1
00:00:03,201 --> 00:00:05,599
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,667 --> 00:00:08,898
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:12,765
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:15,999
♪ on which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:18,866
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,934 --> 00:00:22,798
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:22,867 --> 00:00:24,398
♪ all the things
that make us ♪
8
00:00:24,467 --> 00:00:25,999
♪ laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:30,999
♪ He's a family guy ♪♪
10
00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:37,966
Peter, don't forget
you have a physical
today at 1:00.
11
00:00:38,034 --> 00:00:40,265
For the hundredth time, Lois,
I won't forget.
12
00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:41,699
Nag, nag, nag.
13
00:00:41,767 --> 00:00:43,765
Sometimes I think
I should have married
that woman
14
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:46,331
I met the night
of my bachelor party.
15
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,298
Peter, I can't believe
your friends just
left you here.
16
00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:50,431
Let's get you home.
17
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:53,598
Wow, strange lady.
You're so sexy.
18
00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:57,565
I should marry you
tomorrow instead of that
pain-in-the-ass Lois.
19
00:00:57,634 --> 00:00:58,665
Peter, it's me.
20
00:00:58,734 --> 00:00:59,966
You know what?
Screw it.
21
00:01:00,034 --> 00:01:02,398
I am so gonna cheat
on Lois right now.
22
00:01:02,466 --> 00:01:04,499
I don't care
if she finds out.
Peter...
23
00:01:04,567 --> 00:01:07,598
You got a condom? Never mind.
I got this Milky Way wrapper.
24
00:01:11,367 --> 00:01:12,932
Put this on.
Why?
25
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,632
Because I'm skipping
my physical to go have
steaks with the guys
26
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,199
and I don't want Lois
to know about it.
27
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:18,265
Um,
28
00:01:18,701 --> 00:01:19,999
okay.
29
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:22,798
Lois, I'm going to
my physical now.
30
00:01:22,867 --> 00:01:24,866
Okay, honey.
I'll see you later.
31
00:01:26,368 --> 00:01:27,366
Um...
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00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:30,366
What the hell?
I'll just ask it.
33
00:01:30,434 --> 00:01:32,065
Why did we need
the horse suit for that?
34
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,099
Okay, all right,
that's...
35
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:44,199
That's seven
16-ounce steaks.
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00:01:44,268 --> 00:01:46,166
Come on, Joe.
You haven't even
finished one.
37
00:01:46,235 --> 00:01:47,598
I mean, that guy had two.
38
00:01:47,667 --> 00:01:49,731
I know, I know,
I'm terrible.
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Which is why
I'm gonna order
the cheesecake.
40
00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:54,499
I can't do it. I'm...
41
00:01:54,567 --> 00:01:55,965
I'm so full.
42
00:01:56,034 --> 00:01:57,298
Full of what? Estrogen.
43
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,865
Come on, take
the skirt off, you pansy.
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Let's go.
Chow down, Mary Jane.
45
00:02:01,868 --> 00:02:03,431
I said, I can't.
46
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,099
Eat it.
Eat the damn steak.
No.
47
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:06,598
Come on!
What are you waiting for?
I can't.
48
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:07,998
Eat it, Joe. Eat it!
No, no, no.
49
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:09,932
Joe, eat it!
I said I'm not hungry!
50
00:02:11,034 --> 00:02:13,532
Where is it now, huh?
Where is it now?
51
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,865
Easy, sailor, easy.
52
00:02:15,934 --> 00:02:17,531
Put the gun down, Joe.
53
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,032
Yeah. Nobody's
judging you, man.
It's cool.
54
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,899
I'll just put this
back in your purse
next to your tampons.
55
00:02:25,567 --> 00:02:27,298
All right,
let's start the bidding.
56
00:02:27,367 --> 00:02:29,598
Jennifer, how much do you bid
on the dinette set?
57
00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:30,932
Um...
58
00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:32,731
$675, Bob.
59
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,165
$675. Steven?
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00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:35,264
$780.
61
00:02:35,333 --> 00:02:37,865
$780. Tammy?
What was the last bid?
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00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:39,565
$780.
$781.
63
00:02:40,501 --> 00:02:41,866
...you!
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00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:44,865
Hi, honey.
How was your physical?
65
00:02:44,934 --> 00:02:47,199
Good. Good. Good.
Yeah. Yeah.
66
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,699
Too good,
matter of fact.
67
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:50,331
You know
what the doctor said?
68
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,631
Doctor said I was
too healthy, you know?
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00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:54,366
In too good of shape.
70
00:02:54,434 --> 00:02:56,465
Don't even know how.
Too good of shape.
