?
277
00:10:23,734 --> 00:10:24,998
WELL, YOU DID
ORDER THE SOUP.
278
00:10:25,067 --> 00:10:26,498
OH, LIKE SOMETHING
COULD HAPPEN--
279
00:10:26,566 --> 00:10:28,198
GET ME OUT! GET ME OUT!
280
00:10:28,267 --> 00:10:31,032
[screaming]
GET ME OUT! GET ME OUT!
281
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,498
[panting]
282
00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:35,765
THESE WATER WINGS
DIDN'T HELP AT ALL.
283
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:37,698
THIS IS THE WORST DAY
OF MY LIFE.
284
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,232
OH, NOW,
THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE
285
00:10:39,301 --> 00:10:40,665
WHO HAVE HAD
WORSE DAYS.
286
00:10:43,334 --> 00:10:47,199
OH! A PARKING TICKET.
I WAS GONE 5 MINUTES.
287
00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:49,899
OH! HOW COULD
THIS DAY GET ANY WORSE?
288
00:10:50,701 --> 00:10:51,732
[whistling]
289
00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:54,065
OH, MY GOD.
290
00:10:55,401 --> 00:10:56,466
[monkey howling]
291
00:10:56,534 --> 00:10:57,632
OH, NO!
292
00:10:57,701 --> 00:10:58,698
[screaming]
293
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,565
I WISH I COULD
JUST CLOSE MY EYES
294
00:11:01,634 --> 00:11:02,899
AND MAKE ALL THIS
GO AWAY.
295
00:11:02,967 --> 00:11:04,165
[gasping]
PETER, LOOK OUT!
296
00:11:04,234 --> 00:11:05,233
[brakes squealing]
297
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:06,298
HOLY CRAP!
298
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,065
OH, MY GOD!
299
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,498
MR. TUCKER,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
300
00:11:09,566 --> 00:11:11,065
DO I LOOK LIKE
I'M ALL RIGHT?
301
00:11:11,133 --> 00:11:13,065
MY BACK IS BROKEN
AND MY LEG IS TWISTED!
302
00:11:13,134 --> 00:11:15,499
OH, MY GOD!
YOUR HOOKER'S DEAD.
303
00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:17,699
WELL, SHE WAS
ALREADY DEAD,
BUT THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE...
304
00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,265
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE PETER GRIFFIN,
305
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,632
THE RETARDED FELLOW.
YEAH.
306
00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:22,232
OH, WELL,
THEN DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
307
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:23,364
WAIT A MINUTE. Y-YOU MEAN
308
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,899
YOU'RE NOT EVEN
GONNA CALL THE COPS?
309
00:11:24,967 --> 00:11:26,099
OH, MY GOD.
310
00:11:26,168 --> 00:11:27,732
I COULD GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING.
311
00:11:29,434 --> 00:11:32,132
"AND ON
THE 6TH DAY, GOD SAID:
312
00:11:32,201 --> 00:11:35,132
LET THE EARTH
BRING FORTH THE
LIVING CREATURES AND--'"
313
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,632
BIBLE FIGHT!
314
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:37,699
[screaming]
315
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:40,598
[woman screaming]
316
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:41,698
SORRY. RETARDED.
317
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:42,932
(woman #1)
OH, THAT'S OK THEN.
318
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:43,999
[woman screaming]
319
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:45,198
DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER.
320
00:11:45,267 --> 00:11:46,632
(woman #2)
OH, BLESS YOUR HEART.
321
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:47,932
[woman screaming]
322
00:11:48,001 --> 00:11:49,565
JEEZ, DIDN'T YOU
HEAR ME A SECOND AGO?
323
00:11:49,634 --> 00:11:50,632
I'M RETARDED.
324
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,399
(woman #3)
OH, YOU'RE JUST CURIOUS.
325
00:11:52,467 --> 00:11:53,665
WELL, LET ME SHOW YOU
326
00:11:53,734 --> 00:11:55,333
HOW EVERYTHING
WORKS DOWN THERE.
327
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:58,999
(Peter)
HEY, EVERYONE.
328
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:00,799
SAY HELLO TO
MY STATE-APPOINTED
329
00:12:00,868 --> 00:12:02,565
INSPIRATIONAL
SOCIAL WORKER, VERN.
330
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,299
IT'S TRULY A PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU ALL.
