1
00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:05,965
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,034 --> 00:00:09,331
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,698
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,768 --> 00:00:16,065
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,134 --> 00:00:19,398
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,466 --> 00:00:22,498
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,567 --> 00:00:24,265
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:24,334 --> 00:00:26,032
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:30,932
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:41,531
Oh, yes! I slam it,
and you can suck it!
11
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,899
Joe, that was our last ball.
12
00:00:43,967 --> 00:00:45,965
Don't worry.
Mr. Moose will help us out.
13
00:00:46,034 --> 00:00:47,765
Won't you, Mr. Moose?
14
00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:49,399
Fine. Knock-knock.
15
00:00:49,468 --> 00:00:50,565
Ping pong balls!
16
00:00:53,134 --> 00:00:56,198
(LAUGHING)
Hey, guys, look at me.
I'm covered in balls.
17
00:00:56,267 --> 00:00:57,565
Just like...
Just like Sharon Stone.
18
00:00:57,634 --> 00:00:58,799
You beat me to it.
19
00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:00,299
Man, I haven't had
this much fun
20
00:01:00,367 --> 00:01:01,965
since I was
in that Broadway show.
21
00:01:05,901 --> 00:01:11,433
♪ I'm a Wolverine
And my hatred keeps me warm
22
00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:17,198
♪ A wolverine
So you Russians
best be warned
23
00:01:17,266 --> 00:01:18,699
♪ Shooting commies
Drinking deer blood
24
00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:20,866
♪ Peeing in the radiator
Look up there
25
00:01:20,934 --> 00:01:23,398
♪ Here comes a really
Angry Russian helicopter ♪
26
00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:24,999
(EXCLAIMING)
27
00:01:27,801 --> 00:01:31,799
It has been a red dawn.
28
00:01:31,867 --> 00:01:33,432
Hey, Peter,
Lois called to remind you
29
00:01:33,501 --> 00:01:34,999
to pick up Meg
at the roller rink.
30
00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:36,665
No!
We're just getting started!
31
00:01:36,734 --> 00:01:39,498
Meg is my least favorite
of all your children.
32
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,032
It's all right.
We'll just move the party
to the skating rink.
33
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,732
Who's sober enough to drive?
34
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,398
Okay, who's drunk,
but that special
kind of drunk
35
00:01:47,467 --> 00:01:49,665
where you're a better driver
because you know you're drunk?
36
00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:51,831
You know, the kind of drunk
where you probably
shouldn't drive,
37
00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:53,231
but you do anyway because,
38
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:55,598
I mean, come on, you gotta
get your car home, right?
39
00:01:55,667 --> 00:01:58,198
I mean, what do they
expect me to do, take a bus?
40
00:01:58,267 --> 00:02:00,832
Is that what they want,
for me to take a bus?
41
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:04,099
Well, screw that.
You take a bus.
42
00:02:04,167 --> 00:02:06,499
I'm that kind of drunk.
Shotgun.
43
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,598
Dad, where have you been?
44
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,364
I've been waiting
for over an hour.
45
00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:18,132
Grab some wood there, bub.
Daddy and his friends
have been drinking,
46
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,531
and we're gonna
keep on drinking
47
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,264
until we each
uncover repressed memories
48
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:24,099
of sexual abuse by
a trusted religious official.
49
00:02:24,168 --> 00:02:26,799
Oh, that's crazy talk.
Oh, my God!
50
00:02:26,868 --> 00:02:29,432
Minister Washington,
how could you?
51
00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:31,298
Man,
look at all these chicks.
52
00:02:31,366 --> 00:02:32,532
(EXCLAIMS)
53
00:02:33,267 --> 00:02:34,565
If I were a woman,
54
00:02:34,634 --> 00:02:37,498
I would press my bare boobs
up against glass in public
55
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:42,464
just for the sexual thrill!
The sexual thrill!
56
00:02:42,533 --> 00:02:45,032
(EXCLAIMING)
How do I stop?
57
00:02:45,101 --> 00:02:47,098
Use the rubber stoppers
on the front.
58
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:51,698
Hey, baby, how'd you like
to share a pair of skates?
59
00:02:51,767 --> 00:02:53,966
Sure!
Never mind!
