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00:00:03,201 --> 00:00:05,665
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,734 --> 00:00:09,331
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,832
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:12,901 --> 00:00:16,032
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:16,101 --> 00:00:19,331
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,632
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,232
♪ All the things
that make us ♪
8
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:25,999
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:31,231
♪ He's a family guy ♪♪
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00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,731
MAN ON TV:
We now return to JAG.
11
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,932
Harm, I found that
evidence we need.
12
00:00:39,001 --> 00:00:41,799
Now we can finally clear
that Chief Petty Officer
of all charges.
13
00:00:41,867 --> 00:00:43,164
Oh, what's the point?
14
00:00:43,233 --> 00:00:44,599
Does anybody even
watch this show?
15
00:00:44,667 --> 00:00:46,431
Well, yeah, old people.
16
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,364
I mean, they--they--they don't
really pay attention.
17
00:00:48,433 --> 00:00:50,264
They--They just like
the noise and the company.
18
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:51,966
Hey, how you doing?
19
00:00:52,034 --> 00:00:53,832
How's that hip doing there?
20
00:00:54,734 --> 00:00:56,165
Remember the '40s?
21
00:00:56,234 --> 00:00:57,565
(DOORBELL RINGS)
22
00:01:00,801 --> 00:01:02,065
Hey, everybody.
23
00:01:02,134 --> 00:01:03,732
I'm just here to
let y'all know that
24
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:06,165
movie night's been
moved to Joe's place.
25
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,298
What? But we--we always
do it here.
26
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:10,632
Movie night at
the Griffin house
is a tradition.
27
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:14,465
Yeah, but Joe just
finished putting in
his new home theater.
28
00:01:14,534 --> 00:01:16,499
It's gonna be tight, y'all.
29
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,165
Oh, my God,
Joe, how did you do this?
30
00:01:22,234 --> 00:01:25,732
I built it myself
with supplies I got
at the Home Supply downtown.
31
00:01:25,801 --> 00:01:28,965
Between you and me, I think
Joe's got a little
free time these days.
32
00:01:29,034 --> 00:01:31,099
I hear he hasn't
touched Bonnie in months.
33
00:01:31,167 --> 00:01:33,298
Peter, you just
whispered that to me.
34
00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:34,431
Shh. Here he is.
35
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,832
Joe, what a great job
you've done here.
36
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:38,999
All right,
let's get this started.
37
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,098
WOMAN: Thank you for choosing
Joe Swanson Theaters.
38
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,265
Rocky,
please don't go to Mars
and fight the Martian.
39
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,098
I got to do
what I got to do.
40
00:02:08,167 --> 00:02:10,232
But there's no oxygen
on Mars.
41
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:13,132
Yeah? That means
there's no oxygen
for him, either.
42
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,298
That Martian wants a fight,
he'll get a fight.
43
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:18,799
You can't win, Rock!
You're 60 years old!
44
00:02:18,867 --> 00:02:21,498
Hey, look what Rocky
bought me with his money.
45
00:02:24,767 --> 00:02:26,565
Freaking Joe with
his home theater.
46
00:02:26,634 --> 00:02:28,398
Has to top everything I do.
47
00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:30,432
Well, tomorrow
I'm gonna go to
that Home Supply
48
00:02:30,501 --> 00:02:32,532
and I'm gonna build
an entire multiplex.
49
00:02:32,601 --> 00:02:35,531
Well, let's just hope
it looks better than
that balcony you built.
50
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,365
Boy, that was
a great episode of Lost.
Wasn't it, fellows?
51
00:02:38,434 --> 00:02:40,131
Well, at least the show's
got the right name.
52
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,765
Yeah, I couldn't follow
any of it.
53
00:02:41,833 --> 00:02:43,565
(BOTH LAUGHING)
54
00:02:43,633 --> 00:02:46,032
(LAUGHS) They don't care
for most things.
55
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:53,932
Can I help you?
Yeah.
56
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:55,232
Uh, I hate my neighbor,
57
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,265
and I want to build something
crazy out of spite.
58
00:02:57,334 --> 00:02:59,198
Well, I'll take you
to our Oneupsmanship aisle.
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00:02:59,267 --> 00:03:01,099
Man,
this place has everything.
60
00:03:01,167 --> 00:03:03,698
I bet you can even get
one of those gay mailboxes.
61
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:06,366
Hello, hello! Right here.
Yeah, just right here.
