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00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:06,032
♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:06,101 --> 00:00:09,398
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
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00:00:09,466 --> 00:00:12,865
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
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00:00:12,934 --> 00:00:16,099
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:16,167 --> 00:00:19,431
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:22,732
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:26,032
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:31,365
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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(THUNDER RUMBLING)
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00:00:36,901 --> 00:00:39,965
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker
with a Channel Five News
Special Report.
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00:00:40,034 --> 00:00:43,032
And I'm Diane Simmons.
A flash flood warning
is in effect
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00:00:43,101 --> 00:00:45,432
as rain continues to
pound Rhode Island.
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00:00:45,501 --> 00:00:47,765
Let's go to
Asian reporter
Tricia Takanawa
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00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:49,532
(IN ORIENTAL MELODY)
who's gonna tell us
all about the rain.
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00:00:52,267 --> 00:00:56,165
Tom, residents
all over Quahog have been
affected by the heavy rains,
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00:00:56,234 --> 00:00:59,065
although some are doing
their best to ride it out.
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00:00:59,134 --> 00:01:03,865
For example, I'm here with
Rides-a-Ten-Speed-Everywhere
Guy.
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00:01:03,934 --> 00:01:07,498
Sir, why are you riding
your ten-speed in the rain?
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00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,631
I don't mind.
A little drizzle
never hurt anybody.
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00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:12,799
I like riding the ten-speed
because it's fun,
gives me energy,
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00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:14,232
and it's a great
way to stay in shape.
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00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:16,398
How long have you
lived in Quahog?
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00:01:16,466 --> 00:01:18,999
Well, I used to
live in the city, but
I decided moving here
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00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:21,464
would be
a little more relaxing,
a little more manageable,
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00:01:21,533 --> 00:01:22,832
and it's a great
way to stay in shape.
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00:01:22,901 --> 00:01:24,631
What do you
do for a living?
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00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:27,298
I work in
accounts receivable
at Quahog Insurance.
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00:01:27,366 --> 00:01:29,531
It's not
too demanding,
the pay is good,
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00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:31,266
and it's a great
way to stay in shape.
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00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,032
Well,
we should wrap this up.
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00:01:33,101 --> 00:01:34,999
You're getting wet.
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00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:38,232
Well, I'm living life before
the cancer I have kills me,
so I don't mind the rain.
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00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,832
Water feels
good on my skin.
It's cool, refreshing,
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00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,132
and it's a great
way to stay in shape.
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00:01:42,201 --> 00:01:43,799
What kind of cancer?
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00:01:43,867 --> 00:01:46,731
It's rectal cancer.
It's slowly eating
away at my lower insides.
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00:01:46,801 --> 00:01:48,464
It's a quick process,
both painful and
untreatable,
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00:01:48,533 --> 00:01:49,564
and it's a great
way to stay in shape.
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00:01:52,301 --> 00:01:54,132
Thank you, Tricia.
Some local residents
have even been evacuated
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00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,365
to Quahog Stadium
for their own protection.
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00:01:58,133 --> 00:01:59,765
Why do I have to stay here?
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00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:01,098
We just think
you'll be safer.
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00:02:01,167 --> 00:02:03,632
But my house is dry.
Here's a blanket.
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00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:06,332
If you're looking
for a bathroom,
it's all around you.
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00:02:08,534 --> 00:02:10,431
Oh! Crap, Peter,
it's a flash flood!
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00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:13,632
Oh, man, I better
save my autographed
picture of Dean Cain.
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00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,132
You know, from before he got
all desperate for attention.
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00:02:18,333 --> 00:02:20,098
Hey,
is that Dean Cain
on that park bench?
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00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:22,164
Oh, God.
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00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:25,665
PETER: Lois,
you may wanna
come down here!
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00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,665
(GASPS)
Oh, my God!
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00:02:28,734 --> 00:02:30,165
I know,
about the water, right?
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00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,932
Wow, cool.
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00:02:32,967 --> 00:02:34,698
Hey, Chris, come here.
What? Why?
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00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:36,832
Just come here.
What is it, Dad?
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00:02:36,901 --> 00:02:40,299
Does it feel like the water
suddenly just got warmer?
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00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:41,632
No.
Oh, that's right.
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00:02:41,701 --> 00:02:43,331
It's pee that
makes it warmer.
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00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,066
Peter,
the water's
rising fast!
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00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:46,531
We gotta
get outta here!
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00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:47,999
Hang on, Lois.
There's a case of
beer in the fridge.
