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00:00:01,403 --> 00:00:04,593
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,618 --> 00:00:07,932
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,024 --> 00:00:11,093
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:14,063
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:17,983
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:23,906
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:29,245
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:35,385 --> 00:00:37,219
Our top story tonight,
we continue to track
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00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,255
the progress
of Hurricane Flozell.
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00:00:39,322 --> 00:00:40,556
The National Weather Service
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has issued a Severe
Hurricane Advisory,
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and is urging everyone
to stay indoors
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for at least the next 36 hours.
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No...! What happened?!
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The wind must have knocked
the satellite dish loose.
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Aw, crap. And I was
going to watch G.I. Jose.
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00:00:56,406 --> 00:00:58,274
Oh, no! You cut
your forehead!
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00:00:58,341 --> 00:00:59,492
What do we do?
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00:00:59,576 --> 00:01:00,526
Hey, kids...
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00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:01,861
if you have
an open wound,
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get some dirt
or kitty litter
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and rub it in there
to stop the bleeding.
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Then get some sleep and wait
for the body to heal itself.
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00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,202
Now we know.
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00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:13,873
And like I always say:
"Remember, you know enough."
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♪ G.I. Jose! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 10x02 ♪
Seahorse Seashell Party
Original Air Date on October 2, 2011
30
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:26,540
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
31
00:01:35,441 --> 00:01:36,500
Nice.
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00:01:36,501 --> 00:01:37,601
Brian, what are you doing?
33
00:01:37,669 --> 00:01:38,602
Geez, Stewie.
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00:01:38,653 --> 00:01:40,121
Scared the crap
out of me.
35
00:01:40,188 --> 00:01:41,655
Whatcha got there?
36
00:01:41,740 --> 00:01:43,324
Okay, I'll tell you;
37
00:01:43,408 --> 00:01:44,658
but you can't tell anyone.
38
00:01:44,726 --> 00:01:46,127
All-All right? You have to
be really cool about this.
39
00:01:46,194 --> 00:01:47,328
Yeah, of course.
40
00:01:47,395 --> 00:01:48,746
These are mushrooms.
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00:01:48,814 --> 00:01:50,297
It's a psychedelic drug.
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00:01:56,104 --> 00:01:58,005
with this storm,
so it'll be a fun way
45
00:01:58,089 --> 00:01:59,957
to pass the time.
Okay.
46
00:02:00,025 --> 00:02:01,375
Are you gonna be cool?
47
00:02:01,443 --> 00:02:02,760
Oh yeah, I'm totally
cool about that.
48
00:02:02,828 --> 00:02:04,295
I-I-I-I have a lot
of friends who do it,
49
00:02:04,362 --> 00:02:06,063
and they're willing to do
it around me all the time,
50
00:02:06,131 --> 00:02:07,515
because they know
I'm so cool about it
51
00:02:07,599 --> 00:02:08,732
and I don't judge them.
52
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,118
So, you know,
go ahead...
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00:02:14,156 --> 00:02:15,756
Well, here we go.
54
00:02:15,824 --> 00:02:17,041
Yup, that's what my
friends say, too.
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00:02:17,108 --> 00:02:18,442
"Well, here we go."
56
00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:21,111
Oh... dude, I think
I can feel it, too.
57
00:02:21,179 --> 00:02:23,247
I'm gettin' a
context high.
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00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:35,292
I'm bored.
59
00:02:35,343 --> 00:02:36,443
Yeah, this sucks.
60
00:02:36,511 --> 00:02:37,995
What are we supposed
to do all day?
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00:02:38,046 --> 00:02:39,830
Well, how about
we play charades?
62
00:02:39,881 --> 00:02:41,632
Ooh! Yeah. O-okay.
Me first! Me first!
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00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:44,318
Okay, it's a movie.
All right? Movie. Movie.
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00:02:44,386 --> 00:02:46,270
Peter, there's no
talking in charades.
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00:02:46,337 --> 00:02:47,354
O-Okay, sorry, sorry.