331
00:12:04,367 --> 00:12:07,698
HEY, PETER, LOOKS LIKE
YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF
ONE SUPER FAMILY.
332
00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:09,698
HIGH 5!
ALL RIGHT!
333
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:11,999
[laughing]
334
00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:15,266
SO, VERN, WHAT
EXACTLY IS IT
THAT YOU DO?
335
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:18,066
I'M HERE TO LEND A HAND
TO MY MAIN MAN, PETER.
336
00:12:18,134 --> 00:12:19,431
RIGHT, PETER?
RIGHT.
337
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,099
HIGH 5!
ALL RIGHT!
338
00:12:21,168 --> 00:12:22,398
[laughing]
339
00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:24,099
DONE.
340
00:12:24,601 --> 00:12:25,532
PETER!
341
00:12:25,601 --> 00:12:26,832
WHAT? I DON'T KNOW
ANY BETTER.
342
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:28,298
PETER,
I DON'T LIKE THIS.
343
00:12:28,367 --> 00:12:30,065
YOU ARE REALLY
STARTING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE
344
00:12:30,134 --> 00:12:31,199
OF THIS WHOLE SITUATION.
345
00:12:31,268 --> 00:12:33,032
PETER'S JUST
EXPRESSING HIMSELF.
346
00:12:33,101 --> 00:12:35,065
HIGH 5
FOR EXPRESSING YOURSELF,
PETER.
347
00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:36,965
HIGH 5!
ALL RIGHT!
348
00:12:37,034 --> 00:12:39,332
[laughing]
349
00:12:39,401 --> 00:12:41,132
THIS MAN SEEMS
BENT ON DILUTING
350
00:12:41,201 --> 00:12:42,866
THE ALREADY
WATERED-DOWN
SIGNIFICANCE
351
00:12:42,934 --> 00:12:44,299
OF THE ELEVATED
HAND SLAP.
352
00:12:44,368 --> 00:12:45,465
HEY, STEWIE,
HIGH 5.
353
00:12:45,534 --> 00:12:46,565
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.
354
00:12:46,634 --> 00:12:47,732
PSYCH.
DAMN!
355
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:48,866
I LOOK EVEN MORE FOOLISH
356
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,598
THAN WHEN I WAS AT
THAT COCKTAIL PARTY.
357
00:12:50,667 --> 00:12:52,531
ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE GONNA
LOVE THIS. SO--
358
00:12:52,601 --> 00:12:54,098
OH, HANG ON A SEC.
359
00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:03,066
[mooing]
360
00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:06,032
[people chattering]
361
00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:08,966
OK, SO THESE 2
BLACK GUYS
362
00:13:09,034 --> 00:13:10,832
WALK INTO A BAR,
AND THE BARTENDER LOOKS--
363
00:13:10,901 --> 00:13:12,431
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS TALKIN' ABOUT?
364
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,099
OH, I--I WAS
JUST TELLING A JOKE.
365
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:17,531
UM, SO, UH, THE BARTENDER
LOOKS AROUND AND SAYS:
366
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,066
"UH, WHAT'LL YOU 2
FINE GENTLEMEN HAVE?"
367
00:13:20,134 --> 00:13:22,333
AND UH,
THEY PAID THEIR TAB
368
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,665
AND--AND COULDN'T HAVE
BEEN MORE COURTEOUS.
369
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,465
ALL RIGHT, MY FIRST
TRIP TO A FAST-FOOD JOINT
370
00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:29,665
AS A RETARDED GUY.
371
00:13:29,733 --> 00:13:31,132
EXCUSE ME,
PARDON ME,
COMING THROUGH.
372
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,499
SPECIAL NEEDS.
373
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,532
UH, YEAH, I'LL HAVE A, UH--
OH, OH, IS THIS THING ON?
374
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:35,632
UH...
375
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:37,465
ATTENTION,
RESTAURANT CUSTOMERS.
376
00:13:37,534 --> 00:13:39,631
TESTICLES.
THAT IS ALL.
377
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:40,898
GIVE ME THAT.
378
00:13:40,967 --> 00:13:43,098
SORRY, FOLKS.
OH, MY GOD.
379
00:13:43,167 --> 00:13:45,299
[chuckles]
IS THAT WHAT
MY VOICE SOUNDS LIKE?