60
00:02:54,034 --> 00:02:55,832
Boy, you look a lot better
from the back.
61
00:02:55,901 --> 00:02:57,299
You jerk!
62
00:02:57,367 --> 00:02:59,531
Oh, hey, baby,
you want to go somewhere?
63
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,066
No, no, no! Wait. Wait.
64
00:03:01,134 --> 00:03:03,099
Quagmire, remember
what's on the other side.
65
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:05,732
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
66
00:03:34,601 --> 00:03:35,732
That was awesome!
67
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,164
Oh, my God! That was
completely by accident.
68
00:03:38,233 --> 00:03:39,365
That was great fun.
69
00:03:39,433 --> 00:03:41,532
I don't even remember
why we came, but I had a ball.
70
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,665
I look forward to reminiscing
about this tomorrow.
71
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:48,433
Dad! Wait!
You forgot me again!
72
00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:50,565
You need a lift?
Didn't answer me
quick enough.
73
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,032
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
74
00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:02,498
Remember those sweet,
warm New England summers?
75
00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:05,665
Remember sipping lemonade
underneath a shady tree?
76
00:04:05,734 --> 00:04:07,399
Remember when you
hit that pedestrian
77
00:04:07,467 --> 00:04:10,665
with your car
at the crosswalk
and then just drove away?
78
00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:12,598
Pepperidge Farm remembers.
79
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,232
But Pepperidge Farm
ain't just gonna keep it
80
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:16,465
to Pepperidge Farm's
self free of charge.
81
00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:18,032
Maybe you go out
and buy yourself
82
00:04:18,101 --> 00:04:19,565
some of these
distinctive Milano cookies.
83
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:22,065
Maybe this whole thing
just disappears.
84
00:04:22,134 --> 00:04:23,799
Meg, what happened?
85
00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:26,832
Fat-ass and his drunk friends
left me at the roller rink.
86
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:28,198
You know, this wouldn't
have happened
87
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,631
if I had my own car.
88
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:32,599
Meg, people have always
found ways to get around
without a car.
89
00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:33,732
Look at Iceman.
90
00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:37,131
Honey, where'd you go
when you went out last night?
91
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,831
Just over to Tom's house.
92
00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:40,965
Played some poker,
had some brewskis.
You know.
93
00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:43,832
Really? Then would you
mind explaining that?
94
00:04:48,134 --> 00:04:49,998
At least they know
how to touch a man.
95
00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:52,264
Oh, walk away.
96
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:55,765
You know, Peter,
maybe Meg having her own car
isn't such a bad idea.
97
00:04:55,834 --> 00:04:57,032
Yeah, I guess so.
98
00:04:57,101 --> 00:04:58,398
What?
99
00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:00,698
I have been trying to get
a sewing machine for months,
100
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,298
but she gets a freaking car
just like that!
101
00:05:03,366 --> 00:05:04,698
I hate this place.
102
00:05:07,467 --> 00:05:08,732
Look at all these Hummers.
103
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,799
What kind of jerk
would drive one of those?
104
00:05:12,267 --> 00:05:13,899
Dude, this car kicks ass,
105
00:05:13,967 --> 00:05:17,298
and I can watch Madagascar
while I'm driving!
106
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:19,066
What kind of music
do you like, Gloria?
107
00:05:19,133 --> 00:05:22,165
Hippo-hop.
Woohoo! Yeah, baby!
108
00:05:23,266 --> 00:05:25,765
Dude, those animals
are so fucking funny,
109
00:05:25,834 --> 00:05:27,932
they make me want to
merge without looking!
110
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,198
Yeah! Rumsfeld!
111
00:05:32,267 --> 00:05:33,865
Hi, there,
can I help you folks?
112
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,565
Yeah, my daughter's
looking for a car
113
00:05:35,633 --> 00:05:36,966
that goes
with her personality.
114
00:05:37,034 --> 00:05:39,865
Yes, are the new
bulimic-cutting
mobiles in yet?
115
00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:41,798
This is a 1996 sedan.
116
00:05:41,867 --> 00:05:44,999
Excellent gas mileage,
air bags and AM-FM cassette.
117
00:05:45,067 --> 00:05:47,265
I love it!
Dad, this is the car.
118
00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:49,166
Hang on a second, Meg.
