1
00:00:06,634 --> 00:00:09,532
Hurry up. We still have
to swing by Wyndham's
before they close.
2
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:10,832
Relax. I'm almost done.
3
00:00:10,901 --> 00:00:12,932
And why do you have
a safety deposit box anyway?
4
00:00:13,001 --> 00:00:15,099
What's in there
that you can't
bury in the yard?
5
00:00:15,167 --> 00:00:16,665
I have things.
6
00:00:16,734 --> 00:00:18,133
You have
a dead bird in there?
7
00:00:18,201 --> 00:00:19,799
What are you
gonna do with that?
8
00:00:19,868 --> 00:00:22,032
I was gonna take it home,
show it to Lois,
make her proud of me.
9
00:00:22,101 --> 00:00:23,832
Hey, I'm starving.
You want to grab
a late lunch?
10
00:00:23,901 --> 00:00:26,598
Can't. I'm Jenny Craig-ing.
Already paid for the meals.
11
00:00:26,668 --> 00:00:28,033
And if I want to
return this sweater,
12
00:00:28,101 --> 00:00:29,832
we've got to get
to Wyndham's by half 6:00.
13
00:00:29,901 --> 00:00:31,398
Half 6:00?
14
00:00:31,467 --> 00:00:33,565
Yes. You have to return it
within a fortnight
for a refund.
15
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,265
I love it, but I feel
like it was too much.
16
00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:39,599
Cute, right?
It's Thom Browne.
It was over $3,000.
17
00:00:39,667 --> 00:00:42,099
You spent $3,000
on a sweater?
18
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,732
What's it to you?
19
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,599
That's the most idiotic thing
I've ever heard.
You're a moron.
20
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:46,933
A pretentious moron.
21
00:00:47,001 --> 00:00:48,732
Drop dead.
I was returning it anyway.
22
00:00:48,801 --> 00:00:50,099
Where'd you even get
that kind of money?
23
00:00:50,168 --> 00:00:52,265
None of
your goddamn business,
that's where.
24
00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:54,565
You know, today started
as a really nice outing,
25
00:00:54,634 --> 00:00:55,966
but as usual,
you had to ruin it.
26
00:00:56,034 --> 00:00:57,099
I had to ruin it?
27
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:59,798
Yeah, you. I was
actually hoping
28
00:00:59,867 --> 00:01:01,665
that you'd talk me out
of returning the sweater.
29
00:01:01,734 --> 00:01:03,966
So, you're right,
I guess I am a moron.
30
00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:06,932
You know, it's the one time
I ever splurged on myself,
31
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:08,832
and you have to go
and make me feel foolish.
32
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:10,232
Look, I didn't...
Save it, okay?
33
00:01:10,301 --> 00:01:13,033
I'll be waiting outside
under the porte cochere.
34
00:01:13,102 --> 00:01:16,066
It was my own fault
for thinking I could have
pretty things.
35
00:01:16,135 --> 00:01:18,532
I'm not having fun anymore.
I feel you should know that.
36
00:01:20,001 --> 00:01:21,033
(LOCK CLICKING)
37
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:22,198
What was that?
38
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,399
(GRUNTING)
39
00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:28,899
I don't believe this. Hello?
Hello, we're locked in!
40
00:01:30,434 --> 00:01:31,465
(SNIFFING)
41
00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:34,265
Did you just
crap your diaper?
42
00:01:34,334 --> 00:01:37,432
I got scared when
the door closed.
43
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:40,866
♪ It seems today
that all you see
44
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:44,231
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
45
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:47,899
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
46
00:01:47,967 --> 00:01:50,899
♪ On which we used to rely?
47
00:01:50,967 --> 00:01:54,165
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
48
00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:57,599
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
49
00:01:57,668 --> 00:01:59,133
♪ All the things
that make us
50
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,899
♪ Laugh and cry
51
00:02:00,968 --> 00:02:06,066
♪ He's a family guy ♪
52
00:02:10,367 --> 00:02:12,066
(BANGING ON DOOR)
53
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:19,499
Hey! Hello! Hello, somebody!
We're trapped in here!
54
00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:21,033
You're wasting your breath.
55
00:02:21,101 --> 00:02:23,732
These bank vault doors
close automatically
at the end of the workday.
56
00:02:23,801 --> 00:02:25,266
This thing
won't be open again
till tomorrow.
57
00:02:25,335 --> 00:02:27,266
Well, there's got
to be some way
out of here. Think!
58
00:02:27,335 --> 00:02:28,598
I don't know.
You think of something.
59
00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:30,099
Well, I have no idea!
60
00:02:30,168 --> 00:02:31,965
So, you invented
a time machine,
61
00:02:32,034 --> 00:02:33,100
but you can't get us
out of a safe?
62
00:02:33,167 --> 00:02:35,098
Yeah, that's science.
I'm not Houdini.
63
00:02:35,167 --> 00:02:37,166
Can't believe this.
We're locked in here
until tomorrow
64
00:02:37,234 --> 00:02:38,366
and the only thing
I've eaten today
65
00:02:38,435 --> 00:02:40,732
was a grape
Chris dropped at breakfast.
66
00:02:40,801 --> 00:02:43,632
It took me half an hour
just to get the damn
thing off the floor.
67
00:02:43,701 --> 00:02:45,799
I'm uncomfortable.
You have to change me.
68
00:02:45,867 --> 00:02:48,231
I'm not changing you.
We don't even have
any diapers.
69
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,932
Oh, my God, that smell is
making me sick. (GROANS)
70
00:02:51,001 --> 00:02:52,732
Oh, thank you for making me
more self-conscious.
71
00:02:52,801 --> 00:02:54,999
I'm not gonna be
able to stay like this
until tomorrow, you know.
72
00:02:55,068 --> 00:02:57,699
Well, I don't know what you
expect me to do about it.
73
00:02:57,768 --> 00:02:59,699
You don't?
No, I don't.
74
00:03:00,967 --> 00:03:02,398
Stop looking
at me like that.
75
00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:05,198
Look, I'm going to
propose something,
76
00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:06,899
and I need you
to hear me out.
77
00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:08,565
Will you promise me
you'll do that?
78
00:03:08,634 --> 00:03:09,733
I guess.
79
00:03:09,801 --> 00:03:10,899
You guess or you will?
80
00:03:10,968 --> 00:03:12,532
Yes, I'll hear you out.
81
00:03:12,601 --> 00:03:16,366
Okay, well, I can't be
in a soiled diaper
until tomorrow, Brian,
82
00:03:16,435 --> 00:03:17,466
we both know that.
