1 00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:05,766 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:05,834 --> 00:00:09,099 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:09,168 --> 00:00:12,798 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,867 --> 00:00:15,899 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,967 --> 00:00:19,165 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:19,233 --> 00:00:22,498 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:22,567 --> 00:00:24,132 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,799 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:30,865 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:39,065 Good evening. I'm Diane Simmons. 11 00:00:39,134 --> 00:00:42,265 In traffic news, heavy gridlock on the 195 interchange. 12 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,632 We now go live to Drunk Billy in the Channel Five newscopter. 13 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:53,665 This just in. Channel Five newscopter pilot Drunk Billy passed away today. 14 00:00:53,733 --> 00:00:54,965 In anticipation of this event, 15 00:00:55,034 --> 00:00:56,431 we put together a clip package 16 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:59,032 featuring some of Billy's work for Channel Five News. 17 00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:05,398 (CROWD SCREAMING) 18 00:01:10,300 --> 00:01:11,632 (WOMAN SCREAMING) 19 00:01:13,201 --> 00:01:15,999 "I'm still hungry," said the very hungry caterpillar. 20 00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:17,099 "But you've already..." 21 00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:23,699 Drunk Billy will be missed. 22 00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:25,799 But what you shouldn't miss is the Quahog Rodeo, 23 00:01:25,867 --> 00:01:29,098 coming to the Civic Center this Friday. Tickets are on sale now. 24 00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:30,799 And for those of you who are handy with a horse, 25 00:01:30,867 --> 00:01:32,765 entry spots are still open. 26 00:01:32,833 --> 00:01:34,366 Oh, God. This seems like the kind of thing Peter... 27 00:01:34,435 --> 00:01:35,798 Too late, Brian. 28 00:01:35,867 --> 00:01:38,166 Peter, you're gonna enter the rodeo? That's stupid. 29 00:01:38,234 --> 00:01:40,966 You don't know anything about horses and you're in terrible shape. 30 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,966 You know, that's the difference between you and me, Lois. 31 00:01:43,034 --> 00:01:44,333 When life comes knocking at the door, 32 00:01:44,401 --> 00:01:45,631 you go and hide in the kitchen. 33 00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:47,366 I fling the door wide open and I say, 34 00:01:47,435 --> 00:01:49,231 "Peter Griffin here. What do you got?" 35 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,732 And if that don't convince you, look at this. In this week's TV Guide, 36 00:01:51,801 --> 00:01:53,398 it says, "Peter gets more than he bargained for 37 00:01:53,467 --> 00:01:54,898 "when he joins the rodeo." 38 00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:56,232 Well, it's in the Guide. 39 00:01:56,301 --> 00:01:57,598 Hey, can we make that a thing? 40 00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:59,899 Can we start calling TV Guide "the Guide"? 41 00:01:59,967 --> 00:02:02,299 You know what? I'm not even asking anymore. That's what we're doing. 42 00:02:02,367 --> 00:02:04,432 Who says I couldn't be a rodeo star? 43 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,598 I got more cowboy blood in me than Billy the Kid. 44 00:02:07,667 --> 00:02:09,032 (THE BALLAD OF BILLY THE KID PLAYING) 45 00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:14,398 ♪ Well, he robbed his way from Utah to Oklahoma 46 00:02:14,466 --> 00:02:18,032 ♪ And the law just could not seem to track him down 47 00:02:19,967 --> 00:02:21,798 ♪ And it served his legend well 48 00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:23,032 (CROWD CHEERING) 49 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,432 ♪ For the folks, they loved to tell 50 00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:30,133 ♪ About when Billy the Kid came to town ♪ 51 00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:44,832 (PLAYING ALONG WITH SONG) 52 00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:15,932 (YELLS) (SCREAMING) 53 00:03:23,868 --> 00:03:25,432 Dad! What are you doing? 54 00:03:25,501 --> 00:03:27,899 All right, Meg, this is only gonna hurt for about three weeks. 55 00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,265 What the hell? 56 00:03:30,334 --> 00:03:33,066 That there's my steer, Griffin. 57 00:03:38,734 --> 00:03:40,098 All right, Lois. Go ahead. Say it. 58 00:03:40,167 --> 00:03:41,199 (SIGHS) 59 00:03:41,267 --> 00:03:43,299 Chris! It's time for supper! 60 00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:46,231 (CHRIS SQUEALING) 61 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,298 Whoa, there! Whoa, there! Whoa, there! 