119
00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:50,565
What can you tell me
about this one?
120
00:05:50,634 --> 00:05:52,998
Oh, that's just an old tank
I use for those commercials
121
00:05:53,067 --> 00:05:55,198
where I declare war
on high prices.
122
00:05:55,266 --> 00:05:56,665
Now, about that sedan...
123
00:05:56,734 --> 00:05:59,798
(EXCLAIMS)
Hang on there, slick.
Now I see your game.
124
00:05:59,867 --> 00:06:01,732
We come in here
wanting a practical car,
125
00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:03,531
but then you dangle
this tank in front of me
126
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,132
and expect me to walk away.
127
00:06:05,201 --> 00:06:08,165
Now, I may be an idiot,
but there is one thing
I am not, sir,
128
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:10,099
and that, sir, is an idiot.
129
00:06:10,167 --> 00:06:12,599
Now, I demand
you tell me more
about this tank.
130
00:06:15,634 --> 00:06:17,832
Well, if you're
looking for quality,
then look no further.
131
00:06:17,901 --> 00:06:19,065
That's more like it.
132
00:06:19,134 --> 00:06:20,732
Tell me, what are
the tank's safety features?
133
00:06:20,801 --> 00:06:22,299
What a good-looking question.
134
00:06:22,368 --> 00:06:25,099
Three inches
of reinforced steel
protects your daughter
135
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,565
from short-range
missile attacks.
136
00:06:26,634 --> 00:06:29,065
I see, and does the sedan
protect against missiles?
137
00:06:29,134 --> 00:06:30,132
It does not.
138
00:06:30,201 --> 00:06:31,331
You hear that, Meg?
139
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:32,999
Yeah, it does not
protect against missiles.
140
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:35,765
See, these are the questions.
This is why I'm here.
141
00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:39,032
Peter, you can't be serious.
This is a 30-ton war machine.
142
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,032
I'm still not sure.
143
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,166
Did I mention
the tank is a tank?
144
00:06:42,234 --> 00:06:43,233
Sold.
145
00:06:45,601 --> 00:06:48,299
PETER: Okay, Lois,
you can open your eyes.
146
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:49,799
Bocce balls!
147
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:51,032
I bought a tank.
148
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,465
Are you out of your mind?
149
00:06:52,534 --> 00:06:53,898
Let me show you
how the gun works.
150
00:06:53,967 --> 00:06:55,332
(SCREAMS)
151
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,731
(LAUGHING)
152
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,099
What the hell?
153
00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:05,266
No, no, no, no!
154
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:08,298
Hey, Peter, can you blow
that towel rack down here?
155
00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:10,899
Thank you.
156
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:15,331
MAN: Jeff Daniels
and Bill Pullman
157
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,565
star in Neil Simon's
The Even Couple.
158
00:07:18,634 --> 00:07:20,498
I ordered a pizza.
I hope that's okay.
159
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:22,365
Sure, I love pizza.
160
00:07:22,434 --> 00:07:23,899
This half of
the apartment is mine,
161
00:07:23,968 --> 00:07:26,131
but if you want
to come over here,
that's okay, too.
162
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,798
This isn't spaghetti.
It's linguini.
163
00:07:27,867 --> 00:07:30,598
You're right. It is.
I always get those confused.
164
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:31,732
Hey, all of us are human.
165
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,832
I'm glad we're friends.
166
00:07:32,901 --> 00:07:34,265
Yeah, this is
really working out.
167
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:36,499
There's no conflict
in this movie!
168
00:07:37,834 --> 00:07:39,698
When are you gonna
get rid of that stump?
169
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:42,198
I've been
asking you for months
to get rid of that stump!
170
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:44,298
I'll do it, all right?
Just get off my back!
171
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,765
She's gone.
We can finally be together.
172
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,765
But, Tim,
I'm rooted the ground.
173
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:55,331
We'll find a way.
We'll find a way.
174
00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:00,732
My God, it's hot.
175
00:08:00,801 --> 00:08:02,798
Brian, did you turn off
the air conditioner?
176
00:08:02,867 --> 00:08:04,065
Just open a window.
177
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:06,032
Air conditioners are harmful
to the ozone layer.
178
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:09,432
Brian, please,
save your hippie BS for
the winter months, okay?
