1
00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:05,932
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,001 --> 00:00:09,331
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,998
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,067 --> 00:00:16,065
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,134 --> 00:00:19,398
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,467 --> 00:00:22,698
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,767 --> 00:00:24,332
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,999
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:30,865
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:40,165
God, I hate
coming to the vet.
11
00:00:40,234 --> 00:00:42,898
They charge me
90 bucks a day
to keep Brian here.
12
00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:45,665
For 60 bucks,
I could put him up
at the Holiday Inn.
13
00:00:45,734 --> 00:00:47,065
Who's with me?
14
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:49,399
(CRICKET CHIRPING)
15
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:53,632
My apologies.
My pet cricket has
restless leg syndrome.
16
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:57,932
(SIGHS) I hope
Brian's stomach pains
aren't anything serious.
17
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,432
Look at that, Lois.
That's why cats freak me out.
18
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:02,532
He's doing that weird,
stretchy leg thing
where they lick themselves.
19
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,498
Look at that, huh?
Look at that shit.
20
00:01:09,901 --> 00:01:11,232
Ew!
21
00:01:11,301 --> 00:01:13,898
Oh, thank God
the vets are here
to help Brian.
22
00:01:13,967 --> 00:01:16,133
I want to be
a veterinarian
when I grow up.
23
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,866
Meg, we've been over this.
24
00:01:17,934 --> 00:01:21,133
You're gonna gain 150 pounds
and write
Ugly Betty fan fiction.
25
00:01:21,201 --> 00:01:22,998
But, Dad...
Meg, that's final.
26
00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:24,965
Meg, that's final.
Meg, that's final.
27
00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:27,966
See, this bird knows
what I'm talking about.
Thank you.
28
00:01:28,034 --> 00:01:29,232
Thank you.
Thank you.
29
00:01:29,301 --> 00:01:30,698
Thank you.
You're very polite.
30
00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:32,166
You're very polite.
31
00:01:32,235 --> 00:01:34,698
You do not see that
these days.
You do not see that.
32
00:01:34,767 --> 00:01:36,298
I like you.
I like you.
33
00:01:36,366 --> 00:01:37,898
Oh, thank God.
34
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,665
You know, you never
really know what
somebody thinks of you,
35
00:01:39,734 --> 00:01:42,032
but I'm glad I made
a good first impression.
36
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:43,232
Would you like
to be friends?
37
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:44,365
Like to be friends.
38
00:01:44,434 --> 00:01:46,665
Oh, God, this is all
going so smoothly.
39
00:01:46,734 --> 00:01:48,432
What's your name? I'm Peter.
Peter.
40
00:01:48,501 --> 00:01:50,132
No way!
That's my name!
41
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,199
Hey, you should come home
and spend
the night at my house.
42
00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:53,765
Lois, will you make up
the guest room?
43
00:01:53,834 --> 00:01:56,565
Peter, that's someone's pet.
You can't just take it.
44
00:01:56,634 --> 00:01:59,366
Well, maybe they'd
never know it's gone.
45
00:02:05,934 --> 00:02:07,965
Brian, I'm so glad
you're okay.
46
00:02:08,034 --> 00:02:09,331
Yes, he's doing fine.
47
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,232
We were able to clear
the stomach obstruction.
48
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:12,898
Turns out it was
a used diaper.
49
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:13,999
Ew!
50
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,065
Gross!
51
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:16,798
(LAUGHING) Oh, yes!
52
00:02:16,867 --> 00:02:18,932
Get off my back.
I thought
it was Indian food.
53
00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:21,731
Oh, thank you
so much for
your help, Dr. Jewish.
54
00:02:21,801 --> 00:02:23,631
I really thought
we were gonna lose him.
55
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:25,465
It was my pleasure,
Mrs. Griffin.
56
00:02:25,534 --> 00:02:28,499
Go ahead and check out
with my intern, Anna.
57
00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:43,765
♪ I never wanted
anyone like this
58
00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:46,298
♪ It's all brand new
59
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:50,166
♪ You'll feel it in my kiss
60
00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:52,331
♪ I'm crazy for you
61
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:56,132
ALL: ♪ Bah
62
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:01,998
♪ Crazy for you ♪
63
00:03:05,466 --> 00:03:07,698
MAN ON TV: We now return
to Busy Business Lady
64
00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:09,332
Whose Life Is
Missing Something,
65
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,066
But She Doesn't Realize It
Because She's So Busy
With Business.
