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00:00:01,150 --> 00:00:03,919
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:03,986 --> 00:00:07,305
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,373 --> 00:00:10,759
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:10,843 --> 00:00:13,728
♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 10x14 ♪
Be Careful What You Fish For
Original Air Date on February 19, 2012
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00:00:31,049 --> 00:00:34,549
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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Good evening. I'm Tom
Tucker bringing you news
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you heard four hours
ago on the Internet.
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Our top story: A mishap
in Quahog harbor today.
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That's right, Tom.
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A ferry carrying a shipment
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00:00:44,260 --> 00:00:47,129
of brand-new Mercedes
Benzes from Germany
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crashed and sank just
a few miles off our coast.
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00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:51,934
Thus far, the cars
remain on the ocean floor
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as the Germans refuse
to clean up the disaster.
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The German
Environmental Minister
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00:00:56,039 --> 00:00:57,572
called a press
conference to issue
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00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,974
the following statement:
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00:00:59,042 --> 00:01:01,827
(thick German accent):
I see nothing! I know nothing!
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00:01:01,894 --> 00:01:03,429
Holy crap! Did you
hear that, Lois?
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00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,599
All them fancy cars out
there in the ocean, just
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00:01:05,624 --> 00:01:06,548
free for the taking?
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00:01:06,549 --> 00:01:07,950
I'm gonna get me a Mercedes!
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00:01:08,017 --> 00:01:10,469
Peter, that may be the
stupidest idea you've ever had.
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00:01:10,536 --> 00:01:12,838
And you've had some
pretty stupid ones.
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00:01:12,905 --> 00:01:14,572
Hi there. Peter Griffin.
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00:01:14,624 --> 00:01:17,292
You know, a lot of us here
at Family Guy are, frankly,
33
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,744
sickened by the sorry state
of education in this country
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00:01:19,796 --> 00:01:21,763
and how little
you people read anymore.
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00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:24,633
So, for this next cutaway,
we're gonna make you read it.
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00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:26,084
That's right, you heard me.
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Do a little work
once in a while,
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00:01:28,104 --> 00:01:29,304
instead of having
everything spoon-fed.
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00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:31,440
You want your yuks,
put in a little effort.
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00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:32,557
All right, go ahead.
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00:01:51,461 --> 00:01:53,462
Okay, that one might
have been more of a visual,
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00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,618
And no one can take
that away from you.
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00:02:00,670 --> 00:02:01,920
Proud of you.
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00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:11,296
Geez, you're a mess.
What is that?
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00:02:11,347 --> 00:02:13,198
- It was finger-paint day.
- What the hell?
48
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:15,200
Why didn't they clean
you up before you left?
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00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:17,302
Brian, there's, like,
37 other kids in there.
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00:02:17,353 --> 00:02:20,072
- One was in a drawer all day.
- Wow, seems like Lois would've
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00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:22,074
checked that stuff out
before sending you.
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00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,408
Yeah, you'd think so, right?
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00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,160
I mean, it's clearly
not a place of business.
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00:02:25,244 --> 00:02:26,695
It's someone's house.
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00:02:26,763 --> 00:02:28,964
You know, half the time you
can hear someone showering.
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00:02:29,032 --> 00:02:31,816
I mean, you never see them, but
you can hear the shower going.
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00:02:31,868 --> 00:02:33,752
- Really? That seems weird.
- Yeah, and is it normal
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00:02:33,819 --> 00:02:35,754
that Miss Emily tied
us all to the sink
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00:02:35,821 --> 00:02:38,006
while she went out to
return a birthday present?
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00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,424
No, that's not
normal at all.
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00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:40,759
You know, Stewie,
maybe I should
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00:02:40,826 --> 00:02:42,327
come by tomorrow
and check things out.
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00:02:42,378 --> 00:02:44,096
That teacher sounds
really irresponsible.
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She is. Adults are stupid.
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The world would be so much
better if it were run by babies.
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TV ANNOUNCER:
Tonight on NBC... Shapes!
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(excited cooing)
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00:02:52,671 --> 00:02:54,389
And then... Colors!
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00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:55,774
(excited cooing)
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Followed by
an all-new... Dad's Keys!
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(cheering, cooing)
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00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:03,148
(quiet snoring)
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00:03:07,804 --> 00:03:09,389
Man, I can't wait
to get a Mercedes.
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Me, either.
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00:03:10,008 --> 00:03:11,909
Yeah, it's gonna be sweet.
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00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,761
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
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- What the hell is that?!
- A sun hat.
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00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:20,415
- No, no, no, no, no.
- What do you mean, no?
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I'm protecting my face
and neck from the sun.
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00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,502
Use sunscreen!
Y-You don't need
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00:03:23,569 --> 00:03:25,137
to put a circus
on your head.
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00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:26,671
This is a ploy
for attention.
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00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:27,939
Sunscreens are
bad for you.
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00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:29,341
The chemicals get
in your skin.
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00:03:29,408 --> 00:03:31,159
Boy, you really want
to wear that hat.
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- That hat's coming off!
- No!
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(grunting)
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You guys are jerks!
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I can have my own identity
besides you two.
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00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,922
Not this way.
Not the hat way.
