1
00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:54,298
Okay, everyone,
hurry up and hand
in your Oscar picks
2
00:00:54,366 --> 00:00:56,765
before it starts.
3
00:00:56,834 --> 00:00:59,698
Peter, for Best Picture,
you wrote Wild Hogs.
4
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:02,832
Lois, "Four guys
from the suburbs
hit the road,
5
00:01:02,901 --> 00:01:05,065
"and the road
hit back."
6
00:01:05,134 --> 00:01:08,932
(LAUGHS) Peter knows
the advertising log
lines for every movie.
7
00:01:09,001 --> 00:01:10,032
Blades of Glory.
8
00:01:10,101 --> 00:01:11,433
"Kick some ice."
9
00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:12,498
Entrapment.
10
00:01:12,567 --> 00:01:13,832
"The trap is set."
11
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,132
RV.
12
00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,999
"On a family vacation,
no one can hear you scream."
13
00:01:18,068 --> 00:01:19,132
Philadelphia.
14
00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:20,598
"Poop chute lawsuit."
15
00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:21,731
I don't remember
that one.
16
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,431
That one doesn't
sound real.
17
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,965
MAN: (ON TV)
Ladies and gentlemen,
Scarlett Johansson,
18
00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:26,132
and for some reason,
Steve Buscemi.
19
00:01:27,601 --> 00:01:29,165
Man, look at that
Steve Buscemi.
20
00:01:29,234 --> 00:01:31,798
Every one of his teeth
is in business for itself.
21
00:01:31,867 --> 00:01:36,265
You know, Steve,
the art director's job
is never an easy one.
22
00:01:36,334 --> 00:01:39,132
That's right, Scarlett,
but this year...
23
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,231
Hey, where are
you going?
24
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,465
I'm going to the
Elton John party.
25
00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:42,898
What the hell?
26
00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:44,532
I told you
we were staying for
the Governors Ball.
27
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,532
And I told you, Tim,
we would see how
the evening plays out.
28
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,032
You guys have fun.
I'm going for Scarlett.
29
00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,231
It smells like
Josh Hartnett's
balls in there.
30
00:01:54,834 --> 00:01:56,865
Peter, may I use
your restroom?
31
00:01:56,934 --> 00:01:59,732
I took a laxative
and a stool hardener,
32
00:01:59,801 --> 00:02:01,399
and they're fighting
it out in there.
33
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:03,498
Yeah, it's upstairs, Mort.
34
00:02:03,567 --> 00:02:06,532
Oh, boy, I hope
there's a scale
in there.
35
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,431
I'd like to
have a "before" and
"after" on this one.
36
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:10,598
I'll be out
in a minute.
37
00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:12,032
I really need to go.
38
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:13,565
She said she'll be
out in a minute!
39
00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:17,932
I hope there's another
bathroom in here. Oh, God.
40
00:02:19,501 --> 00:02:22,132
Oh, thank God,
a Porta-Potty.
41
00:02:28,834 --> 00:02:31,265
Dad, Mr. Goldman
never drank his Ensure.
42
00:02:31,333 --> 00:02:33,265
Can I have it,
even though
it's dinnertime?
43
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:36,532
Sure, Chris.
"Drink Ensure as a meal,
or in-between meals.
44
00:02:36,601 --> 00:02:38,532
"Or when you're
on the go!"
45
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,398
Is Mort still
in the bathroom?
46
00:02:40,467 --> 00:02:41,631
I'll go see
if he's all right.
47
00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:44,799
Mort? Hello? Mort?
48
00:02:44,867 --> 00:02:46,132
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
49
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,799
What are you doing
in my room?
50
00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:51,198
Don't touch my stuff
with your dirty
walking-on-the-street paws.
51
00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:52,698
I'm looking for Mort.
52
00:02:52,767 --> 00:02:54,898
He came up here
an hour ago and
never came back down.
53
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,531
Uh-oh.
What?
54
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,364
My time machine
has been activated.
55
00:02:58,433 --> 00:03:00,965
Time machine?
I didn't know you
had a time machine.
56
00:03:01,034 --> 00:03:05,266
Yeah, I built it after
I got bored with that
European See 'n Say.
57
00:03:05,334 --> 00:03:07,699
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
The pig goes, "Wenk."
58
00:03:09,368 --> 00:03:12,499
The cow goes,
"Sha-zooo."
