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00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:05,899
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,967 --> 00:00:09,364
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,433 --> 00:00:12,765
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,834 --> 00:00:16,032
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,101 --> 00:00:19,398
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,467 --> 00:00:22,565
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
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♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,866
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:31,032
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:38,165
ANNOUNCER: We now return to
America's Next Top Model.
11
00:00:38,233 --> 00:00:40,466
I just don't think
you're being fair, Tyra.
12
00:00:40,534 --> 00:00:43,366
You don't know what it's like
to grow up the way I grew up.
13
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:47,232
You know what?
How dare you?
You don't know me!
14
00:00:47,301 --> 00:00:51,098
You have no idea where
I come from, where I've been,
15
00:00:51,167 --> 00:00:53,165
how long I've been there,
16
00:00:53,234 --> 00:00:58,932
what I had to do to
get from where I was
to where I am now!
17
00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:04,432
(DOORBELL RINGS)
18
00:01:05,934 --> 00:01:07,766
Hey there, Mort.
Hi, Lois.
19
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,531
Neil's doing a report
on Christianity at school.
20
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:13,032
Do you have any
crucifixes I can borrow?
21
00:01:13,101 --> 00:01:15,231
Preferably one without
the little fellow on it?
22
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:18,165
Oh, of course.
There's one in the den.
Help yourself.
23
00:01:19,733 --> 00:01:22,332
God, I'm sick of Mort
always borrowing our stuff.
24
00:01:22,401 --> 00:01:24,865
He's a bigger mooch than
the Mexican Super Friends.
25
00:01:31,533 --> 00:01:34,232
Hey, Mexican Superman,
can I talk to you for a sec?
26
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:37,564
When you signed the lease,
you said there was gonna be,
like, five of you living here.
27
00:01:37,633 --> 00:01:40,832
Oh, no,
they're not all living here.
They're just visiting.
28
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,998
(LA CUCARACHA PLAYING)
29
00:01:44,067 --> 00:01:47,265
Hey, Mexican Superman.
I got the keys made.
30
00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:49,332
Hey, Mexican Batman,
get out of here.
31
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,465
What? I got, like, 60 keys.
32
00:01:51,534 --> 00:01:53,331
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
33
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:56,731
(TIRES SCREECHING)
34
00:01:58,533 --> 00:02:00,331
That ought to
keep Mort away.
35
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,165
Peter,
what the hell is that?
36
00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:05,431
Lois, I'm tired of Mort
always mooching off us,
so I made a scare-Jew.
37
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,098
Peter, we're not gonna
have this in our front yard.
38
00:02:08,167 --> 00:02:11,198
It's racist,
and for God's sake,
you ruined your best suit.
39
00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:12,931
Now, we're gonna have
to get you a new one...
40
00:02:13,001 --> 00:02:14,565
Shh! Lois, Lois, look.
41
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,998
Hey, guys. I just
wanted to return your...
42
00:02:17,067 --> 00:02:20,199
Oh! Oh, my God,
it's Hitler! He's back!
43
00:02:20,267 --> 00:02:22,498
He's back! Hurry,
protect Jon Stewart!
44
00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:24,698
He's our most
important Jew!
45
00:02:28,334 --> 00:02:29,898
Why do we have to
get me a suit here?
46
00:02:29,967 --> 00:02:31,398
Well, since you keep
ruining them,
47
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:34,432
I'm not going to buy you
a brand-new one.
48
00:02:34,501 --> 00:02:36,531
Yes, I'll take this
teddy bear,
49
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:41,365
this ruler,
this piece of string
and this cardboard box.
50
00:02:41,434 --> 00:02:43,265
(GROANS)
51
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:47,699
Oh, look.
An "On The Raggedy Ann" doll.
52
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:50,066
It's water weight,
you bastard!
53
00:02:50,135 --> 00:02:52,365
Get off me!
I'm not your whore.
54
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:55,999
(SOBBING) I'm sorry.
I'm just so sad.
