1 00:00:02,277 --> 00:00:05,631 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,731 --> 00:00:09,017 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:09,101 --> 00:00:12,504 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:15,474 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:15,541 --> 00:00:19,060 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:19,145 --> 00:00:22,264 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:22,331 --> 00:00:23,865 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,950 --> 00:00:25,317 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:25,368 --> 00:00:26,777 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:26,802 --> 00:00:29,302 ♪ Family Guy 10x22 ♪ Viewer Mail 2 Original Air Date on May 20, 2012 11 00:00:29,303 --> 00:00:31,803 == sync, corrected by elderman == 12 00:00:31,841 --> 00:00:34,759 Hello, I'm Brian Griffin. And I'm Stewie Griffin. 13 00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:37,529 A few years ago, we did an episode called "Viewer Mail" 14 00:00:37,597 --> 00:00:40,098 where you, our fans, wrote in and suggested ideas 15 00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,716 for new episodes. 16 00:00:41,784 --> 00:00:44,553 Well, it's ten years later, but you're still sending in ideas. 17 00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:47,289 Uh, to Rashad in Little Rock, we wanna let you know 18 00:00:47,356 --> 00:00:50,942 we kicked around your idea, "Make the Baby Go Wild" for a while, 19 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:53,061 couldn't really find an angle on it. 20 00:00:53,145 --> 00:00:55,330 Here's one from Lee Mills of Iowa. 21 00:00:55,398 --> 00:00:58,233 Lee writes: "Dear Family Guy, was your show based on anything?" 22 00:00:58,301 --> 00:00:59,951 That's a great question, Lee. 23 00:01:00,019 --> 00:01:02,787 In fact, Family Guy is based on an American television series 24 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,756 called The Simpsons. 25 00:01:04,824 --> 00:01:07,909 (chuckles) Actually, Family Guy, much like The Office, 26 00:01:07,994 --> 00:01:10,028 is based on a British series called Chap of the Manor. 27 00:01:10,096 --> 00:01:11,446 Let's watch. 28 00:01:14,750 --> 00:01:16,585 (farting) 29 00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:21,156 ANNOUNCER: We now return to Britain's 30 00:01:21,224 --> 00:01:22,857 most popular game show... 31 00:01:22,925 --> 00:01:26,328 BRITISH AUDIENCE: Wheel... of... Politeness! 32 00:01:26,395 --> 00:01:28,096 Do go ahead, then. Oh, no, you first. 33 00:01:28,164 --> 00:01:30,065 Wouldn't dream of it. Too kind, really, I insist. 34 00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:32,133 Wouldn't be proper of me. I appreciate your courtesy. 35 00:01:32,201 --> 00:01:33,401 Likewise. Well, we're all out of time. 36 00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:34,903 Join us same time tomorrow 37 00:01:34,971 --> 00:01:36,938 if it's not entirely inconvenient for you. 38 00:01:37,006 --> 00:01:38,306 If so, of course, we do understand 39 00:01:38,374 --> 00:01:40,108 and we do apologize in advance. 40 00:01:40,176 --> 00:01:42,844 This has all been an imposition. I'm so dreadfully sorry. 41 00:01:42,912 --> 00:01:43,645 Sorry! Sorry. Sorry. 44 00:01:46,616 --> 00:01:49,084 I hope everyone's peckish for some boiled lamb shank. 45 00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:50,385 None for me, Lydia. 46 00:01:50,453 --> 00:01:52,053 I'm meeting me mates down at the pub. 47 00:01:52,121 --> 00:01:54,406 Again? But Neville, you spend all your time 48 00:01:54,457 --> 00:01:57,008 down at the Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat 49 00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:58,176 and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock. 50 00:01:58,244 --> 00:01:59,527 And that's where you're wrong. 51 00:01:59,595 --> 00:02:01,663 The Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf and Cat 52 00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:03,582 and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock is for tossers. 53 00:02:03,633 --> 00:02:05,834 We're meetin' at the Dog and Cat and Bull and Whistle 54 00:02:05,901 --> 00:02:07,836 and Fiddle and Cock and Pig and Wolf and Carriage 55 00:02:07,903 --> 00:02:09,371 and Fife and Other Wolf! 56 00:02:09,438 --> 00:02:11,890 But I need you to stay and have a chat with Collingsworth. 