59
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:15,165
It most certainly
does not.
60
00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:18,266
The rooster goes,
"Gickery-gee."
61
00:03:18,334 --> 00:03:20,665
Where? Where does
the rooster say that?
62
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,832
The monkey goes,
"Ma-cock."
63
00:03:22,901 --> 00:03:25,665
No, no, no, no,
it does not.
64
00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:28,065
The elephant goes,
"Fwaamp."
65
00:03:28,134 --> 00:03:29,632
Yeah, kind of.
66
00:03:29,701 --> 00:03:31,899
Stewie, do you think
Mort might have
accidentally stumbled
67
00:03:31,967 --> 00:03:33,065
into the time machine?
68
00:03:33,134 --> 00:03:34,498
Well, I suppose
it's possible.
69
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:35,899
Let's ask Rick Moranis
70
00:03:35,968 --> 00:03:38,165
and the backup singers
from Little Shop of Horrors.
71
00:03:38,234 --> 00:03:39,632
♪ Da-doo
72
00:03:39,701 --> 00:03:41,966
I saw a red-headed
guy come up here
about an hour ago.
73
00:03:42,034 --> 00:03:43,732
♪ Mort the Jew
74
00:03:43,801 --> 00:03:46,765
He seemed to be in a rush
and had a pained look
on his face.
75
00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:48,932
♪ Had to poo
76
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:50,432
♪ Sha-doop-a-doop-a-doo
77
00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:52,131
And he stepped
into that box there
78
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,932
and suddenly there was
a big flash of light.
79
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:58,865
♪ That's when
he went back in time ♪
80
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,899
Oh, my God, Stewie,
we have to get him back.
81
00:04:00,967 --> 00:04:02,899
When did the machine
send him?
I don't know.
82
00:04:02,968 --> 00:04:04,699
How can you not know?
It's a time machine.
83
00:04:04,767 --> 00:04:07,599
Doesn't it have, like,
a display that tells you
the year or something?
84
00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:10,799
Oh, I'm sorry, Brian,
is my time machine not as
good as your time machine?
85
00:04:10,867 --> 00:04:14,098
Oh, yeah. Oh, no,
you've probably got a way
better time machine. Yeah.
86
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,632
Stupid dog.
87
00:04:15,701 --> 00:04:18,465
Well, then, can't you just
press a couple buttons
and bring him back?
88
00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:21,098
No, he can't just come back.
He needs the return pad.
89
00:04:21,167 --> 00:04:23,399
Well, we can't just
leave Mort back in time.
90
00:04:23,467 --> 00:04:26,066
That'd be more
irresponsible than
silent movie porn.
91
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,298
(INAUDIBLE)
92
00:04:42,234 --> 00:04:43,832
All right,
we'll go get him.
93
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:47,132
But remember, Brian,
don't touch anything
when we're in the past.
94
00:04:47,201 --> 00:04:50,132
Even stepping
on a mosquito could
create a chain reaction
95
00:04:50,201 --> 00:04:52,333
that drastically
alters the present.
Really?
96
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,264
No, you can do whatever
you want. Come on.
97
00:05:05,034 --> 00:05:06,665
Okay, if everything
worked properly,
98
00:05:06,734 --> 00:05:09,765
this should be
the exact time and place
that Mort was sent to.
99
00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:11,365
Now, we've just gotta
figure out where we are.
100
00:05:11,433 --> 00:05:12,798
Or when we are.
101
00:05:12,868 --> 00:05:15,732
That's such a douche
time-traveler thing to say.
102
00:05:15,801 --> 00:05:17,631
Sha-zooo.
103
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:21,265
Okay, we're somewhere
in Europe. Look, Brian.
104
00:05:21,334 --> 00:05:23,966
This trail
of used tissues should
lead us right to Mort.
105
00:05:24,034 --> 00:05:25,065
Or to Quagmire.
106
00:05:25,134 --> 00:05:26,399
(LAUGHING)
107
00:05:27,401 --> 00:05:28,464
He's gross.
108
00:05:31,467 --> 00:05:32,665
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
109
00:05:51,734 --> 00:05:54,732
Warsaw. Well, at least
we know where we are.
110
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,698
And so we had
him crucified.
111
00:05:56,767 --> 00:05:58,432
But that doesn't
leave this room.
