1 00:00:01,661 --> 00:00:04,930 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,058 --> 00:00:08,360 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,412 --> 00:00:11,831 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,882 --> 00:00:14,801 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,826 --> 00:00:17,934 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,449 --> 00:00:21,601 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,669 --> 00:00:23,203 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,254 --> 00:00:24,605 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,689 --> 00:00:26,738 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:26,739 --> 00:00:30,239 ♪ Family Guy 10x09 ♪ Grumpy Old Man Original Air Date on December 11, 2011 11 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:33,764 == sync, corrected by elderman == 12 00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:36,534 Good morning. I'm Tom Tucker. 13 00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:38,869 Coming up, we talk to a man on the street 14 00:00:38,937 --> 00:00:41,505 while a man further back on the street flips you off. 15 00:00:41,573 --> 00:00:44,074 But first, Quahog was hit by a major blizzard last night. 16 00:00:44,142 --> 00:00:45,709 Here with more details on the snowstorm 17 00:00:45,777 --> 00:00:47,478 is Asian correspondent Tricia Nakahoma. 18 00:00:47,546 --> 00:00:49,480 That's wrong. That's wrong. 19 00:00:49,548 --> 00:00:51,448 You're not doing good so far. 20 00:00:51,516 --> 00:00:54,852 I'm standing here surrounded by snowdrifts, stalled cars, 21 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,820 and the one douchebag who wears a tank top 22 00:00:56,888 --> 00:00:58,756 every time there's a blizzard. 23 00:00:58,823 --> 00:01:00,157 Yeah, this is nothin'. 24 00:01:00,225 --> 00:01:02,326 Guy at work drank a quart of motor oil once 25 00:01:02,394 --> 00:01:03,761 and didn't even die from it. 26 00:01:03,828 --> 00:01:05,579 Put that on the news, but you won't. 27 00:01:08,683 --> 00:01:10,017 Hey, guys, check it out. 28 00:01:10,101 --> 00:01:11,902 I peed my name in the snow. 29 00:01:14,139 --> 00:01:15,756 - Geez, Joe. - That's normal. 30 00:01:15,824 --> 00:01:17,858 Wow, looks like the whole neighborhood's out here. 31 00:01:17,943 --> 00:01:19,360 Yeah, I just hope that weird albino 32 00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:20,794 up the street doesn't show up. 33 00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:22,096 That guy creeps me out. 34 00:01:22,163 --> 00:01:23,564 - Hello, Peter. - Dah! Dah! 35 00:01:23,632 --> 00:01:25,382 H-Hey. Hey, Bill. 36 00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:27,468 What are you doing out here in all this snow? 37 00:01:27,535 --> 00:01:29,336 Just taking my rabbit to the vet. 38 00:01:31,623 --> 00:01:34,258 Well, I'm all done shoveling your walk, Mr. Herbert. 39 00:01:34,326 --> 00:01:37,878 Thanks, Chris, but there's some in here, too. 40 00:01:37,963 --> 00:01:40,197 Hey, check it out-- lemon snow. 41 00:01:40,265 --> 00:01:41,882 - What? - Yeah, that stuff's delicious. 44 00:01:46,321 --> 00:01:48,155 - You gonna have some? - Nah, I'm already full. 45 00:01:48,223 --> 00:01:51,025 But you should have some before the other kids get to it. 46 00:01:51,092 --> 00:01:52,393 What is it? Like Italian ice? 47 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,261 Yeah, exactly, like a sorbet. 48 00:01:55,797 --> 00:01:57,131 Ugh! That's not lemon! 49 00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:58,799 - No, it's not. - You bastard! 50 00:01:58,867 --> 00:02:01,902 I was having fun playing in the snow, and now you've ruined it, 51 00:02:01,970 --> 00:02:03,604 like a pizza place ruins a salad. 52 00:02:03,672 --> 00:02:05,139 Okay, four pizzas and a salad. 53 00:02:05,206 --> 00:02:06,790 Salad? How do you make a salad? 54 00:02:06,858 --> 00:02:09,026 First, you throw in the whole head of lettuce. 55 00:02:09,094 --> 00:02:10,878 Even the hard-to-eat white part at the bottom? 56 00:02:10,945 --> 00:02:12,780 That's what the people want! Now, what else? 57 00:02:12,847 --> 00:02:14,565 I got a can of whole black olives. 58 00:02:14,633 --> 00:02:15,816 Should I slice them up? 59 00:02:15,884 --> 00:02:17,918 What are you, crazy? No, you keep 'em whole. 60 00:02:18,003 --> 00:02:20,604 You're gonna want to know you've got an olive in your mouth. 61 00:02:20,672 --> 00:02:22,406 What about this tomato? Cut it into thirds. 62 00:02:22,474 --> 00:02:25,009 It should be big enough to pretend you've got red teeth. 63 00:02:25,076 --> 00:02:27,011 How about this carrot? Should I cut it up? 64 00:02:27,062 --> 00:02:28,395 Yes, but very thin lengthwise. 65 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,847 The whole length of the carrot. 