1
00:00:03,001 --> 00:00:05,998
♪ IT SEEMS TODAY
THAT ALL YOU SEE ♪
2
00:00:06,067 --> 00:00:09,298
♪ IS VIOLENCE IN MOVIES
AND SEX ON TV ♪
3
00:00:09,367 --> 00:00:12,865
♪ BUT WHERE ARE THOSE
GOOD OLD-FASHIONED VALUES ♪
4
00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:15,832
♪ ON WHICH WE USED TO RELY ♪
5
00:00:15,901 --> 00:00:19,264
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
6
00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:22,665
♪ LUCKY THERE'S A MAN WHO
POSITIVELY CAN DO ♪
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♪ ALL THE THINGS
THAT MAKE US ♪
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♪ LAUGH AND CRY ♪
9
00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:30,598
♪ HE'S A FAMILY GUY ♪
10
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♪[disco music playing]
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[people chattering]
12
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[people laughing]
13
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THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
14
00:00:38,335 --> 00:00:39,966
WHY DID Y'ALL
DRAG ME HERE?
15
00:00:40,034 --> 00:00:42,966
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
JUST SIT HOME EVERY NIGHT
SINCE LORETTA LEFT.
16
00:00:43,034 --> 00:00:44,765
YEAH, YOU GOT TO GET OUT
AND MEET SOME WOMEN.
17
00:00:44,834 --> 00:00:47,665
WELL, I SUPPOSE
I COULD GIVE IT A TRY.
18
00:00:47,734 --> 00:00:50,165
HEY, BABY.
HOW'D YOU LIKE
TO GO BLACK
19
00:00:50,234 --> 00:00:52,499
AND THEN HAVE TO
MAKE A DIFFICULT
DECISION
20
00:00:52,567 --> 00:00:54,965
REGARDING
WHETHER OR NOT
TO GO BACK?
21
00:00:55,034 --> 00:00:58,032
SORRY, I WENT BURNT SIENNA
AND I NEVER WENT BACK.
22
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,331
READY, BABY?
WHO'S THIS CLOWN?
23
00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:06,865
OPEN UP, STEWIE.
24
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:09,665
THE AIRPLANE'S COMING IN
FOR A LANDING.
25
00:01:09,733 --> 00:01:12,898
I GUESS THE PILOT MUST HAVE
BEEN J.F.K. JUNIOR.
26
00:01:12,967 --> 00:01:15,498
EW, EVEN I FOUND THAT
TO BE IN BAD TASTE.
27
00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:17,165
HI, MOM. HI, DAD.
28
00:01:17,233 --> 00:01:18,932
GOOD MORNING, CHRIS.
OH, MY GOD!
29
00:01:19,001 --> 00:01:20,632
LOOK AT THE SIZE
OF THAT PIMPLE.
30
00:01:20,701 --> 00:01:22,332
YOU'RE LIKE
A CIRCUS FREAK!
31
00:01:23,101 --> 00:01:24,466
I'M KIDDING.
32
00:01:24,534 --> 00:01:26,065
YOU'RE JUST
BECOMING A MAN,
SWEETIE.
33
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YEAH. I REMEMBER
WHEN I BECAME A MAN.
34
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THE OPERATION
WAS A SUCCESS.
35
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WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
GO BY NOW?
36
00:01:31,867 --> 00:01:33,298
PETER.
37
00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:35,866
YOU KNOW, CHRIS,
WE'LL HAVE TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
38
00:01:35,934 --> 00:01:37,866
BUT I DON'T WANNA
GET RID OF MY ZIT.
39
00:01:37,934 --> 00:01:39,866
I LIKE HIM. HE'S MY FRIEND.
40
00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:41,233
HIS NAME IS DOUG.
41
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,065
I JUST WISH
I DIDN'T HAVE TO
LOOK AT IT.
42
00:01:43,134 --> 00:01:45,465
WELL, WE HAVE TO LOOK
AT YOUR ANUS ALL DAY.
43
00:01:45,534 --> 00:01:46,765
THANK YOU.
44
00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:50,731
THE BACHELORETTE
COMES TO QUAHOG
45
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,198
IN SEARCH OF
MALE CONTESTANTS.
46
00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:54,098
STORY AT 11:00.
47
00:01:54,167 --> 00:01:56,165
WELL, ACTUALLY,
THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH IT.
48
00:01:56,234 --> 00:01:57,799
OH, BUT THERE WILL BE
OTHER STUFF, TOO.
49
00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,598
LOOK, I'M TURNING
DOWN THE THERMOSTAT.
50
00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:01,398
SEE DIANE'S ERECT NIPPLES
AT 11:00.
51
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:04,232
OH, MY GOD!
THE BACHELORETTE
IS COMING TO QUAHOG.
52
00:02:04,301 --> 00:02:06,098
THAT'S, LIKE,
MY FAVORITE SHOW EVER.
53
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,698
MEG, HOW CAN YOU
WATCH THAT CRAP?
54
00:02:07,767 --> 00:02:09,665
THAT SHOW
IS NOT REALITY.
IT'S ALL STAGED.
55
00:02:09,733 --> 00:02:11,998
IT'S A COMPLETE MOCKERY
OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS.
56
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:13,765
YOU KNOW,
THIS COULD BE
THE PERFECT WAY
57
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,299
FOR CLEVELAND TO MEET
MRS. RIGHT.
58
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,565
I GOT TO TELL HIM.
59
00:02:16,634 --> 00:02:18,098
HEY, CLEVELAND.
60
00:02:18,167 --> 00:02:21,865
JOE? OH, SORRY, I DIALED
THE WRONG NUMBER.
I MEANT TO CALL CLEVELAND.
61
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:24,331
NO, NO, I JUST WANTED
TO TELL HIM SOMETHING.
62
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,965
NO, NO, I'D LIKE TO TALK
TO YOU, TOO.