55
00:02:56,068 --> 00:02:59,565
Well, I guess I can
still play with it
three weeks out of the month.
56
00:02:59,634 --> 00:03:02,531
Hi, there.
See anything you like?
Oh, I'm just browsing.
57
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:07,365
Say, you look like you
could use an activity book
with half the activities done.
58
00:03:07,434 --> 00:03:09,565
Wow, that would
save me half the time.
59
00:03:09,634 --> 00:03:10,965
Connect the dots?
60
00:03:11,034 --> 00:03:13,898
Ha! More like
set the book down
and have a beer.
61
00:03:13,967 --> 00:03:15,631
You got yourself a deal.
62
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:22,132
What are those?
63
00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:24,866
Oh, that's a pair of
red flannel feety pajamas.
64
00:03:24,934 --> 00:03:26,165
Good Lord.
65
00:03:26,234 --> 00:03:28,232
See, they've got a flap
that opens up in the back.
66
00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,965
Are you telling me
I could be pooping and warm?
67
00:03:31,034 --> 00:03:32,232
Exactly.
68
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:35,465
No longer would I have to
make a choice between the two.
69
00:03:35,534 --> 00:03:37,765
Sir, here is a check
with my name on it.
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00:03:37,834 --> 00:03:40,932
Write down any number
on this piece of paper,
and I will pay it.
71
00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:46,565
All right.
So, we roll the dice,
72
00:03:46,634 --> 00:03:48,699
and then we both have to
yell Yahtzee really loud.
73
00:03:48,767 --> 00:03:50,032
At the same time?
Yeah.
74
00:03:50,101 --> 00:03:51,532
And you have to flap
your wrists, like this.
75
00:03:51,601 --> 00:03:53,565
And you'll do it, too?
Of course.
That's how it's done.
76
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:54,899
Okay.
All right, ready?
77
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,065
Okay, you're gonna
do with me?
78
00:03:56,134 --> 00:03:57,232
Oh, yeah.
79
00:03:57,301 --> 00:03:58,932
Yahtzee!
Gay.
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00:03:59,001 --> 00:03:59,999
You suck!
81
00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:01,631
Hey, everybody.
I'm home from work.
82
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,765
My God, Peter, you wore
those pajamas to your office?
83
00:04:04,834 --> 00:04:06,364
Hey, at least
I'm mixing it up
a little bit.
84
00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:09,098
Green shirt, tan pants,
that's refreshing.
85
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,098
Oh, boy, does it feel good
to undo my butt flap.
86
00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:15,598
Ew! Dad! We don't
want to sit here
and look at your ass.
87
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:18,298
Yes. I'd rather look at Meg
toweling off after a shower
88
00:04:18,366 --> 00:04:20,166
when she does that
butt floss thing.
89
00:04:21,334 --> 00:04:23,598
Ew! Ew!
That's so disgusting.
90
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:25,498
I hope I don't ever
accidentally use that towel.
91
00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:26,832
(SCREAMS)
92
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:29,465
Lois, I have never been
more comfortable as a person
93
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:32,866
than I am in
these feety pajamas,
all warm and furry.
94
00:04:32,934 --> 00:04:34,699
This is what it
feels like to be a bear.
95
00:04:34,768 --> 00:04:36,866
You remember
what I used to say, Lois,
when we first got married?
96
00:04:36,934 --> 00:04:39,732
You remember? I used to say,
"What would it feel
like to be a bear?"
97
00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:41,699
Well, this is it.
This is it.
98
00:04:41,768 --> 00:04:43,832
I'm living it, baby.
No, you're not.
99
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:45,932
You've been
wearing those things
for three days.
100
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:48,532
You can wear them to bed,
but tomorrow we're
getting rid of them.
101
00:04:48,601 --> 00:04:49,599
(SIGHS)
102
00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:52,198
Fine. Screw up
all my fuzziness.
