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00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:05,732
♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:05,801 --> 00:00:09,398
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
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00:00:09,466 --> 00:00:12,766
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
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♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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♪ All the things
that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:26,034 --> 00:00:30,799
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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We interrupt this program
with a special report.
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Quahog is seeing its worst
flu epidemic in years,
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00:00:40,934 --> 00:00:43,066
due in part to a severe
shortage of flu shots.
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Let's go live to
Asian flu correspondent,
Tricia Takanawa, Tricia?
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Diane, I'm...
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(VOMITING)
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Thank you, Tricia.
We now return you
to Robin, Boy Wonder.
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Help!
Help us! Oh, my God!
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(PANTING) Hey,
don't worry. I'm here.
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00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:02,398
Robin? They sent you?
Yeah.
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Everyone else was busy,
so they sent me.
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What the hell are
you gonna do?
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00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,364
You don't have
any superpowers.
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Uh, I got a cell phone.
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Oh, no bars.
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00:01:19,968 --> 00:01:21,532
All right, who's next
for a flu shot?
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Oh, that's me.
I'm Peter Griffin.
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Mr. Griffin, these flu shots
are in short supply.
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We need to save them
for the elderly.
Like these folks here.
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Oh. Okay.
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Well, I guess I'll be
heading out then and...
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(EXCLAIMS)
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Oh, look at that.
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00:01:35,034 --> 00:01:36,333
Oh, well, since it's
already in there,
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00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,065
you might as well push down
on the old plunger there.
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You're a monster.
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You know what was a monster?
Frampton Comes Alive, 1976.
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Is there anyone you knew
who didn't have that record?
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I don't think so. Bam!
All right, have a good winter.
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(SIGHS)
Very well, Mr. Griffin,
you got your flu shot.
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Now, if you'll just sign here.
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Well, this is odd.
What?
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00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,198
Well, you're 42 years old
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and it says here
you've never had
a prostate exam.
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No, but I've had other exams.
Like that one in college.
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Damn it, this is too hard!
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Here's what I think
of your test, Mr. Teacher.
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You just stood up to me.
Congratulations.
That was the test.
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00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,465
(GASPS)
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00:02:17,533 --> 00:02:22,766
♪ Heaven helps the man
who fights his fear ♪
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Yeah!
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Okay, heart sounds good.
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All right, Mr. Griffin,
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I'm just going to need you
to drop your pants,
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00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:30,199
and we'll check
your prostate.
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00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:31,565
Uh, what?
56
00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:33,565
Drop your pants,
turn around,
and lean forward.
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00:02:33,634 --> 00:02:35,165
Um, okay.
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00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,232
So, how's this work,
you just feel my pulse or...
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(SCREAMING)
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(PANTING)
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What the hell was that?
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Mr. Griffin,
that's a prostate exam.
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Shut up! You had
your finger in my ass!
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00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:54,032
That's how a prostate exam
is performed.
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00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,331
Now, if you'll
just let me...
Get away from me!
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(BAWLING)
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Ugh. Get a tan.
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00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:22,699
Peter, my God,
you look terrible.
What happened?
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00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,265
I was raped.
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00:03:24,867 --> 00:03:26,732
(CHUCKLING)
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00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,998
What?
Dr. Hartman violated me.
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He took my innocence.
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(LAUGHING) What?
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(WHISPERING)
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00:03:37,034 --> 00:03:38,865
Peter,
that's a prostate exam.
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It's an important part
of a physical
for men your age.
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You sound just like him!
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(SOBBING)
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Fucking idiot.
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Hey, Peter, buddy.
How about some TV, huh?
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MAN ON TV: We now return to
Freddy Got Fingered.
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Oh, God.
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E.T.: Ouch.
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00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:02,698
Oh, God.
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00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:04,699
MAN 2: Yellow Pages.
Let your fingers
do the walking.
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(BAWLING)
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00:04:07,967 --> 00:04:09,932
Are we still going
to the baseball game?
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Get that away
from me, Chris.
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Stop it, Meg.
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00:04:22,067 --> 00:04:25,265
Peter, I'm trying
to be supportive,
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but after all, it was
just a prostate exam.
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You weren't there, Lois.
You weren't there.
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Who's that? Who are you?
Where's Peter? Where is he?
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You're a whore. Wear your
whore makeup, you whore.
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CHRIS: Is somebody in there?
Ocupado.
