1
00:00:02,968 --> 00:00:05,999
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,068 --> 00:00:09,365
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,433 --> 00:00:12,965
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,034 --> 00:00:16,066
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,134 --> 00:00:19,398
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,467 --> 00:00:22,732
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,801 --> 00:00:24,264
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:26,032
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:31,798
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:38,198
Hey, Quagmire,
how was your date
last night?
11
00:00:38,266 --> 00:00:41,164
Cleveland, it was amazing.
You know what
I discovered last night?
12
00:00:41,233 --> 00:00:43,231
Women have a fourth hole.
What?
13
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:46,531
Yeah. I mean, it's only
visible if you're looking
from exactly the right angle,
14
00:00:46,601 --> 00:00:50,765
like the entrance to Hogwarts.
But you got to
believe that it's there.
15
00:00:50,834 --> 00:00:54,799
Man, I envy you single guys.
No families,
partying whenever you want.
16
00:00:54,868 --> 00:00:57,932
These are the only people
I get to party with.
17
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,699
QUAGMIRE: That's where
the fourth hole is,
right there.
18
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:01,565
Right there in
the back of the knee.
19
00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:06,198
I like having a family.
I got all the crazy out
of my system when I was 18.
20
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:10,465
Not me. I was dating Lois
the whole time.
I never got to be wild.
21
00:01:10,534 --> 00:01:13,265
Except for that time
I rode the mechanical bull
at that bar.
22
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:15,032
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
23
00:01:15,101 --> 00:01:20,531
Oh, my God, how embarrassing!
Look how much fun I am!
24
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,132
It's like I missed out
on half my life.
25
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,399
What I wouldn't give
to be 18 again,
26
00:01:25,467 --> 00:01:27,131
like those kids
on spring break.
27
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,032
Grim news
from Daytona, Florida,
28
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:31,232
where the remains of
three female college students
29
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,399
were found
near a local nightclub.
30
00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:36,098
Reports suggest that
all three
were violated sexually
31
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:37,832
before being
brutally murdered.
32
00:01:37,901 --> 00:01:40,999
Oh, man, see that?
Everybody's
getting laid but me.
33
00:01:42,367 --> 00:01:43,865
BAR PATRON: Oh, come on!
34
00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:46,831
Hang on,
I'll fix it.
35
00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:51,365
Oh, my God, is he dead?
I think he might be dead!
36
00:01:51,433 --> 00:01:55,364
Oh, did you hear that?
Noah Wyle here thinks
he might be dead.
37
00:01:55,433 --> 00:01:59,098
Step aside, junior.
Nope, he's just knocked out.
38
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:01,065
Damn, I drove
all the way out here.
39
00:02:01,134 --> 00:02:03,298
I had to cancel
another appointment.
40
00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:05,632
I never like to be
too far away
from Mike Wallace.
41
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,631
Hey, Death,
I got a favor to ask you.
42
00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:19,899
Could you let me
go back in time
and be 18 again?
43
00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:21,732
What, are you high?
No.
44
00:02:21,801 --> 00:02:23,865
Coming up next on ESPN,
45
00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:26,065
Women's Professional...
All right, you win.
46
00:02:26,134 --> 00:02:29,032
Let's go.
But just for one night.
47
00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:41,165
What the hell?
Where are we?
48
00:02:41,234 --> 00:02:42,765
Oh, my God,
this is...
49
00:02:42,834 --> 00:02:46,098
This is Newport Country Club.
I used to be
a towel boy here.
50
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,632
That's right, Peter.
You're 18 years old again.
51
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:50,765
At least, that's how
everyone will see you.
52
00:02:52,734 --> 00:02:55,532
Hey, Peter,
slap me five.
53
00:02:55,601 --> 00:02:57,199
Slap me ten.
54
00:02:57,267 --> 00:02:58,699
Around the side.
55
00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:00,332
And back again.
56
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,665
Up high.
57
00:03:01,734 --> 00:03:03,132
Down low.
58
00:03:03,201 --> 00:03:07,099
Now, over by
the diving board.