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00:02:47,439 --> 00:02:48,772
Okay. (whispers) Movie.
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00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,007
Peter!
Sorry. Sorry.
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00:02:50,058 --> 00:02:51,542
Okay, one word.
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00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,110
Peter, you're still talking!
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00:02:53,177 --> 00:02:54,111
Okay, okay.
Right, right, right.
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00:02:54,178 --> 00:02:56,346
Fletch.
72
00:02:56,398 --> 00:02:58,532
Is it Fletch?
It is Fletch.
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00:03:03,388 --> 00:03:05,122
What do you
wanna do now?
74
00:03:05,190 --> 00:03:06,357
I got an idea.
75
00:03:06,424 --> 00:03:07,558
How about you all
sit there quietly
76
00:03:07,626 --> 00:03:08,893
while I make "Dad" noises?
77
00:03:26,211 --> 00:03:27,444
Brah-ha-hah!
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00:03:27,512 --> 00:03:29,747
Brah-ha! Brah!
79
00:03:36,488 --> 00:03:37,588
Schumai.
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00:03:44,863 --> 00:03:45,996
Myah!
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00:03:47,231 --> 00:03:49,750
... go to the john.
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00:03:57,342 --> 00:03:59,576
Boy, the rain's
really comin' down.
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00:03:59,644 --> 00:04:01,745
I know, I've never seen
anything like it.
84
00:04:01,813 --> 00:04:05,082
But it's kinda nice for us all
to be together like this, huh?
85
00:04:31,409 --> 00:04:34,778
♪ ♪
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00:04:53,581 --> 00:04:55,032
So, what do you guys
wanna do now?
87
00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:57,467
Oh, hey, I know!
Let's play finger-bang.
88
00:04:57,519 --> 00:04:58,686
Bang! Bang!
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00:04:58,770 --> 00:05:00,104
I'm gonna finger-
bang you, Chris.
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00:05:00,155 --> 00:05:02,489
Not if I finger-bang
you first, Dad!
91
00:05:02,574 --> 00:05:03,974
Bang! Bang!
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00:05:04,025 --> 00:05:06,410
I'm gonna finger-bang
the two of you at the same time.
93
00:05:06,494 --> 00:05:08,912
Bang! Bang!
Hey, me too! Bang!
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00:05:08,997 --> 00:05:11,198
Oh, no one wants to get
finger-banged by you, Meg.
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00:05:11,282 --> 00:05:13,167
Why don't you just go
do that to yourself, Meg?
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00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:14,601
I think I'm gonna be sick.
97
00:05:16,654 --> 00:05:17,955
Brian?!
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00:05:18,023 --> 00:05:19,623
I'm gonna cut
my ear off
99
00:05:19,691 --> 00:05:21,291
to prevent
World War Two.
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00:05:23,545 --> 00:05:24,828
Oh, God! Oh, God!
101
00:05:31,319 --> 00:05:32,886
I wonder...
102
00:05:34,773 --> 00:05:35,856
Aha!
103
00:05:42,043 --> 00:05:43,811
What the hell
were you trying to do, man?!
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00:05:43,878 --> 00:05:45,563
Those mushrooms
are messin' you up!
105
00:05:45,647 --> 00:05:49,650
Lesbians and deaf women
wear the same clothes.
106
00:05:49,751 --> 00:05:51,018
Yeah, yeah, they
sure do, buddy.
107
00:05:51,086 --> 00:05:52,687
All right,
just stay calm, Brian.
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00:05:52,754 --> 00:05:53,955
You'll get through this.
109
00:05:54,022 --> 00:05:56,524
I mean, you got through
seeing Lady Gaga naked.
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00:05:58,176 --> 00:06:01,012
Okay, five minutes, Miss Ga--
gina big!
111
00:06:01,079 --> 00:06:03,030
And I will be right
back with your Evian.
112
00:06:03,081 --> 00:06:04,532
Don't worry, Brian.