103
00:04:52,801 --> 00:04:53,799
(SHOCK CRACKLES)
104
00:04:53,867 --> 00:04:54,865
(SCREAMS)
105
00:04:54,934 --> 00:04:56,899
What the hell was that?
106
00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:57,966
(SCREAMS)
107
00:04:58,034 --> 00:04:59,332
Oh, my God.
108
00:04:59,401 --> 00:05:03,631
Lois don't get alarmed,
but I think I might be Jesus.
109
00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:06,099
I'm Jesus.
Peter, that's
a static shock.
110
00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:08,432
Your pajamas created
a charge of electricity
111
00:05:08,501 --> 00:05:10,099
when you dragged your feet
across the carpet,
112
00:05:10,167 --> 00:05:12,133
and when you touched Chris,
you passed it on.
113
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,531
Kneel before Christ!
Ah!
114
00:05:19,834 --> 00:05:21,231
(CHUCKLING)
115
00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:25,398
Dad!
116
00:05:25,466 --> 00:05:29,232
I am not your dad.
I am Electric Man.
117
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:35,965
(CHUCKLING)
118
00:05:38,034 --> 00:05:40,165
Ow! Damn it,
Peter. Stop it!
119
00:05:40,233 --> 00:05:41,832
I gotta tell you,
you're pissing me off
120
00:05:41,901 --> 00:05:44,465
worse than when I watched
the O.J. verdict with
my old roommate.
121
00:05:44,534 --> 00:05:46,531
WOMAN: We, the jury,
find the defendant,
122
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,598
Orenthal James Simpson,
not guilty.
123
00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:51,298
Yes!
What the hell?
124
00:05:51,367 --> 00:05:53,265
What?
What?
125
00:05:53,334 --> 00:05:54,832
Maybe we should
get new roommates.
126
00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:56,332
Yeah, maybe we should.
127
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,432
(PETER CHUCKLING)
128
00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:01,966
Peter? I know
you're in here.
129
00:06:02,034 --> 00:06:06,032
Yes, I am, Lois,
but where?
130
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:09,166
Peter, if you shock me,
I swear to God
I'm leaving you.
131
00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:12,998
You'll have to
find me first, Lois.
Where could I be?
132
00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:16,265
Well, there's a Quonset hut
that I've never seen
in this room before.
133
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,698
I got to figure
you're in there.
How do you know, Lois?
134
00:06:18,767 --> 00:06:21,831
I could be in
that New York style
magazine kiosk.
135
00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:24,131
Peter, this all
looks very expensive.
136
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:28,298
Yes, you might say
it was shockingly expensive.
137
00:06:28,366 --> 00:06:30,132
I'm going to try
the Quonset hut.
138
00:06:30,201 --> 00:06:31,398
(SCREAMS)
139
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:32,465
(LAUGHING) I was
in the bathroom.
140
00:06:32,534 --> 00:06:35,865
The hut and the kiosk,
decoys, Lois, decoys!
141
00:06:39,634 --> 00:06:42,932
Glenn, thank you so much
for helping me
tear up my carpet.
142
00:06:43,001 --> 00:06:45,698
Well, you know,
Lois, I got to confess,
when you called me,
143
00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:47,698
I sort of misunderstood
what you were asking for.
144
00:06:47,767 --> 00:06:49,365
That's why I
rushed over, but...
145
00:06:49,434 --> 00:06:52,165
(STAMMERING)
It's fine. It's fine.
Whatever. I'm happy to help.
146
00:06:52,234 --> 00:06:53,698
What the hell is this?
147
00:06:53,767 --> 00:06:55,665
Peter, I've had it
with all your shocking.
148
00:06:55,734 --> 00:06:58,965
And since you won't get
rid of those pajamas, I'm
getting rid of the carpets.
149
00:06:59,034 --> 00:07:00,865
Hey, Lois,
you want me to leave
a little strip in this thing?
150
00:07:00,934 --> 00:07:03,665
Maybe
a lightning bolt, unicorn,
something like that?
151
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:05,765
No. I want it
all gone, Glenn.
