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00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:05,866
♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:05,934 --> 00:00:09,166
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
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00:00:09,233 --> 00:00:12,598
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
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00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:15,765
♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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♪ All the things
that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's a family guy ♪
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Ah! It smells
so good out here.
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You see, Peter?
This is a much better way
to spend a Sunday
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00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:45,498
than what you
dragged us to
last week.
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Hey, if I'm
starring in a production
of Starlight Express,
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I want my whole
family there.
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Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
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Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
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Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
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Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
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Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
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Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
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Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
Starlight Express!
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Stewie, look! A butterfly.
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Let's get it!
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(LAUGHING)
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Chris, I don't think
we should be
leaving the trail.
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(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
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I shall put you in
a glass box to display
on Saint Trimmings Day.
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Oh! British guys always
capture my butterflies.
29
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Yes, and to add
insult to injury,
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I shall present
to you my fanny.
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Sir Chadwell Heath.
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(LAUGHING)
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Oh, darn it.
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Hey, wait a second.
Where are we?
35
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Oh, no!
36
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Hey, Chris, do you know
your bacne spells
"Citibank" in Braille?
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Great. You had to
chase the butterfly.
38
00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:04,098
Yes, I had to
chase the butterfly.
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I came out here
to observe nature.
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00:02:05,933 --> 00:02:07,665
What did you
come out here for?
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00:02:07,734 --> 00:02:10,465
I came to the woods
because I wished to
live deliberately,
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and see if I could not learn
what it had to teach,
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and not, when I came to die,
discover that I had not lived.
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Wow, Stewie.
That was beautiful.
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Did you write that?
No.
46
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:22,866
But can you
tell me who did?
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Log on now.
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00:02:24,167 --> 00:02:26,065
(MUSIC PLAYING)
49
00:02:28,034 --> 00:02:30,132
All right, let's tally up
those responses.
50
00:02:32,634 --> 00:02:34,165
Wow. You know who that is?
51
00:02:34,234 --> 00:02:35,466
You know who
Thornton Melon...
52
00:02:35,534 --> 00:02:36,699
First of all,
it was Henry David Thoreau.
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00:02:36,767 --> 00:02:38,299
But do you know who
Thornton Melon is?
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00:02:38,368 --> 00:02:42,099
That was Rodney Dangerfield's
character in Back to School.
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You feel good
about yourselves? Huh?
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00:02:44,101 --> 00:02:46,799
This is why
the other countries
are beating us, you know!
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00:02:46,868 --> 00:02:48,732
So you know,
you got only yourself
to blame
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next time you go to
the vet and complain
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that that Indian doctor
is too rough with your cat.
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Please, you gotta help us.
They've been lost for hours.
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For God's sakes,
Stewie's only a baby.
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A search party
is being organized
as we speak, ma'am.
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00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:05,364
But I'm afraid,
at the moment,
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I'm the only one on duty.
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Oh, my God!
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00:03:08,467 --> 00:03:10,799
So, you're the only one
working these woods, huh?
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Yes.
68
00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:13,765
So, there's no other
guys like you out here?
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Nope. It's just me.
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And what would be
another way for
you to say that?
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I'm by myself.
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00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,799
Maybe a more specific way.
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I'm the lone ranger.
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Yeah! You said it!
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(LAUGHS)
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Hey, your name
wouldn't happen to
be Rick, would it?
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No, it isn't.
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It's just too much to ask.
Too much to ask.
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(SOBBING)
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Stewie, are we gonna die?
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Hey, hey.
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Probably.
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I don't want to die!
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There's so much
I have left to do.
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Yeah. You and me
both, man.
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You know, Chris,
if by some miracle,
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we do manage to get
out of here alive,
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I'm gonna finally run
for public office again.
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00:03:55,267 --> 00:03:57,331
I think
people have forgotten
my last embarrassment.
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00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:02,598
Harry Truman. Stupid jerk.
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00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,632
Freakin' FDR's assbitch.
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If we get back home alive,
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I'm gonna finally open up
to Ellen from my math class
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00:04:09,067 --> 00:04:10,632
and tell her
how much I like her.
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00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:13,232
I'd like those things
for us, Chris.
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00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,465
What are you doing?
97
00:04:16,534 --> 00:04:17,565
I'm digging a hole.
98
00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:18,665
Why?
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00:04:18,734 --> 00:04:20,099
'Cause I like to
sleep on my side.
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00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,299
Our top story.
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00:04:29,368 --> 00:04:31,332
The search
for two local boys
lost in the woods
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00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,165
drags on
into its third day.
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00:04:33,234 --> 00:04:36,165
That's right, Diane.
Still no sign of
Chris and Stewie Griffin.