57 00:02:11,958 --> 00:02:14,092 I found him with another fag in his mouth this morning. 58 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,427 Oh, is that right? 59 00:02:15,494 --> 00:02:17,362 So you fancy fags, do you? 60 00:02:17,430 --> 00:02:19,898 Well, here. Have a whole carton of fags! 61 00:02:19,966 --> 00:02:22,984 I just want a comely lass to look upon me with favour. 62 00:02:23,069 --> 00:02:24,486 I look on you with favour. 63 00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:26,137 I look on all of you with favour. 64 00:02:26,205 --> 00:02:27,706 Shut up, British Meg. 65 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:28,807 (Texas accent) Look at Lydia. 66 00:02:28,874 --> 00:02:31,376 What a two-bit Wichita whore. 67 00:02:31,444 --> 00:02:33,678 One of these days, she's gonna wake up killt. 68 00:02:33,746 --> 00:02:35,146 Ah, matricide. 69 00:02:35,214 --> 00:02:37,182 Yet another of your childhood whims. 70 00:02:37,249 --> 00:02:38,917 No, it ain't. I'm gonna follow through with... 71 00:02:38,985 --> 00:02:40,218 Wait, why'd you say it like that? 72 00:02:41,487 --> 00:02:43,188 Cutaway, sir? 73 00:02:43,255 --> 00:02:45,290 Yes, that's good then. 74 00:02:45,358 --> 00:02:48,193 Friends, family, and characters random 75 00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:51,029 To bring you joy and laughter in tandem 76 00:02:51,097 --> 00:02:53,865 To divert and dazzle is our intention 77 00:02:53,933 --> 00:02:57,185 So sit back, relax, and enjoy our invention. 78 00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:02,223 Ah, I love summer. 79 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,268 Good evening, Billingsbury. I'm Clive Crowley. 80 00:03:13,336 --> 00:03:15,804 Coming up: a man with a gun and two bullets 81 00:03:15,871 --> 00:03:17,972 has taken over the city of Manchester. 82 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,709 But first, our top story tonight: Her Majesty, the Queen, 83 00:03:20,776 --> 00:03:23,011 will be passing through our very town tomorrow. 84 00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:24,946 With details, we now go live 85 00:03:25,014 --> 00:03:26,915 to Indian reporter, Tricia Dasgupta. 86 00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:29,651 Oh, my golly, there is much commotion. 87 00:03:29,719 --> 00:03:31,319 Thank you, Tricia. After the interval, 88 00:03:31,387 --> 00:03:34,189 find out which 12 football teams tied tonight. 89 00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:36,124 The Queen's comin' to Billingsbury? 90 00:03:36,192 --> 00:03:37,826 That's bloody sweet! 91 00:03:37,893 --> 00:03:39,961 You know, I'm actually a relation of the royal family. 92 00:03:40,029 --> 00:03:41,830 You most certainly are not. 93 00:03:41,897 --> 00:03:43,631 Where would you get that idea? 94 00:03:43,699 --> 00:03:45,633 Me mum used to claim she was a Windsor. 95 00:03:45,701 --> 00:03:48,536 And I always heard my Nana talk about how she took a duke. 96 00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:50,138 Must've been a difficult marriage, too, 97 00:03:50,206 --> 00:03:51,906 'cause every afternoon she'd be belly-achin' 98 00:03:51,974 --> 00:03:53,475 about her bloody duke. 99 00:03:53,542 --> 00:03:55,610 I think you just had a gross grandmother. 100 00:03:55,678 --> 00:03:57,879 No, I'm quite sure of it. And to prove it, 101 00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,914 I'm gonna nick one of the Queen's hairs 102 00:03:59,982 --> 00:04:01,533 during her visit tomorrow. 103 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,486 And when the DNA proves a match, you'll see I'm royalty. 104 00:04:04,553 --> 00:04:05,954 The Queen, eh? 105 00:04:06,021 --> 00:04:08,156 I'd like to mash my banger in her blood pudding. 106 00:04:08,224 --> 00:04:09,257 Googity. Googity. Glop. 107 00:04:09,341 --> 00:04:11,476 Hello, lads. Oh, hello, Seamus. 108 00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:13,912 Right fine performance at the cricket match today. 109 00:04:13,979 --> 00:04:16,981 Aye. I was spirited to have you down there watching me. 110 00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:18,850 P.A. ANNOUNCER: Well, it's a brilliant day 111 00:04:18,918 --> 00:04:20,118 for a long and confusing game of cricket. 