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00:00:01,941 --> 00:00:05,309
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,391 --> 00:00:08,693
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,778 --> 00:00:12,163
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:12,231 --> 00:00:15,150
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:15,201 --> 00:00:18,737
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,821 --> 00:00:21,957
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:23,626 --> 00:00:24,976
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:25,044 --> 00:00:29,335
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:29,336 --> 00:00:32,836
♪ Family Guy 10x18 ♪
You Can't Do That on Television, Peter
Original Air Date on April 1, 2012
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00:00:32,837 --> 00:00:36,137
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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00:00:36,138 --> 00:00:37,055
Need to move?
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00:00:37,139 --> 00:00:38,056
No problem.
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00:00:38,140 --> 00:00:39,958
Take it yourself with U-Haul.
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00:00:40,026 --> 00:00:41,559
But I've never driven
a truck before.
16
00:00:41,627 --> 00:00:42,861
No problem.
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00:00:42,928 --> 00:00:45,213
U-Haul lets anyone drive
a giant truck,
18
00:00:45,281 --> 00:00:48,650
even though it's dangerous,
because, hey, you're moving.
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00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:55,240
Sorry, I'm making a go
of it in a new city.
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00:00:55,324 --> 00:00:57,442
All right, I'll see you
guys in a couple of days.
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00:00:57,510 --> 00:00:58,743
Where are you going?
22
00:00:58,811 --> 00:01:00,312
I'm off to take pictures
of lesbian butts.
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00:01:00,379 --> 00:01:01,796
What?
24
00:01:01,864 --> 00:01:03,915
Joe and Quagmire and I are
making a coffee table book
25
00:01:03,983 --> 00:01:05,950
called Lesbian Butts
in '80s Jeans.
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00:01:06,018 --> 00:01:08,320
I already got the first
chapter right here.
27
00:01:08,387 --> 00:01:10,388
Where'd you take
all these pictures?
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00:01:10,456 --> 00:01:12,540
You know, coffee houses,
Chevy dealerships,
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all the usual places.
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00:01:13,993 --> 00:01:14,926
Peter, you're not
doing that.
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00:01:14,994 --> 00:01:16,461
I got a ton
of errands to run,
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00:01:16,545 --> 00:01:18,096
and I need your help
around here.
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00:01:18,164 --> 00:01:19,731
Well, fine, if I
can't do the book
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00:01:19,799 --> 00:01:21,266
I'm gonna hurt
something you love.
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00:01:27,606 --> 00:01:29,040
You happy now?
36
00:01:29,108 --> 00:01:31,159
Maybe we should discuss this
in the other room.
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00:01:31,227 --> 00:01:32,761
I don't like fighting
in front of the kids.
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00:01:32,828 --> 00:01:34,562
No, I want to fight
in front of the kids.
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00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:36,448
I feed off the excitement
of an audience.
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00:01:36,515 --> 00:01:38,049
Peter, for once
you're going to stay here
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00:01:38,117 --> 00:01:39,317
and help
around the house.
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00:01:50,312 --> 00:01:51,346
All right, Stewie,
since Lois says
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00:01:51,414 --> 00:01:52,580
I got to keep
an eye on you,
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00:01:52,648 --> 00:01:54,849
we might as well have
some father-son time,
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00:01:54,917 --> 00:01:56,067
so I'm gonna measure
your penis
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00:01:56,135 --> 00:01:57,736
and then I'm gonna
measure my penis,
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00:01:57,803 --> 00:01:59,404
and we're gonna see
whose is bigger.
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00:01:59,472 --> 00:02:00,572
Doesn't really
seem fair.
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00:02:00,639 --> 00:02:02,524
All right, let's see
what you got.
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00:02:02,591 --> 00:02:04,976
Stupid game anyway.
53
00:02:05,044 --> 00:02:06,644
Hey, kids, coming up next,
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00:02:06,712 --> 00:02:08,947
it's the Jolly Farm Revue
marathon.
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00:02:09,014 --> 00:02:10,098
No, no, don't
switch it.
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00:02:10,149 --> 00:02:10,965
I want to watch
Jolly Farm.
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Son of a bitch.
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00:02:12,501 --> 00:02:14,969
I got to spend the rest of the
day watching stupid kid shows.
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00:02:15,037 --> 00:02:16,654
I'd rather watch paint dry.
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Nice.
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00:02:32,538 --> 00:02:34,239
Wakey, wakey.
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Good morning, Mother Maggie.
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Heh, who's this?
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I like this lady.
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Hey, do you think
Mother Maggie
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is married to
Father Fa...?
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Oh, probably not.
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00:02:42,882 --> 00:02:44,182
And the unicorn slid
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00:02:44,266 --> 00:02:47,035
down the rainbow
to a field of jellybeans
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where she
and the other villagers decided
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00:02:49,271 --> 00:02:52,107
it had been the best day ever.
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00:02:52,174 --> 00:02:54,125
Oh, look, it's Pengrove Pig,
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00:02:54,193 --> 00:02:56,661
and he's sharing
his apples nicely, isn't he?
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Like a champ he is.
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♪ Head, shoulders, knees,
and toes, knees and toes. ♪
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00:03:03,436 --> 00:03:06,805
And that's how you make a duck
out of an oatmeal container.
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00:03:06,872 --> 00:03:09,808
This is the greatest show
in the history of television.
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00:03:09,875 --> 00:03:12,777
Mother Maggie, you are
a kindred spirit.