IT'S JUST THAT--
63
00:02:27,034 --> 00:02:29,798
FINE. I'LL CALL YOU
AFTER I TALK TO CLEVELAND.
64
00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:32,499
I DON'T FEEL OBLIGATED.
I WANT TO.
65
00:02:33,367 --> 00:02:35,798
YOU'RE A GOOD PIMPLE, DOUG.
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FEED ME.
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[gasping]
YOU CAN TALK?
68
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,098
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WE'RE GONNA
RAISE SOME HELL.
69
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ALL RIGHT!
RAISE SOME HELL!
70
00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:46,232
[thumping]
71
00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:47,465
YEAH!
72
00:02:47,533 --> 00:02:49,998
[laughing]
73
00:02:53,034 --> 00:02:54,432
[laughing]
74
00:02:59,834 --> 00:03:01,265
YEAH!
75
00:03:10,501 --> 00:03:13,332
SO, WHY WOULD YOU
BE A GOOD CANDIDATE
ON THE BACHELORETTE?
76
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,565
I WOULD BE PERFECT
FOR YOUR SHOW
77
00:03:15,634 --> 00:03:18,965
BECAUSE I KNOW
HOW TO TALK DIRTY
TO THE LADIES.
78
00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:23,632
OH, YES. OH, YES.
THAT FEELS SO GOOD.
79
00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:25,532
SPIT IT IN MY MOUTH.
80
00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:29,432
200 AUDITIONS
AND NOTHING.
81
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,965
WELL, WE STILL GOT
ONE GUY WAITING.
82
00:03:31,034 --> 00:03:34,099
YOU LINED UP
201 AUDITIONS?
WHAT A WEIRD NUMBER.
83
00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:35,264
YOU'RE WEIRD.
84
00:03:35,333 --> 00:03:37,032
PETER, I CAN'T DO THIS.
85
00:03:37,101 --> 00:03:38,765
I AM TOO NERVOUS.
I GOT TO GO.
86
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:40,899
NO, NO, CLEVELAND,
I'M NOT GONNA
LET YOU DO THIS.
87
00:03:40,967 --> 00:03:42,365
I'LL TIE YOU DOWN,
IF I HAVE TO.
88
00:03:42,433 --> 00:03:43,565
[Peter grunting]
89
00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:45,898
PETER,
THIS IS ONLY
MAKING IT WORSE.
90
00:03:45,968 --> 00:03:48,631
OH, GOD,
MY CLAUSTROPHOBIA
IS SETTING IN.
91
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:52,098
IT'S--IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S OK. IT'S ALL RIGHT. IT'S
THE FABRIC. IT'S THE FABRIC.
92
00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:54,166
IT'S YOUR CLOTHES.
LET'S GET YOUR CLOTHES OFF.
93
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,364
PETER, PETER, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOU? I AM NAKED!
94
00:03:56,433 --> 00:03:58,631
OH, GOD,
YOU'RE SELF-CONSCIOUS.
I'M SORRY.
95
00:03:58,701 --> 00:04:00,732
HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
LOOK--LOOK, CLEVELAND, LOOK.
96
00:04:00,801 --> 00:04:02,632
SEE, SEE?
NOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE,
97
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,665
YOU'RE NOT ALONE, CLEVELAND.
LET ME OUT OF HERE.
I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE.
98
00:04:05,734 --> 00:04:07,431
CLEVELAND,
NO, NO,
YOU'RE STAYING.
99
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,866
THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
100
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:11,299
OH, MY GOD!
101
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,531
HI, WE'RE HERE
FOR THE INTERVIEW.
102
00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:21,233
UH, EXCUSE ME. HI.
YEAH, LISTEN, I JUST WANTED
TO APOLOGIZE FOR PETER.
103
00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:23,565
UH, HE WAS JUST TRYING
TO HELP OUT HIS FRIEND.
104
00:04:23,633 --> 00:04:26,398
YOU SEE,
HIS WIFE LEFT HIM
AND HE'S BEEN KIND OF LONELY,
105
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,299
CONFUSED ABOUT
WHAT HE REALLY WANTS.
106
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:29,899
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
BRIAN.
107
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:31,832
CONGRATULATIONS, BRIAN.
108
00:04:31,901 --> 00:04:33,699
YOU'RE GONNA BE ON
THE BACHELORETTE.
109
00:04:33,767 --> 00:04:36,765
REALLY? YOU'RE SURE
YOU DON'T WANT TO
RECONSIDER MY FRIEND?
110
00:04:36,834 --> 00:04:38,965
LET ME SEE.
LET ME SEE.
111
00:04:39,034 --> 00:04:41,099
HO-HO,
THAT AIN'T BAD!
112
00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:49,099
OH! BRIAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE GONNA BE
ON THE BACHELORETTE.
113
00:04:49,168 --> 00:04:51,232
YEAH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THOSE SHOWS WERE STUPID.
114
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:52,765
THEY ARE STUPID.
115
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,865
BUT I FIGURE I GOT
A FEW DAYS OF FREE BOOZE
AND FREE FOOD
116
00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:56,932
BEFORE THEY KICK ME OFF.
I COULD USE A VACATION.
117
00:04:57,001 --> 00:04:59,698
OH, YEAH, BECAUSE
YOU'VE GOT SUCH A
HEAVY WORKLOAD AROUND HERE.
118
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:00,832
HMM.
119
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,365
HOW YOU, UH...
120
00:05:02,433 --> 00:05:05,631
HOW YOU COMING
ON THAT NOVEL
YOU'RE WORKING ON, HUH?
121
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:09,099
GOT A BIG, UH,
BIG STACK OF PAPERS
THERE?
122
00:05:09,168 --> 00:05:12,266
GOT A--GOT A--GOT A
NICE LITTLE--NICE LITTLE
STORY YOU WORKING ON THERE?