179
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:11,899
Hey, Brian, I'm not gonna
recycle this aluminum can.
180
00:08:11,968 --> 00:08:13,665
I'm just gonna throw it
in the trash.
181
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:24,198
Your Earth's bitch.
182
00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:27,299
Morning, civilians.
General Griffin
reporting for breakfast.
183
00:08:27,367 --> 00:08:28,865
Dad, it's not fair.
184
00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:30,532
My money paid
for that tank,
185
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,332
and I haven't even
got to drive it yet.
186
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,799
Jeez, Meg, you always gotta
ruin my good time,
187
00:08:34,867 --> 00:08:36,265
just like basic cable.
188
00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:37,999
MAN ON TV:
We now return to Showgirls...
189
00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:39,066
Yeah!
190
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:40,264
...on TBS.
191
00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:44,765
All right, Meg,
you got a feel
for the controls.
192
00:08:44,834 --> 00:08:46,032
Now give it a little gas.
193
00:08:50,034 --> 00:08:52,999
Oh, great, it's here.
That mirror I bought on eBay.
194
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:54,999
Oh, my God!
195
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:57,199
(SCREAMING)
196
00:08:59,034 --> 00:09:01,098
Joe, my God, what happened?
197
00:09:01,167 --> 00:09:03,399
You just ran over me,
you bastard!
198
00:09:03,468 --> 00:09:07,532
I don't know
where you got that thing,
but I'm impounding it!
199
00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:10,299
(SNICKERING) Look at you.
You look like
a half-empty toothpaste.
200
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,032
MAN ON TV: We now return
to the Ghost Whisperer.
201
00:09:17,100 --> 00:09:18,333
I don't understand.
202
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,099
Why do all you ghosts
come to me?
203
00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:22,398
You're really... I mean,
you have a knack for...
204
00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:23,998
We just trust you.
205
00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:26,166
I can't believe
you let Mr. Swanson
206
00:09:26,235 --> 00:09:28,699
confiscate the closest
thing I had to a car.
207
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:31,232
Relax, Meg.
It's not the worst thing
I've ever done.
208
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:33,765
You remember
that favor I did
for that park ranger?
209
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:36,799
Hey, Boo Boo,
let's see what we got
in this pic-a-nic basket.
210
00:09:38,368 --> 00:09:39,399
(GROANS)
211
00:09:39,467 --> 00:09:40,665
(SHUSHING)
212
00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:46,299
Tell the other bears
what you just saw.
213
00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:47,398
Well, I don't care
214
00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:48,765
'cause you know
what I'm gonna do?
215
00:09:48,834 --> 00:09:51,166
I'm gonna get a job
and buy a real car.
216
00:09:51,234 --> 00:09:55,199
Hey, Meg, I'll pay you
a dollar a day
to smell my sneakers.
217
00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:56,665
(LAUGHING)
218
00:10:14,267 --> 00:10:15,932
I peed and pooped.
219
00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:19,265
You know,
I read that they're opening
a Superstore USA across town.
220
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:20,665
Maybe you could
get a job there.
221
00:10:20,734 --> 00:10:22,798
No. No, no way.
You cannot work there, Meg.
222
00:10:22,867 --> 00:10:26,298
Giant megastores
like Superstore USA
are ruining this country.
223
00:10:26,367 --> 00:10:28,198
They don't pay
their employees
a decent wage
224
00:10:28,267 --> 00:10:29,331
or give them health benefits.
225
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,098
Yeah, all gay guys
hate Superstore USA.
226
00:10:31,167 --> 00:10:32,198
What?
227
00:10:32,267 --> 00:10:33,598
Hey, I'm just
trying to be ethical.
228
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,165
Yeah, right.
You hate all megastores
229
00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:37,231
ever since you were
petted way too hard
230
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,432
by that special boy
in front of Kmart.
231
00:10:41,101 --> 00:10:42,799
(GROANS)
Doggie!
232
00:10:42,868 --> 00:10:44,199
(GROANS)
Doggie!
233
00:10:44,267 --> 00:10:45,699
Doggie!
Too hard.
234
00:10:45,767 --> 00:10:47,699
I like doggie!
Too hard.
235
00:10:47,767 --> 00:10:49,232
Doggie!
Gonna bite.