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00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,364
I can't leave that behind.
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00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:50,832
Meg, you're a good swimmer.
Go get it.
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00:02:50,901 --> 00:02:52,132
What? But Dad...
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00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,065
And for God's sake,
do not be afraid to
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00:02:54,134 --> 00:02:55,899
make me a sandwich
while you're in there.
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00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:00,432
(INHALES)
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00:03:07,334 --> 00:03:09,398
Peter, Meg's been
in there a long time.
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00:03:09,467 --> 00:03:12,599
Boy, you cannot
wait to criticize her
at every turn, can you?
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00:03:12,667 --> 00:03:14,132
Go get her!
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00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,698
Well, Lois, I am sorry
for snapping at you earlier.
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00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,198
You were right
to criticize Meg.
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00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:24,032
She could not even handle
this simple task.
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00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:26,432
She's in there right now,
taking a nap underwater.
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00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:28,499
For God's sake,
save her!
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00:03:32,634 --> 00:03:35,431
My God, we better
get her to a hospital.
She doesn't look too good.
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00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:39,465
Yeah, she looks worse than
Andy Garcia when he had
his conjoined twin.
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00:03:39,534 --> 00:03:41,565
I had
a great time
with you tonight.
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00:03:41,634 --> 00:03:43,032
You're really amazing.
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00:03:43,101 --> 00:03:45,466
Thanks, Andy.
I had a great time, too.
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00:03:45,534 --> 00:03:48,632
Hey. How about some love
for shoulder guy over here?
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00:03:48,701 --> 00:03:50,399
Shoulder guy
wants to get in on this.
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00:03:50,468 --> 00:03:51,532
Just ignore him.
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00:03:51,601 --> 00:03:52,966
Okay.
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00:03:53,034 --> 00:03:55,465
So, do you maybe want
to go in the other room?
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00:03:55,534 --> 00:03:57,032
Sure. Sounds good.
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00:03:57,101 --> 00:03:59,465
And shoulder guy's
going with you.
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00:03:59,534 --> 00:04:00,766
Rick, shut up!
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00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:02,032
Hey, bitch,
wanna suck on my tooth?
91
00:04:05,734 --> 00:04:08,532
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin,
I'm afraid your
coma's in a daughter.
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00:04:08,601 --> 00:04:09,631
(LAUGHS)
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00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,898
I mean your
daughter's in a coma.
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00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:14,998
Oh, my God, did you...
Did you hear what I said?
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00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:17,198
Brain freeze!
96
00:04:17,266 --> 00:04:20,932
Oh, my God.
That one is going in
the Christmas letter.
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00:04:21,701 --> 00:04:23,598
Oh, my God, Peter.
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00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:25,331
What if
she doesn't
come out of it?
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00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,966
I know, Lois.
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00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,932
I never realized until now
how much I've taken her
for granted.
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00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:31,598
I mean,
she's my only daughter,
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00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:34,965
and I feel like
I've never treated her
as well as I should have.
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00:04:35,034 --> 00:04:36,532
Hey, Meg, you got
something on your shirt.
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00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:37,865
(LAUGHING)
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00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,865
Hi, Dad.
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00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:45,232
Don't be too hard
on yourself, Peter.
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00:04:45,301 --> 00:04:47,199
We all do things
that we're not proud of.
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00:04:47,268 --> 00:04:48,632
Well, I am gonna change.
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00:04:48,701 --> 00:04:50,232
You hear me, Meg?
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00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,698
If you come out of this,
I am gonna treat you
like a princess
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00:04:52,767 --> 00:04:54,232
for the rest of your life.
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00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:55,332
'Cause I've been a worse
father than Abraham.
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00:04:58,134 --> 00:05:00,332
You wanna tell me
what the fuck that was?
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00:05:06,867 --> 00:05:08,499
Excuse me,
I'm Dr. Milano.
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00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:10,365
I'm the intern
for this floor.
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00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:12,432
You know, you guys
can probably go on home.
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00:05:12,501 --> 00:05:14,865
We'll let you know
if there's any change in
your daughter's condition.
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00:05:14,934 --> 00:05:17,899
Wow, you're a real doctor?
Hey, does Scrubs work here?
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00:05:17,967 --> 00:05:19,399
I love that guy.
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00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:22,032
I wanna meet Scrubs,
and I wanna meet
black Scrubs, too.
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00:05:30,334 --> 00:05:34,132
Well, hello, sleepyhead.
I'm Michael.
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00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,298
Hi, Michael. I'm Meg.