62 00:03:47,366 --> 00:03:48,832 Whoa, there! Whoa, there! Whoa, there! 63 00:03:48,901 --> 00:03:50,465 Whoa, there! Whoa, there! Whoa, there! 64 00:03:50,533 --> 00:03:53,498 Whoa, there! Whoa, there! Whoa, there! 65 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,298 Whoa, there! Whoa, there! Whoa, there! 66 00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:00,032 All right. I am ready for the rodeo. 67 00:04:04,167 --> 00:04:05,932 Mom, when's it Dad's turn? 68 00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:07,165 I don't know, Chris. 69 00:04:07,234 --> 00:04:08,799 But I think we should all pray for your father 70 00:04:08,867 --> 00:04:10,665 that he comes out of this uninjured. 71 00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,632 Those horses stink. And it's too hot in here. 72 00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:16,598 I fell asleep in the car, so now I'm cranky. 73 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:18,598 This is a disgusting display. 74 00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:20,132 Boy, you can say that again. 75 00:04:20,201 --> 00:04:23,132 Nothing like a bunch of adult men teasing animals for fun. 76 00:04:23,201 --> 00:04:25,433 You know they twist the bull's balls before they run out, 77 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:26,932 and that's why they're so jacked up. 78 00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:28,966 It's amazing that this is still legal. 79 00:04:29,034 --> 00:04:31,932 The only reason I'm here is 'cause my idiot friend is in the rodeo. 80 00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:34,433 I only came 'cause I'm writing a magazine article. 81 00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:37,731 One of the competitors is a 13-year-old female riding prodigy. 82 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,665 Apparently she got on the bull to miscarry, 83 00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:41,799 and found out she had a talent for it. 84 00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,199 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, 85 00:04:43,268 --> 00:04:45,099 give an indifferent East Coast welcome 86 00:04:45,168 --> 00:04:48,164 to the newest bull rider, Peter the Kid! 87 00:04:48,233 --> 00:04:50,099 (CROWD CHEERING) 88 00:04:51,768 --> 00:04:53,432 (SCREAMS) 89 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:57,565 You know what I am back at the ranch? I'm a breeding bull. 90 00:04:57,634 --> 00:04:59,432 (STAMMERING) What's that? 91 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,165 You gonna find out. 92 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,599 Where you going, fatty? We gonna have a party! 93 00:05:03,667 --> 00:05:05,132 (SCREAMING) 94 00:05:05,201 --> 00:05:06,199 No! 95 00:05:09,468 --> 00:05:12,598 No! No! No! No! 96 00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:16,598 So, what magazine do you write for? 97 00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:18,465 I'm the editor for Teen People. 98 00:05:18,534 --> 00:05:22,132 Editor? Wow. Gosh, you know, I'm something of a writer myself. 99 00:05:22,201 --> 00:05:24,332 I wrote for The New Yorker for a little while. 100 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,765 Wow, that's impressive. Are you looking for work? 101 00:05:26,834 --> 00:05:30,132 (CHUCKLES) Oh, no. No, no, no. I never have to look too far for that. 102 00:05:30,201 --> 00:05:32,565 (STUTTERING) What do you got? 103 00:05:32,634 --> 00:05:33,932 Well, we're looking for someone 104 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,699 to write a piece on the everyday activities 105 00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:37,665 of the average American teenage girl. 106 00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:40,832 Oh, I love teenage girls. It's all ahead of them, you know? 107 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,432 They haven't turned into bitches yet. 108 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:46,132 (SIGHS) It's true. What happened to all of us? 109 00:05:46,201 --> 00:05:48,766 I got a house on the Cape. Maybe you come visit. 110 00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:49,998 (WEAKLY) Maybe. 111 00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:52,132 Maybe you call a few days in advance 112 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,532 to give me time to get the house clean. 113 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,632 Okay. 114 00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,532 Maybe you bring a blazer so we can go 115 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,932 to a wider range of restaurants. 116 00:05:58,001 --> 00:05:59,531 I'll bring a blazer. 117 00:06:03,134 --> 00:06:05,865 You see this, Rupert? Most children build a sand castle. 118 00:06:05,934 --> 00:06:09,731 But I'm building a sand retreat for singles in their thirties. 119 00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:13,199 (IN DEEP VOICE) Hi, I'm Jeremy. I work in corporate finance. 