236
00:10:49,301 --> 00:10:50,932
Doggie!
Gonna bite.
237
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:52,265
Doggie!
238
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:53,932
(SCREAMING)
239
00:10:55,534 --> 00:10:56,965
Oh, jeez.
240
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,932
Welcome to
the Superstore family, Meg.
241
00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:06,099
Glad to have you.
242
00:11:06,168 --> 00:11:08,298
Thanks. I'm really
excited to get to work.
243
00:11:08,366 --> 00:11:10,331
Now, let me just
go over a few basics.
244
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,398
You'll earn minimum wage,
245
00:11:11,466 --> 00:11:13,166
no overtime,
no health benefits,
246
00:11:13,233 --> 00:11:17,032
and every day at 3:00,
you'll need to give Sloth
a Baby Ruth.
247
00:11:17,101 --> 00:11:18,966
Oh, it's nearly 3:00 now.
248
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:25,598
Here you go.
You're beautiful.
249
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:30,699
I would go out with you
if I wasn't already
in a committed relationship.
250
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,398
Hey, guys,
what's going on?
251
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:45,331
Oh, Peter, Superstore USA
has taken all my business.
252
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,999
Mine, too.
In fact, the only guy
in town making any money
253
00:11:49,068 --> 00:11:51,432
is that guy
who makes tumbleweeds.
254
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:56,198
Y'all laughed at me.
Y'all laughed at me.
Well, who's laughing now?
255
00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:57,698
(LAUGHING)
256
00:11:58,466 --> 00:11:59,599
What do you think of this?
257
00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:01,498
That makes you attractive.
258
00:12:01,567 --> 00:12:02,732
Yeah!
259
00:12:04,067 --> 00:12:05,465
Well, maybe now
you guys are seeing
260
00:12:05,534 --> 00:12:06,898
what I've been
trying to explain to you.
261
00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:09,332
That megastore is
a big, evil corporation
262
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,199
that means nothing
but trouble for this town.
263
00:12:11,267 --> 00:12:13,465
Oh, man,
this is the worst thing
to happen to this town
264
00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:16,098
since that roving gang
of Tom Brokaws.
265
00:12:20,034 --> 00:12:22,731
Looks like
someone's a little lost.
266
00:12:24,801 --> 00:12:27,032
Everyone,
I have some bad news.
267
00:12:27,101 --> 00:12:29,732
Superstore USA
has their own brewery on site
268
00:12:29,801 --> 00:12:32,065
and can sell beer
at a much cheaper price,
269
00:12:32,134 --> 00:12:34,465
so management has decided
to close down.
270
00:12:34,534 --> 00:12:36,198
You mean
I'm out of a job again?
271
00:12:36,267 --> 00:12:37,865
I'm sorry, Peter.
272
00:12:37,934 --> 00:12:41,032
Man, this sucks
worse than Easter Sunday
at Richard Gere's house.
273
00:12:41,101 --> 00:12:42,932
Okay, find the Easter egg.
274
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,432
I know where it is.
It's in your butt.
275
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:46,598
No.
276
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:49,098
Yeah, I know the story.
It's in your butt.
277
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:51,065
Mr. Griffin, if you'd just
look on the ground
278
00:12:51,134 --> 00:12:52,998
for five seconds,
I'm sure you'd find it.
279
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:54,098
Nope, in your butt.
280
00:12:54,167 --> 00:12:55,532
Look, I'm tired
of this stupid rumor.
281
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:56,699
In your butt.
Mr. Griffin...
282
00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:57,765
Butt. Butt.
Mr. Griffin...
283
00:12:57,834 --> 00:12:59,732
You know what?
Just get the hell out of here.
284
00:12:59,801 --> 00:13:01,465
Fine. Weirdo.
285
00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:09,164
So how was work today, Meg?
286
00:13:09,233 --> 00:13:12,465
(RAZZING)
Peter, you lost your job
because of the Superstore.
287
00:13:12,533 --> 00:13:14,065
You shouldn't blame Meg.
288
00:13:14,134 --> 00:13:15,932
And you can stop
making that fart sound
289
00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:17,798
every time someone says,
"Meg."
290
00:13:17,867 --> 00:13:20,832
So how was your day exploiting
the town's resources, Meg?
