1
00:00:01,028 --> 00:00:04,368
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,388 --> 00:00:07,823
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,891 --> 00:00:11,611
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,695 --> 00:00:14,580
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,665 --> 00:00:18,067
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:21,454
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,039
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,406
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,931
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:26,956 --> 00:00:29,956
♪ Family Guy 10x07 ♪
Amish Guy
Original Air Date on November 27, 2011
11
00:00:29,957 --> 00:00:32,957
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,069
There it is,
you guys.
13
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,505
The best roller coaster
in all of Quahog.
14
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:42,742
The League of Extraordinary
Gentlemen: The Ride.
15
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:44,810
You know, I think they kind
of figured that movie
16
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,200
was going to turn out
to be bigger than it was.
17
00:00:46,225 --> 00:00:47,768
Oh, come on Lois,
it'll be awesome.
18
00:00:47,793 --> 00:00:49,245
It simulates all the fun of...
19
00:00:49,246 --> 00:00:51,446
of, um...
w-what was it now?
20
00:00:51,448 --> 00:00:53,883
It was like a... like a
tall guy in a black hat
21
00:00:53,951 --> 00:00:55,125
and a cape or something?
22
00:00:55,126 --> 00:00:56,227
Yeah, yeah, and there
was the guy
23
00:00:56,235 --> 00:00:58,126
with the
mask who wore a mask.
24
00:00:58,422 --> 00:00:59,789
And one guy
had an umbrella.
25
00:00:59,857 --> 00:01:01,825
Yeah, and I believe he
opened it at one point.
26
00:01:01,892 --> 00:01:03,460
Yeah, and it
wasn't overly long.
27
00:01:03,527 --> 00:01:04,928
Yeah, not-not
overly long.
28
00:01:04,996 --> 00:01:08,098
Sorry, sir, there's a weight
limit on this coaster.
29
00:01:08,165 --> 00:01:09,699
Oh, really,
what's the limit?
30
00:01:09,767 --> 00:01:11,234
The rule is you can't
look hilarious
31
00:01:11,302 --> 00:01:13,136
on this motor scooter.
32
00:01:16,090 --> 00:01:17,457
I'm sorry, there's
just no way.
33
00:01:22,213 --> 00:01:24,414
Big news out of Six Flags
Columbus today,
34
00:01:24,482 --> 00:01:25,982
as they unveil
what promises to be
35
00:01:26,050 --> 00:01:28,385
the largest roller coaster
in the United States.
36
00:01:28,452 --> 00:01:29,419
That's right, Joyce.
37
00:01:29,487 --> 00:01:31,121
They call it The Holocaust.
38
00:01:31,188 --> 00:01:33,156
The ride has several
Jewish groups up in arms...
39
00:01:33,224 --> 00:01:35,091
as they go over
the first rise.
40
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:37,093
No, I'm-I'm kidding.
41
00:01:37,161 --> 00:01:38,695
They're actually pretty upset.
44
00:01:41,115 --> 00:01:42,866
but I never believed it
till right now.
45
00:01:42,933 --> 00:01:44,784
I have to ride
that ride.
46
00:01:44,852 --> 00:01:46,686
Peter, come on, they're not
going to let you that ride either.
47
00:01:46,754 --> 00:01:48,054
You're overweight.
48
00:01:48,122 --> 00:01:49,489
Yeah, if you want to
ride that roller coaster,
49
00:01:49,557 --> 00:01:51,441
you're going to have
to go on a diet.
50
00:01:51,509 --> 00:01:52,642
A diet, huh?
51
00:01:52,710 --> 00:01:53,743
All right, well,
how's that work?
52
00:01:53,811 --> 00:01:55,128
Well, I suppose
you can start
53
00:01:55,196 --> 00:01:56,329
by keeping a
food journal,
54
00:01:56,397 --> 00:01:57,597
like Quagmire does.
55
00:01:57,665 --> 00:01:59,149
Yeah, in fact,
I got it right here.
56
00:01:59,216 --> 00:02:01,518
"Today I ate peaches...
ginger...
57
00:02:01,585 --> 00:02:03,420
honey... candy... olive..."
You know what?
58
00:02:03,487 --> 00:02:04,988
This is the wrong list.
59
00:02:05,056 --> 00:02:07,357
All right, if that's what it
takes to ride that ride,
60
00:02:07,425 --> 00:02:09,375
I am going on a diet.
61
00:02:09,443 --> 00:02:11,077
And I'm not stopping
till I look as good as my
62
00:02:11,145 --> 00:02:13,329
great Aunt "Legs-Go-All-The-
Way-Up" Griffin.
63
00:02:13,397 --> 00:02:16,666
Hey, baby, do those legs
go all the way up?
64
00:02:16,734 --> 00:02:18,852
Why, yes, they do.
65
00:02:18,919 --> 00:02:21,037
Oh, my God!
You're a monster!