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00:03:12,845 --> 00:03:14,779
This must be how twins
who are separated at birth
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feel when they first meet.
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Trade house keys,
bang each other's wives?
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Yep.
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00:03:29,612 --> 00:03:32,180
I can't dissect
this pig, Mr. Kingman.
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It's against
my religion.
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00:03:33,716 --> 00:03:34,949
Believe me, Neil,
it's no thrill
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for the pig to
touch a Jew either.
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00:03:36,685 --> 00:03:38,419
Okay, how about you,
Meg, how are you doing?
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Pretty good.
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It's, it's kind of cool
cutting something that's not me.
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Wow, that's some
very impressive work.
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00:03:44,994 --> 00:03:47,862
It's easy for Meg to dissect
a pig because she is a pig.
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Hey!
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All right,
I'll let that one slide.
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00:03:52,051 --> 00:03:53,718
Meg, you have some
real potential.
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00:03:53,786 --> 00:03:55,286
Have you ever thought
about becoming a doctor
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00:03:55,354 --> 00:03:56,488
when you grow up?
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00:03:56,555 --> 00:03:58,756
I always just assumed
I'd work on the docks.
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00:03:58,824 --> 00:04:00,158
Don't limit
yourself, Meg.
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00:04:00,226 --> 00:04:01,926
Doctors wear a mask
most of the time,
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00:04:01,994 --> 00:04:03,728
so this isn't
an issue.
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00:04:03,796 --> 00:04:05,513
If you're interested
the school has a program
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00:04:05,581 --> 00:04:07,081
where you can shadow
a real doctor
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00:04:07,149 --> 00:04:08,850
and learn more about
the medical field.
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00:04:08,918 --> 00:04:11,035
Yeah, wow, I'd love
to check that out.
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00:04:11,103 --> 00:04:12,287
Great, I'll
set it up.
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00:04:12,354 --> 00:04:13,972
I didn't know a pig
could be a doctor.
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00:04:14,039 --> 00:04:15,073
Hey!
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00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:17,141
You get
just a few more of those.
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00:04:20,412 --> 00:04:22,185
Now, children, we're going
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00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:23,697
to learn who wears a hat.
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00:04:23,816 --> 00:04:25,650
Can a fireman wear
a hat?
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Yes.
No? Yes.
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00:04:27,353 --> 00:04:29,254
Can a policeman
wear a hat?
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Yes.
No way.
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00:04:30,256 --> 00:04:31,339
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
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Yes, he can, I knew that.
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00:04:32,808 --> 00:04:36,044
Now, you at home, tell me,
who else wears a hat?
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00:04:36,111 --> 00:04:37,779
A very formal horse?
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00:04:37,847 --> 00:04:39,280
Very good.
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00:04:39,348 --> 00:04:43,418
Even a bowling ball can wear a
hat if you use your imagination.
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00:04:43,469 --> 00:04:46,454
A bowling ball wearing a hat?
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00:04:46,522 --> 00:04:48,957
This is what high-def
was invented for.
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00:04:49,024 --> 00:04:51,125
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
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00:04:51,193 --> 00:04:52,727
Being a good dad
like you asked.
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00:04:52,795 --> 00:04:54,295
I've been watching
Jolly Farm with Stewie
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00:04:54,363 --> 00:04:55,563
for the last
three hours.
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00:04:55,631 --> 00:04:58,266
That's not Stewie,
that's a pineapple.
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00:04:58,334 --> 00:05:00,335
Oh, my God, where is Stewie?
129
00:05:00,402 --> 00:05:01,603
I don't know, but
I'm sure he's fine.
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00:05:01,670 --> 00:05:02,604
Peter, he's a baby.
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00:05:02,671 --> 00:05:04,239
You can't leave him alone.
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00:05:04,306 --> 00:05:06,157
Come on, it's good to
have some alone time.
133
00:05:06,225 --> 00:05:08,393
You know, I spent a year
alone on a desert island
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00:05:08,460 --> 00:05:10,361
with nothing but a monkey
to keep me company.
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00:05:10,429 --> 00:05:12,964
You're saved, sir, we're going
to get you back to civilization.
136
00:05:13,032 --> 00:05:14,766
And how about we bring along
your monkey pal?
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00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:15,984
Okay.
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00:05:16,051 --> 00:05:17,435
Yeah, we can teach
him sign language
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00:05:17,503 --> 00:05:18,803
and he can
tell us stories
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00:05:18,871 --> 00:05:20,638
about what you two did
on the island together.
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00:05:20,706 --> 00:05:23,258
No, n-no, no, no, let's, let's
not, let's not bring the monkey.
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00:05:23,325 --> 00:05:25,793
Um, I have a peanut M&M
up my nose
143
00:05:25,861 --> 00:05:28,563
and it's now further up
than my finger can reach.
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00:05:28,631 --> 00:05:30,665
I am ready to farm
this out to someone.
145
00:05:30,733 --> 00:05:32,634
Oh, Stewie, there you are.
146
00:05:32,685 --> 00:05:35,386
Peter, I asked you to do one
simple thing-- watch the baby--
147
00:05:35,454 --> 00:05:36,988
and you couldn't even do that.
148
00:05:37,056 --> 00:05:38,556
Come on, Stewie.
149
00:05:38,641 --> 00:05:40,558
Geez, why's she got
to be such a nag?
150
00:05:40,643 --> 00:05:42,560
I wish she was more
like Mother Maggie.