291
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,698
Meg.
292
00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:25,199
Meg.
293
00:13:25,268 --> 00:13:26,398
(RAZZING)
294
00:13:26,466 --> 00:13:28,932
Meg, Meg, Meg,
Meg, Meg, Meg!
295
00:13:29,001 --> 00:13:31,166
(RAZZING)
296
00:13:31,234 --> 00:13:32,232
Meg.
297
00:13:33,734 --> 00:13:35,498
I'm not gonna sit here
and take this.
298
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:38,631
I'm the only one
in this family who has a job.
299
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,165
Yeah, like
she'd get paid for that.
300
00:13:40,233 --> 00:13:41,399
What did he just say to you?
301
00:13:41,467 --> 00:13:43,098
Nothing, there was...
302
00:13:43,167 --> 00:13:44,632
Well,
it's like if you were...
303
00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:46,232
Forget it.
It's nothing, Meg.
304
00:13:49,634 --> 00:13:51,998
Hello, I'm Tom Tucker.
And I'm Diane Simmons.
305
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:53,698
At the top of the news,
306
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:55,632
Quahog is suffering
its worst heat wave
in a century.
307
00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:57,998
That's right, Diane.
We now go live
to Ollie Williams
308
00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,399
with the black-you
weather report.
309
00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:00,465
How are you
beating the heat, Ollie?
310
00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:01,565
Swimming hole!
311
00:14:01,634 --> 00:14:03,198
Thanks, Ollie.
312
00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:05,165
In other news,
Quahog will be
experiencing rolling blackouts
313
00:14:05,234 --> 00:14:08,365
to help
meet Superstore USA's
extensive power demands.
314
00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:11,098
Oh, in fact, Channel Five
has just received
315
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:12,999
this message from
the Electric Company.
316
00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:16,331
Hey, you guys!
317
00:14:18,167 --> 00:14:21,099
♪ We're gonna turn it on
318
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:24,331
♪ We're gonna
bring you the power
319
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,765
♪ It's coming down the line
Strong as it can be
320
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:33,665
♪ Through the courtesy
Of the Electric Company
321
00:14:33,733 --> 00:14:36,898
♪ The Electric Company ♪
322
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:40,098
Contrary to
those upbeat lyrics,
323
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:41,799
the Electric Company
would like us to emphasize
324
00:14:41,867 --> 00:14:43,565
it will not be
bringing you the power.
325
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,331
Great, rolling blackouts.
326
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,465
Now, Superstore USA
is siphoning off
all the city's power.
327
00:14:49,534 --> 00:14:50,898
And they cost me my job.
328
00:14:50,967 --> 00:14:52,098
Mine, too.
329
00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:55,098
Superstore USA
has their own paper route.
330
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,565
That new paperboy done gone
and broke my sternum.
331
00:15:02,633 --> 00:15:04,865
(BOTH MOANING)
332
00:15:11,134 --> 00:15:12,531
(SNORING)
333
00:15:16,801 --> 00:15:19,798
This sucks.
That damn Superstore
is ruining everything.
334
00:15:19,867 --> 00:15:21,465
You know,
instead of sitting
around complaining,
335
00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:23,298
why don't we go down there
and protest?
336
00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:24,832
That's a great idea, Brian.
337
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,365
All we need is
some magic markers,
338
00:15:26,434 --> 00:15:28,132
poster boards,
some plywood...
339
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,965
Actually, Superstore USA
has all that stuff.
We can just get it there.
340
00:15:36,034 --> 00:15:37,932
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
341
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,765
There's one of them now.
342
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:45,598
Take that for stealing jobs
from hardworking people!
343
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:47,298
(SCREAMING)
344
00:15:47,366 --> 00:15:49,399
Dad,
what the hell are you doing?
345
00:15:49,467 --> 00:15:50,932
We got a message for you.
346
00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:53,598
"We're here. We're queer.
Get used to it."
347
00:15:53,667 --> 00:15:54,899
Actually, Peter...
348
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:56,333
Gattaca! Gattaca!
349
00:15:56,401 --> 00:15:57,565
Peter, I don't think
it's working.
350
00:15:57,634 --> 00:16:01,198
People are still
going into the store.
351
00:16:01,267 --> 00:16:04,999
Well, fine, then
I guess I gotta go in there
and drag them out one by one.