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00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:47,809
Holy crap!
I think we got one!
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00:03:49,912 --> 00:03:51,780
Aw, damn it!
It's just a dolphin.
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00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:52,831
(with British accent):
Sorry,
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did I get in the way
of something?
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00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,617
No, it's all right.
We were just trying
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00:03:55,701 --> 00:03:57,119
to get some of them
sunken Mercedes.
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00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:59,621
Oh, yeah, there's a great big
pile of them down there.
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00:03:59,705 --> 00:04:01,873
Me and my mates, right,
we was having a laugh
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00:04:01,924 --> 00:04:04,075
sitting in of one of them,
pretending to be people.
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00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:05,760
(chuckles)
You know, like, driving around
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00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:07,712
getting into incidents
with other motorists.
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00:04:07,763 --> 00:04:10,098
Honk, honk. "Stay out
the way, you old bat!"
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00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,349
Asian.
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00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,768
Not all Asians
are bad drivers.
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00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,920
No, no, not
all terrorists are Arab.
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00:04:15,972 --> 00:04:19,024
But, you know, they are, so...
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00:04:19,091 --> 00:04:20,442
Uh, well, I'm Peter,
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00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,511
and that's, uh, Joe,
and that's Quagmire.
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Name's Billy, Billy Finn.
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It's got "fin" in it.
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I didn't pick it.
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(chuckles):
Luck of the draw.
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00:04:28,151 --> 00:04:31,153
Say, you want me to try
and get you one of those cars
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00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:32,437
from down there, yeah?
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00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,472
(gasps)
You would do that?!
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00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:35,640
Well, I could try.
117
00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:38,143
Here, let me
give it a go.
118
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,261
He seems nice.
119
00:04:39,328 --> 00:04:40,712
- He does.
- Yeah.
120
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,983
So, uh, what do you have
planned for the summer?
121
00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:48,386
I'm sure he'll
be right back.
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00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,423
Sorry, mate, all I could get
was this hood ornament.
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00:04:51,474 --> 00:04:52,958
(gasps)
This is just as good!
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00:04:53,025 --> 00:04:54,960
Thank you so much!
Hey, you know,
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00:04:55,027 --> 00:04:57,229
if there's ever anything
I could do for you...
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00:04:57,296 --> 00:04:58,730
Actually, you could
do something.
127
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,682
You could eat only
dolphin-safe tuna.
128
00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:03,268
Wait, is that the brand
that costs five cents more?
129
00:05:03,319 --> 00:05:04,636
No, I can't do that.
130
00:05:04,687 --> 00:05:06,821
Things ain't so good
in America right now,
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00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,740
which is why
we're all so fat.
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00:05:12,978 --> 00:05:14,462
What did I tell you, Brian?
133
00:05:14,530 --> 00:05:15,797
It's a nightmare in here.
134
00:05:15,865 --> 00:05:17,299
Oh, my God!
135
00:05:26,792 --> 00:05:29,177
- Oh, what happened to that kid?
- He fell off a stool
136
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,612
trying to turn off
Maury Povich.
137
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,230
This is awful!
Where's your teacher?
138
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:34,216
Probably out back.
139
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,069
Excuse me, are you Miss Emily?
140
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:40,071
Yeah. Hi. Who are you?
141
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:41,573
Uh, Brian.
142
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,341
Brian Steel.
143
00:05:43,409 --> 00:05:45,210
I was just
dropping Stewie off.
144
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,662
Oh, yeah! I should
probably go back in there,
145
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:49,064
see how everyone's
doing, I guess.
146
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:50,165
Ah, they're fine.
147
00:05:50,233 --> 00:05:52,567
In fact, I see Stewie
reading a book.
148
00:05:52,635 --> 00:05:56,004
Scratch-and-sniff
Lindsay Lohan Goes Jogging.
149
00:05:58,374 --> 00:06:00,125
Oh, God! That's terrible!
150
00:06:00,192 --> 00:06:01,660
Oh, here's a pop-up book.
151
00:06:01,727 --> 00:06:03,795
Tommy Lee Goes Boating.
152
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,035
Move, Lois! You're on
the hood ornament's pillow.
153
00:06:10,102 --> 00:06:11,853
Peter, put that away.
It's time for bed.
154
00:06:11,921 --> 00:06:13,855
W-Wait, hang on, Lois,
before I go to bed,
155
00:06:13,923 --> 00:06:15,307
I just got
to do one thing.
156
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:18,464
Hello?
157
00:06:18,489 --> 00:06:20,459
Hey, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
it's me, Peter.
158
00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:23,214
You remember how you said
I'd never amount to nothing?
159
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:25,784
Is that a Mercedes?
160
00:06:25,851 --> 00:06:27,452
Peter, hang up the phone.
(doorbell rings)
161
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,738
My God, who could be at
the door at this hour?
162
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:32,607
I don't know, but this late,
it's got to be bad news.
163
00:06:32,675 --> 00:06:34,442
Everyone knows you
always get bad news
164
00:06:34,510 --> 00:06:35,677
in the middle of the night.
165
00:06:37,947 --> 00:06:40,098
- Wake up, wake up, wake up!
- Huh? What?