66
00:02:21,088 --> 00:02:22,255
Come back.
67
00:02:22,339 --> 00:02:24,090
My legs are shaved
like a little girl.
68
00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:29,462
Hey, what do you
got there, Peter?
69
00:02:29,530 --> 00:02:30,680
Rice cakes.
70
00:02:30,748 --> 00:02:32,065
Never had one, but
somebody told me
71
00:02:32,133 --> 00:02:34,050
this is a really good
way to start your diet.
72
00:02:48,649 --> 00:02:50,033
Who...
73
00:02:50,101 --> 00:02:52,302
who could think of such
a horrible thing?!
74
00:02:54,071 --> 00:02:56,022
We know you not like
rice cake.
75
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:58,725
♪ Ricey, ricey rice,
no one like rice cakes. ♪
76
00:03:02,396 --> 00:03:04,013
All right, Peter, the
most important thing
77
00:03:04,081 --> 00:03:05,682
when you're on a diet
is willpower.
78
00:03:05,749 --> 00:03:07,450
Now I'm going to put
this steaming pie
79
00:03:07,501 --> 00:03:09,285
on the windowsill to cool.
80
00:03:09,336 --> 00:03:11,054
Now no matter how many
beckoning fingers
81
00:03:11,121 --> 00:03:13,289
that steam morphs into
or how badly it tries
82
00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:16,759
to sneak its way up your nose,
I want you to resist the urge
83
00:03:16,811 --> 00:03:18,294
to levitate
off the ground
84
00:03:18,345 --> 00:03:19,429
and float towards the pie.
85
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,763
Doesn't seem too hard.
86
00:03:20,815 --> 00:03:23,266
All right, go
stand over there.
87
00:03:26,821 --> 00:03:29,522
No, you don't.
88
00:03:30,774 --> 00:03:34,611
No, no,
you can't go in there.
89
00:03:34,662 --> 00:03:36,812
No, no, stay out of there.
That's my special area!
90
00:03:38,032 --> 00:03:39,983
No, stop!
91
00:03:40,050 --> 00:03:41,317
I'm saying no!
92
00:03:42,503 --> 00:03:44,220
What kind of pie is this?!
93
00:03:44,288 --> 00:03:46,956
Peter, it's making me watch!
94
00:03:50,327 --> 00:03:52,946
Peter, I don't understand why
we have to drive all the way
95
00:03:53,013 --> 00:03:55,048
to Ohio to ride a
stupid roller coaster.
96
00:03:55,132 --> 00:03:57,217
Yeah, besides, they're still
not going to let you on.
97
00:03:57,284 --> 00:03:58,968
You haven't actually
lost any weight.
98
00:03:59,019 --> 00:04:01,955
Oh, I think my lithe figure
would suggest otherwise.
99
00:04:02,022 --> 00:04:04,023
A girdle is not a substitute
for weight loss, Peter.
100
00:04:04,108 --> 00:04:05,225
Hey, I'm riding
that roller coaster,
101
00:04:05,292 --> 00:04:06,693
and that's all
there is to it.
102
00:04:06,777 --> 00:04:07,994
Now let's get out of here.
103
00:04:08,062 --> 00:04:09,495
This thing's squishing
all my organs around.
104
00:04:15,786 --> 00:04:18,521
There it is, kids.
Columbus, Ohio.
105
00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:20,123
Now remember, there
are no rules
106
00:04:20,191 --> 00:04:21,991
about who can wear
stretch pants here,
107
00:04:22,059 --> 00:04:23,960
so you're going to see
some pretty shocking things.
108
00:04:24,027 --> 00:04:26,663
Brian, is this
our vacation?
109
00:04:26,714 --> 00:04:27,964
Yeah.
110
00:04:28,031 --> 00:04:29,532
Oh.
111
00:04:29,583 --> 00:04:31,301
Are we trash?
112
00:04:31,368 --> 00:04:32,468
Kind of.
113
00:04:32,536 --> 00:04:33,503
Oh.
114
00:04:39,827 --> 00:04:41,811
I'm sorry, sir. You're too fat
to ride the coaster.
115
00:04:41,879 --> 00:04:43,346
Aw, darn it.
116
00:04:43,414 --> 00:04:45,215
Yeah, why don't you go back
to your pond, hippo?
117
00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:47,650
How about me, sir?
118
00:04:47,718 --> 00:04:49,319
Am I too fat to ride?
119
00:04:49,386 --> 00:04:50,520
No, you don't seem to be.
120
00:04:53,390 --> 00:04:55,225
Well, you got
to hand it to him.
121
00:04:55,292 --> 00:04:57,126
He had a dream
and he made it happen.
122
00:04:57,194 --> 00:04:58,328
That's what
the Wright Brothers did.
123
00:04:58,395 --> 00:05:01,164
So, how's your boyfriend,
Orville, doing?
124
00:05:01,232 --> 00:05:02,699
Ex-boyfriend,
if you don't mind.