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00:05:36,367 --> 00:05:38,965
Meg!
Oh, my God,
Meg, you're okay!
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00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:41,032
Oh, Meg,
my beautiful daughter!
125
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,698
Things are gonna
be different.
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00:05:42,767 --> 00:05:45,465
No more will I treat you
like some kind of alien.
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00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:49,299
WOMAN ON PA:
Three minutes to
minimum safe distance.
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00:05:49,368 --> 00:05:52,198
Stop.
Not so fast, y'all.
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00:05:52,267 --> 00:05:55,432
You think you can just up
and run away, you crazy.
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00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,932
I like
to eat people
from other planets.
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00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,365
Especially y'all.
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00:05:59,434 --> 00:06:01,732
I likes
to eat you with
my little mouth, too.
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00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:04,399
Now, y'all get back up
inside me, little mouth.
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00:06:04,468 --> 00:06:06,199
I wants to play, too.
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00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,565
Get back inside!
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00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,731
I'll get you
when we's eating them.
137
00:06:12,767 --> 00:06:16,932
So, what is it you
wanted to show me?
That, Brian.
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00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,598
What?
It's a rundown old house.
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00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:21,132
Well, yes, I suppose,
to the untrained eye,
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00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:24,332
that's what
it would look like.
Walk inside with me, Brian.
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00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:29,398
This is disgusting.
It smells,
it's falling apart,
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00:06:29,467 --> 00:06:31,398
and you
can hear the mice
humping in the wall.
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00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:32,998
(MICE MOANING)
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00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,432
MOUSE: That was so awesome!
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00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,565
That's why we can get
it for a steal, Brian.
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00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,798
We fix it up and
sell it for a huge profit.
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00:06:42,867 --> 00:06:45,398
You're crazy.
No, I'm not gonna
buy this house with you.
148
00:06:45,467 --> 00:06:48,032
Fine. I'll just give the
profits to another investor.
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00:06:48,101 --> 00:06:49,365
Plenty of
others interested.
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00:06:49,434 --> 00:06:51,965
Oh, yeah? Like who?
Mort Goldman for one.
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00:06:52,034 --> 00:06:55,298
Says it's a smart investment.
But what does he know?
He's only Jewish.
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00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:56,665
All right, I'm in.
Perfect!
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00:06:56,734 --> 00:07:00,032
By Christmas,
you and I are gonna be
richer than Bob Saget.
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00:07:00,101 --> 00:07:02,631
So you wanna grab
something to eat?
Sure.
155
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:04,731
You ever ride in a limo?
No.
156
00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:07,631
Well,
how about Full House
buys you a ride in a limo,
157
00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:11,032
and America's
Funniest Home Videos
buys you a shrimp cocktail?
158
00:07:11,101 --> 00:07:13,266
Get lost.
159
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,865
If I give you $5,000,
will you tell me I matter?
160
00:07:20,034 --> 00:07:22,433
Oh, there's my little angel!
161
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,099
Here, let me get
that for you, sweetie!
162
00:07:24,168 --> 00:07:26,198
Thanks, Dad.
163
00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:27,632
Wow, Peter,
I gotta say,
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00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,365
you've really
been true to your word
about treating Meg better.
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00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:33,065
She's my
only daughter, Lois.
She needs to be protected,
166
00:07:33,134 --> 00:07:37,331
like a rare gemstone or
the herniated scrotum
of an older gentleman.
167
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,199
Well, I think
you've been wonderful.
168
00:07:39,267 --> 00:07:41,032
Like when you took
her to that new movie,
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00:07:41,101 --> 00:07:44,132
I'm Rich, and You're Poor,
but Let's Dance Together.
170
00:07:44,201 --> 00:07:47,265
I'm rich,
and you're poor,
but let's dance together.
171
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,732
Society won't like it.
172
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,132
I don't care.
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00:07:50,201 --> 00:07:52,665
Good for you.
Good for you.
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00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:56,399
Yeah, and I can't
believe how you stood up
to Connie D'Amico for me.
175
00:07:56,467 --> 00:07:58,832
Hey, Meg.
Hi, Connie.
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00:07:58,901 --> 00:08:00,899
I can't fit all
my books in my locker.
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00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:03,631
Can I put
the rest of them
on your ginormous ass?
178
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:04,965
(LAUGHING)
179
00:08:05,034 --> 00:08:07,499
Hey, Connie, hi.
Peter Griffin,
Meg's father.
180
00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:08,999
Say, can you
do me a favor?