352
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,398
All right,
who the hell is in charge...
353
00:16:09,466 --> 00:16:10,498
(EXCLAIMS)
354
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:12,899
What is that I'm feeling?
355
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:15,866
That's our
industrial-sized
air conditioner.
356
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:19,465
When I walk
into Superstore USA,
I get the sensation
357
00:16:19,534 --> 00:16:21,499
that I'm standing
on a mountain top
358
00:16:21,567 --> 00:16:24,131
with the wind blowing
through my hair!
359
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,699
My God, look at this
wonderland of treasures.
360
00:16:27,767 --> 00:16:29,366
What would a guy like me
have to do
361
00:16:29,434 --> 00:16:31,465
to be part of
this magical world?
362
00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:33,765
You are trespassing
on private property,
363
00:16:33,834 --> 00:16:35,265
and I must ask you to leave.
364
00:16:35,334 --> 00:16:37,665
What?
Are you out of your mind?
365
00:16:37,734 --> 00:16:39,431
Leave this lot, losers.
366
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,099
Unless
you want a licking.
367
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,265
And we'd love to
deliver that licking,
368
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:44,331
right, fellows?
Yeah.
369
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,732
Love it.
A lot.
370
00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:49,065
I'd love to lick
a lemon lollipop
in Lillehammer.
371
00:16:55,467 --> 00:16:57,632
God, I wish the power
would come back on.
372
00:16:57,701 --> 00:17:00,132
Boy, Meg, I am so looking
forward to this job.
373
00:17:00,201 --> 00:17:02,699
Peter, I can't believe
you're working
for Superstore USA.
374
00:17:02,767 --> 00:17:04,398
How could you
sell out like that?
375
00:17:04,467 --> 00:17:07,632
Because, Brian, they have
an industrial-sized
air conditioner,
376
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,698
and I'm tired of
sitting in ball soup.
377
00:17:09,768 --> 00:17:12,099
Look, Dad,
this isn't gonna be
a cake walk, all right?
378
00:17:12,168 --> 00:17:13,365
I'm your supervisor.
379
00:17:13,434 --> 00:17:15,065
Meg. Meg, I promise,
I'll do better
380
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,065
at this job
than I did on the SATs.
381
00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:27,465
Come on, do math.
382
00:17:30,001 --> 00:17:33,365
Dad, I need you to...
Dad, what are you doing?
383
00:17:33,434 --> 00:17:34,799
Meg. Meg, look. Meg, look.
384
00:17:34,867 --> 00:17:36,966
I am so freaking
good at coloring.
385
00:17:37,034 --> 00:17:39,032
I know
I'm not supposed to
go outside the lines,
386
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,398
but I do anyway
because I like being myself.
387
00:17:43,767 --> 00:17:44,865
Dad?
388
00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:46,598
(PETER WHINING)
389
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,865
Dad?
390
00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,265
Dad?
391
00:17:52,334 --> 00:17:53,899
(PETER WHINING)
392
00:17:59,301 --> 00:18:01,632
Oh, God, it's so hot.
393
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,632
Brian, spit on me.
394
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:08,032
Oh, that's nice.
Now tell me I'm scum.
395
00:18:08,101 --> 00:18:09,398
How will that cool you off?
396
00:18:10,267 --> 00:18:12,132
God, it's awful in here.
397
00:18:12,201 --> 00:18:15,132
This is even worse
than getting herpes
from a toilet seat.
398
00:18:15,201 --> 00:18:17,298
Joanie, it's me.
399
00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:18,798
Oh, hey!
400
00:18:18,867 --> 00:18:21,366
You know, I had
such a great time
with you last night.
401
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:23,798
Listen,
there's something
I have to tell you.
402
00:18:23,867 --> 00:18:25,399
I just got back
from the doctor.
403
00:18:25,467 --> 00:18:26,966
I have herpes.
404
00:18:27,034 --> 00:18:28,665
I think you should
get yourself checked out.
405
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:29,798
Oh, my God.
406
00:18:29,867 --> 00:18:31,665
Will you stay?
What?
407
00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:34,698
Will you stay with me
even knowing
that I have herpes?
408
00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:37,698
Yes, I will.
