1 00:00:04,334 --> 00:00:08,065 MAN ON TV: We now return to Aaron Sorkin's new show, The Kitchen. 2 00:00:08,134 --> 00:00:09,665 Where's the milk? No milk? We're out. No. 3 00:00:09,733 --> 00:00:11,032 Walk with me. I want you to get some milk. 4 00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:12,598 Where? Now? At the store. Right now. 5 00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:14,332 Any store? Bloomie's? Any store. Is that a joke? 6 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:15,498 What do you think? I think we need milk. 7 00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:16,932 I think you're right. 8 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,232 You know, I never get tired of hearing that. 9 00:00:18,301 --> 00:00:19,499 Should I go get the milk? Go get the milk. 10 00:00:20,234 --> 00:00:21,598 (ALL GROANING) 11 00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,299 Looks like the power's out again. 12 00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:26,032 What, are we in Iraq? This happens entirely too often. 13 00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:28,331 Can we tell stories till it comes back on? 14 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:32,132 Yeah, Dad. Remember the last time you told us the story of Star Wars? 15 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,665 Maybe you could tell us another one. 16 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,099 Well, all right. 17 00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:37,565 This is the story of Black Snake Moan. 18 00:00:37,633 --> 00:00:41,331 Once upon a time, Christina Ricci was all tied up for some reason... 19 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,332 I'm already bored and confused. 20 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:47,531 Yeah, Dad. Isn't there another story like Star Wars you could tell us? 21 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,932 There just might be, Chris. There just might be. 22 00:00:58,901 --> 00:01:01,599 (STAR WARS THEME PLAYING) 23 00:02:42,101 --> 00:02:43,731 ♪ His boy Elroy ♪ 24 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,966 (MIMICKING PROBE DROID) 25 00:03:29,266 --> 00:03:32,132 Echo 3 to Echo 7. Han, old buddy, you read me? 26 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,066 Luke, I thought we talked about this. I changed my code name. 27 00:03:35,134 --> 00:03:38,932 Right. Sorry. Echo 3 to Carlos Spicy Wiener. 28 00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:40,431 Carlos Spicy Wiener here. Go ahead. 29 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,765 There's a meteorite that hit the ground near here. 30 00:03:42,834 --> 00:03:44,932 I'm gonna go check it out. Won't take long. 31 00:03:45,001 --> 00:03:47,732 Okay, but be careful. There's some snow monsters out there. 32 00:03:47,801 --> 00:03:49,565 Relax, Han, I'll be careful... 33 00:03:49,633 --> 00:03:50,665 (SCREAMING) 34 00:03:50,733 --> 00:03:51,932 Cookie! 35 00:04:11,733 --> 00:04:14,732 Hey, you guys, I hate to do this to you, but I gotta get out of here. 36 00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:17,399 Hey, what's that on your jacket? Is that the Purina logo? 37 00:04:17,467 --> 00:04:19,165 No, it's just a patch. I like it. 38 00:04:19,234 --> 00:04:20,599 Thank you. I lied. It's lame. 39 00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:23,032 I won't miss you. 40 00:04:23,101 --> 00:04:26,166 Han, wait. I thought you said you were gonna stay. 41 00:04:26,234 --> 00:04:28,464 Sorry, I can't. But I'll give you my email address. 42 00:04:28,533 --> 00:04:32,199 It's HanSolo64@CompuServe.com. 43 00:04:32,268 --> 00:04:34,331 Comp... Yes, CompuServe. 44 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:35,932 But you can't leave now. 45 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,364 You're a natural leader and we... 46 00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:40,765 Hey. Did you guys order some ice? 47 00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:43,032 'Cause I got a bag of ice here. 48 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,431 Thought you might need some ice. 49 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:48,665 Yes, there is a lot of ice around here. We get it. 50 00:04:48,734 --> 00:04:51,164 We're having a conversation here. 51 00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:54,032 Hey. I thought you guys might need some ice. 52 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,932 SOLDIER: What? Why would I need ice? We're surrounded by... 53 00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:57,732 (LAUGHING) Oh! 54 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,165 What a day brightener. 55 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,899 Han, we need you. 56 00:05:02,967 --> 00:05:05,266 Oh, really? "We" or "I"? 57 00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:06,899 What do you mean? 58 00:05:06,967 --> 00:05:08,999 You don't want me to leave because of the way you feel about me. 59 00:05:09,067 --> 00:05:11,765 I bet you're afraid I'm gonna leave without giving you a goodbye kiss. 60 00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:14,198 Ugh! I'd rather kiss George Takei. 61 00:05:14,267 --> 00:05:16,198 Hello. 62 00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:19,065 (CHUCKLING) 63 00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:22,331 Man, it's cold in here. 64 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,665 Beep-boop-beep. 65 00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:26,765 I like all these electrical wires just nailed to the ice. 66 00:05:26,834 --> 00:05:28,998 That's probably pretty safe, right? 67 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:30,798 Captain Solo, have you seen Master Luke? 68 00:05:30,867 --> 00:05:32,165 'Cause no one knows where he is. 69 00:05:32,234 --> 00:05:34,232 What? Well, that doesn't sound good. 70 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,899 All right, I'm gonna go out and look for him. I'll take my Don Don. 71 00:05:36,968 --> 00:05:40,432 Well, I can't go outside. It's cold out there. 72 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,132 You can't go out there in this weather. Your Don Don will freeze. 73 00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:44,565 Then I'll see you in hell! 74 00:05:44,634 --> 00:05:46,032 SOLDIER: Wait, Han. You'll need this. 75 00:05:46,101 --> 00:05:47,132 What? 76 00:05:47,201 --> 00:05:48,998 (SNICKERING) Bag of ice. 77 00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:51,699 You knucklehead. Get out of here, but know I love you. 78 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:01,531 (GRUNTS) 79 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,999 Damn these stubby arms! 80 00:06:16,968 --> 00:06:19,299 Well, this is no better. 81 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,264 (SCREAMING) 82 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:24,532 (GASPS) 83 00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:31,999 Me was going to ask you to snow monster ball, but now forget it! 84 00:06:32,068 --> 00:06:33,331 (SOBBING) 85 00:07:00,601 --> 00:07:05,298 OBI-WAN: Luke. Luke, pull your pants down. 86 00:07:06,466 --> 00:07:07,531 Ben? 87 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,265 You look awful cold. 88 00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:12,932 Why don't I get you a nice hot bowl of Zima soup? 89 00:07:13,001 --> 00:07:14,099 Ben. 90 00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:16,065 Luke. 91 00:07:16,134 --> 00:07:20,765 You will go to the Dagobah system and learn the ways of the Force from Yoda. 92 00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:22,132 Ben. 93 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,065 Luke! Ben! 94 00:07:29,134 --> 00:07:30,232 Hang on, kid. 95 00:07:30,301 --> 00:07:33,732 Yoda. Dagobah system. 96 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:38,431 Zima soup. Yoda. Dagobah. 