120 00:06:13,268 --> 00:06:15,531 (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hi, I'm a French Canadian girl 121 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,331 down here on my vacation. 122 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,799 It's a big deal for me to be down here on my own. 123 00:06:20,867 --> 00:06:22,932 I like the swimming pool with a bar in it, 124 00:06:23,001 --> 00:06:26,132 'cause you can sit on a barstool and you're in the water. 125 00:06:26,201 --> 00:06:27,799 I like how all the food and drink 126 00:06:27,867 --> 00:06:29,932 is included in the price of the ticket. 127 00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:33,665 Yeah, that way you don't have to bring your cash down from the room. 128 00:06:33,733 --> 00:06:35,999 Okay, I was just looking for a friend of mine, 129 00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:37,331 so maybe I'll see you later. 130 00:06:38,134 --> 00:06:39,698 Good for you, Janine. 131 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:43,266 You promised yourself you'd talk to somebody, and you did it. 132 00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:44,865 Brian, what are you doing up there? 133 00:06:44,934 --> 00:06:47,598 Shh! I'm writing an article on teenage girls for a magazine. 134 00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:49,865 I'm studying Meg to see what goes on during her day. 135 00:06:49,934 --> 00:06:51,632 Well, be careful you don't fall off that ladder. 136 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,531 Not all dogs go to heaven. 137 00:06:53,601 --> 00:06:55,032 So, says here you were involved 138 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:56,832 in the plotting of September 11th? 139 00:06:56,901 --> 00:07:00,132 Well, that's what they get for supporting Israel. 140 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,632 (LAUGHING) 141 00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:03,098 Gosh! 142 00:07:03,166 --> 00:07:05,698 Okay, into the eternal pit of fire you go. 143 00:07:05,768 --> 00:07:07,765 (SCREAMING) 144 00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:17,298 You know, Brian, just because you're writing a profile on teenage girls, 145 00:07:17,366 --> 00:07:19,132 it doesn't mean you have to be a creepy stalker 146 00:07:19,201 --> 00:07:20,899 and follow Meg around all day. 147 00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:23,698 It's called research, Stewie. I'm just being thorough. 148 00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:25,032 Where the hell is she going? 149 00:07:25,101 --> 00:07:26,599 There's nothing out in this part of town. 150 00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:33,398 What is that, Brian? What is an adult correctional institute? 151 00:07:33,467 --> 00:07:35,498 It's a prison, Stewie. Ah. 152 00:07:35,567 --> 00:07:37,498 One would think they could just say that. 153 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,132 Hi, Meg. Hi, Luke. 154 00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:53,332 (BOTH GASP) 155 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:57,165 Oh, my God! Meg's dating a convict! 156 00:07:57,234 --> 00:07:59,632 Looks like Consuela's son is in prison. 157 00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:01,865 I see you soon, Rodrigo. 158 00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:03,232 (AGREES IN SPANISH) 159 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:15,265 It's really good to see you, Meg. It's been a while. 160 00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:17,099 I know. I'm sorry, Luke. 161 00:08:17,168 --> 00:08:19,799 It's just so hard to get over here without anybody finding out. 162 00:08:19,868 --> 00:08:21,865 Have you gotten all the letters and hair that I've sent? 163 00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:24,665 It's the only thing that's getting me by, Meg. Thank you. 164 00:08:24,734 --> 00:08:25,932 How'd your parole hearing go? 165 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,565 Not good. 166 00:08:27,634 --> 00:08:29,465 Looks like I'm gonna be in here another three years. 167 00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:30,866 Oh, Luke. 168 00:08:30,934 --> 00:08:32,799 I don't expect you to wait for me, Meg. 169 00:08:32,868 --> 00:08:35,331 No, I will, Luke. If it takes 10 years or 20 years, 170 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,333 I will be here when you get out. 171 00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:49,899 Oh, my God! Meg's involved with a convict! 172 00:08:49,967 --> 00:08:52,132 Wow, Meg's like one of those crazy chicks 173 00:08:52,201 --> 00:08:54,399 who hooks up with an even crazier guy. 174 00:08:59,867 --> 00:09:02,398 Brian, you bastard! How could you do this to me? 175 00:09:02,467 --> 00:09:04,165 I'm sorry, Meg. I had to tell them! 176 00:09:04,234 --> 00:09:05,832 Don't give him crap for this, Meg. 177 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:08,265 He did exactly the right thing by coming to us. 178 00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:09,998 Don't you know what kind of fire 179 00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:11,465 you're playing with, dating a prisoner? 