152
00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:08,464
All right,
we're going Brazilian.
153
00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:11,365
Hey, what's this?
Some kind of really old coin.
154
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:12,632
Let me see that.
155
00:07:12,701 --> 00:07:14,498
Wait a minute,
do you know what this is?
156
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,966
This is an 18th-century
Rhode Island ship token.
157
00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:18,932
This thing's got to
be worth 50 grand.
158
00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:21,365
50 grand?
Oh, my God!
159
00:07:21,434 --> 00:07:24,198
I can finally afford that
operation to swap my vocal
cords with Patrick Stewart.
160
00:07:25,867 --> 00:07:27,398
(IN PATRICK
STEWART'S VOICE) Hey, Lois.
Sorry about the mess
161
00:07:27,467 --> 00:07:29,133
in the upstairs
bathroom this morning.
162
00:07:29,201 --> 00:07:31,999
My post-sex pee stream
forked in half last night
and got everywhere.
163
00:07:36,534 --> 00:07:39,465
Peter, you've been
sleeping with that money
for the past week.
164
00:07:39,534 --> 00:07:41,598
Don't you think it's time
we did something with it?
165
00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:43,865
Buy a bolt and shut
that trap of yours?
What?
166
00:07:43,933 --> 00:07:45,632
What?
'Cause I had an idea.
167
00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:47,632
Remember when we
first got married...
And I said,
168
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,032
"I wonder what
it would be like
to be a bear"?
169
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:52,099
No, no, no. I'm talking about
that dream we had, Peter.
170
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:54,698
Remember?
We tried to open
that restaurant,
171
00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:56,632
and we never
quite got it going.
172
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:59,565
Yeah, we got shut down
'cause of my
exploding cupcakes.
173
00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:03,698
Mmm.
I hope these taste
as good as they look.
174
00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:05,632
Gerald!
175
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,065
(CHUCKLES)
176
00:08:07,134 --> 00:08:10,699
The secret is
in the frosting,
but I'll never tell.
177
00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:13,899
Well, here's another chance
to open a restaurant.
178
00:08:13,967 --> 00:08:16,598
You're right. Ooh.
And I'll make my
special cupcakes.
179
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,999
No, Peter...
Oh, yeah, right.
That was the problem.
180
00:08:25,368 --> 00:08:27,532
All right, everybody,
only three hours till opening.
181
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,898
This is going to be
the coolest place in Quahog.
182
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:33,198
All the movers and
shakers and bigwigs
are gonna eat here,
183
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:35,365
but not the small wigs.
184
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:39,598
Hey, I'm hungry.
I got a credit card.
185
00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:42,799
Oh, God,
I'm so nervous.
I hope it goes well.
186
00:08:42,868 --> 00:08:46,765
Oh, yes, I'm sure it will
go as well as Liza Minnelli's
Playboy shoot.
187
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:49,165
Oh, God, please put
your clothes back on.
188
00:08:49,234 --> 00:08:51,665
Mama... Mama...
189
00:08:51,734 --> 00:08:55,999
Do you love me now, Mama?
Please love me, Mama!
190
00:09:00,567 --> 00:09:02,765
Good evening.
Welcome to Big Pete's
House of Munch.
191
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:03,865
May I help you?
192
00:09:03,933 --> 00:09:05,531
Yes, do you accept
the Discover card?
193
00:09:05,601 --> 00:09:07,465
(LAUGHS)
194
00:09:07,534 --> 00:09:11,265
Hey, Lois. Diamond Jim Brady
over here just asked if
we accept the Discover card.
195
00:09:11,334 --> 00:09:15,432
LOIS: Oh, they're
in an exclusive club
called "anybody."
196
00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:17,899
Yeah. No, no, no,
I don't think so.
197
00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:21,132
You know... You know, I would
rather take two live chickens
198
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,232
than your
fly-by-night credit card.
199
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:25,865
I would rather
take a jar of pennies
200
00:09:25,934 --> 00:09:28,498
thats value was less
than that of your bill.