113
00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:06,584
I'm gonna stay
by your side all night.
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00:06:06,668 --> 00:06:08,619
All right? Shh. Shh.
115
00:06:08,704 --> 00:06:10,288
It's okay. It's okay.
116
00:06:10,372 --> 00:06:13,057
Do you like
my soothing voice?
117
00:06:13,125 --> 00:06:15,793
Do you like my soothing voice?
118
00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:18,596
Re-re-re-re-return the map.
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00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:23,534
Re-re-re-re-return
what you have stolen from me.
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00:06:24,987 --> 00:06:28,806
♪ ♪
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No...!
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00:06:39,351 --> 00:06:40,952
Oh, hey, I got an idea.
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00:06:41,019 --> 00:06:42,219
Let's have a sing-a-long.
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00:06:42,287 --> 00:06:45,056
Okay, I'm gonna sing
the opening chase music
125
00:06:45,123 --> 00:06:47,258
from Indiana Jones
and the Last Crusade.
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00:06:47,326 --> 00:06:49,377
Feel free to join in.
127
00:07:12,134 --> 00:07:13,534
♪ ♪
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00:07:41,430 --> 00:07:43,314
Dammit, Meg! Will you stop that?!
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00:07:43,382 --> 00:07:44,632
That is so annoying!
130
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:46,183
Oh... that was annoying?!
131
00:07:46,251 --> 00:07:48,302
What about your stupid,
obnoxious humming?!
132
00:07:48,370 --> 00:07:50,204
Meg, don't talk
to your father like that!
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00:07:50,272 --> 00:07:51,789
Yeah, shut up, Meg.
134
00:07:51,857 --> 00:07:53,624
No! You shut
up, Chris!
135
00:07:53,692 --> 00:07:56,027
I am sick of all you guys
ganging up on me!
136
00:07:56,094 --> 00:07:58,562
You guys all think you're
so much better than me!
137
00:07:58,630 --> 00:08:01,499
Oh, Meg. That is
the least fancy thing
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00:08:01,566 --> 00:08:03,100
I have ever heard.
139
00:08:09,491 --> 00:08:11,024
Shh. There, there, there.
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00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:12,827
Everything's gonna be fine.
You're all right.
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00:08:12,878 --> 00:08:14,361
I think I'm...
I think I'm dying.
142
00:08:15,363 --> 00:08:16,747
Jane Fonda.
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00:08:16,815 --> 00:08:19,750
Is that... i-i-is that...
is that... is that right?
144
00:08:19,835 --> 00:08:22,136
Yeah, that's right, buddy.
Totally Jane Fonda.
145
00:08:22,203 --> 00:08:23,337
It's gonna be okay.
146
00:08:23,388 --> 00:08:25,556
Your pal Stewie
is right here.
147
00:08:28,977 --> 00:08:31,095
Just relax...
148
00:08:31,212 --> 00:08:36,717
and get some
rest...
149
00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,751
Brian.
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00:08:54,903 --> 00:08:56,871
Hide!
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00:08:56,922 --> 00:09:02,460
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
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00:09:02,544 --> 00:09:04,295
♪ Round and round ♪
153
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:07,047
♪ Round and round ♪
154
00:09:07,115 --> 00:09:12,319
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
155
00:09:12,370 --> 00:09:15,990
♪ All through the town ♪
Peanut!
156
00:09:18,026 --> 00:09:21,162
Peeper...
157
00:09:38,797 --> 00:09:43,467
Wanna have (hissing) sex...?
158
00:09:52,961 --> 00:09:55,596
Groggety!
159
00:10:08,693 --> 00:10:11,745
Slip... me some tongue.
160
00:10:11,813 --> 00:10:14,832
Did you try the chicken, buddy?
161
00:10:14,916 --> 00:10:17,117
I think you gave me worms,
Brian.
162
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:34,535
Brian...
163
00:10:36,204 --> 00:10:38,839
Brian...
164
00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:41,859
Brian...