112 00:04:20,186 --> 00:04:22,153 The field is teeming with men in helmets 113 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:23,822 who don't seem like they need helmets, 114 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,390 and men not in helmets 115 00:04:25,458 --> 00:04:26,858 who seem like they probably should be wearing helmets. 116 00:04:26,925 --> 00:04:29,828 Oh, he's batted it clear out of the stadium. 117 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:33,331 Is that good? We don't know, but it's what we do! 118 00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:34,733 Y-Yay! 119 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:35,667 Boo! Boo! 120 00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:36,668 Boo! 121 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:42,791 Oh my goodness, the Queen is going to be here presently. 122 00:04:42,858 --> 00:04:44,626 This is oh-so-exciting! 123 00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,861 My favorite part before the Queen arrives 124 00:04:46,929 --> 00:04:49,631 is yelling "wanker" at Prince Charles as he passes. 125 00:04:49,715 --> 00:04:51,049 Wanker! Wanker! 126 00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:52,784 I know, I know. 127 00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,085 Wanker! Wanker! 128 00:04:54,136 --> 00:04:55,953 Yes, I know. Yes. 129 00:04:56,005 --> 00:04:57,472 Wanker! You're a wanker! 130 00:04:57,556 --> 00:04:59,390 Wanker! Right, quite right. 131 00:04:59,458 --> 00:05:01,009 Spot on. He's got it. 132 00:05:01,076 --> 00:05:03,762 I say, a lot of people have turned out to see the Queen. 133 00:05:03,829 --> 00:05:05,130 Should make for a grand day. 134 00:05:05,197 --> 00:05:07,982 Hey, watch it there! 135 00:05:16,342 --> 00:05:18,193 Good show, old chap. Well played. 136 00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:19,327 Here she comes! 137 00:05:19,411 --> 00:05:20,829 (crowd cheering) 138 00:05:23,098 --> 00:05:24,816 Very well. Time for action. 139 00:05:24,884 --> 00:05:28,019 A lock of the Queen's hair shall soon be mine. 140 00:05:28,087 --> 00:05:29,838 Here she comes. Have at it then. 141 00:05:29,905 --> 00:05:32,891 Crikey! This is a haircut fit for a queen! 142 00:05:35,845 --> 00:05:37,178 Oh, bloody hell! 143 00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:39,247 All right, time for Plan B. Let's go! 144 00:05:46,672 --> 00:05:48,490 I'm not going any lower. 145 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,441 Well, Father, you gave it a good go. 146 00:05:50,509 --> 00:05:53,344 Oh, we're not done yet. Come on! 147 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,946 (tires squeal) 148 00:05:55,013 --> 00:05:58,233 Queen! Queen! Give me some of your hair! 149 00:05:58,317 --> 00:06:00,318 Come on, Queen! Don't be a bitch! 150 00:06:00,369 --> 00:06:02,036 Get us away from that lunatic! 151 00:06:02,121 --> 00:06:03,505 (tires squeal) 152 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,798 She's heading into that tunnel! 153 00:06:15,234 --> 00:06:18,469 (crashing, horse neighs) 154 00:06:18,537 --> 00:06:21,339 GUARD (screaming): Dear God! The Queen's dead! 155 00:06:21,407 --> 00:06:24,342 (both whistling) 156 00:06:24,393 --> 00:06:26,544 All right, Collingsworth, I got a hair. 157 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:30,064 Now, just walk away casual-like and we're in the clear. 158 00:06:30,149 --> 00:06:31,683 Oh, no! Here come the coppers! 159 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:35,186 ("Yakkity Sax" playing) 160 00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:43,912 (inhales deeply) 161 00:06:43,979 --> 00:06:45,246 Bugger. 162 00:06:45,314 --> 00:06:47,482 (inhales deeply) 163 00:06:47,550 --> 00:06:49,117 Bugger. 164 00:06:49,184 --> 00:06:51,152 (inhales deeply) 165 00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:52,320 Bugger. 166 00:06:55,591 --> 00:06:57,725 Well, it turns out I'm not royalty. 167 00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,460 Shame about the Queen, though. 168 00:06:59,528 --> 00:07:01,963 Yeah, I reckon she's with Jesus Christ in heaven now. 169 00:07:02,031 --> 00:07:03,364 (spits) (metallic ding) 170 00:07:03,432 --> 00:07:05,416 Well, I'm just happy our family is safe and sound 171 00:07:05,484 --> 00:07:07,619 back in our cozy row house. 