180 00:09:11,534 --> 00:09:13,532 Hold on, Lois. This is some serious parenting. 181 00:09:13,601 --> 00:09:16,199 I'm gonna go put on my Cosby sweater. 182 00:09:16,267 --> 00:09:20,599 Mom, you don't understand! Luke and I really connect very deeply! 183 00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:23,732 He's all alone in there, and I'm all alone out here. 184 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,632 In a way, we're both in prison. 185 00:09:25,701 --> 00:09:27,298 Well, Meg, there's a big difference there. 186 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,099 He's in prison for a reason. He broke the law! 187 00:09:30,167 --> 00:09:34,165 He robbed a convenience store to pay for medication for his mom. 188 00:09:34,234 --> 00:09:37,398 Oh, I'm sure he gave you a very convincing sob story, Meg. 189 00:09:37,467 --> 00:09:40,032 It's not a sob story! It's true! 190 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,333 Oh, come on! You think I was born yesterday? 191 00:09:42,401 --> 00:09:44,898 I've dated convicts. I know how they talk. 192 00:09:44,968 --> 00:09:47,099 One day they're promising you the world, the next day 193 00:09:47,168 --> 00:09:49,232 you're spitting balloons of heroin into their mouths 194 00:09:49,301 --> 00:09:50,565 during conjugal visits. 195 00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:52,232 Luke doesn't do drugs! 196 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:55,665 Frankly, I don't care, Meg. I do not want you seeing him again! 197 00:09:55,734 --> 00:09:56,766 I can't find the sweater. 198 00:09:56,834 --> 00:09:58,432 How the hell did you even meet him? 199 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,232 We had a pen-pal project at school, 200 00:10:00,301 --> 00:10:03,065 and when it was over, Luke and I just kind of kept writing to each other. 201 00:10:03,134 --> 00:10:04,465 Well, it stops now! 202 00:10:04,534 --> 00:10:06,099 But, Mom, I love him! 203 00:10:06,168 --> 00:10:07,398 It stops now, Meg! 204 00:10:07,467 --> 00:10:08,799 Your mother's right, Meg. 205 00:10:08,867 --> 00:10:11,199 You got to be careful who you get involved with romantically. 206 00:10:11,268 --> 00:10:12,665 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 207 00:10:12,733 --> 00:10:13,731 Hello? 208 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:14,799 I'm in the mood for some coitus. 209 00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:16,099 Get over here. 210 00:10:16,167 --> 00:10:17,366 I can't. I'm with my family. 211 00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:19,699 Pick up wine on the way. 212 00:10:19,768 --> 00:10:22,365 Well, Angela, if I'm really the only guy at work who can solve it, 213 00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:23,765 I'll be right there. 214 00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:28,965 (SOBBING) 215 00:10:30,601 --> 00:10:32,565 (TAPPING ON WINDOW) (GASPS) 216 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,131 Luke! What are you doing here? 217 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,831 I escaped, Meg. 218 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:40,265 I escaped 'cause I just couldn't bear another second away from you. 219 00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:42,231 My God! How did you get out? 220 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:44,298 I filed down a toothbrush to a fine point 221 00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:45,965 and stabbed the guard with the most kids. 222 00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:47,665 What? I'm just kidding. 223 00:10:47,733 --> 00:10:48,898 Oh. 224 00:10:48,967 --> 00:10:50,865 I'm still getting used to your sense of humor. 225 00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:53,932 Actually, there was a riot in the prison yard and I slipped over the fence. 226 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,298 Well, quick, get in here before somebody sees you. 227 00:11:01,467 --> 00:11:04,532 Oh, Meg, I've wanted to do that for so long. 228 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,732 That tastes better than a guy's penis, I tell you. 229 00:11:06,801 --> 00:11:10,032 (LAUGHS) Now I know that was a joke! 230 00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:11,898 (CHUCKLING) Whatever. 231 00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:18,532 Mom, can I be excused? I want to go eat 232 00:11:18,601 --> 00:11:20,099 the rest of my food up in my room. 233 00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:21,599 Sure, Meg, if you want. 234 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,431 Eating disorder! 