59
00:03:07,168 --> 00:03:09,365
Now, on the other side
of the pool.
60
00:03:12,268 --> 00:03:15,431
All right, now, I want
you to meet me at
this address in an hour,
61
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,132
and we'll slap
five there.
62
00:03:17,201 --> 00:03:19,132
Then afterwards,
we'll hit the bars.
63
00:03:19,201 --> 00:03:20,431
That sounds good
to me.
64
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,731
I'm 18, and I'm ready
to do some living.
65
00:03:22,801 --> 00:03:25,132
We are gonna
raise more hell
than Hellraiser.
66
00:03:26,034 --> 00:03:27,665
(GIGGLING)
67
00:03:27,734 --> 00:03:30,465
Hey, honey, you want
some salt for your steak?
68
00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:32,231
Yeah, sure.
69
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,499
(LAUGHING)
70
00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:36,598
Gotcha!
That's more salt
than you wanted.
71
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,399
WOMAN: Hello, boys.
72
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:47,731
Wow,
18-year-old Lois.
73
00:03:48,335 --> 00:03:50,232
Son of a bitch.
74
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:52,032
(MR. NIGHT PLAYING)
75
00:03:59,867 --> 00:04:05,032
♪ I see those ivory lies
in sweet Rosita's eyes
76
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:11,365
♪ Gonna leave them both behind
when we Tomaso all night ♪
77
00:04:14,333 --> 00:04:15,632
Hi, Peter.
78
00:04:15,701 --> 00:04:18,098
I'm really
looking forward to
the movie tonight.
79
00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:20,098
Peter and I
are going to see
Zapped.
80
00:04:20,166 --> 00:04:22,298
I figured Scott Baio
was androgynous enough
81
00:04:22,366 --> 00:04:25,231
that we could both
fantasize about him,
and no one would be gay.
82
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:28,665
Lois, we got the rest
of our lives for me to not
hear a word you just said,
83
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:29,899
but tonight,
I got plans
with Cleveland.
84
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,065
But we had a date.
85
00:04:34,134 --> 00:04:35,199
I would eat your poo.
86
00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,699
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
Stay tuned for
President Ronald Reagan's
87
00:04:41,767 --> 00:04:43,132
weekly radio address.
88
00:04:43,201 --> 00:04:47,032
Ronald Reagan?
The actor?
He's President?
89
00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:48,432
Peter, you're the one
from the future.
90
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:49,865
You should know...
Ah, forget it.
91
00:04:49,934 --> 00:04:53,565
Oh, you've got to hear
this new Eddie Murphy
cassette I bought.
92
00:04:53,634 --> 00:04:55,765
EDDIE MURPHY:
Hey, did you ever
have a barbecue?
93
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:58,165
I have!
94
00:04:58,233 --> 00:04:59,565
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
95
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,199
Wow, you're really
good at this game.
96
00:05:05,268 --> 00:05:08,565
Yeah, I've logged
a lot of game hours on
Menstrual Miss Pacman.
97
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:11,699
What? What?
Jeez.
98
00:05:11,768 --> 00:05:13,165
Nothing.
Bitch.
99
00:05:15,267 --> 00:05:17,332
So, have you seen
Ghostbusters?
100
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,165
Save your breath, geekwad.
I'm here with my boyfriend.
101
00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:22,132
You mean that
quintessentially
'80s guy
102
00:05:22,201 --> 00:05:23,698
with his collar
turned up
all the way?
103
00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:25,665
Are you hitting on
my girlfriend?
104
00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,432
No, no, I was just
being friendly.
105
00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:31,299
I will kick your ass
anytime, anywhere.
106
00:05:31,368 --> 00:05:33,732
Okay, how about
top of the
World Trade Center,
107
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,532
the morning of
September 11th,
2001, 8:00 a.m.?
108
00:05:36,601 --> 00:05:38,866
I'll be there.
You think I'll forget,
but I won't.
109
00:05:40,533 --> 00:05:42,099
(BOTH MOANING)
110
00:05:42,168 --> 00:05:43,166
That was nice.
