1
00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:05,799
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,868 --> 00:00:09,132
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,564
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:15,799
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,867 --> 00:00:19,065
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:22,498
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,567 --> 00:00:24,032
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,101 --> 00:00:25,799
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:31,032
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:39,868 --> 00:00:41,199
Jolly Farm?
11
00:00:41,268 --> 00:00:43,899
(SCOFFS)
Can't believe you
still watch this crap.
12
00:00:43,968 --> 00:00:47,732
Man, how can you
still watch this?
Huh? Huh?
13
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,365
You know, I can tell
you've already
been drinking,
14
00:00:50,433 --> 00:00:52,732
and I just don't
want to engage.
15
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,765
Besides, you can learn a lot
from British nursery rhymes.
16
00:00:55,834 --> 00:01:00,098
♪ Ring-a-ring-a-roses
A pocket full of posies
17
00:01:00,167 --> 00:01:04,532
♪ Ashes, ashes
We all fall down! ♪
18
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,099
See, that was
actually written about
the bubonic plague.
19
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,333
Oh. Didn't know that.
20
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:09,731
Ooh! Ooh!
This next one's
my favorite.
21
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,965
It's about
the Pan Am flight
from Lockerbie.
22
00:01:12,034 --> 00:01:15,132
♪ It's raining luggage
and babies and limbs
23
00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:18,166
♪ and Daddy
doesn't come home ♪
24
00:01:18,234 --> 00:01:20,632
Yay! It's fun
to be a child.
25
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,332
Hey, did you read this?
26
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,165
They're going to be
making an American version
of Jolly Farm,
27
00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:25,298
right here in Quahog.
28
00:01:25,367 --> 00:01:27,632
Oh, my God!
I didn't see that.
Give me!
29
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:31,332
Good Lord, you're right!
An American Jolly Farm!
30
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,565
Oh, there's no picture.
I like the stories
that have pictures.
31
00:01:34,634 --> 00:01:37,499
Ooh! Like this one,
"Seven Dead in Mumbai."
32
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:38,665
I like their hats.
33
00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:45,231
Lois, you have a gray hair.
What?
34
00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:46,665
Inch-and-a-half
left of your part.
35
00:01:48,134 --> 00:01:49,598
Oh, my God, you're right!
36
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:51,398
You know,
I don't mind so much
that you're aging,
37
00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:53,732
it's just the way
you're shoving
it down my throat.
38
00:01:53,801 --> 00:01:54,832
Screw you, Peter.
39
00:01:54,901 --> 00:01:56,198
Not today!
40
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:57,665
(LAUGHING) Aw, wow!
41
00:01:57,733 --> 00:01:59,598
Mom, Dad,
is it okay if I invite
42
00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:01,498
my new boyfriend
over for dinner tonight?
43
00:02:01,566 --> 00:02:02,732
Your what?
44
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,565
Yes, I share your
mother's skepticism.
45
00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:06,798
Meg, I think everyone
in this household
46
00:02:06,868 --> 00:02:08,965
has grown weary
of your tall tales.
47
00:02:09,034 --> 00:02:12,299
No, really,
I have a boyfriend.
His name is Anthony.
48
00:02:12,368 --> 00:02:14,066
Well, Meg, if you're
telling us the truth,
49
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,231
I just hope to God
he's an improvement
over the last one.
50
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,198
Thanks, Mrs. Griffin,
that was delicious.
51
00:02:19,266 --> 00:02:22,066
You're welcome, Justin.
It was a pleasure
to meet you.
52
00:02:22,133 --> 00:02:23,164
Come on,
I'll take you home.
53
00:02:23,233 --> 00:02:24,298
Okay, babe.
54
00:02:29,134 --> 00:02:30,431
He ain't got no legs.
55
00:02:34,101 --> 00:02:36,231
Brian, which photo
should I bring
to my audition?
56
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:37,498
What audition?
57
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,298
Why, for the American
Jolly Farm, of course.
58
00:02:39,366 --> 00:02:41,565
Now, which picture?
Playful?
59
00:02:41,633 --> 00:02:43,265
Or more playful?
60
00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:44,799
Who the fuck took these?
61
00:02:44,867 --> 00:02:46,431
The professional
photographer, that's who.
62
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,765
Now, come on,
help me rehearse
the audition scene.
63
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:51,765
"Mary, would you
like to go to the farm
and learn about the animals?"
64
00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:54,364
"I don't want to
go to the farm.
We don't know anybody there."
65
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:56,564
No, Brian,
you have to give Mary
some attitude.
66
00:02:56,633 --> 00:02:58,398
Look, you do my line
and I'll show you.
67
00:02:58,466 --> 00:03:00,331
(SIGHS) "Mary,
would you like to..."
68
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,199
Without the sigh
in front of it, please.
69
00:03:02,268 --> 00:03:05,132
"Mary, would you
like to go to the farm
and learn about the animals?"
70
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,732
"I don't want
to go to the farm!
71
00:03:06,801 --> 00:03:08,298
"We don't even know
anybody there!"
72
00:03:08,366 --> 00:03:10,231
You see, she's a real
spitfire, this girl.