166
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:41,433
- You have cancer!
- What?!
167
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:42,867
Yeah. I thought
you should know.
168
00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:44,703
Okay, go back to sleep.
169
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:46,104
Wait, I have questions.
170
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:48,840
(sighs)
It's very late.
171
00:06:50,126 --> 00:06:52,077
Oh, hello. This
is the right house.
172
00:06:52,144 --> 00:06:53,311
(chuckles)
That's good, then.
173
00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:54,612
What the hell?
174
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,448
It's me, Billy. Billy Finn.
175
00:06:56,515 --> 00:06:59,484
Just wanted to take you up
on your nice offer from earlier.
176
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,820
What... I-I don't... What offer?
177
00:07:01,887 --> 00:07:03,371
(snickers)
You know, the bit about
178
00:07:03,439 --> 00:07:05,540
"If there's ever
anything I can do,"
179
00:07:05,608 --> 00:07:08,243
so, yeah...
- Oh.
180
00:07:08,311 --> 00:07:10,979
Yeah, thought I might
make a go of it on land.
181
00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:12,914
So, "anything you
can ever do."
182
00:07:12,982 --> 00:07:15,283
Here I am. Thank you.
183
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,118
Squid pro quo.
(chuckles)
184
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:19,521
Thank you for not
being "shellfish."
185
00:07:19,588 --> 00:07:21,690
(giggles) I just said that
for the "halibut."
186
00:07:21,757 --> 00:07:24,826
(laughs)
Fish puns.
187
00:07:24,894 --> 00:07:26,428
Ah. Oh, cod.
188
00:07:26,495 --> 00:07:28,396
(laughing)
189
00:07:28,464 --> 00:07:30,098
Oh, God, come on.
190
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,766
(grunts)
Let me in.
191
00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:33,635
Peter, who is it?
Is Meg dead?
192
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,037
It's that dolphin--
I think he wants to crash here.
193
00:07:36,105 --> 00:07:37,839
And I have no info on Meg.
194
00:07:37,907 --> 00:07:39,007
He wants to what?
195
00:07:39,075 --> 00:07:40,308
I-I'm not sure that...
196
00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:41,643
I brought a gift.
197
00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:44,379
Put it to your ear.
You can hear the ocean.
198
00:07:44,447 --> 00:07:46,014
♪ Caribbean Queen
199
00:07:46,082 --> 00:07:48,483
♪ Now we're sharing...
It's broken or something.
200
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,518
- All I hear is...
- It's Billy Ocean!
201
00:07:50,586 --> 00:07:52,587
(cackling)
202
00:07:52,655 --> 00:07:54,556
Oh, God! I got
loads more.
203
00:08:05,231 --> 00:08:08,300
So, Billy, I, uh, I hope
the couch was all right?
204
00:08:08,305 --> 00:08:09,706
Yeah, a lot better
than the floor.
205
00:08:09,773 --> 00:08:12,275
And I should know, 'cause
I went down on the floor,
206
00:08:12,343 --> 00:08:14,498
thinking it had to be a
lot better than the couch.
207
00:08:14,499 --> 00:08:16,834
Okay, well,
breakfast is ready.
208
00:08:16,901 --> 00:08:18,102
Oh. Uh...
209
00:08:18,169 --> 00:08:20,070
Is everything all right?
210
00:08:20,138 --> 00:08:22,606
Yeah. Well, it's just...
211
00:08:22,674 --> 00:08:24,140
would you mind tossing
it up in the air for me?
212
00:08:24,165 --> 00:08:25,565
Well, I don't know...
213
00:08:25,810 --> 00:08:27,211
Lois, he is our guest.
214
00:08:27,278 --> 00:08:29,012
Toss it in the air.
215
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,886
Uh, I'm used to a
little applause, so...
216
00:08:35,954 --> 00:08:37,938
(faint clapping)
217
00:08:37,989 --> 00:08:38,956
All right, all right.
218
00:08:39,023 --> 00:08:40,457
Not bad. Afternoon crowd.
219
00:08:40,525 --> 00:08:42,693
Lightly attended.
220
00:08:42,761 --> 00:08:44,728
So, Billy, how long will
you be staying with us?
221
00:08:44,796 --> 00:08:46,363
Are you kidding?
As long as he wants!
222
00:08:46,431 --> 00:08:48,766
Yay! We live with a dolphin!
223
00:08:50,535 --> 00:08:53,303
Anyway, I'm off
to read Meg's diary.
224
00:08:53,371 --> 00:08:55,021
Only been here one night,
but I get the sense
225
00:08:55,046 --> 00:08:56,731
we all dislike Meg.
226
00:08:56,858 --> 00:09:00,527
Um, I'm a dolphin--
smart, intuitive.
227
00:09:00,595 --> 00:09:04,148
Also, Peter told me
in the hall. Ha.
228
00:09:04,215 --> 00:09:06,867
Peter, I'm not so sure about
Billy staying here with us.
229
00:09:06,935 --> 00:09:08,447
What are you talking about?
He's hilarious.
230
00:09:08,472 --> 00:09:09,186
I don't know.
231
00:09:09,187 --> 00:09:11,522
Listen, just leave it to me.
I'm great with animals.