165
00:10:41,943 --> 00:10:44,612
Brian...
166
00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,347
Brian!
167
00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:48,966
Brian.
Uh, Stewie.
168
00:10:49,034 --> 00:10:50,484
Eh, uh... Stewie?
169
00:10:50,535 --> 00:10:51,619
Yeah, I'm right here.
170
00:10:51,686 --> 00:10:53,487
Oh, my God. Your lip
looks really weird.
171
00:10:53,538 --> 00:10:54,755
Can we fix that?
172
00:10:54,823 --> 00:10:58,158
L-Let's get that
out of there. Ew.
173
00:10:58,226 --> 00:10:59,910
Oh, I'm so thirsty.
174
00:10:59,995 --> 00:11:02,863
Let's get you downstairs
so you can drink some water.
175
00:11:05,650 --> 00:11:08,168
All right, let's go, buddy.
Let's get you some water.
176
00:11:09,871 --> 00:11:11,205
Okay, now-- Now, h-h-hold on.
Hold on.
177
00:11:11,273 --> 00:11:13,374
Let me put the bowl down first.
You're gonna spill it.
178
00:11:16,444 --> 00:11:18,279
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down. Slow down.
179
00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:20,514
Look, Meg, I don't know
what your problem is.
180
00:11:20,582 --> 00:11:22,399
I thought Dad's humming
was pretty entertaining.
181
00:11:22,484 --> 00:11:24,318
You know what?
This is what I'm talking about.
182
00:11:24,385 --> 00:11:25,936
This is a perfect example.
183
00:11:26,021 --> 00:11:27,354
You're my brother.
184
00:11:27,422 --> 00:11:28,856
You're supposed to
be on my side,
185
00:11:28,924 --> 00:11:30,390
and you're such
a bastard to me.
186
00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:32,009
How am I a bastard?!
187
00:11:32,077 --> 00:11:33,777
Oh, you want the full story?
188
00:11:33,845 --> 00:11:35,512
Meg, please.
Not now, Mom.
189
00:11:36,915 --> 00:11:39,016
I think Brian's getting
a little water in there.
190
00:11:39,084 --> 00:11:42,152
Chris, you treat me like you hate
me, and I don't know why.
191
00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:44,288
You say hurtful things
to me constantly.
192
00:11:44,372 --> 00:11:46,540
Do you have any idea
what that feels like?
193
00:11:46,608 --> 00:11:48,242
What if I said
those things to you?
194
00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:50,678
What if I started calling
you a fat, zitty loser,
195
00:11:50,745 --> 00:11:52,212
who has no friends
196
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,648
and smells like an old woman
who has birds for pets?
197
00:11:54,716 --> 00:11:56,550
Still drinkin'.
198
00:11:56,618 --> 00:11:58,018
Is it too much to ask
199
00:11:58,086 --> 00:12:00,454
to be treated with a little
decency from my brother?
200
00:12:00,522 --> 00:12:03,223
Maybe show me some
kind of kindness by not jumping
201
00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:05,559
on the "Let's get Meg"
family bandwagon?
202
00:12:07,329 --> 00:12:08,495
Aw.
203
00:12:08,563 --> 00:12:10,147
Alright, Meg,
that's enough.
204
00:12:10,231 --> 00:12:12,283
You've had your little
dramatic outburst.
205
00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:16,036
Hey, I got an idea, Mom.
206
00:12:16,104 --> 00:12:17,955
How about we talk about
Chris' mother? Huh?
207
00:12:18,039 --> 00:12:19,907
Why don't we talk about you?
208
00:12:19,975 --> 00:12:21,492
Oh, for God's sake.
209
00:12:21,576 --> 00:12:23,610
Look, let's not turn this
into some big thing, okay?
210
00:12:24,796 --> 00:12:27,214
Oh... Oh...
211
00:12:27,281 --> 00:12:29,383
Oh, God, that feels
so much better.