73
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:13,032
Now, you got to bring
that out or else I have
nothing to react to.
74
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,198
Oh, my God!
75
00:03:14,266 --> 00:03:15,331
Please don't show Mom!
76
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,532
He told me that's
what a head shot was.
77
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,565
Lois, get in here!
78
00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:32,765
Shh. Meg's boyfriend.
79
00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:37,032
But there's...
There's nothing
wrong with him.
80
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:38,632
Mom, where's my...
81
00:03:38,701 --> 00:03:39,899
Shh.
(GASPS)
82
00:03:42,534 --> 00:03:44,565
Quagmire, get over here.
You gotta see this.
83
00:03:49,268 --> 00:03:51,132
He seems to be
completely normal.
84
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,032
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
85
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,165
I can honestly say
for the first time
86
00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:57,265
that I am attracted
to our daughter.
87
00:03:57,334 --> 00:03:59,465
This must be what
other fathers feel like.
88
00:03:59,534 --> 00:04:02,032
This was worth
the 500-mile drive.
89
00:04:04,634 --> 00:04:07,032
Well, it was very nice
meeting you, Anthony.
90
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:09,465
You, too, Mrs. Griffin.
Thanks for having me
over for dinner.
91
00:04:09,534 --> 00:04:12,865
Come on, Peter.
I think Anthony wants
some time alone with Meg.
92
00:04:12,934 --> 00:04:16,231
Who doesn't want
some time alone
with Meg these days?
93
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:17,865
Right, Meg?
94
00:04:17,934 --> 00:04:19,898
Has anybody ever told you
you're pretty enough
95
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,699
to be a movie star,
Mrs. Griffin?
96
00:04:21,767 --> 00:04:24,398
Oh, my goodness.
Well, I don't know
about that.
97
00:04:24,466 --> 00:04:28,432
Penelope Ann Miller,
Nancy Travis,
now those are movie stars.
98
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:31,565
Look, Anthony, trust me,
she ain't what she used
to be, all right?
99
00:04:31,633 --> 00:04:33,098
Once you get
those pants off,
100
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:35,631
it's like two
sagging pressed hams
and a slice of pizza.
101
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:37,998
Thank you, Peter,
that makes me
feel terrific.
102
00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:39,731
Anyway, good night, kids.
103
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,998
Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.
104
00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:43,999
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
On the lips.
105
00:04:45,634 --> 00:04:46,731
Yes!
106
00:04:48,967 --> 00:04:50,298
Do you think your
parents liked me?
107
00:04:50,366 --> 00:04:51,931
Yeah. Can we
make out now?
108
00:04:54,501 --> 00:04:55,599
Oh, I forgot my...
109
00:04:56,601 --> 00:04:57,665
(LAUGHS)
110
00:05:04,767 --> 00:05:07,165
Oh, my God,
that's kind of hot.
111
00:05:11,034 --> 00:05:12,732
(PENCIL SCRIBBLING)
112
00:05:12,801 --> 00:05:17,065
Mmm. I bet you
taste like Mountain Dew
and Starburst.
113
00:05:22,267 --> 00:05:24,665
Boy, everybody turned out
for this thing, huh?
114
00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:26,532
Sorry, all the boys
can go home.
115
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,598
We only have one part
left for a little girl.
116
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,398
What? No! No,
that's impossible!
117
00:05:31,467 --> 00:05:33,065
Oh. That's too
bad, Stewie.
118
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:34,532
Well, I guess
we can go home now.
119
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,432
But I don't want to go home!
I want to be on Jolly Farm!
120
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:39,432
Well, you heard her.
They're only
auditioning little girls.
121
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,965
Now, come on,
let's get out of here.
122
00:05:41,034 --> 00:05:43,165
I suppose you're right.
Nothing I can do.
123
00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:44,898
You know, why don't I
just meet you home?
124
00:05:44,967 --> 00:05:46,165
I'm going to run
some errands.
125
00:05:46,233 --> 00:05:47,966
You sure you're okay?
I'm positive.
126
00:05:48,934 --> 00:05:52,098
Absolutely positive.
127
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:57,099
Okay, our next young actress
on the audition list
is Karina Smirnoff.
128
00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:01,065
Hello, everyone!
129
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:10,832
Thank you all so much
for squeezing me in
for an audition.
130
00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:12,198
So, shall we just jump in?
131
00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:13,998
Sure. When you're ready.
132
00:06:14,067 --> 00:06:16,099
All right, let me
just get into character.
133
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:18,698
I'm a bit distracted.
I wasn't expecting
we'd do this today,
134
00:06:18,767 --> 00:06:20,232
in light of
the circumstances.
135
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,531
What circumstances?
136
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,233
Oh, dear God,
didn't you hear?
137
00:06:23,301 --> 00:06:24,333
The bomb?
138
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,132
The bomb that went
off in Times Square?
139
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,832
All those poor people, dead!
140
00:06:29,901 --> 00:06:32,265
Oh, my God!
My cousin works
in Times Square!
141
00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:34,066
Well, your cousin is fine,
142
00:06:34,135 --> 00:06:36,165
because I was acting!
