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00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:05,866
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,934 --> 00:00:09,198
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,266 --> 00:00:12,631
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:15,799
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,867 --> 00:00:19,165
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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00:00:19,233 --> 00:00:22,498
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,567 --> 00:00:24,099
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:25,865
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:30,965
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:43,634 --> 00:00:45,598
Oh, it sure was nice
of you to invite us out
11
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:47,198
on your yacht,
Mr. Pewterschmidt.
12
00:00:47,267 --> 00:00:49,565
It's not a boat,
it's a yacht!
Oh, I'm sorry.
13
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I thought you said
it was a boat.
14
00:00:51,433 --> 00:00:54,132
This thing is great.
Bet you could sail it
all the way to the Caribbean.
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00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,865
(IN JAMAICAN ACCENT)
Hey, American women,
16
00:00:55,934 --> 00:00:57,665
when was the last
time you were raped,
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00:00:57,734 --> 00:00:59,798
murdered,
and stuffed in
a lobster pot?
18
00:00:59,867 --> 00:01:01,632
Well, what you
waiting for?
19
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:05,066
Come to the Virgin
Dutch Front Saint Port
Croix Lucia Antilles.
20
00:01:05,134 --> 00:01:07,298
It's only a hop, skip,
and a small plane ride
21
00:01:07,366 --> 00:01:09,032
that scares you
something terrible.
22
00:01:09,101 --> 00:01:11,531
Hungry sharks,
strong, rapey men,
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00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,598
and them silverfish
that you step on and scream.
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00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:17,631
With money so colorful,
you forget that
it's worthless!
25
00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:19,832
So, bring your big
white ass down here.
26
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:22,099
♪ Come to the island
where I live
27
00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:25,066
♪ And you got
a pretty good chance
To make it home ♪
28
00:01:29,168 --> 00:01:30,865
Wow, it's beautiful
down there.
29
00:01:30,934 --> 00:01:33,898
I just can't believe it
really looks like this.
30
00:01:33,967 --> 00:01:38,032
Boy, the fish tank at
daycare really nailed it.
31
00:01:38,101 --> 00:01:40,298
Lois, are you
feeling all right?
32
00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:42,531
I'm just a little
seasick, that's all.
33
00:01:45,101 --> 00:01:48,866
STEWIE:
Oh, my God! (CHUCKLES)
Brian's eating it.
34
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,464
Boy, that's a lot
of puke, Lois.
35
00:01:50,533 --> 00:01:52,865
I ain't seen that much puke
since my bachelor party.
36
00:01:52,934 --> 00:01:54,698
Your what?
My bachelor party.
37
00:01:54,767 --> 00:01:55,832
What's that?
38
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:56,898
You don't know what
a bachelor party is?
39
00:01:56,967 --> 00:01:58,298
No!
When you got married,
40
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,398
didn't you have,
like, a bachelor party
with all your friends?
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00:02:00,467 --> 00:02:01,665
My what?
42
00:02:01,734 --> 00:02:03,498
Oh, my God.
Well, we are
gonna fix that.
43
00:02:03,567 --> 00:02:06,732
Carter, I am gonna throw you
the best bachelor party ever!
44
00:02:06,801 --> 00:02:07,865
Why would you
do that?
45
00:02:07,934 --> 00:02:09,264
'Cause I'm your pal
and I want to help.
46
00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:10,665
Like Cheeseburger Helper.
47
00:02:11,433 --> 00:02:12,731
Hey there, Peter!
48
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,865
How would you like to take
a half a pound of hamburger
49
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:17,798
and make a delicious meal
for the whole family?
50
00:02:17,867 --> 00:02:19,632
Sure!
Okay, then let's...
51
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:24,032
Hold on there, Peter!
I've got
something even better!
52
00:02:24,101 --> 00:02:25,999
Oh, really?
You bet.
53
00:02:26,068 --> 00:02:28,298
How would you like to take
a half-pound of hamburger
54
00:02:28,366 --> 00:02:33,231
and make a delicious
meal for the whole
family with cheese?
55
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,099
What?
56
00:02:35,168 --> 00:02:37,166
I don't...
I could just take cheese
57
00:02:37,233 --> 00:02:38,431
and put it on the
thing he's doing.
58
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:40,499
No! It won't
be the same!
59
00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:43,599
Look, he's my brother.
He didn't get
enough oxygen at birth.
60
00:02:43,667 --> 00:02:45,899
He's never gonna
be quite in step
with the rest of us,
61
00:02:45,968 --> 00:02:48,199
and this is sort of my way
of taking care of him.
