1
00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:06,032
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,101 --> 00:00:09,364
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,433 --> 00:00:13,032
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,101 --> 00:00:15,999
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:19,398
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,467 --> 00:00:22,698
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,767 --> 00:00:24,332
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,032
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:30,999
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,101 --> 00:00:37,932
Mom, are we there yet?
11
00:00:38,001 --> 00:00:39,464
Almost, Chris.
12
00:00:39,533 --> 00:00:41,732
Now remember, kids,
when we get to Mr.
Quagmire's cabin,
13
00:00:41,801 --> 00:00:44,699
don't touch anything
before I have
a chance to disinfect it.
14
00:00:44,767 --> 00:00:47,398
Boy, it was nice of Quagmire
to let us use his place.
15
00:00:47,466 --> 00:00:49,264
This'll be much better
than that vacation we took
16
00:00:49,333 --> 00:00:50,965
with The Price is Right
yodeler.
17
00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:52,232
(YODELING)
18
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:53,966
Okay, you can stop here.
19
00:00:54,034 --> 00:00:56,631
There's no way that
microwave costs more than
300 bucks. Stop here!
20
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:58,066
Don't... Don't listen
to that fat tourist.
21
00:00:58,134 --> 00:01:00,564
She doesn't know
how much a microwave costs.
Stop!
22
00:01:00,633 --> 00:01:03,166
(LOSER THEME FROM
THE PRICE IS RIGHT PLAYS)
23
00:01:03,235 --> 00:01:05,899
(SIGHS) We
should've gone to Plinko
like Cleveland.
24
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:07,865
(LAUGHING)
25
00:01:11,567 --> 00:01:12,465
(GROANS)
26
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:19,165
Oh, Dad,
I think this is
Mr. Quagmire's driveway.
27
00:01:19,234 --> 00:01:21,099
Didn't he say it was between
two big oak trees?
28
00:01:21,168 --> 00:01:22,699
Well, there's a lot
of trees around here.
29
00:01:22,767 --> 00:01:25,665
How do we know
we're in the right spot?
30
00:01:25,733 --> 00:01:28,598
PETER:
I think it's a safe bet
this is the place.
31
00:01:32,233 --> 00:01:34,498
Well, this looks
comfortable.
32
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:36,232
(SIGHS) This is gonna be
a relaxing weekend.
33
00:01:43,067 --> 00:01:45,231
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
34
00:01:50,567 --> 00:01:51,599
(THUDDING)
35
00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:52,966
Hey, did you
hear something?
36
00:01:53,034 --> 00:01:54,132
I think it came
from upstairs.
37
00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:57,365
(EXCLAIMING)
38
00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:12,332
Oh. Hey. This is the week
you guys were coming up?
39
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:13,832
Huh.
40
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:14,899
And here I am,
cream on my face,
41
00:02:14,967 --> 00:02:16,032
hair a mess,
and in mid-coitus.
42
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,132
I must look a sight.
43
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:22,198
Beautiful country,
isn't it, Chris?
44
00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:25,398
God, it is peaceful.
No question, Dad.
45
00:02:25,467 --> 00:02:30,066
Just be careful, 'cause
they got a lot of big
old wilderness bugs out here.
46
00:02:30,135 --> 00:02:34,364
Oh, hey, y'all best be
careful or I'm gonna sting
you with my stinger.
47
00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:38,331
Oh, no!
But then I's gonna
die if I sting you.
48
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:41,398
You know what?
I'm not gonna
sting y'all after all.
49
00:02:41,466 --> 00:02:43,999
And that's my choice.
Y'all ain't worth it.
50
00:02:44,068 --> 00:02:45,865
I'm just gonna head
on over to that flower
51
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:49,699
and suck on that stamen
like there's no tomorrow.
52
00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:53,098
Brian, how many years have
I been saying you and I
should go berry picking?
53
00:02:53,167 --> 00:02:55,399
A lot of years, Stewie.
Wait a minute.
54
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,799
Do you know
where we are, Brian?
This is a very special place.
55
00:02:58,867 --> 00:03:01,665
They say once every
100 years in this spot,
56
00:03:01,734 --> 00:03:03,832
Donny Most
rises from the mist.
57
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:05,966
I think that's just a legend.
Well, that's
because you're...
58
00:03:06,034 --> 00:03:07,999
(GASPS) Look!