123
00:05:12,335 --> 00:05:16,698
THE B-BIG NOVEL
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON
FOR 3 YEARS, HUH?
124
00:05:16,767 --> 00:05:19,199
GOT A--GOT A
COMPELLING PROTAGONIST?
125
00:05:19,268 --> 00:05:23,099
HUH, GOT AN--GOT
AN OBSTACLE FOR HIM
TO OVERCOME? HUH?
126
00:05:23,168 --> 00:05:25,765
LITTLE STORY
BREWING THERE?
WORKING ON?
127
00:05:25,834 --> 00:05:28,166
WORKING ON THAT
FOR QUITE SOME TIME, HUH?
128
00:05:28,235 --> 00:05:30,299
YEAH, TALKING ABOUT
THAT 3 YEARS AGO. HUH?
129
00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:32,333
BEEN WORKING ON
THAT THE WHOLE TIME?
130
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,465
NICE LITTLE,
UH, NARRATIVE? UH,
BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END?
131
00:05:35,533 --> 00:05:38,798
SOME FRIENDS BECOME ENEMIES,
SOME ENEMIES BECOME FRIENDS?
YEAH?
132
00:05:38,868 --> 00:05:40,732
AT THE END YOUR, UH,
MAIN CHARACTER
133
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,698
IS, UH,
RICHER FOR THE EXPERIENCE?
YEAH? YEAH?
134
00:05:43,767 --> 00:05:46,365
YEAH, YOU GOT A--
NO, NO, YOU DESERVE
SOME TIME OFF.
135
00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:49,165
I AM
SUPER EXCITED.
136
00:05:49,234 --> 00:05:50,366
YOU THINK
SHE'LL BE HOT?
137
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,432
I BET
SHE'LL BE HOT.
138
00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:52,665
I THINK
SHE'LL BE HOT, TOO.
139
00:05:52,734 --> 00:05:54,332
NO WAY!
SO DO I!
140
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:58,065
QUAGMIRE?
141
00:05:58,134 --> 00:05:59,132
OH, HEY, BRIAN!
142
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,532
HOW DID YOU GET
ON THE SHOW?
143
00:06:00,601 --> 00:06:02,098
UH, I HAD TO DO A FEW FAVORS.
144
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:04,732
I GOT TO GET ON THAT SHOW.
COME ON, I'LL DO ANYTHING.
145
00:06:04,801 --> 00:06:05,799
ANYTHING?
146
00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:07,431
UH, YEAH.
147
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:08,999
[chuckling]
ALL RIGHT.
148
00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:11,532
OK, YOU READY?
YEP.
149
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,432
OK, CHECK
UNDER THE BED.
150
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,898
NO, NOTHING.
CHECK IN THE CLOSET.
151
00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:17,698
NO, NO MONSTERS IN HERE.
152
00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:19,199
NOW CHECK
THE BATHROOM.
153
00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:21,231
NO, NONE IN HERE, EITHER.
OK, GOOD.
154
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,699
SO, CAN I BE
ON THE BACHELORETTE?
155
00:06:22,767 --> 00:06:24,132
YEAH. GOODNIGHT.
156
00:06:26,868 --> 00:06:29,132
PETER, I'M GETTING
A LITTLE WORRIED
ABOUT CHRIS.
157
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,298
ALL HE DOES LATELY
IS SIT ALONE IN HIS ROOM
TALKING TO THAT ZIT.
158
00:06:32,366 --> 00:06:34,166
OH, RELAX, LOIS.
WHAT'S A ZIT GONNA DO?
159
00:06:34,233 --> 00:06:37,465
TALK TO HIM AND TELL HIM
TO SNEAK OUT OF THE HOUSE
AND CAUSE TROUBLE?
160
00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:42,231
NOW LIGHT IT,
RING THE DOORBELL,
AND RUN LIKE HELL!
161
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:43,932
OH, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THIS, DOUG.
162
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:45,032
JUST DO IT!
163
00:06:46,834 --> 00:06:47,899
[doorbell ringing]
164
00:06:48,501 --> 00:06:49,765
OH, GOOD LORD!
165
00:06:54,201 --> 00:06:55,199
IS THAT...
166
00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:56,832
DOODY!
167
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,898
(Bonnie)
I'M DOING THE DISHES, JOE.
I'LL CHANGE YOU IN A MINUTE.
168
00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:07,466
TREVOR,
THIS IS BROOKE,
THE BACHELORETTE.
169
00:07:07,534 --> 00:07:10,365
I WASN'T TOO NERVOUS.
I MEAN, WHEN I AM NERVOUS
I WORK OUT,
170
00:07:10,434 --> 00:07:12,832
AND I WASN'T WORKING OUT,
SO I MUST NOT
HAVE BEEN NERVOUS.
171
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,532
I--I WAS, UH,
I WAS VERY PLEASED
AND SURPRISED.
172
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,098
I--I REALLY
WAS NOT EXPECTING
AN OPEN BAR.
173
00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:20,166
TOP-SHELF BOOZE,
I TELL YOU.
174
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:21,665
AND THIS GUY
KNEW HIS STUFF.
175
00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:23,131
MADE ME A MOJITO.
176
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,565
[slurping]
177
00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:28,065
I DON'T THINK
IT'S A GAY DRINK.
178
00:07:28,134 --> 00:07:30,365
M-M-MOJITO!
179
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:31,965
[Glenn muttering]
180
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:33,431
HEY, GUYS.
181
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:35,099
WELL, IT'S BEEN
GREAT TO MEET YOU ALL.
182
00:07:35,168 --> 00:07:38,032
AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD
TO GETTING TO KNOW YOU
WHILE WE'RE HERE.
183
00:07:38,101 --> 00:07:39,532
[Glenn muttering]
184
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:40,598
[sighs]
185
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:41,966
(man)
DUDE, PUT YOUR PANTS ON.
186
00:07:42,034 --> 00:07:43,299
(Glenn)
SHUT UP.