83
00:03:17,534 --> 00:03:18,833
I'll get a rash,
which could lead
84
00:03:18,901 --> 00:03:20,766
to an infection
if left like this.
85
00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:23,032
All right, fine,
I'll take the diaper off.
86
00:03:23,101 --> 00:03:26,132
That doesn't really
solve our problem,
now, does it?
87
00:03:26,201 --> 00:03:27,199
Yes, it does.
88
00:03:27,268 --> 00:03:29,532
No, it doesn't though, really.
89
00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:32,666
See, you're not really
thinking this through.
90
00:03:32,735 --> 00:03:36,099
We would still be faced
with the problem of the odor,
you see.
91
00:03:36,168 --> 00:03:39,632
And, of course,
then what am I gonna do
with no diaper?
92
00:03:39,701 --> 00:03:42,532
I'm not gonna
walk around here with
my Tic Tac hanging out.
93
00:03:42,601 --> 00:03:43,899
I need a clean diaper.
94
00:03:43,968 --> 00:03:45,766
I told you, we don't
have any clean diapers.
95
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:48,332
Well, no, not right now
we don't, no.
96
00:03:48,401 --> 00:03:51,399
But if the poo
were to be removed...
97
00:03:52,301 --> 00:03:53,865
I'm not following you.
98
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:57,699
If the poo were
to be removed...
99
00:03:57,768 --> 00:03:59,732
What does that...
What are you driving at?
100
00:04:00,634 --> 00:04:02,165
Eat it.
What?
101
00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:03,432
Eat my poo, Brian.
102
00:04:03,501 --> 00:04:04,799
You're out of
your fucking mind.
103
00:04:04,868 --> 00:04:06,431
Now, you promised
you'd hear me out.
104
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,331
Besides, is it really
that big a deal?
105
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,298
You just said yourself
that you're starving.
106
00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:12,565
And, you know, I've seen
you eat shit before, Brian.
107
00:04:12,634 --> 00:04:13,632
Yeah, mine!
108
00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:15,166
Is that really
a huge distinction?
109
00:04:15,235 --> 00:04:16,531
It is to me!
110
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,598
I can't even... How would...
That's sick! That is sick!
111
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:21,932
How messed up in the head
are you that you would
even ask?
112
00:04:22,001 --> 00:04:23,799
Look, okay, okay,
just calm down, okay?
113
00:04:23,868 --> 00:04:25,331
We're not...
We're just talking.
114
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,866
We're not doing anything yet.
115
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,331
All right, we're just talking.
Nobody's doing anything
at this point.
116
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,199
Dogs sometimes eat feces.
It's not a judgment,
it's just a fact.
117
00:04:33,267 --> 00:04:37,532
So what I would
need you to do is eat
what's in my diaper,
118
00:04:37,601 --> 00:04:40,298
lick the diaper clean,
possibly lick my ass
119
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,132
and then put
the diaper back on me.
120
00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:44,832
Probably lick my ass.
121
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:47,265
Yeah, you should start
wrapping your brain
around that, too.
122
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:49,165
There is no way any
of that is happening.
123
00:04:49,234 --> 00:04:50,932
Well, I don't see
a way around it, do you?
124
00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:52,532
I would shoot myself first.
125
00:04:52,601 --> 00:04:54,599
Well, how you
gonna shoot yourself?
There's no gun in here.
126
00:04:57,634 --> 00:05:00,432
There's a gun in
your safety deposit box,
isn't there?
127
00:05:04,467 --> 00:05:05,999
(BOTH GRUNTING)
128
00:05:09,634 --> 00:05:10,899
(GUN COCKING)
129
00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:12,799
Stewie, come on.
You don't know how
to use that thing.
130
00:05:12,868 --> 00:05:15,532
Oh, really?
What if I hold it sideways
like a black guy?
131
00:05:15,601 --> 00:05:18,299
Come on, man.
Take it easy, all right?
I don't want any trouble.
132
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:21,099
There's not
gonna be any trouble
as long as you eat my poo.
133
00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:22,199
That's not happening.
134
00:05:22,268 --> 00:05:23,632
Well, then I'll be
forced to shoot you.
135
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:24,765
Go ahead.
There aren't any
bullets in that gun.
136
00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:25,832
I don't believe you.
Then shoot me.
137
00:05:25,901 --> 00:05:27,132
I will.
Do it.
138
00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:28,431
I will!
Then do it!
What are you waiting for?
139
00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,698
Go on!
I will! I'll blow
your fucking head off!
140
00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:32,999
Wait a minute.
Don't you have your
cell phone with you?
141
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,699
(EXCLAIMS) You're right!
142
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:35,765
(BEEPING)
143
00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:37,365
Oh, no, low battery.
144
00:05:37,433 --> 00:05:38,699
I have to make
this call count.
145
00:05:40,201 --> 00:05:41,966
Hurry up.
It's ringing.
146
00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:43,232
Oh, thank God.
147
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,766
Come on, come on.
148
00:05:44,835 --> 00:05:47,166
Yes, hi. Can you
connect me to men's
designer wear, please?
149
00:05:47,235 --> 00:05:48,333
Thank you.
What are you doing?
150
00:05:48,401 --> 00:05:50,632
This will just
take a second.
Give me that!
151
00:05:50,701 --> 00:05:53,966
Hi, this is Stewie Griffin.
Who am I talking to?
152
00:05:54,035 --> 00:05:56,099
Hi, Matthew.
I think you're the salesman
153
00:05:56,168 --> 00:05:59,599
who helped me pick out
a Thom Browne sweater
two weeks ago.
154
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:02,565
Yes, I was going to see
The Bounty Hunter
that night.
155
00:06:02,634 --> 00:06:05,133
Well, I enjoyed it very much.
Thank you. Good memory,
my word.
156
00:06:05,202 --> 00:06:07,066
Anyway, it doesn't
fit properly and...
157
00:06:07,135 --> 00:06:08,331
Give me the damn phone!
158
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,999
Hey! Stop it.
159
00:06:10,068 --> 00:06:11,966
And I don't think I'm gonna
make it to the store
160
00:06:12,034 --> 00:06:13,565
before closing time today.
161
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:16,200
Is it possible
to get an extension
on that refund?
162
00:06:17,235 --> 00:06:18,799
Uh-huh.
163
00:06:18,868 --> 00:06:20,632
Uh-huh.
No exceptions, I see.
164
00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:23,598
So you're telling me,
if I was James Franco
calling,
165
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:27,200
I would still not be able to
get an extension for one day?