66
00:03:12,133 --> 00:03:13,965
No, no,
I cannot make that
business meeting.
67
00:03:14,034 --> 00:03:15,932
I've got a different
business meeting at 3:00,
68
00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:17,464
and will be doing
business there.
69
00:03:17,533 --> 00:03:19,132
I was wondering
if you're free
for coffee.
70
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,865
Oh, no, I can't!
71
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,765
I've got a lunch meeting,
and then
a meeting after lunch.
72
00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:24,598
After that...
73
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,531
Over the next 90 minutes,
74
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:30,366
I'd like to show you
that all your problems
can be solved by my penis.
75
00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:40,399
Hey, guys,
what is going on?
76
00:03:40,467 --> 00:03:41,965
No way!
Cool!
77
00:03:42,034 --> 00:03:43,298
That thing
don't bite, do it?
78
00:03:43,367 --> 00:03:45,831
Guys, say hello
to Adrien Beaky.
79
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,665
Pick a lane, bitch.
80
00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:49,999
(LAUGHS) Isn't that funny?
He heard me say that
on the way over in the car.
81
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:53,232
I got to pee.
Where's that
Snapple bottle?
82
00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:55,999
I had a gay experience
at camp.
83
00:03:56,068 --> 00:03:57,832
We... We had
the radio on
84
00:03:57,901 --> 00:03:59,399
and they were talking
about some goofy stuff.
85
00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:01,265
So, what are you...
What are you guys drinking?
86
00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:04,165
Hey, Peter, you kind of look
like a pirate with that
thing on your shoulder.
87
00:04:04,234 --> 00:04:05,798
A pirate? Oh, cool!
88
00:04:05,867 --> 00:04:07,432
You should get
a pirate name.
89
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:09,532
And a peg leg.
And a hook hand.
90
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,165
And you should have sex
with that crossing guard,
91
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:14,398
even though she
looked young and then
I found out she was 12.
92
00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:17,098
I mean, you should
get an eye patch.
93
00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:18,732
Eye patch
would be cool.
94
00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,498
You know, Brian,
if you like my poop
going into your mouth,
95
00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:26,765
we could
just do that.
96
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,532
Shut up, Stewie.
97
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,465
Mom, can we go back
to the vet and see the
pretty vet assistant again?
98
00:04:31,534 --> 00:04:34,032
Well, I guess if
Brian gets sick again.
99
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:38,065
Oh, boy! Hey, Brian, look!
Brian's sick.
Mom, get your keys!
100
00:04:40,201 --> 00:04:41,632
Chris, I'm not going
to the vet.
101
00:04:41,701 --> 00:04:42,799
(EXCLAIMS)
102
00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:43,966
There's me wench!
103
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,765
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
104
00:04:45,834 --> 00:04:48,499
That's Long John Peter
to you, porthole.
105
00:04:48,567 --> 00:04:50,698
(ALL LAUGHING)
106
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:54,465
Fetch me five tankards
of ale and a leg
of mutton for me maties!
107
00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:58,198
Who the hell are those guys?
108
00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:01,032
Just a few sea dogs
from my
fishing boat days.
109
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:03,598
I don't care who
they are, they stink!
Get them out of here!
110
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,966
They stink of
good cheer, Lois!
111
00:05:08,533 --> 00:05:10,564
After we've had our fill
of bread and wine,
112
00:05:10,634 --> 00:05:14,298
we shall tell tales of
other times we had
our fill of bread and wine.
113
00:05:14,366 --> 00:05:15,965
God, this is
a more disturbing sight
114
00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:18,965
than Tom Hanks
and E.T. in Philadelphia.
115
00:05:19,034 --> 00:05:20,232
Ouch!
116
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:21,332
(BEEPING)
117
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,532
There you go,
you're good.
118
00:05:22,601 --> 00:05:23,732
You didn't touch me.
119
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,465
I don't wanna get AIDS.
120
00:05:30,433 --> 00:05:31,464
(YELLS)
121
00:05:31,533 --> 00:05:33,732
Kristallnacht!