212
00:12:29,451 --> 00:12:31,385
You know, Brian,
you may be a dog,
213
00:12:31,453 --> 00:12:33,420
but you're a
pretty cool cat.
214
00:12:33,488 --> 00:12:34,622
♪ Stewie just said that! ♪
215
00:12:34,689 --> 00:12:35,756
Take it home with ya!
216
00:12:36,992 --> 00:12:38,792
Hey...
217
00:12:38,843 --> 00:12:40,811
Hey, everyone.
218
00:12:40,879 --> 00:12:43,097
I'm sensing a lot
of negativity here.
219
00:12:43,164 --> 00:12:44,431
What's going on?
220
00:12:44,482 --> 00:12:46,934
Yes. You're right,
Brian. There is.
221
00:12:46,985 --> 00:12:49,236
Meg seems to think she's
taking some kind of stand here
222
00:12:49,303 --> 00:12:50,988
that's gonna make us all
feel like we're inadequate.
223
00:12:51,056 --> 00:12:53,290
My God, you're condescending.
224
00:12:53,358 --> 00:12:55,826
Geez, look at those two.
They're goin' at each other
225
00:12:55,910 --> 00:12:57,611
like an Italian guy
and a black woman.
226
00:13:00,281 --> 00:13:02,249
Hey, you can't park here!
227
00:13:02,316 --> 00:13:04,134
Excuse me?
228
00:13:04,202 --> 00:13:06,053
Having been officially
challenged by her
229
00:13:06,121 --> 00:13:08,739
natural enemy, the black female
prepares for combat
230
00:13:08,807 --> 00:13:10,758
by taking off her many rings.
231
00:13:10,825 --> 00:13:13,794
Meanwhile, the Italian male
looks around to make sure
232
00:13:13,845 --> 00:13:15,629
the other Italian
males are indeed
233
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,215
seeing what he is seeing.
234
00:13:18,299 --> 00:13:21,001
Sensing the impending
battle, a flock of Jews
235
00:13:21,052 --> 00:13:23,937
flies quickly away,
as avoiding confrontation
236
00:13:24,005 --> 00:13:25,889
is their best
chance for survival.
237
00:13:25,974 --> 00:13:27,725
♪ ♪
238
00:13:31,579 --> 00:13:34,048
Look, the bottom line here,
Meg, is that you're just
239
00:13:34,115 --> 00:13:36,349
taking your own problems
out on everyone else.
240
00:13:36,401 --> 00:13:37,868
Oh, my problems?
241
00:13:37,952 --> 00:13:39,186
Oh, I see.
242
00:13:39,237 --> 00:13:41,572
Is this coming from
my role model mother?
243
00:13:41,656 --> 00:13:43,073
The shoplifter,
the drug addict,
244
00:13:43,158 --> 00:13:45,459
the porn star, the whore
who let Gene Simmons
245
00:13:45,526 --> 00:13:46,994
and Bill Clinton
go to town on her?
246
00:13:47,045 --> 00:13:48,712
Oh, so what?
247
00:13:48,797 --> 00:13:50,831
All those things
are behind me now.
248
00:13:50,882 --> 00:13:53,667
I'm a better person now
because of those experiences.
249
00:13:53,718 --> 00:13:55,753
Are you?
Are you a better person?
250
00:13:55,837 --> 00:13:58,088
What's your point, Meg?
My point is that with
251
00:13:58,173 --> 00:13:59,873
all the irresponsible, reckless,
252
00:13:59,924 --> 00:14:02,810
idiotic behavior in
your past, that somehow,
253
00:14:02,877 --> 00:14:07,481
somehow you have the nerve,
the arrogance to consistently
254
00:14:07,548 --> 00:14:09,883
and ruthlessly point
out my shortcomings.
255
00:14:09,934 --> 00:14:11,602
Alright, well, fine, okay?
256
00:14:11,686 --> 00:14:13,604
I'm not the perfect mother.
Who is?
257
00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:16,223
Oh, not only are you
not the perfect mother.