62
00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:50,498
Well, that's nice of you,
but it was so much simpler
63
00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:52,233
when it was just you
and me doing our thing.
64
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,066
I know, but just
let him have this one.
65
00:02:54,135 --> 00:02:57,065
Odds are he won't
even come back
with the actual food.
66
00:02:57,134 --> 00:02:59,531
Okay, Cheeseburger Helper,
you're on!
67
00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:03,498
Yay! Cheese,
cheese, cheese! Yay!
68
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:07,132
I'm so sorry for your burden.
You're a good brother.
69
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,264
(LOUD THUMPING MUSIC)
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00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:12,799
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
71
00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:17,232
So, what do you think, Carter?
You having a good time?
72
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:19,331
I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to do
with myself.
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00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,732
I'm very uncomfortable.
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00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,899
Why don't you get
a lap dance,
Mr. Pewterschmidt?
75
00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:25,399
No, Peter's crippled friend,
I think I'm just gonna leave.
76
00:03:25,467 --> 00:03:26,765
This was a stupid idea.
77
00:03:26,834 --> 00:03:28,932
Oh, come on,
you just gotta relax
and cut loose,
78
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,799
like those
foreign guys
over there.
79
00:03:30,867 --> 00:03:33,232
I can't believe
I'm back at the horse.
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00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:36,932
I had many drinks
last night and I was
so hung out this morning.
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00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:40,598
Me, too, friend.
I was blowing
chinks like crazy.
82
00:03:40,667 --> 00:03:42,165
When I finally
returned to sleep,
83
00:03:42,234 --> 00:03:44,565
the waste man came
right outside my window.
84
00:03:44,634 --> 00:03:47,565
Well,
I'll tell you this, Tonick,
a little hair from the dog
85
00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:49,499
is just what
the doctor ascribed.
86
00:03:49,567 --> 00:03:51,365
I hear you, friend.
87
00:03:51,434 --> 00:03:54,865
Now, let's sit on
chairs next to each other
and get dick dances.
88
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,531
Boy, this is fun, eh?
89
00:03:56,601 --> 00:03:58,131
Except for the fact
we gotta sit
next to that woman
90
00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,699
who came with
her co-workers.
91
00:03:59,767 --> 00:04:01,332
(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
Aren't we all pals?
92
00:04:01,401 --> 00:04:03,899
I work at the office.
This is empowering.
93
00:04:03,968 --> 00:04:05,465
Maybe I'll get
a dance, huh?
94
00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:07,498
You guys are probably
gonna be talking about
this forever.
95
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:10,865
A woman who's so cool
with all of this? Jackpot!
96
00:04:10,934 --> 00:04:12,465
All right, here's
a cute-looking one.
97
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:15,399
Excuse me, miss?
This older gentleman
would like a lap dance.
98
00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:19,465
What am I supposed to do?
99
00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:21,331
Nothing.
You just sit there
and enjoy yourself.
100
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,265
Do I...
Do I stick the money
directly inside of her?
101
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:26,099
No, you do not.
Why, have you
done that before?
102
00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:27,665
(LAUGHING)
103
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,165
Doesn't go over.
When do I hit her?
104
00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:31,799
For crying out loud,
just drink this.
105
00:04:31,868 --> 00:04:36,332
And you,
give this old bastard
the ride of his life.
106
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,398
Yeah!
107
00:04:37,466 --> 00:04:38,498
All right, go, Carter!
108
00:04:38,567 --> 00:04:40,199
(SHOUTING)
Get some!
Get some!
109
00:04:40,267 --> 00:04:42,433
Hey, Joe, that's, like,
right in my fucking ear.
110
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,499
(STUTTERS) Look, I...
Stop it! Peter, I...
111
00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:45,999
Whoa! (LAUGHS)
112
00:04:46,067 --> 00:04:49,632
Boy, she's bendy!
Wow! Yes!
113
00:04:50,301 --> 00:04:52,032
Awesome! All right!
114
00:04:52,101 --> 00:04:54,799
Oh! (GROANING)
115
00:04:54,868 --> 00:04:56,398
Oh, my God!
What's happening to him?
116
00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:58,699
I'm having a heart
attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack!
117
00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:00,765
You ought to know by now!
118
00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:04,798
Oh, my God!
119
00:05:04,868 --> 00:05:07,365
Is my father gonna
be okay, Dr. House?
120
00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,199
He's in a coma,
Mrs. Griffin,
121
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:12,798
and listening
to the sound of your voice,
I'd say he's the lucky one.
122
00:05:12,868 --> 00:05:16,065
Oh, dear!
I do hope there's
something to be done.