181
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:10,765
You see that fire
extinguisher there?
182
00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:15,965
Dad, that's enough!
Dad, that's enough!
183
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,965
That's enough, Dad!
184
00:08:19,034 --> 00:08:20,264
(CRYING)
185
00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:28,032
I just want you to know, Meg,
if there's anything you ever
want,
186
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:29,298
all you gotta do is ask.
187
00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:32,165
Really?
Well, there kind
of is one thing.
188
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:33,331
(DOORBELL RINGS)
189
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:34,798
(GASPS) There he is now!
190
00:08:36,534 --> 00:08:38,165
Hey, Meg.
You ready to go?
191
00:08:38,234 --> 00:08:42,132
Dad, you remember Michael
Milano from the hospital.
He's my date.
192
00:08:42,201 --> 00:08:43,599
Oh.
193
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:45,265
Say, Michael,
can you do me a favor?
194
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:47,066
You see that fire
extinguisher there?
195
00:08:51,701 --> 00:08:54,231
Stay away
from my daughter,
you possible rapist!
196
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:56,499
Dad, stop it!
Michael's my date!
197
00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:59,499
Meg, I almost lost you once,
I'm not gonna lose you again!
198
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:01,432
This guy may look
harmless on the outside,
199
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,631
but on the inside he could
be a complete bastard,
200
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:05,333
like Fred Flintstone.
201
00:09:05,401 --> 00:09:07,965
So,
why exactly do you
want this separation?
202
00:09:08,034 --> 00:09:11,732
Well, Mr. Stoneberg,
in a nutshell,
the cat put me outside.
203
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,399
I was banging on the door
for like 20 minutes,
shouting, "Wilma."
204
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:16,499
I didn't hear you.
205
00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:18,465
There's no way
you didn't hear me.
206
00:09:18,534 --> 00:09:19,999
I was in the shower.
207
00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:21,965
Oh, she was in the shower.
208
00:09:22,034 --> 00:09:23,932
The elephant's trunk
was on full blast.
209
00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:25,799
I couldn't hear you,
and besides,
210
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:28,032
you're always yelling
about something.
211
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,899
How the hell
am I supposed to know
when to pay attention?
212
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:34,099
But when
I wanna get my rocks off,
you're nowhere to be found,
213
00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:36,632
you passive-aggressive bitch.
214
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:39,099
Meg, can I talk to you
in the kitchen, please?
215
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:40,331
Dad, what the hell?
216
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,131
Lois, did you know
that Meg had a date?
217
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,331
Yes. With that nice
boy from the hospital.
What's the matter?
218
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,899
We don't know him.
Maybe he's not even a boy.
219
00:09:47,968 --> 00:09:49,598
Maybe he's two dwarves
in an overcoat,
220
00:09:49,667 --> 00:09:52,799
wanting to see what sex
is like with a big person.
Huh?
221
00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:54,166
Is that what you want?
222
00:09:54,234 --> 00:09:56,098
Two crafty dwarves in your
house, after your daughter?
223
00:09:56,167 --> 00:09:57,431
Wait.
Do dwarves
grant wishes?
224
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,798
No, Peter,
they're people,
like you and me.
225
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,631
Well,
goodbye phone
in the bathroom,
226
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,365
but I still
don't like Meg
dating that boy!
227
00:10:03,434 --> 00:10:05,365
Guys that age,
all they care about
228
00:10:05,434 --> 00:10:07,332
is putting their
thing in everything.
229
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,765
I'm not gonna let
Meg turn out like my Nerf
football in the hall closet.
230
00:10:10,833 --> 00:10:13,231
Dad, didn't you
say you'd give me
whatever I wanted?
231
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:15,098
Well, I wanna
go out with Michael.
232
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:17,099
Peter,
you're being
overprotective.
233
00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:19,032
Look,
why don't you
just talk to him?
234
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:21,199
You might find out
he's not so bad.
235
00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:23,765
All right, Lois, but
I know what my gut tells me,
236
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:25,665
and right now
it's telling me I have...
237
00:10:25,734 --> 00:10:27,665
(MAN READING)
238
00:10:28,901 --> 00:10:30,765
But I'll suck it up
and talk to Michael.
239
00:10:30,834 --> 00:10:32,098
Even though
I've also got...
240
00:10:32,167 --> 00:10:34,365
(MAN READING)
241
00:10:38,934 --> 00:10:41,698
So you are here
to take out my daughter.
What are your intentions?