380
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:47,998
IT'S ALL WHINEY
AND NASALLY. UGH!
381
00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:49,132
YOU KNOW WHAT?
382
00:13:49,201 --> 00:13:50,398
I'M JUST GONNA
GET MY OWN FOOD.
383
00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:51,665
(Lois)
PETER, GET BACK HERE.
384
00:13:51,734 --> 00:13:53,199
NO FREAKIN' WAY.
385
00:13:53,268 --> 00:13:56,498
THE FRYOLATOR.
OH, I AM SO TAKIN' THIS.
386
00:13:56,567 --> 00:13:57,565
[grunting]
387
00:13:58,533 --> 00:13:59,832
[Lois screaming]
388
00:13:59,901 --> 00:14:02,432
UH-OH. LOIS, YOU LOOK WORSE
THAN THAT ROCKY DENNIS KID
389
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:03,632
FROM MASK.
390
00:14:03,701 --> 00:14:06,265
ROCKY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.
391
00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:07,698
CAN I TOUCH YOUR FACE?
392
00:14:07,767 --> 00:14:09,098
OF COURSE, DIANA.
393
00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:10,965
OH, GOD.
394
00:14:11,034 --> 00:14:14,032
OH. OH, GOD.
WHAT IS THIS?
395
00:14:14,101 --> 00:14:16,732
WH-WHAT IS ALL THIS?
396
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,265
AM I-- AM I TOUCHING
THE OUTSIDE OF A HOUSE?
397
00:14:19,334 --> 00:14:22,165
OH, GOD!
YOU'RE A MONSTER.
398
00:14:22,234 --> 00:14:23,898
I'M BEAUTIFUL
ON THE INSIDE.
399
00:14:23,967 --> 00:14:26,232
YEAH, BUT, ROCKY,
THERE'S A LIMIT.
400
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,232
OH, OH.
WHAT IS THIS NOW?
401
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:30,998
DOES YOUR FACE
HAVE A PELVIS?
402
00:14:32,767 --> 00:14:34,298
OH, GOD,
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
403
00:14:34,366 --> 00:14:35,865
I'M THE WORST
HUSBAND EVER.
404
00:14:35,934 --> 00:14:37,699
MAKE THAT
THE WORST FATHER EVER.
405
00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:39,765
HI, I'M AGENT JESSUP
FROM CHILD SERVICES.
406
00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,131
I'M HERE TO TAKE
YOUR KIDS AWAY.
407
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,465
WHAT? WHY?
408
00:14:42,534 --> 00:14:44,598
BECAUSE YOU'RE MENTALLY UNFIT
TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.
409
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:45,798
NO WAY!
(Meg)
OH, MY GOD.
410
00:14:45,867 --> 00:14:47,032
(Stewie)
FINALLY.
411
00:14:50,534 --> 00:14:52,799
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY TOOK THE KIDS AWAY.
412
00:14:52,867 --> 00:14:55,032
WELL, AT LEAST
CLEVELAND OFFERED
TO TAKE CARE OF THEM.
413
00:14:56,434 --> 00:14:58,965
SORRY YOU HAVE TO
SHARE A BED, BOYS.
414
00:14:59,034 --> 00:15:01,032
I'M A LITTLE
SHORT ON SPACE.
415
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,699
HAVE A GOOD SLEEP.
416
00:15:03,867 --> 00:15:05,364
(Stewie)
HEY, CHRIS,
417
00:15:05,433 --> 00:15:07,564
WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO GEENA DAVIS?
418
00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:08,999
SHE USED TO BE
IN MOVIES,
419
00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:10,999
BUT SHE'S NOT
IN MOVIES ANYMORE.
420
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:12,431
SHE'S ATTRACTIVE
ENOUGH,
421
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,431
BUT WHEN SHE SMILES,
YOU SEE TOO MUCH GUM.
422
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,765
NOT A GOOD
TOOTH-TO-GUM RATIO.
423
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,032
CHRIS?
424
00:15:20,101 --> 00:15:22,865
AH, I'LL TELL YOU
TOMORROW.
425
00:15:22,934 --> 00:15:25,265
THANKS FOR LETTING
MY FRIENDS SLEEP OVER,
MR. BROWN.
426
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:26,498
NO PROBLEM,
MEG.