143
00:06:36,234 --> 00:06:37,298
That's impressive!
144
00:06:37,366 --> 00:06:39,032
Risky. Very risky.
145
00:06:39,101 --> 00:06:41,066
All right, fun's over.
What do you want me to read?
146
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,432
We want you to read
your new contract!
147
00:06:43,501 --> 00:06:45,099
(GASPS) You mean it?
148
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:46,932
Absolutely! You're hired!
149
00:06:47,001 --> 00:06:50,099
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh!
150
00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:52,765
Well, I guess sometimes
you're just right
for the part.
151
00:06:52,834 --> 00:06:55,999
Like James Earl Jones
playing Darth Vader.
152
00:06:56,067 --> 00:07:00,698
So, James,
we just want you
to do the voice.
153
00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:06,932
Thanks for taking time
for me today, Bonnie.
154
00:07:07,001 --> 00:07:08,832
I just didn't know
who else to talk to.
155
00:07:08,901 --> 00:07:11,431
Oh, that's okay, Lois.
What's on your mind?
156
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:14,032
Well, you're gonna think
I'm an awful person,
157
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:16,365
but I'm attracted
to another man.
158
00:07:16,433 --> 00:07:17,698
Giggity?
159
00:07:17,768 --> 00:07:19,099
It's Meg's
boyfriend, Anthony.
160
00:07:19,168 --> 00:07:20,364
(DISAPPOINTEDLY)
Giggity...
161
00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:22,032
It's just that, lately,
Peter's been making
162
00:07:22,101 --> 00:07:24,632
me feel so crappy
about my age, and...
163
00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:26,165
Well, then
I'm around Anthony
164
00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:28,932
and he looks at me
like I'm young
and attractive.
165
00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:30,998
I'm gonna tell
you a secret, Lois.
166
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,765
I had an affair once.
167
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:34,798
(GASPS) You had an affair?
168
00:07:34,867 --> 00:07:37,232
Mmm-hmm. It wasn't
anything sordid.
169
00:07:37,301 --> 00:07:39,432
Just some guys
I met on the Internet.
170
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:43,632
The point is, it's healthy
to explore your sexuality.
171
00:07:43,701 --> 00:07:45,332
Oh, I don't know.
172
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,865
It just feels like
I'm lying to Peter.
Like Jesus lied to the meek.
173
00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:54,498
All right! Jesus and
the jocks win again!
174
00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:57,531
Hey! You said we were gonna
inherit the Earth.
175
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,598
Yeah, when we're
done with it!
176
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:01,564
(GRUNTS)
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
177
00:08:10,633 --> 00:08:13,199
Hello, there.
Hello.
178
00:08:13,267 --> 00:08:16,331
Um, I'm new in town
and I'm awfully lonely.
179
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,565
I'm wondering
if you wouldn't mind
buying me a drink.
180
00:08:18,633 --> 00:08:20,298
Well, that'd be
my pleasure.
181
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:22,999
And maybe later I can
show you some of the
local points of interest.
182
00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:25,032
There's one right
below the table.
183
00:08:25,101 --> 00:08:27,231
Oh, my!
You're very bold.
184
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:30,431
Well, when your
lifespan is 13 years,
you gotta be direct.
185
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:33,032
Lucky for you,
I like bold men.
186
00:08:33,101 --> 00:08:34,699
Karina. Karina Smirnoff.
187
00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:35,799
Brian.
188
00:08:35,867 --> 00:08:37,465
Brian Steel.
189
00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:38,999
Oh! Good heavens!
190
00:08:39,068 --> 00:08:40,766
Man, your accent is sexy.
191
00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:42,698
This is all
moving very quickly.
192
00:08:42,768 --> 00:08:45,099
I'm afraid I'm
a little light-headed.
193
00:08:45,168 --> 00:08:46,766
You must think
I'm a fool.
194
00:08:46,834 --> 00:08:49,099
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to
come on too strong.
195
00:08:49,168 --> 00:08:50,598
Oh, that's all right.
196
00:08:50,667 --> 00:08:53,799
I've been
missing a man's touch,
lo these many months.
197
00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:55,932
And I've been missing
a woman's touch.
198
00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:01,066
Brian... Brian!
It's me, Stewie!
199
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:06,732
Oh, my God,
that was hilarious!
You really fell for it!
200
00:09:06,801 --> 00:09:08,465
I was like,
"Is he gonna
fall for this?"
201
00:09:08,534 --> 00:09:09,799
And then when you did,
I was like,
202
00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:11,799
"I guess I should see
how far I can take it,
203
00:09:11,867 --> 00:09:13,232
"'cause, you know,
it'll be funnier."
204
00:09:13,301 --> 00:09:15,298
I'm gonna kill you!
Why are you dressed
like that?
205
00:09:15,367 --> 00:09:17,732
Because I'm the star
of Jolly Farm.
206
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,165
Remember how they
only needed little girls?
207
00:09:20,234 --> 00:09:21,732
Oh, my God.
208
00:09:21,801 --> 00:09:22,865
I'm telling Lois.
209
00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:24,665
You're not telling
anybody, friend.