59
00:03:08,068 --> 00:03:11,665
♪ Donny Most
60
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:15,531
♪ Donny Most
61
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:22,366
♪ He was Ralph on Happy Days
62
00:03:23,968 --> 00:03:27,399
♪ Donny Most
63
00:03:27,467 --> 00:03:31,433
♪ Donny Most
64
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:34,932
♪ Now he rises
65
00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:40,032
♪ From the haze
66
00:03:40,101 --> 00:03:42,665
Actually,
it's Don Most now.
67
00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:45,999
♪ Donny Most
68
00:03:46,068 --> 00:03:49,731
♪ Donny Most
69
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,531
♪ Sunday, Monday
70
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:59,099
♪ Happy Days ♪
71
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,298
Now, watch carefully,
you guys.
72
00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:05,398
Out here in the woods,
you got to hang
your food up high
73
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:07,065
so the Pope won't get it.
74
00:04:07,134 --> 00:04:10,299
You gotta da hot links?
Come on, the Pope-a
want-a da hot links.
75
00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:11,365
(GRUNTS)
76
00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:17,331
All right, who's ready
for a campfire song, huh?
77
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,132
Oh, come on,
Dad, that's lame.
78
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,699
It's not lame, Meg.
79
00:04:20,767 --> 00:04:23,431
Look, those people over there
are having a good time.
80
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,799
♪ She'll be coming
round the mountain
81
00:04:25,867 --> 00:04:27,164
♪ When she comes
82
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,665
♪ When she comes
83
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:32,364
♪ She'll be coming
round the mountain
When she comes
84
00:04:32,433 --> 00:04:34,165
♪ When she comes
85
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:35,599
All right,
here's a little tune
86
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:39,132
inspired by one of
the great legends
of the Old West.
87
00:04:43,434 --> 00:04:45,699
♪ Well, there once
were two cowboys
88
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:48,199
♪ All alone
out on the trail
89
00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:52,364
♪ And they
discovered they could sleep
With another male
90
00:04:52,433 --> 00:04:54,898
♪ Now they're
having butt sex
91
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,565
♪ Cowboy butt sex
92
00:05:02,034 --> 00:05:05,599
♪ Sodomy
93
00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:06,898
Come on, everybody.
94
00:05:06,967 --> 00:05:11,532
♪ Sodomy
95
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:16,032
♪ Sodomy ♪
96
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,565
Sodomy.
97
00:05:22,268 --> 00:05:25,398
And when he woke up
in the morning,
she was still in his bed!
98
00:05:25,466 --> 00:05:26,999
(SCREAMS)
99
00:05:27,934 --> 00:05:29,965
That's it?
Yeah.
100
00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:31,298
And then she
wanted to make him eggs!
101
00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:33,232
(SCREAMS)
102
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,765
And he said,
"Oh, I don't have time,
I've got a meeting at 12:30."
103
00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:37,132
And she said,
"I'll drive you there!"
104
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:38,598
(SCREAMS)
105
00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,198
And he said,
"No, no, it's at my office.
106
00:05:40,267 --> 00:05:41,932
"It's like
a half-hour commute."
107
00:05:42,001 --> 00:05:44,665
And she said, "I don't mind,
it's on the way to
my kid's pre-school."
108
00:05:44,734 --> 00:05:47,565
(SCREAMING)
109
00:05:52,734 --> 00:05:55,198
Hey, Lois, look at me,
I got post-partum depression!
110
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,299
(MOCK CRYING)
111
00:05:56,368 --> 00:05:57,999
I'm sad about stuff!
112
00:05:58,068 --> 00:05:59,399
(MOCK CRYING)
113
00:05:59,467 --> 00:06:02,298
(GASPS) You son of a bitch!
Don't even joke about that!
114
00:06:02,366 --> 00:06:04,099
This water feels
kind of funny.
115
00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:06,065
Yeah, and it smells bad.
116
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,132
(EXCLAIMS)
117
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,465
Dad, look!
Holy crap!
118
00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:11,398
(ALL SCREAMING)
119
00:06:13,567 --> 00:06:16,165
Oh, my God,
what the hell is
wrong with this lake?
120
00:06:16,234 --> 00:06:18,799
I think it's a safe bet that
that's responsible.
121
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,731
So they can just dump
their waste into the lake?
This can't be legal.