62
00:03:06,434 --> 00:03:07,799
Just go ahead and
put that right in here.
63
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:09,432
Yeah. Gulp.
64
00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:10,665
(LAUGHS) Just kidding.
65
00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:11,865
Uh, pardon me.
66
00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:13,632
I just bought
a rottweiler and I need
67
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:15,965
a sign to warn people
how dangerous it is.
68
00:03:16,034 --> 00:03:17,265
Well, we have exactly what...
69
00:03:17,334 --> 00:03:20,032
Ah, yes,
here it is, "One way."
70
00:03:20,101 --> 00:03:23,032
So people will know
if they step into my yard,
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00:03:23,101 --> 00:03:24,999
there's only one way out.
72
00:03:25,067 --> 00:03:28,398
In a body bag
from dog injuries.
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00:03:28,467 --> 00:03:29,832
Good day, ma'am.
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00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:33,598
This'll teach Joe to
steal my movie night.
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00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,832
I'm gonna have my own
multiplex theater.
76
00:03:35,901 --> 00:03:38,599
I haven't been this excited
since I learned
how to speak Braille.
77
00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:41,565
Hey,
bump, bump, no bump, bump,
78
00:03:41,634 --> 00:03:43,598
three vertical bumps,
four bumps and a square.
79
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:44,765
(LAUGHING)
80
00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:47,032
Yeah, I've heard
they all look alike.
81
00:03:49,867 --> 00:03:51,598
Hey, look what I found.
82
00:03:51,667 --> 00:03:54,165
Wow, authentic
Native American remains.
83
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,832
Peter, I'd put that
back if I were you.
84
00:03:55,901 --> 00:03:57,832
You may be disturbing
a sacred burial site.
85
00:03:57,901 --> 00:03:59,432
Hey, look,
it's Robin Williams.
86
00:03:59,501 --> 00:04:00,565
(GIBBERING)
87
00:04:00,634 --> 00:04:02,165
Black preacher voice.
88
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:04,465
Gay Elmer Fudd.
89
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:06,132
(LAUGHING)
90
00:04:06,201 --> 00:04:08,898
The more you hear it,
the funnier it gets.
91
00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:14,732
Want some more peas,
Chief Diamond Phillips?
92
00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:17,065
Peter, I really think
you should put that back
where you found it.
93
00:04:17,134 --> 00:04:18,266
You know, Brian,
I really don't think
94
00:04:18,334 --> 00:04:19,599
you should
breast-feed the skull.
95
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:20,799
Uh, I'm not
breast-feeding.
96
00:04:20,868 --> 00:04:22,166
All right, fine.
God, you're pushy.
97
00:04:22,235 --> 00:04:24,332
Suck, suck, suck,
suck, suck.
98
00:04:24,401 --> 00:04:26,265
Hey, cut it out!
So many nipples.
Suck, suck, suck.
99
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,265
Knock it off!
Oh, I'm Brian.
I'm having sustenance.
100
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:29,798
What's wrong with you?
Look at me, everybody.
101
00:04:29,867 --> 00:04:34,065
I'm breast-feeding in public
even though it's wrong.
102
00:04:34,133 --> 00:04:38,132
MAN ON TV: And now
back to 1943's
Fast Talking High Trousers.
103
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:39,965
Well, isn't this
a fine song and dance?
104
00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:41,532
What are you
getting so hot about?
Keep your shirt on.
105
00:04:41,601 --> 00:04:42,898
Where do you get off
making remarks like that?
106
00:04:42,967 --> 00:04:44,099
Supposing I say
you're a lunkhead?
107
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:46,099
Well, I ain't much
for supposing.
108
00:04:46,167 --> 00:04:47,499
Well, supposing you were?
Well, maybe
I'm through supposing
109
00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:49,032
and I fix to start figuring.
Ah, horseradish.
110
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,632
Well, aren't you
a pocketful of firecrackers?
111
00:04:50,701 --> 00:04:51,364
Oh, yeah?
You got something
to say about it?
112
00:04:51,433 --> 00:04:52,465
I'll say plenty.
113
00:04:52,534 --> 00:04:54,198
I can't wait to
see the expression
114
00:04:54,267 --> 00:04:56,365
on Joe's legs when
I open my multiplex.
115
00:04:56,434 --> 00:04:59,399
I have to say
I'm a little concerned
about the zoning for...
116
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,765
Peter, are you peeing
in that skull?