166
00:06:27,268 --> 00:06:29,066
Yes, Matthew,
I will hold for your manager.
167
00:06:29,135 --> 00:06:30,632
(WHISPERS) I'm gonna
wrap this up so quickly.
168
00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:32,565
Hey!
Sorry, he's gonna
have to call you back...
169
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,065
It's dead.
170
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:38,065
You wasted the one
phone call we had
to return a sweater?
171
00:06:38,134 --> 00:06:41,399
A $3,000 sweater,
which I am now stuck with.
172
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:42,632
Oh, this day.
173
00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:44,632
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
174
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,465
You stink!
And now I'm trapped in here
with you and your stink
175
00:06:47,534 --> 00:06:49,566
because you were too stupid
to call somebody
who could help us!
176
00:06:50,434 --> 00:06:51,899
That really hurt.
177
00:06:51,968 --> 00:06:53,966
Just get away from me!
I can't even look at you!
178
00:06:54,034 --> 00:06:55,899
Well, I'm sorry.
Don't be mad.
179
00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:57,099
Don't!
180
00:07:04,968 --> 00:07:06,232
(SNIFFLING)
181
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,932
(EXHALES)
182
00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:17,566
All right, I'll do it.
183
00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:18,832
What are you talking about?
184
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:20,532
(EXHALES)
185
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:21,966
I can't leave you like this.
186
00:07:22,035 --> 00:07:24,632
But you have to swear
never to tell anybody.
187
00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:26,332
(GASPS) You mean,
you're gonna eat my...
188
00:07:26,401 --> 00:07:29,065
Yeah, no, no, I won't
tell anybody. I swear!
189
00:07:29,134 --> 00:07:30,932
Okay, how should we do it?
190
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:33,065
I guess it's
dealer's choice, really.
191
00:07:33,134 --> 00:07:36,966
I suppose the easiest way
would be to use the diaper
as a bowl of sorts.
192
00:07:37,034 --> 00:07:38,265
Do you know how
to take it off?
193
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,532
No, I've never
done it myself.
Mum does it.
194
00:07:40,601 --> 00:07:42,432
All right, well,
we should get your
overalls off first.
195
00:07:42,501 --> 00:07:44,199
I know how to do the snaps.
196
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,699
There. I did it.
197
00:07:47,767 --> 00:07:49,565
Okay, good.
Now let's get
your feet out.
198
00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:50,665
(CHUCKLING)
199
00:07:50,734 --> 00:07:52,366
I can't believe
we're doing this.
200
00:07:52,434 --> 00:07:53,999
Oh, really smells bad,
doesn't it?
201
00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:56,265
Yeah. You sure you
can't stay like this?
202
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,032
I'm getting a rash, Brian.
I can feel it.
203
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,066
Okay, okay, I can do this.
204
00:08:00,135 --> 00:08:01,132
All right, lay down.
205
00:08:02,834 --> 00:08:04,899
It's so amazing to me
that you know how to do that.
206
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:06,432
It's like watching
someone do algebra.
207
00:08:06,501 --> 00:08:08,333
I just have no conception
of how it's done.
208
00:08:09,835 --> 00:08:11,365
Oh, God!
209
00:08:11,434 --> 00:08:12,832
(COUGHING)
210
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:13,899
Okay, you ready?
211
00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:19,999
Okay.
212
00:08:20,068 --> 00:08:22,599
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
213
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,665
(EXCLAIMS)
Don't do it right here!
I don't want to watch!
214
00:08:24,734 --> 00:08:26,432
What?
Take it over there.
Do it in the corner.
215
00:08:26,501 --> 00:08:27,966
It's gross!
It's your poop!
216
00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:32,432
Yeah, but it's your
activity, you know?
It's your thing.
217
00:08:32,501 --> 00:08:33,666
(EXCLAIMS)
218
00:08:45,501 --> 00:08:47,099
(GASPING)
219
00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:48,799
(PANTING)
220
00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:50,898
I can't finish!
You have to!
221
00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:52,332
How would we explain it
half-eaten?
222
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,999
There's no going
back from this.
223
00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:58,999
(GAGGING)
224
00:09:01,434 --> 00:09:02,766
(PANTING)
225
00:09:03,801 --> 00:09:04,799
It's done.
226
00:09:06,701 --> 00:09:08,432
Got some dessert for you.
227
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:09,833
You gotta be kidding me.
228
00:09:09,901 --> 00:09:13,200
Come on. It's throw-up.
You like throw-up.
229
00:09:13,267 --> 00:09:15,266
I do.
I do like throw-up.
230
00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:20,432
All right,
now let's get this diaper
back on you.
231
00:09:20,501 --> 00:09:22,665
There's just one part left.
232
00:09:22,734 --> 00:09:23,932
What are you talking about?
There's nothing left.
233
00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:25,399
Look, the diaper's
completely clean.
234
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:28,099
Yeah, yeah,
but my ass isn't.
235
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,599
You have to clean my ass.
236
00:09:29,668 --> 00:09:31,532
Oh, God, Stewie,
there's got to be a line!
237
00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:33,299
Brian, this is
the most important part.
238
00:09:33,368 --> 00:09:34,932
You've seen Lois
with those sanitary wipes.
239
00:09:35,001 --> 00:09:36,532
She gets all up
in my biznatch with those.
240
00:09:36,601 --> 00:09:37,632
No, no way.
241
00:09:37,701 --> 00:09:39,266
I could get really sick.
242
00:09:39,335 --> 00:09:41,566
Look, there's
hardly anything on it.
This will take one second,
243
00:09:41,634 --> 00:09:43,933
and then we can put
this whole unpleasantness
behind us.
244
00:09:45,268 --> 00:09:46,966
If you ever...
245
00:09:47,035 --> 00:09:49,765
I'm not gonna breathe a word
to anybody, ever.
Now, go on. Get started.
246
00:09:53,101 --> 00:09:55,199
Oh, and just do me a favor
and tell me when
you're about to begin
247
00:09:55,268 --> 00:09:56,299
because I don't wanna be...
248
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:58,199
♪ Moon river! ♪
249
00:09:58,267 --> 00:10:00,765
Oh, by God, there it goes.
250
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:02,432
(SIGHS)
251
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,432
Brian, you rock.
Thank you so much
for doing this.
252
00:10:13,601 --> 00:10:15,898
Oh, wait. I can do this part.
253
00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:25,033
So, yeah. Thanks.
254
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,131
I feel a lot better now.
255
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,231
(SNIFFING)
256
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,766
Smell's gone.
