1
00:00:02,867 --> 00:00:05,899
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,967 --> 00:00:09,264
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,333 --> 00:00:12,932
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,932
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,001 --> 00:00:19,331
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,632
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,199
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,267 --> 00:00:25,932
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,001 --> 00:00:31,132
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,367 --> 00:00:37,165
Come on, kids,
people are gonna
start showing up
11
00:00:37,234 --> 00:00:39,266
for the costume party
any minute.
12
00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:40,665
Hey, nice Snoopy
costume, Brian.
13
00:00:40,734 --> 00:00:41,766
Thanks.
14
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:42,866
(GRUNTS)
15
00:00:42,934 --> 00:00:44,732
I guess it's not true
what they say,
16
00:00:44,801 --> 00:00:47,265
you can punch Snoopy
in the stomach as hard as
you can and he won't feel it.
17
00:00:47,334 --> 00:00:48,498
That's Houdini.
18
00:00:48,567 --> 00:00:50,432
No, Brian.
Now get up
and do the dance.
19
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:51,698
Oh, no, I'm not
gonna do the dance.
20
00:00:51,767 --> 00:00:52,799
Do the dance!
21
00:00:52,868 --> 00:00:53,865
(SIGHS)
22
00:00:53,934 --> 00:00:55,498
(PEANUTS THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
23
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,266
(GRUNTS)
24
00:01:00,335 --> 00:01:02,232
(DOORBELL RINGS)
25
00:01:02,301 --> 00:01:05,632
Hey, Quagmire.
Cool, you dressed like
Napoleon Dynamite.
26
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,065
Hey, do you say
anything funny?
27
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,765
No, I just do quirky things
for the sake of being quirky.
28
00:01:09,834 --> 00:01:12,632
You strike me as someone
I wouldn't enjoy,
but others might.
29
00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:13,932
Who are you
dressed as, Peter?
30
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,032
I'm Laura Bush.
31
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:16,599
And I'm the guy
she killed.
32
00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:19,499
That's right. I forgot.
Laura Bush
killed a guy.
33
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:22,432
Yes, she did.
Laura Bush
killed a guy.
34
00:01:22,501 --> 00:01:24,599
Laura Bush
killed a guy.
35
00:01:26,034 --> 00:01:27,032
Well, come on in.
36
00:01:28,167 --> 00:01:29,898
(EXCLAIMING)
You know,
this is why...
37
00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:32,865
Brian, you remember
the last couple
of weeks I kept saying,
38
00:01:32,934 --> 00:01:35,631
"Can I have a couple minutes
of your time to talk
to you about something?"
39
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,331
This is what
it was about.
40
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:38,598
This evening
is ru-ined.
41
00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:40,098
Look... Wait, what?
42
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:42,331
This evening is ru-ined.
The whole
evening is ru-ined.
43
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,098
Why are you
saying it like that?
Saying what?
44
00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:45,765
I'm just pointing out
the party's ru-ined.
45
00:01:45,833 --> 00:01:48,799
You know, I'm not gonna
get sucked into this.
46
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,199
Okay, just so
I'm sure, really?
47
00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:54,765
Are you just trying to
piss me off or is that
really how you say that?
48
00:01:54,834 --> 00:01:57,032
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about
this ru-ined evening.
49
00:01:57,101 --> 00:01:58,199
That's not how
you say "ruined."
50
00:01:58,267 --> 00:01:59,299
What? Ru-ined?
51
00:01:59,368 --> 00:02:00,399
What do you call
the remains
52
00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:02,065
of ancient Greek structures?
Ruins.
53
00:02:02,134 --> 00:02:03,432
And how would you
describe this evening?
54
00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:05,466
Ru-ined, of course.
This evening is ru-ined.
55
00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:06,899
Say "ruined."
Ru-ined.
56
00:02:06,968 --> 00:02:08,132
Ruined.
Ru-ined.
57
00:02:08,201 --> 00:02:09,432
Ruined.
Ru-ined.
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00:02:09,501 --> 00:02:10,499
Dumbass.
59
00:02:10,567 --> 00:02:11,998
Brian, don't be crue-el.
60
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:15,032
That's a great costume,
Joe. Are you FDR?
61
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:17,431
No, I'm Olympic
swimmer Mark Spitz.
62
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,398
Oh, you mean, like,
if he dove into
the shallow end?
63
00:02:19,467 --> 00:02:21,233
No.
Regular Mark Spitz.