122
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,532
What kind of world is this
123
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,798
where you can't even trust
the oil companies anymore?
124
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:33,398
Hey, you've got a tattoo.
No, I don't.
125
00:06:33,467 --> 00:06:34,865
Is that Ziggy?
No.
126
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:37,265
You have a Ziggy tattoo?
Jesus.
127
00:06:37,334 --> 00:06:39,065
Why do you have
a Ziggy tattoo?
128
00:06:39,134 --> 00:06:41,632
I just used to think
he was kind of funny.
129
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:42,699
We should...
We should get
to the hospital.
130
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,899
Mom, how long do we have to
wear these wigs?
131
00:06:51,967 --> 00:06:53,832
Until our hair
grows back, Chris.
132
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,399
Dad, you couldn't
have gotten us anything
more stylish?
133
00:06:56,467 --> 00:06:59,232
Oh, I don't think it's so bad.
I feel rather like Mozart.
134
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,298
Hey, Stewie, play Haydn.
135
00:07:05,533 --> 00:07:07,166
Now play Handel.
136
00:07:12,567 --> 00:07:16,532
Play Peter Griffin.
Ah. Now that is a challenge.
137
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,165
(FARTING)
138
00:07:28,867 --> 00:07:30,532
Go ahead, mock me.
139
00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:34,498
But it wasn't Stewie
who was laughing at me.
It was God!
140
00:07:34,567 --> 00:07:37,665
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
141
00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:42,599
What can I do for you,
Mrs. Griffin?
142
00:07:42,667 --> 00:07:45,632
Mayor West,
I'm here as
an outraged citizen.
143
00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:50,132
The Quahog Oil Refinery is
emptying all their toxic
waste into the lake.
144
00:07:50,201 --> 00:07:52,032
I mean, you couldn't possibly
have sanctioned
145
00:07:52,101 --> 00:07:54,665
that kind of blatant
industrial pollution,
could you?
146
00:07:54,734 --> 00:07:56,898
Yeah, I told them
it was fine.
What?
147
00:07:56,967 --> 00:08:00,333
And in return,
I get free oil for my hair.
148
00:08:00,401 --> 00:08:02,366
Hey, baby,
want some Adam West penis?
149
00:08:03,967 --> 00:08:07,398
This is unbelievable!
Well, I am not gonna stand by
150
00:08:07,467 --> 00:08:10,133
while you let this
town be destroyed
by corruption!
151
00:08:10,201 --> 00:08:12,398
Mr. Mayor,
I promise you this.
152
00:08:12,466 --> 00:08:16,264
Next election,
I'm gonna run against you,
and I'm gonna win.
153
00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:19,499
All right, Mrs. Griffin,
you wanna take me on, fine.
154
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,999
But if you plan to
beat me, you'll have to...
155
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,432
(GASPS)
156
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:24,932
What is it?
A bee just flew in
through the window.
157
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:26,366
Don't move.
158
00:08:27,701 --> 00:08:29,799
Hmm. Now look who's mayor.
159
00:08:29,868 --> 00:08:33,498
First order of business,
free honey for everyone!
160
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:36,099
Yay! Mayor Bee!
Mayor Bee! Mayor Bee!
161
00:08:36,168 --> 00:08:37,298
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
162
00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:40,265
Done stung myself.
Bye, world.
163
00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:47,965
Good evening, Quahog.
I'm Tom Tucker.
164
00:08:48,034 --> 00:08:49,532
And I'm Diane Simmons.
165
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,465
The Quahog mayoral
race is heating up
166
00:08:51,534 --> 00:08:55,365
with incumbent Adam West
squaring off against
challenger Lois Griffin.
167
00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:57,965
Which leads many
political analysts
to ask the question,
168
00:08:58,034 --> 00:08:59,765
can a woman
really be mayor?
169
00:08:59,833 --> 00:09:01,231
Or will she just
bleed all over the city?
Stay with us.
170
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:09,598
Oh, you guys, I can't
tell you how much I
appreciate all your hard work.
171
00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,998
It's really gonna
make a difference
with my campaign.
172
00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:14,665
Hey, Lois, take a look.
I just made 500 T-shirts
173
00:09:14,734 --> 00:09:17,598
that say,
"Vote for Lois,
unless you're queer."
174
00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:22,166
"No, wait,
even if you're queer.
No Jews, though. Okay, Jews."