97 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,732 Last time I was in a dago bar I was drinking a beer in Little Italy. 98 00:07:41,801 --> 00:07:43,399 Go on, get out of here! 99 00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:46,965 Well, I can't stand this cold anymore. I'm gonna die. 100 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,565 Oh! 101 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,266 Well, it's probably for the best. 102 00:07:50,334 --> 00:07:54,065 There are way too many elderly comedians out here in the snow. 103 00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:03,732 This may smell bad, kid, but it'll keep you warm. 104 00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:05,299 (SIGHS) 105 00:08:05,367 --> 00:08:07,665 I thought they smelled bad 106 00:08:07,734 --> 00:08:08,998 (GASPING) 107 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,132 on the outside. 108 00:08:31,734 --> 00:08:35,465 Captain Solo, do you copy? This is Overweight Pilot Number One. 109 00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:37,899 Commander Skywalker, do you copy? 110 00:08:37,967 --> 00:08:39,198 HAN: Who are you looking for? 111 00:08:39,267 --> 00:08:40,799 Captain Solo, there you are! 112 00:08:40,867 --> 00:08:44,232 I'm sorry, I didn't copy that. Who are you looking for? 113 00:08:44,301 --> 00:08:46,632 Carlos Spicy Wiener, do you copy? 114 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,299 Carlos Spicy Wiener here, go ahead. 115 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,565 They found us, kid. We're going back to base. 116 00:08:56,634 --> 00:09:00,032 Just as soon as I grab some powder with these skiing young people. 117 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,866 (JUICY FRUIT THEME PLAYING) 118 00:09:05,734 --> 00:09:08,831 ♪ Get your skis shined up Grab a stick of Juicy Fruit 119 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:11,466 ♪ The taste is gonna move ya 120 00:09:11,535 --> 00:09:14,865 ♪ Take a sniff Pull it out 121 00:09:14,934 --> 00:09:19,165 ♪ The taste is gonna move ya when you pop it in your mouth 122 00:09:19,233 --> 00:09:21,998 ♪ Juicy Fruit is gonna move ya 123 00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:25,098 ♪ It chews so soft, it gets right to ya 124 00:09:25,167 --> 00:09:26,731 ♪ Juicy Fruit 125 00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:29,865 ♪ The taste, the taste, the taste is gonna move ya ♪ 126 00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:33,832 How you doing, kid? 127 00:09:33,901 --> 00:09:36,032 You look strong enough to pull the ears off Jennifer Garner. 128 00:09:36,101 --> 00:09:37,798 Thanks to you. 129 00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:40,065 Well, your managed- to-keep-me-around- a-little-longerness, 130 00:09:40,134 --> 00:09:42,599 it looks like you managed to keep me around a little longer. 131 00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:45,099 I assure you, I had nothing to do with it. 132 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:46,865 Yeah, right. 133 00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,432 I think you just can't stand to let a fat guy like me out of your sight. 134 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:55,465 Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder! 135 00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:59,032 You can't use that word! Only we can use that word! 136 00:10:23,533 --> 00:10:25,465 (GASPS) The boss is coming. Look busy. 137 00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:27,066 Lot of Empire stuff to do. Empire stuff. 138 00:10:27,135 --> 00:10:29,032 Getting Empire stuff done. Busy with Empire stuff. 139 00:10:29,101 --> 00:10:31,032 Yes, this is good Empire stuff. This Empire stuff looks good. 140 00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:33,199 Yes, I think we're done with this Empire stuff. 141 00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:34,866 Hey, dudes, what you looking at? 142 00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,598 We think we found something. 143 00:10:36,667 --> 00:10:39,166 (PROBE DROID CHATTERING) 144 00:10:39,234 --> 00:10:41,465 That's it. The Rebels are there. 145 00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:44,265 My lord, there are so many uncharted settlements. 146 00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:47,765 It could be a phony! A big, fat phony! 147 00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:49,364 What'd them Rebels do anyways? 148 00:10:49,433 --> 00:10:50,498 You know your friend Alan? 149 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,732 Yeah, I like Alan. 150 00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,032 They took his dog. 151 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,765 (GASPS) They took Zeus? Oh, no! 152 00:10:55,834 --> 00:10:57,098 Central Command to Jeffrey. 153 00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:58,198 Jeffrey here. 154 00:10:58,267 --> 00:10:59,932 Jeffrey, them Rebels took Zeus. 155 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:00,998 That's Alan's dog. 156 00:11:01,134 --> 00:11:02,132 I know. 157 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,565 Oh, no! 158 00:11:03,634 --> 00:11:05,066 I know. 159 00:11:05,134 --> 00:11:07,599 Set your course for the Hoth system. 160 00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,498 Hey, take care of yourself, Chewie. 161 00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:14,631 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 162 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:16,433 What's this handshake business, huh? 163 00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:19,932 Come here. Come on. Come on, bring it in. Come on. Come on. 164 00:11:20,001 --> 00:11:21,598 I'm not really a hug person. 165 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,365 Knock it off. Come here. Come on, bring it. 166 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,765 Yeah, yeah. Hug it out, bitch. 167 00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:28,798 Hug it out, yeah. Spray that hug all over me. 168 00:11:28,867 --> 00:11:30,065 What's wrong with you? 169 00:11:30,134 --> 00:11:33,032 What? I just wanna share my throbbing emotions 170 00:11:33,101 --> 00:11:34,465 and shoot hot hug all over you. 171 00:11:34,534 --> 00:11:36,099 I don't get why that's a problem. 172 00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:38,632 Hey, Luke. Take care of yourself, okay? 173 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:40,298 You, too. 174 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,965 Hey, what'd you end up doing with that dog we kidnapped? 175 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,665 I killed it and ate it! 176 00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:44,965 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 177 00:11:45,034 --> 00:11:46,898 Rebels! Rebels! Rebels! 178 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:48,365 Empire sucks! Rebels! 179 00:11:48,434 --> 00:11:49,432 Rebels! Yeah! 180 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,398 Yeah, Rebels! Yeah. 181 00:12:05,034 --> 00:12:06,665 Lord Vader, we've entered the Hoth system, 182 00:12:06,734 --> 00:12:09,699 but the Rebels have put up an energy shield blocking our entry. 183 00:12:09,768 --> 00:12:11,132 What are we gonna do now, buddy? 184 00:12:11,201 --> 00:12:13,531 Admiral Ozzel came out of light speed too quickly. 185 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:17,266 (CHUCKLING) Yeah. I had that problem with a chick the other night. 186 00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:21,632 Okay, gross. I'm gonna turn around and take care of this other guy. 187 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,399 Lord Vader, we're out of light speed and... 188 00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:25,565 (CHOKING) 189 00:12:25,634 --> 00:12:28,498 You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. 