232
00:09:11,589 --> 00:09:13,106
Remember when I lived
with those ants?
233
00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:16,977
We're working on something.
234
00:09:21,983 --> 00:09:24,651
Yes? May I help you?
235
00:09:24,719 --> 00:09:26,052
Hey, put him down!
236
00:09:26,104 --> 00:09:27,938
Who are you?
I-I can't stop him!
237
00:09:28,022 --> 00:09:29,156
Can anyone stop him?
238
00:09:29,224 --> 00:09:30,991
No? Well, he's gone.
239
00:09:31,059 --> 00:09:32,860
Hey, Stewie.
How's it going?
240
00:09:32,911 --> 00:09:35,813
- Brian, what are you doing here?
- Came by to check on my pal.
241
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,881
- Where's, uh, Miss Emily?
- I haven't seen her yet today.
242
00:09:37,949 --> 00:09:40,384
She gave me the keys to open
up when she left yesterday.
243
00:09:40,451 --> 00:09:42,386
I thought you said you
were gonna talk to her.
244
00:09:42,453 --> 00:09:44,421
I did, a-and she's doing
her best, you know?
245
00:09:44,489 --> 00:09:46,156
She's got a lot
on her plate.
246
00:09:46,224 --> 00:09:47,791
She's got school.
She's got work.
247
00:09:47,859 --> 00:09:49,059
This is her work!
248
00:09:49,127 --> 00:09:50,394
Oh, hi, Brian.
249
00:09:50,461 --> 00:09:53,030
I thought you had a busy day
at your legal practice.
250
00:09:53,097 --> 00:09:54,665
(groans) Oh...
251
00:09:54,732 --> 00:09:56,900
Hey, Emily! Yeah, I had
some time between cases.
252
00:09:56,968 --> 00:09:58,802
I thought I'd see
how you were doing.
253
00:09:58,870 --> 00:10:00,337
That's so nice of you!
254
00:10:00,405 --> 00:10:02,272
Let me just put
these bags away
255
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:05,642
and throw some saltines
in the yard for the kids.
256
00:10:05,710 --> 00:10:07,163
You're disgusting.
257
00:10:07,188 --> 00:10:08,544
Hey, I'm sorry,
but Miss Emily and I
258
00:10:08,546 --> 00:10:10,881
have a connection, which
is totally unexpected.
259
00:10:10,949 --> 00:10:13,223
And by the way,
I actually think she's
260
00:10:13,248 --> 00:10:14,184
doing a pretty good job.
261
00:10:14,185 --> 00:10:15,586
She's teaching you
guys independence.
262
00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:17,020
We're one!
263
00:10:17,088 --> 00:10:19,022
Independence means we die!
264
00:10:19,090 --> 00:10:20,974
Do you like this?
I just got it.
265
00:10:21,042 --> 00:10:22,943
Say you like it, or
she's gonna spend
266
00:10:23,011 --> 00:10:25,012
the rest of the afternoon
out returning that stuff.
267
00:10:25,079 --> 00:10:26,730
Looks great!
268
00:10:26,798 --> 00:10:28,715
Wow, you really
fill these things up.
269
00:10:28,783 --> 00:10:31,351
Hey, do you think maybe you'd
want to hang out sometime?
270
00:10:31,419 --> 00:10:33,220
What, you mean like
a movie or something?
271
00:10:33,288 --> 00:10:34,721
Yeah, or-or maybe lunch?
272
00:10:34,789 --> 00:10:37,291
I had a bad experience last
time I went to the movies.
273
00:10:37,358 --> 00:10:38,926
We're good friends,
aren't we, Milo?
274
00:10:38,993 --> 00:10:40,794
We're best friends, Otis.
275
00:10:40,862 --> 00:10:42,162
No! No!
276
00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:44,031
I reject the premise of this!
277
00:10:47,302 --> 00:10:49,953
Okay, who's ready for
Family Movie Night?
278
00:10:50,021 --> 00:10:51,488
All right, tonight's selection:
279
00:10:51,556 --> 00:10:54,191
Tim Burton's
Alice in Wonderland in 3D.
280
00:10:54,259 --> 00:10:56,476
Now let's all sit down
and take our headache.
281
00:10:56,527 --> 00:10:57,477
Or...
282
00:10:57,528 --> 00:10:58,845
or-or...
283
00:10:58,913 --> 00:11:01,031
we could watch...
The Cove,
284
00:11:01,115 --> 00:11:02,249
The Cove?
285
00:11:02,317 --> 00:11:04,017
Isn't that that
horrible documentary
286
00:11:04,085 --> 00:11:05,218
where they kill
all the fish?
287
00:11:05,286 --> 00:11:06,970
Dolphins, actually.
288
00:11:07,038 --> 00:11:08,538
Well, yeah, but this one
was in the video store
289
00:11:08,606 --> 00:11:09,873
under "Ethan's Picks."
290
00:11:09,941 --> 00:11:11,074
Come on, Peter.
291
00:11:11,142 --> 00:11:12,743
Billy's our guest.
292
00:11:12,810 --> 00:11:14,578
(sighs) All right,
we'll watch The Cove.