117
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,632
No, Lois,
I'm getting up and walking
118
00:05:03,701 --> 00:05:06,299
all the way to the bathroom
and doing it there.
119
00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:07,732
Pain in the ass.
120
00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:13,332
♪♪(THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER
PLAYING ON TV)
121
00:05:25,833 --> 00:05:27,765
This concludes
our broadcast day.
122
00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:29,532
The only time of the day
I get to try out
123
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,765
my Fred Schneider
B-52's voice.
124
00:05:31,834 --> 00:05:35,731
(MIMICKING FRED SCHNEIDER)
Now try to get some sleep
out there.
125
00:05:35,801 --> 00:05:37,865
Not bad. Getting better.
126
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,232
(STATIC BUZZING)
127
00:05:57,867 --> 00:05:59,132
Yeah.
128
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:00,965
Uh-huh.
129
00:06:01,767 --> 00:06:03,366
I don't know.
130
00:06:04,268 --> 00:06:06,032
I don't know.
131
00:06:06,101 --> 00:06:07,332
Oh, you didn't see it?
132
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,965
Uh, Ross and Rachel
got back together.
133
00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:10,532
It wasn't that great.
134
00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:30,866
Holy crap!
What the hell was that?
135
00:06:30,934 --> 00:06:33,265
Stewie, what are you doing?
136
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,132
They're here.
137
00:06:35,201 --> 00:06:36,231
Who's here?
138
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:37,599
The TV people.
139
00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:40,065
What? No, they did a spin-off.
140
00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:44,165
Um, he's still playing Joey,
but, uh, it's not
doing so well.
141
00:06:53,734 --> 00:06:56,932
Uh, Lois, have you noticed
some spooky things going on
142
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,032
ever since Peter
brought that skull
into the house?
143
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,732
No.
What are you talking about?
144
00:07:00,801 --> 00:07:03,299
Well, like the whole
business last night
with the TV.
145
00:07:03,367 --> 00:07:05,732
I'm just saying,
maybe we have a poltergeist.
146
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,498
Brian, there's no
such thing as ghosts.
It's all just...
147
00:07:08,567 --> 00:07:10,231
(GASPING)
148
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:13,565
Oh, I must have
accidentally stacked
all those things upside down
149
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,398
and then just
forgot about it.
150
00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:17,199
Yeah, that's probably
what happened.
151
00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:18,832
I haven't seen
this much denial
152
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:20,999
since John Travolta
married Kelly Preston.
153
00:07:21,068 --> 00:07:23,499
John, do you take Kelly
to be your wife?
154
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:26,899
I totally do. I mean,
yeah, yes. Absolutely.
155
00:07:26,967 --> 00:07:30,665
And I- I'm going to do
stuff to her, too,
like, touch her.
156
00:07:30,734 --> 00:07:33,766
Yeah, touch her
and, uh, kiss her
157
00:07:33,834 --> 00:07:35,266
and touch her penis.
158
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:37,264
I mean, no, not that.
Not that.
159
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,832
Good night, buddy.
160
00:07:43,901 --> 00:07:45,099
Hey, what's the matter?
161
00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:47,266
I'm scared of the storm, Dad.
162
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,832
Why, you know,
I think the storm is
moving away from us, Chris.
163
00:07:49,901 --> 00:07:50,932
You know how I can tell?
164
00:07:51,001 --> 00:07:52,564
Here's a little trick.
165
00:07:52,633 --> 00:07:55,032
When you see the lightning,
you count all
the terrible things
166
00:07:55,101 --> 00:07:57,965
that can happen to a child,
until you hear the thunder.
167
00:07:58,034 --> 00:07:59,665
And if you count
higher each time,
168
00:07:59,733 --> 00:08:01,364
you know the storm is
moving away from you.
169
00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:02,999
Okay, ready?
Ready.
170
00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:05,799
Okay. Drowning.
171
00:08:05,867 --> 00:08:07,665
Getting shot in a drive-by.
172
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:09,665
Lyme disease
from a deer tick.
173
00:08:09,734 --> 00:08:11,632
Good, good.
Getting stabbed in the face.
174
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:12,832
Getting shot in the face.
175
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:14,432
Shot in the face.
There you go.
176
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,232
I see you're kind
of stealing mine,
but it's okay. Leukemia.
177
00:08:17,301 --> 00:08:19,698
Having a mosquito
bite you on your scab.
178
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,565
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Oh! There's your thunder.
179
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,432
Okay, let's try again.