66 00:02:29,914 --> 00:02:32,099 One thin slice. Okay, what else do we got? 67 00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:34,768 Well, we got these hot peppers, but you can't really eat them. 68 00:02:34,836 --> 00:02:36,320 No problem. Dump 'em all in. 69 00:02:36,387 --> 00:02:38,105 Now, should we put it in a bowl? 70 00:02:38,173 --> 00:02:39,940 No, let's put it in a lasagna tray. 71 00:02:40,008 --> 00:02:41,342 Okay, great, I'll take it. 72 00:02:41,409 --> 00:02:43,711 Oh, and make sure to stick it right on top of the pizzas 73 00:02:43,778 --> 00:02:45,446 so it stays nice and warm. 74 00:02:46,564 --> 00:02:47,965 Hello, every pizza place. 75 00:02:51,269 --> 00:02:53,504 All right, Stewie, you all set to spend the day 76 00:02:53,571 --> 00:02:54,788 with Grandma and Grandpa? 77 00:02:54,856 --> 00:02:56,507 Ugh, I hate being around old people. 78 00:02:56,574 --> 00:02:59,076 They've always got weird stuff in their refrigerator. 79 00:02:59,127 --> 00:03:00,978 Ah, I'm hungry. What do we got? 80 00:03:01,046 --> 00:03:03,947 Let's see. Eye drops, baking soda and some film. 81 00:03:04,015 --> 00:03:05,482 Close the door. 82 00:03:05,550 --> 00:03:07,918 You're running up long distance charges! 83 00:03:09,954 --> 00:03:11,739 Ah, sorry. Thought I had more time. 84 00:03:11,806 --> 00:03:13,374 Hi, Daddy. Stewie's all ready. 85 00:03:13,441 --> 00:03:14,742 You boys have fun. 86 00:03:14,809 --> 00:03:16,477 There's my little guy. 87 00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:19,146 ♪ Well, Grandpa's here. ♪ 88 00:03:19,214 --> 00:03:20,848 Oh, God, it's the song again. 89 00:03:20,915 --> 00:03:22,199 ♪ Yes, Grandpa's here! ♪ 90 00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:24,084 It doesn't even rhyme at all. 91 00:03:24,152 --> 00:03:27,554 ♪ He's going to buy you a soda and drive you around. ♪ 92 00:03:27,622 --> 00:03:28,989 Let's go. 93 00:03:33,878 --> 00:03:37,164 Hey, just so you know, we're not listening to a radio station. 94 00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:40,084 We're listening to the hiss between two radio stations. 95 00:03:41,803 --> 00:03:43,670 Whoa. Watch your driving! 96 00:03:45,473 --> 00:03:47,457 Is he... Is he sleeping? 97 00:03:47,509 --> 00:03:49,760 Hey! Hey, wake up! Wake up! 98 00:03:49,811 --> 00:03:51,178 You, lady, wake him up! 99 00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:53,480 You like the Tom and Jerry, do you, dear? 100 00:03:53,565 --> 00:03:55,799 Well, we'll dial them up when we get home. 101 00:03:55,850 --> 00:03:58,018 What the hell are you talking about?! We're about to... 102 00:04:01,239 --> 00:04:02,406 What happened? 103 00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:04,208 Where are my knitting needles? 104 00:04:06,678 --> 00:04:09,146 Goodness, dear, I'm so sorry. 105 00:04:09,214 --> 00:04:11,314 No worries. Now I can work at Hot Topic 106 00:04:11,366 --> 00:04:13,617 and make people sick as I ring up their purchases. 107 00:04:21,726 --> 00:04:24,011 Oh, damn it. 108 00:04:24,095 --> 00:04:25,479 Dude, bad news. 109 00:04:25,547 --> 00:04:26,747 You're dead. 110 00:04:26,815 --> 00:04:28,565 What? But I'm Death! 111 00:04:28,633 --> 00:04:30,167 Sorry, dude. Super Death. 112 00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:31,501 You're done. 113 00:04:31,553 --> 00:04:33,270 So what now? I go to Heaven? 114 00:04:33,338 --> 00:04:35,572 Nope, when a Death dies, he gets reincarnated. 115 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,643 You're being reincarnated as a Chinese baby right... now! 116 00:04:42,180 --> 00:04:43,914 - Girl? - Girl. 117 00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:46,583 Oh, no! 118 00:04:46,651 --> 00:04:49,119 The egg that I was supposed to take care of 119 00:04:49,187 --> 00:04:50,687 for my high school project! 120 00:04:50,755 --> 00:04:52,189 Mr. Burke was right. 121 00:04:52,257 --> 00:04:54,291 I'm not ready to be a parent. 122 00:04:54,359 --> 00:04:55,542 Wait a minute. 123 00:04:55,610 --> 00:04:57,211 I'm not in high school anymore. 124 00:04:57,278 --> 00:04:59,580 Maybe this is all a dream. 125 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,748 Aah! It was a dream! 126 00:05:01,816 --> 00:05:03,717 I need a glass of water. 127 00:05:03,802 --> 00:05:05,319 Wait a minute. 128 00:05:05,386 --> 00:05:07,588 I moved out of the desert years ago. 129 00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,490 Maybe this is a dream! 130 00:05:09,557 --> 00:05:11,325 Aah! 131 00:05:11,392 --> 00:05:12,893 Phew. 132 00:05:12,961 --> 00:05:15,429 I am ready to be a parent, Mr. Burke. 133 00:05:19,434 --> 00:05:21,502 Daddy, I'm so happy you're all right. 134 00:05:21,569 --> 00:05:23,370 We're lucky it wasn't more serious. 135 00:05:23,438 --> 00:05:25,522 Hey, how's the old guy doing? 