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00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,965
Here's the update from
the local authorities
105
00:04:38,034 --> 00:04:39,998
who are overseeing
the search party's efforts.
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00:04:40,067 --> 00:04:42,731
We're still very optimistic
that we're gonna
find these kids,
107
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,332
and we just want to urge
everyone not to give up hope.
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All right, everyone,
we are officially
looking for corpses.
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Repeat, this is now
a recovery effort.
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00:04:51,034 --> 00:04:52,965
We are officially
looking for corpses.
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00:04:53,034 --> 00:04:55,898
So let's get back out there,
bring back those dead bodies.
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Oh, God! This is horrible!
I can't watch anymore!
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Mom, Daddy, thank you
so much for coming over.
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00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,099
Oh, of course, dear.
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00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:04,798
I don't know what to do.
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00:05:04,867 --> 00:05:07,132
They scoured the area,
and there's no sign of them.
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00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,165
I feel like I can't just
sit here doing nothing,
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00:05:09,234 --> 00:05:10,765
but I don't know
what I can do.
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00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,698
I'll tell you
who could help. Medium.
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00:05:12,767 --> 00:05:14,265
Daddy, that's not
a real person.
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00:05:14,334 --> 00:05:15,999
That's a character
on a TV show.
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00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:18,798
Don't you disparage Medium.
Medium works very hard.
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00:05:18,867 --> 00:05:21,132
You know, Mom,
I saw this thing on
the Discovery Channel
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00:05:21,201 --> 00:05:23,332
about psychics
who help find people
who are lost.
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Really?
126
00:05:24,567 --> 00:05:25,798
I saw this thing on
the Discovery Channel
127
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,631
about this fat woman
who sat on her dog
128
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:29,465
and it went up
inside her guts.
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00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,366
It's been three days,
and I just don't know
where else to turn.
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00:05:36,434 --> 00:05:38,032
Please, can you help me?
131
00:05:38,101 --> 00:05:42,465
Don't worry, Lois.
The spirit world wants
very much to assist you.
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Your missing sons
will be found.
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(EXCLAIMS JOYFULLY)
134
00:05:47,401 --> 00:05:49,999
Thank you.
Thank you so much!
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00:05:50,068 --> 00:05:52,832
I can't tell you how
reassuring that is. Ah!
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00:05:53,533 --> 00:05:55,631
My babies are okay.
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Will you answer
one question for me?
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Yes.
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00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:01,898
Thank you so much.
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00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:11,331
Well, Stewie,
I think we're finished.
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00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,965
It sure looks that way.
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I'm so hungry.
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00:06:20,134 --> 00:06:21,333
Me, too.
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00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:29,099
It's been a pleasure
serving with you, Chris.
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00:06:29,168 --> 00:06:31,332
And with you, Stewie.
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00:06:31,401 --> 00:06:35,265
Jeffrey! Jeffrey, come back.
It's gonna get dark soon!
147
00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,998
All this drama
over a turkey burger?
148
00:06:38,534 --> 00:06:40,331
Oh, thank God!
149
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,831
Oh, you're not Jeffrey.
You're that missing
baby and boy.
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00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:47,032
Jeffrey! I found that
missing baby and boy!
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00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:48,365
JEFFREY: I don't care.
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00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:50,632
(GASPING)
153
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:51,999
Mommy!
154
00:06:52,068 --> 00:06:53,431
Chris! Stewie!
155
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:54,899
My babies!
156
00:06:54,968 --> 00:06:57,431
Oh, I'm so happy
you're safe!
157
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,665
I knew they'd find you.
I knew you were okay.
158
00:07:00,733 --> 00:07:02,532
It's just like
the psychic said.
159
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,665
Thank you all for
your help, everybody.
160
00:07:04,733 --> 00:07:06,066
Oh, for definite.
161
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,132
It's just like
a childhood game
of Hide and Find!
162
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,331
You said it, friend!
163
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,665
What do you say
for celebration,
164
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:12,531
we go dunk our whistles
in the trough?
165
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,732
Oh, we should
totally phone Gaspard!
166
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,865
Oh, he would love
to hear this tale!
167
00:07:16,934 --> 00:07:20,732
Oh, but I only
have 15 pfennigs
on my phone card.
168
00:07:20,801 --> 00:07:22,999
Happy Gerbitz Day.
169
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:24,498
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
170
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:34,266
Oh, it is so good
to have my boys back home
safe and sound.
171
00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:35,932
Thank God for that psychic.
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00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:37,832
What are you talking about?
The psychic didn't
do anything.
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00:07:37,901 --> 00:07:40,498
Well, she said we were
gonna find them and we did.