111
00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:44,265
I'll say.
112
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:46,364
Peter, is that...
Are you...
113
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,565
Molly Ringwald?
114
00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:49,431
Yeah.
How's it going?
115
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:51,699
Wow, you're the biggest star
in the world right now.
What are you doing here?
116
00:05:51,767 --> 00:05:53,999
Oh, I like to hook up
with random bar guys.
117
00:05:54,068 --> 00:05:56,231
Lucky for me, huh?
118
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:57,966
No, a hobby's good.
119
00:05:58,034 --> 00:05:59,799
All right, Peter,
your time's up.
120
00:05:59,867 --> 00:06:01,298
Oh, man, already?
121
00:06:01,366 --> 00:06:02,465
Yup, come on.
122
00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:04,165
(GROANING)
123
00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:07,232
Good to meet you, Molly.
I'll be back later
for your career.
124
00:06:11,834 --> 00:06:13,932
Well, I hope you got
your fill, Peter.
125
00:06:14,001 --> 00:06:15,765
Death, that was
totally worth it.
126
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,132
It was even better
than the time
127
00:06:17,201 --> 00:06:19,465
I stumbled into
that fat,
lonely women's club.
128
00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:24,264
Excuse me, could I
get directions to
the Providence Civic Center?
129
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:26,531
(EXCLAIMING)
130
00:06:27,467 --> 00:06:29,565
Do you like cake?
Yes.
131
00:06:29,634 --> 00:06:32,165
Do you like my ass?
Yes.
132
00:06:32,234 --> 00:06:34,565
Do you want to
eat cake off my ass?
133
00:06:34,634 --> 00:06:36,065
What kind of cake?
134
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:38,565
Angel food cake.
135
00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:42,598
Well, Rusty, looks like
we're gonna eat our way
out of another jam.
136
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,399
Honey, you awake?
Morning, sweetie.
137
00:07:02,534 --> 00:07:03,898
(SCREAMING)
138
00:07:03,967 --> 00:07:05,765
Who the hell are you?
What are you
doing in my bed?
139
00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:08,665
Peter, it's me, Molly.
Your wife?
140
00:07:08,734 --> 00:07:11,331
Molly Ringwald?
You're my wife?
141
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,233
We've been married
for 20 years.
What's wrong with you?
142
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:18,065
Hi. I'm Judd Nelson.
I crash here
once or twice a week.
143
00:07:18,134 --> 00:07:19,431
(GROANS)
144
00:07:21,934 --> 00:07:23,331
(SCREAMING)
145
00:07:25,134 --> 00:07:28,699
Brian, Molly Ringwald
is in my bed,
and she says she's my wife!
146
00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:32,065
That's not all.
Look at this place.
Everything's different.
147
00:07:32,134 --> 00:07:33,532
This is crazy.
148
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,132
Brian, did you ever see
that Twilight Zone episode?
149
00:07:36,201 --> 00:07:37,799
You know,
where the woman wakes up
in the hospital,
150
00:07:37,867 --> 00:07:39,132
and all the doctors
are pigs?
151
00:07:39,201 --> 00:07:41,032
Yeah.
I like that one.
152
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,798
But what the hell
is going on here?
153
00:07:42,867 --> 00:07:44,565
You know, I think
I have a theory.
154
00:07:44,634 --> 00:07:47,032
It's possible that
when we went back in time,
155
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,198
we somehow
altered the past.
156
00:07:49,266 --> 00:07:50,865
Jeez, Brian,
that's more ridiculous
157
00:07:50,934 --> 00:07:53,898
than the theory of
why Tom Cruise
runs in all his movies.
158
00:07:56,134 --> 00:07:58,732
Wow, that cameraman
has nice, strong arms.
159
00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:02,898
You can't catch me,
gay thoughts.
160
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,198
Hey, where
the hell is Lois?
161
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:06,599
That's weird.
162
00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:07,265
Looks like
she's coming out of
Quagmire's house.
163
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:12,232
Lois, what the hell?