187
00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:44,999
WELL, I REALLY LIKE
ALL THE GUYS.
188
00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:47,799
BUT SOME OF THEM
SEEM A LITTLE
TOO COMPETITIVE.
189
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:51,365
I, UH, I--I GOT TO TELL YOU.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
SHE WOULD POSSIBLY SEE
190
00:07:51,434 --> 00:07:52,665
IN COUNT CHOCULA.
191
00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:54,898
I--I THINK HE'S JUST HERE
BECAUSE HE'S A MINORITY.
192
00:08:07,135 --> 00:08:10,264
YOU WERE RIGHT, DOUG.
MISCHIEF IS FUN.
193
00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:13,265
WE'RE THE BEST PALS
SINCE THE SNORKS.
194
00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:15,565
[sighing]
I AM HAVING
A REALLY GREAT TIME.
195
00:08:15,634 --> 00:08:18,632
ME, TOO. I REALLY
VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP.
196
00:08:18,701 --> 00:08:22,131
YOU'RE NOT LIKE
THOSE OTHER SNORKS
WHO ONLY WANT ONE THING.
197
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,131
OH, THAT WAS CLUMSY.
HANG ON A SECOND.
198
00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:31,598
[squeaking]
199
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:36,598
GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME
FOR THE FIRST
ROSE CEREMONY.
200
00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:37,665
(host)
WHO GETS TO STAY,
201
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:39,565
AND WHO TAKES
THE BUS RIDE HOME?
202
00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:41,032
IT'S UP TO BROOKE.
203
00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:43,398
TREVOR.
204
00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:45,265
THAT'S WHAT TREVOR'S
TALKING ABOUT.
205
00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:47,266
HEY, CAN I SAY HI
TO A FRIEND OF MINE?
206
00:08:47,334 --> 00:08:48,366
UH, SURE.
207
00:08:48,434 --> 00:08:49,465
HI, JESUS!
208
00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:50,765
NO WAY!
209
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:51,898
[phone ringing]
210
00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:54,032
HELLO.
I KNOW. I SAW!
211
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,232
GLENN.
212
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:56,632
[exclaiming]
213
00:08:58,034 --> 00:08:59,132
[sighing]
214
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,065
(Brooke)
BRIAN.
WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS?
215
00:09:02,134 --> 00:09:04,099
I FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T
GET TO KNOW YOU AT ALL.
216
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:05,299
WOULD YOU
ACCEPT THIS ROSE?
217
00:09:05,367 --> 00:09:06,498
[sighing]
ALL RIGHT.
218
00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:07,799
BUT I THINK
THIS WHOLE THING
219
00:09:07,867 --> 00:09:09,865
IS ABOUT
AS POINTLESS
AS PETER'S COW-KITE.
220
00:09:09,934 --> 00:09:11,265
[laughing]
221
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:12,331
[gasping]
222
00:09:14,501 --> 00:09:16,431
[groaning]
THIS IS NEVER GONNA WORK.
DAMN COW.
223
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,366
CLEVELAND,
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?
224
00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:22,065
YOU GOT TO GET HER RUNNING
BEFORE YOU START RUNNING.
225
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,432
CHRIS?
226
00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:28,865
CHRIS, HONEY,
CAN I TALK TO YOU?
227
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:34,132
OH, MY GOD,
HE'S GONE!
228
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,131
OOH, THAT MEANS
THIS ROOM IS MINE NOW.
229
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,065
OH, I AM GONNA PARTY
MY ASS OFF IN HERE.
230
00:09:38,134 --> 00:09:39,898
♪[music playing]
GREAT POT, STEWIE.
231
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:42,165
YEAH, I GOT IT FROM
OUR CLEANING LADY'S
BOYFRIEND.
232
00:09:42,234 --> 00:09:45,165
IT'S OK, THOUGH, 'CAUSE
SHE'S GONNA USE THE MONEY
TO GET A MAMMOGRAM.
233
00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:48,665
CHRIS, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
234
00:09:48,734 --> 00:09:51,265
DOUG TOLD ME
I DON'T NEED TO
LISTEN TO YOU.
235
00:09:51,333 --> 00:09:53,999
DOUG? YOUR PIMPLE?
OH, THAT IS IT!
236
00:09:54,068 --> 00:09:56,932
FIRST THING TOMORROW,
WE'RE GOING DOWN
TO GOLDMAN'S PHARMACY
237
00:09:57,001 --> 00:09:58,965
AND GET SOME ASTRINGENT
TO GET RID OF THAT THING.
238
00:09:59,034 --> 00:10:01,632
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
SHE'S TRYING TO
DRIVE US APART.
239
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,132
WE CAN'T
LET THAT HAPPEN.
240
00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:06,464
I AM IN NO MOOD.
241
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:12,999
WELCOME TO
THE SADDLEBACK RANCH
AND OUR FIRST GROUP DATE.
242
00:10:13,067 --> 00:10:15,266
IS EVERYONE READY
FOR A LITTLE COWBOY ACTION?
243
00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:16,732
(all)
YEAH!
244
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,165
(Glenn)
I LOVE HORSES.
245
00:10:18,234 --> 00:10:20,465
SORRY I AM LATE, BRIAN.
HERE'S YOUR RIDE.
246
00:10:20,534 --> 00:10:22,798
OH, COME ON,
YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME
TO RIDE THAT THING.
247
00:10:22,867 --> 00:10:24,632
SORRY, WE'RE SHORT
ON HORSES.
248
00:10:24,701 --> 00:10:27,665
[sighing]
YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT.
I'LL JUST GO SMOKE.
249
00:10:27,734 --> 00:10:28,898
[birds chirping]
250
00:10:28,967 --> 00:10:31,199
HEY, THERE, ADAM.
HELLO, HENRY.
251
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:34,732
I HAVE THE POWER!