293
00:11:16,481 --> 00:11:17,981
(men shouting in Japanese,
splashing and thumping)
294
00:11:18,049 --> 00:11:18,949
Oh, my God!
295
00:11:19,017 --> 00:11:20,033
I don't want to see this!
296
00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:21,385
I know you can't tell this,
297
00:11:21,469 --> 00:11:22,736
but the one who's about
to get her throat cut,
298
00:11:22,804 --> 00:11:25,022
she's sorta hot.
299
00:11:28,276 --> 00:11:30,894
Wh-Wh-What are you doing?
300
00:11:30,962 --> 00:11:32,829
- What do you think I'm doing?
- You're stoolin'?
301
00:11:32,897 --> 00:11:34,431
What, you gotta
do that in here?
302
00:11:34,499 --> 00:11:36,500
Well, where else am I
supposed to do it?
303
00:11:36,567 --> 00:11:38,785
I can't just do it
on the floor, can I?
304
00:11:38,853 --> 00:11:40,865
You'd be all, like,
"Ooh, who left this coil
305
00:11:40,890 --> 00:11:42,290
of rope on the floor?"
306
00:11:42,357 --> 00:11:44,324
It's very... comes out
very ropey is my point.
307
00:11:44,392 --> 00:11:46,326
- But I gotta take a bath.
- Go on, then.
308
00:11:46,394 --> 00:11:47,427
We're both men.
309
00:11:47,495 --> 00:11:50,030
Well... all right,
I guess.
310
00:11:50,081 --> 00:11:51,431
There you go!
311
00:11:51,499 --> 00:11:53,767
(hearty laugh)
Look at that!
312
00:11:53,835 --> 00:11:54,935
What is...
313
00:11:55,003 --> 00:11:56,536
Whoa! Solar eclipse.
314
00:11:56,604 --> 00:11:57,771
Blocking the sun.
315
00:11:57,839 --> 00:12:00,273
Do not look directly
at it. (laughs)
316
00:12:00,341 --> 00:12:01,374
Wh-Wha-What the hell?
317
00:12:01,426 --> 00:12:02,492
What're you doin'?
318
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:03,760
I'm just making
a comment.
319
00:12:03,828 --> 00:12:05,646
Um, need to
know somethin'.
320
00:12:05,713 --> 00:12:08,348
Do you hear the word
"morbidly" a lot?
321
00:12:08,416 --> 00:12:10,083
- This is not fair.
- O-O-Okay.
322
00:12:10,151 --> 00:12:11,384
And, again, I'm gonna
ask one more question,
323
00:12:11,436 --> 00:12:12,669
and don't take this
the wrong way,
324
00:12:12,737 --> 00:12:14,884
but have you actually
got a penis?
325
00:12:14,909 --> 00:12:15,822
Yes.
326
00:12:15,823 --> 00:12:17,190
Where-where is it?
Where is it?
327
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:18,959
- It's in there.
- Are you sure?
328
00:12:19,027 --> 00:12:20,694
So it's like Mr.
Snuffleupagus, is it?
329
00:12:20,762 --> 00:12:22,228
Aw, the hell with this.
330
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,231
Lois, get the ruler,
we're measuring again.
331
00:12:24,298 --> 00:12:26,533
And this time, I decide
where the base is.
332
00:12:29,287 --> 00:12:30,587
So then I'm reading
the funnies,
333
00:12:30,655 --> 00:12:32,656
and right before I get
to the last panel,
334
00:12:32,724 --> 00:12:34,758
Billy blurts out,
he goes, he goes,
335
00:12:34,826 --> 00:12:37,778
"You know, those firemen showed
up to get a cat out of the tree,
336
00:12:37,845 --> 00:12:39,880
but it turns out it's really
Marmaduke up there."
337
00:12:39,947 --> 00:12:41,581
It ruined the whole damn thing!
338
00:12:41,649 --> 00:12:44,851
Peter, in Billy's defense,
the strip is called Marmaduke,
339
00:12:44,919 --> 00:12:47,054
and Marmaduke had not yet
made an appearance.
340
00:12:47,121 --> 00:12:48,655
You probably should've
seen that coming.
341
00:12:48,723 --> 00:12:50,257
I tell ya, he was fun at first,
342
00:12:50,324 --> 00:12:52,976
but now I'm not sure I can take
much more of him living here.
343
00:12:53,044 --> 00:12:55,512
Well, Peter, you've more than
paid back your debt to him.
344
00:12:55,580 --> 00:12:56,713
I mean, what did he do?
345
00:12:56,781 --> 00:12:58,048
He-he got you a hood ornament.
346
00:12:58,116 --> 00:13:00,050
If you ask me,
it's time for him to go.
347
00:13:00,118 --> 00:13:01,184
Yeah, you're right.
348
00:13:01,252 --> 00:13:02,586
Plus, the sooner
we get him out of here,
349
00:13:02,653 --> 00:13:05,489
the sooner I can get back
to my cocaine and dollhouses.
350
00:13:05,556 --> 00:13:07,891
(long, loud snorting noise)
351
00:13:15,149 --> 00:13:16,083
(rings bell)
352
00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:17,718
Dinner is served.