190 00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:30,999 Didn't know I could choke you through the TV, did you? 191 00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:34,565 Well, I can. Captain Piett, you're in charge now. 192 00:12:34,634 --> 00:12:37,799 Don't fail me, Admiral Piett. 193 00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:39,999 A promotion? Really? 194 00:12:40,068 --> 00:12:42,431 Can I get business cards that say "Admiral"? 195 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:45,198 That's not in the budget. You know, we're trying to catch Rebels here. 196 00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:47,565 I don't even have business cards. None of us do. 197 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,165 Do you have business cards? Yeah. 198 00:12:49,234 --> 00:12:51,465 You have business cards? You're a stormtrooper. 199 00:12:51,534 --> 00:12:54,132 There's like a million of you. What do you need business cards for? 200 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:55,499 Well, they're for my cookie business. 201 00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,765 I don't want... Oh, my God. 202 00:12:57,834 --> 00:13:01,531 (CHUCKLING) That chocolate chip cookie looks like the Death Star. 203 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,665 May I have everyone's attention please? 204 00:13:06,733 --> 00:13:08,731 We're evacuating into outer space, 205 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,531 with literally infinite directions in which to flee. 206 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,966 However, we have decided that our transports 207 00:13:14,034 --> 00:13:16,898 will travel directly toward the fleet of Star Destroyers. 208 00:13:16,968 --> 00:13:17,999 Any questions? 209 00:13:18,068 --> 00:13:20,099 Yeah. 210 00:13:20,168 --> 00:13:23,099 Is there someone from the military we can talk to? A man, perhaps? 211 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,899 Sir, Rebel ships are coming into our sector. 212 00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:34,164 Good. Our first catch of the day. 213 00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:36,232 (SCOFFS) Like you know how to fish. 214 00:13:36,301 --> 00:13:38,565 Prepare to fire giant boob-nipple gun. 215 00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:43,032 (CHUCKLING) 216 00:13:59,667 --> 00:14:00,698 Feeling okay, sir? 217 00:14:00,767 --> 00:14:03,065 Just like new. How about you, Dack? 218 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:06,032 I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself. 219 00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:08,799 Really? 'Cause that would be awesome. 220 00:14:08,868 --> 00:14:11,598 Hey, everyone, Dack says he's got this one. 221 00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,299 (ALL CHEERING) 222 00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:15,198 You know it, bitches! 223 00:14:22,234 --> 00:14:25,866 Hey, Imperial fleet, get ready to suck some Dack! 224 00:14:34,601 --> 00:14:36,231 I think we're doomed. Nah. 225 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:39,565 Unless they've got any big, giant robot camels, I think we're okay. 226 00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:45,032 Jim, robot camels. 227 00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:52,899 Check it out, that one's wearing Crocs. 228 00:14:58,067 --> 00:15:00,498 (MEN SCREAMING) 229 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,066 Echo Station 5-7, we are on our way. 230 00:15:03,133 --> 00:15:04,298 REBEL LEADER: Great. We'll see you in... 231 00:15:04,366 --> 00:15:06,799 (GUN FIRING) 232 00:15:06,867 --> 00:15:09,066 Echo Station 5-8, we are on our way. 233 00:15:09,133 --> 00:15:10,232 Hurry! 234 00:15:25,834 --> 00:15:28,231 Yes, Lord Vader, their shield will be down in moments. 235 00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:29,598 You may start your landing. 236 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,799 Excellent. We'll prepare for our descent. 237 00:15:31,868 --> 00:15:33,865 Hey. Hey, Consuela, no cleaning. 238 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:37,231 No cleaning while I'm doing the hologram... Shut that off! 239 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:42,398 Mr. Darth, you no have no more Windex on Star Destroyer. 240 00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:43,565 Well, that's not my problem. 241 00:15:43,634 --> 00:15:44,831 Why don't you go out and buy some? 242 00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,232 No. No, you buy. 243 00:15:47,301 --> 00:15:49,765 What if I give you the money, then you can go out and buy it? 244 00:15:49,834 --> 00:15:51,066 No. 245 00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:11,299 (EXCLAIMING) 246 00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:12,698 (GROANING) 247 00:16:43,601 --> 00:16:45,498 Crap! I'm hit! 248 00:16:52,634 --> 00:16:53,832 (GASPS) 249 00:16:55,633 --> 00:16:57,765 FEMALE VOICE: OnStar. What is the nature of your emergency? 250 00:16:57,834 --> 00:17:01,099 Yeah, I just got laser torpedoed by an Imperial walker 251 00:17:01,168 --> 00:17:02,866 and I need roadside assistance. 252 00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,133 Of course, sir. 253 00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:06,133 Am I speaking with Admiral Ackbar? 254 00:17:06,201 --> 00:17:09,431 Yeah. Yes. Yes, I'm Admiral Ackbar. 255 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,632 (HOARSELY) It's a trap. 256 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,032 (SLURRING) I love you guys. We had a great summer. 257 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,032 Han! What are you still doing here? 258 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:27,198 Well, I just realized that my spaceship works better when I have the keys. 259 00:17:27,266 --> 00:17:30,098 Duh! 260 00:17:30,167 --> 00:17:32,632 MAN ON PA: Imperial troops have entered the base. Imperial troops have... 261 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,632 (FEEDBACK) 262 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:37,498 Sorry, I dropped the thing. Imperial troops have entered the base. 263 00:17:56,267 --> 00:18:00,232 (GASPS) Oh, my God, it's pregnant. We're in a war. We're in a war. 264 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,865 I want the princess captured immediately. 265 00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:23,731 Geez, Gordon, maybe today wasn't the day to wear your mesh stormtrooper shirt. 266 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,399 Sorry, it's just... I'm going out dancing after work tonight. 267 00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:31,266 Oh, my God, I can't remember the last time I went out dancing. 268 00:18:31,335 --> 00:18:34,199 I think it was Memorial Day, like, two years ago. 269 00:18:34,268 --> 00:18:35,865 No, you know what? It was four years ago. 270 00:18:35,934 --> 00:18:37,399 You know how long it was? 271 00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:41,433 It was on Alderaan. That's how long ago it was. 272 00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,465 Are those guys getting away? We should probably get those guys. 273 00:18:44,533 --> 00:18:47,731 Those other guys will get them. So, what else? 274 00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:54,899 This bucket of bolts is never gonna get us past that blockade. 275 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,999 This bucket's got a few surprises left in her. 276 00:18:57,068 --> 00:18:59,398 Plus, me and Chewie are on it. Ain't that right, Chewie? 277 00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:00,999 Hell, yeah. You my nerf herder. 278 00:19:01,068 --> 00:19:02,832 You my nerf herder. 279 00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,432 All right, Chewie, punch it. 280 00:19:12,367 --> 00:19:14,198 Thank God that hot chick is gone. 281 00:19:14,267 --> 00:19:16,265 Now I can let loose my Darth farts. 