210
00:09:24,734 --> 00:09:27,398
No, no, you're gonna be
my on-set guardian.
211
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,166
You're out of your mind.
212
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:30,632
Brian, we both know
I touched it.
213
00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:32,266
Now if you'd like
to keep that just
between us,
214
00:09:32,334 --> 00:09:34,932
I suggest you sit back down
and order me some
chicken fingers.
215
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,065
See? We're having
a nice time.
216
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:48,932
Man, I love Cheese Nips.
It's a snack
and a racial slur.
217
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:50,165
Hello, what's this?
218
00:09:50,234 --> 00:09:51,932
Well, Peter, you know
how you always say
219
00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:53,632
you want to do
more role-playing?
220
00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:57,132
I was thinking,
how about I be the sexy
suburban mom
221
00:09:57,201 --> 00:09:59,632
and you be my daughter's
boyfriend, Anthony?
222
00:09:59,701 --> 00:10:00,765
No, not tonight, Lois.
223
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,298
I just had a fart
that hurt my balls,
224
00:10:02,367 --> 00:10:04,099
so I'm kind of out of
commission right now.
225
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:05,765
It's one of those
ka-blam farts.
226
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,766
Sounds like you're
making up excuses.
227
00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:09,066
All right, fine,
we'll have sex.
228
00:10:09,135 --> 00:10:10,698
Good.
229
00:10:10,768 --> 00:10:12,431
First, turn off the light,
get under the covers
up to your neck,
230
00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,233
turn away from me
and lose seven pounds.
231
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:15,932
Just get the hell
out of here!
232
00:10:16,001 --> 00:10:17,465
Close one!
233
00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:22,765
All right,
first scene up
is on page 12.
234
00:10:22,834 --> 00:10:26,699
Everybody, this is our new
Jolly Farm resident,
Karina Smirnoff.
235
00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:28,199
She'll be playing
the role of Mary.
236
00:10:28,267 --> 00:10:29,432
Hello.
237
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,631
Hi, I'm Julie.
238
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:37,032
Hello, I'm Stewie...
I'm Karina.
239
00:10:37,101 --> 00:10:39,998
Can we get some
quiet on the set?
I'm trying to rehearse!
240
00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:41,265
MAN: Quiet on the set!
241
00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,598
Don't mind Randall.
He's getting into character.
242
00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,198
Is he playing a dick?
243
00:10:45,267 --> 00:10:48,565
All right, everybody,
here we go. Scene 10.
Places, please.
244
00:10:48,634 --> 00:10:50,098
And action!
245
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:53,233
Oh, it's so great
being here on Jolly Farm.
246
00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:55,233
Let's go to the barn
and meet the animals.
247
00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:58,099
Yeah! Hey, Mary,
bet I'll beat you
to the barn!
248
00:10:58,168 --> 00:11:02,365
That sounds like
a really chauvinistic
presumption.
249
00:11:02,434 --> 00:11:04,799
I mean, because I'm a woman,
you think you'll beat me?
250
00:11:04,867 --> 00:11:08,665
A man is automatically
better than a woman at any
physical challenge?
251
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:11,565
Well, here are a few women
who might beat
you to the barn.
252
00:11:11,634 --> 00:11:13,699
Joanie Benoit,
Jackie Joyner-Kersee,
253
00:11:13,767 --> 00:11:15,765
Babe Didrikson Zaharias,
Mary Decker,
254
00:11:15,834 --> 00:11:17,632
Zola Budd...
DAN: Cut!
255
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:20,065
Karina, your line is,
"That sounds fun."
256
00:11:20,134 --> 00:11:22,831
Well, yes, Dan,
but I felt that just
because we're on a farm,
257
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:24,265
it doesn't mean
we have to be stuck
258
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,532
in the 19th century
with our value system.
259
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,866
Mary needs to
stand up for herself.
260
00:11:28,934 --> 00:11:30,532
Hmm. Interesting.
261
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,065
I suppose
we don't really have
262
00:11:32,134 --> 00:11:33,932
an outspoken female
character on the show.
263
00:11:34,001 --> 00:11:35,333
Damn right, you don't.
264
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,698
Could be
a possible breakout
if we play it right.
265
00:11:37,767 --> 00:11:40,499
All right, Karina,
we'll try it your way
and see what happens.
266
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:43,465
(CHUCKLES) Good luck.
She'll be gone
in three episodes.
267
00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:50,665
MAN:
♪ Go, Stewie, go
268
00:11:52,534 --> 00:11:56,298
♪ Roll, Stewie, roll
269
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:03,999
♪ Sweet Stewie, roll ♪
270
00:12:12,434 --> 00:12:13,865
Hi, Anthony.
271
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,398
Hi, Mrs. Griffin.
272
00:12:15,466 --> 00:12:18,364
You know,
we've enjoyed having you
around so much lately,
273
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:21,465
so we got a little
welcome-to-the-family
present for you.
274
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:26,132
Your husband's work
and poker game schedule?
275
00:12:26,201 --> 00:12:27,899
My menstrual cycle's
on there, too,
276
00:12:27,968 --> 00:12:29,732
but I don't mind
if you don't.