258
00:14:16,274 --> 00:14:18,275
You're the farthest thing from.
259
00:14:18,359 --> 00:14:21,895
From the moment you gave birth
to me, I had to trust you.
260
00:14:21,946 --> 00:14:23,897
I had no choice.
261
00:14:23,948 --> 00:14:25,833
I needed you to protect
me from the world.
262
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:28,619
To... to be my guide, to help
me navigate the difficult,
263
00:14:28,703 --> 00:14:32,372
confusing, and vulnerable
journey to becoming a person.
264
00:14:32,424 --> 00:14:34,708
You have done none
of those things.
265
00:14:34,759 --> 00:14:37,845
You're my mother, and you
took a child's trust
266
00:14:37,912 --> 00:14:41,381
and smashed it into bits in
a 17-year-long mission
267
00:14:41,433 --> 00:14:44,351
to destroy something that
you killed a long time ago.
268
00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:46,687
And honestly, when
I turn 18...
269
00:14:46,754 --> 00:14:48,939
I-I don't know that I ever
want to see you again.
270
00:14:54,446 --> 00:14:56,313
Oh wow, everybody's
already tweeting
271
00:14:56,397 --> 00:14:57,564
"Stewie Just Said That."
272
00:14:57,632 --> 00:15:00,267
You're right.
273
00:15:00,318 --> 00:15:02,002
You're right. I'm
a terrible mother.
274
00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:04,037
I'm so sorry.
275
00:15:04,105 --> 00:15:06,323
I'm so, so sorry, Meg.
276
00:15:06,407 --> 00:15:08,575
Can you ever forgive me?
277
00:15:08,643 --> 00:15:10,544
Oh, God.
278
00:15:12,881 --> 00:15:14,915
And you never let Dad
stir the paint anymore,
279
00:15:14,966 --> 00:15:16,300
whatever that means.
280
00:15:16,384 --> 00:15:17,584
I didn't know you
knew that, Meg,
281
00:15:17,635 --> 00:15:18,619
but I'm glad
you brought it up.
282
00:15:24,688 --> 00:15:27,230
Oh, Meg, I don't
know what to say.
283
00:15:27,231 --> 00:15:30,462
All of those things you
said about me are true.
284
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,298
I have been a very
bad mother to you.
285
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,351
I have no excuse.
286
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,770
I just have this horrible,
overwhelming desire
287
00:15:37,821 --> 00:15:39,304
to point out faults in you.
288
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,473
I don't know
where it comes from.
289
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,642
Maybe it's because
I'm self-conscious
290
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,861
about being a bad parent.
291
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,146
I'm just, I'm so disgusted
with my behavior.
292
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,882
And I'm so sorry, Meg.
293
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,317
Yeah, you're a bitch.
294
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,270
Well, you know, I, I been sorta
just hangin' back here,
295
00:15:54,337 --> 00:15:55,838
takin' all this in,
'cause I didn't think
296
00:15:55,906 --> 00:15:57,506
I had a dog in this fight,
297
00:15:57,574 --> 00:15:59,141
but my money's on
Harry Potter over there.
298
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,159
Oh, you think
that's funny, fat ass?
299
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:02,211
Well, I don't know
if it's funny.
300
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,662
I-I think it's clever.
301
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:05,998
I mean, y-y-you got
the big glasses there...
302
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,184
I-I-I don't know. T-T-Tell me,
tell me what's on your mind.
303
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,603
Oh, I'll tell you,
Mister Selfish-ass Dad.
304
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,639
Hey. That's "Mister
Mister selfish-ass Dad"
305
00:16:13,690 --> 00:16:14,590
to you, young lady.
306
00:16:14,658 --> 00:16:16,508
Oh God, is she gonna do me next?
307
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,561
You are completely selfish,
308
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,696
and totally irresponsible
as a father.
309
00:16:20,764 --> 00:16:23,632
All right, I see what's
goin' on here.