125
00:05:02,766 --> 00:05:04,500
And who cares?
126
00:05:04,568 --> 00:05:06,202
He's probably off
in a barn somewhere
127
00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:08,238
working on a contraption
with that weird brother of his.
128
00:05:08,305 --> 00:05:09,422
Ew.
129
00:05:11,408 --> 00:05:13,960
Ha-ha, bitch.
130
00:05:14,044 --> 00:05:15,878
You're so pretty. I miss you.
131
00:05:27,992 --> 00:05:30,493
Well, this has given me
a lot to think about.
132
00:05:30,561 --> 00:05:33,029
My son is dead!
133
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:39,619
We are going to have
to send that family money.
134
00:05:39,703 --> 00:05:40,770
I know we are.
135
00:05:40,821 --> 00:05:42,121
Mom, I'm hungry.
136
00:05:42,206 --> 00:05:43,773
Can we stop
and get some food?
137
00:05:43,824 --> 00:05:45,541
Well, I guess it is
close to dinnertime.
138
00:05:45,609 --> 00:05:46,609
Chris, Stewie,
you hungry?
139
00:05:50,831 --> 00:05:52,298
What are you looking at?
140
00:05:52,383 --> 00:05:53,750
You going to propose?
141
00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:55,351
What?
Yeah, exactly.
142
00:05:55,419 --> 00:05:56,753
"What?" Eyes front.
143
00:05:58,055 --> 00:05:58,988
What the hell?!
144
00:06:05,562 --> 00:06:07,897
Looks like it's the radiator.
145
00:06:07,965 --> 00:06:10,416
Well, we're just going to have
to find a local mechanic.
146
00:06:10,484 --> 00:06:12,101
On a Friday evening?
147
00:06:12,152 --> 00:06:13,536
I don't think we're going to
have any luck till Monday.
148
00:06:13,604 --> 00:06:16,139
Besides, probably not a lot
of mechanics around here.
149
00:06:20,678 --> 00:06:23,096
So, we're stuck here?
150
00:06:23,163 --> 00:06:24,781
Hey, Lois, you see
that barn out there?
151
00:06:24,848 --> 00:06:26,215
You know who
it was built by?
152
00:06:26,283 --> 00:06:27,817
♪ By... Mennonites. ♪
153
00:06:27,885 --> 00:06:30,787
Well, I guess we better see if
there's a hotel or something.
154
00:06:30,854 --> 00:06:33,089
I can't believe we're
stuck in Amish country.
155
00:06:33,157 --> 00:06:34,590
Yeah, I thought
something was "a-mish."
156
00:06:46,311 --> 00:06:47,640
Hey, uh, excuse me, fella?
157
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,208
Yeah, we're looking for a room.
158
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,110
Are ye indeed, outsiders?
159
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,846
We do not see many of
your folk in these parts,
160
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,349
but we welcome all of God's
children in their hour of need.
161
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,935
Well, actually, I think we need
it for more than an hour.
162
00:06:59,003 --> 00:07:01,104
Or do we, right, Lois?
163
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,506
I-I do not last very long.
164
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,029
Ugh, creepy. What's this?
165
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,681
It's an Amish doll.
166
00:07:11,749 --> 00:07:13,032
They're not allowed
to have faces.
167
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,400
Has something to
do with vanity.
168
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:16,019
Looks like a cross-dressing
Cobra Commander.
169
00:07:16,086 --> 00:07:17,553
Who?
170
00:07:17,621 --> 00:07:19,155
Cobra Commander.
He's the head of Cobra.
171
00:07:19,223 --> 00:07:20,890
The bad guys from G.I. Joe.
172
00:07:20,958 --> 00:07:22,659
The guys who oddly
shout the name
173
00:07:22,726 --> 00:07:25,728
of their terrorist organization
as they're attacking.
174
00:07:25,796 --> 00:07:28,064
Guys, we're under attack.
By who?
175
00:07:28,132 --> 00:07:29,032
I don't know.
176
00:07:33,737 --> 00:07:36,356
Cobra!
177
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:37,557
Oh, it's Cobra.
178
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,125
Oh, of course.
179
00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:41,277
Look, they have the pictures
of the snakes on their planes.
180
00:07:41,345 --> 00:07:42,879
Duke, what have I been
saying for years?
181
00:07:42,946 --> 00:07:44,981
What makes a good
terrorist organization?
182
00:07:45,049 --> 00:07:46,983
Brand recognition.
Brand recognition.
183
00:07:47,051 --> 00:07:49,035
Mom, I can't stay here.
184
00:07:49,103 --> 00:07:51,637
There's no electricity, no
telephones, it's horrible.
185
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:52,939
Excuse me.
186
00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:55,591
I assure you,
our community is quite pleasant.
187
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,577
Perhaps I could
show thee around.
188
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,245
Okay.
189
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,546
My name is Eli.