64
00:02:21,301 --> 00:02:23,099
Wait, are you
Stephen Hawking
at the beach?
65
00:02:23,168 --> 00:02:26,266
No, I'm Mark Spitz!
He won
seven gold medals!
66
00:02:26,335 --> 00:02:28,866
Oh, I get it.
You're crippled
Magnum, P.I.
67
00:02:28,934 --> 00:02:31,631
I'm... Fine,
I'm crippled
Magnum, P.I.
68
00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:36,999
Brian, there's that girl
from my yoga class
I wanted you to meet.
69
00:02:37,067 --> 00:02:40,099
Look, Lois, I appreciate it,
but I'm not into fix-ups.
70
00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:43,599
Oh, come on,
you got to get
yourself back out there.
71
00:02:43,667 --> 00:02:45,965
Jane, this is Brian.
72
00:02:46,034 --> 00:02:49,298
Oh, Brian!
Lois has told me
so much about you.
73
00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:51,598
Wow, you're even
more handsome
than she said.
74
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:55,165
Hey, thanks.
So, that's
a great costume.
75
00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:57,465
What are you?
One of Freddy
Krueger's victims?
76
00:02:57,534 --> 00:03:00,698
I'm a victim
of the liberal agenda.
I'm a murdered fetus.
77
00:03:00,767 --> 00:03:03,732
Did you know that Democrats
murder thousands
of babies every year,
78
00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:05,765
and sometimes babies are
put back into the womb
79
00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:08,133
just so that they can
be aborted again?
80
00:03:08,201 --> 00:03:10,166
Have you ever had any sex
that was voluntary?
81
00:03:10,235 --> 00:03:11,866
No, I have not.
Yeah, have a good evening.
82
00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:13,199
Come on, buddy.
Let's go.
83
00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:14,398
(BIRD TWITTERING)
84
00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:16,465
Yeah, with
a capital "C."
85
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,132
Oh, stop looking
so depressed, Brian.
86
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,498
I'm sure one day you'll meet
a girl who loves
abortion as much as you do.
87
00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:29,698
That's not the point, Stewie.
I'm just tired of every girl
I meet being crazy.
88
00:03:29,767 --> 00:03:31,532
Oh, things will
work out for you.
89
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:36,065
Now, come on, let's forget
our problems and get lost
in the world of books.
90
00:03:36,134 --> 00:03:40,699
Horton Hears Domestic
Violence in the Next Apartment
and Doesn't Call 911.
91
00:03:40,767 --> 00:03:42,032
MAN: You think
it's easy working all day?
92
00:03:42,101 --> 00:03:43,698
WOMAN: No! I...
MAN: You think I like it?
93
00:03:43,767 --> 00:03:45,698
WOMAN: I don't think
it's easy, but, yes,
I do think you like it.
94
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,499
MAN: No... Yeah, I like
being away from you 'cause
I can't stand looking at you!
95
00:03:48,567 --> 00:03:49,599
WOMAN: (CRYING) You...
96
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:52,065
MAN: Yeah! You think
I want to do that?
97
00:03:52,134 --> 00:03:53,365
You think I want
to hurt you?
98
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,198
Not in front
of the baby!
99
00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:56,765
I don't want...
I don't want to
hurt you!
100
00:03:56,834 --> 00:03:58,332
I'm sure
there's two sides
to this.
101
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,432
MAN: You make me
hurt you!
102
00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:03,265
Whoops.
I'm sorry.
103
00:04:03,334 --> 00:04:05,565
I don't think
you want this book.
It's all about atheism.
104
00:04:05,634 --> 00:04:07,265
Oh, I know.
I'm an atheist.
105
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:08,665
Really? So am I.
106
00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:11,699
It's all yours.
I feel bad taking
the last copy.
107
00:04:11,767 --> 00:04:13,665
Well, there's one way
to settle this.
108
00:04:13,734 --> 00:04:16,799
If there is a God,
send another copy.
109
00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:19,465
(CHUCKLING)
I guess that's our answer.
110
00:04:19,534 --> 00:04:22,432
Tell you what. How about
I take it and then send it
to you after I read it?
111
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:23,498
Swear to God?
112
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,432
(LAUGHING)
Stop it.
113
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,199
I know,
I'm just messing...
114
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,932
Well, listen,
here's my address.
115
00:04:30,001 --> 00:04:31,732
Thanks.
See you later.
116
00:04:38,334 --> 00:04:39,999
God, still no mail
for me, huh?