164
00:08:12,301 --> 00:08:14,332
I'm gone for one night,
and you
sleep with Quagmire?
165
00:08:14,401 --> 00:08:18,532
Mr. Griffin, what I do
with my husband
is none of your business.
166
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,199
Husband?
Morning, Pete.
167
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,565
Hope you and Molly
can still join us
for dinner tonight.
168
00:08:22,634 --> 00:08:24,532
Come here, baby.
Let's head upstairs
and play hide-and-go-anal.
169
00:08:24,601 --> 00:08:25,599
(LOIS LAUGHING)
170
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,899
Brian, what the hell
is going on?
171
00:08:28,968 --> 00:08:30,999
We were only
in 1984 one night,
172
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:33,265
and now everything's
all messed up.
173
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:36,065
I think I can explain
it to you, Peter.
174
00:08:36,134 --> 00:08:38,698
This line represents
the normal flow of events.
175
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,899
Here's where you met Lois,
here's where you got married,
176
00:08:40,968 --> 00:08:44,265
and here's the present.
And here's
the night at the bar.
177
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:46,032
Now, at some point
during that evening,
178
00:08:46,101 --> 00:08:48,766
you did something
that changed the course
of your history,
179
00:08:48,834 --> 00:08:52,332
causing the time line
to skew off
into an alternate tangent,
180
00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:55,932
where you're married
to Molly Ringwald,
Quagmire's married to Lois,
181
00:08:56,001 --> 00:08:58,265
and for some reason,
we have a chalkboard
in the living room.
182
00:08:58,334 --> 00:08:59,798
Well, what are we gonna do?
183
00:08:59,867 --> 00:09:03,098
We got to figure out
what happened
at this point in time.
184
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:05,199
And I'll tell you
another thing
that worries me.
185
00:09:05,267 --> 00:09:08,099
You ever hear the theory
that if you kill
a butterfly in the past,
186
00:09:08,168 --> 00:09:10,032
it can drastically
alter the present?
187
00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:12,665
Well, who knows
what else we changed.
188
00:09:12,733 --> 00:09:14,365
ANNOUNCER: Tonight,
on The Tonight Show,
189
00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:16,365
movie star, George Clooney.
190
00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:17,698
Oh, he's good.
191
00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:19,331
ANNOUNCER:
Comedian, Dave Chappelle.
192
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,766
He's funny.
Like him.
193
00:09:20,834 --> 00:09:23,032
ANNOUNCER: And musician,
Harry Connick Jr.
194
00:09:23,101 --> 00:09:24,698
Wow, what a show.
195
00:09:24,768 --> 00:09:28,498
ANNOUNCER: And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
here's...
196
00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:29,832
Chevy!
197
00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:32,866
Oh, God, Brian,
we messed up bad.
We messed up real bad.
198
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,365
(DOORBELL RINGING)
199
00:09:37,434 --> 00:09:38,865
Howdy, neighbors.
Come on in.
200
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:41,065
Hey, Lois,
Peter and Molly
are here!
201
00:09:41,134 --> 00:09:43,099
Chris, say hi to
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin.
202
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:44,365
Hi, Mr. Griffin.
203
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:45,565
How's it going, man?
204
00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:47,331
Chris, Stewie!
205
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,431
Oh, my God!
All right,
don't freak out, Peter.
206
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:52,231
Don't freak out like you did
when your goldfish died.
207
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:55,198
Here you go,
Lieutenant Shiny-Sides.
208
00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:58,098
It's okay.
You don't have to
eat it now.
209
00:09:58,167 --> 00:10:01,598
You're just sleeping.
You'll eat it later.
210
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:05,065
You'll eat it later,
Lieutenant Shiny-Sides!
211
00:10:05,134 --> 00:10:06,598
(WAILING)
212
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,498
Meg, stop staring
at Mr. Griffin.
213
00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:17,098
I'm sorry, Peter.
I'm afraid she's got
her father's libido.
214
00:10:17,167 --> 00:10:19,331
What can I say?
I'm a Vagitarius. Oh!