172 00:07:07,686 --> 00:07:08,987 Row house. 173 00:07:14,980 --> 00:07:16,872 (thunder rumbling) 174 00:07:16,873 --> 00:07:18,273 TV ANNOUNCER: We now return 175 00:07:18,341 --> 00:07:20,225 to The Comedy Central Roast of Robin Williams. 176 00:07:20,293 --> 00:07:22,411 Aw, man, Robin Williams is my favorite! 177 00:07:22,478 --> 00:07:23,845 He must be getting recognized 178 00:07:23,913 --> 00:07:25,547 for all his contributions to show business. 179 00:07:25,615 --> 00:07:27,149 I don't think that's what a roast is. 180 00:07:27,216 --> 00:07:30,152 Robin, as a comic, it's an honor to be up here roasting you. 181 00:07:30,219 --> 00:07:32,387 As a moviegoer, I want to punch you in the face. 182 00:07:32,455 --> 00:07:34,022 (laughter) 183 00:07:34,090 --> 00:07:35,957 Oh, that's funny. Advocate violence. 184 00:07:36,025 --> 00:07:37,325 And let's face it, Mork. 185 00:07:37,393 --> 00:07:39,394 You're getting Nanu-Na-old! 186 00:07:39,462 --> 00:07:41,363 (laughs) (laughter) 187 00:07:41,431 --> 00:07:43,064 Stop it! You stop it! 188 00:07:43,132 --> 00:07:46,701 Robin Williams has a manic gift that gladdens a sad world 189 00:07:46,769 --> 00:07:50,639 and all he asks in return is our unceasing attention! 190 00:07:50,706 --> 00:07:52,540 How can you allow this?! 191 00:07:52,592 --> 00:07:55,560 Robin Williams has given us nothing but joy! 192 00:07:55,645 --> 00:07:58,013 I wish everyone was Robin Williams! 193 00:07:58,064 --> 00:08:00,381 (thunder rumbling) (electric sizzling) 194 00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:04,385 Boy, that looks enticing. 195 00:08:04,437 --> 00:08:05,904 (thunder rumbling) (electric sizzling) 196 00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:09,241 Yeah, this is nice. 197 00:08:13,946 --> 00:08:16,214 Oh, my God. What happened? 198 00:08:16,282 --> 00:08:19,134 You were in a coma, and then I kissed you, and you woke up. 199 00:08:19,202 --> 00:08:20,669 (mumbles) Like two days later. 200 00:08:20,736 --> 00:08:22,704 Anyway, all your numbers are normal. 201 00:08:22,755 --> 00:08:24,206 What numbers? No idea. 202 00:08:24,273 --> 00:08:27,175 Well, congratulations. You're gonna be just fine. 203 00:08:27,243 --> 00:08:28,710 (electric buzzing) 204 00:08:28,778 --> 00:08:30,228 Oh, my God! 205 00:08:30,296 --> 00:08:31,680 You're... You're Robin Williams! 206 00:08:31,747 --> 00:08:34,316 Ding! Thank you for playing "That's Obvious!" 207 00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:35,684 Tell him what he's won, Cletus! 208 00:08:35,751 --> 00:08:36,885 (hick accent): Money! (normal): Ho-ho! Money. 209 00:08:36,953 --> 00:08:37,869 Or as the Republicans call it, 210 00:08:37,937 --> 00:08:38,887 (imitating witch): Mine! 211 00:08:38,938 --> 00:08:40,388 (laughs) 212 00:08:40,456 --> 00:08:42,090 I hope this is covered by your HMO. 213 00:08:42,158 --> 00:08:44,159 I was covered once by an HMO in San Francisco. 214 00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:46,428 I Haight my Ashbury in these jeans! 215 00:08:46,496 --> 00:08:48,096 Ding-ding, Rice-A-Roni! 216 00:08:48,164 --> 00:08:51,199 Ah! You got all those references in there! 217 00:08:51,267 --> 00:08:52,634 Of course now everyone can afford health care 218 00:08:52,702 --> 00:08:53,602 because of Obama. 219 00:08:53,669 --> 00:08:55,203 Yeah, you want a Band-Aid? 220 00:08:55,271 --> 00:08:57,939 No problem, turkey. Come on down to Obama-Mart! 221 00:08:58,007 --> 00:09:00,408 The price is free, but yo ass better vote for me. 222 00:09:00,476 --> 00:09:02,210 Ha! Political with a twist. 223 00:09:02,278 --> 00:09:03,778 It's funny from the news! 224 00:09:03,829 --> 00:09:05,830 What's going on in here? You gotta check this out! 225 00:09:05,915 --> 00:09:07,132 It's Robin Williams! 226 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,884 Ho-ho! A nurse is a nurse, of curse. 227 00:09:08,951 --> 00:09:11,119 Up yours, Wilbur. 228 00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:12,504 Oh, my God! 229 00:09:12,572 --> 00:09:14,773 Everyone I touch turns into Robin Williams! 230 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,309 Yess! Peter Sweet Cheeks Griffin-uh! 231 00:09:17,376 --> 00:09:20,028 You have been given the power from god-uh! 232 00:09:20,096 --> 00:09:21,029 Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! 