235 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,398 I don't know what's going on with Meg. 236 00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:30,431 She doesn't want to leave her room these days. 237 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:33,799 She's depressed 'cause she's in love with a man she can't be with. 238 00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:35,732 (BED THUMPING FROM UPSTAIRS) 239 00:11:35,801 --> 00:11:38,899 Listen to that. Poor kid, banging her headboard into the wall 240 00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:41,231 out of frustration and loneliness. 241 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,765 Probably got her legs up in sadness. 242 00:11:43,834 --> 00:11:45,198 (WATER RUNNING) 243 00:11:45,266 --> 00:11:47,799 Listen to her now, washing her face off in the sink 244 00:11:47,867 --> 00:11:49,499 after crying so much. 245 00:11:49,567 --> 00:11:51,899 Probably got tears in her hair, poor thing. 246 00:11:51,968 --> 00:11:53,665 I'll go up and talk to her. 247 00:11:53,734 --> 00:11:56,232 Am I the only one who thinks she's getting fucked up there? 248 00:11:57,234 --> 00:11:59,465 Hey, Meg? You okay in there? 249 00:11:59,534 --> 00:12:01,032 (RUSTLING NOISE) 250 00:12:01,101 --> 00:12:03,398 Uh, yeah. Come on in. 251 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:06,565 Everything all right? 252 00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:08,199 Yeah! Yeah, yeah, everything's fine. 253 00:12:08,267 --> 00:12:11,798 Listen. I feel like I should explain myself a little bit here. 254 00:12:11,867 --> 00:12:14,965 I'm sorry I had to tell Lois what was going on. You just... 255 00:12:15,034 --> 00:12:17,432 You gotta realize I was only thinking about your safety and... 256 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:18,631 (LUKE SNEEZES) 257 00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:21,998 (GROWLING) 258 00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:24,765 (SIGHS) Luke, you might as well come out now. 259 00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:28,866 Luke! They let you out of jail? 260 00:12:28,934 --> 00:12:29,966 Not exactly. 261 00:12:30,034 --> 00:12:31,565 He broke out to see me, Brian. 262 00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:33,233 We're in love. 263 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,698 Meg, are you crazy? You can't harbor a fugitive! That's a felony! 264 00:12:35,768 --> 00:12:37,231 Only if someone finds out. 265 00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,732 Are you gonna do it? Are you gonna tell on me again? 266 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,932 Well, I... 267 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,531 Brian, if you don't come back downstairs, 268 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,966 I am eating the slice of pie that was designated for you... 269 00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:47,631 Wait a second. Why is that guy wearing a prison jumpsuit? 270 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,299 Think, Peter, think. 271 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:51,333 Wait. Hang on. 272 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,365 Sunday... Sunday... Here it is. 273 00:12:53,433 --> 00:12:56,132 "Peter gets more than he bargains for when he joins the rodeo..." 274 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,398 Boy, did I. 275 00:12:57,467 --> 00:12:59,398 "...and Meg dates a prison escapee"! 276 00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:01,531 Oh, no. Luke, run! 277 00:13:04,967 --> 00:13:06,766 Joe? It's Peter. Two things. 278 00:13:06,834 --> 00:13:08,798 First of all, when I was over at your house the other day, 279 00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:10,832 I forgot to tell you how much I like the rearrangement 280 00:13:10,901 --> 00:13:13,632 you and Bonnie did with your living room furniture. Second of all, 281 00:13:13,701 --> 00:13:16,465 come outside, there's an escaped convict running across the street! 282 00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:18,099 JOE: (CALMLY) Well, Peter, first off, thank you. 283 00:13:18,168 --> 00:13:20,799 I have to admit I was a little disappointed 284 00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:24,498 you didn't say anything about the living room rearrangement the other day. 285 00:13:24,566 --> 00:13:25,799 Second of all, 286 00:13:25,867 --> 00:13:27,364 (SCREAMING) oh, my God! I'm on my way! 287 00:13:41,968 --> 00:13:43,932 No, Luke, don't run downhill! 288 00:13:52,034 --> 00:13:53,965 You're going to jail, punk! 289 00:13:57,734 --> 00:13:59,865 No, Mr. Swanson, you can't take him! 290 00:13:59,934 --> 00:14:02,532 Yes I can, Meg. He's going back to jail. 291 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,066 Well, if you're taking him to jail, 292 00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:05,431 you have to take me, too! 293 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:07,131 I know. That's the plan. 294 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,932 You're under arrest for harboring an escaped convict. 