242
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,365
I just think
Meg is really cool,
243
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,165
and I want to get
to know her better.
244
00:10:45,233 --> 00:10:48,231
You know, Michael,
my daughter's womb
is not a wildfire
245
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:50,898
for you to douse with
your adolescent seed.
246
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:53,198
Neither is her
lower back or her hair.
247
00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:57,932
I understand.
Do you, Michael?
Do you? We'll see.
248
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,731
Let me ask
you a question.
249
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,332
You ever sit on your
arm till it falls asleep
and then play with yourself
250
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,132
and pretend like somebody
else is doing it?
251
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,465
Honestly, yes.
252
00:11:06,534 --> 00:11:07,832
Not anymore you don't,
253
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,099
'cause you're going
out with my daughter.
254
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:17,998
Morning, Brian.
Here, put this on.
255
00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:19,132
How long have
you been here?
256
00:11:19,201 --> 00:11:20,832
7:00 a.m. All right,
here's your hammer,
257
00:11:20,901 --> 00:11:22,832
here's your walkie,
and here's your stud-finder.
258
00:11:22,901 --> 00:11:24,299
(IMITATES BEEPING)
259
00:11:24,367 --> 00:11:28,199
Oh, well, it's working.
All right, joke time
is over.
260
00:11:28,268 --> 00:11:30,198
Work time has begun.
261
00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:31,966
You get started
with this drywall,
262
00:11:32,034 --> 00:11:34,298
and I'm gonna
start pulling out those old
floorboards in the kitchen.
263
00:11:34,367 --> 00:11:36,398
Hey, Brian.
Knock, knock.
264
00:11:36,467 --> 00:11:37,565
Who's there?
265
00:11:37,634 --> 00:11:39,799
(WHISPERING) Two friends
building a house together.
266
00:11:45,268 --> 00:11:49,698
Hey, Meg, I got
you something for our
three-week anniversary.
267
00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:51,999
Wow, a Maroon 5 CD.
268
00:11:52,068 --> 00:11:54,999
Yeah,
I remember how you told
me you liked terrible music,
269
00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:56,299
so I thought you
might appreciate it.
270
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,398
You're so thoughtful!
271
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,266
What the hell?
What's wrong?
272
00:12:02,335 --> 00:12:04,498
Uh...
Meg, I'm not sure,
273
00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:07,465
but I think
your dad is sitting
at that table over there.
274
00:12:07,534 --> 00:12:08,865
What? Where?
275
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:10,865
Well,
I can't tell
if it's him.
276
00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:13,498
I think he's wearing
some kind of disguise.
277
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,398
Oh, my God, Dad!
278
00:12:15,467 --> 00:12:16,999
What do you
think you're doing?
279
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:18,665
(IN MOCK CHINESE ACCENT)
Peter? Who Peter?
280
00:12:18,733 --> 00:12:21,565
I didn't say "Peter."
I said "Dad."
281
00:12:21,634 --> 00:12:23,699
Ohhh!
282
00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:26,298
Have you been spying on us
the entire time we've been
dating?
283
00:12:26,366 --> 00:12:28,966
Meg, it's only
because I wanna make sure
this guy treats you right
284
00:12:29,034 --> 00:12:30,465
and doesn't try
anything funny.
285
00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:32,765
Meg, this is more
than I can deal with.
286
00:12:32,834 --> 00:12:35,865
If your father is this
opposed to our relationship,
287
00:12:35,934 --> 00:12:37,298
I don't see how
it can work out.
288
00:12:37,366 --> 00:12:39,364
But, Michael...
I'm sorry, Meg.
289
00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:42,766
I promise
I won't forget you.
290
00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,464
See, look, Meg.
He just walked
out on you.
291
00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:47,298
He's a bad man,
like Jodie Foster.
292
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:50,299
(DOOR SLAMS)
293
00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:53,432
Oh, no, Jodie.
It's my husband.
He's home from work early.
294
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,998
(IN MALE VOICE)
Don't worry, baby.
He had to find out sometime.
295
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,065
(FARTS)
296
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,531
All right, Brian,
I'm gonna go up
to the upper level
297
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,165
and run this wire
down through the wall.
298
00:13:03,234 --> 00:13:05,098
Grab your walkie.
I'll call you
when I get up there.
299
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:07,065
Okay.
300
00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:09,365
STEWIE: Brian, pick up. Over.
What?
301
00:13:09,434 --> 00:13:11,865
Brian, please say "over"
when you finish talking.
Over.
302
00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:13,331
What? Over.