233 00:09:21,097 --> 00:09:23,515 (laughing) 234 00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:26,384 I will be so responsible with this. 235 00:09:26,452 --> 00:09:27,852 Thanks, guys! 236 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,304 Ho-ho! Bye! 237 00:09:29,355 --> 00:09:31,306 See you, Peter! Y'all come back now, y'hear? 238 00:09:31,357 --> 00:09:32,741 (chuckles) It's Patch Adams Robin. 239 00:09:32,808 --> 00:09:35,293 He cures stuff the fun way, not the medicine way. 240 00:09:38,798 --> 00:09:41,166 So, somehow the lightning gave your dad 241 00:09:41,234 --> 00:09:44,002 the power to turn anyone I touch into Robin Williams. 242 00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:46,838 Peter, did Dr. Hartman say how long this was gonna last? 243 00:09:46,906 --> 00:09:48,273 There is no more Dr. Hartman, Lois. 244 00:09:48,341 --> 00:09:50,075 He's Robin Williams now. 245 00:09:50,142 --> 00:09:51,476 Bet you kids never thought your dad 246 00:09:51,544 --> 00:09:53,661 would have superpowers, huh? 247 00:09:53,713 --> 00:09:56,448 Peter! Ho-ho! You pat my back, I pat yours, 248 00:09:56,515 --> 00:09:58,049 and Pat Robertson pats Mr. Happy. 249 00:09:58,117 --> 00:10:00,552 (Southern accent): Yayuss! Praise Jesus with your Visa card! 250 00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:02,387 Max it out on the Lord, people! 251 00:10:02,455 --> 00:10:03,755 Oh, boy! 252 00:10:03,823 --> 00:10:05,991 And that's the second Southern preacher one. 253 00:10:06,058 --> 00:10:07,659 Look, Brian! Meg is one of the sensitive, 254 00:10:07,727 --> 00:10:09,294 bearded Robin Williams characters. 255 00:10:09,362 --> 00:10:10,662 Ha! 256 00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:12,297 You think that's funny, chief? Well, I... 257 00:10:12,365 --> 00:10:13,765 My wife is dead. 258 00:10:13,833 --> 00:10:15,867 Oh, I'm... I'm sorry. 259 00:10:15,935 --> 00:10:17,736 She's dead, chief. Ho-ho! Dead. 260 00:10:17,803 --> 00:10:20,705 The Grateful Dead. Please do not take the brown acid. 261 00:10:20,773 --> 00:10:22,524 It will turn you into a Martian. 262 00:10:22,592 --> 00:10:24,326 Take me to your wiener. Ho-ho! 263 00:10:24,393 --> 00:10:26,995 We're (bleep). 264 00:10:27,063 --> 00:10:29,698 ("Rockin' Robin" by Bobby Day playing) 265 00:10:32,301 --> 00:10:34,252 ♪ ♪ 266 00:10:38,557 --> 00:10:40,875 ♪ He rocks in the treetop all a day long ♪ 267 00:10:40,926 --> 00:10:43,361 ♪ Hoppin' and a-boppin' and a-singin' the song ♪ 268 00:10:43,429 --> 00:10:46,381 ♪ All the little birds on Jaybird Street ♪ 269 00:10:46,449 --> 00:10:48,900 ♪ Love to hear the robin goin' tweet-tweet-tweet ♪ 270 00:10:48,968 --> 00:10:51,186 ♪ Rockin' robin, tweet-tweet-tweet. ♪ 271 00:10:53,806 --> 00:10:55,890 I don't know, Peter. This all seems kind of creepy. 272 00:10:55,958 --> 00:10:57,642 What do you mean? This is great! 273 00:10:57,710 --> 00:10:59,477 Everyone's hilarious now! 274 00:10:59,545 --> 00:11:01,313 What do you think, Quagmire? 275 00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:03,667 What? I can't hear a thing over this noise. 276 00:11:03,692 --> 00:11:04,165 What?! 277 00:11:04,166 --> 00:11:05,767 This is unbearable! 278 00:11:05,835 --> 00:11:08,203 I think I got just the thing to cheer you up, Joe. 279 00:11:08,254 --> 00:11:11,706 I know I said I was a leg man, but this is ridiculous. Ho! 280 00:11:11,774 --> 00:11:13,575 I feel like a testicle on steroids. 281 00:11:13,643 --> 00:11:15,543 Honey, I shrunk my nuts! Ho! Ha! 282 00:11:15,611 --> 00:11:17,345 Ho-ho! I'm a San Francisco pirate. 283 00:11:17,413 --> 00:11:19,881 I Haight my Ashbury in these jeans! 284 00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:21,966 A lot of the material is repeated. 285 00:11:25,621 --> 00:11:26,955 Mmm, Lois, 286 00:11:27,023 --> 00:11:30,291 your torso is so broad and solid. 287 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,395 (spits, coughs) 288 00:11:33,462 --> 00:11:34,546 Ah! You're not Lois! 289 00:11:34,613 --> 00:11:36,881 I can hear you! I'm not deaf! 290 00:11:36,949 --> 00:11:39,634 I don't believe that's real sign language! 291 00:11:39,702 --> 00:11:41,453 Brian, this is a disaster! 292 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,004 I turned everyone into Robin Williams! 