257
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,532
Look, I hope
this hasn't created any
weirdness between us.
258
00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:39,832
It's not that strange
what happened.
259
00:10:40,634 --> 00:10:41,632
What'd you eat?
260
00:10:42,501 --> 00:10:43,866
Italian Wedding Soup.
261
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,499
Oh, actually,
it wasn't bad.
262
00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:49,399
I know, right?
Jenny Craig, can you believe?
Only 220 calories.
263
00:10:49,467 --> 00:10:51,766
Probably less for you.
264
00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:54,565
You know, I think
I missed my nap today.
I'm sleepy.
265
00:10:54,634 --> 00:10:55,732
Well, why don't
you lie down?
266
00:10:55,801 --> 00:10:56,832
I think I will.
267
00:10:58,067 --> 00:10:59,266
(SIGHS)
268
00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:02,999
Brian?
What?
269
00:11:03,068 --> 00:11:04,566
I just realized something.
270
00:11:04,634 --> 00:11:05,765
What?
271
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:07,332
Tomorrow's Sunday.
272
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:08,399
Fuck.
273
00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:18,732
(SNORING)
274
00:11:33,501 --> 00:11:35,099
Guess this is as
good a time as any.
275
00:11:38,134 --> 00:11:39,432
(EXCLAIMS)
276
00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:41,465
(STEWIE YAWNING)
277
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,632
What you doing?
Oh. Hey.
278
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,665
Just needed a little drink.
279
00:11:45,734 --> 00:11:48,233
Was kind of saving it,
but what the hell, right?
280
00:11:48,301 --> 00:11:49,432
Saving it for what?
281
00:11:49,501 --> 00:11:51,865
It's not important.
Want a sip?
282
00:11:51,934 --> 00:11:54,198
You're offering me some?
283
00:11:54,267 --> 00:11:55,432
It's liquor, isn't it?
284
00:11:55,501 --> 00:11:56,532
Yeah, it's liquor.
285
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,365
Babies aren't
supposed to have liquor.
286
00:11:58,434 --> 00:12:00,732
This would be the most
naughty thing ever.
287
00:12:00,801 --> 00:12:01,832
Do you want a sip or not?
288
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:03,199
(LAUGHING) Yeah!
289
00:12:04,901 --> 00:12:06,299
But I don't want
to get too buzzed.
290
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:08,499
People take
advantage of kids
when they're buzzed.
291
00:12:08,568 --> 00:12:10,999
It's so easy,
and I wouldn't
even remember.
292
00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:12,732
So don't you try anything.
293
00:12:12,801 --> 00:12:14,832
Try what? I already
practically rimmed you.
294
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,832
Yeah, there was no
practically about that.
295
00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:19,565
Mmm, smooth.
296
00:12:19,634 --> 00:12:22,799
I like what comes out
of Lois' breasts better,
but I like this, too.
297
00:12:26,601 --> 00:12:27,933
(EXCLAIMS)
298
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,432
Starting to feel that.
299
00:12:33,035 --> 00:12:36,766
You know, I like hanging out
with you, Brian.
300
00:12:36,834 --> 00:12:38,699
I feel like
a big boy right now.
301
00:12:38,768 --> 00:12:40,398
Yeah, this isn't
so bad, right?
302
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,765
It's like
a very private party.
303
00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:46,565
I feel like dancing.
304
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:51,198
Yeah, you know how to move.
305
00:12:53,101 --> 00:12:57,332
That is real...
Wow, that is awesome.
I'm really impressed.
306
00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,332
Oh, wait, I can
hurdle my own leg
307
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,799
like they used
to do in the '90s.
308
00:13:06,501 --> 00:13:09,799
Okay, all right,
this is gonna
sound really weird.
309
00:13:09,867 --> 00:13:10,966
This is gonna
sound really weird,
310
00:13:11,034 --> 00:13:12,466
but I really want
you to do it, okay?
311
00:13:12,534 --> 00:13:13,599
What?
312
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,232
First you have to
say that you'll do it
313
00:13:15,301 --> 00:13:17,632
before I tell you,
no matter what it is.
314
00:13:17,701 --> 00:13:19,066
All right.
Really?
315
00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:20,999
Yeah. Sure, what is it?
316
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,300
I want you to pierce my ear.
317
00:13:24,835 --> 00:13:26,599
Let's do it.
You mean it?
318
00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:29,866
Because I... Look at my face.
I'm totally serious.
Are you totally serious?
319
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:31,565
I'm with you.
I'm on the train!
320
00:13:31,634 --> 00:13:33,265
Do you have a needle?
321
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:35,099
There's a pin
in the sweater.
322
00:13:36,634 --> 00:13:38,099
Here.
323
00:13:38,168 --> 00:13:39,865
Oh, my God!
This is happening!
This is really happening!
324
00:13:39,935 --> 00:13:42,199
Oh, I think this is going
to look so good on me.
325
00:13:42,267 --> 00:13:43,599
You know what else?
326
00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:46,532
Oh, maybe I'll buy
a glove with no knuckles.
327
00:13:46,601 --> 00:13:48,465
Aren't we supposed to, like,
heat it or something?
328
00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:50,498
I don't care. I really...
I don't give a...
329
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:52,532
I'm all worked up right now,
so we have to do it.
330
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,233
Just do it, okay? Before...
What are we drinking anyway?
331
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,231
Glenfiddich.
Love her!
332
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,099
Oh, you know what?
I'll just sterilize it
in the scotch.
333
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:01,865
You just sterilize
it in the scotch.
Why didn't... It's...
334
00:14:01,934 --> 00:14:05,131
Bitch, sterilize
that bitch up, you know?
335
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:10,866
I don't know why I told
Matthew that I liked
The Bounty Hunter
336
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,399
'cause I hated it.
337
00:14:12,468 --> 00:14:14,899
But I just wanted him
to like me in that moment.
338
00:14:14,968 --> 00:14:17,665
And that's why I said it.
Why do I do that?
339
00:14:17,734 --> 00:14:20,299
Why am I such
a people-pleaser, you know?
340
00:14:20,368 --> 00:14:22,899
When is it Stewie's turn,
you know?
341
00:14:22,968 --> 00:14:26,465
I voted for McCain.
342
00:14:26,534 --> 00:14:29,932
Okay, left ear. Left ear.
Right now, stick it in.
Come on, dude.
343
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:31,832
Can I just say before...
344
00:14:31,901 --> 00:14:33,465
Can we just,
like, take two...
345
00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:36,066
I love... You're so brave.