151
00:05:42,628 --> 00:05:45,530
Mother Maggie has an
announcement, lads and lasses.
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00:05:45,598 --> 00:05:47,966
I've had such fun playing
and learning with you
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00:05:48,033 --> 00:05:50,735
these last few years, but now,
154
00:05:50,803 --> 00:05:55,039
just as bees must leave the
hive, I must leave Jolly Farm--
155
00:05:55,107 --> 00:05:57,609
not that you asked, but to have
fertility treatments--
156
00:05:57,676 --> 00:06:01,312
so this will be our last episode
of Jolly Farm.
157
00:06:01,380 --> 00:06:02,580
What? No.
158
00:06:02,648 --> 00:06:04,482
They can't cancel Jolly Farm.
159
00:06:04,550 --> 00:06:06,200
Peter, it's just a
stupid kids' show.
160
00:06:06,268 --> 00:06:08,002
Just a stupid
kids' show?
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00:06:08,053 --> 00:06:10,638
What about Pengrove Pig
and the Lollipop Luau?
162
00:06:10,706 --> 00:06:12,073
I-I-I don't know.
163
00:06:12,141 --> 00:06:13,408
This is going
to leave a void,
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00:06:13,475 --> 00:06:15,059
and somebody's got
to fill it.
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00:06:15,127 --> 00:06:16,194
I think you're
overreacting.
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00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:17,595
You don't understand,
Brian.
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00:06:17,663 --> 00:06:19,647
What am I supposed to do
without Jolly Farm?
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00:06:19,715 --> 00:06:22,583
I'll be like an Italian mom
without bad kids.
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00:06:22,651 --> 00:06:26,220
Hey, hey, hey, what the hell
is all the commotion in here?
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00:06:26,271 --> 00:06:27,372
We're not doing anything.
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00:06:27,439 --> 00:06:28,806
You getting
fresh with me?
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00:06:28,874 --> 00:06:30,875
I'm tired of bailing both
of youse out of prison.
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00:06:30,943 --> 00:06:32,076
We're both
in college
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00:06:32,144 --> 00:06:33,711
and we consistently make
the dean's list.
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I'm telling
your father.
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Good.
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00:06:39,652 --> 00:06:41,686
Where the hell
is our food?
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00:06:41,754 --> 00:06:43,187
Yeah, where are
Mom and Dad?
179
00:06:43,255 --> 00:06:44,889
And where's
that awesome finger painting
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00:06:44,957 --> 00:06:45,857
Stewie did this morning?
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00:06:45,924 --> 00:06:46,891
Oh, here it is.
182
00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:47,992
Thank you for bringing it up.
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00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:49,360
I wasn't going to bring it up.
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00:06:49,428 --> 00:06:51,129
Well, what's
going on?
185
00:06:51,196 --> 00:06:52,030
You haven't
eaten yet?
186
00:06:52,097 --> 00:06:53,031
No.
187
00:06:53,098 --> 00:06:54,332
Where's your father?
188
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,200
He was supposed to put
the lasagna in the oven.
189
00:06:56,268 --> 00:06:58,903
I ask him to do one thing
while I'm at yoga.
190
00:06:58,971 --> 00:07:00,605
You go to an intro class
191
00:07:00,673 --> 00:07:02,173
and it's not even
at the yoga studio.
192
00:07:02,241 --> 00:07:03,391
It's in someone's living room.
193
00:07:03,459 --> 00:07:04,926
And that's not even a yoga mat.
194
00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:07,095
That's the old pee pad
from my crib.
195
00:07:07,162 --> 00:07:09,697
Uh, Lois, you might want
to check this out.
196
00:07:09,765 --> 00:07:12,316
What is it, Brian?
Take a look.
197
00:07:12,401 --> 00:07:17,238
And now, boys and girls,
it's time for Petey's Funhouse.
198
00:07:20,476 --> 00:07:23,411
♪ It's gonna be fun
and we'll have lots of yuks ♪
199
00:07:23,462 --> 00:07:25,980
♪ And maybe learn some stuff
but not definitely ♪
200
00:07:26,048 --> 00:07:29,300
♪ It's the Petey's Funhouse
show. ♪
201
00:07:29,368 --> 00:07:31,936
Ugh, another
Aaron Sorkin show
202
00:07:32,004 --> 00:07:33,938
that's way over
everyone's head.
203
00:07:39,853 --> 00:07:42,688
How the hell did you even get
a TV show, Peter?
204
00:07:42,756 --> 00:07:44,356
I just answered an
ad off Craigslist,
205
00:07:44,424 --> 00:07:47,292
and after several hours of
sexual torture, I had a show.
206
00:07:48,361 --> 00:07:49,428
Don't answer that.
207
00:07:49,496 --> 00:07:51,096
I gave out that
number under duress.
208
00:07:51,164 --> 00:07:53,398
Lois, Peter's show is on the
local public access channel.
209
00:07:53,466 --> 00:07:54,900
Anyone can have one.
210
00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:56,702
Yeah, Petey's Funhouse
is actually replacing
211
00:07:56,770 --> 00:07:58,904
The Bad Audio Basement Show.
212
00:07:58,972 --> 00:08:02,541
And once the hot glue dries,
your birdhouse will be complete.
213
00:08:02,609 --> 00:08:04,576
Peter, you already do
nothing around the house
214
00:08:04,644 --> 00:08:07,012
and now you're wasting
more time with this nonsense.