71
00:02:56,534 --> 00:02:57,866
You didn't go to
your physical, did you?
72
00:02:57,934 --> 00:02:59,065
Uh, I did not.
73
00:03:01,634 --> 00:03:03,932
So, Doctor?
Is Peter healthy?
74
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,932
My goodness!
You'll be dead
within a month.
75
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,298
BOTH: What?
76
00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:09,498
Oh, Hagar the Horrible,
if you keep up that lifestyle
77
00:03:09,567 --> 00:03:12,298
of pillaging and
giant turkey legs,
you'll be dead within a month.
78
00:03:12,367 --> 00:03:13,465
Now, on to you.
79
00:03:13,534 --> 00:03:15,365
So, what do you think?
Pretty healthy, huh?
80
00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:18,098
Well, Mr. Griffin,
let's take a look
at your physical results.
81
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:19,265
(SCREAMING)
82
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,765
There's a spider in here.
Now, here we go.
83
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:23,632
Mr. Griffin, you're going to
expire in a month.
84
00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:24,699
(EXCLAIMING)
85
00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:26,399
This is
your driver's license,
isn't it?
86
00:03:26,468 --> 00:03:29,432
Now, unfortunately,
I'm afraid you are
going to die
87
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:31,898
when you watch
these Dean Martin
celebrity roasts.
88
00:03:31,967 --> 00:03:34,332
Will you just tell us
how Peter's health is?
89
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,732
Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite
sure how to say this.
90
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:43,232
Kim Bass-inger, Base-inger,
Basin-jer, Basinger?
91
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:44,798
But now on to the cancer.
92
00:03:44,867 --> 00:03:46,032
Oh, my God!
93
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,465
You are a Cancer, right?
You were born in July?
94
00:03:48,534 --> 00:03:49,965
Now, on to these test results.
95
00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:52,298
My, they're much worse
than I thought.
96
00:03:52,367 --> 00:03:55,065
My son got a D minus
on his history test.
97
00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:56,932
Now, Mr. Griffin,
that liver's got to come out.
98
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,632
BOTH: What?
99
00:03:58,701 --> 00:04:00,865
It's been in the microwave
for three minutes.
It'll get dry. Now...
100
00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:03,098
Please. Please.
101
00:04:03,167 --> 00:04:05,831
We can't take
any more shtick.
102
00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:08,499
Please, just tell us,
is Peter healthy?
103
00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:10,298
Oh, yeah. He's fine.
He's just really fat.
104
00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:11,365
Oh, thank God!
105
00:04:11,433 --> 00:04:13,265
Wait, wait, wait.
Hang on a second.
106
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:15,032
Did you just say
I was fat?
107
00:04:15,101 --> 00:04:17,332
Well, yeah.
You are pretty fat.
108
00:04:17,801 --> 00:04:18,832
Um,
109
00:04:18,901 --> 00:04:22,199
okay.
This is news to me.
110
00:04:22,268 --> 00:04:25,032
Boy! This is more awkward
than having sex
with a rhinoceros
111
00:04:25,101 --> 00:04:27,232
who doesn't love you anymore.
112
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:30,032
Why wouldn't you
look at me during?
113
00:04:31,534 --> 00:04:32,532
(SOBBING)
114
00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:37,932
Hey, how was your physical?
115
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:40,799
Stupid doctor said I was fat.
Can you believe that idiot?
116
00:04:40,868 --> 00:04:42,532
Well, Peter,
you are on the large side.
117
00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:44,199
Oh, please, Brian.
If I was fat,
118
00:04:44,267 --> 00:04:45,831
could I do this
with a Hula-Hoop?
119
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:47,999
(GRUNTING)
120
00:04:54,533 --> 00:04:57,899
No. No, no, I guess
you couldn't do that
if you were fat.
121
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,498
Careful, Peter.
That's an old family photo.
122
00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:05,698
My mother gave it to me.
123
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:07,766
Huh, that's weird.
124
00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:13,832
I didn't know
you had a brother.
I don't.
125
00:05:13,901 --> 00:05:15,731
I mean, I don't think so.
126
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,032
Hey, if I'm fat,
then Stewie's fat, too.
127
00:05:18,101 --> 00:05:19,665
Because we wear
the same size onesie.
128
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,199
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
129
00:05:26,267 --> 00:05:28,132
Hello, pumpkin.
Hello, Daddy?
130
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,799
Did I miss
your piano recital?
131
00:05:29,868 --> 00:05:31,865
No, Daddy.
I'm in my 40s now.
132
00:05:31,934 --> 00:05:33,065
Good God!
133
00:05:33,134 --> 00:05:35,232
I had a question
I wanted to ask.