346
00:14:36,135 --> 00:14:37,999
I just love how brave
you're being right now.
347
00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:40,099
This is like the closest
I've ever felt to you.
348
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:42,399
Okay. Oh, my God,
I was thinking
the same thing.
349
00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:45,865
We are so "us" right now.
Do you know that?
350
00:14:47,034 --> 00:14:48,999
Okay, okay, okay.
351
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:50,466
Okay, here we go.
352
00:14:50,534 --> 00:14:51,566
(SCREAMS)
353
00:14:51,634 --> 00:14:52,999
Oh, my God!
354
00:14:53,068 --> 00:14:54,099
Oh! Are you okay?
355
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:55,266
Is it over?
356
00:14:55,335 --> 00:14:57,265
I think. I don't know
where the pin went.
357
00:14:57,334 --> 00:14:58,665
Wait, move your hand.
358
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,932
Oh, wow! Oh! Shit!
359
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:04,399
What? What? What is it?
360
00:15:04,467 --> 00:15:05,832
There's so much blood.
361
00:15:05,901 --> 00:15:06,966
Ew!
362
00:15:07,035 --> 00:15:08,432
It's stuck in there.
363
00:15:08,501 --> 00:15:10,798
I think the pin's too thick
to go all the way through.
364
00:15:10,867 --> 00:15:12,166
Get it out!
365
00:15:12,235 --> 00:15:13,233
(SCREAMS)
366
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:14,399
Got it.
367
00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:15,498
How's it look?
368
00:15:16,568 --> 00:15:17,632
Cool.
369
00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:19,199
Really? Oh, that's good.
370
00:15:19,267 --> 00:15:22,632
Oh, I knew it was...
I knew it would look cool.
371
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:27,665
Wait, don't we have
to put an earring in it
so the hole won't close?
372
00:15:27,734 --> 00:15:29,432
I don't think
it's gonna close.
373
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:33,966
I can't believe
I have pierced ears.
374
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:37,366
I'm one of those people
who I talk about.
375
00:15:37,435 --> 00:15:39,599
Finally, no more clip-ons,
you know?
376
00:15:39,668 --> 00:15:43,565
Hey, give me some of that.
Don't hog that there.
Give me some of that.
377
00:15:43,634 --> 00:15:46,298
It looks
really good, Stewie.
378
00:15:46,367 --> 00:15:49,932
I wish we had a mirror
'cause I actually
did a really good job.
379
00:15:50,001 --> 00:15:51,732
Oh, yeah, it's awesome.
I'm not worried.
380
00:15:53,568 --> 00:15:55,666
Hmm. Cozy.
381
00:15:56,434 --> 00:15:58,099
So, question.
382
00:15:58,167 --> 00:15:59,466
Yeah?
383
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:02,066
This is gonna seem stupid,
but I've been dying to know.
384
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:06,799
The Dog Whisperer.
What is that?
Is any of that true?
385
00:16:06,868 --> 00:16:08,465
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
I've offended you.
386
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,033
No, no, no, no,
not at all, Stewie, no.
387
00:16:10,101 --> 00:16:13,298
Some of that stuff
is right on.
388
00:16:13,367 --> 00:16:15,465
Really? Wow.
Well, give me
a "for instance."
389
00:16:15,534 --> 00:16:17,298
Well, the guy
talks about...
Cesar Millan?
390
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:20,732
Right, Cesar Millan
talks about living
in the moment
391
00:16:20,801 --> 00:16:24,498
because that's how
dogs live, you know?
We live in the moment.
392
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,266
I so don't live
in the moment.
393
00:16:26,334 --> 00:16:28,632
I'm always, "Oh, remember
that petting zoo?"
394
00:16:28,701 --> 00:16:30,732
Or, "I can't wait
to go to Florida."
395
00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:33,532
I'm never, like,
really present.
396
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:35,099
You gotta help me
work on that.
397
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,899
Oh, definitely.
Definitely, man.
398
00:16:36,968 --> 00:16:39,832
Live with purpose, you know?
Celebrate every day.
399
00:16:39,901 --> 00:16:42,499
He talks about
all those things
that dogs do.
400
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:45,899
Like, we do that.
Dogs do that.
It's instinctual.
401
00:16:45,968 --> 00:16:48,032
In us, you know?
It's like, I can't not do it.
402
00:16:48,101 --> 00:16:49,698
That's kind of what
his whole thing is.
403
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:53,632
Such beautiful lessons.
I hope he's not Mexican.
404
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,899
There's
something off about him,
but I hope it's not that.
405
00:16:55,967 --> 00:16:58,832
You know, people can learn
a lot from dogs, you know?
406
00:16:58,901 --> 00:17:01,766
A lot. Like, we're like...
Like here's us...
We're like, "Yeah!"
407
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:04,065
(GRUNTING) Like that...
408
00:17:04,134 --> 00:17:06,098
Okay, sure, sure,
relax, relax.
409
00:17:06,167 --> 00:17:08,432
It's just, well,
you don't...
410
00:17:08,501 --> 00:17:11,866
You don't really
do any of those things,
do you?
411
00:17:11,935 --> 00:17:13,832
Yeah, I do. Wait.
What are you talking about?
412
00:17:13,901 --> 00:17:17,999
It's just, I don't know...
I mean do you really live
with purpose?
413
00:17:18,068 --> 00:17:19,499
How could you
say that to me?
414
00:17:19,568 --> 00:17:21,133
Just calling it
like I see it.
415
00:17:21,201 --> 00:17:24,465
Listen, why don't you...
You know what?
You can just go to hell!
416
00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:27,399
Hey, whoa, whoa.
Look, I didn't mean
to start anything.
417
00:17:27,468 --> 00:17:29,765
Let's just forget it, okay?
We're having a good time.
418
00:17:29,834 --> 00:17:31,265
I don't want to forget it.
419
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:33,498
How dare you tell me
that my life
doesn't have purpose?
420
00:17:33,567 --> 00:17:35,632
No, that's not what I said.
That's what you're saying.
421
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:38,065
No, no, no. Don't do that.
Don't try to turn
my words on me.
422
00:17:38,134 --> 00:17:40,498
And, you know what,
take that sweater off.
You look like a little fag.
423
00:17:40,567 --> 00:17:42,266
Okay, well, now you're just
being an asshole.
424
00:17:42,334 --> 00:17:43,833
Well, you might
as well get used to it.
425
00:17:43,901 --> 00:17:45,932
You're gonna be hearing
a lot worse once you
go to school.
426
00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:49,298
Are you trying to hurt me?