117
00:04:40,067 --> 00:04:42,365
Jeez, Brian, you've been
going through the mail
every day for a week.
118
00:04:42,434 --> 00:04:43,598
What are
you looking for?
119
00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:45,465
I'm expecting
a very important
package.
120
00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:50,032
Another one? You haven't
even opened the one that
came for you a week ago.
121
00:04:50,101 --> 00:04:52,298
You idiot,
why didn't you tell me
this was here?
122
00:04:52,366 --> 00:04:54,431
Because I've been
using it
as a hat weight.
123
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,565
A what?
124
00:04:55,633 --> 00:04:56,699
A hat weight, Brian.
125
00:04:56,767 --> 00:04:57,965
My hat kept
blowing away,
126
00:04:58,034 --> 00:05:00,099
so I put the package
on it
so I wouldn't lose it.
127
00:05:00,168 --> 00:05:01,498
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
128
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:04,731
You don't wear a hat
and there's
no wind in here.
129
00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:07,032
(WIND BLOWING)
130
00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:11,231
You, sir, owe me
one new hat.
131
00:05:14,768 --> 00:05:17,199
You know,
I was really glad
you sent me the book.
132
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:20,165
I won't lie to you, I came
this close to praying
that I'd see you again.
133
00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:21,299
Good thing
you didn't,
134
00:05:21,367 --> 00:05:22,732
because who would
hear it, right?
135
00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:24,598
Who would hear it,
right? I know.
136
00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:27,265
Can I interest you folks
in some of our
heavenly cheesecake?
137
00:05:27,334 --> 00:05:30,498
No, but I'll have some of
your "there's no
afterlife" souffle.
138
00:05:30,567 --> 00:05:33,099
(BOTH LAUGHING)
139
00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,398
Now we got the waiter
involved, right?
140
00:05:35,467 --> 00:05:38,898
I love being a part of things.
I'll bring your dessert now.
141
00:05:38,968 --> 00:05:42,699
Ah. You know, Carolyn,
I rarely find myself
connecting with another person
142
00:05:42,768 --> 00:05:45,232
like I have with you.
I'm really enjoying
your company.
143
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,631
Oh. Me, too, Brian.
144
00:05:50,867 --> 00:05:54,531
♪ The boat rides
we would take
145
00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:58,131
♪ The moonlight
on the lake
146
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:03,632
♪ The way we danced
and hummed our favorite song
147
00:06:05,701 --> 00:06:11,665
♪ The things we did
last summer
148
00:06:13,034 --> 00:06:15,565
♪ I'll remember
149
00:06:15,634 --> 00:06:18,799
♪ All winter long
150
00:06:21,101 --> 00:06:24,665
♪ The midway and the fun
151
00:06:24,734 --> 00:06:28,598
♪ The Kewpie dolls we won
152
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:33,899
♪ The bell I rang to prove
that I was strong
153
00:06:36,335 --> 00:06:42,233
♪ The things we did
last summer
154
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:46,431
♪ I'll remember
155
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:50,333
♪ All winter long ♪
156
00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:54,199
I had a really
great time
tonight, Brian.
157
00:06:54,267 --> 00:06:56,998
Well, is there
any reason
it has to end?
158
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:00,932
STEWIE: Don't do it, Brian.
159
00:07:03,801 --> 00:07:06,799
What the hell?
Excuse me
for a second.
160
00:07:06,868 --> 00:07:08,999
Stewie, have you been
hiding in the back
all evening?
161
00:07:09,068 --> 00:07:11,398
Yes, I'm saving you
from yourself, Brian.
162
00:07:11,466 --> 00:07:14,231
You almost went in there
and tried to have sex
with that girl.
163
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,464
So? What's wrong
with that?
164
00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:17,799
That's why you can't
maintain a relationship.
165
00:07:17,867 --> 00:07:20,398
You always try too soon
and end up blowing it.
166
00:07:20,466 --> 00:07:21,565
Think about it.
167
00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:23,198
God, you know,
maybe you're right.
168
00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:26,631
I do. I always try
and jump into
the sex right away.
169
00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:28,531
Maybe that's what
screws things up.
170
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,432
You know,
I'm gonna take it
slow this time.
171
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,732
Listen, I got to go.
172
00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:35,899
Really?
173
00:07:35,968 --> 00:07:38,364
Don't worry.
You'll see me again.
174
00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:44,232
Good job, Brian.