174
00:07:40,567 --> 00:07:42,132
I always wondered
about psychics,
175
00:07:42,201 --> 00:07:44,565
but I gotta tell you,
I'm a believer now.
176
00:07:44,634 --> 00:07:47,032
Yeah, I'm gonna go back
and see what else
she has to say.
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00:07:47,101 --> 00:07:48,632
Hey, check it out.
Chris and Stewie,
178
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,199
you're on the front page
of the paper.
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00:07:51,967 --> 00:07:53,331
You know, Chris,
that girl from school
180
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,999
sees that picture
and you're in.
181
00:07:55,068 --> 00:07:57,198
Look, Stewie,
I'm not really
gonna ask her out.
182
00:07:57,266 --> 00:08:00,198
I think that just might
have been cocky forest talk.
183
00:08:00,266 --> 00:08:02,898
No, but you got to
take advantage of this.
Seize your moment.
184
00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:04,732
Like the duck
Founding Father.
185
00:08:04,801 --> 00:08:07,665
Gentlemen, these are all
important fundamental rights,
186
00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:09,898
but I move we strike
the right to bob
187
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,832
for small fish with
your butt in the air.
188
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:13,532
All in favor?
ALL: Aye.
189
00:08:13,601 --> 00:08:15,432
Opposed?
(DUCK SQUAWKS)
190
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:16,498
The motion carries.
191
00:08:20,235 --> 00:08:21,798
I don't know
about this, Stewie.
192
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:24,299
Nonsense. You're a hero now.
Your picture's in the paper.
193
00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:26,431
She'll be
fawning all over you.
Now, which one is she?
194
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:28,598
There.
195
00:08:32,134 --> 00:08:33,632
Hi, Chris!
196
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,532
Wait a minute.
That's the girl?
197
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,732
Yeah. Isn't she special?
198
00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:39,399
That's the way
the state of Rhode Island
would put it.
199
00:08:39,467 --> 00:08:42,799
There's something up
with her, isn't there?
200
00:08:42,867 --> 00:08:44,799
Yeah. She's got
Down's Syndrome.
201
00:08:44,867 --> 00:08:45,965
Oh, okay, well,
there we go.
202
00:08:46,034 --> 00:08:47,365
She's so sweet.
203
00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:50,233
And doesn't she have
the most beautiful eyes?
204
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:51,765
Well, the spacing
seems a tad off,
205
00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:53,531
but, yeah, individually,
they're not awful.
206
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,332
All right, I'm on board.
Go talk to her.
207
00:08:56,633 --> 00:08:57,765
Um...
208
00:08:57,834 --> 00:08:59,899
Hi, Ellen.
Hi, Chris.
209
00:08:59,968 --> 00:09:03,365
Um. This is my
little brother Stewie.
210
00:09:03,434 --> 00:09:05,498
Your head makes me laugh.
211
00:09:05,567 --> 00:09:08,464
I'm guessing this
one owned a bunny,
but not anymore.
212
00:09:10,401 --> 00:09:12,465
Listen, there's something
I've wanted
213
00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:14,799
to tell you for
a really long time.
214
00:09:14,868 --> 00:09:16,265
Oh, yeah? What?
215
00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:17,966
Well, um,
216
00:09:18,034 --> 00:09:19,799
I really like you.
217
00:09:19,868 --> 00:09:22,598
And I was wondering
if maybe, um,
218
00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:24,365
you want to go out
on a date with me.
219
00:09:24,434 --> 00:09:26,399
You want me to be
your girlfriend?
220
00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:28,332
Shucks. I guess that's what
I'm driving at.
221
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,066
Okay. Pick me up
Saturday at 8:00.
222
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:33,332
Great. See you then.
223
00:09:33,401 --> 00:09:35,331
There you go.
Being confident.
224
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,532
Like an Italian guy
in any given
theoretical situation.
225
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:41,898
If that was me.
I'm just saying,
if that was me,
226
00:09:41,967 --> 00:09:43,998
they are lucky
that was not me.
227
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:46,365
Because if
the circumstances were such
228
00:09:46,434 --> 00:09:49,331
as you have described them,
but with me in them,
229
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,798
that's a very
different and scary outcome
for those involved.
230
00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:53,865
If.
231
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,565
Oh, my God, Brian.
Oh, my God!
232
00:09:59,634 --> 00:10:01,065
Whoa. What is it?
What happened?
233
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,331
I just went to see
my psychic Estelle,
and she told me
234
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,298
that Stewie is gonna grow up
to be very successful.
235
00:10:06,366 --> 00:10:08,132
Ah! Isn't that great news?
236
00:10:08,201 --> 00:10:09,765
You went to see
that psychic again?
237
00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:11,099
That's the third time
this week.