295 00:14:10,001 --> 00:14:12,865 Oh, well, that's only fair, because after all, I did hide him from the... 296 00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,231 What? 297 00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:24,165 Uh, hi. 298 00:14:24,234 --> 00:14:25,465 Did you also get caught 299 00:14:25,534 --> 00:14:27,164 trying to vote in Ohio? 300 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,899 Well, this is it. Meg gets out of jail today. 301 00:14:34,968 --> 00:14:37,432 Already? Seems like just yesterday we rented her room 302 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:40,066 to that fly that wants to leave but can't figure it out. 303 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,698 FLY: Okay, now where now? 304 00:14:43,768 --> 00:14:45,099 PETER: Right there. Right... I'm having some trouble here. 305 00:14:45,168 --> 00:14:46,832 PETER: It's right there! It's right in front of you! 306 00:14:46,901 --> 00:14:49,233 FLY: Okay, I can hear you. Volume's not a problem. 307 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,032 I'm just not quite seeing what you're referring to. 308 00:14:51,101 --> 00:14:52,431 PETER: Okay, then fly... Fly out the window! 309 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,298 FLY: Up here, maybe? No! To your left! 310 00:14:54,367 --> 00:14:55,698 No, that's not it. That's just more wall. 311 00:14:55,768 --> 00:14:57,899 PETER: How many eyes do you have, huh? 312 00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,632 FLY: Just two, same number as you, but you know... I'm not... 313 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:01,799 PETER: Just go! Oh, my God! 314 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,032 FLY: Whatever it is you're driving at, 315 00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:04,632 I'm just apparently not getting it... 316 00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:06,331 PETER: You're right there! ...so I'm just gonna go back upstairs. 317 00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:10,198 I think we should all go together to pick Meg up. 318 00:15:10,267 --> 00:15:12,698 She's probably a little fragile after being in there so long, 319 00:15:12,767 --> 00:15:15,565 and I'm sure she'll be heartened to see our faces. 320 00:15:16,734 --> 00:15:19,465 I'm home. You're all my bitches now. 321 00:15:21,601 --> 00:15:22,665 Okay. 322 00:15:27,634 --> 00:15:30,431 Meg! You look so different. 323 00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,066 How was prison? 324 00:15:32,135 --> 00:15:35,432 First question, who's the biggest, toughest guy in this house? 325 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,132 Well, I don't like to toot my own horn, 326 00:15:37,201 --> 00:15:38,765 but I believe I hold the distinction... 327 00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:40,165 (GRUNTS) 328 00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:42,398 (GROANING) 329 00:15:47,834 --> 00:15:50,899 My house now, bitch! Now who's the funniest? 330 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:52,932 I know my way around a joke. 331 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,665 (GROANING) 332 00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:58,398 For God's sake, Dad, have some humility! It'll save your life! 333 00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:02,766 There better be beer in the fridge. 334 00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:05,298 Boy, I liked her better when she was more predictable. 335 00:16:05,366 --> 00:16:08,132 Like the stock photos on a corporate website. 336 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,132 WOMAN: I'm a woman in a lab coat wearing goggles, 337 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,699 staring intently at a beaker that I'm holding near my face. 338 00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:14,431 MAN: I'm a Latino in a hardhat, 339 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,965 but I'm also wearing a tie so you know I'm a supervisor. 340 00:16:17,034 --> 00:16:19,165 MAN 2: We're college students listening to our professor, 341 00:16:19,234 --> 00:16:20,832 but the class is taking place 342 00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:22,165 outside? 343 00:16:25,867 --> 00:16:27,365 (WATER RUNNING) 344 00:16:29,968 --> 00:16:30,999 Hey. 345 00:16:31,068 --> 00:16:33,032 Meg! What the hell are you doing in here? 346 00:16:33,101 --> 00:16:34,132 Shower time. 347 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:35,866 Yeah, for me! Not for... 348 00:16:35,934 --> 00:16:37,099 What are you doing with that loofah? 349 00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:39,232 Don't worry about it. 350 00:16:39,301 --> 00:16:42,366 PETER: (SCREAMS) You told me not to worry about it! 351 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,999 I should've been worried the whole time! 352 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:51,332 Meg? Honey? I did all your laundry. 