122
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:37,332
'Tis Long John Peter
and his merry men
come seeking plunder.
123
00:05:37,401 --> 00:05:39,831
All your TUCKS
Medicated Pads
be ours.
124
00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:42,165
Oh, my God!
125
00:05:42,234 --> 00:05:45,331
Oh, God! What are you...
126
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:49,365
For no reason, I'm going to
fire this cannon
all over your store.
127
00:05:49,434 --> 00:05:50,665
(ALL LAUGHING)
128
00:05:53,268 --> 00:05:54,364
(EXCLAIMS)
129
00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:56,166
Terrible pharmacy toys.
130
00:05:56,234 --> 00:05:58,832
We'll see to it
that no child
ever receives these
131
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:02,765
as a last-minute gift
hastily bought
on the way to the party.
132
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,665
Dear me,
it's almost 3:00.
133
00:06:09,733 --> 00:06:12,532
I've got to get this
shipment of sugar cane,
tobacco and spices
134
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,198
to the harbor
before day's end.
135
00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:20,999
That car is coming up
awfully fast, but at least
it's flying the British flag.
136
00:06:26,833 --> 00:06:28,765
Oh, no. Privateers.
137
00:06:28,834 --> 00:06:31,732
No doubt they're after
my sugar cane,
tobacco and spices.
138
00:06:31,801 --> 00:06:35,565
Well, Shelley Boothbishop
isn't about to let you
over-egg this pudding.
139
00:06:37,034 --> 00:06:38,332
(EXCLAIMS)
140
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,065
(ALL LAUGHING)
141
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:43,465
(TIRES SCREECHING)
142
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,399
Prepare to be boarded.
143
00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:52,365
You'll never
take my cargo.
144
00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:02,966
(HORN HONKING)
145
00:07:07,634 --> 00:07:09,266
Load the cannon.
146
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:17,166
(TIRES SCREECHING)
147
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,732
All clear, sir.
148
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,098
Shoot it again.
149
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:13,698
What? I didn't
understand that.
150
00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:17,032
I said "shoot it again,"
but I said it
pirate-like.
151
00:08:19,467 --> 00:08:20,898
(SCREAMING)
152
00:08:25,267 --> 00:08:27,798
(HUMMING)
153
00:08:32,201 --> 00:08:35,232
Well done,
you barnacle-munching
scallywiggers.
154
00:08:35,301 --> 00:08:37,032
Sir, we've got
a man down.
155
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,998
Oh, my God!
Adrien Beaky.
Say something.
156
00:08:40,067 --> 00:08:42,798
Shoot me.
157
00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:46,231
Oh, God, this is
my fault. I did this.
158
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,133
I've screwed up
worse than Disney did
159
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,531
when they cast Michael J. Fox
in that Zorro remake.
160
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,032
Who was that masked man
who saved us?
161
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,298
I don't know,
but he left
his insignia.
162
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:06,298
Give it to me
straight, Dr. Jewish.
Is he gonna live?
163
00:09:06,366 --> 00:09:08,798
Mr. Griffin, I'm afraid
your parrot is dead.
164
00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:11,632
No!
165
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,499
Did he at least die
with dignity?
166
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:17,565
Well, he convulsed
a lot and fell off
the operating table.
167
00:09:17,634 --> 00:09:19,832
Then he flopped
around a little
on the floor,
168
00:09:19,901 --> 00:09:22,065
then a passing nurse
accidentally
stepped on him
169
00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:25,032
and kicked him into
a puddle of urine,
which must've frightened him,
170
00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:27,532
because his bowels
released
all over himself.
171
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,632
I tried to pick him up,
but then I got angry
172
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:31,532
because some of it
got on my thumb,
173
00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:34,299
so I threw him
against the wall and
that's where he died.
174
00:09:34,368 --> 00:09:36,364
That's the way
I want to go.
175
00:09:36,433 --> 00:09:38,165
I'm really sorry about
your dad's parrot.
176
00:09:38,234 --> 00:09:39,965
Oh, that's okay.
177
00:09:40,034 --> 00:09:42,732
He'll get over it
pretty quickly and then move
on to another wacky thing.
178
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,499
PETER: Lois,
whose pipe organ
is this?