123
00:05:16,134 --> 00:05:19,365
Dr. House, if you're
gonna save this patient,
you'll need this.
124
00:05:21,134 --> 00:05:24,698
Get this thing
out of my sight!
125
00:05:24,767 --> 00:05:26,432
But wait a second!
How are you gonna
play by the rules
126
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:29,231
if you don't have
the rule... Oh!
127
00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:32,298
My methods are a little
unorthodox, Mr. Griffin.
128
00:05:32,367 --> 00:05:34,099
I think I can help.
129
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,899
What are you doing?
My job.
130
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,798
Sometimes people
fake being in a coma.
This man's not.
131
00:05:38,868 --> 00:05:40,932
Unless, of course,
the first punch
knocked him out,
132
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,398
in which case
we won't know
for some time.
133
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:44,665
House.
134
00:05:44,734 --> 00:05:45,865
Roadhouse.
135
00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:47,099
That, too.
136
00:05:49,967 --> 00:05:51,632
Any word on Carter's
condition yet?
137
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:55,199
No, it's been three days,
and I'm really starting to
get worried.
138
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:57,365
What if he's in
a coma for, like,
20 years
139
00:05:57,433 --> 00:05:59,765
and he comes out of the coma
and you guys are all dead,
140
00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:02,665
but I'm still alive
and I'm a famous
racecar driver,
141
00:06:02,734 --> 00:06:05,798
and he's like, "Oh, man,
Stewie turned out awesome!"
142
00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:07,265
And he comes to
one of my races,
143
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,665
and I'm so surprised
to see him there, I crash,
144
00:06:09,734 --> 00:06:11,699
and then I'm in
a coma for 20 years,
145
00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:14,065
and I wake up and
he's a racecar driver.
146
00:06:14,134 --> 00:06:16,199
Stewie, do you want
to be a racecar driver
when you grow up?
147
00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:18,199
Well, gosh, if you
think I'd be good at it.
148
00:06:18,267 --> 00:06:21,199
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
149
00:06:21,267 --> 00:06:24,598
Hello, Mrs. Griffin,
I'm Kenneth Gould,
Mr. Pewterschmidt's attorney.
150
00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:26,432
I'd like to talk to you
about a few things.
151
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,631
As part of
Mr. Pewterschmidt's
estate planning,
152
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:32,499
he has left video wills
applicable to a wide
variety of situations.
153
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:36,498
Hello. If you're
watching this,
154
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:38,665
it means they
didn't cut the rope
when I climaxed.
155
00:06:38,734 --> 00:06:39,998
As a result, I'm now dead.
156
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,132
KENNETH: That's not it.
157
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,599
If you're watching this one,
158
00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:44,298
it means the train wasn't
able to push the DeLorean
159
00:06:44,367 --> 00:06:47,665
up to 88 miles per hour,
and I'm still stuck in 1885.
160
00:06:47,734 --> 00:06:48,899
KENNETH:
This could
take a while.
161
00:06:48,967 --> 00:06:50,798
...eaten by sharks
while snorkeling...
162
00:06:50,867 --> 00:06:52,999
...stabbed to death
in a Toys R Us bathroom.
163
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,066
...1940s roller skate
left in the hall.
164
00:06:55,134 --> 00:06:56,698
...death by chocolate...
165
00:06:56,768 --> 00:06:58,365
No, no, leave it in.
166
00:06:58,434 --> 00:06:59,665
...had a heart attack
and have slipped into
a coma.
167
00:06:59,734 --> 00:07:01,065
KENNETH: Here we go.
In that case,
168
00:07:01,134 --> 00:07:03,832
I leave control of my company,
Pewterschmidt Industries,
169
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:05,132
to my daughter Lois.
170
00:07:05,201 --> 00:07:06,865
What?
171
00:07:06,933 --> 00:07:09,532
I don't know the first
thing about running a
billion-dollar company.
172
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,831
The board of directors
is fully prepared to run the
company in Carter's absence,
173
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,532
if that's what you'd
prefer, Mrs. Griffin.
174
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,565
Well, yes, I think
that'd be best.
175
00:07:16,634 --> 00:07:19,032
Well, now,
wait a second, Lois.
I could run the company.
176
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:23,632
You? You can't run
a business that size.
You have no experience.
177
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:24,698
You know what
that is, Lois?
178
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:26,399
That's you playing
by the rule book.
179
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:28,966
And I don't play
by the rule book.
Right, Dr. House?
180
00:07:29,034 --> 00:07:31,765
Well, don't ask me.
My superiors think
I'm crazy.