136 00:05:25,573 --> 00:05:26,857 Ugh, now here's Joe. 137 00:05:26,925 --> 00:05:28,992 Why is everybody we know depressing? 138 00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:31,762 Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm afraid I have some bad news. 139 00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:33,831 I'm gonna have to revoke your driver's license. 140 00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:35,232 What?! 141 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,534 It's obvious your advanced age has impaired your ability 142 00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:39,069 to drive safely. 143 00:05:39,137 --> 00:05:41,071 Please, Joe, I know he had an accident, 144 00:05:41,139 --> 00:05:42,739 but can't you look the other way 145 00:05:42,807 --> 00:05:44,408 this one time as a friend? 146 00:05:44,475 --> 00:05:46,443 Yeah, you know, Joe, you owe this family. 147 00:05:46,511 --> 00:05:49,479 I didn't tell anyone about your Fiona Apple tribute video. 148 00:05:49,547 --> 00:05:50,881 ♪ ♪ 149 00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:54,768 ♪ I've been a bad, bad girl ♪ 150 00:05:56,538 --> 00:06:01,692 ♪ I've been careless with a delicate man ♪ 151 00:06:01,759 --> 00:06:05,428 ♪ And it's a sad, sad world ♪ 152 00:06:07,065 --> 00:06:10,817 ♪ When a girl will break a boy, just because she can. ♪ 153 00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:12,119 I'm brok. 154 00:06:12,186 --> 00:06:14,004 Joe, open the garage. 155 00:06:14,072 --> 00:06:16,540 I've earned this private time! 156 00:06:16,608 --> 00:06:18,275 Listen, I don't have time for this. 157 00:06:18,326 --> 00:06:20,527 I'm late for a hostile takeover of a jelly factory. 158 00:06:20,595 --> 00:06:22,362 I'll show those Smuckers. 159 00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:24,665 That's fine, but you can't drive. 160 00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,099 Oh, don't be ridiculous! 161 00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:27,751 Driver Pete at your service, sir. 162 00:06:27,819 --> 00:06:29,486 - Peter, we're not doing that. - Aw. 163 00:06:29,554 --> 00:06:31,555 Carter, you work too much as it is. 164 00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:33,373 You're not a young man anymore. 165 00:06:33,441 --> 00:06:35,042 You need to slow down. 166 00:06:35,109 --> 00:06:36,777 Slow down?! I can't slow down. 167 00:06:36,844 --> 00:06:38,445 I'm running a six-billion- dollar company. 168 00:06:38,513 --> 00:06:40,731 If I slow down, the company goes under. 169 00:06:40,798 --> 00:06:42,466 It just seems to me that perhaps 170 00:06:42,533 --> 00:06:45,202 it's time to think about retirement. 171 00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:47,104 Never! Retirement's for old people. 172 00:06:47,171 --> 00:06:48,739 I can work till I die. 173 00:06:48,806 --> 00:06:50,123 Maybe even after that. 174 00:06:50,191 --> 00:06:51,625 Mr. Pewterschmidt, the gentlemen from Zurich 175 00:06:51,693 --> 00:06:53,493 are here for your 10:00. 176 00:06:56,030 --> 00:06:58,165 Will you need anything else? 177 00:06:58,232 --> 00:07:00,250 Mr. Pewterschmidt! 178 00:07:00,318 --> 00:07:02,486 But, dear, we are old. 179 00:07:02,553 --> 00:07:05,005 We can't keep pretending that nothing's changed. 180 00:07:05,073 --> 00:07:07,641 I mean, we almost injured our grandchild today. 181 00:07:07,709 --> 00:07:09,476 Besides, you're always complaining 182 00:07:09,544 --> 00:07:11,912 that you don't have enough time to play polo 183 00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:14,681 or sit in a chair and moisten your mouth. 184 00:07:14,749 --> 00:07:16,216 That is true. 185 00:07:16,284 --> 00:07:18,936 It does sometimes take me a while to moisten my mouth. 186 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,811 There we go, all moist. 187 00:07:27,879 --> 00:07:29,246 You see, dear? 188 00:07:29,314 --> 00:07:30,580 And that's only the beginning. 189 00:07:30,648 --> 00:07:32,866 Retirement will be a wonderful adventure, 190 00:07:32,934 --> 00:07:34,201 and we'll do it together. 191 00:07:34,268 --> 00:07:35,502 You're gonna retire? 192 00:07:35,570 --> 00:07:36,670 From what? 193 00:07:36,738 --> 00:07:38,472 There, isn't it fun already? 194 00:07:39,874 --> 00:07:42,509 Okay. I'll retire. 195 00:07:42,577 --> 00:07:45,145 Oh, Daddy, I think that's for the best. 196 00:07:45,213 --> 00:07:47,581 I need a doctor! Is there a doctor?! 197 00:07:54,326 --> 00:07:56,861 We now return to The Superfriends' Accountant. 198 00:07:56,929 --> 00:07:58,630 Look, you guys are hemorrhaging money. 199 00:07:58,697 --> 00:08:00,832 This Hall of Justice is sitting on five acres 200 00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:01,866 of commercial real estate. 