175
00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:26,265
Oh, these are
wonderful, sweetie.
176
00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:29,699
Chris, why don't you put
these upstairs in your closet
so we don't lose them?
177
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:32,365
But the evil monkey
lives in my closet.
178
00:09:32,434 --> 00:09:35,598
Of course, he hasn't
been as evil since he became
a Jehovah's Witness.
179
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:45,499
(RINGS DOORBELL)
180
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:46,965
(DOOR OPENING)
181
00:09:47,034 --> 00:09:50,232
Hi, I'm going
door-to-door to campaign
on behalf of Lois Griffin,
182
00:09:50,301 --> 00:09:52,932
who's offering real change
for the city of Quahog.
183
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,198
May we count on
your vote next Tuesday?
184
00:09:55,266 --> 00:09:57,398
Chris, this is our house.
185
00:09:57,467 --> 00:09:58,498
Ah.
186
00:09:58,566 --> 00:09:59,965
Then what is for dinner?
187
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:01,799
Pork chops.
Excellent.
188
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:03,866
Chris, have you been
to any other houses?
189
00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:05,098
I have not.
190
00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:06,399
Would you like to come in?
191
00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:09,066
Please.
192
00:10:09,134 --> 00:10:11,866
This is Tom Tucker
with some breaking
election coverage.
193
00:10:11,934 --> 00:10:15,398
Mayor Adam West
has widened his lead
over challenger Lois Griffin.
194
00:10:15,467 --> 00:10:19,132
I'm confident that
the people of Quahog
will make the right choice.
195
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,565
And here to help me secure
the Latino vote
196
00:10:21,634 --> 00:10:23,564
is actor Jimmy Smits.
197
00:10:23,633 --> 00:10:26,498
Adam West likes to eat food
that's grilled in foil.
198
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:28,199
(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
199
00:10:28,268 --> 00:10:29,299
That's our guy!
200
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:35,065
Boy, this election's
gonna be a tight one.
201
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:37,432
It's probably
gonna be decided
by just a couple of votes.
202
00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:41,199
And here we are sitting here
like a bunch of
lazy paraplegic cops.
203
00:10:41,268 --> 00:10:43,032
Huh?
I'm sorry, Joe,
it's just an expression.
204
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,166
Ah.
205
00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:46,465
We got to give Lois
a last-minute edge.
206
00:10:46,534 --> 00:10:48,899
Guys, I need you to help out
on the campaign.
207
00:10:48,968 --> 00:10:53,332
Oh, man. That's like
making all, like, signs
and walking around or what?
208
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,531
You know,
you bastards got
a stake in this, too.
209
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,899
I mean, Lois is my wife,
and if she's the mayor,
210
00:10:57,967 --> 00:10:59,932
we can pretty much do
whatever the hell we want.
211
00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:02,498
I could do cocaine
if I wanted to.
212
00:11:02,567 --> 00:11:04,798
Peter, you want
some potatoes?
Yeah, how you doing?
213
00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:07,432
I was just asking
if you wanted...
We got enough napkins?
214
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,465
Yeah, we got enough napkins.
That's enough.
That's enough, right there.
215
00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:11,565
(SIGHS)
216
00:11:11,634 --> 00:11:13,364
What time is it?
217
00:11:13,433 --> 00:11:15,298
Is that... Is that straight?
Is that straight right there?
218
00:11:15,367 --> 00:11:17,565
Wait, wait, wait.
See, I'll fix it. No, no.
219
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:19,398
Is that straight? I can't...
220
00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:20,898
(SHOUTING)
221
00:11:20,967 --> 00:11:23,331
Meg, sweep that up.
Just get a broom.
Sweep that up.
222
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,332
Sweep that up.
Put it up in your room,
but sweep it up first!
223
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,233
Suspect number two,
he's the one who raped me.
224
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:35,632
All right.
All but number two
are free to leave.
225
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:38,799
Ma'am, I know that
you're going through
a difficult time right now,
226
00:11:38,868 --> 00:11:40,598
but I just have
a few more questions.
227
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,598
Are you planning
to vote tomorrow?
228
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:45,331
What?
Are you aware that
Lois Griffin has a plan
229
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,331
to cut property tax in half
over the next three years?
230
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,465
What does that have to do
with what happened to me?
231
00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:52,298
Well, you say
number two did it,
232
00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:55,565
maybe I say I smell
alcohol on your breath.