180
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:26,498
Okay. Swallowing
a razor blade accidentally.
181
00:08:26,567 --> 00:08:30,032
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Oh, crap!
It's getting closer.
182
00:08:30,101 --> 00:08:32,032
Okay, okay, try to think
of a happy place to be.
183
00:08:32,101 --> 00:08:33,364
Happy place. Uh...
184
00:08:33,433 --> 00:08:36,099
Okay, okay,
I'm on MTV's Jackass.
185
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,732
Hey, I'm Stewie Griffin,
186
00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:40,865
and I'm going to be kicking
my dad's ass all day today.
187
00:08:42,533 --> 00:08:44,431
(GROANING)
188
00:08:44,501 --> 00:08:47,698
What the hell?
Stewie, stop, stop!
189
00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:49,698
Knock it off!
Knock it...
190
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:52,532
Come on!
191
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,832
Come on, Stewie.
192
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:57,966
You're acting
crazy out there, man.
193
00:08:58,034 --> 00:08:59,032
(SIGHING)
194
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,632
No!
195
00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:08,465
I haven't seen
anything suck this much
since I Heart Huckabees.
196
00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:29,899
Propane.
197
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:32,366
I wish that
scary-looking clown
198
00:09:32,435 --> 00:09:34,665
at the end of my bed
would go away.
199
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,731
(SCREAMING)
200
00:09:44,533 --> 00:09:48,464
Hey, skinny britches.
That there is my man.
201
00:09:48,533 --> 00:09:51,631
Why don't you pick on someone
your own size?
202
00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:57,465
You shall not pass.
203
00:10:28,134 --> 00:10:32,298
Stewie? Oh, my God, Stewie,
honey, where are you?
204
00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:34,032
Peter,
I can't find him anywhere.
205
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,365
STEWIE: (DISTORTED) Mommy?
206
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,798
(GASPS) Stewie?
Where are you?
207
00:10:37,867 --> 00:10:39,932
Look behind you,
you stupid cow!
208
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,365
Stewie?
209
00:10:41,434 --> 00:10:43,665
Oh, my God!
What's happening?
210
00:10:43,733 --> 00:10:46,431
Oh, wait, hold on a second.
I want to try something.
211
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:48,965
♪ I remember ♪
212
00:10:49,034 --> 00:10:52,698
♪ I remember the worry,
worry ♪
213
00:10:52,767 --> 00:10:55,565
♪ How could I ever forget ♪
214
00:10:55,634 --> 00:10:57,731
♪ The hurt doesn't show ♪
215
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,831
♪ But the pain still grows ♪
216
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:03,832
♪ No stranger to you and me ♪♪
217
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:06,032
(IMITATING DRUMS)
218
00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:10,865
Thank you for coming.
219
00:11:10,934 --> 00:11:13,066
We've never hired
a spiritual medium before,
220
00:11:13,134 --> 00:11:15,332
but I'll do anything
to get my baby back.
221
00:11:15,401 --> 00:11:17,565
You know, Peter,
we wouldn't have to be
messing around with ghosts
222
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:19,898
if you hadn't desecrated
those Indian remains.
223
00:11:19,967 --> 00:11:21,332
Probably a bad time
to mention
224
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,199
I'm wearing the skull
as an athletic cup.
225
00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:26,165
Okay,
let's talk to some spirits.
226
00:11:26,233 --> 00:11:28,199
Hey, how y'all ghosts doing?
227
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:31,299
Y'all got
a little friend of ours
named Stewart up there.
228
00:11:31,368 --> 00:11:34,332
We was just wondering
if you could send him back.
229
00:11:34,401 --> 00:11:36,032
Uh-huh.
230
00:11:36,101 --> 00:11:37,832
Well, yes, but I...
231
00:11:37,901 --> 00:11:41,299
Well, I don't see how
that's anybody's business
but my own.
232
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,966
Well,
how about you and my father
233
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:44,599
go and hang out
at the gun range
234
00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:46,299
some afternoon
and you can spend
235
00:11:46,368 --> 00:11:48,466
the whole day just
agreeing with each other.
236
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:50,665
What are they saying?
Is my baby all right?
237
00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:52,599
They said that
your baby had entered
238
00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:54,732
their world through
the closet upstairs,
239
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:57,865
and that the exit is...
Well, I don't know
how else to say this,
240
00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:00,365
but the exit is
your daughter's bum.