112
00:05:58,501 --> 00:06:00,065
Anyway, the point is,
113
00:06:00,134 --> 00:06:04,731
may Chaim and Sarah
have many wonderful
years together. Amen.
114
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,198
Excuse me?
We're looking
for a Mr. Goldman.
115
00:06:09,134 --> 00:06:11,865
Mr. Mort Goldman?
116
00:06:11,934 --> 00:06:14,165
He's a small business owner.
Tends to whine a lot.
117
00:06:14,234 --> 00:06:16,532
Kind of a hypochondriac.
118
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,265
Oh, no, you can't put
your hand back up
after you've put it down.
119
00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:21,098
You know what,
never mind.
120
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:25,065
Stewie, look at this.
September 1, 1939.
121
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:27,332
There's something
about that date.
122
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,532
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
123
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,099
Mazel tov. Now,
step on the glass.
124
00:06:32,167 --> 00:06:34,032
Oh. But be careful, though.
125
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:36,565
At my wedding, I cut
myself on the glass.
126
00:06:36,634 --> 00:06:38,632
And when I got
to Palm Beach
for the honeymoon,
127
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:42,232
I had to put
a Wonder Bread bag on my
foot to keep the sand out.
128
00:06:46,867 --> 00:06:48,165
Oh, Mort. Thank God.
129
00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:50,732
Brian and Stewie?
You're in Heaven, too?
130
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,999
Mort, this isn't Heaven.
You've time-traveled
into the past.
131
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:56,632
What? How is
that possible?
132
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:58,765
Just... Just trust me.
We're here to bring you
back home.
133
00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:00,532
But it's gotta
be Heaven, Brian.
134
00:07:00,601 --> 00:07:02,766
Look, there's
my frugal Aunt Ruth,
135
00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:04,366
my thrifty Uncle Isaac,
136
00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:07,699
my bargain-hunting Aunt Flo,
and my Great Aunt Vera,
137
00:07:07,768 --> 00:07:09,732
who didn't like
to spend a lot
on anything.
138
00:07:09,801 --> 00:07:11,165
Come on, Mort,
we gotta get
out of here.
139
00:07:11,233 --> 00:07:13,632
But Brian, when am I gonna
have another chance
140
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,866
to see my Grandpa Chaim's
wedding with my own eyes?
141
00:07:16,934 --> 00:07:18,364
Yes, you know,
he's right, Brian.
142
00:07:18,433 --> 00:07:20,665
Besides, I've never been
to a Hebrew wedding.
143
00:07:20,734 --> 00:07:23,398
Well, I guess we could
stay a little longer.
144
00:07:23,466 --> 00:07:25,298
Oh, wonderful!
145
00:07:25,366 --> 00:07:28,598
I want to be hoisted up
on the chair and see what
it feels like to be top Jew.
146
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:30,198
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
147
00:08:13,634 --> 00:08:15,231
(PLANE ENGINES WHIRRING)
148
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:51,565
(LOUD EXPLOSION)
149
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,698
Uh-oh.
150
00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:12,531
I knew there was
something about this date.
151
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,899
September 1, 1939.
This is the German
invasion of Poland.
152
00:09:16,967 --> 00:09:20,331
It's also the exact
day and year that
Rene Russo was born.
153
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:21,999
Stewie, we gotta
get out of here fast.
154
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,398
Quick, set up
the return pad and let's
get back to our own time.
155
00:09:24,466 --> 00:09:25,665
Right.
156
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:31,898
What's wrong?
Why are we still here?
I don't know.
157
00:09:31,967 --> 00:09:33,065
Stewie, it's not working.
158
00:09:33,134 --> 00:09:34,632
Yeah, and you know
what's not gonna fix it?
159
00:09:34,701 --> 00:09:35,732
Your shouting.
160
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,732
Oh, God, should we
ask somebody for help?
161
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,199
Yeah, right, how many
Polacks does it take
to fix a time machine?
162
00:09:40,267 --> 00:09:41,365
Let's find out.
163
00:09:41,434 --> 00:09:42,798
Well, we can't stay here.
164
00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:44,565
We'll have to get
Mort to England.
165
00:09:44,634 --> 00:09:46,398
It's the only place
he'll be safe from
the Nazis.
166
00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:48,532
Oh, they're awful,
those Nazis.
167
00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:50,998
If they catch me,
they'll beat me
unmerciful
168
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:54,898
and rub dirt
in my assneck and all
over my assy nipples.