Because you've succeeded.
427
00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:50,966
Oh, just calling it
like I see it.
428
00:17:51,035 --> 00:17:53,166
Oh, I see.
Is that what we're doing?
429
00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:55,098
All right, well,
I'll play that game
with you.
430
00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:56,565
Oh, yeah?
What are you gonna do?
431
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:58,165
You think I care
about you?
432
00:17:58,234 --> 00:17:59,265
I don't.
433
00:17:59,334 --> 00:18:00,766
Yes, you do.
I know you do.
434
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:02,398
I don't really care.
435
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:04,798
No, you're just
smart enough and you're
just clever enough
436
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:06,198
to occasionally amuse me.
437
00:18:06,267 --> 00:18:09,398
If I had anybody else,
anybody else to
choose from, I would.
438
00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:13,599
You are the best
of a bad situation.
Nothing more.
439
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:15,398
I use you, man.
440
00:18:15,467 --> 00:18:17,198
Yeah, I would know
if you were using me.
441
00:18:17,267 --> 00:18:19,832
Oh, you would?
I got you to eat my shit.
442
00:18:19,901 --> 00:18:21,133
And you know why I did it?
443
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,799
Yeah, you were afraid
you were going to get sick.
444
00:18:22,867 --> 00:18:24,599
Because I wanted
to see if I could.
445
00:18:25,801 --> 00:18:27,231
What?
446
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:29,832
Come on, Brian,
I spend half the day
in a dirty diaper.
447
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,431
I was bored.
Just passing the time.
448
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,265
I thought,
"How low can I get
this douche bag to go?"
449
00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:37,199
Oh, my God!
450
00:18:37,268 --> 00:18:40,132
And when you did it,
I actually felt sorry
for you.
451
00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:41,466
There. Your turn.
452
00:18:42,234 --> 00:18:43,365
You're a monster.
453
00:18:43,433 --> 00:18:44,899
Hey, you started
this whole thing.
454
00:18:44,968 --> 00:18:47,033
You son of a bitch,
I could kill you for that!
455
00:18:47,101 --> 00:18:48,265
Oh, really?
Well, how convenient.
456
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:49,398
You've got a gun
right there.
457
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,766
Here you go, Brian.
You want to kill me?
Kill me with this.
458
00:18:53,834 --> 00:18:56,033
Oh, but there are
no bullets in it,
are there?
459
00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:58,065
Yeah, there are. I lied.
460
00:18:58,134 --> 00:18:59,799
Oh, you're so full of crap.
461
00:18:59,867 --> 00:19:02,233
Besides, if you shot me,
it'd all be caught on
that security camera.
462
00:19:04,035 --> 00:19:08,265
Security... Oh, my God,
maybe somebody can see us!
463
00:19:08,334 --> 00:19:10,965
Hey, hey, somebody help!
We're in here!
464
00:19:11,034 --> 00:19:12,933
No one's out there, Brian.
They would have come in.
465
00:19:13,001 --> 00:19:14,732
Save your energy.
466
00:19:14,801 --> 00:19:16,532
Oh, my God.
What?
467
00:19:17,235 --> 00:19:18,365
It's all on tape.
468
00:19:18,434 --> 00:19:19,499
What's all on tape?
469
00:19:20,301 --> 00:19:22,200
(LAUGHING)
470
00:19:22,267 --> 00:19:26,465
Oh, my God,
that is gonna be
on YouTube.
471
00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:27,666
Oh, God.
472
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,033
Everybody that works
in an office
473
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,565
is gonna say to
their coworkers,
474
00:19:30,634 --> 00:19:33,365
"Hey, type in
'dog, baby, heinie lick.'
Check this out."
475
00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:34,866
And then the boss
is gonna say,
476
00:19:34,934 --> 00:19:36,133
"Hey, what are
you doing there?
477
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,331
"Oh, yeah, that's funny.
I saw that in my room."
478
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,032
"Okay, now type in
'Japanese, fish, ass.'"
479
00:19:41,101 --> 00:19:42,865
I am gonna be so humiliated.
480
00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:45,032
Well, I could save
you the embarrassment
and shoot you in the head
481
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,699
except there aren't
any bullets in this gun.
482
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:48,432
(BULLET RICOCHETING)
483
00:19:48,501 --> 00:19:49,932
(BOTH SCREAM)
484
00:20:08,901 --> 00:20:09,965
I'm sorry, Stewie.
485
00:20:10,034 --> 00:20:11,066
Me, too.
486
00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:14,732
How long is this gonna last?
487
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:15,832
No idea.
488
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,499
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
489
00:20:32,934 --> 00:20:34,898
I hope I'm not
bothering you.
Nope.
490
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,632
Just doing some stretching.
Maybe a few poses.
491
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,765
You'll tell me if
I'm bothering you, right?
492
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:42,398
Uh-huh.
493
00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:45,832
I know what you're thinking.
Stewie's so late
to the yoga party.
494
00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:48,832
I'm not even
any good. Right?
495
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:51,999
I mean, I'm okay.
You know, I'm not
the worst in the class.
496
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:54,032
I've even been
singled out a few times.
497
00:20:54,101 --> 00:20:56,899
Probably because
it's mostly pregnant women
in the group.
498
00:20:56,968 --> 00:21:00,432
Still,
Brody must see something,
although I certainly don't.
499
00:21:00,501 --> 00:21:02,632
But then again I'm not
the instructor, am I?
500
00:21:02,701 --> 00:21:04,566
Oh, yuck.
What happened to my ear?
501
00:21:04,634 --> 00:21:06,065
We pierced it.
502
00:21:06,134 --> 00:21:08,065
Oh, yeah.
503
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:10,465
A lot of crazy shit
went on last night.
504
00:21:10,534 --> 00:21:12,098
Well, we were both drunk.
505
00:21:12,167 --> 00:21:13,832
Oh, of course, of course.
Oh, yes, that's right.
506
00:21:13,901 --> 00:21:16,598
We were four pillows
to the breeze,
my friend.
507
00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:17,798
I don't know
what the phrase is.
508
00:21:17,867 --> 00:21:19,332
What're you...
What are you reading?
509
00:21:19,401 --> 00:21:20,798
David Copperfield.
510
00:21:20,867 --> 00:21:22,832
It looks old.
It's a first edition.
511
00:21:22,901 --> 00:21:24,765
That's why I keep it
in my safety deposit box.
512
00:21:24,834 --> 00:21:25,965
It's by Charles Dickens.
513
00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:27,399
Giggity.