241
00:12:00,434 --> 00:12:01,865
Meg's ass!
242
00:12:01,934 --> 00:12:04,165
God, this is even weirder
than when Bob Costas
243
00:12:04,234 --> 00:12:08,132
insisted on getting
into the tub with me
every time I took a bath.
244
00:12:08,201 --> 00:12:09,999
Ah, this will be relaxing.
245
00:12:10,068 --> 00:12:12,599
Hello again, Peter,
and this is gonna be great.
246
00:12:12,667 --> 00:12:16,265
We can talk sports
and we can play
with your tub toys.
247
00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:19,599
Yeah, listen,
Bob, this is-- this is
kind of my time.
248
00:12:19,667 --> 00:12:22,198
Ah, a miniature boat.
And if I'm not mistaken,
249
00:12:22,267 --> 00:12:24,265
it's a replica
of the Gretel II,
250
00:12:24,334 --> 00:12:28,065
which lost
the America's Cup
to Intrepid in 1973.
251
00:12:28,134 --> 00:12:30,799
Yeah, uh,
I'm going to dry off now.
252
00:12:30,867 --> 00:12:32,866
Peter,
now that you're getting
out of the tub,
253
00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:34,732
what will you miss most?
254
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:38,966
You ready down there?
255
00:12:39,034 --> 00:12:40,499
Okay, Meg,
if this works,
256
00:12:40,567 --> 00:12:42,766
then we might
just have a chance
at getting Stewie back.
257
00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,132
Are you ready?
No.
258
00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:45,232
Ready!
259
00:12:45,301 --> 00:12:46,665
Okay, here we go.
260
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:49,498
Got it!
261
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:51,465
Cool! Ass ball!
262
00:12:51,534 --> 00:12:52,832
Peter, it worked!
263
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:55,165
We found the portal
to the other side.
264
00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:59,065
Peter, what the hell
are you doing up there?
265
00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:00,932
We're gonna get
those terrorists.
266
00:13:01,001 --> 00:13:02,832
Now watch this drive.
267
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:04,999
(BOTH SCREAMING)
268
00:13:05,068 --> 00:13:09,331
Stewie?
Stewie, if you can hear me,
head for Meg's butt!
269
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,364
STEWIE: (DISTORTED)
Have you lost your mind?
270
00:13:11,433 --> 00:13:13,231
PETER: And, Lois,
get ready to laugh.
271
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,432
Get ready to laugh.
272
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:18,365
Gee, must've taken
a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
273
00:13:18,434 --> 00:13:19,598
(LAUGHING)
274
00:13:24,067 --> 00:13:26,531
(WHISPERING) Are you sure
Stewie can find his way out?
275
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,832
(WHISPERING) We just got to
be patient, Lois.
276
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:31,498
Like waiting on
the results of a blood test.
277
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:34,299
A real important
blood test.
278
00:13:34,368 --> 00:13:37,399
(WHISPERING) Will I ever see
my baby brother again?
279
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:40,698
Only if he can find his way
into the light, Chris.
280
00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:43,366
For some people,
it's easier than others.
281
00:13:43,435 --> 00:13:46,433
Some people just get lost
on the way to the light.
282
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,665
They're walking along,
they stop and say,
283
00:13:48,733 --> 00:13:50,999
"Oh, is that
a new restaurant?"
284
00:13:51,068 --> 00:13:52,932
"That place
must've just opened up
285
00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:56,333
"'cause I remember
there was another place
there a few weeks ago.
286
00:13:56,401 --> 00:14:00,199
"I went in there once
and there was a guy
with a harelip eating soup,
287
00:14:00,268 --> 00:14:01,366
"and I was like...
288
00:14:01,435 --> 00:14:02,598
(GROANING)
289
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,165
"It wasn't the
restaurant's fault, I know.
290
00:14:05,234 --> 00:14:07,565
"But I still
never went back there.
291
00:14:07,634 --> 00:14:10,565
"I mean,
I guess there's only, like,
a 1 in 50 chance
292
00:14:10,634 --> 00:14:13,465
"of me getting the same spoon
that he had,
293
00:14:13,534 --> 00:14:15,898
"but I still
don't like them odds."
294
00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:17,365
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
295
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,665
Oh,
I can't bear this anymore!
296
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:22,932
If Stewie can't find
his way out of Meg's ass,
297
00:14:23,001 --> 00:14:25,899
we have to enter
the other realm
and get him ourselves.