310
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,017
You're in love
with your old man.
311
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:28,270
You have no education,
you have no interests,
312
00:16:28,338 --> 00:16:30,689
you just do whatever
reckless thing you want to do
313
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:34,126
whenever you want to do it
without regard for anyone else.
314
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:37,713
Oh, oh, and when you're not
terrorizing the community
315
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:39,298
with your impulsive escapades,
316
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,784
you're being a total
jerk to your family.
317
00:16:41,851 --> 00:16:45,421
You shove your daughter's face
in your ass and you fart on it.
318
00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:47,323
If someone
in the outside world
319
00:16:47,390 --> 00:16:50,509
could see the way you treat
me, you would be in jail!
320
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:53,379
Oh, ha ha. Oh, this
is amusing to you.
321
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,281
Well, see if you
find this funny.
322
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,016
I like where this is going.
323
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:59,318
You are a fat,
lazy, abusive,
324
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,186
blue-collar
Irish Catholic dad
325
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,022
who drinks way too much
326
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:05,407
and barely makes enough
money to support his family.
327
00:17:05,475 --> 00:17:06,842
You've lived half your life,
328
00:17:06,910 --> 00:17:09,878
and you have nothing
to show for it.
329
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,948
Your only arguable
accomplishments are your kids,
330
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:16,201
and look at us; we're a disaster.
Eh, watch it.
331
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:19,054
You're a total and
complete embarrassment
332
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:21,190
in every possible way.
333
00:17:21,224 --> 00:17:23,559
Take a good look at yourself,
Peter Griffin.
334
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,678
You're a waste of a man.
335
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:29,548
Wait a second,
these are criticisms.
336
00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:31,016
Hey, Lois, tell her
to knock it off.
337
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,602
Oh, and where the hell were you
when she was laying into me?
338
00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:35,471
I was thinking about
getting a fancy cane.
339
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,373
Maybe getting more
attention from strangers.
340
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,175
Have either of you guys
been listening to me?
341
00:17:40,243 --> 00:17:42,828
Do you both just have
your heads up your asses?
342
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,564
Dad did! Look, he's got
crap on his ears!
343
00:17:45,615 --> 00:17:46,649
That's unrelated.
344
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:47,933
Chris, I don't like
that language.
345
00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:49,735
Well, I don't like your cooking.
346
00:17:49,786 --> 00:17:51,620
Well, I don't like having
to literally empty
347
00:17:51,705 --> 00:17:53,989
the farts out of your pockets
whenever I do your laundry.
348
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,491
You're the one
who's always cookin'
349
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,293
Brussels sprouts
and broccoli.
350
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,945
It's like an Irish
bar fight down there.
351
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,447
You're from one town over,
so I hate your guts.
352
00:18:05,719 --> 00:18:08,453
Why don't we ever
get any good food?!
353
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,255
Yeah, Bonnie gives
Joe Wonder Bread.
354
00:18:10,307 --> 00:18:12,091
Well, then go live
at Bonnie's house.
355
00:18:12,142 --> 00:18:13,509
Then I could
finally sleep in
356
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,095
and not have to answer your
stupid questions at 5:00 a.m.
357
00:18:16,146 --> 00:18:18,263
My curiosity peaks
in the morning!
358
00:18:18,315 --> 00:18:19,648
You eat all my
Dannon yogurts!
359
00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:21,150
I don't see your
name on 'em!
360
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,235
You don't even like them!
But you know I do,
361
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,937
and you don't want
me to have them!
362
00:18:25,005 --> 00:18:26,572
You know, I've never
confronted you on it,
363
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,240
but I've often thought
the same thing, Peter.
364
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,275
Yeah, that's exactly
what he does!
365
00:18:30,327 --> 00:18:32,194
'Cause he's a selfish,
fat idiot!
366
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:33,462
You shut up,
all of yous!
367
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,250
I didn't ask to
be in this family!
368
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:41,570
Ugh, I'll go get him.
