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00:00:02,934 --> 00:00:05,766
♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:05,834 --> 00:00:09,133
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
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00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,799
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
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00:00:12,867 --> 00:00:15,866
♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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♪ All the things
that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's a family guy ♪
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Hey, what are you
doing with my laptop?
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00:00:38,901 --> 00:00:40,532
Going through your stuff.
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00:00:40,601 --> 00:00:43,666
Why were you getting
MapQuest directions to
Abigail Breslin's house?
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I just think she's
a one-of-a-kind spirit,
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and I don't want to see
her go down the wrong...
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What the hell
are you doing going through
my personal stuff?
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00:00:48,868 --> 00:00:50,332
You should really
clear your history.
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00:00:50,401 --> 00:00:52,966
I noticed you googled
yourself, you egomaniac.
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00:00:53,034 --> 00:00:54,766
Whoa, whoa, that...
That wasn't me.
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00:00:54,835 --> 00:00:56,366
Maybe Lois got on there.
Uh-huh, uh-huh...
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She's fascinated by things
that are going on in
my life and...
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(SCOFFING) Yeah, yeah, yeah...
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00:00:59,368 --> 00:01:01,732
Fine! I googled myself, okay?
You got me!
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00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:04,132
But check this out.
I found a website
for a group
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00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,565
called the
Rhode Island Society
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00:01:05,634 --> 00:01:07,399
for Special
Literary Excellence,
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00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:10,499
and they
happen to have chosen to
read and discuss my book,
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Faster Than
The Speed Of Love.
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See? I knew it was
just a matter of time
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00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:16,198
before somebody
would recognize
my genius.
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00:01:16,267 --> 00:01:17,499
Whoa! Take it easy.
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00:01:17,567 --> 00:01:19,766
You're getting a bigger
head than Chris Matthews.
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00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:21,365
The economy's
in the news today,
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00:01:21,434 --> 00:01:23,566
and Congress is considering
a minimum-wage increase.
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00:01:23,634 --> 00:01:25,331
Live by satellite
to talk about it,
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Senator Harry Reid
in Washington.
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How about it, Senator Reid?
Is this the right move
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during the worst recession
since the 1930s?
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Look, if we're gonna get
this economy back on track,
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we have to get more
money in the pockets...
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But Republicans are saying
this increase is gonna,
in fact,
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00:01:39,035 --> 00:01:40,365
put more people out of work
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and make it harder
for American employers
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to compete in the global
marketplace. Wouldn't it?
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Would... Senator,
wouldn't it...
Senator, would... Would...
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Chris, if I...
Senator, let me finish.
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My forehead, my rules.
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00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:53,599
Let's go to Los Angeles.
Big actor,
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00:01:53,668 --> 00:01:56,499
played the father
in That '70s Show,
Kurtwood Smith.
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00:01:56,568 --> 00:01:57,598
How's it going, Kurtwood?
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Good. Thanks for having me.
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00:02:02,567 --> 00:02:05,598
Quagmire, it's so awesome
that you could come over
after work today.
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00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,099
I know. I'm so psyched.
Hey, let's make some
Kool-Aid.
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No. We got to wait
for Lois to do it.
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No, we don't.
I know how to
make Kool-Aid.
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No, Quagmire.
We're not asposed to...
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(GASPING)
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LOIS: I'm home, Peter!
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Oh, hi, Glenn.
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Peter, can you
help me with the...
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Oh, Peter Griffin!
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00:02:24,201 --> 00:02:26,799
Peter, you come out here
right now and clean up
this mess!
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PETER: No! You said
I could have two
friends over.
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And I didn't.
Joe couldn't come.
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So, I only had one friend
over and it was just me
and Quagmire,
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00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:37,365
and I said
we could make Kool-Aid
instead of the other friend.
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You come out here right now!
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PETER: Bonnie's
way cooler than you!
Joe has computer games!
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00:02:46,868 --> 00:02:49,832
Peter, it took me a half-hour
to clean up all that Kool-Aid.
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I am sick as hell of you
constantly making a mess
of this house
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00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:54,232
and having to
clean up after you.
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So, I hired a maid.