277
00:12:30,267 --> 00:12:31,331
Uh. Thanks.
278
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,132
By the way, Meg,
I forgot to tell you,
279
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,632
your grandfather
needs you to pick
him up at the airport.
280
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:38,732
Ugh! Grandpa always
makes me so nervous
when I'm driving.
281
00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:42,699
(GUN CLICKS)
282
00:12:42,768 --> 00:12:44,099
Okay, now me.
283
00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:46,999
That's a stop sign!
284
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,098
Anthony, you want
to come with me?
285
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,698
Sure.
286
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:52,232
Don't be ridiculous.
I'll keep him company
till you get back.
287
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:53,365
Goodbye, Meg.
288
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,865
Let's not play games.
The other day you said
I was attractive.
289
00:12:57,934 --> 00:12:59,365
Now, what are we
gonna do about it?
290
00:12:59,434 --> 00:13:02,531
Oh, my God!
Wow, this is so cool.
291
00:13:02,601 --> 00:13:05,098
I've never had a MILF
come on to me before.
292
00:13:05,166 --> 00:13:06,932
Can I...
Can I kiss you?
293
00:13:07,001 --> 00:13:08,298
Let me ask you this.
294
00:13:08,366 --> 00:13:09,932
Do my gray hairs
bother you?
295
00:13:10,001 --> 00:13:11,131
What gray hairs?
296
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,166
Oh! Kiss me!
297
00:13:13,233 --> 00:13:15,433
(MOANING)
298
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,298
Mom, I forgot my keys.
Do you know where...
299
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,132
Um.
300
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,898
Rape?
301
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,532
(SEINFELD THEME TUNE PLAYING)
302
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,932
Hey, another batch
of fan mail, Karina.
303
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,965
Oh, careful, Sam!
You're emptying
your sack all over me.
304
00:13:37,034 --> 00:13:39,198
(LAUGHS) What?
305
00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:41,999
Stewie, how the hell long
do you think you can keep up
this charade?
306
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:44,265
I will keep up
this "charade,"
307
00:13:44,334 --> 00:13:45,665
as it's pronounced, Brian,
308
00:13:45,734 --> 00:13:46,966
as long as I see fit!
309
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,099
Oh! Oh! Shh!
310
00:13:48,168 --> 00:13:49,165
Hi, Karina.
311
00:13:49,233 --> 00:13:50,298
Oh. Hi, Julie.
312
00:13:50,367 --> 00:13:51,998
God, I love your makeup.
313
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:55,065
You know,
I'm thinking of asking them
to do my makeup like yours.
314
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:56,565
Oh, you don't need makeup.
315
00:13:56,634 --> 00:13:58,798
I mean, I need all
the help I can get,
316
00:13:58,867 --> 00:14:00,132
but you have such
a youthful look,
317
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,898
you could pass
for 11 months.
318
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,999
Ugh! Then why do
I feel like 40 months?
319
00:14:04,068 --> 00:14:07,665
You've got to stop
doing that to yourself.
You're fantastic!
320
00:14:07,734 --> 00:14:10,932
I think you're
the nicest person
I've ever met.
321
00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:13,599
Hey, baby,
you ready to go
take a nap?
322
00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:15,132
Oh. Okay, Randall.
323
00:14:17,233 --> 00:14:18,632
I don't think that guy's
right for her.
324
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:20,032
Do you see the way
he treats her?
325
00:14:20,101 --> 00:14:22,431
What do you care?
Because
326
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,099
I think I'm in love
with her.
327
00:14:24,168 --> 00:14:27,133
Whenever I talk to her,
it makes my Band-Aid
start to peel off.
328
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:28,298
What are you
talking about?
329
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:29,431
I'm talking about my meat.
330
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,066
Gotta hide it
for the cameras.
331
00:14:31,135 --> 00:14:32,665
Instead of tucking it,
332
00:14:32,734 --> 00:14:34,431
I just push it in
like a button and put
a Band-Aid over it.
333
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:35,565
What kind of Band-Aid?
334
00:14:35,634 --> 00:14:37,398
Big one. Big giant one.
335
00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:40,133
No, just one
of those little dots
you put on a shot.
336
00:14:47,001 --> 00:14:49,399
Okay, Brian, watch.
Here comes my big part.
337
00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:53,432
Oh, here comes Large Bird
and Moody Green
Garbage Creature.
338
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,465
Wow, you're a big bird!
339
00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:58,032
And I'm grouchy,
so get out of my way!
340
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,531
You watch that tone,
Moody Green Garbage Creature,
341
00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:03,699
or I'll get Bernie
and Gert over here
to kick your butt!
342
00:15:03,767 --> 00:15:05,199
Is there a problem here?
343
00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:07,999
Yeah, you need us
to use our fists?
344
00:15:08,068 --> 00:15:11,599
Look at Julie, Brian.
She's absolutely beautiful.
345
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:12,866
(DOORBELL RINGS)
346
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:16,332
Julie!
347
00:15:16,401 --> 00:15:18,099
Hi! We were just
talking about you.
348
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:19,965
Hi. Do I know you?