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Filthy whore.
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00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:49,765
You're somebody's father,
you filthy whore.
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Hi, sweetie.
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00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:56,298
Look at her staring.
What are you looking at, huh?
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God, I should take her out
right here with these, man.
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00:04:58,934 --> 00:05:00,365
Oh, hey, Lois.
Oh, you like staring?
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00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:01,732
Oh, why don't I give you
a closer look?
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(EXCLAIMS)
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00:05:03,068 --> 00:05:05,332
Yeah, you want some of this,
Maury Po'bitch?
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00:05:05,401 --> 00:05:06,799
(EXCLAIMING)
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00:05:06,867 --> 00:05:08,799
Oh, oh, what's that?
Oh, you come back
for more, huh?
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00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:10,032
(EXCLAIMING)
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I'd freaking drop her ass.
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Oh, an unfamiliar dog.
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Why don't you go away?
I don't want to
be your friend.
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(GROWLS)
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Rupert! Oh, dear God,
somebody help!
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Rupert!
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(SNARLING)
Give me that bear!
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Oh, honey, I'm afraid
Rupert had a little injury.
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Oh, Rupert, please live.
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Please, I'll never be
short with you again.
We'll go away.
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We'll go to Hawaii.
Would you like that?
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I always envisioned
how it would be.
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(BOTH LAUGHING)
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I never knew there could be
such a thing as a perfect day.
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Don't frolic
too much, Rupert.
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Save some energy
for the hula contest.
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Stewie, I have
a surprise for you.
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Good as new.
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Rupert! It's really him.
I don't believe it.
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You... You did this for me?
128
00:06:16,567 --> 00:06:19,532
And to help you feel better,
I made your favorite dinner.
129
00:06:20,366 --> 00:06:22,265
Cut green beans.
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00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:26,665
Atkins-friendly potato sticks
arranged according to size
from largest to smallest,
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00:06:26,733 --> 00:06:30,132
and a Scooby-Doo yogurt with
Shaggy's eyes scratched out.
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Oh, it's perfect
down to the last detail.
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Lois, I was wrong about you.
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You're...
You're my everything.
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00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:40,298
Mommy loves you,
sweetheart.
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(TAUNTING)
Stewie loves Lois.
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00:06:44,234 --> 00:06:46,299
(TAUNTING) Brian loves
Olympia Dukakis.
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00:06:46,367 --> 00:06:47,931
Oh, yeah, I do.
139
00:06:50,567 --> 00:06:53,832
Peter, what's the matter
with you today?
You're not yourself.
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Guys, I went to
Dr. Hartman yesterday,
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and he did things
to my fanny.
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(GLASS SMASHING)
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00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:03,166
(SOBBING)
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00:07:03,934 --> 00:07:05,231
Peter, it's okay.
145
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,665
It's not okay.
You don't know
what it's like.
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00:07:07,734 --> 00:07:09,165
You're wrong.
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00:07:09,234 --> 00:07:13,965
I, too, have felt the
cold finger of injustice
on my insidey parts.
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00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,699
He... He did it to you, too?
149
00:07:16,767 --> 00:07:21,165
I have something to say.
Dr. Hartman violated me,
as well.
150
00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:24,165
I only went in there for
a physical/guinea pig removal,
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but I turned out
to be the guinea pig
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for his sexual
experimentation.
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00:07:28,934 --> 00:07:31,565
You guys are
a bunch of queers.
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(SOBBING) And so am I!
Oh, God, it was horrible!
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I scrubbed,
and I scrubbed,
but damn it,
156
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they don't make water
hot enough!
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My God, we've all been victims
of Dr. Hartman's
"prostate exam."
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Well, gentlemen,
the abuse stops here.
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I will not turn
a brown eye to this.
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I am going to sue that bastard
and make him pay out the ass.
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No ifs, ands, or buts.
I'm going to be
really anal about this.
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Sphincter.
163
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:05,965
Good morning, Lois.
164
00:08:06,034 --> 00:08:08,632
My, Stewie, you're in
a good mood today.
165
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:09,865
Well, why shouldn't I be?
166
00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:12,231
You saved Rupert's life,
and I love you for it.
167
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:15,866
So, warn the villagers.
Here comes the cuddle monster.
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00:08:17,166 --> 00:08:19,032
(YAWNING)
169
00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:22,432
Oh, Lois, your breasts
are great.