303
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,998
Do you see the wire yet?
Over.
304
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:16,198
No.
305
00:13:16,267 --> 00:13:18,098
No what? Over.
306
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:19,631
No. Over.
307
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:21,198
Okay, I'm gonna start
feeding it through. Over.
308
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:22,698
Wait,
if you haven't
started feeding it,
309
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:24,731
why'd you ask me
if I could see it?
310
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,032
Didn't copy that. Over.
311
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,631
I said,
why'd you ask me
if I could see it
312
00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,198
if you haven't
started feeding it?
313
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:30,765
Over.
Oh, that's better.
314
00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:32,765
I can hear you now. Over.
Do you see it yet? Over.
315
00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:34,398
You know,
you're a jackass.
316
00:13:34,467 --> 00:13:36,898
For the record, I don't
wanna hang out with you
anymore when this is over.
317
00:13:36,967 --> 00:13:38,498
When this is what, Brian?
Over.
318
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:40,998
I said, I don't
wanna hang out with you
anymore when this is over.
319
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:43,465
When this is what?
You gotta finish
your sentence. Over.
320
00:13:43,534 --> 00:13:44,799
That's it.
My sentence is over.
321
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,332
Your sentence is what, Brian?
Over.
322
00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:47,865
My sentence is...
Wait a minute.
323
00:13:47,934 --> 00:13:50,198
I have to say "over,"
even if the sentence
ends with the word "over"?
324
00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:51,932
Ends with the word what,
Brian? Over.
325
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,365
Oh, I see the wire.
You see the wire what? Over.
326
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:55,565
Over.
327
00:13:58,834 --> 00:14:01,865
ANNOUNCER: Tonight's
movie presentation is
brought to you by Sanka.
328
00:14:01,934 --> 00:14:03,998
♪ Don't you
wanna, wanna Sanka
329
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,032
♪ Don't you
wanna, wanna Sanka
330
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:08,398
♪ Don't you
wanna, wanna Sanka ♪
331
00:14:08,467 --> 00:14:12,365
It doesn't
keep me up at night,
but it helps me poo.
332
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:14,599
(SOBBING)
333
00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:19,065
Meg, sweetie,
it's been like two weeks.
334
00:14:19,134 --> 00:14:21,165
Don't you think it's time
to forget about that boy?
335
00:14:21,234 --> 00:14:23,998
Yeah, Meg,
he was a bum anyway.
You'll find another fella.
336
00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:26,398
I could set you up
with one of my friends.
337
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:30,998
Oh, wait,
I don't have any friends.
I could set you up with Dad.
338
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:33,298
Dad, would you be
interested in dating Meg?
339
00:14:33,367 --> 00:14:34,631
I certainly would.
340
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,165
There, Meg,
everything's fine.
341
00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:38,466
It's not Michael
I'm upset about!
342
00:14:38,534 --> 00:14:40,564
Well, what is it, then?
343
00:14:40,634 --> 00:14:42,332
I'm pregnant!
344
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,831
Dad, I swear to God,
345
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:46,665
I didn't know that
when I set you up
with her.
346
00:14:52,134 --> 00:14:54,166
Oh, I can't believe this.
347
00:14:54,235 --> 00:14:57,099
My baby's pregnant.
How could this happen?
348
00:14:57,168 --> 00:14:59,732
I don't know,
but regardless of how
it happened, it happened.
349
00:14:59,801 --> 00:15:02,966
You're pregnant, Meg,
and there's only one
thing to do.
350
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,065
Meg, can you turn over?
I gotta get that thing
out of there.
351
00:15:12,133 --> 00:15:15,631
You're sitting on my shirt.
I gotta put it on this hanger.
352
00:15:15,701 --> 00:15:19,065
Now, I'm going
to Michael's house to
force him to marry you.
353
00:15:20,867 --> 00:15:23,665
Dad, please don't do this!
You can't make him marry me!
354
00:15:23,734 --> 00:15:25,298
I just wanna talk to him.
355
00:15:25,366 --> 00:15:26,531
Why do you have a shotgun?
356
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:27,866
I just wanna talk to him.
357
00:15:27,934 --> 00:15:29,498
Dad, this is ridiculous!
I just wanna talk to him.
358
00:15:29,567 --> 00:15:31,298
Put that gun away!
I just wanna talk to him.
359
00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:33,631
Wait, what are you doing?
It is not his fault.
It was an accident!
360
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,798
I just wanna shoot him.
361
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:36,032
You can't shoot him!
I just wanna talk to him.