181
00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:33,765
(SHOUTING GIBBERISH)
182
00:07:33,834 --> 00:07:36,199
Scared you, didn't I?
House.
183
00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:38,931
House.
And I'm gonna
run the company.
184
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:47,065
Well, Lois, I'm off
to my first day as
a corporate bigwig.
185
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,965
I'm not so sure
about this, Peter.
186
00:07:49,034 --> 00:07:50,698
I mean, that's
Daddy's company.
187
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:53,132
He spent his whole
life building it
from the ground up,
188
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,498
and you don't know anything
about running a big business.
189
00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,498
Whoa, whoa. Thanks for
the vote of confidence.
190
00:07:57,567 --> 00:08:00,499
Jeez, you're a bigger downer
than a German bedtime story.
191
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:03,865
(MAN READING IN GERMAN ACCENT)
192
00:08:16,101 --> 00:08:20,499
And in addition, Pewterschmidt
Industries' pharmaceutical
division is up over 30%,
193
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,699
profits in new media
have doubled each quarter
over the past year,
194
00:08:23,767 --> 00:08:25,632
and our stock is
at an all-time high.
195
00:08:25,701 --> 00:08:26,899
(DOOR SLAMS OPEN)
196
00:08:26,968 --> 00:08:28,765
All right, stand aside.
I'll take it from here.
197
00:08:28,834 --> 00:08:31,132
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
My name is Peter Griffin.
198
00:08:31,201 --> 00:08:34,898
I will be running the company
from hence here forth.
199
00:08:34,967 --> 00:08:38,032
Now, I want you all to lay
some business talk on me.
I need ideas.
200
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,532
What can we do to make this
quarter more quarterly?
201
00:08:42,234 --> 00:08:43,765
Well, come on, come on.
202
00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:46,165
(MEN CLEARING THROATS)
203
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,198
Okay, I can see
I'm gonna have to
get things rolling.
204
00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:50,831
All right,
we're gonna do an exercise
called the idea ball.
205
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:52,398
I'm gonna toss
a ball to one of you,
206
00:08:52,467 --> 00:08:54,598
and whoever catches it,
throw out
the first idea you got,
207
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,132
then pass the ball
to the next guy,
208
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,632
and he throws out
an idea and so on.
209
00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:58,699
Everybody clear?
210
00:08:58,767 --> 00:09:00,465
Yeah.
211
00:09:00,534 --> 00:09:02,465
All right, here we go.
212
00:09:02,534 --> 00:09:03,565
(GRUNTS)
213
00:09:03,634 --> 00:09:04,865
All right, Abrams,
what do you got?
214
00:09:04,934 --> 00:09:07,198
My lung's collapsing.
215
00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:09,498
You know what
I'm hearing,
gentlemen?
216
00:09:09,567 --> 00:09:11,631
(SIGHS) What's the
best way to put this?
217
00:09:12,934 --> 00:09:14,932
What I'm hearing...
218
00:09:19,268 --> 00:09:21,299
What I'm hearing is
a lot of yesterday talk.
219
00:09:21,368 --> 00:09:23,598
This isn't the way
we're gonna do things
under my leadership.
220
00:09:23,667 --> 00:09:25,498
We are gonna turn
this company around.
221
00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:28,599
But, sir,
the company's doing fine.
Better than ever, in fact.
222
00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:29,865
Mr. Pewterschmidt would...
223
00:09:29,933 --> 00:09:31,232
I don't care what
Mr. Pewterschmidt
would have done.
224
00:09:31,301 --> 00:09:34,531
We need to take risks.
We need a complete overhaul.
225
00:09:34,601 --> 00:09:36,299
Gentlemen, you're all fired.
226
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,866
(ALL GASPING)
What?
227
00:09:37,934 --> 00:09:40,698
There, now that
I've got your attention,
you're all fired.
228
00:09:44,967 --> 00:09:47,098
Peter, what the hell
is going on?
229
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:49,365
You fired everybody
at Daddy's company?
230
00:09:49,434 --> 00:09:51,199
You bet.
Are you out
of your mind?
231
00:09:51,268 --> 00:09:52,865
Keep it up, Lois,
I might fire you.
232
00:09:52,934 --> 00:09:54,166
You wouldn't.
233
00:09:54,234 --> 00:09:57,464
Does the name Lacey Chabert
mean anything to you?
234
00:09:57,533 --> 00:09:58,531
Okay, I'll behave.
235
00:09:58,600 --> 00:09:59,765
Yes, you will.
236
00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:01,232
Look, Peter,
all I'm saying is,
237
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,665
those guys have been
with Daddy for years.