353 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,732 Oh, my God! What is that smell? 354 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:54,932 It's my poop bucket. 355 00:16:55,001 --> 00:16:56,298 What the hell? 356 00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:58,199 I'm used to going to the bathroom in my room. 357 00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:02,166 That's disgusting! No, you use the toilet here like everyone else! 358 00:17:02,234 --> 00:17:03,698 No. 359 00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,698 God! It smells horrible! 360 00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:08,099 Well, can you at least empty it each time you use it? 361 00:17:08,168 --> 00:17:11,066 I like to fill it up. I'm not making a million trips. 362 00:17:11,134 --> 00:17:14,631 Oh, my God! Are you using my shirts as toilet paper? 363 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,266 Yeah. And I think I might need some right now. 364 00:17:18,335 --> 00:17:20,665 Get out now or stay and get weird. 365 00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:22,364 Your call, warden. 366 00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:28,899 Hey, who's the new dude? 367 00:17:28,967 --> 00:17:32,865 Oh, my God! That's Meg Griffin! She just got out of prison! 368 00:17:32,934 --> 00:17:36,131 Hey, Meg, what'd they put you in jail for? Being ugly? 369 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,799 (ALL LAUGHING) 370 00:17:37,868 --> 00:17:41,331 Hey, Meg, what happened? Did you get out early for fat behavior? 371 00:17:43,001 --> 00:17:45,631 Nice tattoo. Did you get your butt hair braided, too, 372 00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:48,166 while you were in there? 373 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:51,665 What'd you do, carve a gun out of soap and then not wash with it? 374 00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:52,731 Pee-ew! 375 00:17:54,368 --> 00:17:56,731 Hey, Meg, are you gonna take those soda cans 376 00:17:56,801 --> 00:17:58,832 to the Shawskank Redemption center? 377 00:17:58,901 --> 00:18:00,199 (ALL LAUGHING) 378 00:18:13,433 --> 00:18:15,665 Peter, Meg's been suspended from school. 379 00:18:15,733 --> 00:18:17,065 That's okay. Whatever she wants to do. 380 00:18:17,134 --> 00:18:19,598 She cracked three kids' skulls open! 381 00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:20,998 Ever since she's gotten out of prison, 382 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:22,899 she is completely out of control. 383 00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:24,998 Don't you see? That's what the penal system does in this country. 384 00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:27,965 It turns small-time offenders into hardened criminals. 385 00:18:28,034 --> 00:18:29,932 Look at Meg. They took an innocent little girl 386 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,798 and turned her into a psychotic, sociopathic freak. 387 00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:34,698 (ALL GASPING) 388 00:18:34,768 --> 00:18:35,966 What'd you say, Brian? 389 00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:38,166 Oh, I was just picking up on something Lois said. 390 00:18:38,234 --> 00:18:39,732 What was it? What'd you say, Lois? 391 00:18:39,801 --> 00:18:41,032 Something about Meg being a freak? 392 00:18:41,101 --> 00:18:43,832 Oh, no, I didn't say anything. 393 00:18:43,901 --> 00:18:45,332 Peter said something about Meg, 394 00:18:45,401 --> 00:18:46,832 which I completely disagree with. 395 00:18:46,901 --> 00:18:48,266 That wasn't me. 396 00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:49,932 Stewie was really laying into Meg about something. 397 00:18:50,001 --> 00:18:52,065 Yeah, it was Stewie. Definitely Stewie. 398 00:18:52,134 --> 00:18:53,665 Oh, so now everyone understands me. 399 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,265 Look, Meg, we're just worried about you. 400 00:18:56,334 --> 00:18:58,598 Well, don't. I can take care of myself. 401 00:18:58,667 --> 00:19:00,598 I'll be out of here by the end of the week. 402 00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:01,866 Punch yourself in the face. 403 00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:03,133 (WHIMPERS) 404 00:19:03,201 --> 00:19:04,632 Punch yourself in the face! 405 00:19:04,701 --> 00:19:06,632 (WHIMPERING) 406 00:19:06,701 --> 00:19:08,332 All right, he doesn't know what he's doing. 407 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,799 You, fatso, punch your baby in the... 408 00:19:11,134 --> 00:19:12,898 I did good, Meg? Shut up. 409 00:19:14,234 --> 00:19:15,331 I did good! 410 00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:17,098 I did good. 411 00:19:25,968 --> 00:19:26,999 Drive. 412 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,198 Any particular direction? 