179
00:09:44,567 --> 00:09:45,698
My name is Anna.
180
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,198
I'm Chris.
181
00:09:48,434 --> 00:09:51,232
Sometimes I have to
poop for a long time.
182
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,865
Now you say something.
183
00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:57,665
(LAUGHS) You're funny.
But I bet a lot of girls
tell you that, huh?
184
00:09:57,734 --> 00:10:01,499
Well, the only girl
I know is my sister,
and she sucks.
185
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,399
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that.
186
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:05,765
Wow, we're having
a conversation!
187
00:10:07,734 --> 00:10:09,499
Listen, I have to
get back to work,
188
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:13,198
but would you maybe want
to go out sometime?
189
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:14,298
Yes!
190
00:10:14,367 --> 00:10:15,732
Great.
Here's my number.
191
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,032
Awesome!
192
00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:20,066
Oh, no, I broke
the pipe organ.
193
00:10:20,134 --> 00:10:22,165
Hey, look, the deed
to a cattle ranch.
194
00:10:27,234 --> 00:10:28,532
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
195
00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:36,198
So, how do you like
working at the vet?
196
00:10:36,267 --> 00:10:38,565
Oh, it is
so rewarding.
197
00:10:38,634 --> 00:10:39,765
Ever since
I was a little girl,
198
00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:42,798
I have loved
working with animals.
199
00:10:42,867 --> 00:10:44,831
Did you ever make it
with one of the dogs?
200
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:45,931
What?
201
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,298
I mean, did you enjoy
your appetizer?
202
00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:49,798
It hasn't come yet.
203
00:10:49,867 --> 00:10:53,931
Oh, I mean, did you
ever make it with
one of the dogs?
204
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,498
No! Stupid!
205
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:58,133
Chris, just relax.
206
00:10:58,201 --> 00:11:02,898
Okay. So, what kind
of stuff do you like
to do and junk?
207
00:11:02,967 --> 00:11:05,432
Well, I really enjoy
some of the music
208
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:08,432
black people
have been coming up
with lately.
209
00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:12,165
You know, Anna,
when I first saw you,
210
00:11:12,234 --> 00:11:14,799
I thought you were
the most beautiful girl
in the world,
211
00:11:14,867 --> 00:11:17,899
and now all I want to do
is show you
my innermost self,
212
00:11:17,967 --> 00:11:19,498
but I'm afraid
you'll reject me
213
00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:21,432
because you won't
like what you see,
214
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,266
or that you'll see
my scrotum, and see that
it has a seam on it,
215
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,332
and then you'll think
I'm made up
of two different guys
216
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,599
that were sewn together,
'cause that's what
I think happened, and...
217
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:31,332
Chris, I like you.
218
00:11:35,334 --> 00:11:36,932
You don't have to
try so hard.
219
00:11:37,001 --> 00:11:38,132
I'm sorry.
220
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,698
When I'm around
a pretty girl,
221
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,432
I get all worked up,
like a kid watching
a toy commercial.
222
00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:46,532
ANNOUNCER: Kids! Kids! Kids!
Shiny! Gooey! Stretchy! Fun!
223
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,132
Hasbro's Best Thing Ever!
224
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,465
Sticky! Yummy! Bouncy! Fun!
225
00:11:50,534 --> 00:11:52,032
Hasbro's Best Thing Ever!
226
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,532
Fly it!
ALL: Yeah!
227
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:55,232
Toss it!
Awesome!
228
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:56,832
Swim it!
229
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:58,465
Eat it!
230
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:00,266
Hasbro's Best Thing Ever!
231
00:12:00,335 --> 00:12:01,865
Kids? Kids?
232
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,131
It's so awesome!
233
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,299
I want it!
234
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:13,931
Hey, fellas!
I have a question.
235
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,998
I went on a date
with this girl
that I really like,
236
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:19,165
and if you
don't mind,
237
00:12:19,233 --> 00:12:21,431
I was hoping
I could ask you
a few questions
238
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,532
about the birds
and the bees?
239
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,231
My boy wants to
know about sex.
240
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:27,065
Came to
the right place.
241
00:12:27,134 --> 00:12:31,632
Chris, what you always
want to remember is that sex
is perfectly natural...