353
00:13:17,785 --> 00:13:19,419
(small excited squeal)
354
00:13:19,487 --> 00:13:21,054
Get out!
355
00:13:22,690 --> 00:13:24,224
(panting)
356
00:13:24,291 --> 00:13:25,525
Stewie, what's going on?
357
00:13:25,593 --> 00:13:26,810
Aren't you supposed
to be at day care?
358
00:13:26,878 --> 00:13:29,296
- I escaped.
- What happened to your arm?
359
00:13:29,363 --> 00:13:30,897
I finally stood up for all of us
360
00:13:30,965 --> 00:13:32,833
and told Miss Emily we should
be given a proper lunch
361
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,501
and not just what's left over
from her Baja Fresh.
362
00:13:34,569 --> 00:13:36,486
And she said
I shouldn't raise my voice
363
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:38,472
and pulled me really hard
into the other room,
364
00:13:38,539 --> 00:13:40,407
and my arm came
out of its socket.
365
00:13:40,475 --> 00:13:41,808
Are you sure?
366
00:13:41,876 --> 00:13:43,910
Are you sure you didn't
just sleep on it funny?
367
00:13:43,978 --> 00:13:45,695
Does this look like
I slept on it funny?!
368
00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:46,747
I'm gonna tell Mom!
369
00:13:46,814 --> 00:13:47,697
Mom!
370
00:13:47,782 --> 00:13:49,099
You are not going anywhere.
371
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:51,251
I finally have a date
with Miss Emily tomorrow,
372
00:13:51,319 --> 00:13:53,053
and I'm not gonna let you
or anybody else get in my way
373
00:13:53,121 --> 00:13:55,021
until I have seen
every inch of her naked.
374
00:13:55,089 --> 00:13:56,389
Do you even hear yourself?!
375
00:13:56,457 --> 00:13:58,158
And what am I supposed
to do about my arm?!
376
00:13:58,209 --> 00:13:59,326
I'll just pop it back in.
377
00:13:59,393 --> 00:14:00,710
You most certainly will not!
378
00:14:00,778 --> 00:14:02,312
I need to go to a hospital.
379
00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:04,181
LOIS: Brian, is Stewie
in there with you?
380
00:14:04,265 --> 00:14:05,532
Mom!
381
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,367
We're in here, Lois.
He's napping.
382
00:14:07,435 --> 00:14:09,502
Relax. I'm gonna
pop it back in.
383
00:14:09,554 --> 00:14:11,388
(muffled grunting)
384
00:14:14,659 --> 00:14:17,227
Get in there! C-Come on!
Hold still, Stewie!
385
00:14:17,311 --> 00:14:18,428
(both grunting)
386
00:14:18,496 --> 00:14:20,397
(shoulder popping)
387
00:14:20,481 --> 00:14:22,816
(coughing)
388
00:14:22,884 --> 00:14:24,951
I'm not saying
I like pain.
389
00:14:25,019 --> 00:14:27,287
But I'm not saying
I don't like it either.
390
00:14:30,591 --> 00:14:34,461
Hey, uh, listen, Billy, it's
been fun having you stay here,
391
00:14:34,529 --> 00:14:37,397
but we really need to talk about
making some new arrangements.
392
00:14:37,465 --> 00:14:38,598
Oh, do we?
393
00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:40,400
Is this because there's
some kind of problem
394
00:14:40,468 --> 00:14:41,434
with the hood ornament?
395
00:14:41,502 --> 00:14:42,435
No, that's... it's...
396
00:14:42,503 --> 00:14:44,121
that's... it's-it's fine.
397
00:14:44,188 --> 00:14:45,755
Oh, good, good.
That's good to hear,
398
00:14:45,823 --> 00:14:48,175
'cause it dawned on me
that the only thing better than
399
00:14:48,242 --> 00:14:50,894
you having one of them would
be you having two of them.
400
00:14:50,962 --> 00:14:52,863
Don't you say those things.
401
00:14:52,930 --> 00:14:54,631
Don't you say those things
unless they're true.
402
00:14:54,699 --> 00:14:56,099
Yeah, be quite a thing
403
00:14:56,167 --> 00:14:57,734
for you to have two of them,
wouldn't it?
404
00:14:57,802 --> 00:14:59,002
Would it ever!
405
00:15:03,191 --> 00:15:04,074
Wonderful!
406
00:15:04,158 --> 00:15:05,108
The best!
407
00:15:05,193 --> 00:15:06,326
Very fancy!
408
00:15:08,696 --> 00:15:12,065
Now, what was it you wanted
to talk to me about?
409
00:15:12,133 --> 00:15:13,066
Nothing, nothing.
410
00:15:13,134 --> 00:15:13,967
(knocking)
411
00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:17,103
Tricia Takanawa?
412
00:15:17,171 --> 00:15:18,421
What are you doing here?
413
00:15:18,489 --> 00:15:21,391
Peter, I'm standing here
on your front porch,
414
00:15:21,459 --> 00:15:24,494
hoping to kill that dolphin
with this harpoon.
415
00:15:24,562 --> 00:15:29,166
MAN (singing):
416
00:15:35,019 --> 00:15:37,654
So the thing about dolphin
lullabies is that they're all
417
00:15:37,721 --> 00:15:39,856
in the key of
"eee-eee"!