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What? Are you nuts?
We don't have
the money for that.
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Oh, really?
And what about
the Petercopter?
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00:03:00,001 --> 00:03:01,799
Did we not have money
for the Petercopter?
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00:03:01,868 --> 00:03:03,999
Hey, did I say anything
when you bought that iron?
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Whatever. I want
you to meet Consuela.
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00:03:07,734 --> 00:03:12,065
Consuela,
this is my husband, Peter,
and these are our children.
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Hello, Mr. Peter.
Hello, Mr. children.
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Consuela's gonna be
our new housekeeper.
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Why is she
wearing makeup
like she's going out?
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Is this going out for them?
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Hey, where are you
going all dressed up?
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Oh, nowhere important, just
this special dinner in
my honor.
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It's being thrown by the Rhode
Island Society for Special
Literary Excellence.
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00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:39,799
What's that?
Nobody said anything, Brian.
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00:03:39,868 --> 00:03:41,899
Oh, I thought
someone just asked
why they are honoring me.
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00:03:41,968 --> 00:03:44,265
No. Nobody asked that.
Oh, okay.
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It's no big deal.
It's actually...
It's just...
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00:03:46,035 --> 00:03:47,265
You remember the book
I wrote?
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00:03:47,333 --> 00:03:48,933
Faster Than
The Speed Of Love?
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00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:50,365
They loved the book so much,
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00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:52,666
they want
to give me their
most prestigious award.
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00:03:52,734 --> 00:03:53,899
Mmm.
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00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:55,498
Look, this is
a really big deal.
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00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,532
It'd be nice to get
some support around here.
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00:03:57,601 --> 00:04:00,231
Oh, I'm sorry, Brian.
That's great news.
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00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:03,532
Yeah. What channel will
the awards ceremony be on?
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00:04:03,601 --> 00:04:04,965
Oh, are they having
an awards ceremony
99
00:04:05,034 --> 00:04:06,898
for how well you did
the dishes last night?
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00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:09,499
Ha! You got
nothing going on.
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Hi, Brian. I'm Cathy
from the book society.
So glad you could come.
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Hi there. I... You know,
I wasn't sure I had the
right address.
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Pizza Parlor, huh?
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Yeah, the group
loves this place.
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00:04:26,234 --> 00:04:28,099
Oh, hey.
This is fine.
I like this place.
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It's... I'm a pizza dawg.
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00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:35,098
So, how long have
you been a member
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00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:37,365
of the Rhode Island
Society for Special
Literary Excellence?
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00:04:37,434 --> 00:04:40,265
Oh, no.
I'm not a member.
I'm their chaperone.
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00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:41,933
Chaperone?
Yeah. Uh-huh.
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00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:44,098
We're in that
section right over there.
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00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:48,299
Hey! There he is!
It's Brian Griffin!
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00:04:48,368 --> 00:04:51,365
Damn it, Randy.
You just spilled
my juice box.
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00:04:55,601 --> 00:04:56,632
Oh.
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00:04:56,701 --> 00:04:59,165
They absolutely love
your book.
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00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:02,565
The simplistic
writing style is
very graspable to them.
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00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:06,398
Here's your award.
I made it all by myself.
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00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:09,632
Thanks.
Hey, Brian! Smell my finger!
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00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:11,799
I... I already can.
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00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:21,066
Lois was right.
I'm not a writer. I'm a joke.
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00:05:21,134 --> 00:05:23,865
I'm one big, fat,
ridiculous joke.
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00:05:23,935 --> 00:05:26,999
Well, maybe you just didn't
try hard enough, Brian.
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00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:28,833
You know what,
father from Family Circus?
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All you do is
judge other people.
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00:05:30,467 --> 00:05:32,999
Every day in the funnies,
all you do is judge.
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00:05:33,068 --> 00:05:34,833
Why don't you shut
your goddamn mouth
for once
127
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:38,099
and go home and fuck
your wife in the face?
128
00:05:38,168 --> 00:05:41,432
You know what? That's
exactly what I'm gonna do.
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00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,432
(SIGHING) Almost home.
130
00:06:00,501 --> 00:06:01,499
Oh, my God!