282 00:19:16,333 --> 00:19:17,364 (FARTS) 283 00:19:17,433 --> 00:19:18,431 (AIR HISSING) 284 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:19,531 (FARTS) 285 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:20,899 (AIR HISSING) 286 00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:24,431 Artoo, get her ready for takeoff. 287 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,231 You may not remember, but I told you last week 288 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,298 I got my niece's recital today. 289 00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:32,365 (VIOLIN PLAYING OFF-KEY) 290 00:19:36,733 --> 00:19:38,665 We gotta sit through this whole thing? 291 00:19:38,733 --> 00:19:40,698 It's not that much longer. 292 00:19:40,767 --> 00:19:43,998 She's number seven and there's, like, 18 people. 293 00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:45,498 Relax, man. 294 00:19:45,567 --> 00:19:47,432 I mean, as long as she knows you were here... 295 00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:50,266 Look, this is happening, so just come to peace with it. 296 00:19:57,867 --> 00:20:00,165 Hey, this ain't the way to the rendezvous point. 297 00:20:00,234 --> 00:20:01,732 We're not meeting up with the others. 298 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,233 We're going to the Dagobah system. 299 00:20:07,433 --> 00:20:08,898 Hi. Excuse me. Excuse me. 300 00:20:08,967 --> 00:20:11,231 Hi, yeah, do you know how to get to the Dagobah system? 301 00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:14,065 Yeah, actually we're headed there now. You can follow us. 302 00:20:14,134 --> 00:20:17,832 Okay, great. Annoying question. We have to get gas, 303 00:20:17,901 --> 00:20:20,465 would you mind pulling off and waiting for us while we do that? 304 00:20:20,533 --> 00:20:21,598 (GROANS) 305 00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:23,332 Thank you so much. 306 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,032 (SIGHING) 307 00:20:39,201 --> 00:20:40,665 Han, look! 308 00:20:40,734 --> 00:20:43,398 Crap, there's two more of them dead ahead. 309 00:20:43,467 --> 00:20:45,565 It's all right, I think I can outmaneuver them. 310 00:20:54,701 --> 00:20:58,099 JOHN BUNNELL: This Rebel lawbreaker thinks he can outrun the Empire. 311 00:20:58,168 --> 00:21:01,799 The pursuing officers realize he's entered a residential area. 312 00:21:01,867 --> 00:21:05,532 They give him a wide berth, but they don't let him out of their sight. 313 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:10,132 Astonishingly, the driver makes a left, right into an asteroid field. 314 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,865 What are you doing? You're not actually going into an asteroid field. 315 00:21:13,934 --> 00:21:16,698 Well, it's either that or go into the strawberry fields. 316 00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:19,332 Hey, you know what I'm getting into? Is one-legged chicks. 317 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,798 Yeah, Paul, what's your new wife's name? Peg? 318 00:21:21,867 --> 00:21:23,232 That'll be enough of that, lad. 319 00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:24,332 How about Eileen? 320 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,732 Ringo got it. 321 00:21:31,034 --> 00:21:34,898 Sir, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are two to one. 322 00:21:34,967 --> 00:21:38,665 Never tell me the... Actually, that's not bad. 323 00:21:38,734 --> 00:21:40,398 Yeah. No, let's keep going. 324 00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:05,565 Look at that one! Look at that one there! Look at that other one! 325 00:22:05,634 --> 00:22:06,965 (SCREAMING) 326 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,832 We're gonna get pulverized out here! 327 00:22:08,901 --> 00:22:11,132 Look, we got four or five of the main characters on this ship. 328 00:22:11,201 --> 00:22:12,365 I think we'll be fine. 329 00:22:32,534 --> 00:22:35,265 There, that looks good. 330 00:22:35,334 --> 00:22:38,765 Doesn't that pie look good? Too bad we can't get at it. 331 00:22:38,834 --> 00:22:40,698 It's in space, and we're in here. 332 00:22:40,767 --> 00:22:43,132 Otherwise, I'd be eating it right now. 333 00:22:43,201 --> 00:22:44,731 All right, let's park right there in that cave. 334 00:22:46,901 --> 00:22:49,165 What are you doing? You can't park there. 335 00:22:50,201 --> 00:22:51,366 You're not handicapped. 336 00:22:51,435 --> 00:22:52,465 I have vertigo. 337 00:22:52,533 --> 00:22:54,333 It's a real medical condition. 338 00:22:54,401 --> 00:22:57,466 I'm just going on record as saying I'm not comfortable with this. 339 00:23:07,001 --> 00:23:09,265 I hope you know what you're doing. 340 00:23:09,334 --> 00:23:12,498 I've just found that Leia's constant questioning of me 341 00:23:12,567 --> 00:23:15,698 has not been productive to the atmosphere of the ship. 342 00:23:15,767 --> 00:23:19,299 And I think that she just needs to get some respect for herself. 343 00:23:24,767 --> 00:23:28,765 Artoo, wake up, we're here. Put your shoes on. 344 00:23:28,834 --> 00:23:30,532 You better hurry up and land. 345 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,899 The last half hour, I've been having all pee dreams. 346 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:40,398 All the scopes are dead! I can't see a thing! 347 00:23:40,466 --> 00:23:44,732 Sorry, that's me. I was still using an electronic device. 348 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,333 Okay, that's much better. Now I can see the swamp... The swamp! 349 00:23:57,067 --> 00:23:59,998 Swamp crashes. They can land you knee-deep in trouble. 350 00:24:00,067 --> 00:24:04,132 But the "good hands" people at Allstate will make sure you have a soft landing. 351 00:24:04,201 --> 00:24:07,532 Professional service. Non-threatening black spokesperson. 352 00:24:07,601 --> 00:24:09,066 That's Allstate's stand. 353 00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:15,232 Thank God for these airbags. You okay back there? 354 00:24:15,301 --> 00:24:19,066 I'm okay, but the midget inside me's got a head concussion. 355 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,264 No, no, no, no, no, no! 356 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:29,698 Artoo? 357 00:24:40,267 --> 00:24:41,799 Artoo! 358 00:24:42,967 --> 00:24:44,632 (ARTOO SCREAMING) 359 00:24:47,101 --> 00:24:49,465 Artoo, are you okay? 360 00:24:49,533 --> 00:24:53,266 I think so. Boy, who knows what else is in this swamp? 361 00:24:54,934 --> 00:24:56,799 SUPER FRIENDS ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom! 362 00:24:56,868 --> 00:24:58,332 Not now! Okay. 363 00:24:59,001 --> 00:25:00,531 (EERIE SILENCE) 364 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:01,899 (CAWING) 365 00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:07,364 Hey, who the hell are you? 366 00:25:07,433 --> 00:25:09,665 What the hell is that creepy little thing? 367 00:25:09,734 --> 00:25:11,598 Well, I'm not Yoda. 368 00:25:11,667 --> 00:25:12,832 Okay, I'm Yoda. 369 00:25:12,901 --> 00:25:14,465 You're Yoda? 370 00:25:14,533 --> 00:25:17,231 You're the one that Obi-Wan sent me here to find. 371 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,331 Will you teach me the ways of the Force? 372 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,498 No, I will not teach you the ways of the Force. 373 00:25:22,567 --> 00:25:24,898 Okay, I'll teach you the ways of the Force. 374 00:25:24,967 --> 00:25:28,431 But if you want to become a Jedi, first I gotta ask you something. 375 00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:29,731 Did you see Van Wilder? 376 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,632 Yeah, I saw it on Comedy Central. 377 00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:35,898 No! No, no, no, no, no! We got a lot of training to do. 378 00:25:35,967 --> 00:25:38,265 I'm asking, did you see the DVD frat house edition 379 00:25:38,333 --> 00:25:41,165 with all the uncensored footage and the interview with Ryan Reynolds? 380 00:25:41,233 --> 00:25:42,798 No. 381 00:25:42,867 --> 00:25:44,998 Well, that's all part of mastering the Force, man. 382 00:25:45,067 --> 00:25:47,998 It starts with checking out sweet-ass DVD releases, 383 00:25:48,067 --> 00:25:50,898 like Iron Man, directed by Jon Favreau. 