201 00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:03,101 How do you afford this? 202 00:08:03,168 --> 00:08:04,402 We're the Superfriends. 203 00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:06,271 Yeah, but you guys have no income. 204 00:08:06,338 --> 00:08:08,606 You owe four million dollars in back property taxes. 205 00:08:08,674 --> 00:08:10,508 We fight evil wherever we find it. 206 00:08:10,593 --> 00:08:12,093 Well, that's not gonna be enough. 207 00:08:12,161 --> 00:08:13,795 Look, you may need to reach out 208 00:08:13,862 --> 00:08:15,947 to some wealthy benefactors for financial backing. 209 00:08:16,015 --> 00:08:17,882 Do any of you know billionaire Bruce Wayne? 210 00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:19,384 No. None of us do. 211 00:08:19,451 --> 00:08:21,920 And he wouldn't want to lend us money anyway... I hear. 212 00:08:21,987 --> 00:08:23,454 Hey, hey, hey! 213 00:08:23,522 --> 00:08:26,157 What's up, Ginas... 'g-'ginas... vaginas? 214 00:08:26,225 --> 00:08:27,058 What's up, vaginas?! 215 00:08:27,126 --> 00:08:28,293 Ah-ha, gotcha! 216 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,978 Mr. Pewterschmidt, what are you doing here? 217 00:08:30,045 --> 00:08:32,814 I'm retired now. Got a lot of free time. 218 00:08:32,881 --> 00:08:34,532 So what do you guys do here? 219 00:08:34,617 --> 00:08:37,035 Well, we usually just sit here and complain about our lives. 220 00:08:37,102 --> 00:08:39,537 Like this morning, Lois was such a pain in the ass... 221 00:08:39,605 --> 00:08:41,706 Hey! That's my daughter you're talking about! 222 00:08:41,774 --> 00:08:44,575 Oh. I mean this, um, redheaded lady 223 00:08:44,643 --> 00:08:48,179 who lives in my bed was a real pain in the ass this morning. 224 00:08:48,247 --> 00:08:49,747 Oh, she sounds like a bitch. 225 00:08:49,815 --> 00:08:50,915 Yeah, what a bitch. 226 00:08:50,983 --> 00:08:52,116 Bitchazoid, right, guys? 227 00:08:52,184 --> 00:08:53,685 Yeah. I hope you're doing her. 228 00:08:53,752 --> 00:08:54,585 Oh, big time. 229 00:08:54,653 --> 00:08:56,120 Yeah, that's hot. 230 00:08:56,188 --> 00:08:57,789 That's hot. I'm gonna think about that tonight. 231 00:08:57,856 --> 00:08:59,841 Oh, we do all kinds of crazy stuff. 232 00:08:59,908 --> 00:09:01,643 Sometimes we even have phone sax. 233 00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:02,977 Don't you mean phone sex? 234 00:09:03,045 --> 00:09:04,545 No, Joe. Phone sax. 235 00:09:04,613 --> 00:09:05,913 Are you ready? 236 00:09:05,981 --> 00:09:07,749 You better believe it. 237 00:09:07,816 --> 00:09:09,667 (playing "Baker Street") 238 00:09:15,741 --> 00:09:17,425 Oh, Peter! 239 00:09:17,493 --> 00:09:19,594 Yeah. Now your turn. 240 00:09:19,662 --> 00:09:21,396 And do it how I like. 241 00:09:21,463 --> 00:09:23,681 Okay. 242 00:09:23,749 --> 00:09:25,616 (playing intro to "You Can Call Me Al") 243 00:09:30,906 --> 00:09:33,841 Yeah. Don't wash the mouthpiece. 244 00:09:37,212 --> 00:09:38,713 Good news, guys. 245 00:09:38,781 --> 00:09:40,181 Now that Grandpa's retired, 246 00:09:40,249 --> 00:09:42,317 he's gonna have more time to spend with us. 247 00:09:42,384 --> 00:09:43,351 Oh! 248 00:09:43,419 --> 00:09:44,919 We don't want to do that, Mom. 249 00:09:44,987 --> 00:09:47,005 Yeah, all he ever does is ask you what you want to do 250 00:09:47,072 --> 00:09:49,240 so he can shoot it down and tell you what he wants to do. 251 00:09:49,308 --> 00:09:50,408 Hey, there's my family! 252 00:09:50,476 --> 00:09:52,643 So, what do you guys want to do today? 253 00:09:52,711 --> 00:09:54,412 I'd like to go to the mall, Grandpa. 254 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:55,646 No parking at the mall. 255 00:09:55,714 --> 00:09:57,115 It's a terrible place. What else? 256 00:09:57,182 --> 00:09:58,216 Um, how about the zoo? 257 00:09:58,283 --> 00:09:59,617 Too much walking. Too much noise. 258 00:09:59,702 --> 00:10:01,019 You can't have any good conversation. 259 00:10:01,086 --> 00:10:02,253 Not like at Chili's. Where else? 260 00:10:02,321 --> 00:10:03,588 Well, there's always the beach. 261 00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:05,790 No, you got to sit on the ground to eat. 262 00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:08,192 I need a cushioned chair with back support like at Chili's. 263 00:10:08,260 --> 00:10:10,578 Okay, well... how about Chili's? 264 00:10:10,646 --> 00:10:12,063 Maybe, maybe. 265 00:10:12,131 --> 00:10:13,631 Let's get in the car and see where it takes us. 266 00:10:17,236 --> 00:10:18,603 Hey, Carter. 267 00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:19,937 Hello, Quandary. 268 00:10:20,005 --> 00:10:21,105 It's, uh... It's Quagmire. 269 00:10:21,173 --> 00:10:22,473 You looking for Peter? 