418
00:15:39,924 --> 00:15:41,558
(laughing)
419
00:15:41,625 --> 00:15:42,725
"Eee"!
420
00:15:42,793 --> 00:15:44,494
(laughing)
421
00:15:44,562 --> 00:15:45,695
That's loud.
422
00:15:45,763 --> 00:15:46,996
I get why
that's factual.
423
00:15:47,064 --> 00:15:48,198
I don't see
why it's funny.
424
00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:51,584
(laughing)
Eh-eh! What the hell, man?!
425
00:15:51,652 --> 00:15:53,553
Drink beer much?
(laughs)
426
00:15:53,621 --> 00:15:56,356
I just learned that
"much" thing from the telly.
427
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:57,457
Hey, here's a question:
428
00:15:57,525 --> 00:15:59,259
When are you going
back to the ocean?
429
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,678
Yeah, I mean, don't you have
family back there?
430
00:16:01,745 --> 00:16:03,913
I used to, but not anymore.
431
00:16:03,981 --> 00:16:06,149
Um, the wife won't
have me back.
432
00:16:06,217 --> 00:16:07,483
Threw me out, actually.
433
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:09,168
Well, maybe you
should talk to her.
434
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:12,171
Peter, believe me, if she'd take
me back, I'd go in a second.
435
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:15,875
But she won't, so as much
as I love her, moot point.
436
00:16:15,943 --> 00:16:17,277
Moving on.
437
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,045
Uh... (clears throat)
438
00:16:19,113 --> 00:16:21,681
Well, gotta go
and drain the eel.
439
00:16:21,749 --> 00:16:22,749
It's electric.
440
00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,850
(laughing):
My penis.
441
00:16:26,036 --> 00:16:28,137
BILLY:
Hey, throw darts much?
442
00:16:28,205 --> 00:16:29,939
(laughing)
443
00:16:30,007 --> 00:16:31,174
Boy, I see what
you're saying, Peter.
444
00:16:31,242 --> 00:16:32,308
Billy's annoying.
445
00:16:32,376 --> 00:16:33,793
Yeah, and P.S.,
446
00:16:33,861 --> 00:16:36,095
that guy doesn't throw
darts much. He's new.
447
00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:42,902
Peter, I thought you said you
were gonna ask Billy to leave.
448
00:16:42,970 --> 00:16:44,771
He's still sleeping
on the couch out there.
449
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,139
I know, Lois, but I found out
450
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,907
he's only here
'cause his wife kicked him out.
451
00:16:47,975 --> 00:16:51,427
So I figured out a way to kill
two birds with one stone.
452
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,263
(chirping)
Like this.
453
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:55,932
The key to that, Lois,
is big rock, small birds.
454
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,533
Oh, and I also figured out
455
00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,802
how to achieve two goals
with one action.
456
00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:02,238
See, I'm gonna help Billy
get back together with his wife,
457
00:17:02,306 --> 00:17:04,240
and then he'll move out
and stop annoying us.
458
00:17:04,308 --> 00:17:05,541
How do you plan to do that?
459
00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:06,876
Are you kidding?
460
00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:08,077
I'm great at getting
people back together.
461
00:17:08,145 --> 00:17:09,846
I even recorded a song about it.
462
00:17:09,914 --> 00:17:12,048
("Reunited" intro playing)
463
00:17:12,116 --> 00:17:18,121
♪ Reunited
and it feels so good ♪
464
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:23,509
♪ Doin' someone
that you used to do ♪
465
00:17:23,577 --> 00:17:26,462
♪ That's what
this song's about ♪
466
00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:29,682
♪ You could find someone else
467
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:32,719
♪ But this
seems a little easier ♪
468
00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:35,688
♪ 'Cause you
already have their number ♪
469
00:17:35,756 --> 00:17:37,056
♪ Yeah, yeah...
470
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:41,728
Hey, guys.
471
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:44,230
Everybody having
fun playing with...
472
00:17:44,298 --> 00:17:45,782
What-what is that?
473
00:17:45,866 --> 00:17:48,801
A piece of wood with a,
with a nail in it. Neat.
474
00:17:48,869 --> 00:17:50,003
He can't hear you.
475
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:51,371
There was a kitchen
explosion today,
476
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:52,905
and half the kids are deaf.
477
00:17:52,973 --> 00:17:54,757
- Oh, hi, Brian.
- Hey, Emily.
478
00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:55,892
Wow, you look great.
479
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,060
You're ready to go?
480
00:17:57,127 --> 00:17:58,094
Yeah, one sec.
481
00:17:58,162 --> 00:17:59,329
I'm leaving, honey.
482
00:17:59,396 --> 00:18:00,997
Okay, babe, have fun.
483
00:18:01,065 --> 00:18:03,766
I'm probably just gonna take
a couple more showers.
484
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:05,068
Who-who was that?
485
00:18:05,135 --> 00:18:06,402
That's my boyfriend, Devin.
486
00:18:06,470 --> 00:18:07,503
Are you ready for lunch?
487
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:12,392
RADIO DISPATCHER: 11-25,
Code 6, 105 North Avenue...