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00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:24,799
Well, good morning,
Mr. Nipple.
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00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:27,899
Hey, there.
Must be cold in here.
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00:08:27,968 --> 00:08:31,133
What do you say
we move south
a little bit?
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There we go.
Oh, you are so ready.
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00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:39,298
Peter, you're going
to sue Dr. Hartman?
175
00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:41,865
You can't do that,
all he did was give you
a prostate exam.
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Are you saying I asked
for this to happen?
177
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,732
You know, Dad, there's
this lawyer at the mall
178
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,132
who says he'll
take any case,
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00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,432
no matter
how frivolous.
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00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:51,732
Yeah, yeah, and they also
have an Orange Julius.
181
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,798
Just... Just trying to keep
the conversation going.
182
00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:58,331
(IMITATES DRUM ROLL)
183
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,265
Well, whatever happens,
I'm not going to
stand for this.
184
00:09:00,334 --> 00:09:02,366
Too many people
get away with injustice.
185
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:05,799
Like the folks you meet
in those Louisiana swamps.
186
00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:08,265
Excuse me, do you know
how to get to town?
187
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:10,398
Yeah, it's back
the way you came.
188
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,965
I love you, Lois.
You know that, right?
189
00:09:16,034 --> 00:09:18,398
Just in case,
I'll say it again.
I love you.
190
00:09:18,466 --> 00:09:22,398
Oh, you are just
so cute, sweetie.
Look at that little foot.
191
00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:23,799
I'm gonna eat that foot.
192
00:09:23,868 --> 00:09:25,799
(LAUGHING)
Give me that foot,
it looks delicious.
193
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:27,765
Don't... Don't eat
my foot. Oh, God.
194
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:31,765
Oh, it is so hard
to find funny women,
and you are hilarious.
195
00:09:31,834 --> 00:09:33,999
Oh, you're like
a female Bonnie Hunt.
196
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,398
Sit right there, honey.
197
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:38,265
Mommy will go get Rupert
so he can eat with you.
198
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:40,165
Oh, God. Thoughtful.
199
00:09:40,233 --> 00:09:42,098
Oh, hey, Lois,
I made coffee
if you want some.
200
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:45,832
Oh, thank you, Brian.
That'd be nice.
201
00:09:45,901 --> 00:09:48,265
Hey, Brian, listen,
I've got a favor to ask.
202
00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:49,565
Could you...
203
00:09:49,634 --> 00:09:51,832
Could you not
talk to Lois anymore?
What?
204
00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:53,632
You know, it's just I'm tired
of you hitting on her.
205
00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:54,699
That's all.
206
00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:55,998
It's... I mean,
it's not cool.
207
00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:58,365
I was just making coffee.
I didn't hit on her.
208
00:09:58,434 --> 00:09:59,599
Besides, Lois is my friend.
209
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:00,798
I'll do whatever
the hell I want.
210
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,332
I'm asking you
nicely, Brian.
211
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,765
Stop hitting on her.
That's ridiculous.
212
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:04,898
I see the way
you look at her...
213
00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:06,332
Just 'cause you're
a mama's boy...
214
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:07,532
...stop!
Lois is my queen, man.
215
00:10:07,601 --> 00:10:09,232
Kissing up to her,
monopolizing her...
216
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:12,032
Keep hitting on my woman...
You know what, fine!
I do hit on Lois!
217
00:10:12,101 --> 00:10:13,398
(YELLING IN SPANISH)
218
00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:14,998
And another... What?
219
00:10:15,067 --> 00:10:17,532
Sorry, I fell asleep watching
Sabado Gigante last night.
220
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:19,532
(LAUGHING)
221
00:10:19,601 --> 00:10:20,632
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
222
00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:23,632
(BOINGING SOUND)
223
00:10:26,134 --> 00:10:27,732
Lois, you know what
we should do right now?
224
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,065
We should play restaurant
with my Play-Doh.
225
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,832
I'll make you a hamburger.
226
00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:33,265
Perhaps I'll make it blue.
227
00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,132
Oh, can you imagine
such a world?
228
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:39,032
Uh, Stewie, I love you,
but you're wearing Mommy out.
229
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,398
Now, it's time for bed.
230
00:10:40,467 --> 00:10:43,432
Hey, Lois,
I have a secret for you.
231
00:10:43,501 --> 00:10:45,932
(WHISPERING)
You're awesome.