252
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,232
[thundering]
253
00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:40,732
[Battle Cat roaring]
254
00:10:40,801 --> 00:10:42,098
[hoofbeats sounding]
255
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:43,632
[neighing]
256
00:10:45,434 --> 00:10:46,765
BROOKE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
257
00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:48,698
UGH, I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT
ANYMORE.
258
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:51,232
ALL THESE GUYS
JUST COMING ON TO ME.
259
00:10:51,301 --> 00:10:52,665
UGH, I HAD TO SNEAK OFF.
260
00:10:52,734 --> 00:10:55,299
OH, COULD I BUM
ONE OF THOSE?
261
00:10:55,368 --> 00:10:58,166
YOU KNOW, I DON'T
EVEN KNOW WHY
I AGREED TO DO THIS SHOW.
262
00:10:58,234 --> 00:10:59,832
THIS IS JUST
SO NOT ME.
263
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,999
I-I'D MUCH RATHER JUST
BE HOME, LISTENING
TO MY OLD JAZZ RECORDS.
264
00:11:03,068 --> 00:11:06,199
REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW.
I--I ACTUALLY HAVE QUITE
A JAZZ COLLECTION MYSELF.
265
00:11:06,268 --> 00:11:08,598
WHAT DO YOU LIKE?
OH, DJ JAZZY JEFF!
266
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:10,465
OH.
I'M KIDDING!
267
00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:11,765
[laughing]
268
00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:14,364
OH, YOU--YOU GOT ME.
YOU GOT ME, YEAH.
269
00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:17,965
NO, I REALLY LIKE
COLEMAN HAWKINS, UH,
BEN WEBSTER.
270
00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:20,932
OH, AND EARLY COLTRANE,
BEFORE HE GOT CLEAN.
271
00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:22,899
YEAH, YEAH,
NO JUNK, NO SOUL.
272
00:11:22,967 --> 00:11:25,899
[laughing]
NO KIDDING. I MEAN,
LOOK AT CHEVY CHASE.
273
00:11:25,967 --> 00:11:27,331
RIGHT, RIGHT.
274
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,798
YOU KNOW,
I--I GOT TO SAY, I THOUGHT
SHE WAS JUST SOME ACTRESS
275
00:11:29,867 --> 00:11:31,932
LOOKING FOR HER
15 MINUTES OF FAME,
276
00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:34,398
BUT SHE'S, UH,
SHE'S PRETTY SHARP,
YOU KNOW.
277
00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:36,765
I GUESS YOU CAN'T JUDGE
A BROOKE BY HER COVER.
278
00:11:36,834 --> 00:11:38,532
[chuckling]
279
00:11:38,601 --> 00:11:40,732
YOU CAN--YOU CAN
CUT THAT OUT, RIGHT?
280
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,665
OH, AND M-MAYBE YOU CAN
CUT OUT WHEN I SAID
"JUNK" EARLIER,
281
00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:45,532
THE WHOLE CHEVY CHASE THING.
282
00:11:45,601 --> 00:11:49,065
SEEMS LIKE HE'S
PROBABLY THE KIND OF GUY
WHO--WHO MIGHT, UH, SUE.
283
00:11:49,134 --> 00:11:51,299
I MEAN, THE GUY'S
GOT TO HAVE
NO MONEY LEFT.
284
00:11:53,068 --> 00:11:54,532
ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN
285
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,065
LET'S SEE HOW
GLENN'S PRIVATE DATE
WITH BROOKE IS GOING.
286
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,665
HEY, BROOKE, WHAT DO YOU SAY,
WE GET YOU
SOME MORE CHAMPAGNE?
287
00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:01,765
SURE.
288
00:12:03,801 --> 00:12:04,798
[fizzing]
289
00:12:08,134 --> 00:12:10,265
[snickering]
ALL RIGHT.
290
00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:15,332
[tittering]
OH, UH, HEY,
FORGOT ABOUT YOU GUYS.
291
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,465
WELL, I GUESS
THE DATE'S OVER.
292
00:12:17,534 --> 00:12:20,432
GOODNIGHT, BROOKE.
THANKS FOR
A LOVELY EVENING.
293
00:12:20,501 --> 00:12:21,865
[crickets chirruping]
294
00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:24,599
[sniffing]
295
00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:26,265
[exclaiming]
296
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:31,165
OH, MY GOD, PETER,
IT LOOKS LIKE
THERE'S BEEN A BREAK-IN.
297
00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:33,465
DUH, DO YOU THINK SO?
298
00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:34,565
[bells ringing]
299
00:12:34,633 --> 00:12:36,631
OH! OH, GOD, THEY'RE BACK.
300
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:37,998
[screaming]
301
00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:39,332
[screaming]
302
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:43,498
WHOA, AWESOME!
TOTALLY AWESOME!
303
00:12:43,567 --> 00:12:45,198
ALL RIGHT, GOLDMAN.
304
00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:47,099
AH! WHAT THE HELL IS
YOUR PROBLEM, MORT?
305
00:12:47,168 --> 00:12:50,765
OH, I AM SORRY, PETER.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
ONE OF THOSE CRIMINALS
306
00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:54,132
WHO BROKE IN AND DESTROYED
MY ENTIRE STOCK
OF ACNE MEDICATION.
307
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:57,032
OH, MY GOD. PETER,
DO YOU THINK CHRIS
MIGHT HAVE DONE THIS?
308
00:12:57,101 --> 00:12:59,132
COME ON, LOIS,
HE DOESN'T HAVE
THE WILD STREAK
309
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,698
YOU HAD
WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER.
310
00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:03,999
FOR GOD'S SAKE,
YOU USED TO MAKE PLASTER MOLDS
OF CELEBRITY BODY PARTS.
311
00:13:05,801 --> 00:13:08,132
OK, DARYL,
IT'S ALMOST DRY.
312
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,865
VERY NICE,
BY THE WAY.