201
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:30,531
Look, you don't
have to insult me.
No, no, no.
202
00:09:30,601 --> 00:09:33,632
You are going to
sit there and listen
to the funny things
203
00:09:33,701 --> 00:09:35,665
I would take instead
of your credit card.
204
00:09:37,901 --> 00:09:41,899
The guy at table seven
complained there's not enough
juice on his prime rib.
205
00:09:41,968 --> 00:09:44,598
Oh, did he now?
Here, let me take
care of that for him.
206
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,032
(SQUEALING)
207
00:09:48,366 --> 00:09:50,532
Tell him,
"Bon appetit, douche bag."
208
00:09:53,267 --> 00:09:55,632
Oh, look, it's one of those
early Maude episodes
209
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,565
with the really long
opening credit sequence.
210
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:04,498
♪ Lady Godiva
was a freedom rider
211
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:07,998
♪ She didn't care
if the whole world looked
212
00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:11,432
♪ Joan of Arc with
the Lord to guide her
213
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:14,965
♪ She was a sister
who really cooked
214
00:10:15,034 --> 00:10:18,432
♪ Madame Curie was
a strong woman character
215
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:21,865
♪ Workin' all day in
a science lab, yeah
216
00:10:21,934 --> 00:10:24,899
♪ Clara Barton
was a famous nurse
217
00:10:24,967 --> 00:10:28,632
♪ who was rapping
with the soldiers
and bandages, too
218
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:32,299
♪ Susan B. Anthony
always out doin' stuff
219
00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:35,199
♪ Marchin' around
and holdin' up signs
220
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,531
And then,
there's Maude.
221
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:37,631
♪ Pocahontas had
it all goin' on
222
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,431
What the hell?
223
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:43,166
♪ An Indian guide with
lots of Indian pride
224
00:10:43,235 --> 00:10:46,598
♪ Indira Gandhi ran
a whole big country
225
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:49,698
♪ That isn't easy
even if you're a guy
226
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:51,166
And then,
there's Maude.
227
00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:52,299
♪ Babe Zaharias was
a really good athlete
228
00:10:52,367 --> 00:10:54,465
Oh, come on!
229
00:10:54,533 --> 00:10:57,266
♪ Good at track and field
and professional golf, too
230
00:10:57,335 --> 00:10:58,732
And then,
there's Maude!
231
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,266
♪ Amelia Earhart flew
a lot of airplanes
232
00:11:02,335 --> 00:11:05,832
♪ Except for that one time
when she didn't come back
233
00:11:05,901 --> 00:11:07,899
♪ Cleopatra lived
way out in the desert
234
00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,532
And then,
there's Maude!
Come on!
235
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:13,365
♪ But still found a way
to keep herself looking fine
236
00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:14,899
♪ And then,
there's Maude ♪
237
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:16,465
Ah! Ah!
238
00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:19,398
There we go!
That was an ordeal.
239
00:11:19,466 --> 00:11:21,932
Well, Peter,
this has been
an amazing week.
240
00:11:22,001 --> 00:11:25,032
You and I own a restaurant.
Can you believe it?
241
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:29,198
I know.
I feel like I'm dreaming.
Wait. Maybe I am dreaming.
242
00:11:29,266 --> 00:11:32,198
That means I can
do whatever I want
without consequences.
243
00:11:34,901 --> 00:11:36,099
What are you doing?
244
00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:38,398
I just adopted 30 puppies.
245
00:11:38,466 --> 00:11:39,798
(LAUGHING)
246
00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:41,698
(BABBLING)
247
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,899
You guys, I have
some bad news.
248
00:11:54,967 --> 00:11:56,465
I just finished
going over the books,
249
00:11:56,534 --> 00:11:58,699
and this restaurant is
hemorrhaging money.
250
00:11:58,768 --> 00:12:00,932
What? Well,
how is that possible?
251
00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:02,032
Isn't it obvious?