134
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,799
Um, do I have a brother?
135
00:05:37,867 --> 00:05:39,066
(STUTTERING)
136
00:05:39,133 --> 00:05:41,131
No, no. Don't be silly.
137
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,266
'Cause I found
this picture...
138
00:05:43,334 --> 00:05:46,298
Uh, uh... Oh, Dick. Thank God
you're here. Talk to her.
139
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,898
Message CM-27.
140
00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:51,032
The subscriber you are
trying to reach
141
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,431
is unavailable or outside
the calling area.
142
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,799
What do you feel
like doing later?
143
00:05:55,868 --> 00:05:58,399
Message CM-42.
144
00:05:58,467 --> 00:06:01,232
Let's go pay some hookers
to knock our junk around.
145
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,999
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
146
00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:07,998
Daddy's never gonna
tell me the truth.
147
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,731
The only way
to find out is
to check the family records.
148
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,698
Breaking into Grandma
and Grandpa's house.
149
00:06:13,767 --> 00:06:16,399
This is more exciting
than that time
I saw Bobby McFerrin
150
00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:17,966
fall down all those stairs.
151
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,498
(SCATTING)
152
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,698
Cool!
153
00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:30,498
Wait. What are you doing?
They're sleeping in here.
154
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:33,598
Oh, please. They get
so doped up on
sleeping pills and liquor,
155
00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:35,865
an earthquake wouldn't
wake them up.
156
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,531
My God! How does she
sleep at night
157
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,132
knowing she has to funnel
this old duffer's hog?
158
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:50,298
This is it!
Patrick Pewterschmidt.
159
00:06:50,367 --> 00:06:54,132
56 Meadow Lane, Brookfield.
I do have a brother.
160
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,198
Oh, my God.
I've got to meet him.
161
00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:58,465
Oh, hey, Brian.
You know what would be fun?
162
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:01,032
Oh, God, totally!
163
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,432
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
164
00:07:04,101 --> 00:07:05,665
BOTH: Awesome!
165
00:07:05,734 --> 00:07:08,265
You know, sometimes
the old-fashioned
playthings are the best.
166
00:07:08,334 --> 00:07:10,166
MAN: Hey, kids of America.
167
00:07:10,235 --> 00:07:12,365
It's hand-painted
wooden ball in a cup.
168
00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:15,364
Who needs constant
electronic video stimulation
169
00:07:15,433 --> 00:07:17,066
when there's ball in a cup?
170
00:07:17,133 --> 00:07:21,165
Mexico's favorite toy
for over 340 years.
171
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,599
Toss the ball,
catch it in the cup,
172
00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:25,599
dump it out of the cup,
toss it,
173
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,431
and catch it in the cup again.
174
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:30,431
The ball is on a string
and attached to the cup.
175
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:33,331
So there's no worry
if you don't catch
the ball in the cup.
176
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,732
And cleanup is as easy
as catching a ball in a cup.
177
00:07:36,801 --> 00:07:39,565
So why spend another day
not catching a ball in a cup
178
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:42,099
when you could be
catching a ball in a cup?
179
00:07:42,168 --> 00:07:43,264
♪ Ball in a cup ♪
180
00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:44,498
♪ Ball in a cup ♪
181
00:07:44,567 --> 00:07:45,865
♪ It's a ball in a cup ♪
182
00:07:45,934 --> 00:07:46,932
Ball in a cup!
183
00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:47,999
♪ Ball in a cup ♪♪
184
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:53,699
Peter, I think maybe
you're in denial
about this fat thing.
185
00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:56,032
Oh, yeah?
Well, I challenge you
to prove to me
186
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,432
that I'm fat.
187
00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:59,032
Okay, hang on.
188
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,199
See this?
Yeah.
189
00:08:00,268 --> 00:08:01,299
You know what it is?
190
00:08:01,367 --> 00:08:02,899
Duh, it's an apple.
191
00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:05,065
Good, good, good.
All right, watch this.
192
00:08:07,301 --> 00:08:09,299
What the...
What is this?
193
00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:10,899
Is this some kind of gag?
194
00:08:10,967 --> 00:08:12,965
No. That's orbit.
Huh?
195
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,965
You have your own
gravitational pull.
196
00:08:15,034 --> 00:08:16,665
Oh, that's a bunch of crap.
197
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,999
MALE T.V. ANNOUNCER:
Now back to The Three Stooges.
198
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,565
(CHUCKLING)
Aw.
199
00:08:25,634 --> 00:08:28,265
(CHUCKLING)
Aw.
200
00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:30,398
(CHUCKLING)
Aw.