233
00:11:55,634 --> 00:11:56,932
You can't do that!
234
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,765
Sounds like Lois Griffin
can count on your vote.
235
00:12:01,167 --> 00:12:03,398
Hi, when you go to vote
for Mayor tomorrow,
236
00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:04,965
please vote for Lois Griffin.
237
00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:08,798
That's right.
I work at a deli,
and I know baloney.
238
00:12:08,867 --> 00:12:12,131
And that's
exactly what you'll get
with Mayor Adam West.
239
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,132
(CHUCKLING) Oh, snap.
240
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,498
Boy, you guys, I really
appreciate all the help
you've been giving us.
241
00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:23,632
Except for you, Quagmire,
you ain't done nothing.
242
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:24,932
What the hell
you talking about?
243
00:12:25,001 --> 00:12:27,398
Lois is gonna get
the entire female vote
'cause of me.
244
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:29,032
I've been having sex
with every woman
in town nonstop
245
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:29,865
for the past two days.
246
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:34,832
My God, if I tried to
masturbate right now,
you know what'd come out?
247
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:36,532
A little flag with
the word "bang" on it.
248
00:12:36,601 --> 00:12:37,632
(LAUGHS)
249
00:12:40,834 --> 00:12:44,198
Welcome, Quahog,
to the town hall
mayoral debate
250
00:12:44,266 --> 00:12:48,166
between incumbent Adam West
and challenger Lois Griffin.
251
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:52,799
We will now open up the floor
to questions from
a community at large.
252
00:12:52,868 --> 00:12:57,132
Yes, Mrs. Griffin,
how do you feel about
those computer websites
253
00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,965
that put a blue square
on the home of
a sex offender?
254
00:13:01,034 --> 00:13:02,499
Well, the safety
of our children
255
00:13:02,567 --> 00:13:05,332
is a very important part
of my plan for Quahog.
256
00:13:05,401 --> 00:13:09,099
I have a 12-point program
for the security...
257
00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:11,465
I'm sorry,
your time is up.
258
00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:13,032
(ALL MURMURING)
259
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:14,965
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I'm not impressed.
260
00:13:15,034 --> 00:13:16,265
I'm not impressed. Not yet.
261
00:13:16,334 --> 00:13:18,098
Mayor West,
if re-elected,
262
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:20,665
would you
increase the frequency
of garbage pick up?
263
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:24,098
Well, citizen,
that's an excellent question
and I thank you for it.
264
00:13:24,167 --> 00:13:28,032
I think it's great
we live in a town
where you can ask questions,
265
00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:31,632
because without questions,
we'd just have answers.
266
00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:35,331
And an answer
without a question
is a statement.
267
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,098
Oh, I like him!
He looks me in the eye!
268
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:39,865
(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
269
00:13:39,934 --> 00:13:43,398
I'd like to have
a beer with him.
I'm voting for him.
270
00:13:43,467 --> 00:13:45,564
I don't understand
these people.
271
00:13:45,633 --> 00:13:48,066
He didn't even say anything
and they're eating it up.
272
00:13:48,134 --> 00:13:50,965
Lois, undecided voters
are the biggest
idiots on the planet.
273
00:13:51,034 --> 00:13:53,198
Try giving short,
simple answers.
274
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,932
Sir, your question, please.
275
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:59,432
Mrs. Griffin,
what do you plan to do
about crime in our city?
276
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:00,665
A lot.
277
00:14:00,734 --> 00:14:02,832
(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
278
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:07,264
Because that's
what Jesus wants.
279
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:09,632
(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
280
00:14:10,134 --> 00:14:11,898
9/11 was bad.
281
00:14:11,968 --> 00:14:13,799
(ALL CHEERING)
282
00:14:13,868 --> 00:14:15,099
I agree with that!
283
00:14:15,168 --> 00:14:17,098
God, I can't
believe how easy this is.
284
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:20,832
Mrs. Griffin, what are
your plans for cleaning up
our environment?
285
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:21,998
9/11.
286
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:24,299
(ALL CHEERING)
287
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:28,264
Mrs. Griffin,
what about our
traffic problem?
288
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,166
9...
ALL: Huh?
289
00:14:30,234 --> 00:14:31,266
...11.