242
00:12:31,701 --> 00:12:35,199
Sorry, Mr. Swanson.
I wasn't really
talking to you.
243
00:12:35,267 --> 00:12:37,299
Chris, I know
a lot about sex.
244
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:39,898
Yeah, and I'm sure
you have fond memories,
245
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,732
but I was kind of hoping
to get some advice
246
00:12:41,801 --> 00:12:44,432
from someone
who isn't broken
from the waist down.
247
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,565
I'm a father!
248
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:47,465
You're a two-wheeled
monster!
249
00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:50,532
(CRYING)
250
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,865
That's going to be
my ring tone.
Quagmire, call me.
251
00:12:54,867 --> 00:12:56,932
(JOE CRYING)
252
00:12:58,067 --> 00:12:59,066
(LAUGHING)
253
00:13:03,134 --> 00:13:04,732
Well, I have to
get to work, Chris.
254
00:13:04,801 --> 00:13:06,965
I have tons and tons
of dogs to incinerate,
255
00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:09,498
but I can't wait
to see you tomorrow night.
256
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:11,798
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
I'll clean that up.
257
00:13:11,868 --> 00:13:13,698
Oh, that's okay.
I'll get it.
258
00:13:13,767 --> 00:13:14,966
Have fun at work!
259
00:13:15,034 --> 00:13:16,798
Okay. Bye, Chris.
260
00:13:18,034 --> 00:13:19,166
What do you think
you're doing?
261
00:13:19,235 --> 00:13:20,498
What?
262
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:24,431
You, a man, are
cleaning up a mess
made by Anna, a woman,
263
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:28,132
that she, also a woman,
spilled on you, a man.
264
00:13:28,201 --> 00:13:29,265
So?
265
00:13:29,334 --> 00:13:31,232
You're treating her
like a human being.
266
00:13:31,301 --> 00:13:34,265
If you want to get anywhere
with a chick, you can't
treat them too nice-like.
267
00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:35,799
Really?
Trust me, Chris.
268
00:13:35,867 --> 00:13:38,565
The next time
you see this girl,
treat her like crap,
269
00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:42,998
and you'll be cooler than
a mid-'80s novelty
answering machine message.
270
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:45,099
MAN: (RAPPING)
♪ I'm glad you called,
but I'm not home
271
00:13:45,168 --> 00:13:46,832
♪ But I'll be back
before too long
272
00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:48,732
♪ You got to wait for the beep
You got to leave your name
273
00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:51,233
♪ You got to
leave your number
Wait for the beep ♪
274
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:52,999
(BEEPS)
275
00:13:53,068 --> 00:13:54,965
PETER: It's me again.
I just had to hear it
one more time.
276
00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:59,731
Chris, is everything
okay?
277
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,665
You seem
a little, I don't know,
quiet tonight.
278
00:14:02,734 --> 00:14:04,465
Yeah, everything's fine.
279
00:14:04,534 --> 00:14:06,265
Yes, can I have
two tickets?
280
00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:09,331
One man and one bitch
that needs to do
what I say.
281
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,231
What? That's not
funny, Chris.
282
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,331
Here's your ticket.
Pick that up!
283
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,166
Chris, why are you
acting like this?
284
00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:17,865
Pick that up
and cook it into
something delicious
285
00:14:17,934 --> 00:14:20,631
or knit it into something
that's useful to me!
286
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:21,966
(CRYING)
287
00:14:25,834 --> 00:14:27,531
Are you ready
to make out now?
288
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,865
Why in the world would
I want to do that after
what you just said?
289
00:14:30,934 --> 00:14:33,066
You're obviously
not the person
I thought you were!
290
00:14:33,134 --> 00:14:34,665
I never want to
see you again!
291
00:14:34,733 --> 00:14:37,298
I can't believe
I thought
you were special!
292
00:14:37,366 --> 00:14:41,464
Anna, wait! Oh, no!
What did I do?
293
00:14:41,533 --> 00:14:43,999
Hey, Chris!
Guess what we just did!
Bonnie, tell him.
294
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:45,732
We had sex.
We had sex!
295
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,832
We had what
Joe calls sex.
296
00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:55,965
Chris, honey,
what's wrong?
297
00:14:56,034 --> 00:14:57,465
Anna took
a dump on me.