270 00:10:22,541 --> 00:10:23,908 No, he's at work. Lame. 271 00:10:23,976 --> 00:10:25,426 Oh. Well, what do you want? 272 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:27,295 I hear you're kind of a cool guy. 273 00:10:27,363 --> 00:10:28,780 Thought maybe we could hang out. 274 00:10:28,847 --> 00:10:30,181 Uh... okay. 275 00:10:30,249 --> 00:10:32,016 Okay! Carter and Quandary, hanging out. 276 00:10:32,084 --> 00:10:35,386 All right, I just got to go take a misty, stop-and-go piss 277 00:10:35,454 --> 00:10:37,622 in your bathroom, then we'll be good to go. 278 00:10:42,761 --> 00:10:44,743 Lois, how the hell much longer is your dad gonna 279 00:10:44,768 --> 00:10:45,968 be hanging around here? 280 00:10:46,131 --> 00:10:48,349 - He's starting to drive me crazy. - I know, Peter, 281 00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:50,835 but he's my father and I don't know what else to do. 282 00:10:50,903 --> 00:10:52,937 Well, I don't know how much more I can take. 283 00:10:53,005 --> 00:10:54,705 I can't even get any sleep with him here. 284 00:10:56,642 --> 00:10:58,009 Hey. 285 00:10:58,077 --> 00:11:00,278 - Hey. - Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha- What is it? 286 00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:02,580 I can't sleep. I'm scared of ghosts. 287 00:11:02,648 --> 00:11:04,699 Carter, there's no such thing as ghosts. 288 00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,134 Are you sure? 289 00:11:06,201 --> 00:11:08,469 Well, now I'm not. Come on, get in here! 290 00:11:09,705 --> 00:11:10,872 It's safe under here, right? 291 00:11:10,939 --> 00:11:12,607 I think so, but I'm not sure. 292 00:11:12,674 --> 00:11:14,842 I just recently started believing in ghosts. 293 00:11:17,746 --> 00:11:19,580 Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy. 294 00:11:19,648 --> 00:11:22,116 Lois! What are you two doing here? 295 00:11:22,184 --> 00:11:24,419 Well, we wanted to talk to you about something. 296 00:11:24,486 --> 00:11:25,720 Hmm. What's that? 297 00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:27,188 Well, we were just thinking, 298 00:11:27,256 --> 00:11:30,191 now that Daddy's retired that you and he might be happier 299 00:11:30,259 --> 00:11:33,161 in a place where you can be with people your own age. 300 00:11:33,228 --> 00:11:35,396 You know, make some new friends. 301 00:11:35,464 --> 00:11:36,245 What are you talking about? 302 00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:38,299 Well, we actually brought you a few brochures 303 00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:40,601 of some lovely retirement communities in Florida. 304 00:11:40,669 --> 00:11:42,203 And I helped. 305 00:11:42,271 --> 00:11:43,304 Florida?! 306 00:11:43,329 --> 00:11:45,440 Mm, this one's even got the word "sunset" 307 00:11:45,441 --> 00:11:47,308 four times in the name of it. 308 00:11:47,376 --> 00:11:49,877 Huh. These people are biking without helmets. 309 00:11:49,945 --> 00:11:51,813 Must be a pretty kick-back place. 310 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,564 These actually look quite nice, 311 00:11:53,632 --> 00:11:56,934 and we could finally get away from these dreadful winters. 312 00:11:57,002 --> 00:11:59,003 Yeah. We'll even help you move in and get settled. 313 00:11:59,071 --> 00:12:01,355 Wait a minute, why would I want to live in Florida? 314 00:12:01,406 --> 00:12:03,224 Black people's votes go right in the garbage. 315 00:12:03,292 --> 00:12:04,675 All right! We're moving to Florida! 316 00:12:04,743 --> 00:12:07,111 Oh, Carter, this is wonderful! 317 00:12:07,179 --> 00:12:09,013 Aw, look at that smile, Lois. 318 00:12:09,081 --> 00:12:10,880 Reminds of that guy who was way too happy he 319 00:12:10,905 --> 00:12:12,568 didn't get killed on 9/11. 320 00:12:12,718 --> 00:12:15,119 I'm ten minutes late for work! 321 00:12:15,187 --> 00:12:17,138 Look at that! I stayed up late 322 00:12:17,206 --> 00:12:19,674 watching Monday Night Football and that saved my life, huh? 323 00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:20,908 Isn't that awesome? 324 00:12:20,976 --> 00:12:23,110 Oh, but oh... 325 00:12:30,853 --> 00:12:32,186 Hi there. Welcome. 326 00:12:32,254 --> 00:12:34,238 I'm Ryan, the manager here at Oceanside, 327 00:12:34,306 --> 00:12:36,073 and I'll be showing you around today. 328 00:12:36,141 --> 00:12:37,475 First question, though: 329 00:12:37,543 --> 00:12:39,877 are you two old enough to be here? 330 00:12:39,945 --> 00:12:41,245 Oh, dear! 331 00:12:41,313 --> 00:12:42,947 I like you, Ryan. 332 00:12:43,015 --> 00:12:44,015 You're cool. 333 00:12:48,403 --> 00:12:51,122 Over there is our statue of Angela Lansbury. 