131
00:06:02,068 --> 00:06:03,233
(DOG YELPS)
132
00:06:04,934 --> 00:06:07,198
Please be okay.
Please be okay.
Please be okay.
133
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:08,765
Oh, thank God!
134
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:11,331
Okay, you're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be...
Oh, my God!
135
00:06:28,467 --> 00:06:33,765
Oh, my God, yes!
Brian killed a dog!
This is fantastic.
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00:06:33,835 --> 00:06:36,498
Mr. Swanson is
sleep-dragging again.
137
00:06:36,568 --> 00:06:39,033
I'm flying! I'm flying!
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00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:47,899
I clean in here?
139
00:06:47,968 --> 00:06:50,665
Yeah. That's fine. I'm just
reading the funnies,
so keep it down.
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00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:55,365
This is a very shocking
Family Circus.
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00:06:56,701 --> 00:06:58,899
(SPANISH RADIO SHOW PLAYING)
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00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:16,132
(SIGHING)
143
00:07:35,034 --> 00:07:36,599
There you are.
What?
144
00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:38,166
Well, you're jumpy.
145
00:07:38,234 --> 00:07:40,133
So, did you hear all
that noise last night?
146
00:07:40,202 --> 00:07:42,699
I swear to God it sounded
like somebody had an accident
147
00:07:42,768 --> 00:07:44,133
and maybe somebody got hurt.
148
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,100
What? What are you
talking about?
149
00:07:46,168 --> 00:07:47,465
Something must
have gone down.
150
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,133
The cops were
poking around.
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00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,866
What do you mean?
Like Joe?
152
00:07:50,935 --> 00:07:53,200
No. Staties, man. Staties.
153
00:07:53,267 --> 00:07:56,465
I wouldn't be surprised
if there's something in
the paper about it.
154
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:03,766
Oh, my God.
155
00:08:07,534 --> 00:08:08,565
STEWIE: (IN COUNTRY ACCENT)
Yeah?
156
00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:10,432
Yes. I'm calling about
the ad in the paper.
157
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,899
You seen my dog?
You calling about my dog?
158
00:08:12,968 --> 00:08:14,899
He's all I got because
I'm a young street tough
159
00:08:14,968 --> 00:08:16,665
and my parents ain't
so good to me.
160
00:08:16,734 --> 00:08:21,799
So, have you heard anything?
Did anybody see anything
or anybody?
161
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:25,632
I can see Old Reggie now,
sitting there with a smile
on his face,
162
00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:28,632
listening to me talk about
how daddy beats me
something fierce.
163
00:08:28,701 --> 00:08:31,298
Okay, so sounds
like no leads then?
164
00:08:31,367 --> 00:08:33,965
Oh, no, no. Doggy out.
What?
165
00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:35,832
Out.
I live here.
166
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,432
No, no. Afuera .
But, look, I'm trying...
167
00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:39,499
(EXCLAIMING)
168
00:08:39,567 --> 00:08:40,866
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
169
00:08:40,935 --> 00:08:42,432
STEWIE: Yes.
Could you please
put Brian back on?
170
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,699
No. No.
171
00:08:44,768 --> 00:08:46,265
Doggy afuera.
172
00:08:46,334 --> 00:08:47,699
You're the new housekeeper,
aren't you?
173
00:08:47,768 --> 00:08:48,933
(AGREEING IN SPANISH)
174
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:50,465
Listen, I don't
want to point fingers,
175
00:08:50,534 --> 00:08:52,699
but I'm missing about
$1,000 in play money.
176
00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:53,833
I take.
177
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:54,933
What? You took it?
178
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:55,999
(AGREEING IN SPANISH)
179
00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:57,133
Well, give it back!
180
00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:58,365
Come get, bitch.
181
00:09:06,267 --> 00:09:07,398
(SIGHING)
182
00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:09,966
(VACUUM CLEANER ROARING)
183
00:09:10,034 --> 00:09:13,232
(GROANING)
184
00:09:13,301 --> 00:09:14,732
(VACUUM CLEANER STOPS)
185
00:09:17,201 --> 00:09:18,233
(EXCLAIMS)
186
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,166
Jeez, can you
give me a break here?