313
00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:12,665
THIS ONE'S GOING ON THE SHELF
RIGHT NEXT TO DAN FOGELBERG.
314
00:13:12,733 --> 00:13:14,398
HEY, LOIS, AM I UP NEXT?
315
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,266
JUST WAIT
IN YOUR DRESSING ROOM.
316
00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:17,799
I'LL COME BACK
FOR YOU, OATES.
317
00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:19,831
[door closing]
I AM NOT COMING BACK
FOR OATES.
318
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,265
GLENN, WILL YOU ACCEPT
THIS ROSE?
319
00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:25,699
REALLY?
AFTER I DRUGGED YOU
320
00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:27,765
AND TRIED
TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR
UNCONSCIOUS BODY?
321
00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:28,832
WHAT?
YES.
322
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:31,332
THIS IS
THE FINAL ROSE TONIGHT.
323
00:13:34,268 --> 00:13:35,898
BRIAN.
YES!
324
00:13:35,967 --> 00:13:38,265
YEAH, YOU KNOW, I--I MEAN,
I KNOW I WAS
SKEPTICAL AT FIRST,
325
00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:39,698
BUT I--I GOT TO BE HONEST,
326
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:42,264
I'VE NEVER
FELT THIS WAY
ABOUT ANYONE BEFORE.
327
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:45,232
I MEAN, I AM IN LOVE.
THAT'S IT.
328
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:46,298
[tittering]
329
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:48,032
I AM IN LOVE.
330
00:13:48,101 --> 00:13:50,665
I FINALLY UNDERSTAND
THOSE SONGS ON THE RADIO.
331
00:13:51,634 --> 00:13:54,431
♪ WHAT DID YOU THINK ♪
332
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:59,166
♪ I WOULD DO AT THIS MOMENT ♪
333
00:13:59,235 --> 00:14:02,732
♪ WHEN YOU'RE STANDING
BEFORE ME ♪
334
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:05,699
♪ WITH TEARS IN YOUR EYES ♪
335
00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:11,132
BROOKE HAS NARROWED
HER CHOICE DOWN
TO QUAGMIRE AND BRIAN.
336
00:14:11,201 --> 00:14:14,032
ALL THAT'S LEFT
IS FOR BROOKE
TO MEET THEIR FAMILIES.
337
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:17,866
[car approaching]
338
00:14:19,834 --> 00:14:22,766
HEY, BRIAN,
I CAN'T WAIT
TO MEET YOUR FAMILY.
339
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:25,165
UH, YEAH, ME, TOO.
THEY'RE--THEY'RE
PRETTY GREAT.
340
00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:28,132
BRIAN, WELCOME HOME,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
341
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,665
SO, DID YOU LOSE?
OH, YOU GOT TO TELL ME
ALL ABOUT IT.
342
00:14:30,733 --> 00:14:32,232
HEY, HOW WAS
THE BACHELORETTE?
343
00:14:32,301 --> 00:14:35,066
WAS SHE A DUMB
BIMBO LIKE YOU SAID
B-B-BUT WITH A BIG RACK?
344
00:14:35,134 --> 00:14:37,099
[laughing]
COME ON IN
AND TELL ME EVERYTHING.
345
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:39,199
I BET YOUR STORIES
WILL MAKE ME
LAUGH SO HARD,
346
00:14:39,268 --> 00:14:40,932
I'll SHOOT MILK
OUT OF MY NOSE.
347
00:14:41,001 --> 00:14:42,966
UH, PETER,
THIS IS BROOKE,
THE BACHELORETTE.
348
00:14:43,034 --> 00:14:44,798
SHE'S HAVING DINNER
WITH US TONIGHT.
349
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,999
I WENT OVER THIS
WITH YOU
A FEW MINUTES AGO.
350
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:52,032
WELL, IT'S WONDERFUL
TO MEET YOU.
351
00:14:52,101 --> 00:14:53,799
WE'VE HEARD
SO MANY
NICE THINGS.
352
00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,132
YES, INDEED.
353
00:14:55,201 --> 00:14:56,899
SO, HOW LONG
HAVE YOU BEEN
A PROSTITUTE?
354
00:14:56,968 --> 00:14:59,498
NO, DOUG,
I WILL NOT
LIFT UP HER SHIRT.
355
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,264
CHRIS, WE HAVE COMPANY.
356
00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:03,731
SO, YOU, UH,
YOU EVER BEEN
WITH A WOMAN?
357
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,299
UM, NO.
358
00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:06,765
PETER!
WHAT?
359
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:09,331
[screaming]
THERE. ARE YOU
HAPPY, DOUG?
360
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,431
[crying]
361
00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:13,732
CHRISTOPHER CROSS GRIFFIN,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
362
00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:15,265
JOE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
363
00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,632
PETER, LOIS,
WE HAVE PROOF
THAT IT WAS CHRIS
364
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:19,932
WHO VANDALIZED
GOLDMAN'S PHARMACY.
365
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,099
I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT.
366
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:24,198
I DIDN'T WANT
TO BELIEVE IT,
BUT IT'S TRUE.
367
00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:27,466
OH, GOD,
WHAT HAPPENED
TO MY BABY?
368
00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:28,966
WHO SOLD YOU THE DRUGS?
369
00:15:29,034 --> 00:15:30,565
(Peter)
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
370
00:15:30,634 --> 00:15:33,431
[all yelling]
371
00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:43,199
(Joe)
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT A CAVITY SEARCH IS?
372
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,832
YOU MADE MY MOM
CRY TONIGHT, DOUG.
373
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:50,232
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
A VERY GOOD FRIEND.
374
00:15:50,301 --> 00:15:52,432
I AM NOT GONNA
LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE.
375
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:55,431
OH, YEAH? WELL,
I'M INSIDE YOUR HEAD
NOW, FATTY.