252
00:12:02,101 --> 00:12:03,598
We're not getting
enough customers.
253
00:12:03,667 --> 00:12:05,799
This place is
like a ghost town
half the time.
254
00:12:05,867 --> 00:12:07,965
Yeah, maybe somebody
should have asked me.
255
00:12:08,034 --> 00:12:11,365
After all, I'm the only one
in this family with any
business experience.
256
00:12:11,433 --> 00:12:14,066
All right, Violet and Pigpen,
you've been seeing each other
257
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:15,598
a few weeks now.
What seems to be
the problem?
258
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:18,598
I keep getting
bladder infections,
and I don't know why.
259
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:21,198
Really?
You don't know why?
260
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,832
I don't know
what to do, guys.
261
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:27,966
The House of Munch
is going down the tubes.
262
00:12:28,034 --> 00:12:30,932
Maybe you need to do
a little advertising, Peter.
263
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,499
Well, I tried.
264
00:12:32,567 --> 00:12:35,398
I even hired
M. Night Shyamalan
to direct my TV commercial.
265
00:12:35,467 --> 00:12:38,364
I have a secret to tell you.
What is it?
266
00:12:38,433 --> 00:12:43,865
Come closer.
I see good food at
competitive prices.
267
00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:46,732
At Big Pete's House of Munch.
Stop on by.
268
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,131
Unfortunately,
they couldn't air it,
269
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,665
'cause it turns out
M. Night Shyamalan
270
00:12:49,733 --> 00:12:51,198
was involved
with September 11th.
271
00:12:51,267 --> 00:12:54,865
You know, Peter,
my buddies and I have been
looking for a new hangout.
272
00:12:54,934 --> 00:12:59,498
Our usual donut shop
has gotten a little
Puerto Ricany.
273
00:12:59,567 --> 00:13:02,398
What if we made your
place our new spot?
274
00:13:02,467 --> 00:13:04,198
Joe, that's a great idea.
275
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:06,399
Fantastic.
We'll see you tonight.
276
00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:07,765
This is awesome.
277
00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:10,832
Bunch of cops in uniform
hanging out in my restaurant?
278
00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:15,165
This is going to be cooler
than that time Ben Stiller
taught me how to be myself.
279
00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:17,865
But how can you
leave me now,
Ben Stiller,
280
00:13:17,933 --> 00:13:19,632
when I need you
more than ever?
281
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:22,532
I've taught you everything
you need to know, Peter.
282
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,898
Now, it's time for me
to go help another child.
283
00:13:24,967 --> 00:13:28,998
I guess I just fooled myself
into thinking you'd
always be with me.
284
00:13:29,067 --> 00:13:32,565
I will, Peter.
I will always be with you.
285
00:13:41,767 --> 00:13:43,966
His movies are terrible.
286
00:13:49,334 --> 00:13:50,732
Lois, roll out
the red carpet.
287
00:13:50,801 --> 00:13:52,498
Here comes Joe
and his cop buddies.
288
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:54,498
You got tables for 30?
289
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:02,298
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Joe.
I thought you were bringing
your cop friends over.
290
00:14:02,367 --> 00:14:04,231
What are all these
parallelograms doing here?
291
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:07,331
You mean paraplegics.
These are my friends, Peter.
292
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,298
Come on, guys.
Let's eat.
293
00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:12,966
Oh, God. I hope there's
not one of those angry,
handicapped Vietnam guys
294
00:14:13,034 --> 00:14:15,265
with the bandana on his head.
Oh, there he is.
295
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:18,332
I've seen some things, man,
and some stuff.
296
00:14:18,401 --> 00:14:19,466
I wouldn't recommend it.
297
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:32,432
Peter, isn't this wonderful?
The place is packed.
298
00:14:32,501 --> 00:14:36,032
Uh... Lois,
aren't you a little
freaked out by this?
299
00:14:36,101 --> 00:14:38,366
Why? Everybody's
having a great time.