187
00:09:20,235 --> 00:09:21,598
I clean toilet.
188
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,531
What?
I clean toilet.
189
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,398
What are you doing?
I'm on the john.
190
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:26,531
Is okay.
191
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,732
Please, leave.
192
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,233
Oh, okay.
193
00:09:31,868 --> 00:09:32,999
(SIGHS)
194
00:09:34,634 --> 00:09:35,732
This trash?
195
00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:38,366
Trash? What? No,
that's a functioning lamp.
196
00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:41,133
No. Is okay. I take home.
197
00:09:42,402 --> 00:09:44,932
What the hell is
happening right now?
198
00:09:47,468 --> 00:09:50,966
Hey, Brian. You want to see
what I drew in arts and
crafts at daycare?
199
00:09:51,034 --> 00:09:53,166
This is called Happy Son.
200
00:09:53,235 --> 00:09:57,465
This one is called
Silly Spaceman. See?
'Cause he's in the forest.
201
00:09:57,533 --> 00:10:01,599
And this one I call
A Live Dog Burying
Dead Dog.
202
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:02,765
This is a photograph!
203
00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:03,866
Oh, is it?
204
00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:06,065
Wait a minute!
You saw the whole thing?
205
00:10:06,134 --> 00:10:07,832
Yes, indeed.
206
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:11,665
(LAUGHING) Boy! Have I been
having some fun at your
expense, old man!
207
00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:13,099
How could you
do that to me?
208
00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:15,965
Do you have any idea
how upset I am about
all this?
209
00:10:16,034 --> 00:10:18,299
I killed one of my
own kind, Stewie.
210
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,899
How would you feel
if you killed a baby?
211
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,532
Well, I've killed seven,
but the point is
212
00:10:21,601 --> 00:10:24,732
you might feel better
if you just confess
to what you've done.
213
00:10:24,801 --> 00:10:27,032
(SIGHING)
Maybe you're right.
214
00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:36,233
Everyone, I have something
very important to tell you.
215
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,833
Is this about
Meg's cervical cancer?
What?
216
00:10:38,901 --> 00:10:42,100
(LAUGHING) You always
fall for that.
217
00:10:42,168 --> 00:10:45,866
You can't always fall
for that. You just can't.
218
00:10:45,935 --> 00:10:47,299
Go ahead, Brian.
219
00:10:47,368 --> 00:10:48,365
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
220
00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:53,933
Hi, Joe.
Thanks for coming.
221
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:58,032
Okay. Now that Joe's here,
I can say this in front
of all of you.
222
00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:02,632
Everyone, I am a criminal.
223
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,499
A few nights ago,
I committed a murder.
224
00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:08,732
Then I buried the body and
even went out of my way to
cover up the evidence.
225
00:11:08,801 --> 00:11:10,032
Oh, my God!
226
00:11:10,101 --> 00:11:12,232
These are very
serious charges, Brian.
227
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,632
I know.
And that's why
I'm prepared
228
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:18,065
for you to arrest me and
take me to jail where
I belong.
229
00:11:18,134 --> 00:11:21,065
I just couldn't take
the stress anymore.
I had to come clean.
230
00:11:21,134 --> 00:11:24,332
I mean, the truth is I didn't
even stop to find out if
he had an owner.
231
00:11:24,401 --> 00:11:26,198
I just completely...
Wait, wait. Owner?
232
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:27,432
What are you talking about?
233
00:11:27,501 --> 00:11:30,565
I just told you.
I hit and killed
a dog with my car.
234
00:11:31,901 --> 00:11:33,432
(ALL LAUGHING)
235
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:35,899
What?
236
00:11:35,967 --> 00:11:39,399
Brian, it's a dog.
That's not a crime.
237
00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:40,666
What do you mean?
238
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:43,899
Well, I mean, it's not
like you killed a person,
239
00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:46,532
or even ran over
somebody's mailbox.
240
00:11:46,601 --> 00:11:48,665
Killing a dog
is not a crime?
241
00:11:48,734 --> 00:11:51,400
(LAUGHING)
Of course not.