190
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,181
My parents run the inn.
191
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,917
If there is anything we can do
to make your room more plain,
192
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,185
do not be afraid to ask.
193
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,537
Ah, we'll be all right.
194
00:08:07,604 --> 00:08:09,238
A hotel in Amish country
can't be any worse
195
00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:10,740
than staying in a youth hostel.
196
00:08:10,808 --> 00:08:12,091
Hi, I'd like a room.
197
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,993
Uh, preferably one
where I have to sleep
198
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,795
with my bag
taped to my body.
199
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,364
We have one where some Italian
backpackers have laid out
200
00:08:18,432 --> 00:08:20,199
every item of clothing
they own on all of the beds.
201
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,467
Oh, perfect.
202
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,486
Will my bunkmates be
constantly talking about me
203
00:08:23,554 --> 00:08:24,587
in a foreign language?
204
00:08:24,655 --> 00:08:26,322
Yes, they will, sir.
Oh, great.
205
00:08:26,390 --> 00:08:28,191
Uh, also, I'm going to have
some mail delivered here,
206
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,693
and I want it to sit in
that box for four years.
207
00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:32,462
Oh, and what street
is the bathroom on?
208
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,433
So, what do you do
for fun around here?
209
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:40,269
We do chores and we watch
other people do chores.
210
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,587
Sounds kind of boring.
211
00:08:41,638 --> 00:08:43,940
Alas, there are times
when I feel as if
212
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,558
there is much of life
I am missing.
213
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,094
Yeah, it'd be tough
having no technology.
214
00:08:48,145 --> 00:08:49,612
I don't think I could
live without my iPhone.
215
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,263
You have an iPhone?
216
00:08:51,315 --> 00:08:52,765
Yeah. You've heard of it?
217
00:08:52,816 --> 00:08:54,984
Yes, but only because
people sometimes search
218
00:08:55,052 --> 00:08:56,769
for Amish farms
on their iPhones.
219
00:08:56,820 --> 00:08:57,987
Here comes one now.
220
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,399
Thanks for a fun evening, Eli.
221
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,902
And-and thanks
for being so nice to me.
222
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,796
I think you are the
most fascinating girl
223
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,021
I have ever met, Meg.
224
00:09:18,509 --> 00:09:21,544
Here. I want you
to have this.
225
00:09:21,612 --> 00:09:23,045
Your iPhone?
226
00:09:23,113 --> 00:09:24,380
Yeah.
227
00:09:24,448 --> 00:09:27,467
I made you a playlist
of songs that I like.
228
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,218
Who is this I am hearing?
229
00:09:29,286 --> 00:09:30,453
It's Avril Lavigne.
230
00:09:30,521 --> 00:09:31,871
Why does she shout at me?
231
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,239
I don't know.
232
00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:35,508
Most of my music I just
get pressured to buy.
233
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,076
Thank you for
this gift, Meg.
234
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:46,936
Eli! What are you doing
with that outsider?
235
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,938
Her name is Meg, Father.
236
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:50,506
And I was just showing her
our community.
237
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:51,958
You stay away from her.
238
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,192
She will try
to corrupt you.
239
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,694
That is not true, Father.
240
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:55,862
Meg is wonderful.
241
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,814
She is an outsider.
242
00:09:57,881 --> 00:09:59,665
She does not follow
the one true path.
243
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:01,717
You are not to see
this girl again.
244
00:10:01,785 --> 00:10:03,653
Do you understand?
I forbid it.
245
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,972
Yes, sir.
246
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:09,008
Now come home at once.
247
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:12,028
And, as for you,
248
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:15,398
I suggest you stay away
from my son, you harlot.
249
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:24,857
Hey, there, young one,
why so sad?
250
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,460
It's just that I really like
this boy, but his dad...
251
00:10:27,528 --> 00:10:28,528
Oh, look out.
252
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,963
Sorry, there.
253
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,248
Didn't realize
how long it'd been
254
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,267
since Ol' Dumper
did his business.
255
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,935
He'll be done soon enough.
256
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,937
Oh, maybe not.
257
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,072
Doesn't sound
like pooping, does it?
258
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,774
Sounds more like someone
259
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,876
dropping sandwiches
off a rooftop.
260
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,578
Watch out below, right?
261
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:47,213
Look like Hacky Sacks.
262
00:10:47,281 --> 00:10:49,415
You'll be sorry
if you kick 'em, though.
263
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:52,218
All righty, well he seems
to be all done now.
264
00:10:52,286 --> 00:10:53,386
You have a good evening...
265
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:54,720
Oh, my goodness.
266
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,522
He must have gotten into
the chicken feed again.
267
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,124
You'd think they'd know
268
00:10:58,192 --> 00:11:01,027
it wasn't in their diet,
but this is how they find out.
269
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,795
You may want
to close your mouth.
270
00:11:12,535 --> 00:11:14,252
Meg, what's wrong?