238
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:05,899
How are you supposed
to run that
company without them?
239
00:10:05,967 --> 00:10:07,032
That's it, Lois,
you're fired.
240
00:10:07,101 --> 00:10:08,765
Chris, you are now
Meg's mother.
241
00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:12,632
Ooh, Peter,
your muscles
are so muscley.
242
00:10:12,701 --> 00:10:15,365
I am gonna plow you
so hard later.
243
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:21,798
You are a team of
executives I can trust.
244
00:10:21,867 --> 00:10:25,431
Brian, Quagmire, Mort,
you are gonna be
my creative team.
245
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,166
You are gonna help me lead
this company into the future.
246
00:10:28,235 --> 00:10:31,032
Peter, we don't know
anything more than you do
about running a company.
247
00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:32,099
Hey, where's Joe?
248
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:33,599
I think he's
still outside.
249
00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:37,432
Hey, Joe! What're you
doing down there?
250
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:40,199
There's no ramp!
I can't get inside!
251
00:10:40,267 --> 00:10:41,331
Well, we don't
need him anyway.
252
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,032
This company's gonna
make it on my ideas.
253
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,899
Here are the products
we'll be unveiling
in the new fiscal year.
254
00:10:46,968 --> 00:10:48,965
The African-American
heart monitor.
255
00:10:49,034 --> 00:10:53,465
DEEP MALE VOICE: Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
256
00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:55,331
Oh, he dead.
257
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,198
(READING)
258
00:10:57,267 --> 00:11:00,965
If you're looking
for marshmallows,
there are none.
259
00:11:01,034 --> 00:11:03,865
It's quite bland,
I assure you.
260
00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:05,698
And Scream in a Box.
261
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,465
(MAN SCREAMING)
262
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:09,032
I needed that today.
263
00:11:09,101 --> 00:11:11,398
And now, new
Lady Scream in a Box.
264
00:11:11,467 --> 00:11:13,165
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
265
00:11:13,234 --> 00:11:15,899
Finally, a scream
that's right for me!
266
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:23,099
Well, it's good
to see everyone's adapting
to their new business roles.
267
00:11:23,168 --> 00:11:24,999
Brian, I like
your successories.
268
00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:31,098
I will.
I will go get it.
269
00:11:35,467 --> 00:11:37,865
Mr. Quagmire, the Davidson
account is waiting for you
270
00:11:37,933 --> 00:11:39,731
in the conference room.
All right, thanks, Marlene.
271
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:44,565
Tell them I'll be right in.
All right, Glenn,
time to go make millions.
272
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,565
What happened
to you, man?
273
00:11:47,634 --> 00:11:49,165
I grew up!
That's what happened!
274
00:11:49,234 --> 00:11:51,132
What happened
to the free-loving
Quagmire
275
00:11:51,201 --> 00:11:53,098
who was banging
10 chicks at a time?
276
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:54,598
I still do that.
277
00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:56,165
Oh. Good.
278
00:11:56,234 --> 00:11:58,165
Yep.
Can I have some money?
279
00:11:58,234 --> 00:11:59,299
Get out of here,
you bum!
280
00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:00,399
All right.
281
00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:08,066
DEEP MALE VOICE: Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
282
00:12:08,134 --> 00:12:09,165
He's aight.
283
00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:10,831
Daddy, you're awake!
284
00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:13,565
Oh, Carter,
I'm so relieved.
285
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,665
(GROANS)
What happened?
Where am I?
286
00:12:15,733 --> 00:12:18,831
You had a heart attack, Daddy,
but you're all right now.
287
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:19,965
DEEP MALE VOICE:
Yeah, he cool.
288
00:12:20,034 --> 00:12:21,565
What the hell
is that?
289
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:24,165
It's an African-American
heart monitor
made by your company.
290
00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:25,231
What?
291
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:26,665
Yes, it has
two settings,
292
00:12:26,733 --> 00:12:28,865
Barry White
and Bill Cosby.
293
00:12:28,934 --> 00:12:32,065
(MONITOR BEEPING
IN BILL COSBY'S VOICE)
294
00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:33,731
My company makes
no such thing.
295
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,098
Well, you see, Daddy,
when you were in a coma,
296
00:12:36,167 --> 00:12:39,065
Peter stepped in
and took charge of
Pewterschmidt Industries.
297
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:42,531
(BILL COSBY SCATTING)
298
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,032
Ghost Dad!
299
00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:50,364
Well, you made it, Peter.
You're a big shot.
300
00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:52,865
In charge of
a whole bunch
of people.
301
00:12:52,934 --> 00:12:54,665
Peggy, hold my calls
for a few minutes, please.