242
00:11:51,468 --> 00:11:54,366
Yeah, especially for you.
An animal killing
another animal.
243
00:11:54,434 --> 00:11:55,899
That happens
all the time.
244
00:11:57,601 --> 00:12:00,465
Hey, sweet ass.
Last night was fantastic.
245
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,332
Hello? Where'd you go?
246
00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:07,699
(GASPS)
247
00:12:10,334 --> 00:12:12,231
(SNARLS)
248
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:15,966
Oh. Well, then, I guess
I worried for nothing.
249
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:19,932
Yeah. Nobody cares
if a dog gets killed.
250
00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:23,033
I could do it, Brian!
I could do it right now
and nobody would say a thing.
251
00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:25,565
I could blow your brains out
and they'd throw me a parade!
252
00:12:25,634 --> 00:12:27,398
What?
I'm just
screwing around, Brian.
253
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:28,966
Nobody cares.
254
00:12:36,934 --> 00:12:38,032
Peter, what are you doing?
255
00:12:38,101 --> 00:12:39,532
She's still here, Lois.
256
00:12:39,601 --> 00:12:41,499
Wasn't she
supposed to leave,
like, two hours ago?
257
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:44,298
I thought so. Go ask
her what she's doing.
258
00:12:44,367 --> 00:12:46,532
I'm not asking her.
You go ask her.
259
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:51,499
Consuela, I thought you
finished cleaning hours ago.
260
00:12:51,567 --> 00:12:52,932
Yeah. What are you still
doing here?
261
00:12:53,001 --> 00:12:54,965
I wait for
rain to stop.
262
00:12:55,034 --> 00:12:56,532
It's time for you to go home.
263
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,933
Is too much rain.
I stay.
264
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:00,400
But it's gonna
rain all night.
265
00:13:00,467 --> 00:13:02,300
I sleep here.
266
00:13:02,368 --> 00:13:03,665
I don't know about that.
267
00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:05,033
I sleep here.
268
00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:09,431
Can I get some
covers over here?
269
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:13,066
No. No.
You fat keep you warm.
270
00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:22,166
No. No.
271
00:13:32,068 --> 00:13:34,732
You know, Brian,
I love it here at
the ice-cream shop.
272
00:13:34,801 --> 00:13:36,432
In fact,
this is gonna
be my happy place.
273
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,166
If I ever get
molested or raped,
274
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,598
this is the place I'm gonna
think of to make everything
all right.
275
00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:41,665
That's great, Stewie.
276
00:13:41,734 --> 00:13:43,332
Hey, what's up your fanny?
277
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,598
Nothing. I'm just...
I'm a little bummed
out from the other day.
278
00:13:46,667 --> 00:13:50,133
I just can't believe
our society actually values
the life of a dog
279
00:13:50,202 --> 00:13:52,332
less than
that of a human.
It's infuriating.
280
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:53,665
That is infuriating.
281
00:13:53,734 --> 00:13:55,300
Maybe you should
go bark at a tree
282
00:13:55,367 --> 00:13:56,999
and chew on your
balls for an hour.
283
00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:58,765
You know,
that's the problem.
284
00:13:58,835 --> 00:14:01,298
That's usually the way I'd
handle this kind of thing,
but not this time.
285
00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,033
I mean,
look at that
dog over there.
286
00:14:03,101 --> 00:14:05,632
You think he wants
to be tied to that chair
waiting in the hot sun
287
00:14:05,701 --> 00:14:08,132
while his owner gets
ice cream? Hell, no!
288
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:12,699
I am gonna make people see
that an animal's life is just
as important as a human's!
289
00:14:14,334 --> 00:14:17,432
Go, fellow canine!
Be free and enjoy life.
290
00:14:18,634 --> 00:14:19,799
(SNARLING)
291
00:14:19,868 --> 00:14:22,732
Oh, my God! Help! Help!
He's killing my dog!
292
00:14:24,101 --> 00:14:25,499
He's got my neck!
293
00:14:25,567 --> 00:14:27,866
(SCREAMING)
294
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:36,966
Oh, my God!