290
00:14:31,334 --> 00:14:33,632
(ALL CHEERING)
291
00:14:41,934 --> 00:14:43,932
Well, the election
results are pouring in
292
00:14:44,001 --> 00:14:45,932
and it looks like it's
gonna be a tight one.
293
00:14:46,001 --> 00:14:48,665
Which reminds me, Diane,
when's the last time
you heard... Forget it.
294
00:14:48,734 --> 00:14:50,632
Oh, my God,
I'm an absolute wreck.
295
00:14:50,701 --> 00:14:52,198
Well, folks, this is it.
296
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:53,798
The last of the votes
have been tallied,
297
00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,931
and we're getting
the final results in now.
298
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,132
Quahog's new mayor is...
299
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,665
Lois Griffin!
300
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,531
(ALL CHEERING)
301
00:15:05,134 --> 00:15:07,665
Oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God, oh, God!
302
00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:11,231
Oh. Were we done cheering?
303
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:12,298
(LAUGHS)
304
00:15:17,567 --> 00:15:19,699
Well, Mrs. Mayor,
how do you feel?
305
00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:21,632
Oh, I'm a little
nervous, Brian,
306
00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:24,898
but mostly I'm excited
about all the good
I'm gonna get to do.
307
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:28,698
Wow, look at you.
All that power and you've
still got that body.
308
00:15:28,768 --> 00:15:31,999
And the first thing
I'm gonna do as mayor
is clean up Lake Quahog.
309
00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:34,032
Well, I know the people
will support you, Lois,
310
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:37,398
because you connect
with them, like Disney
connects with its audience.
311
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:38,731
You the cow!
312
00:15:38,801 --> 00:15:40,398
No, you the cow!
313
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:42,198
Wow, Disney gets us!
314
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,465
And I think we all realize
315
00:15:46,533 --> 00:15:48,832
the importance of stopping
the environmental damage
316
00:15:48,901 --> 00:15:50,366
being done to Lake Quahog.
317
00:15:50,434 --> 00:15:53,765
Which is why I'm proposing
a very modest tax increase
318
00:15:53,834 --> 00:15:54,899
that will help us to...
319
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:56,532
(ALL BOOING)
320
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,065
No, no, no. That's awful.
No, no, no.
I'm not okay with that.
321
00:15:59,134 --> 00:16:00,698
No new taxes.
322
00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:02,332
ALL: No new taxes!
323
00:16:02,401 --> 00:16:05,565
No new taxes!
No new taxes!
324
00:16:05,634 --> 00:16:08,165
But what about
the terrorists?
325
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:09,331
(ALL GASP)
326
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,199
That's right.
Terrorists.
327
00:16:12,268 --> 00:16:15,732
We have intelligence
that suggests
328
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,398
that Hitler is
plotting with...
329
00:16:19,467 --> 00:16:23,866
With the Legion of Doom
to assassinate Jesus.
330
00:16:25,167 --> 00:16:26,698
Using the lake as a base.
331
00:16:26,767 --> 00:16:28,799
(ALL MURMURING)
332
00:16:28,867 --> 00:16:31,365
ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile,
at the Legion of Doom...
333
00:16:32,234 --> 00:16:34,364
How did she
discover our plan?
334
00:16:34,433 --> 00:16:38,398
Me, Solomon Grundy,
kind of dropped
the ball on that one.
335
00:16:38,466 --> 00:16:40,232
And we also have evidence
336
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:45,498
that Darth Vader tried
to buy yellowcake uranium
337
00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:48,199
from unwed teenage mothers.
338
00:16:48,267 --> 00:16:50,032
Those things
all sound scary!
339
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,432
How much money
before I can feel safe again?
340
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,165
(STAMMERS)
341
00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:55,966
A hundred thousand?
342
00:16:56,034 --> 00:16:58,165
(ALL MURMURING)
343
00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:01,265
I threw a 10!
See that 10 there?
I threw that.
344
00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:08,999
At the top of the news,
Lake Quahog is
once again clean
345
00:17:09,068 --> 00:17:12,098
thanks to the efforts
of newly-elected
Mayor Lois Griffin.
346
00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:14,599
We now go to Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa
347
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,199
for her slant on the story.
348
00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:18,165
Thanks, Tom.
349
00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:21,498
Once again,
happy locals are frolicking
in the waters of Lake Quahog,
350
00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,731
and we're here
with their reactions.
351
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,332
Sir, how does it feel
to have the lake back?