384 00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:53,765 Yeah, he puts himself in his own movies, but you don't mind 385 00:25:53,833 --> 00:25:56,998 'cause he seems like the kind of guy who'd help you move if you asked him. 386 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,965 I'm glad you're here. Look, I pulled this all apart, 387 00:26:08,034 --> 00:26:09,965 and it looks like you're gonna need a new condenser. 388 00:26:10,034 --> 00:26:11,299 Really? A new condenser? 389 00:26:11,367 --> 00:26:12,699 Yeah, and I would also highly recommend 390 00:26:12,767 --> 00:26:15,232 a complete flush of your photon conversion system. 391 00:26:15,301 --> 00:26:16,799 I swear I just did that. 392 00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:18,832 Okay, well, how about this? Do you want me to just go ahead 393 00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:21,432 and do that while I'm replacing the new condenser? 394 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:24,365 I think I'd like to call my husband. 395 00:26:24,434 --> 00:26:25,665 Look, how about this? 396 00:26:25,734 --> 00:26:27,732 You buy the condenser, and I'll make out with you. 397 00:26:27,801 --> 00:26:28,965 (EXCLAIMS) 398 00:26:29,034 --> 00:26:30,665 I'm gonna kiss you so hard, 399 00:26:30,734 --> 00:26:33,832 the picture's gonna change into something else. 400 00:26:40,968 --> 00:26:44,032 Look, this isn't Windex but it's just as good. It's the store brand. 401 00:26:44,101 --> 00:26:46,565 No. No. It leave a film. 402 00:26:46,634 --> 00:26:48,331 I'm okay with the film. Just use it. 403 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,498 No. No. I no can clean. 404 00:26:51,567 --> 00:26:52,665 Shit. 405 00:26:52,734 --> 00:26:53,999 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 406 00:26:54,068 --> 00:26:55,732 Hello? Mr. Darth Vader... 407 00:26:55,801 --> 00:26:59,099 Yes, sir. Quiet, quiet. It's the Emperor. 408 00:26:59,168 --> 00:27:00,199 It's the Emperor. 409 00:27:00,267 --> 00:27:01,932 Tell him I no can do Friday. 410 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,065 Okay. Okay, okay. Sir... Yeah. 411 00:27:03,134 --> 00:27:04,332 My apartment need water. 412 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:05,632 No, no. No. He need to get it fixed. 413 00:27:05,701 --> 00:27:08,498 (STUTTERING) Hello? I can't hear you. 414 00:27:08,567 --> 00:27:11,898 I'm going to the knee pad. I'm gonna call you from the knee pad. 415 00:27:21,701 --> 00:27:23,932 What is thy bidding, my master? 416 00:27:24,001 --> 00:27:26,298 Hey, I'm downloading all my music to my iPod 417 00:27:26,367 --> 00:27:27,765 'cause I'm getting rid of my CDs. 418 00:27:27,834 --> 00:27:28,866 Do you have any desire for 419 00:27:28,934 --> 00:27:30,165 Natalie Merchant's Tigerlily? 420 00:27:30,234 --> 00:27:31,665 No. 421 00:27:31,734 --> 00:27:32,799 Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill? 422 00:27:32,868 --> 00:27:34,299 No. 423 00:27:34,367 --> 00:27:36,066 You sure? This thing was unstoppable. 424 00:27:36,134 --> 00:27:38,665 This was the soundtrack to my '95. 425 00:27:38,734 --> 00:27:40,798 To my '95 and my '96, actually. 426 00:27:40,867 --> 00:27:42,032 No, thank you. 427 00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:43,032 Richard Marx, Hold On To The Night? 428 00:27:43,100 --> 00:27:44,098 (EXCITEDLY) Yes! 429 00:27:44,167 --> 00:27:45,898 (STUTTERING) I mean... Yeah, no... 430 00:27:45,967 --> 00:27:47,932 I mean, if you're giving stuff away, yeah, sure. 431 00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:49,865 All right, listen. 432 00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:52,265 It turns out Anakin Skywalker's son is still alive. 433 00:27:52,334 --> 00:27:54,698 I'm gonna need you to find him and turn him. 434 00:27:54,767 --> 00:27:57,698 Really? Maybe I can make him go bi, but all the way is gonna be tough. 435 00:27:57,767 --> 00:27:59,532 No, I mean, turn him to the dark side. 436 00:27:59,601 --> 00:28:00,632 Well, yeah, I thought that's what you... 437 00:28:00,701 --> 00:28:02,165 Oh, of the Force. Yes. 438 00:28:02,234 --> 00:28:04,432 I'll get him over to the dark side. 439 00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:06,532 I'll just show him our recruiting video. 440 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,565 (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 441 00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:15,498 Thanks to the training I received in the Empire, 442 00:28:15,567 --> 00:28:18,266 I have all the skills I need to make it in the real world. 443 00:28:19,701 --> 00:28:24,099 The Empire GI Bill helped me finish school. Hey, wait up! 444 00:28:24,168 --> 00:28:25,698 And I met my wife in the service. 445 00:28:25,767 --> 00:28:27,632 We had our honeymoon on Alderaan. 446 00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:29,332 Good thing we took pictures, huh? 447 00:28:29,401 --> 00:28:30,999 (LAUGHING) 448 00:28:31,067 --> 00:28:34,065 RECRUITMENT ANNOUNCER: The Empire, chasing Rebel scum, 449 00:28:34,134 --> 00:28:36,098 killing Luke's aunt and uncle, 450 00:28:36,167 --> 00:28:38,398 telling people to move along. 451 00:28:38,467 --> 00:28:41,699 The Empire, our ships are big triangles. 452 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,099 (BIRDS CAWING) 453 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,199 That's good. Stretch it out, 454 00:28:48,267 --> 00:28:50,798 stretch it out because we're gonna start the training. 455 00:28:50,867 --> 00:28:54,699 I'm ready, Master Yoda. I'm ready to become a Jedi. 456 00:28:54,767 --> 00:28:57,132 All right, kid, let's do it. 457 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,432 (ROCKY IV THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 458 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,565 (INAUDIBLE) 459 00:30:09,633 --> 00:30:11,431 You know, I'm up for this, 460 00:30:11,500 --> 00:30:14,631 but it kind of feels like the dark side has a better gym than us. 461 00:30:28,101 --> 00:30:30,131 (DISTANT EXPLOSIONS) 462 00:30:42,500 --> 00:30:44,699 (SCREAMS) 463 00:30:44,767 --> 00:30:46,431 There's something out there. 464 00:30:49,500 --> 00:30:50,665 Hmm? 465 00:30:50,734 --> 00:30:52,531 There's something out there. Where? 466 00:30:52,601 --> 00:30:54,131 Out there, in the cave! 467 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,698 (LAUGHS) Crazy women, always hearing things. 468 00:30:56,767 --> 00:30:57,832 There's something out there. 469 00:30:57,901 --> 00:30:59,132 Let's go check it out. 470 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,132 What's all this slime on the floor? 471 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,632 Yeah. It feels like we're in Rod Stewart's stomach. 472 00:31:11,567 --> 00:31:13,065 Wait a minute. 473 00:31:14,267 --> 00:31:15,565 Hang on a second. 474 00:31:17,034 --> 00:31:18,532 What's going on here? 475 00:31:20,134 --> 00:31:21,565 Something doesn't add up. 476 00:31:23,167 --> 00:31:24,432 Just a minute. 477 00:31:25,733 --> 00:31:26,798 Time out. 478 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:29,965 This ain't quite right. 479 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:32,932 Now I get it. We should go. 480 00:31:36,733 --> 00:31:39,099 Hang on, sweetheart. We're taking off. 481 00:31:44,667 --> 00:31:46,132 The cave is collapsing! 482 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:47,832 This is no cave. What? 483 00:32:00,500 --> 00:32:02,966 How come I never get any lines in these things? 484 00:32:03,034 --> 00:32:04,799 PETER: Shut up, Meg. 485 00:32:06,168 --> 00:32:07,431 (CAWING) 486 00:32:14,268 --> 00:32:15,631 All right. Let's take a break. 487 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:17,032 Your back's getting all sweaty. 488 00:32:17,101 --> 00:32:18,999 Sorry. Does that. 489 00:32:19,067 --> 00:32:21,065 All right. Now, let's go over what we've learned. 