169
00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:56,565
What?
170
00:09:56,633 --> 00:09:59,765
Juden! Rubben wir Schmutzen
auf deine Arschneck.
171
00:10:06,934 --> 00:10:08,298
All right,
there's the checkpoint.
172
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:10,565
If we can get past it,
we're out of occupied Poland.
173
00:10:10,633 --> 00:10:12,065
Right. Mort,
you all set?
174
00:10:12,134 --> 00:10:14,299
Oh, God,
I hope this works.
175
00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:18,199
Hello. We'd like
to leave Poland now,
176
00:10:18,268 --> 00:10:19,433
and we'll be
bringing our friend
177
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,898
who is absolutely,
100% not Jewish.
178
00:10:21,968 --> 00:10:23,966
Hey, how about
that Jesus, huh?
179
00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:25,066
What a guy.
180
00:10:25,134 --> 00:10:27,132
Father, we're so
glad you're here.
181
00:10:27,201 --> 00:10:31,532
We need you to
conduct last rites for
our friend over there.
182
00:10:31,601 --> 00:10:34,698
(STAMMERING)
Well, I suppose.
183
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,232
Dear God,
184
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,398
non-Jewish God,
be a mensch.
185
00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:40,865
(BRIAN AND STEWIE
CLEARING THROAT)
186
00:10:40,934 --> 00:10:43,965
I mean, a good guy,
'cause it says
in the Old Book...
187
00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:48,198
Not so old, though.
You know, still good.
Still good.
188
00:10:48,267 --> 00:10:50,865
Still some things,
good things to say...
189
00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:52,132
(BRIAN AND STEWIE COUGHING)
190
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,698
We, we pray in the name
of you and of your son,
191
00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:57,832
who died in
a freak accident
192
00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:00,265
that you can't really
blame on anyone.
193
00:11:00,334 --> 00:11:01,499
(CLEARING THROAT)
194
00:11:01,567 --> 00:11:04,565
Take this man up to
your retail-paying place.
195
00:11:04,634 --> 00:11:07,032
Are you sure
you're a real priest?
196
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,932
Yeah, yeah,
I can vouch for
him. He's real.
197
00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,132
He's molested me
many, many times.
198
00:11:11,201 --> 00:11:13,932
Sorry I'm late.
I was busy doing
199
00:11:14,001 --> 00:11:16,398
innocent,
non-molesty things.
200
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:20,399
Wait a minute.
Two priests?
That is impossible.
201
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:22,099
This collar
comes right off.
202
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:23,565
He's a filthy Jew!
203
00:11:23,634 --> 00:11:26,598
Oh, boy. You, you are...
You should be glad
204
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:29,232
your human resources person
was not around to hear that.
205
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:30,365
Run!
206
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:55,032
Hey, buddy,
I need to borrow this.
207
00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:16,999
(SCREAMING)
208
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,531
Das poop!
209
00:12:29,168 --> 00:12:31,532
I want to get back
on the motorcycle.
210
00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:33,065
I told you.
It's out of gas.
211
00:12:33,134 --> 00:12:34,798
Why isn't the
time machine working?
212
00:12:34,867 --> 00:12:36,199
I don't know, Mort.
213
00:12:36,267 --> 00:12:39,232
I hate it here.
I hate this whole
goddamn place.
214
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,965
It's all
a bunch of shit.
215
00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:43,032
It's all a bunch
of goddamn shit.
216
00:12:43,101 --> 00:12:44,598
Okay, take it easy, man.
217
00:12:44,667 --> 00:12:46,099
No, fuck you, Stewie.
218
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:48,399
I'm a Jew in
Nazi-occupied Europe.
219
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,631
Fuck you.
Fuck the both of you!
220
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,365
I didn't say anything.
Thanks, Brian.
221
00:12:52,434 --> 00:12:54,099
This is
a bunch of shit.
222
00:12:54,168 --> 00:12:56,665
Okay, you know what, Mort?
Shut up, all right.
Just shut the fuck up!
223
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:57,899
I don't give
a shit about you.
224
00:12:57,968 --> 00:12:59,331
You know, we could
just leave you here.
225
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,465
Yeah, right,
just leave me here.
That's great.
226
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:02,832
We're in occupied Europe,
227
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:05,132
and if you haven't
noticed, I'm Jewish.
228
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,398
Oh, I noticed.
Helen Keller
would notice.