293 00:11:43,072 --> 00:11:44,622 You gotta help me! 294 00:11:44,690 --> 00:11:45,790 Yo-yo-yo! Peter G. 295 00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:47,992 What's happening, dawg? 296 00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:50,245 Oh, Sideways Hat Robin. Dear God, no! 297 00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:52,247 (kettle whistles) 298 00:11:52,298 --> 00:11:56,334 ♪ Gonna have some hot tea, baby, this morning! ♪ 299 00:11:56,402 --> 00:11:57,635 (yells) 300 00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,554 Run, Forrest, run! Run, Forrest, run! 301 00:11:59,621 --> 00:12:01,172 All right, Rupert, all we have to do 302 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,474 is act like Robin Williams, 303 00:12:02,558 --> 00:12:04,442 and he'll think we've already changed. 304 00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:05,877 Ho-ho! Scattered stream of references! 305 00:12:05,945 --> 00:12:08,113 Lots of energy! One good one for every ten! Ho-ho! 306 00:12:12,651 --> 00:12:15,136 Damn these hands! 307 00:12:15,204 --> 00:12:16,838 Mwah! 308 00:12:16,906 --> 00:12:19,140 Vell, I haven't been to temple in a while! 309 00:12:19,191 --> 00:12:20,842 Ah! 310 00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:22,577 Ladies and gentleman, The Doors! 311 00:12:22,644 --> 00:12:24,979 (screaming) 312 00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,998 Ho-ho! Jogging! Running on empty! Ho-ho! 313 00:12:27,083 --> 00:12:28,750 Run, Forrest, run! 314 00:12:28,817 --> 00:12:31,503 ALL: Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! 315 00:12:31,587 --> 00:12:33,571 Ho-ho! I'm a Mercedes! 316 00:12:33,639 --> 00:12:34,873 Und vere are your papers? 317 00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:36,941 Are you from East or Vest Berlin? 318 00:12:37,009 --> 00:12:39,677 (a la John Wayne): Vell, I'm from Vest Berlin, pilgrim. 319 00:12:39,745 --> 00:12:42,414 (sobbing) 320 00:12:42,481 --> 00:12:43,765 Shut up! 321 00:12:43,833 --> 00:12:45,133 (yelling) 322 00:12:45,184 --> 00:12:48,186 (sobbing) 323 00:12:48,270 --> 00:12:50,671 Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! 324 00:12:50,723 --> 00:12:52,991 Stop riffing! 325 00:12:55,895 --> 00:12:57,312 Jump, Forest, jump! 326 00:12:57,363 --> 00:12:58,797 Must be a leap year, ho-ho! 327 00:13:05,504 --> 00:13:07,455 Time to lose some weight, dearie? 328 00:13:07,523 --> 00:13:10,558 No... more... comedy. 329 00:13:16,198 --> 00:13:17,832 Guys, will you please settle down? 330 00:13:17,883 --> 00:13:19,367 Can we, can we settle down, please? 331 00:13:19,418 --> 00:13:20,685 Every... everyone. 332 00:13:20,753 --> 00:13:22,086 Everyone, can I have your attention? 333 00:13:22,154 --> 00:13:23,488 Oh, Captains! My Captains! 334 00:13:23,556 --> 00:13:26,541 I have an announcement to make: 335 00:13:26,609 --> 00:13:28,042 You are all free! 336 00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:30,111 You have been fired from the school. 337 00:13:30,179 --> 00:13:33,865 Vietnam is over. The hospital is closing. 338 00:13:33,933 --> 00:13:35,900 Will Hunting is all better. 339 00:13:35,968 --> 00:13:37,569 It's not your fault. It's not your fault. 340 00:13:37,636 --> 00:13:39,704 Shut up. Seriously, shut up. 341 00:13:39,772 --> 00:13:41,206 Please, you are done here. 342 00:13:41,273 --> 00:13:44,509 Go and spread your comedy to all corners of this country. 343 00:13:47,112 --> 00:13:49,013 Wait, not you five. 344 00:13:49,081 --> 00:13:52,217 I'm gonna keep you for... an experiment. 345 00:13:53,953 --> 00:13:55,253 Ho-ho! Eggs! 346 00:13:55,321 --> 00:13:57,105 Who came first, the chicken or the porn star? 347 00:13:57,173 --> 00:13:58,206 Ho-ho! The Porn Identity! 348 00:13:58,274 --> 00:13:59,507 Who am I? Oh, yeah! The pizza man! 349 00:13:59,575 --> 00:14:01,743 Baka-chikka-bwow-bwow! Ho-ho! Ho-ho! 350 00:14:01,811 --> 00:14:03,011 Peter, can you pass the coffee? 351 00:14:03,078 --> 00:14:05,713 Sure, Brian the dog. 352 00:14:05,781 --> 00:14:10,635 Anything for my family. 353 00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,804 Coffee now. Here we go, here we go. 354 00:14:15,891 --> 00:14:18,759 I guess Disney wouldn't let us do the Aladdin one. 355 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:31,150 LOIS: Stewie, rise and shine. 356 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,755 Good morning, Stewie. 357 00:14:35,822 --> 00:14:37,023 (bleep) you. 358 00:14:37,090 --> 00:14:39,208 You ready for the day, sweetie? 