427
00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:27,898
IF Y'ALL
GET HUNGRY,
428
00:15:27,967 --> 00:15:30,132
THERE'S SOME
COTTAGE CHEESE
IN THE FRIDGE.
429
00:15:30,201 --> 00:15:32,398
I'M GONNA GET ME
A SPOONFUL NOW
430
00:15:32,467 --> 00:15:33,898
BEFORE Y'ALL
HAVE AT IT.
431
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,165
OH, MY GOD.
432
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:36,799
CRAIG HOFFMAN'S
NEW CAR IS SO COOL.
433
00:15:36,868 --> 00:15:38,866
OH, MY GOD. TOTALLY.
I LOVE THE COLOR.
434
00:15:38,934 --> 00:15:40,466
REALLY?
WHAT COLOR IS IT?
435
00:15:40,534 --> 00:15:42,499
IT'S LIKE BLUE,
KIND OF BLUE-GREEN.
436
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,665
OH! IT'S THE SAME COLOR
AS HIS EYES.
437
00:15:44,734 --> 00:15:47,699
OH, WOW. I BET
HE LOOKS SO HOT
DRIVING IT.
438
00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:49,366
I HEARD HE BOUGHT
IT FROM HIS DAD.
439
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:51,899
YEAH, I REMEMBER
HIS DAD DROPPED HIM
OFF AT SCHOOL IN IT
440
00:15:51,968 --> 00:15:53,299
ONE TIME WHEN
HE WAS A FRESHMAN.
441
00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:54,699
DOESN'T HIS DAD
LIVE IN HARTFORD?
442
00:15:54,767 --> 00:15:55,699
I THINK SO.
443
00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:57,099
MY AUNT SHEILA
LIVES IN HARTFORD.
444
00:15:57,167 --> 00:15:58,866
THEY HAVE
A MALL THERE
THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
445
00:15:58,934 --> 00:16:00,099
IT'S LIKE
PART UNDERGROUND.
446
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,499
OH,
THAT'S AWESOME.
447
00:16:01,567 --> 00:16:03,532
DAMN IT, YOU GUYS
ARE BORING THE CRAP
OUT OF ME.
448
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,565
STUPID,
MINDLESS CHATTER
IS WHAT IT IS.
449
00:16:05,634 --> 00:16:06,732
YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M GONNA DO?
450
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,232
I'M JUST GONNA GO
BACK TO MY PLACE
451
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,365
AND RENT
A DIRTY MOVIE.
452
00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:11,132
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
453
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,265
THAT WAS WEIRD.
OH, WELL.
454
00:16:13,334 --> 00:16:15,098
HEY, LET'S
COMPARE BREASTS.
455
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,432
LOIS? HEY,
HOW YOU DOING, HONEY?
456
00:16:19,501 --> 00:16:21,832
LISTEN, THERE'S NO
TOILET PAPER
IN THE BATHROOM,
457
00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:23,798
SO, I'M
JUST GONNA, UH...
458
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:24,865
THERE WE GO.
459
00:16:26,733 --> 00:16:28,066
[toilet flushing]
460
00:16:28,134 --> 00:16:29,498
OH, GOD. HANG ON,
HANG ON,
461
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:30,999
HANG ON, HANG ON,
HANG ON HANG ON!
462
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:32,465
WELL, THE DOCTORS
STILL DON'T KNOW
463
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,432
HOW MUCH LONGER
SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO
BE HERE.
464
00:16:34,501 --> 00:16:35,698
I FEEL HORRIBLE, BRIAN.
465
00:16:35,767 --> 00:16:38,132
I PUT LOIS IN THE HOSPITAL,
AND I LOST THE KIDS.
466
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:39,265
THIS IS
TURNING OUT WORSE
467
00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:40,799
THAN STEWIE'S
IPOD COMMERCIAL.
468
00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:53,698
PETER, YOU
JUST NEED TO SHOW
469
00:16:53,767 --> 00:16:55,065
WHAT A GOOD FATHER
YOU ARE.
470
00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:57,065
THEN YOU CAN GET
THE KIDS BACK
FROM CLEVELAND.
471
00:16:57,134 --> 00:16:58,699
WAIT A SECOND, BRIAN.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
472
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,065
AND THE BEST WAY
TO DO THAT
473
00:17:00,134 --> 00:17:02,499
IS TO SHOW
WHAT A TERRIBLE FATHER
CLEVELAND IS.