362
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:38,432
Wait,
what are you doing?
363
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,298
You got my Meg pregnant.
364
00:15:40,367 --> 00:15:41,531
What?
365
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,932
Oh, my God, Meg,
why didn't you tell me?
366
00:15:45,001 --> 00:15:46,631
I didn't think
you wanted to see me.
367
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:48,166
But this changes everything.
368
00:15:48,234 --> 00:15:51,398
I wanna be there for you, Meg.
I love you.
369
00:15:52,601 --> 00:15:54,399
Will you marry me?
370
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,998
Yes! Of course!
371
00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:59,598
Now, see,
that's an even
more beautiful sight
372
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:03,398
than 72 virgins
waiting in heaven
for a suicide bomber.
373
00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:05,598
Here I am!
374
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:06,999
We're playing
Magic: The Gathering.
375
00:16:07,068 --> 00:16:08,265
Wanna join?
376
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:09,999
Osama!
377
00:16:13,134 --> 00:16:15,598
Um... You know
something, Brian?
378
00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:17,398
Yeah?
379
00:16:17,467 --> 00:16:20,865
I'm starting to think maybe
we bit off a little more
than we could chew.
380
00:16:20,934 --> 00:16:22,165
Yeah.
381
00:16:22,234 --> 00:16:24,799
Well, we're in it, and
we're gonna finish the job.
382
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:27,199
Should
we get started
on the upper level?
383
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:30,632
No.
384
00:16:30,701 --> 00:16:33,965
What the hell are we gonna do?
We've sunk all of our money
into this place.
385
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:37,332
I've got an idea.
I'll be right back.
386
00:16:39,901 --> 00:16:43,032
So, listen,
we're gonna want
to be leaving now.
387
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,799
Why?
Because I just emptied
388
00:16:44,867 --> 00:16:47,999
a full tank of
gasoline and lit a match.
We've got about five seconds.
389
00:17:10,733 --> 00:17:12,731
Didn't we have
an electrician
in there today?
390
00:17:12,801 --> 00:17:15,099
He left.
Pretty sure he left.
391
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,998
Isn't that his truck?
392
00:17:18,767 --> 00:17:20,565
Well, by God,
Brian, we're murderers.
393
00:17:20,633 --> 00:17:23,098
I guess this means
you'll be going to
doggie hell.
394
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:24,499
(LAUGHING)
395
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:26,065
(DOGS YELPING)
396
00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:33,698
Hey, what do you
guys think of this one?
397
00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:36,266
Meg, are you sure
you wanna go
through with this?
398
00:17:36,335 --> 00:17:38,266
You know,
there are other options.
399
00:17:38,335 --> 00:17:40,565
Mom, I'm not
getting an abortion!
400
00:17:40,633 --> 00:17:42,965
Well, I'm not saying
an abortion per se,
401
00:17:43,034 --> 00:17:45,464
but maybe you just
drink and smoke a lot.
402
00:17:45,534 --> 00:17:47,131
What?
403
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,798
Just don't start doing it
and then chicken out
halfway through the pregnancy,
404
00:17:49,867 --> 00:17:51,632
because then you
wind up with Chris.
405
00:17:51,701 --> 00:17:53,199
Well, Lois,
I got the cake.
406
00:17:53,267 --> 00:17:55,865
Oh, and they were all out of
the bride and groom figurines,
407
00:17:55,934 --> 00:17:57,498
so I got the Iron Giant
408
00:17:57,567 --> 00:18:01,365
and a courtroom doll that kids
use to show where the molester
touched them.
409
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:06,499
All right,
Meg, enjoy your
bachelorette party.
410
00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:08,965
I am outta here,
'cause I don't need to see
411
00:18:09,034 --> 00:18:10,998
what you crazy girls are
gonna do while I'm gone,
412
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:12,565
but just remember
this is a residence
413
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:13,932
and should be
treated as such.
414
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,232
And if you girls
drink anything,
415
00:18:15,301 --> 00:18:17,232
there's recycling under
the sink in the kitchen.
416
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:18,865
Okay, have fun.
417
00:18:20,134 --> 00:18:22,532
So,
what are we
supposed to do?
418
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,698
Yeah,
this doesn't seem
like much of a party.
419
00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:25,765
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
420
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,998
Hey,
what's with
all the noise?
421
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,365
Got some complaints
from next door.
422
00:18:31,433 --> 00:18:35,032
I might have to take
you girls downtown.