215
00:08:07,079 --> 00:08:09,281
Geez, you're still getting
on my hump about this?
216
00:08:09,349 --> 00:08:10,482
I help out
around here.
217
00:08:10,550 --> 00:08:12,217
Just this morning I
changed Meg's diaper
218
00:08:12,285 --> 00:08:13,652
and I sent her
off to school.
219
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,221
Boy, can she kick, but
she left here spotless.
220
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:22,511
Dr. Hartman, thanks for
letting me shadow you.
221
00:08:22,579 --> 00:08:24,680
I just know I'm going
to learn so much.
222
00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:27,049
It's my pleasure, Meg,
and you're in good hands.
223
00:08:27,116 --> 00:08:28,450
You see that diploma?
224
00:08:28,518 --> 00:08:29,952
Yale Medical School.
225
00:08:30,019 --> 00:08:31,820
Wow, that's
impressive.
226
00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:34,389
Thank you, I work very hard
on my calligraphy.
227
00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:36,992
So, how about we take a little
stroll around the hospital?
228
00:08:37,076 --> 00:08:39,110
This area is known
as a hallway.
229
00:08:39,162 --> 00:08:40,462
Don't worry,
you'll pick up
230
00:08:40,547 --> 00:08:42,948
on all the technical
doctor jargon pretty soon.
231
00:08:42,999 --> 00:08:45,884
Hey, is it prescription
or perscription?
232
00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:47,336
I think
it's prescription.
233
00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:50,339
Prescription... that just
feels weird in my mouth.
234
00:08:50,423 --> 00:08:53,058
Perscription is better.
235
00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:54,626
Oh, and there's the E.R.
236
00:08:54,677 --> 00:08:57,179
Don't go in there unless you
want everyone to yell at you.
237
00:09:03,503 --> 00:09:06,138
Hi, kids, I'm Petey Griffin.
238
00:09:06,206 --> 00:09:07,739
Hi, Petey!
239
00:09:07,807 --> 00:09:10,325
We're going to have so much fun
on Petey's Funhouse today,
240
00:09:10,393 --> 00:09:14,263
but before we begin, your friend
Petey wants to sing you a song.
241
00:09:15,565 --> 00:09:18,016
♪ What makes you
so special? ♪
242
00:09:18,084 --> 00:09:20,802
♪ The fact
that you are special ♪
243
00:09:20,870 --> 00:09:23,155
♪ But if everybody's
special ♪
244
00:09:23,223 --> 00:09:25,874
♪ That kinda
waters it down ♪
245
00:09:25,942 --> 00:09:28,527
♪ So some of you
ain't special ♪
246
00:09:28,595 --> 00:09:31,280
♪ I can tell you
who is special ♪
247
00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:33,498
♪ Like you and you
ain't special. ♪
248
00:09:33,566 --> 00:09:35,300
And you are
and you're not.
249
00:09:37,437 --> 00:09:41,306
Okay, kids, it's story time here
on Petey's Funhouse.
250
00:09:41,374 --> 00:09:44,810
Today's story is
Lesbian Butts in '80s Jeans.
251
00:09:44,878 --> 00:09:46,845
Ooh, that's a classic.
252
00:09:46,913 --> 00:09:50,449
Once upon a time, some chick in
a leather jacket in front of me
253
00:09:50,516 --> 00:09:52,751
in the parking lot walked
into Home Depot,
254
00:09:52,819 --> 00:09:55,454
and her butt looked like this.
255
00:09:55,521 --> 00:09:57,055
Everybody see this?
256
00:09:57,123 --> 00:09:59,324
Everybody see
how shapeless this is?
257
00:09:59,392 --> 00:10:02,828
She walked out of there with
a bag of soil on each shoulder.
258
00:10:02,896 --> 00:10:04,496
Now, before I show you
this next one,
259
00:10:04,564 --> 00:10:07,883
has anyone here ever heard
of the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally?
260
00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:12,654
I know we have a lot of yuks
here on Petey's Funhouse,
261
00:10:12,722 --> 00:10:15,324
but one thing
that's not fun is a bully.
262
00:10:15,391 --> 00:10:17,926
Now, how many of you kids out
there have ever gotten bullied?
263
00:10:19,028 --> 00:10:20,162
Aw, come on up here
264
00:10:20,229 --> 00:10:22,331
and tell us
about it, champ.
265
00:10:22,398 --> 00:10:27,302
Well, my name is Winston,
and I'm quite fond of ballet.
266
00:10:27,370 --> 00:10:29,471
One time I tried out
for Little League
267
00:10:29,539 --> 00:10:31,974
in my ballet shoes,
and the other kids made
268
00:10:32,041 --> 00:10:34,443
so much fun of me,
I wet my pants.
269
00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:36,078
What, wait,
what, like pee?
270
00:10:36,145 --> 00:10:37,546
How old were you?
Eight.
271
00:10:37,614 --> 00:10:38,780
Aah, too old!
272
00:10:38,848 --> 00:10:41,116
Too old to be peeing yourself,
Baby Pee Pants.
273
00:10:41,184 --> 00:10:42,918
All right,
you kids finish him off.
274
00:10:47,624 --> 00:10:48,757
Hey, what do you
got there?
275
00:10:48,825 --> 00:10:50,392
Oh, I'm just playing
with some Lee Logs.
276
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:51,860
What the hell
are Lee Logs?
277
00:10:51,928 --> 00:10:53,528
A little something I
created-- Lee Logs.