201
00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:35,598
Can you believe
I'm about to meet
my long lost brother?
202
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:38,065
Maybe Dateline will do
a story on us, huh?
203
00:08:38,134 --> 00:08:40,565
I'll get to meet
that pompous ass,
Stone Phillips.
204
00:08:40,634 --> 00:08:43,098
He's a kind of guy you hate
till he's inside you.
205
00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:44,865
There it is.
56 Meadow Lane.
206
00:08:48,201 --> 00:08:50,432
"Brookfield Insane Asylum"?
207
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:53,565
(GASPING)
Oh, my God!
Mom's brother's crazy.
208
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,765
Oh, no. I didn't catch
the ball in the cup.
209
00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:57,466
Oh, wait a minute.
210
00:08:57,534 --> 00:08:59,665
It's okay because
the ball is on a string
and attached to the cup.
211
00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:07,365
Doctor, is my brother
really insane?
212
00:09:07,434 --> 00:09:09,932
Mrs. Griffin,
we don't use
the word "insane."
213
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,331
We prefer the term
"mentally hilarious."
214
00:09:12,401 --> 00:09:14,299
I can't wait to
meet the lunatic.
215
00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:16,698
I bet he's even weirder
than that commercial I saw.
216
00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:19,398
MAN: Hey, is that
that new butter substitute?
WOMAN: It sure is.
217
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,898
Is it true it has
half the calories of butter
or margarine
218
00:09:21,967 --> 00:09:23,365
with all the great taste?
Yeah.
219
00:09:23,433 --> 00:09:25,032
Can I have some?
Get your own.
220
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:26,199
Take that, you bitch!
221
00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:27,598
What the hell?
222
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:28,831
How'd you like that?
223
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,965
Hey, joke's on you.
I have hepatitis.
224
00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:32,065
(GROANING)
225
00:09:32,134 --> 00:09:33,665
Patrick?
Yes?
226
00:09:33,734 --> 00:09:36,699
My name's Lois.
I'm your sister.
227
00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:38,465
Oh, my God, Lois.
228
00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:40,364
I never thought
I'd see you again.
229
00:09:40,433 --> 00:09:41,999
These are my children.
230
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,932
Why do you live
in a crazy house,
Uncle Patrick?
231
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,266
Well, when I was
just a little boy,
232
00:09:47,335 --> 00:09:49,431
I had a very
traumatic experience.
233
00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:53,165
Mommy, can I have
a drink of water?
234
00:09:53,234 --> 00:09:55,465
(GASPING)
Jackie Gleason!
235
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:57,165
Beat it, kid.
Your mother's busy.
236
00:09:57,234 --> 00:09:59,266
GLEASON: Humminah,
humminah, humminah,
humminah.
237
00:09:59,335 --> 00:10:00,932
Pow, right in the kisser!
238
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,598
Oh, that's a horrible story.
Yes.
239
00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:06,032
I was so traumatized
they sent me here.
240
00:10:06,101 --> 00:10:07,999
And I guess
they must have forgotten
about me.
241
00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:10,266
Well, you seem
perfectly normal to me.
242
00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:11,732
And no brother of mine
is gonna be
243
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,932
cooped up in
some insane asylum.
244
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,398
We are taking you
back to Quahog with us.
245
00:10:16,467 --> 00:10:17,832
Oh, that's a great idea.
246
00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:19,866
Maybe he can bring
his sling blade and order up
some
247
00:10:19,934 --> 00:10:22,199
(MIMICKING
BILLY BOB THORNTON)
French-fried potatoes.
248
00:10:22,268 --> 00:10:23,264
Mmm-hmm.
249
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,165
Thank God I'm out
of that hospital.
250
00:10:27,234 --> 00:10:29,532
It's great to be eating lunch
with my family
251
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,631
instead of a bunch
of chronic masturbators.
252
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,098
Those people are disgusting.
253
00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:36,365
Is it lonely up there
on your pedestal, Patrick?
254
00:10:36,433 --> 00:10:39,199
Oh, Peter, there you are.
This is my brother Patrick.
255
00:10:39,268 --> 00:10:40,765
Yeah, yeah.
Good to meet you, Patrick.
256
00:10:40,834 --> 00:10:42,199
All right,
listen up, everybody.
257
00:10:42,268 --> 00:10:44,065
I have something
to tell you.
258
00:10:44,134 --> 00:10:46,631
I'm not quite sure
how to say this.
259
00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:48,631
I'm fat.
260
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:51,232
Let me give you
a minute to absorb that.
261
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:54,132
That's the way it is.
It's nobody's fault, Meg.
262
00:10:54,201 --> 00:10:56,631
But I've decided
to do something about it.