My dog is dead!
295
00:14:37,035 --> 00:14:39,532
Maybe that's why
he was tied up.
296
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,499
Meg, will you take
one of these and
pass it down, please?
297
00:14:47,568 --> 00:14:49,899
What's this?
I'm starting
a new advocacy group.
298
00:14:49,968 --> 00:14:52,466
The Quahog Animal
Equal Rights League.
299
00:14:52,534 --> 00:14:54,265
Our first meeting
is tomorrow night,
300
00:14:54,334 --> 00:14:56,899
and I'd really appreciate it
if you guys would come and
show your support.
301
00:14:56,968 --> 00:14:59,799
Well, of course we will,
Brian. We'd be happy
to come.
302
00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:01,832
Terrific. See,
I thought I'd start locally
303
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,366
and then maybe try to merge
with one of the larger groups.
304
00:15:04,435 --> 00:15:07,932
Oh, That's
a great idea, Brian.
Maybe you could join PETA.
305
00:15:08,001 --> 00:15:10,732
Join me for what?
No, PETA, the organization.
306
00:15:10,801 --> 00:15:12,265
What organization?
PETA.
307
00:15:12,334 --> 00:15:14,666
What?
PETA is an acronym, Peter.
308
00:15:14,734 --> 00:15:16,899
No, I'm not. I'm Catholic.
Are we really doing this?
309
00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:20,099
No. Peter,
I'm just saying maybe
if this meeting goes well,
310
00:15:20,168 --> 00:15:22,132
Brian could be
part of a PETA rally.
311
00:15:22,201 --> 00:15:23,665
Somebody's having
a rally for me now?
312
00:15:23,734 --> 00:15:24,965
No! For PETA!
313
00:15:25,034 --> 00:15:26,132
That's me! I'm Peter!
314
00:15:26,201 --> 00:15:28,033
I'm not talking
about you, Peter!
315
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:29,832
I'm talking about PETA!
316
00:15:29,901 --> 00:15:32,465
Somebody better have
something to say to me
pretty damn soon
317
00:15:32,534 --> 00:15:34,498
or I'm gonna have
something to say
to them.
318
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,066
I am very busy.
319
00:15:36,134 --> 00:15:37,766
I think Betty White
is in PETA.
320
00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:39,632
That doesn't even make
any sense!
321
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:44,999
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
322
00:15:46,968 --> 00:15:48,265
Oh. Hi, Consuela.
323
00:15:48,334 --> 00:15:50,199
Hello, Mr. Peter.
324
00:15:50,267 --> 00:15:54,933
No school today.
So, I bring my nephew Mikey.
325
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:56,599
You want to buy
a light-up yo-yo?
326
00:15:56,668 --> 00:15:58,232
Well, kind of.
327
00:16:00,567 --> 00:16:03,099
That's it!
Peter, we have got
to get rid of her.
328
00:16:03,167 --> 00:16:04,632
I couldn't agree more.
329
00:16:04,701 --> 00:16:06,532
Just let me see if Mikey
sells those things
with batteries
330
00:16:06,601 --> 00:16:08,466
or what the situation
is there.
331
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:13,732
Consuela, I'm sorry,
but this is not working out.
332
00:16:13,801 --> 00:16:15,165
We're asking you to go.
333
00:16:15,234 --> 00:16:17,966
No. I stay. I clean.
334
00:16:18,034 --> 00:16:19,399
You don't understand.
You're fired.
335
00:16:19,468 --> 00:16:21,432
No. I keep job.
336
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:24,331
Here. Here's $40 if
you leave right now.
337
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,332
No. I stay.
338
00:16:27,401 --> 00:16:29,832
God, she's more
stubborn than you are!
339
00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:32,799
Daddy, I want a turn
on the swing set.
No!
340
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:35,365
But you've gone for
two turns!
Get lost!
341
00:16:35,434 --> 00:16:37,432
It looks like fun
and I want to do it!
342
00:16:37,501 --> 00:16:40,498
No! I'm doing it!
I'm gonna do a big jump off!
343
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,598
(SCREAMING)
344
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,866
Get Mom!
Mom! Mom! Mom!