271
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:15,954
Eli's father,
Ezekiel, said
272
00:11:16,022 --> 00:11:18,607
that I can't see him
anymore!
273
00:11:18,674 --> 00:11:21,243
He said I was trying
to corrupt his son!
274
00:11:21,310 --> 00:11:22,661
He did, did he?
275
00:11:22,729 --> 00:11:23,845
Well, that does it!
276
00:11:23,913 --> 00:11:26,048
We are gonna teach
this town how to dance!
277
00:11:26,115 --> 00:11:28,200
Oh, Meg, I'm so sorry.
278
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:30,268
I'd try to talk to Eli's father
for you, honey,
279
00:11:30,336 --> 00:11:32,070
but I don't know
if it's my place.
280
00:11:32,138 --> 00:11:33,455
Ezekiel wouldn't listen
to you anyway, Lois.
281
00:11:33,523 --> 00:11:34,723
You're a woman.
282
00:11:34,791 --> 00:11:36,725
These people live in
a patriarchal society.
283
00:11:36,793 --> 00:11:39,261
The only member of our family
whose word would carry
284
00:11:39,328 --> 00:11:40,996
any weight
would be Meg's father.
285
00:11:41,064 --> 00:11:43,732
Dad, will you talk
to Ezekiel?
286
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,016
Will you tell him
287
00:11:45,084 --> 00:11:46,585
I'm not trying to
corrupt his son?
288
00:11:46,652 --> 00:11:47,619
Please?
289
00:11:47,687 --> 00:11:48,987
All right, I'll do it.
290
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:50,756
But don't expect
any miracles.
291
00:11:50,823 --> 00:11:51,923
I'm not good
with confrontation.
292
00:11:51,991 --> 00:11:53,325
Like when I got stuck
293
00:11:53,392 --> 00:11:54,793
behind that giraffe
at the ballgame.
294
00:11:54,861 --> 00:11:56,394
Yeah! Nice hit!
295
00:11:56,462 --> 00:11:57,896
Frozen rope!
Awesome!
296
00:11:57,964 --> 00:11:58,930
What just happened?
297
00:11:58,998 --> 00:12:00,499
Ground rule double! Whoo!
298
00:12:00,566 --> 00:12:01,733
I couldn't
even see it.
299
00:12:01,801 --> 00:12:03,001
Yeah, it was something.
300
00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:04,803
Ducks on a pond!
Let's bring 'em in!
301
00:12:04,871 --> 00:12:06,138
Could you please
sit down?
302
00:12:06,205 --> 00:12:07,773
I am sitting down.
You sit up.
303
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:08,874
I am sitting up,
304
00:12:08,941 --> 00:12:10,609
but I still can't see
a thing.
305
00:12:10,676 --> 00:12:11,843
Yeah, sounds
like a "you" problem.
306
00:12:11,911 --> 00:12:13,011
Let's go, Sox!
307
00:12:15,448 --> 00:12:16,648
Before we commence
308
00:12:16,716 --> 00:12:20,185
with Samuel Fisher's
barn raising, let us pray.
309
00:12:20,253 --> 00:12:21,586
Dear Amish Lord,
310
00:12:21,654 --> 00:12:25,056
thou looketh sternly down
upon us thine flock,
311
00:12:25,124 --> 00:12:27,259
even though we did not
do anything wrong
312
00:12:27,326 --> 00:12:30,862
and have been doing
chores like (bleep) crazy,
313
00:12:30,930 --> 00:12:33,865
please make us humble,
and deliver us more hardship,
314
00:12:33,933 --> 00:12:36,401
that we may get thick,
calloused hands,
315
00:12:36,469 --> 00:12:38,370
much larger
than other people's.
316
00:12:38,437 --> 00:12:41,173
And grant that we become dull,
like Eric Bana,
317
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,841
who we have never seen,
318
00:12:42,909 --> 00:12:44,342
but are just going
by reputation
319
00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:46,278
because it is your will.
320
00:12:46,345 --> 00:12:48,680
We solemnly believe
that although humans
321
00:12:48,748 --> 00:12:51,049
have been around
for a million years,
322
00:12:51,117 --> 00:12:52,651
you feel strongly
that they had
323
00:12:52,718 --> 00:12:54,586
just the right amount
of technology
324
00:12:54,654 --> 00:12:57,455
between 1835 and 1850;
325
00:12:57,523 --> 00:12:59,691
not too little,
not too much.
326
00:12:59,759 --> 00:13:01,693
Please deliver us
from Thomas Edison,
327
00:13:01,761 --> 00:13:04,196
the worst human being
who ever lived.
328
00:13:04,263 --> 00:13:06,131
And protect us
from those who laugh
329
00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:08,200
at our buggies or our hats
330
00:13:08,267 --> 00:13:10,168
and deliver us
from mustaches.
331
00:13:10,236 --> 00:13:12,220
Amen.