474
00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:05,598
THIS PLAN
IS SO PERFECT,
IT'S RETARDED.
475
00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:10,465
GOOD EVENING. I'M DAN RATHER.
476
00:17:10,534 --> 00:17:12,998
AND TONIGHT ON C.B.S. NEWS,
477
00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:16,165
7 SAUDI SOLDIERS
SODOMIZE SEVERAL
478
00:17:16,234 --> 00:17:19,498
OF SADDAM'S SOUTHERN
SETTLEMENT SQUATTERS.
479
00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:21,132
[whistling]
480
00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:29,165
I'M DAN RATHER.
481
00:17:29,234 --> 00:17:31,365
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LADIES.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
482
00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:32,498
THIS'LL SHOW THEM
483
00:17:32,567 --> 00:17:34,198
THAT CLEVELAND'S NOT
FIT TO BE A PARENT.
484
00:17:34,267 --> 00:17:35,398
SO, TELL ME,
485
00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:37,166
IS THERE ANY TREAD LEFT
ON THE TIRES AT ALL?
486
00:17:37,235 --> 00:17:38,631
OR AT THIS POINT,
WOULD IT BE LIKE
487
00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,332
THROWING A HOT DOG
DOWN A HALLWAY?
488
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,299
OH, MY LORD.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
489
00:17:42,367 --> 00:17:45,099
AGENT JESSUP,
LOOK AT ALL
THESE PROSTITUTES.
490
00:17:45,168 --> 00:17:48,431
♪ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ♪
491
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,732
7. 7 PROSTITUTES.
492
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,332
THIS IS
A SHAKEDOWN.
493
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,165
MR. GRIFFIN,
THIS ISN'T
GOING TO WORK.
494
00:17:54,234 --> 00:17:56,798
YEAH. PETER,
YOU AND 5 OF THOSE
PROSTITUTES,
495
00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:57,865
GET OUT.
496
00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:01,333
SO,
IN CONCLUSION,
497
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,865
PETER GRIFFIN,
YOU'VE INSPIRED ME
498
00:18:03,934 --> 00:18:06,232
TO DISTRUST ALL
MENTALLY CHALLENGED
PARENTS.
499
00:18:06,301 --> 00:18:07,333
THANK YOU,
YOUR HONOR.
500
00:18:07,401 --> 00:18:08,965
AND THANK YOU,
AGENT JESSUP,
501
00:18:09,034 --> 00:18:10,832
FOR YOUR COMICALLY
MISLEADING REMARKS.
502
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:12,132
MR. GRIFFIN,
503
00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:13,998
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY
IN YOUR DEFENSE
504
00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:15,699
AS TO WHY THIS COURT
SHOULD RETURN
505
00:18:15,767 --> 00:18:17,132
CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILDREN
TO YOU?
506
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,532
YOUR HONOR,
I WOULD LIKE TO CALL
507
00:18:18,601 --> 00:18:20,165
TO THE STAND
MY SURPRISE WITNESS,
508
00:18:20,234 --> 00:18:22,232
THE GHOST
THAT NEVER LIES.
509
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,032
(all)
OOOH!
510
00:18:24,101 --> 00:18:26,331
BUT I'M--I'M THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN SEE HIM AND HEAR HIM,
511
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,532
SO I'LL LET EVERYONE KNOW
WHAT HE'S SAYIN' AND DOIN'.
512
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,465
OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
513
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:32,264
OVERRULED.
I'LL ALLOW IT.
514
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:34,865
YOU BETTER BE GOING SOMEWHERE
WITH THIS, MR. GRIFFIN.
515
00:18:34,934 --> 00:18:36,232
THANK YOU,
YOUR HONOR.
516
00:18:36,301 --> 00:18:37,965
GHOST THAT NEVER LIES,
517
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,465
DID YOU WITNESS
THE EVENTS
518
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:41,632
THAT TOOK PLACE
ON THAT FATEFUL DAY?
519
00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:44,165
YOU DID?
WELL, HOW INTERESTING.
520
00:18:44,234 --> 00:18:46,999
AND, UH, DO YOU SEE
THE CULPRIT OR CULPRITS
521
00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:48,233
IN THIS COURTROOM TODAY?
522
00:18:48,301 --> 00:18:49,798
YOU DO? OH.