345
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:51,465
Good evening, everyone.
346
00:16:51,534 --> 00:16:54,165
I want to
thank you all for joining me
at this very important event.
347
00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:56,732
Animals are treated
as second-class citizens
348
00:16:56,801 --> 00:16:58,765
everywhere throughout
this nation.
349
00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:02,066
We kill them for food.
We humiliate them as pets.
350
00:17:02,135 --> 00:17:04,966
And we use them for medical
and cosmetic research.
351
00:17:05,034 --> 00:17:06,099
Take a look.
352
00:17:09,434 --> 00:17:10,699
MAN ON VIDEO:
Ladies and gentlemen,
353
00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:12,432
your animal brethren
need your help.
354
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,065
Everywhere they are crying out
355
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:18,099
in the hopes
that someone will hear.
In cosmetic research labs.
356
00:17:19,634 --> 00:17:21,332
Well, the lipstick
is not bulletproof.
357
00:17:21,401 --> 00:17:23,666
We know that now
for humans.
358
00:17:23,734 --> 00:17:25,233
MAN: On veal farms.
359
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:35,131
(CHEERING)
360
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,932
In photography studios.
361
00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:40,732
Get me
the fuck down from here.
What am I, a fucking clown?
362
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,832
Humans will
chuckle at this.
363
00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:45,432
MAN: And in simple
American households.
364
00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:47,398
Okay, Barney.
I'm going to
work now.
365
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,799
But I'm gonna
leave NPR on for you.
366
00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:53,565
DJ ON RADIO: Good day to you.
And welcome to
All Things Considered,
367
00:17:53,634 --> 00:17:57,465
a show where
we talk very softly
and right into the mic.
368
00:17:57,534 --> 00:18:01,231
Do you hear that?
I'm whispering right
in your ear.
369
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:04,665
I'm right in your ear.
Buzz, buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz.
370
00:18:04,735 --> 00:18:06,832
(WHIMPERING)
371
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:10,266
MAN: Won't you please
do your part to help?
Thank you.
372
00:18:10,335 --> 00:18:12,765
Wow! Inspiring stuff.
373
00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:14,498
Now, underneath
each one of your chairs,
374
00:18:14,567 --> 00:18:16,365
you'll find a pamphlet
with a simple list
375
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:18,532
of animal rights
dos and don'ts.
376
00:18:20,102 --> 00:18:21,766
Wait a minute.
I'm not allowed
to have steak?
377
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:24,066
Well, no. Steak is
made by killing cattle.
378
00:18:24,135 --> 00:18:25,798
No medical research?
379
00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:28,699
But how are we
supposed to find
cures for disease?
380
00:18:28,768 --> 00:18:30,865
Well, there are many more
promising research methods
381
00:18:30,934 --> 00:18:32,833
for curing disease
than animal testing.
382
00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:34,665
Name one.
I want a hamburger.
383
00:18:34,735 --> 00:18:36,399
I have a sudden
craving for quail.
384
00:18:36,468 --> 00:18:38,099
No, no!
You're missing the point!
385
00:18:38,168 --> 00:18:40,299
We've got to change
our way of thinking.
386
00:18:40,368 --> 00:18:43,065
Animals are miracles of
nature just like humans,
387
00:18:43,134 --> 00:18:45,166
but our society
hasn't figured that out!
388
00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:48,866
Did you know that in
some Asian countries they
actually cook and eat dogs?
389
00:18:48,935 --> 00:18:51,632
What? Oh, no!
390
00:18:51,701 --> 00:18:53,565
Are they good?
391
00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:55,032
Yeah, I wonder
what they taste like.
392
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:59,632
I would try it. I mean,
if everybody else was.
I'm adventurous.
393
00:18:59,701 --> 00:19:01,565
You know what? You know what?
This is driving me crazy.
394
00:19:01,634 --> 00:19:02,866
I want to eat a dog now.
395
00:19:02,935 --> 00:19:04,599
I say we eat that one!
396
00:19:04,668 --> 00:19:06,198
What?
Get him!