302
00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:56,198
PEGGY: Yes, Mr. Griffin.
303
00:12:56,266 --> 00:13:01,066
Well, buddy, you're in love
with Peggy. What a mess.
304
00:13:01,134 --> 00:13:03,198
Griffin! Get the hell
out of my building!
305
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:05,499
Holy crap,
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
you're okay!
306
00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:06,898
You're damn right
I'm okay,
307
00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:09,165
and I'm here
to reassume charge
of my company.
308
00:13:09,234 --> 00:13:12,499
Maybe I don't want to leave.
Maybe I like being a fat cat.
309
00:13:12,567 --> 00:13:13,731
What are you saying?
310
00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:15,333
I'm saying
it's my company now,
311
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:16,631
and it's better
than it ever was
312
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:17,999
when you were
running it.
313
00:13:18,068 --> 00:13:20,166
Security, we have a situation
in the conference room.
314
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,466
I'll give you
a situation,
you fat turd!
315
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:24,899
Gentlemen, please remove
this man from the building.
316
00:13:24,967 --> 00:13:27,832
What the...
I'm Carter Pewterschmidt!
This is my company!
317
00:13:27,901 --> 00:13:28,899
Throw that guy out!
318
00:13:28,967 --> 00:13:29,998
Sorry,
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
319
00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:31,798
but we work for
Mr. Griffin now.
320
00:13:31,868 --> 00:13:34,299
You can't do this to me!
Do you know who I am?
321
00:13:34,368 --> 00:13:37,433
I'm Carter Pewterschmidt!
I'm not getting in that
elevator!
322
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:41,032
Don't you dare throw
me out of this lobby!
Don't you... Damn it!
323
00:13:41,101 --> 00:13:42,199
Hey, what are you
doing out here?
324
00:13:42,268 --> 00:13:43,731
JOE: I can't get
in the building!
325
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:45,099
Peggy?
326
00:13:45,168 --> 00:13:46,465
Yes, Mr. Griffin.
327
00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,799
That fart I have at 3:00,
can you push that up to now?
328
00:13:48,868 --> 00:13:50,398
Very good, sir.
329
00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:52,365
(FARTING)
330
00:13:58,234 --> 00:14:01,698
Lois, how could you
let your idiot husband
take over my company?
331
00:14:01,767 --> 00:14:03,331
He fired all my staff,
332
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,698
his stupid ideas
are bankrupting
Pewterschmidt Industries,
333
00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:06,998
and now he won't
step down!
334
00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:08,065
I know, Daddy.
335
00:14:08,134 --> 00:14:10,132
He's become
so full of himself.
336
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,965
He's more annoying
than when he's making
his Christmas list.
337
00:14:13,034 --> 00:14:15,799
Now, Peter, are you
sure this is all you
want for Christmas?
338
00:14:15,867 --> 00:14:17,565
I'm only going
to the mall once.
339
00:14:17,634 --> 00:14:19,299
Yeah, yeah,
that's it.
340
00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:20,598
ANNOUNCER:
All new this Christmas,
341
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:23,665
remote control cars
that glow in the dark!
342
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,264
PETER: Get that!
343
00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:32,832
I've run that company
for 40 years.
344
00:14:32,901 --> 00:14:35,364
He even froze
my corporate bank
accounts. I'm broke!
345
00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:38,732
Oh! That's ridiculous.
I'll talk to him
as soon as he gets home.
346
00:14:38,801 --> 00:14:39,832
(JET SOARING)
347
00:14:39,901 --> 00:14:41,299
What the hell is that?
348
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:56,632
Damn it, Peter!
Your plane set
my lawn on fire!
349
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:57,698
Here, that ought
to cover it.
350
00:14:57,767 --> 00:14:59,698
Peter, I don't
want your money!
351
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:02,799
Well, fine, then.
Have a box of
Jeremy Irons Cereal.
352
00:15:02,867 --> 00:15:06,732
If you're looking for
a prize at the bottom,
there is none.
353
00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:09,799
Only more cardboard.
354
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,731
Peter, this has
gone on long enough.
355
00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:14,531
I want you to make things
right with Daddy.
It's his company.
356
00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:18,265
It's my company.
It's your company.
Three's company.
357
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,665
Where the kisses are
hers and hers and his.
358
00:15:20,734 --> 00:15:21,932
What?
I'm sorry, Lois.
359
00:15:22,001 --> 00:15:23,832
We all had some
pot brownies
on the plane.
360
00:15:23,901 --> 00:15:26,131
Hey, Peter, are you
seeing this rabbit?