332
00:13:12,288 --> 00:13:13,438
Hey, uh, Ezekiel?
333
00:13:13,523 --> 00:13:15,323
You must be Mr. Griffin.
334
00:13:15,391 --> 00:13:18,393
Look, I-I know you guys are busy
with your barn raising and all,
335
00:13:18,461 --> 00:13:20,629
but, um, you know,
I just wanted to tell you
336
00:13:20,696 --> 00:13:22,664
how much my daughter Meg loves
your boy Eli.
337
00:13:22,732 --> 00:13:25,217
I promise you, she ain't trying
to corrupt him or nothing.
338
00:13:25,284 --> 00:13:26,902
Mr. Griffin,
with all due respect,
339
00:13:26,953 --> 00:13:28,453
we live in two
different worlds.
340
00:13:28,538 --> 00:13:31,656
I must do what is best
for my son... and I have.
341
00:13:31,724 --> 00:13:33,391
Hey, how do we know
what's gonna happen?
342
00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:35,393
For all we know,
Meg might want to Amish herself.
343
00:13:35,461 --> 00:13:37,696
I had not considered this.
344
00:13:37,763 --> 00:13:40,465
I was verily preoccupied
with Eli's corruption.
345
00:13:40,533 --> 00:13:42,484
Plus, it is the time
of the month
346
00:13:42,552 --> 00:13:44,119
when Eli's mother
is on the burlap.
347
00:13:44,187 --> 00:13:46,221
So whaddaya say,
let the kids give it a shot?
348
00:13:46,289 --> 00:13:48,089
Perhaps, Mr. Griffin.
Perhaps.
349
00:13:48,157 --> 00:13:49,290
Good.
350
00:13:49,342 --> 00:13:50,809
Now on another note,
I notice you don't have
351
00:13:50,877 --> 00:13:52,677
a damn lick of music
in this town.
352
00:13:52,745 --> 00:13:54,779
We do not believe in
such ostentations.
353
00:13:54,847 --> 00:13:57,983
Well, I am about
to change your mind.
354
00:13:58,050 --> 00:14:00,886
Introducing rock 'n' roll!
355
00:14:00,953 --> 00:14:02,220
♪ Whoo! ♪
356
00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:07,175
♪ I'm on a highway
to hell! ♪
357
00:14:07,243 --> 00:14:10,045
♪ Highway to hell! ♪
358
00:14:10,112 --> 00:14:11,496
♪ I'm on the high... ♪
359
00:14:11,564 --> 00:14:13,982
You are banished from
our community at once!
360
00:14:14,050 --> 00:14:16,051
And take your whore
daughter with you!
361
00:14:19,488 --> 00:14:20,755
How did it go, Dad?
362
00:14:20,823 --> 00:14:22,090
Very well, Meg.
363
00:14:22,158 --> 00:14:24,158
My recollection is that
it went extremely well.
364
00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:26,945
Really?! Oh, my God, Dad,
that's fantastic!
365
00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:28,546
So I-I can see Eli again?
366
00:14:28,614 --> 00:14:29,748
Griffins!
367
00:14:33,853 --> 00:14:35,704
What's going on here?
368
00:14:35,771 --> 00:14:37,339
Your family must leave
our community
369
00:14:37,406 --> 00:14:39,574
and return to the outside world.
370
00:14:39,642 --> 00:14:40,742
Dad, what's happening?
371
00:14:40,810 --> 00:14:42,244
I thought you talked to him.
372
00:14:42,311 --> 00:14:45,146
Sir, please, whatever your
quarrel is with my husband,
373
00:14:45,214 --> 00:14:46,681
I'm sure it's
probably justified,
374
00:14:46,749 --> 00:14:49,985
but I'm begging you, don't
punish the children for it.
375
00:14:50,052 --> 00:14:51,253
They're innocent in all this.
376
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,554
Innocent, are they?
377
00:14:52,622 --> 00:14:54,906
I found this
in Eli's corn hole!
378
00:14:54,974 --> 00:14:56,441
Well, I... His what?
379
00:14:56,509 --> 00:14:59,177
A compartment in Eli's room
where he stores his corn.
380
00:14:59,245 --> 00:15:01,463
Oh. Well, okay,
whatever you say.
381
00:15:01,530 --> 00:15:02,764
Look, Ezekiel, we would love
382
00:15:02,832 --> 00:15:04,065
to go back to the city,
believe me.
383
00:15:04,133 --> 00:15:05,867
I-I haven't had a drink
in three days.
384
00:15:05,935 --> 00:15:07,402
But our car broke down.
385
00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:09,537
We-we can't go anywhere
until it gets fixed.
386
00:15:09,605 --> 00:15:12,257
I have arranged
to have that taken care of.
387
00:15:16,679 --> 00:15:18,847
This ride's gonna be
so frustrating.
388
00:15:18,914 --> 00:15:20,315
I know.