238
00:10:11,168 --> 00:10:13,166
She's a lifesaver, Brian.
239
00:10:13,234 --> 00:10:15,099
She gives me
the confidence
to live my life
240
00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:17,131
knowing I'm making
the right choices.
241
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,332
Wow, and she does
all this for free?
242
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,932
No, she charges me.
243
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,265
She charges you?
Well, that's weird.
244
00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:26,199
Why would you pay her
to hear things
you want to hear?
245
00:10:26,267 --> 00:10:28,432
I'm not crazy
about your tone, Brian.
246
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,465
Well, I just think
you're being sold
a bill of goods.
247
00:10:30,534 --> 00:10:32,565
Brian, I don't care
what you think.
248
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,998
And for your information,
249
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,398
there are gonna be
some changes around here.
250
00:10:39,034 --> 00:10:41,465
Mom, why do I have
to take a bath with Stewie?
251
00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:44,332
Because, Meg, Estelle told me
that someone in the family
252
00:10:44,401 --> 00:10:45,966
was in danger of
drowning and that
253
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:47,799
I should take some
steps to prevent it.
254
00:10:47,868 --> 00:10:50,632
So, from now on,
everybody has a bath buddy.
255
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:52,632
Hey, Meg, watch.
256
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:53,698
(FARTING)
257
00:10:53,768 --> 00:10:54,866
(BOTH LAUGHING)
258
00:10:54,934 --> 00:10:55,932
(MEG FARTING)
259
00:10:56,001 --> 00:10:57,199
(BOTH LAUGHING)
260
00:10:57,267 --> 00:10:58,431
(MEG QUEEFING)
261
00:10:59,068 --> 00:11:00,132
(SCREAMS)
262
00:11:04,733 --> 00:11:06,132
What am I gonna do?
263
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,532
I'm really nervous
about my date
with Ellen tonight.
264
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,998
I mean, I want
to impress her,
265
00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,498
but what if I
mess things up?
266
00:11:12,567 --> 00:11:13,865
Come on, Chris,
it's just a matter
267
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:15,265
of getting off
on the right foot.
268
00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:18,532
First things first.
Let's get you looking sharp.
269
00:11:22,167 --> 00:11:23,898
♪ You've got to look
your best tonight
270
00:11:23,967 --> 00:11:25,732
♪ You tubby little parasite
271
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:29,465
♪ 'Cause there's a lovely lady
and she's waiting for you
272
00:11:29,534 --> 00:11:31,398
♪ And though her
pretty face may seem
273
00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:33,166
♪ A special person's
wettest dream
274
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:36,832
♪ Before you get to see it
there are things you must do
275
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:40,266
♪ We'll try a tie and
boutonniere of yellow
276
00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:43,998
♪ Or a rose that shows
that you're a classy fellow
277
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:48,198
♪ With the posh panache
of Jefferson at Monticello
278
00:11:48,267 --> 00:11:51,532
♪ Busting out
a mile with style
279
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,865
♪ I know you just can't wait
to stare at all
280
00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:55,265
♪ that luscious orange hair
281
00:11:55,334 --> 00:11:58,866
♪ But, boy, before
you touch a single curl
282
00:11:58,934 --> 00:12:01,966
♪ You must impress
that ultra-boomin',
all-consumin'
283
00:12:02,034 --> 00:12:08,233
♪ Poorly groomin'
Down's Syndrome girl
284
00:12:08,301 --> 00:12:11,966
♪ On any normal day you reek
As if you're on
a farting streak
285
00:12:12,034 --> 00:12:15,631
♪ Your finger's up your nose
and you are dripping
with drool
286
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,598
♪ But if you want
a lady's love
287
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:19,565
♪ You're better off
by smelling of
288
00:12:19,633 --> 00:12:22,965
♪ A gentleman's cologne
instead of sneakers and stool
289
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:26,265
♪ A squirt, a spurt
Of somethin' just for Ellen
290
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:30,032
♪ And you'll see that she
will find you so compellin'
291
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:34,198
♪ And she does because
the only smell that
she'll be smellin'
292
00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:37,198
♪ Won't be coming
from your bum
293
00:12:37,266 --> 00:12:38,431
(FARTING)
294
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,899
♪ You wanna take
that little whore
295
00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:41,599
♪ And spin her on
the dancing floor
296
00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:45,099
♪ But, boy,
before you do a single twirl
297
00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:49,099
♪ You must
impress that effervescing
self-possessing, no BS-ing
298