349
00:15:20,034 --> 00:15:22,698
Oh, right.
Yeah, no, you don't,
you know Karina.
350
00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:24,032
I'm her brother, Stewie.
351
00:15:24,101 --> 00:15:26,032
It's nice to meet you.
Is she home?
352
00:15:26,101 --> 00:15:28,665
Oh, yeah, yeah,
she's upstairs.
Come in.
353
00:15:28,734 --> 00:15:30,498
Brian, you've met
Julie, right?
354
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:32,765
Julie's my sister's
co-star on Jolly Farm.
355
00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:34,265
Hi, Brian.
356
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,432
Why don't
you keep her company
while I go fetch Karina?
357
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,665
Just make sure
you get her fast.
358
00:15:38,734 --> 00:15:40,132
Karina? Yes?
359
00:15:40,201 --> 00:15:41,732
You have a visitor.
(AS KARINA) Who is it?
360
00:15:41,801 --> 00:15:43,865
(AS STEWIE)
It's that nice girl,
Julie, from your show.
361
00:15:43,934 --> 00:15:46,065
(AS KARINA) Oh, Julie!
Did she say what
she wanted?
362
00:15:46,134 --> 00:15:47,298
(AS STEWIE) Just
go see for yourself,
363
00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:48,465
I'm not your
secretary, Karina.
364
00:15:48,534 --> 00:15:49,932
(AS KARINA) Why are
you so cruel to me?
365
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,432
Is it because
I'm the pretty one?
The talented one?
366
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:52,965
(AS STEWIE) Oh,
for God's sakes.
367
00:15:53,034 --> 00:15:55,232
You know,
we're all sick of you!
That's right, all of us!
368
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:57,365
(AS KARINA) Sick of me?
Oh, that's rich!
369
00:15:57,434 --> 00:16:00,265
You know,
I wasn't going to say this,
but Mother hates you!
370
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,231
(AS STEWIE)
That's not true!
You take that back!
371
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,699
(AS KARINA) It is true!
She hates you! She told me!
372
00:16:04,767 --> 00:16:07,098
It was the Christmas
we all went to
Edaville Railroad,
373
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,732
and you cried
because you were afraid
374
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,965
because one of Santa's elves
was a real midget,
375
00:16:11,034 --> 00:16:13,799
and Father said, "That's it!
I can't take this anymore!"
376
00:16:13,867 --> 00:16:15,298
and he left that
very night,
377
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:17,832
and all you cared about was
ice cream on the way home.
378
00:16:17,901 --> 00:16:19,598
And Mother said
you didn't
appreciate anything!
379
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:21,398
BRIAN: Karina!
(AS KARINA) Coming!
380
00:16:21,467 --> 00:16:25,665
Hello, Julie!
So nice to
see you! Please!
381
00:16:25,733 --> 00:16:27,032
Two lemonades, Brian.
382
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:28,698
Oh, yeah, I'll go
make you a lemonade.
383
00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,399
I'll make you
a fresh one.
384
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,032
So, what brings you here?
385
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:34,432
Well, I wanted
to see if you could come
over to my house tonight
386
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:35,632
and run lines with me.
387
00:16:35,701 --> 00:16:37,732
Don't you usually
do that with Randall?
388
00:16:37,801 --> 00:16:39,465
We kind of had a fight.
389
00:16:39,534 --> 00:16:40,998
Oh, I'm sorry.
390
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,032
I thought maybe
you and I could have
a sleepover tonight.
391
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,732
You know,
a little girl time.
392
00:16:44,801 --> 00:16:47,199
That would be so fun.
Yes, let's.
393
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,765
Terrific! I can't wait!
394
00:16:48,834 --> 00:16:50,898
Hey, do you mind
if I say goodbye
to your brother?
395
00:16:50,967 --> 00:16:52,332
I'll tell him
for you, dear.
396
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,565
I'd like to
tell him in person,
if you don't mind.
397
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,599
Fine.
398
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,165
Stewie!
(AS STEWIE) What?
399
00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:00,665
(AS KARINA)
Julie would like to
say goodbye to you.
400
00:17:00,734 --> 00:17:01,932
Well? Answer me!
401
00:17:02,001 --> 00:17:03,399
(AS STEWIE)
I'm not talking to you!
402
00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:04,966
(AS KARINA)
You're being a baby.
Go say goodbye.
403
00:17:05,034 --> 00:17:06,333
(AS STEWIE) Why?
She's your friend.
404
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:07,665
And why should
I do you any favors
405
00:17:07,733 --> 00:17:09,631
after the terrible things
you said to me earlier?
406
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,698
(AS KARINA) Well,
at least I didn't bring up
that time at Brigham's
407
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:14,232
when you showed your fanny
to that girl in
the wheelchair!
408
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:15,333
Julie's gone!
409
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:16,433
(AS STEWIE)
That's fine, Brian,
410
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,665
we're having
a conversation up here!
411
00:17:17,733 --> 00:17:19,399
That girl in the wheelchair
called me a name!
412
00:17:19,467 --> 00:17:21,899
(AS KARINA) Yes, well,
that gives you no right
to be a blaggard!