229
00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:08,498
(CHUCKLES)
230
00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:09,866
Eat my ass, Brian.
231
00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:11,199
Don't you mean
your assneck?
232
00:13:11,267 --> 00:13:12,932
Shut up.
That's a real thing.
233
00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:26,999
(INAUDIBLE)
234
00:13:53,368 --> 00:13:54,399
Oh. Nazis.
That's refreshing.
235
00:13:58,367 --> 00:14:00,765
All right, on three,
we'll make for
the closest U-boat.
236
00:14:10,833 --> 00:14:14,098
Ach! Unsere Unterseeboot
sind stehlen mit eine dog
237
00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:15,732
und baby und Art Garfunkel!
238
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:21,932
Everybody hang on.
239
00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:35,198
We're being pursued
by two objects.
240
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:36,832
Looks like one's
another U-boat.
241
00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:38,665
(RADAR BEEPING)
242
00:14:38,734 --> 00:14:41,798
The other appears to be
Terence Trent D'Arby.
243
00:14:48,967 --> 00:14:50,032
Fire!
244
00:14:54,034 --> 00:14:55,032
Uh-oh.
245
00:14:55,101 --> 00:14:56,431
What?
Hold on to something.
246
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,132
MORT: Why isn't the
time machine working?
247
00:14:58,201 --> 00:14:59,631
I swear to God, Mort,
248
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:02,232
I will stuff you
in the torpedo tube and
crush you against the sea.
249
00:15:11,768 --> 00:15:13,398
(RUMBLING)
250
00:15:13,466 --> 00:15:16,365
Brian, I've got an idea.
It's a long shot,
but it just might work.
251
00:15:16,434 --> 00:15:17,832
See that newspaper?
Yeah.
252
00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:18,965
Stuff it in
the waste tube.
253
00:15:25,867 --> 00:15:26,898
(SCREAMING)
254
00:15:31,967 --> 00:15:33,665
(SIRENS WAILING)
255
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,865
Can you hand me
the radio? Thanks.
256
00:15:45,934 --> 00:15:47,832
Hi, this is car...
257
00:15:47,901 --> 00:15:48,965
What number are we?
258
00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,298
Five-five.
259
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,765
Car 55.
260
00:15:52,967 --> 00:15:54,564
We're in a sub.
261
00:16:00,067 --> 00:16:01,631
Oh, my God!
It's England!
262
00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:03,799
We've reached England!
We're saved!
263
00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:05,899
Really? Are you sure
it's England?
264
00:16:05,968 --> 00:16:08,498
Yes, I can see
the white cliffs of Dover.
265
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:11,166
Boy, they weren't kidding.
Those things are white.
266
00:16:11,233 --> 00:16:13,765
So, we're gonna take
the whole family
on vacation this summer.
267
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:16,331
Load up the Country Squire
and head up to New Hampshire.
268
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,398
By the way, thanks
for the recommendation.
269
00:16:18,466 --> 00:16:19,598
Great cheese shop.
270
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:20,799
Yeah. You know,
our youngest
271
00:16:20,867 --> 00:16:22,765
has been accepted to
Northfield Mount Hermon.
272
00:16:22,834 --> 00:16:25,398
Oh, gosh, is Lauren
in high school already?
273
00:16:25,466 --> 00:16:27,398
Yeah. You know,
a funny thing
happened to me
274
00:16:27,466 --> 00:16:28,832
on the way
to middle age.
275
00:16:28,901 --> 00:16:30,298
My kids grew up.
276
00:16:30,366 --> 00:16:32,099
(LAUGHING)
277
00:16:32,168 --> 00:16:34,032
Say, you know,
when you take
that vacation,
278
00:16:34,101 --> 00:16:35,865
don't forget
traveler's insurance.
279
00:16:35,934 --> 00:16:38,298
A lot of people do,
and a lot of people
are sorry.
280
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:45,432
London in wartime.
This is history
right here, Brian.
281
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:47,565
And look, there's
Winston Churchill!
282
00:16:47,634 --> 00:16:50,598
Maybe we'll get
an up-close look
at his legendary wit.
283
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:54,166
Oh, Winston,
drunk again, I see.
284
00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:55,632
Yeah, well,
you're a cunt.
285
00:16:55,701 --> 00:16:56,732
(LAUGHING)
Wickedly funny.
286
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:02,464
I guess history
has just whittled
it down to the gems.