232
00:10:46,001 --> 00:10:48,799
Our top story, a local woman
loses her sex drive
233
00:10:48,867 --> 00:10:51,766
after a $125 dinner
at Alfredo's.
234
00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:54,232
But first in medical news,
Dr. Elmer Hartman,
235
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,398
beloved family doctor
to all of Quahog,
236
00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:58,699
is the target of
a molestation lawsuit.
237
00:10:58,767 --> 00:11:00,565
The trial is set
to begin tomorrow.
238
00:11:00,634 --> 00:11:03,732
We now return you to
Native American
What's Happening!!
239
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,965
Hey, Rerun,
you see Dwayne?
240
00:11:06,034 --> 00:11:07,198
Not today.
241
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,665
Oh, here he come.
242
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,198
How, how, how.
243
00:11:10,267 --> 00:11:12,464
Peter, I don't know
how much more I can take.
244
00:11:12,534 --> 00:11:14,299
Stewie used to be
so independent,
245
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:16,932
but now he just clings to me
night and day.
246
00:11:17,001 --> 00:11:18,298
I'm exhausted.
247
00:11:18,366 --> 00:11:20,732
Oh, look at me, I'm Lois.
The sun revolves around me.
248
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,698
I'm the one who's got to go
to court tomorrow.
249
00:11:22,767 --> 00:11:26,232
Peter, isn't there anything
I can do to talk you
out of this lawsuit?
250
00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:29,598
Hey, I was violated sexually,
and that man is going to pay.
251
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:30,999
And I suppose
it wouldn't matter
252
00:11:31,068 --> 00:11:32,698
if I told you
for the 50th time
253
00:11:32,768 --> 00:11:36,099
that it's a legitimate
medical procedure
to test for cancer.
254
00:11:36,168 --> 00:11:37,199
STEWIE: Lois?
255
00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:38,298
(SIGHS)
256
00:11:38,367 --> 00:11:43,898
Lois? Lois?
Lois? Lois? Lois?
257
00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:47,199
Mom? Mom? Mom?
258
00:11:47,267 --> 00:11:50,532
Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?
259
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,865
Mama? Mama? Mama?
260
00:11:53,934 --> 00:11:58,532
Ma? Ma? Ma? Ma?
261
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,866
Mum? Mum? Mum? Mum?
262
00:12:02,934 --> 00:12:07,631
Mummy? Mummy?
Mama? Mama? Mama?
263
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:08,932
What?
264
00:12:09,001 --> 00:12:09,999
Hi.
265
00:12:10,068 --> 00:12:11,464
(GIGGLING)
266
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:18,465
Is it not true that you
went to see Dr. Hartman
for a simple prostate exam?
267
00:12:18,534 --> 00:12:20,399
No, I went
for a flu shot.
268
00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:21,799
At first, I thought
he was nice
269
00:12:21,867 --> 00:12:23,432
and that he was
kind of handsome.
270
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,598
I trusted him, and then
he told me to bend over.
271
00:12:31,034 --> 00:12:33,532
And then, I just felt
like something was wrong.
272
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:46,065
I tried to get him to stop,
but he kept saying,
"Relax, I'm a doctor."
273
00:12:46,134 --> 00:12:47,832
This is ridiculous.
That never happened.
274
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,365
Sit down, you rapist!
275
00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:50,632
Oh, I'm sorry.
276
00:12:50,701 --> 00:12:52,432
I'm supposed to wait
until I've heard everything.
277
00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:53,665
Go ahead, Mr. Griffin.
278
00:12:53,734 --> 00:12:55,865
And that's when
things got bad.
279
00:13:01,667 --> 00:13:03,199
(PINBALL MACHINE DINGING)
280
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,499
He made me feel so dirty.
281
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:14,765
(VOICE DISTORTING)
Relax, I'm a doctor.
282
00:13:14,834 --> 00:13:16,333
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
283
00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,498
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)
284
00:13:23,001 --> 00:13:25,099
Your Honor, I can't believe
you're even listening to this.
285
00:13:25,168 --> 00:13:26,799
For God's sake,
you're a patient of mine.
286
00:13:26,867 --> 00:13:29,499
I gave you a prostate exam
last year, don't you remember?
287
00:13:29,567 --> 00:13:32,699
Come to think of it,
I remember it as
a pretty standard exam.
288
00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:34,132
Are you sure, Judge?
289
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,565
Are you sure it wasn't
all evil and grainy
and black and white?