300
00:14:38,434 --> 00:14:40,665
Besides, think of
the money we're making.
301
00:14:40,734 --> 00:14:42,466
I don't care about that.
302
00:14:42,534 --> 00:14:45,699
I wanted a cool restaurant,
not the cafeteria at
the veterans' hospital.
303
00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:48,399
This is weirder
than that rap video
by M.C. Escher.
304
00:14:49,867 --> 00:14:51,698
♪ Going up the stairs
and going down the stairs
305
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,799
♪ And going up the stairs
and going down the stairs
306
00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,999
♪ And going up
the sideways stairs ♪
307
00:14:58,734 --> 00:15:02,032
And in local news,
a new restaurant
is taking Quahog by storm.
308
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,832
That's right, Diane.
309
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,398
If you're handicapped,
or know someone
who's handicapped
310
00:15:05,467 --> 00:15:07,265
or just happen to be
a fan of the circus,
311
00:15:07,334 --> 00:15:09,632
then come on down
to Big Pete's House of Munch,
312
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,066
where the elite
without feet meet to eat.
313
00:15:12,134 --> 00:15:15,065
Lois, this is insanity.
I think we should
shut down the restaurant.
314
00:15:15,134 --> 00:15:17,766
But why?
We're doing so well.
315
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,632
Lois, let me explain
something to you, all right?
Cripples are not cool.
316
00:15:21,701 --> 00:15:22,999
Hang on. I'm gonna
get the picture.
317
00:15:23,068 --> 00:15:24,065
Oh, Peter, don't...
318
00:15:24,134 --> 00:15:26,198
(TALKING GIBBERISH)
319
00:15:26,266 --> 00:15:27,365
What do you
see here, Lois?
320
00:15:27,434 --> 00:15:29,099
Do we have to...
What do you see?
321
00:15:29,168 --> 00:15:30,266
(SIGHS)
322
00:15:30,335 --> 00:15:31,865
A picture of Mark Harmon.
323
00:15:31,934 --> 00:15:33,631
A picture of Mark Harmon,
324
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,932
the greatest actor
who ever lived.
325
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,665
Do you see a wheelchair
under Mark Harmon?
326
00:15:37,734 --> 00:15:42,432
Peter...
Lois, do you see a wheelchair
327
00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:45,165
under Mark Harmon?
328
00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:46,866
No.
No, you do not,
329
00:15:46,934 --> 00:15:48,999
because Mark Harmon is cool.
330
00:15:49,068 --> 00:15:52,498
And I know what you're
thinking. "Peter, this is just
like your Gil Gerard speech."
331
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:55,232
And you can stop
right in your tracks,
because it is not.
332
00:15:55,301 --> 00:15:57,732
Granted, it is similar
to the Gil Gerard speech,
but it...
333
00:15:57,801 --> 00:16:00,165
Peter, I like our
restaurant the way it is,
334
00:16:00,234 --> 00:16:03,065
and if you don't,
that's your problem.
335
00:16:03,134 --> 00:16:05,266
Fine, then,
I'll deal with
this myself.
336
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:12,899
All right,
here they come.
337
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:15,166
Hey, Peter,
we're here for dinner.
338
00:16:15,233 --> 00:16:17,999
Oh, no, you're not, Joe.
We have a new policy.
339
00:16:18,068 --> 00:16:19,098
Can't you read the sign?
340
00:16:22,034 --> 00:16:23,832
Peter, what
the hell is that all about?
341
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:25,364
It's a message, Joe.
342
00:16:25,433 --> 00:16:27,966
I don't want
you and your kind
eating here anymore.
343
00:16:28,034 --> 00:16:30,865
You're ruining
what was supposed
to be a cool establishment.
344
00:16:30,934 --> 00:16:32,799
Peter, you're one of
my closest friends.
345
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:36,231
Are you telling me
that you have a problem
with me being handicapped?
346
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:38,932
As a matter of fact,
Joe, yes.
I think it's immoral.