215
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,966
(LAUGHING)
216
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:23,565
ALL: Giggity Giggity Giggity.
217
00:10:23,634 --> 00:10:26,032
Hey, did you guys
hear on the news
about President Gore
218
00:10:26,101 --> 00:10:29,131
hunting down and killing
Osama bin Laden
with his bare hands?
219
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:33,932
I know. Who would've thought
bin Laden was hiding out
in the cast of Mad TV?
220
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,665
Man, the perfect hiding spot.
The one place
no one would look.
221
00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:37,765
(ALARM BUZZING)
222
00:10:37,834 --> 00:10:39,699
Oh, there's the pie.
223
00:10:42,968 --> 00:10:45,166
Lois, this is
a huge mistake.
224
00:10:45,234 --> 00:10:46,832
What are you talking
about, Peter?
225
00:10:46,901 --> 00:10:48,698
You're supposed to be
married to me.
226
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:51,298
We're the ones who
were meant to be together,
not you and Quagmire.
227
00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:52,631
(CHUCKLING)
228
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,965
It's a little late for that,
don't you think, Peter?
229
00:10:55,034 --> 00:10:57,065
I mean, there was a time
back when we dated
230
00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:59,731
that I thought
you might be the one,
231
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,231
but as I recall,
232
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,966
you were more interested
in partying
with your friends.
233
00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:07,665
Then Glenn came along
and stole my heart.
234
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,799
When he kissed me that night
at the Country Club Dance,
235
00:11:10,867 --> 00:11:13,165
I knew we'd be
together forever.
236
00:11:13,234 --> 00:11:14,965
Hey, Lois,
I'm ready
for your pie.
237
00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:16,798
And you made
dessert, too! Oh!
238
00:11:16,867 --> 00:11:21,499
Oh, Glenn, I love
all your sex jokes
and your dirty puns.
239
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:24,032
That's why
I married you.
240
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:25,832
Let's go upstairs
and do it.
241
00:11:25,901 --> 00:11:27,133
Okay!
242
00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:34,765
Brian, going back
in time
ruined my life.
243
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:37,531
We've got to get Death
to send us back
to 1984 again,
244
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,132
so I can undo
what I did.
245
00:11:39,201 --> 00:11:42,932
Or we could just
make the best of this.
Al Gore is President.
246
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:45,598
We could kind of
just take that one
and call it a win.
247
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:49,231
I mean, with Bush,
we didn't have flying cars
that run on vegetable oil.
248
00:11:51,334 --> 00:11:53,865
♪ Meet George Jetson
249
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,665
♪ His boy Elroy
250
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:04,832
♪ Daughter Judy
251
00:12:09,267 --> 00:12:11,432
♪ Jane his wife ♪
252
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:14,299
Hey, hey, hey!
No, no, no, no, no.
253
00:12:17,135 --> 00:12:21,398
I took this one out for you.
You take this one,
I keep this!
254
00:12:21,466 --> 00:12:24,166
You are not taking
my whole wallet
so you can go shopping.
255
00:12:24,234 --> 00:12:25,631
I was just going to
buy some groceries.
256
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:26,698
Bullshit.
257
00:12:30,034 --> 00:12:31,665
I don't care
what it takes, Brian,
258
00:12:31,734 --> 00:12:33,331
I've got to get
Lois back somehow.
259
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,298
Well, the only one
who can
help us is Death,
260
00:12:35,366 --> 00:12:37,364
and he only shows up
when somebody dies.
261
00:12:37,433 --> 00:12:38,631
That's gonna be tough.
262
00:12:38,701 --> 00:12:40,398
With President Gore's
universal health care,
263
00:12:40,466 --> 00:12:42,099
people are living
much longer these days.
264
00:12:42,168 --> 00:12:43,865
And with zero-tolerance
gun control
265
00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:47,398
and a strong, well-funded
educational system,
there's no street crime.
266
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:49,166
Face it, Peter,
you not marrying Lois
267
00:12:49,233 --> 00:12:51,098
was the best thing
that ever happened
to the world.