298
00:14:25,967 --> 00:14:27,765
Lois,
I told you it ain't safe.
299
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:29,199
I'll tell you
what's not safe.
300
00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:30,832
Going hunting
with Dick Cheney.
301
00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:32,798
So,
you all set to go hunting?
302
00:14:39,334 --> 00:14:41,364
Sorry,
I thought you were a deer.
303
00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:44,565
Be careful, Lois.
304
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:45,865
I will, Peter.
305
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:56,166
I don't feel anything!
306
00:14:56,235 --> 00:14:59,531
Now she knows how I felt
when I was at
her piano recital.
307
00:15:00,768 --> 00:15:02,632
No, you're doing fine, Meg.
308
00:15:03,767 --> 00:15:05,998
Oh, Stewie,
you're all right!
309
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,765
Oh, thank God you guys are...
310
00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:09,065
You're covered in slime.
311
00:15:09,134 --> 00:15:11,999
This must be how
Tom Arnold felt
on his wedding night.
312
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:13,365
(MEG SCREAMING)
313
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,699
Holy crap!
Let's get out of here.
314
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,999
Wait a minute.
Where's Meg?
315
00:15:21,067 --> 00:15:22,298
I don't know.
I didn't see her.
316
00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:24,465
Yeah, I kind of thought
you guys would
attend to that.
317
00:15:24,533 --> 00:15:26,632
Peter, you got to
go back and get her.
Oh, yeah, right.
318
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:28,465
Like I'm going back for Meg.
Peter!
319
00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,365
Lois, damn it,
we both agreed, remember?
320
00:15:30,433 --> 00:15:32,199
If we could only
save two, we leave Meg.
321
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:33,998
I know, but...
You bastard!
322
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,632
How could you
leave me in there?
323
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:37,998
She's... Okay, see?
It resolved itself.
324
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,398
Oh, I forgot one thing.
325
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,399
So, no hard feelings?
326
00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:55,399
No, no, let's just
put it all behind us.
327
00:15:55,467 --> 00:15:57,731
You wanna come over
for some tea and cookies?
328
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,366
Sure.
329
00:15:59,435 --> 00:16:03,165
Are you a giving tree
or a receiving tree?
330
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,665
A bit of breaking news.
331
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:11,364
A local family is forced
out of their home by ghosts.
332
00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:12,899
Who are they gonna call?
333
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:14,198
Ghostbusters, Tom?
334
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:16,298
No, Diane,
their insurance company.
335
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:17,999
That's just stupid
what you said.
336
00:16:18,068 --> 00:16:21,565
And now back to Disney's
Too Many Ostriches
starring Don Knotts.
337
00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:24,665
There's way too
many ostriches.
338
00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:27,765
Why are there so
many ostriches?
339
00:16:27,834 --> 00:16:31,632
The brochure said
there'd only be
a few ostriches.
340
00:16:31,701 --> 00:16:34,365
This is a terrible vacation!
341
00:16:36,901 --> 00:16:38,698
So, what was it like
on the other side?
342
00:16:38,767 --> 00:16:40,265
Well, I met Jesus up there.
343
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:41,332
Wow, what's he like?
344
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,165
Uh, believe it or not,
he's Chinese.
345
00:16:43,234 --> 00:16:45,398
Really?
Yup, Jesus is Chinese.
346
00:16:45,467 --> 00:16:48,698
In fact,
his last name is Hong.
Jesus Hong.
347
00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:51,565
Says he has no idea
where people are
getting Christ.
348
00:16:51,634 --> 00:16:54,365
Quagmire, you got to help us.
We pissed off
a bunch of ghosts,
349
00:16:54,434 --> 00:16:56,832
and now our house is gone
and we got no place to stay.
350
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:58,532
Uh, Peter,
this is not the best time.
351
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,198
WOMAN: Glenn, are you coming?
352
00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:01,665
Yeah, honey,
I'll be right there.
353
00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:03,732
(MIMICKING BABY CRYING)
I'll be right there.
354
00:17:03,801 --> 00:17:05,066
Peter,
I'm really slammed right now.
355
00:17:05,133 --> 00:17:06,332
Can you give me
the short version?
356
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,398
Uh, what's, uh...
What's going on in there?
357
00:17:09,467 --> 00:17:10,531
Nothing.
358
00:17:12,267 --> 00:17:13,765
(DONKEY BRAYING)
359
00:17:13,834 --> 00:17:16,032
So, uh, as you can see,
my family's here.