376
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:58,098
AND I JUST MIGHT
REACH INTO YOUR BRAIN
AND DO THIS.
377
00:15:58,167 --> 00:15:59,165
OW!
378
00:15:59,234 --> 00:16:00,932
OK, OK, I'LL LISTEN.
379
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,032
[laughing]
380
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,632
THAT'S MY BOY.
381
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:06,565
NOW, GRAB MY BACON GREASE
AND SLATHER ME UP
SOME HOMEYS.
382
00:16:09,433 --> 00:16:11,398
WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?
WASSUP, DOG.
383
00:16:11,466 --> 00:16:13,565
YEAH, WHERE ARE
ALL THE WHITEHEADS AT?
384
00:16:17,368 --> 00:16:20,232
BRIAN, WE'VE HAD
SOME WONDERFUL TIMES.
385
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:21,432
I REALLY LIKE YOU.
386
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,798
LOOK, I--I UNDERSTAND.
IT'S OK.
387
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:26,732
I HOPE YOU AND QUAGMIRE
HAVE ALL THE HAPPINESS
IN THE WORLD.
388
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,165
BUT I AM CHOOSING YOU.
389
00:16:28,234 --> 00:16:30,498
JUST PROMISE ME
YOU'LL MAKE HIM WEAR THIS--
WHAT?
390
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:32,165
YOU'RE CHOOSING ME?
391
00:16:32,234 --> 00:16:33,998
A-AFTER WHAT HAPPENED
WITH MY FAMILY?
392
00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:37,765
WELL, IT WASN'T AS BAD
AS THE EVENING I SPENT
WITH GLENN AND HIS MOTHER.
393
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:39,032
[crickets chirruping]
394
00:16:39,101 --> 00:16:40,165
[meowing]
395
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:42,299
(Glenn's mother)
GLENN, WOULD YOU FEED MITTENS?
396
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:45,199
MITTENS HAS FOOD
IN HIS BOWL.
THAT'S OLD FOOD!
397
00:16:45,268 --> 00:16:47,532
[meowing]
MITTENS, SHUT UP!
MITTENS, SHUT UP!
398
00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:49,332
DON'T YOU TALK
TO MITTENS
THAT WAY.
399
00:16:49,401 --> 00:16:51,332
MITTENS IS
A MEMBER
OF THIS FAMILY.
400
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,199
MOM, YOU WANT
THIS 3-WAY TO HAPPEN,
401
00:16:53,268 --> 00:16:54,866
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
CHANGE YOUR TONE.
402
00:16:54,934 --> 00:16:58,298
MY GOD, YOU'VE JUST MADE ME
THE HAPPIEST DOG
IN THE WORLD.
403
00:16:58,367 --> 00:16:59,532
I LOVE YOU, BROOKE.
404
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:00,998
I LOVE YOU, TOO,
BRIAN.
405
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:08,232
(director)
ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S A WRAP.
406
00:17:08,301 --> 00:17:09,699
[chattering]
407
00:17:09,768 --> 00:17:12,265
WELL, IT WAS GREAT
WORKING WITH YOU, BRIAN.
GOOD LUCK.
408
00:17:12,333 --> 00:17:14,331
W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
409
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,798
W-W-W-WHAT ABOUT US?
410
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:18,032
OH, STOP IT.
IT'S JUST T.V.
411
00:17:21,267 --> 00:17:23,131
HI, BRIAN.
MICHAEL EISNER?
412
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,264
ON BEHALF OF ABC,
I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOU
THIS PARTING GIFT.
413
00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:27,665
THE BILL
FOR THE MANSION?
414
00:17:27,734 --> 00:17:29,698
NO GIVESIES-BACKSIES!
415
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,332
[birds chirping]
416
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:35,465
[beeping]
417
00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,066
UH, HEY, BROOKE,
IT'S--IT'S ME AGAIN, BRIAN.
418
00:17:38,135 --> 00:17:42,165
UH, HI. UH, WASN'T SURE
IF YOU GOT MY LAST MESSAGE,
419
00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:45,965
OR, UH, ANY OF THE OTHER ONES.
UM, ANYWAY, I'LL JUST
LEAVE A QUICK MESSAGE
420
00:17:46,034 --> 00:17:48,266
'CAUSE, UH, YOU MIGHT BE
TRYING TO CALL ME RIGHT NOW.
421
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:49,965
AND I DON'T WANT
TO TIE UP THE LINE.
422
00:17:50,034 --> 00:17:51,631
SO, I GUESS, UM...
423
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:54,166
UH, I GUESS, UH...
YEAH, GIVE ME A CALL.
424
00:17:54,234 --> 00:17:56,999
UM, UH, OK,
I'M HANGING UP...
425
00:17:57,067 --> 00:18:00,665
IN, UH, 3, 2, 1.
426
00:18:00,733 --> 00:18:02,266
OK, CALL ME BACK.
427
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:06,233
I'LL BE HERE ALL DAY,
AND TONIGHT.
428
00:18:06,301 --> 00:18:07,665
OK, BYE.
429
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,032
[beeping]
430
00:18:11,101 --> 00:18:13,266
UH, HEY, ME AGAIN.
UH, THOUGHT I MIGHT'VE
HEARD A VOICE
431
00:18:13,335 --> 00:18:14,565
WHEN I WAS HANGING UP.
432
00:18:14,633 --> 00:18:16,166
NOPE? I GUESS NOT.
433
00:18:16,235 --> 00:18:17,798
OK, I WILL TALK TO YOU SOON.
434
00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:19,565
HELLO? NO. SORRY.
435
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,398
[beeping]
436
00:18:22,467 --> 00:18:24,333
♪[jazz music playing]
HEY, BABE.
JUST, UH, TRYING YOU AGAIN.
437
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:28,199
[tittering]
LISTENING TO OUR GUY COLTRANE,
YOU KNOW. OK.