268
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:54,531
I don't care.
We've got to find a way
to summon Death and quick.
269
00:12:57,034 --> 00:12:59,365
Well, that might do it.
270
00:12:59,434 --> 00:13:01,164
Death! Oh, thank God,
you're here!
271
00:13:01,233 --> 00:13:04,766
Listen, you've got to
send me back in time again,
so I can marry Lois.
272
00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:06,398
Man, it's been
a busy day.
273
00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:08,265
Dick Cheney,
the chairman
of Halliburton,
274
00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:11,498
shot Supreme Court Justice
Scalia in a hunting accident,
275
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:13,032
and the bullet
went right through him
276
00:13:13,101 --> 00:13:15,564
and killed Karl Rove
and Tucker Carlson.
277
00:13:15,633 --> 00:13:17,632
Oh, my God, Peter,
you can't marry Lois.
278
00:13:17,701 --> 00:13:19,765
I don't know
who any of those
people are.
279
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,632
All right, hang on.
Here we go.
280
00:13:32,268 --> 00:13:36,431
This is the exact moment
in 1984 that
I sent you to the first time.
281
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,598
You've just got to manage
not to screw it up again.
282
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,331
Lois! Oh, my God,
it's so good
to see you!
283
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,131
Hey, Peter, you all set
to go see Zapped tonight?
284
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,364
I figured Scott Baio
was androgynous
enough that we...
285
00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:49,966
That we could both
fantasize about him
286
00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:51,665
and no one would be gay,
yeah, I know the joke.
287
00:13:51,734 --> 00:13:53,331
Hey, you know what?
Listen, Zapped sucks.
288
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:54,665
Why don't
we go see Krull?
289
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,999
Peter, you know
I'm dying to
see Zapped.
290
00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:58,765
I would
much prefer Krull.
291
00:13:58,834 --> 00:14:00,999
Well, maybe you should
just go by yourself.
292
00:14:01,068 --> 00:14:02,198
Well, maybe I will.
293
00:14:02,267 --> 00:14:03,431
Fine.
294
00:14:03,501 --> 00:14:05,199
Crap. Death!
295
00:14:05,268 --> 00:14:07,565
What?
One more time.
296
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:10,464
Hey, Peter, you all set
to go see Zapped tonight?
297
00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:13,765
I figured Scott Baio
was androgynous
enough that we...
298
00:14:13,834 --> 00:14:16,298
That's hilarious!
You are a delight.
299
00:14:16,366 --> 00:14:18,464
And Zapped is one of
my favorite movies.
300
00:14:18,533 --> 00:14:20,765
I look forward
to watching it
with you, sweetheart.
301
00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,199
Oh, wonderful.
302
00:14:22,268 --> 00:14:23,665
(PETER FARTING)
303
00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:25,065
Death!
304
00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:27,966
Hey, Peter, you all set
to go see Zapped tonight?
305
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,264
I figured Scott Baio...
Yes.
306
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:31,665
Scott Baio, gay,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
307
00:14:31,734 --> 00:14:32,999
I can't wait
to see the movie.
308
00:14:33,068 --> 00:14:35,799
Well, terrific.
I'll see you tonight.
309
00:14:35,867 --> 00:14:37,498
Oh, hey, Peter.
310
00:14:37,566 --> 00:14:40,632
Say, I was just getting
ready to hit the town.
You want to join me?
311
00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:42,865
I can't, Cleveland,
I got a date with Lois.
312
00:14:42,934 --> 00:14:44,798
It's gonna to be fun.
313
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,331
It is?
314
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,264
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
315
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:55,531
(HUMMING TO THE MUSIC)
316
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:01,499
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
317
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:02,831
You're supposed
to be with Lois.
318
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,132
Aw, crap! Death!
319
00:15:05,201 --> 00:15:07,631
No! You know what?
I'm not doing it again.
320
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,965
Screw this.
No more mulligans.
You're on your own.
321
00:15:11,034 --> 00:15:13,765
Oh, damn it, Brian,
what the hell
am I gonna do now?