290
00:13:36,634 --> 00:13:37,865
Think about it.
291
00:13:43,434 --> 00:13:47,432
(ECHOING) Relax.
I be a doctor.
292
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:53,166
Guilty, guilty,
guilty, guilty!
293
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,665
Dr. Hartman,
your medical license
is hereby revoked.
294
00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:58,532
That's outrageous!
295
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:02,099
God, I've looked forward
to this moment more than
the second coming of Jesus.
296
00:14:02,168 --> 00:14:03,332
Okay, everybody,
297
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,199
I know you were expecting
something else,
298
00:14:05,268 --> 00:14:08,966
but as science will tell you,
people were a lot shorter
2,000 years ago,
299
00:14:09,034 --> 00:14:10,999
so let's try to be
adult about this.
300
00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:12,565
(WOMAN SNICKERING)
Uh, no snickering and...
301
00:14:12,633 --> 00:14:15,631
Hey, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.
302
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:18,498
Okay, so if we can all be
mature... Give me the gum.
303
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:20,665
We can all get through this
a lot faster.
304
00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:25,231
I have so much fun
when we hang out, Lois,
305
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,632
and I love your hair.
306
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,865
We should make up a name
for your hair color.
307
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:33,065
We could call it, like,
strawberry sunset
or ginger maiden,
308
00:14:33,134 --> 00:14:35,165
or one of those
hair color names
309
00:14:35,234 --> 00:14:37,932
that's a random noun,
like temptress.
310
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:40,832
Oh, at some point,
you have to let me braid it!
311
00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:42,698
Lois, what are you doing?
312
00:14:42,767 --> 00:14:43,965
(SCREAMING)
313
00:14:44,733 --> 00:14:46,232
(SCREAMING)
314
00:14:47,434 --> 00:14:48,698
(GASPS)
315
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:52,598
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What's happening to me?
316
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:55,232
I'm like that Texas woman
who gave her son brain damage
317
00:14:55,301 --> 00:14:57,366
by holding him underwater.
318
00:14:57,435 --> 00:14:59,732
I'm just like Barbara Bush!
319
00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:06,865
Brian, what kind of a mother
has homicidal thoughts
320
00:15:06,934 --> 00:15:08,464
about her own baby?
321
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,032
I'm a horrible person.
322
00:15:10,101 --> 00:15:11,399
Lois, you're just exhausted.
323
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:13,032
Somehow,
you've got to break Stewie
324
00:15:13,101 --> 00:15:14,799
of this new
overdependence on you.
325
00:15:14,868 --> 00:15:16,931
Well, it's worth a try.
326
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,131
Lois, I've got
a surprise for you.
327
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,632
You and I are going
to see Eddie Money!
328
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:25,999
Two tickets,
won them on the radio.
We're gonna have a ball.
329
00:15:26,067 --> 00:15:27,865
God, he's like
a totally different person.
330
00:15:27,934 --> 00:15:29,665
Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Sulu.
331
00:15:30,234 --> 00:15:32,199
(GROANING)
332
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:35,199
Oh, no, I never should have
drank those chemicals.
333
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:36,298
(LAUGHING)
334
00:15:36,367 --> 00:15:37,732
Hello.
335
00:15:39,967 --> 00:15:44,365
Peter, congratulations on
taking down that monster,
Dr. Hartman.
336
00:15:44,434 --> 00:15:46,365
Yeah, what'd you do
with your pain and
suffering money?
337
00:15:46,434 --> 00:15:48,231
I got collagen.
338
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,565
Hey, Lois,
want to make out?
339
00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:54,464
Yeah. What do you think
of new sexy-lips Peter?
340
00:15:54,533 --> 00:15:57,832
Yeah. This is your life
from now on.
341
00:15:57,901 --> 00:15:59,899
Enjoy it, lucky wife.
342
00:15:59,968 --> 00:16:01,731
I tell you, boys,
this is a victory
343
00:16:01,801 --> 00:16:03,765
not just for my anus,
but for anuses...
344
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:05,032
Oh, hang on,
I got to go pee.
345
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:08,032
That's a lot better.
So, anyway, this is a...
346
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,099
Oh, I got to take a leak.
347
00:16:10,267 --> 00:16:11,798
There we go.
Oh, pee time.
348
00:16:13,968 --> 00:16:16,799
Peter, you're urinating
unusually frequently.