397
00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:07,799
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
398
00:19:12,601 --> 00:19:13,833
(BRIAN CRYING)
399
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:18,632
What the hell is this?
400
00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:21,099
Nobody gives
a damn about animals.
401
00:19:21,168 --> 00:19:24,432
I just never realized
how little meaning
my life had.
402
00:19:24,501 --> 00:19:26,865
Stewie, my life
isn't worth anything!
403
00:19:26,934 --> 00:19:30,232
Oh, come on! Hey!
404
00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:32,499
(BRIAN CONTINUES CRYING)
405
00:19:39,801 --> 00:19:42,666
Don't worry, Rupert. I know
how to get him out of
his funk.
406
00:19:42,734 --> 00:19:44,966
Poor bastard's
more upset than
I was when I read
407
00:19:45,034 --> 00:19:47,899
Curious George Goes to
His Gym Coach's Apartment.
408
00:19:47,968 --> 00:19:50,233
Monkeys aren't supposed
to drink chardonnay!
409
00:19:50,301 --> 00:19:52,865
He's tricking you!
Get out of there!
410
00:19:55,133 --> 00:19:57,032
(SPANISH SHOW PLAYING ON TV)
411
00:20:05,534 --> 00:20:08,732
Consuela, does this rag
smell like chloroform?
412
00:20:08,801 --> 00:20:11,132
No. No. Is no...
413
00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:19,132
I need more lemon Pledge.
414
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:21,999
Okay.
415
00:20:24,868 --> 00:20:26,099
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
416
00:20:27,867 --> 00:20:28,965
Is this
the Griffin household?
417
00:20:29,034 --> 00:20:30,198
Yes.
418
00:20:30,267 --> 00:20:32,298
There was a fire at
Quahog Liquor last night.
419
00:20:32,367 --> 00:20:36,132
No people were killed,
but the burned body of
a dog was found inside.
420
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,866
The tag on
the collar says he
lived here. I'm sorry.
421
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:42,366
Oh, my God! Brian!
422
00:20:42,434 --> 00:20:44,598
What the hell happened?
423
00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:46,132
Brian's dead!
424
00:20:48,634 --> 00:20:51,733
Hey, come here.
Got something
you'll want to see.
425
00:20:57,168 --> 00:20:59,532
I can't believe
Brian's dead.
426
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,665
My best friend
in the whole world
and he's gone.
427
00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:07,066
(CRYING)
428
00:21:07,134 --> 00:21:10,699
You know, Peter,
I think he was
also my best friend.
429
00:21:10,768 --> 00:21:13,065
He was
the smartest
person I knew.
430
00:21:13,134 --> 00:21:15,933
Nothing will ever
be the same again.
431
00:21:20,201 --> 00:21:23,699
Wow! I guess my
life does have meaning.
432
00:21:23,768 --> 00:21:27,466
I never realized how important
I was to this family.
433
00:21:27,534 --> 00:21:29,366
Wait a second.
Just to prove
a point to me,
434
00:21:29,434 --> 00:21:32,099
you burned down
a liquor store
and murdered a dog?
435
00:21:32,168 --> 00:21:33,666
Well, a stray.
436
00:21:34,368 --> 00:21:35,699
Thank you.
437
00:21:35,768 --> 00:21:37,733
Well, I guess
we should tell them
the truth now.
438
00:21:37,801 --> 00:21:40,299
Well, hold... Hold on a sec.
We could probably let them go
439
00:21:40,368 --> 00:21:41,932
for just a few more minutes.
440
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,499
(ALL CRYING)
441
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,899
Hi. We here
at Family Guy
want you to know that
442
00:21:51,968 --> 00:21:55,166
we respect all living beings
and assure you that
no animals
443
00:21:55,235 --> 00:21:57,399
were harmed in the
making of this episode.
444
00:21:57,468 --> 00:22:00,365
But we're
about to hurt the feelings
of this Italian opera singer
445
00:22:00,434 --> 00:22:03,366
by prematurely dropping the
curtain on his performance.
446
00:22:03,434 --> 00:22:05,132
(SINGING LARGO AL FACTOTUM)
447
00:22:43,834 --> 00:22:44,832
English - US - Line 21