263
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:58,966
Oh, great.
You gonna drop
some weight, fat ass?
264
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:02,532
No, dummy. I'm gonna help
make this a fat man's world
265
00:11:02,601 --> 00:11:07,565
by establishing
the National Association for
the Advancement of Fat People.
266
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:10,166
This is the best idea I've had
since I slayed that dragon.
267
00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:13,965
Cybill Shepherd?
Yes.
268
00:11:14,034 --> 00:11:15,032
(UNSHEATHING)
269
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,465
(ROARING)
270
00:11:29,801 --> 00:11:33,032
People, you are free!
271
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:34,433
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
272
00:11:38,734 --> 00:11:40,999
You know, I'm very glad
you're here, Patrick.
273
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,632
Well, I want
to tell you that
274
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:45,232
Marian and I both
appreciate what you've done.
275
00:11:45,301 --> 00:11:48,332
Marian? Oh,
you have a girlfriend.
276
00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:51,398
Oh, where are my manners?
Marian is my wife.
277
00:11:51,466 --> 00:11:52,932
She is sitting
right next to me.
278
00:11:53,001 --> 00:11:54,699
Oh, here we go.
279
00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:55,765
Oh...
280
00:11:56,934 --> 00:11:59,065
Nice to meet you, Marian.
281
00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:02,364
What's that, honey?
Oh, yes. Hang on.
282
00:12:02,433 --> 00:12:04,465
Marian wants some coffee.
283
00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:06,598
Lois, did you see that?
He's nuts.
284
00:12:06,667 --> 00:12:09,732
Brian, he's been locked up
in that place for 30 years.
285
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,198
It's perfectly understandable
that he'd invent
286
00:12:12,267 --> 00:12:14,032
an imaginary companion.
287
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,166
Yes. He's even more
imaginative than the people
who invented singing.
288
00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,598
(GROANING)
289
00:12:20,366 --> 00:12:21,364
(GRUNTING)
290
00:12:29,268 --> 00:12:33,132
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
291
00:12:33,201 --> 00:12:35,799
♪ For the longest time ♪
292
00:12:35,867 --> 00:12:38,431
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
293
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,865
♪ For the longest ♪
294
00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:43,999
♪ If you say goodbye
to me tonight ♪♪
295
00:12:44,068 --> 00:12:45,066
(SCATTING)
296
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:51,799
All right, everyone,
I'd like to get started.
297
00:12:51,868 --> 00:12:55,832
(ALL PANTING)
I'd like to get...
We're start...
298
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,799
You know what? Maybe...
Maybe everyone
should sit down.
299
00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:04,465
(ALL WHEEZING)
300
00:13:09,901 --> 00:13:13,331
Okay, that's better.
Welcome, everybody, to the...
301
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:16,498
(RUSTLING PACKAGING)
302
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:18,264
Uh, uh...
303
00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:21,264
snacks are best
saved for later.
304
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:24,565
(FARTING)
305
00:13:26,701 --> 00:13:27,699
(BURPING)
306
00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:31,331
(PANTING)
307
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,465
(FARTING)
308
00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:36,198
(FARTING)
309
00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:38,999
Okay, now, I've prepared
an agenda for
our organization,
310
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:42,065
what we want
from the community
as fat people with pride.
311
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,998
(COUGHING)
312
00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:45,665
(PANTING CONTINUES)
313
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:47,865
(FARTING CONTINUES)
314
00:13:51,667 --> 00:13:52,665
(BURPING CONTINUES)
315
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,498
(FARTING CONTINUES)
316
00:13:58,367 --> 00:13:59,832
(CRASHING)
317
00:13:59,901 --> 00:14:02,232
All right, I think
we got a lot accomplished
here today.
318
00:14:02,301 --> 00:14:03,732
We'll pick this up
again tomorrow.
319
00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:08,498
Hey, guys,
I'm going for a run.
320
00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:11,498
Do me a favor
and keep Marian company
while I'm gone.
321
00:14:11,567 --> 00:14:12,865
Uh, sure.
322
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,299
Great. Bye, honey.
323
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:15,365
(KISSING)
324
00:14:17,034 --> 00:14:20,032
Hey, Brian.
Marian just called you
an alcoholic.
325
00:14:20,101 --> 00:14:22,899
Oh, yeah?
Marian just
called you a homo.
326
00:14:22,968 --> 00:14:26,665
Wait a second.
I'll be right back.
327
00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:30,798
Hey, Brian, Brian.
What if I put this cucumber
right here?
328
00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:32,365
Put the cucumber
right there.