349
00:16:16,867 --> 00:16:17,932
Yeah, what gives?
350
00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:20,431
If it's gale-force peeing
you be doing,
351
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:23,498
it could mean you've got
barnacles on your prostate.
352
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:26,165
Best have sick bay
check below your decks.
353
00:16:26,233 --> 00:16:29,632
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me
I need a prostate exam?
354
00:16:29,701 --> 00:16:32,732
Aye, and soon, before your
rudder jams with flotsam,
355
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,898
and you're dropping anchor
without an order
from the Captain.
356
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:37,999
How're you liking
all these nautical puns?
Cute.
357
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:39,599
Not bad.
Somewhat entertaining.
358
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:41,499
My God, I'd better
see a doctor.
359
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,866
But no doctor in town will
see you after that lawsuit.
360
00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:47,298
Well, then, I'll just
find a doctor out of town.
361
00:16:47,367 --> 00:16:49,364
Listen, I know I'm not
a regular patient,
362
00:16:49,433 --> 00:16:51,898
but I think I have some
trouble with my prostate.
363
00:16:51,968 --> 00:16:53,732
So can you help me out,
Dr. McCoy?
364
00:16:53,801 --> 00:16:55,398
What, so you can
sue me, too?
365
00:16:55,467 --> 00:16:56,999
Oh, come on,
it'll only take a sec.
366
00:16:57,068 --> 00:16:59,765
Forget it.
I'm a doctor,
not a patsy.
367
00:16:59,834 --> 00:17:01,132
Hello.
368
00:17:04,367 --> 00:17:06,599
Lois, what are you doing?
I want to sleep in your bed.
369
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:09,466
Oh, good night, honey.
I love you.
370
00:17:09,534 --> 00:17:11,532
This is for your own good.
371
00:17:11,601 --> 00:17:13,498
Lois, where are you going?
372
00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:16,598
Lois? Lois?
Lois, answer me!
373
00:17:16,667 --> 00:17:19,266
Damn you, I will
not be ignored!
Get back in here!
374
00:17:19,335 --> 00:17:21,565
Get back in here
and love me!
375
00:17:21,633 --> 00:17:22,932
(SHOUTING)
376
00:17:23,867 --> 00:17:25,532
Lois!
377
00:17:26,868 --> 00:17:29,231
Maybe I should go in.
He's so upset.
378
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:30,731
He's just being
melodramatic.
379
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:32,598
You've got to ignore it
if you really want
to help him.
380
00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:34,832
Are you flexing?
381
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:39,198
What, me? No.
Why would I be flexing?
382
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:41,298
I mean, I have sort of
been hitting the gym,
383
00:17:41,367 --> 00:17:43,865
so if you wanted to
see how it's going...
384
00:17:43,934 --> 00:17:44,932
(GRUNTING)
385
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,731
What am I going to do,
Seamus?
386
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,032
Dr. Hartman is my only hope,
and there's no way
he's going to see me.
387
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:53,899
Well, you best come up
with something, Peter.
388
00:17:53,967 --> 00:17:56,598
Otherwise, this will
happen to your prostate.
389
00:17:59,168 --> 00:18:02,598
You just carry a picture
of a diseased prostate
around with you?
390
00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:04,966
Never know when it's
going to come up
in conversation,
391
00:18:05,034 --> 00:18:07,399
and then who's the one
who's prepared?
392
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:09,232
I've also got a map
of Middle-earth,
393
00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:13,299
a cat doing a pull-up,
and the guys from Primus.
394
00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,166
These poster jokes
doing anything for you?
395
00:18:15,234 --> 00:18:17,233
Eh, hit and miss.
We should hang out more.
396
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:22,298
I need her love.
I need her love,
and she's ignoring me.
397
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:24,298
Well, let's see her
try to ignore this.
398
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,398
Lois, help!
399
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:35,032
I ate this whole jar of pills
that look like candy
and now I feel sick.
400
00:18:35,101 --> 00:18:36,166
You look like a jackass.
401
00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:37,665
Can't hear you, Brian.
I'm dead.
402
00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:39,066
All right.
403
00:18:42,434 --> 00:18:43,999
What did you do?
404
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,332
Oh, that is so not cool.
405
00:18:50,734 --> 00:18:53,632
STEWIE: Mommy,
I'm dying! I'm dying!
406
00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:55,132
I said I'm dying!
407
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:57,265
Hey, I'm dying up here.