322
00:15:13,834 --> 00:15:17,831
I haven't screwed up
this bad since I bought
Joe Piscopo that barbell set.
323
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:20,866
All right, Joe,
now don't get
carried away with this.
324
00:15:20,934 --> 00:15:24,465
Don't worry, Peter.
I'll only work out
during my downtime.
325
00:15:29,334 --> 00:15:32,499
Oh, look who it is.
Only 14 hours late.
326
00:15:32,567 --> 00:15:34,965
If you don't want to
spend time with me,
Peter, that's fine.
327
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,298
But at least don't make me
wait up all night for you.
328
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:40,265
Lois, I'm so sorry.
I promise, I'll make it up
to you tonight.
329
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:42,232
We can watch
any stupid movie
you want.
330
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:44,231
Sorry, I've already
got plans.
331
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:46,698
What do you mean,
"plans"?
332
00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:49,398
I'm going to
the Country Club Dance
with Glenn.
333
00:15:49,467 --> 00:15:51,765
I wanted to surprise you
with the invitation
last night,
334
00:15:51,833 --> 00:15:53,332
but you never
showed up.
335
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,598
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to get ready.
336
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,065
Peter, the
Country Club Dance
337
00:15:58,134 --> 00:16:00,466
is where Lois said
she fell in love
with Quagmire.
338
00:16:00,534 --> 00:16:02,532
If they kiss
at that dance,
you're finished.
339
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,333
You're right, Brian.
We've got to stop them.
340
00:16:04,401 --> 00:16:07,565
And I think I know how.
341
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,498
(HUMMING TO THE MUSIC)
342
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:16,932
Peter!
Oh, God, sorry! Sorry!
343
00:16:17,001 --> 00:16:18,732
Sorry. You're right,
let's go to the dance.
344
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:22,631
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
345
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,599
Peter used to be
so passionate.
346
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:29,665
Suddenly, he just
doesn't seem very
interested in me anymore.
347
00:16:29,734 --> 00:16:33,698
Lois, if I may speak freely,
as a friend, you deserve
better than Peter.
348
00:16:33,767 --> 00:16:35,265
You deserve
a gentleman.
349
00:16:35,334 --> 00:16:37,765
Oh, Glenn,
you're so sweet.
350
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:38,965
Oh! Something poked me.
351
00:16:39,034 --> 00:16:40,099
It's okay, it's okay.
352
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,165
It's just my penis.
353
00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:52,465
PETER: (GRUNTING)
Now I know
what a TV dinner feels like.
354
00:16:52,534 --> 00:16:54,766
BRIAN: What?
It's a line from Die Hard.
355
00:16:54,834 --> 00:16:57,266
Hasn't been made yet.
We could
write it, Brian.
356
00:16:57,334 --> 00:16:59,398
After we're done
with this,
we could write it.
357
00:16:59,467 --> 00:17:01,364
(PETER SCREAMING)
358
00:17:01,433 --> 00:17:03,799
Oh, my God!
You just crushed Andy!
359
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:05,431
Oh, yeah,
sorry about that.
360
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:06,865
Oh, oh, you're sorry?
361
00:17:06,934 --> 00:17:08,732
Who's gonna play guitar?
362
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,598
♪ Earth angel, earth angel
363
00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:20,699
Oh, I love this song.
364
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,932
♪ My darling dear
365
00:17:25,001 --> 00:17:27,498
Lois, may I
have this dance?
366
00:17:27,566 --> 00:17:29,532
Peter, what are
you doing here?
367
00:17:29,601 --> 00:17:31,365
I love you,
Lois Pewterschmidt.
368
00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:33,298
And not Quagmire,
or any man,
369
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:35,498
she-male, robot
or sentient robot
370
00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:36,932
curious about
its own existence,
371
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,231
is gonna
keep you from me!
372
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,165
Peter, I am here
with Glenn.
373
00:17:40,234 --> 00:17:42,332
You had your chance with me
and you blew it.
374
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,265
Now, leave us alone.
375
00:17:44,334 --> 00:17:46,665
Is that what you
really want, Lois?