488
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:13,959
What you did
to these kids...
489
00:18:14,011 --> 00:18:17,230
There is a special place
in hell for people like you.
490
00:18:20,884 --> 00:18:23,353
Come on, let's go home.
491
00:18:23,420 --> 00:18:25,188
Man, when she
gets to jail,
492
00:18:25,255 --> 00:18:27,023
she's gonna be
major lez-chow.
493
00:18:27,091 --> 00:18:30,193
She sure is, Stewie.
She sure is.
494
00:18:33,447 --> 00:18:35,648
I'm telling you, Peter,
you're wasting your time.
495
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:37,200
She's never taking me back.
496
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,835
Well, you'll never
know until you try.
497
00:18:38,919 --> 00:18:41,421
Hey, I brought this sack
of garbage from my home.
498
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,988
Where do I put this?
Just anywhere?
499
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,374
Yeah. Anywhere.
500
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,761
Yay, people!
501
00:18:48,829 --> 00:18:50,013
All right, here she comes.
502
00:18:50,097 --> 00:18:52,181
Oh, hello, Joanne.
503
00:18:52,266 --> 00:18:53,716
Billy?! What are
you doing here?
504
00:18:53,801 --> 00:18:57,353
He's here because he loves you,
and he wants to patch things up.
505
00:18:57,438 --> 00:18:59,171
Hey, how come
you ain't got boobs?
506
00:18:59,223 --> 00:19:00,807
You like a runner
or something?
507
00:19:00,858 --> 00:19:01,974
Who's this, then?
508
00:19:02,026 --> 00:19:03,693
He's just a friend,
trying to help.
509
00:19:03,777 --> 00:19:05,845
Look, Billy,
I don't care
510
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:09,515
what you or your fat friend
here has to say, it's over.
511
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,535
(sighs) Well, thanks
for trying.
512
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,404
I knew she wouldn't
listen to you, though.
513
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,372
Well, maybe so.
514
00:19:16,457 --> 00:19:19,459
But I know someone
she'll have to listen to.
515
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:20,993
Hey, gang,
I'm Aquaman.
516
00:19:21,045 --> 00:19:22,628
Get back together.
517
00:19:22,696 --> 00:19:24,464
Boop-boop-boop-boop-
boop-boop-boop.
518
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,332
That's not
Aquaman!
519
00:19:26,383 --> 00:19:27,834
Billy, what
is going on?
520
00:19:27,885 --> 00:19:29,085
Let me answer that.
521
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,888
Look, Joanne, Billy had
nothing to do with this.
522
00:19:31,972 --> 00:19:35,058
It was just a dumb plan my
buddies and I put together
523
00:19:35,142 --> 00:19:37,209
because we know how
much Billy loves you.
524
00:19:37,261 --> 00:19:39,178
And he misses you very much.
525
00:19:39,229 --> 00:19:41,230
Look, just give him
another chance.
526
00:19:41,315 --> 00:19:44,600
And if you won't do it
for me, do it for Fish Jesus.
527
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:46,652
- Do you have Fish Jesus?
- Of course.
528
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,388
He was nailed to a board
and hung in a man's study
529
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,858
as a novelty to
sing funny songs.
530
00:19:51,909 --> 00:19:54,077
Your god is a gag gift,
did you know that?
531
00:19:54,161 --> 00:19:55,411
Would you excuse us?
532
00:19:56,697 --> 00:19:58,898
Is it true, Billy?
533
00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:00,249
Do you really miss me?
534
00:20:00,334 --> 00:20:02,085
Joanne, I am so sorry.
535
00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:03,619
I promise
I'll do better.
536
00:20:03,704 --> 00:20:05,621
You know what?
I had to live on the land
537
00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:07,924
to learn there might
be a million fish in the sea,
538
00:20:08,008 --> 00:20:09,959
but there's only one you.
539
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,828
Oh, Billy...
540
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,918
Aw, look at that.
541
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,104
That's nice.
542
00:20:21,188 --> 00:20:23,840
Oh, cool, they're
already using my garbage!
543
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,230
Hey, Brian, thanks for helping
get rid of Miss Emily.
544
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:32,465
Although I've got to say,
545
00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:34,467
my new preschool teacher
is even hotter.
546
00:20:34,535 --> 00:20:35,635
- Really?
- Yeah.
547
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:36,869
Let me know if you
want his number.
548
00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:39,539
Oh, you!
549
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:40,973
Okay, now just
stay like this
550
00:20:41,041 --> 00:20:42,959
and let Peter and Lois
finish their thing.
551
00:20:43,026 --> 00:20:45,128
Wow, Peter, you did
a really nice thing
552
00:20:45,195 --> 00:20:47,563
helping Billy get back
together with his wife.
553
00:20:47,631 --> 00:20:49,022
Yeah, and the best part
is, he's out of the house
554
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:50,247
and back in the ocean.
555
00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:52,318
I guess everything
worked out for everybody.
556
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:57,623
Arr! 'Tis a mighty haul!
557
00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:59,175
- Hey.
- Oh.
558
00:20:59,243 --> 00:21:01,244
Yeah, it's me as Neptune.
559
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:05,803
== sync, corrected by elderman ==