490 00:32:21,134 --> 00:32:22,265 Naked chicks. Best? 491 00:32:22,334 --> 00:32:24,132 Rebecca De Mornay in Risky Business. 492 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:25,232 Good. Worst? 493 00:32:25,300 --> 00:32:27,032 Kathy Bates in About Schmidt. 494 00:32:27,101 --> 00:32:30,165 Correct. I also would've accepted the rotting old woman in The Shining, 495 00:32:30,234 --> 00:32:33,165 but Kathy Bates is probably worse. Best scene in Teen Wolf? 496 00:32:33,234 --> 00:32:34,732 When Michael J. Fox is in the bathroom, 497 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,332 turning into a werewolf for the first time 498 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,565 and his dad's knocking on the door and he is freaking out 499 00:32:38,634 --> 00:32:41,232 and he opens the door and his dad's a werewolf, too. 500 00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:43,398 Gold star. 501 00:32:43,467 --> 00:32:44,999 I would've also accepted the scene at the end, at the basketball game, 502 00:32:45,067 --> 00:32:47,065 where the guy in the crowd has his dick out. 503 00:32:47,134 --> 00:32:48,765 What? Yeah, there's a guy at the end. 504 00:32:48,834 --> 00:32:51,565 Go online. Look it up. He's in the stands, way in the background, 505 00:32:51,634 --> 00:32:54,665 and he's totally got his dick out. 506 00:32:54,734 --> 00:32:57,932 What's in there? It feels cold. 507 00:32:58,001 --> 00:33:01,232 That place is strong with the dark side. 508 00:33:01,301 --> 00:33:04,698 But it's very confusing and it stops the movie dead. 509 00:33:04,767 --> 00:33:07,132 I'm going in there anyway. 510 00:33:07,201 --> 00:33:08,965 (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING) 511 00:33:14,467 --> 00:33:15,665 (GASPS) 512 00:33:32,467 --> 00:33:35,832 You know, I guess we should take advantage of this very rare opportunity. 513 00:33:35,901 --> 00:33:38,465 (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING ON PIANO) 514 00:33:38,533 --> 00:33:41,632 ♪ You and I will settle down 515 00:33:41,700 --> 00:33:46,932 ♪ In a cottage built for two 516 00:33:47,001 --> 00:33:48,632 ♪ Dear little buttercup 517 00:33:48,700 --> 00:33:50,732 ♪ Sweet little buttercup 518 00:33:50,801 --> 00:33:52,798 ♪ My little buttercup 519 00:33:52,867 --> 00:33:57,365 ♪ I love you ♪ 520 00:34:04,100 --> 00:34:05,164 I hate these hats. 521 00:34:05,233 --> 00:34:06,532 Yes, sir. 522 00:34:06,601 --> 00:34:09,232 Okay, nice bounty hunter turnout today. 523 00:34:09,301 --> 00:34:13,631 Let's see, we got Robot Guy, Old Timey Deep Sea Diver Looking Guy, 524 00:34:13,700 --> 00:34:17,299 Lizard Guy, who I think I saw get in a fight with Captain Kirk, 525 00:34:17,367 --> 00:34:20,032 Boba Fett, of course, thanks for coming, and... 526 00:34:20,101 --> 00:34:21,299 What are you supposed to be? 527 00:34:21,367 --> 00:34:23,166 Raggedy Andy. 528 00:34:23,235 --> 00:34:26,166 Get the fuck out of my bounty hunter meeting. 529 00:34:31,567 --> 00:34:35,365 Okay, get ready to go to light speed. One, two, three. 530 00:34:35,434 --> 00:34:38,831 (ENGINE STALLING) 531 00:34:38,900 --> 00:34:41,798 (MOCKINGLY) ♪ Whanh! Whanh! Whanh! Whanh! ♪ 532 00:34:41,867 --> 00:34:42,865 Crap. 533 00:34:42,934 --> 00:34:43,998 No light speed? 534 00:34:44,067 --> 00:34:45,399 No light speed. 535 00:34:50,001 --> 00:34:52,199 I got an idea. Chewie, turn us around. 536 00:34:52,268 --> 00:34:53,665 You're gonna attack them? 537 00:34:53,733 --> 00:34:55,431 (MIMICKING) "You're gonna attack them?" 538 00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:56,899 That's how you sound. 539 00:34:56,967 --> 00:34:58,364 (SQUEAKILY) "You're gonna attack them?" 540 00:34:58,433 --> 00:34:59,731 Imagine listening to that all day. 541 00:35:05,433 --> 00:35:06,866 They're moving into attack position. 542 00:35:06,934 --> 00:35:08,132 Good. Put the shields up. 543 00:35:08,201 --> 00:35:10,398 Oh, my God! You have cake? Where'd you get cake? 544 00:35:10,467 --> 00:35:12,698 It was Jim's birthday, but I think it's all gone. 545 00:35:20,467 --> 00:35:22,665 Track them. They may come around for another attack. 546 00:35:22,734 --> 00:35:25,332 Captain, the ship no longer appears on our scopes. 547 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,565 They can't have disappeared. No ship that small has a cloaking device. 548 00:35:28,633 --> 00:35:32,232 Captain, Lord Vader demands an update on the pursuit of the Millennium Falcon. 549 00:35:32,300 --> 00:35:36,265 (STUTTERING) Tell him... Tell him we blew it up. 550 00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:38,332 He's not on hold and he just heard you. 551 00:35:38,401 --> 00:35:39,598 DARTH VADER: Yeah, I just heard you. 552 00:35:39,667 --> 00:35:40,865 (CHOKING) 553 00:35:50,801 --> 00:35:53,165 This is insane, Han! They're gonna find us here. 554 00:35:53,234 --> 00:35:54,266 Yeah, and even if they don't, 555 00:35:54,335 --> 00:35:55,999 where are we gonna hide out after this? 556 00:35:56,067 --> 00:35:57,565 Hey, what about Lando? 557 00:35:57,634 --> 00:35:59,233 The Lando system? 558 00:35:59,300 --> 00:36:01,699 Lando's not a system. He's a black guy. 559 00:36:01,767 --> 00:36:04,165 In fact, I think he might be the only black guy in the galaxy. 560 00:36:04,234 --> 00:36:05,866 (CHUCKLES) Let's hope, right? 561 00:36:05,934 --> 00:36:07,398 ALL: Whoa! 562 00:36:07,467 --> 00:36:08,966 (CLANKING) 563 00:36:09,034 --> 00:36:10,565 All right, the fleet's breaking up. 564 00:36:10,634 --> 00:36:12,431 Chewie, get ready to release the landing claw 565 00:36:12,500 --> 00:36:14,732 and we'll float away with their garbage. Release! 566 00:36:20,834 --> 00:36:22,866 Look at that. Space bums. 567 00:36:28,001 --> 00:36:30,499 Let's be thankful for what we have, everyone. 568 00:36:30,567 --> 00:36:32,133 Be thankful for what we have. 569 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:33,431 (THUD) 570 00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:35,965 Oh, my God, I hit a space bum! Chewie, go, go, go, go! 571 00:36:44,267 --> 00:36:46,199 All right, concentrate. 572 00:36:47,401 --> 00:36:48,464 What do you see? 573 00:36:48,533 --> 00:36:51,565 I see a woman draining your bank account 574 00:36:51,634 --> 00:36:54,398 and running off with a real estate agent. 575 00:36:54,467 --> 00:36:56,465 That is a bitch you see. 576 00:36:56,534 --> 00:37:00,665 And I see my friends. They're in trouble! I gotta save them! 577 00:37:02,234 --> 00:37:03,965 Wait, wait, wait. Luke, that's a stupid idea. 578 00:37:04,034 --> 00:37:05,698 You're not done with all your Force stuff. 579 00:37:05,767 --> 00:37:07,665 And besides, you can't fight Vader. 580 00:37:07,733 --> 00:37:10,265 Only an experienced Jedi could fight Vader. 581 00:37:10,334 --> 00:37:12,798 Well, why don't you go? 582 00:37:12,867 --> 00:37:15,098 Yeah, you're probably ready to fight Vader. 583 00:37:21,268 --> 00:37:24,465 That boy was our last hope. 584 00:37:24,534 --> 00:37:27,499 No, there is another. 585 00:37:27,567 --> 00:37:30,333 I know. I have the Force, too, you know. 586 00:37:39,900 --> 00:37:45,032 I don't have a landing permit. I'm trying to reach Lando Calrissian. 587 00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:46,798 What the hell's he firing at me for? 588 00:37:46,867 --> 00:37:48,066 I told you not to shoot. 589 00:37:48,133 --> 00:37:49,298 Well, you're not in charge. I am. 590 00:37:49,366 --> 00:37:50,599 Well, I'm steering. No, I'm steering. 591 00:37:50,667 --> 00:37:51,966 No, I am. I have a steering wheel. 592 00:37:52,034 --> 00:37:53,465 So do I. There's two. Well, that's stupid. 593 00:37:53,533 --> 00:37:54,765 I know. I know, too. That's why I said it. 594 00:37:54,834 --> 00:37:55,765 Oh! We lost them. This is going in my report. 595 00:37:55,834 --> 00:37:56,732 No, it's going in my report. 596 00:38:19,201 --> 00:38:20,232 (LAUGHING) 597 00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:21,765 Lando! 598 00:38:21,834 --> 00:38:23,731 Hey, Han, you crazy old bastard. 599 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,399 Hey, let me introduce everybody. You remember Chewbacca. 600 00:38:26,467 --> 00:38:31,399 And this is my special friend, Leia. And that's Sarge over there. 