359 00:14:39,276 --> 00:14:41,577 Oh, someone needs a diaper change. 360 00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:48,584 Are you proud of yourself? 361 00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:49,936 That this is what you do? 362 00:14:50,003 --> 00:14:52,054 Is this a dime? Did you swallow a dime? 363 00:14:52,122 --> 00:14:54,574 Yeah, wipe it off and put it back in your purse, 364 00:14:54,641 --> 00:14:55,942 you white trash hen. 365 00:14:56,009 --> 00:14:57,176 There we go. 366 00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:59,762 Who's my clean little boy? 367 00:14:59,813 --> 00:15:01,280 (Stewie laughing) 368 00:15:03,266 --> 00:15:04,734 Ugh! Your roots are ridiculous. 369 00:15:04,801 --> 00:15:05,885 I'm gonna grab your hair 'cause 370 00:15:05,953 --> 00:15:07,019 I like grabbing stuff. 371 00:15:07,087 --> 00:15:09,455 Okay. Okay, Stewie, let go. 372 00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:11,641 Let, let go, Stewie. Let go of Mommy's hair. 373 00:15:11,708 --> 00:15:13,843 When I grow up, I'm never gonna call you. 374 00:15:13,911 --> 00:15:16,112 I'm gonna be busy with my job and my family. 375 00:15:16,179 --> 00:15:17,847 You'll be nothing. 376 00:15:22,586 --> 00:15:25,788 Stewie, I want you to have my ring. 377 00:15:25,839 --> 00:15:27,607 It's one of my most important possessions, 378 00:15:27,674 --> 00:15:29,475 and I want you to have it. 379 00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:32,111 Okay, red flag. Red flag, everybody! 380 00:15:36,266 --> 00:15:38,267 Hey, Stewie, wanna go down the slide? 381 00:15:38,318 --> 00:15:39,919 STEWIE: Um... 382 00:15:39,987 --> 00:15:41,120 What's the matter? 383 00:15:41,188 --> 00:15:42,989 Ya never been down the slide before? 384 00:15:43,056 --> 00:15:44,924 (scoffs) Yeah, like, like a thousand times. 385 00:15:44,992 --> 00:15:48,160 Just done it so much I'm bored with it, that's all. 386 00:15:50,147 --> 00:15:52,632 All right, I guess we're doing this. 387 00:15:56,169 --> 00:15:57,169 Whoa. 388 00:15:57,237 --> 00:15:58,921 Come on down, Stewie! 389 00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:01,207 (hawks screeching) 390 00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:04,694 This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. 391 00:16:04,761 --> 00:16:08,631 All right, you can do this, Stewie. Here we go. 392 00:16:08,699 --> 00:16:09,699 (screams) 393 00:16:09,766 --> 00:16:11,584 (thud) 394 00:16:11,652 --> 00:16:12,618 Are you okay? 395 00:16:12,686 --> 00:16:14,086 Yeah, that wasn't so bad. 396 00:16:14,154 --> 00:16:15,521 You might wanna move. 397 00:16:15,589 --> 00:16:17,723 That farting Polish kid is coming down the slide. 398 00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:19,558 (Stewie grunts) (kid farts) 399 00:16:19,626 --> 00:16:20,993 Ah, Pavel! 400 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,295 Hey, kid, come here. I wanna see 401 00:16:39,363 --> 00:16:41,664 if I can still smell your mom's boobs on your mouth. 402 00:16:41,732 --> 00:16:43,883 Why don't you go hump a pile of garbage? 403 00:16:47,971 --> 00:16:50,423 All right, here we go. Classic. 404 00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:51,824 (engine starts) 405 00:16:51,892 --> 00:16:53,426 Uh-oh. (grunts) 406 00:16:57,213 --> 00:16:58,597 Oh, God! Brian! Brian! 407 00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:03,185 Guess I'm going for a ride. 408 00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:12,395 Why are we stopping? 409 00:17:12,462 --> 00:17:13,546 (squirrel chitters) 410 00:17:13,613 --> 00:17:16,231 Oh, come on. 411 00:17:16,283 --> 00:17:20,886 For God's sake, Brian. It's just a squirrel. 412 00:17:20,954 --> 00:17:22,088 BRIAN: Yeah! 413 00:17:22,172 --> 00:17:23,205 Oh, God! 414 00:17:27,494 --> 00:17:28,961 (Stewie groans) 415 00:17:29,029 --> 00:17:30,930 He can't hurt you anymore. 416 00:17:35,469 --> 00:17:37,036 Hey there, little fella. 417 00:17:37,104 --> 00:17:39,638 We sure got a lovely day for it, don't we? 418 00:17:39,706 --> 00:17:41,507 Stay away from my brother's butt. 419 00:17:43,276 --> 00:17:46,395 Okay, Stewie, let's get that little face washed off. 420 00:17:46,463 --> 00:17:48,631 Then you can play with your bath toys, huh? 421 00:17:48,699 --> 00:17:50,683 No, I hate getting my face washed! 