360
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:18,431
And, uh it's--it's game night.
361
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:19,866
We're playing...
362
00:17:20,467 --> 00:17:21,565
Sex.
363
00:17:26,334 --> 00:17:28,298
A soup kitchen, Dad?
364
00:17:28,367 --> 00:17:30,265
Isn't there any
other place we can go?
365
00:17:30,334 --> 00:17:31,398
We're homeless, Meg.
366
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,032
This is where
homeless people go.
367
00:17:33,101 --> 00:17:35,132
Well, it'll just be good
to get some food in us.
368
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,398
Hi, welcome to
the soup kitchen.
369
00:17:37,467 --> 00:17:39,165
I'll just start you
off with this basket
370
00:17:39,234 --> 00:17:41,099
of pizza crusts
and apple cores.
371
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,165
Oh, and we do have
one special today.
372
00:17:43,234 --> 00:17:46,599
It's an avocado pit
with a little bit of
avocado still on it,
373
00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,965
and that comes
on a ripped pair
of boxer shorts.
374
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,766
Now,
I'm trying to decide between
375
00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:52,799
the tossed spaghetti
on a newspaper
376
00:17:52,868 --> 00:17:55,731
and the half yogurt
with the balled-up
tissue in it.
377
00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:02,231
Hi, there.
Do you have any books
on how to get rid of ghosts?
378
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:05,698
Have you tried telling them
you're ready
for a commitment?
379
00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:06,898
(LAUGHING)
380
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,531
Oh, like a relationship.
381
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:11,564
Exactly.
382
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,731
That'll send
them running, huh?
383
00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:17,398
I like her.
384
00:18:19,867 --> 00:18:21,965
Here you go.
Maybe this'll help.
385
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:26,465
All right, here it is.
386
00:18:26,533 --> 00:18:30,364
"To vanquish poltergeists,
one must restore
all disturbed remains
387
00:18:30,433 --> 00:18:32,164
"to their
original resting places."
388
00:18:32,233 --> 00:18:35,865
So all we got to do is
bring the skull
back home and bury it.
389
00:18:35,934 --> 00:18:37,132
What are you doing?
390
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,399
You said you
were using the skull
as an athletic cup.
391
00:18:39,467 --> 00:18:42,165
I was,
but don't you remember,
I threw it in the garbage?
392
00:18:42,234 --> 00:18:43,432
Oh.
393
00:18:43,501 --> 00:18:45,865
So, you're not
wearing it now?
No.
394
00:18:45,934 --> 00:18:48,265
That's, uh, pretty much
just me you're grabbing.
395
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:51,165
That's how my old scoutmaster
shakes hands.
396
00:18:51,234 --> 00:18:52,999
Boy, this is more awkward than
that threesome
397
00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:55,331
when the girl didn't show up.
398
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,298
So, uh, you definitely
left her a voicemail?
399
00:18:58,366 --> 00:18:59,598
Yeah. Two.
400
00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:01,331
Home and cell.
Oh, good,
you got the cell, too.
401
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,365
Okay, I was-- I was
gonna say.
402
00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:09,231
(MOANING)
403
00:19:12,967 --> 00:19:14,366
Ew! That is vile.
404
00:19:14,434 --> 00:19:16,999
I know. I hate myself,
but it's so good.
405
00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:18,966
(MOANING)
406
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:20,465
Can I help you
folks find something?
407
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:21,831
No, we're just browsing.
408
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:23,498
God, I hate it
when they
pester you like that.
409
00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:25,799
Peter! Yes, we need help.
410
00:19:25,867 --> 00:19:28,665
We're looking for a skull
that my husband threw away.
411
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:31,398
A skull, huh?
Then you want
the human remains bin.
412
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:33,999
But I should warn you folks,
we're pretty
cleaned out right now,
413
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:37,032
'cause Carrot Top
comes by every morning
to rummage for new props.
414
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:40,364
Well,
then we'll just have to pay
this Carrot Top a visit.
415
00:19:40,433 --> 00:19:41,798
He's funny.
416
00:19:41,867 --> 00:19:43,632
Except for that
one show he did
417
00:19:43,701 --> 00:19:46,065
in Ohio after
the airline lost his luggage.
418
00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:49,065
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
Carrot Top!
419
00:19:49,134 --> 00:19:51,366
All right, you guys
look like a good crowd.