298
00:14:57,534 --> 00:14:58,565
What?
299
00:14:58,633 --> 00:15:00,765
Yeah, she broke up
with me.
300
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:04,465
Oh, she dumped you.
That's what
you meant to say.
301
00:15:04,534 --> 00:15:05,632
What's the difference?
302
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:08,265
Well, what you said
first was...
303
00:15:08,334 --> 00:15:12,299
Well, I mean, when
two grown-ups
love each other very much,
304
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:16,898
sometimes they show it by...
Never mind.
So, what happened?
305
00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:19,998
I don't know.
I did everything Dad said.
306
00:15:20,067 --> 00:15:22,698
(SIGHS) I should've known
Peter had something
to do with this.
307
00:15:22,768 --> 00:15:25,298
You're not the first person
whose life he's screwed up.
308
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:34,432
Knock, knock. Nicole? Ronald?
Who's ready for Boggle?
309
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:39,865
Oh, my God! No!
Why? Why?
My beautiful Nicole!
310
00:15:39,934 --> 00:15:44,898
My man, Ronald, who did this?
Oh, man, they were
so good together!
311
00:15:44,967 --> 00:15:47,432
We were just
establishing our friendship.
312
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,365
They were about
to get engaged.
313
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:51,932
Oh, he was going to ask me
to be an usher.
314
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,865
I mean,
he already had enough
groomsmen,
315
00:15:53,934 --> 00:15:55,565
so he made me an usher,
316
00:15:55,634 --> 00:15:59,632
but just to think
I could be involved
in the ceremony in any way.
317
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,433
You told Chris
to act like a jerk
to this girl?
318
00:16:02,567 --> 00:16:04,732
Well, define "Chris."
319
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:07,098
Peter, he's really
upset right now.
320
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:09,532
I mean, he cared about
this girl a lot.
321
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:10,999
Can't you see
what you've done?
322
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:13,432
I don't know,
I mean, I thought
I was helping.
323
00:16:13,501 --> 00:16:15,098
But you may be right.
324
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:18,232
'Cause now Chris
is all sad and crying and
fat and bad at sports.
325
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:21,465
Well, you created this mess,
and you have
to help him fix it.
326
00:16:21,534 --> 00:16:26,332
Man, parenting is more
complicated than
making a 1940s phone call.
327
00:16:26,401 --> 00:16:29,165
Hello, operator?
Crestview 4162, please.
328
00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:30,432
WOMAN:
One moment, please.
329
00:16:46,567 --> 00:16:47,598
(RINGING)
330
00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:48,665
Hello?
Hello?
331
00:16:48,734 --> 00:16:49,732
Hello?
Hello?
332
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:50,832
Hello?
Hello?
333
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,066
Hello?
334
00:16:52,134 --> 00:16:54,531
BOTH: Well, what do
you know about that?
335
00:17:03,101 --> 00:17:06,465
Hey, Chris, it's me.
I got something
for you here.
336
00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:07,532
What is it?
337
00:17:07,601 --> 00:17:09,531
I caught you
a bullfrog outside.
338
00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:12,098
Poked some holes in its back
so it can breathe.
339
00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:15,999
See, look at this... Oh, boy!
All right, hang on, hang on.
340
00:17:58,101 --> 00:18:00,232
I'm never going to
be happy again.
341
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:03,032
I know how you feel, son,
but you can't give up now.
342
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:05,198
Now, let's get out
there and meet
some ladies, huh?
343
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:08,698
But I don't want to
date anyone else.
I want Anna.
344
00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:12,065
Chris, you don't want to
miss out on experiencing
your teenage years.
345
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:14,765
If you do, you'll feel
as bad as I do
when I miss the toilet.
346
00:18:18,701 --> 00:18:20,198
LOIS: Peter Griffin!
347
00:18:26,534 --> 00:18:27,598
All right, Chris,
have a seat.
348
00:18:27,667 --> 00:18:29,065
Your date will be
here any minute.
349
00:18:29,134 --> 00:18:33,464
In fact, I think
she'll be coming
through that door.
350
00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:36,564
(IMITATING WOMAN'S VOICE)
Hey, Chris. I'm Betty.
Sorry I'm late.