334 00:12:53,325 --> 00:12:56,027 Protect us, oh, Lansbury, from rude teenagers, 335 00:12:56,094 --> 00:12:59,130 from soup that is both too hot and too cold, 336 00:12:59,198 --> 00:13:02,433 and from anyone who calls, but please have people call. 337 00:13:05,220 --> 00:13:06,871 Our state-of-the-art movie theater is equipped 338 00:13:06,939 --> 00:13:09,807 with some terrific innovations to cater to our residents, 339 00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:12,577 including a button on every seat that will pause the film 340 00:13:12,644 --> 00:13:14,412 whenever anyone has a question. 341 00:13:14,479 --> 00:13:15,980 Hey, guys. 342 00:13:16,048 --> 00:13:18,950 - Why is he blue now? - Is it cold on that planet? 343 00:13:19,017 --> 00:13:20,484 Why are they mumbling? 344 00:13:20,552 --> 00:13:22,253 Why does everyone in pictures today mumble? 345 00:13:22,321 --> 00:13:23,354 I can't hear! 346 00:13:23,422 --> 00:13:24,956 ♪ ♪ 347 00:13:25,023 --> 00:13:26,624 Is that Sig-nory Weaver? 348 00:13:26,692 --> 00:13:28,359 That's not how you say it. 349 00:13:28,427 --> 00:13:30,161 Well, she shouldn't be smoking. 350 00:13:30,229 --> 00:13:33,030 She's a handsome woman, and that'll ruin her fast. 351 00:13:33,098 --> 00:13:34,365 ♪ ♪ 352 00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:37,168 Is Unobtainium very easy to obtain? 353 00:13:37,236 --> 00:13:38,836 Well, I hope you enjoyed the tour. 354 00:13:38,904 --> 00:13:40,304 Oh, yeah, it was great. 355 00:13:40,372 --> 00:13:42,873 Except for that lady who kept yelling "Byaah! Byaah!" 356 00:13:42,941 --> 00:13:45,259 Well, we'll just need you to fill out this paperwork, 357 00:13:45,327 --> 00:13:47,995 and then we'll get you moved into your condo. 358 00:13:48,046 --> 00:13:49,931 Oh, isn't this wonderful, dear! 359 00:13:49,998 --> 00:13:51,916 No! No, it's not wonderful at all! 360 00:13:51,984 --> 00:13:54,018 There's no way in hell I'm gonna live here! 361 00:13:54,086 --> 00:13:58,239 This place is nothing but old people marching to their deaths! 362 00:13:58,307 --> 00:14:00,491 You hear me? I'm not one of you! 363 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:02,493 And I never will be! 364 00:14:05,213 --> 00:14:06,681 Hey, look, it's old man Withers, 365 00:14:06,748 --> 00:14:08,532 the guy who owns the amusement park! 366 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,851 But let's see who's really under there. 367 00:14:12,254 --> 00:14:13,421 A skeleton! 368 00:14:13,488 --> 00:14:15,523 - Can I have my face back? - No! 369 00:14:15,591 --> 00:14:16,958 You're going to jail! 370 00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:25,903 Oh, this is dreadful. 371 00:14:25,970 --> 00:14:28,672 I thought Carter and I were going to be so happy here. 372 00:14:28,740 --> 00:14:31,108 I'll tell you what, Babs, let me have a talk with him. 373 00:14:32,310 --> 00:14:33,610 Hey there, buddy. 374 00:14:33,678 --> 00:14:34,878 Go away! 375 00:14:34,946 --> 00:14:37,814 You know, you remind me of a guy I know. 376 00:14:37,882 --> 00:14:40,651 This guy worked and worked and never wanted to retire, 377 00:14:40,718 --> 00:14:43,420 even though it would've been the best thing for him. 378 00:14:43,488 --> 00:14:45,422 You know what that man's name was? 379 00:14:45,490 --> 00:14:47,324 Jon Benet Ramsey. 380 00:14:48,526 --> 00:14:49,893 I-I-I think. 381 00:14:49,961 --> 00:14:51,495 I think that's the guy. 382 00:14:51,562 --> 00:14:53,397 - What? - You're darn right what. 383 00:14:53,464 --> 00:14:55,232 Now, let's get back in there. 384 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,901 Peter, get lost! I'm not gonna retire, and that's that! 385 00:14:57,969 --> 00:15:00,537 Come on, Carter, everybody's got to retire at some point. 386 00:15:00,605 --> 00:15:02,572 Like that drill sergeant with Alzheimer's. 387 00:15:03,741 --> 00:15:05,575 Looks like we got a joker here. 388 00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:06,910 What's your name, soldier? 389 00:15:06,978 --> 00:15:08,378 Sir, McArdle, sir! 390 00:15:08,446 --> 00:15:09,646 Well, no! 391 00:15:09,714 --> 00:15:12,149 You look like some kind of joker to me. 392 00:15:12,216 --> 00:15:13,250 What's your name, soldier? 393 00:15:13,318 --> 00:15:14,718 Sir, McArdle, sir! 394 00:15:14,786 --> 00:15:16,620 Are you me? 395 00:15:16,688 --> 00:15:18,255 Probably some kind of joker. 396 00:15:18,323 --> 00:15:19,623 What's your name, soldier? 397 00:15:19,691 --> 00:15:20,991 Sir, McArdle, sir! 398 00:15:21,059 --> 00:15:22,793 Well, la-dee da! 399 00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:25,796 I guess we got some kind of joker here! 400 00:15:25,863 --> 00:15:27,998 Look, Carter, I'll make a deal with you. 401 00:15:28,066 --> 00:15:30,146 You give me just one day to show you how great retired 402 00:15:30,171 --> 00:15:31,611 life can be for an old fella, 403 00:15:32,303 --> 00:15:34,338 and I'll let you honk the horn one time. 404 00:15:34,405 --> 00:15:36,039 - Really? - Uh-huh. 405 00:15:37,608 --> 00:15:39,376 I'm pretending there's traffic. 