523
00:18:49,868 --> 00:18:51,132
WELL, WOULD YOU KINDLY
524
00:18:51,201 --> 00:18:53,899
POINT HIM OR THEM OUT
FOR THIS COURT?
525
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,832
DON'T POINT AT ME,
YOU JACKASS!
526
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:57,564
WELL, IF THERE'S
NOTHING FURTHER,
527
00:18:57,633 --> 00:18:58,866
I HEREBY SENTENCE--
528
00:18:58,934 --> 00:18:59,998
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
529
00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,632
YOUR HONOR,
THERE IS SOMETHING FURTHER.
530
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,732
LOOK, I--I KNOW
I SCREWED UP BIG TIME.
531
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,099
BUT I ONLY DID IT
SO I COULD GET MY KIDS BACK.
532
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,165
I LOVE 'EM.
533
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,599
AND I THINK
IT'S A BUM RAP
534
00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:09,866
THAT JUST
BECAUSE I'M RETARDED
535
00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:11,132
THAT MAKES ME
AN UNFIT PARENT.
536
00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:13,032
THERE ARE PLENTY OF
UNFIT PARENTS OUT THERE
537
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:14,165
WHO AREN'T RETARDED,
538
00:19:14,233 --> 00:19:15,565
BUT THEY GET TO
KEEP THEIR KIDS.
539
00:19:15,634 --> 00:19:17,365
BING CROSBY,
JOAN CRAWFORD.
540
00:19:17,433 --> 00:19:19,265
I THINK THE RAMSEYS
STILL GOT ONE LEFT.
541
00:19:19,334 --> 00:19:20,866
I JUST WANT THEM BACK,
YOUR HONOR,
542
00:19:20,934 --> 00:19:22,665
AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
WHO CAN HELP ME.
543
00:19:22,734 --> 00:19:23,765
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
544
00:19:23,834 --> 00:19:25,665
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU'RE A MONSTER.
545
00:19:25,733 --> 00:19:27,665
IN FACT, IF I COULD,
546
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,398
I WOULD PUT YOU
IN A PLACE
547
00:19:29,467 --> 00:19:31,565
WHERE YOU WOULD BE REMOVED
FROM THE GENERAL PUBLIC.
548
00:19:31,634 --> 00:19:33,898
PERHAPS LOCKED IN A BIG,
SECURE BUILDING
549
00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:34,998
WITH OTHER
DANGEROUS PEOPLE
550
00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,998
FOR A PRE-DETERMINED
PERIOD OF TIME
551
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:39,398
BASED ON THE NATURE AND DEGREE
OF YOUR OFFENSE.
552
00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,231
UNFORTUNATELY,
AS FAR AS I KNOW,
553
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:42,565
NO SUCH PLACE EXISTS.
554
00:19:42,634 --> 00:19:45,165
SO I HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO SET YOU FREE.
555
00:19:45,234 --> 00:19:46,632
DOES THAT MEAN
I GET MY KIDS BACK?
556
00:19:46,701 --> 00:19:48,665
ABSOLUTELY NOT. CASE CLOSED.
557
00:19:48,734 --> 00:19:50,133
OH, CRAP!
558
00:19:50,201 --> 00:19:52,598
OH, IT WAS PRISON
YOU WERE THINKIN' OF.
PRISON.
559
00:19:52,667 --> 00:19:54,332
OH, I ALREADY
BANGED THE HAMMER.
560
00:19:56,567 --> 00:19:58,798
(announcer)
AND NOW, BACK TO
JAKE AND THE FATMAN.
561
00:19:58,867 --> 00:20:00,332
HEY, LOOK OVER HERE
ON THE CARPET.
562
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:01,765
THAT'S
A CIGARETTE BUTT.
563
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,265
THIS IS
PROBABLY EVIDENCE.
564
00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:04,898
[sighing]
OH.
565
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,998
WELL, W-WHAT DO YOU THINK
WAS IN THAT DANISH?
566
00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:12,565
Y-YOU THINK
IT WAS CHEESE?
567
00:20:12,634 --> 00:20:13,965
[wheezing]
568
00:20:14,034 --> 00:20:16,398
'CAUSE I, UH, I GOT
A LITTLE PROBLEM
WITH CHEESE.
569
00:20:16,467 --> 00:20:18,165
HEY, I'M TALKING
ABOUT EVIDENCE HERE.