351
00:18:36,633 --> 00:18:38,431
Your dad told me
all about you.
352
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,431
You sound like
a swell fella.
353
00:18:41,466 --> 00:18:43,999
Thanks. So where
are you from?
354
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:45,665
I'm from
the rich part of town,
355
00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:47,266
so you know
I'm a good egg.
356
00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:49,199
But I'm more
interested in you.
357
00:18:49,268 --> 00:18:50,564
Did you finish
your homework today?
358
00:18:50,633 --> 00:18:51,932
What?
359
00:18:52,001 --> 00:18:54,266
You know,
your dad's got
a birthday coming up.
360
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:56,765
Have you given any thought
to what you
might be getting him?
361
00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:59,232
How do you know
when my
dad's birthday is?
362
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:01,065
Well, that...
It doesn't matter.
363
00:19:01,134 --> 00:19:03,333
What are you
getting your dad
for his birthday?
364
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,166
I don't know.
A tie.
365
00:19:05,235 --> 00:19:08,266
I don't know
if he would want
one of those.
366
00:19:08,335 --> 00:19:09,999
I think he's got
enough ties.
367
00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:11,598
I think he might...
368
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:13,133
(NORMAL VOICE)
Chris, I don't want a tie!
Pick something else!
369
00:19:15,034 --> 00:19:16,298
Chris, this is Barbara,
370
00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:18,798
the girl from your class
you used to
have a crush on.
371
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:20,265
Now, you kids
enjoy yourselves,
372
00:19:20,334 --> 00:19:22,132
and I'll create
some atmosphere.
373
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,632
This is a favorite
by Men at Work.
374
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:26,532
♪ Do you come
from a land down under?
375
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,965
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
376
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,298
♪ Look at me with
a brand-new Hyundai ♪
377
00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:43,431
I don't understand, Chris.
Your blind date
should be here by now.
378
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,498
She answered the ad.
379
00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:46,865
Whoa!
380
00:19:52,134 --> 00:19:54,699
So, still no luck
on the girl front, huh?
381
00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:58,032
I know Dad's been trying
to help, and
I'm trying to listen to him,
382
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,098
but nothing seems
to be working.
383
00:20:00,167 --> 00:20:01,866
Well, I know
I asked him to help,
384
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,466
but it occurs to me
that you've
been taking advice
385
00:20:04,534 --> 00:20:07,698
from everyone
except the one person
who matters.
386
00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,231
What do you want, Chris?
387
00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:11,865
All I want is to go out
with Anna again.
388
00:20:11,934 --> 00:20:16,432
Then you just need to go
talk to her and tell her
exactly how you feel.
389
00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:19,132
But she said
she never wants to
see me again.
390
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,732
Well, I'm sure you can
come up with some excuse
to see her at the vet.
391
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,631
Is there
any more coffee?
392
00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:30,698
Anna, I'm here
with my dog.
393
00:20:30,768 --> 00:20:32,331
He's not
feeling well.
394
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,732
Fuck you.
395
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:34,499
Don't you think
you'd rather go
to another vet?
396
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:38,432
Anna, to be honest,
I came here
397
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:41,832
'cause I wanted to apologize
for acting like such a jerk.
398
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,332
That's not who I am.
399
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,765
Oh, yeah, no, no, no.
Yeah, no,
you're a cool guy.
400
00:20:45,834 --> 00:20:48,032
Brian, shut up!
401
00:20:48,101 --> 00:20:49,965
Look, I was
just really nervous
402
00:20:50,034 --> 00:20:52,032
'cause I've never had
a girlfriend before,
403
00:20:52,101 --> 00:20:54,998
and I wanted to make sure
I didn't do anything wrong.
404
00:20:55,067 --> 00:20:57,965
You know, you really
hurt me, Chris.
405
00:20:58,034 --> 00:21:02,565
I know. I was wrong.
I don't want to
hurt anybody, Anna.
406
00:21:02,634 --> 00:21:04,932
Please, just give me
another chance.
407
00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:07,398
Gosh! He doesn't
look so good.
408
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,899
I know. But you do.
409
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:16,999
You know,
I get off at 4:00.
410
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,298
I might just be up
for a movie.
411
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,599
Okay, somebody really needs
to help me here.