278
00:10:53,596 --> 00:10:54,896
Robert E. Lee.
279
00:10:54,964 --> 00:10:56,832
You know, you got Lincoln
Logs, you got Lee Logs.
280
00:10:56,899 --> 00:10:58,767
I don't get it, can,
can you build a house?
281
00:10:58,835 --> 00:11:00,102
You can build
quarters.
282
00:11:00,169 --> 00:11:01,570
And people live there?
283
00:11:01,638 --> 00:11:03,572
They live there if you
tell 'em to live there.
284
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,474
I don't know if I like
the idea of Lee Logs.
285
00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,142
Yeah, they're not
selling very well.
286
00:11:07,210 --> 00:11:08,910
Peter, dinner!
287
00:11:08,978 --> 00:11:10,162
No dinner for
me tonight, Lois.
288
00:11:10,229 --> 00:11:12,431
I have to go work on
a bit for tomorrow's show.
289
00:11:12,498 --> 00:11:14,666
If I can kill 25
butterflies in a minute,
290
00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:16,768
I won't have to show
the audience my balls.
291
00:11:16,836 --> 00:11:18,870
Peter, this is the
fourth night in a row
292
00:11:18,938 --> 00:11:21,039
you've skipped out on us
to work on your show.
293
00:11:21,107 --> 00:11:23,275
Once again, I'm gonna be stuck
cleaning up the kitchen,
294
00:11:23,343 --> 00:11:25,811
helping out with homework,
and bathing Stewie.
295
00:11:25,878 --> 00:11:27,679
You know, I'd lay off
the nagging if I was you.
296
00:11:27,747 --> 00:11:29,047
I'm a children's TV star now.
297
00:11:29,115 --> 00:11:30,816
I can have any three-year-old
girl I want.
298
00:11:30,883 --> 00:11:32,384
Just know that, Lois.
299
00:11:32,452 --> 00:11:34,519
Peter, I'm only asking
you to do your share.
300
00:11:34,587 --> 00:11:35,687
Well, it's getting
on my nerves.
301
00:11:35,755 --> 00:11:36,822
Like, right now,
302
00:11:36,889 --> 00:11:38,090
you are the most
annoying thing
303
00:11:38,157 --> 00:11:40,692
in my life, with the
possible exception of Evite.
304
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,561
What's this?
It's this Web site you can use
305
00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:43,829
to invite people
to stuff.
306
00:11:43,896 --> 00:11:45,814
Does it have to be
a significant event?
307
00:11:45,882 --> 00:11:47,299
No. Not at all!
308
00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:48,767
Well, do you just
get the invitation,
309
00:11:48,835 --> 00:11:50,168
and that's the end of it?
310
00:11:50,236 --> 00:11:52,120
No, it'll remind you
about it constantly!
311
00:11:52,188 --> 00:11:54,523
Is there any way
I can customize this
312
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:57,359
to showcase my personality
through familiar clip art?
313
00:11:57,427 --> 00:11:58,727
Yes!
314
00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:00,278
And what about
those replying?
315
00:12:00,346 --> 00:12:02,164
Can they demonstrate
their sense of humor
316
00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:03,565
through hilarious replies?
317
00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:06,034
Yes, yes, yes to
everything you're saying!
318
00:12:06,102 --> 00:12:08,470
I'm so excited
to get started!
319
00:12:08,538 --> 00:12:10,706
You do that while
I jump out this window!
320
00:12:12,575 --> 00:12:15,377
Evite. Tell a friend
and then kill yourself.
321
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:20,315
And then when you
get a little older,
322
00:12:20,383 --> 00:12:21,950
stuff will come out.
323
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:25,220
Uh-oh!
324
00:12:25,288 --> 00:12:28,073
Sounds like my cranky
new neighbor just got home.
325
00:12:28,141 --> 00:12:29,741
I hope she doesn't
come over here
326
00:12:29,809 --> 00:12:31,176
and give me the business.
327
00:12:32,361 --> 00:12:33,478
Peter!
328
00:12:33,546 --> 00:12:35,747
Oh, hi, Saggy Naggy.
329
00:12:35,815 --> 00:12:37,432
Never mind with "hi!"
330
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:40,635
It sounds like someone's
having fun over here!
331
00:12:40,703 --> 00:12:42,671
You know I don't
like that!
332
00:12:42,739 --> 00:12:45,006
Hey, kids.
Meet Saggy Naggy.
333
00:12:45,074 --> 00:12:47,142
Real nice lady, huh?
334
00:12:47,210 --> 00:12:48,710
No!
335
00:12:48,778 --> 00:12:50,345
What can I do for you,
Saggy Naggy?
336
00:12:50,413 --> 00:12:52,030
You can stop having fun!
337
00:12:52,098 --> 00:12:54,783
But we like fun,
don't we, kids?
338
00:12:54,851 --> 00:12:56,068
Yes!
339
00:12:56,135 --> 00:12:57,402
Well, too bad,
340
00:12:57,470 --> 00:12:58,937
'cause you're all gonna
eat your vegetables,
341
00:12:59,005 --> 00:13:01,223
listen to long stories
about my cousins,
342
00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:03,442
and help me
fold sheets!
343
00:13:03,509 --> 00:13:05,677
And you! You're gonna
help around the house,
344
00:13:05,745 --> 00:13:06,845
take out the garbage,
345
00:13:06,896 --> 00:13:08,997
and give Stewie
his bottle!