413
00:17:28,601 --> 00:17:30,531
Meg, honey,
I think we need to talk.
414
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,965
I don't want
to talk to you.
Get out!
415
00:17:33,034 --> 00:17:34,932
Look, I understand
that you're upset.
416
00:17:35,001 --> 00:17:38,364
You made out
with my boyfriend!
How could you do that?
417
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:41,999
I don't know, sweetheart,
but I am so, so sorry.
418
00:17:42,068 --> 00:17:43,532
It was an awful thing
that I did.
419
00:17:43,601 --> 00:17:45,432
I never meant to
steal him from you.
420
00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:48,731
Is that what you think?
You stole him from me?
421
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,498
Are you kidding?
You couldn't
steal him from me.
422
00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:53,665
Well, I do know
a few things, Meg.
423
00:17:53,733 --> 00:17:56,098
And clearly, if I wanted him
I could have him.
424
00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:58,265
You really think
you stand a chance.
425
00:17:58,333 --> 00:18:01,132
Look at you. You're old.
You're nothing!
426
00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:04,132
You couldn't even imagine
the things I do for him.
427
00:18:04,201 --> 00:18:07,631
And this isn't
about making out.
This is about power tools.
428
00:18:07,700 --> 00:18:10,065
Yeah, I go to places
you couldn't get back from.
429
00:18:10,134 --> 00:18:12,565
I'll do anything.
You don't know me.
430
00:18:14,401 --> 00:18:16,331
Oh, my God!
431
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,632
He hangs me
from the shower rod
with your old bras,
432
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:19,865
and then we laugh at you.
433
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,498
Now get out of my room!
434
00:18:21,566 --> 00:18:24,133
Well, when you're
ready to talk.
435
00:18:28,134 --> 00:18:29,732
Are you okay
in there, Karina?
436
00:18:29,801 --> 00:18:32,198
Be right out!
Just rinsing off
my Noxzema.
437
00:18:32,267 --> 00:18:34,532
I'm so glad
you came over.
438
00:18:34,601 --> 00:18:36,832
So am I, Jules.
It's been so fun.
439
00:18:36,901 --> 00:18:40,165
So, I guess I
sleep in the guest room
or whatnot?
440
00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:42,066
No, you can sleep
in here with me.
441
00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:46,232
Oh. Well, my goodness,
I hope there's room
for both of us.
442
00:18:46,301 --> 00:18:48,164
I'll just have to
squeeze in here.
443
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:49,732
Well, good night, Karina.
444
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:54,431
You know, I really
like spending time
with you, Julie.
445
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,999
Me, too.
446
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,331
Why couldn't
we just have girlfriends
instead of boyfriends?
447
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:02,565
I know!
It's all just one big,
confusing mess.
448
00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:04,365
Can I snuggle with you?
449
00:19:04,433 --> 00:19:05,532
Uh-huh.
450
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:11,465
Good night, Julie.
451
00:19:20,168 --> 00:19:21,866
Well, I hope
you're happy, Peter.
452
00:19:21,934 --> 00:19:24,266
Our daughter hates me
and it's all
because of you!
453
00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:25,832
Me? What the hell
did I do?
454
00:19:25,901 --> 00:19:27,699
You've made me feel
so unattractive lately
455
00:19:27,768 --> 00:19:30,099
that I went and did
something disgusting
and abhorrent,
456
00:19:30,167 --> 00:19:31,866
and I'm ashamed of myself.
457
00:19:31,934 --> 00:19:34,299
Peter, I made out
with Meg's boyfriend.
458
00:19:34,368 --> 00:19:36,366
You made out with
Meg's boyfriend?
459
00:19:36,434 --> 00:19:37,866
How the hell could
you do that to me?
460
00:19:37,934 --> 00:19:40,199
Because, Peter,
you've been
making me feel old
461
00:19:40,268 --> 00:19:42,732
and fat and unattractive
and worthless.
462
00:19:42,801 --> 00:19:44,899
How do you
expect me to respond?
463
00:19:44,967 --> 00:19:48,965
Lois, I think
you're the most beautiful
woman I ever seen in my life.
464
00:19:49,034 --> 00:19:52,865
Well, but then why
have you been saying
all these horrible things?
465
00:19:52,934 --> 00:19:56,665
Because I'm old and fat
and unattractive
and worthless.
466
00:19:56,734 --> 00:20:00,531
And ever since
my birthday last month,
I've been really feeling it.
467
00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:02,865
I guess I thought
that if I could
bring you down,
468
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:04,899
you wouldn't start to notice
that you're too good for me
469
00:20:04,968 --> 00:20:06,966
and run off looking
for another fella.
470
00:20:07,034 --> 00:20:09,531
Peter, that's ridiculous.
471
00:20:09,601 --> 00:20:10,865
I love you.
472
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,599
Why?
473
00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:14,364
Maybe I like fat guys.
474
00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:15,465
You do?
475
00:20:15,534 --> 00:20:17,965
Maybe I like having
sex with fat guys.
476
00:20:18,034 --> 00:20:19,398
Yeah?
477
00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:22,365
Maybe I want to
have sex with a fat guy
right now.