413 00:19:29,266 --> 00:19:30,366 That way. 414 00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:35,932 You're gonna help me get some money so I can get out of this town. 415 00:19:36,001 --> 00:19:37,631 Really? Where are you gonna go? 416 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,333 I don't know. Somewhere far away. 417 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,465 Maybe China. I hear they got NASCAR there now. 418 00:19:46,567 --> 00:19:48,665 (ALL CLAMORING) 419 00:19:52,433 --> 00:19:55,866 What kind of birdhouse can you build with Popsicles, roofies and a mallet? 420 00:19:55,934 --> 00:19:57,766 It's for a rare African bird 421 00:19:57,834 --> 00:19:59,531 called nunya business. 422 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,598 Hi, Meg. Can I help you? 423 00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:06,065 Hands in the air, Goldman! 424 00:20:06,134 --> 00:20:08,032 Oh, my God! What are you doing? 425 00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:09,966 Give me your money! Here! Here! 426 00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:12,165 Just take this jar for the leukemia kids. 427 00:20:12,234 --> 00:20:13,965 I don't give it to them anyhow. 428 00:20:14,034 --> 00:20:15,299 Meg, put down the gun. 429 00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:16,965 Brian, get back in the car! 430 00:20:17,034 --> 00:20:20,565 Look, don't do this. This isn't you, Meg. 431 00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:22,431 What happened to the girl we used to know? 432 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,399 The one that Luke fell in love with? 433 00:20:24,468 --> 00:20:27,832 The one he's expecting to see when he steps out of that prison in 40 years? 434 00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:30,231 I don't care about Luke. I don't need him. 435 00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:31,532 I don't need anyone! 436 00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:33,298 Look, if you don't put the gun down, 437 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,999 I'm gonna be forced to call the police. 438 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,432 Good! Call the police! I want you to! 439 00:20:37,501 --> 00:20:39,298 What do I care if I go back to prison? 440 00:20:39,367 --> 00:20:41,364 Nobody cares about me anyway! 441 00:20:41,433 --> 00:20:42,966 You're wrong, Meg. 442 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,565 I wanna show you something. 443 00:20:48,301 --> 00:20:49,499 Teen People? 444 00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:51,799 It's the article I wrote about you. 445 00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:53,565 You wrote an article about me? 446 00:20:53,634 --> 00:20:56,899 They wanted a story about a typical teenage girl. 447 00:20:56,967 --> 00:21:00,332 Is it "A Fistful of Backne: Tale of a Teenage Loser"? 448 00:21:00,401 --> 00:21:02,498 Yeah, they make the title. Read paragraph three. 449 00:21:02,567 --> 00:21:04,498 NEIL: This isn't a library, you know! 450 00:21:04,567 --> 00:21:07,199 "And in the face of every adolescent challenge, 451 00:21:07,268 --> 00:21:09,333 "she looks at the world through hopeful eyes 452 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:12,698 "and maintains an uncommon resilience that can only be admired. 453 00:21:12,767 --> 00:21:16,399 "In this sense, Meg Griffin is not the typical American girl. 454 00:21:16,467 --> 00:21:18,898 "She is far sweeter and kinder than that." 455 00:21:19,968 --> 00:21:23,199 Oh, my God. That is so nice, Brian. 456 00:21:23,267 --> 00:21:24,432 Did you mean all that? 457 00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:26,133 Of course I did. 458 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,665 Oh, my God, I can't believe I did this. 459 00:21:28,733 --> 00:21:31,732 I was just so tired of being everyone's whipping girl 460 00:21:31,801 --> 00:21:34,732 that it felt kind of good to do some of the whipping. 461 00:21:34,801 --> 00:21:36,165 Give me the gun, Meg. 462 00:21:39,034 --> 00:21:41,298 Thanks for reminding me who I really am. 463 00:21:47,101 --> 00:21:48,766 Well, at least I didn't get robbed. 464 00:21:48,834 --> 00:21:50,332 (DOOR OPENS) 465 00:21:50,401 --> 00:21:53,699 And what can I do for you four fine black gentlemen today? 466 00:21:57,934 --> 00:22:00,531 I got to say, Meg, I like you so much better like this. 467 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,832 Me, too, Meg. God, it must have been horrible in there. 468 00:22:03,901 --> 00:22:06,598 It wasn't so bad. I met Wesley Snipes. 469 00:22:06,667 --> 00:22:07,932 Is that right? Yeah. 470 00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:10,899 And you know what's funny? He was Inmate 57, too. 471 00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:13,698 He was Inmate 57? 472 00:22:13,767 --> 00:22:16,565 See, he did a movie called Passenger 57. 473 00:22:16,634 --> 00:22:19,132 Ah. Well, terrific. 474 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,199 Always end on a strong joke. 475 00:23:04,233 --> 00:23:05,232 ENGLISH - US - LINE 21