352
00:17:26,401 --> 00:17:28,466
Well, I'll tell you,
Tricia, as a local resident,
353
00:17:28,534 --> 00:17:30,899
I feel like I can
once again take pride
in my community.
354
00:17:30,968 --> 00:17:34,599
I think this is really gonna
revitalize tourism, and...
355
00:17:34,667 --> 00:17:37,298
And, if you look around,
I think even the wildlife
is starting to come back.
356
00:17:37,366 --> 00:17:39,264
And,
you know, that's something
we haven't seen in a while
357
00:17:39,333 --> 00:17:41,365
and I think
we're gonna be seeing
a lot more of that.
358
00:17:41,434 --> 00:17:42,866
Hey, you guys.
359
00:17:42,934 --> 00:17:46,332
Mom, everyone on TV says
you're running
the town great.
360
00:17:46,401 --> 00:17:48,699
Maybe you could do
some damn laundry
once in a while.
361
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:49,832
What?
What?
362
00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:51,932
Wow, Mom,
is that a new purse?
363
00:17:52,001 --> 00:17:53,999
Yeah, that looks
pretty expensive.
364
00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:56,799
Well,
don't tell anybody, Brian,
but I was a little naughty.
365
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:57,932
(CHUCKLING)
366
00:17:58,001 --> 00:18:00,032
I may have dipped
into the tax surplus.
367
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:03,532
Wait a minute.
You used taxpayer money
to buy yourself a handbag?
368
00:18:03,601 --> 00:18:05,432
It's no big deal, Brian.
369
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:08,265
Besides,
there was a lot left over
after the lake clean-up,
370
00:18:08,334 --> 00:18:11,799
and I figured
maybe I earned
a little treat, huh?
371
00:18:11,867 --> 00:18:14,432
Lois, spending even one penny
of that money on yourself
372
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,165
is incredibly unethical.
373
00:18:16,234 --> 00:18:18,265
Oh, come on,
it was only 600.
374
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:22,032
My God, that's more
than I spent to go see
that prize fight in Vegas.
375
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,832
I thought you
said we was going
to see Hairspray.
376
00:18:24,901 --> 00:18:27,865
Bitch, I thought
I said just shut up
and be looking fine.
377
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,532
What the hell's up
with these rolling blackouts?
378
00:18:35,601 --> 00:18:37,065
Well, since Lois
is the mayor,
379
00:18:37,134 --> 00:18:39,332
I'm allowed to reroute
all the town's electricity.
380
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,798
What'd you do that for?
So I could
reanimate the corpse
381
00:18:41,867 --> 00:18:43,865
of Jim Varney.
Howdy, Vern.
382
00:18:43,934 --> 00:18:46,698
This is some
dad-gum nice house
you got here, Vern.
383
00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:48,765
That's Vern-Vern-Vern-Vern.
384
00:18:48,833 --> 00:18:51,965
Oh, wait, wait.
It was John Belushi.
That's who I wanted.
385
00:18:52,034 --> 00:18:53,731
Peter, how could you...
Way ahead of you, Brian.
386
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,298
My mistake.
I'll take care of this.
387
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,899
Hey, Jim, come out
in the yard, will you?
388
00:18:59,967 --> 00:19:01,832
Sure thing, Vern.
389
00:19:05,168 --> 00:19:07,066
(GUN FIRING)
390
00:19:07,134 --> 00:19:08,632
He got the shotgun, Brian!
391
00:19:08,701 --> 00:19:10,632
Don't ask me how he did it,
but Jim Varney
got the shotgun!
392
00:19:10,701 --> 00:19:11,699
Run for your life!
What?
393
00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:12,798
Run!
394
00:19:20,134 --> 00:19:21,899
Excuse me,
how much is this coat?
395
00:19:21,967 --> 00:19:23,465
It's 4,300.
396
00:19:23,534 --> 00:19:27,799
Oh. Do you think
you can give me
a little mayoral discount?
397
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:31,932
Well, I think you're doing
a great job, Mrs. Griffin,
but my boss would kill me.
398
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,099
How's everything
going out here?
399
00:19:33,168 --> 00:19:34,298
Fine, Mr. Voorhees.
400
00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:36,899
Good. 'Cause if you
screw up, I'll kill you.
401
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:39,099
Hi, Bob Grossbeard,
Quahog Oil.
402
00:19:39,168 --> 00:19:42,198
I'd like to buy
you that coat.