514
00:21:32,034 --> 00:21:33,098
What are you doing?
515
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,298
I was hungry.
516
00:21:34,368 --> 00:21:35,399
You want one?
517
00:21:35,467 --> 00:21:37,099
You've had energy bars
this whole time?
518
00:21:37,168 --> 00:21:38,265
You idiot!
519
00:21:38,334 --> 00:21:41,398
Not energy bars.
Jenny Craig Anytime Bars.
520
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,532
And you just bitched
yourself out of a bite.
521
00:21:43,601 --> 00:21:46,398
All right, I'm sorry.
All right, can I
have one, please?
522
00:21:46,467 --> 00:21:47,666
All right.
523
00:21:47,734 --> 00:21:49,699
Can you give me
a caramel one?
No.
524
00:21:49,768 --> 00:21:50,832
You can have...
525
00:21:50,901 --> 00:21:53,065
Um... Um...
526
00:21:53,133 --> 00:21:54,766
You can have...
527
00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:55,999
Um...
528
00:21:56,067 --> 00:21:57,699
You can have
strawberry yogurt.
529
00:21:57,768 --> 00:21:59,033
I don't like
strawberry yogurt.
530
00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:00,966
Oh, picky for someone
who eats the same food
531
00:22:01,035 --> 00:22:03,232
out of a plastic bowl
on the floor every night.
532
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:04,632
Okay, I get it.
533
00:22:04,701 --> 00:22:06,965
A bowl that
starts in the kitchen
at the beginning of a meal
534
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,966
and ends up in
the living room.
Shut up.
535
00:22:09,034 --> 00:22:11,133
And then forgets
four seconds later
that he ate it.
536
00:22:11,201 --> 00:22:12,632
Shut up!
Harsh tone.
537
00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:14,499
You just got bumped down
to coconut mint.
538
00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:15,799
(EXCLAIMS)
539
00:22:23,367 --> 00:22:24,798
Hey, Bri?
540
00:22:24,867 --> 00:22:26,465
Yeah?
541
00:22:26,534 --> 00:22:27,799
How come you have a gun?
542
00:22:28,901 --> 00:22:29,899
I don't know.
543
00:22:29,968 --> 00:22:31,066
What do you mean
you don't know?
544
00:22:31,134 --> 00:22:32,899
What about all
that liberal crap
545
00:22:32,968 --> 00:22:35,733
you're always spewing about
stricter gun regulations?
546
00:22:35,801 --> 00:22:37,632
You even cried
after Columbine.
547
00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:39,366
Because that was
a national tragedy.
548
00:22:39,434 --> 00:22:41,332
Oh, it was kind of
a regional tragedy.
549
00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:42,499
Whatever.
550
00:22:42,568 --> 00:22:44,199
It's just weird, you know?
551
00:22:44,268 --> 00:22:46,366
I mean, you're
the last person anybody
would expect to have a gun.
552
00:22:46,434 --> 00:22:48,132
Well, that's why
I keep it here,
where it's safe.
553
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:51,932
That doesn't make any sense.
Why have it if you're not
gonna use it?
554
00:22:52,001 --> 00:22:53,165
Is it like
a sexual thing?
555
00:22:53,234 --> 00:22:54,232
No.
556
00:22:54,301 --> 00:22:55,566
Oh, that's a relief.
557
00:22:55,634 --> 00:22:57,499
I hate the idea of
you getting your thrills
558
00:22:57,568 --> 00:22:59,632
pressing a gun up
against your crotch.
559
00:22:59,701 --> 00:23:01,632
(EXCLAIMS) Just picturing it
gives me the willies.
560
00:23:01,701 --> 00:23:04,133
You know, I really don't
want to talk about this
with you, Stewie.
561
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,799
Okay, okay, I respect that.
562
00:23:05,868 --> 00:23:06,899
Thank you.
563
00:23:08,433 --> 00:23:10,565
Are you sure
it's not a sexual thing?
564
00:23:10,634 --> 00:23:12,066
I'm sure.
565
00:23:12,135 --> 00:23:14,099
Oh, good,
'cause that'd be strange
if you had fantasies
566
00:23:14,168 --> 00:23:15,999
about pressing a gun
up against your crotch
567
00:23:16,068 --> 00:23:18,132
and feeling your heartbeat
through your balls.
568
00:23:19,401 --> 00:23:20,665
Please tell me
why you have it.
569
00:23:20,734 --> 00:23:22,465
I said I don't
want to talk about it.
570
00:23:22,534 --> 00:23:24,832
But I want to know.
Just tell me. Come on.
571
00:23:24,901 --> 00:23:27,165
No.
Come on, please.
572
00:23:27,233 --> 00:23:29,899
(EXHALES)
573
00:23:29,968 --> 00:23:34,065
I keep it
in case I ever want to
commit suicide, okay?
574
00:23:34,868 --> 00:23:35,932
Wow.
575
00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:38,432
Oh!
576
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:40,866
Oh, my God. You're serious.
577
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,033
But why, Brian?
578
00:23:43,101 --> 00:23:44,832
You wouldn't understand.
You're just a kid.
579
00:23:44,901 --> 00:23:47,033
Well, I could try.
580
00:23:47,101 --> 00:23:50,832
I don't know.
Sometimes it's all too much.
581
00:23:50,901 --> 00:23:52,266
What is?
582
00:23:52,334 --> 00:23:53,899
Life. Everything.
583
00:23:53,968 --> 00:23:59,232
Just having the gun here,
knowing there's
a way out, it helps.
584
00:23:59,301 --> 00:24:02,032
Yes, but a gun,
it's so messy.
585
00:24:02,167 --> 00:24:03,398
What about pills?
586
00:24:03,467 --> 00:24:05,198
Even hanging
yourself is better.
587
00:24:05,267 --> 00:24:07,999
At least then you might
grow an inch or two while
you're hanging there.
588
00:24:08,068 --> 00:24:09,165
Of course,
when they find you,
589
00:24:09,233 --> 00:24:11,199
you might have those
Illeana Douglas eyes.
590
00:24:11,267 --> 00:24:12,365
Hmm.
591
00:24:12,433 --> 00:24:15,398
So, why the gun?
592
00:24:15,467 --> 00:24:18,465
It just seemed
the quickest way, I guess.
593
00:24:19,034 --> 00:24:20,732
I suppose.
594
00:24:20,801 --> 00:24:23,698
But I don't quite understand
why you're so unhappy.
595
00:24:25,500 --> 00:24:29,099
Yesterday when you said
I don't live with purpose,
596
00:24:30,367 --> 00:24:32,932
you were right. I don't.