287
00:17:05,168 --> 00:17:06,665
Why isn't the
time machine working?
288
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,065
I'm working on it,
Mort, all right?
289
00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:10,999
Oh. Here's the problem.
290
00:17:11,068 --> 00:17:12,232
What? What is it?
291
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:14,232
The transfer circuits
are powered by uranium,
292
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,798
and this thing
is tapped out.
293
00:17:15,867 --> 00:17:17,698
Wait a minute.
Are you saying we need
to find some uranium?
294
00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:19,165
I'm afraid so.
295
00:17:19,234 --> 00:17:21,798
But where do we find
uranium in World War II
Europe?
296
00:17:21,867 --> 00:17:23,432
There's only one place.
297
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:27,332
At the top-secret
atomic research
facility in Berlin.
298
00:17:27,401 --> 00:17:30,499
Wait a minute.
Germany's building weapons
of mass destruction?
299
00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:33,032
Well, why doesn't
America go in there
and kick their asses?
300
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:36,265
I don't know.
Maybe because they
don't have any oil.
301
00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:37,665
Oh.
302
00:17:37,733 --> 00:17:40,365
Clap, clap, clap,
clap, clap.
303
00:17:45,334 --> 00:17:47,265
I don't know!
I don't want to do this!
304
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:50,398
Mort, Berlin is the
closest place we're gonna
find uranium in this time.
305
00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:51,865
It's the only way
to get home.
306
00:17:51,933 --> 00:17:54,032
Men, as officers of
the Royal Air Force,
307
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:55,665
you're the very best
in the world.
308
00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:58,599
However, this mission
to Germany will not be
an easy one.
309
00:17:58,667 --> 00:18:01,298
Four-and-a-half
of every five of you
will not return.
310
00:18:01,366 --> 00:18:04,365
Half of Jensen there
can tell you,
it gets pretty sticky.
311
00:18:04,434 --> 00:18:07,265
But I never lost me
good spirits, I haven't!
312
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,098
So, let's get up
there, be safe
313
00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:13,065
and get back to the big,
fat pigs of wives
we have waiting at home.
314
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,799
Pardon me, sir.
I'd like to join.
315
00:18:14,867 --> 00:18:16,065
What are your
qualifications?
316
00:18:16,134 --> 00:18:18,265
I have a British accent,
I'm possibly homosexual,
317
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:20,965
I never brush my teeth
and my wife is ghastly.
318
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:22,432
Bombs away!
319
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,765
Talk to me, Goose.
Please don't call me that.
320
00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:35,165
You're my eyes, Goose.
Keep an eye out
for those Krauts.
321
00:18:35,234 --> 00:18:37,131
Uh-oh!
Germans dead ahead!
322
00:18:40,534 --> 00:18:41,799
(FIRING)
323
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:49,665
(GAGGING)
324
00:19:04,068 --> 00:19:05,431
(BEEPING)
325
00:19:33,466 --> 00:19:36,065
Oh, no, it's another
wave of fighters!
We're outnumbered!
326
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,432
Oh, no, we're not!
327
00:19:38,501 --> 00:19:42,832
Stand by, my Hawkmen!
Dive!
328
00:19:58,534 --> 00:19:59,898
(LAUGHING)
329
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,698
Oh, my God and baby Jesus,
we're going down!
330
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,832
Quick, get the parachutes!
331
00:20:18,901 --> 00:20:20,898
There are no parachutes!
All I could find was this!
332
00:20:20,967 --> 00:20:22,233
A raft?
333
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:26,631
We're not sinking.
We're crashing!
334
00:20:40,433 --> 00:20:41,799
(SCREAMING)
335
00:20:55,801 --> 00:20:56,832
Where are we?
336
00:20:56,901 --> 00:20:58,231
I think we're in Germany.
337
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,065
Look, there's
the Black Forest.
338
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:02,532
We gonna take
the whole family
on vacation this summer.
339
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,931
The 10 of us gonna
load up the Impala and
head on down to Hotlanta.
340
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,398
Hey, I heard that.
341
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,198
Hey, thanks
for the tip on that
check-cashing place.
342
00:21:09,267 --> 00:21:10,865
I was in and out
with one ID.
343
00:21:10,933 --> 00:21:12,731
You know my boy
is out on bail
next week, right?
344
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,365
Man, it seems
like yesterday
he was in juvie.