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:52,999
♪ Down's Syndrome girl
299
00:12:58,801 --> 00:13:02,265
♪ Her eyes
are emerald portals
300
00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:05,431
♪ To a secret land of love
301
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:11,066
♪ And they seem to say
"We'll open just for Chris"
302
00:13:12,567 --> 00:13:15,932
♪ They shine
like sunny weather
303
00:13:16,001 --> 00:13:20,698
♪ And they're
close enough together
304
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,765
♪ That if they
should so desire
to create a little fire
305
00:13:23,834 --> 00:13:26,998
♪ They could
reach across her nose
and give each other a kiss
306
00:14:03,067 --> 00:14:04,798
♪ My boy,
between the two of us
307
00:14:04,868 --> 00:14:06,632
♪ We'll get you
on that shorty bus
308
00:14:06,701 --> 00:14:10,299
♪ and then you're
gonna take it for a whirl
309
00:14:10,368 --> 00:14:12,265
♪ Now go impress
that super-thrilling
310
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:14,165
♪ wish-fulfilling,
Yoo-hoo spilling
311
00:14:14,233 --> 00:14:17,332
♪ Ultra-swinging,
boner-bringing gaily singing,
ding-a-linging
312
00:14:17,401 --> 00:14:20,365
♪ Stupefying, fortifying
as of Monday, shoelace tying
313
00:14:20,433 --> 00:14:23,165
♪ Stimulating, titillating
kitty-cat impersonating
314
00:14:23,234 --> 00:14:24,598
♪ Mega-rocking,
pillow-talking
315
00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:25,931
♪ just-a-little-crooked
walking
316
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,165
♪ Coyly pouting,
booby-sprouting
317
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,699
♪ For some reason,
always shouting
318
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:34,066
♪ Fascinating, captivating
happiness-and-joy creating
319
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:37,699
♪ Down's Syndrome girl! ♪
320
00:14:42,234 --> 00:14:43,732
BRIAN: What the hell?
321
00:14:43,801 --> 00:14:46,198
Lois, did you put
this muzzle on me
while I was sleeping?
322
00:14:46,267 --> 00:14:49,432
Yeah, sorry, Brian.
My psychic warned me you
were gonna bite somebody,
323
00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:51,032
and I didn't want
to see that happen.
324
00:14:51,101 --> 00:14:53,699
Okay, that's it.
This psychic nonsense
has gone way too far.
325
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,299
What do you mean
"nonsense"?
326
00:14:55,368 --> 00:14:58,233
Lois, there is no such thing
as a person who is psychic.
327
00:14:58,301 --> 00:14:59,999
And though it's tempting
to want to believe
328
00:15:00,068 --> 00:15:01,598
in something that
brings you comfort,
329
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,965
the reality is you're
just being totally naive.
330
00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:06,265
Brian, of course you don't
believe in psychics.
331
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:09,365
Your cynicism prevents
you from ever being
in a receptive state.
332
00:15:09,434 --> 00:15:11,032
Look, I'll prove to you
what I'm saying, all right?
333
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:12,465
Let me read you
your horoscope.
334
00:15:12,534 --> 00:15:14,932
"You have a very
strong emotional nature.
335
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,731
"You are riding
the crest of a wave
of good energy today
336
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,966
"and you ought
to be able to get
337
00:15:19,034 --> 00:15:21,232
"your friends to see
how things ought to be.
338
00:15:21,301 --> 00:15:22,965
"You're on the ball
and you know it."
339
00:15:23,034 --> 00:15:25,265
There you go.
You just proved my point.
340
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,065
That's 100% accurate.
341
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:30,398
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're a Sagittarius
and I was reading Capricorn.
342
00:15:30,467 --> 00:15:33,065
And that last sentence
was just a panel
from Doonesbury.
343
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,832
I hate that strip.
344
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,832
There ain't nothing funny
about four pictures
of the Capitol Building
345
00:15:36,901 --> 00:15:38,166
and all that writing.
346
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:39,965
What's your point, Brian?
I'll tell you what, Lois.
347
00:15:40,034 --> 00:15:42,632
Meet me at the park later
and I'll show you
what I'm talking about.
348
00:15:42,701 --> 00:15:44,832
And you'll see you're
being taken for a ride,
349
00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:46,965
like a snail on
the back of a turtle.
350
00:15:49,168 --> 00:15:50,865
Slow down!
I want to get there,
351
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:52,731
but I want to
get there alive!
352
00:15:55,501 --> 00:15:56,999
Okay, Brian, I'm here.
353
00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:59,099
Show me whatever it is
you want to show me.
354
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:00,532
All right, Lois.
I'm going to prove
355
00:16:00,601 --> 00:16:01,932
that with the most
minimal training
356
00:16:02,001 --> 00:16:03,398
and the right
set of buzzwords,
357
00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:04,999
anyone can appear
to be psychic.