346
00:13:09,065 --> 00:13:10,732
Yeah, I heard it.
They say my name
347
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,968
on TV all the time;
calm down, bitch.
348
00:13:13,035 --> 00:13:14,803
Make me dinner,
and go rent Twilight,
349
00:13:14,871 --> 00:13:16,688
and do mouth
stuff on me,
350
00:13:16,756 --> 00:13:19,057
even though it's been a
day-and-a-half since I've showered,
351
00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:21,793
and I've used several public
bathrooms in the interim!
352
00:13:21,861 --> 00:13:24,229
Sounds like this could
go on for a while, kids.
353
00:13:24,297 --> 00:13:25,380
Hey, Saggy Naggy,
354
00:13:25,448 --> 00:13:27,282
I know what'll cheer you up.
355
00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:28,650
Do you like pie?
356
00:13:28,718 --> 00:13:30,068
I guess.
357
00:13:30,119 --> 00:13:31,987
Well, how does this taste?
358
00:13:35,108 --> 00:13:36,491
Well, I guess she thought
359
00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:38,794
it was a no-pies-in-the-face
kind of neighborhood.
360
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:42,497
Wrong assessment
of the neighborhood, sweetheart!
361
00:13:46,202 --> 00:13:47,702
And how are you today, Mr...
362
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:48,937
Pa-ti-ent?
363
00:13:49,005 --> 00:13:50,539
My last name is Saunders.
364
00:13:50,606 --> 00:13:52,524
That's an interesting
pronunciation.
365
00:13:52,592 --> 00:13:54,292
This is Meg; she's
shadowing me today.
366
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,428
And boy, could she put
the applesauce away
367
00:13:56,496 --> 00:13:58,313
in the commissary.
Hi.
368
00:13:58,397 --> 00:14:00,265
Little tip, Meg:
The inside of this folder
369
00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:02,167
has a diagram
of the human body.
370
00:14:02,235 --> 00:14:03,502
Kind of a cheat sheet.
371
00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:07,489
Now see, right now,
I'm listening for cancer.
372
00:14:07,557 --> 00:14:09,774
Do you mean
his heartbeat?
373
00:14:09,842 --> 00:14:11,827
Maybe. Here,
you take a turn.
374
00:14:13,246 --> 00:14:15,447
Wow, your heartbeat
sounds a little fast.
375
00:14:15,515 --> 00:14:17,682
Do you smoke?
Actually, I do.
376
00:14:17,750 --> 00:14:19,484
Ah, me, too.
Isn't it great?
377
00:14:19,552 --> 00:14:20,886
Well, that's
bad for you.
378
00:14:20,953 --> 00:14:21,987
You shouldn't do it.
379
00:14:22,054 --> 00:14:23,321
It raises your heart rate
380
00:14:23,389 --> 00:14:25,157
and can lead
to emphysema or cancer.
381
00:14:25,224 --> 00:14:27,108
That's impressive, Meg.
It's no big deal.
382
00:14:27,176 --> 00:14:29,110
It's just stuff
I learned in health class.
383
00:14:29,178 --> 00:14:30,812
Well, you're clearly
a bright, young lady.
384
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,514
And you've got quite a...
385
00:14:32,582 --> 00:14:34,566
head on your...
386
00:14:34,634 --> 00:14:35,767
shoulders.
387
00:14:35,835 --> 00:14:37,068
Thanks.
388
00:14:37,136 --> 00:14:39,504
Dr. Hartman, you just got
this urgent message.
389
00:14:39,572 --> 00:14:40,989
Oh, dear.
Prilosec, huh?
390
00:14:41,057 --> 00:14:42,257
No, it's below that.
391
00:14:42,325 --> 00:14:43,491
Oh.
392
00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:44,626
Oh, my God.
393
00:14:44,694 --> 00:14:45,844
Meg, I'm afraid
my brother
394
00:14:45,912 --> 00:14:47,212
just tried to kill
himself in prison.
395
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,747
I-I have to go.
396
00:14:48,814 --> 00:14:50,782
You're gonna have to take
things from here, I guess.
397
00:14:50,850 --> 00:14:52,184
What?! What are you
talking about?
398
00:14:52,251 --> 00:14:54,402
Well, you now know
about as much as I do
399
00:14:54,470 --> 00:14:55,653
about this whole
doctor thing.
400
00:14:55,705 --> 00:14:57,205
But I have no formal
medical training.
401
00:14:57,273 --> 00:14:59,274
Ah, you'll be fine.
I think that book on the shelf
402
00:14:59,342 --> 00:15:01,009
has most of the
stuff in there.
403
00:15:01,077 --> 00:15:03,678
And don't forget the cheat sheet
if you need a helping...
404
00:15:03,746 --> 00:15:05,664
hand.
405
00:15:10,236 --> 00:15:11,403
Are we really
buying fish
406
00:15:11,470 --> 00:15:13,805
at the same place
we buy tires?
407
00:15:13,873 --> 00:15:16,107
And, w-what... "Fazio"?
408
00:15:16,175 --> 00:15:18,510
What, is that a brand
of Blu-ray player?
409
00:15:18,578 --> 00:15:20,929
Stewie, this sweatshirt
is so sophisticated.
410
00:15:20,997 --> 00:15:22,998
Look, it says New York.
411
00:15:23,065 --> 00:15:24,966
People will think
I'm from there.
412
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,355
Put your phone away;
we're at a funeral!