376
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,698
Yes, it is.
377
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:50,965
Well, I guess that's it.
378
00:17:51,034 --> 00:17:54,632
Who the hell am I kidding?
I don't deserve her.
379
00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:03,265
Come on, Peter.
Prove to Lois
that you love her.
380
00:18:03,334 --> 00:18:05,265
It's your last chance.
381
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:11,132
PETER: Hey, Quagmire.
Huh?
382
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:18,866
Sorry, Lois,
but I have to do this.
383
00:18:18,934 --> 00:18:20,431
(LOIS MOANING)
384
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:26,765
Oh, Peter, that was
so passionate.
385
00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:29,165
Why, I didn't know
I meant
that much to you.
386
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:32,865
Are you kidding?
Lois, I couldn't bear
to live without you.
387
00:18:32,934 --> 00:18:36,131
I came back thinking
I was missing
something in my life,
388
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:40,098
but what I almost missed
was the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
389
00:18:40,167 --> 00:18:43,732
Lois Pewterschmidt,
will you be my wife?
390
00:18:44,634 --> 00:18:47,931
Yes. Yes, I will.
391
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,999
♪ Earth angel, earth angel
392
00:18:51,934 --> 00:18:55,464
♪ Please be mine
393
00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:57,665
♪ My darling dear
394
00:18:57,734 --> 00:19:01,832
♪ I'll love you for all time
395
00:19:01,901 --> 00:19:04,966
♪ I'm just a fool
396
00:19:05,034 --> 00:19:11,332
♪ A fool in love with you ♪
397
00:19:19,334 --> 00:19:21,365
I think they want
another one.
398
00:19:21,901 --> 00:19:23,698
(CROWD CHEERING)
399
00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:26,299
Uh, okay.
400
00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,665
Here's a song
by a gay guy.
401
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,599
(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)
402
00:19:39,434 --> 00:19:43,299
♪ We're no strangers
to love
403
00:19:43,368 --> 00:19:47,532
♪ You know the rules
and so do I
404
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,564
♪ A full commitment's
what I'm thinking of
405
00:19:51,633 --> 00:19:55,464
♪ You wouldn't get this
from any other guy
406
00:19:55,533 --> 00:20:00,632
♪ I just want to tell you
how I'm feeling
407
00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:03,131
♪ Got to make you understand
408
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:07,298
♪ Never gonna give you up,
never gonna let you down
409
00:20:07,366 --> 00:20:09,065
♪ Never gonna run around...
410
00:20:09,134 --> 00:20:10,865
Whoa, whoa, big guy.
411
00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:13,432
You're probably never even
gonna see him again.
412
00:20:13,501 --> 00:20:15,598
♪ Never gonna say good-bye
413
00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:19,966
♪ Never gonna tell a lie
and hurt you ♪
414
00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:23,099
Hey, Rick,
it's your cousin, Marvin.
415
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:25,165
Marvin Astley.
416
00:20:25,233 --> 00:20:29,132
You know that mediocre,
generic sound
you've been looking for?
417
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:30,866
Well, listen to this!
418
00:20:30,934 --> 00:20:32,465
♪ Never gonna give,
never gonna give
419
00:20:32,534 --> 00:20:34,865
♪ Give you up
420
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,766
♪ Never gonna give,
never gonna give
421
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:39,232
♪ Give you up
422
00:20:39,301 --> 00:20:42,331
♪ Never gonna give ♪
423
00:20:54,534 --> 00:20:56,498
MAN: I didn't like
any of that.
424
00:21:00,268 --> 00:21:03,665
Wow, Peter, that's
an amazing story.
425
00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:08,099
And I'm touched that
you went through so much
trouble just to be with me.
426
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:11,232
Obviously, I made
the right choice
when I married you.
427
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:12,731
Me, too, Lois.
428
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,631
And, hey, let's just
all be grateful
429
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:17,465
that things are completely
back to normal again.
430
00:21:17,534 --> 00:21:19,998
Who ate all
the pecan sandies?