Don't worry.
I'll help you through this.
175
00:07:44,301 --> 00:07:46,232
So, you wanna get
something to eat?
176
00:07:46,301 --> 00:07:48,365
Can we go someplace
where the menus
have pictures of the food?
177
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:50,765
Let's go someplace
where the menus
have pictures of food!
178
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:56,233
Gosh, I really enjoyed
the movie tonight.
179
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,365
Yeah, you knew
it was gonna be
a touching comedy
180
00:07:58,433 --> 00:08:00,099
because Robin Williams
had a beard.
181
00:08:00,168 --> 00:08:04,199
Oh. My back is so stiff
from sitting
in that theater chair.
182
00:08:04,267 --> 00:08:07,132
I could probably use
a back rub.
Do you mind?
183
00:08:07,201 --> 00:08:08,799
Not at all.
184
00:08:08,867 --> 00:08:11,698
You know, I took
a Thai massage class
at The Learning Annex.
185
00:08:11,767 --> 00:08:13,732
(STEWIE HOOTING)
186
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,698
Boy, that's an
awfully loud owl.
187
00:08:16,767 --> 00:08:19,898
Don't do it, Brian!
Take it slow!
188
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:23,365
Of course, I'll tell you
what would
really set you right
189
00:08:23,433 --> 00:08:25,766
is a couple of Aleve
and a good night's sleep.
190
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:27,565
Oh. Um...
191
00:08:27,634 --> 00:08:29,199
All right,
if you say so.
192
00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:31,899
Well, I guess
I should say good night.
193
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,898
(HOOTING)
Good job, Brian!
194
00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:37,066
Hi, there.
Not interested.
195
00:08:37,135 --> 00:08:38,298
Okay.
196
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,698
(EXCLAIMING)
Tandem bike.
197
00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:47,199
You gonna take a ride out
in the country and let the
AIDS blow through your hair?
198
00:08:47,268 --> 00:08:49,631
Get lost, Stewie.
I am getting
laid tonight.
199
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:51,765
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
what happened
to taking it slow?
200
00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:53,465
I have been
taking it slow.
201
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,032
We've been going out
for three weeks and
I haven't tried anything,
202
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:58,665
even though she's been
giving me some
pretty strong signals.
203
00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:01,631
So, do you have any thoughts
on what you might
want to do tonight?
204
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,532
Oh, I don't know.
205
00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:08,932
I don't know, Brian.
You don't want
to mess things up.
206
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,731
Well, we'll find out
tonight, won't we?
207
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,798
All right, but just
one last piece of advice.
208
00:09:12,867 --> 00:09:15,165
Remember,
listen to her body,
209
00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:18,298
and respond the way
you'd want her
to respond to you.
210
00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:22,098
Uh, okay. Thanks.
That's very helpful.
211
00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:24,665
You'll be a wonderful
lover, Brian.
212
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:27,998
What are you doing?
213
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,732
Sorry, you just had
a little something.
214
00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:44,766
(CREAKING)
215
00:09:48,267 --> 00:09:51,332
Oh, my God!
Carolyn?
Cleveland?
216
00:09:51,401 --> 00:09:52,765
Oh. Hey, Brian.
217
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:55,432
Close that window.
You're letting
all the stank out.
218
00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,765
I don't believe this.
Cleveland, you're sleeping
with my girlfriend?
219
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,498
Nobody told me
Carolyn was
your girlfriend.
220
00:10:03,566 --> 00:10:05,098
I'm not
his girlfriend.
221
00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:07,132
Carolyn, what are you
talking about? We've been
dating for three weeks.
222
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,798
Well, you never made a move
on me, so I thought you
just wanted to be friends.
223
00:10:10,867 --> 00:10:14,098
Then I met Cleveland,
and things
just kind of took off.
224
00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:16,599
(STUTTERING)
How did you even
meet each other?
225
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,398
We met
at the Starbucks.
226
00:10:18,467 --> 00:10:21,465
She started going on
about her new Brazilian wax
227
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:24,131
and not wearing
any underpants
and whatnot.
228
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,766
I'd have to be a homosexual
to ignore a signal like that.
229
00:10:27,834 --> 00:10:29,965
But, Carolyn,
you completely
misunderstood me.
230
00:10:30,034 --> 00:10:34,066
I wanted you like crazy,
but I just figured if I
showed a little restraint,
231
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,132
you'd respect me.
232
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,832
I do.
As do I.