369
00:18:41,671 --> 00:18:43,856
Peter? You
come back here!
370
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,642
I faked all my orgasms!
371
00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:52,147
Hey.
372
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:55,217
What's goin' on?
373
00:18:55,285 --> 00:18:57,903
You know, that was, uh,
that was pretty cool
374
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,455
the way you finally
stood up to everybody.
375
00:18:59,522 --> 00:19:01,523
I don't know, Brian.
376
00:19:01,591 --> 00:19:03,592
I mean, I, I meant
every word of it, but...
377
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:06,295
you saw what happened.
What do you mean?
378
00:19:06,363 --> 00:19:08,764
They all turned on each other
like a pack of wolves.
379
00:19:08,832 --> 00:19:10,799
Well, so what? That's
not your problem.
380
00:19:10,867 --> 00:19:13,168
Do you think it's
possible that...
381
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,404
that this family can't
survive without some sort of
382
00:19:15,472 --> 00:19:17,523
lightning rod to absorb
all the dysfunction?
383
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,024
Well, that's a...
384
00:19:19,092 --> 00:19:20,709
that's a theory, I guess.
385
00:19:20,777 --> 00:19:24,346
I mean, it-- it's not ideal,
but it's an important piece
386
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:27,649
that maybe it's just my
lot in life to provide.
387
00:19:27,717 --> 00:19:30,853
Maybe if I feel bad,
they don't have to.
388
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,955
Wow.
389
00:19:33,022 --> 00:19:35,340
You know, that's incredibly
noble and mature, Meg.
390
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,009
You know, I think you might be
391
00:19:37,077 --> 00:19:38,710
the strongest person
in this house.
392
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,079
You mean that, Brian?
393
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,113
Absolutely.
394
00:19:45,335 --> 00:19:47,035
Mom? Dad?
395
00:19:51,207 --> 00:19:52,591
Dad?
Go away!
396
00:19:52,659 --> 00:19:54,326
Dad, come out of there.
397
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:58,130
No! I don't deserve no better
than livin' with the shoes!
398
00:19:58,198 --> 00:19:59,798
Peter, there you are.
399
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,667
You guys, I have
something to say.
400
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,753
You're right.
It's all my fault.
401
00:20:04,821 --> 00:20:07,256
What?
Mom, you're an amazing mother
402
00:20:07,323 --> 00:20:09,792
and all the things I said
about you were out of anger,
403
00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:11,710
and I didn't mean any of them.
404
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:14,613
Chris, you're an
outstanding brother.
405
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:18,600
What I said about you was more
about me being a rotten sister.
406
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:22,354
And Dad, I'm so sorry that
I made you feel this way.
407
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:23,872
You don't deserve it.
408
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:25,874
None of you have
done anything wrong.
409
00:20:25,942 --> 00:20:28,127
I took all my problems
out on you guys,
410
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:29,995
and that wasn't fair.
411
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:33,298
Oh, so this was all about you,
it wasn't about us.
412
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,466
Yeah.
413
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:35,868
Alright, that makes sense.
414
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,303
See, I thought it was
weird that I was a bad dad.
415
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,205
Meg, how could you put
us all through that?
416
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,807
I'm sorry, you guys.
417
00:20:41,875 --> 00:20:43,809
You're a (bleep) bitch!
418
00:20:43,877 --> 00:20:44,943
Yes.
419
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:45,894
Yes, I am.
420
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:54,933
Hi, I'm Stewie Griffin.
Tonight's Family Guy
421
00:20:54,934 --> 00:20:57,168
was a very special episode
about drug use.
422
00:20:57,549 --> 00:21:00,360
But the simple fact is,
it's no laughing matter.
423
00:21:00,644 --> 00:21:03,522
To learn more about drugs,
visit your local library.
424
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,621
There's probably a guy behind
there who sells drugs.
425
00:21:06,945 --> 00:21:09,230
Good night.
426
00:21:09,298 --> 00:21:13,298
== sync, corrected by elderman ==