361
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,099
No.
Well, I sure am.
362
00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:31,731
You know something?
You're not qualified
to sit in that chair.
363
00:15:31,801 --> 00:15:33,999
Oh, aren't I?
364
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,532
(BOTH SCREAMING)
365
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:38,632
Maybe there's
a rabbit head
under here.
366
00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:40,632
(SCREAMING)
367
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:42,132
Peter, all of
my father's assets
368
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,998
are tied up
in that corporation.
369
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:46,931
If you freeze up his money,
he's not gonna have
anything to live on.
370
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,032
Now, you are gonna make amends
with Daddy and that's final.
371
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,865
All right, Lois,
if that's what you want.
372
00:15:51,933 --> 00:15:54,499
Mr. Pewterschmidt, be
in my office tomorrow
morning at 9:00.
373
00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:57,399
I'm sure we can
figure something out.
374
00:15:57,467 --> 00:16:00,065
(LAUGHS MENACINGLY)
375
00:16:00,134 --> 00:16:03,165
Hmm. I don't know if I like
the sound of that laugh.
376
00:16:03,234 --> 00:16:06,565
I knew I didn't
like the sound of that laugh!
Peter, this is unacceptable!
377
00:16:06,634 --> 00:16:08,599
What gives you the right
to treat me like this?
378
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:11,465
You've been treating me
like crap for 20 years,
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
379
00:16:11,534 --> 00:16:14,165
and now
I'm the one in charge.
Hang on a second.
380
00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:16,598
(SHARPENER WHIRRING)
381
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:26,599
Clean that up.
382
00:16:29,233 --> 00:16:32,198
Carter, as your boss,
I command you to have
a viewing party
383
00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:34,465
for tonight's episode
of The Big Bang Theory,
384
00:16:34,534 --> 00:16:36,898
and you have to go
cubicle to cubicle
inviting people.
385
00:16:36,967 --> 00:16:39,298
Come on, Peter.
I'm not good
with rejection.
386
00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:41,732
I'm your boss.
Now do it!
387
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:47,165
Hi. I was gonna catch
The Big Bang Theory tonight,
388
00:16:47,234 --> 00:16:49,632
and wondered if you wanted
to come over and watch.
389
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:51,332
What? What is that?
390
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,999
It's a comedy.
It's on CBS.
I'm really into it.
391
00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:56,632
I don't want to watch that.
I don't want to watch it
with you.
392
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,165
All right, if you change
your mind, here's a flyer.
393
00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:02,298
If you do decide to come,
I'm just asking that you
bring an appetizer.
394
00:17:02,366 --> 00:17:04,099
Yeah, I'm not
gonna do that.
395
00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:06,431
See, Peter, I told you!
No one wants to come!
396
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:07,832
This is awful.
You're not off the hook.
397
00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,532
You still gotta
have that party.
398
00:17:11,401 --> 00:17:12,598
Babs, you want
to sit and watch...
399
00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:14,132
No.
400
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:19,131
I'll have you know that
I can bench press over
690 billion nanograms.
401
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,198
Sheldon, that's less
than two pounds.
402
00:17:21,266 --> 00:17:22,732
It sounded better
the way I said it.
403
00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:24,398
(LAUGHING)
404
00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:27,332
When I tell that joke
at work tomorrow, people...
405
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,699
People are gonna be
sorry they didn't come.
406
00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:32,599
They're gonna...
This was a good night.
407
00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,965
Carter, as your boss,
I'm ordering you
to pay a compliment
408
00:17:38,034 --> 00:17:40,431
to this
sharply-dressed
Asian man.
409
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:41,665
You look very nice.
410
00:17:41,734 --> 00:17:44,265
What else?
What about my shoe?
411
00:17:44,334 --> 00:17:45,332
They're nice, too.
412
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,932
How you think
my house smell?
413
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,332
Not oniony?
414
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,632
You good, man.
415
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:52,665
I pat you on the head
and feed you from the hand.
416
00:17:58,134 --> 00:18:01,532
And then he made me
clean out the fridge
in the employee lounge,
417
00:18:01,601 --> 00:18:02,999
and the employees
were mad at me
418
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:05,598
because I threw out food
that they still wanted.
419
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:06,865
I don't know
what's in there!
420
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:08,099
That's it!
421
00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:10,199
Peter is completely
out of control!
422
00:18:10,268 --> 00:18:13,498
We've gotta do something
to take him down and get
your company back.
423
00:18:13,566 --> 00:18:15,099
Right, right, but how?
424
00:18:15,168 --> 00:18:18,398
In order to oust an idiot,
we've got to think like
an idiot.