478
00:20:22,433 --> 00:20:25,699
Well, maybe I want
to have sex with an ugly,
old broad!
479
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,365
Peter!
Gotcha!
480
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:28,499
(LAUGHING)
481
00:20:29,634 --> 00:20:30,699
(BOTH MOANING)
482
00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:36,899
I'm going insane, Brian.
483
00:20:36,967 --> 00:20:38,899
I don't know how much longer
I can keep this up.
484
00:20:38,967 --> 00:20:41,298
I've got to tell
Julie my true feelings.
485
00:20:41,367 --> 00:20:42,499
So tell her.
486
00:20:42,567 --> 00:20:43,665
Have you heard, Karina?
487
00:20:43,733 --> 00:20:45,765
We're gonna be doing
the show live today.
488
00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:49,032
I'm so nervous.
I've never been
on live TV before.
489
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:50,832
Would you give me
a hug for luck?
490
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,432
No, no, no,
I'm not done yet.
491
00:20:57,267 --> 00:20:58,598
Karina, what are you...
492
00:21:00,601 --> 00:21:02,065
Oh, I'm not...
493
00:21:02,134 --> 00:21:03,598
I'm not a lesbian.
494
00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:05,165
No, no, I'm not either!
495
00:21:05,234 --> 00:21:06,498
What are you exactly?
496
00:21:06,567 --> 00:21:08,565
I'm sorry, Karina.
497
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:10,099
If only you were a boy.
498
00:21:11,967 --> 00:21:14,732
But I am a boy.
499
00:21:14,801 --> 00:21:16,932
DAN: Okay, everybody,
we're live in five!
500
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,364
You'd better
get out there.
501
00:21:20,334 --> 00:21:23,265
Four, three, two...
502
00:21:23,333 --> 00:21:26,999
Good morning,
and welcome to Jolly Farm.
503
00:21:27,067 --> 00:21:30,298
Today we're going to learn
about the letter "T."
504
00:21:30,367 --> 00:21:33,032
I've got something
to say, Mother Maggie.
505
00:21:33,101 --> 00:21:36,432
You do?
Well, maybe that can
wait till later, Mary.
506
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:39,098
No, I think this
needs to come out now.
507
00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:41,932
You see,
I didn't move
to Jolly Farm
508
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,532
from the big city
to be around animals.
509
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:48,165
I moved here because my uncle
was molesting my sister,
510
00:21:48,234 --> 00:21:50,799
and my parents wanted her
to start a new life.
511
00:21:50,867 --> 00:21:53,265
But my sister, Mary,
shot herself in the face,
512
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:56,932
and that's when
I decided that she would
live on through me.
513
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,432
For I am not who
you think I am.
514
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,398
I am not little
Mary Sunflower,
515
00:22:02,466 --> 00:22:05,398
daughter of Bradley
and Theresa Sunflower.
516
00:22:05,466 --> 00:22:07,231
No, I'm not.
517
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:10,398
I'm Desmond Sunflower!
Desmond Sunflower!
518
00:22:10,467 --> 00:22:12,132
And I'm a boy!
519
00:22:12,201 --> 00:22:13,365
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
520
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:17,732
A perfectly normal
little boy!
521
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,665
Who also happens
to be a transvestite.
522
00:22:20,734 --> 00:22:23,298
Which begins
with the letter "T."
523
00:22:29,167 --> 00:22:31,232
I'm ready.
Did you talk to Julie?
524
00:22:31,301 --> 00:22:33,299
Her mother won't
let me see her.
525
00:22:33,368 --> 00:22:35,532
It doesn't matter anyway,
she's back with Randall.
526
00:22:35,601 --> 00:22:37,532
Oh. I'm sorry.
527
00:22:37,601 --> 00:22:39,199
Hey, why were they shooting
that scene live?
528
00:22:39,267 --> 00:22:40,799
Convenience.
Yeah, but why'd they...
529
00:22:40,868 --> 00:22:43,265
Let's not start pulling
threads on this one.
Can we go home?
530
00:22:43,334 --> 00:22:44,432
Sure.
531
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,332
You want to get
some ice cream?
532
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,698
Well, why not?
I don't have to fit
in that dress anymore.
533
00:22:54,034 --> 00:22:55,499
Hey, can I borrow
the dress?
534
00:22:55,567 --> 00:22:57,165
What?
No, I'm just kidding.
535
00:22:57,234 --> 00:23:00,098
I'm just doing some playful,
walking-away
banter during the music.
536
00:23:00,167 --> 00:23:02,398
STEWIE: Can we not do that?
I have such a headache.
537
00:23:02,467 --> 00:23:03,999
BRIAN: Sorry!
538
00:23:04,067 --> 00:23:05,732
♪ Time
539
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:11,198
♪ I've been passing time
watching trains go by
540
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:16,299
♪ All of my life
541
00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:21,998
♪ Lying on the sand,
watching seabirds fly
542
00:23:23,667 --> 00:23:28,365
♪ Wishing there would be
543
00:23:28,433 --> 00:23:32,432
♪ Someone waiting
home for me ♪
544
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:40,198
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21