601 00:38:31,467 --> 00:38:32,766 You don't know my name, do you? 602 00:38:32,834 --> 00:38:33,999 You never bothered to learn it. 603 00:38:34,067 --> 00:38:35,532 What are you talking about? 604 00:38:35,601 --> 00:38:38,199 We've been through all kinds of space adventures together. 605 00:38:38,268 --> 00:38:39,765 Of course I know you, slugger. 606 00:38:39,834 --> 00:38:41,732 Yeah, sure. Nice to meet you. I'm C-3PO. 607 00:38:41,801 --> 00:38:43,099 C-3PO, yeah. 608 00:38:43,168 --> 00:38:44,299 I was just gonna introduce you, C-3PO. 609 00:38:44,367 --> 00:38:45,732 Why didn't you let me, C-3PO? 610 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,732 Maybe we should go inside. 611 00:38:47,801 --> 00:38:49,165 Yeah, let's get inside, C-3PO. 612 00:38:49,234 --> 00:38:51,266 You ever been to Cloud City, C-3PO? 613 00:39:10,633 --> 00:39:13,399 J.Crew outlet store. Oh, my God! Awesome! 614 00:39:13,467 --> 00:39:15,765 Space summer is right around the corner. 615 00:39:21,801 --> 00:39:23,698 Oh, my God. What happened? 616 00:39:23,767 --> 00:39:27,932 I got into a slap fight with a prep droid over a pair of cargo shorts. 617 00:39:28,001 --> 00:39:29,598 Are you guys all ready for dinner? 618 00:39:29,667 --> 00:39:32,166 I don't know, the time change is really hitting me. 619 00:39:32,233 --> 00:39:34,498 I might just stay in the room and watch bad TV. 620 00:39:34,566 --> 00:39:37,565 Geez, it's only like two hours earlier on Hoth. What's the big deal? 621 00:39:37,633 --> 00:39:39,799 I'm having my period, okay? 622 00:39:39,868 --> 00:39:43,265 Please come in. I have nothing to say to Lando. 623 00:39:47,034 --> 00:39:49,565 Okay, the door's gonna open and you guys say, "Freeze," 624 00:39:49,634 --> 00:39:51,032 and point your guns at them. 625 00:39:51,100 --> 00:39:52,665 Or, you know... Or should it just be me? 626 00:39:52,734 --> 00:39:54,332 Yeah, you know what? I think that'll be better. 627 00:39:54,401 --> 00:39:56,866 Get out. Go, go, go. It's just me. 628 00:39:57,567 --> 00:39:59,198 I wasn't ready. Hi! 629 00:39:59,267 --> 00:40:00,598 (EXCLAIMS) 630 00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:04,365 ♪ Wonder Woman ♪ 631 00:40:07,100 --> 00:40:10,099 (JEERING ) Look, the Giant Chicken's Boba Fett. 632 00:40:14,034 --> 00:40:16,132 Very well, Solo, if you won't talk, 633 00:40:16,201 --> 00:40:18,966 we have very effective means of torture. 634 00:40:19,034 --> 00:40:21,531 Whoa! Well, I don't want to be tortured. 635 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:24,133 All right, Luke's on Dagobah, there's a Rebel base on Kashyyyk, 636 00:40:24,201 --> 00:40:26,598 and I'm the one who clogged the toilet on the 16th floor. 637 00:40:26,667 --> 00:40:28,333 That was disgusting! 638 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,565 You know, because of that, I had to use the little pig people's bathroom. 639 00:40:31,633 --> 00:40:33,032 All right, start the torture. 640 00:40:35,534 --> 00:40:36,598 (WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE PLAYING) 641 00:40:36,667 --> 00:40:40,565 ♪ Where have all the cowboys gone? ♪ 642 00:40:40,634 --> 00:40:43,198 (SHOUTING IN DISGUST) Shut it off. Shut it off! 643 00:40:44,633 --> 00:40:46,166 (HAN SCREAMING) 644 00:40:47,934 --> 00:40:49,265 HAN: Ow! 645 00:40:49,333 --> 00:40:52,265 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 646 00:40:52,333 --> 00:40:53,799 Ow! Ow! 647 00:40:54,267 --> 00:40:55,498 Ow! 648 00:40:55,567 --> 00:40:56,565 Ow! 649 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:05,264 This facility should be adequate to freeze Skywalker for his trip to the Emperor. 650 00:41:05,333 --> 00:41:07,465 We'll test it on Captain Solo. 651 00:41:07,534 --> 00:41:08,999 And as long as we're freezing things, 652 00:41:09,068 --> 00:41:11,832 why don't you toss this ice cube tray full of orange juice in there? 653 00:41:11,901 --> 00:41:13,632 And be careful with the toothpicks. 654 00:41:13,700 --> 00:41:17,999 Lando, Lando. Lando! Be careful with the toothpicks. 655 00:41:24,567 --> 00:41:27,498 Chewie, you have to take care of the princess while I'm gone. 656 00:41:27,567 --> 00:41:28,865 Take care of her? 657 00:41:28,934 --> 00:41:30,065 You mean like... 658 00:41:30,134 --> 00:41:31,266 No. What? 659 00:41:31,335 --> 00:41:32,865 No. Just make sure she stays safe. 660 00:41:32,934 --> 00:41:35,099 Okay. That'll be fun for me. 661 00:41:43,634 --> 00:41:44,899 I love you. 662 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:46,766 Fuck off. 663 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:41,032 (AMERICAN IDOL THEME PLAYING) 664 00:42:41,101 --> 00:42:42,832 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 665 00:42:42,901 --> 00:42:47,065 Ladies and gentlemen, this is your lightsaber battle. 666 00:42:50,334 --> 00:42:52,932 The Force is with you, young Skywalker. 667 00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,632 But you are not a Jedi yet. 668 00:42:55,701 --> 00:42:57,365 You're getting there. You're getting there, though. 669 00:42:57,434 --> 00:43:00,332 I can defeat you, Vader. You'll see. 670 00:43:04,068 --> 00:43:07,065 Okay, so, no cutting off body parts. Let's make that a rule. 671 00:43:07,133 --> 00:43:09,398 No below the belt, if you know what I'm saying. 672 00:43:09,467 --> 00:43:11,598 And you know what? How about no name calling? 673 00:43:11,667 --> 00:43:15,131 You know, let's not have one of those kinds of lightsaber battles. 674 00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,165 Car. Car coming! 675 00:43:30,934 --> 00:43:32,265 We're clear. 676 00:43:42,867 --> 00:43:44,131 (BEEPING) 677 00:43:47,133 --> 00:43:48,665 Nice work, fellas! 678 00:43:48,734 --> 00:43:51,632 And, David, you sold the most magazine subscriptions, 679 00:43:51,701 --> 00:43:55,032 so you get to invite four of your friends to a pizza party. 680 00:43:55,100 --> 00:43:56,265 Hurray! 681 00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,965 Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold. 682 00:44:01,034 --> 00:44:02,166 Duh! 683 00:44:17,634 --> 00:44:21,499 Oh, no. We've lost Han. They're taking him to Jabba's palace. 684 00:44:21,567 --> 00:44:23,665 Well, even though we know exactly where he's going, 685 00:44:23,734 --> 00:44:25,464 we should rescue him in three years. 686 00:44:51,867 --> 00:44:54,565 (GASPING) Oh, God. Oh, my God. 687 00:44:54,634 --> 00:44:58,632 I would give my right hand for this day to just end. 688 00:45:01,867 --> 00:45:05,698 Oh, no. Damn it. They changed the security code. 689 00:45:05,767 --> 00:45:09,631 Let me see if I can do something about that. 690 00:45:09,700 --> 00:45:13,299 Hey, baby. You're gonna let us through, ain't you? 691 00:45:13,368 --> 00:45:16,333 Yeah, that's right. You know that feels good. 692 00:45:16,401 --> 00:45:20,433 FEMALE VOICE: Oh, God! Nobody's touched me like that for so long. 693 00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:21,999 (MOANING EXCITEDLY) 694 00:45:22,068 --> 00:45:24,066 Oh, no! I think I hear my husband. 695 00:45:24,133 --> 00:45:26,966 Honey, I'm home. What the hell is this? 696 00:45:27,034 --> 00:45:28,264 (SHOUTING) Who's he? 697 00:45:28,333 --> 00:45:29,966 Thank God you're home, honey. 698 00:45:30,034 --> 00:45:31,465 He tried to rape me. 699 00:45:31,533 --> 00:45:32,632 Oh, that's bullshit. 700 00:45:32,701 --> 00:45:34,032 You get out of our home! 701 00:45:39,667 --> 00:45:42,398 Oh, man. How am I supposed to run with this? 702 00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:00,798 Have we ever hit anybody with these guns? 703 00:46:00,867 --> 00:46:02,265 I hit a bird once. 704 00:46:02,333 --> 00:46:04,066 (LIGHTSABERS HUMMING) 705 00:46:07,767 --> 00:46:09,099 (GRUNTING) 706 00:46:11,401 --> 00:46:14,699 Come on, Luke, join the dark side. It's really cool. 707 00:46:14,767 --> 00:46:16,865 Well, who's in it? 708 00:46:16,934 --> 00:46:20,932 Me, the Emperor, this guy Scott. You'll meet him, he's awesome. 709 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,565 And James Caan. 710 00:46:22,634 --> 00:46:24,732 I'll be your friend if you let me kick your ass. 711 00:46:24,801 --> 00:46:27,999 I'll never join the dark side. Never! 