358
00:16:05,068 --> 00:16:07,798
Even a complete
boob like Peter.
Watch this.
359
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:11,499
Excuse me, ma'am.
I'm psychic, and I'm getting
a strong feeling from you.
360
00:16:11,567 --> 00:16:14,499
Do you have a watch or clock
that no longer works?
361
00:16:14,567 --> 00:16:17,598
Wow. I used to have
a watch that broke.
362
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:20,032
You see, just by asking
very general questions
363
00:16:20,101 --> 00:16:21,465
that would apply
to most people,
364
00:16:21,534 --> 00:16:24,466
a person can appear to have
inside knowledge about you.
365
00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:26,932
I'm also sensing
that you have
a dead relative.
366
00:16:27,001 --> 00:16:28,966
My husband died
of cancer last year.
367
00:16:29,034 --> 00:16:32,166
Oh, my God! Awesome.
Okay, I'm sensing
some other bad stuff.
368
00:16:32,234 --> 00:16:33,966
My daughter was
just in an accident.
369
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,266
Sweet! High-five!
370
00:16:35,335 --> 00:16:36,898
(GASPS) You're awful.
371
00:16:36,968 --> 00:16:38,765
Hey, you don't want
to hear the truth,
don't come to the park.
372
00:16:38,834 --> 00:16:42,465
(SIGHS) Okay.
Okay, you made your point.
I get it.
373
00:16:42,533 --> 00:16:44,399
Maybe I went
a little overboard
374
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:45,966
with the things
Estelle told me.
375
00:16:46,034 --> 00:16:47,832
All right, look,
can we just go home now?
376
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:49,099
Come on, Peter, let's go.
377
00:16:49,167 --> 00:16:51,298
Brian, I felt something.
378
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:53,532
Just now,
talking to that
bitch cancer widow.
379
00:16:53,601 --> 00:16:56,265
I think I may have a gift.
380
00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:57,632
Peter, we were just doing
a demonstration...
381
00:16:57,701 --> 00:16:59,832
No, Brian. This is real.
382
00:16:59,900 --> 00:17:02,331
I believe I am psychic.
383
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,999
My first prediction,
I am either
384
00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:06,032
going to fly or ruin
that family's picnic.
385
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,799
Hey! You've ruined
our picnic!
386
00:17:09,867 --> 00:17:10,999
Psychic.
387
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,532
Peter, what are
you doing?
Quiet, Brian.
388
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:22,465
I'm performing
a psychic reading.
389
00:17:22,533 --> 00:17:24,765
Peter, for the last time,
you're not psychic.
390
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:26,432
I most certainly am.
391
00:17:26,501 --> 00:17:29,132
All right, Quagmire,
clear your mind...
Ooh. Soft hands.
392
00:17:29,201 --> 00:17:32,866
Clear your mind,
remove all traces
of unease and doubt,
393
00:17:32,934 --> 00:17:35,032
and I will tell you
your future.
394
00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:37,333
What is it, Peter?
395
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,932
You will die in a plane crash
and be reincarnated
as a prophylactic.
396
00:17:42,734 --> 00:17:43,731
All right!
397
00:17:44,434 --> 00:17:45,565
No, no, not all right!
398
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,265
Well, I'm glad we're
finally going out, Ellen.
399
00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:53,665
I've really liked you
for a long time.
400
00:17:53,734 --> 00:17:56,198
Hey, what the hell
you think you're doing?
401
00:17:56,267 --> 00:17:57,299
Sitting down.
402
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,065
Get up and pull
my chair out for me.
403
00:17:59,134 --> 00:18:02,365
Oh, goodness, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
404
00:18:02,967 --> 00:18:03,965
That's better.
405
00:18:05,367 --> 00:18:07,732
You going to be
this rude all evening?
406
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,332
You haven't asked me
anything about myself.
407
00:18:10,401 --> 00:18:11,632
Oh! Um.
408
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:14,432
Sorry. So, what
do your parents do?
409
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:15,565
That's better.
410
00:18:15,634 --> 00:18:16,865
My dad's an accountant,
411
00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:19,899
and my mom
is the former
governor of Alaska.
412
00:18:19,967 --> 00:18:21,099
Oh, that's cool.
413
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,465
It's real cool.
414
00:18:22,533 --> 00:18:26,032
Now, get up,
come over here and give me
a shoulder massage.
415
00:18:26,101 --> 00:18:27,765
Okay.
416
00:18:27,834 --> 00:18:30,866
Boy, you're tougher
than a doggy dominatrix.
417
00:18:30,934 --> 00:18:33,099
Do it, do it.
Come on, do it. Do it.
418
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:35,132
(INAUDIBLE WHISTLING)
419
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,232
Ah! Yes! Yes, you bitch.