These horses are
389
00:15:20,383 --> 00:15:22,584
so slow.
Sexy.
390
00:15:22,652 --> 00:15:23,985
Sexy.
391
00:15:27,123 --> 00:15:29,390
Good-bye,
Abraham Lincoln people.
392
00:15:33,863 --> 00:15:34,946
I'm sorry, Meg.
393
00:15:35,031 --> 00:15:38,116
Eli was the best boy
I'll ever meet.
394
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,502
And now I'll never
see him again.
395
00:15:40,569 --> 00:15:43,288
Yes, you will, Meg.
396
00:15:43,372 --> 00:15:44,339
Eli.
397
00:15:44,406 --> 00:15:46,257
Eli? What are you doing here?
398
00:15:46,325 --> 00:15:48,076
I could not let you
leave without me, Meg.
399
00:15:48,127 --> 00:15:49,294
I love you.
400
00:15:49,378 --> 00:15:52,247
I love you, too.
401
00:15:53,966 --> 00:15:55,967
Hey, Lois, watch me lay rubber
in front of these losers.
402
00:15:56,052 --> 00:15:57,052
Hyah!
403
00:16:00,139 --> 00:16:02,524
Yeah! Choke on that, nerds.
404
00:16:07,913 --> 00:16:09,947
Eli, I agree
that your father was being
405
00:16:10,015 --> 00:16:11,182
somewhat unreasonable,
406
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:13,484
but I don't think
running away is the answer.
407
00:16:13,552 --> 00:16:15,553
I know, Mrs. Griffin.
And I am sorry.
408
00:16:15,621 --> 00:16:17,455
But I just could
not bear the thought
409
00:16:17,523 --> 00:16:18,973
of never seeing Meg again.
410
00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:20,791
You ever seen one
of these, Eli?
411
00:16:20,859 --> 00:16:22,426
It's a Coleco
football game.
412
00:16:22,494 --> 00:16:23,794
Pretty mind-
blowing, huh?
413
00:16:23,862 --> 00:16:24,962
You know what?
414
00:16:25,030 --> 00:16:27,248
This is garbage to us.
415
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,851
What the hell is that?
416
00:16:35,807 --> 00:16:37,675
Holy crap! Who did this?
417
00:16:37,743 --> 00:16:39,460
It must have been my father.
418
00:16:39,528 --> 00:16:41,229
This is how
the Amish declare a feud.
419
00:16:41,296 --> 00:16:42,747
But I thought they
were nonviolent.
420
00:16:42,814 --> 00:16:43,965
We are,
421
00:16:44,032 --> 00:16:46,500
but Peter must have
really pissed off my dad.
422
00:16:46,568 --> 00:16:47,935
Hey, who raked the leaves?
423
00:16:48,003 --> 00:16:49,103
And look,
somebody mowed the lawn.
424
00:16:49,171 --> 00:16:50,571
I was supposed to do that.
425
00:16:50,656 --> 00:16:52,840
Ha-ha! I have done your chores
426
00:16:52,908 --> 00:16:55,109
to rob you of the joy
of doing chores.
427
00:16:55,177 --> 00:16:56,377
You bastard.
428
00:16:58,197 --> 00:16:59,697
Peter, we don't have
a choice.
429
00:16:59,765 --> 00:17:01,165
We've gotta bring
Eli back.
430
00:17:01,233 --> 00:17:02,600
Oh, no, we don't.
431
00:17:02,668 --> 00:17:04,135
What are you talking about?
432
00:17:04,203 --> 00:17:06,437
We-we can't be part of a feud
with the Amish.
433
00:17:06,505 --> 00:17:07,905
I didn't start
this thing, Lois,
434
00:17:07,973 --> 00:17:10,074
but I'm gonna finish it.
435
00:17:12,895 --> 00:17:15,162
Joe, go round up Quagmire
436
00:17:15,230 --> 00:17:17,198
and all the modern-day
technology you can find.
437
00:17:17,266 --> 00:17:19,500
We are going to war.
438
00:17:19,568 --> 00:17:21,335
Oh. Oh, hey, Bonnie.
439
00:17:21,403 --> 00:17:23,371
Is Joe there?
440
00:17:23,438 --> 00:17:25,840
Well, can I leave
a message for him?
441
00:17:25,908 --> 00:17:29,577
Yeah, it's what I said before
about the-the war thing.
442
00:17:49,414 --> 00:17:50,848
All right, men,
this is it.
443
00:17:50,916 --> 00:17:53,517
Technology versus
old-timey wooden stuff.
444
00:17:53,585 --> 00:17:55,052
Let's hit 'em hard.
445
00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,053
What, again, was
the nature
446
00:17:56,121 --> 00:17:57,455
of your beef
with them?
447
00:17:57,522 --> 00:17:58,756
I don't know.
Something about
448
00:17:58,824 --> 00:17:59,907
a roller coaster.
Let's go.