233
00:10:36,901 --> 00:10:39,264
Now why don't you go hop
on that gay bike of yours
234
00:10:39,333 --> 00:10:42,431
and go get yourself
a lollipop or a cupcake
or something?
235
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,464
(LAUGHING)
236
00:10:44,533 --> 00:10:46,532
We good, Brian.
We good.
237
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,532
So, Carolyn.
238
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,465
Guess you should've
hit that when you had
the chance, huh, Brian?
239
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,132
What? You're the one
who told me to wait!
240
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,132
You're crazy, bitch.
I didn't
say that, bitch.
241
00:11:02,267 --> 00:11:04,532
Yeah, well, thanks to you,
I lost her to Cleveland.
242
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,098
You know what you need?
243
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,231
You need to stop
pointing fingers and
get out of the house.
244
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,532
Have some fun.
Real fun.
245
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,932
Not like
37-year-old-woman-
on-a-blind-date fun.
246
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,999
(CHUCKLING)
This is fun, right?
We're having fun.
247
00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:18,598
I mean, so what
if you forgot
your wallet?
248
00:11:18,667 --> 00:11:20,999
I'll pay.
I'm gonna pay
for us.
249
00:11:21,068 --> 00:11:23,199
You'll get it
next time. Yeah!
250
00:11:23,268 --> 00:11:25,832
So, you were
in prison, right?
Killed a man?
251
00:11:25,901 --> 00:11:27,966
I'm sure it was
in self-defense.
252
00:11:28,034 --> 00:11:29,531
No, I just
felt like killing.
253
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,765
(LAUGHING) Ah!
254
00:11:31,834 --> 00:11:34,231
You tell
the best stories!
255
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:36,999
Me and my three eggs
are having the best time!
256
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,499
We are gonna get you
back on your feet, Brian.
257
00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:45,899
I know what always
makes me feel better,
delicious sweets.
258
00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:48,632
Halloo! Welcome
to Fjurg's Bakery.
259
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:51,765
Would you like
a hot piss of pee?
It's on the hoose!
260
00:11:51,834 --> 00:11:53,032
What?
261
00:11:53,101 --> 00:11:56,099
Oh, no!
You're covered
in my hot pee!
262
00:11:56,167 --> 00:11:59,298
You can wash yourself off
in the waiter clooset.
263
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:05,531
(BOTH MOANING)
264
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,866
You know, I can
just wash it off
when I get home.
265
00:12:07,934 --> 00:12:08,965
Why?
What's in there?
266
00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:11,631
CLEVELAND:
Oh, yeah.
267
00:12:11,701 --> 00:12:13,032
(CLEVELAND AND
CAROLYN MOANING)
268
00:12:13,101 --> 00:12:16,631
CLEVELAND: Oh. Wait.
Wait. Wait.
269
00:12:16,701 --> 00:12:19,865
(SCREAMING)
And boom goes the dynamite.
270
00:12:23,434 --> 00:12:25,932
Okay, look, next time
we'll go to another store.
How about that?
271
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,199
Just forget it, all right?
I just want to sit here,
272
00:12:28,268 --> 00:12:30,032
watch the ball game
and have a few beers.
273
00:12:30,101 --> 00:12:32,899
MAN 1: It's ball three,
low and outside
to Ramirez.
274
00:12:32,968 --> 00:12:34,866
MAN 2: Wait a minute.
What's this?
275
00:12:34,934 --> 00:12:37,932
There appears to be
an interracial couple
making love on second base.
276
00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:39,398
MAN 1: The crowd's
enjoying it,
277
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,798
and it looks like
the umpire's gonna
let them finish.
278
00:12:41,868 --> 00:12:44,932
CLEVELAND: (SCREAMING)
And boom goes the dynamite.
279
00:12:45,001 --> 00:12:46,665
MAN 2: There it is!
MAN 1: I'll tell you what.
280
00:12:46,734 --> 00:12:50,165
This would be painful
to watch
if you loved that girl.
281
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,132
Boy, what are the odds
of running into
Cleveland and Carolyn
282
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,832
everywhere
we went, huh?
283
00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:58,132
Well, as long as we just
stay here in the house,
we're safe, right?
284
00:12:59,634 --> 00:13:01,165
That was
a great game!
285
00:13:01,234 --> 00:13:03,865
Carolyn, it's been
so nice getting
to know you.
286
00:13:03,934 --> 00:13:06,965
Yeah, Cleveland, she's way
more fun than that wife
you used to have.