425
00:18:18,466 --> 00:18:22,364
Let's see.
What's Peter's weakness?
He's gotta have a weakness.
426
00:18:24,366 --> 00:18:25,899
Swamp monsters.
427
00:18:25,967 --> 00:18:28,266
Swamp monsters!
Of course!
428
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:33,699
Lois, what are you
doing here?
429
00:18:33,767 --> 00:18:35,899
I just wanted to make sure
everything was okay.
430
00:18:35,968 --> 00:18:37,364
Of course it's okay.
Why wouldn't it be?
431
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:39,765
You know, that whole
swamp monster story.
432
00:18:39,834 --> 00:18:40,832
Swamp monster?
433
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,665
You haven't heard?
Heard what?
434
00:18:42,734 --> 00:18:44,698
Oh, I'm sure
it's nothing.
435
00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:46,431
It's just, apparently
somebody flushed
436
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,331
a baby swamp monster
down the toilet
437
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,898
somewhere not
far from here.
438
00:18:49,967 --> 00:18:52,899
What? Who would flush
a baby swamp monster?
439
00:18:52,968 --> 00:18:54,266
Don't they know
what would happen?
440
00:18:54,335 --> 00:18:56,233
Well, apparently,
it has happened.
441
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:59,665
And now it's grown up
and is attacking
important businessmen.
442
00:18:59,734 --> 00:19:01,498
I'm an important
businessman!
443
00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:03,799
(FAINT GROWLING)
444
00:19:03,867 --> 00:19:04,965
What the hell was that?
445
00:19:05,034 --> 00:19:07,098
It sounds like maybe
a swamp monster
446
00:19:07,167 --> 00:19:09,399
who needs to project
a little more.
447
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:13,166
(GROWLING)
448
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,332
Crap!
449
00:19:15,934 --> 00:19:17,999
(YELLS) A swamp monster!
450
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:23,331
Quick, Peter, sign
this legal document giving
the company back to Daddy,
451
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,532
so you won't
get eaten!
452
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,531
I don't understand,
but nothing makes sense
453
00:19:26,601 --> 00:19:28,966
in these swamp monster times.
(YELLS)
454
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:31,531
We did it, Daddy!
455
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,432
I have my husband back,
and you have your company.
456
00:19:34,501 --> 00:19:35,598
Sorry I'm late, Lois.
457
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:37,665
Okay, are we doing
the swamp monster thing?
458
00:19:37,734 --> 00:19:39,765
Wait, if you're
Daddy, then who...
459
00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:44,498
BOTH: (STAMMERING)
Swamp monster!
460
00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:13,799
Now, let's find out
who you really are.
461
00:20:13,868 --> 00:20:15,966
(GASPS) Dr. House?
462
00:20:16,034 --> 00:20:17,632
Indeed, Lois.
463
00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:20,265
If you don't mind,
I'll address you
in my natural speaking voice,
464
00:20:20,334 --> 00:20:23,332
as I've grown so weary
of doing an American accent.
465
00:20:23,401 --> 00:20:25,765
Do you want to come to
my Big Bang
viewing party next week?
466
00:20:25,834 --> 00:20:27,299
Daddy, you don't
have to do that
anymore.
467
00:20:27,368 --> 00:20:29,865
I know, I know.
I like it now.
468
00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:36,232
Well, I'm sorry
you lost the company, Peter,
but I think it's for the best.
469
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,198
You were turning
into a real jerk.
470
00:20:38,267 --> 00:20:41,931
Maybe so,
but I sure am gonna miss
being a corporate big shot.
471
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,431
Well,
you'll always be a big shot
in this family, sweetheart.
472
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:46,731
Thanks, honey.
473
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,865
And I got a little
surprise for you.
474
00:20:48,933 --> 00:20:52,231
In that contract you
signed, you got to keep
the corporate plane!
475
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:54,165
(GASPS) Yeah!
476
00:20:58,400 --> 00:20:59,898
Peter, how are
you doing that?
477
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,699
I don't know, Lois.
I'm scared.
478
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:02,932
Well, come down.
479
00:21:03,001 --> 00:21:05,531
I can't. Get help.
Call somebody.
480
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,832
Who do I call?
481
00:21:06,901 --> 00:21:09,166
I don't know.
A police... A fire...
482
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:10,832
A scientist!
Call a scientist!
483
00:21:10,901 --> 00:21:14,531
Okay, you kids
stay here with your father.
I'm gonna go find a scientist.
484
00:21:16,034 --> 00:21:17,831
Am I gonna die?
485
00:21:54,934 --> 00:21:55,932
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