413
00:15:30,423 --> 00:15:31,957
Oh, my God.
414
00:15:32,024 --> 00:15:33,391
Look!
415
00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:35,126
It's Saggy Naggy.
416
00:15:35,194 --> 00:15:36,111
Boo!
417
00:15:36,178 --> 00:15:37,312
You're mean.
418
00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:38,847
I don't like you,
Saggy Naggy.
419
00:15:38,915 --> 00:15:40,832
You stink, Saggy Naggy.
420
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,567
My goodness, that's
a very rude thing
421
00:15:42,635 --> 00:15:43,802
to say to someone.
422
00:15:43,869 --> 00:15:45,370
Calling them Saggy...
423
00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:48,156
What the hell?!
424
00:15:48,224 --> 00:15:50,141
Young man, what do
you think you're...
425
00:16:03,459 --> 00:16:05,660
Lois, I just saw
Jessica Alba on television.
426
00:16:05,744 --> 00:16:07,078
We've got 90 seconds;
let's go!
427
00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:08,279
Peter, I'm not
in the mood!
428
00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:09,781
That's okay. We can
do it anyway.
429
00:16:09,848 --> 00:16:12,050
Peter, I was assaulted
in public because of you!
430
00:16:12,117 --> 00:16:13,801
Oh, my God, what happened?!
431
00:16:13,869 --> 00:16:14,969
I'll tell you
what happened.
432
00:16:15,037 --> 00:16:17,138
A group of kids
attacked me at Costmart
433
00:16:17,223 --> 00:16:19,073
because you portrayed
me on your show
434
00:16:19,141 --> 00:16:20,808
as a raging
puppet bitch!
435
00:16:20,876 --> 00:16:22,176
Writers take
from their lives.
436
00:16:22,244 --> 00:16:24,379
You married a creative type.
You knew this was a risk.
437
00:16:24,446 --> 00:16:26,080
What's that
supposed to mean?
438
00:16:26,148 --> 00:16:28,650
Well, the last few weeks, you've
been nagging the hell out of me.
439
00:16:28,717 --> 00:16:30,251
Peter, you think
I like nagging you?
440
00:16:30,319 --> 00:16:32,553
One of us needs to be
an adult in this marriage,
441
00:16:32,621 --> 00:16:33,988
and it's clearly not you.
442
00:16:34,056 --> 00:16:36,291
Is this about me wetting
the bed just now?
443
00:16:36,358 --> 00:16:37,592
Peter, don't
you understand
444
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:39,527
that I'm just looking
out for this family?
445
00:16:39,595 --> 00:16:40,695
Besides, without
my nagging,
446
00:16:40,763 --> 00:16:42,630
you'd probably
get yourself killed.
447
00:16:42,698 --> 00:16:45,233
Or laid. Right,
frat house?
448
00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:47,635
Yeah!
449
00:16:47,703 --> 00:16:50,538
Those knuckleheads
should be studying.
450
00:16:50,606 --> 00:16:52,573
Okay, you know what?
Fine, Peter, that's it.
451
00:16:52,641 --> 00:16:54,242
From now on, I'm not
nagging you anymore.
452
00:16:54,310 --> 00:16:55,310
You're not?
453
00:16:55,377 --> 00:16:57,011
No, you're on your own.
454
00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:59,731
I'm done with it.
I'm done with all of it!
455
00:16:59,798 --> 00:17:02,166
Well, great, I should
probably get some sleep.
456
00:17:02,234 --> 00:17:04,369
Tomorrow on Petey's Funhouse,
we're doing who's on first.
457
00:17:04,436 --> 00:17:05,670
I'm gonna play
Costello,
458
00:17:05,738 --> 00:17:08,306
and Abbott is gonna
be played by live puma.
459
00:17:08,374 --> 00:17:10,908
Peter, that sounds
really d...
460
00:17:10,976 --> 00:17:12,744
you know what?
Sounds great.
461
00:17:12,811 --> 00:17:14,012
Have fun.
462
00:17:14,079 --> 00:17:16,798
Thanks, Lois.
Good night.
463
00:17:16,865 --> 00:17:19,934
Lois? Other families
fight, too, right?
464
00:17:20,002 --> 00:17:21,536
Not this much.
465
00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:23,271
Do you think maybe
we should think about
466
00:17:23,339 --> 00:17:24,806
getting a...
It is what it is.
467
00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:26,841
Let's just get Stewie to
college and go from there.
468
00:17:30,079 --> 00:17:31,713
Sir, if you're gonna
want me to examine
469
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:33,147
where you're
having an issue,
470
00:17:33,215 --> 00:17:35,616
you're gonna have to be more
specific than "thingee".
471
00:17:35,684 --> 00:17:38,019
Okay. It's not
the front thingee.
472
00:17:38,087 --> 00:17:39,804
What's going on in here?
473
00:17:39,872 --> 00:17:41,306
Where's Dr. Hartman?
474
00:17:41,373 --> 00:17:43,841
He had a family emergency.
I'm not really a doctor
475
00:17:43,909 --> 00:17:45,643
but I've been sort of
filling in for him.
476
00:17:45,711 --> 00:17:46,911
You what?!
477
00:17:46,979 --> 00:17:49,314
Well, I think I want
to go into medicine,
478
00:17:49,381 --> 00:17:50,815
so I was shadowing
Dr. Hartman.
479
00:17:50,882 --> 00:17:52,517
I've actually
been learning a lot,
480
00:17:52,584 --> 00:17:54,319
but then he just left me here!