420
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:39,365
Ah!
421
00:18:44,768 --> 00:18:47,532
Oh, my God, this is awful.
There's got to be
200 people here.
422
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:57,732
Thank you.
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank... Hold on.
423
00:18:57,801 --> 00:19:00,199
I'm sensing
something psychic.
424
00:19:00,267 --> 00:19:02,032
Ma'am, did you
have a female relative
425
00:19:02,101 --> 00:19:04,098
who's passed on to
the other side named...
426
00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:06,698
Um... Um...
427
00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:08,232
Polly?
Polly! I said it first.
428
00:19:09,168 --> 00:19:10,298
That was amazing.
429
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:12,532
I've never seen
a bad show at the Marriott.
430
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,665
Oh, my God!
They're all falling
for this insanity.
431
00:19:15,734 --> 00:19:18,098
I'm sensing
a black guy over here.
Is there a black guy?
432
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:19,799
Me! I'm a black guy.
433
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,365
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
434
00:19:21,434 --> 00:19:22,932
Yes, good, good.
435
00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:25,199
I'm sensing your
infant daughter
has earrings.
436
00:19:25,268 --> 00:19:26,732
He's right. She does.
437
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,731
Peter, you got to
stop this right now.
438
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,032
Shut up, Lois.
Don't mess up
my psychic-ness.
439
00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:35,832
I'm sensing
a doctor in the audience.
Where is the doctor?
440
00:19:35,901 --> 00:19:37,365
I'm a doctor.
441
00:19:37,434 --> 00:19:39,732
Okay. Your great grandmother
is contacting me right now,
442
00:19:39,801 --> 00:19:41,032
and she wants
to know if this rash
443
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:42,632
looks like
it's going to go away.
444
00:19:42,701 --> 00:19:45,866
Well, I guess
I'd tell her
to use Bactine.
445
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,232
No! She says Bactine hurts.
446
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:49,965
She wants
something more soothing.
447
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,065
Peter, we need your help.
448
00:19:53,134 --> 00:19:55,532
We just got word
of a kidnap victim
buried alive
449
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,565
with a bomb
strapped to his chest.
450
00:19:57,634 --> 00:20:01,366
We need your psychic powers
to lead us to him before
the bomb goes off.
451
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,799
Well, well. Finally,
a true test of my abilities.
452
00:20:04,868 --> 00:20:06,398
You came to
the right place, Joe.
453
00:20:06,467 --> 00:20:08,065
I'll psych that guy
out for you.
454
00:20:08,134 --> 00:20:09,598
Peter, you can't do this.
455
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,032
All right, I mean,
it's one thing
456
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,432
to take money from
a bunch of suckers,
457
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:13,998
but this is serious.
You're a fraud.
458
00:20:14,067 --> 00:20:15,131
I am not.
459
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,632
I'll tell you
who's a fraud. Mr. Spock.
460
00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:19,565
Mr. Sulu,
set a course for...
One moment, Captain.
461
00:20:19,634 --> 00:20:21,498
They're about to announce
the winning numbers
462
00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,132
for the
Intergalactic Lottery.
463
00:20:23,201 --> 00:20:24,365
FEMALE VOICE:
Today's winning numbers
464
00:20:24,433 --> 00:20:28,732
are 18, 24, 41 and 72.
465
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:33,631
Yes! You're damn right!
Hell, yeah!
466
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,098
You can suck it!
467
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:38,233
You can suck it!
You can suck it!
You can all suck me!
468
00:20:38,301 --> 00:20:39,765
Live long and suck it!
469
00:20:42,301 --> 00:20:46,365
Well, Ellen, I had
a really interesting time
with you tonight.
470
00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:47,632
I guess I'll talk
to you soon.
471
00:20:47,701 --> 00:20:49,165
You're not leaving yet.
472
00:20:49,234 --> 00:20:52,565
I need somebody to make me
an ice cream sundae.
473
00:20:52,634 --> 00:20:54,032
So, get in the house.
474
00:20:54,101 --> 00:20:55,465
Okay, okay.
475
00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:02,932
Unless you're
going to pull a sundae
out of your belly button,
476
00:21:03,001 --> 00:21:06,032
I'd get your ass in
the fucking kitchen.
477
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:09,032
Oh, boy. My dogs
are mooing today.
478
00:21:10,734 --> 00:21:12,365
No, no, no, no, no, no.
479
00:21:12,434 --> 00:21:13,565
What's the matter?
480
00:21:13,634 --> 00:21:16,265
Did I say, "Put chocolate
sauce on there"?
481
00:21:16,334 --> 00:21:19,065
Did you hear me say,
"Put chocolate
sauce on there"?