347
00:16:39,001 --> 00:16:41,599
It's a lifestyle choice
you're forcing on America.
348
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:44,398
We handicapped
are a proud people!
349
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:46,932
Yeah, when you're
not drinking and gambling
on your reservations,
350
00:16:47,001 --> 00:16:48,832
which we gave you.
351
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,365
Fine. If that's
the way you want it,
352
00:16:51,433 --> 00:16:54,732
but we're not
going to go down easy.
353
00:16:54,801 --> 00:16:58,498
Okay, that was easy.
But I'll be back
with more handicapped guys.
354
00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:07,699
Dad, look!
Here they come!
355
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,966
Peter, we'll give you
one last chance to let us in!
356
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:21,198
What are you going to do, Joe?
I'm up here and
you're down there.
357
00:17:21,266 --> 00:17:24,032
Very well, Peter.
You leave us no choice.
358
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,665
Men, form up Crippletron!
359
00:18:16,667 --> 00:18:20,065
Help! Help!
Somebody, help me!
360
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,432
Ben Stiller,
help me.
361
00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,998
No, Peter.
I heard what you
said about my movies.
362
00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,032
How did you hear?
Hello!
363
00:18:28,101 --> 00:18:30,831
Go to hell, you mutant
offspring of comedy people.
364
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:36,332
Mrs. Griffin,
I'm afraid he'll
never walk again...
365
00:18:36,401 --> 00:18:37,399
(GASPING)
366
00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:38,832
Without remembering
how lucky he is
367
00:18:38,901 --> 00:18:41,032
that he'll only be
in this wheelchair
for two weeks.
368
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:43,131
That leg should
heal up just fine.
369
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,499
Peter, you do
realize you deserve this
for the way you treated Joe?
370
00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:48,432
I think you owe
him an apology.
371
00:18:48,501 --> 00:18:49,899
Are you kidding, Lois?
372
00:18:49,968 --> 00:18:51,799
It ain't my fault
that him and all
his gimpy friends
373
00:18:51,868 --> 00:18:55,032
don't fit in with
regular society.
But I'm gonna be different.
374
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:58,865
I'll be a dignified cripple
and I'll show 'em
all how it's done.
375
00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:02,132
(GUESS THAT'S
WHY THEY CALL IT
THE BLUES PLAYING)
376
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:17,899
♪ Don't wish it away
Don't look at it
like it's forever
377
00:19:21,101 --> 00:19:26,966
♪ Between you and me
I could honestly say
378
00:19:27,034 --> 00:19:29,699
♪ That things can
only get better
379
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,065
♪ And while I'm away
380
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:42,266
♪ Dust out the demons inside
381
00:19:42,335 --> 00:19:47,631
♪ And it won't be long
Before you and me run
382
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:53,331
♪ To the place in our hearts
Where we hide
383
00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:01,499
♪ And I guess that's why
They call it the blues
384
00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:10,732
♪ And I guess that's why
They call it the blues ♪
385
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,398
Joe, you got a minute?
386
00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:14,532
What is it, Peter?
387
00:20:14,601 --> 00:20:17,432
I just wanted
to apologize.
388
00:20:17,501 --> 00:20:20,865
I thought you and your
friends were just
a bunch of gross cripples,
389
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:23,765
but I've been
in a wheelchair
for 45 minutes now,
390
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:25,398
and I see
how tough it is.
391
00:20:25,467 --> 00:20:28,565
Well, Peter,
it's been a rough week
for both of us,
392
00:20:28,634 --> 00:20:31,699
but it means a lot to me
to hear you say that.
393
00:20:31,768 --> 00:20:34,364
So, what do you say?
Can we put all
this behind us?
394
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,198
I'd like nothing better.
395
00:20:36,267 --> 00:20:39,798
Hey, Bonnie and I
are watching Grey's Anatomy
if you want to come in.
396
00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:42,265
Oh, boy, Joe, I got to
tell you. That, that...
397
00:20:42,934 --> 00:20:44,165
That sounds awful.