449
00:18:11,103 --> 00:18:12,770
Apples... fire!
450
00:18:17,776 --> 00:18:18,859
Ah! Damn it!
Ow! God!
451
00:18:18,944 --> 00:18:20,861
Quilters... advance!
452
00:18:26,918 --> 00:18:29,120
Oh! Oh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh! Oh! Ooh! Oh!
453
00:18:29,171 --> 00:18:30,487
I bet this hurts so much!
454
00:18:33,008 --> 00:18:35,159
Ow! Damn it! I'm bleeding!
455
00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:36,761
Uhp, now it's an AIDS quilt.
456
00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:47,104
Suck on this,
you furry little weirdoes!
457
00:19:12,530 --> 00:19:13,581
Enough of this crap.
458
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:15,533
Ezekiel.
459
00:19:18,770 --> 00:19:22,323
Call off your boys and let's you
and me finish this man-to-man.
460
00:19:22,391 --> 00:19:24,842
Indeed.
Prepare for a goodly beating.
461
00:19:30,015 --> 00:19:31,766
Dad, stop.
Leave him alone.
462
00:19:31,850 --> 00:19:33,734
Father, what are you doing?
463
00:19:33,802 --> 00:19:35,302
I am going to
kill that man.
464
00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:37,071
That man
is my girlfriend, Meg.
465
00:19:38,557 --> 00:19:40,908
This is against everything
our people stand for.
466
00:19:40,992 --> 00:19:42,793
Will you listen to me
for one moment?
467
00:19:42,861 --> 00:19:45,763
You were so worried
about these outsiders
468
00:19:45,831 --> 00:19:47,898
coming into our community
and corrupting me.
469
00:19:47,966 --> 00:19:49,667
But look at yourself.
470
00:19:49,735 --> 00:19:52,303
You're the one who's allowed
yourself to be corrupted.
471
00:19:52,371 --> 00:19:55,506
God in heaven...
472
00:19:55,574 --> 00:19:56,974
you are right.
473
00:19:57,042 --> 00:19:59,543
I am deeply ashamed.
474
00:19:59,594 --> 00:20:01,829
I only wanted to protect you.
475
00:20:01,897 --> 00:20:03,364
I know you did, Father.
476
00:20:03,432 --> 00:20:06,333
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
477
00:20:06,401 --> 00:20:10,037
Son, it is your life to live.
478
00:20:10,105 --> 00:20:12,306
I must accept
the life you choose.
479
00:20:15,660 --> 00:20:18,262
I choose to stay here.
480
00:20:18,330 --> 00:20:19,647
What?!
What?!
481
00:20:19,714 --> 00:20:22,450
Meg, you are the
most beautiful woman
482
00:20:22,517 --> 00:20:23,784
I will ever know.
483
00:20:23,852 --> 00:20:25,903
You have shown me
so many wondrous things
484
00:20:25,954 --> 00:20:29,073
that have opened my eyes
to the world beyond my home.
485
00:20:29,124 --> 00:20:32,059
But this is where I belong.
486
00:20:32,127 --> 00:20:33,761
I'm sorry
if this upsets you, Meg.
487
00:20:33,829 --> 00:20:36,097
I love you, Eli.
488
00:20:36,164 --> 00:20:37,731
I'll always love you.
489
00:20:37,799 --> 00:20:40,067
If this is what you
have to do,
490
00:20:40,135 --> 00:20:42,403
then all I can say is...
491
00:20:42,471 --> 00:20:44,371
I'll never forget you.
492
00:20:47,709 --> 00:20:51,145
I am sorry there has been
conflict between us.
493
00:20:51,213 --> 00:20:52,847
Allow me to make amends.
494
00:20:52,914 --> 00:20:56,317
Please help yourself
to anything in my corn hole.
495
00:20:56,384 --> 00:20:57,551
Hey, don't worry
about it.
496
00:20:57,619 --> 00:20:59,019
We can still be pals.
497
00:20:59,087 --> 00:21:00,988
And I know just
the place for us
498
00:21:01,056 --> 00:21:03,157
to go and blow off
all this steam.
499
00:21:03,182 --> 00:21:07,182
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
500
00:21:07,203 --> 00:21:11,770
♪ We went dancing
across the USA ♪
501
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:19,624
♪ On that crazy King's Highway ♪
502
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:23,561
♪ Too much passion ♪
503
00:21:23,629 --> 00:21:27,465
♪ Too much play ♪
504
00:21:27,533 --> 00:21:32,894
♪ We went dancing, dancing,
dancing across the USA ♪
505
00:21:32,919 --> 00:21:36,038
♪ We went dancing, dancing,
dancing across the USA ♪
506
00:21:36,063 --> 00:21:39,620
♪ We went dancing, dancing,
dancing across the USA ♪
507
00:21:39,645 --> 00:21:42,228
♪ We went dancing, dancing,
dancing across the USA ♪