406 00:15:39,444 --> 00:15:40,777 There you go, that's... 407 00:15:40,845 --> 00:15:43,347 - Once! - God, I wasn't even gonna do it! 408 00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:47,701 So, how do you win this game? 409 00:15:47,769 --> 00:15:49,936 Just fill this out when they say the letter and the numbers? 410 00:15:50,004 --> 00:15:51,104 Eh, that's a sucker's bet. 411 00:15:51,172 --> 00:15:52,856 There's only one way to win this game-- 412 00:15:52,924 --> 00:15:54,958 wait for someone else to win and steal his card. 413 00:15:55,026 --> 00:15:56,760 G-27. 414 00:15:56,828 --> 00:15:58,228 Bingo! 415 00:15:58,296 --> 00:16:00,630 - It's go time. - What do we do, sneak up behind him? 416 00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:02,516 No, he's got cataracts. Follow my lead. 417 00:16:07,071 --> 00:16:08,605 Bingo, bitches! 418 00:16:10,091 --> 00:16:11,258 Bingo. 419 00:16:15,997 --> 00:16:17,497 All right, Carter, now that you're retired, 420 00:16:17,582 --> 00:16:19,115 you're gonna need a whole new wardrobe. 421 00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:22,419 And what better place to start than the Slightly Open Robery? 422 00:16:22,487 --> 00:16:24,204 ♪ Hey, hobo man ♪ 423 00:16:24,272 --> 00:16:28,108 ♪ Hey, Dapper Dan, you've both got your style ♪ 424 00:16:28,176 --> 00:16:30,143 ♪ But, brother, you're never fully dressed ♪ 425 00:16:30,211 --> 00:16:32,512 ♪ Without a smile... ♪ 426 00:16:33,715 --> 00:16:35,682 Yes. The penis one. 427 00:16:37,318 --> 00:16:39,019 All right, Mr. Pewterschmidt, now, you know how 428 00:16:39,087 --> 00:16:40,320 in your building your office temperature 429 00:16:40,388 --> 00:16:41,955 was controlled by a central air system 430 00:16:42,023 --> 00:16:44,524 that you had nothing to do with? Yeah, I hated that. 431 00:16:44,592 --> 00:16:47,060 Well, check it out-- this room has its very own thermostat 432 00:16:47,128 --> 00:16:48,495 that you can fiddle with. - Really? 433 00:16:48,563 --> 00:16:50,113 I can change the temperature in here? 434 00:16:50,164 --> 00:16:52,082 You're retired-- you can do anything you want. 435 00:16:52,150 --> 00:16:54,317 Well, I am kind of warm. I'll try it out. 436 00:16:54,368 --> 00:16:56,136 Oh, that's perfect. 437 00:16:56,204 --> 00:16:58,789 Now I'm cold. Crank up the thermostat. 438 00:16:58,856 --> 00:17:00,457 Ah, wonderful. 439 00:17:00,525 --> 00:17:02,092 Hotter than blazes in here. 440 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,444 But wait-- I can turn the heat down. 441 00:17:04,512 --> 00:17:05,712 He's learning. 442 00:17:07,515 --> 00:17:08,732 Bye, you guys. 443 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,500 We'll be down to visit real soon. 444 00:17:10,568 --> 00:17:13,019 Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm glad you finally came around about this place. 445 00:17:13,087 --> 00:17:15,305 Peter, I got to admit, it's not bad at all. 446 00:17:15,373 --> 00:17:17,174 Never thought I'd get used to the idea 447 00:17:17,241 --> 00:17:19,943 of giving up work and just devoting my life to leisure. 448 00:17:20,011 --> 00:17:22,696 I guess this is what people mean by the word "relax." 449 00:17:22,764 --> 00:17:23,897 Take care, dear. 450 00:17:23,965 --> 00:17:25,866 We'll see you soon. Yeah, have fun. 451 00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:28,401 Just remember not to go out into actual Florida. 452 00:17:28,469 --> 00:17:30,337 You don't want to meet those people. 453 00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:33,740 Hi. I just moved into the neighborhood, 454 00:17:33,808 --> 00:17:37,244 and I'm required by law to inform you that I am a sex offender. 455 00:17:37,311 --> 00:17:39,246 Oh, don't worry about it-- so am I. 456 00:17:39,313 --> 00:17:40,881 This whole block is S.O.'s. 457 00:17:40,948 --> 00:17:43,950 We use the abbreviation "S.O's" because it saves a lot of time 458 00:17:44,018 --> 00:17:46,586 over saying "Sex Offender," because that's all we talk about. 459 00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:48,655 Well, I'm also into football. Don't care. 460 00:17:48,723 --> 00:17:51,291 No time for F.B. All about S.O. 461 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,361 Make no mistake, Florida is the South's trash can. 462 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,801 Boy, these eggs are delicious. 463 00:18:00,868 --> 00:18:02,135 Good job, Lois. 464 00:18:02,203 --> 00:18:03,854 Good job, local hen. 465 00:18:03,921 --> 00:18:05,722 Aw, bucka bucka baw. 466 00:18:07,725 --> 00:18:09,259 Hello? 