482
00:21:19,134 --> 00:21:20,298
Well, I just
thought that...
483
00:21:20,367 --> 00:21:21,632
You thought what?
484
00:21:21,701 --> 00:21:24,432
You know, if you want
access to this temple,
485
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:26,599
you better pay
the proper tribute.
486
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:28,232
All right, that is it!
487
00:21:28,301 --> 00:21:30,498
I don't care
how hot you are.
488
00:21:30,567 --> 00:21:32,965
I don't much like
being treated this way.
489
00:21:33,034 --> 00:21:35,632
You know, I used
to hear that people
with Down's Syndrome
490
00:21:35,701 --> 00:21:37,899
were different
than the rest of us,
but you're not.
491
00:21:37,967 --> 00:21:39,366
You're not
different at all.
492
00:21:39,435 --> 00:21:42,731
You're just
a bunch of assholes
like everyone else!
493
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,398
I got bad news
for you, buddy.
You just blew it.
494
00:21:46,467 --> 00:21:48,398
Get out of my house now!
495
00:21:53,968 --> 00:21:55,032
How'd it go?
496
00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:56,999
Looks like I totally
screwed that up.
497
00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:58,898
No, you didn't.
You made a vow that you
498
00:21:58,968 --> 00:22:00,898
were going to ask
Ellen out, and you did.
499
00:22:00,968 --> 00:22:02,565
That took courage, my friend.
500
00:22:02,633 --> 00:22:05,698
Especially for a poor,
timid sap like you.
I'm proud of you.
501
00:22:05,767 --> 00:22:07,065
Thanks, Stewie.
502
00:22:07,134 --> 00:22:09,233
I'm just sorry
I never got to
make out with her.
503
00:22:09,301 --> 00:22:11,364
She would have
crushed your scrota
into a diamond
504
00:22:11,433 --> 00:22:12,464
with her
robot-strength hand.
505
00:22:12,533 --> 00:22:14,832
Come on,
let's get out of here.
506
00:22:16,867 --> 00:22:19,831
All right, Peter,
we know the victim is
somewhere in this area.
507
00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:21,532
We don't have much time
before the bomb...
508
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:22,632
(SHUSHING)
509
00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:23,965
Okay, Joe, when I'm
tracking someone,
510
00:22:24,034 --> 00:22:25,265
it often helps
to touch something
511
00:22:25,333 --> 00:22:26,565
that belongs
to the victim.
512
00:22:26,634 --> 00:22:28,598
Does he have a wife?
Yeah.
513
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:34,931
Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
514
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,132
Uh-huh.
It's still very fuzzy.
Does he have a daughter?
515
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:40,865
Yeah, I see.
Does he have maybe,
516
00:22:40,933 --> 00:22:42,231
like a thinner,
hotter daughter?
517
00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:44,032
Well, yes,
but she's only 12.
518
00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:45,998
Okay, like a young 12,
519
00:22:46,067 --> 00:22:47,498
or like a "She eats
a lot of milk products
520
00:22:47,567 --> 00:22:48,965
"so she got
her boobs early" 12?
521
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,132
Which is a real thing,
by the way.
522
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:51,598
Peter, we're running
out of time!
523
00:22:51,667 --> 00:22:53,165
All right, all right,
we'll try something else.
524
00:22:53,234 --> 00:22:57,432
I will now use
my psychic powers
to seek help from beyond.
525
00:22:57,501 --> 00:23:00,198
I shall now channel
the ghost of Lou Costello,
526
00:23:00,267 --> 00:23:02,431
who will guide us to
this soul in distress.
527
00:23:04,434 --> 00:23:05,965
Hi, everybody.
It's me, Lou Costello.
528
00:23:06,034 --> 00:23:07,598
All right, what's the name
of the guy we're looking for?
529
00:23:07,667 --> 00:23:09,831
Well, he's an Asian fella.
Melvin Hu.
530
00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:11,032
That's what I
want to find out.
What?
531
00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:12,465
The name of the guy.
Melvin Hu.
532
00:23:12,534 --> 00:23:14,032
Are you a cop?
You handling this case?
Yeah. Yeah.
533
00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:15,131
Then what's
the name of the guy?
Hu.
534
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:16,198
The guy we're looking for.
Hu.
535
00:23:16,267 --> 00:23:17,298
The guy who's buried.
Hu.
536
00:23:17,367 --> 00:23:18,365
The guy with the bomb.
Hu.
537
00:23:18,434 --> 00:23:19,531
What street's he live on?
First.
538
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:20,798
(BOMB EXPLODING)
539
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,399
Yeah, I'm not psychic.
540
00:24:01,467 --> 00:24:02,465
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21