409
00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:39,432
Joanie?
Yeah?
410
00:18:39,501 --> 00:18:40,932
I don't have herpes.
411
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:42,865
I just needed to know
that you'd stay.
412
00:18:43,734 --> 00:18:45,532
♪ You say
413
00:18:47,134 --> 00:18:49,531
♪ I only hear
what I want to ♪
414
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,065
I've had it.
The only place in town
415
00:18:51,134 --> 00:18:52,765
that's got power
is Superstore USA
416
00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:55,065
while the rest of us
are left to bake in the heat.
417
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,531
There's gotta be
something we can do
to take that place down.
418
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,731
Don't worry, Brian.
I think I've got an idea.
419
00:19:03,134 --> 00:19:04,465
BOTH: Uh-huh.
420
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,132
Oh, yeah!
421
00:19:10,034 --> 00:19:12,465
Excuse me,
can you tell me where
I can find assault rifles?
422
00:19:12,534 --> 00:19:13,599
Aisle six.
423
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,732
How about
a list of known
local homosexuals?
424
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:16,831
Aisle four.
425
00:19:16,901 --> 00:19:18,832
Meg, you're doing
a great job.
426
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:21,865
In fact, I'm promoting you
to assistant manager.
427
00:19:21,934 --> 00:19:25,231
Really? Oh, my God!
Thank you so much.
428
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:29,465
Now,
your first responsibility
is to fire that employee.
429
00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:32,332
Boy, I'm a little chilly.
I hope no one notices.
430
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:36,965
But that's my dad.
431
00:19:37,034 --> 00:19:39,632
What's more important to you,
your job or your family?
432
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,232
And don't pick
the obvious one.
433
00:19:41,301 --> 00:19:43,765
Oh, hey, guys.
I was just catching up
on some plunger nipples.
434
00:19:43,833 --> 00:19:45,565
Dad...
435
00:19:45,634 --> 00:19:48,099
Go on, Meg.
What are you waiting for?
436
00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,565
Dad, I'm sorry
I have to say this,
437
00:19:55,634 --> 00:19:57,798
but you're a fat-ass
438
00:19:57,867 --> 00:20:01,932
who's completely incapable of
performing the simplest tasks,
439
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:05,132
but you're also my father,
440
00:20:05,201 --> 00:20:07,966
and you're the only one
I'll ever have,
441
00:20:08,034 --> 00:20:11,132
so I'm not
going to fire you.
442
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,398
Mr. Penisberg, I quit.
443
00:20:13,466 --> 00:20:14,732
Penisberg?
444
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,499
Yeah, yeah, get it
all out of your system.
445
00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:21,098
Meg, that was
a wonderful thing
you just did for me.
446
00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:24,865
I can't believe
this is coming out
of my mouth, but I love...
447
00:20:31,034 --> 00:20:33,199
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
448
00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:00,565
So you got a tank, big whoop.
449
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:01,866
Want to fight about it?
450
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:25,065
Well, I'm glad
that Superstore USA is gone.
451
00:21:25,134 --> 00:21:26,865
That place was
nothing but trouble.
452
00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:28,332
And I think
we learned something.
453
00:21:28,401 --> 00:21:31,932
Any problem
caused by a tank
can be solved by a tank.
454
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,632
Dad, you were about to
say something in the store.
455
00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:35,766
No, I don't think so.
456
00:21:35,834 --> 00:21:37,431
No, I'm sure of it.
457
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:40,133
I don't know.
Something about
Hardcastle and McCormick?
458
00:21:40,201 --> 00:21:42,866
No, you were going to say
you love me.
459
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:45,498
You love me,
and you know it.
460
00:21:45,566 --> 00:21:47,732
Hey, hey, mouth,
young lady.
461
00:21:47,801 --> 00:21:50,065
Well, you think
you'll look for
another job, Meg?
462
00:21:50,134 --> 00:21:51,465
(RAZZING)
463
00:21:51,534 --> 00:21:52,565
Meg!
464
00:21:52,634 --> 00:21:53,865
(RAZZING)
Meg!
465
00:21:53,934 --> 00:21:55,132
(RAZZING)
Meg!
466
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,065
(FARTS)
Uh-oh.
467
00:21:58,067 --> 00:21:59,398
Pardon me.