Really?
403
00:19:42,266 --> 00:19:45,265
All I ask in return
is that you let my company do
404
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:47,332
just a little bit of
dumping in your lake.
405
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,165
This guy don't sit
right with me, Lois.
He don't sit right with me.
406
00:19:50,234 --> 00:19:52,865
But I just
cleaned up Quahog lake.
407
00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:54,832
Do you want
the coat or not?
408
00:19:59,334 --> 00:20:02,832
I want the coat.
Excellent.
Then we have a deal.
409
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,232
(SIGHS)
410
00:20:04,301 --> 00:20:06,899
Brian's gonna be
really upset when
he finds out.
411
00:20:06,967 --> 00:20:09,432
I'll just take him
for a ride in the car,
he'll forget all about it.
412
00:20:11,101 --> 00:20:12,432
(SNIFFING)
413
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:15,165
Wait a minute,
I know where we are.
The park is near here!
414
00:20:15,234 --> 00:20:18,132
We're near the park, Lois!
Oh, that's the tree,
I peed on that!
415
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,232
Hey, hey,
Lois! Lois!
416
00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,166
There's another dog
in that car!
417
00:20:22,234 --> 00:20:24,331
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
There's another
dog in that car!
418
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,532
Hey! Are you seeing that?
Hey! Hey!
Hey, other dog! Fuck you!
419
00:20:31,533 --> 00:20:34,932
Ladies and gentlemen,
on behalf of
the Quahog Oil Refinery,
420
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:39,264
we would like to
thank Mayor Lois Griffin
for our newest waste pipe.
421
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:43,999
(ALL CHEERING)
422
00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:46,331
Let the dumping resume!
423
00:20:52,533 --> 00:20:54,631
What's going on?
Everybody dead.
424
00:20:54,701 --> 00:20:57,099
Oh, see now.
You know who they
gonna blame this on.
425
00:20:57,168 --> 00:20:58,832
Mmm-hmm.
The black dolphins.
426
00:20:58,901 --> 00:21:01,932
See, the honky dolphin
always trying to keep
the black dolphin down.
427
00:21:02,001 --> 00:21:04,066
I mean, can't we all
just swim along?
428
00:21:04,135 --> 00:21:06,999
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna call Fishy Jackson.
429
00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:09,465
And you know what?
I'm gonna call
Catfish Sharpton.
430
00:21:09,533 --> 00:21:10,565
Get them
motherfuckers on the line.
431
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:13,465
Hey, Jake,
432
00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:15,164
how long can you hold
your breath underwater?
433
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:17,465
Longer than you!
Check it out!
434
00:21:20,368 --> 00:21:22,232
(BOTH SCREAMING)
435
00:21:22,301 --> 00:21:23,565
My face!
436
00:21:23,634 --> 00:21:25,464
(SCREAMING)
437
00:21:30,566 --> 00:21:32,231
Lois, what the hell
are you doing?
438
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:35,065
Remembering who
I am, you crook!
439
00:21:35,134 --> 00:21:36,898
Oh, I'm a crook, am I?
440
00:21:36,967 --> 00:21:38,665
What about all
the money you embezzled?
441
00:21:38,733 --> 00:21:40,865
Do you want
people to find out
about that?
442
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:44,264
You better play ball
or we'll find
someone else who will.
443
00:21:44,333 --> 00:21:45,798
I'll play ball.
444
00:21:45,867 --> 00:21:48,698
You know what, West?
You can have your job back.
445
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:51,765
Politics does
terrible things
to good people.
446
00:21:51,834 --> 00:21:54,465
Good for you, Lois.
You wised up
before it was too late.
447
00:21:54,534 --> 00:21:56,998
I was so consumed
by power and money,
448
00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:59,765
I became the very thing
I set out to destroy.
449
00:21:59,834 --> 00:22:02,665
Hooray, I'm mayor again!
450
00:22:02,734 --> 00:22:05,565
Don't we need to have
a whole new election?
451
00:22:07,301 --> 00:22:10,232
There. Now no one
will have heard him say that.
452
00:22:10,301 --> 00:22:12,265
We all heard him say it.
453
00:22:13,634 --> 00:22:15,698
Anybody else
hear anything?
454
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:17,464
My wife did.
455
00:22:19,634 --> 00:22:20,765
(GUN FIRING)