329
00:14:32,434 --> 00:14:34,098
Do you think Patrick
would be angry?
330
00:14:34,167 --> 00:14:35,632
I don't know, man.
It's his wife.
331
00:14:35,701 --> 00:14:38,632
You don't think
he'd be ticked off
if I put this...
332
00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:39,932
Just put that right there?
333
00:14:40,001 --> 00:14:42,599
Just right in that spot,
right there on the couch?
334
00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:44,799
Hey, Marian's giving you
a thumb's up.
335
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,565
You know what we should do?
336
00:14:46,634 --> 00:14:49,331
We should let it sit here
for a couple of weeks
and see if it pickles.
337
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,898
If after three weeks
it pickles, then she's real
338
00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:57,099
and we both have
to buy Patrick a steak.
339
00:14:57,167 --> 00:14:58,699
(BOTH GUFFAWING)
340
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:03,966
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
341
00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:06,999
Hey, pie.
I know what you want.
342
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:08,732
I saw you in that movie.
343
00:15:08,801 --> 00:15:10,365
Whore, slut, bitch.
344
00:15:10,433 --> 00:15:12,232
You don't deserve
to have sex with me.
345
00:15:12,301 --> 00:15:14,665
Instead, I'm gonna
eat the whore out of you.
346
00:15:14,734 --> 00:15:17,332
Peter, did you start
a coalition for fat guys?
347
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,032
Yeah. The fat-guy coalition.
348
00:15:19,101 --> 00:15:21,532
Peter, you shouldn't
encourage people to be fat.
349
00:15:21,601 --> 00:15:23,032
Fat people are immoral.
350
00:15:23,101 --> 00:15:24,465
How do you figure,
sports fan?
351
00:15:24,534 --> 00:15:27,965
They're just bad people,
like that Jackie Gleason.
352
00:15:28,034 --> 00:15:30,099
He was fat and he was bad.
353
00:15:30,167 --> 00:15:31,632
One time when I was a boy...
354
00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:33,299
Oh, I love Jackie Gleason.
355
00:15:33,368 --> 00:15:36,133
Hey, take a look
at what I bought at
this TV convention.
356
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,231
(CHUCKLING)
357
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:39,431
It's a bus driver's uniform.
358
00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:41,732
Pow, right in the kisser!
359
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,799
Pow, right in the kisser!
Pow, right in the kisser!
360
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:50,166
Pow, right in the kisser!
Pow, right in the kisser!
361
00:15:50,234 --> 00:15:51,765
Pow, right in the kisser!
362
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:53,265
Pow, right in the kisser!
363
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:54,732
Pow, right in the kisser!
364
00:15:54,801 --> 00:15:56,398
Pow, right in the kisser!
365
00:15:56,467 --> 00:15:57,532
Pow, right in the kisser!
366
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,432
(SCREAMING)
367
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:02,432
Wow! That set him off
like a Paul Shaffer
fire alarm.
368
00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:05,732
(PAUL SHAFFER'S VOICE
SCREAMING)
369
00:16:12,434 --> 00:16:14,065
(RINGING)
370
00:16:14,134 --> 00:16:15,965
Hello?
Lois, it's your father.
371
00:16:16,034 --> 00:16:18,365
The hospital called
and said you released Patrick.
372
00:16:18,434 --> 00:16:20,965
Have you lost your mind?
He's incredibly dangerous.
373
00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:24,198
Oh, well, that's ridiculous.
Patrick is a very nice man.
374
00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:27,665
And you should be
ashamed of yourself
for locking up your own son.
375
00:16:28,601 --> 00:16:30,166
Whose pickle is this?
376
00:16:30,234 --> 00:16:32,565
This just in.
The body of a local fat man
377
00:16:32,634 --> 00:16:35,032
was found murdered
in Quahog Park last night.
378
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,098
Police released this sketch
of the suspect.
379
00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:41,032
Oh, my God!
380
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,732
Police also released
this sketch of
a female accomplice
381
00:16:43,801 --> 00:16:45,098
believed to be his wife.
382
00:16:51,734 --> 00:16:53,231
Hello, I'm Tom Tucker.
383
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:56,264
Quahog's newest serial killer
has struck again.
384
00:16:56,333 --> 00:16:58,665
Since the first victim
at Quahog Park last week,
385
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:00,264
three more men
have been killed,
386
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:02,632
all of them very, very fat.
387
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,631
Lois, that sketch looks
a lot like Patrick.
388
00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:06,166
Oh, that's ridiculous.
389
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,098
I don't know. I mean,
he's clearly crazy.
390
00:17:08,167 --> 00:17:09,832
Look at that
imaginary wife of his.