287
00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:10,565
What was her name?
Weezy or Florida
or something?
288
00:13:10,634 --> 00:13:12,265
Jennifer Hudson?
Loretta.
289
00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,598
Well, you're doing
a lot better now, Cleveland.
290
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,865
I mean, you went from
a black woman
to a white woman
291
00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:19,799
without having to take
that Hispanic-woman
step in between.
292
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,233
(ALL LAUGHING)
293
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,932
Loretta!
That's our answer!
294
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,032
What do you mean?
295
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,598
We've just got to go
talk to Loretta.
296
00:13:27,667 --> 00:13:30,832
If we can get her back
with Cleveland,
Carolyn's all yours.
297
00:13:30,901 --> 00:13:34,698
Well, it's a long shot,
but so was the "Shouting
Arab-Gram" business.
298
00:13:36,034 --> 00:13:38,966
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
299
00:13:39,034 --> 00:13:40,799
From Joan and Keith.
300
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,498
You know what?
This is never
gonna work, Stewie.
301
00:13:46,567 --> 00:13:48,965
Loretta cheated on Cleveland.
She's not gonna
want to go back to him.
302
00:13:49,034 --> 00:13:51,798
Oh, she can be
convinced, Brian.
Just let me do the talking.
303
00:13:51,867 --> 00:13:53,565
No, I think
I can communicate
with her better.
304
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,465
She's only gonna
get the gist
of what you're saying.
305
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,498
Really? Isn't she
one of those people
outside the family
306
00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,231
who can understand me?
307
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,432
No, I think because of
Cleveland, she's close
enough to the main cast
308
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,632
that it might be
a little weird.
309
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,198
Really?
MAN: We're filming!
310
00:14:04,267 --> 00:14:07,165
Okay, okay. Sorry, sorry.
Ring the doorbell.
311
00:14:09,733 --> 00:14:10,799
Uh...
312
00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:12,032
Hi, Loretta.
313
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,865
Brian! Stubby!
What are
you doing here?
314
00:14:14,934 --> 00:14:18,665
Well, to be
honest, Loretta,
Cleveland sent us.
315
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:20,364
He really
wants you back.
316
00:14:20,433 --> 00:14:21,498
What?
317
00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:23,865
Yeah, he says
he misses that
318
00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:27,565
perfect figure.
319
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,198
Well, I get the gist
of what
you're saying, Stoolie,
320
00:14:30,267 --> 00:14:34,765
but I can never go back
to Cleveland, not after
all the pain I caused him.
321
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,832
I'm sorry.
322
00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:38,632
Hey, Brian,
did you see
that treadmill
323
00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:40,266
in the living room?
Yeah.
324
00:14:43,201 --> 00:14:44,598
(DOORBELL RINGS)
325
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:47,965
Brian, may I
speak with you?
326
00:14:48,034 --> 00:14:49,532
Oh, Cleveland.
327
00:14:49,601 --> 00:14:52,599
I didn't recognize you
without my girlfriend
wrapped around your waist.
328
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:55,565
She and I are both
to a point of great soreness,
329
00:14:55,634 --> 00:14:57,232
so we took a break.
330
00:14:57,301 --> 00:14:59,399
Listen, I just want to
clear any bad feelings
331
00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:00,465
you may have about me
and Carolyn.
332
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,832
(SIGHING)
333
00:15:03,901 --> 00:15:07,665
I guess it's okay.
These are passing flings,
nothing to get upset about.
334
00:15:07,733 --> 00:15:11,331
Good. Because
we're gonna elope
in Hawaii tomorrow night!
335
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,099
What?
You got a problem with that,
336
00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:14,199
you can go
fuck yourself.
337
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,432
Loretta?
338
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:21,631
Hello, Cleveland.
339
00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:22,998
What are you
doing here?
340
00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:25,265
Cleveland, I've been
doing some
thinking lately
341
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,432
about how much
I miss you.
342
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:29,565
I'm sorry
for hurting you.
343
00:15:29,633 --> 00:15:32,499
I want us to be together
again as a family,
344
00:15:32,567 --> 00:15:35,599
and I promise
I'll never
betray you again.
345
00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:37,465
I love you, Cleveland.
346
00:15:37,534 --> 00:15:39,133
Uh...
347
00:15:39,201 --> 00:15:42,698
I'm no meteorologist,
but I'm pretty sure
it's raining bitches.