438
00:18:28,268 --> 00:18:32,266
UH, A-ANYWAY, I GOT A FAX,
UH, EARLIER ABOUT
CHEAP AIRFARE TO CANCUN.
439
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:35,464
UH, DIDN'T KNOW IF
THAT WAS YOU TRYING
TO REACH ME. UM...
440
00:18:35,533 --> 00:18:38,765
UH, YOU KNOW, LET ME
GIVE YOU MY HOME NUMBER AGAIN
JUST IN CASE YOU LOST IT.
441
00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:40,965
(answering machine)
VOICEMAIL IS FULL.
DAMN.
442
00:18:41,034 --> 00:18:42,032
[doorbell ringing]
443
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:44,499
PACKAGE FOR BROOKE ROBERTS.
444
00:18:44,567 --> 00:18:46,065
OH, THAT'S ME. THANKS.
445
00:18:47,867 --> 00:18:49,665
(Brian)
UH, HEY, THERE. ME AGAIN.
446
00:18:49,733 --> 00:18:53,498
UH, YOUR VOICEMAIL WAS FULL,
SO I GOT YOU THIS
ANSWERING MACHINE.
447
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:56,698
SO, UH, WHAT'S GOING ON?
448
00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:59,465
I WAS THINKING ABOUT, UH,
DOING SOMETHING TONIGHT, UH--
449
00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:01,765
[crashing]
HEY, YOU'RE HOME.
450
00:19:01,834 --> 00:19:06,166
LISTEN, BRIAN, I WANT YOU
TO LEAVE ME ALONE,
OR I'M CALLING THE COPS.
451
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:10,798
♪ BROOKE,
I'M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU ♪
452
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:12,832
[groaning]
453
00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:14,565
UGH!
454
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:22,599
CHRIS, WHERE THE HELL
ARE WE?
455
00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:26,266
I TOLD YOU, DOUG,
THIS IS THE BACON FACTORY.
456
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,665
DOCTOR, I NEED YOU
TO GET RID OF THIS ZIT.
457
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:29,965
YOU TRAITOR!
458
00:19:30,034 --> 00:19:31,565
[exclaiming]
THAT'S A DOOZY.
459
00:19:31,633 --> 00:19:34,166
I BET SOME OF
THOSE AWFUL KIDS AT SCHOOL
CALL YOU "ZIT-FACE."
460
00:19:34,233 --> 00:19:35,231
NO.
"POP-A-ZIT."
461
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,298
NO.
"PUSPEAK."
462
00:19:36,366 --> 00:19:37,364
NO.
"FAT ASS"?
463
00:19:37,433 --> 00:19:39,331
OH, YEAH.
OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
464
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,598
WELL, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
USE SOME CORTISONE ON THAT.
465
00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:44,065
OH, YEAH?
2 CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME.
466
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:47,398
DON'T THINK
I WON'T DO IT, MAN.
467
00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:49,899
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
LET'S ALL BE COOL HERE.
468
00:19:49,967 --> 00:19:52,698
[grunting]
469
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,298
[grunting]
470
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:01,331
NO!
471
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:03,898
[panting]
472
00:20:03,967 --> 00:20:05,199
YOU OK, FAT ASS?
473
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:12,032
SHE TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME
ON WHAT USED TO BE
A HIT T.V. SHOW.
474
00:20:12,100 --> 00:20:15,264
I--I CAN'T BELIEVE
I GOT SUCKED INTO
THAT PHONY REALITY WORLD
475
00:20:15,333 --> 00:20:16,899
JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
476
00:20:16,968 --> 00:20:18,599
I BECAME THE VERY THING
I WAS MOCKING.
477
00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:21,565
OH, I KNOW IT HURTS NOW,
BRIAN, BUT LOOK AT
THE BRIGHT SIDE.
478
00:20:21,634 --> 00:20:24,699
YOU HAVE SOME NEW MATERIAL
FOR THAT NOVEL
YOU'VE BEEN WRITING.
479
00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:27,966
YOU KNOW, THE NOVEL
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON.
480
00:20:28,034 --> 00:20:31,832
YOU KNOW, THE--THE ONE, UH,
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON
FOR 3 YEARS.
481
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:34,131
YOU KNOW,
THE--THE NOVEL.
482
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,066
YOU GOT SOMETHING
NEW TO WRITE ABOUT NOW,
YOU KNOW.
483
00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:41,665
MAYBE, UH,
MAYBE YOUR MAIN CHARACTER
GETS INTO A RELATIONSHIP,
484
00:20:41,734 --> 00:20:44,165
THEN SUFFERS
A LITTLE HEARTBREAK.
485
00:20:44,234 --> 00:20:47,632
SOMETHING LIKE, UH,
WHAT--WHAT YOU'VE BEEN--
YOU'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH.
486
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:50,565
DRAW FROM A REAL-LIFE
EXPERIENCE.
487
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:54,832
LITTLE, UH,
LITTLE HEARTBREAK, YOU KNOW,
WORK IT INTO THE STORY.
488
00:20:54,901 --> 00:20:58,332
MAKE THOSE CHARACTERS
A LITTLE MORE 3-DIMENSIONAL.
489
00:20:58,401 --> 00:21:01,399
A LITTLE RICHER EXPERIENCE
FOR THE READER.
490
00:21:01,467 --> 00:21:03,832
MAKE THOSE
SECOND HUNDRED PAGES
491
00:21:03,901 --> 00:21:06,599
REALLY KEEP THE READER
GUESSING WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN.
492
00:21:06,667 --> 00:21:09,999
SOME TWISTS AND TURNS.
LITTLE EPILOGUE.
493
00:21:10,068 --> 00:21:12,932
EVERYBODY LEARNS
THE HERO'S JOURNEY
ISN'T ALWAYS A HAPPY ONE.
494
00:21:13,001 --> 00:21:14,732
YEAH,
I LOOK FORWARD TO READING IT.