391
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:13,332
Well, if she's imaginary,
how do you explain
the pickle on the couch?
392
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,265
I don't understand what...
393
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:17,665
Oh, wait. What? Really?
394
00:17:17,734 --> 00:17:18,798
Hey, Stewie!
395
00:17:18,867 --> 00:17:20,631
STEWIE: I know,
I know. I heard!
396
00:17:22,968 --> 00:17:24,832
Patrick.
397
00:17:24,901 --> 00:17:26,531
Where have you been?
398
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,465
Oh, it's nothing
you need to concern
yourself with, Lois.
399
00:17:29,534 --> 00:17:31,165
Well, that's a relief.
400
00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:33,065
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's a relief.
401
00:17:33,134 --> 00:17:36,298
Yeah, the Fat Guy Strangler's
living here and there's
a fat guy in the house.
402
00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:39,799
This'll be a bigger disaster
than when Peter did
Tara Reid's boob job.
403
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,632
Dropped some
pepperoni on there.
404
00:17:43,701 --> 00:17:45,032
You know what?
That works. Sew it up.
405
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,132
PETER: Michael was
one of our brothers.
406
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,565
He was a good man.
He was a kind man.
407
00:17:52,633 --> 00:17:55,331
He was a fat man.
And now he's a dead man.
408
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,699
And we're all next.
The Fat Guy Strangler's
gonna get us.
409
00:17:58,767 --> 00:17:59,865
He's right.
Oh, my God.
410
00:17:59,934 --> 00:18:01,332
We're finished.
Will someone tie my shoe?
411
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,832
People, people!
I know what will
make us feel better.
412
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:07,065
Let us sing
the NAAFP anthem.
413
00:18:07,134 --> 00:18:10,432
♪ Stand up, all fat men ♪
414
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:13,832
♪ Stand up straight ♪
415
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,932
♪ Stand up because no chair ♪
416
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,998
♪ Can hold your weight ♪
417
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:24,598
♪ If God created us ♪
418
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:28,732
♪ To be so big ♪
419
00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:31,865
♪ That's proof he must be ♪
420
00:18:31,934 --> 00:18:37,265
♪ A big, fat Heeb ♪
421
00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:39,832
♪ God's real flabby ♪
422
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:43,665
♪ With an ass so wide ♪
423
00:18:43,734 --> 00:18:46,732
♪ His arms look like pillows ♪
424
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:51,698
♪ With cake mix inside ♪
425
00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:54,932
♪ God's man-boobs are flabby ♪
426
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:59,899
♪ And they hurt when he jogs ♪
427
00:19:00,868 --> 00:19:04,265
♪ And the back of God's neck ♪
428
00:19:04,334 --> 00:19:07,332
♪ Looks like a pack of ♪
429
00:19:07,401 --> 00:19:11,832
♪ Hot dogs ♪♪
430
00:19:15,366 --> 00:19:17,332
All right, everybody,
just make yourselves
at home.
431
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,765
Lois, these are
the fat guys.
Fat guys, Lois.
432
00:19:19,834 --> 00:19:21,932
My God, look at you
fat bastards.
433
00:19:22,001 --> 00:19:24,298
I bet none of you
can even find
your own penis.
434
00:19:24,367 --> 00:19:26,966
Find your penis for a dollar.
Find your penis, one dollar.
435
00:19:27,034 --> 00:19:29,266
One dollar, find your penis.
Find your penis here.
436
00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:30,798
Peter, what's going on?
437
00:19:30,867 --> 00:19:32,565
Lois, my people are in danger.
438
00:19:32,633 --> 00:19:35,398
Until they find
the Fat Guy Strangler,
we will stay...
439
00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:36,665
Victor, don't lean
against that.
440
00:19:36,734 --> 00:19:37,765
(MEG SCREAMING)
441
00:19:37,834 --> 00:19:38,966
Hey, everybody.
442
00:19:39,034 --> 00:19:40,765
Peter, you gotta get
these guys out of here.
443
00:19:40,834 --> 00:19:42,665
Patrick is the murderer.
What?
444
00:19:43,534 --> 00:19:45,199
You son of a bitch!
445
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:48,265
Don't listen to Brian.
He doesn't know
what he's talking about.
446
00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:50,598
Out of my way, Lois.
Your brother is toast.
447
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,565
Warm buttery toast!
448
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:53,765
(ALL MOANING)
449
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,598
That sounds good.
I love toast.
450
00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:56,699
I just found my penis.
451
00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:58,198
Run, Patrick, run!
452
00:19:58,267 --> 00:19:59,632
After him!
453
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,232
Boys, to your Rascals!