423
00:18:35,101 --> 00:18:36,899
(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)
424
00:18:42,335 --> 00:18:44,832
Which one of you
is the lucky bride?
425
00:18:46,368 --> 00:18:47,565
What's your name,
sweetie?
426
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:48,632
Dad, you know my name.
427
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,365
(EXCLAIMS)
428
00:18:50,434 --> 00:18:54,899
It's Officer Nasty.
Careful, I might be
carrying a concealed weapon.
429
00:19:06,901 --> 00:19:08,665
Hello.
Hi. Name, please?
430
00:19:08,733 --> 00:19:11,132
Neil Goldman.
Goldman, Goldman.
431
00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:12,565
Sorry, no Neil Goldman.
432
00:19:12,633 --> 00:19:15,765
Oh, I beg your pardon,
I meant to say Chris Griffin.
433
00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:17,898
Griffin, Griffin.
Here it is.
434
00:19:17,968 --> 00:19:19,631
Says you're supposed
to be an usher.
435
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,598
Well, you'll need this.
Name, please?
436
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:23,898
Chris Griffin.
Griffin, Griffin.
437
00:19:23,968 --> 00:19:26,932
I'm sorry, sir.
Chris Griffin has
already checked in.
438
00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:29,032
Well, that's impossible!
439
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,599
(SOBBING)
440
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,365
Meg, are you ready?
441
00:19:32,434 --> 00:19:34,298
Sweetie, what's wrong?
442
00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:37,632
Mom, I can't do it.
I can't get married.
443
00:19:37,701 --> 00:19:39,799
What? Well, why not?
444
00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:42,632
Because I'm not pregnant.
445
00:19:42,701 --> 00:19:45,131
What do you mean?
How do you know?
446
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:47,665
(SIGHS)
I got my period.
447
00:19:47,734 --> 00:19:48,765
Oh.
448
00:19:48,834 --> 00:19:50,231
I must've read
the test wrong.
449
00:19:50,300 --> 00:19:51,665
What am I gonna do?
450
00:19:51,734 --> 00:19:53,431
Michael's out there
waiting for me.
451
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:56,065
Well, Meg,
the best thing you
can do is be honest.
452
00:19:56,134 --> 00:19:57,832
Just tell Michael the truth.
453
00:19:57,901 --> 00:20:00,232
If he cares about you,
he'll understand.
454
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,999
I'll try.
Thanks, Mom. I love you.
455
00:20:04,068 --> 00:20:06,331
I... You, too, honey.
456
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,665
(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING)
457
00:20:17,034 --> 00:20:20,432
God, look at
Meg's fat shoulders in
those spaghetti straps.
458
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,765
It's like bread
baking around twine.
459
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:27,798
Meg, you look beautiful.
460
00:20:27,867 --> 00:20:29,631
Thank you, Michael.
461
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,765
I have never been
more in love with someone
than I am with you right now.
462
00:20:32,833 --> 00:20:34,865
Oh, Michael,
I love you, too.
463
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,998
And I have
some wonderful news.
464
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:38,631
I'm not pregnant.
465
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:39,899
BOTH: What?
466
00:20:41,134 --> 00:20:42,198
(DOOR SLAMS)
467
00:20:44,968 --> 00:20:47,332
Dad,
I'm sorry about
this whole mess.
468
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,298
You know what, Meg?
It's all my fault.
469
00:20:50,367 --> 00:20:53,099
I never
should have dragged
you into this anyway.
470
00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:55,398
I guess sometimes
a father just gets
471
00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:57,199
a little
overprotective
of his daughter,
472
00:20:57,267 --> 00:21:00,532
but you gotta know
I was only thinking
about your happiness.
473
00:21:00,601 --> 00:21:02,899
I know, Dad,
and I appreciate it.
474
00:21:02,967 --> 00:21:06,398
The problem now
is that these people
are expecting a show.
475
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:09,232
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Conway Twitty.
476
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:10,765
(APPLAUDING)
477
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,333
♪ Hello, darling
478
00:21:13,401 --> 00:21:15,565
♪ Nice to see you
479
00:21:15,633 --> 00:21:19,598
♪ It's been a long time
480
00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:25,665
♪ You're just as
lovely as you used to be
481
00:21:29,134 --> 00:21:31,333
♪ How's your new love?
482
00:21:31,401 --> 00:21:33,465
♪ Are you happy?
483
00:21:33,533 --> 00:21:37,498
♪ Hope you're doing fine
484
00:21:37,567 --> 00:21:44,531
♪ Just to know
it means so much to me ♪