570
00:20:18,234 --> 00:20:19,532
THERE'S LIPSTICK
ON IT.
571
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,765
YEAH, WELL, UH,
CAN YOU BRING IT OVER
TO ME?
572
00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:25,332
I CAN'T MOVE IT.
THIS IS A CRIME SCENE.
573
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,865
[sighing]
574
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,665
WELL,
CAN YOU DESCRIBE IT
TO ME?
575
00:20:28,733 --> 00:20:30,265
YOU KNOW WHAT?
FORGET IT.
576
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:31,598
I'LL TAKE CARE
OF THIS, OK?
577
00:20:31,667 --> 00:20:35,299
OH, NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, JUST...
578
00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:37,465
JUST, UH...
579
00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:39,898
JUST--JUST LET ME CLOSE
MY EYES FOR A MINUTE.
580
00:20:39,967 --> 00:20:42,198
LOOK, I KNOW
HIS WIFE IS A SMOKER.
581
00:20:42,267 --> 00:20:44,632
JUST YESTERDAY,
WHEN WE SAW HER
AT THE COUNTRY CLUB,
582
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,465
SHE HAD
A CIGARETTE IN HER HAND.
583
00:20:47,534 --> 00:20:49,199
[snoring]
584
00:20:52,201 --> 00:20:53,365
WHAT, SO THAT'S IT,
PETER?
585
00:20:53,433 --> 00:20:54,431
YOU'RE JUST
GIVING UP?
586
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,032
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE TO DO, BRIAN.
587
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,231
I GUESS WE'RE NEVER
GONNA BE A FAMILY AGAIN.
588
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,398
HI, PETER.
589
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,498
OH, MY GOD, LOIS.
YOU'RE ALL BETTER.
590
00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:02,965
THAT'S RIGHT.
591
00:21:03,034 --> 00:21:04,699
AND THE DOCTORS
SAY I'LL SMELL LIKE
FRENCH FRIES
592
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:05,732
FOR THE NEXT 6 MONTHS.
593
00:21:05,801 --> 00:21:06,898
I'LL ENJOY THAT.
594
00:21:06,967 --> 00:21:09,498
AND, PETER,
I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
595
00:21:09,567 --> 00:21:10,732
YOU GOT
THE KIDS BACK.
596
00:21:10,801 --> 00:21:12,699
OH, I LOVE YOU
SO MUCH,
597
00:21:12,767 --> 00:21:14,331
DELICIOUS
FRENCH-FRY WIFE.
598
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,131
NOW WE CAN LIVE
WITH YOU AGAIN,
599
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,865
EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE
A DANGEROUS RETARD.
600
00:21:17,934 --> 00:21:19,531
DON'T SAY
"RETARD," CHRIS.
601
00:21:19,601 --> 00:21:21,366
WE PREFER TO BE
CALLED "LITTLE PEOPLE."
602
00:21:21,435 --> 00:21:23,898
BECAUSE THERE'S
NOTHING WRONG WITH BEIN'
MENTALLY CHALLENGED.
603
00:21:23,968 --> 00:21:27,166
IN FACT, I'VE LEARNED
THAT WE ARE SUPERIOR PEOPLE.
604
00:21:27,234 --> 00:21:29,366
ABOVE ALL YOU DUMB
BRAINY SMARTIES.
605
00:21:29,435 --> 00:21:31,632
SOMEDAY, YOU WILL
BEG US FOR MERCY
606
00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:32,831
AND WE WILL CONSIDER IT.
607
00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:34,631
AH, ISN'T IT
WONDERFUL
608
00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:36,232
THAT EVERYTHING'S
BACK TO NORMAL?
609
00:21:36,301 --> 00:21:37,299
YEAH.
610
00:21:37,368 --> 00:21:39,032
OH. OH, GOD.
NOBODY MOVE.
611
00:21:39,101 --> 00:21:40,199
[gasps]
WHAT IS IT?
612
00:21:40,267 --> 00:21:41,665
NOTHIN'. NOTHIN'.
I'LL GET IT.
613
00:21:44,101 --> 00:21:45,132
[gun firing]
614
00:21:45,201 --> 00:21:46,199
[honking]
615
00:21:46,268 --> 00:21:48,065
[screaming]
616
00:21:48,134 --> 00:21:49,166
OW!
617
00:21:49,234 --> 00:21:50,232
[screaming]