454
00:20:10,868 --> 00:20:13,231
He went into James Woods.
Let's spread out and find him.
455
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,932
We'll head him off at the...
456
00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:16,531
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
457
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,232
Todd, man, you got
to chew your food.
458
00:20:20,466 --> 00:20:23,765
Brian, I know my brother.
He couldn't have
done these things.
459
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:26,432
Well, let's see
if you feel that way
when you see this.
460
00:20:27,834 --> 00:20:28,932
Look.
461
00:20:34,868 --> 00:20:37,832
So he has pictures of himself
strangling fat guys.
462
00:20:37,901 --> 00:20:40,165
That doesn't mean
he's the Fat Guy Strangler.
463
00:20:40,233 --> 00:20:42,465
Oh, yeah? What about
the dead fat guy
under his bed?
464
00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:43,698
Coincidence?
465
00:20:43,767 --> 00:20:45,866
What about the half-dead
fat guy in the corner?
466
00:20:45,934 --> 00:20:47,166
Patrick tried to kill me.
467
00:20:47,235 --> 00:20:49,598
Well, maybe it's
a different Patrick.
Lois!
468
00:20:49,667 --> 00:20:52,199
Okay, okay. Oh, my God!
469
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:54,565
Peter's out there with him!
Wait!
470
00:20:54,634 --> 00:20:56,099
You gonna eat
that dead fat guy?
471
00:20:58,167 --> 00:20:59,865
How are we gonna find them?
472
00:20:59,934 --> 00:21:01,632
Don't worry, Lois.
I'm good at finding people.
473
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:04,166
I was the one who found Bush
after Hurricane Katrina.
474
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,798
Mr. President,
are you up there?
Go away!
475
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,765
Sir, there's a disaster
in New Orleans.
476
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:11,966
I'm reading Superfudge.
477
00:21:12,034 --> 00:21:13,365
You got to come down
and deal with this.
478
00:21:13,433 --> 00:21:14,465
Don't make me do stuff.
479
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,398
Patrick? Patrick!
480
00:21:18,467 --> 00:21:20,264
Oh, crap! Guess we lost him.
481
00:21:20,333 --> 00:21:23,332
Well, nothing left to do
but finish this sentence
uninterrupt...
482
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,398
(SHOUTING)
483
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:28,598
Patrick, let him go!
484
00:21:28,667 --> 00:21:30,065
Don't come any closer!
485
00:21:30,134 --> 00:21:34,166
Patrick, let him go
or Marian gets it.
486
00:21:34,235 --> 00:21:37,032
Nice try.
But Marian's over there.
487
00:21:38,567 --> 00:21:40,398
Don't hurt her!
488
00:21:41,934 --> 00:21:43,265
Now, let him go!
489
00:21:43,334 --> 00:21:44,565
Okay! Okay!
490
00:21:45,767 --> 00:21:47,632
You missed!
No, I didn't.
491
00:21:47,701 --> 00:21:51,465
That's for rolling up
the damn window when I tried
to jump into the General Lee.
492
00:21:51,534 --> 00:21:55,432
I'm sorry, Lois.
I never meant
to hurt anybody.
493
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:59,232
I mean, I did mean to kill
those fat guys, but I never
meant to hurt you.
494
00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:02,431
You may be very sick, Patrick,
but I love you.
495
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:05,331
You're my brother
and you'll always be
my brother.
496
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,932
I have to go back to
the hospital, don't I?
497
00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:09,632
Yeah. I'm afraid so.
498
00:22:09,701 --> 00:22:12,132
Hey, Patrick. Did you see
how that rock hit me
in the face?
499
00:22:12,201 --> 00:22:14,098
It was like, pow,
right in the kisser!
500
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,331
Pow, right in the kisser!
501
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,431
Pow, right in the kisser!
502
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:18,032
(SCREAMING)
503
00:22:18,101 --> 00:22:20,166
Stop screaming,
you can't hear me.
Pow, right in the kisser!
504
00:22:20,235 --> 00:22:21,365
Pow, right in the kisser!
505
00:22:21,433 --> 00:22:22,431
Pow, right in the kisser!
506
00:22:25,134 --> 00:22:26,431
I miss Uncle Patrick.
507
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:29,665
Don't worry, kids.
I promise we can visit him
once a month.
508
00:22:29,733 --> 00:22:31,498
We'll be his period.
509
00:22:32,168 --> 00:22:33,631
I was just upstairs
510
00:22:33,700 --> 00:22:36,965
and there's
a half-dead fat guy
eating a dead fat guy.
511
00:22:39,034 --> 00:22:41,432
Uh-huh. So I guess
we're just looking
the other way, huh?