348
00:15:47,467 --> 00:15:49,364
I don't know
what to do.
349
00:15:49,433 --> 00:15:51,999
Carolyn and I
are supposed to
elope tomorrow,
350
00:15:52,068 --> 00:15:54,264
but here comes
Loretta
all apologetic
351
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:57,098
and wanting to get
our family back
together and whatnot.
352
00:15:57,167 --> 00:16:00,631
I wouldn't forgive her
so fast, Cleveland. Remember,
she slept with Quagmire.
353
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,932
Yeah, she really
acted crazy.
354
00:16:03,001 --> 00:16:04,464
Well, now,
just wait a minute,
you guys.
355
00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:06,598
Let's not be
so quick to
demonize Loretta.
356
00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:09,298
I mean, whatever happened
to "forgive and forget"?
357
00:16:09,366 --> 00:16:10,999
Oh, you just want Cleveland
out of the picture
358
00:16:11,067 --> 00:16:13,199
so you can get back
with Carolyn.
359
00:16:13,267 --> 00:16:16,299
You know, Brian, sometimes
360
00:16:17,534 --> 00:16:20,432
I don't believe I know you.
361
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:24,331
That's not it at all.
I happen to think
Loretta is very beautiful,
362
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:28,532
with her sassy wisdom
and speed-bag arm fat.
363
00:16:28,601 --> 00:16:30,732
Hmm. I guess
at the very least,
364
00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:34,065
I could go talk
to her tomorrow
and see how I feel.
365
00:16:34,134 --> 00:16:36,732
Thanks for
your help, Griffins.
366
00:16:36,801 --> 00:16:39,132
Brian, do you really think
Loretta is beautiful?
367
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,532
Absolutely.
That's really
how I feel.
368
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:46,432
Now, it is true
her personality is abrasive.
Slightly abrasive.
369
00:16:46,501 --> 00:16:50,332
But overall, Loretta is
a delightful person,
very pleasant to be around
370
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,398
and free to pursue a life
of religious fulfillment.
371
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:59,298
I'm really concerned
about Cleveland.
372
00:16:59,367 --> 00:17:01,298
What Loretta did
was unforgivable.
373
00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:02,865
I hope he doesn't
go back to her.
374
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,331
I hear you, Lois.
375
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,765
You know,
there might be a way
376
00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:08,331
to drive the point home
that she hasn't changed.
377
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,699
How would
we do that?
378
00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:12,032
Hang on.
Hey, Quagmire!
379
00:17:12,934 --> 00:17:14,465
Quagmire!
QUAGMIRE: What?
380
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,631
You busy right now?
381
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:17,198
No, I got
a hand free.
What's up?
382
00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:19,765
Would you mind
getting Loretta
to sleep with you again?
383
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:22,865
I... Possibly.
I mean,
in what context?
384
00:17:22,934 --> 00:17:25,331
Well, we're trying
to make Cleveland see
that she's no good
385
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,565
and that
he can't trust her,
386
00:17:26,633 --> 00:17:28,631
and if he catches you guys
in the act, then...
387
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:30,565
Okay, oh, no, no, okay.
No, I'm...
I'm with you now.
388
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,465
Yeah, no, yeah,
you know, I can
probably work that in.
389
00:17:32,534 --> 00:17:34,132
Terrific.
Thank you!
390
00:17:34,201 --> 00:17:37,632
This is perfect, Lois.
We'll expose Loretta
for who she is.
391
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:39,365
Just like Cyrano
was exposed
for being anti-Semitic.
392
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:42,998
I love you
for all that you are...
393
00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:44,598
(INDISTINCT WHISPERS)
394
00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:46,865
...in spite of the fact
that your people control
395
00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:51,098
a disproportionate amount
of the world's wealth,
396
00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:53,998
and in all likelihood
are probably responsible
397
00:17:54,067 --> 00:17:57,032
for starting every major war
since the dawn of...
398
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:58,965
Dude, again with this?
What's your problem?
399
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,165
Who's in the bush?
400
00:18:00,233 --> 00:18:01,131
MAN: Mind your own business,
you filthy Jew!
401
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:08,532
Room service.
402
00:18:08,601 --> 00:18:10,065
I didn't order
no room service.
403
00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:12,265
It's complimentary.
404
00:18:12,334 --> 00:18:14,233
We have a club sandwich,
a fruit plate
405
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,966
and a side of
hot beefsteak!
Giggity Giggity Goo!