408
00:18:57,334 --> 00:18:59,099
What is this?
A Tommy Lee pool party?
409
00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:00,431
Come on, Lois,
get with...
410
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:01,499
(SCREAMING)
411
00:19:02,567 --> 00:19:04,099
(SOBBING)
412
00:19:06,201 --> 00:19:08,065
Ow!
413
00:19:08,134 --> 00:19:10,665
(GASPS) Oh, my God. Stewie,
are you all right?
414
00:19:11,468 --> 00:19:12,999
Oh, my sweet baby.
415
00:19:13,067 --> 00:19:15,632
And to think I ignored
your cries for attention.
416
00:19:15,701 --> 00:19:18,565
I'm so sorry, honey.
Never again, Stewie.
417
00:19:18,634 --> 00:19:20,932
I'm going to give you
all the love
you could ever want.
418
00:19:23,034 --> 00:19:24,065
(EXCLAIMS)
419
00:19:24,134 --> 00:19:26,665
Forget it, you neglectful,
swag-bellied measle.
420
00:19:26,734 --> 00:19:28,265
You had your chance
and you blew it.
421
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:29,598
Well, now you're too late.
422
00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:32,532
I hope they charge you
with child abuse
for my broken arm.
423
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,598
I'll testify against you,
just like I did against
Michael Jackson.
424
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:38,965
Stewie, did Mr. Jackson behave
inappropriately toward you?
425
00:19:39,034 --> 00:19:41,465
Well, yes, but the worst part
was he never called back.
426
00:19:41,534 --> 00:19:43,464
(ALL LAUGHING)
427
00:19:43,533 --> 00:19:46,865
No, but in all seriousness,
yeah, he was actually
pretty aggressive.
428
00:19:48,867 --> 00:19:50,233
(DOORBELL RINGING)
429
00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:52,932
Package for Dr. Hartman.
430
00:19:53,001 --> 00:19:54,266
All right,
where's the package?
431
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:55,899
Here it is.
432
00:19:55,967 --> 00:19:59,199
So why don't you go ahead
and open it up and
reach on in there?
433
00:19:59,268 --> 00:20:00,731
It's probably cookies
or something.
434
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,199
Wait a minute,
there's something
strange about this.
435
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,999
I wasn't expecting
any package.
436
00:20:05,067 --> 00:20:07,198
Who are you? Griffin!
437
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:08,865
You got to help me,
Dr. Hartman.
438
00:20:08,934 --> 00:20:11,432
I think there may
actually be something
wrong with my prostate.
439
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:14,331
Well, don't look at me.
I lost my license,
thanks to you.
440
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,732
Look, I know
what I did was wrong,
441
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,932
but you're the only one
I can turn to.
442
00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:20,399
So, I'm asking you,
443
00:20:20,467 --> 00:20:23,332
as a man with
no more options,
444
00:20:23,401 --> 00:20:25,298
will you take a look
in my ass?
445
00:20:25,367 --> 00:20:26,365
(SIGHS)
446
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:28,098
Despite everything
that's happened,
447
00:20:28,167 --> 00:20:31,399
I suppose I can't ignore
my Hippocratic oath.
448
00:20:31,467 --> 00:20:32,798
All right,
drop your pants.
449
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,498
Oh, well, this is nothing,
just a little swelling.
450
00:20:37,567 --> 00:20:39,066
Probably a minor infection.
451
00:20:39,134 --> 00:20:40,999
Looks like
there's some blockage.
452
00:20:41,068 --> 00:20:42,333
What the devil is that?
453
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,699
SULU: Hello.
454
00:20:48,101 --> 00:20:51,998
Dr. Hartman, your license
is hereby reinstated.
455
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:53,199
(ALL CHEERING)
456
00:20:53,267 --> 00:20:55,899
Oh, I'm so glad you two
worked things out.
457
00:20:55,967 --> 00:20:58,432
And to think I actually
thought you raped me.
458
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:00,665
Well, I was going to,
but you ran out of the room.
459
00:21:00,734 --> 00:21:01,832
What?
460
00:21:01,901 --> 00:21:02,999
Ah!
461
00:21:03,067 --> 00:21:04,198
Ah!
462
00:21:05,901 --> 00:21:08,865
(STUDIO AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
463
00:21:15,367 --> 00:21:18,798
PETER: Family Guy
was recorded on tape
before a live audience.