597
00:24:33,001 --> 00:24:34,832
What purpose
does my life have?
598
00:24:34,901 --> 00:24:36,366
I don't like when
you talk like this.
599
00:24:36,434 --> 00:24:38,166
Oh, it's true, Stewie.
600
00:24:38,234 --> 00:24:41,132
Dogs are supposed
to be able to instinctively
live with purpose,
601
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,665
not even to have
think about it,
just born like that.
602
00:24:43,734 --> 00:24:46,333
But I wasn't.
603
00:24:46,401 --> 00:24:49,665
You know,
I've tried to find meaning
in my life, and I just...
604
00:24:49,734 --> 00:24:51,133
I just can't.
605
00:24:52,935 --> 00:24:54,966
And that bottle of scotch?
606
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:57,498
I was saving it
for my last drink.
607
00:24:57,567 --> 00:24:59,066
Wow, heavy.
608
00:24:59,135 --> 00:25:00,699
And, you know,
I'm not talking
about purpose
609
00:25:00,767 --> 00:25:03,866
in the shallow, Rick Warren,
over-the-counter
self-help variety
610
00:25:03,935 --> 00:25:05,699
because that's just delusion.
That's not real.
611
00:25:05,767 --> 00:25:08,333
I mean, is there ever a time
612
00:25:08,401 --> 00:25:10,899
when we're truly
in the present moment
613
00:25:10,968 --> 00:25:12,732
and not looking
toward the past
or the future?
614
00:25:12,801 --> 00:25:15,100
I mean right there,
in the moment?
615
00:25:15,167 --> 00:25:18,131
I get that way when
I watch Handy Manny.
616
00:25:19,067 --> 00:25:21,999
So is that
why we came here?
617
00:25:22,634 --> 00:25:23,866
Were you gonna end it?
618
00:25:23,935 --> 00:25:25,632
No, I was just putting money
in my Christmas club.
619
00:25:25,701 --> 00:25:26,966
God, I have to get
one of those.
620
00:25:27,035 --> 00:25:29,365
You know, last year
I only had $30 saved
621
00:25:29,434 --> 00:25:32,165
when the holidays
came around.
I was so embarrassed.
622
00:25:32,233 --> 00:25:34,999
I think I gave Meg tape.
623
00:25:35,067 --> 00:25:38,433
Well, you're the only person
I've ever told this to.
624
00:25:40,201 --> 00:25:41,766
Aren't you gonna
say anything?
625
00:25:41,834 --> 00:25:44,132
Well, I don't know
what to say.
626
00:25:44,201 --> 00:25:46,632
Wanting to kill yourself...
627
00:25:46,701 --> 00:25:48,799
Well, I think that's
pretty selfish of you.
628
00:25:48,867 --> 00:25:50,065
How is that selfish?
629
00:25:50,134 --> 00:25:52,932
What would I do
if you weren't here? Mmm?
630
00:25:53,001 --> 00:25:55,299
You're the only one
who makes my life bearable.
631
00:25:55,367 --> 00:25:58,499
I thought you said
I was the best of
a bad situation.
632
00:25:58,568 --> 00:26:01,298
I was just
trying to hurt you
'cause you hurt me.
633
00:26:01,367 --> 00:26:04,232
But the truth is you're
my only friend, Brian.
634
00:26:04,301 --> 00:26:05,732
If I didn't have you,
I'd be lost.
635
00:26:05,801 --> 00:26:06,832
You'd be okay.
636
00:26:06,901 --> 00:26:08,266
No, I wouldn't.
637
00:26:08,334 --> 00:26:10,865
I don't really
care for anybody else.
Just you.
638
00:26:10,935 --> 00:26:12,366
You're the only one I like.
639
00:26:13,667 --> 00:26:15,899
Well, thanks.
640
00:26:16,567 --> 00:26:18,799
I like you a lot.
641
00:26:18,868 --> 00:26:22,266
I guess you could say
I really like you.
642
00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:27,332
I would even dare to go
a little further perhaps.
643
00:26:27,401 --> 00:26:30,032
I care a great deal
about you.
644
00:26:30,101 --> 00:26:31,832
A very great deal.
645
00:26:31,901 --> 00:26:33,366
Maybe even
646
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:36,099
deeper than that.
647
00:26:37,134 --> 00:26:39,266
I... I...
648
00:26:39,334 --> 00:26:40,699
I love you.
649
00:26:41,434 --> 00:26:42,866
I mean, not in like a,
650
00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:45,298
"Hey, let's,
you know, let's have
an underpants party,"
651
00:26:45,367 --> 00:26:47,599
or whatever grown-ups do
when they're in love,
652
00:26:47,668 --> 00:26:51,832
but I mean I love you
as one loves another person
653
00:26:51,901 --> 00:26:54,399
whom one simply
cannot do without.
654
00:26:55,101 --> 00:26:56,766
Well, I...
655
00:26:56,834 --> 00:26:58,799
I love you, too, Stewie.
656
00:26:58,868 --> 00:27:01,132
You give my life purpose.
657
00:27:01,201 --> 00:27:04,399
And maybe that's enough.
658
00:27:04,467 --> 00:27:08,965
Because that's just
about the greatest gift
one friend can give another.
659
00:27:10,401 --> 00:27:11,732
Thank you.
660
00:27:12,134 --> 00:27:13,232
Hey.
661
00:27:13,301 --> 00:27:14,332
What?
662
00:27:14,401 --> 00:27:15,566
Will you read to me?
663
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:16,965
Sure.
664
00:27:17,034 --> 00:27:19,698
Wait, wait, wait.
I want to get
all snuggled in.
665
00:27:19,767 --> 00:27:21,799
Okay, go.
666
00:27:21,868 --> 00:27:24,498
"Chapter One,
'I am Born.'
667
00:27:24,567 --> 00:27:27,166
"Whether I shall
turn out to be the hero
of my own life,
668
00:27:27,235 --> 00:27:29,899
"or whether that
station shall be held
by anybody else,
669
00:27:29,968 --> 00:27:32,200
"these pages must show.
670
00:27:32,268 --> 00:27:35,266
"To begin my life with
the beginning of my life,
671
00:27:35,334 --> 00:27:39,166
"I record that
I was born on a Friday,
at 12:00 at night."
672
00:27:43,567 --> 00:27:44,565
(LOCK CLICKING)
673
00:27:45,135 --> 00:27:46,899
(DOOR OPENING)
674
00:28:37,901 --> 00:28:38,899
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21