422 00:17:50,751 --> 00:17:52,485 Oh, look! It's just Mr. Frog! 423 00:17:52,552 --> 00:17:54,403 Hello, Mr. Frog... 424 00:17:54,471 --> 00:17:55,654 (spluttering) 425 00:17:55,739 --> 00:17:58,140 My God, how the hell do I keep falling for that? 426 00:17:58,208 --> 00:17:59,825 Now you play with your toys 427 00:17:59,893 --> 00:18:02,445 and I'll go get yo a nice, fluffy towel. 428 00:18:02,512 --> 00:18:06,415 Stewart Griffin, explorer, adventurer, 429 00:18:06,483 --> 00:18:08,634 skin-diving international playboy. 430 00:18:08,719 --> 00:18:10,720 (takes deep breath) 431 00:18:12,756 --> 00:18:15,124 (Stewie growls, screams) 432 00:18:15,175 --> 00:18:17,009 I'm swimming at night 'cause I'm a slut 433 00:18:17,094 --> 00:18:19,345 and now I'm paying the price for it. 434 00:18:19,413 --> 00:18:21,797 (panting) 435 00:18:21,848 --> 00:18:23,599 Hey, Stewie! 436 00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,135 Wow, looks like you got some cool bath toys in there. 437 00:18:26,203 --> 00:18:27,937 Is it okay if I join ya? 438 00:18:27,988 --> 00:18:29,605 No! (screams) 439 00:18:32,075 --> 00:18:34,143 Hey, is that my froggie butt cloth? 440 00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:39,732 Okay, Stewie, bedtime's in ten minutes. 441 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,066 I'll be right back. 442 00:18:42,385 --> 00:18:44,120 Hmm. I think I have time for a quickie. 443 00:18:53,663 --> 00:18:55,347 Excuse me, Mr. Cobain. 444 00:18:55,415 --> 00:18:56,515 Look, I know you're depressed. 445 00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:58,784 Made some bad choices with women, 446 00:18:58,852 --> 00:19:00,069 but there's another way. 447 00:19:00,137 --> 00:19:02,655 Haagen-Dazs, lots of Haagen-Dazs. 448 00:19:05,976 --> 00:19:07,059 (whooshing) 449 00:19:07,127 --> 00:19:08,611 Well, let's see if it worked. 450 00:19:08,678 --> 00:19:10,146 Here we go. 451 00:19:10,213 --> 00:19:12,865 Ha! You're still alive, you fat (bleep). 452 00:19:12,933 --> 00:19:15,117 Okay, Stewie, time for bed. 453 00:19:15,185 --> 00:19:17,203 You want Mommy to read you a night-night story? 454 00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:19,171 Oh, how 'bout this one? 455 00:19:19,239 --> 00:19:23,125 "Good Night, Town from Footloose"? 456 00:19:23,193 --> 00:19:25,561 LOIS: 457 00:19:29,699 --> 00:19:31,300 Who is this book for? 458 00:19:39,075 --> 00:19:41,477 (slurring): Hey, Lois. I'm home from the Clam. 459 00:19:41,544 --> 00:19:43,229 You know what that means. 460 00:19:43,313 --> 00:19:46,198 STEWIE: You spent the last ten minutes parked in front of the house 461 00:19:46,266 --> 00:19:47,750 crying in your car? 462 00:19:47,818 --> 00:19:50,352 Not now, Peter. I'm doing story time with Stewie. 463 00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:51,620 Yeah, scram, Drinky. 464 00:19:51,688 --> 00:19:52,988 I got a story. 465 00:19:53,056 --> 00:19:55,491 It's about the little penis that could. 466 00:19:55,559 --> 00:19:57,593 It thinks it can, it thinks... 467 00:19:57,661 --> 00:19:59,361 In fact, it's pretty sure it can. 468 00:19:59,429 --> 00:20:00,830 It-It, it's gonna. 469 00:20:00,897 --> 00:20:02,364 Hey, am I gonna have to handle this? 470 00:20:02,415 --> 00:20:03,883 Do you want me to handle this? 471 00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:04,884 Peter, just go wait in the bedroom. 472 00:20:04,951 --> 00:20:06,502 I'll be right there. 473 00:20:06,569 --> 00:20:10,339 Fine, but if I gotta pee first, this night's gonna be ruined. 474 00:20:10,406 --> 00:20:11,624 Ruined. 475 00:20:15,578 --> 00:20:17,429 Good night, sweetie. Mommy loves you. 476 00:20:21,751 --> 00:20:24,420 (Stewie yawns) 477 00:20:24,487 --> 00:20:26,055 (rhythmic thudding) 478 00:20:26,122 --> 00:20:27,590 Huh? 479 00:20:30,644 --> 00:20:32,177 (both grunting) 480 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,514 It's big, isn't it? 481 00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:37,550 Yes, Peter. It's very big. 482 00:20:37,617 --> 00:20:41,237 Yeah, it's big. 483 00:20:41,288 --> 00:20:43,622 Oh, God, yes! 484 00:20:43,690 --> 00:20:45,624 Ah, yes... 485 00:20:45,709 --> 00:20:47,810 Ah, yeah. 486 00:20:51,164 --> 00:20:55,176 Oh, you're gonna use that thing, good. I love you so much. 487 00:20:55,276 --> 00:20:59,276 == sync, corrected by elderman ==