420
00:19:51,435 --> 00:19:53,631
I hope it goes well,
'cause I don't
have my prop trunk.
421
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,765
I normally have,
like, a--a case with
all my little props
422
00:19:55,834 --> 00:19:57,099
and gadgets
and whatnot,
423
00:19:57,168 --> 00:19:58,498
but, it's okay,
you can use your imagination,
424
00:19:58,567 --> 00:20:00,932
like maybe a piece of luggage
that shoots dog biscuits.
425
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:03,531
So, like, if you had,
like, weed in your bag
and you went to the airport,
426
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,865
you could shoot
the dog biscuits out,
427
00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:06,166
and then
the drug dog would be...
428
00:20:06,234 --> 00:20:07,531
Would go away from your bags.
429
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,132
Kind of if you can
imagine the dog...
430
00:20:09,201 --> 00:20:10,932
(MIMICKING DOG BARKING)
And then, the dog...
431
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,399
Man, it's a lot
funnier if I had my prop.
432
00:20:15,334 --> 00:20:19,365
LOIS: Well, there it is.
Carrot Top Manor.
433
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:28,265
So,
you having a good time there,
Chief Diamond Phillips?
434
00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:30,298
Oh, that's funny.
He came up with
the same thing that...
435
00:20:30,367 --> 00:20:32,698
All right, Carrot Top,
I want that skull.
436
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:33,966
Who the hell are you?
437
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:36,599
I'm Peter Griffin,
and that skull belongs to me.
438
00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:39,265
Well, it's hardly just
a skull, Mr. Griffin.
439
00:20:39,334 --> 00:20:42,598
I put it on my head,
and it's a skullcap!
440
00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:45,732
Put it with David Duchovny,
and it's Agent Scully.
441
00:20:45,801 --> 00:20:48,932
You got to appreciate that...
Hey, don't distract me.
442
00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:50,865
Now, hand it over, Mr. Top.
443
00:20:50,934 --> 00:20:53,032
Very well, Mr. Griffin,
I'll give you the skull,
444
00:20:53,100 --> 00:20:55,099
but you have to
catch me first!
445
00:20:59,667 --> 00:21:02,165
Looks like you found me,
Mr. Griffin.
446
00:21:02,233 --> 00:21:05,166
But which one of us is
the real king
of prop comedy
447
00:21:05,235 --> 00:21:07,166
and not just
an illusion, huh?
448
00:21:07,235 --> 00:21:09,166
That's right, Mr. Griffin.
449
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,932
Just a little further.
450
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:11,999
(SCREAMS)
451
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:15,731
(CHORTLES)
452
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,265
Sucker.
453
00:21:17,934 --> 00:21:19,099
What the hell?
454
00:21:19,167 --> 00:21:20,865
How'd you get
through the trap door?
455
00:21:20,934 --> 00:21:22,498
I found this saw
with glasses on it.
456
00:21:22,567 --> 00:21:24,165
Oh, that's my see-saw.
457
00:21:24,867 --> 00:21:26,765
(LAUGHING)
458
00:21:26,834 --> 00:21:30,032
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
459
00:21:30,101 --> 00:21:32,732
You are so fucking funny!
460
00:21:32,801 --> 00:21:33,998
You are so...
461
00:21:34,067 --> 00:21:36,698
God damn you
for being so funny!
462
00:21:36,767 --> 00:21:40,232
Oh, my God!
Oh, oh, God. You know what?
463
00:21:40,301 --> 00:21:41,432
Here, here, just,
you know what?
464
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,932
Keep it, keep it.
You deserve it.
465
00:21:44,001 --> 00:21:45,732
Just take it.
466
00:21:45,801 --> 00:21:47,632
No, no, I need it.
I need it.
467
00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:53,265
Well, Chief,
time for you to go back
where you came from.
468
00:22:01,667 --> 00:22:03,599
Peter, you did it.
469
00:22:09,667 --> 00:22:11,232
What the hell?
470
00:22:16,533 --> 00:22:18,899
Oh, Peter,
I'm so proud of you.
471
00:22:18,967 --> 00:22:21,599
Once again you
brought our family
to the edge of the abyss,
472
00:22:21,667 --> 00:22:24,199
and at the very last minute,
you saved us all.
473
00:22:24,268 --> 00:22:25,732
I love you, honey.
474
00:22:25,801 --> 00:22:27,599
And I've grown
fond of you, Lois.
475
00:22:27,667 --> 00:22:29,398
Let's go home.