345
00:21:15,433 --> 00:21:17,665
Hey, say, man,
when you on your trip,
346
00:21:17,733 --> 00:21:19,598
skip that
traveler's insurance.
347
00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:20,865
That's a ripoff.
348
00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:26,565
BRIAN: There it is, Berlin.
349
00:21:27,867 --> 00:21:31,199
So, this is Berlin, huh?
Doesn't seem so bad.
350
00:21:31,267 --> 00:21:33,233
Dear God, this place
is nightmarish.
351
00:21:35,367 --> 00:21:36,565
Look at the offensive way
they draw Jewish people.
352
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,165
It's here.
The uranium lab is in here.
353
00:21:47,268 --> 00:21:48,199
Where'd you get
that thing?
Up your ass.
354
00:21:48,268 --> 00:21:49,264
What?
What?
355
00:21:51,401 --> 00:21:54,765
STEWIE: Hey, fellows.
You want to get
a free caricature?
356
00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:57,298
Ja!
I want to be a skateboarder!
357
00:21:57,367 --> 00:21:58,965
(PUNCHES LANDING)
358
00:21:59,034 --> 00:22:00,032
(GUN FIRES)
359
00:22:03,467 --> 00:22:04,799
Hey, there's
something on here.
360
00:22:05,667 --> 00:22:07,732
STEWIE: That's weird.
361
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,998
All right, come on.
Let's get inside that lab.
362
00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:21,131
Hey, guys!
363
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,865
Hitler!
Hitler!
364
00:22:22,934 --> 00:22:24,498
How's it going, Mr. Hitler?
365
00:22:24,567 --> 00:22:27,264
It's a dog-eat-dog Reich,
and I'm wearing bacon pants.
366
00:22:27,333 --> 00:22:28,832
(LAUGHING)
367
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:30,698
So, how's the
atomic bomb coming?
368
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:33,198
It's coming, it's coming.
There are some problems.
369
00:22:33,267 --> 00:22:34,832
We're having
much better luck
370
00:22:34,901 --> 00:22:38,698
developing this
impressive collection
of 100 Luftballons.
371
00:22:38,767 --> 00:22:39,999
Oh, damn.
372
00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:42,264
Well, I guess we'll just
let you get back to work.
373
00:22:42,333 --> 00:22:43,932
Oh, I almost forgot.
374
00:22:44,001 --> 00:22:46,298
I don't suppose
you boys have some
uranium I could borrow?
375
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:50,099
Oh, of course.
Give him some uranium,
Mean Joe Greene.
376
00:22:50,168 --> 00:22:52,499
Hey, kid, catch.
377
00:22:52,567 --> 00:22:54,165
Thanks, Mean Joe!
378
00:22:54,233 --> 00:22:55,298
He's not really
mean at all.
379
00:22:55,366 --> 00:22:56,498
No, he's a nice guy.
380
00:23:00,401 --> 00:23:02,431
Okay, the time machine
is refueled.
381
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:05,799
Let's find
a safe spot and make
the trip back home.
382
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:39,731
(SPUTTERS)
383
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,099
Arrest him!
Arrest all three!
384
00:23:42,167 --> 00:23:44,765
These filths are making
a mockery of our Reich.
385
00:23:44,834 --> 00:23:45,931
Execute them.
386
00:23:47,734 --> 00:23:48,932
Unless...
387
00:23:49,001 --> 00:23:50,032
Unless what?
388
00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:52,331
Unless they can sing
a charming musical number.
389
00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:57,365
♪ Wherever... ♪
390
00:23:57,434 --> 00:24:00,998
Damn it, will you two
just get in the fucking
time machine?
391
00:24:05,534 --> 00:24:08,032
We did it! We're home!
Everything's fine!
392
00:24:08,101 --> 00:24:10,832
Well, not quite.
What do you mean?
393
00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:13,432
Aren't you a little
nervous that Mort knows
all about this stuff?
394
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:15,532
Oh, I'm one step
ahead of you, Brian.
395
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:19,232
You see, we've arrived
30 seconds before Mort
came up to use the bathroom.
396
00:24:19,301 --> 00:24:21,465
Only this time,
things are gonna play out
a bit differently.
397
00:24:26,201 --> 00:24:27,299
Can I poop in here?
398
00:24:27,368 --> 00:24:28,399
No!
No!
399
00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:29,464
Too late.