467 00:18:09,327 --> 00:18:10,694 Hi, Mom. 468 00:18:10,761 --> 00:18:11,862 What? 469 00:18:11,929 --> 00:18:13,530 Oh, my God! 470 00:18:13,598 --> 00:18:16,700 Oh, my God, o-okay, we'll be down there as soon as we can. 471 00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:17,951 Mom, what's wrong? 472 00:18:18,019 --> 00:18:19,386 We're going to Florida. 473 00:18:19,453 --> 00:18:20,754 Why? What happened? 474 00:18:20,822 --> 00:18:22,956 There's something horribly wrong with your grandpa. 475 00:18:28,913 --> 00:18:30,230 Oh, Lois! 476 00:18:30,298 --> 00:18:32,199 I'm so glad you made it. 477 00:18:32,266 --> 00:18:34,367 He's been like this for days. 478 00:18:34,435 --> 00:18:36,069 Oh, my God! 479 00:18:37,338 --> 00:18:38,772 ...cream of wheat. 480 00:18:40,107 --> 00:18:41,141 ...Jeopardy. 481 00:18:42,777 --> 00:18:44,311 ...butterscotch pudding. 482 00:18:44,378 --> 00:18:45,312 This is awful! 483 00:18:45,379 --> 00:18:46,780 What's happened to him? 484 00:18:46,848 --> 00:18:48,515 I don't know, dear. 485 00:18:48,583 --> 00:18:51,751 He sleeps 18 hours a day, he refuses to bathe, 486 00:18:51,819 --> 00:18:53,854 and he's stopped making any sense. 487 00:18:53,921 --> 00:18:55,617 Aw, that sounds like the sad little fat girl 488 00:18:55,642 --> 00:18:57,242 who lives in all of us 489 00:18:57,325 --> 00:18:58,625 and is struggling to get out. 490 00:19:00,461 --> 00:19:02,162 Did my parents call yet? 491 00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:04,097 Nobody's looking for you! Now, stay in there! 492 00:19:04,165 --> 00:19:06,266 Sometimes she tries to get out the other way. 493 00:19:06,334 --> 00:19:08,368 That's why I keep a cork in my bum. 494 00:19:08,436 --> 00:19:09,870 Daddy? 495 00:19:09,937 --> 00:19:11,972 Daddy, can you hear me? 496 00:19:12,039 --> 00:19:14,374 Oh, God, we should never have brought him here. 497 00:19:14,442 --> 00:19:15,575 You're right, dear. 498 00:19:15,643 --> 00:19:18,044 I can't stand to see him like this. 499 00:19:18,112 --> 00:19:19,579 Well, we got to do something. 500 00:19:19,647 --> 00:19:22,349 Don't worry, you guys, I think I might know how to fix this. 501 00:19:22,416 --> 00:19:25,452 But first look-- I turned him into Groucho Marx. 502 00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:27,787 That's hilarious. 503 00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:33,476 Peter, what is this supposed to accomplish? 504 00:19:33,527 --> 00:19:35,679 Don't you see, Lois? When we forced him to retire, 505 00:19:35,746 --> 00:19:37,581 we took all the challenge out of his life. 506 00:19:37,648 --> 00:19:40,250 Perhaps some people aren't meant to retire at all. 507 00:19:40,318 --> 00:19:43,536 Exactly! Now, let's see if we can put some fire back into him. 508 00:19:43,621 --> 00:19:46,623 Margot, it's time to take this company in a new direction-- 509 00:19:46,691 --> 00:19:49,476 starting with being honest with the IRS about our profits. 510 00:19:51,696 --> 00:19:54,130 We're also gonna stop reading employee e-mails. 511 00:19:54,198 --> 00:19:56,566 ...our servers. 512 00:19:56,634 --> 00:19:58,401 And from now on it's against the rules 513 00:19:58,469 --> 00:20:00,587 to pat female employees on the fanny. 514 00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:03,440 ...like touching butts! 515 00:20:03,507 --> 00:20:05,508 And tell the African-American elevator attendant 516 00:20:05,576 --> 00:20:07,377 he no longer has to wear white gloves. 517 00:20:07,445 --> 00:20:10,530 Why don't you just tell him he can sleep with my wife, too?! 518 00:20:10,615 --> 00:20:11,615 Daddy! 519 00:20:11,682 --> 00:20:13,066 Oh, Carter! You're back! 520 00:20:13,134 --> 00:20:14,851 You're damn right I am! 521 00:20:14,919 --> 00:20:16,664 Don't you ever try to stick me in one of those 522 00:20:16,689 --> 00:20:18,301 retirement places again! 523 00:20:18,889 --> 00:20:22,225 I plan on sitting behind this desk until the day I die. 524 00:20:22,293 --> 00:20:24,261 Getting old is right for some people, 525 00:20:24,328 --> 00:20:26,596 but not for me. - I know, Daddy. 526 00:20:26,664 --> 00:20:28,715 You were right, and we're sorry. 527 00:20:30,785 --> 00:20:32,218 Hey, Mom. 528 00:20:32,286 --> 00:20:34,654 No, Mom, you're staying in the nursing home. 529 00:20:34,722 --> 00:20:36,723 I... I don't care. 530 00:20:36,791 --> 00:20:38,325 I-I don't care. 531 00:20:38,392 --> 00:20:41,061 M-Mom, believe me, no one is touching you in your sleep. 532 00:20:41,128 --> 00:20:42,562 'Cause you're gross. 533 00:20:42,630 --> 00:20:44,347 And even if they are, so what, who are you saving yourself for? 534 00:20:45,942 --> 00:20:48,657 Hey, look, I-I got to go. I don't know if we're coming 535 00:20:48,658 --> 00:20:51,142 to Thanksgiving. Because I don't know! 536 00:20:51,855 --> 00:20:54,056 - She's staying in there. - I know. 537 00:20:54,107 --> 00:20:58,107 == sync, corrected by elderman ==