481
00:17:54,386 --> 00:17:55,753
Well, you don't belong here!
482
00:17:55,821 --> 00:17:57,855
This is a professional
medical institution
483
00:17:57,923 --> 00:18:00,124
with standards
and regulations to adhere to!
484
00:18:00,192 --> 00:18:01,192
But, but I...
485
00:18:01,260 --> 00:18:02,994
I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.
486
00:18:03,062 --> 00:18:05,129
I'm sorry.
I'll go.
487
00:18:10,235 --> 00:18:12,603
My issue has
resolved itself.
488
00:18:16,075 --> 00:18:17,642
And don't go anywhere, kids,
489
00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:19,677
'cause coming up,
we got some classic comedy
490
00:18:19,745 --> 00:18:21,279
with me and a puma.
491
00:18:21,347 --> 00:18:23,214
Is Dad really gonna do this?
492
00:18:23,282 --> 00:18:25,350
I told your father I was
gonna leave him alone.
493
00:18:25,417 --> 00:18:27,518
Saggy Naggy is
keeping out of this.
494
00:18:27,586 --> 00:18:28,920
Is the puma ready?
495
00:18:28,987 --> 00:18:30,588
Maybe we should
poke him with the
496
00:18:30,656 --> 00:18:33,157
"is-the-Puma-ready?"
stick.
497
00:18:36,078 --> 00:18:38,146
Oh, my god, I can't
let him do this!
498
00:18:38,213 --> 00:18:40,748
Come on, kids! We got to get
down to that TV studio!
499
00:18:40,816 --> 00:18:42,400
Okay, yeah, just step
on the coloring book.
500
00:18:42,451 --> 00:18:43,334
That's cool.
501
00:18:48,874 --> 00:18:51,075
I'm asking you
who's on first?
502
00:18:54,847 --> 00:18:56,531
Oh, my God! Peter!
503
00:18:56,598 --> 00:18:57,882
Cut the camera! Cut it!
504
00:18:57,949 --> 00:18:59,884
Roll a
"Petey Learn-A-Long Song"!
505
00:19:03,806 --> 00:19:05,406
♪ Kentucky is a state ♪
506
00:19:05,474 --> 00:19:07,708
♪ Kentucky is a state ♪
507
00:19:07,776 --> 00:19:09,977
♪ All the people there
are dicks ♪
508
00:19:10,045 --> 00:19:12,880
♪ Kentucky is a state. ♪
509
00:19:12,948 --> 00:19:14,699
Oh, he's hurt bad.
Someone call 911!
510
00:19:14,767 --> 00:19:15,900
He's bleeding too much!
511
00:19:15,967 --> 00:19:17,435
He needs attention now!
512
00:19:17,503 --> 00:19:19,771
Somebody help him!
Do something!
513
00:19:19,838 --> 00:19:21,672
Now she's nagging everyone.
514
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:23,508
Does anyone have
any medical training?!
515
00:19:23,575 --> 00:19:25,376
It looks like his
jugular is severed.
516
00:19:25,444 --> 00:19:27,145
I learned this
at the hospital.
517
00:19:27,212 --> 00:19:29,347
Mr. Swanson, find me
a first-aid kit!
518
00:19:29,415 --> 00:19:31,282
Mom, hand me those towels.
519
00:19:31,333 --> 00:19:34,352
Did I hold on to the ball?
520
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:35,420
Hang in there, Dad.
521
00:19:35,487 --> 00:19:36,854
I'm gonna get you fixed up.
522
00:19:45,714 --> 00:19:46,981
You can do it, Meg.
523
00:19:47,049 --> 00:19:49,667
Come on, Meg.
You've got to save him!
524
00:19:49,718 --> 00:19:52,720
Peter, you need to let go.
525
00:20:04,183 --> 00:20:06,384
L-Lois?
526
00:20:06,452 --> 00:20:07,752
Oh, Peter, thank God!
527
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:09,086
You're okay.
528
00:20:09,154 --> 00:20:11,422
I guess you were right
about that puma.
529
00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:13,057
I don't know what
I was thinking.
530
00:20:13,125 --> 00:20:14,559
I should've
listened to you.
531
00:20:14,626 --> 00:20:16,561
Peter, I don't
care about that.
532
00:20:16,628 --> 00:20:19,280
I acted like a real jerk,
and I'm sorry, Lois.
533
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,149
I know you just
get on my case
534
00:20:21,216 --> 00:20:22,650
'cause you're
looking out for me.
535
00:20:22,718 --> 00:20:23,885
I am, Peter.
536
00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:25,586
And it's only because
I love you
537
00:20:25,654 --> 00:20:27,989
and I want the best for you
and our family.
538
00:20:28,056 --> 00:20:29,724
I love you, too, Lois.
539
00:20:32,161 --> 00:20:33,828
Isn't anybody
gonna thank me?
540
00:20:33,896 --> 00:20:36,130
Yeah, I'll have a water
if you're getting one.
541
00:20:36,198 --> 00:20:38,416
Mr. Griffin,
you have a visitor.
542
00:20:38,484 --> 00:20:39,634
Hey.
543
00:20:39,701 --> 00:20:41,135
Hey. I get it now.
544
00:20:41,203 --> 00:20:42,970
"Who" is the man's name.
545
00:20:43,038 --> 00:20:45,373
Aha, ah!
546
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,440
== sync, corrected by elderman ==