712 00:46:29,734 --> 00:46:31,066 (GRUNTING) 713 00:46:34,301 --> 00:46:35,665 (GROANING) 714 00:46:37,767 --> 00:46:39,231 MAN: Hey, a hand. 715 00:46:40,968 --> 00:46:42,865 There is no escape. 716 00:46:42,934 --> 00:46:46,198 Don't make me destroy you. Join me, Luke. 717 00:46:46,267 --> 00:46:48,498 I'll never join you. 718 00:46:48,567 --> 00:46:51,765 Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father. 719 00:46:51,833 --> 00:46:53,632 He told me you killed him. 720 00:46:53,700 --> 00:46:55,498 No, I... Hang on. 721 00:46:55,567 --> 00:46:56,765 Spoiler alert. 722 00:46:56,834 --> 00:47:00,331 Okay. No, I am your father. 723 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:04,631 Well, that's fine, but I don't see how that affects... What? 724 00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:09,832 Join me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! You know? 725 00:47:09,901 --> 00:47:12,598 I mean, it doesn't have to be as father and son, it can just be as, 726 00:47:12,667 --> 00:47:15,632 you know, as two really close guys who just happen to be men, you know? 727 00:47:15,700 --> 00:47:18,932 Just two good-looking guys sharing a cramped office, 728 00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,265 running the galaxy together, you know? 729 00:47:21,334 --> 00:47:23,998 Just getting the job done, you know? Maybe we... 730 00:47:24,067 --> 00:47:26,265 Maybe we'd do it occasionally, but it's not weird, you know, 731 00:47:26,334 --> 00:47:29,932 'cause we're just two guys with raging goals, you know? 732 00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:31,465 I mean, it's not even about the doing it part, 733 00:47:31,534 --> 00:47:33,765 but that's a part of it, but it's not the whole thing. 734 00:47:49,034 --> 00:47:50,398 (SCREAMING) 735 00:47:58,201 --> 00:48:01,065 Hey, did you see a hand come down here? 736 00:48:01,134 --> 00:48:02,232 No. 737 00:48:04,301 --> 00:48:05,898 (LUKE SCREAMING) 738 00:48:10,834 --> 00:48:12,165 (GRUNTING) 739 00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,332 Ben. Ben. 740 00:48:17,867 --> 00:48:20,565 Leia. Leia. 741 00:48:21,434 --> 00:48:22,898 Tom Selleck. 742 00:48:31,767 --> 00:48:32,765 Leia. 743 00:48:37,267 --> 00:48:40,765 Luke. Turn the ship around. I know where Luke is. 744 00:48:40,834 --> 00:48:42,631 What, are you out of your mind? What about those fighters? 745 00:48:42,700 --> 00:48:44,232 I said turn us around! 746 00:48:44,300 --> 00:48:47,865 ♪ Turn the ship around 747 00:48:47,934 --> 00:48:51,465 ♪ Leia knows where Luke is 748 00:48:51,534 --> 00:48:55,298 ♪ Turn it upside down 749 00:48:55,367 --> 00:48:59,499 ♪ Take it back to Bespin ♪ 750 00:49:00,268 --> 00:49:01,431 Is that him? 751 00:49:01,500 --> 00:49:03,232 I don't know. 752 00:49:03,300 --> 00:49:07,532 Luke, if that's you, wave your right hand! 753 00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,265 No, your right hand. 754 00:49:09,334 --> 00:49:11,098 LUKE: It's me, you fuckers! 755 00:49:45,834 --> 00:49:47,132 Luke. 756 00:49:47,201 --> 00:49:48,233 Yeah. 757 00:49:48,300 --> 00:49:49,598 Luke? Yeah? 758 00:49:49,667 --> 00:49:50,665 Wait. Luke Skywalker? 759 00:49:50,733 --> 00:49:52,298 Yeah. 760 00:49:52,367 --> 00:49:54,665 Oh, my God! This is so stupid, I was trying to call Luke Adams. 761 00:49:54,734 --> 00:49:58,532 His number is right next to yours in my helmet. 762 00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,099 So, how's everything been going since our fight? 763 00:50:02,134 --> 00:50:03,598 It's good. 764 00:50:03,667 --> 00:50:05,665 And, you know, the offer's still open for the whole 765 00:50:05,734 --> 00:50:07,698 "two dudes running the galaxy" plan. 766 00:50:07,767 --> 00:50:09,498 Yeah, listen, I gotta go. 767 00:50:09,567 --> 00:50:11,331 Sure, sure, you're busy. It's okay. 768 00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:15,032 All right. Well, I'll talk to you later, Luke Skywalker, right? 769 00:50:15,101 --> 00:50:16,532 Yeah. Okay. 770 00:50:26,433 --> 00:50:29,431 Prepare to lock the tractor beam onto the Millennium Falcon. 771 00:50:29,500 --> 00:50:31,531 All right, Chewie, punch it! 772 00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:39,632 Oh, man. All right, someone's getting choked over this. 773 00:50:39,701 --> 00:50:41,198 Who was in charge of the tractor beam? 774 00:50:41,267 --> 00:50:42,332 That was me. 775 00:50:42,401 --> 00:50:43,832 Oh, yeah? Well... 776 00:50:43,901 --> 00:50:46,465 You have failed me for the last time. 777 00:50:48,401 --> 00:50:50,298 I can still breathe just fine. 778 00:50:50,367 --> 00:50:51,399 I know. 779 00:50:51,467 --> 00:50:52,765 You're choking my... Yup. 780 00:50:52,834 --> 00:50:56,332 'Cause I'm upset with you. For the tractor beam thing. 781 00:51:08,968 --> 00:51:11,999 Don't worry, we'll find Jabba the Hutt and that bounty hunter, 782 00:51:12,068 --> 00:51:14,298 and we'll get Han back. 783 00:51:14,367 --> 00:51:16,765 Why are you wearing Han's clothes? 784 00:51:16,834 --> 00:51:18,398 Seriously, watch the actual movie. 785 00:51:18,467 --> 00:51:21,631 Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. It's really weird. 786 00:51:22,734 --> 00:51:24,598 Take care, you two. 787 00:51:24,667 --> 00:51:26,465 May the Force be with you. 788 00:51:26,534 --> 00:51:31,232 CHEWBACCA: There he goes with that crap again. Keep it in church, man. 789 00:51:31,301 --> 00:51:33,398 All right. Is this thing good to go? 790 00:51:33,467 --> 00:51:35,299 Yeah, but practice on a hot dog first. 791 00:51:35,367 --> 00:51:37,332 Otherwise you might rip your dick off. 792 00:51:40,467 --> 00:51:44,665 Someday, I'm gonna buy my moms a place with a view like this. 793 00:51:46,767 --> 00:51:48,899 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 794 00:52:15,167 --> 00:52:16,398 (MUSIC STOPS) 795 00:52:16,466 --> 00:52:18,865 Wait a minute. This is how it ends? 796 00:52:18,934 --> 00:52:21,464 There's so many questions left unanswered. 797 00:52:21,533 --> 00:52:22,865 Are you Luke Skywalker? 798 00:52:22,934 --> 00:52:23,965 Yeah. 799 00:52:24,034 --> 00:52:25,932 I've got something for you. 800 00:52:26,001 --> 00:52:27,231 A letter. 801 00:52:29,067 --> 00:52:31,732 "Dear Luke, if my calculations are correct, 802 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:35,365 "you should receive this letter at the exact moment the DeLorean vanished. 803 00:52:35,434 --> 00:52:39,865 "I have been living happily for the past six months in the year 1885. 804 00:52:39,934 --> 00:52:40,999 "The lightning bolt that..." 805 00:52:41,068 --> 00:52:42,065 (GASPS) 806 00:52:42,134 --> 00:52:44,166 1885! The doc's alive! 807 00:52:44,233 --> 00:52:47,032 I mean, he's in the Old West, but he's alive! 808 00:52:58,368 --> 00:53:00,499 The end. 809 00:53:00,567 --> 00:53:02,432 (ALL CHEERING) 810 00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:04,898 Well, let's see Robot Chicken top this one. 811 00:53:04,967 --> 00:53:08,098 Actually, I think they did a pretty good job of that already, Dad. 812 00:53:08,167 --> 00:53:09,465 Well, I'll have to take your word for it. 813 00:53:09,534 --> 00:53:11,131 I don't watch Comedy Central. 814 00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,465 It's on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Dad. 815 00:53:13,534 --> 00:53:14,765 I'm pretty sure you know that. 816 00:53:14,833 --> 00:53:16,798 I don't know that. 817 00:53:16,867 --> 00:53:18,765 I haven't seen that show in a while and I don't know that anyone else has. 818 00:53:18,833 --> 00:53:20,365 I think plenty of people have. 819 00:53:20,434 --> 00:53:21,898 Their fans are pretty loyal to them. 820 00:53:21,967 --> 00:53:23,765 Oh, yeah? All 42 of them? 821 00:53:23,833 --> 00:53:26,231 (SIGHS) I'm not gonna let you get to me this time, Dad. 822 00:53:26,300 --> 00:53:27,698 I'm not gonna let you get to me. 823 00:53:27,767 --> 00:53:29,731 Well, maybe I got time for another story then. 824 00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:31,065 It's called Without A Paddle. 825 00:53:31,133 --> 00:53:32,898 Fuck you, Dad! 826 00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:39,732 English - US - Line 21