406
00:18:17,034 --> 00:18:19,398
(GASPING) Glenn Quagmire!
You get out of here!
407
00:18:19,467 --> 00:18:21,599
Come on, baby.
Time for round two!
408
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,598
(LORETTA SCREAMING)
409
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:25,932
You're the devil!
You ruined
my marriage!
410
00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:29,432
You can't resist
the Q-man and my
super-powered genitalia.
411
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,565
Apache Penis,
ee-nay-chok!
412
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,099
(GRUNTS)
413
00:18:34,168 --> 00:18:36,032
You go on and beat it,
little neck!
414
00:18:36,101 --> 00:18:39,166
I'm a changed woman!
I don't mess with
your kind anymore!
415
00:18:39,234 --> 00:18:40,266
You're a meanie!
416
00:18:40,335 --> 00:18:41,599
(CRYING)
417
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:44,231
Hey, Quagmire.
418
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,165
Hey, Cleveland.
419
00:18:46,234 --> 00:18:49,165
Why are you staying
in a hotel?
420
00:18:49,234 --> 00:18:51,632
My house
burned down.
421
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:52,732
Oh.
422
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,465
Why are you naked?
423
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:58,098
Naked? But everybody's
been telling me
I'm wearing magnificent robes
424
00:18:58,167 --> 00:19:00,198
made from
the finest silk.
425
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:06,199
(GASPS) Cleveland!
426
00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:07,399
Hello, Loretta.
427
00:19:07,468 --> 00:19:10,265
Come in, baby.
Have you thought
about what I said?
428
00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:13,499
Yes, I have,
and I still love you,
Loretta.
429
00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:15,299
Oh, Cleveland!
430
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:18,765
But I can't
take you back.
431
00:19:18,834 --> 00:19:19,965
Why not?
432
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:22,832
Loretta, I came over here
wanting to believe
433
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:25,665
that there was still
a chance for us.
434
00:19:25,734 --> 00:19:29,632
But on the way,
I passed a lake,
skipped a few rocks
435
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:33,032
and had some black-guy
thinking time.
436
00:19:33,101 --> 00:19:38,532
Loretta, we leave
certain parts of our lives
in the past for a reason.
437
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:41,232
What you and I...
You can go ahead and
put your clothes back on.
438
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:44,532
What you and I had
was a wonderful thing,
439
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:48,232
and as much as
I still have a great deal
of love for you,
440
00:19:48,301 --> 00:19:50,399
our time is over.
441
00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:52,198
I love somebody else.
442
00:19:52,266 --> 00:19:56,432
Oh, Cleveland, isn't there
anything I can do
to make you happy?
443
00:19:56,500 --> 00:20:00,032
Yes, there is.
You can live
your life, Loretta.
444
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:04,331
Live it as full
and as wonderful
as you can. I love you.
445
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:18,131
(CAR CREAKING)
446
00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:24,598
(GASPING)
Oh, my God! Carolyn?
447
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:26,865
Quagmire?
448
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:29,265
Cleveland, close the window!
You're letting the stank out!
449
00:20:33,135 --> 00:20:36,032
Well, we both got screwed
by the same girl.
450
00:20:36,101 --> 00:20:37,098
Yeah.
451
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:38,598
I guess
it's all right, though.
452
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:41,198
You and I will find
true love someday.
453
00:20:41,266 --> 00:20:43,498
Yeah, I suppose.
454
00:20:43,567 --> 00:20:45,564
So, how was it
having sex
with Carolyn?
455
00:20:45,633 --> 00:20:48,166
I think I'm gonna
remember it forever.
456
00:20:48,234 --> 00:20:49,665
Oh, yeah? How so?
457
00:20:49,733 --> 00:20:53,999
Brian, do you think
you could identify
a genital wart?
458
00:20:54,067 --> 00:20:56,431
(STUTTERING)
I would think that
would be something
459
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,099
you'd check with
your doctor about.
460
00:20:58,168 --> 00:20:59,531
Okay.
Okay?
461
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,531
Yeah.
All right, 'cause I'm...
I'm not a doctor.
462
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:02,999
I can't...
No, I understand.
463
00:21:03,068 --> 00:21:04,966
Okay, so we're...
We're still friends?
Yeah, yeah.
464
00:21:05,034 --> 00:21:06,132
Okay.
465
00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:09,066
Well, summer's
coming on.
466
00:21:10,201 --> 00:21:11,465
It hurts.